1
00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:07,681
You're a fucking nerd.
2
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:09,644
Boy, you lucky you even graduating.
3
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:10,921
Fuck!
4
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,005
- You're good at this, huh?
- Yeah.
5
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,889
- You're really good at this.
- Yeah.
6
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,360
Hey, you want to be friends?
7
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,200
Yours isn't loaded, right?
8
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,004
- Just touch it.
- I'm scared.
9
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,040
- Just touch it.
- Seriously. All right, all right, all right.
10
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,200
You took a bullet for me, man.
11
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:31,841
You shot me in the dick!
12
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:34,920
Boom, motherfuckers!
13
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,651
You two sons of bitches
are going to college!
14
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:49,609
Yin is characterised as slow, soft, passive
and is associated with water and femininity.
15
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:54,408
While, yang, by contrast,
is fast and solid and...
16
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:59,202
Man, this is BS. I thought we were going to
actual college, not online college.
17
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,442
Listening for coded messages in lectures.
18
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,887
What are you talking about? Look around.
19
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:05,725
This is our city.
20
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,962
- What do we want to be in college for?
- You're right.
21
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,645
Partners for life.
22
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:15,161
At Metro City Port, the tide comes in at
10:30 a.m. Then it will return to the sea.
23
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:17,641
Metro Port. One hour.
24
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,565
Let's do this.
25
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,643
Surprise. There's two more arms.
26
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,646
- Shit! That's the Ghost.
- The Ghost?
27
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:57,083
Joste Nillsen, biggest trafficker
of illegal goods in Metro City.
28
00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,560
He teamed up with a Mexican cartel and they're
running all this shit through the port.
29
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:01,887
What the hell are we supposed to be buying?
30
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:02,961
I don't know.
31
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,000
What are you doing?
32
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:10,723
I got a new identity that's gonna be killer.
I'll be throwing it to you to make it legit.
33
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,201
Okay.
34
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,362
I'm gonna need you to improvise. Okay?
35
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,046
- I don't want to improvise.
- I'm gonna need you to improvise.
36
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,920
I suck at improvising.
I don't want to do it.
37
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:24,808
I need absolute silence
while I fall into character.
38
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:29,447
- Can you give me a head start on...
- I need absolute... I need absolute silence.
39
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,326
- Can you please...
- Absolute silence.
40
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,242
Are you fucking serious right now?
41
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,485
All right. I hate people who are late.
42
00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,608
We're trying to see that product.
43
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:01,007
Shit!
44
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,688
Yo, Sleepy! What's up, homie?
45
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,410
You know my cousin, Sad Boy.
46
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,364
I think you got the wrong guy, homes.
47
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,762
That's bullshit, man! You Sleepy!
48
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:14,085
Everyone say in the barrio, "Sleepy,
he like the Mexican Wolverine" and shit.
49
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,168
Hey, my partner here,
he want to see the product.
50
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:17,726
Why ain't he talking?
51
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,565
My name is Jeff.
52
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,010
That's Jeffe, man.
53
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,769
Tell 'em about Mousie's quinceañera, man.
54
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:31,322
Tell 'em about that crazy adventure
you guys had.
55
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,370
I don't know what you're talking about.
56
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:38,923
Man, when you were telling the story
last night, you had so much detail!
57
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,601
The detail was so rich! It was rich detail!
58
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:45,890
Go into incredibly descriptive details
of the story, so we all know.
59
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,210
Oh, yes.
60
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,963
It was Dora and Diego
61
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,361
and Swiper.
62
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:54,767
Swiper?
63
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:58,686
Who was that you choked out, man?
He had it coming! Who was that?
64
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:01,560
Boots.
65
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,809
No, man, that wasn't Boots!
Boots isn't a real name!
66
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,120
You got to tell them the real story, man.
67
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,049
Start over from the top.
68
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,282
That's a made-up name.
69
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:15,324
I can't believe the punks
I have to deal with these days.
70
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,882
It really makes me miss the '90s,
71
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,882
when we had professionals around.
72
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,131
You want to check out the goods?
73
00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,010
Check it out.
74
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,448
And shut up. Right?
75
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,325
Where'd you find this gringo, man?
76
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,649
At the fucking Mumford & Sons concert
and shit?
77
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,442
What is it? Guns? Drugs?
78
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,440
No! No!
79
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,525
- Dude!
- It's gross!
80
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,007
It's inking in my mouth!
81
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,045
I'll get it off.
82
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,125
Its tentacle is eating me!
83
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,448
It's so strong! It's really on there, man.
84
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:09,806
It's biting my face!
85
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:13,681
Shit!
86
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,531
Black market exotic animals,
just like we expected to be in there.
87
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,200
The accents are gone?
88
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,042
Take them out, guys. They're cops.
89
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,040
- What was that?
- I don't know! I think we're moving.
90
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,526
We're definitely moving!
91
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,570
There's fucking birds and shit in here!
There's actual shit!
92
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,047
What the fuck?
93
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,481
There's a fucking dragon in here!
94
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:42,761
Shit!
95
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:46,841
What was that?
96
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:53,121
Dude, that was our car.
We shared so much in that car!
97
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:57,126
I'm going to shoot them in the face
for that! That was our fucking car!
98
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,885
What are you doing?
99
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,243
Don't Teen Wolf on the truck!
Don't leave me here alone!
100
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,482
- Then get up here!
- I can't do that!
101
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,325
Then fucking climb around.
Come on, climb around.
102
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,170
Let's go. Come on, buddy. You got it.
103
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,761
This is so scary!
104
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:11,841
Shoot him!
105
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,206
Don't leave me out here!
106
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,009
- I'm all out.
- You stupid moron!
107
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,571
That's it. Come on.
108
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,328
- Fucking get up here. Come on.
- Fuck!
109
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,560
- All right, you good?
- Yeah!
110
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,409
- All you got to do is walk now, okay?
- Okay.
111
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,041
Shit!
112
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,642
What the fuck are you doing? Get up here!
113
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,091
I can't!
114
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:34,163
All right, fine, I guess
I'll just drag you.
115
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:35,241
I'm gonna die!
116
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,921
You're not gonna die.
Just get the fuck up here!
117
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,481
Pull yourself up here.
118
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,725
Use your core!
119
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,482
You got it, you got it. Come on, come on.
Yeah!
120
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,681
All right.
Think you can stand on your own now?
121
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:52,841
Yes!
122
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:53,921
I think we lost them.
123
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,365
Shit!
124
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,326
He's the fucking Terminator!
125
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,247
That's fucking dangerous!
126
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,531
You are under arrest!
127
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,211
Pull the truck over!
128
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,210
I said pull the fucking truck over
right fucking now!
129
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,164
You owe me a car, and it'd better be
a fucking Lamborghini, you bitch!
130
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,241
I did it!
131
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,840
You have the right to remain silent.
132
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:18,407
Shit!
133
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,282
Holy Moses!
134
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:28,721
Shit.
135
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,691
- What happened?
- I think they got away.
136
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:37,566
Is that a hickey?
137
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:42,600
This was actually
an octopus-related incident.
138
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:48,526
I'd opened a crate
and the octopus had leapt onto my face.
139
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,331
Apparently, they have many, many arms.
140
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,405
- They have eight tentacles.
- Yes, and...
141
00:08:54,480 --> 00:09:00,089
Look, ladies, nobody gave a shit about the
Jump Street reboot when you first came on.
142
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:05,441
Anyone with half a brain, myself included,
thought it was destined to fail spectacularly.
143
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,040
But you got lucky.
144
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:08,724
So now this department has invested
145
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:12,725
a lot of money to make sure
Jump Street keeps going.
146
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,043
We've doubled their budget.
147
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,169
As if spending twice the money
guaranteed twice the profit.
148
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:20,920
Like that's going to work.
149
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:25,449
Yeah. Well, the commissioner's convinced
this debacle happened
150
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,569
because you weren't doing
the same undercover student thing
151
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:29,687
you did the first time.
152
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:33,487
She doesn't get that
it's always worse the second time around.
153
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:38,484
You settle into worn-out roles.
One gets possessive, the other runs away.
154
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:43,163
You begin a slow, painful unravelling,
as all the good things that came before
155
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:47,246
begin to be crushed
by the trash compactor of sadness.
156
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,043
That doesn't sound like us. I mean...
157
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,003
I'm getting a divorce.
158
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,167
We don't want to do the same thing.
159
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,322
We want to burst through our ceiling.
160
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,451
And you're gonna find another ceiling
and you got to bust through that one,
161
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:02,567
and you just got to keep
hammering ceilings.
162
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:03,641
Okay, okay, Okay-
163
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,771
What if we actually went
into the Secret Service
164
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,205
and, like, tried to
protect the White House?
165
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,322
- I think...
- I don't think that would work.
166
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,170
I'm going to ask you to stop talking.
167
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,481
I thought it was a pretty good idea.
168
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,850
Do the same thing as last time,
everyone's happy.
169
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,168
I can't believe
the Koreans bought their church back.
170
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,760
Yeah. Good thing there was an even bigger
abandoned church directly across the street.
171
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,322
- Yeah. That's convenient.
- Yes, it is convenient.
172
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,560
Next year, we'll probably just be right
back across the street. Just next door.
173
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,484
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
174
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,960
We're not ahead of ourselves.
We're right next to each other.
175
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:44,281
This is awesome.
Like, way more expensive for no reason.
176
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:48,965
Look at Dickson's office.
Looks like a giant cube of ice.
177
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,844
How you bitches like Jump Street now?
178
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,206
Hey!
179
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,563
Y'all see this shit?
180
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,564
22 Jump Street is the lick.
181
00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:01,241
And I got a big-ass raise
to babysit you two fuckers again.
182
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,887
Designed it myself. We got an espresso bar.
183
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,243
- I'm thinking about a shark tank over there.
- I like sharks.
184
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,847
Fuck a 21 Jump Street,
and fuck a Korean Jesus.
185
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,922
Cap, come on, Korean Jesus is right there.
186
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:16,562
That's Vietnamese Jesus.
See, this a Vietnamese church.
187
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,730
You racist, sacrilegious sack of shit.
188
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:24,568
Look at that.
Vietnamese Jesus just dripping swagoo.
189
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,411
And we got some new dumb-ass interns.
190
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,845
Hey, hey! Look alive!
191
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:29,926
- Boys.
- Yo, Jenko.
192
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,241
Hey, Schmidt!
193
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:39,805
Don't do that.
194
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,931
So, they want the same shit, so here we go.
195
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,371
Same identities.
196
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:47,805
Same assignment.
197
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,411
We're going back to high school?
198
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,010
Your ass look like you about 50.
199
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,450
- You're going to MC State.
- We're going to college for real?
200
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,763
Somebody's out there,
they're cooking up a new drug.
201
00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:01,162
It's Adderall mixed with Ecstasy
mixed with God knows what else.
202
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,601
"Wipey"?
203
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,603
No, you dumb motherfucker. "WhyPhy."
204
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,408
Stands for "Work Hard? Yes.
Play Hard? Yes."
205
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,925
Now, these kids take this shit,
206
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:14,840
and they get laser-focused
for about four hours of studying,
207
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,328
and then they party like it's goddamn 1999.
208
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,001
Who's this?
209
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,566
That's Cynthia Watson.
210
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,603
She was a student at MC State.
211
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:24,881
She took some WhyPhy,
212
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,770
got locked out of her dorm,
ended up falling off the roof.
213
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:29,441
And now she's dead.
214
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:36,088
That's her buying drugs on campus.
And that's the dealer.
215
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,960
Find him and we find the supplier.
216
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,448
Sir, can I just say,
217
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:45,161
it is so refreshing
to have a case with a black victim.
218
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,925
I mean, we care so much more
because she's black.
219
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:53,047
I think what he's really trying to say
is that we care equally.
220
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,045
It's a tie, really, how much we care.
221
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,529
No, we're not. If it was a white
person, I wouldn't even care.
222
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,529
One less cracker-ass
cracker to worry about.
223
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,964
Why every time you speak
I want to throw the fuck up?
224
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,330
Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier.
225
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,850
You all right?
226
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:22,841
Yeah.
227
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,645
It's just...
228
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,846
I'm the first person in my family
to pretend to go to college.
229
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,248
Best part is we get to do it together.
230
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,170
What's up, college?
231
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:36,446
- What's up, bro?
- We're 322.
232
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:37,646
Fuck high school, right?
233
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:38,926
Fuck high school.
234
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,010
So tight!
235
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,242
This is so baller!
236
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,603
Beds... Shit.
237
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,842
Dope. That looks like cum.
238
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,410
That's cum. Okay. All right.
239
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,290
Already got cum on the mattress, dawg.
240
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,682
- Welcome to college.
- Fuck, yeah.
241
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,526
Hilarious shirt that
signals we drink alcohol.
242
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,809
Some bacon machine that my mom got me.
243
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,843
I do not understand how it works.
244
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,601
It's true.
245
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,565
Super high-tech police gear.
246
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,245
Carte blanche with the
budget, motherfucker.
247
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,400
I'm going to veto that poster.
It's a touch childish.
248
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,010
Okay. What do Lambos
have to do with touching children?
249
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,645
Lambos are lame.
250
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,725
I get one choice.
I get one thing that I'm not...
251
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,564
We have to agree. You know what I mean?
252
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,800
What up, fellas?
We're your across-the-hall neighbours.
253
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:46,201
- Hey, there's two of you.
- You're twins.
254
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,367
What's up, man?
255
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,886
We're the Yangs, man.
Kenny Yang. What's up?
256
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:50,961
Keith Yang.
257
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,440
- What's going on?
- What's going on?
258
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,480
Did you say the Yangs?
259
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,206
- Yeah, Dad's Chinese, man.
- Our mom's not Chinese. She's black.
260
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,481
She's like real black.
261
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,330
- Like Wesley Snipes black.
- Exactly.
262
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,647
We're brothers, too.
263
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,886
- No. He's not kidding. He's serious.
- Really?
264
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,644
- What?
- Like, one of y'all older?
265
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,243
Yeah, 'cause you got crow's feet
under your eyes, man. You specifically.
266
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:14,001
We're actually just normal college age.
267
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,049
I mean, even if you're a little older,
that's cool, man,
268
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:17,610
because, you know,
girls here love older dudes.
269
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:18,727
That's true.
270
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,484
Plus, there's mad fuckable girls here.
271
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,483
- Mad fuckable.
- Especially during spring break.
272
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,722
I love spring break. But I do have to say,
273
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,451
I've fucked a thousand girls by now
and I don't know, at the end of the day,
274
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,761
you just kind of want something
that's just a little deeper really.
275
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:33,083
Yeah, balls deeper. Jinx. Buy me a Coke.
276
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,887
Snap, we're still saying the same thing.
This is amazing!
277
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,645
Carrots. Pumpernickels. Glow sticks. Twins!
278
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:41,560
- That's dope, dude.
- That's so sick.
279
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,889
That's crazy.
We have that brother connection, too.
280
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:46,606
- You ready?
- Yeah.
281
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,205
- Pirates! Baby feet!
- Paper clips! Bananas!
282
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,328
- Sun! Anger!
- I don't know! Words!
283
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:51,527
- Quicksand!
- Shoes!
284
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,325
- That's hip-hop, man.
- Awesome.
285
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:55,681
That's great.
286
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:59,249
It's gonna be super fun.
All right? Same as last time.
287
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,724
Dude, if it's like last time,
288
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,689
you're gonna have an awesome time,
and it's gonna suck for me.
289
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,889
No. You're gonna have an awesome time,
too, because I'm gonna make sure of it.
290
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:08,207
You took a bullet for me.
291
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,721
That's right, I did, and it sucked,
but I'd do it again.
292
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,048
No way. It's my turn. I
owe you a life debt.
293
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:14,447
Co-ed bathrooms.
294
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,488
What? Shit.
295
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,887
I'm not gonna take a shit
the entire time I'm here.
296
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,286
I know.
297
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,844
- Hey.
- How you doing?
298
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:25,566
Hey-
299
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,689
- What's up'?
- 'Sup'?
300
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:33,247
Just exhausted from inventing Facebook
or whatever website people our age use.
301
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,683
They still have books? I thought they
just put the books inside the computers.
302
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,286
Yeah, I guess the kids just use
the stacks to hide and have sex.
303
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,809
So we'll go to all Cynthia's classes
and activities, ask around about the drug
304
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,530
and find out who the dealer is.
305
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,763
- Yeah, it's just like last time.
- Exactly like last time.
306
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:51,921
Dude, in Human Sexuality,
307
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,289
do you get to fuck
or do you just get to watch people fuck?
308
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,046
Neither.
309
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,763
What the fuck am I taking it for, then?
310
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,802
Now, obviously,
we've all heard this statement before,
311
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,240
"First impressions are important."
312
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,604
I've got a first impression for you.
313
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,088
Oh, y'all like psychology?
314
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,571
Tracy Morgan.
315
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:19,287
Nobody?
316
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,847
Work hard, play hard, am I right?
317
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:28,687
You looking for some WhyPhy?
318
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:29,800
Yeah, man, that'd be sick.
319
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,200
Go to the police station,
320
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,163
walk in and ask your captain
to see the evidence room
321
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,440
'cause you're a fucking narc.
322
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,929
I think you're mistaken.
323
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,048
You're literally wearing your badge.
324
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,288
Did you really just check to see
if you were wearing your badge?
325
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,407
This guy's a fucking cop.
326
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,209
I didn't look down.
327
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,970
"Wait, Professor Jacobs, doesn't history
happen a long time ago?"
328
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,890
Well, history happens...
329
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,481
This class is such a gut.
330
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,081
Hey, you guys play football?
331
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,003
No, this is actually my laptop.
332
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,400
Yeah, I'm taking notes right now.
333
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,369
I'm kidding. It's a football.
334
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,441
Mr McQuaid?
335
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:05,761
Covalent bonds.
336
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,720
What has been the result
of the War on Drugs?
337
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,811
Why would you ask me? I'm not a cop.
338
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:19,088
Because this is a college seminar,
and that's how college seminars work.
339
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,167
Professor gets into a lively conversation
with the student.
340
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,210
Friction creates fire,
and that leads to lessons learned.
341
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,330
Well, it's definitely harder to get drugs.
I can personally tell you that.
342
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,962
The average price of cocaine
has dropped 70% in the last 30 years.
343
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,720
Then your dealer's probably selling you
some pretty stepped-on shit.
344
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,844
Mr McQuaid, college is a wonderful place.
345
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,647
This is where you get to decide
who you actually are,
346
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,440
instead of the person that
you're clearly pretending to be right now,
347
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,688
which everyone sees through, by the way.
348
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,600
You got to decide,
"Do I just keep doing the same thing,
349
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:57,765
"or am I gonna choose a different path
and question my convictions?"
350
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,888
I don't have any prior convictions.
351
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,402
Why are you saying this stuff?
352
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:10,329
That's exactly the answer I wanted,
Mr McQuaid!
353
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,641
I want you to question what I'm saying.
354
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:16,611
This is the basis of this whole course,
and that's the beauty of college.
355
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,045
You can say whatever you want.
356
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:19,725
You can be whatever you want.
357
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,644
I mean, I have tenure.
I can really say whatever I want.
358
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,240
George Washington was a black lesbian.
359
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,010
The Eiffel Tower is made of dildos.
360
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,402
They can't fire me. I'm indestructible.
361
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,880
I'm sleeping with two of my students.
Her and her. I actually am.
362
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,883
Now, just like you did before,
363
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,567
I want you right now
to say whatever you want.
364
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,529
Say whatever you want.
365
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:40,761
Fieto.
366
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,444
"Fieto," not a word, but
I'm gonna accept it.
367
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,849
You can do whatever you want
with your life, Mr McQuaid.
368
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:52,642
The only way you can fail this class
is by not becoming who you truly are.
369
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,049
Please respond to my text.
370
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,245
Okay, we got time
for just one more improv game.
371
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,681
For this one,
we need a ton of different suggestions.
372
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,162
So, we just need you guys to fill in the
blank in a sentence that we're gonna set up.
373
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,084
So it'll go like this.
I'm so hungry, I wish I had a...
374
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,168
- Tampon!
- Okay, but we want...
375
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,766
We want it to be actual food so that
it, like, makes sense with the game.
376
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,810
It's more fun that way.
So, let's try it one more time.
377
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,161
I've got to get home so I can feed my...
378
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:20,320
Boner!
379
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:21,521
You know what?
Let's just play the game, okay?
380
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,962
All right, so what would you...
381
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,680
Hey, that girl's in my psych class.
382
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,165
Damn, she's hot. Go talk to her.
383
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,400
You come talk to her with me.
384
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,246
Stop being a pussy and go talk to her. Go.
385
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,720
All right, all right.
386
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,041
Coming to the stage, we got...
387
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:38,720
J. Bohnes, aka...
388
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,569
- Hey.
- Hi.
389
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,604
I think we're in the same psych class.
390
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:44,841
Yeah. Hi.
391
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,326
Yeah.
392
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,761
"Pills! Pills! Bills! Pills!
393
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,606
"Bills! A sign of the times that rhymes
394
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,170
"Amanda Bynes
395
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,960
"Drop that Raggedy Andy circus
396
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,485
"Circle jerkus..."
397
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,729
- You guys are the improv guys, right?
- Yeah.
398
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,924
- That's cool.
- You're the guy with the terrible suggestions.
399
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,207
- Yeah, yeah. You're welcome, man.
- Yeah.
400
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,683
Thanks, guys.
Lady J is gonna be up next for you.
401
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,841
Cynthia, that girl who died,
she used to come here all the time, right?
402
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,480
This piece is called Areolas.
403
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,444
Did you know her?
404
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,009
Yeah, she lived across the hall from me.
405
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,964
- Yeah?
- So why do you care so much?
406
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,408
I'm... I'm writing a...
407
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,201
"Greedy man hands!"
408
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,727
...a slam poem in her honour.
409
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,371
Early stages, very early stages.
410
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:35,966
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
411
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:37,121
Wouldn't it be better
412
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,090
just to, like, plan the stuff out
ahead of time, make sure it's funny,
413
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,401
and then not say it in front of people
and embarrass yourself?
414
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,962
That's a thing that people do.
That's stand-up comedy.
415
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,520
That's probably what you should do,
because that stuff's funny.
416
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,526
"My brown nipple will produce white milk
during lactation..."
417
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:53,927
What do you think of this?
418
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,243
I actually think it's really powerful.
419
00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:00,042
That's cool that you said that, 'cause I
actually thought it was really powerful, too,
420
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:02,964
when the one girl
was talking about her nips and shit.
421
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:08,365
Okay, does anybody
have anything they want to share?
422
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:09,441
Let's see what you got.
423
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:11,045
Any more poets in the audience?
424
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:12,720
- I...
- I mean, do you really do poetry?
425
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:14,685
I do, and I will.
426
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:15,761
- I got somebody.
- What?
427
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,571
Okay, we got somebody.
All right, give it up, guys.
428
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,001
- Yeah!
- Okay.
429
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,520
- Just go up there.
- All right, okay.
430
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:22,641
- Okay.
- No pressure.
431
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,960
- You'll see, it's good.
- Yeah!
432
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,931
This is a work in progress.
433
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:37,841
So...
434
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,649
"Slam poetry!
435
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:46,560
"Yelling!
436
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,321
"Angry!
437
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,965
"Waving my hands a lot!
438
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,211
"Specific point of view on things
439
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:56,961
"Cynthia!
440
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,529
"Cynthia
441
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,841
"Jesus died for our Sin-thee-uhs
442
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:05,771
"Jesus cried
443
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,725
"Runaway bride
444
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,364
"Julia Roberts!
445
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,922
"Julia Rob
446
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:14,641
"Hurts
447
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,170
"Cynthia!
448
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:21,486
"Cynthia
449
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,168
"You're dead
You are dead
450
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:29,326
"You're dead"
451
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,371
That's for Cynthia, who's dead.
452
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:47,600
I don't have a single lead.
453
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:51,241
I do. I hear you can get WhyPhy on campus
anywhere 24/7.
454
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,130
Do you think they mean WhyPhy the drug
or Wi-Fi like the Internet?
455
00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:59,044
What...
456
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:01,725
Fuck you, brain.
457
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,124
How did we find the dealers so easy
the first time?
458
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,960
Well, his number was
literally on a sticker.
459
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,560
Well, let's go find this guy's sticker.
460
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,360
I don't think this guy does stickers.
461
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,330
Well, we need help.
We need to consult an expert.
462
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,084
Yo, dude, you shot him in the dick, dude.
463
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:16,891
- I got him in the dick.
- Yep.
464
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:19,405
"Shot him in the dick."
465
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,251
If it isn't Turner and Hooch, in the flesh.
466
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,971
Holy shit, you are looking fit.
467
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,010
Hey, you should get some
tips from this guy.
468
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,811
He's looking good.
Look at those pectoral muscles.
469
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:36,960
That's the kind of definition
I want out of you, man.
470
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,724
- What's up, Eric?
- Hey.
471
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,207
Mr Walters, we should...
472
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,402
Or I should apologise for...
473
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,005
For shooting my penis off?
474
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,081
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
475
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:51,528
Don't sweat it, brother. I'm liberated.
Totally.
476
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,040
You know they gave me a vagina?
477
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,483
It's awesome. You guys want to see it?
478
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,005
- No, no, no, no!
- No, no, no.
479
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,568
- That's fine.
- All right. Eric's seen it.
480
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,927
Eric's been all up in that shit.
Isn't that right, Eric?
481
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:03,730
You guys got to get me
the fuck out of here.
482
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:04,847
Hey, guess what.
483
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:05,921
I'm Eric's bitch.
484
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:07,321
No, you're not.
485
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,442
Yes! I am!
486
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,041
I'm your bitch.
487
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,082
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, honey.
488
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,248
I didn't mean that. You know that, right?
489
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,688
I am such a bitch when Aunt Flo shows up.
490
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,127
It bleeds so much, it's crazy.
491
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,721
It's like the elevator doors opening
in The Shining.
492
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,487
Your vagina doesn't fucking work, man.
493
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,404
Worked for you last night.
494
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:32,363
You are so clearly forcing Eric
into this relationship.
495
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,922
Eric, am I forcing you into anything?
496
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,445
- Yes.
- See?
497
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,088
Look, they sent us in undercover at a college
to find the dealer of this new synthetic,
498
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:41,844
and no one will tell us anything.
499
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,366
That's 'cause you guys look
like fucking narcs, all right?
500
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:45,880
College kids aren't dumb like Eric.
501
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,365
I was supposed to go to Berkeley.
502
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,051
Well, they gave us a picture,
so we do have that.
503
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,960
Well, that's your lead, motherfucker!
That's what you start with.
504
00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:55,560
I know, but we can't see his face,
so we don't know who it is.
505
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,290
"We don't know who it is.
506
00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,727
"I'm Schmidt.
My pants are filled with doody."
507
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:01,447
That's you.
508
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:02,960
That doesn't sound anything like me.
509
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,046
You sort of sound like that.
510
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:06,407
That doesn't sound anything like me.
511
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:07,811
"That doesn't sound anything like me."
512
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:08,961
It's not not you.
513
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,087
That doesn't sound anything like me!
514
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,164
Eric! Close your eyes
and tell me who's talking right now.
515
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,564
That's Schmidt being a little bitch.
516
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,410
That's just not a good impression.
517
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:21,165
Nice job, super sleuths.
518
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,400
Did you even bother
to look at the fucking picture?
519
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:24,686
Yeah.
520
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,240
There's a reflection right here.
521
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,449
Your fucking guy's got a tattoo.
522
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,008
Find the tattoo, find the dealer.
523
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:37,124
Fuck, man, I don't know.
I do a lot of stupid tattoos to drunk kids.
524
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:38,880
Do you remember that stupid tattoo?
525
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:40,201
A bazooka?
526
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:45,604
Think I might have did it on a football
player. Guy with a red Mohawk. I don't know.
527
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:47,200
They all start to look the same to me.
528
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,682
I think I know exactly
who he's talking about.
529
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,130
Fuck you!
530
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:56,202
Fuck you, you little walk-on fuck!
531
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,444
I can't, like, move around in these things.
532
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,284
God, I love walk-on day!
533
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:01,521
Fuck, yeah.
534
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:05,320
That's a weird time to be Q-tipping.
535
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,243
You're all fucking pussies!
536
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,804
- Dude, you don't have to do this.
- What?
537
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,200
- I just don't want you to get hurt.
- I'm not gonna get...
538
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:13,846
Shit.
539
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,601
- Dude, I am so sorry.
- It's all right, man. Don't worry about it, man.
540
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:18,080
- Are you sure? All right...
- Yeah.
541
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,009
- Shit.
- I got it.
542
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,926
- Okay, I got it, I got it.
- That's fine.
543
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,490
- I'll get it.
- No, no, let me get it, let me get it.
544
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,130
- No, I got it. Let me just get it.
- No, let me get it.
545
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:27,640
- I got it, I got it.
- Let's just...
546
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,765
Dude, I'm sorry.
I got my Q-tip in your meat, bro.
547
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,760
No, man, I got my...
I got my meat in your Q-tip.
548
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,962
It's like a whole new type of sandwich.
549
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:36,929
Like, a meat Q-tip.
550
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:38,287
Like a meat-qute.
551
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:41,881
That's funny.
552
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:43,600
Hey, you guys want some of this sandwich?
553
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:44,841
It's a meat-qute sandwich.
554
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,651
Me and this guy are having a meat-qute.
555
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,004
You're hilarious, dude. What's your name?
556
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,003
- Brad. Wait...
- Brad.
557
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:54,081
Yeah, yeah, it's Brad.
558
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:55,730
- I'm Zook. Nice to meet you.
- Zook.
559
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,928
Nice to meet you, too, man.
560
00:27:58,680 --> 00:27:59,920
Blue 20!
561
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,645
Blue 20!
562
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,611
Set, hut!
563
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:27,686
You love walk-on day now?
564
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,360
Your arm all right?
You want to take that sleeve off?
565
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:36,645
No, I'm good.
566
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,566
Dude, holy shit, bro.
Great fucking catch, dude.
567
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:41,687
Sweet throw, dude.
568
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,001
If you see that safety line up that deep,
though, hit me quicker.
569
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,004
Yeah, I didn't know
you had wheels like that, bro.
570
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,242
It's funny, 'cause he's my brother. So...
571
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:53,567
Hey, you know,
we have this rush party at Zeta.
572
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:54,721
I don't know if it's your thing,
573
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,689
but I thought, you know,
you could come by and meet the guys.
574
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,046
It'd be really fun, I think.
575
00:28:58,320 --> 00:28:59,651
- Great.
- Yeah, maybe we will.
576
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,331
Are you guys, like, together?
577
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,323
- Yeah.
- Yeah, this is my bro.
578
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,161
That's... Funny, dude. You're funny.
579
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,411
Really? Okay.
580
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,323
Yeah, man, sure.
You, too, you can come, too.
581
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:13,686
We'll see what we can do.
582
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,001
Also, I said a bunch of stuff earlier
that you didn't acknowledge...
583
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:17,650
- Great catch.
- Cool, yeah.
584
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:18,801
- See you then.
- So you won't address that?
585
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:20,200
What the fuck's up with that guy?
586
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:21,924
All we have to do now
is rush the frat long enough
587
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,049
to confirm that
Rooster has that bazooka tattoo.
588
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:26,920
Look, man, do you think it's cool
if you come?
589
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,328
'Cause, I mean,
he kind of really just asked me.
590
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,880
I just don't want to start off
on the wrong foot with this guy.
591
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:35,440
Dude, you're tripping.
We do everything together.
592
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:37,330
You should lose the puka shells, though.
593
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,085
Things are different
since you didn't go to college.
594
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,522
Yo, Brad! What's up, dude?
595
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,886
- Same puka, dude.
- You got the same... Puka bros.
596
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,405
Holy shit!
597
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:50,287
Look at him, it's, like, all the same.
598
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:51,805
Dude, you wear pants, too?
599
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,644
- What? Bros, man.
- Dude.
600
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:55,210
I knew we were gonna be connected,
just like that.
601
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:56,770
Yeah, why don't you guys
just tie your dicks together
602
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:57,841
and get married, right, Rooster?
603
00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,922
Rooster. What's up, bro?
604
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,331
You look good, man.
605
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:02,481
What's up, Rooster?
606
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,005
- How you doing, man?
- Digging the puka.
607
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:05,411
Thanks, dude. I can't
believe it's the same...
608
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:06,807
How you doing, Rooster?
609
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,281
Rooster is getting some pop.
Why don't you go check him out?
610
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,080
- You in the zone, bro?
- In the fucking zone, dude.
611
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:21,084
Hey. What's up?
612
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:22,681
What's up? I'm Rooster.
613
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:24,485
Yeah, no.
614
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:25,761
We've met before.
615
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:29,049
Really? I don't remember that at all.
You must just have a really plain face.
616
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,408
Yeah. They call me OI' Plain Face.
617
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:33,206
They call you that?
618
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:36,329
So, do you have any body art
or, like, any ink I could see?
619
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:38,050
That's a pretty random question.
620
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,966
Hey, anyway,
it was so nice chatting with you, man.
621
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:42,207
Nice to meet you, man.
622
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:44,362
- Yo, what the fuck, bro?
- Yo, what the fuck are you doing, dude?
623
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:45,487
- You serious right now?
- You...
624
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,125
You're being weird.
625
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:49,446
You've been weird.
626
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,400
It was just like, "What am I hearing?
627
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,801
- "What am I hearing right now?"
- And the psychic told you that?
628
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,370
- Yo.
- That is so crazy, dude.
629
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,410
- Hey, dude, you want to go see the roof?
- Fuck yeah, I want to see the roof, dude.
630
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:01,811
Come on, let's go, let's go. Come on.
631
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:03,920
Come on to the roof, come on to the roof.
Let's go.
632
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,240
Come on, you can do it.
Come on, come on, come on!
633
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,206
I miss climbing so much.
Come on, let's go. Come on.
634
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:16,805
All right...
635
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:22,801
One more time.
636
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:24,724
I'm just gonna go home.
637
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,485
I don't know parkour, so...
638
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:28,481
All right.
639
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,164
Hey, Maya Angelou!
640
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:39,251
Poetry, okay. I got it.
641
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:40,810
Make fun of the poetry major.
642
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:45,129
So, I guess you have no interest
in having a real job in the future.
643
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,328
- Absolutely not.
- No, right?
644
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:49,724
What about you?
645
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,325
I'm an art major.
646
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:55,208
Okay. So you definitely cannot
talk any shit, 'cause...
647
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:58,011
- No, I can't. I cannot.
- ...you're never gonna make any money.
648
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:01,687
I'm never gonna make any money,
so don't tell my parents, but...
649
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,923
When I talk to your parents tonight,
I will not tell them about your major.
650
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,604
- Okay, thank you.
- You're welcome.
651
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,364
All right, art major.
652
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,002
What do you think about that?
653
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:15,880
I would say that
654
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,731
it's these two beings
655
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,406
leaning up against each other
in perfect balance.
656
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:25,882
If one were to fall,
they would just lose each other.
657
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:28,966
So it's just about support.
658
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,730
You can't admit
that it looks exactly like testicles?
659
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,202
That's exactly what it looks like.
660
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,731
So, is there someone who supports you?
661
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:46,805
No, I'm just one of those people that
really likes to spend time with myself.
662
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,642
Tell me about it.
663
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,849
I love to be alone. I am,
like, the best at it.
664
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,730
I just love
when you're sitting there in a room,
665
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:57,685
and you're just there with your thoughts,
666
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:01,606
and you're like, "Oh, my gosh, I'm alone.
Would anyone ever love me?" or whatever.
667
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:06,481
And, like, "Do I know anyone who would care
if I just ever came out of this room or not?"
668
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,050
Or whatever and, like...
669
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,851
- I don't know. It's just peaceful. I just like it.
- Yeah.
670
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,527
Well, if you don't want to be alone tonight,
we are gonna go hang out at the art building,
671
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:16,769
if you want to come.
672
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:18,770
Okay, Okay-
673
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:21,404
Okay. Okay.
674
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:29,848
I expected tonight would go
in a way that you wouldn't expect,
675
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:33,322
but what I didn't expect was tonight would
go in the exact way that you would expect.
676
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,482
- You know what I mean?
- Totally.
677
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:37,451
So you guys hang out here a lot?
678
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,371
Yeah. I mean, we're not into
the whole frat party kind of stuff.
679
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,204
We like to sit around,
just drink some good wine
680
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:43,884
and talk about some important stuff.
681
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:48,205
Banging bitches and getting wasted
all fucking day.
682
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,240
Those are, like,
two of my favourite things to do.
683
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,164
You are, like,
a slightly less attractive version of...
684
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:54,321
Picasso?
- Picasso.
685
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,600
- Right? I've been told that before.
- You read my mind.
686
00:33:58,080 --> 00:33:59,161
What?
687
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,407
That's Cynthia Watson's room.
688
00:34:22,240 --> 00:34:25,608
It's only 2:00. I thought it was late.
Do you want to come in?
689
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:29,241
It's only 2:00? I usually go to
dinner at, like, 2:00 a.m., so...
690
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,129
Sure, yeah, why not?
691
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,121
I'm gonna do it.
I just got to get it at the right angle.
692
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:40,008
- Dude, stop.
- Stupid fucking goalpost!
693
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,606
It's impossible. You can't fucking do it.
694
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:46,082
The fans used to rush the field after
every win and tear down the goalposts,
695
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,242
and Coach hated it.
And so he cemented them in.
696
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,923
They storm the field, and still do it,
but they just bounce around.
697
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:53,411
Fuck this goalpost, bro!
698
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:57,611
You guys might want to hold on,
'cause this shit is coming down.
699
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,483
Yo, what is that?
The tattoo, what's that right there?
700
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:05,721
This?
701
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:09,521
It's my old high school team.
The Plainview Red Herrings.
702
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:10,647
Look at it swim.
703
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,050
- Shit.
- What?
704
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,801
Shit, that's a really outside-of-the-box
705
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:18,727
high school mascot.
706
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,530
Hold on, guys.
707
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,282
Hey, why don't you come to practice today?
708
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,840
I mean, you're obviously good enough
to play on the team.
709
00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:30,802
Look, I'm not supposed to be here
to play football.
710
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:31,881
What?
711
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:36,001
I'm just here to do my assignments
and get out, that's it.
712
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:38,606
I mean, yeah, school's
important or whatever,
713
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,921
but when I was throwing you those passes,
714
00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:44,130
it was like I knew where
you were gonna be before you went there.
715
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:49,761
You know, I had this, like, vision of me
throwing bullet TDs to you, dude,
716
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,806
and then all these fans
just started going, like...
717
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,048
"Zook! McQuaid! Zook! McQuaid!"
718
00:35:56,120 --> 00:36:00,409
And they were chanting and chanting,
and then the goalposts came down.
719
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:01,801
Dude?
720
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:06,087
I have had that exact vision,
like, my entire life.
721
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:08,565
- Dude.
- Dude.
722
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:10,610
- Bro?
- Bro.
723
00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:12,165
- Dude.
- Bro.
724
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:13,481
Dude.
725
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:17,729
Like, well, we fucking can, bro.
All you gotta do is join the team.
726
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:24,046
- Yeah. Why not?
- Yes!
727
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,606
- Fuck yeah, dude.
- Fuck yeah, dude.
728
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,528
- What's that?
- My tattoo.
729
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:30,886
Yeah, fuck, look.
730
00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:33,561
Look, it's me, Zook.
731
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:37,283
Got a fucking bazooka for an arm.
Know what I mean?
732
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,810
Dude, I'm so fucking pumped
you're gonna be on this fucking team, bro.
733
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:47,121
Yep.
734
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:53,481
What's up with it?
735
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,280
- How you doing?
- Hi. Good.
736
00:36:57,840 --> 00:36:59,490
How was the...
737
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:05,245
How was the sex for you? It was fun for me.
It was a good time.
738
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,362
- Yeah, right.
- I enjoyed it.
739
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:09,521
Yeah.
740
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:11,886
This is why I don't drink.
741
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:15,329
Hey. How you doing?
742
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:16,766
I'm fine.
743
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,645
I mean, I'm not listening to you guys
fornicate all night long.
744
00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:22,200
- Thrusting and pumping.
- Okay.
745
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:24,408
I thought your hip popped out at one point.
746
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,360
I'm just saying, it's,
like, all fun and games,
747
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,131
and then you wake up in bed
next to a 40-year-old freshman.
748
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,090
I'm 19, so...
749
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,003
Nineteen minutes late to pinochle,
750
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,608
where you're meeting your old friends
in the park?
751
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:37,091
Yeah, that's what I meant.
752
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:40,721
Oh, my gosh, Maya, look at him.
He's still so sharp. That's so inspiring.
753
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,009
Tell us about the war, any one of them.
754
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:46,047
You're, like, the loudest climaxer
I've ever heard.
755
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:51,604
It was, like, the sound of, like, a 30-year-old
sprinkler finally going off for the first time.
756
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:55,685
Okay, well, so lovely talking with you.
757
00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:58,163
You're a lovely person.
758
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:00,530
Nice to meet you.
759
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:02,731
Oh, my God.
760
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:04,410
She seems nice.
761
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,210
She's horrible.
762
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:08,200
God.
763
00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:09,366
She was Cynthia's roommate,
764
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:12,040
and I felt bad for her,
so I told her I would room with her.
765
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:13,241
So...
766
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:18,449
So you probably have a bunch of stuff
that you have to do today.
767
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:20,166
- Right?
- No.
768
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:22,206
Okay.
769
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:27,247
Look, I just want you to know I'm not, like,
a "hit it and quit it" type of fella.
770
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:32,890
I'm, like, a "hit it, continue to hit it both
physically and emotionally" kind of guy, so...
771
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,200
Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be
weird about this, are you?
772
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,481
- No.
- I mean, you're cool with just hooking up?
773
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,484
Yeah. I mean, no.
I mean, I'm glad you said something.
774
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,164
'Cause I don't even know
if I like you when I'm sober.
775
00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:46,164
No, I know, and it's like,
that doesn't even hurt, like, at all.
776
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:47,771
Okay, so...
777
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,569
I'm gonna... I'm gonna split.
I'll text you later.
778
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,643
Great, that was great sex.
You're good at it.
779
00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:57,245
And I'll text you, three to five minutes
or something?
780
00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:58,321
All right.
781
00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:19,881
What the fuck is this?
782
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:22,730
This is bullshit.
783
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:24,768
Are you two fucking around at school again?
784
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,650
Hey, we got to pay for this shit.
785
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:28,524
- We need results!
- No, no, no.
786
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:32,969
Look, we are looking aggressively
for this very specific tattoo.
787
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,849
Or the tattoo could just be a dead end.
788
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,960
What the fuck? It's the same case!
789
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:39,721
Do the same thing.
790
00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:43,164
Well, it's not exactly
the same case, 'cause
791
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:45,490
one of us got laid last night.
792
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:47,001
Schmidt?
793
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:49,560
Don't wake up my dick.
794
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,007
Flew in on the red-eye,
hasn't gotten a wink of sleep.
795
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:53,081
Damn.
796
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,807
We're talking missionary.
797
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:00,487
We're talking when I'm on top
and she's on her back.
798
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:03,963
She's smart, she's an art major.
799
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,850
She can't be that smart.
She's a fucking art major.
800
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,446
- Come on.
- I will give you some daps, Schmidt.
801
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,000
- Give me some motherfucking daps, man!
- Come on, give me some.
802
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:13,371
- Give me some.
- Come on!
803
00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:16,405
My Human Sexuality class
is blowing my mind.
804
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:18,440
Did you know
I used gay slurs in high school?
805
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,210
Yes, directed at me.
806
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,643
Dude, I am so sorry for being a homophone.
807
00:40:23,720 --> 00:40:25,643
Are we gonna talk about
how weird you were today with Dickson?
808
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,605
Look, I don't think the tattoo means
what you think it means.
809
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:30,682
I mean, for all we know,
a lot of people could have that tattoo.
810
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:34,408
This tattoo? This absurdly specific tattoo?
811
00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:36,324
Name one other person who has this.
812
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:39,248
For starters, Zook has it.
813
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:40,766
Zook has the tattoo?
814
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:41,841
I think it's pretty popular.
815
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:45,681
What the fuck? We've been looking
for this tattoo for days!
816
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,769
Do you understand
this means Zook is the dealer?
817
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:49,325
I really want you guys to hang out.
818
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,971
We have hung out.
He's completely ignored me.
819
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,210
I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to
investigate your new BFF.
820
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:56,891
We're gonna put cameras everywhere,
821
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,769
and we're gonna monitor the fuck
out of what he's doing.
822
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:02,287
We can't just walk into Zeta house and just
put up a bunch of fucking cameras, okay?
823
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,728
There's dudes there everywhere.
All right, your plan is stupid. I'm sorry.
824
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,246
- My plan is stupid? That's interesting.
- What... Okay.
825
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,886
I'm, like, basically done fucking
watching your shit all the fucking time.
826
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:12,610
Okay, yeah, exactly.
I'm the fucking stupid one. Yeah.
827
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:13,647
That's really fucking stupid.
828
00:41:13,720 --> 00:41:15,609
Man, it must be hard being so different.
829
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,969
We're exactly the same.
It makes everything so much easier.
830
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:21,607
Guys, can you just give us some space?
831
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,126
We're really trying to figure something
out, and we need to focus, okay?
832
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,009
You're not gonna have
trouble focusing, man.
833
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:29,163
Yeah, man, those Krispie treats
got mad WhyPhy in them.
834
00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:31,971
We made a batch for the whole dorm, man.
835
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:36,483
I've eaten six of these.
836
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,205
- Then you're gonna be real focused.
- Be real focused.
837
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:40,282
In about four hours,
you're gonna be tripping.
838
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:42,800
- You're fine.
- You're gonna be all right, man.
839
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:44,530
Who sold you WhyPhy?
840
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:45,886
Nobody sold it to us.
841
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:47,530
Yeah, man, Cynthia gave us a butt load,
842
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:49,728
and in exchange,
we wrote her logic paper for her.
843
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,524
- All right.
- All right, man, we'll see you guys later.
844
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:52,601
Enjoy the food.
845
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:54,131
Maybe this is a good thing.
846
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:55,527
Since we're gonna be really focused,
847
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,604
let's use that focus to figure out
a way to get into Zook's house.
848
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:00,840
- You feel anything?
- No. Do you feel anything?
849
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,042
No, but I have a super
high tolerance for...
850
00:42:08,240 --> 00:42:09,765
I'm so focused.
851
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,006
I'm so focused, too.
852
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:16,570
- You don't have to be on top of me.
- Yes, I do.
853
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:18,130
- Why?
- Camouflage.
854
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:19,566
Go.
855
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:25,806
Let's go.
856
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:28,167
No fucking way.
857
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,171
Okay, so no? Dane? All right.
858
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,047
Out, all right.
859
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:40,881
- Bull's-eye.
- Bingo.
860
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,450
That helmet looks kind of lame.
861
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:48,409
You know what's not lame?
862
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:49,481
Safety.
863
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:13,761
What are you doing?
864
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:15,605
I'm cutting glass.
865
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:16,761
It's a laser pointer.
866
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,808
- It can't cut glass.
- What?
867
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:24,089
That's no fun at all.
868
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:27,484
- I'm so focused.
- Let's do this.
869
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,160
- Give me another.
- I don't have any more cameras.
870
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:48,720
- You don't need to drill so many holes.
- Yeah, okay.
871
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:57,488
Yeah, that one's perfect.
Okay, you can do that one.
872
00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,720
I don't have any more cameras.
I've said it five times.
873
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:04,401
- All right. Okay.
- That's the last of 'em.
874
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:06,721
Time to prove that Zook's the dealer.
875
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:08,086
Or not the dealer.
876
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:10,606
Next up is Brad McQuaid.
877
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,490
Right? Yes.
878
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:13,561
Yes!
879
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:17,611
Obviously, right? I mean, the guy's... The
guy's all-time. You guys, let's be honest.
880
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:20,286
I mean, like, he was opening up beer cans
with his eyeballs.
881
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:21,520
That's so sweet of them.
882
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:23,085
So Brad... Brad's in.
883
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:24,765
- Doug McQuaid.
- No!
884
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,004
He's a bag of dicks!
885
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:30,930
He's Brad's brother.
886
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:35,085
He follows him around everywhere,
so I doubt we get Brad without Doug.
887
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:36,764
That's not true. I have
a serious girlfriend.
888
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:38,928
- I got a bad feeling about this guy, dude.
- Why? Why?
889
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:42,482
I was talking to him for a second.
He's got a big mouth, okay?
890
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:44,449
I feel like he could fuck
this whole thing up for us.
891
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:47,126
See, you're fucking this up.
You talk way too much.
892
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:49,447
That guy is harmless, dude.
Look at him, he's nice.
893
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:53,127
- He looks like a 30-year-old eighth grader.
- He's gonna be fine.
894
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:55,089
I'm just saying, the kid sucks.
895
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,891
Okay, and Brad. Brad
could be, like, our guy.
896
00:44:58,240 --> 00:45:00,766
He could, like, be a part of our thing.
897
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:02,450
- "Our thing"?
- Yeah.
898
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,160
I'm trying to hear them be nice about me.
899
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:06,044
This is fucking bullshit. Shit!
900
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:09,447
Shit.
901
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:10,921
Is somebody up there?
902
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:12,565
- Shit.
- We got to get out of here.
903
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:15,086
- Did you lock the door?
- I did, man. I checked twice.
904
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:33,486
Go, go!
905
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:35,490
I'm so focused, dude.
906
00:45:38,720 --> 00:45:39,846
Shit.
907
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:44,841
Do you think he saw us?
908
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:47,366
No, you're just paranoid
because we're about to trip balls.
909
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:48,851
No, I'm paranoid
because it could be dangerous.
910
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,280
No, we're fine. Look, we made it.
We made it. It's all good.
911
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:53,611
Shit!
912
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:57,887
Help! Help!
913
00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:00,361
- What's happening!
- What the fuck?
914
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,690
I can't breathe.
915
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,409
They made us!
916
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:11,369
They're gonna kill us!
917
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:14,731
Jenko!
918
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:16,604
Where are you going?
919
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,005
I think we're tripping.
920
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:23,929
Fuck! I'm having a bad trip!
We're having a bad trip!
921
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:26,002
I think we are tripping, but...
922
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:27,320
God, isn't this great?
923
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,209
My side's so much scarier than yours.
924
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:30,930
Shit, your trip sucks.
925
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,129
You should come over here. It's way better.
926
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:34,531
Okay.
927
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:39,323
It's some kind of weird split screen!
928
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:42,047
Hello, football.
929
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,688
Jenko! Jenko!
930
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:47,883
I finally got my Lambo!
931
00:46:48,240 --> 00:46:50,242
Hey, Schmidt, look!
932
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:51,765
Look! Look!
933
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:04,730
My legs are tired.
934
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,089
Help! No more music!
935
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:12,160
You'll always be alone.
936
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,761
- Hey, Jenko.
- What?
937
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:17,241
- Where are you going?
- I'm just gonna go up for a little while, okay?
938
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:18,401
Stay, stay here.
939
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:20,488
No, I don't want to stay here.
I'm flying. This is amazing.
940
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,244
No. God. Don't go!
941
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:23,361
Oh, my God.
942
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:24,441
No!
943
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:26,409
- Stay here!
- No, no, stop it.
944
00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:29,006
You're dragging me down!
Why would you drag me down?
945
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:30,366
- Please stay!
- I'm flying.
946
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:32,651
Stay!
947
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:37,409
- Wake up! Get out of the car!
- Shit.
948
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:39,448
Get out of the car! Get on the ground!
949
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,046
- On your fucking knees!
- Get on your knees!
950
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,009
- You already know, don't you?
- What?
951
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,282
- Do you have anything to say?
- Please don't kill us.
952
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:51,003
If you don't have anything to fucking say,
open your fucking mouth.
953
00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:57,561
What the fuck?
954
00:47:57,760 --> 00:47:58,760
Is that vodka?
955
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:00,802
Welcome to Zeta, pledges!
956
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:03,524
Yeah, buddy!
957
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:11,247
Pledges, tonight,
we separate the weak from the strong.
958
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:15,251
If you don't make it through tonight,
959
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:17,602
you're dead to all of us.
960
00:48:18,240 --> 00:48:19,366
Rooster,
961
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:21,490
light the torch!
962
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:23,930
For Zeta!
963
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:33,931
Drink, motherfucker! Drink, motherfucker!
964
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:41,801
Look, whatever happens tonight,
you have to keep up, okay?
965
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:42,841
I'm gonna throw up.
966
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:44,690
I know. Shut up. Go.
967
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:46,845
Ready? Go!
968
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:48,763
Here we go, here we go.
969
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:51,127
One, two, three, four, five...
970
00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:53,686
I can't do it any more!
I can't do it any more!
971
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:54,807
Twenty's the record!
972
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:57,201
Thirty-three, 34...
973
00:48:57,680 --> 00:48:58,886
...67...
974
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:38,042
- You can do this, you can do this.
- I can't. This is disgusting.
975
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:39,161
- No, you got to.
- I can't do this any more!
976
00:49:39,240 --> 00:49:41,720
And now, for my favourite event.
977
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:43,801
Fuck this. I'm not doing this.
978
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:44,961
- I'm not doing it.
- What are... No!
979
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:47,361
I'm not doing this, okay? All right?
980
00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:53,161
Hey!
981
00:49:53,240 --> 00:49:54,730
- Schmidt!
- What the fuck, man?
982
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:57,201
What is your problem?
You said you wanted to stick together.
983
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,886
This is what we have to
do to win their trust.
984
00:49:59,960 --> 00:50:02,804
This is supposed to be fun.
It's just drinking and bonding games.
985
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:05,770
- It's fun.
- It's fun for you. It's not fun for me.
986
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:09,486
I don't know. Maybe we should just...
987
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:14,089
Maybe we should just investigate
different people.
988
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:17,887
Did you really just say that?
989
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,367
Did you really just say
that you want to investigate other people?
990
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:21,601
That's what you want?
991
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:22,966
I don't know, maybe.
992
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,841
Maybe we should just...
We should just branch out.
993
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,322
Okay, just sow our oats a little.
994
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:30,126
Sow our cop oats.
995
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:31,725
Look, I have an in with Zook.
996
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:33,683
We have a thing and it's good, and...
997
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:36,121
I don't know,
maybe I should just stay closer to him.
998
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:40,808
And you should do your thing
with your connections and channels
999
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:42,726
with Cynthia's roommate.
1000
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:45,121
You should see
if she knows who sold her drugs.
1001
00:50:45,720 --> 00:50:47,722
I just... I just don't...
1002
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:51,884
I don't like the idea
of us doing stuff separately.
1003
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:54,687
No, look, we can still investigate
1004
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:56,321
together.
1005
00:50:56,920 --> 00:51:00,891
It's just, you know,
now it'll be an open thing.
1006
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:03,729
You want an open investigation?
1007
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:05,370
I don't know if that's what I want.
1008
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:09,641
All right? I just think it's healthy
right now for us to try it.
1009
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:13,401
Okay.
1010
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:15,889
- Yeah?
- Sure.
1011
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:19,080
Okay, so I guess
I'll just catch you later, then.
1012
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:24,680
You Okay?
1013
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,004
No, you can't hug me right now.
1014
00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:31,802
- Do you need money for a cab or anything?
- No, I don't need money for a cab.
1015
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:33,806
Okay.
1016
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:45,324
I don't know where the fuck I am right now.
1017
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:51,691
Hey, Lauren.
1018
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:55,882
I just want to get in bed
and watch Friends all day.
1019
00:51:56,400 --> 00:52:00,962
Let's hear it
for your Metropolitan City State Statesmen!
1020
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:03,804
And the Statesmen take the field
1021
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:07,441
for the opening game
against the University of College Generals.
1022
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:08,840
Ready?
1023
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:12,521
And a surprise start today
for walk-on freshman Brad McQuaid.
1024
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:15,046
- Looks pretty old to be a freshman.
- It's the hormones in the milk, Bob.
1025
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:16,724
Ready? Set, hut!
1026
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:19,844
Haythe drops back.
1027
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:22,281
And connects with McQuaid!
1028
00:52:24,040 --> 00:52:28,170
Who beats safety Will Glock like
an egg white in my famous meringue recipe.
1029
00:52:30,720 --> 00:52:31,846
Holy shit, he's good.
1030
00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:35,289
None of you tell McQuaid that he's good,
all right?
1031
00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:37,727
If you do, he'll leave
this shitty programme.
1032
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:41,921
And as the clock ticks down,
we've got time for one last play.
1033
00:52:45,240 --> 00:52:48,562
Another perfect hookup
between Haythe and McQuaid.
1034
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:50,802
Even their end zone celebration
is in perfect sync.
1035
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:53,327
It's like these two share
a single brain, Bob.
1036
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:56,091
That's right, Jim.
They both have one half a brain.
1037
00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:59,369
And the crowd rushes the field
to try and knock down a goalpost.
1038
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:00,646
It's not coming down!
1039
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:04,086
Good luck, guys.
1040
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,521
Looks like MC State's
got a new power couple.
1041
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:08,284
Zook and McQuaid!
1042
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:15,130
I got to get around you, man. I can't
jump up. I got a broken ankle.
1043
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:21,126
Yeah!
1044
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,009
Fuck yes!
1045
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:26,243
- Yeah!
- One more!
1046
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:29,001
Shit.
1047
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:32,600
Who is that?
1048
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:33,800
- Nothing.
- All right, ready?
1049
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:36,240
Come on!
1050
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:37,641
Focus!
1051
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:48,650
- Come on!
- Do it!
1052
00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:49,926
Fuck you, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
1053
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:51,411
- I'm so jammed!
- Fuck you!
1054
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,642
There's a sock on the door! Don't come in!
1055
00:53:53,720 --> 00:53:54,881
Fuck, yeah!
1056
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,570
I'm having sex with a human woman.
1057
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,324
My God! Fuck!
1058
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:04,645
- Hey!
- Look at you!
1059
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:05,761
What are you guys doing here?
1060
00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:07,888
What? Are you kidding?
It's Parents Weekend.
1061
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:09,007
Fuck.
1062
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:11,841
Wonderful. You're dating someone.
1063
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:14,685
Thanks, Mom.
Listen, we're undercover, okay?
1064
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:15,881
- Thank you.
- No problem.
1065
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:18,126
Doug!
1066
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:19,646
Maya!
1067
00:54:19,720 --> 00:54:20,846
- Hey.
- Hi.
1068
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:22,600
These are my parents.
1069
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:24,011
So this is the girl?
1070
00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:26,886
Hi. I'm Annie. I'm your new mother-in-law.
1071
00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:29,960
- Nice to meet you.
- Worst thing to say.
1072
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,286
- Hi.
- Hey. David.
1073
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:32,480
- My dad.
- Nice to meet you.
1074
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:34,530
Well, my parents are here, too.
1075
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:36,364
Maya, hurry up!
1076
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:39,291
Your mama done found a table she want.
1077
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:47,450
How do you know this person?
1078
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:49,761
Dad, this is Doug, a guy that I'm dating.
1079
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:52,123
- The fuck?
- I...
1080
00:54:52,520 --> 00:54:54,249
How's your classes going, Doug?
1081
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:56,961
You...
We were just in the neighbourhood, and...
1082
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,760
I have an idea. Why don't we all
sit together? Would that be fun?
1083
00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:01,370
Yes, thank you.
1084
00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:17,251
So...
1085
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:19,084
Do you like weather?
1086
00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:22,242
You two know each other?
1087
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:23,401
No.
1088
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:25,608
This is crazy, all these
1089
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:28,962
students and parents.
1090
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:31,240
Potential witnesses.
1091
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:33,441
How did you two meet?
1092
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:35,409
I love meet-cute stories.
1093
00:55:35,720 --> 00:55:39,645
We met at a poetry slam, and then
he stalked me back to my dorm room.
1094
00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:41,842
- Stalked her?
- That's so beautiful.
1095
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:43,007
Then what happened?
1096
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:45,481
And then we hung out
and we watched a movie.
1097
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:49,283
Actually, we watched it a couple times.
1098
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:52,523
This is bullshit!
1099
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:53,806
This fucking... Waiter!
1100
00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:56,527
What can a black man do
to get some water around here?
1101
00:55:56,840 --> 00:55:59,571
Give the fucking guy some water!
He's black! He's been through a lot!
1102
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:02,931
For the sake of your daughter,
please keep it together.
1103
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:05,241
I'm gonna need a motherfucking crepe
before I go crazy.
1104
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:07,924
I'll be right back.
1105
00:56:08,240 --> 00:56:11,323
So, where are you from originally?
1106
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:12,965
I'm straight outta Compton,
1107
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:15,884
but my husband's from Northridge.
1108
00:56:16,280 --> 00:56:18,282
Come on, man, hook me up.
1109
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:21,849
What the fuck y'all doing?
Y'all rationing around here?
1110
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:24,002
Come on, hook me up.
Two little fucking string beans?
1111
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:26,162
Give me the goddamn string beans.
1112
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:29,967
I want some fucking devilled eggs.
I like fruit. Don't you like fruit?
1113
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:31,771
I like fruit.
1114
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:33,729
But this pork shit? Got to go!
1115
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,484
He's really taking it out
on the omelette bar.
1116
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:36,721
Shit was nasty!
1117
00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:38,280
He's under a lot of pressure at work.
1118
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:40,049
What's up, playa? Want to go to the movies?
1119
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:43,169
I'll break your motherfucking legs!
Break your legs!
1120
00:56:44,720 --> 00:56:45,960
What?
1121
00:56:46,120 --> 00:56:48,691
How you doing, Mr Nice Plant?
Get your fucking ass in there.
1122
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:57,890
Hey, you want another beer?
I'm gonna get another beer.
1123
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:00,088
Yeah, yeah, I'll do another.
1124
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:17,960
Hey, look, man,
1125
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,810
you know you can always tell me something
if you want to get it off your chest.
1126
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:22,480
You know I'm always here for you, right?
1127
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:26,522
- What are you trying to say?
- No, nothing.
1128
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:33,810
All right, with everything that happened
with Cynthia and WhyPhy,
1129
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:36,600
I just don't want you to screw up.
1130
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:39,050
You don't think I know what I'm doing?
1131
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:42,247
- What?
- I know exactly what I'm doing here.
1132
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:43,887
Okay.
1133
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:46,005
I'm gonna tell you something, all right?
1134
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:47,969
- Can I trust you?
- Yeah, of course.
1135
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:56,800
I have a friend who knows a guy at UMC.
1136
00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:59,164
He's a scout. It's D-l.
1137
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:01,971
Their QB, he's not playing well.
They're not happy with the situation.
1138
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:03,200
They want me to make a tape.
1139
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:05,891
And I want you to be on it with me.
1140
00:58:09,640 --> 00:58:11,369
Nothing else?
1141
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:13,283
They had five guys in the draft last year.
1142
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:14,521
I mean, Brad, this could be our shot.
1143
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:19,128
We're like the Dynamic Duo, bro.
We're like Batman and Robin.
1144
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:20,929
But we're both Batman.
1145
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:24,687
What do you want to be, like,
a stockbroker? Or a cop?
1146
00:58:24,760 --> 00:58:26,922
Dude, your ceiling is, like,
1147
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:29,444
so high.
1148
00:58:30,160 --> 00:58:33,050
You can just bust right...
1149
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:35,600
- Just break right through it.
- Right through it.
1150
00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:38,446
Right through it. Right through it.
1151
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:40,604
You really think I could make it at UMC?
1152
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:43,729
Dude, you could make it
into the Hall of Fame.
1153
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:45,804
No, dude, come on, that's you.
1154
00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:47,769
You're gonna be in,
like, the anals of football history.
1155
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:51,408
Dude, you could make it
into the anals of football history, too.
1156
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:55,329
We're gonna have to tear those anals up.
1157
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:57,050
- All right.
- We're gonna fucking tear it up.
1158
00:58:57,120 --> 00:58:58,400
I mean, it's just a tape, right?
1159
00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:00,725
I fucking hate my dad so much.
1160
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:01,881
Do you have any idea
1161
00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:04,964
what it's like to have a guy like that
telling you what to do all the time?
1162
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:06,246
I can only imagine.
1163
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:09,642
I just don't understand
what his problem is with you specifically.
1164
00:59:09,760 --> 00:59:12,525
I don't... Jesus. That
makes no sense to me.
1165
00:59:12,600 --> 00:59:14,887
I mean, you are a perfectly good guy.
You're very honest and nice.
1166
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:17,361
Why does my dad have your phone number?
1167
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:20,011
I don't know.
Maybe the school directory or something.
1168
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:21,320
Let's do something...
1169
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:23,721
- Let's do something that would distract us.
- Okay.
1170
00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:25,962
So we don't have to think about him
any more.
1171
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:28,965
All right.
1172
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:30,641
Maya.
1173
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:34,170
Is it okay if we just talk?
1174
00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:37,326
Okay.
1175
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:39,170
Let's talk.
1176
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:41,004
- No way.
- Yeah.
1177
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:43,082
I was Peter Pan, but
then I was, like, late.
1178
00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:44,920
You're really close with
your brother, then.
1179
00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:47,249
- It seems like.
- Yeah.
1180
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:49,200
Yeah, you know...
1181
00:59:53,120 --> 00:59:54,531
You're a fucking genius, dude.
1182
00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:56,440
- Are you sure it's not too much, though?
- No!
1183
00:59:57,840 --> 00:59:59,285
- Yeah!
- Fuck, yeah!
1184
00:59:59,360 --> 01:00:01,203
- All right? All right?
- Yeah. Yeah.
1185
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:03,125
- All night, bro. Come on. All night.
- Yeah, I know.
1186
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:04,480
It's gonna be so worth it, dude.
1187
01:00:04,520 --> 01:00:06,090
It's gonna be fucking worth it,
I promise, all right?
1188
01:00:06,160 --> 01:00:07,685
Dude, you know what this needs?
1189
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:09,285
Another star wipe.
1190
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:11,488
Jinx. Buy me a beer.
1191
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:12,766
Nice twist.
1192
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:13,887
On what?
1193
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:17,040
I can't believe we've
been talking all night.
1194
01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:21,125
Oh, my God, it's 8:00. I
have class, actually.
1195
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,123
- Okay.
- I...
1196
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:26,249
Yeah, you can help yourself
to whatever you need, and...
1197
01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:27,320
All right.
1198
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:29,567
Yeah, I'm so sorry, this...
1199
01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:30,971
I'll see you.
1200
01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:32,040
I'll see you later.
1201
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:33,809
- Okay.
- Best night ever.
1202
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:35,405
Okay. Bye.
1203
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:38,646
Bye.
1204
01:00:42,560 --> 01:00:44,449
How long have you been there?
1205
01:00:44,560 --> 01:00:47,131
Like, the longest amount of time
you could think of right now.
1206
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:49,851
This stuff wasn't meant for you.
It was meant to be private.
1207
01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:54,130
So, am I supposed to just sit here and not
act like I hear every one of your problems?
1208
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:57,849
You got 99 problems,
but being young isn't one.
1209
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:01,408
You're just jealous
because Maya and I have a real connection.
1210
01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:03,449
I'm pretty close with my grandpa, too.
1211
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:05,846
You're more messed up than Cynthia was,
1212
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:08,241
and she went to the school shrink
three times a week.
1213
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:10,529
- Why?
- I don't know.
1214
01:01:10,600 --> 01:01:12,200
But he gave her a ton of pills and shit.
1215
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:15,011
Maybe he could give you something
for your weird old face.
1216
01:01:15,080 --> 01:01:16,081
Okay.
1217
01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:21,604
- Hey.
- You're late.
1218
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:25,443
No, actually,
I was busy with the investigation.
1219
01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:30,406
This is Cynthia's therapist's office.
This is our investigation.
1220
01:01:31,680 --> 01:01:32,727
All right.
1221
01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:41,525
Watch the door.
1222
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:45,162
Is that all I'm good for?
Just watching a fucking door?
1223
01:01:47,760 --> 01:01:48,966
Got it.
1224
01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:52,129
"Patient exhibits drug-induced paranoia.
1225
01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:56,401
- "Believes her life is in danger."
- Door, door.
1226
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:00,010
Hey-
1227
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:02,448
I wasn't told that I had a 9:00 a.m.
session.
1228
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:04,409
Yeah, no, we're your 9:00 a.m. That's us.
1229
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:06,808
And we're cured.
1230
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:09,321
Thank you very much.
You're an amazing doctor.
1231
01:02:09,720 --> 01:02:12,644
Please. You think you're the first partners
to come in here looking for help,
1232
01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:16,281
only to try to run when you're
first faced with talking with me?
1233
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:17,771
How the fuck did you know
we were partners?
1234
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,331
He doesn't know we're partners.
1235
01:02:19,520 --> 01:02:21,045
I suspect you're partners.
1236
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:23,886
A relationship is something
that requires constant work.
1237
01:02:23,960 --> 01:02:25,450
Which is what I thought
we learned in high school.
1238
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:27,409
So you are high school sweethearts.
1239
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:30,165
I picked up on that early.
Please, continue the dialogue.
1240
01:02:30,680 --> 01:02:31,727
Doc.
1241
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:35,770
I just feel like sometimes
he's not even trying any more.
1242
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:38,207
Like this isn't even worth saving.
1243
01:02:38,280 --> 01:02:40,886
Okay. Well, sometimes I feel like
that we should be more like the Yangs.
1244
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:42,684
Or maybe I should be more
like your beautiful Zook.
1245
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:44,444
- Go fuck yourself!
- You go fuck yourself.
1246
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:46,284
- Okay.
- You're so selfish.
1247
01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:48,360
- All right. That's a lot of fucking.
- Oh, my God.
1248
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:49,447
Given all these strong feelings,
1249
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:52,205
sometimes I like to have the participants
make physical contact.
1250
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:53,327
Why don't you hold hands?
1251
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:54,806
- Okay.
- I'm not doing that.
1252
01:02:55,920 --> 01:02:57,968
- Do you see?
- Reach out your hand.
1253
01:02:58,120 --> 01:02:59,167
I'm...
1254
01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:01,044
He's literally reaching out for you.
1255
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:03,442
- He won't hold my hand.
- I'm not doing it.
1256
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:04,681
I kind of need you to do it.
1257
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:06,530
- He won't hold my hand.
- You...
1258
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:08,045
You got to interlock it, though.
1259
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:09,804
If you don't interlock it,
it's not hand-holding.
1260
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:12,281
- Fine.
- We might as well just be friends
1261
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:13,441
and not partners.
1262
01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:14,561
Nice, right?
1263
01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:17,168
Okay, you see this? This is strong.
1264
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:19,601
What I want to be able to have is this.
1265
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:21,569
Is this...
1266
01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:25,771
I want to be able to have that,
that same thing, in, like
1267
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:27,888
without actually having to do it.
1268
01:03:28,240 --> 01:03:30,481
- Are you embarrassed of your partner?
- No, not at all. Okay?
1269
01:03:30,560 --> 01:03:32,483
And why the fuck
are you guys ganging up on me?
1270
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:33,686
Gang up on him. Okay, seriously.
1271
01:03:33,760 --> 01:03:35,171
- Okay, okay.
- He's clingy.
1272
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:37,721
He literally is terrified
of being by himself.
1273
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:40,326
Look, I know Zook's your buddy
and you don't want him to be guilty,
1274
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:41,447
but he's our guy.
1275
01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:43,523
No, he's actually not our guy.
I would know.
1276
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:46,206
Now, you know,
we sometimes cling to things
1277
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:48,169
because they're familiar and comfortable.
1278
01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:49,960
I teach about a principle called embedding.
1279
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:51,490
- Look at the facts.
- Matter of fact, I...
1280
01:03:51,560 --> 01:03:54,040
Zook has the tattoo. He knew Cynthia.
1281
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:56,851
I know the first time he met you,
you dropped a fucking sandwich on his foot
1282
01:03:56,920 --> 01:04:00,606
and he smiled at you,
but you are completely blind to the fact...
1283
01:04:01,080 --> 01:04:03,048
- What'd you say embedding was?
- Embedding?
1284
01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:08,843
Embedding is our tendency to latch on to the
first bit of information that we're offered
1285
01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:11,651
and overlooking, or even ignoring,
contradictory information.
1286
01:04:11,720 --> 01:04:12,721
It's a fascinating principle...
1287
01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:14,802
Shut up. I'm thinking.
1288
01:04:15,560 --> 01:04:18,040
You think it's possible that
1289
01:04:18,120 --> 01:04:19,406
we embedded?
1290
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:21,050
What, like when we were drunk
or something?
1291
01:04:21,120 --> 01:04:23,043
- We embedded each other?
- Okay. I'm gonna recommend...
1292
01:04:23,120 --> 01:04:25,282
Okay, you can leave the room.
Just get the fuck out.
1293
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:27,240
Get the fuck out. You heard him.
1294
01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:28,686
This took a turn.
1295
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:31,167
- One, two...
- Okay. Yep. Good session.
1296
01:04:31,840 --> 01:04:34,411
The first time we saw the photo
of Cynthia buying WhyPhy,
1297
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:36,801
Dickson said, "This guy's the dealer."
1298
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:39,321
Everything we've done and thought
has been based on that fact,
1299
01:04:39,400 --> 01:04:40,600
but what if Dickson was wrong?
1300
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:43,042
And we've ignored all the other clues.
1301
01:04:43,480 --> 01:04:44,970
What if Cynthia wasn't the buyer?
1302
01:04:45,640 --> 01:04:47,404
What if Cynthia was the dealer?
1303
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:51,161
Captain, we have something
really, really important to tell you about.
1304
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:57,085
Captain?
1305
01:04:57,160 --> 01:04:58,321
Are you wearing Kevlar?
1306
01:04:58,440 --> 01:05:02,365
Now, gentlemen,
we're not gonna sit here and pretend
1307
01:05:03,040 --> 01:05:05,407
there's not a big-ass elephant in the room.
1308
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:06,880
What the fuck is going on?
1309
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:10,001
This is what the fuck is going on.
1310
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:18,927
Shit! Shit!
1311
01:05:22,280 --> 01:05:23,770
Shit! No!
1312
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:27,402
That is not happening right now! No!
1313
01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:30,809
Hey, y'all,
he's fucking the captain's daughter! Yo!
1314
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:33,929
- Every time he say that shit...
- Oh, my fuck!
1315
01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:35,525
...that's another foot in your ass.
1316
01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:39,327
Schmidt, you clearly...
Yo, this is the best thing ever!
1317
01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:49,640
Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
1318
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:52,567
Shit! Fuck!
1319
01:05:52,640 --> 01:05:55,450
You fucked Captain Dickson's daughter?
1320
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:57,445
Captain, what the...
1321
01:05:57,520 --> 01:06:01,002
You bragged to him to his face.
To his actual face. Captain...
1322
01:06:01,080 --> 01:06:04,926
Do you understand that this face right
here, you bragged to that face?
1323
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:08,721
You actually high-fived Schmidt
for fucking your daughter.
1324
01:06:09,040 --> 01:06:10,087
Holy shit!
1325
01:06:10,840 --> 01:06:12,171
Oh, my God! This is...
1326
01:06:13,440 --> 01:06:15,044
It's really not that funny.
1327
01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:17,484
I just want to say that
1328
01:06:17,800 --> 01:06:22,169
it was bizarre not to share the fact
1329
01:06:22,240 --> 01:06:24,686
that your daughter went to MC State.
1330
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:28,088
I think it's bizarre that
I haven't cut your motherfucking nuts off.
1331
01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:33,611
What if Captain gets to punch you in the
face one time, really, really, really hard?
1332
01:06:33,840 --> 01:06:34,921
Nah.
1333
01:06:35,800 --> 01:06:38,406
I got something way better than that.
1334
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:44,126
You think Cynthia was the dealer?
1335
01:06:44,280 --> 01:06:47,443
How the fuck we gonna infiltrate the dealer
if the dealer is dead?
1336
01:06:47,720 --> 01:06:51,281
We have to stop treating this
like it's exactly the same as last time.
1337
01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:54,324
And we got a bigger problem.
No more money in the budget.
1338
01:06:54,640 --> 01:06:56,165
What? I thought we had Cate Blanchett.
1339
01:06:56,960 --> 01:06:58,041
Cate Blanchett?
1340
01:06:58,120 --> 01:07:00,691
Yeah, I thought we had Cate Blanchett
with the budget.
1341
01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:02,762
You mean "carte blanche."
1342
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:04,481
That one.
1343
01:07:04,600 --> 01:07:05,931
Welcome back, dum-dum.
1344
01:07:06,400 --> 01:07:09,210
We did have carte blanche. Not no more.
1345
01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:11,282
You got that expensive chase
in the beginning,
1346
01:07:11,680 --> 01:07:15,207
that expensive equipment,
this fucking office...
1347
01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:18,523
This look like some shit
Iron Man would have. Shit's expensive!
1348
01:07:18,600 --> 01:07:22,241
I got on $800 shoes,
and you can't even see the motherfuckers.
1349
01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:25,120
So now you two motherfuckers
is in the crosshairs.
1350
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:26,731
I'm warning you,
1351
01:07:26,800 --> 01:07:30,521
find the supplier, but don't cost
the department no more money.
1352
01:07:32,440 --> 01:07:35,569
Look, I apologise about the Zook thing.
1353
01:07:35,840 --> 01:07:38,241
You were right, he's not the dealer.
1354
01:07:38,320 --> 01:07:40,846
Okay, great. You apologised.
What's that worth, man?
1355
01:07:40,920 --> 01:07:44,402
Now we have no leads.
What are we supposed to do now?
1356
01:07:44,480 --> 01:07:45,606
Police work.
1357
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:54,604
Fuck.
1358
01:07:57,920 --> 01:07:59,922
Don't throw a fucking
dead person's dildo at me.
1359
01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:01,491
We're at work right now, okay?
1360
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:05,004
Kids don't check out books anymore, right?
1361
01:08:05,800 --> 01:08:07,802
I don't even think they know how to read.
1362
01:08:10,320 --> 01:08:12,209
- Library.
- Book place.
1363
01:08:12,280 --> 01:08:13,280
Library.
1364
01:08:13,320 --> 01:08:16,403
The supplier is putting drugs
inside the books in the library,
1365
01:08:16,480 --> 01:08:18,369
where literally no one goes any more, man.
1366
01:08:18,440 --> 01:08:19,930
And the dealers check out the books.
1367
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:21,968
We're going to catch the supplier.
1368
01:08:22,040 --> 01:08:23,451
- Do you realise how cool...
- Wait, one sec, one sec.
1369
01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:24,806
What's up, dude?
1370
01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:28,447
Hey, dude, where are you? We're warming up.
The game's about to start.
1371
01:08:29,040 --> 01:08:31,850
All right, man. Look, I'm just gonna...
I'm coming.
1372
01:08:32,080 --> 01:08:33,127
All right, later.
1373
01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:34,326
What are you doing? Don't leave me hanging.
1374
01:08:34,680 --> 01:08:37,001
Dude, I got to go
or I'm gonna blow my cover, okay?
1375
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:40,409
You can do this alone.
I'll be back in two hours. You got this.
1376
01:08:50,880 --> 01:08:52,450
You scared me.
1377
01:09:02,880 --> 01:09:05,645
State name! Number! State name! Number!
1378
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:07,809
Colour! Colour! Number!
1379
01:09:08,440 --> 01:09:09,441
This is the place.
1380
01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:13,002
You'd think if somebody wants to show us
their operation, they'd at least be on time.
1381
01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:16,248
Look at this crap.
1382
01:09:16,560 --> 01:09:18,050
- I do miss the days...
- Shit.
1383
01:09:18,240 --> 01:09:20,521
- What's he doing here?
- ...when people did normal drugs.
1384
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:22,765
What is this? Jelly beans?
1385
01:09:23,840 --> 01:09:24,841
Crap!
1386
01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:26,286
Set, hut!
1387
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:29,446
McQuaid crosses in an end-around.
1388
01:09:29,560 --> 01:09:32,848
It's a trick play!
These two are practically interchangeable.
1389
01:09:32,920 --> 01:09:35,685
McQuaid throws down the field to Haythe.
1390
01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:41,809
And he hangs on for the touchdown!
1391
01:09:41,920 --> 01:09:43,445
These two are peas in a pod, Bob,
1392
01:09:43,520 --> 01:09:46,808
but instead of little green balls,
they are human football players.
1393
01:09:50,960 --> 01:09:54,681
Let's hear it once again,
MC State, for your Dynamic Duo.
1394
01:09:57,880 --> 01:09:59,962
Shit. My brother needs me again.
1395
01:10:01,840 --> 01:10:04,081
Look, you know, loyalty's cool,
1396
01:10:04,320 --> 01:10:07,449
and I admire it, and I
know he's your brother.
1397
01:10:08,840 --> 01:10:13,846
But you can't allow yourself to be held
down by a guy just because he won't let go.
1398
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:19,286
Yeah.
1399
01:10:21,640 --> 01:10:23,449
I gotta take a piss.
1400
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:28,080
The kid's pretty rude
to make us wait like this.
1401
01:10:28,200 --> 01:10:29,201
Can you shut it?
1402
01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:31,762
What's wrong with those classic drugs
from the '90s?
1403
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:33,604
Heroin, you know, cocaine...
1404
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:35,250
- Hey, hey.
- Shit.
1405
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:36,440
I'm fucking here. You happy?
1406
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:39,440
The Ghost is right there, okay?
He's about to meet up with the supplier.
1407
01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:41,244
- Hey. Check that out.
- You shush.
1408
01:10:41,320 --> 01:10:43,288
- You're the one fucking talking.
- You're being so fucking loud.
1409
01:10:43,360 --> 01:10:44,771
You shut the fuck up.
1410
01:10:45,560 --> 01:10:46,766
- What's going on here?
- Shit!
1411
01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:51,163
You're interrupting a
really stellar blow job.
1412
01:10:51,440 --> 01:10:53,044
Fuck, I just came so hard!
1413
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:54,326
What the hell is going on?
1414
01:10:54,520 --> 01:10:56,160
It's okay. It's just a couple of faggots.
1415
01:10:56,680 --> 01:10:58,444
Yo, what the fuck did you just say?
1416
01:10:58,520 --> 01:10:59,760
Did you just call us "faggots"?
1417
01:10:59,920 --> 01:11:01,285
He said you were sucking his dick.
1418
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:04,844
It's 2014, asshole.
You can't fucking use "faggot."
1419
01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:06,803
"Gay" is okay. "Homosexual," maybe.
1420
01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:09,451
And if you know the person,
you might be able to call them a "queer."
1421
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:11,204
If they have a great sense of humour,
but I don't.
1422
01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:14,280
I'm sorry, he took one human sexuality
class, he thinks he's Harvey Milk.
1423
01:11:14,400 --> 01:11:18,086
Oh, my God. Will you please,
just for once, just back me up?
1424
01:11:18,160 --> 01:11:19,605
Why can't you just use your head for once?
1425
01:11:19,840 --> 01:11:21,365
You want me to use my head? Fine.
1426
01:11:23,400 --> 01:11:25,767
Yeah, what's up now, motherfuckers?
You remember me?
1427
01:11:25,840 --> 01:11:27,046
I'm your best night...
1428
01:11:27,120 --> 01:11:28,246
I'm your worst nightmare.
1429
01:11:28,480 --> 01:11:30,881
Man, it's my memory.
1430
01:11:31,360 --> 01:11:32,646
It's getting worse lately.
1431
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:33,927
Are you the police?
1432
01:11:34,120 --> 01:11:37,806
Yeah, that's right.
And you motherfuckers are all under arrest.
1433
01:11:39,280 --> 01:11:40,281
Where's your gun?
1434
01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:42,091
- What?
- Do you have guns?
1435
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:44,211
No.
1436
01:11:44,320 --> 01:11:45,560
No, I don't.
1437
01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:47,604
'Cause we have guns.
1438
01:11:48,400 --> 01:11:53,042
Well, why don't you put your guns down,
and let's fight like men?
1439
01:11:55,200 --> 01:11:56,281
Because we have guns.
1440
01:11:56,680 --> 01:11:58,409
- Schmidt, run!
- Get him!
1441
01:11:58,560 --> 01:12:00,210
- Go! Go, go.
- Go!
1442
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:01,601
Shit!
1443
01:12:02,440 --> 01:12:03,726
How hard can it be? Shoot them!
1444
01:12:04,200 --> 01:12:05,201
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
1445
01:12:05,440 --> 01:12:06,441
Shoot them! Shoot them!
1446
01:12:08,040 --> 01:12:10,840
Come on, this way, it's faster.
No, just come this... Schmidt! Schmidt!
1447
01:12:13,160 --> 01:12:14,161
Hurry up, okay?
1448
01:12:18,560 --> 01:12:19,641
Schmidt, will you hurry up!
1449
01:12:19,720 --> 01:12:21,400
Stop yelling at me! You're distracting me!
1450
01:12:24,080 --> 01:12:25,081
Schmidt, come on! Let's go!
1451
01:12:25,160 --> 01:12:27,481
I can't jump down!
I'm not, like, fucking Spider-Man!
1452
01:12:27,560 --> 01:12:29,449
I'm gonna get the car.
1453
01:12:33,240 --> 01:12:34,287
Stairs are so much faster.
1454
01:12:35,760 --> 01:12:36,966
That's the car you got?
1455
01:12:37,080 --> 01:12:38,605
I'm sorry it's not a fucking Lambo.
Shut up and get in.
1456
01:12:38,840 --> 01:12:41,440
- Are they even still chasing us?
- Yes, they're still chasing us!
1457
01:12:48,440 --> 01:12:51,364
Why did you do that? We were about to
catch the supplier. What's wrong with you?
1458
01:12:51,440 --> 01:12:54,284
Look, if you don't say something,
people will never stop discriminating.
1459
01:12:54,480 --> 01:12:57,404
Will you please do something
about how slow this thing's going?
1460
01:13:01,360 --> 01:13:02,930
- Shit!
- Watch out, watch out!
1461
01:13:06,760 --> 01:13:08,808
That is just like a little helmet machine.
1462
01:13:18,920 --> 01:13:20,684
We can't destroy any more stuff!
1463
01:13:20,760 --> 01:13:23,331
We can't waste any more
of the department's money!
1464
01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:25,050
Watch out for that cash machine!
1465
01:13:29,400 --> 01:13:31,800
- Which way? Which way? Which way?
- Whichever Way's cheaper!
1466
01:13:32,240 --> 01:13:33,241
Right? You went right?
1467
01:13:34,360 --> 01:13:36,647
You could've gone in a parking lot,
you went to the sculpture garden?
1468
01:13:36,720 --> 01:13:38,360
Do you know how expensive
that's gonna be?
1469
01:13:43,280 --> 01:13:44,281
Shit!
1470
01:13:44,360 --> 01:13:45,600
It's like they're trying to hit 'em
or something.
1471
01:13:45,680 --> 01:13:48,286
I mean, it looks cool,
but, I mean, it's just so wasteful.
1472
01:13:50,840 --> 01:13:52,649
They're destroying everything!
1473
01:13:52,920 --> 01:13:55,048
Captain's gonna kill us!
1474
01:13:55,360 --> 01:13:56,441
What are we gonna do?
1475
01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:57,971
All right, we're gonna lose 'em
in the robotics lab.
1476
01:13:58,040 --> 01:13:59,201
What?
1477
01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:06,682
No! We broke everything!
1478
01:14:06,760 --> 01:14:09,047
There was a lot of
expensive stuff in there!
1479
01:14:10,360 --> 01:14:11,407
Shit!
1480
01:14:12,640 --> 01:14:13,880
They're going into the stadium!
1481
01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:18,560
Listen, Schmidt, I gotta
tell you something.
1482
01:14:19,360 --> 01:14:21,720
I got offered a scholarship
to play football here next year.
1483
01:14:22,120 --> 01:14:24,122
And Zook said
I could room with him, you know,
1484
01:14:24,200 --> 01:14:28,205
so I was thinking that I
could do that, maybe.
1485
01:14:28,280 --> 01:14:31,966
What? You can't be a cop
and stay here and play football with Zook.
1486
01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:33,849
No, look, I know, okay? lt's just...
1487
01:14:33,920 --> 01:14:36,002
There's no friction with me and Zook.
We're the same.
1488
01:14:36,200 --> 01:14:38,328
Do you want out? If you
want out, just say it.
1489
01:14:38,400 --> 01:14:40,164
No, I don't want out, okay?
1490
01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:44,325
It's just, when I'm on the football field and
I'm diving for a pass, I feel like I can fly.
1491
01:14:44,400 --> 01:14:47,244
All right? And when I'm with you,
it just feels like you hold me down.
1492
01:14:48,560 --> 01:14:50,210
I just wish you could fly with me.
1493
01:14:50,320 --> 01:14:52,687
And the Statesmen win, 34-14.
1494
01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:55,128
And there go the fans onto the field.
1495
01:15:02,560 --> 01:15:03,561
Jenko!
1496
01:15:04,440 --> 01:15:05,851
Jesus Christ!
1497
01:15:07,640 --> 01:15:09,165
- Dude, the brakes are out.
- What?
1498
01:15:09,240 --> 01:15:10,360
Get the fuck out of the way!
1499
01:15:10,720 --> 01:15:12,400
You gotta jump.
You gotta jump, jump, jump!
1500
01:15:18,360 --> 01:15:19,361
No.
1501
01:15:28,840 --> 01:15:29,966
Fuck!
1502
01:15:41,640 --> 01:15:43,244
Let's go, boss. We gotta go.
1503
01:15:45,080 --> 01:15:47,287
- You did it! Yeah!
- Yeah! Yeah!
1504
01:15:49,360 --> 01:15:51,010
You're under arrest, sir.
1505
01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:54,482
Hey, I'm an officer, all right?
Just take me in. I'll explain later.
1506
01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:56,960
No, no, no. Hey, he's a student.
He didn't do anything.
1507
01:15:57,000 --> 01:16:00,243
Wait, wait. What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1508
01:16:00,320 --> 01:16:01,367
I...
1509
01:16:01,920 --> 01:16:03,604
I decided for you.
1510
01:16:04,800 --> 01:16:06,802
Just stick with football.
1511
01:16:07,640 --> 01:16:11,008
I can't give you the same feeling
that these guys can.
1512
01:16:11,080 --> 01:16:12,411
Maybe we were only
supposed to do this once.
1513
01:16:12,480 --> 01:16:13,561
What?
1514
01:16:13,640 --> 01:16:14,880
Dude, this is the fucking best moment
of my life!
1515
01:16:14,960 --> 01:16:16,485
Let's go, man!
1516
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:23,091
McQuaid! McQuaid! McQuaid!
1517
01:16:37,800 --> 01:16:39,484
Hey, Maya Angelou.
1518
01:16:40,280 --> 01:16:41,691
Thanks for lying to me.
1519
01:16:54,040 --> 01:16:55,849
Lam-bros! Yes!
1520
01:16:56,200 --> 01:17:00,125
Brad McQuaid! Brad McQuaid!
Brad McQuaid! Brad...
1521
01:17:06,720 --> 01:17:08,609
- How are we doing tonight, sir?
- Good, thanks.
1522
01:17:08,800 --> 01:17:10,723
Are we waiting on anybody
or you dining alone?
1523
01:17:10,800 --> 01:17:13,963
Someone may swing by, but we can...
We can order without them.
1524
01:17:14,040 --> 01:17:18,728
We have identified and arrested
one Dr Karl Murphy,
1525
01:17:18,800 --> 01:17:22,407
who was found with WhyPhy residue
throughout his office...
1526
01:17:22,480 --> 01:17:23,481
That's bullshit.
1527
01:17:23,560 --> 01:17:25,483
...and had a close personal relationship
with the deceased.
1528
01:17:25,560 --> 01:17:28,803
Exactly like a case we had recently
at a high school.
1529
01:17:29,640 --> 01:17:31,847
Exactly the same.
1530
01:17:32,760 --> 01:17:34,489
The case is closed.
1531
01:17:34,560 --> 01:17:37,291
You know, like, what you're gonna do
after you're out of here?
1532
01:17:41,440 --> 01:17:43,966
You're not supposed to throw rocks.
1533
01:17:45,280 --> 01:17:48,124
- What?
- You're not supposed to throw rocks.
1534
01:17:58,400 --> 01:18:00,801
The lobster for one person.
1535
01:18:01,000 --> 01:18:02,490
Enough for one person only.
1536
01:18:06,440 --> 01:18:08,408
I found something in this WhyPhy case
that caught my attention.
1537
01:18:08,480 --> 01:18:10,164
Get the fuck out of my office.
1538
01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:11,800
- Sir, you don't...
- We caught the guy.
1539
01:18:13,080 --> 01:18:15,526
Yeah! Yeah!
1540
01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:22,883
Hey, you want to do anything else
other than work out today?
1541
01:18:23,120 --> 01:18:24,121
Like what?
1542
01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:27,080
Come on, dude. They're just lobsters, dude.
Come on. No, don't be afraid.
1543
01:18:27,280 --> 01:18:29,760
It's gonna claw your face.
It's gonna claw your face.
1544
01:18:35,880 --> 01:18:40,044
It's gonna be like this, dude,
for the rest of our lives.
1545
01:19:06,720 --> 01:19:08,051
- Hey.
- Hey.
1546
01:19:10,680 --> 01:19:11,681
What are you doing here?
1547
01:19:12,360 --> 01:19:14,761
Just came to see how you are.
1548
01:19:15,720 --> 01:19:17,370
I'm doing fucking great.
1549
01:19:17,480 --> 01:19:20,723
I'm the happiest I've ever been, so I'm
just having a great time with myself.
1550
01:19:21,480 --> 01:19:23,400
I'm glad you're having a good time
with yourself.
1551
01:19:23,440 --> 01:19:26,364
I'm a solo artist now, like Beyoncé.
1552
01:19:26,440 --> 01:19:30,445
I used to have the other Destiny's
Children, but now I'm just
1553
01:19:30,520 --> 01:19:31,601
a lone superstar.
1554
01:19:31,800 --> 01:19:32,801
Happy for you.
1555
01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:36,209
Just a light-skinned princess
with a dream and an amazing voice.
1556
01:19:36,320 --> 01:19:37,321
That's great.
1557
01:19:38,160 --> 01:19:39,161
How are you?
1558
01:19:39,680 --> 01:19:41,887
I'm pretty great.
1559
01:19:42,040 --> 01:19:44,884
I just chill and... You
know how chill Zook is.
1560
01:19:44,960 --> 01:19:47,201
- Zook's such a chill guy.
- Just like ice.
1561
01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:49,721
That makes me so happy for you.
1562
01:19:52,360 --> 01:19:54,408
So, look, I just wanted to say that, like,
1563
01:19:54,840 --> 01:19:56,524
I was thinking about the case,
1564
01:19:56,600 --> 01:19:59,365
and I was worried
that they got the wrong guy for it.
1565
01:20:00,800 --> 01:20:02,962
- I don't think he's the guy, either.
- Yeah?
1566
01:20:03,200 --> 01:20:04,680
I looked into the Ghost's background,
1567
01:20:05,040 --> 01:20:08,283
and I saw that he pays tuition
for a student at MC State.
1568
01:20:08,360 --> 01:20:10,124
You think the Ghost
could be the supplier's dad?
1569
01:20:10,240 --> 01:20:11,287
Maybe.
1570
01:20:11,360 --> 01:20:12,486
Okay, that's a pretty good
piece of information.
1571
01:20:12,560 --> 01:20:13,560
Thank you.
1572
01:20:13,600 --> 01:20:15,523
Well, I heard WhyPhy's coming back
in a big way.
1573
01:20:15,880 --> 01:20:19,362
Someone's bringing a shit-ton of that stuff
down to Puerto, Mexico, for spring break.
1574
01:20:19,440 --> 01:20:22,046
And if that happens, WhyPhy is going viral.
1575
01:20:22,120 --> 01:20:23,610
It's gonna be at every
college in the country.
1576
01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:25,843
I think my information was stronger.
1577
01:20:26,120 --> 01:20:28,407
Look, if you... If you want to,
1578
01:20:29,960 --> 01:20:31,086
we could go down there.
1579
01:20:32,240 --> 01:20:34,971
- Like together?
- We don't have to put a label on it.
1580
01:20:35,240 --> 01:20:39,529
Just, like, one-time. One-time thing.
No big commitment or stress to each other.
1581
01:20:39,600 --> 01:20:41,280
Just, like, one time, for old times' sake.
1582
01:20:42,840 --> 01:20:45,764
What about school and football
and your wonderful new life?
1583
01:20:46,840 --> 01:20:47,887
I have time off.
1584
01:20:49,600 --> 01:20:51,409
I'm on spring break.
1585
01:21:05,960 --> 01:21:06,961
Cool tingling.
1586
01:21:07,800 --> 01:21:09,006
Got room for one of these babies.
1587
01:21:09,120 --> 01:21:11,441
A grenade. Why you gonna put it there?
1588
01:21:11,640 --> 01:21:14,291
- That's just unsanitary.
- Feels right.
1589
01:21:25,800 --> 01:21:27,290
Missed a spot.
1590
01:21:38,600 --> 01:21:40,440
You know this is just a
one-time thing, right?
1591
01:21:42,000 --> 01:21:43,001
I know.
1592
01:21:43,960 --> 01:21:46,645
So you're not gonna be weird about this?
1593
01:21:50,920 --> 01:21:52,001
Okay.
1594
01:21:56,680 --> 01:21:57,681
Perfect.
1595
01:21:58,600 --> 01:22:00,682
Spring break, motherfucker.
1596
01:22:03,920 --> 01:22:05,445
- Did you not see that I was going first?
- Excuse you.
1597
01:22:05,520 --> 01:22:06,965
- Excuse you.
- You want to go first?
1598
01:22:07,520 --> 01:22:09,841
Spring break, motherfuckers!
1599
01:22:28,040 --> 01:22:29,121
Hey-
1600
01:23:02,800 --> 01:23:04,529
My gosh! I'm sweaty.
1601
01:23:04,800 --> 01:23:06,520
You guys are actually eating stuff in here?
1602
01:23:06,720 --> 01:23:08,051
That's so crazy.
1603
01:23:08,120 --> 01:23:11,169
Come on, man, put your dick away.
Put your fucking dick away.
1604
01:23:11,240 --> 01:23:13,004
Upstairs, upstairs. Let's go.
1605
01:23:14,920 --> 01:23:16,365
Okay, so here's the plan.
1606
01:23:16,440 --> 01:23:20,764
We're gonna get all these kids
at spring break hooked on WhyPhy.
1607
01:23:20,840 --> 01:23:24,890
Then you're gonna bring it back to your turf,
and you're gonna sell the shit out of it.
1608
01:23:24,960 --> 01:23:27,042
"Sell shit out of it." Do you see that?
1609
01:23:27,400 --> 01:23:31,530
And if you rat me out, I framed
my psych prof just for giving me a B-minus.
1610
01:23:31,600 --> 01:23:34,365
He's in jail now, so don't fuck with me.
1611
01:23:35,520 --> 01:23:36,521
We're gonna build a nationwide network.
1612
01:23:36,600 --> 01:23:38,807
- What? What the fuck are you doing?
- Be quiet.
1613
01:23:38,920 --> 01:23:43,767
Why don't you sell those old classic drugs
from the '90s, like cocaine, heroin and...
1614
01:23:44,520 --> 01:23:46,887
Dad, those are, like, old-people drugs.
1615
01:23:47,000 --> 01:23:49,207
That's, like, what they did
on The Golden Girls.
1616
01:23:49,280 --> 01:23:50,566
Like, Blanche did heroin.
1617
01:23:50,640 --> 01:23:53,086
All right, I'll just sit
here and be silent.
1618
01:23:53,160 --> 01:23:55,242
Blanche never did heroin.
1619
01:23:55,320 --> 01:23:57,766
Okay, so, Yangs,
you'll take my dead roommate's spot.
1620
01:23:57,840 --> 01:23:58,921
- Cool.
- Dope.
1621
01:23:59,000 --> 01:24:00,968
Are you kidding me, Yangs?
Are you fucking high?
1622
01:24:01,120 --> 01:24:02,724
- Of course.
- Yeah, I am.
1623
01:24:02,800 --> 01:24:05,565
Jesus Christ, have you ever heard of,
"Don't get high on your own supply"?
1624
01:24:05,640 --> 01:24:06,766
- We didn't.
- Nah.
1625
01:24:06,840 --> 01:24:09,207
- I didn't do that.
- Yeah, I used his and he used mine.
1626
01:24:09,280 --> 01:24:12,090
Okay, well, now I have to make
a fucking example out of you.
1627
01:24:12,800 --> 01:24:13,801
- That's a gun.
- Yeah.
1628
01:24:13,880 --> 01:24:14,881
Who first?
1629
01:24:15,520 --> 01:24:17,170
- You want to go first?
- I don't want to die.
1630
01:24:17,280 --> 01:24:18,281
- You die...
- I don't want to die.
1631
01:24:18,360 --> 01:24:20,010
- You want to do Rock Paper Scissors?
- Rock Paper Scissors?
1632
01:24:20,080 --> 01:24:22,080
- That's how we'll do it.
- That's how we'll do it.
1633
01:24:22,200 --> 01:24:23,326
Fuck.
1634
01:24:23,800 --> 01:24:25,882
Fuck.
1635
01:24:25,960 --> 01:24:27,200
Yeah, we won't figure this out.
1636
01:24:27,560 --> 01:24:28,960
- I'll shoot both of you.
- Darling.
1637
01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:33,050
If you're going into the family business,
you will have to have a clean record.
1638
01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:36,324
That's why we have these guys
to do it for us.
1639
01:24:37,640 --> 01:24:39,290
Fuck. Jinx.
1640
01:24:39,640 --> 01:24:40,641
We got to move right now.
1641
01:24:40,760 --> 01:24:42,489
Buy me a Coke in Heaven. Jinx again.
1642
01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:44,880
- Put your guns down!
- Fucking guns down!
1643
01:24:45,320 --> 01:24:46,321
Doug?
1644
01:24:46,400 --> 01:24:48,368
My name's not Doug, it's Schmidt.
1645
01:24:48,720 --> 01:24:50,529
And guess what, we're cops.
1646
01:24:52,040 --> 01:24:53,326
Oh, my God.
1647
01:24:53,440 --> 01:24:55,010
- Yeah, everybody knows.
- Really?
1648
01:24:55,240 --> 01:24:58,847
You guys look like the stars of a cop show
called Hawaiian Dads.
1649
01:24:58,920 --> 01:25:01,446
All right, enough is enough. Boys, move in!
1650
01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:03,728
- Do we have company?
- Yeah!
1651
01:25:04,840 --> 01:25:06,330
- Drop your guns.
- Drop yours first.
1652
01:25:06,520 --> 01:25:09,046
We have way more guns than you.
Drop your fucking guns.
1653
01:25:09,120 --> 01:25:10,281
Okay, that's a good point.
1654
01:25:11,840 --> 01:25:15,731
I mean, was this really your entire plan?
Coming in here with no backup?
1655
01:25:16,000 --> 01:25:18,890
Or maybe we had a far more elaborate plan.
1656
01:25:18,960 --> 01:25:21,440
Maybe my partner has a tracking device
in his pocket right now.
1657
01:25:21,520 --> 01:25:22,521
May... What?
1658
01:25:22,600 --> 01:25:24,045
You had the fucking tracking device.
I don't have it.
1659
01:25:24,120 --> 01:25:25,884
That's the one fucking thing
you were supposed to remember.
1660
01:25:25,960 --> 01:25:27,769
You're the smart person.
You do the tracking device shit.
1661
01:25:27,840 --> 01:25:29,285
That's your domain. I do the physical shit.
1662
01:25:29,360 --> 01:25:31,362
You know what,
I may drag you down sometimes,
1663
01:25:31,680 --> 01:25:34,729
but every possible time
you can do something dumb,
1664
01:25:34,800 --> 01:25:36,086
you do the dumbest possible thing.
1665
01:25:36,160 --> 01:25:39,403
No, the fucking dumbest possible thing
is letting two cops blah-blah-blah
1666
01:25:39,480 --> 01:25:41,960
while other cops are getting in position
to bust their shit in.
1667
01:25:42,160 --> 01:25:43,969
So you mean I brought the tracking device.
1668
01:25:44,040 --> 01:25:45,565
Yeah. What's up now?
1669
01:25:45,880 --> 01:25:47,564
That seemed like such a real argument.
1670
01:25:47,640 --> 01:25:48,880
That's improv, bitch.
1671
01:25:49,120 --> 01:25:50,246
Move!
1672
01:25:51,720 --> 01:25:53,324
Spring break yourself, fool.
1673
01:25:55,000 --> 01:25:57,321
We shoot dicks off here in Jump Street.
1674
01:26:00,480 --> 01:26:02,209
We're here, as well.
1675
01:26:02,600 --> 01:26:06,082
We Jump Street,
and we about to jump in yo' ass.
1676
01:26:06,920 --> 01:26:08,126
Right in the crack.
1677
01:26:08,520 --> 01:26:09,806
Don't do it, Leatherface.
1678
01:26:16,160 --> 01:26:17,207
He's got the drugs!
1679
01:26:22,640 --> 01:26:25,041
This is so boring. No one's getting shot.
1680
01:26:26,880 --> 01:26:28,120
Oh, my God.
1681
01:26:28,200 --> 01:26:31,966
Did you just get shot,
like, right after I fucking said that?
1682
01:26:34,000 --> 01:26:35,320
Can I have your gun? It's bigger.
1683
01:26:36,760 --> 01:26:38,967
- Stop! I'll shoot you in the ass!
- Dad!
1684
01:26:40,320 --> 01:26:41,924
Maya?
1685
01:26:42,000 --> 01:26:43,445
What are you doing here?
1686
01:26:43,640 --> 01:26:44,801
This is a shoot-out.
1687
01:26:44,880 --> 01:26:46,370
You know what happens in a shoot-out.
1688
01:26:46,440 --> 01:26:48,408
They always kidnap the girl.
1689
01:26:48,480 --> 01:26:49,481
Not always.
1690
01:26:49,600 --> 01:26:51,011
- Mercedes?
- You're coming with me.
1691
01:26:51,200 --> 01:26:53,168
Bitch, please. I ain't
going nowhere with you.
1692
01:26:56,040 --> 01:26:58,122
- Now.
- Dad, what do I do?
1693
01:26:58,200 --> 01:26:59,247
Is that my bathing suit?
1694
01:27:02,120 --> 01:27:03,565
Just ask. It's polite.
1695
01:27:05,360 --> 01:27:08,045
- You shot me in my foot! Wait!
- Move! Move faster now!
1696
01:27:08,160 --> 01:27:10,970
I'm taking my time.
Shit, you shot me in my goddamn foot.
1697
01:27:11,160 --> 01:27:13,447
- Doug? Doug!
- Maya!
1698
01:27:13,520 --> 01:27:14,931
Mercedes just took my dad that way!
1699
01:27:15,040 --> 01:27:16,610
Okay, we're on it.
1700
01:27:18,160 --> 01:27:20,640
If I die,
I'm gonna kill both of you motherfuckers!
1701
01:27:20,880 --> 01:27:23,406
Fuck. How are we gonna catch him now?
1702
01:27:26,240 --> 01:27:27,480
Lambs .
1703
01:27:30,360 --> 01:27:32,203
- Policía! Policía!
- Fuck off.
1704
01:27:32,920 --> 01:27:33,921
Shit, there's Ghost!
1705
01:27:34,880 --> 01:27:37,645
- What? What do we do?
- We need to split up.
1706
01:27:38,160 --> 01:27:40,083
Are you okay with that?
1707
01:27:40,160 --> 01:27:42,242
- Yeah, I can do it.
- Are you sure?
1708
01:27:42,360 --> 01:27:43,964
I need to drive, 'cause
you're faster on foot.
1709
01:27:44,040 --> 01:27:45,724
What? I don't get to drive the Lambo?
1710
01:27:45,800 --> 01:27:47,290
No, you don't. Come on, let's go!
1711
01:27:47,360 --> 01:27:49,249
- But I want...
- Who gives a shit about the Lambo? Just go!
1712
01:27:49,320 --> 01:27:50,526
- Let go of the fucking keys!
- I can't let 'em go.
1713
01:27:50,600 --> 01:27:51,601
You're gonna have to take 'em.
1714
01:27:51,680 --> 01:27:53,842
Take care of her, okay?
It'll be glorious, I promise.
1715
01:27:54,880 --> 01:27:56,000
How do you drive this thing?
1716
01:27:56,640 --> 01:27:58,165
You got to let her drive you, bro.
1717
01:28:00,960 --> 01:28:02,485
I can't get in.
1718
01:28:05,040 --> 01:28:06,166
Hey!
1719
01:28:06,240 --> 01:28:07,651
Look where you're going!
1720
01:28:10,440 --> 01:28:11,726
It's so confusing!
1721
01:28:18,240 --> 01:28:20,208
Easy, bitch. My hands are hurting.
1722
01:28:27,560 --> 01:28:31,451
You know who's behind us in that car?
That's one of the best drivers that we got.
1723
01:28:32,240 --> 01:28:33,240
Fuck!
1724
01:28:33,280 --> 01:28:34,566
Shit.
1725
01:28:35,000 --> 01:28:37,082
Fucking complicated. What is this?
1726
01:28:38,560 --> 01:28:39,766
Holy shit!
1727
01:28:41,320 --> 01:28:43,561
You fucked up me driving a Lamborghini,
you dick!
1728
01:28:45,920 --> 01:28:46,921
Fuck you, doves!
1729
01:28:55,120 --> 01:28:57,930
Puerto, Mexico, let's hear you get crazy!
1730
01:29:03,400 --> 01:29:04,526
It's like a Batmobile.
1731
01:29:04,600 --> 01:29:05,647
Come on, Schmidt!
1732
01:29:08,320 --> 01:29:09,765
Old man coming through!
1733
01:29:12,000 --> 01:29:13,280
Excuse me, Excuse me, Excuse me.
1734
01:29:13,320 --> 01:29:16,051
Brad! Spring break!
1735
01:29:16,160 --> 01:29:17,571
Look, I can't, all right?
1736
01:29:18,320 --> 01:29:20,243
Dude, I got to go. I got to go.
1737
01:29:20,320 --> 01:29:21,401
This is quite enough.
1738
01:29:21,480 --> 01:29:23,847
You need to let me go and drop all this.
1739
01:29:25,480 --> 01:29:26,481
Get out of the way!
1740
01:29:30,800 --> 01:29:34,122
Tokyo Drift!
1741
01:29:36,040 --> 01:29:39,840
That was way too fast and pretty...
Way too... A little bit too furious.
1742
01:29:40,120 --> 01:29:42,361
Schmidt! Get over here! I'm handcuffed!
1743
01:29:44,160 --> 01:29:46,401
Give it up, asshole! And nice parking job!
1744
01:29:46,480 --> 01:29:49,165
Fuck! I'll be right back. I gotta go.
I'll be right back. Sorry.
1745
01:29:49,240 --> 01:29:51,561
That's a direct order, motherfucker!
Come over here!
1746
01:29:59,880 --> 01:30:01,644
You are so old and weak!
1747
01:30:01,720 --> 01:30:03,449
Drop the fucking gun! Seriously!
1748
01:30:04,080 --> 01:30:05,730
Get your wrinkly hands off me!
1749
01:30:09,960 --> 01:30:12,201
- Where the hell have you been?
- Looking for you.
1750
01:30:12,280 --> 01:30:14,009
I've been running like crazy!
1751
01:30:14,200 --> 01:30:15,565
Hey! Hey.
1752
01:30:17,680 --> 01:30:18,841
Want to fight like a man?
1753
01:30:19,280 --> 01:30:21,123
Then you better fight like two men.
1754
01:30:21,440 --> 01:30:22,441
- Hey.
- Hey.
1755
01:30:23,400 --> 01:30:25,323
Really? More twins?
1756
01:30:28,720 --> 01:30:30,245
Get up, Old Man River!
1757
01:30:30,840 --> 01:30:32,410
- Come on!
- Hey.
1758
01:30:32,480 --> 01:30:33,811
Get up and hit me, you fucking pussy!
1759
01:30:33,960 --> 01:30:37,169
- I'm not gonna fight a girl, so just stop!
- It shouldn't matter.
1760
01:30:37,320 --> 01:30:39,163
If you thought of me as a person
instead of a woman,
1761
01:30:39,240 --> 01:30:41,208
you would hit me and not feel bad about it.
1762
01:30:42,920 --> 01:30:44,524
- Okay.
- Bring it!
1763
01:30:44,720 --> 01:30:45,721
I'm ready.
1764
01:30:46,080 --> 01:30:47,730
It's on now, dawg.
1765
01:30:48,160 --> 01:30:49,525
Girl fight.
1766
01:30:52,240 --> 01:30:53,321
Oh, my God.
1767
01:30:53,400 --> 01:30:55,129
- Is there blood in my eye?
- Oh, my God. Are you all right?
1768
01:30:55,200 --> 01:30:56,531
I think there's blood in my eye.
1769
01:30:56,760 --> 01:30:58,205
Fucking learn how to hit!
1770
01:31:00,360 --> 01:31:01,441
That's a little better!
1771
01:31:01,720 --> 01:31:04,040
- That's a little better, motherfucker!
- Come on! Come on!
1772
01:31:07,920 --> 01:31:09,729
- No! No!
- What?
1773
01:31:09,800 --> 01:31:11,802
- What were you doing?
- What am I doing?
1774
01:31:11,880 --> 01:31:14,121
- Why'd you try to kiss me?
- I didn't fucking try and kiss you!
1775
01:31:14,200 --> 01:31:16,168
- Yes, you did.
- You're so weird!
1776
01:31:16,280 --> 01:31:18,044
You're fucking Mr and Mrs Smith-ing me.
1777
01:31:18,240 --> 01:31:20,891
I'm not Mr and Mrs Smith-ing you.
This wasn't a sexy fight.
1778
01:31:20,960 --> 01:31:23,201
Like you haven't wanted to kiss me
the whole time.
1779
01:31:23,440 --> 01:31:25,761
I never once wanted to kiss you!
1780
01:31:25,880 --> 01:31:27,245
Never! No!
1781
01:31:27,480 --> 01:31:28,481
- You just did it again! Stop it!
- Stop!
1782
01:31:28,560 --> 01:31:30,164
You're making a face that is sexy!
1783
01:31:30,240 --> 01:31:32,083
I don't even want to kiss you!
1784
01:31:32,160 --> 01:31:33,491
Then stop trying!
1785
01:31:33,560 --> 01:31:34,721
You keep trying!
1786
01:31:34,840 --> 01:31:36,285
I've never tried to kiss you.
1787
01:31:36,360 --> 01:31:38,681
- You gave me "kiss me" eyes.
- No, I didn't.
1788
01:31:38,760 --> 01:31:40,800
The eyes were
"I just got punched in the face" eyes.
1789
01:31:40,840 --> 01:31:41,887
They weren't "kiss me" eyes.
1790
01:31:41,960 --> 01:31:45,009
- I don't even like you!
- Neither do I, so stop kissing me!
1791
01:31:45,080 --> 01:31:46,411
Okay!
1792
01:31:47,240 --> 01:31:48,810
No! You're leaning in again!
1793
01:31:48,880 --> 01:31:50,530
I didn't know if we were
gonna punch or kiss!
1794
01:31:50,600 --> 01:31:51,965
You're making this so uncomfortable.
1795
01:31:52,040 --> 01:31:54,691
This is the most uncomfortable fistfight
I've ever been in.
1796
01:31:54,760 --> 01:31:56,649
I'm gonna give you an out
by punching you in the face.
1797
01:31:56,720 --> 01:31:57,767
- OKay?
- OKay.
1798
01:31:57,840 --> 01:32:00,969
And then we're gonna go back to fighting
and we'll pretend this never happened,
1799
01:32:01,040 --> 01:32:02,405
'cause I feel so awkward.
1800
01:32:17,400 --> 01:32:19,129
I want to see you get crazy!
1801
01:32:50,800 --> 01:32:53,167
I fucking hate spring break!
1802
01:32:56,000 --> 01:32:57,331
Fuck!
1803
01:33:02,760 --> 01:33:04,125
Are you kidding me? It's plastic.
1804
01:33:04,200 --> 01:33:05,645
- Doesn't even hurt!
- Okay...
1805
01:33:05,720 --> 01:33:07,360
This isn't the spring break you imagined?
1806
01:33:08,000 --> 01:33:10,160
- How about this? You want a little fun?
- What is that?
1807
01:33:10,200 --> 01:33:11,326
Get wet, baby!
1808
01:33:11,400 --> 01:33:13,402
So much lube in my face!
1809
01:33:15,680 --> 01:33:17,250
Lube on my face.
1810
01:33:20,120 --> 01:33:22,009
You're so violent!
1811
01:33:22,400 --> 01:33:24,767
Get off me unless you're gonna fuck me!
1812
01:33:24,840 --> 01:33:25,887
I'm not gonna fuck you!
1813
01:33:25,960 --> 01:33:27,644
- Are we gonna fuck?
- No, we're not!
1814
01:33:27,720 --> 01:33:30,564
- Is that what's happening?
- No! I'm not gonna fuck you, ever!
1815
01:33:30,760 --> 01:33:32,250
Get off!
1816
01:33:40,680 --> 01:33:41,841
Hey!
1817
01:33:42,640 --> 01:33:43,801
Hey!
1818
01:33:44,920 --> 01:33:46,160
What? What are you gonna do?
1819
01:33:46,240 --> 01:33:48,049
Choke me with your liver-spotted hands?
1820
01:33:48,360 --> 01:33:50,203
You gonna push me over with your walker?
1821
01:33:50,360 --> 01:33:51,720
I'm impressed you caught up to me.
1822
01:33:51,880 --> 01:33:54,531
You probably haven't run that fast
since you played stickball in the field
1823
01:33:54,600 --> 01:33:56,807
behind Old Pop Wiggleby's sweet shop.
1824
01:33:57,520 --> 01:33:59,045
- Freeze, bitch.
- Thank God.
1825
01:33:59,320 --> 01:34:00,960
Look who got off the motherfucking leash.
1826
01:34:01,640 --> 01:34:03,320
- Now who's the damsel in distress?
- Fuck!
1827
01:34:03,360 --> 01:34:05,044
Well, I guess it's him.
1828
01:34:05,600 --> 01:34:06,840
I don't have a clean shot, Schmidt.
1829
01:34:06,920 --> 01:34:09,969
- Then don't take the shot!
- Maybe I want to take a dirty shot.
1830
01:34:10,080 --> 01:34:12,120
Kind of like the dirty shot
you took on my daughter.
1831
01:34:12,240 --> 01:34:14,720
I didn't take a dirty shot
on your daughter, okay?
1832
01:34:15,400 --> 01:34:18,165
We talked a lot,
and we care about each other.
1833
01:34:18,240 --> 01:34:21,767
All the good qualities you have,
I can feel inside of Maya.
1834
01:34:22,080 --> 01:34:24,651
- I'm gonna take the shot.
- Don't take the shot.
1835
01:34:24,760 --> 01:34:27,445
I can shoot right through your shoulder,
hit the bitch right in the chest.
1836
01:34:27,520 --> 01:34:29,329
- Don't take the shot.
- I'm taking the shot.
1837
01:34:29,400 --> 01:34:32,006
- I'll take the fucking shot.
- Nobody take the shot before me.
1838
01:34:32,080 --> 01:34:34,128
- How about we take it at the same time?
- No one take a shot.
1839
01:34:34,200 --> 01:34:35,850
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
1840
01:34:35,920 --> 01:34:37,001
- Now, Maya!
- What?
1841
01:34:38,760 --> 01:34:40,808
Shit! You have the right
to remain silent...
1842
01:34:40,880 --> 01:34:42,086
No, no, no, I got this.
1843
01:34:42,280 --> 01:34:44,089
You go handle the Ghost. He's on the roof.
1844
01:34:44,160 --> 01:34:45,446
- I'm on it.
- I got it.
1845
01:34:45,520 --> 01:34:47,284
What you looking at?
1846
01:34:47,680 --> 01:34:49,569
Good job on the cuffs, baby girl.
1847
01:34:57,360 --> 01:34:59,283
So many fucking stairs.
1848
01:35:04,640 --> 01:35:06,608
- It's me! It's me!
- Shit.
1849
01:35:07,240 --> 01:35:08,840
You made it, dude. Did you get Mercedes?
1850
01:35:08,920 --> 01:35:10,365
Yeah. All by myself.
1851
01:35:10,440 --> 01:35:12,010
Really?
1852
01:35:12,080 --> 01:35:14,048
- Mainly by myself.
- Okay.
1853
01:35:14,440 --> 01:35:16,522
And, dude, you were fight, that Lambs...
1854
01:35:16,600 --> 01:35:17,931
Just can't hear that right now.
1855
01:35:18,000 --> 01:35:19,520
It's a shitty-made car. It's not good.
1856
01:35:19,560 --> 01:35:21,880
Hey, let's go. We got to go.
How many bullets you got left?
1857
01:35:22,760 --> 01:35:23,807
None.
1858
01:35:24,320 --> 01:35:25,600
Act like you have bullets, then.
1859
01:35:36,760 --> 01:35:38,250
We gotta go!
1860
01:35:38,320 --> 01:35:39,765
We have to wait for Pudding!
1861
01:35:46,520 --> 01:35:49,330
Jenko!
1862
01:36:01,160 --> 01:36:02,366
Go, go!
1863
01:36:05,400 --> 01:36:07,050
- Here, take this.
- Okay.
1864
01:36:07,120 --> 01:36:09,282
- I tried to take a bullet for you, man.
- But you didn't.
1865
01:36:09,360 --> 01:36:11,442
But I tried. It's the thought that matters.
1866
01:36:11,520 --> 01:36:14,240
No, it's not the thought that counts.
It's fucking taking the bullet.
1867
01:36:18,200 --> 01:36:19,725
Cover me. I'm gonna go long.
1868
01:36:20,160 --> 01:36:21,400
Okay.
1869
01:36:45,200 --> 01:36:48,170
Bye-bye, Terminator!
1870
01:37:01,920 --> 01:37:03,888
Hey! Get off of my chopper!
1871
01:37:04,560 --> 01:37:06,005
Can you shake him off?
1872
01:37:06,080 --> 01:37:08,162
I'm coming for you, motherfucker!
1873
01:37:08,240 --> 01:37:10,083
Come on,
just wiggle the stick back and forth!
1874
01:37:12,080 --> 01:37:13,206
He's only got one arm!
1875
01:37:13,280 --> 01:37:15,487
I only need one arm to
punch you in the dick.
1876
01:37:16,920 --> 01:37:18,331
Shake him off! Shake him off!
1877
01:37:18,920 --> 01:37:20,604
Don't be a pussy!
1878
01:37:52,440 --> 01:37:53,566
Holy shit!
1879
01:37:53,960 --> 01:37:55,450
I did it!
1880
01:37:55,800 --> 01:37:57,290
I look so fucking badass!
1881
01:37:57,480 --> 01:37:58,606
Oh, my God, you flew!
1882
01:37:58,680 --> 01:38:00,808
- This is crazy!
- You made the leap, man!
1883
01:38:01,080 --> 01:38:03,481
- Why'd you do that?
- 'Cause you did it!
1884
01:38:03,800 --> 01:38:05,160
I couldn't leave you hanging, man!
1885
01:38:05,200 --> 01:38:06,725
What are you talking about? I was fine.
I had it.
1886
01:38:06,800 --> 01:38:07,801
You weren't...
1887
01:38:15,000 --> 01:38:17,048
- I got you!
- Shit! Schmidt!
1888
01:38:17,160 --> 01:38:18,207
I got you!
1889
01:38:18,280 --> 01:38:19,611
You saved my life!
1890
01:38:31,560 --> 01:38:33,722
I just realised something.
1891
01:38:33,800 --> 01:38:36,929
You don't hold me down, man.
You lift me up.
1892
01:38:37,080 --> 01:38:39,367
Literally and figuratively.
1893
01:38:39,440 --> 01:38:40,851
Yeah, I know. I meant both.
1894
01:38:41,480 --> 01:38:43,050
You don't drag me down, either, man.
1895
01:38:43,360 --> 01:38:44,646
I mean, except right now.
1896
01:38:44,800 --> 01:38:47,041
You're dragging me down.
You're really heavy.
1897
01:38:47,320 --> 01:38:50,449
Hey, listen, there's a grenade
in my shorts. Can you reach it?
1898
01:38:50,520 --> 01:38:52,329
You gotta go in from underneath.
1899
01:38:52,400 --> 01:38:53,686
Shit!
1900
01:38:56,880 --> 01:38:58,325
- Is that it?
- That's my dick.
1901
01:38:58,400 --> 01:39:00,641
- What about that?
- That's my dick also.
1902
01:39:02,400 --> 01:39:04,084
Why is it hard?
1903
01:39:04,160 --> 01:39:05,650
I have so much adrenaline right now!
1904
01:39:06,200 --> 01:39:08,123
- Is that it?
- You're tickling me.
1905
01:39:08,280 --> 01:39:09,281
I can't find it!
1906
01:39:09,360 --> 01:39:10,441
That's it! Grab it!
1907
01:39:12,200 --> 01:39:14,601
- Yes!
- No, I got it in my mouth.
1908
01:39:14,680 --> 01:39:16,250
Say something cool when you throw it!
1909
01:39:16,320 --> 01:39:18,322
One, two, three!
1910
01:39:20,120 --> 01:39:22,361
Something cool!
1911
01:39:27,640 --> 01:39:28,641
They're gone!
1912
01:39:30,040 --> 01:39:31,804
Oh, I feel so...
1913
01:40:06,560 --> 01:40:09,040
- We did it!
- Dude, fuck, I'm...
1914
01:40:09,120 --> 01:40:10,451
Shit, sorry.
1915
01:40:10,880 --> 01:40:13,451
- Dude, I miss you so much, man.
- I miss you, too.
1916
01:40:13,760 --> 01:40:18,004
You were like a tiny little flower seed
and I was clenching you in my fist.
1917
01:40:18,080 --> 01:40:20,606
But a flower, it can't grow in a fist.
1918
01:40:20,760 --> 01:40:23,809
A little seed needs to fly away free
and find its soil.
1919
01:40:23,920 --> 01:40:26,605
Yeah, I know. I tried to soil
myself and, dude, I didn't like it.
1920
01:40:27,080 --> 01:40:31,449
I wanted a relationship without friction.
Dude, you need friction to create fire.
1921
01:40:31,520 --> 01:40:34,091
And that's what we have, we have fire.
1922
01:40:34,160 --> 01:40:36,606
Dude, I'm in. I'm all in.
1923
01:40:36,680 --> 01:40:37,681
Thank God.
1924
01:40:37,800 --> 01:40:40,929
Dude, this is what I've always wanted.
Just me and you, buddy.
1925
01:40:41,040 --> 01:40:43,964
- I love you.
- Me, too, man. I love you, man.
1926
01:40:46,640 --> 01:40:49,803
You know what?
That's who he should be with, man.
1927
01:40:51,520 --> 01:40:52,681
What?
1928
01:40:53,280 --> 01:40:55,647
Hey, what'd you say
when you threw the grenade up there?
1929
01:40:55,720 --> 01:40:56,721
I said, "Something cool."
1930
01:40:56,800 --> 01:40:58,040
What did you say?
1931
01:40:58,120 --> 01:40:59,849
- It was "Something cool."
- No, but what'd you say?
1932
01:40:59,920 --> 01:41:01,604
Yeah, I know. I said, "Something cool."
1933
01:41:04,200 --> 01:41:07,283
I didn't expect spring
break to be this stinky.
1934
01:41:07,360 --> 01:41:08,691
It's pretty gross.
1935
01:41:09,160 --> 01:41:11,731
Man, we're getting too old for this shit.
1936
01:41:11,800 --> 01:41:14,451
We started off too old for this shit.
1937
01:41:15,560 --> 01:41:16,925
You ain't lying about that.
1938
01:41:18,920 --> 01:41:22,481
Dude, we're even about the arm thing, okay?
Right?
1939
01:41:22,920 --> 01:41:24,160
What? What do you want to do?
1940
01:41:24,240 --> 01:41:25,241
- Don't move.
- Fuck. All right.
1941
01:41:25,320 --> 01:41:27,240
- Just get it over with, all right?
- Don't move.
1942
01:41:27,280 --> 01:41:28,566
- One...
- Just graze my arm.
1943
01:41:28,640 --> 01:41:30,165
- I don't want you to hit the bone.
- ...two,
1944
01:41:30,240 --> 01:41:31,321
three.
1945
01:41:32,160 --> 01:41:33,844
- Fuck! Fuck!
- Shit!
1946
01:41:33,920 --> 01:41:35,331
- Oh, my God, are you all right?
- Shit!
1947
01:41:35,440 --> 01:41:37,442
Why, man?
Why am I always getting hurt around you?
1948
01:41:37,520 --> 01:41:38,726
- Jenko, what are you doing?
- Fuck you.
1949
01:41:38,800 --> 01:41:40,520
- Fuck you, Schmidt.
- Stop clicking around.
1950
01:41:40,600 --> 01:41:42,443
- Hey, Cap.
- Congratulations, you two.
1951
01:41:42,560 --> 01:41:45,723
You managed to un-fuck up the situation
you originally fucked up.
1952
01:41:45,800 --> 01:41:46,847
Thanks.
1953
01:41:47,000 --> 01:41:50,447
I wish you can un-fuck my daughter,
but I'm gonna let that be the past.
1954
01:41:50,520 --> 01:41:52,648
Now, for your next mission,
1955
01:41:52,720 --> 01:41:56,088
you two sons of bitches
are going to medical school.
1956
01:41:56,160 --> 01:41:57,161
What?
1957
01:42:07,480 --> 01:42:09,642
This time, foreign exchange students.
1958
01:42:09,720 --> 01:42:10,801
- Awesome.
- Yes!
1959
01:42:10,880 --> 01:42:11,881
In Russia.
1960
01:42:12,320 --> 01:42:13,321
What?
1961
01:42:16,320 --> 01:42:17,685
Vodka soda.
1962
01:42:22,720 --> 01:42:25,371
Next assignment. A semester at sea.
1963
01:42:38,000 --> 01:42:41,083
You two sons of bitches
are going to culinary school.
1964
01:42:41,200 --> 01:42:42,690
There's a microchip in this empanada.
1965
01:42:42,800 --> 01:42:44,450
Old family recipe.
1966
01:42:44,760 --> 01:42:46,285
Best to keep it a secret.
1967
01:42:49,080 --> 01:42:50,081
Shit!
1968
01:43:00,200 --> 01:43:01,531
New assignment...
1969
01:43:01,600 --> 01:43:03,523
Cap, does Schmidt look
any different to you?
1970
01:43:03,960 --> 01:43:05,485
No. That's Schmidt.
1971
01:43:05,560 --> 01:43:08,404
I don't know what you're talking about,
man. He look exactly the same to me.
1972
01:43:08,480 --> 01:43:09,686
I got new glasses.
1973
01:43:09,760 --> 01:43:12,366
Yeah, man, he just got some
new glasses, man. God damn.
1974
01:43:12,440 --> 01:43:13,805
No one's gonna fucking notice.
1975
01:43:16,120 --> 01:43:17,326
Let's do this, Schmidt.
1976
01:43:17,400 --> 01:43:20,210
Yeah. Just like we always do, Jenkins.
1977
01:43:20,280 --> 01:43:22,362
- It's Jenko.
- Sorry.
1978
01:43:30,240 --> 01:43:32,811
I'm really, really glad
you're back, Schmidt.
1979
01:43:32,880 --> 01:43:34,564
What are you talking about?
What contract dispute?
1980
01:43:34,640 --> 01:43:36,324
I've been here the whole time.
1981
01:43:36,720 --> 01:43:37,721
Man, shut the fuck up.
1982
01:43:37,800 --> 01:43:39,609
How about a flight academy?
1983
01:43:50,200 --> 01:43:53,966
Undercover just got a whole lot sexier.
1984
01:44:02,600 --> 01:44:03,681
You're Jump Street, right?
1985
01:44:03,760 --> 01:44:05,285
Yeah. How the fuck do you know that?
1986
01:44:05,520 --> 01:44:06,806
I'm Booker.
1987
01:44:06,880 --> 01:44:08,803
Shit. Man, you're a legend.
1988
01:44:15,040 --> 01:44:16,041
Traffic school!
1989
01:44:16,800 --> 01:44:18,086
Military school.
1990
01:44:18,800 --> 01:44:19,961
Scuba class.
1991
01:44:20,680 --> 01:44:21,841
Dance academy.
1992
01:44:21,920 --> 01:44:23,001
Yes.
1993
01:44:23,080 --> 01:44:25,526
Finally something I'm amazing at.
1994
01:44:34,680 --> 01:44:36,808
You sons of bitches
is gonna be in a video game.
1995
01:44:37,680 --> 01:44:40,047
- Let's blow shit up.
- Jump Street style.
1996
01:44:47,280 --> 01:44:49,440
Get ready for a lifetime
of being badass motherfuckers.
1997
01:44:50,240 --> 01:44:51,810
It's inking in my mouth!
1998
01:44:51,880 --> 01:44:53,041
Don't fuck my daughter.
1999
01:45:15,920 --> 01:45:17,729
All right, new assignment.
2000
01:45:18,200 --> 01:45:19,929
Six hours of makeup?
2001
01:45:20,880 --> 01:45:22,320
We're getting too old for this shit.
2002
01:45:22,360 --> 01:45:23,407
Nice.
2003
01:45:52,720 --> 01:45:54,563
Something cool!
2004
01:51:37,680 --> 01:51:38,761
Eric.
2005
01:51:40,080 --> 01:51:41,844
Eric, are you awake?
2006
01:51:43,280 --> 01:51:44,281
No.
2007
01:51:45,360 --> 01:51:46,600
I'm late.