1 00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,904 Oh, that's a big fella. 2 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,743 Whoal 3 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,354 - Looks great. - Thank you. 4 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,565 - Happy vacation, honey. - Ooh_ 5 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,777 Manchurian tung oil. Where did you get this? 6 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,613 Helen got it for me in Oslo. 7 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:28,448 Well, there's enough here to do the whole table and the bureau. 8 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:29,740 Hmm. 9 00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,658 I wonder what this could be. 10 00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:36,581 - Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you. - Enough there to do the entire guest room. 11 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,044 I'm so glad we're spending our vacation at home. 12 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:42,006 - I'm gonna get started right away. - Well, hey, where are you going? 13 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,141 - I'll get it. - Be my guest. 14 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,517 I'll just get the... 15 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,256 - Maybe you should get it. - I'll go. 16 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,727 Okay. No! 17 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,773 Oh, no. 18 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,535 Ugh, Jane. 19 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,833 It's your turn, honey. 20 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,932 Good luck. Thanks. 21 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:31,889 Hi, Barbara. “Hi 22 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,894 glad I caught you. Heard you were on vacation. 23 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,521 That's right. Complete vacation. 24 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:39,526 - Honey, today I'm $260,000. - No, Jane. 25 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,563 - It's 6:45 in the morning. - This offer is real. 26 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:46,029 From a man in New York City who only saw a photograph. 27 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,865 Jane, don't send people photos of our house. 28 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:53,282 He wants to bring the wife and family up here for some peace and quiet. 29 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,166 That's exactly what we're looking for. 30 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,168 But, Barbara, this house is too big for you. 31 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,830 It really ought to be for a couple with a family, you know...? 32 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,960 Oh, pumpkin, I didn't mean anything. It's just that this house is too big. 33 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,174 - I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay? - Okay. 34 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:08,509 - All right. - Think about it. 35 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,718 Barbara: Take care. 36 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:21,730 Boo! 37 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:25,072 - I was just telling Barbara about this offer... - No, Jane. 38 00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,982 Adam. 39 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,200 Barbara, come with me down to the store. 40 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:39,245 - What for? - I need a new brush for this tung oil. 41 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:43,085 - And I want to get a part for the model. - Well, you just run in, okay? 42 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:05,020 Adam: Two weeks at home. The perfect vacation. 43 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:08,281 Barbara: Jane says we should sell the house to someone with a family. 44 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,989 Well, I don't think that it's any of Jane's business. 45 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,326 Besides, we could try again on this vacation, you know. 46 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,116 Oh, really”? What are you saying? 47 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:38,015 Adam: How are you doing, Ernie? Ernie: Hi, how are you? 48 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,320 Morning, Adam. 49 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,823 - Need a haircut before your vacation? - No, thanks, bill. 50 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,700 - How's the model coming? - Oh, it's great. 51 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:58,457 You know, you said bozman built that foundation in 1835. But his grandson... 52 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,757 He got hair right down to his goddamn shoulders. 53 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,048 He says to me, "just trim it a little.” 54 00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:17,558 - I took the scissors to him so fast... - See you later, huh, bill? 55 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,604 Bill: Right. 56 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:32,569 This is gonna be great. 57 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,861 Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to Jamaica or someplace like that? 58 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:38,639 - No way. There's no place like home. - Hey, look out for that...! 59 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,586 Barbara: Perfect start to our vacation. 60 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:29,668 Well, you'll feel better when you're dry, honey. 61 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,253 Barbara: That fire wasn't burning when we left. 62 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,799 - How's your arm? - I don't know. It feels frozen. 63 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,531 I'll make some coffee and you get wood for the fire. 64 00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,447 Maybe we should just take things extra slow. 65 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,582 Do you remember how we got back up here? 66 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:09,917 I'm gonna go back down to the bridge and retrace our steps. 67 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,221 You saved my... two hours. 68 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:29,983 - Barbara, you are not gonna believe... what? - That's how long you were gone. 69 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:34,070 - What is going on? - I have to show you something. 70 00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,777 I ook. 71 00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,241 There's that 72 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,459 and there's that 73 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,338 - "Handbook for the recently diseased.” - Deceased. 74 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,300 "Deceased ” 75 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:07,141 I don't know where it came from. Look at the publisher. 76 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:14,360 "Handbook for the recently deceased press." 77 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:18,444 You know what? I don't think we survived the crash. 78 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:23,862 I hate this. 79 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,952 Just... can you give me the basics? 80 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,914 Well, this book isn't arranged that way. What do you wanna know? 81 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:33,546 Well, why did you disappear when you stepped off the porch? 82 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,173 Are we halfway to heaven, are we halfway to hell? 83 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,335 And how long is this gonna last? 84 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:40,549 I don't see anything about heaven or hell. 85 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:43,556 This book reads like stereo instructions. Listen to this: 86 00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:45,591 "Geographical and temporal perimeters. 87 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:49,388 Functional perimeters vary from manifestation to manifestation.” 88 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,728 Oh, this is gonna take some time, honey. 89 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,463 Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh? 90 00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:23,095 Well, I better find a job. I et's see. Business section. 91 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:28,847 Ooh-la-la. 92 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,604 What do we got here? The maitlands, huh? 93 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:37,102 Cute couple. Look nice and stupid too. 94 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,699 I wish I had a better view of the cemetery from here. 95 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,785 I can't tell which is the best placement for us. 96 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,788 Cabin fever, hon? 97 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,581 Well, I can't clean anything properly. 98 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,718 The vacuum"s out in the garage and we can't leave the house. 99 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,971 Why don't they tell us something? Where are all the other dead people? 100 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,132 Why is it just you and me? 101 00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:09,475 Maybe this is heaven. 102 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,974 In heaven there wouldn't be dust on everything. 103 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,488 Adam: It's Jane. 104 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:32,241 Barbara: God, what's she doing here? - I don't know. Hey, Jane, up here. Jane. 105 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,582 - Can't see you, right? - Uh-uh. 106 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,508 In the book, rule number two: "The living usually won't see the dead." 107 00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:50,221 - Won't or can't? - It just says "won't." 108 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:54,388 God, this book is so stupid. I can't understand anything in there. 109 00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,439 Barb, honey... 110 00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,688 We're dead. 111 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:03,320 I don't think we have very much to worry about anymore. 112 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:28,888 Barbara: Aah! 113 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,562 Man 1: Ah, this is great. This is just what the doctor ordered. 114 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,819 Sorry, ma'am. 115 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,237 Delia deetz, welcome home. 116 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:53,780 Charles. 117 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,578 It's okay, there's no damage. Look, see? It's okay. 118 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,085 Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship. 119 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,916 And look at that kitchen. 120 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,923 You're finally gonna be able to cook a decent meal 121 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,135 come and have a look. 122 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:21,228 A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem. 123 00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,734 Excuse me. Down we go. 124 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,948 Charles: We'll have to rip out all the plumbing. 125 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:40,243 But other than that, it's perfect. Just perfect. 126 00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:44,255 What do you think, honey? Delia hates it. 127 00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:49,089 I could live here. 128 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,095 Careful. That's my sculpture. 129 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:55,349 I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it." I mean I made it. It's my sculpture. 130 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,470 Put it on the table. 131 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,898 Ten minutes. I'm already perfectly at ease. 132 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,570 It's perfect. 133 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:15,787 Man 2: Help! - It's otho 134 00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:19,074 Charles: Otho, why don't you just come in the front? 135 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:20,996 It's bad luck. 136 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,082 Otho, you left the city for me. I am so happy. 137 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,213 Of course you are. 138 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:28,757 - Delia. - You're right. 139 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,839 - Let's get one thing straight. - You're right. 140 00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:33,129 - We're here to enjoy the country setting... - Mm-hm_ 141 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,013 - Not to trash the place. - You're right. 142 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,766 Otho: Charles, you're lucky the yuppies are buying condos... 143 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,350 So you can afford what I'm going to have to do to this place. 144 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:46,609 Otho, I'm here to relax and clip coupons, and, damn it, I mean to do it. 145 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,361 Then go do it quietly, dear, and let otho and I think. 146 00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:51,614 Otho: Is the rest of the house as bad as this? 147 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,650 Is this a punishment or something? 148 00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,194 What are we gonna do? 149 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,702 We're not completely helpless, Barbara. 150 00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:03,835 I've been reading that book and there's a word for people in our situation. 151 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,162 (Hosts. 152 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,334 Otho: Delia, let's get this show on the road. 153 00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:15,258 We're dealing with negative entertainment potential. 154 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:18,140 I mean, there's absolutely no organic flow-through. 155 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:21,929 I noticed that too. It's like a giant ant farm. 156 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,016 - What? - I thought I saw something. 157 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,864 Otho: You've read my mind. 158 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,875 - I did? - So few clients are able to read my mind. 159 00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:46,582 They're just not open to the experience. 160 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,337 Hmm. 161 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,383 My god. 162 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,970 We just have to pray the other closets are bigger than this one. 163 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,305 Ooh, look. 164 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,225 Ozzie and Harriet. 165 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,730 Ugh. 166 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,357 - What happened to these people? - They died. 167 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,565 Oh, look, an indoor outhouse. 168 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,692 Otho. Viridian. 169 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,282 Viridian. Now, why do I know that name? 170 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,287 Blue-green. 171 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,790 Hydrated chromic oxide. 172 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:28,374 Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry. I was a hair analyst. 173 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,834 - What? - Briefly. 174 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:38,634 Yuck. Deliver me from l.L bean. 175 00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:40,590 Boo! Aah! 176 00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:43,510 I know what you two are up to and you're not gonna get away with it. 177 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,804 Oh, honey, this is not working out at all. 178 00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,645 Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. 179 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,854 Ha 180 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:53,394 Delia: I'm here. I will live with you in this hellhole. 181 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:57,532 But I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house... 182 00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:02,412 And make it my own, I will go insane and I will take you with me! 183 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:07,666 Yeah. Well, you know, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. 184 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:11,750 Uh, but why don't you just leave this room alone, okay? 185 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,547 Okay. 186 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,797 I'm gonna get her. 187 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,385 So? 188 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,347 Once you cover up the wallpaper, knock down a few walls 189 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,057 this place might just be livable. 190 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,143 - What's on the third floor? - Attic space. 191 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,400 Oh, I forgot to lock the attic door. 192 00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:42,364 Did you feel something? “When? 193 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:54,672 - You don't have a key? - Maybe Charles does. 194 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:58,881 I have a feeling there's something very interesting behind this door. 195 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:02,843 Yeah, ghosts of the people who died in this house, and they want us out of here. 196 00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:05,224 So let's do them a favor. 197 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:24,743 My god, that was close. 198 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,243 Barbara: I cannot watch this. 199 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,329 What's the good of being a ghost if you can't frighten people away? 200 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,337 - Honey. - No, I'm not putting up with this. 201 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,016 - Barbara, you don't know what's out there. - I don't care. 202 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,268 Adam: Barbara! 203 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:54,899 Barbara: Adam. 204 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,685 - Adam? - Barbara. 205 00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,774 Barbara: Adam! 206 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:02,280 - Adam. Oh, help. - Barbara. 207 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,941 Help, I'm getting all yellow. 208 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,063 Adam! 209 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,113 Oh, Adam. 210 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:46,946 We're trapped in this house with those people. 211 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:54,993 I can't believe we're eating cantonese. Is there no sichuan up here? 212 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:59,498 Plan to have a stroke from the amount of msg that's in this food. 213 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:01,878 This 1s our first meal in this house. 214 00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:05,590 So why don't we all do our little private parts to make it a pleasant one? 215 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,881 Don't bait your mother, pumpkin. 216 00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:12,017 Soon as we get settled, we'll build you a darkroom in the basement, okay? 217 00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,349 My whole life is a darkroom. 218 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,645 One big dark room. 219 00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,480 So you were miserable in New York City... 220 00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:23,361 And now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. 221 00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,523 At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved. 222 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:28,033 I'm perfectly happy here. Those people in New York... 223 00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,195 They just don't know what they're missing. 224 00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:37,159 You know, we could become the summer art center of New York. 225 00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:40,330 I could start sculpting again. I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting. 226 00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:44,376 That's a very good idea. That'll be, um, ahem, very time-consuming. 227 00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:46,965 First the house. Otho and I have some great plans. 228 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,050 I think we should keep it the way it is. 229 00:21:49,225 --> 00:21:51,136 (Ood idea. 230 00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:59,064 Furniture truck is coming. We're gonna have to decide what goes and what stays. 231 00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:01,647 Everything goes, along with whatever's in the attic. 232 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:19,581 Put it up. Come on. 233 00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:21,245 Careful. 234 00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:25,086 You see, if you tell me what you do I'll tell you why my husband will fire you. 235 00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:29,174 - Isn't there an index or something? - No, nothing. 236 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,554 All right, now. 237 00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:32,848 What's this? 238 00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:38,721 Delia: No, no, I'm sorry. That does not go there. 239 00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:41,606 Do you know where that's going? Did anyone tell you where to...? 240 00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:44,769 Why are there only three sculptures? There were four sculptures here. 241 00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,858 Where's the fourth sculpture? No! 242 00:22:47,408 --> 00:22:49,023 No, what are you doing? 243 00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:51,362 Efxcuse me. Put it down. 244 00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:57,456 "Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist. Troubled by the living? 245 00:22:57,626 --> 00:23:00,288 Is death a problem and not the solution? Unhappy with eternity? 246 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:03,295 Having difficulty adjusting? Call betelgeuse." 247 00:23:04,967 --> 00:23:06,607 Delia: Put it down. - Betelgeu... betel... 248 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,796 That's it? There's no number or instructions? 249 00:23:08,971 --> 00:23:11,462 Nothing. The "bio-exorcist." I don't get it. 250 00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:17,441 Delia: Would you put that down? - Straight back. 251 00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:19,141 Delia: Why is that still up there? 252 00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,814 Why don't you guys take a break for about half an hour, okay? 253 00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:24,316 Man: Uh-huh. 254 00:23:42,212 --> 00:23:43,452 Jesus Christ! 255 00:23:43,631 --> 00:23:45,371 Delia: What are you doing? Put that down. 256 00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:47,631 What the hell are you doing out there? 257 00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:50,167 Delia: Listen to me. No! Jesus. 258 00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:54,764 Why are you doing this to me? This is my art and it is dangerous. 259 00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,799 Do you think I want to die like this? 260 00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:13,858 - No, no. - Hi. How are you? 261 00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:24,372 That little girl saw us. 262 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,622 - Honey, nobody can see us. - But she did. 263 00:24:29,843 --> 00:24:32,425 - What happened to the previous owners? - They drowned. 264 00:24:32,596 --> 00:24:35,554 Yes, they were family. I was devastated. 265 00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:38,010 - Here, take that. - Is this the key to the attic? 266 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:41,222 That's a skeleton key. That key will open any door in the house. 267 00:24:41,397 --> 00:24:42,637 Give that to your father. 268 00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:45,978 And you might mention that I single-handedly decorated that house. 269 00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:50,360 In case he needs any advice in that arena, have him come see me. 270 00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:12,546 Don't worry. I locked the door. 271 00:25:30,738 --> 00:25:34,276 Having trouble with the living? You tired of having your home violated? 272 00:25:34,450 --> 00:25:36,691 You want to get rid of them pesky living critters? 273 00:25:36,869 --> 00:25:40,782 Well, come on down and see me, folks, I'm the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist. 274 00:25:40,956 --> 00:25:45,040 Yes, sirree. Come on down here and I want to tell you, I'll do anything. 275 00:25:47,296 --> 00:25:51,414 I'll scare them real bad. The point is, folks, I'm gonna do anything to get your business. 276 00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:53,799 Hell, I'll possess myself if I gotta. 277 00:25:53,969 --> 00:25:57,132 Wow! Yo, I got demons running all through me. 278 00:25:57,306 --> 00:25:59,513 All through me. Come on down here and see it 279 00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:03,471 and hey, if you act now, you get a free demon possession with every exorcism. 280 00:26:03,645 --> 00:26:05,135 You can't beat that, can you? 281 00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:06,645 And bring the little pards down. 282 00:26:06,815 --> 00:26:10,933 Hell, we got plenty of snakes and lizards for them to play with. No problem at all. 283 00:26:11,111 --> 00:26:14,979 So say it once, say it twice, third time's the charm. And remember: 284 00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:18,649 I'll eat anything you want me to eat swallow anything you want me to swallow 285 00:26:18,827 --> 00:26:21,819 so come on down, I'll chew on the dog 286 00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:54,815 We need some help. I read something in this book this morning about emergencies. 287 00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:59,197 All right, here it is. "In case of emergency, draw a door." 288 00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:06,530 "Draw a door"? I don't know why we keep looking in that stupid book. 289 00:27:10,003 --> 00:27:12,585 Hey, maybe we should try that "beetle" guy. 290 00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:16,590 Oh. 291 00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:30,683 You didn't actually think that was gonna work, did you? 292 00:27:31,150 --> 00:27:32,481 Ahal 293 00:27:33,819 --> 00:27:35,559 "knock three times." 294 00:28:16,278 --> 00:28:18,269 Blugh. 295 00:28:37,758 --> 00:28:39,168 Birdies. 296 00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:49,216 Gget it. 297 00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:51,351 Lydia: Dad. 298 00:28:51,521 --> 00:28:54,638 - Can't you see I'm relaxing in here? - Well, I wanna tell you what I saw. 299 00:28:54,816 --> 00:28:58,400 What is the point of my coming up here if you people won't let me relax? 300 00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:00,606 Pumpkin, sweetheart... 301 00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,571 Go help your mother. 302 00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:06,449 Maybe you can relax in a haunted house, but I can't 303 00:29:12,042 --> 00:29:13,077 Hmm. 304 00:29:13,252 --> 00:29:17,621 Nice building. Bad roof. Good parking. 305 00:29:47,911 --> 00:29:50,072 - Adam? - This way, honey. 306 00:30:02,426 --> 00:30:04,382 You don't have an appointment, do you? 307 00:30:04,553 --> 00:30:06,033 Well, we didn't know how to make one. 308 00:30:06,179 --> 00:30:07,885 - Appointment for what? - What do you want? 309 00:30:08,056 --> 00:30:10,047 - We need some help. - Ha! Already? 310 00:30:10,225 --> 00:30:12,807 You just bit the big one two months ago and you want help. 311 00:30:13,312 --> 00:30:15,143 What does that have to do with anything? 312 00:30:15,314 --> 00:30:19,023 You're gonna use up all your help vouchers: D-90s. 313 00:30:19,192 --> 00:30:22,559 You spend 125 years on earth actually in that house... 314 00:30:22,738 --> 00:30:26,902 During which you get only three class-one d-90 intercessions with juno. 315 00:30:27,075 --> 00:30:30,033 You probably haven't even read through the manual completely yet. 316 00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:33,036 You'll have to wait if you don't have an appointment. 317 00:30:33,206 --> 00:30:37,916 - An appointment with whom? - For juno, your caseworker. 318 00:30:40,297 --> 00:30:44,256 Number 54,000,601. Ferndock. 319 00:31:49,950 --> 00:31:52,532 - Want a cigarette? - Uh, no, thank you. 320 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:56,111 Trying to cut down myself. 321 00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:16,841 Adam, is this what happens when you die? 322 00:32:17,018 --> 00:32:18,679 This 1s what happens when you die. 323 00:32:18,854 --> 00:32:22,688 That is what happens when he dies. And that is what happens when they die. 324 00:32:22,858 --> 00:32:25,691 It's all very personal. And I'll tell you something. 325 00:32:25,861 --> 00:32:30,025 If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had my little accident. 326 00:32:35,704 --> 00:32:37,535 Maitland. Party of two. 327 00:32:37,706 --> 00:32:40,322 Take the handbook and go to the sixth door. 328 00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:43,454 Oh, we forgot our handbook. 329 00:32:47,007 --> 00:32:48,463 Come on. 330 00:32:53,722 --> 00:32:57,340 Woman: All new arrivals, report to waiting room number 8. 331 00:32:59,895 --> 00:33:03,387 Flight 409 is arriving at gate 3. 332 00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:06,102 How do I look? There are no mirrors on this side 333 00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:07,857 fine. You look fine. Yeah? 334 00:33:08,028 --> 00:33:09,988 - Fine. - Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat. 335 00:33:15,785 --> 00:33:18,948 Woman: Will the Peterson party report to door number 9? 336 00:33:20,415 --> 00:33:23,999 Peterson party, please report to door number 9. 337 00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:28,203 All new arrivals, report to waiting room number 8. 338 00:33:34,721 --> 00:33:37,758 A hundred and 25 years. I can't believe this 339 00:33:37,933 --> 00:33:40,174 I can't believe they didn't tell us. 340 00:33:43,104 --> 00:33:45,516 Oh, Adam, what is this? 341 00:33:49,319 --> 00:33:52,106 That's the lost souls' room. 342 00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,022 A room for ghosts that have been exorcised. 343 00:33:56,117 --> 00:33:57,732 Poor devils. 344 00:33:57,911 --> 00:34:00,027 That's death for the dead. 345 00:34:01,248 --> 00:34:03,330 It's all in the handbook. 346 00:34:03,542 --> 00:34:05,032 Keep moving. 347 00:34:10,131 --> 00:34:11,462 Five 348 00:34:12,467 --> 00:34:14,549 this is the sixth door. 349 00:34:21,309 --> 00:34:24,551 Boy, oh, boy, this place just gets weirder and weirder. 350 00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:32,563 Barbara. 351 00:34:35,490 --> 00:34:37,071 We're home. 352 00:34:37,993 --> 00:34:41,827 Look at this place. Everything's different. 353 00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:45,079 All our furniture's gone. 354 00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:48,283 How long do you suppose we were waiting there? 355 00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:49,951 Three months. 356 00:34:51,131 --> 00:34:53,998 I'd almost given up on you. I was about to leave. 357 00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:56,461 I do have other clients. 358 00:34:56,636 --> 00:34:59,218 Are you juno, our caseworker? Yes. 359 00:34:59,389 --> 00:35:02,552 I evaluate individual cases and determine 360 00:35:02,726 --> 00:35:05,934 if help is needed, deserved and available 361 00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:07,844 - are you available? - No_ 362 00:35:09,316 --> 00:35:12,524 - What's wrong? - We're very unhappy. 363 00:35:12,694 --> 00:35:14,480 What did you expect? You're dead. 364 00:35:14,654 --> 00:35:16,690 We want to get rid of the people who moved in here. 365 00:35:16,865 --> 00:35:19,277 Barbara and I worked very hard on this house. 366 00:35:19,451 --> 00:35:22,534 We probably wouldn't mind sharing the house with people who were... 367 00:35:22,704 --> 00:35:24,945 More like you used to be. Yes. 368 00:35:25,123 --> 00:35:26,704 But these people... 369 00:35:28,668 --> 00:35:30,829 Things seem pretty quiet here. 370 00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:35,046 You should thank god you didn't die in Italy. 371 00:35:35,508 --> 00:35:36,793 The deetzes. 372 00:35:36,968 --> 00:35:40,881 - Okay, have you been studying the manual? - Well, we tried. 373 00:35:41,056 --> 00:35:44,890 The intermediate interface chapter on haunting says it all. 374 00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:48,143 Get them out yourselves. It's your house. 375 00:35:49,314 --> 00:35:51,896 Haunted houses aren't easy to come by. 376 00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:54,399 - Well, we don't quite get it. - I heard. 377 00:35:54,569 --> 00:35:56,400 Tore your faces right off. 378 00:35:56,571 --> 00:35:59,529 It doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people... 379 00:35:59,699 --> 00:36:00,905 If they can't see you. 380 00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:03,237 - We should start more simply? - Start simply. 381 00:36:03,411 --> 00:36:06,198 Do what you know. Use your talents. Practice. 382 00:36:07,999 --> 00:36:11,867 You should have been studying those lessons since day one. 383 00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:18,089 - Ooh. I've got to go. - What about that guy in the flyer, betel...? 384 00:36:18,259 --> 00:36:19,294 Shh! 385 00:36:19,469 --> 00:36:22,711 Don't even say his name. You don't want his help. 386 00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:24,754 - Well... - We might. 387 00:36:24,933 --> 00:36:28,596 No, you don't. He does not work well with others. 388 00:36:29,729 --> 00:36:31,469 What do you mean? 389 00:36:35,652 --> 00:36:37,438 I didn't want to bring it up. 390 00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:42,197 But rather than have you stumble onto it and make another mistake, I'll tell you. 391 00:36:42,784 --> 00:36:44,695 He was my assistant. 392 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,203 But he was a troublemaker. He went out on his own 393 00:36:48,373 --> 00:36:51,456 gs a freelance bio-exorcist. 394 00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:55,619 Claimed he could get rid of the living. Got into more trouble. 395 00:36:59,676 --> 00:37:03,669 In fact, I believe he's been sleazing around your cemetery lately. 396 00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:07,965 The only way he can be brought back... 397 00:37:08,143 --> 00:37:11,260 Is by calling his name three times. 398 00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,270 But I strongly suggest... 399 00:37:14,441 --> 00:37:17,308 That you remove the deetzes yourselves. 400 00:37:18,111 --> 00:37:21,023 Well, how do we contact you if we need you again? 401 00:37:31,291 --> 00:37:34,533 Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery. 402 00:37:34,711 --> 00:37:38,329 She's right, honey. We just have to keep this simple. We can do this. Come on. 403 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,987 Betelgeuse: Hey, you. Hey, come here. 404 00:38:05,408 --> 00:38:06,989 Hungry? 405 00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,151 Come on. Hey, come here. 406 00:38:10,538 --> 00:38:13,371 I got something good for you. Come on. Come on over. 407 00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:16,328 We'll have a little bite, you'll have something to nosh. 408 00:38:17,796 --> 00:38:22,381 - Come here. Fly: Help me. Help me. Help me. 409 00:38:24,636 --> 00:38:28,720 Maxie, have I not always made you money? I think that's the only real question here. 410 00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:31,381 Well, Charles, nobody made me money like you. 411 00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:33,720 I mean, before your nerves went, you were a demon. 412 00:38:34,229 --> 00:38:39,349 It's just that winter river, Connecticut is, if you'll forgive me, nowhere. 413 00:38:39,526 --> 00:38:42,734 Why would I wanna invest that kind of money in an old building... 414 00:38:42,904 --> 00:38:46,362 - Way the hell up there? - It's not a building. That's the beauty of it. 415 00:38:46,533 --> 00:38:50,526 These people don't know the value of their property. I can buy the whole town. 416 00:38:50,703 --> 00:38:53,285 Oh, then we own a whole town in the middle of nowhere 417 00:38:53,456 --> 00:38:55,492 Max, you've got to come up here and see. 418 00:38:55,667 --> 00:38:57,828 Charles: And, uh, bring Sarah. 419 00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:01,586 Yeah, all right, Charles. It's just that I am kind of busy here. 420 00:39:02,966 --> 00:39:04,331 Uh, just a minute, maxie. 421 00:39:04,509 --> 00:39:07,672 Now, listen. Enough of this talk about visiting, okay? I gotta go. 422 00:39:07,846 --> 00:39:10,383 Maxie: You take it easy up there, big fellow. 423 00:39:10,557 --> 00:39:13,264 - Goodbye. - Uh, Max, wait, wait, wait. 424 00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:18,390 Putz. 425 00:39:39,252 --> 00:39:43,461 Jeez, Lydia, is Connecticut so boring? I had maxie Dean on the phone, honey. 426 00:39:43,631 --> 00:39:47,374 Dad's found a way of making some money while I relax, so would you scram? 427 00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:53,296 Your mother's gonna kill you when she sees you cut holes in her $300 sheets. 428 00:39:56,185 --> 00:39:59,803 This is so corny. Is this what we've been reduced to? Sheets? 429 00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:01,642 Adam: Think of them as death shrouds. 430 00:40:01,816 --> 00:40:04,307 And the moaning is important. Really moan. 431 00:40:22,837 --> 00:40:25,294 God, how can he stand that woman? 432 00:40:31,888 --> 00:40:35,472 Cut it out. I'm a child, for god's sakes. 433 00:40:43,399 --> 00:40:47,187 Barbara: I feel so stupid. Adam: It's not stupid. We're ghosts. 434 00:40:47,362 --> 00:40:50,399 Do you want to spend the next 125 years having breakfast with this woman? 435 00:40:50,573 --> 00:40:52,109 Moan louder. 436 00:41:00,541 --> 00:41:02,156 Adam: Oh, god. 437 00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:12,004 Sick. Sexual perversion. 438 00:41:12,178 --> 00:41:15,887 If you guys are gonna do that weird sexual stuff, do it in your own bedroom. 439 00:41:22,814 --> 00:41:23,849 No feet. 440 00:41:35,243 --> 00:41:37,450 Are you the guys hiding out in the attic? 441 00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:39,906 Adam: We're ghosts. 442 00:41:40,081 --> 00:41:41,116 Barbara: Whoo! 443 00:41:41,290 --> 00:41:43,906 - What do you look like under there? Adam: Aren't you scared? 444 00:41:44,085 --> 00:41:47,122 I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? 445 00:41:47,296 --> 00:41:49,833 Are you night of the living dead under there? 446 00:41:50,008 --> 00:41:52,420 Like all bloody veins and pus? 447 00:41:52,593 --> 00:41:55,255 - Night of the what? - Living dead. It's a movie. 448 00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:58,888 If I had seen a ghost at your age, I would have been scared out of my wits. 449 00:41:59,559 --> 00:42:02,676 You're not gross. Why are you wearing sheets? 450 00:42:02,854 --> 00:42:04,185 We're practicing. 451 00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:07,939 - You can see us without the sheets? - Of course I can see you. 452 00:42:08,109 --> 00:42:10,521 Well, how is it that you see us and nobody else can? 453 00:42:11,988 --> 00:42:15,606 Well, I read through that handbook for the recently deceased. 454 00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:20,447 It says, "live people ignore the strange and unusual." 455 00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:25,289 I myself am strange and unusual. 456 00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,372 You look like a regular girl to me. 457 00:42:28,546 --> 00:42:30,787 Adam: You read our book? Yeah 458 00:42:30,965 --> 00:42:33,798 - you could follow it? - Yeah. Why were you in Delia's bedroom? 459 00:42:33,968 --> 00:42:36,926 - We were trying to scare your mother. - Stepmother. 460 00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:40,554 Anyway, you can't scare her. She's sleeping with prince valium tonight. 461 00:42:43,978 --> 00:42:47,596 You did this? You carved all these little houses and things? 462 00:42:47,774 --> 00:42:48,980 Mm-hm. 463 00:42:49,150 --> 00:42:51,015 And this used to be your house. 464 00:42:51,986 --> 00:42:54,272 Why do you want to scare everybody? 465 00:42:54,447 --> 00:42:57,280 Well, we wanted to frighten you so you would move out. 466 00:42:59,202 --> 00:43:01,033 You don't know the deetzes very well. 467 00:43:01,204 --> 00:43:04,867 My father bought this place. He never walks away from equity. 468 00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:07,205 Why don't you leave? “We can't 469 00:43:07,376 --> 00:43:09,287 we haven't left the house since the funeral 470 00:43:10,338 --> 00:43:11,999 funeral 471 00:43:12,173 --> 00:43:14,835 god. You guys really are dead. 472 00:43:17,261 --> 00:43:18,501 This is amazing. 473 00:43:19,138 --> 00:43:20,753 Charles: Lydia. 474 00:43:20,932 --> 00:43:22,593 I better go. “Wait. 475 00:43:22,767 --> 00:43:27,352 - Don't tell your parents that we're up here. - Unless you think it'll frighten them away. 476 00:43:28,022 --> 00:43:29,762 You tell them that we are horrible. 477 00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:34,355 Desperate, ghoulish creatures who will stop at nothing to get our house back. 478 00:43:36,656 --> 00:43:40,865 What if this is a dream? Can you guys do any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming? 479 00:43:44,872 --> 00:43:49,707 Well, if you are real ghosts, you guys better get another routine because those sheets... 480 00:43:49,877 --> 00:43:51,868 They don't work. 481 00:44:01,347 --> 00:44:02,553 Delia: Ghosts. 482 00:44:02,723 --> 00:44:05,009 You're telling me we have ghosts in this house 483 00:44:05,184 --> 00:44:07,721 those pictures are of ghosts. Are they? 484 00:44:07,895 --> 00:44:09,135 (Hosts. 485 00:44:10,273 --> 00:44:13,265 Lydia, I am giving a dinner party tonight for seven people. 486 00:44:13,442 --> 00:44:16,980 My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman who writes for art in America. 487 00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:21,398 In fact, no one dining here this evening has not been in vanity fair except you. 488 00:44:21,576 --> 00:44:23,567 I told them you were too mean to be afraid. 489 00:44:23,744 --> 00:44:25,575 Don't you dare speak to others about me. 490 00:44:25,746 --> 00:44:29,739 Being embarrassed in front of the few people who will set foot in here scares me. 491 00:44:29,917 --> 00:44:32,374 So let's play family just for tonight, hmm? 492 00:44:38,259 --> 00:44:40,250 Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her. 493 00:44:40,428 --> 00:44:42,510 She's got photos, Barbara. 494 00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:45,422 Adam, you had a photo of bigfoot. 495 00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:49,092 My photo of bigfoot is a different story. 496 00:44:49,270 --> 00:44:50,931 Anyhow, we've gotta get some help here. 497 00:44:51,105 --> 00:44:53,767 We've gotta contact this guy, betelmeyer, or something. 498 00:45:01,324 --> 00:45:02,905 Adam. 499 00:45:07,246 --> 00:45:08,281 I ook. 500 00:45:13,127 --> 00:45:14,958 It's him. Betelgeuse. 501 00:45:16,756 --> 00:45:18,246 Betelgeuse. 502 00:45:20,009 --> 00:45:22,250 Go ahead, Barbara, say it. 503 00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:24,801 Betelgeuse. 504 00:45:28,768 --> 00:45:30,474 What happened? 505 00:45:31,604 --> 00:45:33,765 I think we're in the model. 506 00:45:37,151 --> 00:45:38,482 Hey, look at that. 507 00:46:02,176 --> 00:46:03,791 Well, where is he? What do we do? 508 00:46:07,848 --> 00:46:09,133 Looks like we dig, Barbara. 509 00:46:40,214 --> 00:46:42,000 Oh, it's about time. 510 00:46:50,433 --> 00:46:53,300 - I say we open it. - Maybe we should knock first. 511 00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:05,069 Yeah. 512 00:47:11,829 --> 00:47:14,366 Adam. Babs. 513 00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:25,248 Boy, do you know how to pick them. Is this relationship solid? Do I have a shot at her? 514 00:47:25,426 --> 00:47:27,587 - Excuse me. - Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds? 515 00:47:27,762 --> 00:47:30,424 Just tell me. Come on. Know what's beautiful about this? 516 00:47:30,598 --> 00:47:33,214 You two kids picked me. You didn't have to, but you picked me. 517 00:47:33,392 --> 00:47:36,008 It makes me want to kiss you guys. Come on, give me one. 518 00:47:36,187 --> 00:47:38,178 - Nol! - L1 beg your pardon. 519 00:47:38,356 --> 00:47:40,096 All right, let's get down to business. 520 00:47:40,274 --> 00:47:43,232 I've got a card here somewhere. Here who do I have to kill? 521 00:47:43,402 --> 00:47:45,313 Here, hold that for me, will you? 522 00:47:46,697 --> 00:47:48,904 - There you go. - You don't have to kill anybody. 523 00:47:49,075 --> 00:47:50,281 Ah, possession. Good. 524 00:47:50,451 --> 00:47:53,614 Betelgeuse: Learn to throw your voice. Fool your friends. Fun at parties. 525 00:47:53,788 --> 00:47:56,825 No. We just wanna get some people out of our house. 526 00:47:56,999 --> 00:48:01,584 I understand. Well, look, in order to do that, I'm gonna have to get to know you guys. 527 00:48:01,754 --> 00:48:04,245 We've got to get closer. Move in with you for a while. 528 00:48:04,423 --> 00:48:06,755 Get to be real pals. You know what I'm saying? In... 529 00:48:08,427 --> 00:48:09,792 Save that guy for later, huh? 530 00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:12,131 My wife and I would like to ask a couple of questions. 531 00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:16,595 - Sure, sure, sure. Go ahead. Shoot. - For instance, what are your qualifications? 532 00:48:16,769 --> 00:48:18,976 Ah. Well, I attended Juilliard. 533 00:48:19,146 --> 00:48:21,182 I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school 534 00:48:21,357 --> 00:48:24,349 I lived through the black plague. And I had a pretty good time during that. 535 00:48:24,527 --> 00:48:27,064 I've seen the exorcist about 167 times 536 00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:30,856 and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it. 537 00:48:31,033 --> 00:48:33,740 Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy. 538 00:48:33,911 --> 00:48:36,994 Now, what do you think? You think I'm qualified? 539 00:48:38,124 --> 00:48:39,989 What I mean is, can you be scary? 540 00:48:40,167 --> 00:48:41,167 Oh! Oh. 541 00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:44,168 I know what you're asking me. Can I be scary? 542 00:48:45,089 --> 00:48:46,625 What do you think of this? 543 00:48:48,008 --> 00:48:49,418 You like it? 544 00:48:50,511 --> 00:48:53,969 - Will you excuse us, please? - Sure. Talk amongst yourself. 545 00:48:54,140 --> 00:48:57,348 - Adam, let's go. - I know, but I think he can be useful later. 546 00:48:57,518 --> 00:49:00,009 Barbara: We can work something out. - Oh, yeah. 547 00:49:00,187 --> 00:49:01,848 Barbara: Hey, hey, hey. Adam: Excuse me. 548 00:49:02,022 --> 00:49:05,185 - What? - Excuse me. We are leaving now. 549 00:49:05,359 --> 00:49:07,350 Oh, come on. Don't go yet. 550 00:49:07,528 --> 00:49:09,860 Hey, guy, come on. We're simpatico here. 551 00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:12,112 Look at us, huh? We even shop at the same store. 552 00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:13,944 Hey, hermano. 553 00:49:14,118 --> 00:49:15,733 Yeah, there you go. 554 00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:20,242 Hey, come on. We're like peas in a pod, the three of us. Let's face it 555 00:49:20,416 --> 00:49:24,625 you want somebody out of the house. I want to get somebody out of your house. 556 00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:28,208 Look. We've been to saturn. Hey, I've been to saturn. 557 00:49:28,382 --> 00:49:30,794 Whoa. Sandworms. 558 00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:34,131 You hate them, right? I hate them myself. 559 00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:38,014 Come on, kids, what do I have to do to strike a deal with you two, huh? 560 00:49:45,274 --> 00:49:47,481 - Don't you hate it when that happens? - Let's go. 561 00:49:47,651 --> 00:49:51,735 Wait a minute. Just come up for a while. We'll talk inside. Come on. Come on. 562 00:49:51,906 --> 00:49:54,238 Barbara: I'm not staying here. - The place is a mess. 563 00:49:54,408 --> 00:49:56,990 - We have to get out of here. - I'll fix you something to eat. 564 00:49:57,161 --> 00:49:58,526 Home. Home home. 565 00:50:00,331 --> 00:50:03,744 - Barbara, how did you do that? - Hope you like Italian. 566 00:50:03,918 --> 00:50:07,126 Where'd you go? Hey, come on. Hey, where'd you go? 567 00:50:07,296 --> 00:50:09,412 Hey. Come on. You've got to work with me here. 568 00:50:09,590 --> 00:50:12,252 I'm just trying to cut a deal. What do you want me to do? 569 00:50:12,426 --> 00:50:13,757 Where are you? 570 00:50:13,928 --> 00:50:16,260 You bunch of losers! 571 00:50:16,430 --> 00:50:19,263 You're working with a professional here. 572 00:50:23,646 --> 00:50:24,726 Nice fucking model. 573 00:50:26,106 --> 00:50:28,472 Barbara: See, we can do this stuff on our own. 574 00:50:28,651 --> 00:50:31,688 Besides, I'm not exposing that little girl to that pervert down there. 575 00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:34,729 Barbara, we did call him, and he seemed awfully pissed off. 576 00:50:34,907 --> 00:50:36,443 I don't care. I've changed my mind. 577 00:50:36,617 --> 00:50:40,155 Listen, I think we can scare them off ourselves, tonight. 578 00:50:40,329 --> 00:50:41,819 I have an idea. 579 00:50:49,463 --> 00:50:51,454 I think what you did with the place is wonderful 580 00:50:51,632 --> 00:50:53,623 not me. Them. 581 00:50:54,635 --> 00:50:56,717 S07? Oh um 582 00:50:58,806 --> 00:51:00,137 uh 583 00:51:00,683 --> 00:51:02,389 You like them 584 00:51:03,477 --> 00:51:06,969 I just hope it wasn't yet another of your dreary suicide attempts. 585 00:51:07,147 --> 00:51:09,809 You know what they say about people who commit suicide? 586 00:51:09,984 --> 00:51:12,771 In the afterlife, they become civil servants. 587 00:51:15,406 --> 00:51:18,148 Otho, I didn't realize you were into the supernatural. 588 00:51:18,325 --> 00:51:20,316 Well, of course. You remember. 589 00:51:20,494 --> 00:51:23,236 After my stint with the living theatre... 590 00:51:23,581 --> 00:51:26,914 I was one of New York City's leading paranormal researchers... 591 00:51:27,084 --> 00:51:28,915 Until the bottom dropped out in "72. 592 00:51:29,086 --> 00:51:32,624 Paranormal? Is that what they're calling your kind these days? 593 00:51:32,881 --> 00:51:37,500 Don't mind her. She's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister. 594 00:51:40,806 --> 00:51:43,343 Well, this looks really good. 595 00:51:44,727 --> 00:51:46,092 I saw some ghosts. 596 00:51:52,735 --> 00:51:56,273 - It's a little private joke Lydia and I share. - It's not a joke. 597 00:51:56,447 --> 00:52:00,690 Yes, it is. Just today she tried to convince me that this house is haunted. 598 00:52:02,953 --> 00:52:05,490 Kids. You know, I love them. 599 00:52:06,874 --> 00:52:10,082 - By ghosts? - In designer sheets, no less. 600 00:52:11,128 --> 00:52:13,995 I'd like to propose a toast to our intrepid friends... 601 00:52:14,173 --> 00:52:17,381 Who braved the expressway and two dozen tollbooths to be with us. 602 00:52:17,551 --> 00:52:19,212 May your buildings go condo. 603 00:52:20,846 --> 00:52:23,838 Now, Lydia, favor us about your ghosts. 604 00:52:24,016 --> 00:52:26,382 No. I am sick of that subject. 605 00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,721 Oh, Delia, lighten up. 606 00:52:28,896 --> 00:52:31,103 I would rather talk about... 607 00:52:46,205 --> 00:52:47,911 That's cute, Delia. 608 00:53:00,344 --> 00:53:02,426 Otho, are you doing this? 609 00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,465 We did it. 610 00:54:33,103 --> 00:54:34,843 I et's watch them scatter. 611 00:54:35,022 --> 00:54:38,514 Any minute now they're gonna come running out of that door screaming. 612 00:54:41,904 --> 00:54:43,394 Any minute now. 613 00:54:50,496 --> 00:54:52,202 Lydia: It's me, Lydia. 614 00:54:55,584 --> 00:54:57,370 They want you to come downstairs. 615 00:54:57,878 --> 00:55:01,041 Delia says you can wear any sheets you want. 616 00:55:01,924 --> 00:55:04,381 It was like being in an amusement park. 617 00:55:04,551 --> 00:55:05,711 Wham! 618 00:55:05,886 --> 00:55:09,720 I didn't even know I could do the calypso. “Who has more fun than us? 619 00:55:09,890 --> 00:55:12,552 We're dealing with Tracy and hepburn here. 620 00:55:12,726 --> 00:55:16,344 A very sophisticated pair. I mean, they even appear in sheets. 621 00:55:17,898 --> 00:55:21,732 Charles, what I wanna know is why didn't you tell us about this before? 622 00:55:21,902 --> 00:55:24,063 Well, we're not even sure we want our secret out. 623 00:55:24,238 --> 00:55:27,230 I mean, everyone's gonna want them for their parties, ha, ha. 624 00:55:27,407 --> 00:55:29,087 People will pay big money for this, grace. 625 00:55:29,743 --> 00:55:33,235 The enquirer is offering $50,000 for proof of life after death. 626 00:55:33,413 --> 00:55:34,903 Delia: Fifty thousand? 627 00:55:35,082 --> 00:55:38,074 This is it, Charles. You can get maxie Dean up here now. 628 00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:41,790 - You think so? - Sarah loves the supernatural. 629 00:55:41,964 --> 00:55:44,296 She'll have him sprint up here in his helicopter... 630 00:55:44,466 --> 00:55:46,457 If you can produce ghosts for her. 631 00:55:48,428 --> 00:55:49,588 Oh, Charles. 632 00:55:50,514 --> 00:55:53,176 I should remind you all that I am Delia's agent. 633 00:55:53,350 --> 00:55:55,932 I have consistently lost money on her work for years. 634 00:55:56,103 --> 00:55:58,594 If anything actually happened here, I shall handle it. 635 00:55:58,772 --> 00:56:01,058 But not until I've seen some real proof. 636 00:56:01,233 --> 00:56:05,067 - But, Bernard, what about this table? - What just happened, what was that? 637 00:56:05,237 --> 00:56:07,102 And what money? Don't you believe in my work? 638 00:56:07,281 --> 00:56:08,521 Charles: Uh-uh-uh! 639 00:56:08,699 --> 00:56:10,235 Here's Lydia. 640 00:56:11,034 --> 00:56:13,946 - Well? - They don't want to come down. 641 00:56:15,163 --> 00:56:16,869 Delia: Charles. 642 00:56:21,295 --> 00:56:23,126 Why not? 643 00:56:23,922 --> 00:56:28,541 I think the reason is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared. 644 00:56:29,219 --> 00:56:32,382 Please, they're dead. It's 3 little late to be neurotic. 645 00:56:35,809 --> 00:56:37,174 All right. 646 00:56:43,191 --> 00:56:47,275 This was not a hallucination. This was real 647 00:56:47,446 --> 00:56:52,566 we all just experienced a very super-powerful paranormal experience and it was real. 648 00:56:52,743 --> 00:56:56,782 Delia, you are a flake. You have always been a flake. 649 00:56:56,955 --> 00:57:00,618 If you insist on frightening people, do it with your sculpture. 650 00:57:02,544 --> 00:57:03,909 Charles: Drive carefully. 651 00:57:04,087 --> 00:57:05,998 - I'm dead. - Where do they hide out? 652 00:57:06,590 --> 00:57:09,252 - The attic. - The attic's locked. 653 00:57:09,718 --> 00:57:11,925 They're ghosts, dad. They can do what they want. 654 00:57:12,095 --> 00:57:15,758 Yeah, they do whatever they want. Lydia, you take us up there right now. 655 00:57:21,521 --> 00:57:24,854 Fabulous. Otho fenlock's "I ocked door ghosts" 656 00:57:25,025 --> 00:57:26,606 probably committed suicide up there. 657 00:57:26,777 --> 00:57:28,938 - I'm totally enchanted. Delia: They're in there? 658 00:57:29,112 --> 00:57:32,024 - They must live like animals. - It's locked. How did they get in? 659 00:57:32,199 --> 00:57:34,986 Open this door, you dead people, or we'll bust it down. 660 00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:37,822 And drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourself with. 661 00:57:37,996 --> 00:57:40,203 - They didn't commit suicide. - It doesn't matter. 662 00:57:40,374 --> 00:57:43,787 I have a chance to teach you something. Take the upper hand in all situations... 663 00:57:43,961 --> 00:57:46,623 Or people, whether dead or alive, will walk all over you. 664 00:57:46,797 --> 00:57:48,788 Open up! 665 00:58:00,519 --> 00:58:02,100 So where are they? 666 00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,807 Listen, you guys, these ghosts are really nice people. 667 00:58:04,982 --> 00:58:08,315 I think we scared them away, so let's just leave them alone, all right? 668 00:58:08,610 --> 00:58:12,023 It's the whole damn town. 669 00:58:12,781 --> 00:58:17,400 I have never been so embarrassed. They haven't gone for good, have they? 670 00:58:18,245 --> 00:58:19,906 Hmm. 671 00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:28,077 Charles: Beep, beep. - Dad, don't. Mom, let's just go. 672 00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:41,514 No ghosts here. 673 00:58:44,312 --> 00:58:47,224 Come on. If they are in here, I don't want to scare them away. 674 00:58:49,776 --> 00:58:52,813 Well, we're leaving now. You can go about your business. 675 00:58:55,198 --> 00:58:58,031 Charles: What are we doing? Delia: Quick, quick, quick. 676 00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:09,209 Oh, boy. You guys are really a couple of spooksters, aren't you? 677 00:59:09,379 --> 00:59:13,042 Now, let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose. 678 00:59:15,802 --> 00:59:19,260 Otho, you get maxie on the phone. We've really got something here. 679 00:59:19,431 --> 00:59:23,549 We can turn this place into the world's leading supernatural research center. 680 00:59:23,727 --> 00:59:26,890 An amusement park. I'll do a presentation. Lydia will bring the ghosts. 681 00:59:27,064 --> 00:59:29,851 I can't bring the ghosts, dad. They're not here. 682 00:59:30,025 --> 00:59:34,439 - Otho, can't you do something? - Perhaps. If I'm properly motivated. 683 00:59:36,490 --> 00:59:39,232 Just what type of motivation do you require, otho? 684 00:59:39,409 --> 00:59:42,993 Lydia: Why don't you leave them alone? They didn't do anything to you. 685 00:59:53,507 --> 00:59:55,122 Hi 686 01:00:11,108 --> 01:00:12,769 Whoal 687 01:00:30,961 --> 01:00:33,168 We've come for your daughter, Chuck. 688 01:00:34,339 --> 01:00:35,670 Stop. Stop. 689 01:00:40,887 --> 01:00:42,047 Yeah. 690 01:00:47,394 --> 01:00:50,181 - Betelgeuse, betelgeuse, betelgeuse. - Oh, no. 691 01:00:52,941 --> 01:00:54,522 Why are you doing this? 692 01:00:55,735 --> 01:00:57,976 Leave me alone, all of you. 693 01:01:01,867 --> 01:01:04,324 Great choice we got here. We spend the next century... 694 01:01:04,494 --> 01:01:06,951 Either hanging out the window or doing parlor tricks. 695 01:01:07,122 --> 01:01:09,738 Maybe they'll leave now. That snake was a nasty customer. 696 01:01:09,916 --> 01:01:11,916 - Well, he could've hurt somebody. - But he didn't. 697 01:01:12,085 --> 01:01:14,542 We've got them right where we want them. 698 01:01:18,633 --> 01:01:22,672 You bunch of losers. How dare you interrupt a professional while he's working. 699 01:01:22,846 --> 01:01:25,428 I'm not fond of Charles deetz, but you could've killed him. 700 01:01:25,599 --> 01:01:28,762 Hey, I'm just doing my job. Besides, I thought we had a deal. 701 01:01:29,603 --> 01:01:32,060 Hey, it's okay. You know why? 702 01:01:32,230 --> 01:01:35,814 I don't wanna do business with you deadbeats anyway, thank you. 703 01:01:35,984 --> 01:01:39,772 The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan poe's daughter. 704 01:01:39,946 --> 01:01:42,278 - I think she understands me. - You leave her alone, you... 705 01:01:43,283 --> 01:01:44,773 Ow! 706 01:01:54,669 --> 01:01:56,955 Go ahead, make my millennium. 707 01:02:02,969 --> 01:02:04,334 Yeah. 708 01:02:04,512 --> 01:02:08,425 I'm feeling a little, uh, ooh, anxious, if you know what I mean. 709 01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:10,966 It's been about 600 years, after all. 710 01:02:11,144 --> 01:02:14,807 I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself... 711 01:02:14,981 --> 01:02:16,972 Can find a little action. 712 01:02:17,150 --> 01:02:18,481 Woman: Hi 713 01:02:19,361 --> 01:02:20,817 yeah. 714 01:02:24,866 --> 01:02:26,652 Woman: Come on. Come on in. 715 01:02:34,042 --> 01:02:36,158 Oh, yeah. Here I come, baby. 716 01:02:39,839 --> 01:02:42,501 Oh, yeah. Hey, Adam, nice move. 717 01:02:43,927 --> 01:02:46,464 - Adam, why did you build that? - I didn't. 718 01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:55,602 Woman: All new arrivals report to waiting room number 8. 719 01:02:56,606 --> 01:02:59,018 Will you guys shut up and leave me alone? 720 01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:01,353 I've got all this paperwork to do. 721 01:03:03,822 --> 01:03:05,778 You two, come in here. Sit down. 722 01:03:05,949 --> 01:03:07,860 Get in here, both of you. 723 01:03:11,496 --> 01:03:16,035 The whorehouse was my idea. I want betelgeuse out of the picture. 724 01:03:16,793 --> 01:03:19,330 You two have really screwed up. 725 01:03:19,504 --> 01:03:22,371 I received word you allowed yourselves to be photographed. 726 01:03:22,549 --> 01:03:25,382 And you let betelgeuse out and didn't put him back. 727 01:03:25,552 --> 01:03:27,838 And you let otho get hold of the handbook. 728 01:03:28,013 --> 01:03:29,298 The handbook? When? 729 01:03:30,307 --> 01:03:32,798 Never trust the living. 730 01:03:32,976 --> 01:03:35,638 We cannot have a routine haunting like yours... 731 01:03:35,812 --> 01:03:39,896 Provide proof that there is existence beyond death. 732 01:03:40,066 --> 01:03:43,433 - Coach. Coach, where's the men's room? Football player: Yeah 733 01:03:43,611 --> 01:03:46,227 I'm not your coach. He survived. 734 01:03:46,406 --> 01:03:49,022 Football player: Wait, coach, let me get something straight. 735 01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:52,067 - What's our curfew around here? - Will you get out of here? 736 01:03:52,996 --> 01:03:55,237 Go on, get downstairs. "Men's room." 737 01:03:55,415 --> 01:03:57,906 Are you kidding? Can't you read signs? 738 01:03:58,335 --> 01:04:00,075 I'll be right back. 739 01:04:00,587 --> 01:04:02,623 Football player: Come on. Get out of my way. 740 01:04:11,973 --> 01:04:14,214 Maybe this was all a bad idea. 741 01:04:14,392 --> 01:04:16,383 I didn't say anything. 742 01:04:18,355 --> 01:04:21,392 Oh, who are we kidding, Charles” you've never had a bad idea. 743 01:04:21,566 --> 01:04:22,726 Yeah? 744 01:04:24,986 --> 01:04:27,147 Yeah, this could all work out. 745 01:04:28,782 --> 01:04:30,067 Home. 746 01:04:31,659 --> 01:04:32,774 Though... 747 01:04:33,536 --> 01:04:36,198 I'm not sure that this is the right environment for Lydia. 748 01:04:36,373 --> 01:04:38,910 - Snakes. Ghosts. - Shrimp. 749 01:04:40,126 --> 01:04:41,707 You family types. 750 01:04:41,878 --> 01:04:45,666 You've got other things to worry about. Maxie Dean's coming up here tonight. 751 01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:49,628 You've got to figure out a way to sell these ghosts. I can only do so much. 752 01:04:49,803 --> 01:04:52,920 What are you gonna do, otho? Viciously rearrange their environment? 753 01:04:53,098 --> 01:04:57,432 I know just as much about the supernatural as I do about interior design. 754 01:05:05,110 --> 01:05:06,646 "Am. 755 01:05:06,820 --> 01:05:08,526 Alone." 756 01:05:18,498 --> 01:05:20,363 "Am. 757 01:05:20,542 --> 01:05:22,282 Utterly... 758 01:05:22,460 --> 01:05:23,666 Alone. 759 01:05:25,130 --> 01:05:27,166 By the time... 760 01:05:28,508 --> 01:05:29,623 You read this... 761 01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:32,500 Will. 762 01:05:32,679 --> 01:05:34,510 Be gone... 763 01:05:35,515 --> 01:05:38,302 Having jumped... 764 01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:43,019 Having plummeted... 765 01:05:43,189 --> 01:05:45,100 Off 766 01:05:45,275 --> 01:05:49,769 the winter river bridge." 767 01:05:49,946 --> 01:05:52,608 So I don't care what it takes. 768 01:05:52,782 --> 01:05:55,444 You get the deetzes out of there now. 769 01:05:55,618 --> 01:05:58,860 Woman: Flight 409 arriving. - Whoa, wait a minute. 770 01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:02,136 Woman: Flight 409 is arriving. - What are you going to do? 771 01:06:02,709 --> 01:06:04,495 To scare them. 772 01:06:04,669 --> 01:06:07,456 I want to make sure it's not some silly parlor trick. 773 01:06:08,756 --> 01:06:09,791 I'll go first, honey. 774 01:06:32,572 --> 01:06:35,735 Not bad. Not bad. Now you. 775 01:06:36,910 --> 01:06:38,241 (50 ahead. 776 01:06:51,966 --> 01:06:54,673 Okay, you look great. 777 01:06:54,844 --> 01:07:00,305 Now, go clean house and don't forget the photographs and the damned handbook. 778 01:07:00,558 --> 01:07:03,220 Woman. Please report to door number 9. 779 01:07:03,645 --> 01:07:07,229 All new arrivals, report to waiting room number 8. 780 01:07:08,441 --> 01:07:11,353 Coach? Juno: What? 781 01:07:11,528 --> 01:07:13,894 I don't think we survived that crash. 782 01:07:14,322 --> 01:07:15,858 How did you guess”? 783 01:07:19,202 --> 01:07:21,113 Mr. and Mrs. maitland? 784 01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:27,490 Hello? 785 01:07:28,253 --> 01:07:31,120 - Where are you? Betelgeuse: Dead. 786 01:07:31,798 --> 01:07:34,005 Dead, dead, deadski. 787 01:07:35,093 --> 01:07:37,049 Of course they're dead. They're ghosts. 788 01:07:37,220 --> 01:07:41,634 No, I mean they're gone. Split. Out of here. Afterlife kids. 789 01:07:41,808 --> 01:07:45,141 - Deceased. - Are you a ghost too? 790 01:07:46,062 --> 01:07:48,599 I'm the ghost with the most, babe. 791 01:07:50,942 --> 01:07:54,434 You know, you look like somebody I can relate to. 792 01:07:55,488 --> 01:07:58,651 Maybe you could help me get out of here, you know, because... 793 01:07:58,825 --> 01:08:01,487 I gotta tell you, this, uh, death thing... 794 01:08:04,956 --> 01:08:06,116 It's just too creepy. 795 01:08:06,541 --> 01:08:08,327 See, here's my problem. 796 01:08:08,501 --> 01:08:11,413 I got these friends on the outside that I said I'd meet. 797 01:08:11,588 --> 01:08:13,874 You know, I have to be there in person, you know. 798 01:08:14,048 --> 01:08:17,336 So I was just wondering, could you help me get out of here? 799 01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:18,795 I wanna get in. 800 01:08:20,638 --> 01:08:21,673 Why? 801 01:08:22,223 --> 01:08:23,258 Well, you know... 802 01:08:23,433 --> 01:08:26,971 Hey, you've probably got your reasons, but I can't do anything from over here. 803 01:08:27,145 --> 01:08:31,855 If you could get me out, over there, then maybe we could talk or something. 804 01:08:32,025 --> 01:08:35,688 But, you know, in order to do that you've gotta say my name three times. 805 01:08:35,862 --> 01:08:37,727 What's your name? 806 01:08:37,905 --> 01:08:41,193 - Well, uh, I can't tell you. - Why not? 807 01:08:41,367 --> 01:08:45,827 Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends, they're calling me on the horn all the time. 808 01:08:45,997 --> 01:08:49,706 I've gotta show up at shopping centers for openings, sign autographs, shit like that. 809 01:08:49,876 --> 01:08:53,368 And it makes my life a hell, okay? A living hell. 810 01:08:53,546 --> 01:08:58,210 But maybe if you have a pen, maybe we can... I know. You ever play charades? 811 01:08:58,384 --> 01:09:00,170 - Yeah. - Good. Good. 812 01:09:00,345 --> 01:09:01,960 Ahh, here we go then. Ready? 813 01:09:02,305 --> 01:09:05,797 - Um, two words. - Right. 814 01:09:07,393 --> 01:09:09,759 First word, two syllables. 815 01:09:10,021 --> 01:09:11,807 I ook. 816 01:09:11,981 --> 01:09:14,222 You know, just turn around. 817 01:09:15,193 --> 01:09:16,899 I don't know what your signal means. 818 01:09:17,070 --> 01:09:18,856 Turn around and look behind you. 819 01:09:20,114 --> 01:09:21,729 Hi. How are you? 820 01:09:22,575 --> 01:09:25,317 - Beetle. - Got it. Okay, now, two. 821 01:09:28,581 --> 01:09:30,913 Breakfast”? Orange”? Orange beetle? 822 01:09:31,084 --> 01:09:32,915 Beetle fruit? 823 01:09:33,586 --> 01:09:34,917 Beetle breakfast? 824 01:09:35,713 --> 01:09:37,078 Beetle drink? 825 01:09:37,924 --> 01:09:39,164 Beetle... 826 01:09:39,926 --> 01:09:41,541 Beetle juice? 827 01:09:41,719 --> 01:09:44,210 - Yes. That's it. - Your name's betelgeuse? 828 01:09:44,389 --> 01:09:47,222 You said it twice. Just say it once more. Come on. 829 01:09:47,392 --> 01:09:49,098 It was you, wasn't it? 830 01:09:49,268 --> 01:09:51,054 - Wha... 7? Me”? - The snake. 831 01:09:51,229 --> 01:09:54,062 No, what snake? You kids and your imagination. 832 01:09:54,232 --> 01:09:55,688 Just say it. 833 01:09:56,109 --> 01:09:57,394 No 834 01:09:58,444 --> 01:09:59,775 I want to talk to Barbara. 835 01:09:59,946 --> 01:10:03,438 No, you don't need to talk to Barbara. Just say it. 836 01:10:06,953 --> 01:10:10,571 Oh, Adam, I can't go through with it. I like that little girl. 837 01:10:10,748 --> 01:10:14,286 But, Barbara, honey, it's too late. We have to go through with this. 838 01:10:14,460 --> 01:10:18,453 No, we don't. I mean, can't we rebel or something? 839 01:10:21,134 --> 01:10:22,920 Barbara. 840 01:10:23,803 --> 01:10:26,089 Adam, I want to be with Lydia. 841 01:10:36,983 --> 01:10:39,565 Come on. Just say it. 842 01:10:40,486 --> 01:10:42,818 Adam: No! Barbara: No! Lydia, don't say it. 843 01:10:42,989 --> 01:10:45,822 You. Say it. 844 01:10:45,992 --> 01:10:48,859 It's okay. It's okay. It's us. What's going on? 845 01:10:49,996 --> 01:10:51,486 - Betel... - Shh! 846 01:10:51,664 --> 01:10:55,407 He told me that if I let him out he would take me to the other side to find you. 847 01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:58,793 No, Lydia, we're dead. 848 01:10:59,881 --> 01:11:02,873 - I wanna be dead too. - No_ 849 01:11:04,302 --> 01:11:05,917 Lydia... 850 01:11:10,516 --> 01:11:13,508 Being dead really doesn't make things any easier. 851 01:11:13,978 --> 01:11:18,517 Listen to her on this, Lydia. This is something we know a lot about. 852 01:11:18,691 --> 01:11:22,183 And you can come up here and visit us anytime you want. 853 01:11:22,904 --> 01:11:26,237 I have a feeling things are going to be 7 little better around here from now on. 854 01:11:28,284 --> 01:11:29,945 What do you mean, better? 855 01:11:30,119 --> 01:11:34,909 Well, we've decided that we're going to invite you and your family to stay. 856 01:11:35,708 --> 01:11:36,708 That's right, Lydia. 857 01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:45,544 Otho: Why can't we bring maxie up here? - You've got a stake in this too. 858 01:11:45,718 --> 01:11:50,212 This is a presentation. It requires a sense of occasion, a sense of style. 859 01:11:50,389 --> 01:11:52,880 - It's so big. How will we get it out? - It's sectional 860 01:11:53,059 --> 01:11:54,674 - wait, there are plugs. - Careful. 861 01:11:54,852 --> 01:11:56,308 Okay, go. 862 01:11:58,231 --> 01:12:01,223 - What's going on? - I don't know. I'll go find out. 863 01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:03,231 Be careful 864 01:12:04,362 --> 01:12:06,569 we've got ed cornwall to head the wax museum. 865 01:12:06,739 --> 01:12:10,857 Dedicated to 50 great moments of the paranormal here in Thanksgiving park. 866 01:12:11,035 --> 01:12:13,697 Now, you must remember ed, maxie. 867 01:12:14,121 --> 01:12:18,455 He's the genius who gave us the talking Marcel marceau statue it was a sensation. 868 01:12:19,168 --> 01:12:23,787 And d-con is on its knees to sponsor the insect zoo... 869 01:12:23,965 --> 01:12:26,581 Here in the old hardware store. 870 01:12:26,759 --> 01:12:28,090 We can't lose. 871 01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:36,344 Lydia, you finally decided to join us. 872 01:12:36,519 --> 01:12:38,680 Honey, I just, uh, finished the initial presentation. 873 01:12:38,855 --> 01:12:41,688 And now I think it's time to have a stretch 874 01:12:41,858 --> 01:12:45,442 and to invite our friends to meet your friends, okay? 875 01:12:46,445 --> 01:12:47,935 Are they here yet? 876 01:12:48,614 --> 01:12:51,856 Charles, we're here to see some ghosts. 877 01:12:52,827 --> 01:12:55,193 They're not here anymore. 878 01:12:59,417 --> 01:13:01,783 Every time she says that, the paint peels... 879 01:13:01,961 --> 01:13:04,953 And, uh, some wild creature tries to kill us. 880 01:13:06,507 --> 01:13:08,748 But we have these pictures, Lydia. 881 01:13:08,926 --> 01:13:11,963 No, really. They said they might come back and we could all live here 882 01:13:12,138 --> 01:13:16,723 if you agreed not to tease them or make them do stupid tricks. 883 01:13:17,602 --> 01:13:19,968 She has such a tendency to overreact. 884 01:13:20,146 --> 01:13:24,810 Don't worry, we're not relying on her. We have otho. 885 01:13:27,153 --> 01:13:30,316 - Are they still here, otho? - Otho, are they still here? 886 01:13:30,489 --> 01:13:34,152 Oh, they're still here. They're just hiding out. 887 01:13:34,994 --> 01:13:36,905 Probably feel guilty about what they did to me. 888 01:13:37,079 --> 01:13:38,694 They're sorry they didn't kill you. 889 01:13:38,873 --> 01:13:42,240 Well, I don't know from quilt. I just wanna see them. 890 01:13:43,127 --> 01:13:44,867 Otho, can you do it? 891 01:13:45,046 --> 01:13:48,959 - It'll be tricky, but I think I can handle it. - No_ 892 01:13:53,095 --> 01:13:56,587 Wait. What am I worried about? Otho, you can't even change a tire. 893 01:13:59,477 --> 01:14:02,310 I'll be needing something personal of theirs. 894 01:14:02,480 --> 01:14:04,471 You'll have to go to the goodwill. 895 01:14:07,693 --> 01:14:08,853 Fxcuse me. 896 01:14:21,248 --> 01:14:23,079 The wedding clothes. 897 01:14:24,752 --> 01:14:26,117 The words: 898 01:14:34,428 --> 01:14:36,089 Hands vermilion 899 01:14:36,555 --> 01:14:38,841 start of five 900 01:14:39,016 --> 01:14:40,552 bright cotillion 901 01:14:41,644 --> 01:14:43,930 raven's dive 902 01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:45,720 nightshade's promise 903 01:14:46,482 --> 01:14:49,189 spirits strive 904 01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:54,605 to the living I et now the dead come alive 905 01:15:07,503 --> 01:15:08,913 Barbara? 906 01:15:09,755 --> 01:15:10,870 Barbara? 907 01:15:11,048 --> 01:15:14,256 As sudden thunder pierces night 908 01:15:14,427 --> 01:15:17,214 as magic wonder mad affright 909 01:15:17,555 --> 01:15:20,592 rives asunder man's delight 910 01:15:20,766 --> 01:15:23,803 our ghost, our corpse 911 01:15:23,978 --> 01:15:25,764 and we rise fo be 912 01:15:29,025 --> 01:15:30,231 oh, no. 913 01:15:35,948 --> 01:15:37,108 Help. 914 01:15:37,283 --> 01:15:38,819 Barbara? 915 01:15:45,624 --> 01:15:47,364 Stop it. Shh! 916 01:15:48,294 --> 01:15:49,329 Lydia: No. 917 01:15:49,503 --> 01:15:51,243 Otho: As flies the lizard 918 01:15:51,422 --> 01:15:52,958 serpent fell 919 01:15:53,132 --> 01:15:56,624 as goblin vizard at the spell 920 01:15:56,802 --> 01:16:00,841 the buried, dead and slain rise again 921 01:16:32,713 --> 01:16:34,704 Barbara? 922 01:16:47,311 --> 01:16:48,517 What's happening to them? 923 01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:51,595 I don't know. 924 01:16:53,025 --> 01:16:54,060 They're dying. 925 01:16:54,235 --> 01:16:57,147 No, they're not. They're already dead. They can't feel a thing. 926 01:16:58,239 --> 01:17:01,276 - That's not true. Look at them. Charles: All right, that's enough now. 927 01:17:01,659 --> 01:17:03,445 Can you stop this? 928 01:17:04,537 --> 01:17:05,617 Otho. 929 01:17:05,788 --> 01:17:08,120 It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry. 930 01:17:15,464 --> 01:17:19,332 Where are you? Help them, please. 931 01:17:22,138 --> 01:17:25,551 Sure, I can help them. But you've gotta help me. 932 01:17:25,724 --> 01:17:28,682 - What? - Look, I'm what you call an illegal alien. 933 01:17:29,019 --> 01:17:33,228 I want out for good. In order for me to do that, hey, I gotta get married. 934 01:17:34,191 --> 01:17:37,934 Hey, these aren't my rules. Come to think of it, I don't have any rules. 935 01:17:39,864 --> 01:17:41,229 Come on. Come on. 936 01:17:41,407 --> 01:17:45,070 Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience. Okay? We both get something. I get out. 937 01:17:45,244 --> 01:17:48,657 You get to say you're hitched with the most eligible bachelor since Valentino. 938 01:17:48,831 --> 01:17:52,164 - We're even, babe. - Okay, just help them. 939 01:17:54,420 --> 01:17:55,956 Sure. 940 01:18:06,265 --> 01:18:07,265 Betelgeuse. 941 01:18:09,226 --> 01:18:10,386 Betelgeuse. 942 01:18:14,023 --> 01:18:15,058 Betelgeuse. 943 01:18:15,941 --> 01:18:17,522 It's showtime. 944 01:18:35,419 --> 01:18:37,250 Attention, kmart shoppers. 945 01:18:48,224 --> 01:18:53,093 Well, I'm back. I feel real good about myself. You know what I mean? So... 946 01:18:53,270 --> 01:18:54,931 Without further delay... 947 01:18:56,315 --> 01:19:00,649 Welcome to winter river museum of natural greed. 948 01:19:00,819 --> 01:19:02,730 A monument to the bored businessman. 949 01:19:02,905 --> 01:19:07,069 Come on, a little closer. Step right up. Test your strength. 950 01:19:28,806 --> 01:19:30,342 Betelgeuse: Thank you. 951 01:19:30,516 --> 01:19:32,006 Thank you. 952 01:19:33,602 --> 01:19:37,345 That is why I won't do two shows a night anymore, babe. 953 01:19:37,523 --> 01:19:39,013 I won't I won't do them. 954 01:19:39,191 --> 01:19:43,309 Well, what have we got here tonight, kids? 955 01:19:44,947 --> 01:19:47,233 Well, we've got the, uh, maitlands. 956 01:19:47,408 --> 01:19:50,195 I think they've had enough exercise for tonight. 957 01:19:57,459 --> 01:20:00,417 Not so fast, round boy. We're gonna have some laughs. 958 01:20:04,216 --> 01:20:05,706 Otho. 959 01:20:16,562 --> 01:20:18,518 Come on, come on, come on. 960 01:20:18,939 --> 01:20:20,270 Yeah. 961 01:20:21,233 --> 01:20:22,973 Mom, dad: 962 01:20:25,362 --> 01:20:28,195 I just want you two to know you're welcome in our house... 963 01:20:28,365 --> 01:20:30,572 Anytime you want to come over. 964 01:20:30,743 --> 01:20:34,406 In the meantime, the dowry's on me, dad. 965 01:20:36,915 --> 01:20:39,702 Well, the maitlands are taken care of. 966 01:20:39,877 --> 01:20:43,040 Everything seems to be pretty much back to normal, I think. 967 01:20:47,760 --> 01:20:49,045 Shall we? 968 01:20:59,146 --> 01:21:01,728 Called the caterer. He's got a great band. 969 01:21:01,899 --> 01:21:05,141 We're gonna need witnesses. Would you? 970 01:21:55,119 --> 01:21:57,155 Come on. Let's go. Let's get on with the ceremony. 971 01:21:57,329 --> 01:21:58,910 Do you, betel... 972 01:21:59,081 --> 01:22:00,321 Aah! Uh-uh! 973 01:22:00,499 --> 01:22:04,583 - Nobody says the "b" word. Come on. Preacher: Do you take this woman... 974 01:22:04,753 --> 01:22:07,210 To be your wedded wife? 975 01:22:07,381 --> 01:22:09,997 Oh, jeez, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big decision. 976 01:22:10,175 --> 01:22:14,043 I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it. 977 01:22:15,264 --> 01:22:16,595 Sure. Yeah go ahead. 978 01:22:16,765 --> 01:22:19,802 And you, do you, Lydia, take this man... 979 01:22:19,977 --> 01:22:21,183 No betel... 980 01:22:22,938 --> 01:22:26,430 She's a little bit nervous. Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay? 981 01:22:26,608 --> 01:22:28,769 I'm Lydia and I'm of sound mind. 982 01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:32,152 The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me. I'm answering. 983 01:22:32,322 --> 01:22:34,654 Yes, I love that man of mine. 984 01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:36,905 - Come on. Preacher: Then by the... 985 01:22:37,035 --> 01:22:38,866 Betel... 986 01:22:40,456 --> 01:22:42,617 Come on. Come on. 987 01:22:42,833 --> 01:22:44,243 Betelgeu... 988 01:22:45,294 --> 01:22:47,876 Hey. Hey. Hey. 989 01:22:49,882 --> 01:22:51,122 Scram. 990 01:22:52,926 --> 01:22:54,166 Come on. 991 01:22:56,054 --> 01:22:57,885 Take a hike. 992 01:23:00,684 --> 01:23:03,391 Preacher: May we continue with the ceremony? 993 01:23:05,189 --> 01:23:07,225 - Then by... - Betelgeuse. 994 01:23:11,904 --> 01:23:14,941 - Betelgeuse. - Oh, gee. 995 01:23:17,326 --> 01:23:18,566 Strike. 996 01:23:21,747 --> 01:23:23,237 Come on, let's get rolling now, rev. 997 01:23:23,415 --> 01:23:26,407 Then by the authority vested in me... 998 01:23:26,585 --> 01:23:29,247 - The ring, please. - The ring. Oh, no. 999 01:23:32,508 --> 01:23:34,590 Jewelry store. Here. 1000 01:23:34,760 --> 01:23:35,920 That's not it. 1001 01:23:37,429 --> 01:23:39,294 You know I got it, honey. 1002 01:23:55,072 --> 01:23:57,688 Here it is. Here you go. 1003 01:23:57,866 --> 01:24:01,700 I'm telling you, honey, she meant nothing to me. Nothing at all. 1004 01:24:07,376 --> 01:24:09,583 - I now pronounce you... - Yeah, yeah, come on. 1005 01:24:11,338 --> 01:24:12,794 Man and... 1006 01:24:12,965 --> 01:24:14,626 Ow! 1007 01:25:01,179 --> 01:25:03,670 Girl: Bye. Lydia: Bye. 1008 01:25:03,849 --> 01:25:05,680 Bye. 1009 01:25:05,851 --> 01:25:07,967 - Bye, you guys. - Bye. 1010 01:25:12,316 --> 01:25:15,854 - What time is it, honey? - It's about 3:30, I guess. 1011 01:25:16,028 --> 01:25:17,814 Give or take a year. 1012 01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:21,355 Hello? 1013 01:25:24,786 --> 01:25:26,151 Well? 1014 01:25:26,830 --> 01:25:27,865 Did you get the paints? 1015 01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:31,703 Yes. And I took pictures of the new town hall for you too. 1016 01:25:31,877 --> 01:25:33,557 Barbara: How'd you do on that science test? 1017 01:25:33,712 --> 01:25:36,624 It was gross. They wanted me to dissect a frog. 1018 01:25:36,798 --> 01:25:40,336 I told them no way. I said it was against my religion. So I got a c. 1019 01:25:41,094 --> 01:25:42,334 And how about the math test? 1020 01:25:43,972 --> 01:25:48,215 You have got to be kidding me. We spent the whole week studying for that test. 1021 01:25:48,393 --> 01:25:50,054 I got an a. 1022 01:25:50,228 --> 01:25:52,184 So can I? 1023 01:25:52,731 --> 01:25:55,894 Well, I don't know. Got a c on the science test. 1024 01:25:56,902 --> 01:25:59,484 Adam, don't tease her. You never got on a in science... 1025 01:26:04,701 --> 01:26:05,907 Come on. 1026 01:26:07,496 --> 01:26:09,202 Well 1027 01:26:10,082 --> 01:26:11,367 I suppose. 1028 01:26:27,307 --> 01:26:29,798 This thing reads like stereo instructions. 1029 01:26:29,976 --> 01:26:33,093 Sounds like Lydia got an a on the math test jeez! 1030 01:26:35,107 --> 01:26:36,938 He likes it. 1031 01:27:14,855 --> 01:27:16,186 Hey! 1032 01:27:17,190 --> 01:27:19,522 Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there. 1033 01:27:22,112 --> 01:27:23,648 Women. 1034 01:27:23,822 --> 01:27:26,188 I don't know what her problem is. 1035 01:27:26,992 --> 01:27:28,402 Normally, chicks... 1036 01:27:43,049 --> 01:27:45,131 Pardon me. Did you do that? 1037 01:27:45,677 --> 01:27:48,840 That's very nice work. Let me ask, how do you get them so sm...? 1038 01:27:49,014 --> 01:27:50,925 Hey, there goes Elvis. Yo, king. 1039 01:27:53,393 --> 01:27:56,977 Well, looks like I'm next. 1040 01:27:57,939 --> 01:28:03,354 Good thing too. I gotta do a photo shoot for gq in about an hour and a half. 1041 01:28:03,528 --> 01:28:07,362 They've been after me for months. Doing some kind of underwear deal, I don't know... 1042 01:28:08,950 --> 01:28:11,862 Hey, what are you doing? Stop it. You're messing up my hair. 1043 01:28:12,037 --> 01:28:14,870 Come on! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! 1044 01:28:15,040 --> 01:28:17,622 Whoal 1045 01:28:17,793 --> 01:28:20,535 hey, this might be a good look for me.