"You are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard.
All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarfs."
Melt wizard.
"What do you want to melt him with?"
Josh!
What do you think I want to melt him with?
- I told you to take out the garbage! - Just a second!
Throw thermal...
Josh! Didn't you hear what your mother said?
One minute!
Joshua Baskin!
"Your hesitancy has cost you dearly.
"The wizard, sensing your apprehension...
"unleashes a fatal bolt from the ice scepter.
With luck, you will thaw in several million years."
Great.
Come on, Josh. It's starting to stink up the place.
Okay, okay, okay.
Take the garbage out. Every day, take the garbage out. There!
The teams are being led into the field, and the crowds are going crazy! Yeah! Yeah!
And wait a minute. It's the Yankees' star pitcher coming out of the bullpen.
Look at him! And the crowds are cheering. They're going crazy!
- They're screaming! Is Billy there? Okay. - In the back.
Rick Rhoden is on the mound for the Yankees.
He looks into the catcher's mitt, shakes off the first signal...
takes the turn.
He wipes the sweat off his brow, leans back and fires.
Yeah! Good-bye, Mr. Spalding!
Here, here. Wait.
Got it, need it, need it, got it.
Hey, hey, hey!
You ever go by Simpson's desk when she's grading papers or somethin'?
She leaned over, you can see right down her shirt.
No. Swear to God.
- Bra? - No, no.
She's got one of those undershirt things.
So if you get real close to the board...
you can see all the way down to her flowers.
Yeah. Give me your gum.
- Need it, got it, got it, need it. - Hey, hey.
- Give me a dollar! Give me... - Oh, my God. It's Cynthia.
How did a geek like Freddie Benson get a sister like that?
Beats me.
I mean, imagine having a boyfriend like that.
Hi, Josh.
- Hi. - Oh, my God. It's Billy.
- Come on! - Don't start.
He says hi!
Come on, Miss Cheapo. A quarter! A quarter.
Unbelievable!
God. She likes you. I know she likes you. I'll find out, okay?
- Don't forget to call me after supper. - Okay.
- Remember about Cynthia. - Don't worry!
I'm as interested as you are.
This isn't fair.
Buddy, we've been talkin' about this for months.
You knew this was gonna happen when Rachel got older.
- Why can't she stay in your room? - Because.
Bein' part of a family means sharing responsibilities.
Great. But do I have to share my room?
I'm a person. I am not your maid.
Can any of you appreciate that?
You waltz in here like it's some kind of a resort...
lounging around, waiting for your dinner to be cooked...
your clothes to be ironed.
What about me? Have you ever once thought about how I feel?
Do you know what it's like to work eight hours and come home to this?
Every single day?
None of you ever offer to help me!
Why?
I can't do it alone anymore.
Just can't.
And if you tell them anything that goes on in this room...
well, you'll be sorry.
So, will you tell me?
- You're in. - What do you mean, I'm in?
- Cynthia Benson. - What about her?
You ready for this? She doesn't like Barry anymore.
So?
So what do you mean, "so"? That's it. She's available.
- Billy, it doesn't mean... - Josh.
Hey, it's after midnight.
- Now, say good night to Billy. - Good night, Billy. I gotta go.
Good night, Mrs. Baskin!
Sweet dreams.
All right. Come on.
One dollar. Come on, kid.
Watch this. Need some help with the hammer?
Okay. I'm ready. Here I go. Here I go.
I get one more try. One more try.
Okay, honey. Big smile. Big smile.
- Go! Go! Go! - Good. Good.
"Wimpy"! Better luck next time.
Let me get one more try? Please? Come on! I can't live with "wimpy."
Mommy! Make it stop!
You sure you want to go on this thing, son?
- Yeah. - No, no.
I don't know about this one, Bob.
- No, this looks too scary. - It's okay.
- Oh, my God. - See? I told you.
He doesn't want to go on it.
Son, you don't have to go on this thing if you don't feel like it.
No, no. It's just that I want to go on myself.
- You do? - Yeah.
I think it's something...
Yeah, I think it's something I should do.
Great. Why don't we meet you at the Ferris wheel?
Half hour.
- Excuse me. - Hey!
What are you doing? Come on, man.
Watch it.
Sal threw up on the other ride.
It was disgusting.
Josh?
- Hi. - Hi.
Have you been on this before?
- This? - Yeah.
- Yes. - Is it scary?
- Yes. - Are you here alone?
Yes.
Look. Aren't those your parents?
- Where? - Right over there.
Honey! Smile!
Why, yes.
- Hey, who's this? - This is Josh Baskin.
- How you doin'? - This is Derek.
- He drives. - Next.
- Go ahead. - Yo, next!
Read this sign.
"You must be at least this big to ride this ride."
What?
Hey, I don't make the rules, kid.
Next!
Well, it's a stupid rule.
Look, why don't you try the Kiddie Whip?
Yeah, it's about time. You. You.
- See you, Josh. - No problem. Step up.
- Hey, watch it, kid! - Hey. Come on, you guys. Let's go.
"Drop 25 cents here."
Come on!
Work! Work!
Neat!
Make my wish. Right.
I wish I were big.
"Your wish is granted."
Somebody's gonna get you!
Come on. Go! Come on!
What's the matter?
Oh, no. Oh, no, no.
No.
Honey, you'll wake up your brother.
Come on. Come on. You sleep with us.
Easy, doggie! Easy! Don't make me do it.
I'm only part-time. Sorry.
Josh!
- Josh! - What?
It's 7:30. Are you up?
Come on, sleepyhead! You're gonna miss the bus, and I can't drive you today.
What does he do in his sleep?
Honey? I put out some clean clothes.
Bring down your dungarees and stuff for the laundry, okay?
- Okay. - You getting a cold, Josh?
No. Fine.
He's got a cold.
Now Rachel's gonna get a cold, I'm gonna get a cold, his father's gonna get a cold.
Oh, my God.
- Breakfast is ready, Josh. - Be right there!
Josh! Hurry up! Your eggs are getting cold.
Hold this. Hold this. Good. Now, can you keep it a secret?
Yeah. Keep it a secret.
Bring down Rachel with you, all right?
Okay.
Come on. Come on.
Oh, yeah Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
You want orange juice or...
What about your breakfast?
- Don't. Please, don't! Don't! Please! - I'm sorry. Sorry.
- No! - It's me.
- It's Josh. Mom! Mom. - Stop it! Oh, God!
- I made a wish last night. - Please, stop!
I turned into a grown-up. I made this wish on the machine.
Go away!
It turned me into a grown-up. Last night at the carnival.
No! No!
My birthday's November 3. Mom, I got a "B" on my history test.
Here, take the purse. You can have anything that's in it! Go away!
M-M-M-My baseball team is called the Dukes!
I made this for you. Who are you calling?
I have a birthmark behind my left knee!
- You bastard. What did you do to my son? - I am your son, Mom.
- Where is my child? Where is my son? - Oh, Ma! Ma! Ma!
Police!
Hands up!
Hands up on defense!
Come on! All the way. All the way.
- It's all yours! - All right, stop!
I'm open! Here! I'm open!
Shoot it! Yeah!
Gentlemen, this period is over.
You stink, Kopecki!
Get back to the locker rooms and get on to your next class.
Billy, you stink!
Wash shirts and shorts.
Billy, do us both a favor.
Put the balls in the equipment closet and you practice your layup.
Horowitz, pick up that shirt or I'll make you eat it. It stinks!
Let's go, gentlemen. Hey, let's go now.
- Billy. - Yeah?
- What? - It's me.
- It's Josh. - Coach Barnes!
- No! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! - Coach Barnes!
Billy, shut up! I'm your best friend! Please, you gotta believe me.
- Don't hurt me. - I'll prove it to you. Billy, please!
- Look, I'm not gonna hurt you! - Help! Help!
Goddamn it, Billy Francis Kopecki!
Look, I know I don't look like myself, okay?
But something really strange happened, and I'm really scared! I need your help!
You're my best friend! I can prove it to you.
Josh?
You look terrible.
I know.
He had on a blue, sweatshirt with a hood on it...
that said "Giants" across the front.
He ran in here. He ran into the kitchen.
He followed me around that pillar there...
and when I got into the kitchen, he turned
around and he pulled down his pants...
and he exposed his heinie.
I can't. I can't.
I was in the house making gravy, and I heard this commotion.
That's right. We're at the scene right now.
We've talked to the mother. She's pretty hysterical.
She's not making any sense at all.
There's no ransom note, no prints. There's no nothing;
I'll tell you what- file a report, be on the safe side.
- Shut up! - Bet he ran away.
- Wish I could. - Want me to pack your bags?
It's me.
You couldn't wish for a million dollars?
Take that off. Don't worry. I got it all figured out.
Go to the city, lay low for a couple days...
find that Zoltar thing, make your wish.
You'll be home by Thursday.
It grew all over.
Why can't I just tell them what happened?
You did, and your mom tried to kill you.
I'm gonna get in one awful lot of trouble because of this.
They'll probably be so happy to see you, you'll probably get a new bike out of it.
Come on. Let's get going.
Excuse me.
Thanks.
She's a problem.
This is the time of day when she gets cranky and she cries.
She does it every day.
I'm not supposed to go to New York without my folks.
You'll be all right. Here.
- Where did you get that? - My father's sock drawer.
- You stole it? - It's his emergency fund.
Fine! Fine. Fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
Kill the bitch. Kill her with a knife. Kill her with a knife!
Kill the bitch. Kill the bitch. Kill her with a knife.
Put it in. Bitch! Kill the bitch!
Kill her!
- You lookin' for some fun tonight, sweet thing? - No, thank you.
- Hey, man. Spare some change? - No, not really.
Hey, this looks okay.
No, it doesn't.
St. James, Josh. It's religious.
Stay out there all night, all day and all night again?
- Hi. - Hi.
We would like a hotel room, please.
17.50 a night for the room, $10 deposit for the sheets.
You go straight to the top of the stairs.
The last door on the right, next to the bathroom.
Wait a second. I'll show you.
It smells bad.
- Have a pleasant stay. - Thanks.
Hey, Angel! Get out of that bathroom now!
He's in that bathroom all night.
I don't want to stay here by myself.
I can't help it, Josh. I gotta be home by 10:00.
Look, I'll cut classes tomorrow.
We'll find that Zoltar thing before you know it, okay?
Just one night. All right?
- All right. - Good.
- What if I can't sleep? - It's probably better if you don't.
See you in the morning.
- Well, you know, like, what time? - 8:30.
I'd use the chain, if I were you.
All right. Come on out. Open the door.
Stay away from here.
If you don't have the money, don't show us your face over here!
Goddamn it!
- Get out! - Watch the money! Give me that!
Mom. Mom.
You really think we'll find it today?
It's a big city, Josh. I bet there's a million Zoltar machines.
Well, where should we start first?
I don't know. Let's try the next street.
- I told you, it's not a video game. - Then what is it?
Well, it's not a video game.
This one's got a number on it. Does yours?
- No. Wait. Here's one. - What are you doing? What are you doing?
- What are you doing? - Do you have Zoltar?
No, I told you, I looked in the back. I've got Powerhouse...
- We really need Zoltar. - I haven't got it.
- What did the guy at the arcade say? - They have to license them.
- And where are we? - The licensing bureau.
Right. So all we gotta do is get a list of all the carnivals then track it down.
Will you quit your moping now?
- I'm not mopin'. - Can I help you?
Yes. We would like a list of all carnivals and fairs.
And arcades.
- Yeah. - Carnivals and fairs.
Try Consumer Affairs down the hall, room 111.
Thank you.
Fill this out in triplicate. Five dollar filing charge.
- See? - One month to process. You get it in six weeks.
- Six weeks? - Sometimes longer, but you could get lucky.
Next, please!
Fill this out in triplicate.
I'm gonna be 30 years old for the rest of my life.
Would you come on? We'll figure something out.
By the way, you may be older than that.
So now what?
- I'll come and see you every day after school. - How?
I'll tell them I made the basketball team.
- I won't have nothin' to do. - You can get a job.
- Can't get a job. - Why?
Can't be any different than school.
- What are you good at? - I don't know. Making spitballs?
- How 'bout a delivery man? - I don't know how to drive.
Yeah, right.
Cardiological technician. Civil engineer.
- You're not gonna eat your cherry? - Go ahead.
- Clerical transcriber. - Billy.
Yeah.
- Gross. God, that's gross! - Check, please.
- Go to the next column. - Collection agent. Company clerk.
- Computer operator. Construction engineer. - Computer operator?
- What? - Computer operator. Read that one.
- Josh, will you quit with your stupid computers! - Just read it.
- "MacMillan Toys." Toys! - Toys!
Whee-whee-whee-whee, Jags.
"Seeking experienced computer operators for all levels of system management.
"Candidates must perform data updates, malfunction isolation...
- monitoring of cluster performance." - "Performance." I can do that.
- You can? - Sure.
- Hey, great. They use H.P. 3000s. - You understand all that?
Well, it's an old system, but, you know...
- Where do we go? - "Apply in person, MacMillan Toys."
- All right. Let's go. - Miss? Miss?
Miss?
You look good.
- MacMillan Toys! - There it is!
MacMillan Toys. May I help you?
- I'll connect you. - Are these the applications?
- Yes. Just have a seat. I'll call your name. - What's next?
- There. - Previous employment.
- Your paper route. - I don't think I can put that.
- Neighborhood circulation director? - Yeah!
Yes. Hold on just a moment, please.
What's he got?
Hey, don't worry about it.
Social security number?
32-17-25.
- What is that? - It's my locker combination.
- Great. - Mr. Baskin?
- Yes. Yes.
The personnel director will see you now.
Your son can wait out here.
Yeah, okay. Son, you should sit down.
- And don't give the lady any trouble now. - Sure, Dad.
This way.
Don't forget- look him in the eye!
There's a couple of numbers missing on your social security.
12.
012.
It says here you've got four years' experience.
Yes.
- All on computers. - Yes.
Where did you go to school?
It was called George Washington.
G.W. My brother-in-law got his doctorate there.
- Did you pledge? - Yes, every morning.
It happened again. David, the girl is absolutely useless.
You have got to give me someone who knows what she is doing. Excuse me.
I'm not getting any of my mail. Nothing has been filed.
Ever since she got engaged, my life has been a disaster.
Well, you know, she came so highly recommended.
She spent the last three months writing down her married name. Mrs. Judy Hicks.
Mrs. Donald Hicks. Mrs. Judy Mitchellson Hicks.
Sometimes with a hyphen, sometimes without a hyphen.
Sometimes she spells the hyphen.
Well, I really don't know where I can put her.
Put her on unemployment.
- When can you start? - Soon.
MacMillan Toys. I'll transfer.
- Brent. - Susan.
- Where's Mildred? - She's out sick.
Again.
And it's easy to clean.
That's very important, that you're easy to clean.
Open that one.
What's so... What's the joke?
- Is it a small? - Miss Lawrence.
See, when she opens her shower presents...
everything she says she'll say on her wedding night, only she doesn't know it.
- So, when we read the list to her- - Who's answering my phone?
It's pink.
I'll get it.
I needed towels. Thank you very much.
Paul Davenport's office.
- Can I help you? - Susan Lawrence. Is he in?
- Of course. - Thank you.
- Susan. - Paul.
If I don't have a man tonight, I'm absolutely going...
- Mr. MacMillan's on line two. - Yeah, I'll hold.
An automatic switch-on...
These are the preliminary voice runs on Princess Gwendolyn.
All comments should be directed to Jack Taylor no later than Thursday.
One day, I'll find my prince.
Alternate version number one:
One day, my prince will come.
Alternate version number two:
I want you to steal all the money from Mummy's purse...
and buy all my accessories.
The more you buy me, the more I'll love you.
Just kidding, Susan.
Tra-la. Tra-la.
I thought we'd start you off on last week's preschool orders.
It should take a few days. Give you a chance to find your way around.
- Do you smoke? - Well, just that once, but...
Only on breaks, and in the coffee room.
Most of that's pretty straightforward stuff.
You have any questions, come to me. Good luck.
Bye.
The Dinky Link.
Seven.
- Jimmy's Toy Box. - Psst.
Screwy Hermie.
Psst!
Hey. Psst. Hey. I'm Scott Brennen.
I'm Josh Baskin.
Listen, what are you trying to do, get us all fired?
Gotta slow down. Pace yourself.
- Slowly. Slowly. Slow. - Sorry.
- Today's my first day. - I know.
- So, how long have you worked here? - Five years.
Work stinks, but the fringe benefits are great.
See that girl over there in the red?
Say hi to her, and she's yours.
She'll wrap her legs around you so tight, you'll be begging for mercy.
Well, I'll stay away from her then.
Excuse me.
Yeah. Brennen. I gave it to you yesterday.
Here it is.
I don't have time to xerox it. Let the new guy do it.
Yeah. It...
We still... We haven't shipped it out yet.
You gotta be quiet. People are tryin' to work here.
- Hey, wait! - They can't think.
We're gonna go in the other room and see some toys. Come on.
Come on, you guys. Stay together.
Come on, guys.
Trouble.
We're pregnant?
Huggy Bear took a nosedive.
That's not possible.
Look at these figures, Paul. Third-quarter profits off 40%.
Pre-orders down 55.
I'm not talking about one toy. I'm talking about the whole goddamn line:
Huggy Bear Mama, Huggy Bear Papa.
Goddamn Baby's off 60%.
You must feel awful.
- I must feel awful? - You must.
Paul...
Paul, I think we must feel awful.
Well, yeah. I feel bad too.
This whole line was your idea.
I think that if you just march right in and talk with MacMillan...
It's not my fault.
Honey, are we trying to fix this thing or are we tryin' to place blame?
If it'll make you feel better, I'll go in there with you while you talk to him.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I taught him everything he knows.
Right up.
Hi, this is Matthew with MacMillan Toys.
Yeah, well, I live right over by the river.
And I just need to confirm your address.
You ever seen Brooklyn by dawn?
Hey, hey. Does it sound like I'm beggin'? I am.
Hello?
- Hello? - Hello.
- Mrs. Baskin? - Yes?
- How are you? - Who is this?
I just wanted you to know that...
Josh is all right, and he's okay and everything.
You have my boy?
Yeah, and you're gonna get him back just the way he was.
Look, I swear to God, if you do anything to him...
if you touch one hair on his head...
I will spend the rest of my life making sure you suffer.
Thanks.
Let me talk to Josh.
He can't come to the phone right now.
Why not? Why not? What did you do to him?
I didn't do anything to him. I think he's a terrific kid.
I want proof that he's all right.
All right.
Ask me something that only he would know.
Then I'll ask him for you, and that way you'll know that he's okay.
Ask him what I used to sing to him when he was a little boy.
Isn't there something else that you'd rather ask him?
Ask him.
I got it. I got it.
Look, you're gonna see him again really soon.
I promise. I cross my heart and hope to...
We'll talk about this later.
- That's total bullshit, Paul! - But, sir, the favorability rating...
Let's not lie to ourselves. If a kid likes a toy, it sells. That's all.
But every bit of research and focus testing shows...
It worked in research. It worked in the testing.
It just didn't work with the kids.
Sorry.
Why don't you watch where the hell you're going!
- Are you okay? - I am fine.
You could kill somebody running around here like that!
Paul, a boss should get knocked on his ass once in a while.
- It's good for him. - I don't know, sir.
You should see a doctor.
For crying out loud, Paul, I'm fine! I'm fine!
- Sorry, sir. Sorry. - Where were you going anyway, son?
I was...
I was going to the Xerox room 'cause they needed these by 5:00.
That's good. Nothing wrong with a little hustle.
Nothing at all.
Right, Paul?
It's good to see a little hustle for a change.
What did he mean?
I hustle. Sir? Sir!
Get down! Get down! Get out of the area!
He's got my money. Get in!
- Ferris! - Thank you.
Brennen!
Baskin!
- What is this? - Payday.
- Hey, Walt. Where's mine? - $187?
Yep.
They really screw you, don't they?
- "Sign below." Hi. - Hi.
Okay. So how would you like that?
Could I have your driver's license, please?
- Okay. - All right.
Three dimes, a hundred dollar bill and 87 ones.
- One... - One, two...
three, four, five, six... Three, four, five, six...
- seven, eight, nine, 10! - Seven, eight, nine...
Look at it. Look at it. It's beautiful.
Look at this. You know what we're gonna do with this?
- What? - Spend it!
I'm never eating again.
It wasn't that bad.
It was the boat ride that did it.
No. It was the pork rinds.
Pork rinds!
- We sure had fun, didn't we? - Yeah. Yeah, we sure did.
Booger! Booger!
Get that baby to shut up. Come on.
I could use some help with the baby.
Please. I give you all the help I can. You drive me nuts.
You are never here.
I'm just goin' out for a little while. I'll be back when I want to, okay?
- Hello? - Hello.
- Is this the Baskin residence? - Yes.
- Hi. - Who's this?
We're conducting a...
a consumer survey and we were wondering...
what kind of medicine... you would give to your family.
- For what? - For a stomachache.
Pepto-Bismol.
- How often do you give that? - Every four hours.
I gotta go.
Every four hours.
Okay.
Thank you.
Josh! Josh!
- Doggie! - No-No. Get away from that dog.
- Come on. Get away from that dog. - Doggie. I wanna pet him!
Doggie!
We'll go inside and buy you a nice gum ball.
Okay.
How did you get it to stop?
Right. Okay. Second door. Right there.
Okay. This one is goin' way out. See if you can get this one.
Okay. Another big one.
Hey, no fair! Hey.
Yee-haw!
Oh, my God. Just keep away from the strange man.
- Gotcha. - What's your name?
- Jordan. What's yours? - My name's Josh.
- I'm gonna blow you away, Josh. - I just got you!
- No way! You're closer. Get back here! - I got you!
You big gawk.
- You work for me, don't you? - Yes.
I thought so. What, are you here with your kids?
No.
- I got the last! - Did not.
I was just looking around.
Me too. I come here every Saturday.
You can't see this on a marketing report.
What's a marketing report?
Come on! It's my turn!
Exactly. Come on.
What do you think of that?
- The Championship Hockey? - Yeah.
- I love it. Only that... - Only what?
- Well, the pieces don't move. - What do you mean?
Well, on the old set, you could slide the men up and down the ice.
Now all they do is spin around.
It's more like real hockey the old way. Why'd they change it?
I don't know.
See, the Starfighters are good because you can change all the pieces.
But I never liked the Galacticons.
You only get one robot, and they don't come with a vehicle.
I see.
Plus, you can't take 'em underwater. If you do...
Neat.
Okay, let's check out the...
- Piano lessons? - Three years.
Me too. Every day after school.
Hey, hey!
"Chopsticks."
What department did you say you were in?
I'm in Computers.
- Computers? - Yeah. Yeah.
You just saved me a trip to the gym, son.
According to the studies, this thing should go straight through the roof.
- Hey! Hey! Watch it, fella. - Sorry. Sorry.
Vice president in charge of product development.
Vice president? He's only been here a week!
And he came from Data Processing.
He's out of his mind. The old man has finally lost it.
Did you know he gave him Bob's old office?
Bob's...
Bob's office is bigger than my office!
There's gotta be a reason.
Things like this don't happen unless there's a reason.
That means if the president dies, you get to take over?
No. They got a hundred of' em. Are we ready?
Yes, Mr. Baskin.
Come on in.
Look at this place. It's bigger than the principal's office!
- How would you know? - Remember that explosion in science?
- Yeah. - Truckapillar!
59.95.
- You know that only costs 10 bucks to make? - Get outta here!
- What is this? - They just put this in here.
It doesn't mean anything.
So, what do they make you do for all this?
Well, I play with all of this stuff, and then I go in and tell 'em what I think.
- That's it? - Yeah.
- And they pay you for that? - Yeah.
Suckers!
Thank you, Miss Patterson.
Hey, Miss Patterson, could you call Media and have them send up...
the video of the Giants Broncos Super Bowl and
have them edit out the commercials and stuff?
- Yes, Mr. Baskin. - Thanks.
- Miss Patterson. - You're the luckiest guy I know.
Boom!
- Great. - Mr. Davenport.
Try taking some of the padding out.
Projected sales are gonna go through the roof.
Those test scores...
You know, this is an office, not a playground.
Kill somebody...
- Did you check Mattel? - Nothing.
Time now to check the day's business news.
- Coleco? - Zero.
He can't come from nowhere, Susan. He has to come from somewhere.
- How 'bout Hasbro? - Yes.
And Fisher-Price and Worlds of Wonder.
I have called everywhere. Nobody's ever heard of him.
This is just terrific!
It's not my fault.
Today's arrests bring the current total to 18...
I know him.
Those under indictment include five senior vice presidents...
Now they're arresting businessmen?
The new American crime, tryin' to earn a living?
...the most coveted position on Wall Street-Baskin!
Susan, he has to come from somewhere.
Let's face it, Paul. The guy comes from Data Processing.
Terrific. That's just terrific. This is just terrific!
You're being paranoid, Paul.
These tests were conducted over a six-month period...
using a double-blind format of eight overlapping demographic groups.
Every region of the country was sampled.
The focus testing showed a solid base...
in the nine-to-11-year-old bracket...
with a possible carryover into the 12-year-olds.
When you consider that GoBots and Transformers pull 37% market share...
I'm sorry.
And that we are targeting the same area...
I think that we should see one-quarter of that...
and that is one-fifth of the total revenue from all of last year.
- Excellent, Paul. - Thank you. Thank you.
Any questions?
- No. - Not from me.
Yes?
- Yes? - I don't get it.
What, exactly, don't you get?
It turns from a building into a robot. Right?
Precisely.
Well, what's fun about that?
Well, if you had read your industry breakdown...
you would see that our success in the action figure area...
has climbed from 27% to 45% in the last two years.
There. That might help.
- Yes? - I still don't get it.
What?
What don't you get, Josh?
There's a million robots that turn into something.
This is a building that turns into a robot.
What's fun about playing with a building?
This is a skyscraper.
Well, couldn't it be, like, a robot that turns into, like, a bug or something?
- A bug? - Yeah.
A prehistoric insect with claws that could pick up a car.
Interesting.
- A prehistoric Transformer? - Interesting.
- So the robot turns into a bug? - Gentlemen...
You've got a very good idea here!
The robot turns into a bug!
- This is a great idea! - Wh...
- Different sizes... - Susan, we could do ladybugs!
You could have him wreck buildings.
Transformers for girls!
A building is inert. A bug, it moves, it's got all kinds of possibilities.
This doesn't just happen. This guy... This doesn't happen.
He doesn't just come to a meeting and say "bugs."
Well done, Josh. Well done.
He is vicious!
- He's not vicious. - Don't kid yourself. That man is a killer.
All he said was, he didn't get it.
"I don't get it. I don't get it. Let's make it a bug!"
He was going for the throat, trying to eviscerate me.
Did you see the look on MacMillan's face?
It's quite a unique space.
The lines are so clean, and you don't get any of that partition quality.
It has 50-foot ceilings, old hardwood floors...
ample closet space, a modern kitchen...
a brand-new bathroom with a jet-stream Jacuzzi.
We'll take it!
Baskin! Rental delivery!
Come out. Come out.
- Hey! What, are you nuts? - So close.
Dear Mom and Dad:
They said...
that I could write you...
and let you know I was okay.
Check it out!
So far they're treating me fine.
- I got enough to eat- - Two!
And am perfectly safe.
- Rebound! Two! - They say I'll get out of here...
In about a month.
In the meantime...
it's a lot like camp.
I watch TV...
- I got it! I got it! I got it! - Hooray!
And even get outside...
once in a while.
I know...
you miss me...
but try not to worry.
I think...
this experience...
- might even be good for me. - Knocked him out!
I love you very much...
and I know...
I'll see you soon.
Your son...
Joshua.
P.S.
Give Rachel a kiss from her big brother.
- Hey. - Hey. Hey.
Sorry I'm late. The computers were down for, like, 45 minutes.
There was nothing I could do about it.
- What is this? - It's a letter to my mom.
- She's gonna feel... This is terrible! - No. You don't mail it...
- You're gonna get her all screamin' and cryin'- - No, I'm not.
It's just a letter to say I'm okay and stuff.
Come on. Why can't I go with you?
Bill... I told you, Billy. It's only for people in the company, so you can't.
- I could be your assistant. - Billy!
Fine. Fine. Just go to your fancy party...
while I stay at home by my mailbox and wait for your stupid carnival list.
- It's just this once, okay? - Sure.
Yes. That's a beautiful fit.
Here, Paul. Take this, go over to the mirror...
put the hat on and look at yourself.
What color would you call this?
- Can I help you? - Yeah. I'd like to rent a tuxedo.
I see. Is there any particular occasion?
Yeah. His company is havin' a party.
Well, then you probably want something simple.
Maybe a nice black, with a p-p-p...
Check it out.
- Feel that. What do you think? - I like it.
Look at these.
Usually this type of tuxedo is popular with students...
senior proms, juvenile dress-ups and maybe a fancy p...
Look at this one.
What kind of tuxedo is this?
That's not a tuxedo! That's a morning coat.
- Well, what do you call this? - Ugly.
Hey. I've got it.
Excuse me. I'll be right back. Oy.
I really wanna go home.
Maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Let's start again.
Hey, smell my neck.
- I was hopin' for a raise, sir. - A raise.
- Just a little one. - All right, a little one.
Have a good time. I'll see what I can do.
- Okay. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. - All right.
Come on, George. You can't sell to the parents. You sell to the kids.
I disagree.
Listen. You hit 'em at 7:00 in the morning
while their folks are still asleep.
Then you get 'em good and jacked up for three hours...
so that by 10:00, they're rippin' the house apart.
It's timing, George. Timing.
You want that parent to wake up...
listening to little Jennifer screaming, "Puppy Pal, Puppy Pal."
It's very beautiful and I'm having a lovely time.
I'm delighted, Miss Patterson.
It's much better than last year. I just wanted to tell you that.
How are you gents doing here?
- Double up on the scotch, will you? - Right away, sir.
Here you are, sir.
- Susan. - Love your tux.
I think it's the same as the ma? Tre d's.
Yeah. Have you decided what you're doing on the Danbury line?
No, I haven't.
Well, I think if you got everyone's input up front...
I mean, right from the beginning, you can...
- Susan, have a drink. - What?
Have a couple of drinks. It's a party.
Look at this!
Oh, God!
Josh! I'm glad you could make it.
Bet he gets another raise.
Now, that's what I call a tuxedo.
I rented it. This is a real bow tie though. I tied it myself.
- That's why I was late. - No, you're not late at all.
- Let me show you around. - There's Miss Patterson. Hi.
There's a guy from the meeting!
Would you like a drink... champagne, glass of wine?
No, just some milk.
Why not? You on the wagon?
No, I'm at a party.
It works on your hips.
You need a whole other exercise for your thighs. It's true.
Hi.
Let me grab a plate here.
Excuse me. This looks good.
...from the I.R.S. Tells me that I can't amortize like that...
So I show him the schedule...
and then he says, "It's not accepted accounting procedure."
I say, "You little pissant."
Try a little bit of...
- That looks good. - Yeah.
Want to get a load of that guy. He's, overdressed.
- Look, my feet really hurt. - Yeah? You want me to rub 'em?
You know, most people, they don't know how to rub feet.
Think it's in the thumbs. It's the knuckles.
- Now put some eucalyptus oil on- - Just-Just dance.
- It's great. - It's great.
- I'm having a really good time. - I'm really excited about this.
- Ignore him. Just ignore him. - I don't know him.
- The guy's a goddamn knock-off artist. - What do you mean?
Amphibian? He takes 10,000 G.I. Joes...
slaps some gills on 'em, webs their feet, packages 'em in seaweed.
- There's not supposed to be pieces in mousse. - Carrot.
- But the toy sold, Paul. - Excuse me.
- Hi. - Hi.
All the same people having all the same discussion.
It's like they cloned some party in 1983...
and kept spinning it out again and again and again.
I loved your ideas on the Squeezy Doll line.
Thanks.
They were so... incisive.
"Incisive."
It's beluga.
MacMillan orders it every year.
Sidle up to him and then ask for a raise.
Gesundheit.
You all right?
You okay?
You want a glass of water?
- Want something to drink? - Could I have a milk shake or something?
I got a car outside. You wanna get outta here?
Let's go.
Watch it!
Did you see that?
I'm not really a big one for parties.
I like things that are a little more... intimate.
Is this your car?
Well, it's the company's car.
- This is the coolest thing I've ever seen! - Yes, sir.
Sir.
Just seeing someone in the office...
you don't really get a chance to know them.
Just being with you here, I really get a sense of...
Of who you are.
- You gonna eat these fries? - No, no.
Hey, mister, you want some of these fries?
No. No, thank you.
See, it's hard, in a business situation...
I mean, there's this invisible line, and... and even if...
even if you're attracted to someone...
You're gonna call someone before...
No.
I mean, at this point in my life...
Don't...
Don't play with the ra... Leave the... Don't...
I'm really vulnerable right now, you know, and I...
I mean, I love my job.
And...
- And I... - Ejector seat!
This is great!
Hey, come on up.
- That was my apartment. - Really?
- Yeah. - Love to see where you live.
Have you always lived alone?
No, not always.
Is it just recently, or...
- Yeah. - Give yourself a couple of days. It'll pass.
They said it was gonna take six weeks.
Well, it can be painful, but...
that's what they invented Xanax for, right?
Watch your step.
Thank you.
I'm not sure we should do this yet.
- Do what? - Well...
I mean, I like you, and I... I wanna spend the night with you.
Do you mean sleep over?
Well, is... Yeah.
Okay. But I get to be on top.
- You live here? - Yeah.
It's nice, isn't it?
Yeah.
You want a soda?
- Soda? You want one? - Yeah, sure.
I rigged this up so you don't need any quarters.
- Aah! No. No. Don't. - What?
The glue is not dry yet.
- Sorry. It's okay. - Sorry.
You didn't break it.
You wanna play pinball?
No.
You don't need quarters for this either. It's free.
- No, thank you. - Okay.
- Is that a trampoline? - Yeah. You wanna try it?
- No. - You should. It's really fun.
It's simple too. Come on. You'll like it. And it's really easy too.
- Do you have some wine, maybe... - Take off your shoes.
Maybe for a few minutes.
It's easy. All right.
It's really simple. Let me just get my big balls off here.
- No, really, I'll watch. - It's fun. I'll do it with you.
Up. Excellent. All right.
- Help me up? - Sure!
Okay.
- Okay. Jump. - You want me to jump.
Yeah. Just jump.
- There. Now can I have a drink? - No, no, no.
Look, really jump. Stand there and get air. Go ahead.
Get some air between you and the tramp... oline.
There.
Come on. I'll do it with you, to show you how it goes.
Ready? Come on. Jump. See? That's all it is.
That's all there is to it. Good.
There you go. There you go. Yeah.
It's easy. Anybody could do this.
Whoo!
How'd you do that?
Good!
Okay. I'm attacking China from Mongolia.
Why do you smoke?
- That's... - That was two.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Hi.
- Here. - What?
Pick one.
Okay, try it again.
That one.
It's for you. It's a glow-in-the-dark compass ring.
So you won't get lost.
Good night.
Jones Industrial Average...
Have fun last night?
Sure. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, you left pretty quick.
Gave him a ride home, Paul.
- Did he enjoy it? - Don't be ridiculous.
Ah, that's me... Mr. Ridiculous.
Just a silly old guy.
Short-term credit conditions. Yields fell slightly...
I don't feel like going out tonight.
- What do you mean? They're your friends. - I know.
Leave it! Leave it!
Would you quit it!
Do you have to play with everything?
Baskin.
Baskin?
Wouldn't you rather play basketball? I know how to play that.
- We could be a team for the MacMillan Company. - No!
I'm not very good at sports, but I'll give it a try.
- That isn't a sport. - Well, it takes eye-to-hand coordination.
- It's not a sport if you don't sweat. - What about golf?
And you're not sitting there letting some machine do all the work.
- What about car racing? - Shut up, Baskin!
- What are the rules again? - I told you.
Over the line on the serve. Yellow is out-of-bounds. Play to 21. Ready?
- Sorry. Sorry. - One-nothin;
- Hold it. - Get it! Get it! Get it! Attaboy.
- Okay. You ready? All right. - Yeah.
- Ho ho! Nice try! - That was in.
Two-zip. Just made it two-zip. Ready? Okay, here we go.
It's in. Good. Point.
What's the matter...
Wait a minute. Time out. Time!
Backhand!
Yes!
- 19-18. - That was under the line.
What?
You said it had to be over the line on a serve.
My best sport's video hockey.
No, I didn't.
Yeah, you said it had to be over the line on a serve.
No, I did not! Now, give me the goddamn ball!
Well, that's cheating.
- Give me the goddamn ball, will ya? - No!
- Give me the ball, you little shit. - It's my serve.
- Give me the goddamn ball! I never said that! - Yes, you did.
Give me the... Give me the ball.
Give me the ball!
- Give me the... Give me the... - This is new.
Come here. Give me the ball.
- You're a cheater! - Give me the...
- I do not cheat! - He cheats!
Give me the ball!
Give me the...
Give me the ball!
All right, let's take it over. We'll take it over!
He didn't have to punch me.
I know.
He's scared of you.
- You don't play his game. - I tried to play his game.
He beat me up.
If he's scared of me, then why did he punch me?
He punched you because he's scared of you.
- I don't get it. - It's just the way he is.
Everything's a fight with him.
Everyone's an enemy.
It's not just a job for him. It's a war.
How come you're so nice?
What?
You work as hard as he does, and you're not like that.
You don't know me that well.
Yes, I do.
You're one of the nicest people I've met.
How do you do it?
On the fast break. What a job. Let's get this done.
- It's in the corner... - Go Knicks.
Heartbreak! He lost it.
Must need a new center. Good night.
Come in.
- Hey, Josh. - Hi.
What time is it?
It's 10:00 or somethin'.
What are you doin' here so late?
I finished up on the Astro Blaster.
So? What do you think?
It's okay.
I know what you mean.
Astro Blaster, Laser Might- They're all the goddamn same.
Wasn't always that way.
I remember there was this duck once.
You mean, like, a-a rubber duck for the bath?
No, no, no. Just a...
little, wooden, quacky duck.
And a string on the bottom and you pulled him forward, he'd waddle from side to side.
And I realized...
if you put the head on a hinge, just a little wooden dowel...
then the beak would peck at the ground when it pulls forward.
See?
- Just- I had an idea.
Look at this. Come over here.
You know what this is?
It's a report on how to expand the heavy adventure
market past the 12 year-old cutoff point.
- You can't do that. It doesn't work. - Why not?
You can't keep a kid from growing up.
All a 13-year-old boy wants is a 13-year-old girl.
And I sure don't know how to build one of those.
- What's this? - What does it look like?
Shampoo, razor, toothpaste, two neckties and your exercise tape.
- Susan- - And I want my keys back.
Sure.
It was just some scratches, honey. He'll get over it.
- It has nothing to do with him. - What is this, then?
Your one big moment of redemption?
Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good to me.
Come on, Susan. He's just another link in the chain.
First it was Tom Caulfield. Then Handlen.
Then Golding. Then me. Am I missing somebody?
It's not like that anymore.
What is so special about Baskin?
He's a grown-up.
Susan...
I can't believe you brought up Golding.
Can't believe you slept with him.
Catch. Catch the dough. Catch!
A little piece of dough over there!
Here it come! Throw me the dough. Right here.
Hey! Hey!
- Oh, my God! - Got him!
He's really good!
Surprise!
Happy birthday to you.
- You! - Hey.
What are you gonna wish for this time?
I know what we can do. We can get some beers and some dirty magazines...
- I can't, Billy. - What? Of course you can. It's your birthday.
- I have to go somewhere. - Where? Where?
Well, I have to go meet somebody and...
- Slag out all night. - Yeah, I know, but, see, I just...
Well, I can't right now. But I'll call you. All right?
Okay? I'll give you a call.
Thanks again, Billy! It was fun!
- Hi. - Hi.
- Do you want to come in? - Sure.
Sit down.
- Wanna go? - Yeah! Yeah.
Okay.
Wanna go again?
How come you have all these points?
'Cause I'm just tappin' 'em. You don't have to kill 'em.
Rick Rhoden, on the mound.
He takes the curve.
Here's the windup and the pitch.
Pick a prize.
So they have these cars that you can actually drive...
except they're on this rail, so you can't get off the road...
You have a really big gob of mustard right...
- What? - Mustard.
- Where? - Right there.
- Is it gone? - Well...
Here.
- That gone? - Yeah.
Listen.
The music?
Wanna dance?
Dance?
- We don't have to if you don't want to. - Okay. Okay.
- All right. - Okay.
Are you cold?
We could get some hot chocolate, you know.
You can wear my jacket if you want.
- Come on. It'll be fun. - I'm scared.
What are you worried about? You're with me, right?
All right. You're on.
I haven't done this in a long time.
What were you like when you were younger?
Well, I wasn't much different.
I believe that about you.
I've been thinking about you a lot.
It's crazy.
In my car...
lying in bed.
I've just never gone out with someone like you.
With all the other men, there was so much to hide.
I feel like I can tell you anything.
Susan? Susan?
There's something I think I should tell you.
What?
You want the light on?
- Good morning. Hey, Brent! How are you? - Good morning!
- Hi, everybody! - Hi, Josh!
Josh. My man!
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Good morning, sir.
I'd like some coffee, please, Miss Patterson.
But you don't drink coffee.
And, make it black.
It was a dream, honey.
Atlantic City was beautiful and Donald was so romantic...
I know I'm late with this, but congratulations, Mrs. Hicks.
Barbara, you are not going to believe this. Hold on.
You know, you two should come to Vermont. It is so pretty up there now.
- We spent our anniversary there. - All you did was watch TV.
- I popped popcorn too. - He likes that intellectual stuff.
Anybody happen to see that great documentary about Columbus...
on PBS the other night?
No. Was it good?
- I had no idea he had a fourth ship. - Yeah. The Santa Cristina.
- That's right. - He only had that on his second trip though.
- You saw it too. - No.
But I used to... study, you know, the stuff, so...
Really?
- Dad, I need some help with my alge... - Not now, Adam.
- Yeah, Dad, you said... - Adam, we have guests.
He's had the roughest time with algebra. We've tried tutors, everything.
- Mom! - With algebra? I used to study that too.
Isn't that nice?
Okay, look. Forget all the X's and Y's stuff...
"cause that was invented by some teacher that hates kids.
- All right. - Let's imagine that Larry Bird...
- is gonna score 10 points in a quarter, okay? - Yeah, okay.
So how many points is he gonna score in the entire game?
That's easy... 40 points.
- Exactly. That's algebra. - Righ... It is?
Yeah. See? Okay, one quarter is to 10 points that he scores in a quarter...
just as four...
You're right. He's wonderful.
I know.
For earned run averages, field goal percentages, whatever.
That's pretty cool.
I don't wanna hear it anymore.
- You constantly bring- What's home? This is my house.
What's home? Fine. It's your house, you pay for it.
Billy, are you on the phone? I'm doin' it.
Hey, Billy, get off the phone. Listen to your mother.
He's never done this before.
- Kind of like a sweepstakes. - Get the art department on the phone. Get them!
- Send out for some sandwiches. - Cajun or deli?
Maybe next year, right? Next year.
- You can do it. I know you can. - I cannot plan a whole line.
Why? Nobody knows more about toys in this entire company than you.
Susan, that means marketing and strategy and stuff.
- All he wants is a proposal. - I can't...
You come up with the ideas, and I'll handle the marketing.
Excuse me.
- But it- - Come on. It'll be neat.
I don't know.
I don't have any ideas for new toys or anything.
You've got great ideas.
Cute. Can you walk the dog?
- Forget how to knock? - I'm sorry.
Hey! Hey, you guys! Wait up for me!
"Department of Consumer Affairs"?
Yeah, buddy! It came!
He gives too much homework. What'd you get on the test?
I got a "C."
- Do you have, like, Sports Illustrated? - Sure.
- Here. - Two and a quarter, kid.
- Hey. I got it. - All right. Comic books.
- Change. - Say, what's that one?
- Trade. Yeah. - This one's got Billy in the coal mine.
Think I've read this one.
I'll trade you for X-Factor.
It won't be like these, where you just follow the story along.
You would actually make a whole different
story appear just by pressing these buttons.
An electronic comic book? That's amazing.
Yeah, a living comic book. It's gonna be different every time.
This is incredible. You're brilliant.
If you liked one, you could see it over and over and over again.
You're... You're wonderful.
Do you really like it?
- Really? - Really.
- You think Mac'll like it? - I think he'll love it.
We could do sports comic books, where, like,
if he's going to steal second or something.
We could have sports books... baseball, football.
It would work for almost any sport there is... hockey!
What is it we're doing?
What's going on here?
Well, you know, we're...
Something wrong?
- You don't like it? - No! No!
It's...
I mean, if it's an affair, that's one thing.
But if it's...
If it's something else...
Not that we have to know right now. We don't.
But if we think that it could turn into something else, well...
How do you feel about all this?
How do I feel about what?
How do you... How do you feel about me?
What is that supposed to mean?
Oh, no. I'm sorry. Mr. Baskin is still in conference.
Yeah? Well, tell him I called again.
Kopecki. K-O-P...
E-K-E. Yes, I can spell, young man.
Yeah, right. Well, tell him it's important.
Good-bye.
Each page would be made out of six panels.
There will be 30 pages per electronic comic book,
with a choice every two pages...
No, choice every three pages.
But ours will also be in color. Did I say that?
Yes, Mr. Baskin.
Ours... Did I say... I didn't say that right.
Yes. Well, whatever. Anyway...
- Do you have the list of story line options? - Maybe.
Can I see them?
Maybe.
- What was that? That sound. - What? What?
That. What are you doing?
- What is it? - Let me see your hand.
- Did you make this? - No, Petey made it. Here.
- What does it do? - Put your hand right there.
Just put your hand right there.
Put your hand. Okay. Watch.
- Put your hand on it. - What does it do?
That's incredible.
That's great.
I don't get how it works.
Well, you need another person for it to work.
Although maybe it will work with a dog. I don't know.
All right. Let's get back to work.
Do you want some coffee? Sure?
- Susan. - Hi.
- You working late again? - Yeah. Well, we were just...
- I get- got some coffee. - You know, you're looking good these days.
- No. - Yeah. You are.
I'm happy for you.
Happy for both of you. I really am.
- Night. - Night, darling;
It's your house? The deed's in my name.
I don't care who you raised. Did you raise gerbils and dogs?
My tone is plenty civil.
Who's putting the food on your plate?
- It's my house. - It's my house. I keep the house.
You keep sayin' that, but the deed's in my name.
Well, Jenny was saying that there was a problem...
Hi.
Well, Wednesday would be better than Thursday.
Mr. Baskin can't be...
I have a key example right here.
Where you been? I've been trying to reach you forever.
- I'm in the middle of something, okay? - That's the list.
- All you gotta do is call. - Can you give me a minute?
Yes.
What are you talking about? This is it. This is the list.
Would you come back at lunch? I'm busy right now... Hello?
Busy?
- Billy! - Are you outta your mind?
Jesus, Billy. Miss Patterson, get them on the phone...
This is what we've been waiting for.
I got work to do. Can't you understand that? I got a deadline to meet. God!
- Who the fuck do you think you are? - Hey!
Hey, you're Josh Baskin! Remember? You broke your arm on my roof!
You hid in my basement when Robert Tyson was about to rip your head off!
You don't get it, do you? This is important!
I'm your best friend. What's more important than that?
And I'm three months older than you are, asshole.
Stupid stuff.
Some friend. I don't need him.
Stupid jacket.
Josh?
Josh!
Hi, Mrs. Baskin.
Hiya.
I was just looking around in here.
- Your hair's getting longer. - I got it cut yesterday.
He had a birthday.
Yeah, I know.
I got him this anyway.
- Pete Rose. - Yeah.
They have these special shops where they do that.
You know, if you want, you can keep it until... until he...
He'll be coming back real soon.
Everything's gonna be okay.
"You are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard.
All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarfs."
Melt wizard.
"What do you want to melt him with?"
Throw thermal pod.
- Race you to the corner! - No!
Why not?
- You always win. - I'll let you win.
Spreading leaves!
Greg! Time for dinner!
Wait! Just five more minutes!
Mrs. Kaplan, in just a little bit to your right.
Your right. Your right.
Mrs. Kaplan knows her right and her left. Isn't that great?
Let's have some smiles. This is a joyous occasion.
No, no, no, just...
- Where are we going? - Where do you guys wanna go?
Thanks, mister!
Got it. I got it. Got it.
- Hit a couple more! - All right.
Where you been? It's kind of late.
I was out.
Out where?
Just... took a walk.
Josh, what's wrong?
What is it?
I haven't told you something because
I didn't think that you were gonna believe me.
And even if you did believe me, I didn't think
that you were gonna like me anymore, so...
Honey, come here. You can tell me anything.
What?
Susan, I'm not what you think I am.
What do you mean?
Before I met you, I was in Little League.
I was in Little League, and I rode my bike to school...
and I played with my friends and hung out with them and...
What are you... What are you talking about?
I want to go home.
I miss my family, Susan, and I want to go home.
- Oh, my God. You're married. - No.
This was too good to be true. There had to be something.
Susan, I'm not married.
- You're not? - No.
- I'm a child. - What?
I'm a child, Susan...
and I'm not ready for all of this.
That's fine. That is... That's just great.
- You see, what happened... - No, I understand.
"I'm not ready to make a commitment.
I'm not ready to accept the responsibility."
No, you don't understand.
- I'm 13 years old. - And who isn't?
You think that there isn't a frightened kid inside of me too?
No, I mean I really am 13.
I went to bed one night and I was a kid,
woke up the next morning, I was a grown-up.
Right. And yesterday I was a schoolgirl with pigtails.
Why are you doing this, Josh?
- There was this carnival in New Jersey. - Please.
I made a wish on a machine called the Zoltar machine.
Stop it.
It was a Zoltar machine.
It had this bobbing head, and it looked like a devil.
If you got a quarter in the devil's mouth,
you could make a wish, and I did.
So I made a wish to be big. That's what I'm trying to tell you.
I changed into a grown-up, when I'm really just a kid.
Fine, Josh, you're a kid.
Look, I really don't know what it is that you're trying to tell me...
but we have a very big presentation to give tomorrow...
so I'm gonna get some sleep.
Hello?
Yeah, do you have a Zoltar machine?
- Nope. Never heard of it. - Yeah. Yeah, thanks.
Wait. I need a paper.
Would you get me some gum?
Thank you.
These are the notes, in case you want 'em.
Thank you.
Well, should get the cards set up before everyone comes in.
Okay.
Hello?
- Yeah, do you have a Zoltar machine? - Got one right here.
- You do? - Yeah.
Yeah! Yeah, thanks. That's great!
Yeah!
MacMillan Toys. I'll transfer.
Right there. Sea Point Park, New York.
Well?
Yes?
They're waiting for you, Mr. Baskin.
- Thanks. - See you around.
There's this flat screen on the inside with pictures on it...
and you read it, and you have to make a choice of what the character's gonna do.
If he's gonna fight the dragon, you push one of the buttons...
- Paul? - I don't get it.
- Well... - Paul, stop it.
It's a comic book that...
See, there's a computer chip inside which stores the choices.
So, when you reach the end of the page, you decide where the story goes.
- That's the point. - Terrific, Susan.
The kid makes his own decision.
- This is really possible? - Yeah.
In fact, it's a very simple program. Isn't that right?
So what happens when you run out of choices?
That's the great thing. You can just sell different adventures.
Just pop in a brand-new disk, and you get a whole new set of options.
We could market this on a comic book rack.
- I'll be right back. - How much would the unit cost?
Our initial figure is around seven...
Around seven dollars...
with a retail cost of about $18.95.
You expect a kid to pay $ 19 for a comic book?
I think a kid...
Will you excuse me?
- What's going on? - Let 'em be.
Josh?
More.
Will you take me to Sea Point Park, New York?
- Get in. - Sea Point Park? Josh!
- Hey! Not so fast! - Sorry. Here.
Josh! Josh!
See you back home!
Yeah!
Excuse me. Do you know him? You know Josh?
Yeah. Yeah.
Look, you have to tell me where he went.
Who are you?
I'm his girlfriend.
- Billy Kopecki. - You have to tell me where he went.
Where did he go?
Please tell me.
Tell me!
It's tough to find a cab out here. Thanks.
Work, damn it!
I wish I was a kid again.
- Josh? - Susan.
You know, you don't walk out on somebody.
You don't just get up and leave and walk out like that.
- You don't do that. - I know. I know. I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry, but I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what to say.
Oh, God.
You got your wish.
- I tried to tell you. - I didn't listen.
I guess I didn't hear you, or want to, or...
I tried to tell you last night.
How would I have... Even if I did listen, how would I know?
I've been thinking about this.
- Why would I know that? - I've been trying...
I've been thinking about it, and there's a million reasons for me to go home...
but there's only one reason for me to stay.
What reason is that?
Well, you.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
So, what are you, 15, 16?
I'm 13.
Well, that explains it.
Maybe you could come with me.
No.
- No, I... - Why not?
I've been there before.
It's hard enough the first time.
You know what I mean?
You don't know what I mean.
Come on. I'll drive you home.
- I'm sorry. - No, I'll be okay.
You'll be fine.
Ten years, who knows?
Maybe you should hold on to my number.
So this is where you live.
- Which one is it? - The one right there.
It's nice.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too.
- You won't even remember me. - Yes, I will.
Bye.
Ma?
- Ma, it's me. - Josh?
Josh? Josh!
Oh, my God! Thank God you're home!
Oh, Ma, I missed you all so much.
- I'm just not good enough. - What are you talking about?
You've been hitting the ball over the fence almost every time in stickball.
You just gotta get used to a fatter bat.
- You really think I could do it? - Yeah.
Come on. We'll hit some after supper.
Okay, I'll call for you.