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Hey, love bug. You ready?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, guess what, Mom? What?
I figured out where wasps come from.
Oh, yeah? Where?
Well, I think it must be,
if you flick water into the air just right, it'll turn into a wasp.
Hey! Yep.
That's cool.
So, how was your day at school?
Fine.
I had a good meeting with Miss Butler this time. I kind of liked her.
What'd she say?
Well, she said that you weren't turning in your homework assignments.
And I told her, "I know he does them,
"cause I check them every night. "
She said she found a big chunk of them
crumpled up at the bottom of your backpack.
She didn't ask for 'em.
Baby, she doesn't have to. You're just supposed to turn them in.
And she said you're still staring out the window all day.
Not all day.
And she said that you destroyed her pencil sharpener.
Not on purpose!
Wait! She said that you crammed a bunch of rocks in it.
I thought if we could sharpen pencils,
maybe we could sharpen rocks.
Well, what were you gonna do with a bunch of sharpened rocks?
I was trying to make arrowheads for my rock collection.
Hmm.
Dude, my turn!
Hold on.
Mason!
Samantha!
Oh!
Tommy! Is Mason down there?
Yeah.
Well, tell him he has to come home to dinner.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey, sweetie. Why aren't you ready?
Hey, Mason.
Hey, Ted.
Come on, hurry up. Let's go.
What time is it? It's 9:00. Let's go, let's go!
Okay, I meant to call you, 'cause Janice flaked out.
I don't have a sitter.
Why didn't you call somebody else?
I can't get a babysitter now. It's 9:00.
But you're welcome to hang out with us.
Well, no! I mean, we have plans.
The guys are expecting me.
Well, you can go. All right.
I'll come back in a couple of hours.
Is that okay?
Yeah. Yes, it's okay. All right.
'Turn back! Turn back! I don't wanna talk to Moaning Myrtle. '
'Who?' said Harry, as they backtracked quickly.
'She haunts one of the toilets
in the girls' bathroom on the first floor,' said Hermione.
'She haunts a toilet?'
'Yes, it's been out of order all year,
'because she keeps having tantrums and flooding the place!'
'I never went in there anyway, if I could avoid it. '
'It's awful trying to have a pee with her wailing at you. '
Why can't you just say that?
I'm sorry.
I don't wanna go with you. You're sorry, that's bullshit!
That's right. I wanna stay here with my kids.
That's what I'd rather do.
Would you stop using your kids as an excuse?
I know you have to stay here with your kids! You're acting...
You have this immature life. You have no responsibility!
I have an immature life!
I have responsibility. I have an immature life.
You don't know what it's like to be a parent.
No, I don't!
And why am I responsible for your mistakes in life?
Don't call my kids mistakes! Don't!
I didn't call your kids...
You said, "Your mistakes in your life," pointing at my kids.
I know what I said, you know. And immediately you use your kids again.
This is the reality. I'm a parent!
That means responsibility. I know you're a parent.
I would love to have some time to myself!
I would love to just go to a fuckin' movie!
You don't think I'd like that?
Go have some dinner, go to a bar!
I don't even know what that's like!
I was someone's daughter, then I was somebody's fuckin' mother!
Okay? I don't know what that's like!
Stop!
Quit it!
Mom!
What the hell is going on in here?
Do you guys know what time it is?
He's throwing things at me.
Mason! Do not throw things at your sister!
She's faking, she hit me first!
Listen, both of you!
I'm going back to bed.
I don't wanna hear another peep out of here for an hour.
Go to sleep.
Faker! Guys!
Awesome!
Look what I found in the street.
Dude!
I know, right?
Look at those.
Ooh! Look at those!
Awesome!
So listen, guys, I wanna talk to you about something.
And you might not like this idea at first,
but we're moving to Houston.
When?
Well, soon.
We should be out by the first,
so we don't have to pay two rents next month.
No, Mother, we're not moving. Nope, nope.
Sorry, Mom. Nope. Nope.
Samantha, I have to go back to college,
so I can make us a better living.
With this job, I can't take care of us the way I'd like to.
I can't keep going this way.
And Grandma said she'd help us out,
and it would be nice to be near her.
Fine, Mother.
You can do whatever you want,
but we're not moving.
And what about our friends?
Oh, baby, we can email them or write.
We can come back to visit.
And guess what?
This place that Grandma found us,
you'll each have your own room. Right?
And there's a pool.
Mom, do you still love Dad?
I still love your father,
but that doesn't mean it was healthy for us to stay together.
What if after we move he's trying to find us and he can't?
Oh, that won't be a problem.
He can call Grandma and she'll tell him,
or he can call Information.
We won't be hard to find.
Is he still in Alaska?
Well, that's what your uncle says.
Probably taming polar bears or something.
Yeah. Well, I hope they're taming him.
Here, wanna help me out?
Sure.
Okay. Take this paint very carefully
and paint any little smudge or mark or anything
on the baseboard there,
behind the door and all around the doorways on the inside.
She says we're gonna come visit
and I'm gonna write and call you.
Oh, wait, hold on a second. I'm getting another call.
Hello?
Sorry, Tommy.
Mason can't come over today. We're moving.
And I'm on the other line.
Bye.
Althea?
I'm gonna be sending Sailor Scout instructions.
Email and write back telling me how the other scouts are doing.
Well, because you're the leader now.
Okay, let's go, 'cause I wanna get there before it gets dark.
Goodbye, yard. Goodbye, crape myrtle. Goodbye, mailbox.
Goodbye, box of stuff Mommy won't let us take with us,
but we don't wanna throw away.
Goodbye, house.
I'll never like Mommy as much for making us move!
Samantha!
Why don't you say goodbye to that little horseshit attitude, okay?
'Cause we're not taking that in the car.
Goodbye, old lady who listens to rock music and rides a motorcycle.
Hey!
What's happening back there? Stop, put the barrier up.
Hey! Put the pillow between you.
Make a barrier, come on. Stop.
We're gonna play a game called The Game of Silence.
Whoever can stay quiet for the longest period of time wins.
You guys think you can do that?
Okay, go.
The bus will be here in 10 minutes.
Put that homework in your backpack.
Go eat!
Baby, go eat.
I am!
Speak English!
Shut up! Mom!
She's speaking that stupid language again!
Samantha!
I was speaking perfectly clear English, Mother.
He's a little slow in the head.
He did officially flunk first grade.
Sit your butt down!
Yes, sir, Mother, sir!
All right, listen up, guys. Grandma's gonna pick you up after school.
Your dad's in town for the day.
So you're gonna spend the afternoon with him.
Oh. Is he moving back?
I don't know.
We haven't seen him in about 80 years.
Like a year and a half.
Ha-ha!
Oh, please.
Can we please eat here? The bus is coming.
Who wants syrup?
All right, nice cursive.
Okay, Mason, when I check the mobiles, am I gonna find yours?
No.
And why not?
'Cause I didn't finish it.
Well, it's time to finish it.
Just a minute.
No, let's do... Apple Quit.
Time to finish your work, Mason. "Apple Quit. "
- So this is my history test. - Mmm-hmm.
"A+", very good.
And that's another history test.
Mmm-hmm. And another "A".
Yeah, it doesn't have a plus, but, oh, well.
And then, um, that's my report on lizards.
Oh. Let me see your pictures.
Oh, yeah. These are my pictures.
What is that?
Well, that's called a dewlap.
A dewlap, okay.
Oh, yeah, this is a math test.
Oh, "A" again.
Mase, that's the last candy, okay?
Okay.
We need to put this stuff up.
That's him.
Daddy!
Oh, my God! Look at you, you're so big!
Hey, MJ.
What's happenin', buddy?
Huh? You guys ready to have some fun?
Yeah!
All right.
Hey, Catherine, how are you? Mase, I'm good.
Mmm, good to see you. Yeah.
What time should I have these rascals back?
Oh, I don't know, around 7i:30, I guess.
I gotta get them home by 8:00.
Oh, you know what, why don't I take 'em over to their mom's?
No, that's okay. She's expecting me.
No, that's all right. You guys know where it is, don't you?
Oh, yeah. All right. I'll do it. It's no problem.
I don't think that's such a good idea.
Look, it's no problem. All right?
You guys ready to go? Let's do it, go!
Go? Wait a minute. You gotta get your stuff.
You got backpack, your purse,
homework, go to the bathroom.
Can't believe how big they are.
Yeah. Time's going by.
Must be nice for you, having 'em here in Houston.
I love it, yeah. I'm volunteering at their school.
Yeah? What you doing over there?
I'm in the library. You know, reading to the little ones.
Oh, great.
So, Alaska, huh?
Yeah.
Are you back?
We'll see.
How's Liv?
She's a busy girl.
She's back in school.
But she's working and single parenting.
A lot to juggle.
You guys got everything? Huh? Yeah.
All right, say goodbye to your grandmother.
Bye, Grandma.
All right, let's roll. Uh, no, wait a second.
You're not the type of kids who like presents, are you?
Yes! No, you don't.
Of course we do. Presents? Really? Let's do it!
Yay!
I call front seat!
I wanted the front seat, though.
All right. Well, Mason gets it on the way there
and Samantha gets it on the way back.
Hop in there. Seat belts!
Seat belts. All right. Seat belts.
Don't forget your seat belts.
It's not like this car has any seat belts.
Mmm...
Nice. Nice. Nice!
Come here, come here, yes!
Oh, that was awesome!
Get up there, Mason! Get up there! It was so good!
Come on.
Let 'em know who you are, buddy.
Let 'em know who you are.
Mwah!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
All right. All right, don't worry about it.
Wish we could use the bumpers.
Bumpers are for kids!
What are you, two years old?
You don't want the bumpers.
Life doesn't give you bumpers.
There we, there we go. There we go! We got something there!
We got something! We got something!
Oh!
Last time I went bowling, we had bumpers and it was a lot more fun!
You don't want the bumpers, all right?
You bowl a strike with the bumpers
and it doesn't mean anything.
Trust me.
Just lay it out on the lane.
One, two, three and...
Let's hear it for the father!
Boom!
Get up there! Great shot!
Get out there, girl!
Four Blackwater operatives have been viciously attacked
in their cars in Fallujah.
The bodies and cars were set on fire after insurgents started...
Look at this! It's a disaster.
Let me tell you what's happening in Iraq, all right?
Exactly what every thinking person in the world
knew was gonna happen before they got started.
But Bush and his little numb-nut fanatics he's got around him,
they don't give a rat's ass.
That's a quarter.
What's a quarter?
You said A-S-S.
Oh, sorry. My bad.
And my teacher says it's a good war,
because it's better to be safe than sorry.
That's what they're teaching you in school?
All right. Listen to me. Listen to your father, okay?
That is the lie. That's the big lie.
Iraq had nothing to do with what happened at the World Trade Center.
You know that, right?
I guess.
Who you gonna vote for next fall, MJ?
I don't know.
He can't vote. He's not 18.
All right, who would you vote for?
Kerry?
Anybody but Bush! Okay?
Are you gonna move back?
Uh, I'm planning on it. You know, I gotta find a job.
Are you and Mom gonna get back together?
I don't know.
That's not, uh, entirely up to me, you know?
I remember when I was six,
you and Mom were fighting like mad.
You were yelling so loud and she was crying.
That's what you remember, huh?
Yep.
You don't remember the trips to Galveston,
camping in Big Bend, all the fun we had?
Nope.
You ever get mad at your mother?
Yeah.
You ever get mad at your brother? Yeah.
Yeah. You ever yell at him? Oh, yeah.
Doesn't mean you don't love him, right?
Mmm...
Look, the same thing happens when you're grown up, all right?
You know, you get mad at people.
You know, it's not a big deal.
What'd you do in Alaska?
I worked on a boat for a while. Um...
I tried to write some music.
Did you see any polar bears?
No. But I saw a Kodiak bear.
It was fuckin' huge!
Dad! That's 50 cents for the F-word!
I'm sorry.
Here, take a dollar, all right? Keep the change.
You guys are gonna be seeing a lot more of me. Okay?
I missed you two real bad while I was gone, okay, I want you to know that.
I just needed to take some time, you know, to...
Just...
Your mom and me, okay...
Well, your mother, okay, is a piece of work, all right.
I think you know that by now, all right?
And I'm just...
I'm so happy to be with the two of you, okay?
And I'm sorry about that bumper business.
I'm gonna get better at stuff like that, okay?
I got that one at Dripping Springs,
and, um, my friend Rodney gave me that one.
- Yeah? - And I bought that one.
You bought this one? Yeah.
You found this at Dripping Springs? Uh-huh.
Wow.
What else do you got?
Well, um, these are snake vertebrae.
Snake vertebrae? That's disgusting. Huh?
Mason, I don't want you collecting snake vertebrae anymore.
Is this the feather I sent you?
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.
Oh, Dad! Um, I forgot to show you, um, these basketball pictures.
You're on a basketball team? Yeah.
Wow! Check you out!
These are beaver claws. Beaver claws?
That's me.
- Yeah. No. - What, you hunting beaver?
You see, that's McKinney, that's Meg and that's Gem.
Those are my friends. Uh-huh.
What position do you play?
Um, guard.
This is dried Canadian grass. Uh-huh.
Wait, have you scored any points?
Well, about eight or 10 a game.
Eight or 10 a game? That is awesome!
Once, she didn't score any and she cried!
You cried?
Well, only a little bit. Aw...
Hello! Pomegranate.
Oh, Mason, Mom's home!
Mom's home!
Mom's home.
Mom! Hi! Look at this owl Daddy gave me!
Isn't it cool? See, its head spins!
And look at this bracelet. It was made by Indians in Alaska.
And Daddy made this cool hand-carved grizzly bear and this tiki.
- It's a totem. - And guess what else?
We went bowling and I made four strikes!
Yeah, and we got to ride around in Dad's car! Wow.
Hey, Liv. Hey.
I know you wanted me to drop them off at your mom's.
I just thought it'd be easier if I brought 'em over here.
Well, it really screwed up my plans.
Well, we just wanted to show him our rooms.
Yeah.
Did you guys eat anything?
Well, we had some French fries at the bowling alley.
Did you do your homework?
No. Not yet.
Okay. Can I talk to you outside for a second?
Yeah. Sure.
They had more than French fries.
Do you think he's gonna spend the night?
Doesn't look like it.
Okay. An unconditioned stimulus,
something that produces an unlearned,
involuntary, unconditioned response.
Now, in Pavlov's experiment,
what was the stimulus that he used?
Come on now, people! Tough weekend? What's the deal here?
Meat, right? Meat. Meat powder, actually.
Whatever meat powder is, it worked on this dog.
Okay, he put the meat powder in there
and it produced an unconditioned response in the dog, which was?
Salivation! All right?
Now, who can give me another example
of an unconditioned stimulus response pair
that happens to you every day?
It's probably happening to some of you right now.
How about sex?
Sure, you know,
you see an attractive member of the opposite gender,
you have an automatic response.
You don't have to think about it.
Mick Jagger wrote a song about it.
"Oh, when they call your name,
"I salivate like a Pavlov dog. "
Thank you very much. Class dismissed.
Doctor Welbrock.
This is my son Mason. Oh...
Mason, this is Dr. Welbrock.
Your son.
Now see, I thought this was a boy genius
who was taking my college course.
He wasn't feeling well today, so I thought I'd bring him with me.
Uh...
No fever. It's a con job.
I can tell because I have a nine-year-old son, he pulls this all the time.
Same kind of deal.
Hey, you play soccer? No.
Neither does my boy. He hates soccer. He likes computers.
My 11-year-old daughter loves soccer!
Who can figure?
Maybe we can get all you guys together sometime, huh?
Maybe, yeah.
Well, you ready to go?
Yeah.
Nice to meet you, Mason. Nice to meet you, too.
And thanks for coming to my class.
Olivia.
Nice kid. Thanks.
So, you think, uh, Grandma might be available for a little babysitting?
Maybe.
Really? Oh, yeah.
Well, great.
Dead man, dead man, wake up!
One, two, three, four, five, you're alive!
My turn. Kids, they're here!
- They're home, they're home! - Come on!
Hurry, hurry.
Hi! Hi!
Oh! We're here!
How was it? How was it? Hey! We've returned!
Honey, it's so good to see you.
Hi, Dad! Samantha, Mason. Hello.
Thank you. That's very nice.
Hey, Mom. How are you?
Oh! Mom, Mom!
They give you trouble? Look at the sign we made.
Samantha and I made it all ourselves. Yeah.
I know the boys helped you with that a lot.
No, not at all!
That's good. Look at this. Okay. There you go.
Pass out the goodies. This is for the girls.
Don't worry, we got you some absinthe. It's in the...
Let's pour.
You take this big elevator up,
and when we got to the top,
we flew a paper airplane off.
- And what happened? - It flew!
It flew away, it went for miles.
Went under the Arc de Triomphe, you know.
Oh, did you guys kiss under the Bridge of Sighs?
Yes. Yes, we did.
Mom, can we see your wedding ring?
Oh, sure.
Wow.
Technically, that's a fancy step cut
surrounded by miniature brilliant.
I wish we could've gone to Europe.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll go as a family next time.
But you didn't miss much, really.
We just stayed in the hotel room
the whole time playing video games.
Really?
And the hotels are really small and really old.
Squeaky.
Can I get you anything else?
Would you like to see a dessert menu?
Listen, I told you to put that away.
Would you put that in your purse, please?
Computer games at the table. Yes, uh, please, another bottle of wine.
Um, Coke. Um, you know what?
Mason, you're okay with water.
No more Cokes. Thank you.
And how about you? Did you finish your science project?
Not quite yet.
Well, did you work on it? Did you build anything or plan anything or...
A little. Did he work on it at all, Mindy?
No.
Did he sit around playing video games with Mason the whole time?
- Yeah. - Mmm.
You were supposed to finish that by the time I got back.
Remember?
Hey.
Grievous is the best, man.
Yoda! No, Yoda is, man!
Yoda! Yoda, man.
He has four arms.
Yoda, represent!
I hate Miss Burnsby. Everybody's been saying she's lesbian.
She is. She hit on Stacey.
Man, that's gross.
Think it's true?
She's always walking in the locker room.
I think I still have a couple of those...
Hey, Paul, tell us a joke.
Damn. Fuck. Go to hell. Ass.
Oh! Blew you up.
Heck, man. That was not fair.
No, actually it was.
That's, like, the fairest thing ever.
Where are you?
Ooh, once again, I take you down.
The Mask?
Uh... Three Musketeers?
First word.
- Chicken. Bird. - Chicken. Bird.
Second word.
Hood. Big hair. Robin Hood! Ah!
Whoo! Brilliant child!
Second word.
Blanket?
Hey, you can't use props!
Hey, hey, hey!
Cut it out. Judges speak. No props. No props.
Can't use props. You can do it without that. Think, think, think.
- Um, folding. - Bunch!
The Gathered? Folded. Is it like... Um...
It's just messing around with a blanket. Wrinkling it...
A Wrinkle In Time! Wrinkle.
Whoo!
What are the guards of Azkaban?
Dementors. Ah...
Front of the line, are you ready?
Count down with me, ladies and gentlemen. Ten!
Nine! Eight! Seven!
Six! Five! Four!
Three! Two! One!
Let's go!
Whoo!
Thank you.
Thanks.
All righty. Here we go.
No, no, no. Back up and take a practice swing first, remember?
Nice and easy. Sweep the floor. Sweep the floor.
That's good.
Don't swing too hard, Randy.
He always swings too hard.
Hey! All right! Very good!
Back your feet up a little bit. Yeah, like that.
Now you're gonna hit it straighter. Okay.
All right, go up and hit it. That's good.
Nice slow swing is gonna be better for you.
All right!
I don't know, man, you must've been...
See, your feet are too open, Randy.
Nice and natural.
Yes! Go! All right!
Give me five! Good putt, son, good putt.
Did you see that, Randy? That's the way to do it!
All right.
Birdie putt.
God damn it. Son of a bitch.
Get my clubs, would you? Get the ball.
This is just in case we have guests this weekend.
He always says that, but we never have guests.
Samantha, I think I heard your dad pull up.
All right.
You guys finish your chores?
Not quite.
Just about.
How about the dusting, Sam?
I haven't done that yet.
Well, I saw you working on your art project.
You had time to finish your little art project,
but you didn't have time to finish your chores?
I thought we talked about that.
Dad, it's fine, I can finish the dusting.
No, it's not fine, Mindy.
You have your own chores to do and Sam has hers to do.
Huh? It's simple.
Poor choice there, Sam. And hurry up.
Mason!
Your dad's here.
You guys aren't setting any speed records, are you?
What'd you do, get about half done? Hey, hey, hey.
So, did you finish?
No.
Is the job complete?
So, what are you gonna be doing tomorrow?
Same thing, right?
Yeah. Okay. Go.
Bye, Mom.
Bye, babe, I love you.
Bye, Mama.
Bye, honey. Have fun with your dad.
Just a minute, Mason.
The boys didn't finish raking leaves.
Samantha did not finish dusting.
So tomorrow, when they come home,
instead of swimming and all the other
little stuff that they want to do,
they're going to do their chores. Right?
Right.
Okay, guys, you had this conversation,
you understand? Tomorrow?
Okay.
Thank you. I just wanted you to back me up on that
so I'm not the only one yelling at them all the time.
Okay, I back you up. You guys got that?
We all agree, everybody agrees, right? Tomorrow, chores?
They don't hear it. Goes in one ear and out the other.
But, Dad, I mean, dusting is pointless.
It's not pointless, you just don't like to do it.
But, I mean, who dusts anymore?
You do when we ask you to!
And don't... Olivia, don't let her back talk me
in front of the other kids, please. Thank you.
Samantha, please.
Whatever!
Bye-bye. Have a wonderful weekend.
Sam...
Okay. Bye, guys. Love you.
I'm sorry, but I thought we talked about it.
You have to draw a line, you have to back it up.
Okay. It's just you have so many lines, Bill.
Everything's a line.
Hey, Randy! Hey.
Bye. Bye.
Hey, you two. How you doing?
Shotgun. Ooh!
Here, let me get these bags here.
You doing okay, darling?
Yeah. Yeah?
What about you, cowboy? Pretty good.
Yeah?
All right. Let's roll!
You guys ready for the big game?
Yeah.
Sam, who are the Astros playing tonight?
I don't know.
The Milwaukee Brewers, all right?
Get to know 'em, get to hate 'em.
Mason. How you been? Huh? How was your week?
Pretty good.
Yeah? What you been up to?
Not much. No?
You still hanging with that kid Joe?
Yeah. And he's still your best friend?
Yeah, I guess.
Okay.
How about you? How was your week?
Fine.
What you been up to?
Nothing, really.
You, um, still working on that sculpture project?
Yeah. Almost finished. Yeah?
What's it of?
Nothing.
All right, no, no, no.
No, that is not how we are going to talk to one another. All right?
No, I will not be that guy. You cannot put me in that category, all right?
"The biological father that I spend every other week with,
"and I make polite conversation
"while he drives me places and buys me shit. "
No! Talk to me.
Samantha, how was your week?
"Uh, I don't know, Dad, it was kinda tough.
"Billy and Ellen broke up, and Ellen's kinda mad at me,
"cause she saw me talking to Billy in the cafeteria.
"And you remember that sculpture I was working on,
"well, it was a unicorn,
"and the horn broke off, so now it's a zebra," okay?
"But I still think I'm gonna get an "A", right?
Mason, uh, how was your week?
"Well, Dad, you know it was kinda tough.
"Joey's kind of a jerk, actually.
"He stole some cigarettes from his mom and he wanted me to smoke 'em,
"but I said no because I knew
"what a hard time you had quitting smoking, Dad. "
How 'bout that? Is that so hard?
Dad, these questions are kind of hard to answer.
What is so hard to answer about what sculpture are you making?
It's abstract.
Okay. Okay, that's good.
See, I didn't know that.
I didn't know you were even interested in abstract art.
I'm not. They make us do it.
But, Dad, why is it all on us, though?
What about you? How was your week?
Who do you hang out with?
Do you have a girlfriend? What have you been up to?
I see your point.
So we should just let it happen more natural, right?
That's what you're saying?
Okay, that's what we'll do.
Starting now.
Check this out.
That would be a...
That would be a Magnificent Owl. Caligo atreus.
What's that one? Look at this. Whoa!
What kind is that?
That looks like a Zebra Longwing. All right.
Cool.
This one's incredible. That's the owl one, right?
Yeah. Magnificent Owl.
I think he went pee-pee on you, bud.
One, two, three, four, five.
Get away from me! Get away from me!
Yo, Mase, look at me here. Make a diamond with your hands, all right?
Fingers and thumbs.
Keep your hands soft.
Sam. Very nice.
That's how you want to catch it, just like that.
Even when you're running,
that's what you're thinking about, that diamond.
That diamond and soft hands.
There it is.
No, no, no.
No! Yes!
Don't let her get... No, no, no!
Let's go, Roger!
That's it, Roger! Yeah!
Guy's incredible. He's unhittable this year.
Now, just so you know, what we're watching here is history.
Now, you see this guy out here?
This dude is like 43 years old,
and he's striking out guys half his age.
This guy's ERA is 1.47, all right? Can you believe that?
Now, if the Astros could just get a few runs, maybe we'd win a game.
Dad, do you have a job?
Why would you ask me that?
I don't know. Mom wanted to know,
and I didn't know what the answer was. Mom wanted to know.
All right. Well, you can tell Mom
that I just happen to have passed
my second actuarial exam, all right?
So, tell her that. How's she doing?
Is she finishing school?
Yep, all A's.
All A's, huh? Like mother, like daughter, right?
He got that! That's out...
Oh! Oh!
Yeah! Look at that!
Yeah!
Mason! Yes!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Hey, Jimmy. Hey, Samantha!
Hey. What's up, Jimmy?
What's going on, Mason, man?
Astros won.
You went to the game?
What, I'm the only one with any arms around here?
Nobody else can carry anything? Huh?
Help their old man out?
What you watching?
Oh, come on, Jimmy, man! You knew the kids were coming this weekend.
Can't you just help me out a little bit?
I'm sorry, muffin.
Yeah, don't "muffin" me, all right?
Don't put me in that position.
I'm not your fuckin' Tony Randall.
Dad, it's always a mess.
It was not a mess this morning. Okay?
I mowed the lawn.
Oh, yeah? Great.
Oh, come on, man! Turn this shit off.
Come on, give me that thing.
Did you watch the game? No.
Lane won it with a three-run homer.
It was beautiful, wasn't it?
Sam lost her mind.
She's a huge Astros fan.
Sure.
Saturday night was a lunar eclipse
I sang 'em a song Went something like this
Well, go to sleep, my weary babies
Let the sounds roll on by
Tonight we're safe here in Houston
With this, your daddy's lullaby
Your mother's got a new husband now
He seems all right
I wonder if he's reading them stories
And kissing them good night
Well, babysitters say they miss me
I know I shouldn't hope it's true
Teacher says my son paints pictures of a family
All in blue
She says she caught him whispering to the window
Will Daddy please come home?
I know I could call him up
But what if his mother answers the phone?
You brush your teeth? What?
Did you brush your teeth?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You gonna fall asleep with those things in your head?
Maybe.
Yeah, well, try not to, all right? Okay.
Want me to turn off the light? Okay. Sure.
Good night, Sam. Night, Dad.
Good night, Sam. Good night, Jimmy.
Hey. That was a fun day, right?
Yeah, it was. Sorry.
Why? That Mason had to be there, you know.
Good night. Good night.
Dad?
There's no, like, real magic in the world, right?
What do you mean?
You know, like elves and stuff.
People just made that up.
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, what makes you think that elves are any more magical
than something like a whale?
You know what I mean? What if I told you a story about
how underneath the ocean,
there was this giant sea mammal
that used sonar and sang songs
and it was so big that its heart was the size of a car
and you could crawl through the arteries?
I mean, you'd think that was pretty magical, right?
Yeah.
But, like, right this second,
there's, like, no elves in the world, right?
No. Technically, no elves.
Love you, guys. All right. Be well. See you, Dad.
Have a great week. Sam, I'll see you next weekend?
All right. Oh, yeah, that's right. What?
Suzy has a birthday party next Saturday.
A sleepover? Yeah.
All right. I'll talk to your mom about it.
Bye, Dad. Don't worry about it, okay?
Have a great week. Okay. Had a great time.
Oh, man.
How do you guys not know how to do this?
I'll make you some bookmarks. Just a second. Pictures...
Ooh. She looks nice.
Randy, Mason, Dad wants you guys downstairs.
Why? You're getting haircuts.
This is gonna look so much better.
You're gonna look like a man, instead of like a little girl.
You're taking the eyebrows off next, right, Byron?
Mason, we're leaving.
You're not sick.
Bye, guys. Bye, Mom.
Where's Mason?
He doesn't feel too good. I don't think he's going to school.
He's totally faking it.
Bye.
Mason, what's going on?
I don't feel good.
Yeah, well, your head feels fine.
So get your ass out of bed.
I'm gonna drive you to school.
You got five minutes, and don't make me late.
I mean, he didn't even ask! He just cut it.
It's my hair!
Well, no wonder you were angry. I'd be angry, too.
I look like a Martian now.
Honey, you know what? I'm gonna talk to him about it later. Okay?
Yeah, I tried to call you, but you didn't answer your phone.
I'm so sorry. I've been so busy with school.
For what it's worth, it's hair and it will grow back.
And now I can see your pretty eyes and your foxy face.
Why did you even marry him?
He's such a jerk!
Well, Bill has his good qualities.
You know, nobody's perfect. And now we have a family.
We already had a family.
I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America...
...and to the Republic for which it stands,
one nation, under God,
indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Please join me in the Texas Pledge.
Honor the Texas flag.
I pledge allegiance to thee,
Texas one and indivisible.
Thank you. You may be seated.
All right.
All right, class, as you know,
we've been working on our mythology projects,
and you're going to be writing papers about gods and goddesses.
We've listed those gods and goddesses here on the board.
We added a couple of monsters
for some of you who might be interested in that.
And you're going to write your essay about your god and goddess,
and to make sure that you cover everything,
let's make sure that we do all of these things right here.
First of all, you need to name your god or goddess,
and you need to include who, what, when, where, why and how.
So make sure that you cover all those things
when you're writing your essay.
There's a bump right there.
I'll see you later, guys.
Yeah.
- Mom, are you okay? - What happened?
No.
Go in the house! Go! Go in the house! Go in the house!
Your mother had a little accident.
Now she's being dramatic.
Get off the fucking floor, Olivia. For Christ's sake!
I'm having a drink with my dinner.
Anybody else have a problem with that?
Hmm?
Samantha? No.
Mindy?
No.
I didn't think so.
You don't like me much, do you, Mason?
That's okay. I don't like me either.
You think that's funny? Huh?
You think that's fuckin' funny?
What's the matter, you feeling a little left out?
Clean it up, God damn it! Clean it up.
Bill! Clean it up, God damn it!
I hate squash!
Pearl.
I'm gonna pay you.
I'm working three jobs right now.
How many times can you watch that, Mason?
It's funny. I'm driving a cab.
I'm inside with my buddy right now just going over my résumé.
Okay, you know what? You need to relax.
Look, why do you need your money so fast? Come on.
Has he ever gotten this bad before? No.
But he's yelled a lot.
Yeah, but he hasn't thrown and broken stuff.
Yeah. You're drunk. I knew it.
You're already drunk.
Give me your cell phones.
So nobody talked to her, huh?
Mason?
No.
Mindy? No.
I believe you.
Samantha?
No.
I didn't talk to her. She left a message.
What'd she say?
Nothing much.
What did she say?
She said she'd be back later.
And that's all, "I'll be back later," click?
She said, "Stay in your rooms. I'll be back later. "
I'll be back later, stay in your rooms. And that's all? Hmm?
Yeah.
Where is she?
I don't know. Where is she?
She didn't say!
All right. Everybody, get in the car.
Hurry up! Get in the car!
It's still not working.
Oh, bullshit.
She took it all.
All right, Randy, go cash this.
Tell them I'm not feeling well or something. I don't know.
Mason, go with him.
Here. There's my ID.
Hi, good afternoon, fellas. What can I do for you today?
Now what's this?
Can't read this.
Hey!
This isn't you! Who is this?
It's our dad.
He's not feeling well.
Oh! Hey! Yeah, I know him. Okay, here we go.
Five hundred bucks.
One, two, three, four...
Five hundred bucks. All right?
Don't forget your dad's ID.
Now take care of your dad now, son. You only got the one.
Damn it.
Get outta the way. Jesus Christ.
God...
Calm down!
Samantha! Mason!
Samantha!
Where the hell have you been?
I'm leaving you, Bill. We're moving out.
I doubt that.
Samantha, Mason! Come down!
No, mmm-mmm, don't think so. Oh, who's this?
I'm not here for you! Oh, really?
Oh, I know, you're here to protect my wife from me.
Well, thank you so much, you two. Okay, stay back!
Why don't you come inside here? Huh? Come inside here.
Where the hell are you going?
Get your ass upstairs! You're not going anywhere.
Stop! Come on!
Where the hell do you think you're going? Get upstairs!
What the hell... Nobody's going anywhere, God damn it!
No, God damn it! Stop it.
Don't touch my kids!
All right, take 'em. Go on, go on.
- Don't touch them! - Take 'em.
Take 'em then, just take 'em! Get in the car.
Go!
Get upstairs! Olivia!
Seat belts! Put your seat belts on.
Where are we going?
We're going to stay with Carol and her family for a while.
Don't look back.
It's gonna be okay.
And we see that
We're all in this together
And it shows When we stand hand in hand
Hey, Lee and Mason. Guys, when you want
to take a break, here's a snack.
...going on...
Wildcats in the house Everybody say it loud
Wildcats everywhere
Wave your hands up in the air
Abby, why don't you come and help me with this?
Why couldn't Randy and Mindy come with us?
I'm not their legal guardian, honey.
That would be kidnapping. I can't just...
What's gonna happen to them?
What happens when their legal guardian is dangerous and abusive?
I don't know, honey.
I called their mom. I called the Child Protective Services.
I have you and your brother.
We are in a dangerous situation.
You're my responsibility.
Are we ever gonna see them again?
I don't know.
I hope so.
How much longer are we gonna be here?
Not long. We're...
I don't...
I don't know. I don't have the answer, baby.
Listen.
We are happy to have you here as long as you want.
As long as you need.
This is fun for us, isn't it? Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, it's like having a big sister?
Like having a brother.
We're gonna help out, right?
You're not even gonna know we're here.
Okay.
Mom, this is awful.
You're dumping me in some parking lot of this school
where I don't even know anyone!
I'm leaving all my friends, and I didn't even get to say goodbye!
I don't know where to go!
Samantha, you go right through that door.
The office is right there. They're expecting you.
They're gonna give you your schedule.
Here's your lunch money.
I will pick you up right here at 3:30.
I'm wearing dirty clothes because you wouldn't even let us get our stuff!
We don't even have a place to live!
This sucks!
Samantha, I'm doing the best I can!
And you're right, it sucks!
But it doesn't suck half as much as having a drunk fool
slam your head against a wall!
So cut your horseshit attitude!
Put your seat belt on!
You know, if you need anything, I'm in Room 112, right?
Okay.
This is Mrs. Darby's room.
Oh, honey, it's gonna be okay.
Mom.
Dude, did you see that?
That concert was awful.
Hook, I mean, when he smashed that board against that microphone...
Are you Mason? Yeah.
Hi, I'm Mrs. Darby. I'm glad to meet you.
Why don't you sit here?
Kenny! Off.
Yes, ma'am.
Kenny, this is Mason,
and I want you to show him around today, okay?
Got it.
Hey, dude. Welcome to the suck.
Everybody, listen up!
We have a new student joining us today.
His name is Mason, he's sitting in the back row.
Kenny's going to be his buddy, but I want each one of you
to take the time today to introduce yourselves
and welcome him to school. Okay?
All right? Let's get started.
What?
Oh, hi.
Can I put an Obama sign in your yard?
Do I look like a Barack Hussein Obama supporter?
No.
This is private property. Get off.
I could shoot you!
What a dick.
He had a Confederate flag on his house.
I love it.
Young Obama supporters out on the trail, this is great!
Are you doing this through your school?
Um, our dad's a big supporter.
Oh, that's great.
I mean, we have just got to pull together to get this win, right?
Yeah.
Ah, I just love him so much!
I have these dreams where I'm just kissing him,
'cause I just love him so much!
He's so cute, isn't he?
Yeah
You know, I made these T - shirts for my kids.
"My Mama's For Obama. "
Do you like it? Yeah.
It's good, right? Yeah.
Thanks for the sign! No problem.
All right! Looks good!
How many you got left, two?
All right, all right, we're done. Let's get out of here.
Come on, Sam.
Go get that McCain sign, would you?
What? Get the McCain sign. Go rip it up, come on.
Get it, get it, get it, go, go, go!
Good job, good job. Proud of you, son.
You guys are gonna get us arrested.
Look, I'm a patriot, all right?
And sometimes in this life you gotta fight.
And what is it that you do at these parties?
I don't know. Talk, dance, listen to music.
Uh-huh. And that's more fun to you than going camping
with your brother and your father who love you.
Yes. Sorry.
Wow. Is there gonna be alcohol there?
Probably not.
Maybe some of the seniors. Mmm-hmm.
I know what this party is.
The parents are out of town, right?
Somebody's scored a keg, right?
You guys are gonna have a good time, trash the whole house.
Right? Am I right? No.
No, Dad. Amy's really responsible.
Mmm-hmm.
Who's gonna be there?
Marie, Christine, Amy. Everyone.
Is that guy on your Facebook page, is he gonna be there?
Who?
Come on, the guy that's got his arm wrapped around you,
with his hair over his eyes.
Garret?
Garret. Is that his name? All right.
Is Garret gonna be there?
Probably.
Probably. Uh-huh. You see?
I learn more about her from her Facebook page
than I do from our scintillating conversation.
Is he your boyfriend?
Kind of.
Have you met him? Has he been around the house?
Sometimes.
Sometimes? Zzz?
You have a boyfriend!
Wow.
Have you heard of Sarah Palin?
Yes.
What's the one thing you know about
Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter?
She's pregnant? That's right.
And what is the one thing that you are not going to be
in a couple of years when you turn 17?
Pregnant? That's right!
All right, now, what are the two ways
that you can achieve that goal?
First is
not have any sex, okay?
That's the first way, okay? Just not engage in that.
That did not work out very well for your mother and me.
And what's the second way?
Where you going? Bathroom.
You don't have to go to the bathroom.
Sit down, Mason, just sit down.
What's the second way?
Huh?
Has your mother talked to you guys about this stuff?
No, Dad!
No, come on, has she talked to you about
contraception?
Huh?
What, has she... Condoms?
She talked about that? No, Dad, please, stop.
What?
Does Garret have a condom? Oh, God!
Dad! What? Come on.
Sam, we have to be able to talk about this, all right?
Come on, we do. We can do it, we can do it.
Just stay with me here, all right?
It's as hard for me as it is for you. But seriously, all right?
I read an article in the paper the other day that said
that although US teenagers are not the most sexually active,
we have the highest rate of teenage pregnancy, okay?
Hey.
Oh, hey, Tammy, how you doing? What's going on?
Nice to see you.
Oh, yeah, good to see you. Yeah.
Um, Tammy, this is my daughter Samantha. Hey.
And this is, uh, Mason Junior right here.
- Mason Junior. - Tammy.
Say hi. Hi.
Hi, Mason, nice to meet you. Heard a lot about you guys.
What're you doing here?
I'm just here with some friends.
Oh, wow. Yeah.
What are you guys up to?
Um, we're going camping.
Well, no, this one is not going camping.
This one is going to a party.
Oh, fun.
But we, the men, are going camping.
The boys are going camping.
All right, very nice.
Well, uh, we still on for tomorrow? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I'll drop him off at 7:00 and then I'll just call you.
Okay. Right?
Great. It was really nice meeting you both.
Take care.
Talk to you soon. Bye. I'll see you. I'll see you.
Don't look at me like that, all right?
Look, just to finish the point, okay?
I was 23 when your mom had you, all right? So was she.
All right, and we didn't put ourselves
in the best position to be great parents.
And I wish that...
I wish I were a better parent to you guys, all right?
And I hope that you can learn from my mistakes, okay?
All right. So wear a condom, okay? Oh!
Or get Garret to...
I don't know, whatever.
Listen to this song, all right?
I try to stay busy
Just straight-up... The lyrics in this,
straight-up old-school country song.
I do the dishes I mow the lawn
Listen to the production of this.
Production's like Abbey Road or something.
Even though I know You're not coming home
You know, his old woman's gone.
Straight-up. Nothing fancy.
I try to keep the house nice and neat
Make my bed I change the sheets
I even learned how to use the washing machine
Keeping things clean Doesn't change anything
Yeah, I think she's about to get her master's degree.
Well, then she's gonna start applying for teaching jobs?
I think she already has.
Really? Where?
All over.
All over Texas? Yeah.
Well, if you gotta move, you gotta move, you know? It's no big deal.
We can handle that. I'll still come get you every other weekend.
I mean, unless she moves 500 miles away or something,
it'll just be a little bit more car time.
No big deal.
I'm just kind of sick of moving.
Well, I bet you are.
But, you know, you never know.
I might have to move. Right?
I'm working for this insurance company now.
These places get bought and sold all the time.
You know, we'll just roll with it.
I thought you were a musician.
I am,
but life is expensive, you know?
Guy's got to be responsible.
What do you think?
Hey! Hey!
Oh, you!
Punk kid! You got no respect!
You know that redhead at the bowling alley?
Sure. What about her?
Do you know her well?
Uh, you know, we've hung out a little bit.
Is she your girlfriend?
How do you mean?
Like, have you kissed her?
Um...
Yeah. Yeah, I've kissed her.
What about you? Have you got a girlfriend?
Sort of.
Really?
Have you, uh, kissed her?
Not really.
Yeah? What have you done?
Well, we talked on the phone.
Oh, yeah!
How did that go?
Pretty terrible.
Why?
Well, when we're at school, we got plenty to talk about,
but when we're alone or on the phone,
it's like we have nothing in common.
Nothing?
She's not interested in music or video games or...
Three best movies this summer. Right.
Tropic Thunder, Dark Knight and Pineapple Express.
Yeah, what about 'em? She said they all sucked.
Okay, what's she interested in?
I don't know.
Going to the mall with her stupid friends?
Well, is she cute? Watch your step there.
Yeah. Yeah? All right.
Well, here's what you do, all right?
First off, you gotta ask her a lot of questions.
Then you have to listen to the answers, all right?
Actually be interested in her, all right?
If you can do those things,
you're gonna be light years ahead of all the other guys.
Okay. This is the best s'more I ever made in my life, all right?
This is absolute peak. Look at this. Yeah. Yeah.
Honey brown, no burn.
Look at that, huh?
Sell that in the store. Mmm.
That's like advertisement worthy. Mmm-hmm.
Advertisement quality.
Yeah.
Mmm.
You think they ever will make another Star Wars?
I don't know. I think if they were gonna make another one,
that the period where this game is set
is where it would have to be,
'cause there's nothing after, really.
Yeah. No, Return of the Jedi, it's over. There's nothing...
Yeah, there's nothing else to do there.
You gonna turn Han Solo into a Sith Lord?
Yeah. What are you gonna do? Right.
Good morning. Morning.
You gotta pee?
Sure. Mmm-hmm.
Hit the campfire.
Ancient Native American custom.
You're gonna give back to the Earth what you take from it,
and you don't burn the forest down.
Okay, guys, have a good day!
Mason, don't forget, I have to teach late today.
Sam's gonna pick you up. Right, Sam? Yeah.
All right. Okay. Bye, guys.
See you.
Hey.
That's what I was talking to you about.
Yeah. Good luck with that.
See you, man.
Don't bump into me! Little bitch!
I didn't!
You calling me a liar?
No.
Don't act like you're tough shit, motherfucker.
I don't think pretty boy's hair's good enough.
Don't touch me, faggot!
You're a fuckin' asshole.
Hey, Mason!
Hey, Jill.
So, where're you going?
Over to the college.
What's going on there?
My mom's a teacher.
Oh, cool. What does she teach?
Psychology, I think.
What're you up to?
Oh, my mom owns Needleworks.
The arts and crafts store over there.
So I'm just kinda hangin' out.
But I'm supposed to be going to the hospital soon.
How come?
You know Courtney?
Girl with the dyed black hair and the nose ring?
Wears Hot Topic every day?
I think so.
We used to be best friends growing up,
but we've kind of grown apart.
She sorta got all emo, she thinks I'm a prep,
but I still consider her a friend.
Anyway, she cut one of her wrists.
I don't know how bad, but I think I should go visit.
So what're you reading?
Uh, it's 'Breakfast of Champions'. Kurt Vonnegut.
I think my older brother likes him.
I'm reading 'To Kill a Mockingbird' for the third time.
My friends make fun of me.
I think I'm the only girl in the whole school
who doesn't like the Twilight books.
Have you read 'em?
Sure haven't.
I tried,
but it was so cheesy!
So, how do you like San Marcos?
I like it all right.
It's a lot smaller than Houston, but it seems pretty cool.
Have you always lived here?
Yeah.
If you want the big city around here,
you have to drive to San Antonio or Austin.
Have you been there yet?
I went to San Antonio for a day,
but I haven't been to Austin yet.
That's where all the high school kids go
on weekends for shows and stuff.
That's what I've heard.
So, are you going to Shauna's party next weekend?
Um, I think I heard about it. I'm not really sure, though.
Well, you should!
Why's that?
Well, LeeAnne has a big crush on you,
and I know she was hoping you would go.
You don't have a girlfriend, do you?
Not currently.
Well then, you should come.
I'll tell Chase to make sure you're there.
Okay.
But don't tell LeeAnne I told you that. She'd kill me.
I won't.
Well, I better get going.
See you later. Bye.
His cognitive theories, his interviews with orphans,
ethology theorists' work,
and then he in turn
was supported strongly by Harry Harlow's rhesus monkey study.
Now, you guys, you gotta think,
this is the 1950s, this was radical!
This flew in the face of traditional learning theory,
of B.F. Skinner's classical and instrumental conditioning.
Now, Bowlby's gonna argue that
human survival depends on us falling in love.
It depends on me falling in love with my mother
and my mother falling in love with me.
And if that doesn't happen,
we're pretty much doomed.
Now think about it.
A tiger chases her tribe out of a cave
Now, an ideal mother goes,
"My baby! I love you, I'll protect you!"
Or, "Well, you, why am I gonna pick you up? You're gonna slow me down.
"You are tiger kibble!"
So, next week, we are gonna get into
Bowlby's four stages of attachment.
Oh, oh... Uh, Professor Douglas and I...
Some of you might have classes with Elena.
She and I are hosting a little pre-Thanksgiving get-together at my place,
so if anyone wants to come, please stop by.
I'm not the greatest cook.
Thanks.
Samantha!
Why the hell didn't you pick up your brother like you said you would?
Okay. Mom... Mom, I know what you're gonna say.
She was running late and we couldn't turn around.
No, no! No excuses!
The bottom line is you didn't do what you said you were gonna do!
You stranded your brother!
It's embarrassing to ask my friend to turn around
and go get some kid at the middle school.
What do you mean "some kid"? He's your brother!
And you know what? We've helped Janey out before.
She lives right around the corner. It's no big deal.
Sorry.
You know what, Samantha?
You need to start thinking long and hard about who you wanna be.
Do you wanna be a cooperative person
who's compassionate and helps people out...
...or do you wanna be a self-centered narcissist?
You know what? You're right. I am this horrible person.
But, honestly, he's not a baby anymore.
You don't have to treat him like one.
He's in eighth grade, and he can find his way home if he wants to.
You know what?
When Gabi leaves, you and me are gonna have a chat.
Awkward.
Dude, that sucks.
Hey, man, what's up?
Hey. We're going camping tonight.
You in?
Uh, who's going?
My brother, one of his friends, and Tony maybe.
Yeah, let me check with my mom.
Mom, can I go camping with Chase tonight?
Camping? Where?
Uh, at that house that his family's building. It's pretty much finished.
Well, will any adults be there?
His brother's a senior.
You have your cell phone? Yeah.
Is it charged? Mmm-hmm.
Okay, do me a favor.
Leave his parents' number and the address on the counter.
Okay.
Yeah! What I'm talking about!
That's it.
You ready? Check this shit out.
That was all right, but this is gonna be badass.
All right, let me see. Let me see what you can do.
All right. This is your face.
I'm about to break his face, right here.
All right, man. All right, now check this out. You might want to move.
Ow, that'd be painful.
In the kidneys, right? The stomach? Something.
Oh!
Check this out, man.
Pancreas.
That shit's lethal.
Yeah, that would be painful.
Man, have a beer, man. That was awesome. Here.
It's beer 30, children.
Nice.
Uh, no, thanks.
Come on, man.
What are you? A pussy?
I just don't feel like drinking a beer right now.
Man, if you're too chickenshit to even have a beer,
I know for a fact that you have never gotten any pussy.
Like you guys have.
Sure have.
When?
Last summer.
With who? It was awesome.
Chase went down easy street and fucked this whore Nancy.
At least, that's what he said.
I did. Would I lie?
Bullshit. Quick, where were you?
At Tober's house.
And she fucked a couple other guys, too.
Oh, man, his first piece of ass was sloppy seconds.
What about you, Mason? You ever got any?
Yeah, you ever made her, uh, howl into the night?
A few times. Really?
Yeah, right, what was her name? Lucky?
No. Jennifer.
She doesn't live here, though. She's back in Houston.
You're fucking lying.
I don't care if you assholes believe me or not.
Let me guess, you were pulling all kinds of ass back home,
but once you got down here, lefty.
Hey, fuck you.
I would, but none of the girls here want to.
Dude, it's not what they want, man, it's what you want.
True dat.
You know what you should do, join a band.
That's all it takes, man.
Oh, yeah? Fuck, yeah, dude.
You don't even have to play that well.
You start playing your instrument,
and they line up to give you blowjobs.
Except for you.
It doesn't impress the ladies so much
when you play flute for the marching band.
I'm not in the fucking marching band.
Oh, dude, you sure? I heard you play the skin flute.
All right, I got a question for you guys.
If you think you're so cool,
why you hanging out with a bunch of 8th graders on a Friday night?
Hey. Fuck you, you little penis wrinkle.
You're lucky to even be here.
This is our camp-out.
The only reason you little cum gums are here
is because fucking Charlie's mom made him
bring his little asshole brother
and then he drags along you little dice danglers.
Fucking fuzz nut, talking shit!
It's all good, man.
These little fuzz nuts are going to get their chance soon enough.
We got some whores coming by later.
Yeah? Hell yeah!
Now, I know Chase will fuck anything.
I mean, I've seen this kid mount boulders before.
But what about you guys? You in?
Whatever. All right.
Good man. All right.
What about you, Peter Puffer?
I don't know. Maybe.
Dude, it's okay to be gay. We understand.
Just, you know, sleep over there.
I'm not gay.
Give it some time, man. You'll realize.
Fuck y'all.
See, that's exactly my point, man.
Nah, but we don't have whores coming over.
We were just fucking with you to see what you'd say.
And you just earned your vag badge.
Put it next to your bitch card.
Yeah, 'cause, you know, you're a bitch.
Now hold this like the bitch you are, bitch.
All right, this shit is called the death punch.
Whoa, Jesus!
Hey.
You guys made it! Good.
Oh.
There you are. Oh, wow.
And here you go, hostess.
Oh, thank you. Can I get you a bite?
Oh, that's cool. Thanks.
You did that?
Yeah. Wow.
How long have you been doing that for?
Not very long. Um...
I went to this camp thing just this past summer.
They have a camp for graffiti?
Well, they call it "urban art. " Oh.
So it sounds, you know, less illegal,
but it was really just a way to get free spray paint.
Cool. So is this your tag?
Is that... Do they still call it...
Yeah, but you know, it's just letters that I'm good at writing.
It's a "K... "
E.
"E-Z-J-O. "
Kez Jo. That's cool.
It doesn't really mean anything, though.
Is that your dad?
Yeah.
Where's he live?
In Houston.
Get to see him much?
Yeah. Some weekends and over the summer.
Cool.
So, you're a student of my mom's, right?
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, I got one class with her.
Yeah, she's cool.
How's she doing? You know, is she a good teacher and everything?
Yeah, she's great!
She's super-smart and she cares, you know.
She makes it interesting.
She's probably even my favorite teacher.
So, anyway, we figured out a way to rig up our iPods
to the external speakers on the ASB.
So every time we come rolling into town,
you knew the 4-56 was there
'cause we were bumping House of Pain.
It was like, "Jump around, jump around. "
And the whole family's coming outside,
you got the kids and, uh, the mom and the dad
and they're all bouncing up and down,
we're throwing out candies for the kids
and soccer balls and Beanie Babies and Frisbees, uh,
smokes for the adults,
and, uh, they loved, they absolutely loved Gatorade.
But for some reason, you know, they hated the lemon-lime flavor.
I don't know what it was.
Yeah. Couldn't give it away.
How long were you over there?
Uh, I did two tours in Iraq and one in Bosnia.
Wow.
Did you enlist?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah, I was, um, Army National Guard,
and, you know, coming straight out of high school,
needed money for college.
Seemed like a decent paying job.
And, uh, did my tour.
And whenever I got done I told them,
if there's a world-changing event, I'll come back.
And, uh, three months later 9/11 happened, and I was back 9/12.
And I'm proud to say the 4-56, the whole time we were there,
we never lost a guy, not one casualty.
But is that odd? Is that unusual?
Yeah. Uh...
Almost impossible.
Like, the guys that came along after us and replaced us,
they didn't listen to any of our advice.
They did, basically, the polar opposite of what we did,
and they lost seven guys in the first month.
Wow.
What did you guys do differently?
I like to think it's just a matter of mutual respect, you know.
All the time we spent over there building trust,
these guys basically destroyed it in three days.
So, what did the locals think about why we're there?
Oil, plain and simple. Mmm.
Hey, Mason. One last hit.
Hey.
Mickey Mouse Club. Get the fuck out of my car.
Just crawl out the back window or something, man.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'll see you on Sunday night.
All right. You better text me.
Mmm...
Do you have any gum? Um...
Yeah, I do, actually. Here you go.
Thanks. See ya.
And they're buying this party line that they're supposed to feel bad
and trade off their own pension,
as if that's what's been corrupting this nation.
Yeah, because those who heart Fox,
in my opinion, are being lied to.
Yeah, thank God for Wisconsin.
We have to follow that example.
You're right.
Hey, Mason, what time is it?
Uh, like 12:15.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday!
Mason.
It's your birthday?
Just now, I guess.
Yeah, how old are you?
Fifteen.
Fifteen. Give me a hug.
Happy birthday. Oh, my goodness!
Have you been drinking?
Have you?
Yeah, a little. Have you?
A little bit.
Have you been...
A little bit.
Oh.
Oh...
I'm gonna go to sleep.
Talk in the morning, huh?
Hey, Dad.
Hey! How you doing? Mmm... Good.
Whose car is that? That's our car.
Hop on in there. Hey.
Hi, sweetie.
Oh...
Hey, Cooper.
Hey! How's it going?
Hello, little brother.
He's so cute.
Can we just replace that part of the pipe?
No, is no good. Everything is no good.
Everything. Yes, mira.
This one is...
Stronger.
Yes. This is better, yes, yes, yes.
Hey, listen, thanks for that camera you got Mason.
Oh, yeah, Mason's all into the photography. He's loving that thing.
Yeah, I know.
He's actually talking about turning his, uh, closet into a darkroom.
Like the red light and the developing, the whole nine...
You all right with that?
I probably won't see him for a week. Oh, yeah. Right.
But he's having a good time.
At least he's focused on something. Yeah. Yeah.
That's what I like. Yeah, he's all about it.
Okay, let's go grande.
It's good? It's better, yes. It's good.
You know, you're smart. You should be in school.
Oh, I like school, I need school,
but it's hard, I working all day.
Go to night school at community college. It's pretty affordable.
You're doing a nice job with the house. It's looking great.
Oh, thanks. Really great.
Yeah, you know, some fix-its here and there.
We got a good deal on a foreclosure, so now I'm finding out why.
Yeah, really. Hey, bud! Hey.
Happy birthday, huh? What's that?
What's that? That's our new car. Get in it.
All right. Have a good weekend.
How you doing?
Good to see you. You, too.
Hey!
Hey, how are you?
Ooh...
You look great. Ooh! Thanks.
Look at him! Aw, he's got Mason's nose.
- Yeah, isn't he cute? - Yeah.
All right! Love you guys.
We got a big drive ahead of us.
Bye, Sam.
You guys drive safe.
All right. Well, we'll be back tomorrow night.
Bye, honey. I'm so glad you were born!
So, this is like Annie's car and you drive the GTO?
I guess you can't really put a baby seat in that thing.
Yeah, no. But I had to sell that anyway.
You what?
Yeah, I had to sell that.
So it's gone?
Yeah, some sucker collector from California
paid 22 grand for it, which is great
'cause I basically got to pay for this in cash.
I only paid $8,500 for that thing way back when.
Cars are generally a terrible investment, you know.
Soon as you drive them off the lot,
you got a used car on your hands,
and the value's only dropping from there.
But if you take care of it, you know,
and you get lucky and it's a classic,
the value starts going up again.
Shit, you got guys paying hundreds of thousands of dollars
for some Shelby Cobra.
What?
You don't remember?
Remember what? Really?
You said that was going to be my car when I turned 16.
What? No, I didn't. I never said that.
I remember. I was in third grade
and you were taking me over to Anthony Nadar's house for his birthday,
and we were there early, so we gave him a ride around the block,
and he was talking about how much he loved your car,
and so you were all like, "Oh, this is gonna be Mason's when he turns 16. "
All right, first off, I have no memory of that, all right?
Second of all, I would never say that. Never.
Oh, you did, though.
What?
Mason.
Come on, what about your sister?
I'm just gonna forget about her?
Come on, how's that fair? Huh?
Anthony Nagar. What...
Are you...
Oh, come on!
I mean, you're not...
Look, you can sit there like there's a death in the family, all right,
but bottom line is, that was my car. All right?
I paid for it, I took care of it,
and I can do whatever I want with it. All right?
I'm sorry if you had other ideas about it, but when you get older,
you can save up and buy a car of your own.
Be cool like I used to be.
Or you can get a minivan.
Does your mom actually let you watch this?
Yeah. She likes it, too.
Oh, my God.
Okay, well, have you ever seen her in concert?
No, but she's coming to Houston in April.
She's coming to Houston? Mmm-hmm.
Your dad and I could get you tickets and you could stay with us.
That'd be great! Yeah.
- Hey, Annie? - Yup.
Will you get me the little birthday present for Mason?
Here, babe. All right.
This one needs a little explanation, okay?
Open it up.
I call that the Beatles Black Album.
What it is, is the best of John, Paul, George and Ringo,
solo, post-breakup.
Thanks.
Basically, I put the band back together for you.
Whenever you listen to too much of the solo stuff,
it kind of becomes a drag, you know?
But you put them next to each other, right,
and they start to elevate each other,
and then you can hear it.
It's The Beatles, you know?
I don't know. I think I always just liked Paul the best.
It doesn't matter, you know, you're missing the point.
There is no favorite Beatle!
That's what I'm saying. It's in the balance.
That's what made them the greatest fucking rock band
in the world, okay?
And there's this decade of music out there
that's been scattered, all right,
and now it has been carefully found, arranged and ordered for you
by your loving father.
Very arranged and very organized,
over and over again by your loving father.
Yes, yes, yes.
So, I mean, look at that, look at that.
Uh, top of Volume II, first four tracks,
you've got Band on the Run into My Sweet Lord
into Jealous Guy into Photograph. Come on!
It's like the perfect segue.
You got Paul, who takes you to the party,
George who talks to you about God,
John is just, "No, it's about love and pain,"
and then Ringo who just says,
"Hey. Can't we enjoy what we have while we have it?"
It's a good record. I shit you not.
Cool.
Hey, there, Cliff. Hey, how you doing?
Good. How you doing? Hi, birthday boy!
It's good to see you.
Ah, it's great to see you. Yeah.
You made it all right, huh?
Yeah, we sure did. We sure did.
How are you, darling?
Let's just get this one... All right, we ready?
Yeah.
Wait.
Hey, Sam.
Wait, wait, wait. Come on.
Hey, still sleeping here?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, buddy.
Oh!
Make a wish, make a wish.
Real good! Presents! Wait, wait, wait. Here, sweetie.
Sam, would you get us a knife so we can cut this up?
All right.
I hope you like it. I heard you didn't have one, so.
It's a Bible. This is your first Bible.
Look, there's your name.
Wow. In gold. And wait, wait, wait.
Look at this.
It's a red-letter edition,
and that means that everything that Jesus said is in red.
Thank you. You like it? All right.
I love you, sweetie. Happy birthday.
And this one's from us.
Oh, yeah, here.
It's not going to make all your dreams come true here.
Just keep your expectations low.
No, you need it. It's...
Come on, right? You gotta have it. You need this.
You got life ahead of you.
And the shirt is blue.
You got dances and job interviews.
Here, I'm going to get it all wrinkled here.
Mason? Come here, son. Uh-oh.
Pull that off.
There's a 20-gauge shotgun. Wow.
My dad gave it to me when I was a little younger than you,
and his dad gave it to him.
Well, you're 15 and I'd like for you to have it, all right?
Here, you hold it.
Yeah?
Thank you. Congratulations, son.
I'll teach you how to clean it,
teach you how to fire it.
I'll teach you a little bit of safety.
Now cock it. All right, there you go.
Now, what you want to do is line up the front sight with the back sight.
Here, you see this little V right here? Mmm-hmm.
Now which one you aiming at?
Uh, the middle can.
The middle can? All right. Mmm-hmm.
Now fire at will, all right?
Ho! Whoa! Yeah!
All right, watch out, watch out. Whoa. Be careful. All right.
Ready?
Pull!
Oh, you hit a little low.
Wait till it gets up high, then shoot, all right?
'Cause then it's a better aim coming down.
Remember, second trigger.
Mmm-hmm.
Ready? Mmm-hmm.
Pull!
Look what you did! Well, you nailed it, didn't you?
How did that feel? Felt good.
Yeah, it felt good. Good.
Well, I want for us to be together forever
But to wander wherever I may
I want you to be easy and casual
But still demand I stay
I want for you to know me completely
But still remain mysterious
Consider everything deeply
But still remain fearless
Climb to the top Look over the ledge
Dance barefoot on a razor's edge
Reach for the stars Grab a tiger by the tail
If I don't try, I'll never fail
If you go home You're rolling the dice
Can't step in the same river twice
You love too much It'll turn to hate
You never leave home You'll never be late
You eat too much You're gonna get fat
If you buy a dog You'll piss off your cat
So take a deep breath and enjoy the ride
'Cause arrivals and departures Run side by side
Oh!
You're our first audience, you know?
Mason demanded we work on it the whole time.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It's a work in progress.
A week later, we don't know why
Thomas wasn't there the first time, uh,
but a week later, Thomas comes back
and joins the other disciples.
They say, "The Lord's alive, we saw him!"
"I won't believe it until I put my finger into his side,
"and I wanna see those nail prints in his hands. "
About that time, here comes Jesus
standing right next to him, okay?
And he turns to Thomas. Don't you know, Thomas felt some shame.
He turns to Thomas and says,
"Thomas, here, stick your finger in my side.
"Look at these nail prints. It's me. "
And Thomas says, "My Lord and my God, I believe. "
And Jesus said, "Well, that's good,
"but blessed are those who can believe without seeing. "
It's a lot easier when you can see and feel and touch,
but like us, we haven't seen him in the flesh,
we haven't felt him in the flesh,
but we have experienced him in the spirit.
At least, I have, and I hope y'all have, too.
The pond's right up here.
Ooh, it's low.
Yeah.
You know, my dad could take you fishing
next time you're here if you want.
Thanks.
Hi, baby. What's goin' on?
No, I think we're just gonna hang here for a minute.
You want me to stay with you?
No, it's okay. You sure?
Yeah. Thanks.
Mason, why are you such a stick-in-the-mud?
What are you even talking about?
You guys don't mind coming back here on the 20th, do you,
for Cooper's baptism?
No, that's fine. Sam?
I appreciate it.
It means a lot to Annie and her folks, you know.
Were we baptized?
I wasn't the least bit concerned with the state of your soul.
We can do it now, though, if you want.
No, I think I'm all right.
You and Cooper together, you know.
Dunk your heads.
You're not becoming one of those God people, are you, Dad?
And what's that supposed to mean, huh?
I can hear you!
Oh, wow.
I think that shotgun should live at my house, huh?
I don't think your mom would love that.
Look out, Sam.
Let me show you how it's done.
Nice, Dad.
Still got the goods, hmm?
How long you been in here, Mason?
I'm not sure.
I'm sure.
All class.
Did you complete your image diary?
Not yet.
Completed your, uh, digital contact sheet?
Not quite, but it's not gonna take me long.
Not yet. Not quite.
Dark room time is extra-curricular.
I mean, technically, you don't ever have to be in here these days,
and certainly not until you've completed your assignments.
That's the deal.
Sorry.
I'm worried about you, Mason.
Why is that?
I'll tell you why.
The images you're turning in, they're cool.
You're looking at things in a really unique way.
Got a lot of natural talent.
Thanks.
Yeah, but that and 50 cents
will just get you a cup of coffee in this old world.
I've met a lot of talented people over the years.
How many of them made it professionally
without discipline, commitment
and a really good work ethic?
I can tell you. I can count it on two fingers.
Zero.
It's not gonna happen for you, Mason.
The world is too competitive.
There are too many talented people who are willing to work hard,
and a butt load of morons who are untalented
who are more than willing to surpass you.
As a matter of fact, a lot of them are sitting in that classroom
out there right now, hmm?
You know what they're doing?
They're doing their assignments.
Which is what you're supposed to be doing, but you're not.
You're in here.
Now why is that?
You special, Mason?
No, but the things you're talking about,
like work ethic or whatever,
I feel like I do work pretty hard.
I spend the whole weekend taking pictures a lot of times.
You like football, Mason?
Not really.
Yeah, I know you don't.
That's why I've just assigned you
to shoot the football game tonight. Okay?
It starts at 7:30, I want you to get there early,
I want you to shoot a full card, 300 images, I want them downloaded,
I want them sorted, and I want to see them very first thing Monday.
You want to know why I'm doing this?
I guess.
Who do you want to be, Mason?
What do you want to do?
I want to take pictures. Make art.
Any dipshit can take pictures, Mason.
Art, that's special.
What can you bring to it that nobody else can?
That's what I'm trying to find out.
Try harder.
Maybe in 20 years you can call old Mr. Turlington and you can say,
"Thank you, sir,
"for that terrific darkroom chat we had that day. "
Get back to class and do your work.
Hey, man, you're walkin' a little funny.
Fuck you.
I'm just saying, you guys were in there for a long time.
Just hope he bought you dinner first.
Mason! Honey, come down for dinner.
Samantha! You didn't post these pictures and their descriptions?
Come on. This auction is gonna end on Sunday, honey.
You've gotta get those posted.
Why are we even doing this?
It's like an online junk shop.
I thought you had a good job.
I do. We're what you call house poor.
Everyone's got to do their part.
Your brother took the pictures.
You have to help.
Who even buys this shit?
Hey. Sam, watch your mouth, all right?
Don't disrespect your mother.
You like a roof over your head, don't you?
Yeah, and you like having electricity
so that you can charge your cell phone?
I'm not even gonna be here next year.
I'm a senior. I should be having fun.
Nice nails.
Yeah, some girl did that in sixth period.
You planning on keeping them?
Until it comes off, I guess.
Last summer it was the earrings, and now the nails.
You got a purse to go with all that?
A lot of guys do that. He's just trying to be cool.
When I was in high school, having a job,
being responsible, being able to afford a car, that was cool.
Mason, honey,
why don't you get you and your sister some water.
Hey, man, Turlington says to cut the artsy crap and shoot the game.
So take your lens and point it that way.
Jesus Christ.
Also, we got a ride.
McCormick's gonna take us to the party.
We're gonna head out after the game.
You're goin', okay?
Okay.
Shoot the game.
First one! What was that? What was that? What is up?
Hey, what's up? Hey.
How's it goin'?
Pretty good.
How long have you been here?
I don't know. A while, I guess.
A while?
I just feel like there are so many things that I could be doing
and probably want to be doing that I'm just not.
Why aren't you?
I mean, I guess it's just being afraid of what people would think.
You know, judgment. Yeah.
I guess it's really easy to say like,
"I don't care what anyone else thinks,"
but everyone does, you know? Exactly.
Deep down.
I find myself so furious at all these people that I'm in contact with
just for controlling me or whatever,
but, you know, they're not even aware they're doing it.
Yeah.
So, in this perfect world, where no one's controlling you,
what's different? What changes?
Everything.
I mean, I just wanna be able to do anything I want,
because it makes me feel alive.
As opposed to giving me the appearance of normality.
Whatever that means.
I don't think it means much.
You're kinda weird, you know that?
Yeah?
Is that a compliment?
I don't know. Do you wanna be weird?
I mean, I don't want to like scare kids at the park, or anything like that.
I really like talking with you.
I don't usually even try to vocalize my thoughts
or feelings or anything.
I don't know, it never sounds right. Words are stupid.
So, why are you trying with me?
I don't know. I guess I feel comfortable.
I'm glad.
Hey, Jim.
I'm sorry I'm so late.
What time are you supposed to be home?
I don't know. A while ago.
While ago like, 30 minutes ago, an hour ago?
'Cause truthfully nobody even knew
where you were until your sister told us.
She's been home for a while.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, been hearin' a lot of that lately.
See, but you don't actually care.
You just kinda come and go as you please,
and you don't care if your mom's upset,
or what time you gotta be home.
Is that what's up?
I don't know what to tell you.
Stop mumbling!
You know, speak up!
I can't understand a word comin' out of your mouth.
It's just like...
And I ask you questions and you just...
Can I just have one day where everyone isn't all over my ass?
I'm up your ass?
This is my house. All right?
If you wanna live in my house,
then you get home when you say you're gonna be home.
You know, Jim, you're not my dad.
No, I'm not your dad.
You know how I know that? 'Cause I'm actually here.
I'm the guy with the job, payin' the bills,
takin' care of you, your mom, your sister, huh? Huh?
I'm that guy!
Morning. Morning.
Hey. Which one of you guys used the downstairs bathroom last night?
I don't know. I didn't.
That tall guy, what's his name?
Phillip?
Yeah, Phillip. He did it. Can Phillip read?
You know, there's a big sign on the door.
It says, "Do not use this bathroom, it's broken. "
I mean, how difficult is that?
I don't know. I'm sorry.
I think I'm gonna put the house on the market.
Why?
This house is too big for us.
You're going to school eventually.
It's too expensive. I'm done.
Why did you even buy it in the first place then?
Because I really enjoy making poor life decisions,
keeping us on the brink of poverty.
I've spent the first half of my life acquiring all this crap,
and now I'm gonna spend the second half of my life
getting rid of all this stuff.
Really? Like what?
Well, I got rid of a couple husbands,
now I'm gonna get rid of a mortgage,
some maintenance, the tchotchskes,
the homeowner's insurance, the property tax, the plumbing.
You know what? From now on,
I am gonna be Mommy Monk.
Simple. Celibate.
Don't be gross, Mom.
Fine.
I'll be a poor whore with a big house.
Is that better? Hmm?
Okay.
Mason, please, don't leave me that dirty dish to wash.
I do dishes all day.
Oh, great! Honey, then you're a professional.
Come on, you could do one or two more for your poor old mom.
Okay.
Thank you.
You want one?
Oh, God!
She didn't even touch them, seriously.
I watched her the whole time.
I bet you did watch her, you little pervert.
It's like we're on a date.
Cheers.
It's a night of romance.
Yeah, except I'm not gonna kiss you.
I will blow you, though.
Mason! We are in the weeds out here!
I'm goin' as fast as I can.
Oh, then I must be confused then,
'cause I just saw you chattin' it up with April,
when I got a salad bar that needs a refill,
I got a six-top, two four-tops I can't use
because they haven't been bussed!
Enrique is not here. I'm tryin'.
Well, while you're tryin', we're dyin'!
What am I supposed to tell my customers?
"Oh, I'm sorry that your table's got dirty plates on it,
"but Mason's trying.
"At least that's what he told me.
"After he was flirtin' with April and eatin' your leftover shrimp. "
Now it is a challenge out there today, I know,
but I wanna share something with you.
I got you pegged for fry cook this summer,
and that's a lot more responsibility.
It's also more money. How's that sound?
Good.
I know you can handle that money,
but can you take the responsibility?
I think you can, because I believe in you.
But I need you on the floor.
Now leave the dishes. Giddy up.
All right, come on! Don't let me down!
Well, so it's runnin' okay? That alternator's not messin' up anymore?
No, it's fine. It's up for the trip.
Good.
Are you gonna see your sister when you guys are in Austin?
Yeah, she said I can stay at her dorm, which is cool.
And I guess her roommate's out of town, so it's no big deal.
All right. Did you apply there yet?
Did you get that application in to UT?
Not yet, but Sheena's pretty much in, though.
Right. Well, if you know that's where you wanna go,
you should probably do that early acceptance thing, you know?
Seriously, let 'em know you're a man who knows what he wants.
Yeah.
A little bit of decisiveness goes a long way in this life, all right?
Yeah. Great.
And what about work? How's that goin'?
Uh, I don't know. It's all right.
Today kind of sucked. This guy didn't show up.
But it's definitely an interesting perspective on the world.
People are slobs.
Well, when people ask me about you, I say to them,
"Mason, he's doing great.
"He's got a job, he's really cleanin' up. "
All right, say hi to Annie and Cooper, will you?
Say hi to your big brother. "Hey, big brother. "
Hey, Annie. Hey, kiddo.
Can you say bye-bye?
Bye-bye!
We'll see you soon.
All right. Well, be careful when you're driving, all right?
Don't be texting, don't be doing any of that. All right, just...
You're Obi-Wan. You're centered, patient. Right?
You watch three cars ahead, two behind.
Takes two bad drivers to have an accident, okay?
Okay.
Listen, tell your sister to pick up her phone or call me back or something.
Okay. All right, buddy.
You have a good one. Bye, Dad.
Hey, honey, take this to your sister.
Throw it in the truck, okay?
Okay, I will.
So where is Sheena staying?
At her friend Emily's.
Is Emily a real person?
Yeah.
Yeah, she's a sophomore. She has an apartment.
Okay, this is in case of emergency.
Don't spend it, I want it back.
Okay. Thanks.
Did you do your homework?
Most of it, but I can finish tomorrow night.
Honey, 11 th grade is really important for college. Don't blow it.
I know, I know. I mean, we're going to UT and everything.
Oh, don't you want me to come?
"Come on, Sheena, road trip with Mom!" I'll pay for gas.
Fine.
Just kidding. I have work.
Call me when you get there.
I will.
Have fun!
That sounds to me like just another
extreme Mason view of everything.
Not at all! I finally figured it out.
It's like when they realized it was gonna be too expensive
to actually build cyborgs and robots.
I mean, the costs of that were impossible.
They decided to just let humans
turn themselves into robots.
That's what's going on right now.
Oh, right now?
Yeah! I mean, why not?
They're billions of us just laying around, not really doing anything.
We don't cost anything.
We're even pretty good at self-maintenance and reproducing constantly.
And as it turns out, we're already biologically programmed
for our little cyborg upgrades.
How? Seriously.
I read this thing the other day about how...
When you hear that ding on your inbox,
you get like a dopamine rush in your brain.
It's like we're being chemically rewarded
for allowing ourselves to be brainwashed.
How evil is that? We're fucked.
So you deleting your Facebook page is gonna change all that?
Remember when Trevor deleted his Facebook page last year
and everyone just hated him?
You made more fun of him than anyone.
I still make fun of Trevor though.
It was like he was so pathetically desperate for attention.
Or to be different, or something.
That's just 'cause they did that lame story about it in the school paper.
And then he had to make a big announcement about it
when he came back a month later.
That's the thing, though, I'm not doing it for attention.
I just wanna try and not live my life through a screen.
I want some kind of actual interaction.
A real person, not just the profile they put up.
Oh, I'm sorry. Were you saying something?
Yeah, okay, I know you're joking.
But, I mean, it's kind of true.
You have been, you know, checking your phone this whole time,
so, what're you really doing?
You don't care what your friends are up to on a Saturday afternoon,
but you're also obviously not fully experiencing my profound bitching.
So, yeah, it's like everyone's just stuck in like an in-between state.
Not really experiencing anything.
It's not an experience, it's just information.
Look. For example,
I just got the address of the club where we're meeting them later,
so we won't be wandering the streets of Austin lost for an hour tonight.
Thank you very much, Facebook.
And then I just texted my mom back.
Oh, that's groundbreaking.
She hasn't seen you in, like, 55 minutes?
Oh...
Oh, my God, most importantly,
Meg's family just got a miniature pet pig.
Okay, you're right. That is a really cute, tiny pig.
Our lives can go on.
I want one.
Nice shot.
Yeah, just give the lady at the front y'all's IDs
and, uh, she should let you in.
It's Room 206, right? Awesome. Mmm.
It's not weird that we're staying there, is it?
No, it's fine. Have fun.
Thank you.
How long have you guys been dating?
About three months.
Yeah, we met at a party and it's been chill.
Yeah, he seems cool. Yeah, he is.
- Does he go to UT, too? Cool. - Yeah.
What does he study?
He's studying history and Italian, I think, his minor, yeah.
Does he wanna teach Italian?
I think he's still figuring stuff out.
Yeah. He'll figure it out.
He's smart. Smart, yeah.
So, where are you thinking about living when you come here?
Um, I'm not really sure yet.
We're gonna look at apartments tomorrow.
Um...
But I know my parents sort of were expecting me to live in a dorm.
But I'm paying my way through college,
so it doesn't really matter that much.
You don't have to listen to your parents after you turn 18.
Especially if they're not helping you financially.
That's what I figured.
But living in a dorm isn't so bad. Yeah?
I mean, especially if it's a coed dorm.
Yeah.
I mean, I've never been around so many cute guys at once.
Like, college is really fun.
I'm excited. It's great, yeah.
Oh.
The last death at the Hoover Dam construction site
was his son, Patrick Tierney,
who died on December 20th, 1935,
exactly 13 years to the day.
See those sorority girls over there?
I've just decided,
if you delete your Facebook page, I'm pledging.
Yeah, in just a few years that's you,
and that's gonna be me.
...inlaid into the terrazzo floors was a star map,
a celestial map of heavenly bodies so accurately displayed
that one could chart the procession of the pole star
14,000 years into the future, such that future generations upon...
I wonder what his deal is.
I mean, he obviously has money to eat here.
He just said. He's a UT professor, tenure and everything.
Look at all these people.
What're they even doing here at 3:00 in the morning?
What are we even doing here at 3:00 in the morning?
We know what we're doing here.
Queso. We have a purpose.
Hell, yeah.
You know, by next summer, this'll just be our lives.
Mmm.
Staying out all night, going to shows, whatever we want.
We ever gonna go to class?
Sometimes.
When it feels right. When the inspiration hits.
Only then.
Anything else?
Uh, more queso? Yeah.
Jesus.
What?
I don't know, doesn't it all seem a little overwhelming?
I mean, college?
I mean, I like the idea of being away from home
and gaining skills and getting better at photography.
I just...
I don't know, I'm not counting on it
being some big, transformative experience.
I don't think it's that transformative.
I just see it as the next step.
But it's like a preordained slot
that's already got your name and number on it.
I don't think it's the key to my future.
'Cause, I mean, look at my mom.
She got her degree and got a pretty good job.
She can pay her bills.
I like your mom.
I like my mom, too. I just mean...
Basically she's still just as fuckin' confused as I am.
Thank you. Thanks.
Hello? Hey.
Um...
Did Sam tell you we were gonna stay here?
No.
Sorry. Um...
She said you were out of town for the weekend.
Yeah, I was. I just got back.
Are you her brother?
Yeah, I'm Mason.
Um, this is Sheena.
Hello. Uh, great.
All right. I'm gonna leave my stuff here, if it's okay,
and get something to eat.
I'll just come back in a little bit?
Yeah, yeah, we have to get out of here soon anyway.
All right. It's nice meeting you.
Yeah. You, too. Sorry!
- That was so awkward. - Mmm-hmm.
Mason, silver-medal winner.
Congratulations!
Thank you.
Heard you got a scholarship. Yeah.
Yeah, every little bit helps, you know.
Yeah. When you gonna go out there?
End of the summer, I think.
Work some more before then, try to save up some money, at least.
Yeah, before you have to fend for yourself. Yeah.
Yeah, that's the idea.
Well, how are you feeling about it?
Excited, you know.
But kind of half-excited, half-terrified.
Yeah, kind of that voluptuous panic.
Yeah. Exactly.
Well, it's gonna be good. It's gonna be crazy good.
I liked college a lot better than high school.
You kinda find your people in college, you know?
Exactly.
You'll be fine.
You got a good heart, just follow your heart. Yeah?
Thanks. Good luck.
Don't forget to floss.
I just don't get why you're being so fucking childish.
I'm not being childish!
You're the one who made it into this big thing by telling everyone!
I haven't told anyone.
So Cynthia just magically knows
you're going to the prom with this loser,
even though you're not dating him anymore?
She's my best friend.
Well, your best friend has a big fucking mouth.
Take it up with her, then.
Why don't you just tell Miss Fuckin' Rubber Jaw
she can keep on talking,
as long as she includes the truth,
which is that we wouldn't be having this conversation
if your college boyfriend weren't out of town this weekend.
You had already bought the tickets.
It's just prom, it's not like it matters.
I'm just trying to be friends with you.
It's just humiliating. I can't do that.
Mister I-Don't-Care- What-Anyone-Else- Thinks-Of-Me.
Fuck anyone else!
I care what I think of me, which isn't much right now.
King of the Pity Prom.
Fine. We're not going.
Great.
Why are we even...
I mean, we both knew this was coming.
I'm just the one who did something about it.
Yeah, fucking some college guy.
Oh, fuck you!
I don't regret anything.
Of course you don't.
You know, it's actually kind of a relief
not to have to be around someone who's so gloomy all the time.
The world's not so horrible.
Not everything's some big conspiracy against humanity.
It's great that you can think that way.
You know, I'm sure dating a jock really helps to clear the mind.
He's not a jock, okay? He just happens to be on the lacrosse team.
We're all going to other schools next year anyway.
It's not some super-serious relationship.
Oh, great. I feel so much better now.
We're just having fun.
I bet he's having fun.
Grow up, Mason.
It's not like I haven't been with anyone else.
Who?
What do you care?
Who?
Does it matter?
You're the one who brought it up.
This is pointless.
Now you're just trying to be an asshole.
Holy crap, I would rather have my balls clawed off
than ever sit through anything like that ever again.
Well, you never, ever have to.
Oh, my God, thank you.
Give me that. Dude, it's all you.
Drink up.
So you coming out with me tonight, brother?
Should be some pretty awesome stuff happening.
Naw, dude, I'm going to this show with my dad in Austin.
His friend's playing.
Have fun with that, I guess.
Fuck, there are so many cars here. I don't wanna go in there!
Dude, you will have so much fun.
Your family loves you! Have a swell time.
Fuck you. You're coming in with me.
Oh, no. Shit, no. Yes.
Yes, you are. My mom loves you. You have to say hi.
Do you want to hurt her feelings? Mmm-mmm.
Well, then, let's go get 'em!
Just for a second. Just a second, seriously.
You know, you're in sort of enemy territory here.
We're aware.
Look who's here!
Hey!
Get a job!
Congratulations!
No, no, no! Wait. We're gonna take pictures.
Put it back on.
Can you get a camera?
Congratulations, baby.
I don't know you, but congratulations!
All right, look here.
Smile. Here we go.
Oh, that's a good one.
And good. Got it.
We need... Sam, where are you?
Samantha! Sam.
And where's Mason Senior?
I'm feeling generous. Come here.
Great. And beautiful!
I'll email these to everyone.
Don't even start. Don't start, don't start.
Can't believe you guys came all this way. It means a lot to me.
Mmm...
We wouldn't have missed it for anything!
I'm so proud of you. Congratulations.
I'm really sorry that Lee couldn't be here. He's on his senior trip.
No, tell him I said hi. I will.
Abby, I didn't even recognize you. How old are you now?
I'm 13.
Wow.
All right, let's top her off.
You want some, doll?
Um, sure, whatever. Yeah.
I got you something.
What is it?
That is a savings bond. That is worth something.
It's better than money. You'd just spend that.
God, is that your mom?
Yeah. Yeah. That's her. Wow.
Three-second rule. Put it on your plate.
Such a good dad. Really.
I know. I'm trying to help.
Come here, you guys. I want to make a little toast to Mason.
Now, Mason, I know you didn't really want to have a party today,
but we did.
And you only graduate high school once in your life.
So I want to celebrate you and this next phase.
And you're gonna learn so much in college,
you're gonna have so much fun.
You're gonna have inspiring teachers,
you're gonna learn more about your art.
I love you, babe. So proud of you.
To Mason. To Mason!
To Mason. Here, here!
All right, you're up, kid.
Oh, uh...
All right, uh... Well, Mason, I'll make a toast to the future.
To your future.
You know, it's been a little sketchy
this end of the school year here,
trying to figure out what school to go to.
Mason told me that he wanted
to get as far away from home as possible,
but still honor our agreement that we pay in-state tuition,
which I do appreciate.
He's a prudent man and, uh, he's gonna have a great future.
So here's to you, buddy.
To the future!
Congratulations!
Mason Junior! High school graduate, 18 and straight!
Just ignore him. My brother needs to learn to pace himself.
I've not known you as long as everybody here,
but since I have known you, you've grown a lot and I'm proud of you.
So, if this photography thing doesn't work out,
you know you always got a job.
Lose that earring. But...
Uh, you know, maybe I can get you front of house.
All right. To you, buddy!
Sam, say something!
Come on, Samantha. Um...
Come on, darling.
Good luck.
Aw...
So you broke up with your girlfriend?
Yeah, yeah, just recently.
What was her name?
Sheena.
She's gonna go to college with you?
No. No?
Hmm. She's staying in this part of Texas.
Okay.
You need a ride to college?
I just wanted to say hello before you got out of here.
You guys met before, haven't you? Annie, Aunt Jen?
Yeah, we met at, uh...
Sam's graduation. Oh, yeah.
And with your little one. Where is he?
Oh, he's at home.
Remember? He was such a pain in Sam's thing that...
I would love to see him.
We have a special weekend this weekend, so...
I'm so glad you found her, I really am.
You've got him at a good time, I think.
I think so, too. Yeah.
It's good to see you two.
Nice to see you, too, Jen.
So proud of your boy.
Yeah. Yeah, we all are.
She's a bitch and a half.
You got to remember, you're going
to college, though, all right?
And if you're anything like me or your old man,
you're gonna be pulling down some serious wool.
You're gonna be tapping some masterful gap.
You're gonna be doing some good work out there.
Think about it. Awful lot of flowers in that bouquet.
But you got to do me a favor.
You're going to be vulnerable this summer, all right?
Remember to use protection during breakup sex.
This guy knows exactly of which I speak.
Look what happened to him. Voilą.
Steven.
Cheers.
It's not that simple.
Four more years. Four more years.
I'm just saying.
Do y'all recycle? Should I...
I have one started there.
Oh, yeah, right. Great.
Am I your only ex at this party?
Yes. I'm not your only wife here, though.
Yeah.
Can you believe they're both out of high school?
No. No, I can't.
You did a great job with both of them, by the way.
Thanks for saying that.
I never thought I'd hear you say that.
Well, it's true.
Thank you.
You're doing it all over again, huh?
I know, I know, right?
It's gonna be 15 years till I have an empty nest.
Hmm.
But I'd love to pitch in, help with this, if I could.
I mean, it's so great that you did this.
Can I just give you a little?
I'd appreciate it if I could.
Sure. Yeah.
But I don't have any cash.
Oh, I know, it's in Annie's purse. I'll be right back.
So it sucks. I mean, the guy's a college lacrosse player.
What are you gonna do?
She didn't even like sports.
You want a beer?
No, that's all right.
You can have one. It's okay.
Yeah, well, for what it's worth,
we've all been through the exact same thing at one point or another.
It's not the same, though. I mean, you never got to know her.
No, I know, I know. It's not the same.
I just don't know what I did wrong.
Hey, Jimmy. Hey, man.
Hey. Hey, Mason.
We're up here raiding the green room. Hope that's okay.
That's totally cool.
All right.
Wow! Is that MJ?
Uh-huh, right?
Unbelievable.
Well, we just decided to come a little early, check you out.
That's cool man, let me finish up. I'll be up in a minute.
All right. I guarantee you, you didn't do anything wrong.
These high school love things, they never work out.
Here, come here.
I mean, everybody's just changing so much, you know?
The odds of two young people staying on the same wavelength are...
Yeah, but still... Look, and I also guarantee you
that every day of your life
that you spend crying over some silly girl
is a complete waste of time.
She wasn't a silly girl, though.
I mean, she's a serious person.
And I really thought we were...
What?
I don't know.
Here's the truth. Women are never satisfied, okay?
They're always looking to potentially trade up,
and that's, I'm sorry to say,
what I think has happened to you, my fine-feathered friend.
What does that even mean?
It means don't hand over the controls to your self-esteem to Sheila.
Sheena. All right.
It means you are responsible for you,
not your girlfriend, not your mom, not me, you.
And if you truly take care of you,
you will be amazed at how much girls like Sheena
start lining up at your front door.
Great.
You just gotta separate yourself from the pack in some way.
Excel at something, you know, and then you have your pick of the litter
when the front-runner hussies start sniffing around.
So what you're saying is I should take up lacrosse.
Exactly.
Or you could, you know, start a band.
Worked for me a long time ago. I think it's still working for Jimmy.
Or you just keep taking pictures.
She hated the pictures I took of her.
I'm sick to death of her, okay?
I only met her a few times, and yes, she was cute, all right,
but truth be told, I always thought she was a little bit...
You know, a little bit too square for you.
You know, not quite the same vibe.
You really thought that?
On some subtle, lower level.
I mean, I wasn't surprised
when it turned out she was interested in some knucklehead lacrosse player, okay?
I mean, bottom line is, it's all timing with these things, you know.
I mean, take your mom and me.
I think I probably turned into the boring,
castrated guy she wanted me to be
15, 20 years ago, you know?
I'm not saying she was wrong to be pissed, I'm not.
I'm just saying that she could've been
a little more patient, little more forgiving.
Would've saved me that parade of drunken assholes.
So, what's the point?
Of what?
I don't know, any of this. Everything.
Everything? What's the point?
I mean, I sure as shit don't know.
Neither does anybody else, okay?
We're all just winging it, you know?
The good news is you're feeling stuff.
And you've got to hold on to that.
You do. I mean, you get older and you don't feel as much.
Your skin gets tougher.
The point is those pictures you took,
thousands of submissions from all over the state, and you won.
Well, I got silver.
And nine other people did, too. I'm gonna kill you.
I'm trying to tell you that I believe in you, Mason.
I think you're really special,
and if some girl doesn't see that, then fuck her, you know.
Hey, this next one of 'em goes out to a young man in the house.
Whoo-hoo! Known him since he was just a small boy.
Now he's all graduated from high school and making me feel old.
Happy high school graduation, Mason.
Thank you.
Okay, guys, let's be clear. We're gonna break this into four categories.
One, anything you want to keep from your childhood
and you're taking with you.
Two, throwing away. Three, donating.
And four, whatever you want to try to sell
at the garage sale next weekend,
whatever we don't sell, we're donating.
Doesn't the apartment have like an attic, or storage or something?
No. You're missing the point.
We're not gonna drag a bunch of crap to Mom's tiny apartment.
Can't believe we're moving again.
No, I'm moving.
You moved two years ago. You have an apartment in Austin.
Mason is moving in the fall.
I'm done.
This'll be great for me. I'll have all these options.
I could take a sabbatical.
I could get some writing done, try to get published.
What about Christmas, though? What are we gonna do?
I'm not sharing a room with him.
One of you will sleep on the couch,
and we'll use that blow-up mattress.
How am I supposed to do my laundry?
Sam, I'm gently pushing you out of the nest.
And on your way down, you may magically find some quarters
that you use to do laundry in your own apartment.
Come on! You guys are adults!
You need to take some responsibility. Now, what do you want?
I'm gonna get the veggie burger.
I'm not having anything, not hungry.
What's wrong with you?
I'm sick.
What is it, your head? Do you have a fever?
She's pregnant.
No. To be honest, I drank way too much last night.
You weren't driving, were you? No, no.
Cary's back home, too, and we just hung out.
You know, peach Smirnoffs, they just go down so easy.
No, no. Hey, that's not an excuse.
You can still pack boxes.
These people want to move in as soon as possible.
Hi, guys. I'm Ernesto, how are you?
You probably don't remember me,
but I worked on your septic line years ago.
Oh, yeah.
Believe it or not, you changed my life.
You told me that day that I was smart
and that I should go to school.
I took your advice. I signed up for English classes,
and then a year later, I went to community college
and I got my Associate's degree,
and I'm working on my bachelor's now at Texas State.
And also one of the managers here.
That's great.
It's good to see you, because I really wanted
a chance to thank you for that.
Gracias. It really meant a lot to me.
Don't worry about lunch. It's on me. It's the least I can do.
You guys should listen to her. She's a smart lady.
Thank you.
Isn't that kind of crazy, though,
that a computer knows who you are
from just 20 questions off a form?
I guess there are really only like eight types of people in the world.
I mean, there are subsets like male and female,
but apparently we're not as unique as we want to think we are.
Have you even talked to this guy yet?
No, but we've been trading emails. He seems pretty cool.
He's studying literature and anthropology
and he's way into Bright Eyes, so that's not so bad.
But, anyways, he was telling me about how
the system they use for assigning roommates is kinda spooky.
The freshman satisfaction rate for new roommates used to be like 60%,
and now it's 100, just 'cause of the computer.
Well, sounds like he'll be a good roommate, then.
Yeah. But we pretty much decided
that soon they won't even need a questionnaire
'cause they'll just let the NSA scan your digital ghost
and they'll tell you who your roommate is
based on everything you've ever said, written or clicked.
Did you put this in here again?
I don't want it.
Come on, it's the first picture you ever took.
All the more reason to leave it behind, right?
What? Nothing.
No, what is it? It's nothing!
Mom.
This is the worst day of my life.
What're you talking about?
I knew this day was coming.
I didn't know you were gonna be
so fuckin' happy to be leaving.
I mean, it's not that I'm that happy. What do you expect?
You know what I'm realizing? My life is just gonna go, like that.
This series of milestones.
Getting married. Having kids. Getting divorced.
The time that we thought you were dyslexic.
When I taught you how to ride a bike.
Getting divorced again. Getting my master's degree.
Finally getting the job I wanted.
Sending Samantha off to college. Sending you off to college.
You know what's next? Huh?
It's my fuckin' funeral!
Just go! And leave my picture!
Aren't you jumping ahead by, like, 40 years or something?
I just thought there would be more.
Hey, you must be Mason.
Yeah. Dalton, right?
Yeah, man, it's nice to finally meet you. Definitely.
Are you cool with this side of the room?
Yeah.
Got in this morning, just moved my shit in, man.
Well, yeah, I don't care. No worries.
Cool. Can I help you with anything, man?
Any bags, any of that stuff need brought in?
I just got like one box left, I packed pretty light.
But I appreciate it.
It's my pleasure, man. Of course.
Um... Are you going to the orientation mixer thing?
Orientation mixer thing?
Fuck no, man, I'm not going to that,
and neither are you, by the way.
We got way better stuff to be doing, dude. All right.
You ready? Yeah.
Hey, Barb, this is my roommate Mason. Mason, Barb.
Hi. Hey.
You coming with us?
Where're you going?
Hiking. Yeah, man, you should come.
If we leave now we can catch the late afternoon at Big Bend.
You ever been before, man?
Yeah, but not since I was really little.
Then all the more reason to come now, man. That's why we're here, dude.
Oh, Mason, this is Nicole, Barb's roommate.
Hey, what's up?
Hi. Mason, Nicole.
So, you game?
Sure.
Here, have the rest of this.
Got it timed perfectly. It'll kick in when we get in the mountains.
Awesome. Let's go.
Do they let you major in that here?
Well, it's not that serious here, so I kinda train outside of university,
but I'm taking all my basics like History of Dance and all that.
Nice. Yeah.
What do you teach?
Oh, gosh.
Ballet, tap, jazz, lyrical, hip-hop. Wow...
Which one's your favorite?
Tap.
Yeah? Yeah.
You get to like make up all your own sounds, and there's no rules.
Just like creative freedom.
That's great. Yeah.
That's why I love teaching it, 'cause,
I don't know, it's so beautiful to me,
and it's kind of dying away in this generation,
so, to be a part of bringing it back
to the kids is really rewarding.
Right, keeps it going. Yeah.
How old are they?
Six to eight. Wow.
Yeah. They have no fear, and they're not self-conscious at all.
They haven't reached the awkward years yet.
Yeah, not yet. It's coming.
Hey.
Dalton can be crazy sometimes.
He seems cool, though.
Yeah. Yeah, they're both really cool.
How are you feeling?
Great. Pretty great, to be honest.
Good.
I'm really happy that you're hangin' out with us.
Yeah. Me, too.
This moment's having a falsieful whoregasm!
It's like as if all of time has unfolded before us
so we could stand here and look out and scream, "Fuck, yeah!"
You know how everyone's always saying, "Seize the moment"?
I don't know, I'm kinda thinking it's the other way around.
You know, like, the moment seizes us.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
It's constant. The moment, it's just...
It's like it's always right now, you know?
Yeah.
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