I'm sexy, I'm cute
I'm popular to boot
I'm bitching, great hair
The boys all love to stare
I'm wanted, I'm hot
I'm everything you're not
I'm pretty, I'm cool
I dominate this school
Who am I? Just guess
Guys wanna touch my chest
I'm rocking, I smile
And many think I'm vile
I'm flying, I jump
You can look but don't you hump, whoo
I'm major, I roar
I swear I'm not a whore
We cheer and we lead
We act like we're on speed
Hate us 'cause we're beautiful
Well, we don't like you either
We're cheerleaders
We are cheerleaders, uh-huh
Call me Big Red
I'm Wh-Wh- Whitney
C-C-C-Courtney
Dude, it's Darcy
I'm Big Bad Carver, yeah
Just call me Kasey
I'm still Big Red
I sizzle, I scorch
But now I pass the torch
The ballots are in
And one girl had to win
She's perky, she's fun
And now she's number one
K-K-Kick it, Torrance
T- T- T- Torrance
I'm strong and I'm loud
I'm gonna make you proud
I'm T- T-T- Torrance
Your captain Torrance
Let's go, Toros
We are the Toros
The mighty, mighty Toros
We're so terrific
We must be Toros
- Yeah! - Go, Toros!
Yeah, come on! Yeah! All right!
Oh, my God!
- Nice rack! - Huh?
Oh, baby!
Serves her right!
Check out the hooters!
Holy shit.
Hey, hey, Mr. and Mrs. S.
Oh, look, it's Aaron.
Oh! Hello, Aaron.
Hey, can I help?
Oh, no. We're fine, thanks. Really. Stay in your vehicle.
You sure?
Bye! Be back later!
- Bye. - Bye, honey.
Hi.
Come on, Tor.
Can't mack on you in front of the parentals.
Bye-bye!
Remember, he's leaving for college.
Right.
So, are you excited?
Oh, yeah!
It's college, Tor. I'm really stoked, you know?
It's just, you know, I'm gonna miss you.
- Really? - Yeah.
But next year, it'll be you and me reunited
at Cal State Dominguez Hills.
I'll be the experienced sophomore,
you'll be the hot, new freshman.
Yup. It'll be just like high school, only better.
Dorm rooms.
Hmm.
I got the door, Tor.
Okay.
I got the door, Tor.
All right.
- What's up, Aaron? - Hey, what up, Grady?
- Hey! - Yeah!
Hey, hey, remember, when you get captain, act surprised, okay?
Don't jinx me.
Hi, Torrance.
Hey, Aaron.
Ah, ladies.
Good luck at school.
Thank you.
Oh, Aaron, come to one last practice?
You know you're still my favorite cheerleader.
- Aw! - Please?
I'm sorry, guys. I gotta run.
You're not staying for the vote?
Hey, I really gotta beat traffic.
I can't be late for orientation.
- But I really want... - Hey. Hey.
Mmm. Trust me. You're gonna get it.
- Bye-bye. - Bye.
- Did you vote? - Oh, yeah.
Darcy thinks she should get captain 'cause her dad pays for everything.
He should use some of that money to buy her a clue.
Oh!
Courtney'll get captain.
The guys love clutching her butt.
Yeah, she's got a lot to hang on to.
What's plural for "butt"?
On one person, I mean.
She puts the "ass" in "massive."
You put the "lude" in "deluded."
Yo! Can I have all your votes?
- Mine. - Here's me.
Thank you.
We should get Big Red a gift, or at least someone should say something.
- Pass. - Good riddance.
I don't believe in osmosis.
It's not brown-nosing.
She's the departing captain.
She did a lot for this squad.
Oh, come on. Both of you sucked before she whipped you into shape.
Oh, whipped? Is that what that was?
No one will miss Big Red, Tor. She puts the "itch" in "bitch."
She puts the "whore" in "horrifying."
You know, it's her last practice. How would you feel?
Big Red has no feelings.
Just testicles.
You guys are all great athletes.
Thanks in large part to me.
And I know that your new captain will keep the tradition alive.
Leading you to the record sixth national
cheerleading championship, you know is yours.
So, let's meet your new leader, Torrance Shipman.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
That slut.
Okay, Listen up! I'd like to try a Wolf Wall.
- Oh, excellent! - Okay, yeah! We're all going to die.
Torrance has got the fever, people.
What's a Wolf's Wall?
Only the hardest pyramid known to cheerleading and mankind.
The words "big" and "britches" come to mind.
She's crazy. She'll kill us all.
Hello! Some of us have not spent the entire summer working out.
Right, Carver?
Come on, guys! Let's be different for once.
We can't just rest on our laurels.
Why does everybody say that?
Maybe a laurel's a good place to rest.
Come on, man. You guys suck. Let's do this.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Five, six, seven, eight! Kick one.
Carver!
Five, six, seven, eight! And one! Stick it!
Come on, girls! Stick it for me!
Five, six, seven, eight!
Go one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Kick one!
Good job! Whoo!
Pinch some panties. Someone's slacking.
Do I look like a milkmaid?
'Cause somebody feels like a cow!
Carver, can you cradle out?
You bet I can.
Okay, ready? One, two, down, up!
Carver!
Are you okay?
I'm fine, really.
Don't you guys worry about me. It's just a scratch.
I'll be back to practice tomorrow,
so don't you guys fret, okay?
And I don't want you to worry at all, because I'm a quick healer.
I promise, you guys. I'm gonna be there for you.
You hear me?
Guys?
Bye!
I got captain.
Yeah, and you sent a girl to the hospital on your first day.
Aye, aye, Captain!
You were listening on the phone? Mom!
It's true.
She really should get her own private line, you know.
She's growing up so fast.
Justin, go away.
- At ease, Captain. - Oh, shut up.
Well, this blistering academic schedule shouldn't get in your way.
You should be happy about that.
Why can't you accept the fact that I'm not a genius?
It just kills you that I'm not an honor student.
No. It kills me that you barely make time to study.
If you studied half as much as you cheer, you'd be in great shape.
Your priorities are...
No! Those are your priorities! Mine are just fine.
Look, I'm just saying that college might be less of a shock
if you take an extra lab or language course or something.
What do you think?
Will Advanced Chem get you off my back?
Not completely, but it'll help.
Done.
You know, mothers have killed to get their daughters on squads.
That mother didn't kill anyone. She hired a hit man.
Hmm.
Everyone, we have a new student
transferring from Mission Hills High School in Los Angeles.
Please welcome Cliff Pant-One.
Pantone.
Thanks.
Loser!
Wait, wait, wait. Was that, uh...
Was that the "loser sneeze" I just heard right there?
Guys, come on.
I mean, what is that, from like the 1900s?
Nobody does that anymore. I don't think anybody does.
When I lived in Kentucky...
Did they still do the loser sneeze in Kentucky?
No. They had, uh, guns and homemade bombs.
What about LA?
There was a lot of attitude in LA, but no loser sneeze.
I'm pretty sure the loser sneeze is officially dead.
Sorry.
Loser!
Nice.
I don't think they got the memo about the loser sneeze.
Uh, no, apparently not.
Cliff.
Torrance.
Advanced Chem. Yikes.
Um, afraid so.
Are you intimidated?
Yeah, a little.
- Really? - No, not really.
So, is that your band or something?
The Clash? No, uh...
It's a British punk band, circa 1977 to 1983-ish.
Original lineup, anyway.
How vintage.
Um, so I'll see you around then?
Looks like it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Whoa! It's sexy Leslie and Jan, Jan, the cheerleading man.
Hey, fags.
Whoa, whoa. Just because we won more trophies than you guys,
that's no reason to go get all malignant.
Malignant this, tool.
- Nice. - Oh, right on!
One of these days, man.
Let it go.
They never even won a single game.
It's gotta be kinda rough on them.
- Besides, they're dicks. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Les, tell me you have Advanced Chem first period.
Advanced Chem, first period.
If you have a lab partner already, I'm screwed.
Torrance, it's only the second day of school,
and your academic insecurity bit is completely tired.
You know, everyone's saying your ambition broke Carver's leg.
When, really, it was the angle at which she slammed into the ground.
Kasey did a massive e-mail last night. Misspelled "leg."
Shut up!
Two G's.
Apparently, Carver gets home schooling for the next three months.
I'm cursed.
Replacing her is gonna be a nightmare.
Well, that's why you're the captain, Captain.
Bring on the tyros, the neophytes and the dilettanti.
SAT's are over, Darcy.
And you're still jealous of my score.
Are we sure Carver's not malingering?
Carver will strictly be cheering in Special Olympics until March.
Nationals are February 10th.
Regionals are in, like, four weeks.
I talked to her. She's cool with this.
Don't tell me Carver can cut school
just because she broke her leg in three places.
Hello! Get a wheelchair!
That lucky bitch.
Tell me we're not actually continuing this masquerade
and having tryouts.
Let's cut the crap and pick somebody now.
Whitney's little sister Jamie is really teeny.
She'll be easy to toss, and she doesn't give lip.
Just tongue.
Oh, kiss my ass, Jan.
I'd love to.
If she's the best, Jamie's got it.
But we have to see everyone.
Ready, okay!
Wait. Hold on.
Let me try that again. That was terrible.
Ready, okay!
Go, team...
Ready, okay!
Sorry.
Ready, okay!
Shit.
Be aggressive.
Be, be aggressive.
How many cheers do we actually have to memorize?
Do we get paid for this?
Oh, and do I have to provide my own uniform?
And I see you guys are wearing red.
Um, that just does not work for me.
Ready, okay!
R-C-H!
Toros all the way!
I'm sorry. I just broke up with my boyfriend.
Pretty good.
Yo, yo, yo! What's up? What's up?
It's time to get busy!
So let's kick this shit
And rock the CK off your panties, yeah
Give my regards to Broadway
Remember me to Herald Square
Tell all the gang...
Excuse me!
What's with the song?
Isn't this the audition for Pippin?
No.
Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie, yeah
Whoo!
Hi.
Well, swinging on the front porch Swinging on the lawn
Swinging where we want 'cause there ain't nobody home
Okay, uh, any more questions?
I think we're good.
- Here's our girl. - Mmm-hmm.
Rancho Carne's not all talk
All we know is Toros rock
Shake your booties Scream and shout
Toro players work it out
Go, Toros!
And do I really have to wear those little underwear things?
'Cause I don't like wearing underwear.
Thanks!
Excuse me. Where'd you park your Harley?
Get real.
Tattoos are strictly verboten.
Sorry.
I got bored during fourth period.
You need to fill one of these out.
Did it.
Missy, is it?
Okay, before we start, I'm afraid we're gonna need to make sure
you can do a standing back tuck.
Standard procedure, you understand.
Standing back handspring back tuck, okay?
Where's this girl from, Romania?
Can she yell?
We'll try an oldie.
Awesome, oh, wow! Like, totally freak me out!
- I mean, right on - I mean, right on
The Toros sure are number one
I transferred from Los Angeles
Your school has no gymnastics team
This is a last resort
Okay, so I've never cheered before. So what?
How about something that actually requires neurons?
Do it.
Front handspring, step out, round off,
back handspring, step out, round off,
back handspring, full twisting lay out.
Hey!
Missy is bank.
Uh, bankrupt.
We've already so decided on Jamie.
Yeah.
Courtney, this is not a democracy. It's a "cheerocracy."
I'm sorry, but I'm overruling you.
You are being a "cheertator," Torrance, and a pain in my ass!
We already voted.
Besides, Missy looks like an uber dyke.
Courtney, I'm the captain.
I'm pulling rank, and you can fall in line or not.
If we're gonna be the best, we have to have the best.
Missy's the poo. So take a big whiff.
You.
And you.
I mean, hi. I'm...
A cheerleader.
Uh, yeah. Head cheerleader, to be exact.
Wow.
So, does Missy live here?
Uh, actually, she moved back to LA, yeah.
Something about evil cheerleaders or...
Look, I'm serious. We have to get her.
Is her drug dependency gonna be a problem?
Cliff, shut up. What do you want?
I want you on the squad.
You're the best. They know it.
They just reject the unfamiliar.
Thanks, but, no, thanks.
I mean, I plead temporary insanity.
See, I'm a hard-core gymnast.
No way jumping up and down, screaming, "Go, team, go!" is gonna satisfy me.
Look, we're gymnasts, too, except no beam, no bars, no vault.
Sorry. Not interested.
What are you doing?
Nothing, I just thought that it was interesting
hearing Torrance's point of view.
How do you even know her?
We're old friends.
Ever been to a cheerleading competition?
Oh, you mean like a football game?
No, not a game.
Those are like practices for us.
I'm talking about a tournament.
ESPN cameras all around,
hundreds of people in the crowds cheering.
Wait, people cheering cheerleaders?
That's right. Lots of people.
Here's the deal, Missy. We're the shit. The best.
We have fun, we work hard,
and we win national championships.
I'm offering you a chance to be a part of that.
Think about it, Miss. I mean, you get to wear sassy outfits.
You get to yell like you care about something.
She's not the cheering type.
You know what?
Count me in.
Ready, girls?
I said brrr It's cold in here
I said there must be some Toros in the atmosphere
I said brrr It's cold in here
I said there must be some Toros in the atmosphere
I said oh-ee, oh-ee, oh Ice, ice, ice
Oh-ee, oh-ee, oh Ice, ice, ice
Here we go, girls.
Hey, practice isn't over yet.
Nice recruit, Torrance.
A real captain would've seen what I saw, a big dykey loser.
I'd say that's strike two.
What the hell is up?
I went out on a limb for you, and you just bail?
I'm not about stealing.
What are you talking about?
You ripped off those cheers.
Listen, Missy, our cheers are 100% original.
Count the trophies.
Well, your trophies are bullshit,
because you're a sad-ass liar.
All right, that's it! Get out of the car!
I'm gonna kick your ass!
Oh, really?
Come on.
You're in for a rude awakening. Get in.
What? No way.
For real. Get in.
Do your thing, Isis!
I said brrr It's cold in here
There must be some Clovers in the atmosphere
I said brrr It's cold in here
There must be some Clovers in the atmosphere
I said oh-ee, oh-ee, oh Ice, ice, ice
Slow it down
Oh-ee, oh-ee, oh Ice, ice, ice
Here we go
Hey!
You guys enjoy the show?
Yes, were the ethnic festivities to your liking today?
You guys are awesome.
Really? You're ready to share those trophies?
Can we just beat these buffys down so I can go home?
I'm on curfew, girl.
Look, there's no need for that.
Oh, you know what? She's right.
See, then we'd be doing them a favor.
See, then they could feel good about sending Raggedy Ann up here
to jack us for our cheers.
Raggedy Ann?
Ugly redhead with a video camera permanently attached to her hand.
Y'all have been coming up here for years, trying to steal our routines.
And we just love seeing them on ESPN.
What are you talking about?
"Brrr, it's cold in here.
"I said there must be some Toros in the atmosphere?"
I know you didn't think a white girl made that shit up.
I...
Our free cheer service is over as of this moment.
- Over! - Finito!
God, it's like, every time we get some, here y'all come, trying to steal it,
putting blonde hair on it and calling it something different.
We've had the best squad around for years,
but no one's been able to see what we can do.
Oh, but you better believe all that's gonna change this year.
I'm captain, and I guarantee you we'll make it to Nationals.
So, just hand over the tape you made tonight and we'll call it even for now.
We don't have any tape.
Really. We just came to see the show.
What? Come on, Isis. Let me do this.
You know what? Let's go.
Wait a minute. So that's it?
We're just gonna let them go?
Yeah, because unlike them, we have class.
I swear I had no idea.
Well, now you do.
You been touched by an angel, girl.
Jenelope, let's go.
I can't believe those white girls just came up here...
We just so almost got our asses kicked back there!
I mean, I knew I'd seen those routines before.
We used to play East Compton all the time.
You really had no idea, did you?
Do you know what this means?
My entire cheerleading career has been a lie.
Well, look on the bright side.
It's only cheerleading.
I am only cheerleading.
Do you believe in curses?
What are you talking about?
I think I'm cursed.
And why is that?
This past summer at cheer camp,
all the new seniors had to do a dare.
See, there's this thing called the spirit stick,
and it can never, ever touch the ground.
Torrance Shipman, your mission,
should you choose to accept it, and you better,
is to capture the spirit stick
and drop it in front of the entire camp.
Y'all are such an inspiration to us.
Well, I just wanted to congratulate you guys
and take a picture of you
with the spirit stick.
Here.
I don't want it now.
No, it's okay. The spirit stick doesn't lose anything.
The person who drops it, however,
goes to Hades!
I don't mean to laugh, but cheerleading urban legends?
You're not jinxed. Shit happens.
Hey, I have to tell you something.
I'm on the phone, creep.
I realize that, and normally
I'd be listening on the other line, but this is important.
Okay, what?
Oh! Get out!
Thank you for listening.
Yo.
- Is Aaron around? - Back later.
- Do you know when? - No.
Have him call Torrance. It's urgent.
All right.
Big Red totally screwed us!
I mean monster screwed us!
I put this to the entire squad.
Swear you guys didn't know?
Big Red didn't exactly let any of us help with the routines, Torrance.
I cannot believe she did this.
I feel awful. It's depraved.
I mean, those East Compton girls wanted to grill our asses.
Big Red ran the show, man.
I mean, we were just flying ignorami, for sobbing out loud.
We can't go to Regionals with a stolen routine.
It's too risky.
Changing the routine now would be total murder-suicide.
Seriously.
Let's not put the "duh" in "dumb."
How are East Compton gonna prove anything?
You people are unbelievable.
I mean, we're talking about cheating here.
Sorry, new girl, but nobody hit your buzzer.
Look, I hate to be predictable, but I don't give a shit.
We learned that routine fair and square.
We logged the man-hours.
Don't punish the squad for Big Red's mistake.
This isn't about cheating.
This is about winning. Everyone in favor of winning?
I get what you're saying, Missy, but there's no time.
If we don't do the routine, we've got nothing else.
So, you in?
Whatever.
Get out of here!
Hey, this is the living room. It's public domain.
Yo.
Hey, may I please speak to Aaron? It's Torrance.
He's not here. He's, uh... He's not here. Bye.
I'll take Famous Losers for 200, Alex.
Shut up, moron!
It's not my fault you're in love
with a big gay cheerleader who won't return your phone calls.
Aaron is not gay.
Oh, so someone just made him become a cheerleader?
He's just busy!
Yeah, busy scamming on guys.
Give me that!
Bitch!
Where is she?
Come on.
- Oh, baby! - Oh!
Whoo!
No way.
Sexy mama!
Whoo! Take it off!
Whoo!
Come on. Go, sexy.
Whoo! You're on fire, yeah!
You sure I can stay over at your house tonight?
Totally fine. My parents are at some benefit.
They'll be pouring themselves into bed around dawn.
Good. We gotta start early.
You'll be a star cheerleader yet.
You know, all the cheerleaders in the world
wouldn't help our football team.
Man, it's just wrong.
Cheering for them is just plain mean.
Everybody comes to see you ladies, anyway.
Because we're such fine athletes.
Oh, live with it.
You'll be fighting off major oglers while we defend our sexuality.
What is your sexuality?
Well, Jan's straight, while I'm controversial.
Are you trying to tell me you speak fag?
Oh, fluently.
And Courtney and Whitney, dyke-adelic?
- No! - Are you kidding?
I don't think so.
See, Courtney doesn't wear anything under her spankies.
That's no excuse, Jan.
I can't help it if my digits slip occasionally.
Nuh-uh. Slip? Where?
Oh, come on, Missy. Don't make him say it.
Oh, my God.
My God, too.
You're a sick man, Jan.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for the Rancho Carne Toros!
And now, without further ado let's hear it
for the five-time National Cheerleading Champions,
the mighty Toros!
Go! Go! Come on!
We're number one!
Come on! Let's hear it!
Whoo! Yeah!
Bring it on, baby!
Come on! Let's hear it! Come on!
Go, Toros!
Come on, Toros! Whoo!
Go, Toros!
Come on, Toros!
Come on. Yeah!
Yeah, Toros! Yeah!
Whoo!
Come on, guys, let's do it!
Ready?
Yo-ho, go, everybody!
Why don't you let your cheerleaders play for you?
At least they win shit occasionally. Oh, man, is that the best you got?
Yeah, come on, bring it on, butt plug.
You want more? Okay.
While we're out here kicking your ass,
- your cheer boys are over there... - Ooh.
scamming on all your squirrel.
Which is cool, since you don't have dicks anyway.
Mmm-hmm.
Bitch! Punk!
Hey, Toros That's right
The red, black and white
Guess what? Guess what?
You really suck
Hey, that's all right, that's okay
You're gonna pump our gas someday
That's all right That's okay
You're gonna pump our gas someday
Come on, guys! Touchdown! Let's go, yeah!
Oh!
Nice.
Fourteen-nothing.
- Go! - Hut!
And with 4:50 left in the third quarter...
Losers.
It's Costa Mesa 34, Toros nothing.
Come on, Defense, work!
Work!
Knock them down roll them around
Come on, Defense, work!
Work!
Knock them down roll them around
Come on, Defense, work!
Work!
Knock them down roll them around
Come on, Defense, work!
Work!
Knock them down roll them around
Come on, Defense, work!
Work!
Knock them down roll them around
Come on, Defense, work!
Oh!
Ooh!
Jan!
Go, Toros!
Yeah!
Come on, Toros!
You're, like, totally his eye candy.
God, I can't believe you'd do that to Aaron.
Do what?
Especially with him.
What are you talking about?
Oh, don't play dumb. We're better at it than you.
You're having cheer sex with him.
Flag on the play, it's called against...
You guessed it, the Toros.
Remember, our next defeat is scheduled for next Friday night at 8:00.
Let's go, Toros!
All right!
We're sweet, we got the whip We can't be beat
We're the best Our team's too cool
We got the class to rock this school
Ah, yeah
We bad, we got the team, we can't be had
We're the best So score them points
You win the game We'll rock this joint
Go, Toros, go, Toros Go, go, go, Toros
Go, Clovers, go, Clovers Go, go, go, Clovers
Our game is fierce and we are hip
So get on back You can't touch this
Our game is bad We're without peer
So get that weakness outta here
Tried to steal our bit but you look like shit
But we're the ones who are down with it
I still say we use the routine we have.
If we have to start over, I quit.
And that's the game.
Whoever here is for a new routine, raise your hand.
Final score. Cougars 42, Toros nothing.
Jan's got spirit, yes, he do
Jan's got spirit, how about you?
Dude, you just lost.
So, is every game that eventful?
No. Thank God.
We have a real situation on our hands.
I mean, we were humiliated on our own turf.
We might have to have a rumble.
This is a serious problem!
Oh, so is your breath.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
What are you doing?
Um...
Where's the bathroom?
Right there.
Oh!
Good night.
Night.
Are you into my brother?
No. I have a boyfriend.
Hello.
Aaron?
Tor, is that you?
Where have you been? I keep trying to call you.
Yeah, I know. I've been, like, totally busy with school
and practice and stuff. What's up?
Oh, it's bad, Aaron.
Miss Red snaked our routines from the East Compton Clovers.
- All of our routines. - What?
And they found out about it.
They showed up at the game. Gauntlets were thrown.
Tell me you didn't know about this. I mean, I don't know what to do here.
Of course, I didn't know, but you gotta calm down.
This is not that big a deal.
Everybody uses everybody else's material.
It's like this unwritten rule or something.
That doesn't help me.
We can't do their routine at Regionals
because they're gonna do their routine at Regionals.
Come on, Tor, you need a new routine.
That's all. No problem.
Just hire a professional choreographer.
A choreographer?
Look, just think of it as collaboration.
The UCA totally looks the other way.
Call this guy. His name is Sparky Polastri.
- Pen. - Remember Nationals last year?
Knows his shit, all right?
Here's the number. It's 555-7219.
Thanks, Aaron. You always know what to do.
Mmm-hmm. Bye, baby.
Mmm, who was that?
My sister. Mmm.
But you're not my sister, are you?
He says we should hire a choreographer.
Hello.
Hi. May I please speak to Sparky Polastri?
He'll need three or four days to teach us the routine.
But here's the thing. It's gonna cost us $2,000.
What, do I have the letters A-T-M tattooed on my forehead?
We were thinking more like D-A-D-D-Y.
Maybe I can get 500.
Okay, then we only need 1500 more by Monday.
What's up, Whitney?
Hi.
Here we are at the Rancho Carne Toro car wash,
raising a little money.
Yeah, baby, yeah!
Work it, Kasey!
What's up, buddy?
Come to mama.
Soak it up.
Working hard for our money?
That's a good shot, Les.
You're right.
Giving it a little buff job. That's good.
Oh, that's attractive, Tor.
Looking good. Shaking the booty.
Missy, what the hell are you doing?
Watch it!
Dude, watch out for the camera.
Hey, perv.
Hand over your 15 bucks or get out of here.
What are you doing?
Making money from guys ogling my goodies.
Aw, I didn't need to hear that. I didn't.
That was an over-share.
Hey, Torrance. Come here a sec.
We'll just get this over with.
My brother wants to check out your rack.
You know, I begged my mom for a brother.
He'd look a little ridiculous in that bikini, wouldn't he?
Yeah.
So, nice car.
Yeah. Um...
What can I say? I drive hard.
Shouldn't take long to wash.
Oh, don't even worry about it. I got all afternoon.
I'll bet you do.
Where the hell is this guy?
Listen, we're lucky he's even doing this for us.
Prepare for total domination!
Y'all ready for this?
Great.
- Thanks for coming. We're... - Don't speak.
You. You have weak ankles.
One of your calves is bigger than the other.
Too much makeup.
Not enough makeup. What's with the skin?
Say it with me, "Sunlight"!
Male cheerleaders. Enough said.
Smile.
Don't smile.
Jackass.
Good general tone and musculature.
Report those compliments to your ass
before it gets so big it forms its own Web site.
And you, I take you to be the captain,
which means you'll probably need more work than anyone.
- Look, you don't... - Shh...
- But... - No, no, no, no, no.
Don't speak. Don't think.
Listen and learn.
I'm a choreographer.
That's what I do.
You are cheerleaders.
Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded.
What you do is a tiny, pathetic subset of dancing.
I will attempt to transform your robotic routines into poetry,
written with the human body.
Follow me or perish, sweater monkeys.
I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it?
Now cut that in half. This is called a diet. Everyone start one today.
Darcy, honey, you should stop eating.
You see, when you skip a meal, your body feeds off its fat stores.
And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass.
Why does everyone have to go on a diet?
Because in cheerleading, we throw people in the air,
and fat people don't go as high.
Come on, come on. Let's get back to work!
Hold her up! I want dangerous!
I wanna feel like somebody's gonna snap their neck!
Spirit fingers! Give me spirit fingers!
Spirit fingers. Give me spirit!
Ouch! Ouch!
What? I told you I'd catch you.
Look, I understand you have underwear up your ass right now,
but it beats the hell out of a shattered skull.
Think about it.
Okay, now, spirit fingers. Spirit fingers!
And spirit fingers!
Oh, my God!
These are not spirit fingers.
These are spirit fingers.
And these are gold.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Screw this.
I did not sign on for spirit fingers.
Come on! The spirit fingers are great!
Yeah, whatever.
We are so screwed.
- Hey. - Hey.
What's the matter?
You don't wanna know.
Ah! Cheer crisis.
I've just gotten so bogged down in all this crap.
Well, if it's crap, why do you do it?
I don't know.
So quit.
Maybe I should.
Yeah, I mean, if you don't like it anymore.
I didn't say that.
Sounds like it.
I don't know what I want.
I remember back when I cheered at my school in Detroit.
You cheered at your other high school?
No, I never cheered, but I know what you're going through.
And regardless of all the politics and the doubts,
and the crap,
you just have to know that you can do it.
And if it helps,
I know you can.
You do?
Yeah.
All right, all right! I'm ready to make a fool of myself.
State regionals, here we come.
So much better than last year.
Welcome to the world of competitive cheerleading.
High school divisions, please check the signs.
If you're not here, your division will be...
Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven...
Broncos!
Ready? Okay!
Some of these uniforms look so skanky.
Whatever. They're white trash.
- Where do they get them? - They're white trash.
Cutter, I'm gonna kick your ass, you evil whore!
Get over it, hag!
She did not just hit me!
No, she's a little kid.
You little...
Get off me!
- Leave me alone! - Stop it, Courtney!
Hi. You, yes.
Your head was down.
Your head was down during that move.
How are you gonna give a proper score if you're not looking,
if your head is down during a move?
Remember, they give extra points for alacrity and effulgence.
Did we bring those?
Oh, no. Look who's here.
Hi.
We're in trouble.
And now, making their first appearance
at the UCA California Regionals, the East Compton Clovers!
Yeah, Clovers!
Stop.
I'm standing here with five-time national returning champions,
the Rancho Carne Toros.
Leading the squad this year is senior Torrance Shipman.
Torrance, one of the things we've come to expect
from the Toros over the last few years is a highly original routine.
Can we expect the same this year?
Well, I think everyone goes out there the same way,
being as prepared as they can be and just hoping for the best.
We're just glad to be back here,
and eager to see what some of the other squads have come up with.
Prepare for total domination!
Isn't that Sparky?
Well, thank you, Rancho Carne Toros, and good luck.
- And now, the Mighty Muskrats... - Thanks.
of Mesa Cucamonga!
Spirit fingers.
They stole our routine!
Keep that Trojan spirit up!
Pump! Pump! Pump it up!
- It's the curse. - What?
The spirit stick curse.
Oh, God, will you lay off with that?
There's no curse, and you're not going to Hades.
News flash! Look around. We are in Hades!
Rancho Carne! You're up next!
And now, from San Diego, California,
the five-time national champions,
the Rancho Carne Toros!
Yeah! Yeah!
I bet this is good.
Prepare for total domination!
Didn't we just see this routine?
What the f...?
The Rancho Carne Toros, ladies and gentlemen.
Go, Toros!
Think they screwed up.
That was, um, interesting.
Y'all should've just stuck with our routines.
Yeah.
Don't worry. We'll send you a postcard from Nationals.
Next up, the Fighting Beavers of San Bernardino.
- Torrance Shipman? - Yes.
Tad Freeman, Universal Cheer Association.
We have a problem.
A problem?
Oh, yes, a very big problem.
Hey.
I don't know if you can imagine...
- Hey. - ...The incredible sense of déja vu I experienced
as I was watching that last routine.
I wouldn't just now.
- What? - Official cheer business.
Come on. It's me. Hey, Torrance!
You see, I...
Not now.
That was smooth. Real smooth.
I'll see her later.
All righty.
Oh, uh, by the way, nice spirit fingers.
Yeah. Well, here's another.
Thanks.
Obviously your Toros aren't the only squad with this particular routine.
Does the name Sparky Polastri mean anything to you?
- Sparky Polastri? - Mmm-hmm.
Apparently he's been peddling this same routine up and down the California coast.
Six squads total.
We're holding an emergency session of the discretionary panel.
About what?
We've never had a situation like this before.
We really should disqualify you and...
No, no, don't punish the squad.
It was my choice to hire Sparky, not theirs.
Don't penalize everyone for my bad judgment.
But since there's no precedent for this,
there's nothing in the rule books that forbids it.
It's simply frowned upon.
And I suppose we can't disqualify you on those grounds alone.
As defending champions, you are guaranteed a bid to Florida,
but know that we'll be watching you.
And don't expect to show up at finals with that routine.
What are you doing? You're wrecking everything I built!
Hey, hey, hey, it's not totally her fault. I was the one that hooked up...
This season should have been gravy, okay?
I handpicked the squad, I delivered an idiot-proof routine.
Platter, Nationals, hello!
Don't you mean a stolen routine?
Don't be so naive, Torrance.
Look, the truth is I was a real leader, okay?
I did what I had to do to win at Nationals,
and ever since I handed the reins over to you,
you've run my squad straight into the ground!
If I made any mistake as a squad leader,
it wasn't borrowing cheers,
it was announcing you as my successor.
Uh-uh. Not cool.
Hey, Tor. Tor. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let me go. I just wanna get out of here.
Hey, Big Red's a bitch.
We all know that. Even she knows that.
I don't know what to do here, Aaron.
Look. I know I haven't always been there for you,
since I went to college.
It's been a rough transition, for both of us.
But I still care about you as much as I ever did. You know that, right?
- You do? - Of course.
Which is why I hate to see you like this, all stressed out.
It's not good for you.
You're a great cheerleader, Tor, and you're cute as hell.
It's just that maybe...
Maybe.
You're just not captain material,
and there's nothing wrong with that.
Maybe you should consider letting Courtney and Whitney take over the squad.
They're just like Big Red.
You want me to give up captain?
Hey, let them deal with the politics.
You just do what you do best, Tor.
You cheer.
Cheer, Tor. Okay?
I just wanna see you happy.
Bye.
Sleep tight, sweetie.
Friend of yours?
He's my boyfriend.
Look, Cliff, I can explain.
No. It's cool.
Here, um, I made you a tape, too.
Cliff...
Hey, Torrance, uh, it's me, Cliff.
Um, here's...
I wrote something for you, so here it is.
Oh, Torrance
Can't stand your cheerleading squad
But I love your pom-poms
I'd feed you bonbons all night
One, two, three, four!
Yeah, you got me to feel all those butterflies inside
In your locker I would hide
The truth, It's only you I see
And you're just what I need
I'd bring you flowers everyday
Just to roll you in the hay
Well, I'm feeling fine I'm right on time
I know I'll get my way
And you're just what I need
Not everything works as it seems
Is that so hard to believe?
'Cause you're just what I need
And you're just what I need
Not everything works as it seems
Is that so hard to believe?
Shout out
Aaron called us last night.
He told us you're turning the squad over to us.
We want you know that just because you bit the big one as captain,
does not mean we're gonna be super hard on you.
- Oh! - We'll treat you as if
you didn't screw us into the ground.
Gee, thanks.
Everyone, Torrance is not to be harmed.
We've already decided on a course of action.
We're gonna forego Nationals this year.
Everyone's already agreed to it.
- Uh, except me. - And me!
Both of you can be replaced.
I can't believe you guys.
The only person who can officially resign the post of captain is the captain,
and I'm not going anywhere.
Then we'll have to overthrow you.
Which we will!
Enough!
Our whole cheering career, we've staked our reputation on being the best,
the most inventive.
Now we finally have a chance to truly be original,
and you're all running scared.
She's crazy.
I am not crazy,
and I'm not resigning as captain either.
You're gonna have to kill me first.
That can be arranged.
Shut it, Whitney! Let her talk!
Look, I know I've screwed up royally as captain,
but I believe in this squad,
and I know we can bounce back from this.
I'm not saying it's gonna be easy.
It's gonna be hard work.
We need a new routine, something amazing and fresh,
and we've got less than three weeks till Nationals.
But if we can do it, if we can pull this off,
then we can really call ourselves original.
Now who's with me?
How about it, girls?
It's gonna be hard without you two.
Fine.
Sure. Whatever.
Okay. Let's do this.
We're gonna devote every waking hour to practice,
before school, in between classes and after school.
Afternoon practices will have to be twice as long.
We've gotta do whatever it takes to be in perfect physical shape.
Yeah. You can go a little harder.
There, there.
Yeah, that feels good.
Maybe we should join the squad.
- Push. - Oh, yeah.
Fag!
And since the football team sucks no matter how hard we cheer,
we'll use night games to practice, too.
But that's not all.
We're gonna study other types of movement,
from swing dance,
to interpretive dance...
And you flow and you...
even mime.
We'll draw inspiration from martial arts, musicals, everything.
You guys know we've got the talent.
We've just gotta work our asses off and trust our instincts.
All of our instincts.
Tor!
Wow! What are you doing here?
Just wanted to come by and see you.
Is this a bad time?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm super busy. I'm working on this project...
Yeah, you sound super busy.
I guess that's it.
You were too busy to believe in me.
Oh, no, no, but wait.
You weren't too busy to sell me out to Courtney and Whitney, were you?
Gee, now I'm confused.
Well, I hope you're not too busy to hear this.
Kiss my ass, Aaron! It's over!
You're a great cheerleader, Aaron.
It's just that...
Maybe you're not exactly boyfriend material.
Bye-bye.
You're a cheerleader?
UCA just posted the Nationals list on the Internet.
East Compton isn't on it.
They couldn't raise the money in time. They're not going.
What do you mean, "They're not going"?
Torrance, that's good news.
They cannot not go. That's not good news.
What are you talking about?
They don't go, we win. Once again we're the best.
I define best as competing against the best there is out there and beating them.
They have to go.
It's so unfair. The first inter-city squad
to get a bid to Nationals and they can't afford to go?
Look, Mom. Her head is spinning off into another dimension.
Justin!
The company gets hit up for money all the time, honey.
I just can't.
It's not that much money, Mr. Level-Playing-Field.
Tell them the deal. Maybe they'll wanna help.
Yeah? Okay, I'll make the call,
but I'll tell you, they'll probably say no.
Don't let them.
Think of how much it'll mean to East Compton.
They deserve to go.
Do the right thing, Dad!
Did that just happen?
Yeah.
"Where we come from, cheer is not a word we hear very often."
"They should call us inspiration leaders instead."
Oh, that's deep. I like that.
I don't know why we writing to some talk-show host.
It's like we begging for charity or something.
It's not charity. Pauletta Patton's from our neighborhood.
She'll understand why we need the money.
Tell her we need to buy donuts.
Her big butt will understand that.
Ha-ha! Stop being counterproductive, all right?
Lava, please stop teaching her these big words before she choke on one.
No, better I choke you, Lafred.
- Look, Jenelope... - You guys, stop!
Please. Damn!
Well, tell her about the late-night practices we've been having.
There you go. That's the kind of stuff she wants to hear about.
Now we're talking.
You guys have to go to Nationals.
Did you come up here just to tell me that?
Here. I got my dad's company to sponsor you guys.
What is this, hush money?
No.
Oh, right. It's guilt money.
You pay our way in and you sleep better at night
knowing how your whole world is based on one big, old fat lie.
Well, you know what?
We don't need you.
Why do you have to be so mean?
I'm just trying to do the right thing here.
Look, I'm trying to be strong for my squad, okay?
That's what a captain does.
Well, I'm a captain, too, you know,
and I'm trying to make it right.
You wanna make it right?
Then when you go to Nationals, bring it.
Don't slack off because you feel sorry for us.
That way, when we beat you,
we'll know it's because we're better.
I'll bring it. Don't worry.
I never do.
Yeah, your parents just have to sign it.
Okay, bye.
Bye, Tor.
I listened to your tape. I loved it.
Great.
Can I talk to you?
I was upset that night. Aaron gave me a ride home.
It was just a good-night kiss. It meant nothing.
Oh. I'm sorry.
And I wanted you to know that I broke up with him.
Congratulations.
He didn't believe in me.
You did!
Whatever.
That's important to me! You believed in me!
Bite me.
Hanging out with the air heads has really sharpened your verbal skills, huh?
Screw you.
Said the cheerleader.
That's right, I am a cheerleader, and you're a dumb ass.
Torrance likes you, okay? She likes you.
She has an odd way of showing it.
Don't be stupid.
She broke up with her boyfriend for you.
Yeah.
Look. Do us all a favor and get over yourself and tell her how you feel.
I thought I had.
Well, try again.
And let me give you a little tip from a cheerleader.
Be aggressive.
Now back to Paulette!
Thank you. Thank you.
Today on Pauletta, it's "Wish Day"!
Today's letter comes from East Compton, California.
"Dear Pauletta,
"Where we come from, cheer is not a word that you hear very often,
"but that's what we are,
"the cheerleaders of East Compton High School.
"They should really call us inspiration leaders,
"because that's what we do.
"We inspire the people from our neighborhoods
"to believe that our team can win.
"That's why we're asking you to fulfill our wish
"to send us to the National Cheerleading Competition
"for the first time."
Well, Clovers, you got your wish.
Audience, the East Compton Clovers!
Hi, Pauletta.
We just wanna say how thankful we are for all of your help.
Pauletta, you my girl! You the bomb, baby!
Ooh, Pauletta, girl, we love you so much, girl.
I want to say you don't have to lose a pound.
We love you just the way you are!
Pauletta, we're gonna make you an honorary Clover for life.
Thank you so much.
Ooh! I'm gonna look good in this, y'all.
So, is your family coming?
I don't know if Cliff's coming.
I totally blew it with Cliff.
Forget it. My brother's an idiot.
You're his sister. You don't see him like I do.
Yeah, and that's a good thing, 'cause that would be a crime.
Hey, ladies, wanna see my spirit stick?
Hey, this is Cliff. Leave a message after the...
Hello. Hello?
Lock your doors. Bolt your windows.
Daytona, Florida, has been invaded by teenage cheerleaders.
And what do they want?
The chance to be the number one cheerleading squad in the country.
You know, in high school, I couldn't pay a cheerleader to talk to me.
Now, I'm surrounded by them, and let's face it,
any sport that combines gymnastics, dance and short skirts is okay by me.
ESPN2 welcomes you to sunny Daytona, Florida,
for the Universal Cheer Association Nationals 2000.
Fifty squads from 50 high schools across the nation
are gathered here to duke it out.
You wanna talk pressure? Ha-ha. These kids are feeling it.
One individual mistake can cost a squad everything.
Who's got spirit? We do, baby. Only on the deuce.
Hey.
Watch going out of bounds. They deduct like crazy for that stuff.
What, you going for sainthood or something?
You don't wanna blow it on something tiny.
Look, me and my squad made it to the big show without any of your help.
I think we can handle it.
Stay in bounds!
If any of you step outside that ugly blue carpet, you are dead.
Happy?
Yes.
Tell your girl on the end she's about a half second early on all her moves.
Okay, I will. Happy?
Yep.
Hey, remember.
Bring it.
And what the hell was that about?
It's boom, boom...
We just understand each other, that's all.
All right, let's do this.
- One, two, three. - Clovers!
The field has been narrowed, and the advancing squads
will move on to tomorrow's finals.
Defending champs, the Toros,
have managed to come back from a humiliating showing at Regionals.
But the real Cinderella story here, of course,
is the Clovers of East Compton, California.
Kasey's popping zits again.
Gross, Kasey. You're totally bedaubing the mirror.
Clean it off.
Okay, okay! All right.
I don't know what's scarier, neurotic cheerleaders or the pressure to win.
I could make a killing selling something like Diet Prozac.
Thank God you're here this season, Missy.
I couldn't have done it alone.
Oh! Tear.
No, I mean it!
Shut up! You don't have it yet, you don't have it!
Give it up already!
Daytona, Florida, day number two.
By sundown, only one squad
can call themselves UCA National Champions 2000.
Shit!
Where the hell are my spanky pants?
What's that on his head?
Don't be shy, ladies. Donations are always welcome.
Hey, babe. Are you in a giving mood?
Sure.
Get lost, freak, or I'm gonna tell all your friends
that you were at a cheerleading competition.
You wouldn't.
Oh, I would.
Hey, I recognize these.
That was perfect.
Your basket toss was amazing, and no one saw that landing.
Really?
We should find your tooth.
Colorado Springs, Colorado!
Hey.
That last lift you did was amazing.
Thanks.
Hey, good luck out there.
Thanks, man. I'm Les.
I'm Tim.
It's nice to meet you.
Hey, I'll see you around?
Yeah.
Okay, now focus and don't be nervous.
I'm not nervous.
No, just try not to think about the stakes, okay?
I'm totally cool. I'm so ready.
The main thing that you must remember is always smile!
Sorry.
Man, my stomach is killing me!
Yo, relax, girl. You're making me even more nervous.
You guys, look. Gather up.
Guys, we got this.
We have done this routine a million times. Just relax.
Forget about all those faces out there
and just imagine that we're back at our school,
in our gym, just doing our thing.
We'll be fine. All right?
East Compton Clovers, you're up!
All right, now let's do this, Clovers.
Yeah!
- Raise the ceiling! - Let's go, baby.
One, two, three!
You know!
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome,
from East Compton, California, the Clovers!
Ready! Go!
Yeah!
You know!
Yeah!
East Compton!
Come on!
Yeah! Thank you.
Let's hear it for the East Compton Clovers!
Okay, guys, let's go out there and do our best.
Nothing hits the floor. We stick it. Hands in.
Trust on three. One, two, three.
Trust!
Welcome the five-time national champions from San Diego, California,
the Rancho Carne Toros!
Go, Toros!
Let's go!
Go, Toros!
Yeah!
Toros! Yeah!
Number one! Yeah!
Whoo!
- Yes! - Yes!
Let's hear it for the defending champions, the Rancho Carne Toros!
Ladies and gentlemen, our five finalist teams have taken the stage,
so please give a warm welcome to our emcees,
editor of Cheer Fashion magazine, Ms. Brandi Tattersol,
and UCA president, Mr. Johnny Garrison.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the moment you've all been waiting for,
the award ceremony for UCA 2000.
Five finalist squads, and only one will walk away
with the grand prize trophy and a check for $20, 000.
And so, in third place, from New Pope High School,
in New Pope, Mississippi, the New Pope Cavaliers!
Let's hear it for 'em.
Well done, ladies.
And now, Brandi, would you do the honors?
And in second place, and this was a tough decision,
as there were two outstanding performances this year.
In second place, from San Diego, California, the Rancho Carne Toros!
Second place? Hell, yeah!
Yes!
- All right! - Wonderful.
And now, the winners of this year's
National High School Cheerleading Championships,
the East Compton Clovers of East Compton, California!
Congratulations, Clovers. Let's hear it!
Number one! Yeah!
We did it! We did it!
Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it out there!
Let's hear it for all of our squads!
Congratulations.
Torrance.
Whoa, nice check.
I just want to say, captain to captain,
I respect what you guys did out there. You guys were good.
Thanks. You were better.
We were, huh?
Look, my very own spirit stick.
So, you think the curse is broken?
I don't believe in curses anymore.
- Oh, really? - No.
Well, maybe we should burn that, just in case.
Right!
Congratulations.
Oh, thanks.
Uh, you remember my friend, Torrance, right?
Yeah, I think so.
We'll talk later. Les! Come here, hot stuff.
So, second place? How's it feel?
Feels like first.
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey Hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey Hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind Hey, Mickey
Yes, I really think...
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind Hey, Mickey
I'm really stoked.
Let's go out there and do our best, okay, nothing...
That's why they...
Before we start, I'm gonna... I'm... Freakin' A. That one freakin'...
What the hell is up?
Hey, Mickey
You've been around all night And that's a little long
You think you've got the right and I think you've got it wrong
Why Can't you say goodnight?
So you can take me home, Mickey
Okay, let's do this.
'Cause when you say you will It always means you won't
You're givin' me the chills Baby, please, baby, don't
Every night you still Leave me all alone, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, what a pity You don't understand
You take me by the heart When you take me by the hand
Oh, Mickey, you're so pretty Can't you understand?
It's guys like you, Mickey
Oh, what you do, Mickey Do, Mickey
Don't break my heart, Mickey
Hey, Mickey
Now when you take me by the Who's ever gonna know
Every time you move I let a little more show
There's something we can use So don't say no, Mickey
Ready.
So come on and give it to me anyway you can
Anyway you want to do it I'll take it like a man
But it beats the hell out of a shattered skull. Think about it.
Oh, Mickey, what a pity You don't understand
You take me by the heart When you take me by the hand
Oh, Mickey, you're so pretty Can't you understand?
It's guys like you, Mickey
Oh, what you do, Mickey Do, Mickey
Don't break my heart, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey Hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey Hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind Hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey Hey, Mickey
No, that was shitty. I hated that one.