Folks are blessed who make the best of every day
Living by their own philosophy
Everyone beneath the sun must find a way
And I have found the only way for me
I don't believe in frettin' and grievin'
Why mess around with strife
I never was cut out to step and strut out
Give me the simple life
Some find it pleasant dining on pheasant
Those things roll off my knife
Just serve me tomatoes and mashed potatoes
Give me the simple life
A cottage small is all I'm after
Not one that's spacious and wide
A house that rings with joy and laughter
And the one you love in sight
Some like the high road
I like the low road
Free from the care and strife
Sounds corny and seedy But, yes, indeedy
I like the simple life
Life could be thrilling with one who's willing
To be a farmer's wife
Kids calling me Pappy would sure make me happy
Give me the simple life
Some find it pleasant dining on pheasant
Those things roll off my knife
Just serve me tomatoes and mashed potatoes
Give me the simple life
Nina, come on. They're gonna be here any minute.
Okay. We'll be right down.
Father of the bride.
I never thought I'd say this, but that whole experience Pas a piece of cake...
compared to the roller coaster I've been on this past year.
I admit it took me a while to recover from the wedding,
but eventually life got back to normal, which is exactly the way I prefer life to be.
After the dust settled, I began to realize what a lucky guy I was.
I had a wonderful home filled with memories,
and completely paid for;
a wife I love just as much as the day I married her;
a daughter, independent, self-sufficient,
married, working, happy;
a son blossoming in the middle of middle school;
and a son-in-law gainfully employed,
and very often, out of town on business.
Life was sweet.
I felt for the first time ahead of the game.
Then it dawned on me.
I was a mere five years away from freedom.
Soon I'd be a father with one kid married and the other off in college.
And that started me thinking.
What was I gonna do with all that free time?
Anything I wanted.
Maybe I'd take up fly-fishing,
travel to exotic places, climb Mount Everest.
I was feeling on top of the world.
And that's when they lowered the boom on me.
It was like that old joke: ''All those who think they have it made, take one step forward.
Not so fast, George Banks.''
It was about a year ago when it all started.
Well, nine months ago to be exact.
I was on my way home from work on a perfect fall day.
The leaves were golden. The air was crisp.
And I couldn't help thinking what a charmed life I was leading.
Yep, I was a happy man.
Hey, hey!
- Hey, Dad, you hear the news? - What news?
- I don't know. She wouldn't tell me. - Matty, phone!
- Got it! - Who wouldn't tell you?
- Hey. - Hi, George.
Do you think it's what we think it is?
What? What? What is it? Somebody tell me what's going on.
Bryan called and said to be here at 6:00 sharp,
that he and Annie have some important news to tell us.
This is one of those moments, George. I can feel it.
Oh, my.
Hi, honey. Oh, don't worry, okay? I'm sure nothing's wrong.
- How do you know? - Well, I, I know.
- Oh, you know? - No. I don't-- I don't really know.
I just know nothing's wrong. Now, come on. Come on inside.
- Can I fix you a drink, George? - No, thanks.
Nina, you don't think Annie's been transferred back East, do you?
No, honey. Something tells me this has nothing to do with work.
George. George. You sure you don't want a glass of wine?
'Cause she always said a transfer was a possibility.
And I, for one, would hate it if they moved.
Really, George? You?
Well, they live far enough away as it is.
Dad, they live a mile from here.
Well, you know, with the traffic and everything.
Oh, there they are. I just-- I just don't wanna hear the word ''Boston,'' that's all.
I mean, you know what's gonna happen, don't you?
First, they're gonna promise to come home for long weekends.
Then it'll be a week every other summer. Next thing you know, we're strangers.
We're just names on a Christmas card list.
We'll be those relatives out in California.
Bummer Man, he delivers.
- Hello? - We're here.
- Hi! - Hello! - Hi!
- Good to see you. - Good to see you too.
- Hey, Dad. - Hi, son.
There she was, my Annie.
Every time I saw her, I had to remind myself she was a married woman.
To me, she still seemed like a kid playing house.
- Hi! - Hi, Mom. - Hi, hon.
- How are you? - Good!
Are you feeling all right?
Of course she's feeling all right. Look at her. She never looked better.
- Hi, Dad. - Are you okay? - I was a little late.
So, any news at work? Any-- Any news? Any anything?
- No, everything's great. Same, but good. - Same.
- Busy. - Busy.
See?
- Hey, Dad. - Hi.
George. Sorry, George.
As long as the big news wasn't that my daughter was moving 3,000 miles away,
her husband could call me anything he wanted.
In spite of myself, I had actually begun to grow somewhat fond of Bryan MacKenzie.
Those hors d'oeuvres look so great. I'm starving.
Mm-hmm.
So what is it, Annie? What's the news?
- Well, don't you wanna eat first? - Come on. Tell us. What is it?
- I know what it is. I got it. I'm positive. - What?
You bought a house, right? A place you can remodel a little closer to home?
- A house? Is that it? - Well--
Well, no, no, no, no. A house is fine.
Oh, yeah, of course, a-- a house is definitely good.
That's the big news? A house? Man, I thought you guys were gonna have a baby.
- Oh, get outta here. - Us too.
I know. Me too. That's what I thought.
That's what we were hoping for.
- Well-- - Tell 'em.
Your wish came true. I'm gonna have a baby!
- We're pregnant! - Oh!
- Congratulations. - Oh, this is so-- - Thanks.
I never liked that Bryan MacKenzie.
Not from the moment I laid eyes on him.
Here my little girl was playing house, and he had the nerve to--
- George. - What do you say, Dad?
Congratulations.
You too.
Congratulations.
- Oh! - Grandpa!
''Grandpa''? First that runt steals my daughter, now he makes a grandpa out of me.
The baby is due July 26, and I like that 'cause that's a good even number.
Of course, it is going to be very hot.
But I'm sure she's not gonna mind. Oh, God. Oh, George.
Can you believe the same doctor who delivered Annie is going to be delivering her baby?
- Oh, honey. It's so amazing. - Yeah.
Oh, George! I have a great idea.
What if Franck did the baby shower for us?
- Franck? - As a favor, honey. George.
What? I thought you liked Franck now.
- I never actually said I liked the man. - Yes, you did. Yes, you did.
When we were at that party with those people from whatcha-callit,
- you were just raving on about him. - All right. Well, maybe it slipped out,
but I didn't mean it.
Nina, get a grip. I'm not gonna go into hock...
to give Annie a baby shower.
I just finished paying for the wedding.
Oh, now my stomach hurts. Where'd you put my Tums?
All right, honey. Okay. Okay, okay. It was just a thought. Calm down.
What's the matter with you anyway? You didn't say a word during dinner.
- You're acting as if you're not happy about this. - Who's acting?
Oh, I see. You're not happy that your daughter is going to be having a baby?
That's right, Grandma. I'm not.
- Why? - Well, for starters, they can't afford a baby.
- Oh! Oh. - Babies cost money.
And the older they get, the more they cost.
I mean, they didn't plan for this. They don't have a nest egg.
They-- They barely have a nest.
How are they gonna fit a baby into that shoe box they live in?
Really, George. They have more money than we had at their age.
Also, what do they know about raising a kid?
Annie's just a kid herself. I mean, she graduates college and marries the first guy she meets.
And now to get saddled with a baby even before her career takes off.
Why must I always be the only feminist in this family?
You know, I just realized something.
I'm four-foot-six. I don't shave.
I don't have a job, and I'm gonna be an uncle.
Is there somethin' weird about that?
Finally, someone who thinks like I do.
Oh, yeah, a 12 year old.
Hello? Oh. Sally!
Oh, Sally, hi. I have the best news. Guess what.
This is so exciting.
I'm gonna be a grandmother.
- Poor Nina. The woman was obviously living in denial. - Yeah. I know.
- I, for one, wasn't ready to be a grandfather. - I know. Yeah.
What was so grand about it anyway?
George? Oh, he's thrilled.
- Grandfathers wore cardigans and hearing aids. - In fact, um, I was just telling him that...
-I wore baseball caps and running shoes. -the same doctor who delivered Annie--
Sure I may have been a little out of shape, but I was still young.
And I could prove it.
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah! Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
- Whoa. - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
You better take it easy there, Pops.
Oh! Ow!
Oh, hang on a second.
- You got the list? - I got it right here. Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine. Shoot. - Okay.
- The following men are older than you: - Go.
- Paul McCartney; - Yeah. - Rod Stewart; - Yeah.
- Jack Nicholson. - Jack Nicholson?
Oh, by eight years. You're much younger than Jack Nicholson.
Well, you can't get any cooler than Jack Nicholson. That's a good one. Go on.
- Okay. Mick Jagger; - Yeah. - Robert Redford. - Really?
-Mm-hmm. Bob Dylan; Warren Beatty; and Bill Clinton. -Really?
- But only by 31 days. - Hey, younger is younger.
- Oh, when the saints - Hi. Here's what I'm thinkin'.
- Go marchin' in - I wanna look younger.
- You know, I think maybe something, you know, in here. - Oh, when the
- Saints go marchin' in - Like the hair, it's really too square.
- I'm just kind of-- you know. - I want to be
- A little stickied up, you know. Kinda hip! - In their number
- Easy. - When the saints go marchin' in
Oh, when the sun refuse to shine
I still wants to be in their number
- When the sun refuse to shine - Young, right? - Oh, totally.
- It's bitchin'. - Oh, when the saints
- Go marchin' in - Bitchin'.
Oh, when the saints go marchin' in
I'm going to sing as loud as thunder
Oh, when the saints go marchin' in
Hi.
Well, hi.
At last
My love has come along
My lonely days
Are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, yeah
At last
- The skies above are blue - Oh! George. George!
- George, what are you doing? - What are you doing?
- Oh! Oh, George. - Hey, what do you think? Can you tell the difference?
Can I tell the difference? What did you do? ls it-- Is it permanent?
It is if you want it to be. The new, permanent, young and improved...
- and stronger, I might add, George Stanley Banks. - I
- I love you - I look like the guy you married, right?
- Kind of. - Hey, don't kid yourself.
It makes you look younger too, you know?
- Hey, where's Matty? - Matty's eating at Cameron's.
Huh. All alone. Hmm.
Just you and me at the old house.
- May I ask you what possessed you to do this? - To call my own
- I found a thrill - Just wanna look the way I feel, that's all.
- Oh. What? - Ava loved it.
- Who's Ava? - Oh, just the girl who did it, that's all.
She said it took years off my face.
You know, Nina, you're very beautiful.
- Oh. George. - You are so very beautiful.
- Really? - Yeah.
Thank you, honey. Oh!
- My. What's in the bag? - Oh!
I got you something totally great. I found it at Victoria's Secret.
- Oh, God, George. - I opened a charge for you there, by the way.
Huh? What-- What are you-- Are you crazy, honey?
-I'm not-- I'm not wearing that. I am a grandmother, okay? I-- -You're-- You're--
- You're not my grandmother, are you? - No.
- For you are mine - Well, George, what's gotten into you, honey?
Hey, can't a man make love to his wife without something having gotten into him?
Well, what do you mean, make love?
What do you think I mean? Hmm?
My, my, my. This is a new and improved George Banks.
Hey, hey, hey. Didn't we just pay 900 bucks to have this roof fixed?
I swear to God, this house is starting to fall apart.
First, the heating went, then the gas thing broke and the plumbing froze.
I don't know, sometimes I, I think I would just like to wash my hands of this whole thing.
George, what is it? What-- What are you thinking?
- I have a brilliant, beyond-brilliant idea. - Uh, yeah?
- I say we sell this dump. - Right.
- I'm serious. - George, what? Are you crazy?
Honey, last year you said you wanted to be buried in the backyard.
Now you're telling me you wanna sell the place?
Nina, listen. Matty's in school every day 'til 6:00.
You're at work. I'm at work. You know, let's get rid of it.
Let's not be so by-the-book, you know. Let's-- Let's be adventurous. Let's loosen up.
I don't know. I mean, if we sold the place, then we won't have room for the baby.
What ''we,'' kemo sabe? It's not our baby. lt doesn't need its own room in our house.
- Well, what about Matty? - Oh, like Matty wouldn't love living at the beach?
The-- Oh! The beach? Mr. Sunscreen?
Please, George. I mean, now you wanna live at the beach?
Hey, you're the one who always said that one day before you're old you wanna live by the ocean.
- I know, but-- - I'm telling you, this, this leak is an omen.
You know, we could sell this place in a second.
I mean, it's the Leave It To Beaver house that everybody wants.
You know, we'd have enough money to buy a condo. You know, we could get a boat.
We could travel. And I could get that Harley I always wanted.
Harley? Honey. Oh, George. This has been a very big day for you.
First your hair, and then this, uh, thing.
I just-- I think we should think about things, okay?
Okay. But will you think about it, really?
- Well, will you wash that stuff out of your hair, really? - Yeah.
Okay, I'll make ya a deal.
- Okay? - Mm-hmm.
If one more thing goes wrong with this house, we'll put it up for sale.
You have my word on it.
As luck would have it, termites attacked two weeks later.
So we decided to give it a test run, see if we got any nibbles.
Four weeks went by and not a single nibble.
All right, here we go. Here we go. Here.
- Check. - Ball in. Come on. Let's go.
What are you doing? What are you doing? Hey! Where you going?
- Spin move. - Whoa! Hey! What? Hey!
- Come on. No. No! - Yes!
Then one Saturday morning, we got a bite. A big bite.
George, I'd like you to meet Mr. and Mrs. Habib.
Hello. How do you do? Nice to meet you. This is my son Matty and his friend Justin.
- We like house very much. When you can move out? - Excuse me?
The Habibs would like to buy the house, George. It's exactly what they've been looking for.
Yes, when you can move? We need house a week from Wednesday.
And my wife wants flower dishes in kitchen.
- You sell, we pay top dollar. - For the house, top dollar?
Dishes. For the dishes. For the house, we pay what you ask and no more.
But we need house a week from Wednesday or no deal.
Gee, that's, uh-- That's ten days from now. That's kinda quick.
We've lived here 18 years. I don't know if we can get every--
Excuse, please?
Uh, you explain that I pay big money if he sell now. Very big bonus.
Mr. Habib is willing to pay a generous bonus...
for whatever inconvenience moving too quickly may cause you, George.
Dad, you better discuss this with Mom.
- How generous? - Would, uh,
$15,000 be generous enough?
- We may be making real estate history here, George. - Oh, yeah.
One, two,
three thousand,
four, five, six,
seven thousand--
I shook the man's hand and promised to be out in ten days.
Careful with the dishes.
Only problem was, I didn't have the nerve to tell Nina.
Wonderful champagne, George. Dom Perignon. What are we celebrating?
I know. That's what I was wondering. What are we celebrating, dear?
Well, it's just the first time the whole family's been together since the baby and everything.
- Oh. - Oh. - Oh, honey. - Thanks, Dad. That's sweet.
Oh.
So tell us, have you thought of any names for the baby yet?
Well, if it's a boy, we like Cody, Cooper, Riley or Wyatt.
- Wyatt? As in Earp? - Yeah.
- Y-You don't like it, Dad? - Well, I like it better than Cooper.
- Or Riley. - Hey, what if it's a girl?
For a girl, our favorite name is Chloe.
- Chloe? Ooh. - Chloe? It's not even American.
Th-Thank you, Matthew. We realize that. We-- We also like Phoebe and Sophie.
And we're still debating between Lucy and Fanny.
Y-You're not considering any family names?
Yes, isn't the first son supposed to be named after the paternal grandfather?
Well, he doesn't have to be named John, of course. Any name on my side will do.
We have an Andrew in the family. A Melville. A Jacob.
Uh, Jake is a great name.
Hey, you know what. They don't need any more suggestions. Their list is fine.
You're absolutely right, George. Anything is fine as long as it goes with MacKenzie.
Uh, wait a minute. I thought the baby's last name was gonna be Banks-MacKenzie with a hyphen.
- Wasn't that the deal? - Would you like to go through life...
with the name Cooper Banks-MacKenzie?
Kid's gonna sound like a law firm.
It's an awfully long last name, George.
Hold on. What are we saying? You're not gonna hyphenate the last name? When did this happen?
Nothing's been decided yet, Dad. It's just that...
we think two last names is a lot for a little kid to deal with.
And since neither of us want to forfeit our names,
we've been coming up with alternative last names.
Your baby's gonna have an alternative last name? Like, what, Smith or Jones?
- No. - No, because you can't make Smith or Jones from the letters of our last names.
- Right. - So-- - I don't understand. What names can you make?
Well, the ones we like best are Zineman, Zenkman and Mannis.
Oh, my.
Are you telling me I might have a granddaughter named Sophie Zenkman?
- Yeah. - Look, look. I have a simple solution here.
George, Nina. You already have Matty to carry on the family name.
So, why don't we drop this Banks-MacKenzie business and...
just go with MacKenzie?
- Or drop the MacKenzie. - Oh, well, now wouldn't that be silly?
Well, I don't think that's any sillier than dropping the Banks.
- Well, I would venture to suggest that MacKenzie... - Well, I do.
- is a good, solid family name. - I mean, traditionally, you take--
I mean, the baby's just as much a Banks as it is a MacKenzie, isn't it?
- Traditionally-- - Dad, say something.
- I just don't agree with that. - Change the subject.
- MacKenzie is-- - Hey, guess what. I sold the house today.
- What did you say, dear? - Nina, I forgot to tell you.
While you were at the market this morning, I sold the house.
Well, congratulations, Gramps. Where are you movin'?
Well, we don't know exactly for sure where yet, but, uh, we're thinking of maybe the beach.
- We don't know exactly for sure where yet? - What?
But, George, we haven't even started looking.
You sold the house? Dad.
- Why is she crying? - Well, because I never thought...
they were serious about selling the house.
I'm sorry, Dad, but I just thought it was another goofy idea like your hair.
- Hey. - I never thought you were actually gonna go through with it.
- I love this house. - Well, wow!
I guess I just assumed we'd have a little more warning.
But what do we have? We have at least 90 days before we have to move. Am I right, George?
Oh, believe me, Nina, you can jack up an escrow six months, if you need to.
- Matty, what's going on? - May I be excused?
No. No, sir. You may not be excused.
- George! - The guy paid me $15,000 extra to be out in ten days.
The guy paid you $15,000 extra to be out of the house in ten days?
- I hope you took it, George. - He did.
- And he threw in Mom's favorite dishes just to close the deal. - George!
Nina was less than thrilled about our abbreviated escrow.
But being the great woman that she is, she went with the flow...
and even allowed me back into our bedroom for our last night at 24 Maple Drive.
And since we had nowhere to live, she also arranged for us to stay at the MacKenzie's...
- while they took a Caribbean cruise. - Honey.
Honey, are you sure you don't want me to take your picture by your favorite part of the fence?
No, no, I'm fine.
Oh, okay-- Oh. Whoa.
Hey, Nina, are you okay? I mean, you don't look so good.
I know. I don't really feel so good.
I-I just didn't think I'd get so emotional about this whole thing.
I don't know. I feel kind of dizzy.
You guys, these are from the tree that we carved our initials...
- in out back. - Oh!
- Here. Here. - Oh!
Oh, Mom, did you get a picture of the tree?
- Oh, just a roll, honey. - Okay.
- Oh. - Hey, Matty, what's that? - My doorknob.
I want to keep a memento from my room.
- Oh! - Oh!
Hey, what are we, the Schmaltz family?
Come on. No more tears. We're on to bigger and better things.
I mean, who needs this old shack? Look at it.
Dad, there's one more thing we have to do before we go.
I'm not gonna dig up that parakeet from the backyard.
That's not what I was thinking.
How many times do you think we've played out here?
About a thousand.
- I remember our very first game. - Me too.
- I remember you were four. - Here you go. Here you go.
You had a red ribbon tied in your hair.
Dad!
Look, Dad, I can dribble. Watch.
That's my girl. That's my girl.
Hey.
Sorry to interrupt.
Oh, uh, hi.
- You got the key, George? - Yeah, I-- Uh, I have it right here.
Uh. I got it. I know I have it.
Oh, uh, Mr. Habib, this is my daughter Annie.
Uh, she had her wedding here at this house.
Ah, yes. The key?
Oh, yeah. I got it. Somewhere.
Did I give that to you? Ah, okay. Oh, sorry.
So, well, here you are. And, uh, here you go.
- She's all yours. - Good luck, Banks.
Uh, you too.
Well.
- Ah, what perfect timing. We were just about to depart ourselves. - Hi, Nina.
- Are you-- Are you in a hurry? - Oh, not at all. No. We have plenty of time.
- Oh, thanks so much. - Welcome. Come on in.
- Oh, it's our pleasure. - Welcome. Welcome. Make yourselves at home.
- Come in, please. - Are you sure? - Where's Matty?
- Oh, he's sleeping at a friend's. - I'll tell you what. The dog food's...
- all in the refrigerator and marked. - That's nice.
- Uh, uh, you remember the dogs, of course? - Yeah. Yeah.
- Fortunately, they forgot you. - Oh.
Come here, you angels.
I'm gonna miss you guys.
- See, George? They're completely harmless. - Mm-hmm.
Get ahold of yourself. Now, listen, I want you to pay attention...
to your Uncle George and your Aunt Nina now, all right?
Bye, fellows.
Oh, all right. One more kiss, you maniac.
- John! - Wow. - All right.
- We're off. - Well, good-bye. - Oh! Oh.
- Oh, well. - That's what the limo was for.
- Help yourself to anything you see. We'll call you. - Got the tickets, honey?
- They're all yours. - Thanks. - Okay, bye-bye.
- Enjoy. - Thanks so much. - I've got everything, sweetheart.
And when you get through with that limo, send it back for us.
Oh. Oh, George.
Honey, do something. They look sad.
Hey, guys. Don't worry about a thing.
- Uncle George is here-- - Oh, George.
All right. Now, just take it easy, guys. He's not gonna hurt you.
- Cute. Cute. - Well, as it turned out, the dogs did remember me.
Hey, puppy, puppy, puppy.
It was going to be a long night. Just the four of us in the old MacKenzie mansion.
Hey, listen to this. Luxury beach condo. Marina views.
Stroll along winding streams past lush landscaped gardens.
Honey, are you sure you didn't pack the Pepto-Bismol?
Why? You still feel sick?
I can't seem to shake this thing. I just don't feel right.
You just need a good night's sleep. That's all. Tomorrow--
- Oh. - Tell 'em to get off.
Okay, come on, guys. Get off. Let's go. Off.
Come on. Off. Come-- Oh, forget it.
I gotta-- I gotta lay down. Just come on. Let's move over.
That's a good dog. Oh!
What am I supposed to do? Sleep standing up?
I don't know, honey. Just push 'em off.
All right, boys. Hey, come on, come on. Now, now, fun's over. Let's go.
Come on. Get off the bed. Off the bed. Now, come on.
Come on. I-I don't wanna have to get tough.
So just come on. Let's go! I mean it. Amscray!
Off the bed! Come on! Off!
- Oh. - Get your filthy paw off my wife, you good--
Oh, forget about it. It's their house. Let 'em have the bed.
I'll-- I'll go stay in one of the other seven bedrooms.
Oh, but, honey, I don't wanna be left alone in this big room. I don't feel good.
Fine. I-I'll sleep on the floor. Huh?
Thanks.
Oh, I know. I have an idea. What if after they fall asleep, you just lift them off?
Oh, yeah, of course. I'll just lift 'em off. What are you, nuts?
- Could you hand me a pillow? - Yep.
Oh, I'm so naive.
Oh, I know what's wrong with me.
What? What's wrong with you?
It's so obvious. I don't know why I didn't realize it before.
Honey, I'm going through menopause.
Oh, Nina. You can't be going through menopause. My mother went through menopause.
Well, exactly, and probably at my age.
George, I have all the symptoms.
I'm late. I'm weepy all the time. I'm hot and dizzy.
- Don't be silly. We're still so-- - But, George, honey, we're not.
We're not as young as you think we are.
Just because we're getting older, it doesn't mean that we're old. This is the '90s.
Growing old isn't what it used to be. Well, it's true.
Women my age are doing Geritol ads and Fixodent commercials.
- Nina. - They are.
And guess who I saw on the cover of Longevity magazine.
- Guess. - Barbara Bush.
Peggy Lipton.
From The Mod Squad?
This is reality, George. Do me a favor, will ya, honey?
Stop acting like this isn't happening.
- Oh, do I have to? - Yes! Yes.
George. George. You haven't been the same since the day you found out Annie was pregnant.
Now, I know you, and I know it takes you a long time to work these things out.
- But I miss the old George. - Must you use that word?
All right. I miss the adorable George Banks I used to be married to.
Honey, you got me worried. I don't know. You dyed your hair. You sold our house.
- What's next, a 19-year-old girlfriend? - Nina!
Well, men do those kinds of things, George.
They don't wanna grow old with their wives, so they get-- I don't know.
New wives. Young wives. Just--
- Nina. - What, honey?
- What? - I may dye my hair, and I may wanna move to the beach and...
- Yeah? - I may hate the idea that I'm gonna be a grandfather,
but never for one millisecond of one day...
did I ever not wanna spend the rest of my life with you.
- Really? - Really. - Really?
And I'm sorry I've been such a jerk.
- Oh, that's okay. I'm used to it. - Yeah.
- Good night. - Good night.
The doctor didn't give you any indication of why he wanted me to come with you?
-No. -But he didn't say there was anything to be concerned about?
No. I mean, I assume this is absolutely routine. I don't know, honey.
I've never been through menopause before, you know.
He probably just wants to tell us what to expect un-- well, unless--
- Unless what? What? Unless what? What? - Well, unless...
something showed up on my blood test that was too horrible to tell me over the phone,
and he wanted you here for support in case I flipped out.
- You know, and he just, like-- - Nina, well, what did the man say exact--
- Well-- - What were his words? - Just that...
he thought it would be wise for us to come in together as soon as possible.
That's all. Okay, here we are, honey.
I'm sure I'm gonna be fine. I hope.
I'd never seen Nina so unglued.
I wasn't used to being the calm one.
I didn't know what the doctor was about to tell us.
But nothing, absolutely nothing, could've prepared me for what I was about to hear.
- It's gonna be all right. - I know.
Nina, George.
- Well, we ran a panel on Nina's blood. - Nina.
- What? - Whatever it is, I just want you to know I'm here for you.
- And you can count on me. - Okay.
We're gonna get through this together.
- Okay? - Okay.
So, uh, tell us. Uh, what is it? We can handle it.
- What's wrong with her? - Nothing.
Nothing that won't go away in nine months.
Kids, you're gonna have a baby.
- Excuse me? - Nina's pregnant.
- Oh, my God. - Pregnant?
- And who, may I ask, is the father? - George!
Don't ''George'' me, you two-timing Mata Hari.
I swear, we haven't done it in six weeks.
I haven't just felt myself lately, but pregnant?
How could this happen, Nina Dickerson?
Why are you calling me by my maiden name, you big jerk?
And, what do you mean we haven't done it in six weeks? What about that little escapade in the kitchen?
Oh, please. That was a stupid nothing. I mean, that was a moment of pure insanity.
Would you like to know how many moments of pure insanity...
I've delivered over the last 20 years?
Phil, look at me. I'm about to be a grandfather.
Things like this do not happen to men my age.
Come on! Picasso had children well into his seventies.
Ah, well, you know, Picasso. I mean, Picasso.
I mean, there-- He's the one guy in history who had kids into his seventies.
But, you know, he's an artist. He can do anything he wants.
I'm just-- You know, I'm just a, a regular Joe.
You know, regular Joes don't have, have babies at my age!
You know, I was-- I was just adjusting to being a grandfather!
Preg--
Oh! Oh, my God!
- All right. Here you go, Mr. Banks. - Oh, I'm all right. - George?
- Now, wait a minute. - Here. Let me help. I'll help. - I'm okay.
- You okay? - I'm okay. - Let's see if you got your sea legs back yet.
- Sorry about that. I'm just, uh-- - The shock.
- I know. - Anyway, thank you.
- Uh-huh. Bye-bye. - Thank you. - I know, honey. Me too.
I just-- God. I can't believe it, huh? Yikes!
Well, you don't think he could be like, you know, wrong or something, do you?
I don't think he used a home pregnancy test, George. No.
Honey, this is definitely like I'm-- This is happening, George.
I know it's a lot to deal with, but we'll just-- we'll just let it sink in, all right?
- Good idea. - Okay. Mom's the word, huh?
Did she say, ''Mom's the word''?
Oh, man. This was a life curve I was not ready for.
''Grandmother Has Baby.'' It was like a National Enquirer headline.
One would have thought nothing on earth could have topped this moment.
- Wrong again. - It's the musk oil smell that scares me.
- Oh, well. - Oh!
- Oh, my God, the Banks! - Oh, my gosh.
And my favorite father of the bride.
- Hi. How are you? - Hello!
- Great. Wonderful. You look wonderful. Mr. Banks. - Oh. Look at you!
- Chop, chop, chop. Oh, you look beautiful. - How are you, sir?
Imagine running into you here of all places. This is our home away from home.
Well, I am always fixing, you know. A nip, a tuck, a little suction.
You know, I look in the mirror and I say, ''Hello. Looking sad.''
So I come down here, I valet park, and bongo, Cher Bono.
So how 'bout you? Nothing is wrong, I hopes? Your health is good?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. We're-- We're good. We're perfect. - Oh, yeah, it's good. It's great.
- We're healthy and, uh, nothing to report. - Very healthy.
- Nothing at all. - Great. - Oh, well.
- Oh. - Mrs. Banks.
- Huh? - You forgot your prenatal vitamins...
and all your pamphlets on becoming a mommy again...
- and the ultrasound photo. - Oh.
Your baby's first picture.
- Oh, no. - Baby's first picture? Don't--
- Don't tell me you are pregnant? - No? - Yeah. I am.
- Oh, my God! - I know. I just found out.
Oh, I love that so much! Mother of the bride and a mommy! Get out of town!
- Oh, mazeltov, Mrs. Banks! - And guess what.
- What? - Annie's pregnant too.
- Oh, no! - I didn't hear that!
Mother and daughter are pregnant together? Oh!
That is fabulous! I love that ! That's chic.
- I think I'm gonna faint. - He did.
This is what I suggest. You must let me do the baby shower.
- Howard, hands me the book. Quick. Quick, boy. - Oh!
No, no, Franck. Not this time. No more parties. No way. N-O.
You never wants to have fun, George. And you never change.
Every party has a pooper That's why we invited you
- Party pooper - Party pooper
Every party has a pooper That's why we invited you George Banks
- That's you - It was on the second chorus...
of ''Every party has a pooper'' that I got woozy again.
Next thing I knew, we were driving through town.
Nina was glowing.
She looked so peaceful.
Grab your coat and get your hat
Leave your worries on the doorstep
- You can't get me! - Just direct your feet - Slow down, son! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, son!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - To the sunny side of the street
Can you hear the pitter-pat
- Yeah, that happy tune he's whistlin' - George?
- Nina? - Honey, I need to know how you feel about all this. - Life can be so sweet
- Dad, I want a hot dog! - On the sunny side of the street
- They don't have any hot dogs! They don't have hot dogs! - I don't like--
Don't! Josh! No! No! No!
I feel super about it. I'm totally up for it.
- You are? - Definitely.
Oh!
So what do you think? You think we have the stamina to have a baby?
What do you mean, honey? For the actual pregnancy?
- Well, I know I have the stamina for that part. - Oh, well. That's a relief.
I'm talking about the rest of it, like the next 18 years part.
But, George, for weeks you've been telling me how young you are.
- And you've been telling me how old we are. - Well, we're obviously not too old, honey.
Well, Nina, let's be honest. I mean, just because a man wears sneakers, it doesn't make him a teenager.
I was completely kidding myself. When I was working out at the gym, there were 60 year olds more buff than me.
Oh, so we're too old for this. ls that what you're trying to tell me, George?
No, it's just that I was beginning to feel like we were approaching...
that big parenting finishing line.
Now to be all the way back at the starting gate?
Not to mention, we will be like the oldest parents ever at the starting gate.
I mean, let's face it. Between us, we're almost a hundred years old.
But don't get me wrong. I'm into it.
3:00 a.m. feedings and diapers and car seats and Mister Rogers and vomiting.
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi, sweetie. Hi.
- Hi. - Hi. - Hi, guys.
- Hi. - Hi. - Everything go okay?
Oh. Oh.
So what's going on? What'd the doctor say?
Is that, uh, TV still on the blink? Because I have time now, I--
- Dad. - Okay.
- Well, he, uh-- - Mom, you can tell me. I'm a big girl.
Well, honey, as it turns out, my, my blood tests are fine.
- Good. - Yeah. And I'm not even going through menopause.
- I thought you were too young for that. - Yeah, well, I don't know.
So what is it? Did he find anything?
Well, actually, he did, didn't he? He did find a little something.
He did? What?
Believe it or not, your father and I--
- We're going to have a baby. - We're pregnant!
You guys! That is so unfunny.
I mean, can you imagine if that were true?
I mean, you couldn't be.
You're serious? You're really pregnant?
I'm due September 4, Labor Day.
Perfect timing, huh? Labor Day. You know, we should go now.
- Mom, you're pregnant? - Well, honey.
It's not something we planned. Sometimes these things, they just happen.
Who knew? You know, it was a rainy afternoon.
And, uh, your mom and I were all alone in the house.
Then, uh, one thing leads to another. And then the next thing you know, hey.
- Daddy! - At that moment, I wanted to crawl under the sofa and die.
You old son of a gun.
''Son of a gun''? I wish I had a gun.
If it wasn't for this kid coming into our lives, none of this would ever have happened.
- It's okay. - Gee, I don't know what to say.
- That's okay. - I just never thought we'd both be pregnant at the same time.
- Yeah, well. - I'm not crying because I'm sad, really, because I'm not.
- No. What's-- Well-- - I gotta get a Kleenex.
Annie? Oh. Annie, don't-- Don't cry, honey.
She's been kind of emotional lately.
So, our kids will be what? Not brother and sister. That's wrong.
Oh, no, no, no, no. Their kid will be your brother or sister and our kid's cousin?
No, your kid's uncle or aunt.
Yeah, but our kid will probably be more comfortable calling us Grandma and Grandpa...
just like your kid, you know, at least in front of his friends.
You know, 'cause let's face it. We're gonna be in our fifties when he's in preschool.
In our sixties, when he graduates college.
But, you know, that'll be great to see another kid in cap and gown,
you know, if we can still see by then.
Now, at least going to the movies, that'll be economical.
''One child, two seniors. Thanks.''
Kid's gonna love spending his adolescence in a retirement home.
At least he won't have to worry about us hearing him come in late.
That's right, honey, because we won't be able to hear, right?
Exactly.
You're so hilarious, George. You're so hilarious. You're so sensitive.
And I really appreciate you asking me how I feel about all this, especially since...
I'm the one who's going to be having the baby.
You're right.
How do you feel about it?
I know how old I am, George. I've already been the mother of the bride.
But here I am at the age I am, and I'm pregnant.
And, you know, I don't think that qualifies me for the Guinness Book Of Records, George.
So in answer to your question, I'm very happy!
I'm happy and I'm feeling nervous...
and I'm just very much alone.
Well, anyway, good-bye, sweetie.
I've gotta go. Yeah. And thank you so much, Bryan.
Thank you. Thank you.
Do me a favor. Don't follow me, Banks! No!
I went after her, but it didn't do much good.
I called her, but she refused to pick up the phone.
Calling me ''Banks'' was never a good sign.
Fortunately, my daughter was kind enough to put her old man up for the night.
But I couldn't sleep.
I was worried I wouldn't have what it takes,
that I wouldn't be the same for the next one.
- Okay? I miss you. - Yes. - Okay.
Okay, gimme a kiss. Gimme a kiss. I love you.
Bye, Daddy. I love you.
Go up and see Mommy.
I love you, Daddy.
Sorry, Maple Drive's closed. You'll have to use the detour.
- My house! - Bye-bye, house.
Bring it back!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop!
Stop! Stop that ball! Stop it! Stop that!
Hey, stop! Stop. Stop!
- Stop! Stop, stop! - Stop!
- Stop! Stop! Stop. - Hold, please!
- Hang on, guys! - You have a problem, George?
Mr. Habib, you didn't tell me you were gonna tear down the house.
- You didn't ask. - I didn't ask because it just never entered my mind.
But since you obviously don't want the house, I have the perfect solution.
Sell the house back to me! I still have your check here in my wallet.
- I never even cashed it. - I don't think so, George.
See, I demolish house, build two in its place. This a great piece of land.
Mr. Habib, this is not ''a piece of land.''
This is my home, and I'm gonna be a father again...
and I don't want to bring my baby home from the hospital to a condo on the beach.
I wanna drive down that street,
and I wanna pull into this driveway,
and I wanna honk my horn--
Yes, yes, okay. I know.
Mr. Habib, please.
You see this pathway?
I laid these bricks with my own two hands.
I planted this grass.
I-- I built this fence.
I broke that window with a frisbee!
I painted these shutters.
Don't bulldoze my memories, man.
I'm begging you. Sell me back my home.
Boy. For how much?
You wanna make a profit on something you owned for one day?
Yes!
Fine.
Will $5,000 do the trick?
George, just another day ago,
I turned down profit of 50,000 on lot.
Now, you want to double that, I consider selling back.
You want me to take out a loan on something I owned free and clear just 24 hours ago?
Well, that is up to you, George.
Your path, your fence, your memories.
You don't know what you're asking, sir. I am the cheapest man alive.
Then move aside, George, 'cause I going to level the place.
We go to work! Come, come! Go, go!
- Commence to start! - Commence to start!
- All right! - Stop! Stop! - Stop!
You win. One hundred thousand dollars.
Very close shave, George. Yes, make out, please, to the Habib Group.
- Habib Group. - Inc.
- Very good.
- Welcome home, George. - It feels good to be back.
Well, I happy I could help.
Mr. Habib, just one last question.
Would you mind getting your wrecking ball off my lawn?
Oh, sure. Anything you say, George. You're the boss.
- We go. Move out! - That's right! I'm the boss!
So all you guys, get a move on!
- Get that dump truck out of here! - Right away!
- And quit standing on my shutters! - Sorry.
And all of you guys, just pack up your stuff and hit the road!
And don't trample the pansies.
I laid those bricks, I planted those pansies,
I painted those shutters, I broke that window!
I'm home.
I'm home!
First thing I did was apologize to Nina.
That is not funny, George. I'm not gonna listen to you.
Then I told her I bought the new baby a present.
- That did it. Twenty-four hours later, we moved back home. - George!
Before we knew it, it was spring.
- Here you go. - Everything was in full bloom,
including the women in my life.
Hello? Oh, hi, honey.
- Baby's been kicking a lot. - Annie and Nina were in their second trimesters.
- There was no denying it now. - Yeah, I know we can't sing.
The stork was not only on his way, he was circling the neighborhood.
Still trying to redeem myself,
I did the unthinkable.
I hired Franck to surprise the girls with a double baby shower.
- It's a baby shower! Oh! - Hello, ladies.
What dreams are made of! Look what I have for you!
- It was picture perfect, - Oh, my!
topped off by two surprise guests flown in for the occasion all the way from Vienna.
- It's a stork! - Oh, my God.
- After the shower, - Thank you.
Nina was showing a few of her friends the new baby's room...
and Franck started giving decorating tips.
But this is what I suggest.
Firstly, if it were me, you know,
what I would do is I'd push those windows out and let sweet San Marino light fill in.
Therefore, the third trimester in the Banks family began...
with a remodel of what we now affectionately called ''the baby's suite.''
I'll admit we got a little carried away, and it wasn't even all Franck's fault,
although God knows I tried to blame him.
- Hey! Hey! - No, no, no, no!
Nina and Annie were doing great, right on schedule...
and weighing in at 128 and 132 pounds respectively.
Ohh! Oh.
We had everything you'd expect when you're expecting:
leg cramps, backaches and cravings.
And the women were worse.
What we didn't expect one sleepy night...
was an unexpected visitor.
- Oh, hi, Dad. - You okay?
I'm fine.
Bryan and I got in a fight.
And I got angry and got in my car. I didn't know where to go.
- Did I wake Mom? - No, no, no. She's asleep.
So, do you wanna, you know--
Yeah, sure, I can talk about it. It's not, you know-- It's fine.
- 'Ca-- If you don't wanna, it's okay, 'cause I could just make up the sofa. - No, no, that's-- it's okay.
Thanks.
- Pretzel? - No, thanks.
All right. Here's what happened.
When I was leaving work today, my boss calls me in, tells me what a great job I'm doing...
and says I have as much promise as anyone she's hired since she's been at the firm.
Then she said the great part. She said that she's been asked to select...
one person from my level to be part of a design team...
that's gonna design the new Boston Museum of Contemporary Art, and she picked me.
- That's fantastic. - I know. I was completely thrilled.
Plus, to live in Boston. I love Boston.
- You have to, uh-- - Move to Boston. Yeah.
I need to be there right after the baby's born, by October.
- Uh-huh. - I knew when they hired me...
that this was a possibility one day, and Bryan knew it too.
But now, well-- I rush home to tell him the news, and as soon as I say the word ''Boston,'' his face drops.
I mean, this is the kind of opportunity everybody dreams about, and we're talking Massachusetts here, not Mars.
So Bryan doesn't wanna go?
Well, he said that he understood that career-wise it was great for me,
but with the baby coming, he figured I wouldn't wanna go.
- Which is-- - Ridiculous. - Right.
It's like under that mellow, '90s Gap ad exterior of his...
beats the heart of a 1950s husband that just expects me to take a backseat to his career.
- You said that to him? - Of course.
To which he said I was nuts, and that all he meant was that with us having a new baby,
it just seemed like a crazy time to move to sub-zero weather and a city full of strangers,
and that I should think of you guys...
and of his parents, and how moving so far away would be so hard on everyone.
Anyway, I knew if anybody would understand how I felt, it would be you.
You were the one that always told me to go for my dreams, never to settle.
Dad, tell me. Am I being unreasonable to want to go?
Because if you think I am, I won't go. I won't.
Ann, you have to go. This is not the Dark Ages.
We'll still see each other all the time. You'll just be an airplane ride away.
That's exactly what I said.
And wasn't Bryan the one who said you were a gifted architect...
- and he'd move anywhere you got a job? - Yes.
And wouldn't you move for him if he was the one being offered the promotion?
In a minute.
Oh, gosh, that must be him.
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi, Dad.
Um, Annie, I-I realize that-- that--
Did you tell your dad?
Sorry, George. I didn't mean to be so lame.
Hey, you guys go ahead. It's not up to me.
Okay. Annie, I realized after you left that, uh,
if the same thing happened to me, you'd come with me anytime, anywhere.
- I would. - So I wanna do the same for you.
- God, honey, I am so sorry l-- - Oh.
I just don't want you to ever resent me for this.
Hey, I can work out of Boston just as easy as I can work out of L.A.
And I don't want you to ever resent me, ever.
- Okay. So then we're goin'. - Okay.
The baby has hiccups.
- Oh, yeah. - Did you feel that? - Yes.
Boston.
As I watched the kids pull out of the driveway, I got an all-too-familiar pain in my gut.
The one I always got when I did something for one of the kids that fell under the heading of,
''I did it for their own good.''
And then I thought about baby number three...
and 25 more years of moments like this.
And suddenly, I was tired.
I'll be able to do it again. I'm sure I can.
All right. lf it swishes, no problem.
Father of the Year.
Not swishes! Just goes in! Well.
- Oh, it's frying! - Well, we made it to July.
The Farmer's Almanac said it was the hottest month L.A. had seen in over half a century.
- Did you see it? - Nina was four weeks from her due date,
- and Annie was two days past hers. - Howard! Howard!
Franck and his crew were working around the clock to have the baby's room ready by D day.
Life was hectic,
- especially once Annie moved in. - I better go.
Bryan was called to an emergency meeting in Japan, and since Annie's doctor assured us...
that the baby was at least another week away,
-Bryan took the red-eye to Tokyo and left Annie in our care. -Bye.
So there I was, living with two extremely pregnant women...
- during the worst heat wave of the century. - Okay. Okay.
Annie and Nina dealt with the heat by adding extra air conditioners to the house,
turning our home into the only igloo in San Marino.
- How we doing, girls? - Good. - Dad, would you mind...
- adjusting the pillow behind my back? - Sure, sure.
- Yeah. George. George. - Oh, thank you.
Prop that pillow up under my foot, would you please?
- Here we go. Here we go. - Thank you, honey. - Lemonade?
Thank you, yes. Oh, and George,
- would you please scratch my left ankle? - Mm-hmm.
My mission was to keep them calm and comfortable.
I tied their shoes, massaged their backs, painted their toenails...
and went to every imaginable take-out restaurant in the city.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Gotta go get dinner.
- Matty, hold down the fort while I'm gone. - Okay, Dad.
George! Turn the air conditioning up on your way out. It's stifling in here.
Oh, boy.
Uh, now, you all have my beeper number just in case.
- Shut the door! - Shut the door!
Here we go. Here we go. Dinnertime. Dinnertime. All right.
- Thai noodles with chicken, white meat only. - That's me.
- Oh, yeah, Annie. - And let's see.
- Uh, Taco Grande. - Mm, honey. Yes. - Extra rice, no beans.
- Ooh. Mmm. Thank you, honey. - All right. Uh, lox, bagels and cream cheese.
Thanks, Dad.
All right now. Where's Dad's? Where's Dad's?
As the days rolled by and nothing happened,
the tension mounted.
I found myself watching Annie as if she were a time bomb.
- Ouch! - What? - What?
Ouch. O-U-C-H.
- Oh! - Hey, good word. - Honey.
- Ohh. - That's 20 points.
Every night we laid out our clothes so we could grab them in a hurry.
We were like firefighters ready to jump at the first alarm.
Okay. Okay.
I'm hot!
- Good night. - Good night.
It's about that time.
- George! - All right, everybody stay calm! - Okay. Okay.
Now, I've mapped out the various routes to the hospital. We can, uh-- Oh, it's just, uh--
What, uh, what time is it? It's, uh-- All right, it's 11:36. 11:36.
All right. So that would be 11:36.
Plan ''F,'' uh, route ''B.''
We can be there in 17 minutes. Annie, don't worry. We got everything under control.
What is this? What am I wearing?
My blouse.
- Oh, honey! - What? What happened? - Oh, my God.
- Sorry. False alarm. - Oh, sweetheart. - Well, that doesn't-- - It's all right.
- Don't worry about it. - That's okay. - I'm sorry. - That's not unusual.
- Are you okay? - Don't worry about it. - That can happen.
We'll be back before you know it.
We got home just as the sun came up.
The girls fell right to sleep...
as I headed off to work.
Hello! It's fabric day.
- Hello, George. - Hi. - A pleasure to see you.
And oddly enough, knowing Franck was at the house made me feel better,
although I have no idea what he did there all day.
Do the baby workout Make the babies gleeful
Oh, that's good. That's good!
Little tin soldier Happy tin soldier
Right. And now with an attitude.
Hello! Who you?
Get away! I don't like what you say! Now, leg up--
Uh-oh. Mom! Dad!
- I'll get it. What flavor? - No flavor. This is it.
Good. I didn't even get undressed this time.
Where's my chart?
- George, don't forget the suitcase! - I won't!
Dad, keys!
You'd think I could tell the difference between labor pains and indigestion.
- Yeah. - I'm really sorry, Mom. Really.
- Mom? - I understand, honey.
You know, I think-- Oh, boy, I think I just gotta--
- I'm gonna lie down here just for a sec. - Oh, me too.
I'm gonna go catch a few winks before I--
Dad, where've you been? I'm late for camp!
- Camp. Camp. - Come on!
At this point I hadn't slept in 48 hours.
Have a good day at work, George.
Yeah, Dad. Good night.
Ohh.
Hello! Pappala's home! We got a surprise for you, George.
I'm sorry I can't stay, George,
but I-- Whoops! I caught a cold from your house.
Come on, George. Hurry up. ''Quick-ah.''
I'm too tired to ''kovick-ah.''
Okay, George, this is it. The baby suite is finished.
Think of it, buddy. After today, I'm out of your hair.
- Did we come in on budget? - Close enough, George. Close enough.
- Now close those eyes. - Oh, Franck, I'm not gonna close my eyes. - Don't ''oh, Franck'' me.
You never wants to have any fun. Close those eyes.
- All right. - Drumroll, if you please.
Okay, open up.
Welcome to babyland.
- It's beautiful. - Thank you, sir.
I mean it. It's perfect.
Oh, well, coming from you, George Banks, that-- that means a lot.
A lot.
A whole lot.
And here's the bill. Ju-Just don't go nuts, George.
Just-Just-Just try to remember, uh, what you feel right at this minute, okay?
In fact, do me a favor. Maybe you open it after I leave.
That will be better.
- George! - He's up here and he loves it!
Oh, well, good! Honey, dinner's ready.
- She cooked? - She wants to give you a break.
She's been cooking up a storm all day in that freezing kitchen.
What's the matter, George? You look a little pooped.
Oh, I haven't slept in three days. You know, I try to sleep at work,
but I keep thinking any minute one of 'em's gonna go into labor and I'll just end up--
Totally wired. Trust me. I know the feeling.
And do you know how I spell relief? V-A-T-S-N-I-K.
- V-A-T-S-N-I-K? - Vatsnik.
The best sleeping pill in the whole wide world. I swear by them.
Oh, no, no, no. I don't take sleeping pills.
Oh, George, you need your rest. You do.
What if they need you, and you're walking into walls?
Believe me, I never take pills myself neither. But sometimes, I need to rest.
So I take a half a Vatsnik, close my eyes, and I wake up a new man,
refreshed and replenished and ''roaring'' to go.
Just-- You know what? Keep them. They're very mild.
- Mild? - Oh, yeah. No, y-y-you'll thank me. You'll see.
- George, Franck, dinner! - On our way. ''Quick-ah.''
I'm so happy that you like the room, George.
Sit next to me at dinner, okay?
- Hi, Dad. - Hey, Matty. How was camp?
- Good. - Ann, how're you feelin'?
Great. Really energized. Bryan's coming home tomorrow.
- Don't think we'll see any action tonight? - Don't think so, Dad.
- Hey, honey. How're you feelin'? - Oh, good. Fine.
- Went to the doctor today. - And? - And right on schedule.
Three weeks.
Hmm. Well, here goes.
- Dad, what are you taking? - Well, Dad hasn't been sleeping so well lately,
so I thought I'd take a couple of very mild sleeping pills.
Hmm.
Please pass the rolls.
Thanks.
Dad?
- What's he doing? What's going on? - George? George?
I never saw anything like it. He said, ''Pass the rolls.''
- By the time I passed them, he was gone. - George!
- Georgie, love, what is wrong? - Oh, my God! George? - George! George!
- He's not dead, Mom. He just took two sleeping pills. - George, baby.
- Are you all right? - He took them both? - You gave him sleeping pills?
He said he could not sleep, but two Vatsnik is like, ''Good-bye, George, see you next Thursday.''
- George! Oh, my! George! - I didn't think he would take them both, you know.
- Look at him! He's like-- - Truth is, I take half a Vatsnik and I'm a goner. - Honey!
- He took them both at once? - Looked that way to me.
Well, at least he'll sleep, you know. Matthew, help me get him into the living room.
- Can I help in some way? - No, no, no. We men can do it.
- On three we lift, Matthew. - Okay. - One, two, and we go.
- George? - Oh!
Drop that boy on me. Am I moving?
- Oh, yes, you're moving. - Oh, that's good. - Oh, dear. Oh, Franck.
- Going down. - Oh, God, are you all right? - Am I getting shorter?
- Oh, no. - Help me, baby. - Second strength. - Okay. Okay.
Okay.
- Franck? - Yeah? - Is he breathing?
- Yes, breathing and drooling. - Oh, honey. Oh, dear.
- There you go! - Oh! Oh! - Mom?
Oh, what are Vatsnik anyway? I've never heard of it. Are they prescription?
Not yet. They're from my country. They're not exactly legal.
But trust me, there are no funny side effects. I've been taking them for years.
Oh, yeah. Okay. He's going to be fine. Don't you worry.
- Um, Mom? - Well, if he's so fine, why are you taking his pulse?
- Mom! - Well, just to check it. Pulse excellent. See? He's fine.
- He'll just sleep like a little lamb. Okay. - Oh, George. - Nina!
- What? - Mom, this is it. I'm not kidding this time.
- Are you sure? - Yes. I'm gonna have this baby tonight.
All right, Franck. Franck, we need you to drive us to the hospital.
- No, no! No, no! - I'm too big to get behind the wheel, Franck.
Franck! Franck! Franck, we need you. Could you drive us to the hospital, Franck?
Huh? Okay. Thank you.
Yes, the hospital. I'll drive you there.
- I'll take the suitcase. - Okay, come on. Come on. Let's go. - I'll be there in a moment.
- Hurry up. Hurry. - Ladies, not to worry. We have no problem.
- Good. Then hurry. - Hey, Mom, can I drive? - No.
George! Wake up! Please, wake up!
You're gonna be a grandpappala.
Oh, George, don't do this! I am not a husband! I am not a father! I'm not a 9-1-1 man!
Come on. Rise and shine, you big white-haired man.
There we go. All right. Look at that. All right. Okay.
We're on our way! All right. Now-- oh, now we're clippin'.
Right, left. Right, left.
Left, right. Right.
We're clippin' along, George.
Oh, no. Oh, George. We're almost there!
And we move. Okay. And a running start.
On the Atchison, Topeka--
There! Moving. Moving, George.
Ohh!
Gee, I'd change this room.
This is not the time to think about that! Let's get the head.
Okay, okay. Any day now!
We're on our way!
Look who's up! He wouldn't miss it for the world.
Franck! Wrong way!
Right turn here. Right!
How's the maternity department doing?
I'm hangin' in there. Just hurry, please.
- George, get ahold of yourself! - Make a left here!
- Where? - Left here! - Left here! - Oh, right!
Hey, man, what's with that face, huh?
Is that supposed to be me?
Hey, you got a problem, loser?
We have no problem with nobody! Just ''leaf'' us alone!
''Leaf'' you alone? What are you, a tree?
Yes, I am. That's very funny. Ha, ha, ha. You're obviously a comedian.
Very good. Don't nobody look at them.
Hey, that's a nice accent, man. What planet are you from, huh?
What planet? The planet of not wanting to die by a drive-by shooting!
Lock the doors! Quick! Quick!
Where ya goin', man?
You all right? Now just breathe in and out.
- Yeah. - Breathe slowly.
Yes, thank you. I will. I'm just not used to all this hod-rodding business.
- She was talkin' to my sister. - Oh.
Look who's walking all by himself! Let's go over here, George.
Oh, George, honey. It's really happening. This is it. Now, Franck.
- Yeah? - I'm gonna go upstairs with Annie to meet her doctor.
- Sure. - So I want you and Matty to get George some coffee.
- And then I'll meet you in the waiting room, all right? - Of course! No problem! Yes.
- How are you doing? - I have the chair for the prostate exam.
- Mr. Lemisch? - He'll be out in a sec. He's in the john.
Oakhurst Emergency. Slow down. Slow down.
Oh, Mr. Lemisch.
- You all ready? - Oh, yeah.
People, please, we got a pregnant lady here. Can we get a move on?
- Buddy, we got it covered. Are you doin' okay? - Yeah, I think so.
- The contractions are about five minutes apart. - Okay, hold on.
This chariot's gonna move. You gonna need a chair too?
- No, no. I'm fine. - Annie, see you after? - Definitely. Bye.
Okay, keep breathing. You're gonna be just fine.
- Where your father go? - I don't know. He was just here.
Bring him on in. I'm ready.
Excuse me! Do I know you?
Come on, Annie. Come on.
Keep breathing. It's almost over.
Almost.
Okay, the worst is over. Almost gone, honey.
You did it.
- Doin' real good, Ann. - Thanks.
Look who's back from the dead.
- Hi. - Oh, honey. - Dad, you're up.
Matthew and I are gonna go to the cafeteria for some Coca-Colas.
So, ju-- You just--
- How're you doing? - Okay. - So far, so good.
We called Bryan and he checked out of his hotel, but nobody knows where he is.
And Dr. Brooks-- Wait a minute.
- You hang on. - Dr. Brooks's kid broke her arm at camp...
- so he had to fly to Maine this morning. - Dr. Brooks is in Maine?
Yeah.
- Hi, Annie. I'm Dr. Eisenberg. - Hi.
- Let's see how you're doin' here, okay? - Okay.
I'll be filling in for Dr. Brooks today.
- And you're Annie's-- - Oh. - Parents.
You're, uh-- Y-You're, uh-- Y-You-re-- You're gonna, uh, actually--
Yes, I am. Annie, actually, everything looks real good here,
so I'm just gonna check now to see what kind of progress you're making, okay?
- Okay. - We'll wait outside.
Nina, this is-- this is no good. We got to get another doctor. She looks younger than Annie.
- Do you have any change? - No, George. Anyway,
Dr. Brooks said she's absolutely fantastic.
- Nina, this is our daughter we're talking about. - Hey, I know.
What if something goes wrong? I mean, how much experience...
- could she have six months out of medical school? - Well--
- Did you see the name on her tag? Megan. - Yes.
- No real doctor is named Megan. - Hey. - I mean, what, uh-- what--
- How many babies could she have delivered, two? - Actually, 341.
Not counting the two I delivered this morning.
- You can come back in now. - Well, thank you.
Annie's doing great. Now, the contractions are still irregular,
but they're getting kind of intense, so it could take just a few more hours.
So just, um, just remind her now to relax between contractions, okay?
- You're going somewhere? - Oh, just down the hall, Mr. Banks.
Oh, hey, you're wearing Sidekicks.
- Oh, don't you love 'em? They're all I wear. - Yeah, me too.
Yeah, well, they're the best.
So when's your baby due, Mrs. Banks?
- Uh-- - Are you okay? - Oh, no, I feel fine.
It's just, uh, I have this funny pain. It's kinda sharp.
- You're almost 40 weeks? - Mm-hmm. Uh, uh-oh. Here's another one.
Okay, let's go across the hall. I'll see what's going on.
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, I'm perfectly fine.
- Really. - I'd feel much better really if you let me take a look.
- And Mr. Banks can stay with Annie. - Oh, I'll be right back.
- Okay? Don't worry. - Okay? - Honey, fine.
- You okay? - Mm-hmm.
The doctor seems pretty together.
- She's young. - Well, so what? So are you.
Doesn't mean you couldn't design a skyscraper.
- All right. All right. - Just tell me when it's over, will you?
Okay, you're doing great. Just breathe in. And now breathe out.
- Breathe out. - I can't.
Okay, the worst is over.
- You're sure? - Absolutely. Coming down, way down.
It's almost over. Down to nothing. There we are.
Okay. Okay. I'm okay.
That was short, but horrible.
- Annie, can I steal your dad for a second? - Yeah.
- You're hanging in there? - Mm-hmm.
Okay.
- Save my seat. - I will. Hurry.
- Mr. Banks, your wife is in labor. - Very funny. Where is she?
She's putting on a gown and getting hooked up to a fetal monitor.
No, no, no, no. My-My daughter's in labor. My son-in-law's not here.
And my wife is the solid one that will--
Are you sure? We have a lot of false alarms in our family.
Her cervix is already dilated five centimeters.
Now, the way she's going, your baby could be born before your grandchild.
Now, I'm okay. I can handle this. Can you?
Okay. Why don't you go congratulate Mrs. Banks and I'll check on Annie.
You know, it's pretty cool, actually. If they both deliver before midnight,
they'll have the same birthday.
Dr. Eisenberg,
these women are my life.
I know.
Nice timing, I know. How's Ann?
Well, she's doing good. How 'bout you?
Oh, George, I haven't packed my bag.
We haven't even practiced that Lamaze stuff yet. It's just--
Oh!
- You're having a contraction, huh? - Yeah, I know.
- Yeow. - You okay?
Just promise me-- promise me you'll stay with Annie, George. She needs you.
- You know I will. - Okay.
- Nina. - What?
We're gonna have a baby tonight.
I know.
Isn't it just amazing?
You know, we haven't even locked in on any names yet.
Ah, okay. Now, I was thinking...
Megan if it's a girl, and Franck if it's a boy.
Franck Banks. It's got kind of a continental ring to it, don't you think?
Can't you see him walking around the house with his little ascot?
George, go check on Annie.
Tell her I'm fine, all right? Oh, boy.
These contractions are really coming fast, honey.
But go, go. I'm fine. And, oh, check on Matty, honey.
And, George? George.
I don't know what I was gonna say.
Okay.
Okay, hang in there. A little more.
- That one was a bitch, huh? - Yeah. - Hey.
- Pappala, we're getting closer. - How're you doin'? - Hi. - You okay?
- Yes, that's better. Thanks. - Fine. Good. - Dad, how's Mom?
Well, uh, sh-she's, uh-- You're not gonna believe this.
- She's not in labor? - She is, actually.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - This is some night.
- More ice. - I'll get it! - I'll get it! - No, no, no. I'll get it.
- All right. - You just, uh-- You just stay there. - Dad, you should--
- Hold on. - I got you. I got you.
Go to Mom. I'll be fine.
- The ice man arrives. - Almost. Almost. Almost. There we are.
There we go. More ice.
Really, Dad, I can handle this now. You stay with Mom.
Well, she did say she wanted some ice. I could take this to her and be back in two seconds.
- How about I find a doctor and get an update here, okay? Be right back. - Okay.
- You just-- You just-- - Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.
- Oh! This is very good. - Okay. - Mm-hmm.
- Franck. I need you, buddy. - I'm here, buddy.
- Anything. What? - W-Well, I need you to help me. Can you hang in here with me?
Of course. I will hang in until I hear those babies cry.
I don't know what I'm doing exactly, but I will keep doing that. You know that.
- Well, I thought you could stay with Annie. - Good.
-And then I could check on Nina. -Fine. -Then maybe we could switch.
Yeah. George?
We're bonding here, aren't we?
- I think we are, Franck. - Someone's buzzing me awful bad in here.
Go on. Don't worry. I'm on the case.
Okay. Oh, George. George? I think I'm almost there.
Yeah, Dad, don't go too far. We may need you.
Dad? Dad!
- We're moving her into delivery. - Okay. I'm ready. Let's do it.
- Dad? - Baby.
Doctor.
What's going on? What's wrong?
Nina, your contractions are really close together...
and the baby's just not handling it as well as we'd like.
The baby's heart rate has dropped. Now, we're gonna watch it carefully...
and if it doesn't go back up in a couple of minutes, I wanna do a C-section...
- and get the baby out. - Oh, George.
Mr. Banks, I'm concerned your wife's going to need to be delivered in the next few minutes...
- and obviously I can't be in two places at once. - Right.
Everything's going beautifully with Annie. Her labor's progressing very well.
I'd like to turn her over to the chief resident.
I have complete confidence in him.
I just feel that it's more important that I stay with your wife.
- Is that okay with you? - Yeah, fine.
If the baby's heart rate doesn't go up, how long does it take to--
Once I get her in the operating room, I can have the baby out in 60 seconds if I have to.
We're still okay.
- We're in labor in room number four. - Okay.
- Get Dr. Wagner up here. - Right.
- Dad! Is Mom okay? - She's fine. Don't worry.
- Okay. - Hi, Annie. I'm Dr. Wagner.
- Hi. - Hold on. We're almost there. - Okay.
- Bryan! - Annie!
Oh. Oh, God.
- I hope he's the husband. - He is.
- How'd you know we were here? - Well, I got to the folks' house...
and saw the tray of uneaten lasagna.
- I'm so glad I made it. - Me too.
Slow down, kids. This is our stop.
Dad, if--
- Just go. Go. - Okay.
I don't see enough of an improvement, Nina. Let's get you delivered.
- Pat, we're on our way. - Okay.
- Nina. - Oh, George.
What if she doesn't get the baby out in time?
- She will. - Excuse me.
- Hey, you know what I was thinkin' about? - What?
- I was thinkin' about our first date. - Oh, yeah.
The one you showed up an hour late for?
- Oh, actually, I wasn't an hour late. - Yes, you were, George.
You showed up as I was pulling away from the restaurant.
Well, that's not exactly what happened.
Actually, I got there on time. I told you this.
- Never. - I didn't?
Remember, you told me I'd know you because you'd be wearing that red turtleneck?
- Oh, George. - And I just...
stood in the window and I watched you walk to that booth in the back.
And you were so incredibly beautiful.
I was afraid to go in. And I--
- And I just stood there, - Excuse me.
watching you sip your water and talk to the waiter,
and I just fell in love with you.
George.
And when you left, I watched you get in your V.W. bug...
and I saw your hair blowing out the side of the window, and--
and you started to drive off, and I just got afraid I'd never see you again.
That's when I almost ran you over.
Thanks for telling me this, George.
Thanks for marrying me, Nina.
We're ready.
Dad, it's a boy. We have a son.
Congratulations. How's Annie?
Perfect. She's just perfect.
He's so cute. Seven pounds, nine ounces.
- How's Nina? - I'm, uh, still waiting.
Yeah. Well, I guess I-I better get back.
- Go. - Okay.
It's wonderful. Give Annie a kiss for me.
I will.
I'm a grandfather.
Mr. Banks?
I have someone that I'd like you to meet.
It's a girl.
I love girls.
- How's Nina? - She's excellent. She did beautifully.
Am I nuts, or is this the most beautiful baby ever born?
She's perfect.
Oh. Would you tell Nina she has a grandson?
I will. Congratulations.
And thanks.
My pleasure.
Hey. Hey.
Hi, beauty. Hi.
Dad, you gotta see him.
Annie says he looks just like you.
- Come here, you. - Boy.
- Oh, that's yours? - She's a daughter.
- Oh, she's beautiful. - Say. Say.
It was at that moment, with my daughter in one arm and my grandson in the other,
that I realized life isn't gonna get much better than this.
- Oh, there he is. - Oh, let me see him.
- Ohh! - Hi, Dad. Mom.
- There they are. - Oh, my God. They're so sweet!
Hello!
Before we knew it, two months had passed,
and it was time to say good-bye.
Have you got the stroller?
I guess we're off.
That's it.
Mom?
- Oh, honey. - I'll miss you.
- Knock 'em dead, okay? - Okay, I'll try.
- Let me hug George good-bye, okay? Can I? - Ohh. Yeah.
- Hi. Hi. Are you George? Oh, you're George. - Can I get a little hug?
- Can I hold him? - Huh? - Yeah, sure.
- Okay. - Yeah. - All right, honey. Okay.
- Two hands. - Two hands. - Two hands.
Yes. Good.
- Well. - Well, good-bye. Take care.
- Bye. - We'll call you. - Okay.
See you, George.
We'll call ya.
Bye, Megan. Call me, okay?
I may be your nephew's mother, but I'm still your big sister.
- Here. I got her a going-away present. - Hey. Okay.
Thanks.
You better get going if you're gonna get to Phoenix before dark.
Yeah, we better.
Okay, well, remember. If you're ever up for a 3:00 a.m. feeding, it'll be 6:00 in Boston.
So, you know, don't hesitate.
- I'll take him. Oh, sleepy. - Hey, wait a minute.
I haven't had a chance to kiss my grandson good-bye yet.
Hey, buddy.
I got ya. I got ya.
We are named well, George. Don't let the other kids tease you. It's a good, solid name.
- His last name's not Zenkman, is it? - No.
Well, good. Hmm? Oh! Oh, he got me.
Got me. Do it again. Hey, do it again. Come on.
Oh! He got me.
Oh!
Hey. Yeah, I got ya. I got ya.
Well, I guess we gotta go.
- Bye. - I'll take him, George. - Okay.
- There we go. - Bye, Matty. Be good.
- Bye. - Bye, Mom. - Bye.
- Don't forget to buckle your seat belt. - Okay, Dad.
- You too, Bryan. - I will, Dad. So we'll talk to you tonight?
And it's hard to see out the rear view, so go slow and let people pass you.
We will, Dad.
- Okay. - Bye.
- Bye!
Take care!
- Bye! - Bye!
- Okay. - ''Okay'' what?
Okay, let's finish your science project.
- It's not due 'til Thursday. - Let's get a jump on it then, huh?
I don't look too old to be your father, do I?
Hey, you're already laughing at me. What took you so long? Hey.
Bet you can't do this. I can teach you that.
I can teach you all kinds of tricks.
How to pass behind your back, how to sink it shooting backwards.
I taught your big sister. I can teach you.
Megan, you wanna see the court? I don't think you've seen it yet.
We got lights and everything. We can play at night, one-on-one, just you and me.
Grab your coat and get your hat
Leave your worries on the doorstep
And just direct your feet
To the sunny side of the street
Can't you hear the pitter-pat
Yeah, that happy tune is your step
Life can be so sweet
On the sunny side of the street
I used to walk in the shade
With my blues on parade
But now I'm not afraid
'Cause this rover has crossed over
If I never have a cent
I'll be rich as that Trump fella
There'll be gold where I step my feet
On the sunny side
of the street