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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
2
00:00:16,315 --> 00:00:17,509
(TURN UP THE RADIO PLAYING)
3
00:00:32,164 --> 00:00:33,495
Turn it up!
4
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Turn up the radio
5
00:00:59,124 --> 00:01:03,083
I need the music
Give me some more
6
00:01:04,096 --> 00:01:05,757
NICK: Come on, Boots,
you have three minutes left.
7
00:01:05,864 --> 00:01:08,890
You can do this.
You came to me, remember?
8
00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:11,162
It's not about losing weight.
It's about a lifestyle change.
9
00:01:11,270 --> 00:01:12,237
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
10
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(BARKING)
11
00:01:18,577 --> 00:01:20,670
Nick, you have a customer.
12
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Like we practiced.
13
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Right away, Terry.
14
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'Sup, dawg?
15
00:01:30,889 --> 00:01:32,823
Oh. Ha! Funny.
16
00:01:32,924 --> 00:01:35,324
- It's the name of the store.
- What can I do for you, man?
17
00:01:35,427 --> 00:01:38,260
Bono has been doing this for three days.
18
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(MOANING)
19
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It's fucking disgusting.
20
00:01:40,932 --> 00:01:43,594
- Bring him up here.
- Bono, Bono, come.
21
00:01:43,702 --> 00:01:46,432
- Bono, up!
- Don't yell at him like that.
22
00:01:46,872 --> 00:01:48,840
Okay. Okay. Cool. You're gonna...
23
00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:50,737
I might just look...
24
00:01:53,211 --> 00:01:54,235
(WHIMPERS)
25
00:01:57,115 --> 00:01:58,582
Do I know you?
26
00:01:58,717 --> 00:01:59,911
I know you.
27
00:02:00,018 --> 00:02:01,918
You're the singer from Chocolate Lipstick.
28
00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:03,715
You guys used to play
at the Jam Shack on Friday nights.
29
00:02:03,822 --> 00:02:06,382
- Damn! You remember that?
- You were so good. Yeah.
30
00:02:06,491 --> 00:02:07,719
Oh, my God, you still singing?
31
00:02:07,826 --> 00:02:10,317
Nah. That was a long time ago.
32
00:02:10,429 --> 00:02:12,624
Wow! What are you doing now?
33
00:02:14,066 --> 00:02:16,432
You get shit out of dogs' asses.
34
00:02:16,702 --> 00:02:18,397
That's great.
35
00:02:18,737 --> 00:02:20,329
NICK: You own a BMW?
36
00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:22,637
Yeah, can you tell?
37
00:02:25,177 --> 00:02:26,542
(EX CLAIMS IN DISGUST)
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Good boy.
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00:02:29,081 --> 00:02:30,878
(ON ANSWERING MACHINE)
Adam, it's Lou. Don't hang up, okay?
40
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It's not about money.
It's about making money.
41
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You and me, buddy.
42
00:02:34,686 --> 00:02:36,017
LILY: Hi, it's me.
43
00:02:36,121 --> 00:02:39,022
So, I did everything according
to your stupid fucking plan.
44
00:02:39,124 --> 00:02:40,819
I took everything with the yellow stickers
45
00:02:40,926 --> 00:02:44,020
and I left you
everything with the red stickers.
46
00:02:45,263 --> 00:02:47,390
There was some stuff in your closet
with no stickers,
47
00:02:47,499 --> 00:02:49,831
so I threw that in a pile
and burned it in the backyard.
48
00:02:49,935 --> 00:02:50,959
(LILY CHUCKLING)
49
00:02:51,069 --> 00:02:52,832
Seemed like the right thing to do.
50
00:02:52,938 --> 00:02:55,202
And thank you for claiming
that empty plastic bottle.
51
00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:57,969
I was prepared to fight you on that one.
52
00:02:58,443 --> 00:03:01,037
Anyway, I left you something
on the counter.
53
00:03:01,146 --> 00:03:03,740
It's from the heart.
54
00:03:04,049 --> 00:03:05,175
(ADAM SIGHS)
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Oh, and one last thing. Um...
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The TVhad a red sticker on it,
but I took it anyway.
57
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(CHOKING)
58
00:03:14,526 --> 00:03:15,754
Bye.
59
00:03:16,561 --> 00:03:18,620
JACOB: Just keeping my head down.
60
00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:26,195
Not getting shivved today.
Let's knock these reps out. Mmm! Mmm!
61
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Turn on a light, Jake. Open a window.
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Go outdoors. Jesus Christ!
63
00:03:36,047 --> 00:03:37,639
Why don't you get out of
the house this weekend, huh?
64
00:03:37,783 --> 00:03:40,775
What should I do out of the house,
Uncle Adam?
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00:03:41,153 --> 00:03:43,246
I don't know.
Anything that corresponds with reality.
66
00:03:43,355 --> 00:03:45,755
Apply for a job.
Maybe try to go to college.
67
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I don't know.
That all sounds kind of overrated.
68
00:03:47,559 --> 00:03:49,049
You don't like it,
you can move back in with your mom.
69
00:03:49,161 --> 00:03:51,186
No, I can't actually.
She moved in with her new boyfriend.
70
00:03:51,296 --> 00:03:53,025
I will not be anywhere near that.
71
00:03:53,131 --> 00:03:54,189
She moved in with him?
72
00:03:54,299 --> 00:03:56,028
Yeah, the taxidermist.
73
00:03:56,968 --> 00:04:00,199
- The taxidermist is stuffing my mother.
- Kelly.
74
00:04:00,305 --> 00:04:02,637
She's your sister. You should call her
once in a while. Check in.
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00:04:02,741 --> 00:04:04,641
Well, maybe she should check in with me.
Ever think of that?
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00:04:04,743 --> 00:04:06,040
JACOB: Yeah. That's interesting.
77
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Listen, I've got a big court date
in a few minutes.
78
00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:09,778
- If I miss it, I'm kind of screwed.
- Why do you waste your time
79
00:04:09,881 --> 00:04:11,212
with that Second Life bullshit?
80
00:04:11,316 --> 00:04:13,477
Look at you, you're still in jail.
You were in jail last week.
81
00:04:13,585 --> 00:04:15,644
Yeah. I'm a prisoner.
It's called "doing hard time."
82
00:04:15,754 --> 00:04:18,621
Can't you be like a warrior or a shaman
or an Orc or some shit like that?
83
00:04:18,723 --> 00:04:20,782
No, no. In life, you make choices,
84
00:04:20,892 --> 00:04:22,587
and if you screw up
you have to pay for those choices.
85
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You're 20 years old, you haven't
made an important choice in your life.
86
00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:27,758
What are you mad about? What is this?
87
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:31,125
I don't know if you noticed,
but Lily moved out.
88
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Is that what all the shuffling was?
89
00:04:33,138 --> 00:04:34,162
Uh-huh.
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What did you do?
91
00:04:38,143 --> 00:04:39,974
I didn't do anything.
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(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)
93
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(TIRES SQUEALING)
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(HOME SWEETHOMEPLAYING)
95
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No fucking way!
96
00:05:05,403 --> 00:05:08,429
(SINGING) You know I'm a dreamer
97
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,305
But my heart's of gold
98
00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:15,538
I had to run away high
99
00:05:15,647 --> 00:05:20,607
So I wouldn't come home low
Just when things went...
100
00:05:25,724 --> 00:05:29,387
... song
And you'll never be left all alone
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(ENGINE REVVING)
102
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I'm on my way
103
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I'm on my way
104
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Home sweet home
105
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Tonight, tonight
I'm on my way
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Home sweet home
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MALE NARRATOR: (ON TV)
Even among the gentle prairie squirrels,
108
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(CELL PHONE RINGING)
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the mate-less male
is subjected to a humiliating ritual.
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Hello.
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What?
112
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Fuck!
113
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NICK: Hey. Adam.
114
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- What's happening, man?
- Hey.
115
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You all right?
116
00:06:19,144 --> 00:06:20,611
- Hi, Courtney.
- Hey, how you doing?
117
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- Nice to see you.
- You, too.
118
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- Yeah.
- Not here.
119
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Long time.
120
00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:27,413
Yeah. You know...
121
00:06:28,186 --> 00:06:31,087
- Work's been crazy and...
- NICK: I know.
122
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- I called a couple of times.
- Yeah. Yeah.
123
00:06:34,192 --> 00:06:35,625
Very, very busy.
124
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You think this is a real situation
125
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or just one of his bullshit episodes?
126
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I don't know.
127
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You never know with Lou.
128
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Well, hey, Adam, how's your girlfriend?
129
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Oh, really bad.
130
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Okay.
131
00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:53,037
Happy times.
132
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Hi, folks. I'm Dr. Jeff. Lou's resting.
133
00:06:56,114 --> 00:06:57,775
He's denying that it was a suicide attempt
134
00:06:57,882 --> 00:07:00,715
and medically he's stable,
so legally we can't keep him here.
135
00:07:00,819 --> 00:07:02,650
But we do think that he should be
monitored for a few days.
136
00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:03,880
Does he have any family?
137
00:07:03,989 --> 00:07:04,978
Lou's family all kind of hate him.
138
00:07:06,524 --> 00:07:09,357
Okay. Well, then I guess it's up
to you guys, his friends.
139
00:07:09,460 --> 00:07:11,485
You are his friends, right?
140
00:07:13,731 --> 00:07:16,859
It's like that friend who's the asshole.
But he's our asshole, you know?
141
00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:18,127
Right.
142
00:07:18,569 --> 00:07:19,695
Yeah.
143
00:07:23,674 --> 00:07:26,006
WOMAN: (ON PA) Dr. Jefferies to radiology.
144
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(WHISPERING) Lou. Why would he do this?
145
00:07:29,313 --> 00:07:31,543
Why? I mean, make a list.
146
00:07:31,649 --> 00:07:33,583
He's an alcoholic, he's divorced.
147
00:07:33,684 --> 00:07:35,584
Wife ran off with that Jamaican guy.
148
00:07:35,686 --> 00:07:38,553
He's failed at every jive-ass money
hustle he's ever tried.
149
00:07:38,656 --> 00:07:40,214
ADAM: He's in a mountain of debt.
150
00:07:40,324 --> 00:07:42,918
- NICK: He hates his mother.
- He hates himself. He hates everybody.
151
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:45,518
- He has erectile dysfunction.
- ADAM: He's got halitosis.
152
00:07:45,629 --> 00:07:47,096
He's got that runt ball.
153
00:07:47,198 --> 00:07:48,165
Huh.
154
00:07:48,299 --> 00:07:50,733
He said one of his balls was shriveled up...
155
00:07:50,835 --> 00:07:53,599
- Oh, yeah.
...like a spoiled grape.
156
00:07:53,704 --> 00:07:56,070
Wasn't it that quarterback on the Bears
157
00:07:56,173 --> 00:07:58,232
who had his ball
crushed on the field. Right?
158
00:07:58,342 --> 00:07:59,832
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
159
00:07:59,944 --> 00:08:02,674
- Right, right.
- '82? Yeah, yeah.
160
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- He came back from that, though.
- Strong as ever.
161
00:08:04,982 --> 00:08:06,973
- Fuck yeah.
- But I don't know about Lou.
162
00:08:07,084 --> 00:08:08,574
- It's just like...
- No.
163
00:08:09,086 --> 00:08:12,021
(SIGHS) It's just like
an accumulation of punishment.
164
00:08:12,123 --> 00:08:13,090
Fuck you guys.
165
00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:14,179
- Oh!
- Hey!
166
00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:16,156
There he is. Hey.
167
00:08:16,260 --> 00:08:18,751
I can fucking hear everything
you're saying, all right?
168
00:08:18,863 --> 00:08:20,387
Look who's awake. What's up, man?
169
00:08:22,116 --> 00:08:23,708
- Hey.
- Hey, man.
170
00:08:24,017 --> 00:08:25,006
What's up?
171
00:08:25,118 --> 00:08:27,916
You look just like my friend Nick.
172
00:08:28,655 --> 00:08:30,088
And you look like my friend Adam.
173
00:08:30,190 --> 00:08:32,681
But you wouldn't be those guys because
I've been calling and calling them,
174
00:08:32,792 --> 00:08:35,488
- and they haven't returned my calls.
- So, listen, Violator.
175
00:08:36,696 --> 00:08:38,755
Me and Nick got a little surprise for you.
176
00:08:38,865 --> 00:08:41,595
Something special
that the three of us can do.
177
00:08:41,701 --> 00:08:43,032
Come on. You guys.
178
00:08:43,136 --> 00:08:44,364
- ADAM: Are you curious?
- No!
179
00:08:44,471 --> 00:08:46,769
I didn't fucking try and kill myself.
180
00:08:46,873 --> 00:08:49,569
If I wanted to kill myself,
I'd fucking kill myself.
181
00:08:49,676 --> 00:08:50,836
I'd be awesome at it.
182
00:08:50,944 --> 00:08:52,605
A shotgun to the dick.
183
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:54,440
I'm glad you didn't do it.
184
00:08:54,547 --> 00:08:56,947
It's good to see you guys, anyway.
185
00:08:59,119 --> 00:09:02,145
So, just out of curiosity,
what's the surprise?
186
00:09:02,255 --> 00:09:03,745
Tell him.
187
00:09:04,157 --> 00:09:06,785
Ko-di-ak...
188
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:08,449
...Valley.
189
00:09:08,561 --> 00:09:09,653
No fucking way!
190
00:09:09,763 --> 00:09:10,730
NICK: Yes, sir.
ADAM: Yeah.
191
00:09:10,830 --> 00:09:14,231
- Fucking K-Vals? Holy shit!
- Yes, sir. Bang!
192
00:09:14,501 --> 00:09:17,163
We fucking ski, right? We fucking rage.
193
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:22,003
Chimney Point at the end of the night with
a bottle of scotch to wash it all down. Oh!
194
00:09:22,475 --> 00:09:24,875
And you guys are paying
for the whole thing?
195
00:09:25,545 --> 00:09:26,569
- Sure.
- Yep.
196
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:27,669
Let's go tonight.
197
00:09:27,781 --> 00:09:29,840
- We go tomorrow.
- Let's go now. Let's go now.
198
00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:32,111
I just got to get rid of this thing.
It's really uncomfortable.
199
00:09:32,218 --> 00:09:33,378
You should wait
for the nurse or something.
200
00:09:33,486 --> 00:09:34,851
(GRUNTING) I got it. I got it.
201
00:09:34,955 --> 00:09:35,944
- Hold on, Lou.
- No, no, no, no.
202
00:09:36,056 --> 00:09:38,456
Let somebody do that for you.
203
00:09:38,925 --> 00:09:39,949
(GRUNTING)
204
00:09:42,429 --> 00:09:43,453
(EX CLAIMING)
205
00:09:46,933 --> 00:09:48,457
- Oh, shit.
- God.
206
00:09:48,568 --> 00:09:49,592
Did I get that on you?
207
00:09:49,703 --> 00:09:50,897
- ADAM: Yes, you did.
- Damn it!
208
00:09:51,004 --> 00:09:53,598
It's only pee. Relax, it's only pee.
209
00:09:58,545 --> 00:10:00,911
- There's Lou.
- JACOB: Good, he's drinking already.
210
00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:02,447
ADAM: Look at this shit.
211
00:10:02,549 --> 00:10:04,779
Do you remember when I was 12
and he tried to bite me?
212
00:10:04,884 --> 00:10:07,444
Yeah, but he... You had that coming.
213
00:10:08,254 --> 00:10:10,119
ADAM: Hey, Violator.
NICK: Lou.
214
00:10:10,223 --> 00:10:12,123
What the fuck is he doing here?
215
00:10:12,225 --> 00:10:13,351
It's nice to see you, too, Lou.
216
00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:16,122
(IN MOCKING TONE) "Nice to see you,
too, Lou." Fuck you, Jacob.
217
00:10:16,229 --> 00:10:18,026
You suck and you know it.
218
00:10:18,131 --> 00:10:20,361
You just ruined my fucking weekend.
219
00:10:30,176 --> 00:10:33,373
Hey, Lily will come back. Trust me.
220
00:10:33,913 --> 00:10:35,574
- No, she won't.
- LOU: No, she won't.
221
00:10:35,682 --> 00:10:36,944
- ADAM: No, she won't.
- No, she won't.
222
00:10:37,050 --> 00:10:38,779
She basically thinks I'm an asshole,
you know?
223
00:10:38,885 --> 00:10:40,785
Like a completely self-absorbed,
delusional...
224
00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:42,514
- She's got a point.
- ADAM: narcissistic.
225
00:10:42,622 --> 00:10:44,055
- Fuck you.
- LOU: You're better off.
226
00:10:44,157 --> 00:10:46,318
Take my word for it. Look at me.
227
00:10:46,426 --> 00:10:48,656
Fuck wives, man. Fuck kids.
228
00:10:48,762 --> 00:10:51,060
Lock it down
or they will take everything from you.
229
00:10:52,966 --> 00:10:55,662
God damn it!
Who the fuck are you texting with?
230
00:10:55,769 --> 00:10:56,827
Just a friend of mine.
231
00:10:56,936 --> 00:10:58,665
Male or fucking female?
232
00:10:58,772 --> 00:11:01,707
For your information,
I've had a lot of girlfriends.
233
00:11:01,808 --> 00:11:02,797
Hot ones.
234
00:11:02,909 --> 00:11:05,537
You have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones.
235
00:11:05,879 --> 00:11:07,779
(LAUGHING)
236
00:11:09,983 --> 00:11:11,917
Hey, hey, hey, check this out.
237
00:11:12,018 --> 00:11:13,952
I brought a regulation bar
for tubbing tonight.
238
00:11:14,054 --> 00:11:15,043
ADAM: Nice.
239
00:11:15,155 --> 00:11:18,181
I've got vodka, fucking Tequilles O'Neals.
240
00:11:19,092 --> 00:11:21,322
You guys are gonna love this.
Check this out.
241
00:11:21,428 --> 00:11:22,554
Chernobly.
242
00:11:22,662 --> 00:11:24,027
It's like the Russian Red Bull.
243
00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:25,654
It's got shit in it
that's not even legal here.
244
00:11:25,765 --> 00:11:27,130
Like what shit?
245
00:11:27,434 --> 00:11:28,924
How the fuck am I
supposed to know, dude?
246
00:11:29,035 --> 00:11:30,696
But it's illegal.
247
00:11:30,804 --> 00:11:33,671
Hey, why didn't we just go to Pinnacle?
It would have taken, like, half the time.
248
00:11:33,773 --> 00:11:37,004
You wanna go to Kodiak Valley, trust me.
You're at the right age for it.
249
00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:38,338
- Really?
- NICK: Yeah.
250
00:11:38,445 --> 00:11:41,312
Nobody gets carded
and everybody gets laid.
251
00:11:41,815 --> 00:11:44,477
MEN: (CHANTING) K-Val! K-Val! K-Val!
252
00:11:44,584 --> 00:11:45,949
- K-Val! K-Val!
- K-Val! K-Val!
253
00:11:46,052 --> 00:11:47,747
Oh, shit! K-Val!
254
00:11:47,854 --> 00:11:48,878
(ALL WHOOPING)
255
00:11:53,126 --> 00:11:55,492
This? This is the coolest town ever?
256
00:11:56,663 --> 00:11:58,358
LOU: Fuck! That used to be Papa Enzo's.
257
00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:02,196
I broke up with Jenny Stedmeyer there.
258
00:12:02,302 --> 00:12:04,202
- What made you break up with her, again?
- I don't know.
259
00:12:04,304 --> 00:12:06,067
We swapped virginities junior year.
260
00:12:06,172 --> 00:12:07,764
All we did was listen to records
and have sex.
261
00:12:07,874 --> 00:12:10,502
And she was epic,
I mean she was... She was epic.
262
00:12:10,610 --> 00:12:11,634
Yeah, man. She was hot.
263
00:12:11,744 --> 00:12:13,575
And then when I broke up with her,
she was so mad,
264
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,910
she practically stabbed me in the eye
with a fork.
265
00:12:16,015 --> 00:12:18,040
Actually, she did stab me
in the eye with a fork.
266
00:12:18,151 --> 00:12:19,277
She was a one-percenter, man.
267
00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:21,819
- Yeah.
- LOU: All downhill from there.
268
00:12:22,422 --> 00:12:25,050
That was a big one. First love.
269
00:12:25,158 --> 00:12:26,386
The one that got away.
270
00:12:26,493 --> 00:12:28,427
MEN: The great white buffalo.
271
00:12:28,528 --> 00:12:29,688
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
272
00:12:29,796 --> 00:12:31,263
The great what?
273
00:12:31,364 --> 00:12:33,127
BOTH: (WHISPERING) Great white buffalo.
274
00:12:33,233 --> 00:12:35,201
Why are you guys whispering?
275
00:12:35,335 --> 00:12:37,235
BOTH: (WHISPERING) Great white buffalo.
276
00:12:37,337 --> 00:12:39,931
That was really helpful, you guys.
Thank you.
277
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,741
JACOB: Look at this place.
278
00:12:48,848 --> 00:12:50,543
I'm gonna make a prediction right now.
279
00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:53,881
One of us is gonna start writing a novel,
and then we all get snowed in,
280
00:12:53,987 --> 00:12:56,421
and then Lou's gonna ax murder all of us.
281
00:12:57,857 --> 00:12:59,324
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
282
00:13:01,361 --> 00:13:02,851
NICK: Motherfuck.
283
00:13:02,962 --> 00:13:04,486
What's that smell?
284
00:13:04,597 --> 00:13:05,564
Fucking cats.
285
00:13:05,665 --> 00:13:06,654
(MEOWING)
286
00:13:06,766 --> 00:13:09,599
JACOB: Kind of a lot of cats. This sucks.
287
00:13:09,802 --> 00:13:10,962
- MAN: Hi.
- Hi.
288
00:13:11,404 --> 00:13:14,669
You got a reservation (CLEARING THROAT)
for Webber-Agnew?
289
00:13:14,774 --> 00:13:16,207
Sorry. What was that name again?
290
00:13:16,309 --> 00:13:18,834
Webber-Agnew. Webber and Agnew.
291
00:13:19,512 --> 00:13:20,843
I got a "Nick Webber-Agnew."
292
00:13:20,947 --> 00:13:23,541
I'm sorry, excuse me. What?
What did you just say?
293
00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:24,674
Webber-Agnew?
294
00:13:24,784 --> 00:13:26,979
Webber-fucking-Agnew?
295
00:13:27,587 --> 00:13:30,078
You took your wife's last name?
You're a fucking hyphenate?
296
00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:32,317
A lot of dudes are doing it.
It's progressive.
297
00:13:32,425 --> 00:13:34,052
No. No dudes are doing it.
298
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,821
You look like a progressive guy.
Is that progressive?
299
00:13:35,929 --> 00:13:37,487
- Would you do that? No.
- No.
300
00:13:37,597 --> 00:13:39,087
And he has a goatee.
301
00:13:39,799 --> 00:13:40,766
(BELL RINGS)
302
00:13:41,301 --> 00:13:42,427
(CART CREAKING)
303
00:13:43,036 --> 00:13:44,594
LOU: Does this guy
seem a little imbalanced to you?
304
00:13:44,704 --> 00:13:47,002
NICK: No. Come on.
JACOB: He's right there. Shut up.
305
00:13:48,975 --> 00:13:50,465
Let me give you a hand with that.
306
00:13:50,577 --> 00:13:51,703
Hey!
307
00:13:51,811 --> 00:13:54,507
I am not going to tell you again!
308
00:13:57,517 --> 00:13:59,041
I can handle it.
309
00:13:59,819 --> 00:14:01,252
LOU: This guy's a fucking dick.
310
00:14:01,354 --> 00:14:03,481
NICK: Shh. He's disabled.
JACOB: He can hear you.
311
00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:05,683
So what? He's exempt from
common fucking courtesy
312
00:14:05,792 --> 00:14:07,157
'cause he can't start a round of applause?
313
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:08,618
(DOORS CREAKING)
314
00:14:08,728 --> 00:14:10,195
He's gotta jerk off one-handed?
315
00:14:10,296 --> 00:14:14,062
I mean, I certainly don't take my hands
and I put them together and oil them up...
316
00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:17,102
Hey, 420. Our old room. Check it out.
317
00:14:18,905 --> 00:14:20,065
NICK: That's okay man.
JACOB: Oh! Those are mine.
318
00:14:20,173 --> 00:14:21,800
I'll just get those.
319
00:14:28,781 --> 00:14:32,717
This is the part where you tip
the guy that helped you out.
320
00:14:32,986 --> 00:14:35,420
(LAUGHING) I'm not the guy that...
321
00:14:35,521 --> 00:14:36,681
Nick, pay the man something.
322
00:14:36,789 --> 00:14:39,223
- I got it. Don't worry.
- ADAM: This place looks like shit!
323
00:14:39,325 --> 00:14:41,418
NICK: What happened to that guy?
324
00:14:41,961 --> 00:14:44,589
Check this shit out. It's still there.
325
00:14:44,964 --> 00:14:47,228
Adam sucks cocks 'n' dicks.
326
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:50,698
- ADAM: It's your best work.
- Fucking burned you.
327
00:14:51,871 --> 00:14:53,998
- Burned!
- Hey, guys, come take a look at this.
328
00:14:54,107 --> 00:14:55,972
We got a hot tub.
329
00:14:57,043 --> 00:14:58,010
(ALL EX CLAIMING)
330
00:14:58,111 --> 00:14:59,874
NICK: Sweet Jesus!
ADAM: Poor little fella.
331
00:14:59,979 --> 00:15:02,072
This is obviously unacceptable, right?
332
00:15:02,181 --> 00:15:04,911
We call downstairs,
get somebody to fix this?
333
00:15:05,018 --> 00:15:06,110
Is anybody else hungry?
334
00:15:08,721 --> 00:15:10,621
A little school spirit this time, huh?
335
00:15:10,723 --> 00:15:12,554
- We're in, man.
- Just play it like you fucking mean it.
336
00:15:12,659 --> 00:15:14,456
- Like that.
- Yeah.
337
00:15:15,628 --> 00:15:19,462
Yes, I would like to get a hooker
to fuck me and my friends.
338
00:15:20,233 --> 00:15:22,394
What? Adam, I'm not doing that.
339
00:15:22,502 --> 00:15:23,628
Whatever, semantics.
340
00:15:23,736 --> 00:15:27,672
I want an escort to escort
our penises into her vagina.
341
00:15:28,908 --> 00:15:30,967
I want the girl in the picture, too.
342
00:15:31,077 --> 00:15:32,237
No tomfoolery.
343
00:15:32,345 --> 00:15:34,643
- Wake her up, I don't care.
- Will you listen to him?
344
00:15:34,747 --> 00:15:35,907
Does she do four?
345
00:15:36,015 --> 00:15:37,676
What about three?
346
00:15:37,784 --> 00:15:39,376
- Okay. Jacob, you're out.
- JACOB: Okay. Good.
347
00:15:39,485 --> 00:15:42,113
- I need $3,000.
- I'm not in. I'm married.
348
00:15:42,221 --> 00:15:44,382
Adam, I need $2,000. Me and you, buddy.
349
00:15:44,490 --> 00:15:46,651
- Come on.
- I'm out there, Violator.
350
00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:48,192
Can I call you back, sir?
351
00:15:48,294 --> 00:15:50,387
- Okay. Thank you. Bye.
- Sir?
352
00:15:50,496 --> 00:15:52,828
Let's do something fun.
Let's create a memory, huh?
353
00:15:52,932 --> 00:15:55,492
Let's get some cocaine
and break into a school.
354
00:15:55,601 --> 00:15:58,195
Or steal a cop car or some shit, huh?
355
00:15:58,304 --> 00:15:59,896
- Do you have Ritalin?
- No.
356
00:16:00,006 --> 00:16:03,806
Don't fucking lie to me.
Every one of you people have Ritalin.
357
00:16:03,910 --> 00:16:06,606
- No, I don't.
- I'm sorry. You probably do have Ritalin.
358
00:16:06,713 --> 00:16:08,203
I have some Ativan, but it's different.
359
00:16:08,314 --> 00:16:09,611
- Let's stick it up our asses.
- ADAM: Just give it to him.
360
00:16:09,716 --> 00:16:11,115
No. It's not a suppository.
361
00:16:11,217 --> 00:16:13,879
It doesn't matter. You crush it,
you put it in a warm paper towel,
362
00:16:13,986 --> 00:16:16,580
run it under warm some water and you
stick it right up your ass. That works.
363
00:16:16,689 --> 00:16:18,054
You put the paper towel up your ass, too?
364
00:16:18,157 --> 00:16:19,454
- LOU: You crush up the...
- Hey, I got an idea,
365
00:16:19,559 --> 00:16:20,958
- why don't we just play quarters?
- LOU: What?
366
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,722
I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do.
I'm getting really sad.
367
00:16:23,830 --> 00:16:25,229
You know what I'm talking about?
368
00:16:25,331 --> 00:16:27,561
I'm gonna go to the bathroom
and be alone with my own thoughts.
369
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:29,100
Who knows
what's gonna happen up there.
370
00:16:29,202 --> 00:16:31,796
Who knows what's gonna happen.
You better plan something fun.
371
00:16:31,904 --> 00:16:33,269
(SLAMS PHONE)
372
00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:35,237
Jesus!
373
00:16:35,742 --> 00:16:37,471
Pussies. I'm going dancing.
374
00:16:37,577 --> 00:16:39,875
I don't know, man.
Maybe coming here was a bad idea.
375
00:16:39,979 --> 00:16:40,946
Yeah.
376
00:16:41,047 --> 00:16:43,743
If he kills himself, can we go home?
377
00:16:43,850 --> 00:16:45,181
Hard to believe this is the very room
378
00:16:45,284 --> 00:16:47,684
we had some of the best weekends
of our lives.
379
00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:50,119
Really? In this room right here?
380
00:16:51,391 --> 00:16:52,688
How?
381
00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:55,955
We were young. We had momentum.
We were winning.
382
00:16:57,463 --> 00:16:59,090
We were best friends.
383
00:16:59,198 --> 00:17:00,597
What do you mean, "were" best friends?
384
00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:03,464
You know what I mean, man.
Everybody seemed to care more.
385
00:17:03,569 --> 00:17:05,935
Everything seemed to matter more
back then.
386
00:17:06,038 --> 00:17:07,300
Whatever.
387
00:17:18,418 --> 00:17:20,750
LOU: Check it out. They must have fixed it.
388
00:17:21,687 --> 00:17:22,984
Come on!
389
00:17:23,856 --> 00:17:25,653
ADAM: How's the water, Violator?
LOU: Oh, man.
390
00:17:25,758 --> 00:17:28,727
You guys gotta get in here.
It's gonna fucking change you.
391
00:17:28,828 --> 00:17:30,352
Wait, why are you naked?
392
00:17:30,463 --> 00:17:32,761
JACOB: You're all getting naked?
ADAM: Yep.
393
00:17:32,865 --> 00:17:33,889
You don't think it's a little weird,
394
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,491
a bunch of guys just piling up
in a big bathtub together, naked?
395
00:17:36,602 --> 00:17:38,866
LOU: Are you afraid
that some of these people might see you?
396
00:17:38,971 --> 00:17:40,302
I'm sorry. If I'm being honest,
397
00:17:40,406 --> 00:17:43,705
I'm not totally comfortable being around
a bunch of other naked dudes.
398
00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:47,610
It's called male bonding, okay?
Haven't you even seen Wild Hogs?
399
00:17:47,713 --> 00:17:49,078
LOU: Fine, get us some snacks.
400
00:17:49,182 --> 00:17:50,706
You know what? Fuck it.
401
00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:51,806
(ALL HUMMING)
402
00:17:51,918 --> 00:17:53,613
I'm leaving my underwear on.
403
00:17:53,719 --> 00:17:55,516
Yeah. Yeah. Very nice. Shut up!
404
00:17:56,189 --> 00:17:57,281
(ALL CHEERING)
405
00:17:58,124 --> 00:18:00,388
Damn, it's good to be here
with you all again, man.
406
00:18:00,493 --> 00:18:02,393
- It's good to be back here with you guys.
- ADAM: Yep.
407
00:18:02,495 --> 00:18:03,985
I want to toast to the good times.
408
00:18:04,096 --> 00:18:07,031
And you, too, young blood.
Come on in, here.
409
00:18:08,634 --> 00:18:09,794
ALL: Yeah!
410
00:18:09,902 --> 00:18:11,199
(LOUDER THAN A BOMB PLAYING)
411
00:18:11,537 --> 00:18:13,232
This style seems wild
412
00:18:13,372 --> 00:18:15,203
Wait before you treat me like a stepchild
413
00:18:15,308 --> 00:18:17,071
Let me tell you why they got me on file
414
00:18:17,176 --> 00:18:18,541
'Cause I give you what you lack
415
00:18:18,644 --> 00:18:21,511
Come right and exact
I stand accused of doing harm
416
00:18:21,614 --> 00:18:23,013
'Cause I'm louder than a bomb
417
00:18:23,115 --> 00:18:25,879
Come on
Come on, louder
418
00:18:26,018 --> 00:18:27,383
Come on
Come on
419
00:18:27,487 --> 00:18:28,954
- ADAM: Go, Violator!
- I'm gonna throw up.
420
00:18:29,055 --> 00:18:31,023
ADAM: Snap out of it!
Out the tub! Out the tub!
421
00:18:31,123 --> 00:18:32,556
I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.
422
00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:37,251
I am a rock hard trooper
To the bone, the bone, the bone
423
00:18:37,396 --> 00:18:39,660
Full grown
Consider me stone
424
00:18:39,765 --> 00:18:42,029
Once again and
I say it for you to know
425
00:18:42,134 --> 00:18:44,125
The troop is always ready
I yell "Geronimo"
426
00:18:44,237 --> 00:18:46,262
Your CIA,
you see I ain't kiddin'
427
00:18:46,372 --> 00:18:48,363
Both King and X
They got rid of both
428
00:18:48,474 --> 00:18:50,066
(LAUGHING)
429
00:18:51,611 --> 00:18:53,806
And not the braggin'
or boastin'and plus
430
00:18:53,913 --> 00:18:55,437
It ain't no secret why
they're tappin'my phone
431
00:18:55,548 --> 00:18:57,243
Although I can't keep it a secret
432
00:18:57,350 --> 00:18:58,977
So I decided to kick it, yo
433
00:18:59,085 --> 00:19:00,177
And yes it weighs a ton
434
00:19:00,286 --> 00:19:01,253
I say it once again
435
00:19:01,354 --> 00:19:03,185
Tappin'my phone
They never leave me alone
436
00:19:03,289 --> 00:19:04,347
(YELLING)
437
00:19:04,657 --> 00:19:06,625
'Cause I'm louder than a bomb
438
00:19:23,976 --> 00:19:25,807
Hey, little buddy.
439
00:19:26,979 --> 00:19:28,139
(ADAM SHUSHING)
440
00:19:34,787 --> 00:19:35,879
Dude.
441
00:19:38,658 --> 00:19:40,717
Where did the squirrel go?
442
00:19:42,295 --> 00:19:44,092
LOU: Yeah. Yeah!
443
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:45,992
JACOB: This is the black diamond?
NICK: Shit.
444
00:19:46,098 --> 00:19:47,360
LOU: Terrifying.
JACOB: That's all you got?
445
00:19:47,466 --> 00:19:49,263
NICK: I don't remember this.
ADAM: What do you think, boys?
446
00:19:49,435 --> 00:19:50,459
LOU: Tips down.
447
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:52,538
Tips fucking down, right away.
448
00:19:52,672 --> 00:19:53,969
Let's ride.
449
00:19:55,942 --> 00:19:57,068
(ALL EX CLAIMING)
450
00:20:06,519 --> 00:20:08,384
I feel 19 again!
451
00:20:12,091 --> 00:20:13,649
What is that?
452
00:20:14,193 --> 00:20:15,285
Stop it, Lou.
453
00:20:15,394 --> 00:20:16,952
(IN MOCKING TONE) Stop it, Lou!
454
00:20:19,332 --> 00:20:20,356
Whoo!
455
00:20:22,401 --> 00:20:23,368
NICK: Coming through!
456
00:20:23,469 --> 00:20:24,959
You goddamn kids!
457
00:20:30,009 --> 00:20:31,203
- Slow down!
- Hey!
458
00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:33,608
Yard sale, bitches!
459
00:20:38,317 --> 00:20:39,409
(ALL GRUNTING)
460
00:20:44,924 --> 00:20:46,050
(ALL SCREAMING)
461
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:55,926
(ALL GROANING)
462
00:20:56,402 --> 00:20:57,528
NICK: Fuck!
463
00:21:00,806 --> 00:21:04,502
- We dead.
- Are you guys alive? Holy fuck.
464
00:21:05,144 --> 00:21:09,046
By all counts we should be
pretty fucked up right now, but I...
465
00:21:09,448 --> 00:21:10,540
I kind of feel great.
466
00:21:10,650 --> 00:21:11,981
I feel crazy right now.
467
00:21:12,084 --> 00:21:13,642
I feel fantastic!
468
00:21:13,753 --> 00:21:16,381
I wanna fuck something!
469
00:21:17,056 --> 00:21:18,182
(ECHOING)
470
00:21:20,426 --> 00:21:23,190
- There they are.
- I see it, Chaz. Thanks.
471
00:21:23,295 --> 00:21:24,694
(ALL WHOOPING)
472
00:21:24,830 --> 00:21:26,821
What is that one plank thing
that guy's got?
473
00:21:26,932 --> 00:21:29,560
I don't care. It's going up his ass.
474
00:21:31,871 --> 00:21:33,736
NICK: Way to go, rookie!
475
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:35,873
Wow! Nice.
476
00:21:36,509 --> 00:21:37,999
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa...
477
00:21:39,979 --> 00:21:42,812
Those are the kind of ski shenanigans
I don't allow on my mountain.
478
00:21:42,915 --> 00:21:44,815
CHAZ: Yeah. Come on, guys.
479
00:21:45,618 --> 00:21:47,142
What are you looking at, Nancy?
480
00:21:47,253 --> 00:21:48,811
No. I mean...
481
00:21:49,689 --> 00:21:53,318
JACOB: Hey, look, it's the douche bag
from Karate Kid III.
482
00:21:57,229 --> 00:21:58,856
(MUTTERS) I know that guy.
483
00:22:21,253 --> 00:22:22,311
JACOB: Hey, guys.
484
00:22:22,421 --> 00:22:24,981
Is there some kind of weird retro thing
going on this weekend?
485
00:22:25,091 --> 00:22:26,319
Can't get any bars.
486
00:22:26,459 --> 00:22:28,859
Morty! Yeah, it's Chuck.
487
00:22:28,961 --> 00:22:31,122
You're never gonna believe
where I'm calling you from, man.
488
00:22:31,230 --> 00:22:34,324
I'm on a mountain on my phone! Yeah.
489
00:22:35,167 --> 00:22:38,068
Yeah, well, a bet's a bet. I want my $2.
490
00:22:43,509 --> 00:22:45,909
NICK: I'm telling you,
something weird is going on.
491
00:22:46,011 --> 00:22:47,979
DAVID BOWIE: (ON TV) Demand your MTV.
492
00:22:48,814 --> 00:22:50,941
I want my MTV.
493
00:22:51,317 --> 00:22:52,750
(THE SAFETYDANCEPLAYING)
494
00:22:52,852 --> 00:22:58,791
S- A-F-E-T-Y
495
00:22:59,058 --> 00:23:01,686
Safe, dance!
496
00:23:06,465 --> 00:23:08,228
I love your hair.
497
00:23:10,369 --> 00:23:11,859
I have a question.
498
00:23:11,971 --> 00:23:14,030
...can still tell me that's true.
499
00:23:14,140 --> 00:23:17,439
But the facts and the evidence
tell me it is...
500
00:23:18,177 --> 00:23:19,508
(VOICES DISTORTING)
501
00:23:27,319 --> 00:23:28,809
Dude is rocking a cassette player.
502
00:23:28,921 --> 00:23:30,855
Just relax.
I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation
503
00:23:30,956 --> 00:23:32,218
- for all this shit.
- Don't fucking tell me to relax.
504
00:23:32,324 --> 00:23:33,621
I said relax for a minute.
505
00:23:33,726 --> 00:23:35,125
Leg warmers?
506
00:23:35,394 --> 00:23:36,759
Jheri curl?
507
00:23:36,862 --> 00:23:38,227
"Where's the beef?"
508
00:23:38,330 --> 00:23:41,424
Excuse me, miss,
what color is Michael Jackson?
509
00:23:42,101 --> 00:23:43,363
Black.
510
00:23:43,469 --> 00:23:44,561
(SCREAMING)
511
00:23:48,340 --> 00:23:50,808
JACOB: Hold on! Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.
512
00:23:52,478 --> 00:23:53,445
Nick, come on, man! Nick! Nick!
513
00:23:53,546 --> 00:23:54,570
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
514
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:55,738
NICK: Who the fuck is that?
515
00:23:55,848 --> 00:23:59,249
That's probably Ashton Kolchak right now
telling us we've been punked or whatever.
516
00:23:59,351 --> 00:24:01,114
- Okay.
- Come on. Come on.
517
00:24:05,424 --> 00:24:07,858
Hey. Hey, guys. I've got your luggage.
518
00:24:08,427 --> 00:24:10,588
He's got both arms. Get him!
519
00:24:10,996 --> 00:24:12,054
(ALL YELLING)
520
00:24:14,700 --> 00:24:16,531
- What?
- JACOB: Check his arm.
521
00:24:16,635 --> 00:24:18,660
- Are you raping?
- Wait! Hold on! Are we raping him?
522
00:24:18,771 --> 00:24:19,931
Nobody's raping anybody!
523
00:24:20,039 --> 00:24:21,734
Where's your missing arm, motherfucker?
524
00:24:21,841 --> 00:24:24,105
Hey! God! That's my arm!
525
00:24:24,210 --> 00:24:25,677
- NICK: It's fake!
- It's real!
526
00:24:25,778 --> 00:24:28,246
It's got freckles on it and shit!
527
00:24:37,056 --> 00:24:38,887
Do I really got to be the asshole that says
528
00:24:39,024 --> 00:24:41,492
we got in this thing
and went back in time?
529
00:24:41,594 --> 00:24:44,825
It must be some kind of
hot tub time machine.
530
00:24:47,867 --> 00:24:50,734
ADAM: Wow, my old stuff.
NICK: Look at this shit, man.
531
00:24:50,836 --> 00:24:53,066
- You have a bong?
- I did.
532
00:24:53,172 --> 00:24:55,436
"Eddie Lives."
This shirt got me so much fucking pussy.
533
00:24:55,541 --> 00:24:56,667
NICK: You wanna see
what got a lot of pussy?
534
00:24:56,775 --> 00:24:57,833
JACOB: What's the tape recorder for?
535
00:24:57,943 --> 00:24:59,069
- ADAM: Recording tape.
- I gotta take a piss.
536
00:24:59,178 --> 00:25:00,611
- NICK: This jacket right here, baby.
- Holy fuck!
537
00:25:00,713 --> 00:25:01,975
JACOB: What are you,
Hunter S. Thompson?
538
00:25:02,081 --> 00:25:04,049
ADAM: I thought I was.
JACOB: Is that coke?
539
00:25:04,149 --> 00:25:06,049
NICK: What the fuck you think it is?
Baby powder?
540
00:25:06,151 --> 00:25:10,212
JACOB: Wait. How is this happening?
Can we talk about this for a minute?
541
00:25:14,159 --> 00:25:17,560
Holy fuck! Winterfest '86.
We were here, man.
542
00:25:17,663 --> 00:25:19,028
- Guys.
- ADAM: We are here.
543
00:25:19,131 --> 00:25:21,326
- What if we run into ourselves?
- Guys!
544
00:25:21,433 --> 00:25:24,630
We see ourselves and we blow up
and explode or some shit.
545
00:25:24,737 --> 00:25:25,761
LOU: Get in here!
546
00:25:25,871 --> 00:25:27,031
Didn't you all fucking see Timecop?
547
00:25:27,139 --> 00:25:29,039
God damn it!
Get the fuck in here right now!
548
00:25:29,141 --> 00:25:31,006
Nobody wants to see your giant shit, Lou.
549
00:25:31,110 --> 00:25:32,543
ADAM: What, man?
550
00:25:43,989 --> 00:25:46,514
Yeah, we're not gonna run into ourselves.
551
00:25:46,625 --> 00:25:47,717
We are ourselves.
552
00:25:47,826 --> 00:25:50,420
Why are we in our young bodies
and you in your regular body?
553
00:25:50,529 --> 00:25:52,724
- I don't know.
- Shouldn't you be invisible?
554
00:25:52,831 --> 00:25:54,355
Or swimming around
some guy's ball sack?
555
00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:57,628
I know.
Because you guys exist here and I don't.
556
00:25:58,837 --> 00:26:00,805
Hey, why are you flickering?
557
00:26:00,906 --> 00:26:02,305
- What?
- What? What? Who flickered?
558
00:26:02,408 --> 00:26:04,205
- He did.
- He's flickering.
559
00:26:04,310 --> 00:26:06,801
I need you to touch my arm or something
to see if I'm still real, okay?
560
00:26:06,912 --> 00:26:09,904
Just see if you
can put your hand through me.
561
00:26:10,549 --> 00:26:11,573
(EX CLAIMS)
562
00:26:12,484 --> 00:26:13,610
Okay.
563
00:26:14,053 --> 00:26:15,281
That's good.
564
00:26:15,387 --> 00:26:19,118
I'm physically still here.
That's good, I think.
565
00:26:20,859 --> 00:26:22,417
You look like Kid 'N Play.
566
00:26:22,528 --> 00:26:24,621
That's actually two people.
567
00:26:27,433 --> 00:26:28,957
ADAM: I knew this trip was a bad idea.
568
00:26:29,068 --> 00:26:31,502
Every time I hang out with you, man,
it's some kind of shit storm.
569
00:26:31,603 --> 00:26:34,663
I got guilted into coming on this trip
and now I'm back in the fucking '80s.
570
00:26:34,773 --> 00:26:35,831
And I hate this decade!
571
00:26:35,941 --> 00:26:37,374
Maybe it's your fucking fault!
572
00:26:37,476 --> 00:26:40,104
You're a fucking insurance salesman,
you're practically the devil.
573
00:26:40,212 --> 00:26:42,407
Guys! This is scientifically possible.
574
00:26:42,514 --> 00:26:45,950
Oh, my God. Okay, Professor Hawking,
tell me in your robot voice
575
00:26:46,051 --> 00:26:47,712
how this is scientifically possible.
576
00:26:47,820 --> 00:26:49,481
All right, I write Stargate fan fiction,
577
00:26:49,588 --> 00:26:51,419
so I think I know
what I'm talking about right now.
578
00:26:51,523 --> 00:26:54,083
I seriously almost passed out,
you're such a dork.
579
00:26:54,193 --> 00:26:56,821
Okay. The tub is obviously some kind
of energy vortex, right?
580
00:26:56,929 --> 00:26:57,953
Like a black hole.
581
00:26:58,063 --> 00:27:00,088
But, instead of being in space,
582
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:02,827
it's in a hot tub.
583
00:27:02,935 --> 00:27:05,904
Time is not linear,
we just perceive it that way!
584
00:27:06,005 --> 00:27:07,666
- What?
- (YELLS) Like The Terminator!
585
00:27:07,773 --> 00:27:09,741
It's cyclical, right?
586
00:27:09,842 --> 00:27:12,436
The machines send Schwarzenegger back
to kill Sarah Connor
587
00:27:12,544 --> 00:27:14,409
so that John Connor could never be born.
588
00:27:14,513 --> 00:27:17,311
But if John Connor don't send
Michael Biehn back to protect her,
589
00:27:17,416 --> 00:27:21,580
then they never fuck, and John Connor
ain't born in the first place!
590
00:27:22,154 --> 00:27:23,746
- It checks out.
- Yeah, that's pretty good.
591
00:27:23,856 --> 00:27:26,416
Wait, wait, check the fucking drawer.
See if the carving's there.
592
00:27:26,525 --> 00:27:28,652
Check the fucking drawer.
593
00:27:29,595 --> 00:27:30,960
ADAM: Fuck!
594
00:27:33,298 --> 00:27:34,287
It's gone.
595
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:35,389
(SIGHING)
596
00:27:35,501 --> 00:27:36,525
This shit is real.
597
00:27:36,635 --> 00:27:40,765
The carving you made 20 years ago,
about me sucking cocks and dicks,
598
00:27:42,007 --> 00:27:43,975
- it's not there.
- Wait.
599
00:27:44,643 --> 00:27:45,803
Is "cocks" still there?
600
00:27:45,911 --> 00:27:48,505
- Nothing. I mean, it's not there.
- What about "dicks"?
601
00:27:48,614 --> 00:27:51,208
Neither "cocks," nor "dicks," nor "sucks."
602
00:27:51,316 --> 00:27:52,806
Oh, God!
603
00:27:53,352 --> 00:27:54,444
NICK: That's it.
604
00:27:54,553 --> 00:27:56,714
We stuck in the fucking '80s!
605
00:27:57,289 --> 00:27:58,517
How am I supposed to get a job?
606
00:28:00,308 --> 00:28:01,866
I'm so scared.
607
00:28:02,410 --> 00:28:03,604
(EX CLAIMS)
608
00:28:03,711 --> 00:28:05,576
REPAIRMAN: Looks like
you burned out your...
609
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,376
Heck, you fried your timing crossover.
610
00:28:10,051 --> 00:28:11,245
Would you mind putting that down, sir,
611
00:28:11,352 --> 00:28:14,412
that coal shovel,
before somebody gets hurt?
612
00:28:15,556 --> 00:28:16,989
Did somebody call you?
613
00:28:17,091 --> 00:28:18,558
Excuse me one minute.
614
00:28:18,660 --> 00:28:19,627
(FARTS)
615
00:28:24,032 --> 00:28:25,659
Who ever calls us?
616
00:28:25,767 --> 00:28:26,734
(LAUGHING)
617
00:28:26,834 --> 00:28:29,735
And who answers
when the call comes from within? Huh?
618
00:28:31,306 --> 00:28:35,675
I thought maybe I could pull the part
from one of the other tubs.
619
00:28:35,777 --> 00:28:39,213
But it turns out this is
a very special model that you have here.
620
00:28:39,314 --> 00:28:41,612
You've got to be very careful, I tell you.
621
00:28:41,716 --> 00:28:46,449
One little thing is changed,
the whole system can go haywire.
622
00:28:46,554 --> 00:28:48,488
Do you understand what I'm saying?
623
00:28:48,589 --> 00:28:53,049
The whole system can go haywire
if you change one little thing.
624
00:28:53,461 --> 00:28:56,362
Wait a minute.
We need that to get back in time?
625
00:28:56,464 --> 00:28:57,488
Well, you're back here.
626
00:28:57,598 --> 00:29:01,295
I mean, I can tell you've all been
to Kodiak Valley before.
627
00:29:01,402 --> 00:29:02,835
- I haven't.
- Maybe not her,
628
00:29:02,937 --> 00:29:05,405
but I know that you were here.
629
00:29:05,506 --> 00:29:08,031
You know what's going on here,
don't you, old man?
630
00:29:08,142 --> 00:29:09,336
Yes, I do.
631
00:29:09,444 --> 00:29:12,242
Your tub is on the fritz.
It'd behoove you to fix it.
632
00:29:12,347 --> 00:29:13,336
(HOT TUB STARTING UP)
633
00:29:13,448 --> 00:29:14,642
What?
634
00:29:14,816 --> 00:29:16,306
NICK: It's working.
635
00:29:19,887 --> 00:29:22,617
- Damn. I think it's still broke.
- ADAM: Shit.
636
00:29:24,425 --> 00:29:25,414
JACOB: Where'd he go?
637
00:29:25,526 --> 00:29:27,323
That motherfucker's in on it, man.
638
00:29:27,428 --> 00:29:30,295
What was all that cryptic shit he was
saying about not changing one little thing?
639
00:29:30,398 --> 00:29:32,298
I know exactly what he meant.
He was talking about the butterfly effect.
640
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:33,458
That was a great fucking movie.
641
00:29:35,220 --> 00:29:38,189
One little change has a ripple effect
and it affects everything else.
642
00:29:38,289 --> 00:29:40,189
Like, a butterfly floats its wings
643
00:29:40,291 --> 00:29:43,852
and Tokyo explodes,
or there's a tsunami in, like, somewhere.
644
00:29:43,961 --> 00:29:47,988
Dude, yes, exactly. Or you step on a bug
and the fucking Internet's never invented.
645
00:29:48,099 --> 00:29:50,567
Then you have to talk to girls
with your mouth.
646
00:29:50,668 --> 00:29:54,365
Yeah. I was more concerned about bigger
consequences, like me not being born.
647
00:29:54,472 --> 00:29:55,905
Oh, yeah. No, I don't care about that.
648
00:29:56,007 --> 00:29:58,373
The point is, what did we do 20 years ago?
649
00:29:58,476 --> 00:30:02,606
Let's figure it out right now.
We gotta do the exact same thing.
650
00:30:02,713 --> 00:30:04,374
- I had that gig.
- That's right.
651
00:30:04,482 --> 00:30:07,645
You got up on stage
and you were wildly mediocre.
652
00:30:07,752 --> 00:30:09,083
And that led to nothing of a career.
653
00:30:09,186 --> 00:30:11,677
Okay, first of all, fuck you, motherfucker!
654
00:30:11,789 --> 00:30:12,881
I could have had a career,
655
00:30:12,990 --> 00:30:14,890
but I got married
and I went a different way.
656
00:30:15,059 --> 00:30:16,390
Which way is that? The way that sucked?
657
00:30:16,494 --> 00:30:17,859
Didn't you also bang that groupie?
658
00:30:17,962 --> 00:30:19,623
- What was her name?
- Tara.
659
00:30:19,730 --> 00:30:22,426
You banged her.
You got to go do that again.
660
00:30:22,533 --> 00:30:25,832
I did do that. But, fuck, no, I'm married!
661
00:30:26,170 --> 00:30:27,694
I can't go around banging girls in hot tubs.
662
00:30:27,805 --> 00:30:31,172
Nick, it's 1986. You can't cheat
on someone you don't know yet.
663
00:30:31,275 --> 00:30:33,505
You haven't even met Courtney.
664
00:30:33,611 --> 00:30:35,772
Lucifer, itinerary please.
665
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:36,847
Uh... Nothing really happened.
666
00:30:36,947 --> 00:30:38,710
I actually fucked a chick, too.
So I'll just do that.
667
00:30:38,816 --> 00:30:41,011
I seem to remember
you getting your ass whooped.
668
00:30:41,118 --> 00:30:42,142
(LAUGHING)
669
00:30:42,253 --> 00:30:43,777
ADAM: Oh, yeah.
NICK: That's right.
670
00:30:43,888 --> 00:30:46,686
That ski patrol dude
pummeled you like it was his job.
671
00:30:46,791 --> 00:30:48,986
- Yeah, no. I don't remember it that way.
- I do.
672
00:30:49,093 --> 00:30:51,561
Yeah. He fucked you up.
You cried and peed.
673
00:30:51,662 --> 00:30:54,631
Fuck this, man! This is fucking bullshit!
674
00:30:54,732 --> 00:30:56,700
Would you just think of somebody
other than yourself, man?
675
00:30:56,834 --> 00:30:59,826
- There's four of us.
- It's the fucking '80s, guys!
676
00:30:59,937 --> 00:31:02,633
Let's do what we wanna do. Free love!
677
00:31:02,740 --> 00:31:04,367
JACOB: That's the '60s, dipshit.
678
00:31:04,475 --> 00:31:08,377
No, we had, like, Reagan and AIDS.
Let's get the fuck out of here, okay?
679
00:31:08,479 --> 00:31:09,810
Do the right thing, Violator.
680
00:31:09,914 --> 00:31:12,712
God damn it! This is fucking bullshit!
681
00:31:12,817 --> 00:31:14,808
Tonight's the night
you broke up with Jenny Stedmeyer.
682
00:31:14,919 --> 00:31:16,079
- Shit.
- LOU: Yeah, you got stabbed
683
00:31:16,187 --> 00:31:18,121
in the fucking eyeball tonight!
684
00:31:18,756 --> 00:31:20,883
Hey, man, do you want backup?
685
00:31:20,991 --> 00:31:22,458
I can't, the butterflies won't let me.
686
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:23,925
- JENNY: Yo, Adam? You guys in there?
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
687
00:31:24,028 --> 00:31:25,188
ADAM: Oh, shit.
688
00:31:28,132 --> 00:31:30,157
There you are. Hey!
689
00:31:30,301 --> 00:31:32,769
How come you guys didn't meet us
at the chair lift this morning?
690
00:31:32,870 --> 00:31:33,996
You were going to show me some moves.
691
00:31:34,105 --> 00:31:36,505
Hi, baby. I missed you.
692
00:31:39,043 --> 00:31:40,601
I must have forgot.
693
00:31:40,711 --> 00:31:42,702
Perv. That's from Mandy.
694
00:31:43,147 --> 00:31:44,239
- Hey, new guy. What's up?
- Hey.
695
00:31:45,833 --> 00:31:47,164
So we're in 214. I'm gonna go get ready.
696
00:31:47,267 --> 00:31:48,529
- Okay.
- Meet me in my room, okay?
697
00:31:48,636 --> 00:31:50,035
- Okay.
- Okay.
698
00:31:50,371 --> 00:31:52,839
Love the PJs, Nick. You look hot.
699
00:31:54,308 --> 00:31:56,173
Poison's tonight.
700
00:31:56,276 --> 00:31:57,368
Wow!
701
00:31:57,478 --> 00:31:59,275
I don't remember her
being that fucking beautiful.
702
00:31:59,380 --> 00:32:00,608
And tight.
703
00:32:00,714 --> 00:32:02,944
She's so tight.
704
00:32:03,050 --> 00:32:04,074
She's really fucking tight!
705
00:32:04,184 --> 00:32:05,515
She's the great white buffalo, man.
706
00:32:05,619 --> 00:32:06,847
- Great white buffalo.
- Great white buffalo.
707
00:32:06,954 --> 00:32:08,546
Don't start that.
708
00:32:08,656 --> 00:32:10,089
- Great white buffalo.
- Great white buffalo.
709
00:32:10,190 --> 00:32:12,215
Why did I ever break up with her?
Why would I break up with her?
710
00:32:12,326 --> 00:32:15,124
Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
'Cause you have to do it again. Right?
711
00:32:15,229 --> 00:32:16,821
Right, right, right.
712
00:32:16,930 --> 00:32:18,192
JACOB: All right.
We're all gonna meet back here.
713
00:32:18,298 --> 00:32:20,357
Hopefully that hot tub's fixed
and we can get the fuck out of here.
714
00:32:20,467 --> 00:32:21,934
Okay, let's party like it's 1986.
715
00:32:22,036 --> 00:32:23,162
All right. On three?
716
00:32:23,270 --> 00:32:24,237
- One, two, three...
- One, two, three...
717
00:32:24,338 --> 00:32:26,067
- Hot tub time machine!
- Wait...
718
00:32:26,173 --> 00:32:27,162
What are we... What's the...
719
00:32:27,274 --> 00:32:28,241
Who said, "Hot tub time machine?"
720
00:32:28,342 --> 00:32:29,502
We didn't tell you about
the new thing, with our hands?
721
00:32:29,610 --> 00:32:31,077
- No.
- On three, we always...
722
00:32:31,178 --> 00:32:32,475
From now on, we're gonna say,
"Hot tub time machine."
723
00:32:32,579 --> 00:32:33,807
I told you, I think that's fucking stupid.
724
00:32:33,914 --> 00:32:34,881
You were in the bathroom.
725
00:32:34,982 --> 00:32:35,949
No, but this is a real
bonding event for us.
726
00:32:36,050 --> 00:32:37,039
This doesn't happen all the time.
727
00:32:37,151 --> 00:32:38,516
- Come on.
- I'm telling you, it's stupid.
728
00:32:38,619 --> 00:32:39,813
- Do it once.
- Do what you want to do.
729
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:41,080
It would have been 3-to-1 anyway.
730
00:32:41,188 --> 00:32:42,450
ALL: One, two, three...
731
00:32:42,556 --> 00:32:43,614
...hot tub time machine!
732
00:32:43,724 --> 00:32:44,850
It felt good. Admit it.
733
00:32:47,361 --> 00:32:48,555
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
734
00:32:56,887 --> 00:32:57,615
Hey!
735
00:32:58,388 --> 00:33:00,652
Let's get this party started!
736
00:33:01,324 --> 00:33:03,417
Who is carrying me home tonight?
737
00:33:03,893 --> 00:33:04,917
Mom?
738
00:33:05,028 --> 00:33:07,292
- Sweet fucking Lord.
- Kelly.
739
00:33:07,730 --> 00:33:09,960
- Hey, bro, Nicholas.
- Hey, girl.
740
00:33:10,066 --> 00:33:12,159
- Who's the geek?
- He's your son.
741
00:33:12,268 --> 00:33:13,235
(LAUGHING)
742
00:33:13,336 --> 00:33:14,963
That's not appropriate.
743
00:33:15,071 --> 00:33:16,436
JACOB: I'm sun... Sunshine.
744
00:33:16,539 --> 00:33:17,528
Sunshine.
745
00:33:17,674 --> 00:33:18,698
'Cause I'm here to brighten your day.
746
00:33:18,808 --> 00:33:21,072
That's Jacob. Your...
747
00:33:21,444 --> 00:33:22,741
He's totally cool.
748
00:33:22,845 --> 00:33:25,177
- He doesn't look cool.
- LOU: He's not that cool.
749
00:33:25,281 --> 00:33:26,839
Hey, Kelly.
750
00:33:26,949 --> 00:33:28,917
Lou Dorchen. Yeah...
751
00:33:29,018 --> 00:33:31,077
- You don't remember this?
- I don't remember everything.
752
00:33:31,187 --> 00:33:33,121
What the fuck, man?
This is freaking me the fuck out.
753
00:33:33,222 --> 00:33:34,655
You freak out every time
you leave the basement.
754
00:33:34,757 --> 00:33:35,917
All right, kiddies, get your snow boots on
755
00:33:36,025 --> 00:33:38,289
because tonight
there is gonna be a blizzard.
756
00:33:38,394 --> 00:33:40,055
Really? It looked pretty clear out.
757
00:33:40,163 --> 00:33:42,324
Anybody wanna go for a little sleigh ride?
758
00:33:42,432 --> 00:33:45,924
You can't do cocaine!
It's so unhealthy for you.
759
00:33:46,035 --> 00:33:48,333
- Kelly, in public?
- Whatever.
760
00:33:48,438 --> 00:33:50,030
I'm gonna go to a party
at the ski patrol house,
761
00:33:50,139 --> 00:33:54,132
I'm gonna find a sexy instructor
and I'm gonna wax his fucking pole.
762
00:33:54,243 --> 00:33:56,609
Later, homos. Don't drink my fucking drink.
763
00:33:56,713 --> 00:33:57,771
Ugh!
764
00:33:59,115 --> 00:34:00,082
Hey, Adam?
765
00:34:00,183 --> 00:34:03,516
What she means is that she works
at the ski rental place, right?
766
00:34:03,619 --> 00:34:05,780
And that's her job, is cleaning the poles.
767
00:34:05,888 --> 00:34:08,356
I could be off, but I think
it's in reference to blowing a dude.
768
00:34:08,458 --> 00:34:11,427
Thank you, Nick. But that's...
You don't need to...
769
00:34:11,527 --> 00:34:15,156
Or fucking a dude. Because the wax,
it can be interpreted either way.
770
00:34:15,264 --> 00:34:17,630
She was a free spirit, you know?
771
00:34:17,734 --> 00:34:21,534
Or maybe she's the pole
and there's two dudes that she's waxing.
772
00:34:21,637 --> 00:34:24,231
Let's just get it done, man. Come on.
773
00:34:24,974 --> 00:34:26,134
- JACOB: Hey, Lou.
- What?
774
00:34:26,242 --> 00:34:29,143
Did my mom, like,
sleep with a bunch of dudes?
775
00:34:29,245 --> 00:34:30,212
I don't know. Shut up.
776
00:34:30,313 --> 00:34:31,678
JACOB: But she seems kind of slutty, right?
777
00:34:31,781 --> 00:34:34,045
Does she seem that way to you?
778
00:34:34,150 --> 00:34:35,947
It's just, she never told me who my dad is.
779
00:34:36,052 --> 00:34:37,485
It could be any one of these guys.
780
00:34:37,587 --> 00:34:39,578
'Cause I was born, like,
nine months from now.
781
00:34:39,689 --> 00:34:41,247
Yeah? So what does that mean?
782
00:34:41,357 --> 00:34:44,793
It means do the math, dipshit.
I could have been conceived this weekend.
783
00:34:44,927 --> 00:34:46,554
Oh, shit. Check this out.
784
00:34:46,662 --> 00:34:49,631
That's that fucking bellhop.
I hate that guy.
785
00:34:50,933 --> 00:34:53,561
JACOB: This must be
where he loses the arm!
786
00:34:55,338 --> 00:34:56,600
(CROWD CHEERING)
787
00:34:56,706 --> 00:34:58,435
- Shit!
- PHIL: Thank you!
788
00:34:58,541 --> 00:35:00,236
JACOB: I think we should tell him.
This is gruesome.
789
00:35:00,343 --> 00:35:04,279
Don't you dare fucking tell him.
You'll screw the time thing up.
790
00:35:09,485 --> 00:35:10,543
(YELLING)
791
00:35:11,521 --> 00:35:12,579
(CROWD GASPING)
792
00:35:14,056 --> 00:35:15,648
(SAW WHIRRING)
793
00:35:16,826 --> 00:35:17,793
Yeah!
794
00:35:17,894 --> 00:35:18,861
(ALL CHEERING)
795
00:35:18,961 --> 00:35:21,020
- Yes!
- What the fuck?
796
00:35:21,964 --> 00:35:23,090
Yeah!
797
00:35:24,500 --> 00:35:28,960
- Boo! We just got fucking robbed.
- What are you talking about?
798
00:35:29,071 --> 00:35:30,197
- He's great, man.
- LOU: Come on!
799
00:35:31,107 --> 00:35:32,335
ADAM: (WHISPERS) Jenny.
800
00:35:33,876 --> 00:35:36,811
- Jenny?
- JENNY: I'm in the bathroom. Come in.
801
00:35:37,747 --> 00:35:39,271
What do you think?
802
00:35:39,382 --> 00:35:40,872
Oh, my God.
803
00:35:40,983 --> 00:35:42,814
What? Do I look fat?
804
00:35:43,619 --> 00:35:46,087
No. You look really beautiful.
805
00:35:46,589 --> 00:35:47,613
(SIGHING)
806
00:35:47,723 --> 00:35:50,351
Aw! Thank you.
807
00:35:53,262 --> 00:35:54,695
How about me, do I look different?
808
00:35:54,797 --> 00:35:56,424
Do I look kind of older?
809
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:58,326
No.
810
00:35:59,268 --> 00:36:01,133
You look cute, though.
811
00:36:01,504 --> 00:36:03,233
God, I can't stop thinking about last night.
812
00:36:03,339 --> 00:36:05,500
It was like frigging hot.
813
00:36:05,608 --> 00:36:08,406
It was? What did we do? I don't remember.
814
00:36:08,778 --> 00:36:11,576
You lasted, like, 10 minutes.
815
00:36:11,914 --> 00:36:13,040
(CHUCKLES) Oh!
816
00:36:13,249 --> 00:36:14,648
Good, good.
817
00:36:15,084 --> 00:36:16,244
And I was good.
818
00:36:16,352 --> 00:36:20,413
I think I came. I think.
I can't even tell you what it was like.
819
00:36:20,523 --> 00:36:23,185
I got some vague recollection of that.
820
00:36:23,826 --> 00:36:25,418
Wanna maybe just sit
and talk for a minute?
821
00:36:25,528 --> 00:36:26,790
"Talk."
822
00:36:26,896 --> 00:36:30,889
Well, I mean, you know,
it's just so good to see you again.
823
00:36:34,904 --> 00:36:36,804
It's not you. It's me.
824
00:36:38,407 --> 00:36:39,431
(EX CLAIMS)
825
00:36:41,711 --> 00:36:42,905
Lamp.
826
00:36:43,512 --> 00:36:46,140
You know what,
I think we should go to Poison now.
827
00:36:46,249 --> 00:36:47,409
You're weird today.
828
00:36:47,516 --> 00:36:49,245
I know. You are funny.
829
00:36:49,352 --> 00:36:51,946
- Let me just get dressed.
- Okay.
830
00:36:53,456 --> 00:36:54,445
Wow!
831
00:36:55,691 --> 00:36:57,181
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
832
00:36:58,794 --> 00:37:00,056
NICK: Oh, man!
833
00:37:00,630 --> 00:37:02,097
This is trippy.
834
00:37:02,198 --> 00:37:03,756
What's up?
835
00:37:04,066 --> 00:37:07,627
Man, I can't even remember
the last time I saw you guys.
836
00:37:08,437 --> 00:37:09,768
Yesterday.
837
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,767
Oh, yeah. Yesterday.
838
00:37:15,511 --> 00:37:16,569
Yep.
839
00:37:21,751 --> 00:37:25,209
It's not cheating. It's not cheating.
It's 1986.
840
00:37:25,354 --> 00:37:26,844
You don't even know Courtney yet.
841
00:37:29,058 --> 00:37:30,650
You know, it's okay if you're scared, Lou.
842
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,228
I'm not scared, idiot. I'm fucking pissed.
843
00:37:33,329 --> 00:37:34,956
I have a full head of hair
and a functioning penis,
844
00:37:35,064 --> 00:37:37,225
and I'm looking for some guy
to drill me in the fucking jaw.
845
00:37:37,333 --> 00:37:38,823
(SIGHS) We're not gonna
find him here, anyway.
846
00:37:38,935 --> 00:37:40,163
I don't even remember what he looks like.
847
00:37:44,941 --> 00:37:46,499
- Walk much, faggot?
- Sorry.
848
00:37:46,609 --> 00:37:48,133
What? No, don't touch me.
Fuck your "sorry."
849
00:37:48,244 --> 00:37:50,178
You scuffed up my Jordans.
850
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:54,613
You wanna go for it?
Come on, take a shot, pussy. Wanna party?
851
00:37:54,717 --> 00:37:56,548
(ECHOING) Wanna be a hero?
852
00:37:56,752 --> 00:37:58,845
And here it comes.
853
00:38:02,658 --> 00:38:06,059
Yeah, you gonna cry?
You gonna cry, titty baby?
854
00:38:06,162 --> 00:38:07,527
You gonna fucking cry?
855
00:38:07,630 --> 00:38:09,655
Look at him he's crying.
856
00:38:09,765 --> 00:38:11,960
Your fucking bag is mine now.
857
00:38:12,735 --> 00:38:14,066
JACOB: Is that it?
858
00:38:14,337 --> 00:38:15,736
No.
859
00:38:15,838 --> 00:38:17,567
No, I yell back at him
860
00:38:17,673 --> 00:38:19,470
and I challenge him to a rematch
at midnight saying,
861
00:38:19,575 --> 00:38:20,940
"You bring your friends
and I'll bring mine."
862
00:38:21,043 --> 00:38:22,476
And my friends don't fucking show up.
863
00:38:22,578 --> 00:38:24,739
So I get pummeled
by six guys instead of one.
864
00:38:24,847 --> 00:38:27,407
All right, fantastic. Let's do this.
865
00:38:29,285 --> 00:38:31,412
Lou, come on. You have to.
866
00:38:33,122 --> 00:38:34,180
Hey, Blaine.
867
00:38:36,075 --> 00:38:38,566
Is that all you got? Pussy.
868
00:38:40,747 --> 00:38:41,714
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
869
00:38:41,814 --> 00:38:44,339
NICK: Oh, God. Yeah.
870
00:38:45,518 --> 00:38:48,112
TARA: I'll never go
back. I'll never go back.
871
00:38:48,221 --> 00:38:49,245
(SOBBING)
872
00:38:50,356 --> 00:38:51,880
Are you crying?
873
00:38:52,425 --> 00:38:53,551
No.
874
00:38:53,660 --> 00:38:56,026
It's the water splashing
my face from all the fucking.
875
00:38:56,729 --> 00:38:57,855
Okay, good.
876
00:38:58,331 --> 00:39:01,596
Because I thought you were crying,
and I was like...
877
00:39:01,901 --> 00:39:02,993
Yeah!
878
00:39:03,102 --> 00:39:04,592
I'm sorry, Courtney.
879
00:39:04,704 --> 00:39:06,467
- It's Tara.
- Courtney!
880
00:39:06,572 --> 00:39:08,802
- Tara. Tara.
- Courtney! Courtney!
881
00:39:08,908 --> 00:39:11,308
No, seriously, my name is Tara.
882
00:39:11,744 --> 00:39:13,905
No, my wife, my wife.
883
00:39:15,248 --> 00:39:16,215
You're married?
884
00:39:16,416 --> 00:39:18,782
No, I'm not married. Not now, anyway.
885
00:39:18,885 --> 00:39:21,547
I will be. She's nine right now.
886
00:39:27,193 --> 00:39:30,219
Can I tell you something
that I haven't told anybody?
887
00:39:30,763 --> 00:39:32,355
She cheated on me.
888
00:39:34,133 --> 00:39:35,828
I found a e-mail.
889
00:39:36,469 --> 00:39:40,496
And now every time I look at her,
all I can see is her getting rammed by
890
00:39:40,606 --> 00:39:43,837
some faceless dude with
a better body and a bigger dick.
891
00:39:43,943 --> 00:39:46,434
Truth of it is, I can't even
bring myself to say anything
892
00:39:46,546 --> 00:39:49,208
because I just love her so fucking much.
893
00:39:50,483 --> 00:39:53,350
I don't even know if I can
live without her cheating ass.
894
00:39:53,453 --> 00:39:55,045
Hey, what's an e-mail?
895
00:39:55,154 --> 00:39:56,849
That's not the point!
896
00:39:57,657 --> 00:40:00,683
JACOB: Seems like you might've took
one defensive swing against him.
897
00:40:00,793 --> 00:40:03,887
I mean, honestly, what the fuck, man?
That was...
898
00:40:03,996 --> 00:40:07,193
I don't know how you've lived
with yourself all these years.
899
00:40:07,300 --> 00:40:08,289
It was pathetic.
900
00:40:08,401 --> 00:40:10,232
It was pathetic. You couldn't have
kicked him from the ground?
901
00:40:11,988 --> 00:40:13,046
What happened?
902
00:40:16,158 --> 00:40:17,182
Uh...
903
00:40:17,826 --> 00:40:20,624
This is a crazy story. I got hit by a truck.
904
00:40:21,163 --> 00:40:22,721
Yeah, yeah.
905
00:40:22,831 --> 00:40:25,356
Trying to save a baby deer,
if you can believe that.
906
00:40:25,467 --> 00:40:26,525
Oh, my God!
907
00:40:26,635 --> 00:40:28,899
Is there anything that I can do?
Are you okay?
908
00:40:29,004 --> 00:40:30,096
(CLEARS THROAT)
909
00:40:30,806 --> 00:40:33,866
Oh, my God. No, I'm fine. This is nothing.
910
00:40:33,976 --> 00:40:36,342
You know what? Come with me.
I'm gonna take care of you.
911
00:40:36,445 --> 00:40:37,742
And bring your friend.
912
00:40:37,846 --> 00:40:38,870
No, we can't.
913
00:40:38,981 --> 00:40:40,642
- We'd love to, but we can't.
- We can, we can.
914
00:40:40,749 --> 00:40:42,717
We should probably go check
on that deer, actually.
915
00:40:42,818 --> 00:40:43,807
LOU: No, we can go. We can go.
916
00:40:44,486 --> 00:40:45,544
(TALKDIRTY TO MEPLAYING)
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
917
00:40:45,654 --> 00:40:47,815
(SINGING) I know you cannot wait
918
00:40:47,923 --> 00:40:49,948
Wait to see me, too
919
00:40:50,058 --> 00:40:51,252
Oh, my God!
920
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,487
This is like the best song ever!
921
00:40:53,595 --> 00:40:54,755
Maybe not ever.
922
00:40:54,863 --> 00:40:55,921
(WHOOPING)
923
00:40:56,331 --> 00:40:57,958
At the drive-in
924
00:40:58,066 --> 00:40:59,693
God, he's so hot!
925
00:40:59,802 --> 00:41:01,997
In the old man's Ford
926
00:41:02,104 --> 00:41:04,538
Behind the bushes
927
00:41:04,740 --> 00:41:06,207
Can I get 3,000 beers?
928
00:41:06,308 --> 00:41:08,242
Until I'm screaming for more
929
00:41:08,343 --> 00:41:10,402
Down the basement
930
00:41:12,281 --> 00:41:14,374
MAN: Who's next?
Who's next for the beer luge?
931
00:41:14,483 --> 00:41:16,713
This guy! This guy's next!
He wants it so bad.
932
00:41:16,819 --> 00:41:19,049
- MAN: You can do it, man.
- He wants it.
933
00:41:19,154 --> 00:41:20,382
(ALL CLAMORING)
934
00:41:21,790 --> 00:41:24,384
CROWD: (CHANTING) Luge! Luge! Luge!
935
00:41:26,094 --> 00:41:27,186
(CROWD CHEERS)
936
00:41:28,197 --> 00:41:32,327
That was so lame. That wasn't,
like, even violent a little bit.
937
00:41:32,434 --> 00:41:34,197
Who are you,
and why did you do that to me?
938
00:41:34,303 --> 00:41:37,272
Why? Because you looked
like you needed a luge.
939
00:41:37,372 --> 00:41:39,397
- I'm Adam.
- I'm April.
940
00:41:39,508 --> 00:41:41,738
- How are you doing?
- All right.
941
00:41:41,844 --> 00:41:43,402
What brings you here?
942
00:41:43,512 --> 00:41:44,501
Hot tub.
943
00:41:44,613 --> 00:41:45,580
Huh.
944
00:41:45,714 --> 00:41:47,409
- You?
- Poison.
945
00:41:48,050 --> 00:41:49,779
- Right.
- That band. Poison.
946
00:41:49,985 --> 00:41:53,011
I'm a journalist.
I'm covering the band for Spin magazine.
947
00:41:53,121 --> 00:41:54,588
You don't really look like you're the type.
948
00:41:54,690 --> 00:41:57,591
The Poison type? God, no.
I'm not. I'm really not.
949
00:41:57,693 --> 00:41:59,718
I basically just got onto this bus
950
00:41:59,828 --> 00:42:03,764
and it took me here,
to goddamn Winterfest.
951
00:42:04,066 --> 00:42:05,465
JENNY: Adam!
952
00:42:06,235 --> 00:42:07,293
Whoo!
953
00:42:07,803 --> 00:42:10,704
- You know what? I can't talk to you.
- You can't?
954
00:42:10,806 --> 00:42:12,467
But I'm awesome. I can guarantee that.
955
00:42:12,574 --> 00:42:15,202
I'm sure. You see, I have to walk
in the exact same footsteps.
956
00:42:15,310 --> 00:42:17,073
This didn't happen.
957
00:42:17,179 --> 00:42:19,010
- Well, it kind of happened.
- I wish it did.
958
00:42:20,599 --> 00:42:21,657
- I just saw it happen.
- It really didn't.
959
00:42:21,767 --> 00:42:23,564
Yeah. No, I contributed.
960
00:42:23,668 --> 00:42:25,966
- I wish it did.
- All right.
961
00:42:26,605 --> 00:42:27,697
See you.
962
00:42:28,273 --> 00:42:29,501
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
963
00:42:32,711 --> 00:42:36,203
I brought you some ice.
It'll make you feel better.
964
00:42:36,415 --> 00:42:37,973
Let's see that.
965
00:42:38,617 --> 00:42:41,745
- Feel better?
- That ice does make me feel better.
966
00:42:42,287 --> 00:42:43,447
(JACOB CLEARING THROAT)
967
00:42:43,889 --> 00:42:45,379
(COUGHS) Butterflies.
968
00:42:45,490 --> 00:42:48,288
Hey, you know what?
I just remembered I gotta meet a guy.
969
00:42:48,393 --> 00:42:49,519
No, no. Wait.
970
00:42:49,628 --> 00:42:50,754
(LAUGHING)
971
00:42:50,862 --> 00:42:52,796
No, you can't go.
972
00:42:52,998 --> 00:42:54,625
'Cause guess what?
973
00:42:54,733 --> 00:42:55,757
What?
974
00:42:55,867 --> 00:42:57,801
I only do two at a time.
975
00:42:58,603 --> 00:43:01,094
- What do you mean?
- What do I mean?
976
00:43:04,676 --> 00:43:06,405
There those are.
977
00:43:06,745 --> 00:43:08,542
LOU: Yeah, let's do this.
978
00:43:08,780 --> 00:43:10,077
Him first? Okay.
979
00:43:10,182 --> 00:43:11,615
It's your thing.
I don't wanna tell you what to do.
980
00:43:11,716 --> 00:43:12,740
(PHONE RINGING)
981
00:43:12,851 --> 00:43:14,682
Hold on, I gotta get the phone.
982
00:43:15,921 --> 00:43:17,081
Hello?
983
00:43:17,656 --> 00:43:18,782
Mom?
984
00:43:19,191 --> 00:43:21,352
- LOU: What?
- I wanna know what the doctor said.
985
00:43:21,460 --> 00:43:23,826
Lou? Lou, we can't do this.
986
00:43:23,929 --> 00:43:25,089
Yes, we can.
987
00:43:25,197 --> 00:43:26,459
No, this didn't happen.
988
00:43:26,565 --> 00:43:27,554
- We can't do this.
- Yes, we can.
989
00:43:27,666 --> 00:43:29,258
- This didn't happen in the past.
- Yes, it did. Shut up.
990
00:43:29,367 --> 00:43:31,164
This did not fucking happen in the past.
991
00:43:31,269 --> 00:43:33,032
You shut the fuck up, please.
992
00:43:33,138 --> 00:43:36,437
We're gonna make, like, Hitler president
or something. We can't do this.
993
00:43:36,541 --> 00:43:40,136
Look, can you be fucking normal? Please?
994
00:43:40,278 --> 00:43:42,303
Every young man's fantasy
is to have a three-way.
995
00:43:42,414 --> 00:43:44,439
- Not with another fucking guy.
- It's still a three-way.
996
00:43:44,549 --> 00:43:46,176
What about the policy
of the butterfly effect?
997
00:43:46,284 --> 00:43:48,878
The butterfly effect can suck my nuts!
998
00:43:49,888 --> 00:43:52,755
Look, we're gonna have sex
with this girl, okay?
999
00:43:52,958 --> 00:43:54,926
You, me, together.
1000
00:43:55,727 --> 00:43:57,888
Enough of this queer shit.
Let's get the mood right.
1001
00:43:57,996 --> 00:43:59,088
(ROMANTIC MUSIC
PLAYING ON TAPE)
1002
00:43:59,197 --> 00:44:01,358
- All right. Look, right there.
- What?
1003
00:44:01,466 --> 00:44:04,060
You don't wanna seem overzealous
with a full-on rager.
1004
00:44:04,169 --> 00:44:06,103
You don't want
to insult the woman, either.
1005
00:44:06,204 --> 00:44:09,071
You're gonna wanna get at least
a half-a-chub going, right?
1006
00:44:09,174 --> 00:44:10,539
- Look at me.
- No.
1007
00:44:10,642 --> 00:44:11,870
- Look at that.
- No.
1008
00:44:11,977 --> 00:44:16,038
- Look at how, like, perfect that is.
- I'm not gonna fucking look.
1009
00:44:16,982 --> 00:44:19,109
- Look, look. Here.
- What the fuck, man?
1010
00:44:20,418 --> 00:44:22,079
- I'm out of here.
- Come on, Jake,
1011
00:44:22,187 --> 00:44:23,814
- I was just getting you started.
- Don't care!
1012
00:44:23,922 --> 00:44:24,889
Guys do that.
1013
00:44:24,990 --> 00:44:26,719
- No one does that!
- (DOOR SLAMS)
1014
00:44:26,992 --> 00:44:28,550
Hey. Onesies?
1015
00:44:31,396 --> 00:44:32,624
Sorry.
1016
00:44:33,164 --> 00:44:34,358
Okay, cool. I'm out of here.
1017
00:44:36,768 --> 00:44:37,792
(EX CLAIMING)
1018
00:44:41,940 --> 00:44:43,066
Hey.
1019
00:44:43,174 --> 00:44:45,142
How did it go with Jenny?
1020
00:44:45,243 --> 00:44:46,403
(JENNY WHOOPING)
1021
00:44:46,511 --> 00:44:47,637
Oh, my God.
1022
00:44:49,281 --> 00:44:53,047
Oh, my God. Whoo!
Why aren't you dancing?
1023
00:44:53,752 --> 00:44:57,119
- Whoa! What's your name?
- That's Jacob. That's Jenny.
1024
00:44:58,757 --> 00:45:00,224
What the fuck are you doing?
1025
00:45:00,325 --> 00:45:01,758
- You're supposed to break up with her!
- I know.
1026
00:45:01,860 --> 00:45:05,296
No, no, no. Just check it out, okay?
Maybe she's the key to something.
1027
00:45:05,397 --> 00:45:07,888
And I messed it up
when I broke up with her before,
1028
00:45:07,999 --> 00:45:10,263
and now the universe
is giving me another crack at it.
1029
00:45:10,368 --> 00:45:13,132
And if you thought
you could really start over
1030
00:45:13,238 --> 00:45:16,401
and do something totally different,
you wouldn't even consider it?
1031
00:45:16,508 --> 00:45:17,805
You're absolutely right.
1032
00:45:17,909 --> 00:45:19,843
- You think so? Really?
- No. Fuck, no!
1033
00:45:19,945 --> 00:45:21,071
Come on!
1034
00:45:23,931 --> 00:45:25,159
What do you mean, you didn't do it?
1035
00:45:25,265 --> 00:45:26,698
I'm getting to it.
1036
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:28,859
No, we were supposed to do
everything that we did.
1037
00:45:28,969 --> 00:45:31,460
- That's what I remember.
- Yeah, Adam, what the fuck, man?
1038
00:45:31,572 --> 00:45:32,664
You were supposed to fucking dump her.
1039
00:45:32,773 --> 00:45:35,139
You think I liked getting my ass
fucked up and down the entire street?
1040
00:45:35,242 --> 00:45:36,903
- Because I didn't.
- It's not that I'm not gonna do it,
1041
00:45:37,010 --> 00:45:38,534
I just haven't done it yet.
There's a big difference.
1042
00:45:38,645 --> 00:45:39,771
Look at my face, dude.
1043
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:41,541
Look at my fucking face! Drink me in.
1044
00:45:41,648 --> 00:45:43,047
You think I wouldn't have liked
to have changed this?
1045
00:45:43,150 --> 00:45:44,242
JACOB: Shut the fuck up, Lou.
1046
00:45:44,351 --> 00:45:46,478
You tried to rope me into a three-way.
1047
00:45:46,587 --> 00:45:47,576
- What?
- Did you?
1048
00:45:47,688 --> 00:45:48,780
- No.
- Yes.
1049
00:45:48,889 --> 00:45:50,220
Lou! Did you?
1050
00:45:50,324 --> 00:45:53,452
I didn't fuck that girl. Okay?
1051
00:45:53,660 --> 00:45:56,652
Because I'm committed
to not changing the past.
1052
00:45:56,897 --> 00:45:59,730
Right. It had nothing to do with her
wanting to be a Chinese finger trap.
1053
00:45:59,833 --> 00:46:01,767
And I'm not saying that
because she was Asian.
1054
00:46:01,868 --> 00:46:04,234
So you're telling me
I cheated on my wife for no reason.
1055
00:46:04,338 --> 00:46:05,327
(IMITATING BABY CRYING)
1056
00:46:05,439 --> 00:46:06,428
ADAM: Just relax, okay?
1057
00:46:06,540 --> 00:46:08,064
I'm gonna do it. I just haven't done it yet!
1058
00:46:08,175 --> 00:46:09,142
You're unbelievable.
1059
00:46:09,242 --> 00:46:11,005
- Hey, Nick, can I ask you a question?
- Yes.
1060
00:46:11,111 --> 00:46:12,874
Does this seem like
it's all about Adam again?
1061
00:46:12,980 --> 00:46:15,210
Yeah, just like Cincinnati.
1062
00:46:15,949 --> 00:46:17,576
- What?
- You gonna bring that up?
1063
00:46:17,684 --> 00:46:19,948
We said we weren't gonna talk
about Cincinnati ever, okay?
1064
00:46:20,053 --> 00:46:22,851
Is this why you have that shoebox
in your closet that says "Cincinnati"?
1065
00:46:22,956 --> 00:46:25,083
- Yeah.
- What? That's fucking admissible!
1066
00:46:25,192 --> 00:46:26,750
You keep it in the closet?
1067
00:46:26,860 --> 00:46:29,226
What was I supposed to do with it?
You can't bury those things.
1068
00:46:29,329 --> 00:46:30,921
And you wrote "Cincinnati" on it?
1069
00:46:31,031 --> 00:46:33,932
How do I know which one
it's supposed to be?
1070
00:46:34,301 --> 00:46:36,769
- Is it a fetus?
- My friends are ridiculous.
1071
00:46:36,870 --> 00:46:38,201
Why are we still talking about this?
1072
00:46:38,305 --> 00:46:40,136
Okay, we said
we would never talk about that.
1073
00:46:40,240 --> 00:46:43,505
By the way, where does it say
in the fucking friendship handbook
1074
00:46:43,610 --> 00:46:47,137
that you are the only one
who is allowed any fucking problems?
1075
00:46:47,247 --> 00:46:49,306
I forgot that it says
in the asshole handbook
1076
00:46:49,416 --> 00:46:52,146
that you can just fuck over
your friends whenever you want!
1077
00:46:52,252 --> 00:46:53,844
Actually, it would say that
in the asshole handbook
1078
00:46:53,954 --> 00:46:55,387
if it was, like, guidelines
for being an asshole,
1079
00:46:55,489 --> 00:46:56,922
- that's what it would say.
- NICK: Why wouldn't it say that
1080
00:46:57,024 --> 00:46:58,116
- in the asshole handbook?
- Yeah, it would say
1081
00:46:58,225 --> 00:46:59,351
- to fuck your friends.
- "Fuck over your friends."
1082
00:46:59,459 --> 00:47:00,756
- No, no, no.
- JACOB: Have you ever read a book?
1083
00:47:00,861 --> 00:47:04,058
You're right. I'm sorry, my bad.
You guys are right.
1084
00:47:04,264 --> 00:47:06,562
But if you're changing
the fucking past, okay,
1085
00:47:06,667 --> 00:47:08,965
then I'm changing the fucking past,
all right?
1086
00:47:09,069 --> 00:47:10,502
JACOB: No! Lou!
1087
00:47:10,604 --> 00:47:13,095
Okay! We're in the game! I like this.
1088
00:47:13,206 --> 00:47:14,935
I didn't change anything yet,
I just didn't do it.
1089
00:47:15,042 --> 00:47:16,168
And if we're changing shit,
1090
00:47:16,276 --> 00:47:18,176
you better be there at midnight
to get my fucking back.
1091
00:47:18,278 --> 00:47:19,643
- Done.
- ADAM: I'll be there.
1092
00:47:19,746 --> 00:47:22,146
JACOB: Guys! Guys! Come on, man.
Talk to me about this!
1093
00:47:22,249 --> 00:47:23,739
LOU: Fuck off.
JACOB: Fuck!
1094
00:47:23,850 --> 00:47:25,112
- I'll be back in a minute.
- Where are you going?
1095
00:47:25,218 --> 00:47:28,085
- I gotta go. I'm getting out of here.
- No, no, Adam, listen to me, please.
1096
00:47:28,188 --> 00:47:30,554
Jenny Stedmeyer is not
your fucking destiny, okay?
1097
00:47:30,657 --> 00:47:31,783
She's just some girl.
1098
00:47:31,892 --> 00:47:33,826
Some girl you dated in high school, okay?
1099
00:47:34,027 --> 00:47:35,551
I know!
I just got some emotions coming up.
1100
00:47:35,762 --> 00:47:36,854
I got some feelings that I got to deal with.
1101
00:47:37,097 --> 00:47:39,065
I'm gonna do it.
I believe in you. You're awesome.
1102
00:47:39,166 --> 00:47:40,758
You know what? That's fine.
Everybody just take off!
1103
00:47:40,867 --> 00:47:41,959
I don't need to be born.
1104
00:47:42,069 --> 00:47:45,061
I'll just go find the repairman myself
and fix the time machine.
1105
00:47:46,540 --> 00:47:48,872
That's the dumbest thing
I've said in a while.
1106
00:47:49,242 --> 00:47:50,266
(BUZZING)
1107
00:47:51,078 --> 00:47:54,104
You made the best decision of your life,
choosing me as your friend over Adam.
1108
00:47:54,214 --> 00:47:55,647
NICK: I'm pretty sure
that's not what's going on here.
1109
00:47:55,749 --> 00:47:57,649
LOU: Don't be afraid.
I'm gonna treat you right.
1110
00:47:58,018 --> 00:47:59,542
- Daddy's gonna take care of you.
- PHIL: Whoa!
1111
00:47:59,720 --> 00:48:00,709
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
1112
00:48:00,821 --> 00:48:03,381
Here we go.
It's like a slow-motion guillotine.
1113
00:48:03,490 --> 00:48:04,787
(PHIL GRUNTING)
1114
00:48:05,225 --> 00:48:07,352
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- What the F-ing fuck?
1115
00:48:10,297 --> 00:48:11,423
(EXHALES)
1116
00:48:15,702 --> 00:48:18,170
LOU: Here we go. Here we go. Round two.
1117
00:48:18,538 --> 00:48:19,562
(GRUNTING)
1118
00:48:19,973 --> 00:48:22,339
- Should we help him?
- No. No. This is his destiny.
1119
00:48:26,847 --> 00:48:27,905
(BOTH YELLING)
1120
00:48:28,648 --> 00:48:29,637
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
1121
00:48:29,750 --> 00:48:30,774
Fuck you!
1122
00:48:30,884 --> 00:48:32,647
- Did it happen?
- No.
1123
00:48:34,087 --> 00:48:35,452
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1124
00:48:36,089 --> 00:48:39,581
If that guy doesn't lose his arm soon,
I'm gonna fucking take it from him myself.
1125
00:48:39,826 --> 00:48:40,793
Man!
1126
00:48:45,465 --> 00:48:46,898
Blaine!
1127
00:48:47,100 --> 00:48:49,159
Come on down, man.
Have a brewski with us.
1128
00:48:49,269 --> 00:48:50,258
There's a party.
1129
00:48:50,370 --> 00:48:53,362
BLAINE: "No foreign army
has ever occupied American soil.
1130
00:48:53,473 --> 00:48:54,872
"Until now."
1131
00:48:55,308 --> 00:48:56,707
Watching Red Dawn again, or...
1132
00:48:56,910 --> 00:48:58,673
Wolverines!
1133
00:48:59,613 --> 00:49:00,875
They're Ruskies.
1134
00:49:01,081 --> 00:49:02,912
And these are their secret
Commie weapons.
1135
00:49:03,116 --> 00:49:04,413
What are you talking about?
1136
00:49:04,618 --> 00:49:06,176
Look at this stuff, man.
1137
00:49:06,386 --> 00:49:09,287
They could be spies or something.
1138
00:49:09,489 --> 00:49:12,686
I don't know, Blaine. I mean, they seem
a little young to be spies, you know.
1139
00:49:12,793 --> 00:49:14,021
Come on, Chaz.
1140
00:49:14,761 --> 00:49:17,525
They could be
some kind of 21 Jump Street
1141
00:49:17,731 --> 00:49:20,029
spy battalion-type dudes.
1142
00:49:22,002 --> 00:49:25,267
Yeah. Yeah. Or not at all, you know?
There's also that.
1143
00:49:25,806 --> 00:49:27,205
What the fuck is this?
1144
00:49:28,375 --> 00:49:29,364
ADAM: There's something I wanna talk
to you about.
1145
00:49:29,476 --> 00:49:31,774
It's something I'm supposed to do
but I don't wanna do.
1146
00:49:31,878 --> 00:49:33,004
- You know why?
- Okay, Adam. But...
1147
00:49:33,113 --> 00:49:36,514
Because I was thinking
about how good we are together, right?
1148
00:49:36,750 --> 00:49:38,650
- Don't you think? I really think so.
- Okay.
1149
00:49:38,985 --> 00:49:40,976
And I was talking about the future
and I was thinking about,
1150
00:49:41,087 --> 00:49:43,214
well, my future is this way
and maybe it could be this way.
1151
00:49:43,323 --> 00:49:45,291
I know I'm rambling now.
God, you're so beautiful.
1152
00:49:45,492 --> 00:49:46,789
But we got along so great and...
1153
00:49:46,993 --> 00:49:48,551
What is that?
1154
00:49:49,095 --> 00:49:51,620
It's a note I wrote to you.
You should read it.
1155
00:49:51,832 --> 00:49:53,766
- Right now? Okay.
- Yeah.
1156
00:49:53,934 --> 00:49:57,392
"Dear Adam, you're a super-terrific guy
and I love you.
1157
00:49:57,771 --> 00:49:58,863
Aw!
1158
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:00,501
"And that's why this is so hard for me.
1159
00:50:00,607 --> 00:50:04,008
"You're one of the most amazing people
that I've ever met. I can't..."
1160
00:50:04,211 --> 00:50:07,578
Are you breaking up with me?
That's what this... This is a break-up note?
1161
00:50:08,014 --> 00:50:09,345
I'm sorry, Adam.
1162
00:50:09,449 --> 00:50:11,940
All these years! You stabbed me
in the eye with a fucking fork
1163
00:50:12,052 --> 00:50:13,576
and you were gonna
break up with me anyway?
1164
00:50:13,687 --> 00:50:15,814
- Is that what you're saying to me?
- I did what?
1165
00:50:15,956 --> 00:50:18,754
Why are you breaking up with me?
That's not how this works.
1166
00:50:19,459 --> 00:50:21,927
You're such a great guy
and you're gonna find the right girl,
1167
00:50:22,028 --> 00:50:23,518
but it's not me.
1168
00:50:23,730 --> 00:50:26,858
And everybody knows what a big deal
you're gonna be some day.
1169
00:50:28,001 --> 00:50:31,334
No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not anybody.
1170
00:50:31,538 --> 00:50:35,133
Adam, okay. It's not you, it's me.
1171
00:50:36,843 --> 00:50:39,277
I say that to you. You don't say that to me.
1172
00:50:39,479 --> 00:50:41,470
That's not how this works.
1173
00:50:41,681 --> 00:50:44,650
Do you know what happens to you
if we don't go back?
1174
00:50:45,318 --> 00:50:47,343
- You end up with Billy Lavatino.
- I like him.
1175
00:50:47,554 --> 00:50:50,523
You may like him, but then you end up
pregnant with, like, trucker hips,
1176
00:50:50,624 --> 00:50:52,216
and you have a baby with Billy Lavatino,
1177
00:50:52,325 --> 00:50:54,384
and you're addicted to
Weight Watchers, you little bitch.
1178
00:50:54,494 --> 00:50:56,086
- What did you just call me?
- Take this fucking back!
1179
00:50:56,363 --> 00:50:58,422
Don't you... Jesus!
1180
00:50:58,798 --> 00:50:59,924
(CROWD GASPING)
1181
00:51:00,033 --> 00:51:01,193
(GROANING)
1182
00:51:01,668 --> 00:51:03,067
I don't get fat!
1183
00:51:04,037 --> 00:51:05,026
MAN: Gross!
1184
00:51:09,309 --> 00:51:12,210
If we're changing shit,
we gotta be taking advantage of shit.
1185
00:51:12,412 --> 00:51:14,346
- NICK: No.
- Mulligan.
1186
00:51:14,881 --> 00:51:16,212
- No mulligan.
- Come on!
1187
00:51:16,316 --> 00:51:17,806
- You had, like, five mulligans.
- Dude.
1188
00:51:18,018 --> 00:51:20,145
I'm not talking
about bad stuff, either, okay?
1189
00:51:20,253 --> 00:51:21,242
I'm just talking about good stuff.
1190
00:51:21,354 --> 00:51:24,949
Like keeping Manimal on the air,
you know?
1191
00:51:25,058 --> 00:51:26,252
Or preventing Miley Cyrus.
1192
00:51:26,359 --> 00:51:27,656
Preventing her from what?
1193
00:51:28,061 --> 00:51:29,255
Just preventing her.
1194
00:51:29,362 --> 00:51:32,126
MALE ANNOUNCER: (ON TV)
And there's the catch! First down!
1195
00:51:32,232 --> 00:51:33,563
(ALL CHEERING)
1196
00:51:37,437 --> 00:51:38,802
Oh, shit!
1197
00:51:39,506 --> 00:51:41,804
- I know this game.
- Yeah?
1198
00:51:42,008 --> 00:51:43,805
Yeah. This is the Denver-Cleveland
playoff game.
1199
00:51:44,010 --> 00:51:46,308
- This is the fucking Drive, man.
- Yeah?
1200
00:51:48,782 --> 00:51:50,215
I know what we're gonna do.
1201
00:51:52,218 --> 00:51:54,152
(I JUSTDIED IN YOURARMS PLAYING)
1202
00:51:56,923 --> 00:51:59,585
Adam, hey. You're back. Awesome.
1203
00:52:00,060 --> 00:52:02,290
What's going on here?
Where are the guys?
1204
00:52:03,463 --> 00:52:04,930
- What's this?
- Read it.
1205
00:52:05,131 --> 00:52:07,656
"Dear Adam, you are
a super-terrific guy and I love you,
1206
00:52:07,867 --> 00:52:11,530
"which is why this is so hard for me.
I cherish our friendship."
1207
00:52:12,238 --> 00:52:13,364
(LAUGHS)
1208
00:52:13,473 --> 00:52:14,997
She broke up with you?
1209
00:52:15,208 --> 00:52:17,540
And you still fucking got stabbed
in the eye?
1210
00:52:17,944 --> 00:52:19,673
Leave me alone. Get out of here.
1211
00:52:20,046 --> 00:52:21,638
What are you doing here?
You writing poetry?
1212
00:52:21,748 --> 00:52:23,511
Just leave me alone
and get out of here. No.
1213
00:52:23,717 --> 00:52:25,412
You're writing fucking break-up poetry.
1214
00:52:25,618 --> 00:52:27,916
All right,
I'm writing break-up poetry, okay?
1215
00:52:28,822 --> 00:52:30,221
Because my heart hurts.
1216
00:52:30,457 --> 00:52:32,584
- She stabbed me in my heart and my eye.
- Holy shit, you're wasted.
1217
00:52:32,692 --> 00:52:35,991
Look, I've had like two wine kills,
Captain Buzzcooler.
1218
00:52:36,096 --> 00:52:37,723
- God.
- You're fucked up.
1219
00:52:39,099 --> 00:52:41,795
"Jenny's eyes, like a gypsy's lies
Cut right through the night
1220
00:52:42,002 --> 00:52:44,197
"Now those eyes are another guy's
And I'm alone with my pain"
1221
00:52:44,404 --> 00:52:45,393
That was clean.
1222
00:52:45,505 --> 00:52:47,439
Are you shitting me with this, Adam?
1223
00:52:48,842 --> 00:52:51,276
Look, you can recite it straight
or to the tune of Sweet Child O'Mine.
1224
00:52:51,578 --> 00:52:52,636
It doesn't matter.
1225
00:52:52,746 --> 00:52:56,079
Are these mushrooms?
Did you eat these mushrooms, Adam?
1226
00:52:56,182 --> 00:52:58,650
I like to eat them, you know?
A couple of them.
1227
00:52:58,752 --> 00:53:00,686
Holy fuck, man, you gotta stay straight!
1228
00:53:00,787 --> 00:53:02,379
- You gotta help me get the guys back!
- Just relax.
1229
00:53:02,589 --> 00:53:04,318
You know, it's not always about
my emotional journey.
1230
00:53:04,424 --> 00:53:05,914
- It could be about yours.
- Put the coke down!
1231
00:53:06,026 --> 00:53:07,493
- God damn it, you little fucker!
- Give it to me!
1232
00:53:07,594 --> 00:53:10,222
Don't you fucking get it?
I'm not gonna be fucking born!
1233
00:53:10,330 --> 00:53:11,661
(EXPLOSION)
1234
00:53:13,900 --> 00:53:16,494
How much worse can it get?
1235
00:53:16,703 --> 00:53:18,261
What? The '80s?
1236
00:53:18,905 --> 00:53:20,805
New part shorted out another part.
1237
00:53:20,974 --> 00:53:22,635
I hope we can get
that thing working before dawn.
1238
00:53:22,842 --> 00:53:25,709
Wait, wait, hold on, is that when
the time portal closes, at dawn?
1239
00:53:25,912 --> 00:53:27,436
That's when the party's over.
1240
00:53:27,647 --> 00:53:28,739
Fuck you, man. Listen.
1241
00:53:28,848 --> 00:53:31,282
I am at my wit's end with him,
so you gotta level with me.
1242
00:53:31,384 --> 00:53:33,545
Are you the mystical
time-travel guide-guy or not?
1243
00:53:33,753 --> 00:53:35,983
Don't you put your hands on me,
young lady!
1244
00:53:37,190 --> 00:53:38,885
I'm just trying to do my job, here.
1245
00:53:39,092 --> 00:53:41,151
Fuck, hold on.
Quit eating mushrooms, man!
1246
00:53:41,361 --> 00:53:43,022
I wanna have a few more.
1247
00:53:45,398 --> 00:53:48,390
What the fuck is happening to me?
I can't...
1248
00:53:49,235 --> 00:53:50,224
Dawn.
1249
00:53:50,336 --> 00:53:51,598
(THUNDER CRASHING)
1250
00:53:54,107 --> 00:53:55,165
Hey, Adam.
1251
00:53:55,275 --> 00:53:58,142
All right, so anyway,
the repairman's doing his thing.
1252
00:53:58,244 --> 00:54:00,838
I'm gonna go find Nick and Lou,
and you stay right here. Okay?
1253
00:54:01,047 --> 00:54:03,538
- I'm gonna stay.
- You got it, but you can't leave.
1254
00:54:03,750 --> 00:54:06,218
I can't move, because I'm broken.
1255
00:54:07,053 --> 00:54:09,021
Man, you and my mom are so fucked.
1256
00:54:09,823 --> 00:54:11,017
(INHALES DEEPLY)
1257
00:54:11,157 --> 00:54:12,556
Hungry.
1258
00:54:14,294 --> 00:54:16,455
- Evening.
- ADAM: You've got two arms.
1259
00:54:17,263 --> 00:54:19,163
But you're not going to.
You're gonna lose one.
1260
00:54:19,766 --> 00:54:22,234
- What?
- You're gonna lose that arm.
1261
00:54:24,304 --> 00:54:25,601
(LAUGHING) You're one of those joker guys.
1262
00:54:25,705 --> 00:54:26,763
Right. Right.
1263
00:54:26,873 --> 00:54:29,501
I don't care if you put that arm
in a steel fucking vault,
1264
00:54:29,609 --> 00:54:31,270
that arm's coming off!
1265
00:54:31,644 --> 00:54:34,238
- You're gonna lose your arm.
- You're gonna lose your arm!
1266
00:54:34,447 --> 00:54:37,780
- I'm gonna rape you. I'm gonna rape you!
- I'm gonna rape you. I'm gonna rape you.
1267
00:54:37,984 --> 00:54:39,781
- Have a great night.
- Okay.
1268
00:54:40,186 --> 00:54:41,949
MALE ANNOUNCER: (ON TV)
... to the end zone. Touchdown Cleveland!
1269
00:54:42,055 --> 00:54:43,181
(ALL EX CLAIMING)
1270
00:54:44,424 --> 00:54:46,255
LOU: Pay up, suckers! Pay up!
1271
00:54:46,359 --> 00:54:49,658
How does he do it?
How is he right all the time?
1272
00:54:49,863 --> 00:54:51,490
Let me ask you something, McFly.
1273
00:54:52,298 --> 00:54:53,560
How you getting so lucky?
1274
00:54:53,666 --> 00:54:55,634
I know the fucking future, douche bag.
1275
00:54:55,835 --> 00:54:57,427
Really? One more bet.
1276
00:54:57,537 --> 00:55:00,165
Ricky, come on.
You said one more and then you'd be done.
1277
00:55:00,373 --> 00:55:02,637
I also said to shut the fuck up.
Remember that?
1278
00:55:02,842 --> 00:55:04,673
Okay, I love you. Shut the fuck up.
1279
00:55:04,911 --> 00:55:06,071
By the way, I love your coat.
1280
00:55:06,179 --> 00:55:07,942
I don't give a shit
about animals, either, so...
1281
00:55:08,515 --> 00:55:09,948
One more bet. High stakes.
1282
00:55:10,049 --> 00:55:12,574
All right. All right. Bring it on, Spader.
1283
00:55:12,685 --> 00:55:13,879
Bring it on, Jo-Jo.
1284
00:55:14,187 --> 00:55:17,953
I bet Elway throws a touchdown pass
with 37 seconds left on the clock.
1285
00:55:18,158 --> 00:55:20,422
Fat chance, asshole.
Elway's done nothing all day.
1286
00:55:20,527 --> 00:55:23,690
Well then, in the spirit of high stakes,
let's make it interesting.
1287
00:55:23,897 --> 00:55:24,921
Let's make it interesting.
1288
00:55:25,031 --> 00:55:28,228
If I win, your wife gives me a blowjob.
1289
00:55:29,035 --> 00:55:31,435
- RICKY: Really?
- A classy one.
1290
00:55:34,274 --> 00:55:35,866
- Hey, screw you, kid.
- Hey, okay,
1291
00:55:35,975 --> 00:55:38,273
and if you win, name your price.
1292
00:55:39,746 --> 00:55:41,737
Touchdown pass at 37 seconds, exactly?
1293
00:55:41,948 --> 00:55:43,347
LOU: Exactly.
1294
00:55:44,150 --> 00:55:45,310
Fine.
1295
00:55:45,618 --> 00:55:46,915
You lose, I take all your winnings.
1296
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:49,680
- Done.
- And you give your buddy a blowjob.
1297
00:55:49,889 --> 00:55:51,618
What? Hell, no.
1298
00:55:51,824 --> 00:55:52,848
Wow!
1299
00:55:52,959 --> 00:55:53,983
- Deal.
- Deal?
1300
00:55:54,093 --> 00:55:55,822
- Well done. I like your style.
- I like your style.
1301
00:55:55,929 --> 00:55:56,987
He's very creative.
1302
00:55:57,096 --> 00:55:59,462
I don't like you
taking liberties with my dick.
1303
00:55:59,666 --> 00:56:01,031
Relax, okay?
1304
00:56:01,234 --> 00:56:03,702
We know the fucking future. We can't lose.
1305
00:56:06,673 --> 00:56:10,700
Hey. Hey, there. What are you doing?
1306
00:56:11,477 --> 00:56:12,910
- Hi.
- Hey.
1307
00:56:13,780 --> 00:56:15,304
Okay, how's the view from down there?
1308
00:56:18,218 --> 00:56:19,207
(SIGHS)
1309
00:56:19,319 --> 00:56:20,718
It's nice.
1310
00:56:22,422 --> 00:56:23,582
Adam, right?
1311
00:56:24,824 --> 00:56:25,916
Yeah.
1312
00:56:26,025 --> 00:56:28,585
- Why are you bleeding in the snow?
- That? No, I...
1313
00:56:28,795 --> 00:56:31,355
I got stabbed in the face with a fork.
1314
00:56:31,965 --> 00:56:34,866
I saw it coming and I avoided it.
I mean, I didn't avoid it.
1315
00:56:35,134 --> 00:56:38,001
It just happened again to me
in a slightly different way.
1316
00:56:38,504 --> 00:56:41,598
Boy, I really wish I knew
what the fuck you were talking about.
1317
00:56:43,309 --> 00:56:45,675
All the choices we make in our life,
they're pointless.
1318
00:56:45,878 --> 00:56:47,709
There's no escaping the inevitable.
1319
00:56:48,314 --> 00:56:49,713
I don't know, man.
1320
00:56:52,418 --> 00:56:56,115
So, you're saying that your whole
entire life is predetermined to suck,
1321
00:56:56,222 --> 00:56:57,280
no matter what you do?
1322
00:56:57,390 --> 00:56:58,789
It's not the way I want it, but...
1323
00:56:58,992 --> 00:57:01,552
Kind of seems like
a really, really good excuse
1324
00:57:01,661 --> 00:57:04,687
to do something totally amazing
right now, tonight.
1325
00:57:06,199 --> 00:57:07,359
Like what?
1326
00:57:08,067 --> 00:57:12,060
Like perhaps hang out
with a girl that you just met
1327
00:57:12,171 --> 00:57:14,503
before her bus has to leave in two hours?
1328
00:57:15,074 --> 00:57:16,098
Right-o.
1329
00:57:17,377 --> 00:57:19,072
I thought you said we were
going to get some food.
1330
00:57:19,178 --> 00:57:22,113
We are. We're about to get some food.
1331
00:57:22,215 --> 00:57:24,740
ADAM: I'm pretty hungry, actually.
1332
00:57:24,951 --> 00:57:27,181
Damn it. They forgot to leave the key.
1333
00:57:27,387 --> 00:57:28,445
Who did?
1334
00:57:28,554 --> 00:57:31,990
Carol and Stan Stapleton.
They're my friends. They live here,
1335
00:57:32,091 --> 00:57:34,855
and I housesit for them
when they go to Nepal, sometimes.
1336
00:57:35,061 --> 00:57:36,926
I thought you said
you came in here on a bus.
1337
00:57:37,030 --> 00:57:40,022
They usually do leave,
like, a side door open.
1338
00:57:40,266 --> 00:57:42,097
- They do?
- So let me... I'll be right back.
1339
00:57:42,435 --> 00:57:43,402
Okay.
1340
00:57:43,770 --> 00:57:44,794
(GLASS SHATTERING)
1341
00:57:44,904 --> 00:57:46,735
APRIL: Yep, it's unlocked.
1342
00:57:51,544 --> 00:57:52,704
Cheers.
1343
00:57:53,313 --> 00:57:55,440
So which one's Carol?
1344
00:57:58,418 --> 00:57:59,680
Carol's on the left.
1345
00:58:00,953 --> 00:58:03,217
MALE ANNOUNCER: Elway's last stand.
45 seconds left on the clock.
1346
00:58:03,456 --> 00:58:05,856
I'm really good at getting head. You'll see.
1347
00:58:07,126 --> 00:58:08,559
- Elway takes the snap.
- Go, baby.
1348
00:58:08,661 --> 00:58:11,926
He fades back. Elway fires.
He's got Jackson open.
1349
00:58:12,131 --> 00:58:13,758
He's impossibly open!
1350
00:58:13,966 --> 00:58:15,558
Wait, what's this? Vermin?
1351
00:58:15,768 --> 00:58:17,030
No, no, no! I know this squirrel.
1352
00:58:17,136 --> 00:58:19,070
That's a magic fucking squirrel.
This doesn't count.
1353
00:58:19,172 --> 00:58:21,231
- He's distracted by a wild squirrel!
- LOU: What the fuck?
1354
00:58:21,441 --> 00:58:24,410
Incomplete! Game's over! Cleveland wins!
1355
00:58:24,610 --> 00:58:26,601
The Dawg Pound is going
to the Super Bowl.
1356
00:58:26,813 --> 00:58:28,041
Oh, yeah!
1357
00:58:28,147 --> 00:58:29,580
I've never seen anything like it!
1358
00:58:30,950 --> 00:58:33,578
- He did it. Got to go!
- Congratulations. Look at all that money.
1359
00:58:33,686 --> 00:58:36,746
I was kidding about the blowjob thing.
Obviously, we're comedians.
1360
00:58:36,956 --> 00:58:38,423
Hey, guys. Guys.
1361
00:58:38,925 --> 00:58:40,290
A bet's a bet.
1362
00:58:42,862 --> 00:58:44,659
Motherfucker!
1363
00:58:45,998 --> 00:58:47,226
APRIL: So you're a Time Lord?
1364
00:58:47,333 --> 00:58:48,300
ADAM: Mmm-hmm.
1365
00:58:48,434 --> 00:58:51,403
And a Jacuzzi is your spaceship?
1366
00:58:52,405 --> 00:58:53,565
That is correct, madam.
1367
00:58:53,773 --> 00:58:56,970
That's the only part of this whole thing
that doesn't make sense to me.
1368
00:58:57,176 --> 00:58:59,701
You're not the only one. Believe me.
1369
00:58:59,912 --> 00:59:02,710
I mean, the whole thing
is just totally insane.
1370
00:59:02,815 --> 00:59:03,873
Ew!
1371
00:59:05,251 --> 00:59:07,151
So, how's the future working out for you?
1372
00:59:07,253 --> 00:59:09,448
I mean, are you like a happy grownup?
1373
00:59:10,156 --> 00:59:12,181
- Not particularly, no.
- Yeah.
1374
00:59:12,291 --> 00:59:17,126
My friends actually think I ended up being
a completely selfish, fucked-up person.
1375
00:59:17,964 --> 00:59:19,932
And they may have a point,
actually, if I think about it.
1376
00:59:20,032 --> 00:59:21,056
Hmm...
1377
00:59:21,167 --> 00:59:23,465
I'll tell you something
I haven't told somebody for a long time.
1378
00:59:23,803 --> 00:59:24,929
When I was a kid,
1379
00:59:25,037 --> 00:59:28,200
every Friday night, my father
used to take my sister Kelly and me
1380
00:59:28,307 --> 00:59:31,902
to this place called Flatirons
for steak sandwiches.
1381
00:59:32,011 --> 00:59:33,035
It was a family tradition.
1382
00:59:33,146 --> 00:59:34,909
That's sometimes a good thing.
1383
00:59:35,114 --> 00:59:37,605
But one year, we saw this commercial
1384
00:59:38,284 --> 00:59:40,844
for this place called
The Enchanted Forest of Pizza.
1385
00:59:41,554 --> 00:59:45,149
So the next Friday,
my dad's loading us up into the car.
1386
00:59:45,358 --> 00:59:48,350
We're like, "Daddy, we want to go
to The Enchanted Forest of Pizza."
1387
00:59:48,461 --> 00:59:50,156
And he's like,
"What are you talking about?
1388
00:59:50,263 --> 00:59:52,231
"We always go for steak sandwiches."
1389
00:59:52,331 --> 00:59:53,662
But we just stay at him
1390
00:59:53,866 --> 00:59:56,926
and we're whining, and we're badgering,
and finally he relents.
1391
00:59:57,136 --> 00:59:58,569
Nice. So, you win.
1392
00:59:58,671 --> 01:00:01,299
You deviated from the plan
in a really big way. That's good.
1393
01:00:02,308 --> 01:00:04,333
33 people died of E. coli.
1394
01:00:05,645 --> 01:00:07,010
Including my father.
1395
01:00:07,580 --> 01:00:09,673
Before he died,
he looked at me and he said,
1396
01:00:09,882 --> 01:00:11,349
"Adam, you did this."
1397
01:00:11,551 --> 01:00:12,882
No, he didn't.
1398
01:00:13,085 --> 01:00:14,211
Yes, he did,
1399
01:00:14,654 --> 01:00:15,678
with his eyes.
1400
01:00:15,788 --> 01:00:18,484
I don't think that
that's what he meant with his eyes.
1401
01:00:18,591 --> 01:00:22,493
The point is that Kelly and I dealt with
the guilt of this in very different ways.
1402
01:00:22,695 --> 01:00:24,060
She went wild, right?
1403
01:00:24,263 --> 01:00:25,890
She didn't want
to have control over anything.
1404
01:00:26,098 --> 01:00:28,328
But I vowed to master the chaos,
1405
01:00:28,468 --> 01:00:30,163
- to impose order.
- Adam, I really don't think
1406
01:00:30,269 --> 01:00:33,932
that you can let a poison pizza
ruin the rest of your life.
1407
01:00:34,507 --> 01:00:37,305
You got to embrace the chaos.
You have to.
1408
01:00:37,510 --> 01:00:41,002
That way, life might just astonish you.
1409
01:00:50,523 --> 01:00:52,354
MAN 1: I had so much fun tonight.
MAN 2: I know!
1410
01:00:52,492 --> 01:00:53,789
Fuck! Game on.
1411
01:00:56,295 --> 01:00:57,421
MAN 2: You look so hot, by the way.
MAN 1: Thanks.
1412
01:00:58,698 --> 01:01:00,598
I said, start sucking, gaylord.
1413
01:01:01,534 --> 01:01:04,401
- Yeah! Suck!
- MAN: Suck that shit, man!
1414
01:01:04,604 --> 01:01:07,767
ALL: (CHANTING) Suck! Suck! Suck!
1415
01:01:07,974 --> 01:01:09,601
LOU: Who are you people?
1416
01:01:09,809 --> 01:01:12,175
God, who are you people?
1417
01:01:12,378 --> 01:01:14,369
Let's get on with this.
My fondue's getting cold.
1418
01:01:14,580 --> 01:01:16,047
MAN: Choke on that horn, man!
1419
01:01:17,216 --> 01:01:18,274
(GROANING)
1420
01:01:19,819 --> 01:01:20,945
Oh!
1421
01:01:21,153 --> 01:01:22,745
Wow, good for you.
1422
01:01:22,955 --> 01:01:23,944
I know, right?
1423
01:01:24,056 --> 01:01:26,047
It's like Gary Coleman's fucking forearm.
1424
01:01:26,792 --> 01:01:28,453
It's so black!
1425
01:01:28,928 --> 01:01:31,158
It's so impossibly black.
1426
01:01:32,698 --> 01:01:34,598
- I love you, buddy.
- Don't say that!
1427
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:35,892
I'm sorry, I do.
1428
01:01:37,069 --> 01:01:38,229
No, no, no!
1429
01:01:38,604 --> 01:01:40,003
(CROWD CONTINUES CHANTING)
1430
01:01:50,765 --> 01:01:52,699
Hey, you.
1431
01:01:53,201 --> 01:01:55,431
Maybe what you need
isn't in here, after all.
1432
01:01:55,637 --> 01:01:59,300
Maybe what you need
has always been in here.
1433
01:01:59,974 --> 01:02:01,373
- Really?
- No.
1434
01:02:04,879 --> 01:02:06,779
The tub? Is it fixed yet?
1435
01:02:06,981 --> 01:02:08,846
Can be. Ready to go?
1436
01:02:09,050 --> 01:02:10,142
Wait, go where?
1437
01:02:10,351 --> 01:02:12,376
To the room, check it out.
I've got the part right here.
1438
01:02:12,487 --> 01:02:13,613
Yeah. Yeah, let's go.
1439
01:02:13,721 --> 01:02:14,779
- Let's go.
- Right.
1440
01:02:19,227 --> 01:02:21,161
- Where did he go?
- Who?
1441
01:02:21,362 --> 01:02:22,829
This fucking guy.
1442
01:02:24,399 --> 01:02:26,526
LOU: Nicholas.
1443
01:02:28,202 --> 01:02:30,534
Nicky. Nicholas.
1444
01:02:31,906 --> 01:02:34,170
Hey! There he is!
1445
01:02:34,742 --> 01:02:36,141
- What?
- What the fuck?
1446
01:02:36,244 --> 01:02:37,370
What? What?
1447
01:02:37,478 --> 01:02:38,570
(SCREAMING)
1448
01:02:38,680 --> 01:02:40,648
What, do I still have some on my face?
1449
01:02:41,716 --> 01:02:43,149
Oh, God!
1450
01:02:43,351 --> 01:02:44,579
Damn!
1451
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:47,347
Did you have pineapple today?
1452
01:02:47,455 --> 01:02:49,753
I can't go home. What the fuck?
1453
01:02:50,224 --> 01:02:51,885
I'm fucking with you, dude.
1454
01:02:52,093 --> 01:02:53,253
It's hand soap.
1455
01:02:54,596 --> 01:02:56,723
Oh, my God. Relax.
1456
01:02:56,931 --> 01:03:00,264
It's like you haven't seen a little come
on your friend's face before, or something.
1457
01:03:00,468 --> 01:03:02,163
NICK: What the fuck
is wrong with you, man?
1458
01:03:02,370 --> 01:03:05,100
LOU: I'm just kidding.
It's what friends do. God!
1459
01:03:05,373 --> 01:03:06,431
You didn't?
1460
01:03:06,641 --> 01:03:09,007
Gargle your hog? No, man.
1461
01:03:09,210 --> 01:03:11,201
After they pulled you off of me,
me and Rick talked it out.
1462
01:03:11,412 --> 01:03:12,777
He's actually a pretty cool guy.
1463
01:03:12,981 --> 01:03:16,508
We have a lot in common.
We both love tits and Mötley Crüe.
1464
01:03:16,718 --> 01:03:17,878
It's cool?
1465
01:03:17,986 --> 01:03:21,114
Yeah, I just told him a bunch of shit
that's gonna make him rich in the future.
1466
01:03:21,723 --> 01:03:23,748
I saved the good stuff for us.
1467
01:03:24,125 --> 01:03:26,559
Let's go to the bar, plan our empire.
1468
01:03:28,162 --> 01:03:29,595
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1469
01:03:31,565 --> 01:03:34,762
Fucking iPods, you know? Fucking Prius.
1470
01:03:35,235 --> 01:03:38,796
Match. com. Anything. com.
Fucking Internet. com!
1471
01:03:39,006 --> 01:03:42,840
Fucking Zac Efron.
Nobody invented him yet.
1472
01:03:43,043 --> 01:03:45,807
What about Twitter?
Whatever the fuck that is.
1473
01:03:46,347 --> 01:03:50,545
Hey, we could combine
Twitter with fucking Viagra.
1474
01:03:51,919 --> 01:03:53,318
Twitt-agra.
1475
01:03:54,655 --> 01:03:55,986
What's the matter, dude? Come on.
1476
01:03:56,190 --> 01:03:59,421
I'm sorry, man. I'm just preoccupied.
1477
01:03:59,893 --> 01:04:02,953
You just kind of down about
being black and out of shape?
1478
01:04:03,130 --> 01:04:05,121
What the fuck is wrong with you? No.
1479
01:04:05,232 --> 01:04:06,893
Because you look good, you know?
1480
01:04:07,001 --> 01:04:08,832
This is a great time for black people.
1481
01:04:09,269 --> 01:04:11,703
I mean our time, not this time.
This is a terrible time for black people.
1482
01:04:11,805 --> 01:04:14,000
I don't see one other black person in here.
1483
01:04:15,309 --> 01:04:16,571
Talk to me, man.
1484
01:04:16,844 --> 01:04:18,311
I found out she fucking cheated.
1485
01:04:18,512 --> 01:04:21,447
What? Courtney's
fucking cheating on you?
1486
01:04:21,949 --> 01:04:24,975
I gave her my life, I gave up my passion.
1487
01:04:25,085 --> 01:04:26,347
And she's just out there...
1488
01:04:26,453 --> 01:04:28,318
Why the fuck
didn't you say something, man?
1489
01:04:28,522 --> 01:04:31,650
That's just it!
I never see you guys anymore.
1490
01:04:32,026 --> 01:04:34,586
I don't have my music,
I barely have friends.
1491
01:04:35,129 --> 01:04:36,289
Without Courtney,
1492
01:04:36,997 --> 01:04:38,055
I'm nothing.
1493
01:04:38,165 --> 01:04:40,360
You're just fucking
Courtney's bitch right now.
1494
01:04:40,501 --> 01:04:42,969
You need to be your own man, you know?
1495
01:04:43,170 --> 01:04:44,831
"Nick Webber-Agnew"?
What the fuck is that?
1496
01:04:45,039 --> 01:04:46,404
- It's terrible.
- It doesn't work.
1497
01:04:46,507 --> 01:04:49,067
No. Nick Webber, that's who you are.
1498
01:04:49,877 --> 01:04:51,310
That's who I was.
1499
01:04:51,645 --> 01:04:53,579
Maybe you gotta find him again.
1500
01:04:53,881 --> 01:04:57,180
You know, she's getting hers,
you go get yours.
1501
01:04:58,052 --> 01:04:59,417
I can't, man.
1502
01:04:59,620 --> 01:05:01,212
It means something to me to be married.
1503
01:05:01,321 --> 01:05:03,255
You're not fucking married. It's 1986.
1504
01:05:03,357 --> 01:05:04,381
In my heart I am.
1505
01:05:04,491 --> 01:05:05,890
Your heart's a fucking liar.
1506
01:05:15,135 --> 01:05:17,899
You know what?
You know what you got to do?
1507
01:05:18,105 --> 01:05:19,129
What?
1508
01:05:19,706 --> 01:05:21,731
You gotta get your ass up on that stage.
1509
01:05:23,477 --> 01:05:24,569
You're right.
1510
01:05:26,146 --> 01:05:28,137
- I'm gonna do it.
- Yeah. Do it.
1511
01:05:28,348 --> 01:05:31,442
Hey, hey, hey. Do it fucking quickly, okay?
1512
01:05:31,652 --> 01:05:34,018
You better be at that fight with me.
Don't leave me hanging this time.
1513
01:05:34,121 --> 01:05:35,588
- I won't. I promise.
- All right.
1514
01:05:35,956 --> 01:05:37,981
Hey, Adam. Fuck.
1515
01:05:41,711 --> 01:05:42,837
Guys?
1516
01:05:43,513 --> 01:05:44,639
(WATER BUBBLING)
1517
01:05:48,718 --> 01:05:49,912
You're good to go.
1518
01:05:50,587 --> 01:05:51,645
Holy shit. Really?
1519
01:05:51,755 --> 01:05:56,021
Some sort of sticky liquid got into
the crossover housing, I don't know.
1520
01:05:56,226 --> 01:05:58,160
Must have had some nitratriminium in it.
1521
01:05:59,196 --> 01:06:00,527
It's Chernobly.
1522
01:06:00,630 --> 01:06:03,565
Whatever it was,
it ravaged the hell out of the electronics.
1523
01:06:03,767 --> 01:06:05,735
Worked out for you and the boys, though.
1524
01:06:05,836 --> 01:06:08,100
Wait, hold on, are you saying that
that's the key to the whole thing?
1525
01:06:08,205 --> 01:06:09,467
We need the Chernobly to get back?
1526
01:06:09,573 --> 01:06:13,373
All I'm saying is, whatever your poison,
I wouldn't tub without it.
1527
01:06:13,610 --> 01:06:15,271
Especially after dawn.
1528
01:06:16,146 --> 01:06:18,011
It'd kill you to give me a straight answer?
1529
01:06:18,648 --> 01:06:20,548
You know, you're kind of a dick.
1530
01:06:21,051 --> 01:06:23,679
MAN: Hey, everybody, you ready to jam?
1531
01:06:23,787 --> 01:06:25,118
All right.
1532
01:06:25,322 --> 01:06:28,189
Ladies and gentlemen,
help me welcome to the stage
1533
01:06:28,391 --> 01:06:30,222
Nick Webber!
1534
01:06:31,328 --> 01:06:32,454
Hi.
1535
01:06:33,630 --> 01:06:35,257
It's been a long time.
1536
01:06:36,733 --> 01:06:37,859
(MOUTHING)
1537
01:06:40,504 --> 01:06:43,064
(SINGING) No, I'm never gonna dance again
1538
01:06:43,273 --> 01:06:46,606
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
1539
01:06:49,813 --> 01:06:50,939
(JESSIE'S GIRL PLAYING)
1540
01:06:55,752 --> 01:06:57,913
(SINGING) Jessie is a friend
1541
01:06:59,289 --> 01:07:02,417
Yeah, I know he's been
a good friend of mine
1542
01:07:03,126 --> 01:07:06,357
But lately something's changed
It ain't hard to define
1543
01:07:06,563 --> 01:07:09,896
Jessie's got himself a girl
And I want to make her mine
1544
01:07:12,669 --> 01:07:14,762
BLAINE: These guys are dangerous.
Look at this stuff.
1545
01:07:14,971 --> 01:07:16,871
BOY: Blaine, it looks
like a skinny soda can.
1546
01:07:17,107 --> 01:07:20,440
No, a soda-can bomb!
This stuff's straight out of Moscow.
1547
01:07:20,644 --> 01:07:22,202
Let's go kick that Commie's ass!
1548
01:07:22,846 --> 01:07:23,835
Chaz.
1549
01:07:23,947 --> 01:07:26,438
Shouldn't we call the cops
or the FBI or something?
1550
01:07:26,917 --> 01:07:29,886
No, we're gonna handle this internally.
1551
01:07:33,957 --> 01:07:35,288
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
1552
01:07:39,496 --> 01:07:40,622
I wish that I had
1553
01:07:40,730 --> 01:07:42,357
Jessie's girl
1554
01:07:42,732 --> 01:07:43,994
I wish that I had
1555
01:07:44,100 --> 01:07:45,761
Jessie's girl
1556
01:07:50,674 --> 01:07:55,077
Yeah
1557
01:07:57,180 --> 01:07:58,374
(ALL CHEERING)
1558
01:08:00,383 --> 01:08:03,079
This song is from the future,
but since you've been good,
1559
01:08:03,286 --> 01:08:04,548
you get it early.
1560
01:08:04,654 --> 01:08:06,281
Just like we rehearsed.
1561
01:08:07,557 --> 01:08:10,321
Let's get it started
1562
01:08:10,527 --> 01:08:12,552
in here
1563
01:08:16,066 --> 01:08:18,694
And the bass keep runnin'runnin'
And runnin'runnin'
1564
01:08:18,902 --> 01:08:21,200
And runnin'runnin'
And runnin'runnin'
1565
01:08:21,304 --> 01:08:23,397
And runnin'runnin'
And runnin'runnin'
1566
01:08:23,506 --> 01:08:25,974
And runnin'runnin'
And runnin'runnin'
1567
01:08:26,176 --> 01:08:28,303
In this context
There's no disrespect
1568
01:08:28,511 --> 01:08:30,536
So when I bust my rhyme
You break your necks
1569
01:08:30,747 --> 01:08:32,772
We got five minutes
For us to disconnect
1570
01:08:32,983 --> 01:08:35,008
From all intellect
Collect the rhythm effect
1571
01:08:35,218 --> 01:08:37,686
So lose your inhibition
Follow your intuition
1572
01:08:37,887 --> 01:08:39,878
Free your inner soul
And break away from tradition
1573
01:08:40,090 --> 01:08:41,955
'Cause when we beat out
Girl, it's putting heat out
1574
01:08:42,058 --> 01:08:44,492
You wouldn't believe
How we wow shit out
1575
01:08:44,594 --> 01:08:46,585
Burn it till it's burned out
Turn it till it's turned out
1576
01:08:46,696 --> 01:08:49,062
Act up from north, west, east, south
1577
01:08:49,265 --> 01:08:52,701
Everybody, everybody
Let's get into it
1578
01:08:52,902 --> 01:08:54,995
Get stupid
Get it started
1579
01:08:55,205 --> 01:08:57,002
Get it started
Get it started
1580
01:08:57,207 --> 01:09:01,871
Let's get it started
Let's get it started in here
1581
01:09:01,978 --> 01:09:05,914
Let's get it started
Let's get it started in here
1582
01:09:07,751 --> 01:09:10,845
Everybody, everybody
Let's get into it
1583
01:09:11,054 --> 01:09:12,919
Get stupid
Get it started
1584
01:09:13,123 --> 01:09:16,957
Get it started, get it started
Let's get it started
1585
01:09:17,060 --> 01:09:19,028
Hey, where's the Kodiak Club?
1586
01:09:19,129 --> 01:09:20,357
Down the street, dude.
1587
01:09:20,563 --> 01:09:22,326
Okay. Okay, thank you.
1588
01:09:22,532 --> 01:09:25,296
Listen, me and my boys
got some shit-kicking to do.
1589
01:09:25,635 --> 01:09:26,966
But this
1590
01:09:27,070 --> 01:09:29,800
(GRUNTING)
1591
01:09:30,240 --> 01:09:31,400
ain't over.
1592
01:09:32,142 --> 01:09:33,507
Get out of my way, stool.
1593
01:09:34,678 --> 01:09:36,942
Transmit hits with no delusion
1594
01:09:37,047 --> 01:09:39,675
The feeling's irresistible
And that's how we moving
1595
01:09:39,883 --> 01:09:41,646
Everybody
Everybody
1596
01:09:41,751 --> 01:09:42,979
Let's get into it
1597
01:09:43,086 --> 01:09:44,178
That's my boy, right there.
1598
01:09:44,387 --> 01:09:46,048
- The singer?
- Yeah.
1599
01:09:46,256 --> 01:09:48,520
Let's get it started
1600
01:09:48,725 --> 01:09:51,592
I'll be back. My friends are over there.
I'll come right back.
1601
01:09:52,262 --> 01:09:54,253
Lose control
Of body and soul
1602
01:09:54,364 --> 01:09:56,855
Don't move too fast, people
Just take it slow
1603
01:09:56,966 --> 01:09:59,264
I'm caught right in the middle
of a thing right now,
1604
01:09:59,469 --> 01:10:01,096
but can I text you later?
1605
01:10:01,304 --> 01:10:02,737
- Can you what?
- Are you online at all?
1606
01:10:02,939 --> 01:10:04,406
I have no idea what you're saying.
1607
01:10:04,607 --> 01:10:05,801
How do I get a hold of you?
1608
01:10:05,909 --> 01:10:07,843
You come find me.
1609
01:10:07,944 --> 01:10:09,070
That just sounds
1610
01:10:10,046 --> 01:10:11,035
exhausting.
1611
01:10:11,614 --> 01:10:12,638
With no delusion
1612
01:10:12,749 --> 01:10:14,876
The feeling's irresistible
And that's how we moving
1613
01:10:14,984 --> 01:10:16,918
There he is. Where are your boys?
1614
01:10:17,120 --> 01:10:18,610
I thought they were gonna hold your sack.
1615
01:10:19,022 --> 01:10:20,546
BOY: Let's kick his ass, Blaine.
1616
01:10:22,292 --> 01:10:24,556
Where are my fucking friends?
1617
01:10:24,861 --> 01:10:26,294
Whoo-hoo!
Let's get
1618
01:10:26,496 --> 01:10:28,157
Whoo-hoo!
In here
1619
01:10:28,364 --> 01:10:30,264
Let's get
Whoo-hoo!
1620
01:10:30,467 --> 01:10:32,094
While I get
Whoo-hoo!
1621
01:10:32,902 --> 01:10:34,767
- You like that song?
- Yeah, it's great.
1622
01:10:34,871 --> 01:10:35,929
It's gonna be a hit.
1623
01:10:43,580 --> 01:10:45,707
And runnin'runnin'
And runnin'runnin'
1624
01:10:45,815 --> 01:10:47,442
And runnin'runnin'
And runnin'runnin'
1625
01:10:47,584 --> 01:10:48,812
(ALL CHEERING)
1626
01:10:52,756 --> 01:10:55,122
Thank you. Thank you.
1627
01:10:56,826 --> 01:10:58,054
Yes.
1628
01:10:58,161 --> 01:10:59,560
MAN: That was sweet.
1629
01:10:59,696 --> 01:11:01,425
ADAM: All right. All right, man.
1630
01:11:03,199 --> 01:11:05,099
Good to have you back,
see you back up there, man.
1631
01:11:05,201 --> 01:11:07,294
Hey, it's coming back.
I should have done this years ago.
1632
01:11:07,403 --> 01:11:10,270
- Guys. Adam. Guys!
- About time.
1633
01:11:10,373 --> 01:11:12,273
Did you see him?
Did you see him rock out?
1634
01:11:12,375 --> 01:11:14,900
Shut up! Okay, we gotta find
the Chernobly to get out of here.
1635
01:11:15,111 --> 01:11:17,204
- Chernobly? Why?
- I don't know, exactly.
1636
01:11:17,413 --> 01:11:21,110
But the repairman said
it's got nitro-trainium...
1637
01:11:21,317 --> 01:11:22,682
- Nitratrinanium.
- JACOB: Thank you.
1638
01:11:22,786 --> 01:11:25,346
Or some shit in it
that'll fix the time machine.
1639
01:11:25,555 --> 01:11:27,352
- That makes sense.
- Where's Lou?
1640
01:11:27,557 --> 01:11:29,525
ADAM: Where is... What time is it?
1641
01:11:30,226 --> 01:11:33,320
Fuck! Fuck! Shit! Shit!
1642
01:11:34,330 --> 01:11:35,456
(GIRLS CHATTERING)
1643
01:11:36,065 --> 01:11:37,089
NICK: Lou!
1644
01:11:38,735 --> 01:11:40,396
- Where is he?
- Fuck.
1645
01:11:42,172 --> 01:11:44,640
ADAM: Oh, my God! We missed it again!
1646
01:11:45,775 --> 01:11:47,766
Well, where do you think he went?
1647
01:11:49,279 --> 01:11:51,042
Same place as last time?
1648
01:11:52,515 --> 01:11:56,212
LOU: (SINGING)
Keeps me together at the seams
1649
01:11:56,419 --> 01:11:59,013
I'm on my way
1650
01:11:59,622 --> 01:12:01,180
MAN 1: Shut up, you flamer!
1651
01:12:01,891 --> 01:12:04,724
I'm on my way
1652
01:12:05,628 --> 01:12:07,926
MAN 2: Hey, go home! Loser!
1653
01:12:08,131 --> 01:12:09,996
Hey, John Lennon gets shot!
1654
01:12:10,633 --> 01:12:12,100
Wait, did that already happen?
1655
01:12:14,537 --> 01:12:15,663
ADAM: Lou!
1656
01:12:17,073 --> 01:12:18,267
Whoo!
1657
01:12:19,209 --> 01:12:23,612
They made it, everybody!
Best friends in the world!
1658
01:12:23,813 --> 01:12:25,144
Almost just in time!
1659
01:12:26,916 --> 01:12:28,213
My buddies.
1660
01:12:28,418 --> 01:12:31,512
Fucking Chimney Point, right? Here we are.
1661
01:12:31,721 --> 01:12:33,951
Bottle of scotch, end of the night.
1662
01:12:35,658 --> 01:12:36,989
Where were you?
1663
01:12:37,327 --> 01:12:38,919
We were just... We came...
1664
01:12:39,028 --> 01:12:40,791
Not tonight. Every fucking night.
1665
01:12:41,297 --> 01:12:44,425
Huh? What happened?
We were gonna do shit together, man.
1666
01:12:44,534 --> 01:12:47,230
We were gonna conquer the fucking world.
Me and you.
1667
01:12:47,437 --> 01:12:48,904
And then you cut me off.
1668
01:12:49,105 --> 01:12:50,129
What was I gonna do, man?
1669
01:12:50,340 --> 01:12:52,968
I was gonna let you
drag me down into your bullshit, Lou?
1670
01:12:53,176 --> 01:12:55,235
Yeah. Yes, because that's what friends do.
1671
01:12:55,345 --> 01:12:56,642
No, they don't, man!
1672
01:12:56,846 --> 01:12:58,473
Because then there's two people
stuck in the bullshit
1673
01:12:58,581 --> 01:12:59,741
instead of your sorry ass.
1674
01:12:59,849 --> 01:13:03,979
You should stick by your friends
through thick and thin!
1675
01:13:07,590 --> 01:13:10,650
Okay, great. I got two things to say to you.
1676
01:13:11,127 --> 01:13:12,389
- Okay.
- Okay?
1677
01:13:12,762 --> 01:13:15,162
Number one, I hate you.
1678
01:13:15,798 --> 01:13:18,232
- Got it.
- Our friendship means nothing.
1679
01:13:19,502 --> 01:13:20,969
All right, is that the first thing
or the second thing?
1680
01:13:21,070 --> 01:13:23,470
What? No, clearly that's still part
of the first thing.
1681
01:13:23,673 --> 01:13:25,004
- I mean, am I the asshole?
- Did you get that?
1682
01:13:25,108 --> 01:13:26,735
- No, I didn't get it. I thought...
- He didn't get it.
1683
01:13:26,843 --> 01:13:28,071
He said A and B...
1684
01:13:28,177 --> 01:13:30,407
Let's agree to disagree
about the "first" thing.
1685
01:13:30,613 --> 01:13:33,878
Lou, where is the Chernobly?
We need it to get back.
1686
01:13:34,083 --> 01:13:35,948
(IN MOCKING TONE)
"Where's the Chernobly at, Lou?"
1687
01:13:36,052 --> 01:13:37,952
That's all you ever fucking care about.
1688
01:13:38,154 --> 01:13:39,485
It's the first time he mentioned it.
1689
01:13:39,689 --> 01:13:41,281
Yeah, and even if we had
mentioned it before,
1690
01:13:41,391 --> 01:13:44,087
it's kind of a fucking big deal, okay?
I wanna go home.
1691
01:13:44,294 --> 01:13:45,659
NICK: Come on, Lou.
Let's talk about this inside.
1692
01:13:45,762 --> 01:13:48,526
- You got no shoes on. It's cold out.
- Who took my fucking shoe?
1693
01:13:48,631 --> 01:13:51,065
Blaine apparently beat your shoe
off of you,
1694
01:13:51,167 --> 01:13:53,101
which I don't even know how
that could fucking happen.
1695
01:13:53,202 --> 01:13:56,729
Okay, fuck it!
Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you!
1696
01:13:57,273 --> 01:13:59,571
ADAM: Easy, man.
JACOB: Whoa, Lou!
1697
01:13:59,876 --> 01:14:02,777
(ALL YELLING)
1698
01:14:04,781 --> 01:14:05,907
NICK: I got you.
1699
01:14:06,115 --> 01:14:07,343
JACOB: Oh, my God!
1700
01:14:07,550 --> 01:14:08,608
- Is Lou dead?
- Shit!
1701
01:14:08,818 --> 01:14:10,251
JACOB: There he is.
1702
01:14:11,654 --> 01:14:12,678
NICK: I can't hold on.
1703
01:14:12,889 --> 01:14:14,857
- Yes, you can!
- Yes, you can hang on!
1704
01:14:15,058 --> 01:14:16,491
- I'm slipping.
- ADAM: No, hold on.
1705
01:14:16,826 --> 01:14:18,794
JACOB: No, Nick. Hold on. Guys!
1706
01:14:18,995 --> 01:14:20,121
(SCREAMING)
1707
01:14:21,965 --> 01:14:23,796
JACOB: Phil! Phil!
1708
01:14:25,134 --> 01:14:26,567
Oh, fuck!
1709
01:14:26,669 --> 01:14:29,467
We're dead! This is how it happens!
This is how he loses it!
1710
01:14:29,672 --> 01:14:30,798
Fuck it!
1711
01:14:31,007 --> 01:14:33,066
Fuck it, we're dead men! Just let me go.
1712
01:14:33,276 --> 01:14:34,800
JACOB: Lou, be positive.
1713
01:14:37,280 --> 01:14:38,941
LOU: The roof is scraping my nut!
1714
01:14:39,148 --> 01:14:40,809
NICK: Damn, you strong.
1715
01:14:41,050 --> 01:14:42,540
(ALL GRUNTING)
1716
01:14:44,520 --> 01:14:45,782
All right.
1717
01:14:45,989 --> 01:14:48,822
You're all right?
I'm glad you guys are all right.
1718
01:14:50,460 --> 01:14:51,927
My fault.
1719
01:14:52,128 --> 01:14:53,959
Why do you do shit like that?
1720
01:14:54,163 --> 01:14:55,994
- I'm sorry! Jesus!
- Thank you, Phil.
1721
01:14:56,632 --> 01:14:59,032
All right,
here's the second fucking thing, okay?
1722
01:14:59,235 --> 01:15:00,668
Blaine's got the Chernobly.
1723
01:15:00,870 --> 01:15:03,100
Let's just get it from him,
so we can get back to the present
1724
01:15:03,306 --> 01:15:05,297
so I can start never seeing
you bitches again.
1725
01:15:08,044 --> 01:15:09,375
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Hey.
1726
01:15:09,479 --> 01:15:10,946
I was looking for you. Where'd you go?
1727
01:15:11,047 --> 01:15:13,777
I had to go...
My friend got in trouble, but I had to...
1728
01:15:13,983 --> 01:15:15,143
I'm leaving right now.
1729
01:15:15,351 --> 01:15:16,443
You're leaving right now?
1730
01:15:16,552 --> 01:15:17,780
- Yeah.
- That's not good.
1731
01:15:17,887 --> 01:15:19,548
I told you, I had two hours. I gotta go.
1732
01:15:20,723 --> 01:15:23,988
JACOB: Uncle Adam, come on!
Who the fuck is that chick?
1733
01:15:24,193 --> 01:15:25,251
Do you wanna come with me?
1734
01:15:25,361 --> 01:15:26,385
- LOU: Get her fax number and let's go.
- Come on.
1735
01:15:26,496 --> 01:15:27,861
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
1736
01:15:27,964 --> 01:15:30,159
You can do whatever you want, man.
It's your life.
1737
01:15:30,266 --> 01:15:32,734
- I want to.
- Good. Then come on.
1738
01:15:32,835 --> 01:15:35,804
But I can't because my friends need me
and I gotta show up for them,
1739
01:15:36,906 --> 01:15:38,305
so I really can't.
1740
01:15:38,508 --> 01:15:39,736
Okay.
1741
01:15:41,044 --> 01:15:43,444
So what are we... I mean, do we...
1742
01:15:43,913 --> 01:15:45,244
- What happens?
- I don't know.
1743
01:15:45,448 --> 01:15:46,915
I'm not really making any plans.
1744
01:15:47,116 --> 01:15:49,380
I'm just sort of letting
the universe surprise me, right?
1745
01:15:49,585 --> 01:15:51,815
I like that. I like that a lot.
That's the sign of a happy man.
1746
01:15:52,021 --> 01:15:53,181
MAN: April, let's go!
1747
01:15:53,289 --> 01:15:54,449
Shit.
1748
01:15:56,959 --> 01:15:59,928
(WHISPERING) Maybe the universe
will bring us together again.
1749
01:16:00,163 --> 01:16:01,357
I hope.
1750
01:16:08,871 --> 01:16:10,498
JACOB: Casanova, let's do this!
1751
01:16:12,108 --> 01:16:13,973
(BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLEPLAYING)
1752
01:16:19,949 --> 01:16:21,678
ADAM: Just turn it around
and keep it running, okay?
1753
01:16:21,884 --> 01:16:23,249
PHIL: Yeah, sure thing.
1754
01:16:24,353 --> 01:16:26,048
Okay. You go this way, I'll go this way?
1755
01:16:26,255 --> 01:16:27,586
No, I'm gonna do the opposite
of everything you say.
1756
01:16:27,790 --> 01:16:28,757
Great.
1757
01:16:29,358 --> 01:16:30,689
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
1758
01:16:31,127 --> 01:16:33,095
Wonder which one's Blaine's room.
1759
01:16:36,632 --> 01:16:37,826
Housekeeping.
1760
01:16:45,041 --> 01:16:46,531
Go, go, go.
1761
01:16:59,388 --> 01:17:01,515
LOU: Let's try in here. Where is it?
1762
01:17:03,059 --> 01:17:05,050
Come on! Come on, come on.
1763
01:17:07,196 --> 01:17:08,627
(GRUNTS)
1764
01:17:09,499 --> 01:17:11,228
Panties, panties, panties!
1765
01:17:12,101 --> 01:17:13,432
What the fuck are you doing?
1766
01:17:13,636 --> 01:17:17,436
Why don't you shut your slut mouth
and mind your own fucking business?
1767
01:17:18,007 --> 01:17:19,474
You disgust me.
1768
01:17:22,845 --> 01:17:23,869
(GROWLING)
1769
01:17:25,148 --> 01:17:27,616
I love how much you hate you.
1770
01:17:30,286 --> 01:17:31,344
Thank you.
1771
01:17:36,292 --> 01:17:37,554
- They're here, come on.
- Fuck!
1772
01:17:37,660 --> 01:17:39,457
"Fuck" as in, "The Chernobly's here
and we're all good"?
1773
01:17:39,562 --> 01:17:41,393
No, "fuck" as in, "fuck!"
1774
01:17:41,597 --> 01:17:42,655
Where's Nick?
1775
01:17:42,765 --> 01:17:45,256
NICK: Admit it!
You sucked his balls, you licked his booty,
1776
01:17:45,368 --> 01:17:47,097
you sucked his toes.
1777
01:17:47,303 --> 01:17:48,565
Was his dick bigger than mine?
1778
01:17:48,671 --> 01:17:50,571
You wore the heels, didn't you?
1779
01:17:50,773 --> 01:17:51,797
Admit it, bitch!
1780
01:17:52,675 --> 01:17:54,233
There's gonna be some changes, all right?
1781
01:17:54,443 --> 01:17:56,240
First, I'm dropping "Agnew"
from my name.
1782
01:17:56,345 --> 01:17:57,369
No more hyphenate.
1783
01:17:57,480 --> 01:18:01,712
Next, I'm getting back on stage.
I'm going back to music because I jam.
1784
01:18:01,918 --> 01:18:03,215
But you wouldn't know nothing about that
1785
01:18:03,319 --> 01:18:06,015
because you're probably somewhere
sucking a motherfucker's dick!
1786
01:18:06,656 --> 01:18:07,680
Excuse me?
1787
01:18:08,824 --> 01:18:11,952
Hang up the phone, Jerry.
This shit don't concern you.
1788
01:18:12,295 --> 01:18:13,284
How do you know my name?
1789
01:18:13,396 --> 01:18:16,797
Hang up the phone, motherfucker!
This is between me and my wife!
1790
01:18:17,633 --> 01:18:19,601
ADAM: Hey! Give me that phone!
1791
01:18:19,702 --> 01:18:21,033
JACOB: Give him the phone, Nick.
1792
01:18:21,237 --> 01:18:23,330
I know what I'm doing.
I know what I'm doing!
1793
01:18:23,539 --> 01:18:25,939
ADAM: No, you don't, man.
Let it go! Let it go, man.
1794
01:18:26,509 --> 01:18:29,307
Wrong number.
But you're a bad girl and you hurt him.
1795
01:18:30,413 --> 01:18:32,745
Were you just yelling
at your 9-year-old wife?
1796
01:18:33,950 --> 01:18:34,917
Yes.
1797
01:18:36,686 --> 01:18:38,984
BLAINE: God damn it. I'm gonna
go nuclear on these guys.
1798
01:18:39,188 --> 01:18:40,416
BOY: They couldn't have gone far, man.
1799
01:18:40,790 --> 01:18:41,916
(LOU PANTING)
1800
01:18:42,325 --> 01:18:44,953
Lou! Come on, we gotta go.
1801
01:18:45,861 --> 01:18:47,692
- Hey.
- Hey.
1802
01:18:48,130 --> 01:18:49,256
Mom?
1803
01:18:49,365 --> 01:18:50,457
Hey, did you find the Chernobly?
1804
01:18:50,666 --> 01:18:51,758
You motherfucker!
1805
01:18:53,669 --> 01:18:55,466
- Where did he go?
- Jacob?
1806
01:18:55,571 --> 01:18:57,436
- What the fuck?
- What's happened?
1807
01:19:00,343 --> 01:19:02,368
Oh, my God. I get it.
1808
01:19:03,779 --> 01:19:05,906
- I'm his father.
- What?
1809
01:19:09,518 --> 01:19:10,883
Wait, so what do we do?
1810
01:19:10,987 --> 01:19:12,011
Oh, my God.
1811
01:19:14,090 --> 01:19:15,182
Hit that.
1812
01:19:17,493 --> 01:19:18,983
You finish this.
1813
01:19:20,296 --> 01:19:21,354
Okay.
1814
01:19:21,697 --> 01:19:25,497
Lay down.
We got a stupid baby to make right now.
1815
01:19:26,502 --> 01:19:28,197
LOU: (GROANING) I'm back inside of you.
1816
01:19:29,005 --> 01:19:32,338
I can't believe I'm fucking Adam's sister!
1817
01:19:32,541 --> 01:19:35,339
I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
1818
01:19:36,145 --> 01:19:38,943
It's gonna take me a while
'cause I'm a little drunk.
1819
01:19:39,148 --> 01:19:40,445
Oh, no, it's not. Here I come.
1820
01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:43,517
Oh, my God, I'm gonna come! I'm gonna...
1821
01:19:43,719 --> 01:19:46,119
Oh, Shia LaBeouf!
1822
01:19:46,322 --> 01:19:48,222
Dropping loads!
1823
01:19:49,058 --> 01:19:53,290
So much fucking semen.
Little tiny Jacobs!
1824
01:19:54,597 --> 01:19:56,394
(JACOB WHOOPING)
1825
01:19:56,732 --> 01:19:58,996
(LAUGHS) There's my boy.
1826
01:19:59,235 --> 01:20:01,829
It was so beautiful. You sack of shit!
1827
01:20:04,373 --> 01:20:06,500
I knew there was a reason
I fucking hated you.
1828
01:20:06,709 --> 01:20:07,801
And now I know why.
1829
01:20:07,910 --> 01:20:11,107
I'm gonna tell everybody in prison
that I traveled back in time
1830
01:20:11,314 --> 01:20:12,781
to kill my own father!
1831
01:20:12,982 --> 01:20:14,711
- ADAM: Jacob, get off him. Come on!
- Time out, young man.
1832
01:20:14,917 --> 01:20:17,613
Get the fuck off of me!
You're a fucking dead man!
1833
01:20:17,820 --> 01:20:20,380
- ADAM: Jacob!
- Nobody fucks my mother in the past!
1834
01:20:20,589 --> 01:20:22,147
I feel pregnant.
1835
01:20:23,492 --> 01:20:24,982
You're welcome.
1836
01:20:31,701 --> 01:20:33,032
(CROWD EX CLAIMING)
1837
01:20:33,235 --> 01:20:34,566
You Commies looking for this?
1838
01:20:34,770 --> 01:20:35,964
- Yes, actually.
- Yes, we are.
1839
01:20:36,072 --> 01:20:37,300
That's what we're looking for.
1840
01:20:37,406 --> 01:20:38,532
You think we could get that back?
1841
01:20:38,741 --> 01:20:40,003
No, you may not.
1842
01:20:40,209 --> 01:20:42,939
But bad news for you, sport. I'm a patriot.
1843
01:20:43,145 --> 01:20:45,170
And I'm not about to let some
Ruskie fucks come into my town
1844
01:20:45,381 --> 01:20:47,849
and blow shit up with some
red-soda-can bomb.
1845
01:20:48,050 --> 01:20:49,517
Just give it to us, turtleneck.
1846
01:20:49,719 --> 01:20:52,119
Yeah, okay, you can have it back.
1847
01:20:52,321 --> 01:20:55,256
As long as that sack over there
comes and takes it from me.
1848
01:20:56,459 --> 01:20:58,017
- I think he's talking about you.
- He's talking about you.
1849
01:20:58,127 --> 01:20:59,594
He's obviously talking about me.
1850
01:21:03,032 --> 01:21:04,329
Blaine, hello.
1851
01:21:04,900 --> 01:21:05,958
Um...
1852
01:21:06,302 --> 01:21:08,202
Can I please get the soda back?
1853
01:21:08,404 --> 01:21:09,632
Yeah, sure you can.
1854
01:21:10,639 --> 01:21:11,628
Oh.
1855
01:21:11,741 --> 01:21:12,935
Okay.
1856
01:21:13,109 --> 01:21:14,167
(GRUNTS)
1857
01:21:15,244 --> 01:21:16,871
Fuck me in the face.
1858
01:21:16,979 --> 01:21:18,640
BOY: Get him a body bag, Blaine!
1859
01:21:19,048 --> 01:21:20,242
Give us a minute, okay?
1860
01:21:20,349 --> 01:21:21,373
Listen to me, man.
1861
01:21:21,851 --> 01:21:26,447
That guy, that guy has pummeled you
again and again.
1862
01:21:26,655 --> 01:21:27,986
He made you his little bitch.
1863
01:21:28,190 --> 01:21:30,681
He's humiliated you, emasculated you.
1864
01:21:30,893 --> 01:21:34,351
The wheel of fate has stopped
and dumped you here again,
1865
01:21:34,463 --> 01:21:35,725
utterly defeated.
1866
01:21:35,931 --> 01:21:37,831
None of this is helping me at all.
1867
01:21:38,033 --> 01:21:39,330
I know, it's coming. It's coming right now.
1868
01:21:39,535 --> 01:21:40,627
Patience.
1869
01:21:40,736 --> 01:21:42,465
Maybe you're supposed to do
something different.
1870
01:21:42,571 --> 01:21:44,835
What is this, girl talk?
Let's go here, come on.
1871
01:21:45,040 --> 01:21:46,234
You're better than him.
1872
01:21:46,442 --> 01:21:47,568
America!
1873
01:21:47,777 --> 01:21:49,802
Maybe not by a lot, but a little.
1874
01:21:50,012 --> 01:21:52,480
You're the patron saint
of the totally fucked.
1875
01:21:52,681 --> 01:21:56,173
You're completely toxic.
There's nothing you can't kill.
1876
01:21:56,385 --> 01:21:57,943
You're the fucking Violator!
1877
01:21:58,154 --> 01:21:59,678
The moment's over. Let's go!
1878
01:21:59,889 --> 01:22:03,154
You can do this!
You can get us the fuck out of here!
1879
01:22:03,359 --> 01:22:04,826
You can be the hero!
1880
01:22:05,027 --> 01:22:06,688
Enrique-fucking-Iglesias.
1881
01:22:06,896 --> 01:22:07,988
You love that song, don't you?
1882
01:22:08,097 --> 01:22:09,826
I love that fucking song!
1883
01:22:10,032 --> 01:22:11,863
Give me your best shot. Come on, buddy.
1884
01:22:11,967 --> 01:22:13,161
(HERO PLAYING)
1885
01:22:13,269 --> 01:22:16,136
I can be your hero, baby
1886
01:22:19,008 --> 01:22:22,444
I can kiss away the pain
1887
01:22:25,147 --> 01:22:28,913
I will stand by you forever
1888
01:22:30,820 --> 01:22:35,450
You can take my breath away
1889
01:22:36,392 --> 01:22:37,825
Shit.
1890
01:22:37,927 --> 01:22:41,328
God damn it!
None of what you said worked at all.
1891
01:22:42,264 --> 01:22:44,164
Let's kick these guys' ass,
get the shit and go home.
1892
01:22:44,366 --> 01:22:45,333
Done.
1893
01:22:45,434 --> 01:22:46,696
No, no!
1894
01:22:46,836 --> 01:22:48,201
(YELLING)
1895
01:22:54,810 --> 01:22:57,278
Fuck you! Feels so good!
1896
01:22:57,480 --> 01:22:58,640
The Chernobly.
1897
01:23:06,188 --> 01:23:08,554
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
1898
01:23:09,191 --> 01:23:10,590
(IN RUSSIAN ACCENT) Martina Navratilova.
1899
01:23:10,793 --> 01:23:12,090
NICK: Smirnoff Ice.
1900
01:23:12,261 --> 01:23:14,320
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
1901
01:23:14,430 --> 01:23:16,364
That's right, we are Russians! Spies.
1902
01:23:17,266 --> 01:23:18,824
Yeah, because I was just speaking Russian.
1903
01:23:18,934 --> 01:23:21,596
ADAM: He pulls that top,
and this whole fucking place blows.
1904
01:23:21,804 --> 01:23:25,535
You guys count backwards from 50,
then pull up the carpet and jump around.
1905
01:23:25,741 --> 01:23:27,265
Or I'll fuck you up.
1906
01:23:31,496 --> 01:23:34,329
ADAM: Hi, Phil.
Can we go back to the hotel, lodge?
1907
01:23:34,532 --> 01:23:36,159
- Sure.
- Thank you so much.
1908
01:23:38,303 --> 01:23:42,899
- Five, four, three...
- Blaine, please stop counting.
1909
01:23:43,007 --> 01:23:46,101
Chaz, this is an Acorn 5 situation.
1910
01:23:46,210 --> 01:23:48,576
If we stop counting,
they're gonna blow us sky-high.
1911
01:23:48,680 --> 01:23:51,478
Look, if it is a bomb,
they've got it with them, all right?
1912
01:23:51,582 --> 01:23:52,810
If anyone's gonna blow up, it's them.
1913
01:23:52,917 --> 01:23:54,350
Chaz, stop!
1914
01:23:56,054 --> 01:23:57,521
How long did our talking just take?
1915
01:23:57,622 --> 01:23:58,850
I don't know.
I wasn't keeping track.
1916
01:23:58,956 --> 01:24:01,948
Fuck it, let's risk it! Move out!
1917
01:24:02,527 --> 01:24:05,052
LOU: Now that you're with me,
you gotta cover up your belly.
1918
01:24:05,163 --> 01:24:06,357
NICK: Let's get the fuck out of here.
1919
01:24:06,464 --> 01:24:08,329
KELLY: What are you talking about?
We only had sex once.
1920
01:24:08,433 --> 01:24:10,594
ADAM: Let's go. Come on.
Kelly, you can talk about it later.
1921
01:24:10,802 --> 01:24:12,929
- You guys are all right?
- ADAM: Thank you, Phil. Enjoyed it.
1922
01:24:13,037 --> 01:24:15,198
Have a good rest of your vacation.
1923
01:24:15,406 --> 01:24:19,035
We'd love to have you come back here
to the Silver Peaks Lodge.
1924
01:24:19,410 --> 01:24:21,275
ADAM: Thanks. Bye-bye.
NICK: Thanks, Phil. Take care.
1925
01:24:21,479 --> 01:24:22,503
Be careful.
1926
01:24:22,714 --> 01:24:23,681
Hey, watch out!
1927
01:24:23,781 --> 01:24:24,873
(CAR HORN HONKING)
1928
01:24:26,150 --> 01:24:28,618
God, you guys see that?
1929
01:24:28,720 --> 01:24:30,278
Come on, man!
1930
01:24:30,388 --> 01:24:32,117
Why would you fucking
take that from me?
1931
01:24:32,290 --> 01:24:33,917
I didn't take it from you.
1932
01:24:34,125 --> 01:24:35,422
You guys...
1933
01:24:36,394 --> 01:24:37,861
- KELLY: Oh, my God!
- (ALL SCREAMING)
1934
01:24:37,962 --> 01:24:40,760
It happened! It happened!
1935
01:24:44,969 --> 01:24:48,029
Why the fuck are you laughing? Gross!
1936
01:24:50,908 --> 01:24:53,069
Man down, man down! Code 11.
1937
01:24:53,277 --> 01:24:56,041
BLAINE: All right,
everybody grab your gear, we gotta move!
1938
01:24:57,482 --> 01:24:58,574
Later, Kelly.
1939
01:25:00,302 --> 01:25:02,270
Bye, Mom. Love you. Don't do drugs, okay?
1940
01:25:02,470 --> 01:25:03,664
Hey, bye.
1941
01:25:04,972 --> 01:25:05,996
Aren't you coming to my room with me?
1942
01:25:06,207 --> 01:25:09,074
No, I gotta take my clothes off
and get in a hot tub with these guys.
1943
01:25:09,544 --> 01:25:10,772
Then I'm totally over you.
1944
01:25:10,878 --> 01:25:12,846
Kelly, listen. It's
been an interesting trip.
1945
01:25:12,947 --> 01:25:14,812
You're my sister and I love you.
1946
01:25:15,583 --> 01:25:17,175
I love you, too.
1947
01:25:17,385 --> 01:25:19,683
And don't steal that
Caboodle makeup thing from JCPenney
1948
01:25:19,787 --> 01:25:21,084
and you won't do any hard time.
1949
01:25:21,289 --> 01:25:22,847
I'll see you in 20 years.
1950
01:25:23,057 --> 01:25:25,719
Uh. You're giving me a ride
in the morning, right?
1951
01:25:28,729 --> 01:25:30,060
Hallelujah!
1952
01:25:31,299 --> 01:25:32,766
Cannonball!
1953
01:25:35,403 --> 01:25:37,530
Yeah! Let's get this party started!
1954
01:25:38,039 --> 01:25:39,438
Young blood.
1955
01:25:43,411 --> 01:25:44,378
- Holy shit!
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
1956
01:25:44,479 --> 01:25:45,605
ADAM: Hey, look, it's happening.
1957
01:25:46,047 --> 01:25:47,480
Here it comes!
1958
01:25:50,084 --> 01:25:52,416
Hurry up. I can see the '90s.
1959
01:25:52,620 --> 01:25:54,451
Why are you taking off your clothes?
1960
01:25:54,655 --> 01:25:56,919
I don't know, man.
It just feels right, you know?
1961
01:25:57,091 --> 01:25:58,149
Fuck it.
1962
01:25:58,259 --> 01:26:01,820
Adam! Adam! I'm not gonna go!
1963
01:26:02,763 --> 01:26:04,492
- What?
- I'm gonna stay!
1964
01:26:04,699 --> 01:26:06,633
Don't fuck around, Lou. Let's go!
1965
01:26:07,335 --> 01:26:08,996
I'm good here, man.
1966
01:26:09,203 --> 01:26:12,468
I had a good day!
I beat the shit out of that guy, finally!
1967
01:26:13,141 --> 01:26:14,438
I fucked your sister!
1968
01:26:14,976 --> 01:26:16,603
I could be a good dad!
1969
01:26:16,811 --> 01:26:18,506
I love you, Jacob!
1970
01:26:18,713 --> 01:26:20,010
Fuck you!
1971
01:26:20,181 --> 01:26:21,273
(LAUGHING)
1972
01:26:21,382 --> 01:26:24,613
Little scamp.
They say the damndest things, man.
1973
01:26:24,819 --> 01:26:27,686
Come on, Lou, let's go!
We'll talk about it when we get home!
1974
01:26:28,089 --> 01:26:30,353
I was trying to kill myself!
1975
01:26:33,027 --> 01:26:35,086
I know, man. That's why we came here!
1976
01:26:35,296 --> 01:26:39,824
If I go back, I'm just gonna
kill myself all over again, man.
1977
01:26:40,301 --> 01:26:42,132
- I can't.
- You're gonna stay?
1978
01:26:42,537 --> 01:26:43,936
JACOB: Guys, let's go.
1979
01:26:44,038 --> 01:26:45,699
All right, well, if you're gonna stay,
I'm gonna stay!
1980
01:26:45,806 --> 01:26:47,296
You'd really do that for me?
1981
01:26:47,408 --> 01:26:50,002
We're best friends!
If you're staying, I'm staying!
1982
01:26:50,211 --> 01:26:51,974
Your bullshit's my bullshit, right?
1983
01:26:52,547 --> 01:26:53,775
I'm your best friend?
1984
01:26:54,215 --> 01:26:56,149
You are one of my best friends!
1985
01:26:56,250 --> 01:26:58,582
- I'll take that!
- NICK: Where you going on me?
1986
01:26:58,686 --> 01:26:59,744
Thank you!
1987
01:26:59,854 --> 01:27:01,014
JACOB: Oh, my God!
1988
01:27:01,689 --> 01:27:03,520
All right, man. Come on!
1989
01:27:10,498 --> 01:27:12,125
(ALL YELLING)
1990
01:27:39,493 --> 01:27:40,551
(ALL COUGHING)
1991
01:27:47,134 --> 01:27:48,533
JACOB: Holy shit.
1992
01:27:49,070 --> 01:27:51,595
This better be the last time
my ass travels through time.
1993
01:28:13,394 --> 01:28:14,418
Oh...
1994
01:28:15,162 --> 01:28:17,289
It is so good to see you.
1995
01:28:19,667 --> 01:28:20,929
LOU: Are we rolling?
1996
01:28:21,869 --> 01:28:24,064
Welcome back, bitches!
1997
01:28:24,238 --> 01:28:25,398
Is that Lou?
1998
01:28:25,606 --> 01:28:27,801
What took you so long?
All right, zoom out.
1999
01:28:28,075 --> 01:28:29,474
JACOB: Yeah, that's a weird hair choice.
2000
01:28:29,677 --> 01:28:32,202
LOU: Uh-oh. Look what Daddy did.
2001
01:28:32,513 --> 01:28:33,571
He looks like a lion.
2002
01:28:34,782 --> 01:28:36,807
Oh, hi. Didn't see you there.
2003
01:28:37,752 --> 01:28:38,741
Here's a question.
2004
01:28:38,853 --> 01:28:41,845
Was it morally wrong for me to exploit
my knowledge of the future
2005
01:28:41,956 --> 01:28:43,753
for personal financial gain?
2006
01:28:43,924 --> 01:28:45,221
Perhaps.
2007
01:28:45,326 --> 01:28:46,725
Here's another question.
2008
01:28:46,827 --> 01:28:48,158
Do I give a fuck?
2009
01:28:48,362 --> 01:28:49,488
That's my father.
2010
01:28:49,597 --> 01:28:51,565
LOU: Hey, check out my girl.
2011
01:28:51,766 --> 01:28:53,495
You burned the fucking crab cakes again.
2012
01:28:53,801 --> 01:28:57,134
LOU: No, I didn't burn them
because I like them that way!
2013
01:28:57,338 --> 01:28:59,169
I fucking hate you, Louis.
2014
01:28:59,273 --> 01:29:00,570
LOU: I hate you, too, baby.
2015
01:29:01,442 --> 01:29:02,932
I love that woman, man.
2016
01:29:03,144 --> 01:29:04,668
Those are my parents.
2017
01:29:04,879 --> 01:29:06,437
But seriously, a lot has changed.
2018
01:29:06,647 --> 01:29:10,481
So, whatever happens, stay the fuck calm.
2019
01:29:11,452 --> 01:29:12,612
It'll all make sense soon.
2020
01:29:13,120 --> 01:29:14,280
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
2021
01:29:22,863 --> 01:29:23,955
Good morning.
2022
01:29:24,065 --> 01:29:26,192
Holy shit, Phil, you got both your arms.
2023
01:29:26,300 --> 01:29:28,029
Oh. Yeah, I do.
2024
01:29:28,235 --> 01:29:29,361
That's incredible.
2025
01:29:29,470 --> 01:29:32,769
Yeah, what happened was
a snowplow came along
2026
01:29:32,873 --> 01:29:34,431
and it took my arm right off.
2027
01:29:34,642 --> 01:29:37,372
But the ski patrol came along
and they put it on ice.
2028
01:29:37,578 --> 01:29:39,944
Blaine and Chaz.
Blaine and Chaz saved his arm!
2029
01:29:40,147 --> 01:29:42,081
We got 15 minutes
before that thing dies, all right.
2030
01:29:42,183 --> 01:29:43,741
We're gonna put that back on you!
2031
01:29:43,851 --> 01:29:45,182
PHIL: I'm pretty happy.
2032
01:29:45,386 --> 01:29:46,410
It looks great.
2033
01:29:46,520 --> 01:29:48,920
Anyhow, I have instructions
on how to get home.
2034
01:29:49,023 --> 01:29:51,617
- We know how to get home.
- Yeah. We know...
2035
01:29:51,826 --> 01:29:54,659
Mr. Dorchen anticipated
that you might say that,
2036
01:29:54,862 --> 01:29:57,660
so I took the liberty
of printing up some Lougle maps for you.
2037
01:29:57,865 --> 01:29:59,696
- You mean "Google"?
- PHIL: Lougle maps.
2038
01:29:59,900 --> 01:30:01,697
What's the matter with you guys?
2039
01:30:01,902 --> 01:30:03,301
(LAUGHING)
2040
01:30:05,206 --> 01:30:06,298
NICK: Fuck me.
2041
01:30:06,407 --> 01:30:09,433
So, Phil, if you wanna find,
you know, like porno
2042
01:30:09,543 --> 01:30:12,273
or a restaurant review
or anything like that, you use Lougle?
2043
01:30:12,580 --> 01:30:13,706
Correct.
2044
01:30:14,014 --> 01:30:16,312
I bet he's on the Statue of Liberty
and shit, too.
2045
01:30:20,421 --> 01:30:22,048
You want me to go in there?
2046
01:30:22,256 --> 01:30:24,451
NICK: That's what it says on the map.
2047
01:30:27,094 --> 01:30:28,254
Call me later.
2048
01:30:31,065 --> 01:30:32,123
Hello.
2049
01:30:36,837 --> 01:30:38,896
Welcome back, Mr. Webber.
How was your time away?
2050
01:30:40,741 --> 01:30:41,799
Uh...
2051
01:30:43,677 --> 01:30:45,872
Hey, how was the trip?
2052
01:30:47,081 --> 01:30:50,107
(ONCE IN A LIFETIMEPLAYING)
2053
01:30:51,552 --> 01:30:52,712
Good.
2054
01:30:53,087 --> 01:30:55,180
Letting the days go by
2055
01:30:55,289 --> 01:30:57,348
Let the water hold me down
2056
01:30:57,458 --> 01:30:59,323
Letting the days go by
2057
01:30:59,427 --> 01:31:01,452
Water flowing underground
2058
01:31:01,562 --> 01:31:03,530
Into the blue again
2059
01:31:03,631 --> 01:31:05,394
After the money's gone
2060
01:31:05,499 --> 01:31:07,399
Once in a lifetime
2061
01:31:07,501 --> 01:31:10,368
Water flowing underground
2062
01:31:10,471 --> 01:31:11,699
Motherfucker.
2063
01:31:12,907 --> 01:31:14,033
Nick?
2064
01:31:14,542 --> 01:31:17,739
Baby, how was your weekend?
I wasn't expecting you today.
2065
01:31:19,647 --> 01:31:22,582
Baby. Baby. I got something to tell you.
2066
01:31:22,950 --> 01:31:25,680
I know about what you did
with a guy named Steve.
2067
01:31:26,954 --> 01:31:29,616
Steve? Our receptionist?
2068
01:31:29,824 --> 01:31:31,724
That Tyrese-looking
motherfucker out there?
2069
01:31:31,926 --> 01:31:35,054
Baby, wait a minute.
What are you talking about?
2070
01:31:35,262 --> 01:31:36,854
You think I'm fooling around?
2071
01:31:36,964 --> 01:31:39,694
First of all, I would never screw around.
2072
01:31:40,134 --> 01:31:42,432
And you remember I told you
about that crazy wrong number
2073
01:31:42,536 --> 01:31:43,798
I got when I was nine.
2074
01:31:43,904 --> 01:31:45,394
- That man was so...
- I love you, Courtney.
2075
01:31:45,506 --> 01:31:47,201
I love you so much.
2076
01:31:47,308 --> 01:31:49,367
I love you, too, Nick Webber.
2077
01:31:50,144 --> 01:31:51,304
Nick Webber?
2078
01:31:52,112 --> 01:31:53,238
That's your name.
2079
01:31:54,415 --> 01:31:56,110
Yeah, it is my name.
2080
01:31:56,717 --> 01:31:59,686
- Yeah.
- You know my name. Say it again.
2081
01:31:59,854 --> 01:32:01,048
Nick
2082
01:32:01,422 --> 01:32:02,480
- Webber.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
2083
01:32:03,757 --> 01:32:05,622
APRIL: Grab that. I'll take this one.
2084
01:32:06,126 --> 01:32:07,889
Hey, Mom. I made you a drink.
2085
01:32:08,128 --> 01:32:09,595
Is there alcohol in that?
2086
01:32:09,797 --> 01:32:11,458
Yeah, I believe
there's still alcohol in scotch.
2087
01:32:13,534 --> 01:32:15,001
Talk about your lost weekend, huh?
2088
01:32:15,102 --> 01:32:16,729
I know, right? Man.
2089
01:32:17,705 --> 01:32:19,673
Hey, family.
2090
01:32:20,975 --> 01:32:22,567
What are you faggots talking about?
2091
01:32:22,776 --> 01:32:24,607
My two handsome men.
2092
01:32:24,812 --> 01:32:26,712
Let me get you another drink, Dad.
2093
01:32:27,548 --> 01:32:29,140
Daddy's little buddy.
2094
01:32:30,718 --> 01:32:32,310
NICK: You know what I can't believe?
2095
01:32:32,820 --> 01:32:34,412
I can't believe we're all here.
2096
01:32:34,622 --> 01:32:36,112
I can't believe we all made it.
2097
01:32:36,657 --> 01:32:37,817
Made it together.
2098
01:32:38,158 --> 01:32:39,250
ADAM: A toast.
APRIL: A toast.
2099
01:32:39,460 --> 01:32:41,928
Approximately three days ago, or 20 years,
2100
01:32:42,029 --> 01:32:44,520
depending on your understanding
of the time-space continuum, Jacob,
2101
01:32:45,900 --> 01:32:48,528
sitting here with you guys
would have been my worst nightmare.
2102
01:32:48,636 --> 01:32:49,864
It's true.
2103
01:32:49,970 --> 01:32:51,767
But I can honestly say right now
2104
01:32:52,273 --> 01:32:56,073
I'm very happy to be right here
in this moment with you,
2105
01:32:56,477 --> 01:32:58,001
- my best friends.
- APRIL: Hear, hear.
2106
01:32:58,112 --> 01:33:00,239
- To friends.
- And family.
2107
01:33:00,748 --> 01:33:01,840
ADAM: All right. Cheers!
2108
01:33:02,016 --> 01:33:03,381
To past, present and future.
2109
01:33:03,584 --> 01:33:05,313
ALL: Cheers!
2110
01:33:05,519 --> 01:33:07,487
- JACOB: So, "Lougle," huh?
- Yeah.
2111
01:33:07,688 --> 01:33:11,021
Lougle. Just this multibillion-dollar
thing I did for a while.
2112
01:33:11,825 --> 01:33:15,022
My real passion's music, though.
So pissed the band broke up.
2113
01:33:15,229 --> 01:33:17,527
Band? What band were you ever in?
2114
01:33:18,499 --> 01:33:20,558
(HOME SWEETHOMEPLAYING)
2115
01:33:29,476 --> 01:33:32,843
(SINGING) You know I'm a dreamer
2116
01:33:33,047 --> 01:33:36,210
But my heart's of gold
2117
01:33:36,417 --> 01:33:39,386
I had to run away high
2118
01:33:39,486 --> 01:33:41,977
So I wouldn't come home low
2119
01:33:42,089 --> 01:33:45,217
Just when things went right
2120
01:33:45,426 --> 01:33:48,293
Doesn't mean they were always wrong
2121
01:33:48,495 --> 01:33:52,659
Just take this song
and you'll never feel
2122
01:33:52,866 --> 01:33:54,731
Left all alone
2123
01:33:54,835 --> 01:33:57,827
Take me to your heart
2124
01:33:58,205 --> 01:34:00,696
Feel me in your bones
2125
01:34:00,908 --> 01:34:03,172
Just one more night
2126
01:34:03,377 --> 01:34:07,905
And I'm coming off this
long and winding road
2127
01:34:10,884 --> 01:34:13,352
I'm on my way
2128
01:34:13,887 --> 01:34:16,549
I'm on my way
2129
01:34:16,657 --> 01:34:19,524
Home sweet home
2130
01:34:21,095 --> 01:34:23,325
Tonight, tonight
2131
01:34:23,530 --> 01:34:26,328
I'm on my way
2132
01:34:26,533 --> 01:34:29,001
I'm on my way
2133
01:34:29,236 --> 01:34:32,262
Home sweet home
2134
01:34:35,976 --> 01:34:38,877
You know that I've seen
2135
01:34:39,079 --> 01:34:41,673
Too many romantic dreams
2136
01:34:42,549 --> 01:34:43,948
Up in lights
2137
01:34:44,051 --> 01:34:47,714
falling off the silver screen
2138
01:34:48,422 --> 01:34:50,856
My heart's like an open book
2139
01:34:51,325 --> 01:34:54,055
For the whole world to read
2140
01:34:54,728 --> 01:34:58,755
Sometimes nothing keeps me together
2141
01:34:58,866 --> 01:35:00,527
at the seams
2142
01:35:00,634 --> 01:35:03,694
I'm on my way
2143
01:35:03,904 --> 01:35:06,464
I'm on my way
2144
01:35:06,674 --> 01:35:10,371
Home sweet home
2145
01:35:11,512 --> 01:35:12,706
Yeah
2146
01:35:13,681 --> 01:35:16,115
I'm on my way
2147
01:35:16,316 --> 01:35:18,944
Just set me free
2148
01:35:19,153 --> 01:35:24,113
Home sweet home
2148
01:35:25,305 --> 01:35:31,902
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