1 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,900 We're approaching insertion target area, about a mile from your D.Z. 2 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,900 You ready, WD-40? 3 00:00:22,599 --> 00:00:25,399 I never felt more ready in my life. 4 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,898 Oh, damn! What the hell-- Steele, are you crazy? 5 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:34,998 Good afternoon, WD-40. 6 00:00:35,198 --> 00:00:38,297 We now begin "the free world's in double jeopardy" round of your mission. 7 00:00:38,498 --> 00:00:40,998 - He's a sadistic criminal mastermind... 8 00:00:41,198 --> 00:00:43,798 and international arms dealer who has brokered a deal... 9 00:00:43,898 --> 00:00:48,597 to sell a stolen Scorpion missile to a Middle Eastern terrorist cell. 10 00:00:48,797 --> 00:00:50,897 The question is. Who is Rancor? 11 00:00:51,098 --> 00:00:53,298 That's right. General Derwood Rancor. 12 00:00:53,397 --> 00:00:57,297 So why don't you begin your mission. And good luck to you, WD-40. 13 00:00:58,896 --> 00:01:01,196 And don't forget, WD-40, as always, 14 00:01:01,396 --> 00:01:04,796 this tape will self-destruct in three seconds. 15 00:01:04,996 --> 00:01:09,695 Steele! 16 00:01:56,791 --> 00:01:59,591 General Rancor, your chopper's waiting. 17 00:01:59,791 --> 00:02:03,392 Fine. Be there in a minute. I ain't done with this one yet. 18 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:06,391 Talk to me, boy! 19 00:02:06,591 --> 00:02:11,591 He doesn't want to talk. Take him outside and shoot him. 20 00:02:22,190 --> 00:02:27,190 And when you shoot him, use the silencer. 21 00:02:43,988 --> 00:02:45,787 Thank you. Have a nice flight. 22 00:02:48,388 --> 00:02:50,186 Have a great flight. 23 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,187 - Enjoy destroying the world, sir. - Thank you, ma'am, I will. 24 00:02:54,887 --> 00:02:57,588 I'm going in there. 25 00:02:57,687 --> 00:03:01,586 My God! Look at you. 26 00:03:01,787 --> 00:03:04,786 - You are such an incredible man. 27 00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:10,785 It's my job, darling. I do it for my country. 28 00:03:10,985 --> 00:03:14,786 Hmm? Oh. Good luck. 29 00:03:14,985 --> 00:03:17,485 Luck's got nothing to do with it. 30 00:03:37,983 --> 00:03:40,983 Nothing can stop me now! 31 00:03:41,183 --> 00:03:45,883 Not even that sanctimonious secret agent Boy Scout Dick-- 32 00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:48,083 Y oo-hoo! 33 00:03:50,982 --> 00:03:52,881 Steele? 34 00:03:56,482 --> 00:03:59,282 - Oh, Dick, don't drop me! - Hold on! Whoa! Don't! 35 00:03:59,481 --> 00:04:03,382 - Grab my wrist! - Oh! 36 00:04:05,981 --> 00:04:10,580 Whoa! 37 00:04:10,781 --> 00:04:13,380 - Don't drop me, Dick! Don't drop me! 38 00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:17,380 - Honey? 39 00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:43,479 A man of intrigue He lives for the thrill 40 00:04:47,177 --> 00:04:52,476 Always has places to go and people to kill 41 00:04:54,977 --> 00:04:58,277 Danger is the game he plays 42 00:04:58,477 --> 00:05:02,676 And he holds every card 43 00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:05,676 'Cause if you wanna win 44 00:05:05,876 --> 00:05:09,576 You gotta spy hard 45 00:05:12,376 --> 00:05:17,375 A man of the world so suave and discreet 46 00:05:19,775 --> 00:05:25,375 He trips over the women piled up at his feet 47 00:05:28,973 --> 00:05:31,574 But evil's lurking 48 00:05:31,774 --> 00:05:36,374 So he's always on his guard 49 00:05:36,573 --> 00:05:39,473 'Cause if you're gonna spy 50 00:05:39,574 --> 00:05:44,974 You better spy hard 51 00:05:45,172 --> 00:05:48,472 He's always there 52 00:05:48,672 --> 00:05:53,273 When the chips are beginning to fall 53 00:05:53,473 --> 00:05:56,772 He wouldn't care 54 00:05:56,971 --> 00:05:59,472 If they kicked him and grabbed him 55 00:05:59,672 --> 00:06:01,572 And shot him and stabbed him 56 00:06:01,772 --> 00:06:05,471 And nailed both his ears to the wall 57 00:06:07,171 --> 00:06:09,671 Facing death every day 58 00:06:09,872 --> 00:06:13,170 Is a tough job for any man 59 00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:17,970 But his hours are flexible 60 00:06:18,271 --> 00:06:21,470 And he's got a great dental plan 61 00:06:23,069 --> 00:06:26,870 By the way if you walked in late 62 00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:30,869 Allow me to reiterate 63 00:06:31,069 --> 00:06:34,569 The name of this movie 64 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:38,368 Is Spy Hard 65 00:06:38,568 --> 00:06:42,568 They call it Spy Hard 66 00:06:42,768 --> 00:06:46,168 You're watching Spy Hard 67 00:06:46,469 --> 00:06:52,868 It's the theme from Spy Hard 68 00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:23,760 Sir, I hate to disturb you, but we're picking up something interesting on the compound... 69 00:08:23,959 --> 00:08:26,359 - infrared detection system. - Well, what is it? 70 00:08:26,559 --> 00:08:28,659 Oh, it's this really neat security system, sir. 71 00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:33,159 - It picks up the body heat on the intruders-- - Fine! What is it detecting? 72 00:08:33,359 --> 00:08:37,659 Oh, well, it looks like Agent Barbara Dahl, sir. 73 00:08:43,858 --> 00:08:46,958 Barbara Dahl? 74 00:08:47,158 --> 00:08:49,558 Hot damn! At last! 75 00:08:49,759 --> 00:08:51,657 Arm me. 76 00:08:53,357 --> 00:08:56,557 Y eah. Now, bring me the bait. 77 00:08:58,458 --> 00:09:00,357 Welcome, Miss Dahl. 78 00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:03,757 General Rancor would like to see you. Don't even think about it! 79 00:09:03,956 --> 00:09:06,557 Put the gun down! 80 00:09:12,156 --> 00:09:16,356 Move. Don't try anything funny. 81 00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:19,155 Oh, you morons! 82 00:09:19,355 --> 00:09:22,055 Let go! Oh! Oh! 83 00:09:22,355 --> 00:09:25,754 - Well, look at you. 84 00:09:25,954 --> 00:09:28,254 Barbara Dahl. 85 00:09:28,455 --> 00:09:31,755 If you ain't the spitting image of your mama. 86 00:09:31,855 --> 00:09:37,054 Don't you talk about my mother, you hybrid curiosity. 87 00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:39,354 My mother was twice the man you are. 88 00:09:39,553 --> 00:09:41,753 Hey, lady, I think you're carrying... 89 00:09:41,953 --> 00:09:45,453 this "spitting image" thing a little bit too far. 90 00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:48,453 Now that I got Barbara Dahl, 91 00:09:48,653 --> 00:09:53,152 it's just a matter of time before Dick Steele comes to get her. 92 00:10:09,451 --> 00:10:11,451 Have you confirmed this transmission? 93 00:10:11,651 --> 00:10:14,350 I have. It's confirmed. It's Barbara Dahl. 94 00:10:14,551 --> 00:10:17,051 Who authorized Agent Barbara Dahl to go on this operation anyway? 95 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,950 No one. She's working on her own. 96 00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:21,950 This one is personal, Coleman. 97 00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:26,150 Well, this personal mission may have cost a good agent her life... 98 00:10:26,350 --> 00:10:28,349 and put the entire free world in jeopardy. 99 00:10:28,549 --> 00:10:31,150 - We must inform the director. 100 00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:33,949 This is the director. What is it, Coleman and Bishop? 101 00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:37,348 Sir, we've intercepted a very disturbing satellite transmission... 102 00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:39,749 from our listening post on the Rock of Gibraltar. 103 00:10:39,949 --> 00:10:42,149 - Well, what is it? - It's this really big rock... 104 00:10:42,348 --> 00:10:44,948 sticking out of the water on the south coast of Spain. 105 00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:50,947 What is the transmission? 106 00:10:51,148 --> 00:10:53,947 You will have to see it to believe it, sir. 107 00:11:06,246 --> 00:11:09,147 - You've got to put it on channel three. - No, four. 108 00:11:09,346 --> 00:11:12,645 - Switch it to VHS. - And take it off of cable. 109 00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:15,146 Put it on the monitor. 110 00:11:15,246 --> 00:11:18,446 And now this special message from Rancor Industries. 111 00:11:18,646 --> 00:11:20,845 She makes a pretty hood ornament, don't you think? 112 00:11:21,045 --> 00:11:26,345 - Rancor! - Y es, it is I, good ol' General Rancor. 113 00:11:26,545 --> 00:11:29,744 I'm back, big as life and twice as ugly. 114 00:11:29,944 --> 00:11:32,544 - But Steele blew him up! - Apparently not. 115 00:11:32,744 --> 00:11:35,344 You did everything except eat me, 116 00:11:35,544 --> 00:11:37,343 and I'm still alive. 117 00:11:37,543 --> 00:11:40,144 All Steele did was blow off a couple of arms. 118 00:11:40,344 --> 00:11:42,344 That's no biggie, no big thing. 119 00:11:42,544 --> 00:11:44,344 Now I got plenty of arms! 120 00:11:44,544 --> 00:11:49,043 Big arms. Pretty arms. something. 121 00:11:53,343 --> 00:11:56,542 Your pretty little agent is now part... 122 00:11:56,742 --> 00:11:59,142 of the nose cone on top of my missile. 123 00:11:59,342 --> 00:12:03,741 This missile will be launched in 36 hours... 124 00:12:03,941 --> 00:12:06,841 - and nothing will stop me! - He's a madman! 125 00:12:06,941 --> 00:12:10,241 Only thing is, I'm missing one little chip... 126 00:12:10,442 --> 00:12:14,340 that controls my satellite, and, daggone, I want it back! 127 00:12:14,641 --> 00:12:18,041 Now you hand me my chip, and I'll give you back your agent. 128 00:12:18,241 --> 00:12:21,739 Good God. He must be stopped! 129 00:12:21,939 --> 00:12:24,939 Dick Steele couldn't stop me 15 years ago, 130 00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:29,640 and all the dicks you've got won't stop me now! 131 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,739 Apparently, he hasn't seen the size... 132 00:12:31,839 --> 00:12:33,839 of some of our newer members! 133 00:12:34,039 --> 00:12:36,939 - With the chip, he rules the world. 134 00:12:37,139 --> 00:12:41,138 - Without the chip, he destroys the world and-- 135 00:12:41,338 --> 00:12:44,939 - Would you practice someplace else? I'm trying to think! 136 00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:49,338 - The world? Ha! 137 00:12:49,538 --> 00:12:51,838 We all know what General Rancor really wants. 138 00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:54,338 - Steele. - That's right! 139 00:12:54,538 --> 00:12:57,737 - And we're going to give Steele to him. - Steele? 140 00:12:57,937 --> 00:13:02,337 Have you forgotten what happened the last time Steele was placed in the line of fire? 141 00:13:18,736 --> 00:13:22,135 We are stopping here. Traveller wants to mingle with the crowd. 142 00:13:48,533 --> 00:13:52,333 - Oh! Oh, my God! - Steele, what the hell are you doing? Get off me! 143 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,632 - Get him in there! Get him in the limo! Cover him! 144 00:13:55,832 --> 00:13:59,832 Go, go, go! Go! Go, go! 145 00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:08,431 The bridge is out. 146 00:14:08,631 --> 00:14:11,531 Do not enter. The bridge is out. 147 00:14:11,732 --> 00:14:15,531 The bridge is out, damn it! Stop this car! 148 00:14:44,928 --> 00:14:47,329 - Stay away from the window, sir. 149 00:14:47,528 --> 00:14:49,928 Steele, do something! 150 00:15:08,726 --> 00:15:10,326 Good job, Steele! Thanks! 151 00:15:10,526 --> 00:15:13,626 - It's about time that jerk did something right. 152 00:15:13,826 --> 00:15:16,726 - Hang on, Mr. President! 153 00:15:24,725 --> 00:15:29,024 The bridge is out. Do not enter. 154 00:15:30,525 --> 00:15:35,123 Thank God our president was one hell of a good swimmer. 155 00:15:35,424 --> 00:15:40,124 Nonetheless... there's only one man for this operation. 156 00:15:40,324 --> 00:15:42,624 Agent WD-40. Steele. 157 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,823 Dick Steele. 158 00:15:45,023 --> 00:15:49,423 Dick, Dick, Dick Steele. 159 00:15:49,623 --> 00:15:52,024 Dick. 160 00:15:52,224 --> 00:15:56,722 Oh, Dick, that was incredible. 161 00:15:56,922 --> 00:15:58,922 - Thank you. 162 00:15:59,122 --> 00:16:01,122 Don't thank me, darling. 163 00:16:01,322 --> 00:16:05,122 The art of lovemaking takes two. 164 00:16:05,321 --> 00:16:09,721 Sometimes three or four, depending on how well you do at the crap tables. 165 00:16:09,922 --> 00:16:11,421 - Fore! - Well, my putter's up. 166 00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:13,721 - Fore! - Well, my putter's up. 167 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,721 Oh, Dick, I'm exhausted. 168 00:16:16,921 --> 00:16:21,920 - You are insatiable. - Fifteen minutes to tee- off time. 169 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,920 I think there's something you and I should talk about openly and honestly... 170 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,319 before I head off to my golf game. 171 00:16:28,519 --> 00:16:31,820 - What is it, Dick? - It's a game. 172 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,920 People dress funny. Hit a little ball with clubs. 173 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,119 Drinking is involved. 174 00:16:37,319 --> 00:16:39,319 Is something wrong, Dick? 175 00:16:39,519 --> 00:16:41,819 Whatever we've had between us, 176 00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:44,819 I think it's only fair that you know my heart still belongs... 177 00:16:45,019 --> 00:16:47,618 to the girl I fell in love with years ago. 178 00:16:47,818 --> 00:16:50,118 Victoria. She fell off a cliff. 179 00:16:50,318 --> 00:16:53,118 - She died. - Yes, I know. 180 00:16:53,318 --> 00:16:55,317 I was just getting to that. 181 00:16:55,517 --> 00:16:58,517 But after Victoria Dahl, well, I don't think... 182 00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:01,517 I'll ever find room for another woman in this... 183 00:17:01,617 --> 00:17:04,716 ripped-apart, torn-up, scarred, burned-out... 184 00:17:04,916 --> 00:17:07,317 Iump in my chest... 185 00:17:07,517 --> 00:17:10,316 where a human heart once beat. 186 00:17:10,517 --> 00:17:13,716 I hope you understand what I'm trying to say to you. 187 00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:16,916 Oh, I'll live, Mr. Steele. 188 00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:21,015 It's your life I'm worried about. 189 00:17:21,215 --> 00:17:23,615 I'm glad you understand. 190 00:17:23,815 --> 00:17:27,915 - I know how much these things can hurt. 191 00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,914 Mr. Steele. 192 00:17:30,114 --> 00:17:32,515 [ Woman ] Hi, Dick. 193 00:17:37,114 --> 00:17:38,914 - Hi, Mr. Steele! - Good morning, Mrs. Hudmucker. 194 00:17:39,114 --> 00:17:41,914 Fore! - Watch out. 195 00:17:46,314 --> 00:17:48,713 - You all right? - Thank you. 196 00:17:49,012 --> 00:17:51,713 A little help, please? Thank you. 197 00:17:54,413 --> 00:17:59,112 Dinatelli foursome to starter's window. Mr. Jack Dinatelli. 198 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:02,813 - Duck! 199 00:18:07,611 --> 00:18:10,212 - Dick, wait! 200 00:18:10,312 --> 00:18:14,711 Well, Steve! 201 00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:18,711 - Steve Bishop. You look great. - Thank you. We go back a long way, huh? 202 00:18:18,911 --> 00:18:20,310 Yeah. 203 00:18:22,509 --> 00:18:24,310 - Let's have a drink. - Okay. 204 00:18:24,510 --> 00:18:26,510 Just sit right there, Steve. 205 00:18:26,711 --> 00:18:29,610 - The usual, Mr. Steele? - You betcha. 206 00:18:29,810 --> 00:18:32,010 - Well, how's everything at the agency? - Ah, Dick... 207 00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:35,410 it used to be such fun killin' a few spies... 208 00:18:35,509 --> 00:18:38,109 with gas from a banana grenade. 209 00:18:38,310 --> 00:18:41,609 But now, huh, it's all bureaucratic politics. 210 00:18:41,709 --> 00:18:44,609 You gotta fill out 20 forms in triplicate... 211 00:18:44,709 --> 00:18:46,709 just to take a piss! 212 00:19:03,207 --> 00:19:05,707 - Boy, that was fun. 213 00:19:05,807 --> 00:19:09,006 - Y eah. - Thank you! 214 00:19:09,206 --> 00:19:11,506 Oh, man, they don't do stuff like that at the agency any more. 215 00:19:11,707 --> 00:19:13,706 I'm sorry to hear that, Steve. 216 00:19:13,907 --> 00:19:16,306 - Uh, Dickie... there is something. - Relax, sugar. 217 00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,705 Steve, I'm out of the Service. 218 00:19:18,905 --> 00:19:21,606 There's a plot to launch a satellite. 219 00:19:21,706 --> 00:19:25,705 - Now, I'm out of the Service. Talk about something else. 220 00:19:25,905 --> 00:19:28,305 - Bishop. - Bishop here. 221 00:19:28,404 --> 00:19:30,405 - Got a new lead. Gonna need you here. - Uh-huh. Yeah. 222 00:19:30,605 --> 00:19:32,405 - And get a dozen eggs and a gallon of milk. - Okay. 223 00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:34,404 - I'll leave right away. - Thank you, sir. 224 00:19:34,604 --> 00:19:36,704 - No more headsets. 225 00:19:36,905 --> 00:19:38,905 Ear buttons. They put the receiver right in your head now. 226 00:19:39,105 --> 00:19:42,104 - I gotta get back to the hotel. 227 00:19:42,304 --> 00:19:45,304 - The director wants you to see this. - I'm not interested, Steve. 228 00:19:45,504 --> 00:19:48,103 Please, Dickie. Take a look at the tape. 229 00:19:48,203 --> 00:19:48,304 Please, Dickie. Take a look at the tape. 230 00:19:48,304 --> 00:19:50,103 It'll change your mind. 231 00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:08,401 Hmm-hmm. 232 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:23,001 She makes a pretty hood ornament, don't you think? 233 00:20:23,301 --> 00:20:28,400 [ Chuckles ] Yes, it is I, good ol' General Rancor. 234 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:33,300 I'm back, big as life and twice as ugly. 235 00:20:36,699 --> 00:20:39,099 - All Steele did was blow off a couple of arms. - Rancor! 236 00:20:39,299 --> 00:20:43,298 - That's no biggie, no big thing. Now I got plenty of arms. - He can't be alive. 237 00:20:43,498 --> 00:20:46,598 - Your pretty Barbara Dahl-- - My God! 238 00:20:46,799 --> 00:20:49,099 Barbara Dahl. 239 00:20:52,298 --> 00:20:56,498 Victoria... why would your daughter join the agency... 240 00:20:56,698 --> 00:20:58,798 knowing what happened to you? 241 00:20:58,998 --> 00:21:00,697 Why? 242 00:21:02,097 --> 00:21:03,897 Why? 243 00:21:04,197 --> 00:21:06,697 Why, why, why, why? 244 00:21:06,897 --> 00:21:12,496 Victoria Dahl... you were the only woman I ever loved. 245 00:21:12,696 --> 00:21:16,796 Raindrops keep fallin' on my head 246 00:21:16,996 --> 00:21:22,496 And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed 247 00:21:22,696 --> 00:21:25,496 - Nothin' seems to fit 248 00:21:25,696 --> 00:21:30,895 Those raindrops are fallin' on my head They keep fallin' 249 00:21:31,095 --> 00:21:36,694 So I just did me some talkin' to the sun 250 00:21:36,894 --> 00:21:42,494 And I said I didn't like the way he got things done 251 00:21:42,794 --> 00:21:45,293 Sleepin' on the job 252 00:21:45,494 --> 00:21:49,393 - Those raindrops are fallin' on my head 253 00:21:49,493 --> 00:21:54,193 They keep fallin' But there's one thing 254 00:21:54,392 --> 00:21:56,392 I know 255 00:21:56,592 --> 00:22:00,293 The blues they sent to meet me 256 00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:03,292 Won't defeat me 257 00:22:03,492 --> 00:22:07,492 It won't be long 'til happiness 258 00:22:07,692 --> 00:22:09,892 Steps up to greet me 259 00:22:17,191 --> 00:22:19,191 Raindrops keep fallin' on my head 260 00:22:19,391 --> 00:22:23,191 But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red 261 00:22:23,391 --> 00:22:26,890 For today's top story, we now join Kelly Lange live downtown. 262 00:22:26,990 --> 00:22:29,490 Kelly Lange here for Channel 3 lsland News. 263 00:22:29,690 --> 00:22:34,190 A tragic accident has claimed the life of a businessman identified as Steven Bishop, 264 00:22:34,389 --> 00:22:39,389 when a huge grand piano fell from the 17th floor of the Mayan Hotel... 265 00:22:39,489 --> 00:22:39,589 when a huge grand piano fell from the 17th floor of the Mayan Hotel... 266 00:22:39,589 --> 00:22:41,889 directly behind me and landed on his car. 267 00:22:41,989 --> 00:22:43,890 - An accident? - It seems the man was-- 268 00:22:43,989 --> 00:22:46,189 - Having a kid at 60, that's an accident. 269 00:22:46,288 --> 00:22:49,888 Having a piano fall on you, that's... bad luck. 270 00:22:49,988 --> 00:22:53,688 We're told that they had to remove the driver's body from the oil pan of the car. 271 00:22:53,888 --> 00:22:56,187 - Police are ruling this as an accident. - Operator. 272 00:22:56,387 --> 00:22:58,688 Operator, get me Washington. 273 00:22:58,888 --> 00:23:00,788 - George? - D.C. 274 00:23:06,387 --> 00:23:09,487 I'll take care of the luggage, just some overnight things. 275 00:23:22,885 --> 00:23:25,686 - Bonjour, monsieur. - ...no parking. 276 00:23:25,886 --> 00:23:29,086 Do not leave your baggage unattended. 277 00:23:29,286 --> 00:23:32,285 It looks like you could use a hand. 278 00:23:35,485 --> 00:23:39,283 I'm afraid I'm pretty clumsy. 279 00:23:39,484 --> 00:23:43,383 - You must be headed to Los Angeles. - How do you know that? 280 00:23:43,584 --> 00:23:48,083 - It's written on your ticket. - Oh! Thank you. 281 00:23:48,183 --> 00:23:50,483 You are welcome. 282 00:23:50,683 --> 00:23:52,984 Have a nice flight, and I wish you adieu. 283 00:23:53,183 --> 00:23:56,683 Oh, thank you, but I'm quite satisfied with the 'do I have. 284 00:24:04,182 --> 00:24:07,481 If you want to see me again, turn around now. 285 00:24:17,481 --> 00:24:19,881 Aha. 286 00:24:29,980 --> 00:24:32,079 [ Flight Attendant ] It's right here on the aisle. 287 00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:36,280 [ Man ] No, no, no. I asked for a window seat. 288 00:24:36,579 --> 00:24:39,779 I can't be getting up and down just because somebody wants to be getting in and out. 289 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:44,179 - I have too much to do. I always have a window seat. - Excuse me, sir. 290 00:24:44,379 --> 00:24:48,379 - I was wondering, do you mind? - No problem. Please, be my guest. 291 00:24:48,579 --> 00:24:51,278 - Actually, I prefer an aisle seat. - Excuse me. Excuse me. 292 00:24:51,478 --> 00:24:54,678 - Be my guest. Here. - Here, let me help you with these. 293 00:24:54,878 --> 00:24:59,577 I hope that this will be the last of the conversations on this trip. 294 00:24:59,677 --> 00:25:01,177 Your ticket. 295 00:25:09,076 --> 00:25:10,976 Take it easy with that luggage! 296 00:25:13,577 --> 00:25:17,076 Excuse me, sir. Could you put your tray table up for takeoff, please? 297 00:25:17,276 --> 00:25:21,076 No, the tray table stays down, please. Thank you very much. 298 00:25:21,276 --> 00:25:24,476 You've made things inconvenient enough as it is. 299 00:25:24,576 --> 00:25:26,875 - What-- What is this? 300 00:25:27,075 --> 00:25:28,975 Is this yours? Do you mind? 301 00:25:29,176 --> 00:25:32,675 - It's my briefcase. Let me make more room for you. 302 00:25:38,974 --> 00:25:42,774 Excuse me. Is this seat taken? 303 00:25:42,974 --> 00:25:44,774 Please. 304 00:25:44,974 --> 00:25:46,773 Thank you. 305 00:25:50,474 --> 00:25:54,973 Do you always take matters into your own hands? 306 00:25:55,073 --> 00:25:58,473 Things often end up in my hands. 307 00:25:58,673 --> 00:26:01,272 And I bet your hands end up in a lot of things. 308 00:26:01,473 --> 00:26:03,272 Let's just say, my hands and things... 309 00:26:03,472 --> 00:26:05,773 are often in the same place at the same time. 310 00:26:07,372 --> 00:26:09,271 Could I get you something to drink? 311 00:26:09,471 --> 00:26:13,972 We'll have dry Minoli and Russos, on the rocks, 312 00:26:14,172 --> 00:26:15,971 stirred, not beaten, twist of lemon, 313 00:26:16,172 --> 00:26:18,471 in chilled glasses, not frozen. 314 00:26:18,671 --> 00:26:21,270 And two of those curly little straws. 315 00:26:57,068 --> 00:26:59,568 Thirty hours, 11 minutes and 10 seconds. 316 00:26:59,768 --> 00:27:02,267 Thirty hours, 11 minutes and 8 seconds. 317 00:27:02,467 --> 00:27:04,467 Thirty hours, 11 minutes and 5 seconds. 318 00:27:09,067 --> 00:27:12,466 [ Director Over Intercom ] Miss Cheevus, when Agent Steele arrives, send him right in. 319 00:27:12,667 --> 00:27:14,466 Mm-hmm. 320 00:27:21,865 --> 00:27:26,065 - Miss Cheevus, is the director available? - No, he's married. 321 00:27:26,166 --> 00:27:30,065 - Oh, you kidder. 322 00:27:30,264 --> 00:27:35,365 Miss Cheevus, you wouldn't be trying to make things hard for me? 323 00:27:35,566 --> 00:27:38,665 Oh, Dick, if only I could. 324 00:27:38,865 --> 00:27:43,065 But you know you and I would work so well together deep undercover. 325 00:27:43,264 --> 00:27:48,564 You know the agency's rules about secrecy. They're very... rigid. 326 00:27:48,763 --> 00:27:52,864 - Yes, and we wouldn't want to blow it, would we? 327 00:27:53,063 --> 00:27:55,063 Why don't you two just get a motel room? 328 00:27:55,362 --> 00:27:57,863 I need you in here now, Steele! 329 00:28:28,461 --> 00:28:32,860 Miss Cheevus, wasn't the director in the office here? 330 00:28:33,060 --> 00:28:36,860 [ Miss Cheevus Over Intercom ] He just buzzed me from in there, my little pumpy - whumpy. 331 00:28:37,060 --> 00:28:39,059 I'll just sit down and wait for him. 332 00:28:58,358 --> 00:29:02,258 Great Scott! Steele, see a doctor! 333 00:29:02,458 --> 00:29:06,257 Good show, Steele. 334 00:29:06,457 --> 00:29:10,457 I hid for two weeks from my ex-wife's attorney in this outfit. 335 00:29:10,658 --> 00:29:12,957 It's good to see you, WD-40. 336 00:29:13,057 --> 00:29:15,056 You're always my most noble warrior. 337 00:29:15,256 --> 00:29:17,556 - Glad to find you, sir. - Yes, yes, well, 338 00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:20,456 we have to find someone else far more important now. 339 00:29:20,656 --> 00:29:24,256 - You saw the tape with Rancor? - I can't believe he's alive. 340 00:29:24,456 --> 00:29:26,756 He's a madman. He wants the world. 341 00:29:26,955 --> 00:29:30,255 But I'll be perfectly frank, Dick. He wants you first. 342 00:29:30,556 --> 00:29:34,255 He knew I'd send you the tape, especially with Barbara Dahl on it. 343 00:29:35,955 --> 00:29:38,155 Barbara Dahl. 344 00:29:38,355 --> 00:29:41,154 Looks just like Victoria when she was alive. 345 00:29:41,254 --> 00:29:43,354 We don't have time for flashbacks. 346 00:29:43,554 --> 00:29:46,954 Rancor wants the world. Fortunately, he wants to kill you first. 347 00:29:47,154 --> 00:29:51,153 That may give us needed time. Barbara Dahl's last transmission was from Los Angeles. 348 00:29:51,353 --> 00:29:53,854 We couldn't hold the trace long enough to pinpoint her. 349 00:29:54,053 --> 00:29:58,652 Find her, you find him, you find the rocket. 350 00:29:58,853 --> 00:30:01,453 For the rest of it, your guess is as good as mine. 351 00:30:01,652 --> 00:30:05,253 - Miss Cheevus, tell Noggin we're coming. 352 00:30:05,653 --> 00:30:07,452 - Hello, Noggin. - Steele. 353 00:30:07,652 --> 00:30:11,252 Good to see you again. Do you have a refill of that deathray laser watch? 354 00:30:11,452 --> 00:30:13,252 - Ah, a new air freshener? - Careful! 355 00:30:13,353 --> 00:30:14,652 - Ah, a new air freshener? - Careful! 356 00:30:14,852 --> 00:30:16,851 Whoo-hoo Oooh 357 00:30:17,051 --> 00:30:19,752 Not again. Oh! 358 00:30:19,951 --> 00:30:22,451 Give me! 359 00:30:22,651 --> 00:30:24,650 Well, this looks like a clever contraption. 360 00:30:24,851 --> 00:30:27,950 A mini-- A mini mobile crime lab? 361 00:30:28,151 --> 00:30:30,551 - It's a briefcase. - I know. What does it do? 362 00:30:30,651 --> 00:30:34,250 It holds important papers, files, pens and a calculator. 363 00:30:34,350 --> 00:30:36,850 I understand. But these numbers here, are they in a certain sequence? 364 00:30:37,050 --> 00:30:39,349 The briefcase is timed to explode? 365 00:30:39,550 --> 00:30:42,949 No, it's a lock so people other than myself can't open my briefcase. 366 00:30:43,149 --> 00:30:46,249 Very complex contemporary technology. 367 00:30:46,449 --> 00:30:50,748 All right, Steele, this is your standard, state-of-the- art field kit with three additions. 368 00:30:50,948 --> 00:30:55,149 This is our latest development: microchip Z-ray lenses, 369 00:30:55,349 --> 00:30:57,349 capable of penetrating a layer of clothing. 370 00:30:57,649 --> 00:30:59,947 You'll be able to see if an enemy is carrying a weapon. 371 00:31:00,047 --> 00:31:01,548 Oh. Director? 372 00:31:01,748 --> 00:31:06,347 Oh, now, Steele... should you find your hands bound, 373 00:31:06,447 --> 00:31:11,846 what you can do is just reach down and pull this pin with your teeth. 374 00:31:14,647 --> 00:31:18,446 Put the tube in your mouth, and squeeze and it will emit a laser beam... 375 00:31:18,646 --> 00:31:21,546 powerful enough to cut steel. 376 00:31:21,646 --> 00:31:23,547 Fire in the hole, Director. 377 00:31:23,746 --> 00:31:26,345 - Huh? Oh. - Thank you. 378 00:31:30,846 --> 00:31:32,745 Oh, and one more thing. 379 00:31:33,046 --> 00:31:34,844 This micro-detonator has a built- in timer... 380 00:31:35,045 --> 00:31:37,445 set to explode 30 seconds after you plant it. 381 00:31:37,645 --> 00:31:40,145 It has enough power to blow up a two-story building, 382 00:31:40,345 --> 00:31:42,144 - so be careful. - Fantastic. 383 00:31:42,345 --> 00:31:44,444 All right. Well, here we go and, uh-- 384 00:31:44,544 --> 00:31:47,744 - Oh, the glasses. - Yeah. Thank you. 385 00:31:47,944 --> 00:31:49,844 Good to see you again, Noggin. 386 00:32:01,143 --> 00:32:03,443 Bienvenidos a Los Angeles. 387 00:32:03,642 --> 00:32:05,743 Welcome to Los Angeles. 388 00:32:05,942 --> 00:32:07,942 Ciudad de los angeles. 389 00:32:08,142 --> 00:32:10,241 City of the angels. 390 00:32:10,442 --> 00:32:12,441 ?Dónde esta Maria? 391 00:32:12,642 --> 00:32:14,441 Where is Maria? 392 00:32:14,642 --> 00:32:17,242 Maria esta en la biblioteca. 393 00:32:17,442 --> 00:32:19,241 Maria is in the library. 394 00:32:19,441 --> 00:32:22,641 - Do you have a lighter? - I use matches. 395 00:32:22,841 --> 00:32:25,441 Does your mother know you smoke? 396 00:32:25,541 --> 00:32:25,641 Does your mother know you smoke? 397 00:32:25,641 --> 00:32:28,341 Y es, but I don't inhale. 398 00:32:28,540 --> 00:32:32,040 - Kabul. - Uh... 399 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,940 I'm Kabul. Agent WD-40? 400 00:32:35,140 --> 00:32:37,239 Get in, get in. 401 00:32:37,439 --> 00:32:39,439 In the car. 402 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,838 Hello. Excuse me. Ha! 403 00:32:46,039 --> 00:32:49,139 Our operatives believe you may already be in grave danger. 404 00:32:49,339 --> 00:32:53,039 Please take a look at this, Mr. Steele. 405 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:55,339 In that file is a photo of Desiree More. 406 00:32:55,538 --> 00:32:59,938 She's an expert trained in karate, kung fu and is a crack shot. Be on your guard. 407 00:33:00,038 --> 00:33:02,637 Rancor may have sent her to take you out. 408 00:33:02,838 --> 00:33:05,737 She likes easy-listening and guys who share their feelings. 409 00:33:05,938 --> 00:33:10,737 Her measurements: 36-24-36-22. 410 00:33:12,437 --> 00:33:15,537 Aye, and for God sakes, be careful, WD-40. 411 00:33:15,737 --> 00:33:19,236 One time I got two cousins that got salmonella poisoning in this hotel. 412 00:33:40,034 --> 00:33:43,435 Ah, sure looked like her. 413 00:33:43,635 --> 00:33:46,634 But you can't be too sure. 414 00:33:46,834 --> 00:33:49,633 Y eah, almost positive. 415 00:33:49,834 --> 00:33:51,634 Mm-hmm. 416 00:33:53,034 --> 00:33:54,834 Drink? 417 00:33:55,034 --> 00:33:57,633 - Only when I'm thirsty. - Tap water okay? 418 00:33:57,833 --> 00:34:00,234 Poured, not decantered. 419 00:34:00,433 --> 00:34:02,133 Sometimes you see a woman you'd... 420 00:34:02,334 --> 00:34:04,132 just love to have kill ya. 421 00:34:04,333 --> 00:34:07,833 But timing is everything, so that was not going to be today. 422 00:34:08,032 --> 00:34:10,132 Says who? 423 00:34:10,432 --> 00:34:13,132 She's pretty smart. I decided to play it casual. 424 00:34:13,431 --> 00:34:16,232 Casual is overrated. 425 00:34:19,532 --> 00:34:21,432 Oops. 426 00:34:30,131 --> 00:34:32,230 I think the game is over, Mr. Steele. 427 00:34:32,430 --> 00:34:34,831 You're gonna look like Swiss cheese when they find you. 428 00:34:35,130 --> 00:34:39,131 Oh. That's no Gouda. 429 00:35:13,328 --> 00:35:16,026 "Coca Cabana." 430 00:35:21,526 --> 00:35:24,725 - I'll be back for you. - Where are you going? 431 00:35:24,926 --> 00:35:27,026 In my country we have a saying: 432 00:35:27,226 --> 00:35:29,526 "A man who rides a camel is rich, 433 00:35:29,726 --> 00:35:32,725 but a man who drives a Ferrari can get lucky. 434 00:35:35,625 --> 00:35:39,526 - Oh, gee, I am so sorry. 435 00:35:39,725 --> 00:35:41,524 - What's your phone number? - Loser. 436 00:35:41,725 --> 00:35:43,725 Oh, thank you. 437 00:35:43,925 --> 00:35:46,424 Oh, like, look at what you've done. 438 00:35:46,624 --> 00:35:49,025 End of the line, pal. 439 00:35:49,225 --> 00:35:51,024 Uh... 440 00:36:06,223 --> 00:36:08,823 Hey, goombah! 441 00:36:09,022 --> 00:36:11,322 Huh? 442 00:36:17,122 --> 00:36:19,721 Well, well, if it isn't Agent Steele. 443 00:36:21,322 --> 00:36:25,021 Excuse me. Uh, do you have a light? 444 00:36:27,721 --> 00:36:30,921 Y eah, sure. I got a light. 445 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,420 Ow. Ow. Ow. 446 00:36:47,119 --> 00:36:49,019 Very good. 447 00:36:49,219 --> 00:36:51,719 Well, remind me never to light your cigarette. 448 00:36:51,919 --> 00:36:54,119 You don't lose guys like that for long. 449 00:36:54,219 --> 00:36:56,319 Let's get the bus. We'll be safe there. 450 00:36:59,019 --> 00:37:01,718 - Transfer? Uh, no, thank you. 451 00:37:04,618 --> 00:37:07,918 Mmm, nice dress. 452 00:37:12,317 --> 00:37:14,217 Next stop: 453 00:37:14,417 --> 00:37:16,617 Sunset Boulevard. 454 00:37:16,818 --> 00:37:20,117 I guess it's Sunset Boulevard. 455 00:37:28,216 --> 00:37:30,716 Pop quiz, hotshot. 456 00:37:30,916 --> 00:37:32,816 Someone on the bus without a transfer. 457 00:37:33,016 --> 00:37:37,415 He won't pay the fare. What do you do? What do you do? 458 00:37:37,615 --> 00:37:39,415 Stop the bus and let him off? 459 00:37:39,614 --> 00:37:43,816 Negatory, honcho, because he cut the brake line. 460 00:37:58,113 --> 00:38:00,614 Excusez-moi, monsieur. 461 00:39:07,808 --> 00:39:09,507 That was nice. Nicely done. 462 00:39:09,608 --> 00:39:11,008 That was nice. Nicely done. 463 00:39:11,208 --> 00:39:13,207 Thank you. Thank you. 464 00:39:13,407 --> 00:39:16,507 Next stop: Melrose. I think. 465 00:39:16,807 --> 00:39:20,008 Well, you must be "fameeshed." Let's mangez. 466 00:39:20,207 --> 00:39:22,606 That sounds good, but I'm hungry. 467 00:39:22,806 --> 00:39:24,606 Let's eat first. 468 00:39:27,806 --> 00:39:30,706 - Here you go. You both enjoy yourselves. 469 00:39:31,005 --> 00:39:34,605 - Brian will be right here to take your drink order. 470 00:39:34,806 --> 00:39:37,906 We shared an airplane, a drink. 471 00:39:38,106 --> 00:39:41,205 We've been chased, bussed, seated, but... 472 00:39:41,405 --> 00:39:44,505 I still don't really know you. 473 00:39:44,705 --> 00:39:48,404 I'm Bud Fudlacker. I have a small mail- order business. 474 00:39:48,604 --> 00:39:50,804 I travel with the American Gladiators, 475 00:39:51,004 --> 00:39:53,604 I'm 55, I like small appliances... 476 00:39:53,704 --> 00:39:55,605 and I do tax accounting on the side. 477 00:39:55,804 --> 00:39:59,003 Let me guess. You are Dick Steele, 478 00:39:59,203 --> 00:40:02,603 Agent WD-40 with the Secret Service. 479 00:40:02,703 --> 00:40:06,503 You are 52, you like big screen TVs... 480 00:40:06,702 --> 00:40:09,102 and you want to stop General Rancor. 481 00:40:09,303 --> 00:40:12,102 That could describe a thousand guys. 482 00:40:12,303 --> 00:40:14,102 Tell me about you. 483 00:40:14,301 --> 00:40:18,202 I like loose-fitting clothes, and I drive a '69 Pinto. 484 00:40:18,402 --> 00:40:21,802 [ Chuckles ] Hi, I'm Brian. May I take your drink orders, please? 485 00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:25,401 - I'll have-- - A dry Minoli and Russo on the rocks. 486 00:40:25,601 --> 00:40:28,002 Stirred, not beaten. 487 00:40:28,201 --> 00:40:32,000 With a twist. In a chilled glass, not frozen. 488 00:40:32,201 --> 00:40:35,601 With two of those curly little straws. 489 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:37,501 Be right back. 490 00:40:39,501 --> 00:40:42,000 Tell me, who are you? 491 00:40:42,299 --> 00:40:45,699 Why don't you use your... 492 00:40:45,900 --> 00:40:49,199 Iegendary skills, and guess? 493 00:40:49,399 --> 00:40:53,599 You carry a UB-21 Schnauzer with a Gnab silencer. That's K.G.B. 494 00:40:53,799 --> 00:40:56,899 You prefer an H&K over an A.K. Your surveillance technique is N.S.A. 495 00:40:57,099 --> 00:40:59,998 Your I.D. is C.I.A. You received your Ph.D. at NYU. 496 00:41:00,198 --> 00:41:04,998 Traded in your G.T.O. for a B.M.W. You listen to CDs by R.E.M. and S.T.P. 497 00:41:05,198 --> 00:41:09,198 And you'd like to see J.F.K. in his B.V.D.s, getting down with O.P.P. 498 00:41:09,397 --> 00:41:13,697 And you probably put the toilet paper back on the roll with the paper on the inside. 499 00:41:13,897 --> 00:41:15,796 Hmm. 500 00:41:15,996 --> 00:41:19,797 Here's to your remarkable powers of observation, Mr. Steele. 501 00:41:19,997 --> 00:41:24,796 I am Agent 3.14, Veronique Ukrinsky. 502 00:41:24,996 --> 00:41:26,796 My father is the professor. 503 00:41:26,996 --> 00:41:31,096 Oh, yes, I know. The megachip. 504 00:41:31,296 --> 00:41:34,695 When he found out he was making the chip for Rancor, and not for the U.S., 505 00:41:34,795 --> 00:41:37,196 he escaped with it, and he is in hiding. 506 00:41:37,395 --> 00:41:39,296 In hiding? Where? 507 00:41:39,495 --> 00:41:41,496 He would not take the chance in telling me where he was headed, 508 00:41:41,695 --> 00:41:45,395 but he said, "The pendant-- 509 00:41:45,595 --> 00:41:51,194 Follow the path of your pendant to find me." 510 00:41:51,393 --> 00:41:55,794 Hmm... haven't seen too many like these. 511 00:41:55,994 --> 00:41:57,795 - Pendant. - Pendant. 512 00:41:57,994 --> 00:41:59,593 - Pendant. - Pendant. 513 00:41:59,793 --> 00:42:03,194 - Pendant. - We don't have much time, WD-40. 514 00:42:03,293 --> 00:42:05,793 Sooner or later, Rancor will find him. 515 00:42:05,993 --> 00:42:10,192 - I'll order our food to go. - Oh, Dick, I am so worried about my father. 516 00:42:10,393 --> 00:42:13,593 What shall we do, huh? What shall we do? 517 00:42:15,893 --> 00:42:20,591 It was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well 518 00:42:20,791 --> 00:42:25,892 You could see that Pierre did truly love the mademoiselle 519 00:42:28,191 --> 00:42:33,891 And now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell 520 00:42:33,991 --> 00:42:35,890 "C'est la vie" said the old folks 521 00:42:36,090 --> 00:42:38,791 It goes to show you never can tell 522 00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:50,290 Excuse me. Do you have reser. 523 00:42:50,490 --> 00:42:53,789 - Steele's here somewhere. 524 00:42:53,889 --> 00:42:57,589 Rancor wants him dead. Find him. 525 00:43:00,689 --> 00:43:02,688 - Dance time is over. Cigarettes? Cigars? 526 00:43:02,888 --> 00:43:04,789 - There he goes. Kill him! - Throwing knife? 527 00:43:04,988 --> 00:43:07,989 Cigarettes? Cigars? Throwing knife? 528 00:43:08,188 --> 00:43:09,688 Thanks. 529 00:43:09,888 --> 00:43:12,387 Cigarettes? Cigars? 530 00:43:12,587 --> 00:43:16,388 - Whoops. 531 00:43:16,688 --> 00:43:18,488 Why? 532 00:43:24,687 --> 00:43:27,487 Quick. Get this up against the door. 533 00:43:35,186 --> 00:43:37,385 I got an idea. 534 00:43:37,585 --> 00:43:39,685 This is a picture of my father. 535 00:43:39,885 --> 00:43:42,985 If we get separated, find him, save him. 536 00:43:45,585 --> 00:43:47,685 Why? 537 00:43:47,885 --> 00:43:51,985 - Go! Go, go, go! 538 00:43:52,185 --> 00:43:55,783 - Oh, shut up! - Ow! I came here to dance! 539 00:43:55,984 --> 00:43:58,983 - Ow! Dick, help me! 540 00:43:59,184 --> 00:44:00,884 - I'll kill you! 541 00:44:01,083 --> 00:44:03,783 - Get in this-- - No, let me go! 542 00:44:17,682 --> 00:44:22,282 - Okay, let's go! - Dick, help me! 543 00:44:28,982 --> 00:44:32,181 Follow the path of your pendant to find me." 544 00:44:32,380 --> 00:44:35,481 - What is that? - It's her pendant. 545 00:44:35,681 --> 00:44:37,781 "Follow the path of the pendant to find me." 546 00:44:37,980 --> 00:44:40,380 Have you ever seen anything like that? 547 00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:44,380 - Ah! - What? What? 548 00:44:44,580 --> 00:44:46,680 No. 549 00:44:46,879 --> 00:44:49,480 Any idea where it came from? 550 00:44:49,679 --> 00:44:52,979 - Museum of Natural History. - How do you know that? 551 00:44:53,179 --> 00:44:56,578 It says it really small right there at the bottom. 552 00:44:56,779 --> 00:44:59,578 All right. Take me to the Museum of Natural History. 553 00:44:59,779 --> 00:45:03,979 - You know, in my country we do have a saying-- - I'm sure you do. 554 00:45:04,079 --> 00:45:04,279 - You know, in my country we do have a saying-- - I'm sure you do. 555 00:45:04,279 --> 00:45:08,778 The saying goes: "The museum is closed at 5::00. You go the next morning at 9::00." 556 00:45:11,078 --> 00:45:13,977 Excuse me, Mr. Pushy! 557 00:45:14,177 --> 00:45:15,977 Son of a bitch. 558 00:45:18,177 --> 00:45:21,277 I'm getting sick and tired of your-- 559 00:45:32,376 --> 00:45:34,376 Mm-hmm. 560 00:45:38,576 --> 00:45:40,775 No, he'd never fit in there. 561 00:45:40,975 --> 00:45:45,575 Ah. Sir- 562 00:45:46,975 --> 00:45:48,774 I'm sick and tired of these games. 563 00:45:53,774 --> 00:45:58,574 This is stupid. Stupid. We're a government agency, for God sakes. 564 00:46:02,073 --> 00:46:03,974 Huh? 565 00:46:06,372 --> 00:46:08,173 Aha! 566 00:46:12,773 --> 00:46:15,672 Good God! You're sicker than I thought! 567 00:46:16,972 --> 00:46:19,472 What is it, Coleman? I'm busy! 568 00:46:19,672 --> 00:46:23,272 - I, uh, can see that. - You wouldn't understand. 569 00:46:23,473 --> 00:46:25,472 It's the ancient art of origatsi. 570 00:46:25,772 --> 00:46:29,571 What I don't understand is your insistence in keeping Steele on this assignment! 571 00:46:29,772 --> 00:46:32,072 He still is no closer to Rancor, 572 00:46:32,172 --> 00:46:35,071 and we have who knows how little time left before Rancor launches this satellite. 573 00:46:35,171 --> 00:46:39,571 You better let me take over this search before I-- 574 00:46:39,771 --> 00:46:41,570 Before you what, Coleman? 575 00:46:41,770 --> 00:46:43,870 I don't know whose monkey you spanked to get this job, 576 00:46:44,070 --> 00:46:46,770 but as far as I'm concerned, you're a disgrace to the Service. 577 00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:48,770 How dare you! 578 00:46:48,870 --> 00:46:51,369 You and your one-for-all-and-all-for-one bleeding heart nonsense! 579 00:46:51,570 --> 00:46:54,369 You're too old to run this agency! 580 00:46:54,569 --> 00:46:56,870 And since you won't step down, 581 00:46:57,070 --> 00:46:59,768 you'll, uh, be stepped on! 582 00:47:01,968 --> 00:47:05,469 - Ha! Loser! 583 00:47:05,669 --> 00:47:10,167 - What you got? - Is there a jewelery district in Los Angeles? 584 00:47:10,367 --> 00:47:13,968 Come on, this is Hollywood. We have jewelery. We have women who are willing to sleep-- 585 00:47:14,168 --> 00:47:18,167 - More important, is there a Russian jewelery section? - Da. 586 00:47:18,367 --> 00:47:20,868 - Where? - I don't know. 587 00:47:21,067 --> 00:47:24,767 There used to be a bunch of Russian jewelers hung out at the warehouse at, uh... 588 00:47:26,267 --> 00:47:28,267 at 31st and Phlegm. 589 00:47:28,466 --> 00:47:31,966 - Ah, damn it! 590 00:47:32,166 --> 00:47:33,966 Meet me back at the hotel. We'll split up. 591 00:47:34,165 --> 00:47:36,165 - After you. - Thank you. 592 00:47:36,365 --> 00:47:38,166 Excuse me. 593 00:47:38,565 --> 00:47:40,666 - Get off! 594 00:47:57,164 --> 00:47:59,565 Whoa! Whoa! Wh-Whoa! 595 00:48:12,962 --> 00:48:15,062 Watch it! Watch it! 596 00:48:28,361 --> 00:48:30,161 - Whoa. 597 00:48:33,661 --> 00:48:35,461 - Cheerio. 598 00:49:02,658 --> 00:49:05,958 You're mine, Steele! 599 00:49:12,958 --> 00:49:15,158 - Whoa! 600 00:49:18,058 --> 00:49:20,557 - Whoa! - Whoa! 601 00:49:26,357 --> 00:49:30,356 - Huh? 602 00:49:51,055 --> 00:49:55,554 Okay, bring it up! Bring it up! Up, up, up! 603 00:49:55,754 --> 00:49:58,754 Okay, that's where the sign goes! 604 00:50:00,755 --> 00:50:02,754 Ah, 31st and Phlegm. 605 00:50:02,954 --> 00:50:04,753 I'm on the waiting list for a co-op. 606 00:50:11,454 --> 00:50:13,952 You better get outta here. I'll see you back in half an hour. 607 00:50:14,052 --> 00:50:16,052 Oh, half hour? I can drop off my dog at the groomer. 608 00:50:47,250 --> 00:50:51,849 - Wha-- - Mr. Steele, I presume? 609 00:50:51,949 --> 00:50:55,850 - Professor-- - Ukrinsky. With a "Y.'" 610 00:51:05,249 --> 00:51:08,648 Ah. Right. 611 00:51:10,949 --> 00:51:13,548 The pendant. 612 00:51:13,748 --> 00:51:15,947 And I suppose... 613 00:51:16,148 --> 00:51:18,348 this is what you need. 614 00:51:18,448 --> 00:51:23,447 - And this is? - This is the controller chip for Rancor's satellite. 615 00:51:23,647 --> 00:51:26,047 Ah, Rancor finally made his megachip. 616 00:51:26,346 --> 00:51:28,147 Who'd have thought the fate of so many human lives... 617 00:51:28,346 --> 00:51:30,347 would rely on something so small? 618 00:51:30,546 --> 00:51:33,446 Well, there's only one thing to do with this. 619 00:51:36,646 --> 00:51:41,146 No! No! What are you doing? 620 00:51:41,345 --> 00:51:44,945 - Trying to make the world safe from tyranny. - You mustn't do that! 621 00:51:45,145 --> 00:51:47,746 This can also be used for world peace! 622 00:51:47,845 --> 00:51:49,845 Oh, I'm sorry. 623 00:51:50,044 --> 00:51:53,845 You'd better let me get that into the proper hands and get you to safety. 624 00:51:56,544 --> 00:51:58,743 - You found me through my daughter, the pendant. - Right. 625 00:51:58,944 --> 00:52:03,244 - Veronique is safe? - Yeah, the van they took her in has dual air bags and seat belts. 626 00:52:05,944 --> 00:52:08,543 - Kabul. - Nice new wheels, huh? 627 00:52:08,743 --> 00:52:12,343 Yeah, quite an improvement. In the back, Professor. 628 00:52:12,544 --> 00:52:15,243 We have to find a safe place for the professor. 629 00:52:15,443 --> 00:52:17,342 In my country, we have saying: 630 00:52:17,542 --> 00:52:20,742 "The rabbit hops, the spider crawls, but the camel spits". 631 00:52:20,943 --> 00:52:22,943 Let's see if this Charger can run. 632 00:52:28,542 --> 00:52:30,542 Now I don't want you to be surprised. 633 00:52:30,742 --> 00:52:34,741 This guy's one of our top agents. He's most capable. 634 00:52:40,141 --> 00:52:42,140 - McCluckey! - Kabul! 635 00:52:47,041 --> 00:52:50,041 - Come on in. - All right. Come on. 636 00:52:50,241 --> 00:52:52,739 McCluckey, we need to hide the professor. 637 00:52:53,039 --> 00:52:56,139 - Professor Ukrinsky, it's an honor. - How do you do? 638 00:52:56,340 --> 00:52:59,439 I've read all your work and your last paper on laboratory loneliness. 639 00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:02,338 - Superb! - Well, thank you. 640 00:53:02,538 --> 00:53:05,039 - McCluckey, I'd like you to meet Agent-- - Dick Steele. 641 00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:08,837 Agent WD-40. Good to see you back in action. 642 00:53:09,038 --> 00:53:13,738 Your video on deception, Is It A Woman? Is The Moustache Real? 643 00:53:13,838 --> 00:53:15,738 Beautiful work! 644 00:53:15,838 --> 00:53:19,338 - Thank you. - McCluckey, we need to hide this guy. 645 00:53:19,538 --> 00:53:22,937 Sure, sure. Come this way. He'll be safe here. 646 00:53:24,037 --> 00:53:25,938 Do you have a telephone? 647 00:53:26,038 --> 00:53:28,037 Right over there. 648 00:53:28,236 --> 00:53:31,337 - Is it clean? - I have a woman that comes in once a week. 649 00:53:35,736 --> 00:53:38,436 - Sir? - What? 650 00:53:38,636 --> 00:53:41,235 I have Dick "Luscious Lips" Steele on the line. 651 00:53:41,436 --> 00:53:44,635 Put him through. 652 00:53:44,835 --> 00:53:46,635 Director, is it safe? 653 00:53:46,735 --> 00:53:52,035 Safe? Just a minute. I'll use the cloaking device. 654 00:54:01,733 --> 00:54:03,933 Go ahead, Dick. It's safe. 655 00:54:04,133 --> 00:54:07,534 I have the chip Rancor needs to launch his satellite. 656 00:54:07,734 --> 00:54:11,933 Good, Dick, good. Are you coming in? 657 00:54:12,133 --> 00:54:14,233 No, Rancor kidnapped the professor's daughter. 658 00:54:14,433 --> 00:54:16,433 I've got to find her. 659 00:54:16,633 --> 00:54:19,532 - Yes, well... good, Dick. 660 00:54:19,732 --> 00:54:23,632 Good luck. Call me if I can help. 661 00:54:31,932 --> 00:54:35,732 - Nineteen hours and 35 minutes. - That Steele's gonna be sorry... 662 00:54:35,932 --> 00:54:38,131 his mama ever met his papa. 663 00:54:38,231 --> 00:54:42,431 - We gonna heat up the fire! Boys! 664 00:54:42,631 --> 00:54:44,431 They always seem to know every move we make. 665 00:54:44,631 --> 00:54:46,430 It's inside. It's got to be somebody inside leaking. 666 00:54:46,630 --> 00:54:49,330 Well, I'm not leaking. I can prove it. 667 00:54:49,530 --> 00:54:51,331 - You go ahead, ask me something. - What? 668 00:54:51,530 --> 00:54:54,329 Ask me something. Ask me who's the director of our agency. 669 00:54:54,530 --> 00:54:57,630 - Who is the director of our agency? - I don't know. 670 00:54:57,830 --> 00:54:59,629 You see, I know who it is, you see? 671 00:54:59,830 --> 00:55:03,828 But I'm not going to tell you, you see, because I am no leak. 672 00:55:03,929 --> 00:55:06,529 This place has got to be a front for Rancor and his men. 673 00:55:06,728 --> 00:55:11,729 - There's one of them now. Follow him. 674 00:55:11,928 --> 00:55:14,428 Do you have to keep revving the engine? 675 00:55:14,628 --> 00:55:18,828 Ah, but it's an American V-8. It's such a beautiful sound. 676 00:55:19,128 --> 00:55:21,227 - Oh, Steele, listen to this. 677 00:55:21,427 --> 00:55:24,627 - My cousin's a recording star. 678 00:55:24,828 --> 00:55:27,327 - Duck! Ow! 679 00:55:38,926 --> 00:55:41,526 - Did he see us? - Shh. Okay. 680 00:55:48,925 --> 00:55:51,225 - I'm going in there. - Okay. 681 00:55:51,325 --> 00:55:54,825 - Give me cover. - I got to buy my lottery ticket. 682 00:56:00,224 --> 00:56:02,725 - Rancor's guy is here. - Right. 683 00:56:02,924 --> 00:56:06,724 That saved a wretch 684 00:56:06,924 --> 00:56:09,523 Like me 685 00:56:09,724 --> 00:56:14,323 I once was lost 686 00:56:14,622 --> 00:56:19,323 But now am found 687 00:56:19,523 --> 00:56:21,723 Was blind-- 688 00:56:25,922 --> 00:56:29,723 - What are you doing here? - I am... the new choirmaster. 689 00:56:29,922 --> 00:56:34,121 - Where did you come from? - The humble room. I was doing refractories. 690 00:56:34,221 --> 00:56:36,922 - "Refractories"? - A new popal revelate. 691 00:56:37,122 --> 00:56:39,920 Uh, John, chapter 7, verse 2. 692 00:56:40,121 --> 00:56:41,421 "Popal"? 693 00:56:41,621 --> 00:56:45,421 Uh, sisters. Michael, chapter 7, verse 2. 694 00:56:45,621 --> 00:56:47,521 "Sing as ye play. 695 00:56:47,721 --> 00:56:51,419 Yea, unto thee a voice like a blenth." 696 00:56:51,620 --> 00:56:54,120 And as you approach the allo tropo, please, 697 00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:58,219 tres mucho picante abierto. 698 00:56:58,419 --> 00:57:01,719 - You know you make me want to shout 699 00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:04,719 Kick my heels up and shout Throw my hands up and shout 700 00:57:04,919 --> 00:57:07,918 Throw my head back and shout Come on now 701 00:57:08,118 --> 00:57:10,218 Don't forget to say you will 702 00:57:10,419 --> 00:57:13,218 - Are you gentlemen with Rancor? 703 00:57:13,418 --> 00:57:16,617 - Steele's here somewhere. 704 00:57:16,818 --> 00:57:19,418 - Sing it right now baby - Well, find him! 705 00:57:19,617 --> 00:57:21,617 - Say you will - Come on, come on 706 00:57:21,817 --> 00:57:26,417 - Say you will - Say that you will 707 00:57:26,617 --> 00:57:29,217 Say that you love me 708 00:57:29,417 --> 00:57:32,417 Say that you need me Say that you want me 709 00:57:32,617 --> 00:57:35,916 - You want to please me - Come on now 710 00:57:36,116 --> 00:57:40,316 Come on now Come on now 711 00:57:40,516 --> 00:57:45,316 I still remember when I used to be nine years old 712 00:57:45,515 --> 00:57:48,915 - Hey, yeah and I was a fool for you - All right, random inspection. 713 00:57:49,116 --> 00:57:52,114 - From the bottom of my soul - Directive 21, Psalm 2. 714 00:57:52,315 --> 00:57:56,715 Yeah, yeah I want you to know 715 00:57:56,915 --> 00:58:00,914 - I said I want you to know right now Ew! 716 00:58:01,214 --> 00:58:03,514 You been good to me sisters 717 00:58:03,715 --> 00:58:06,314 Much better than I've been to myself 718 00:58:06,514 --> 00:58:08,914 So good, so good 719 00:58:09,114 --> 00:58:14,013 And if you ever leave me I don't want nobody else 720 00:58:14,214 --> 00:58:18,912 Hey, hey I said I want you to know 721 00:58:19,112 --> 00:58:21,813 I said I want you to know right now 722 00:58:21,913 --> 00:58:23,813 - Veronique? 723 00:58:23,913 --> 00:58:26,112 - Dick. - You all right? 724 00:58:26,312 --> 00:58:30,912 - Get out of here. This is a front for Rancor. - Yes, I know. 725 00:58:31,112 --> 00:58:37,011 I'll-- I'll get out of here, all right. But you're coming with me. 726 00:58:37,112 --> 00:58:38,811 Stat! Code Yellow! Code Yellow! 727 00:58:39,011 --> 00:58:41,711 - Get me three CCs of epinephrinox! - Right away. 728 00:58:41,911 --> 00:58:44,511 - Get me two liters of gasohol mixed with neonephicine! - On my way. 729 00:58:44,711 --> 00:58:47,010 - Get the electrostatifyer, now! - I'll warm up the generator, sister. 730 00:58:47,210 --> 00:58:49,210 She's about to go into fibrolcanination! 731 00:58:49,310 --> 00:58:51,510 - Prepare the operating room! Yes, sister. I'll get right on it. 732 00:58:54,609 --> 00:58:58,410 For God's sake, can anyone in this hospital help me? 733 00:58:58,610 --> 00:59:02,809 - Say it right now, baby 734 00:59:03,009 --> 00:59:05,009 - Come on, come on. 735 00:59:06,609 --> 00:59:08,609 - Say that you will. 736 00:59:08,809 --> 00:59:12,809 - Now wait a minute 737 00:59:13,108 --> 00:59:16,109 Oh. Mm-mm. No. 738 00:59:16,308 --> 00:59:18,307 You know you make me want to shout 739 00:59:28,106 --> 00:59:30,306 High blood pressure. 740 00:59:34,607 --> 00:59:39,106 Here. You'll be safe here. I'll be right back. 741 00:59:48,206 --> 00:59:52,205 - Okay, the coast is clear. 742 00:59:52,305 --> 00:59:57,105 Oh, Dick, it's so cold. 743 00:59:57,304 --> 01:00:01,704 What have they done to you? They'll pay for this. 744 01:00:01,905 --> 01:00:03,803 Oh, Dick... 745 01:00:11,204 --> 01:00:13,903 Move 'em, fat heads! 746 01:00:14,003 --> 01:00:16,604 Sisters, make 'em holy! 747 01:00:19,103 --> 01:00:21,502 Oh, Dick, you came for me. 748 01:00:21,703 --> 01:00:25,203 Tell me, what's been happening? 749 01:00:25,502 --> 01:00:29,102 Well, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching, getting in touch with my inner child. 750 01:00:29,302 --> 01:00:31,102 I have decided I love you. 751 01:00:31,302 --> 01:00:33,502 But what about my father? 752 01:00:33,702 --> 01:00:36,902 Well, I like him. I just have to get to know him better. 753 01:00:37,102 --> 01:00:39,400 No, is he okay? Have you got his chip? 754 01:00:39,601 --> 01:00:41,801 Oh, no, he's fine, and I've got the chip. 755 01:00:42,001 --> 01:00:44,301 - Oh, I love you too. 756 01:00:48,100 --> 01:00:51,800 - Look out, you crazy nun! 757 01:00:58,099 --> 01:01:00,600 Thanks, guys, I stopped you. You could have been killed! 758 01:01:00,800 --> 01:01:04,398 Quick, let me help. 759 01:01:04,599 --> 01:01:06,498 You smell nice. 760 01:01:08,699 --> 01:01:11,299 Where is my father? 761 01:01:11,399 --> 01:01:13,298 Is he safe? 762 01:01:13,398 --> 01:01:16,798 He's safe, Veronique. Safe as you and me. 763 01:01:16,999 --> 01:01:19,299 So cute. 764 01:01:19,498 --> 01:01:21,797 - Oh! Oh! 765 01:01:21,897 --> 01:01:24,197 - Safer. 766 01:01:24,398 --> 01:01:27,698 In my country, when an irate, armless, psychotic weirdo... 767 01:01:27,898 --> 01:01:29,698 chase your woman, you must hide her. 768 01:01:30,997 --> 01:01:32,897 Upstairs. Apartment 5B. 769 01:01:33,097 --> 01:01:34,997 I'll wait downstairs. I'll keep my eyes open. 770 01:01:39,196 --> 01:01:42,396 I just put in new carpet. Take your shoes off. 771 01:01:50,095 --> 01:01:54,495 Oh, Dick... it is so nice to know... 772 01:01:54,796 --> 01:01:57,594 that everything is going to be all right. 773 01:01:59,494 --> 01:02:01,894 You have the chip. 774 01:02:02,095 --> 01:02:05,694 My father is safe. 775 01:02:05,893 --> 01:02:08,494 You love me, Dick. 776 01:02:08,694 --> 01:02:10,594 Love? 777 01:02:12,094 --> 01:02:15,993 Let me tell you about love, Veronique. 778 01:02:16,293 --> 01:02:19,893 Love is a dew drop on a rose petal. 779 01:02:19,993 --> 01:02:22,693 - Love is a drop of rain, 780 01:02:22,894 --> 01:02:26,193 pure and shimmering and trembling. 781 01:02:26,392 --> 01:02:29,592 So moist, so wet. 782 01:02:29,792 --> 01:02:34,792 - And those tiny little drops of love, 783 01:02:34,991 --> 01:02:36,892 they come together, 784 01:02:37,092 --> 01:02:41,091 gathering up broken buds and fallen flowers... 785 01:02:41,291 --> 01:02:45,391 and dirt and dung... 786 01:02:45,591 --> 01:02:47,491 - and deer droppings, 787 01:02:47,691 --> 01:02:52,390 flowing faster and faster, outward to the sea. 788 01:02:52,590 --> 01:02:55,090 - Onward and onward - 789 01:03:18,888 --> 01:03:20,788 Good night. 790 01:03:20,988 --> 01:03:24,787 We'll talk more in the morning. 791 01:03:52,085 --> 01:03:54,385 - Hey, hotshots. 792 01:03:54,685 --> 01:03:58,385 - Come and get me. - Why, you little, no- good juvenile delinquent! 793 01:03:58,585 --> 01:04:00,285 - Go on! Get him! - Come on! 794 01:04:02,185 --> 01:04:05,385 - Cool. Heads up! 795 01:04:06,884 --> 01:04:09,183 - Nice shot. I'm going. - Go on! Go on! 796 01:04:09,283 --> 01:04:12,583 - We got you now! 797 01:04:12,784 --> 01:04:14,784 Where's the professor? 798 01:04:14,984 --> 01:04:17,284 With Gilligan, dickweed. 799 01:04:21,483 --> 01:04:24,383 - No! - This is for Getting Even With Dad! 800 01:04:24,483 --> 01:04:27,082 - And this is for My Girl. - And this is for My Girl 2. 801 01:04:27,283 --> 01:04:30,282 I wasn't even in My Girl 2. 802 01:04:30,483 --> 01:04:32,683 - We don't care! - We don't care! 803 01:04:35,981 --> 01:04:37,782 Last time I'm gonna ask you, smart boy. 804 01:04:37,982 --> 01:04:41,581 - Where's the professor? - Okay, okay, down the hall to the right. 805 01:04:43,282 --> 01:04:45,581 Okay, the left! 806 01:04:49,581 --> 01:04:51,681 Help! Somebody help me! 807 01:04:51,881 --> 01:04:55,280 They're taking us to Kikiree lsland! 808 01:04:58,680 --> 01:05:03,679 - They've taken him to Rancor! - They won't kill him... not until he's installed the chip. 809 01:05:03,980 --> 01:05:07,479 - Wha-- - Probably not even then. Maybe just torture him a little. 810 01:05:07,679 --> 01:05:11,179 - We'll talk about this on the way. Let's get to Kikiree. 811 01:05:22,078 --> 01:05:24,478 You like this disguise? 812 01:05:24,677 --> 01:05:26,678 It's very good. 813 01:05:26,878 --> 01:05:28,677 I'm proud of this one. 814 01:05:28,877 --> 01:05:32,177 Like this, I can look like anybody. 815 01:05:32,377 --> 01:05:36,278 - Rancor Industries owns this little island. 816 01:05:36,477 --> 01:05:36,577 - Rancor Industries owns this little island. 817 01:05:36,577 --> 01:05:41,076 The natives say there are stranger goings-on here than at Neverland Valley Ranch. 818 01:05:41,176 --> 01:05:43,977 - Look. - Uh-huh. It's nice. 819 01:05:45,476 --> 01:05:49,475 - Kabul, stay in the boat. - Why? 820 01:05:49,675 --> 01:05:51,476 There's a saying in my country: 821 01:05:51,675 --> 01:05:54,675 "When you hear the words, 'Stay in the boat', you stay in the boat." 822 01:05:54,874 --> 01:05:56,975 - Bye-bye. 823 01:06:04,674 --> 01:06:07,274 Dick, this is crazy. 824 01:06:07,474 --> 01:06:12,673 Crazy? Some people think walking down the street muttering to yourself is crazy. 825 01:06:12,874 --> 01:06:14,673 I'll tell you what crazy is. 826 01:06:14,873 --> 01:06:17,573 Crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, 827 01:06:17,773 --> 01:06:19,873 saying, "I'm a hamster.'" 828 01:06:20,073 --> 01:06:22,373 "I'm a hamster.'" That's crazy. 829 01:06:29,472 --> 01:06:31,472 - Ooh. 830 01:06:31,672 --> 01:06:34,472 My life's work is now complete. 831 01:06:34,672 --> 01:06:37,272 Your cooperation is commendable, Professor. 832 01:06:37,472 --> 01:06:39,271 Thank you. 833 01:06:42,471 --> 01:06:44,272 Throw him in the cell. 834 01:06:44,472 --> 01:06:47,471 - But you said it was for the world peace! Yeah, yeah. 835 01:06:56,270 --> 01:07:00,370 Hello, General. It's Skippy. They're on the island. 836 01:07:00,670 --> 01:07:02,870 Yeah. 837 01:07:03,070 --> 01:07:06,469 Well, well, well, what perfect timing. 838 01:07:06,669 --> 01:07:08,569 - It seems we're gonna have more guests. 839 01:07:08,669 --> 01:07:10,769 - Steele's not dead. 840 01:07:10,969 --> 01:07:12,769 He's on his way here. 841 01:07:12,969 --> 01:07:16,568 - Throw her in with the others! - No! Please! Please! 842 01:07:16,769 --> 01:07:20,769 - I thought you loved me! - Naw, I was just usin' you. 843 01:07:20,969 --> 01:07:23,767 [ Countdown Voice ] Seven hours, 59 minutes and 41 seconds. 844 01:07:23,968 --> 01:07:27,068 Seven hours, 59 minutes and 38 seconds. 845 01:07:27,268 --> 01:07:29,067 Seven hours, 59 minutes and 30-- 846 01:07:34,967 --> 01:07:37,567 Dick, look out! 847 01:07:37,867 --> 01:07:41,466 - Got you now, Steele. 848 01:07:41,667 --> 01:07:43,666 Hey, where you goin'? 849 01:07:43,867 --> 01:07:48,666 Take that! 850 01:07:48,766 --> 01:07:50,765 Hey, come back here! 851 01:07:53,965 --> 01:07:56,466 Nowhere to go, Steele. 852 01:08:02,265 --> 01:08:05,065 How fast can you run, my friend? 853 01:08:05,265 --> 01:08:07,763 - My God! 854 01:08:09,664 --> 01:08:11,664 All right, men, tie him up. 855 01:08:11,864 --> 01:08:14,764 - Okay, go ahead, kill me. 856 01:08:14,964 --> 01:08:18,663 I got a bomb. You touch me, and you'll blow up yourself. 857 01:08:18,863 --> 01:08:22,863 You don't really think I'm gonna fall for that old tied- to-the-bomb trick, do ya? 858 01:08:23,063 --> 01:08:29,562 - Well, how about the old snake trick? 859 01:08:29,763 --> 01:08:32,862 - Ahh! 860 01:08:53,360 --> 01:08:55,260 - What is it? - Shh. 861 01:09:03,360 --> 01:09:06,360 Let's go. 862 01:09:06,560 --> 01:09:10,959 Two hours, 59 minutes and 26 seconds to launch. 863 01:09:11,159 --> 01:09:14,759 Two hours, 59 minutes and 21 seconds to launch. 864 01:09:15,059 --> 01:09:18,258 Two hours, 59 minutes and 19 seconds to launch. 865 01:09:18,458 --> 01:09:18,458 We've got to find a way into Rancor's complex. 866 01:09:21,358 --> 01:09:24,259 - Are you ready? - Ready. 867 01:10:03,754 --> 01:10:05,554 Here, help me with this. 868 01:10:05,754 --> 01:10:08,954 - How patriotic, Dick. - And deadly. 869 01:10:09,155 --> 01:10:11,354 Ooh, Dick. 870 01:10:19,653 --> 01:10:21,654 Bearing 177.5. 871 01:10:21,853 --> 01:10:24,653 On my mark. Hi, Mark. 872 01:10:24,854 --> 01:10:27,452 Get set. 873 01:10:27,652 --> 01:10:30,153 - Father! - My child. 874 01:10:30,352 --> 01:10:35,152 Well, well. Dick Steele. 875 01:10:35,353 --> 01:10:38,151 I'd shake your hand, but I don't remember where it landed. 876 01:10:38,352 --> 01:10:41,852 - Clever! Clever? Clever. 877 01:10:42,052 --> 01:10:44,152 Take their weapons. 878 01:10:47,851 --> 01:10:49,651 - Mm-hmm. 879 01:10:52,051 --> 01:10:55,250 Throw her in with the others. Bind him. 880 01:10:59,150 --> 01:11:02,650 - Oh, Papa. 881 01:11:02,849 --> 01:11:05,550 - Dick Steele? - Oh, Ms. Dahl. 882 01:11:07,349 --> 01:11:09,249 - Barbara Dahl. - Get your paws off me, 883 01:11:09,349 --> 01:11:11,448 - Huh. - you damn dirty apes! 884 01:11:15,549 --> 01:11:17,649 - No! - You remember Barbara Dahl. 885 01:11:17,849 --> 01:11:19,649 Victoria's daughter? 886 01:11:19,849 --> 01:11:25,248 I'd like to see you watch her go up like you watched her mother go down. 887 01:11:25,448 --> 01:11:29,947 But I'd rather let you just be a dessert for my little pet. 888 01:11:31,848 --> 01:11:34,748 What's left of you will have to watch helplessly... 889 01:11:34,848 --> 01:11:39,546 while I play Mortal Kombat with the entire world! 890 01:12:19,344 --> 01:12:24,043 Huh? 891 01:12:31,642 --> 01:12:34,543 It's gonna blow! Hurry up! 892 01:12:45,842 --> 01:12:48,740 Come on! 893 01:13:31,438 --> 01:13:33,437 You are very immature. 894 01:13:33,637 --> 01:13:35,937 Bullies tend to have very bad self- esteem. 895 01:13:38,238 --> 01:13:41,437 Aha! 896 01:13:43,036 --> 01:13:45,637 Oh-ho! 897 01:13:48,637 --> 01:13:51,036 Leave me alone! I'm an unarmed man! 898 01:14:22,334 --> 01:14:26,233 - Oh, Miss Cheevus. - Dick, I'm sorry. 899 01:14:26,433 --> 01:14:29,833 - One minute and 22 seconds. One minute and 21 seconds. 900 01:14:30,033 --> 01:14:32,133 - One minute and 20 seconds. - You were under the influence of an evil man. 901 01:14:32,333 --> 01:14:34,332 - One minute and 19 seconds. - It was still a lousy thing to do. 902 01:14:34,531 --> 01:14:38,332 One minute and 18 seconds. One minute and 17 seconds. 903 01:14:38,432 --> 01:14:43,032 - One minute and 16 seconds. - Oh-oh. General, it's broken. 904 01:14:43,132 --> 01:14:47,031 Well, you'll like space. Lots of elbow room and-- 905 01:14:47,232 --> 01:14:49,332 - One minute and 12 seconds. - Oh, whoops. Sorry. 906 01:14:49,432 --> 01:14:53,030 - One minute and 11 seconds. One minute and ten seconds. 907 01:14:53,230 --> 01:14:57,831 Y eah, you lose, Steele! That countdown is irreversible! 908 01:14:58,031 --> 01:15:01,030 - Really? 909 01:15:01,230 --> 01:15:02,629 - One minute and five seconds. - Well... 910 01:15:02,830 --> 01:15:04,730 - let's just see how... - We need to go! 911 01:15:04,930 --> 01:15:07,830 - One minute and three seconds. - irreversible that really is. 912 01:15:07,930 --> 01:15:09,829 It's irreversible, 913 01:15:09,929 --> 01:15:13,129 and there's nothing you patriotic pansies can do about it! 914 01:15:13,330 --> 01:15:15,530 - 59 seconds, 58 seconds. Let me tell you what being patriotic really is, 915 01:15:15,729 --> 01:15:18,529 you scumbag poop. 916 01:15:18,828 --> 01:15:22,328 This is a great country where a man can sue anyone he wants anytime he wants. 917 01:15:22,528 --> 01:15:26,229 It's a great country because thousands of people die every year... 918 01:15:26,329 --> 01:15:28,827 from handguns, and, yet, at this very moment, 919 01:15:29,028 --> 01:15:33,828 you can still walk into a convenience store anywhere and buy one of those guns. 920 01:15:34,027 --> 01:15:36,226 - That's democracy. - It's finally time somebody does... 921 01:15:36,427 --> 01:15:38,326 what that fool Steele should have done. 922 01:15:38,527 --> 01:15:40,227 - This is a great country... - And it's gonna be me! 923 01:15:40,427 --> 01:15:45,426 - because anyone who's male has the right... - Let's go! 924 01:15:45,526 --> 01:15:49,027 - to run for the office of the President. - Let's go! Move it! 925 01:15:49,226 --> 01:15:52,027 - This is a great country because any moron can 926 01:15:52,227 --> 01:15:54,326 - All right, everyone, drop your guns! 927 01:15:54,525 --> 01:15:56,625 I'm, uh, taking over! 928 01:15:59,326 --> 01:16:01,626 Steele... get down from there. 929 01:16:01,826 --> 01:16:05,525 - Dick, come on. We have to go. 930 01:16:05,625 --> 01:16:08,325 - Now! - Oh! 931 01:16:08,425 --> 01:16:10,325 - Come on! Come on! - I wasn't finished. 932 01:16:10,525 --> 01:16:12,324 Quick! Hurry up! Just move it! 933 01:16:12,524 --> 01:16:14,324 Twenty seconds. 934 01:16:17,824 --> 01:16:21,324 Steele, you're always doing this to me! 935 01:16:23,424 --> 01:16:25,923 - You lose, Steele! 936 01:16:26,023 --> 01:16:27,924 I'm not through! I'll be back! 937 01:16:28,023 --> 01:16:30,522 Maybe just tissue or a brain! 938 01:16:30,723 --> 01:16:33,522 - Open the door! I'm stuck in here! - I'll be back! 939 01:16:33,723 --> 01:16:37,023 - I'm going up, but you and your whole world... 940 01:16:37,222 --> 01:16:39,222 are going down! 941 01:16:39,422 --> 01:16:42,021 - I'll be back, maybe without legs... - Open the damn door! 942 01:16:42,222 --> 01:16:46,021 - or some other minor organ. - Wait! I don't want to miss the fireworks! 943 01:16:58,021 --> 01:17:00,121 How about a hand for General Rancor? 944 01:17:02,221 --> 01:17:05,019 You're not through with me! 945 01:17:06,420 --> 01:17:09,019 - Ah, well. 946 01:17:10,262 --> 01:17:12,348 - Houston, we have a problem. 947 01:17:29,618 --> 01:17:35,317 A man of intrigue He lives for the thrill 948 01:17:38,217 --> 01:17:44,017 Always has places to go and people to kill 949 01:17:46,217 --> 01:17:49,416 Danger is the game he plays 950 01:17:49,616 --> 01:17:53,616 And he holds every card 951 01:17:53,816 --> 01:17:56,815 'Cause if you wanna win 952 01:17:57,015 --> 01:18:00,315 You gotta spy hard 953 01:18:03,215 --> 01:18:08,415 A man of the world so suave and discreet 954 01:18:11,215 --> 01:18:16,614 He trips over the women piled up at his feet 955 01:18:20,114 --> 01:18:22,514 But evil's lurking 956 01:18:22,713 --> 01:18:27,213 So he's always on his guard 957 01:18:27,413 --> 01:18:30,413 'Cause if you're gonna spy 958 01:18:30,613 --> 01:18:35,812 You better spy hard 959 01:18:36,013 --> 01:18:39,413 He's always there 960 01:18:39,613 --> 01:18:44,211 When the chips are beginning to fall 961 01:18:44,412 --> 01:18:47,812 He wouldn't care 962 01:18:48,012 --> 01:18:50,411 If they kicked him and grabbed him 963 01:18:50,511 --> 01:18:52,411 And shot him and stabbed him 964 01:18:52,611 --> 01:18:56,711 And nailed both his ears to the wall 965 01:18:58,310 --> 01:19:00,410 Facing death every day 966 01:19:00,610 --> 01:19:05,411 Is a tough job for any man 967 01:19:05,611 --> 01:19:09,009 But his hours are flexible 968 01:19:09,209 --> 01:19:12,509 And he's got a great dental plan 969 01:19:14,110 --> 01:19:17,808 By the way if you walked in late 970 01:19:18,009 --> 01:19:22,009 Allow me to reiterate 971 01:19:22,209 --> 01:19:25,608 The name of this movie 972 01:19:25,808 --> 01:19:29,409 Was Spy Hard 973 01:19:29,608 --> 01:19:33,508 They called it Spy Hard 974 01:19:33,708 --> 01:19:37,407 You just saw Spy Hard 975 01:19:37,507 --> 01:19:43,307 It's the end of Spy Hard 976 01:17:16,518 --> 01:17:19,647 THE END 977 01:17:19,647 --> 01:17:29,031 OCR by: KoushiK DaS Sync by: Harout 978 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:12,480 OCR by: KoushiK DaS Sync by: Harout