So this Irish guy knocks on this lady's door and says,
you know, "Have you got any, uh... Any, uh...
work for me?"
And she says, "Um, well, you know,
as a matter of fact, you could paint the porch."
But two hours later, the guy comes back and says,
"I'm already finished, ma'am,
but just for your information, it's not a Porsche, it's a BMW."
OK, asshole.
Giddyap.
The female lemur is a better jumper
and more efficient forager than her male counterpart.
She has dominance over the male...
Oh, my God... feel this.
Baby's kicking. Feel.
Touch it. No, not my boob.
Here.
Sorry we woke you up.
It was him, this asshole.
- What's this? - I'm a little tight right now.
My shit is not layaway. I'm not JCPenney.
You know I'm good for it.
I don't make like before, Vin. Only a few freaks like the belly.
I have to save for maternity leave.
Hey, I like the belly, OK?
I'll see you next Tuesday.
Extra when you do, OK? Double.
This one here says the line is frozen.
Yes, with these reverse mortgages, you can only borrow a percentage
of the equity you have in the house. That's called the loan-to-value.
But now, since you've been getting monthly payments from us
for the last... eight years,
you've reached the cash-out limit.
That's that loan-to-value thing I just mentioned.
- The house is worth... - It was worth.
Whatever it was worth.
I need that money.
I'm sorry, Mr. MacKenna, but there's really nothing I can do.
- It is what it is. - "It is what it is"?
Everyone's saying that now. You know what it means?
"You're screwed, and you shall remain screwed."
I want to close this account.
I'm so sorry to hear that, sir. May I ask why?
Lady, you're just a spoke on a wheel,
trying to make a living like the rest of us schmucks.
I do not want to tell you to go fuck yourself, so let's...
I'm closing it, OK? Let's just leave it at that, please.
OK.
$112.14.
- All right, small bills. - No, sir.
You're overdrawn that much.
What does that mean?
You took out more money than you actually have in your account.
Here's zero. You went below zero.
So I... can't close this account?
You can.
Once you get it back to zero.
Hey, you taking care of yourself, Vin?
Yeah, blurry eyes.
I'm doing aerobics, can't you tell?
I'm doing the Jane Fonda workout.
A one, two, three, and stretch.
Janie's still looking good.
Roger, is there any chance you could ever make one of these
that's strong enough for someone that's not... your sister?
Why don't we give it a break for a minute.
- Give what a break? - The liquor.
You're not gonna serve me?
Don't be like that.
I'm watching out for you here.
You watching out for me?
You serve poison all day to all these people that don't know no better.
So they can die while they're living.
And you're watching out for me. You phony.
Oh, Blanche, these are my friends, Rose and Dorothy.
Come here.
Shut up!
People are sleeping!
Piss.
Hey! What's going on?
You habla English?
Yes, we speak English, señor.
Then what the hell are you doing here?
That's my tree you assholes hit.
And my fence.
And my damn car.
Do you speak English?
- Stay here. - Yes, sir.
I'm calling the cops.
- Is everybody OK? - What do you want?
- I'm Maggie. I'm your new neighbor. - So?
Well, we're moving in.
I can see that, yeah. Are these dipshits with you?
Yes, they're the men I hired from the moving company.
Oh, boy.
"Oh, boy"? No. "Oh, shit" is more like it.
This fence is 20 years old.
The car's 30.
The tree is older than I am.
Well, I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I'm...
This is not how I wanted to meet, either.
- Did you do this? - Of course they did it.
What are you, stupid? Look at the crime scene.
OK, you don't have to be rude to me! I'm just trying to move in here.
I hired these guys to do it. And accidents happen.
Well, the car is an antique, missy. I mean, it's worth a lot.
- Then I'll take care of it. - You?
You don't got no money.
What? I mean, no offense, but you just don't look like you do. OK?
And I'm sure Chico and the Man here are off the books.
No, I will sue the moving company.
You can buck up for the fence and the tree.
Fine.
Toodles.
Is that our new neighbor?
Yep.
It's gonna be a long life.
"'Well,' said the tree,
straightening herself up as much as she could,
'An old stump is good for sitting and resting.
Come, boy, sit down. Sit down and rest.'
And the boy did. And the tree was happy."
God, that's depressing.
No, it's not.
The tree was meant to give,
so to be able to give everything and have nothing left
is the best life the tree could ever have.
Well, your father must think I'm a tree.
- Why would he think that? - Nothing. Nothing.
It's good you think good things. Come on.
Get in there.
All right, big day tomorrow.
Yeah, I know, first day.
Yeah, for me, too.
And I can't be late, all right? It's just me and you now.
- I know. - Set your alarm
and make sure I don't oversleep. Good night.
All right. Here, I made you peanut butter and banana.
- Thanks, Mom. - OK.
Do you have your snack money in your pocket?
- And your keys? - Yep.
You got your phone? Map?
- Yep, on the phone. - OK, what time do you get out?
- 2:45. - All right, come straight home,
start your homework, and I'll be home a couple hours after that.
Wait, Ma, you're not gonna pick me up or anything?
I'm in the bus lane! I'm not gonna get another ticket, Oliver! Bye, be good!
OK, settle down!
Settle down! Settle down! Settle down! Settle down!
I know it's hard to contain yourselves when you're so, so young
and full of sugar juice,
but we must concentrate on our studies or we will what?
We will die dumb.
Yes, we will, and dumbness does not play well in Heaven.
This is Oliver.
Oliver is joining us midstream here at St. Patrick,
and we are very happy to have him, are we not?
Welcome to St. Patrick, Oliver.
Such genuine caring. Thank you.
I think you feel touched? Right? You feel touched by that?
Maybe as a thank you, you can lead us all in morning prayer.
I think... I think I'm Jewish.
OK.
Good to know.
Oliver thinks he's Jewish.
- So am I. - I'm Buddhist.
There is no God.
Yes. You get the idea.
We celebrate all the religions of the world in this room, Oliver.
I'm a Catholic, which is the best of all the religions, really,
because we have the most rules
and the best clothes,
but among us there is also a Buddhist, agnostic.
We have a Baptist, and we have an "I don't know,"
which seems to be the fastest growing religion in the world.
And now we have "I think I'm Jewish,"
which is a new one for the class, Oliver, so thanks for that,
but it does not preclude you from giving us a morning prayer.
Let us bow our heads and pray.
Dear...
God, et cetera.
Dear... Dear God... thank you?
- Amen. - Amen.
- Amen! Amen, thanks be to God. - Amen.
All right, stirring stuff.
Well done, Oliver. Go grab yourself a seat.
And everybody else dust off those textbooks
and go to chapter 12.
That's chapter 12, Catholic saints.
All right, I'm here.
I'm here. I'm ready. I'm able.
Let's get this. Come on.
Look at that, it's Ground Pepper sprinting ahead on the inside!
Come on, dig in.
Come on.
Come on!
One time!
One damn time!
You son of a bitch!
I don't know why you get so pissy, Vinny.
You always lose. It seems like you'd be comfortable by now.
Yeah, tough day.
Help yourself.
I'm thirsty. And you owe me money, Vin.
I got a situation I'm working out.
You know, I'm not the sole proprietor here.
I've got other people to answer to.
I just need a little time, that's all.
So what do I tell them?
A month.
We'll split the difference.
Make it two weeks.
Watch out!
All right, how many?
And time!
You can let go now.
Did they have physical education in the last school you went to?
- Yes. - Did you take it?
Yes, sir.
Look who it is. There's the strong man.
"I think I'm Jewish."
My name's Oliver, by the way.
"My name's Oliver."
You little turd.
- Where'd you come from, anyway? - Hello.
Did you guys hear the bell?
That means to move, go to class.
Come on, let's go.
Can't even do a sit-up.
- Do you need a map? - No, sir.
Well, you better double-time it, or you're gonna be late. Let's go.
Shit.
Who took his clothes?
Nice shorts.
Sir?
Take me, God. Don't play with me.
It's me, sir.
Yeah, what?
I was wondering if I could use your phone?
- My phone? - Yes.
- In my house? - Yes, sir.
I need to call my mom. I'm locked out of the house,
'cause these guys in gym class took my keys and my phone
and I can't get in. And they also took my wallet.
I don't need to hear the whole story, OK?
One call.
Hi. It's Maggie. Can't take your call right now.
Please leave a message.
Oh, hey, Mom. I, lost my keys for the house and my wallet
and my phone, and I'm at the...
old guy's next-door.
Sir, what's your name?
- Vincent, the old guy. - Vincent, the old guy.
The mean one.
What's your name?
It's Oliver, sir.
They let you wear those shorts to school?
Well, it's a long story, sir.
I'm sure it is.
Yeah?
Hi. This is Maggie, Oliver's mom.
Your kid's here.
Yeah, I know. I got his message. I hope that's all right.
Is what all right?
- That he stays there. - Stays here?
- Like what, stays here? - I'm at work.
I've got three or four more cases, and I'm not gonna be home for a few hours,
so I'm kind of in a jam here.
You want me to babysit?
Well, it's not... It's not like he's a baby.
I mean, he's just probably gonna sit quietly and do his homework.
He's... he's really easy.
Sir, is that...
- How much you paying? - What?
You want me to babysit.
I'm not a philanthropy.
- I don't... Ten dollars an hour? - Twelve.
OK, $12 an hour. Can I talk to him?
It's for you.
...I said, sit up!
Up!
He doesn't like many people.
I'm good with animals, sir.
Yeah. He doesn't usually like people who say they're good with animals.
OK, pal...
You never seen Abbott and Costello?
No, sir. Are they old?
No.
They're dead.
That's the oldest you can be.
Or the youngest. Time freezes when you're dead.
Where'd you learn that?
A book.
What book?
A kids book, sir. I doubt you'd know it.
It's dinnertime.
- You hungry or something? - A little, sir.
That figures.
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
You're getting sushi.
You see, your troubles are all over.
That's probably your mother.
Probably, sir.
- Don't get up. - OK.
Hi. I...
- Hi. Vincent? - Yep.
Maggie. I...
Thank you for watching him.
You know, with the new job and... my boss, you know...
- I don't need to hear the whole story. - OK.
Oh...
Here.
What'd we say? Was that...
...that three hours at... at $12...
- $36. - Yeah. Yeah, I know that.
- I've got two twenties. - I don't have change.
That's fine.
How come you don't have anyone to watch this kid after school?
We just moved in.
Where's the father?
We met in college, and it turns out that...
- he had been seeing someone... - Don't need to tell it, then.
You gonna pay for my fence?
Yeah, I... yes,
- I said I was going to. - And my tree?
I'm not sure how... I can pay for a branch.
Everything has a price. You're an adult, you should know that.
All right. Let me know.
I can watch the kid after school, a few hours.
Same price.
I can do $11 an hour, you pay the snacks.
Your kid ate my last can of sardines.
Really?
- Smell his breath. - They have those options...
I thought you ate at Vincent's house.
We had sushi.
You had sushi?
Well, sardines. He calls it sushi. Didn't want to hurt his feelings.
So, you like him?
Well, he's interesting.
Sort of cool, in a grouchy sort of way.
Yeah, I'll bet he is.
He has a cool cat, though, Felix.
You know, he...
offered to watch you after school.
- He did? - That's a horrible idea, right?
Well...
he lives right next door. You can't get closer than that.
Yeah, I had thought about that.
You know, it would save me from having to find a babysitter.
You'll be home, though, right?
Yeah, I'm gonna come home, but sometimes late.
You know, I'm the one that has to work now. Your father's not helping.
I don't know if he ever is going to. And your school's not exactly cheap.
I guess he's too old to be dangerous,
and not too old to be too dangerous, either.
If you know what I mean.
Stupid place.
Who pissed in your Cheerios?
I can't dance no more.
Oh, that's a surprise.
We need the money, Vin!
The quality of mercy is suddenly strained.
I should sue these assholes!
What's the word?
Discrimination against pregnant woman! Yes?
I think you got a real good case.
This stupid bump is costing me much money.
Well, he's gonna cost you a lot more pretty soon.
It's not "he."
it's a she?
How I know this?
I look like psychic to you?
No, you don't. But they have technology.
Yeah, I know what they have.
Well, maybe I call stripper employer
and ask them to fax insurance card to pay ultrasound.
Yes?
So, the question I suppose is...
what is a saint? What is a saint?
Does anybody know what a saint is?
I don't think they do. Ooh, Rachel.
Individuals who display and act out of exceptional holiness.
That's pretty perfect. Thank you, Rachel.
Who can name a saint?
- Jeremiah. - Saint Jude?
Saint Jude, yes. And what is Saint Jude known for?
I think he owns a hospital, right?
And a golf tournament, right? That's what... Yeah, OK.
Anyone know any modern-day saints?
Bridgette.
- Mother Teresa. - Mother Teresa, yes.
The big MT is a modern-day saint.
So, a saint is a human being
we celebrate for their commitment and dedication
to other human beings,
for the sacrifices that they make, for their hard work
in making the world a better place for those around us
and for those who will follow them.
Good night.
- Maggie Bronstein? - Hi.
Robin called in sick. Got six cases backed up.
Yeah, I have to go pick up my son, though, so...
Sorry, can't let you clock out without the shift being covered.
Hospital policy.
Oh...
Come on, coward, try to sell me something.
Yeah?
- Vincent? - You evil witch.
I'm gonna listen to your whole goddamn spiel,
and then I'm gonna hang up.
- Vincent, it's Maggie. - Maggie? That's a good one.
Wait, is it Maggie from Calcutta, or is it Maggie from New Delhi?
No, it's your neighbor, Maggie.
What the hell do you want?
Let's go!
You better buckle up.
You're not buckled.
My life is my problem.
- This the way home? - No.
Hey, let's lay down some S.O. P.
I don't know what S.O.P. means, sir.
Standard operating procedure.
You go where I go, you do what I say,
get your homework done somewhere along the way, but most importantly,
you don't annoy me.
I am not happy when I'm annoyed.
Are you annoyed right now?
Not particularly.
Really?
Here's a dime.
Call your mom, tell her you're wearing your seat belt.
It costs more than a dime.
Since when?
Since before I was born.
What is this country coming to?
Right here.
If it costs more than that, call collect.
- Hey, look. It's dipshit. - You live in this neighborhood?
I probably got detention 'cause of you, asshole.
You got detention 'cause you took my stuff.
How do you know I took it, you narc?
Oh, yeah!
He just slapped you!
Stop!
You got him.
Listen, the next time the teachers ask you what happened,
you don't say anything! You got me?
- Get off me! - No! I don't care!
So you can go crying to your mommy! Cry...
What are you little shit heels doing?
Is that you, Robert Ocinski?
No, sir. My name's John.
Bullshit, you little prick.
You're Briana's kid.
Only Puerto Rican Polack in Brooklyn.
Well, I got a deal for you little bully shit heels.
Whatever you do to this guy here,
I'm gonna do to your mothers.
You understand? And in the meantime...
ride this.
- What the... - Run!
- Come on, let's get out, man! - Run, you little...
Get out of here!
Get moving, you little shits!
Let's get out of here! The old man's crazy!
What, you waiting for a paper invitation?
Who taught you to slap?
I don't know, sir. Just an instinct, I guess.
Yeah, well, you need to unlearn that.
I'm allergic, sir.
To what?
Cigarette smoke.
Your father never taught you to defend yourself?
No, sir. He's a pacifist.
Well, this country wasn't founded by tree huggers, that's for sure.
No, you need to defend yourself, or you get mowed down.
I'm small, if you haven't noticed.
- Yeah, so was Hitler. - That's a horrible comparison.
Indeed. Making a point, though.
Small means nothing.
It's what's in here.
Or here, sir.
OK, powerhouse.
Grab the basket.
- Hey. - Hey, Vin.
This place is like a mansion.
OK, when we get in there, no talking.
Where are we going?
You know, this is a great chance for you to practice no talking.
Come on.
Sorry I'm late.
There you are, Doctor.
Nice to see you, Sandy.
How you feeling?
Today is my birthday.
OK.
Happy birthday.
What are you, 17?
Oh, will you put those things in those drawers?
All right, Sandy.
Let's see how the old ticker's working.
Can you... tell them I don't like...
the green beans
when they put the bacon bits
chopped up in there with them?
It's too greasy for me.
Will do, Sandy.
Well, as near as I can tell...
you're still beautiful.
Perhaps you require a second opinion from my associate.
Beautiful.
You know, we can do the laundry here, Vin.
- We have a service. - Thanks.
It gives me something to do.
Who's your helper?
He's 11 bucks an hour.
It's Oliver, actually.
Nice to meet you, Oliver. I'm Ana.
- Hi. - Hi.
OK, thanks.
OK.
Oh, wait.
She don't like the string beans.
- I'll make a note. What's she prefer? - Broccoli.
Broccoli's good.
- OK, thanks. - Take care, Vin.
And time.
OK. Well, that's just gonna get you beat up pretty bad.
I don't want to fight, anyway.
Well, nobody wants to fight. You know? You think I wanted to go to war?
You think an 18-year-old kid wants to sit in a rice paddy
- with bullets whizzing by his head? - When was that?
- Vietnam. - You were there?
I think I'm imagining it.
All right, I'm gonna show you one thing, and it's probably your best shot.
If you do it right, you can break the guy's nose.
- Break his nose? - Relax. You're not gonna get it right.
All right. OK.
He's bigger than you, so you get down below him like this,
you squat like this...
just crouch...
and you stand up real hard,
and you push all the way through your legs,
all the way up, your shoulders, your butt, everything pushes up,
and you push all the way up through that arm and go whack, right in the snoot.
Right? Try it on me. Ready?
OK, but you got to do it faster than that, right?
OK. All right, now...
Maggie Bronstein?
- I have Mace! - OK.
I've got papers. Kings County Family Court.
As they say, you've been served.
Yeah, I know you worked some extra hours, so...
I'm gonna cover it.
I wasn't offering a discount.
So, what have you been crying about?
- It's a long story. - OK.
What's the punch line?
My ex wants custody.
There goes my job security.
Thanks, you asshole.
That could've gone either way.
It's gonna be cold for a second, OK?
See there? That's the baby's head.
This is very big head.
Maybe good, no?
It's the biggest part at this age.
And these... are her little legs.
She?
You didn't know?
Sorry. Did you not want to know?
No. It's good to know.
I couldn't verify with your insurance, Mr. MacKenna.
We are just married.
- That happened. - Really?
Yeah, I told insurance. You know how slow they are.
I mean, the bureaucracy and the paperwork.
I mean, what is a co-pay running, anyway?
Twenty dollars.
This is good price, no?
For you, only the best.
You're worth it.
Thank you, sugarplum.
You owe me, lady.
Here.
- See you later. - OK. Take care of yourselves.
Hey!
- Hi, Ma. - What are you doing?
I'm mowing Vin's lawn.
Well... Hey, Vin!
I was sleeping. Thanks for that.
Why is he mowing your dirt patch?
Oh, yeah, he's paying me hourly.
I'm showing him how the world works.
You work, you get paid, you drink.
Are you drinking alcohol?
I honestly don't remember.
All right, let's go. I'm gonna make dinner.
- You can do homework. - I already ate.
Stop mow... You're mowing dirt. Let's go.
He's fed, the homework's checked, I've done my job, I'm taking a break.
- Payday tomorrow. - OK. Come on, let's... Leave it.
There's no grass.
Bye, Vin.
Come on, come on.
- You're out! - Good luck.
Get ready for a red ass, you little shit bag.
- All right, we got him. - Come on, come on.
Missed it!
Say your prayers, you little pussy.
- What happened? What happened here? - I don't know.
- You don't know? - It's not my fault.
Let me see.
You asshole, dick bag, son of a whore!
Whoa! Bronstein!
- Who are you? - Who are you?
I am Daka.
Who are you?
- I'm Oliver. - Oliver.
Why you bang this door so much?
He's hard of hearing!
Let him in!
Don't yell at me!
You broke his nose?
Yes, sir, I think so. There was blood everywhere.
- You should've seen it. - I wish I had.
You must have got him just right. Show me.
OK.
Ha-yah!
You teach him fighting?
He's a little runt, you know?
He's got to learn how to defend himself.
Fighting is for assholes.
Where's my money?
It's on the dresser.
Minus the co-pay.
You don't teach children.
Yah!
Look at you.
Breaking his nose!
Who is she?
A lady of the night.
What's that?
It's one of the more honest ways to make a living.
The board tells you the action for the day,
race number, who's running,
who's riding, and so forth.
What's 20-slash-one?
That's odds.
Some bookie out of Vegas thinks
that that horse has a one-in-20 chance of winning.
What do you get if he does?
20 times your money.
That's a good deal.
If you win, sure.
That one with the wraps is a dog.
Doesn't sound like a compliment.
Not for a horse. No, the odds of him winning are astronomical.
Long odds, bigger payout.
We should take him across the board.
Well, don't get ahead of yourself, kid.
- Are you praying? - Praying?
That's what it looks like.
I thought we talked about you not talking.
What's a trifecta?
You pick, three horses: one, two, three,
in the order they finish, and it's a high risk, high reward.
Sounds improbable.
Well, if you're gonna gamble, you might as well have a chance to win big.
Harvey Knows Best, Sweeter Lady,
Champagne Flute.
One, two, three.
800-to-1.
You got any money?
Sure.
- Seven dollars. - What is that, lunch money?
Yes, sir.
Well, you might as well learn the hard way.
I'll throw in some, too. That's called mitigation.
What's... mitigation?
That's where you throw in seven and I throw in three.
And they're off!
Sweeter Lady takes the lead by a length and a half...
Come on. Come on.
...and here comes Harvey Knows Best!
Harvey Knows Best making a final surge as they come around for the line!
This is ridiculous!
This is really happening! Don't stop!
Don't stop!
Don't stop! Don't stop!
This is ridiculous!
- Yeah! Yeah! - This is ridiculous!
- Go! Go! - Yeah!
Don't stop! Just hang on, please!
And it will be Harvey Knows Best
followed by Sweeter Lady and Champagne Flute.
- This isn't fair! It's not fair! - We won, didn't we?
Just roll with this, just roll with this, man.
Just roll with this, and act like you didn't win it.
- Shit! - No, no, it didn't work for us.
Do you understand me?
It didn't happen. We didn't win at all.
We didn't win anything, OK?
Thank you.
Good afternoon... Mr. MacKenna.
I need to open up a savings account for my grandson.
Oh...
And this'll get my account up to zero.
Close me out while you're tapping away over there.
Don't ever become a pencil pusher, kid.
They're spineless.
Hello, Mrs. Bronstein.
This is Dan O'Brien, principal here at St. Patrick.
A few days ago, your son, Oliver, was involved in a fight at school.
- We've tried to reach you... - What?
If you're a telemarketer,
please leave a message so I can not return your call.
Vin.
Vin? Oliver?
Oliver, it's Mom. Pick up.
Hello?
You want another?
Yes, please.
Go for it. We're living today.
Excuse me, sir?
You kids. Damn small talkers.
There's no point in yapping if no one's listening.
- Let's hear it. - Excuse me, sir!
You can't get nothing in this world without being heard.
Another Coke, please.
And you can hit me, too, Rog.
We're out of your bourbon.
You cleaned me out.
Rog... don't lie to me. Be a man.
Vin. And he's not supposed to be sitting at the bar.
You're right. We're gonna go somewhere else to spend our money.
Hey, he's only doing his job there, Vin.
Be nice.
Oh!
Damn!
- Amber, get the first-aid kit. - OK.
But it's just a cut. I got lots of 'em.
Here, here.
Man, you're bleeding all over the bar.
That's fine. Kid's got to do homework.
Come on, let's go.
- Hi, Mom. - Where were you?
Where the hell is your car, Vin?
- It broke down. - Broke down.
Oh, it broke down? Really?
I don't appreciate you taking him anywhere without asking me.
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Could you not be a smart-ass, just for once? OK?
I want to know where my son is at all times, OK?
- We just went to... eat. - He should starve?
Go in the house, Oliver.
- Mom... - Go in the house, Oliver.
Good night, Vin.
Yeah, we'll see about that.
You know, he's getting in fights at school. Did you know that?
Yeah, he mentioned something like that.
Yeah? Well, he didn't mention anything to me about it.
Oh, well, maybe you haven't noticed, but you haven't been home much.
It's difficult to have a conversation with someone that's not here.
Oh, we're gonna do that?
God, I love when somebody like you tells somebody like me advice,
especially on parenting.
I didn't sign on for the hormones, dearie,
so that's gonna cost you 15 bucks an hour.
You know why you never had kids?
Because you don't want to think about anybody other than yourself.
What do you know about me, really?
Tell me. I'd love it.
Nothing. I don't know a thing about you, just the way you want it.
Then you can act like a prick and it keeps everybody away.
If it ain't broken...
it is broken, Vin. Take a look at it.
All right, I'm at 40 hours for this week.
At 41, I go to time and a half.
Excuse me, is someone gonna pay me?
You've got to be kidding me.
I can't even say these words.
They're creative.
- Yes. - That's one way to put it.
Well... adjusting to a new school
- is tough on children at this age. - Yep.
At any age, really, and I don't want to minimize that.
But is there anything else going on that we should be aware of?
Oh, I wouldn't even know where to start.
- How about his father? - Well,
I don't want to take up all your time.
We have loads of time.
We're in the middle of a divorce.
Oliver's father was having an affair with his assistant,
and our accountant,
and my hairdresser, while she was still doing my hair,
so that was fun.
And now he's filed for custody of Oliver,
full custody.
And he won't pay any support until he gets what he wants.
- Plus, he's a lawyer. - Shit.
So I just had to get out of there as fast as I could,
and I took Oliver with me,
and I got a job at Mission Hills.
I'm a CAT scan tech.
So I just see... really rough stuff all day.
You know, cancer and tumors
and cysts and clots, and I see what I'm looking at,
but I can't tell, you know, the people
that are laying there, so that's... miserable all day.
And I work really late,
because I'm trying to get our act together.
That's why he's here, so he can have a good education,
and I'm trying to just give him a semi-normal life,
and I'm dealing with this shit from David and... custody.
I'm sorry about swearing.
I know he didn't even want kids.
He didn't want them.
He's just doing this so I'm not happy.
You know Oliver's adopted.
- Did you know that? - I didn't.
I don't know how you would, but he is.
And... I cannot have... kids.
You know, something about my fallopian tubes being twisted.
I think, what I really think,
is that they were just recoiling from David's sperm.
Can I... Can I just have one?
Thank you. Thank you for that.
So I just think that all of this has kind of permeated, you know,
Oliver's whole little being, right?
I mean, it has to.
He's like a little, like a little sponge.
My real name's Robert.
Ocinski's my last name.
People call me that ever since Geraghty called me that last year.
Now everyone calls me that.
It's not like I can go around and tell them,
"Hey, dickwad, don't call me Ocinski.
My name's Robert."
'Cause I would spend my whole life doing that.
You taking a wiz?
Sorry, can't hold it.
Robert was my dad's name.
So I'm a junior.
He's not around, though.
I don't really know him, 'cause he left when I was a baby.
Yeah, my dad's not around, either.
He did some bad things to my mom, so we left him.
Haven't seen him in a while.
I kind of miss him, though. My mom's being a jerk.
They do that, man.
Hey, your dad the one that taught you how to fight?
No, my babysitter.
Tide comes in twice a day, Doctor.
Yeah, that's the tide, comes and goes.
I can't wait for autumn.
They plant the most beautiful mums all around the water.
- Yeah? - Every color you can imagine.
I don't know where they get them all.
At the garden store.
You've always been so funny, Vin.
Vin?
Vin, it's Vin, Sandy.
The ducks eat them, though.
We have to shoo them away.
It's such a shame.
It's a shame.
There's plenty of affordable health care options, Vin.
I'm sure you know that.
Sunnyside is pricey.
Not for everyone.
Well, my Sandy gets the best.
I just, I'll just have to figure it out.
I understand that, but you're months behind,
and we are not in the credit business, as you know.
- What's that mean? - We need payment in full
and three months in advance.
Got it.
By next week.
- Next week? - Yeah, next week.
Well, I can give you 20 percent...
- ...in good faith? - Vin, we're past good faith. I'm sorry.
We will transfer Sandy wherever you want to put her.
Put her?
That's it or we get the boot?
I don't think that's the best way to phrase what's happening.
OK, what's the best way to phrase it?
It is what it is.
Let's get some new plants for the room, OK?
I can have the desk order something.
Well, I was hoping maybe for mums.
Sure.
And here's a little something for your trouble.
Oh, no. Vin, this is my job. I take care of people. Please.
- You go way beyond your job, Ana. - Oh!
You've been an angel to my Sandy.
OK, Vin. We don't make a habit now, OK?
It can't happen, I'm shit broke.
You got a nice smile.
You should do it more often.
I'll get the laundry.
There you go.
It's a lot lighter.
She didn't change much this week.
Well... easy on my back.
- Thanks. - Behave yourself, Vin.
He'll pay hundred dollars.
$100? I pay more than that for one prescription.
He said this is for epilepsy,
for prostate flaring,
and to soften the shitting.
That should have some value.
For who? You?
We need the... I need the dough.
I... 500 bucks!
This is all high-dollar shit.
He said 100, Vin.
You take it or leave this.
You can't sell this to get high.
I'll take a hundred.
Oh, you'll take a hundred?
Stupid...
Hello there.
- Your account's closed, Mr. MacKenna. - Yeah, I know that.
This withdraw is on my grandson's account. I think I'm on it.
How much, sir?
What's the balance?
$2,700.
I'll take all that.
How would you like that?
Hundreds, please.
It's $2,700, Larry.
I want a $450 trifecta box in the third, OK?
I want one, two, three:
Lucky Lincoln, New Dime, Sammy's Savior.
Thank you, sir.
This is gonna make it all better.
OK.
New Dime drops back to sixth, while back on the rail,
Lucky Lincoln trails well behind,
five lengths behind the rest of the pack.
You all right, hon?
No, I'm not.
You must think I'm not a very serious person, Vinny.
You have no right to be here.
You find anything good?
No, some old jewelry. Not worth much.
That's my wife's, you son of a bitch.
You owe me money.
Come on, Vinny!
Why do you always have to do things the hard way?
It's more interesting.
And a lot more painful.
All right, let's do.
Son of a bitch is crazy.
Don't kill him, but bring him close to it.
What the... Oh!
What are you doing, old man?
He's dying, dude.
No, he's not. He's...
Don't touch nothing, let's just go.
Let's just go.
Vin?
Vin, it's Maggie.
We're gonna put you in this machine,
and we're gonna take some tests, and it's not gonna hurt a bit.
He can't understand you, Maggie.
OK, there he is. There he is. OK. It's just gonna be a couple minutes.
Hey, there's my brave little man.
Is he OK? I thought he was dead.
He was just lying there.
Yeah, that's what it looks like.
Well, he looks like that when he's drunk, too, so...
I don't even know what you're doing anymore.
I know what I'm doing, and your father's gonna have a field day with this.
I wouldn't be here instead of with you if it wasn't for him,
- yet I'm gonna get... - Mom. Mom. We're doing good.
You're working hard every day, and we need the money.
It's all right.
OK.
What's wrong with him, anyway?
Think he's had a stroke.
Slowly.
Down, down, down, down, down.
Good, good, bend the knees.
Flat back. Good, good.
Bend the knees. Little bit, little bit.
All right, all right, good.
I chose Saint William of Rochester,
the patron saint of adopted children.
It's a pretty interesting story.
All the other saints I looked at were all so...
saintly, I guess.
What does saintly mean to you?
I don't know.
I don't really believe in saints and all that.
I feel like Saint William just got to be a saint
'cause he was killed by the boy he adopted.
These days, people get killed all the time,
and they don't get to be a saint for it.
All right, well, thanks, Oliver.
Despite young Oliver's resistance,
I do happen to believe that there are saints all around us today.
They may never be considered as such by religion,
but they are just as important as the ones in your textbooks.
Thus, you are going to research someone you know, or know of,
and determine if they have the qualities fit for sainthood.
Where is he? His car is here.
He's in the hospital.
For what?
So, how do you and Vincent know each other?
I'm working for this man.
Oh, doing what?
Working.
I'm also dancer.
Wow, that... sounds exciting.
Try to sound it out.
Not quite.
Well, you didn't lose your sense of humor.
Hey, Vincent, you've got some visitors.
I stay five minutes only.
Hospital is shit place.
You look a lot better, Vin.
Get this...
dipshit out of here.
What'd you say?
Get...
Get this...
All right.
How about we just give Vin some time to do his therapy?
Thank you. We'll be about an hour.
Go to hell!
- An hour. - Maybe less.
Why you so mean? You could stop breathing.
- Asshole. - OK, how about we get...
Hey, we're getting a snack. Want a snack?
- Yes, I'm starving. - Let's get a snack.
You know, they do think that his muscles in his mouth will respond to therapy,
so that's good.
- He sounds... - Like the retard.
Well, he's stupid man anyway.
So the retard is not far from.
Do you have dollar?
I'm starving. I ate nothing today.
Yeah, I probably have... something.
Maybe dollar-half is better.
All right.
Is that Vin's...
- Baby? - Yeah.
I like to stay away from the whole situation.
It's not polite to ask a woman if she's pregnant.
Well, I think it's pretty obvious that she's pregnant.
Vin's, like, 90-something, Mom. That would be inappropriate.
Hey, if you hit this machine as first candy drops,
you can get two to come down. It's good, no?
Thank you.
Oh, OK.
Hold on second.
Don't eat fast, stupid cat.
I...
I want fresh crap.
Crab.
Not crap.
Crab.
Not crap.
OK.
Money.
No, it's a... it's a T.
- Tree. Tree. - You owe me money.
- It's a tree. All right. - Yeah, you broke my tree.
- I know. - Yeah, you broke my fence, too.
OK, what, are you planting these?
Here, this should be familiar.
Cactus.
No, prick.
Big prick.
Wonderful, wonderful.
Daka...
is beautiful.
I know you just want special massage or something, a dance later.
Don't try charming. It doesn't work.
Don't worry, OK?
It's going to get better.
Still there?
- Wait. - Sucker!
Down the stretch they come!
I'm sorry.
Where's... all my dirt?
My name's Regina.
Keep clean this house.
What's all that?
Vegetables.
Get out of that!
You don't know this, vegetables?
I do, but...
I don't eat them.
You do now. And you pay me for the hours now, Papa, OK?
What... for?
I take care of you.
And we don't bump the ugly parts no more, OK? So don't ask.
You're too old for this.
And I'm too fat.
$15 for the hours.
Plus room and food.
I'll get my secret pickles.
OK.
Who is Vincent MacKenna?
- You know him? - Yes, he's my neighbor.
And he sometimes watches Oliver.
Your Honor, he's my client's neighbor.
He occasionally watches Oliver, sometimes.
He's your babysitter?
Yeah, I mean, sort of.
I pay him.
Oliver, you know, goes over there for a few hours after school
when I'm still at work.
He's the babysitter, Your Honor, of sorts. A paid position.
May I ask why this is relevant?
Is your client aware that Mr. MacKenna
takes her son to the racetrack, and they gamble?
He also takes him to a local bar.
We went to the horses a few times.
A few times? Was that fun?
- Well, a little. - Yeah, good.
This is completely news to me. I've never heard this before.
My client is unaware of these events, as am I,
which is a big surprise right now.
I'll bet there are quite a few surprises in this folder, then.
- Oh, God. - Daka Parimova?
Are you aware of her occupation?
She works for Vin.
She works for Vince, right?
- She's a lady of the night. - What?
Do you know what that means?
She works at night?
She may be a prostitute.
Your Honor, I need a few minutes to... confer with my client.
I imagine you do.
I guess gambling and a racetrack is like a math class?
- You got to learn how to bet? - The odds.
The bar. Guess that could fall under current events, right?
More like social studies.
It's the strip club hooker that I can't seem to get my head around.
Commerce?
Biology?
Just stop talking. Don't talk.
Vin!
Why do you people think my people can't hear?
What kind of a man takes a child to a bar and to the racetrack?
And has him hanging out with a prostitute?
What kind of mother
lets her son hang out
with a man l-l-l-like that?
You're an asshole, Vin.
50-50 custody with his asshole dad, and I have you to thank for that.
You have no one but yourself to blame for that.
He needs more than...
a deadbeat mother.
Good one, and maybe I deserve that.
I don't know what I was thinking letting him hang out with you.
My sentiments exactly.
Well, he's not coming over there anymore. That's a given.
I'll get you your money for your stupid tree.
There'll be some interest.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Oh, I'm sorry! Sorry!
My reaction time is much slower these days.
Yeah, you were never fast, just stupid.
You have seven new messages.
Hello, Vin. This is Ana here at Sunnyside.
I'm afraid we have some bad news regarding your wife, Sandy, sir.
Please call us as soon as you get this.
Vin, hello, it's Ana again at Sunnyside.
We haven't heard back from you regarding Sandy.
Please call us right away.
Vincent, we've left a few messages for you. We haven't heard back.
We really need to hear from you about Sandy.
Please call or come by as soon as possible.
Feeling OK?
- It's a bit chilly. - Yes, it is.
OK.
Here we go, Vin.
All of Sandy's personal items are in there.
My wife, where is she?
She died, Vin.
I know that.
Where is she?
She's in there.
Where?
In the box.
Her remains, Vin.
She died a few weeks ago.
We tried contacting you several times.
And when we didn't hear back from you,
we decided to go ahead with your death directives.
You wanted her cremated.
She's in that box?
Her remains are, Vin, yes.
In a box inside that box.
I am sorry for your loss, Vin.
This place is peace.
It... w-w-w-was.
Nah, I didn't study. I never study.
- OK, see you later. - See you around, man.
- All right. - Later, Oliver.
- Hey, you got a lot of homework? - Hey.
Art, some math.
OK.
Is she with us?
Yeah, she's your father's idea of safer child care.
What's her name?
You have a voice, you ask her.
Excuse me, what's your name?
Amelda.
Hi, Amelda.
Hola, Mr. Oliver.
Is she every day?
And every other weekend when you're gonna go to your dad's.
That's what it's gonna be now, bub.
You're gonna get shuffled back and forth between me and him.
Well, he is my dad.
I know he cheated on you a bunch of times, and...
that's why we left him.
Really?
How do you know that?
You'll tell anybody who'll listen.
Grandma, Aunt Judy, all the cousins.
It's also your Facebook status.
I know. I've been meaning to change that.
I should just say I'm single.
Yeah, that's better.
Hey, Vin.
M-My replacement?
Yeah, I guess so.
I'd hate to have to report your mother to immigration and Natur...
I am a citizen.
Mr. Oliver, one minute.
What's in the box?
My wife.
She died?
No.
Sh...
She shrunk herself.
She's living in there now.
Rent-free.
Sorry, Vin, for your loss.
Never understood...
wh-wh-why people say that.
They don't know what else to say.
How about, "What was she like?
Do you miss her?" Or "What are you gonna do now?"
Do yourself a favor.
Get a life.
Stop living mine.
Take my word.
It's not working for shit for me.
That's not true.
What the he...
hell do you know about me?
You don't know me.
You're just stupid.
Of course I'm stupid.
Mostly for thinking
you're more than just a drunk, mean old man.
Guess that's goodbye.
You're a sad...
sad man.
I loved you to the moon there, Sandy.
I loved you to the moon.
All right, two weeks.
Two weeks to our Saints Among Us assembly.
The grand culmination of your sizable efforts on one great stage.
Don't forget to invite your parents, significant others, et cetera.
Wives, girlfriends, and enjoy yourselves.
And no expletives in your presentation, please, Ocinski.
He doesn't like Ocinski, Brother Geraghty, never has.
The name's Robert, sir.
He didn't tell you he was a soldier?
No, sir.
A sergeant major, of all things. He's famous.
But it's too expensive.
I don't know how to buy this crib
that looks nice and is cheap enough. I...
Oh, this one? This is good.
Ma'am, I'm sorry, this is the wrong price.
I like this.
No, no, no, I like this.
- This is great. I love this. - I take it.
- This is fantastic. - Can we get this?
We can afford this.
- Ma'am... - This is nice.
I like this. I want this.
This is great.
OK, I'll take it.
That's the old guy?
Yeah, he was in Vietnam.
Did I study the states?
It's a country.
States are inside countries.
"Do not place items with string around child's neck,
such as hoods strings or pacifier cords.
Strings can cause strangulation."
I don't want this crib.
Hey, Dad.
- Good day? - Yeah.
All right, seat belt, please.
How long has Vin been doing Sandy's laundry?
Oh, geez, every week for eight years.
That's a long time.
It is a long time.
He's a good guy, Vin.
What's Vin like when I'm not around?
He don't like people.
People don't like him.
Except cat and you.
Why you like him?
That'll be straight.
Oliver, come on!
Breakfast is ready!
Gonna get cold!
Let's go!
- Hi, Mom. - Don't look so surprised. Sit down.
You need some fuel for your big day, right? Sit.
- You made all this? - Yes, I made it all.
I know how to cook.
I took the day off.
- Thanks. - Well, you're welcome, bub.
This giving you trouble?
Come here, I'll show you the trick.
You got to pop this up.
OK.
Like that, it's like magic.
I love you, Mom.
Me, too.
Sit down.
OK, coffee or juice?
- Latte? - Nice try.
Oh! My water is broken!
Call a plumber.
Let's go.
Get up!
Hello. Sit down, children, thank you.
Good morning. Welcome to our Saints Among Us assembly
here at St. Patrick.
And the children have been working very hard, and it'll be interesting to see
which parents they have chosen as saints.
I'm sure you're all very nervous.
Our first speaker is Keesha Demorcy.
For my real-life saint,
I picked Mother Teresa of Calcutta.
- OK, OK. - Stop anywhere! Anywhere!
When will you become like man?
Jesus, my manhood!
Saint Nicholas of Sunnyside, everybody.
All right, next up we have Oliver Bronstein.
Saints are human beings we celebrate for their commitment
and dedication to other human beings.
Brother Geraghty, circa around March.
This isn't the hospital.
So now you are rocket surgeon. Come on, get inside.
For my modern day saint,
I chose a man who shares many of the same qualities
as Saint William of Rochester.
On the surface, one might think my saint
is the least likely candidate for sainthood.
He's not a happy person.
He doesn't like people, and not many people like him.
He's grumpy, angry,
mad at the world, and I'm sure full of regrets.
He drinks too much, smokes.
He gambles, curses, lies and cheats.
And he spends a lot of time with a lady of the night.
- That's what you see at first glance. - After you.
If you dig deeper, you'll see a man beyond his flaws.
Mr. Vincent MacKenna was born in 1946
in Sheepshead Bay,
the son of first-generation Irish immigrants.
Growing up poor on the streets of Brooklyn,
Vincent learned all the things that kids shouldn't need to know:
fighting, cursing and gambling.
In 1965, as a member of the United States Army's Fifth Regiment,
Vincent was among the 450 soldiers
dropped into the La Drang Valley and immediately ambushed
by 2,000 enemy troops.
There he heroically saved the lives of two wounded officers
pinned down by enemy fire and carried them to safety.
He was awarded the Bronze Star for his bravery.
I imagine the best way I can tell you
who Mr. Vincent MacKenna is
is to tell you what he's done for me.
When me and my mom first moved here, we knew no one,
and Mr. MacKenna took me in when he didn't have to,
and most likely didn't want to.
But he did it anyhow, 'cause that's what saints do.
We visited his wife, Sandy, of 40 years, who recently passed away.
Vin's done her laundry every week for the past eight years,
long after she no longer recognized him.
Because saints never give up.
He taught me how to fight,
how to stand my ground and be brave,
how to speak up and be bold.
Because saints fight for themselves and others,
so that they might be heard.
He taught me how to gamble, horse racing,
Keno, the over and under,
which is a big reason why I'm grounded till I'm 18.
But in that, I learned how to take risks
and go for broke.
Because in life, the odds can be stacked against you.
This is Vin's cat, Felix,
who eats gourmet cat food while Vin eats sardines.
'Cause saints make sacrifices.
Yes, Mr. Vincent MacKenna is flawed,
seriously flawed, but just like all the other saints we studied.
Because after all, saints are human beings,
very human beings.
Courage, sacrifice, compassion, humanity.
These are the markings of a saint,
and what makes Mr. Vincent MacKenna not so far removed
from Saint William of Rochester.
And with that, I'd like to present my friend and babysitter,
Mr. Vincent MacKenna, for sainthood,
and hereby proclaim him
St. Vincent of Sheepshead Bay.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, kid.
Saint Vincent of Sheepshead Bay.
All right, I got it. I owe you money anyhow.
- Thanks. - What are you looking at?
- Hard pretzels. - That's just what I was looking at.
If you do it just right,
you can end up with...
two... for the price of one.
Pretty cool.
That's pretty good, kiddo.
I might have to adopt that.
Mr. MacKenna, it's about that time.
All right, hold your horses.
Although, technically, that's stealing.
Oh, it's OK, it's OK. Don't cry.
It's OK.
So what is it?
Black, white, ugly?
Get out of here.
I like this baby.
Do you like this baby?
Yeah, so far.
I'm so happy.
I'll teach you someday.
- You'll like it. - Boys, come on.
It's not Russian, but... Oh, sorry, cat.
OK, you must eat vegetables.
It's colorful.
I'll say that.
- I like the green beans. - You do?
Yeah, I don't think you ever get enough spaghetti and green beans.
My mom makes them out of a can.
That's how your brain got stilted.
Oh, you have stilted brain.
- That's probably good. - Like the retard.
Hey, the "R" word's not cool.
It's not politically correct.
- Why is this? - It's like when you say "midget."
"Midget"?
Why not "midget"?
This food beats hunger.
By a hair.
Don't you want to say something?
Like what?
Like a blessing or a prayer?
No, I'd better not.
Baby is hungry.
All this delicious food, and where's yours?
It's not fair for everyone to have a big meal except you?
Oh!
Hey, wow, it's chill...
it's getting chilly in here.
One of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue
The road was full of mud
Came in from the wilderness
A creature void of form
Come in, she said, I'll give you
Shelter from the storm
Pass this way again
You can rest assured
I'll always do my best for her
On that I give my word
I smell the cigarette, asshole!
Fight to be won
Come in, she said, I'll give you
Shelter from the storm
Not a word was spoke between us
There was little risk involved
Everything up to that point
Had been left unresolved
Try imagining a place
Where it's always safe and warm
Come in, she said, I'll give you
Shelter from the storm
I was burned out from exhaustion
Buried in the hay
Poisoned in the bushes
And blown out on the trail
Hunted like a crocodile
Ravaged in the corn
Come in, she said, I'll give you
Shelter from the storm
Suddenly I turned around
And she was standing there
With silver bracelets on her wrists
And flowers in her hair
She walked up to me so gracefully
And took my crown of thorns
Come in, she said, I'll give you
Shelter from the storm
Now there's a wall between us
Something has been lost
I took too much for granted
I got my signals crossed
Just to think it all began
On a non-eventful morn
Come in, she said, I'll give you
Shelter from the storm
Well, the deputy walks on hard nails
And the preacher rides a mount
But nothing really matters much
It's doom alone that counts
And the one-eyed undertaker
He blows a futile horn
Come in, she said, I'll give you
Shelter from the storm
I've heard newborn babies wailing
Like a morning dove
And old men with broken teeth
Stranded without love
Do I understand your question, man
Is it hopeless, forlorn
Come in, she said, I'll give you
Shelter from the storm
In a little hilltop village
They gambled for my clothes
I bargained for salvation
And they gave me a lethal dose
I offered up my innocence
And got repaid with scorn
Come in, she said, I'll give you
Shelter from the storm
Well, I'm living in a foreign country
But I'm bound to cross the line
Beauty walks on razor's edge
Someday I'll make it mine
If I could only turn back the clock
To when God and her were born
Come in, she said, I'll give you
Shelter from the storm