1 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,301 Welcome to Sheffield! 2 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:56,013 The beating heart of Britain's industrial North! 3 00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:59,809 The jewel in Yorkshire's crown is home to over half a million people, 4 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:04,856 and thousands more flock here daily to shop and to work. 5 00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,775 All this is built on Sheffield's primary industry, 6 00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:09,944 steel. 7 00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:12,405 The city's rolling mills, forges, 8 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:15,408 and workshops employ some 90,000 men 9 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:19,746 and state-of-the-art machinery to make the world's finest steel. 10 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:21,539 From high-tensile girders 11 00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:26,085 to the stainless cutlery for your dining table. 12 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:29,172 But it's not all hard work for the people of Steel City. 13 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:32,091 They can spend the day lounging by the pool, 14 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:34,886 watching one of our top soccer teams, 15 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:38,014 or browsing in the shops. 16 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:44,771 But when the sun goes down, the fun really starts 17 00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:47,690 in the city's numerous nightclubs and discotheques. 18 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:51,819 Yes, Yorkshire folk know how to have a good time! 19 00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:54,572 And it's good times for the city's housing, too! 20 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,991 Sheffield leads the way in town planning. 21 00:01:57,075 --> 00:02:01,871 Victorian slums have been cleared to make way for the homes of the future. 22 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,292 Thanks to steel, 23 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,211 Sheffield really is 24 00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:10,880 a city on the move! 25 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:33,986 Gaz, who's gonna buy a rusty girder? 26 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,364 - Come on. - Dad, it's stealing! 27 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:39,075 No, it's liberating, love. Liberating. 28 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:41,285 Gaz, hang on. 29 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:46,666 Ten years we worked in here. Now look. 30 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,794 - What if we get caught? - You don't get a record till you're 16. 31 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,088 - Just don't tell your mum. - Hey, listen. 32 00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:54,924 Music. 33 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:02,098 Bloody hell! 34 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:11,732 - What are they doing? - lt's the works band. lt's still going. 35 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:14,819 About only thing round here that is. 36 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,781 'Ey up! Security guard's back. 37 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,917 "Won't take a minute," he says. 38 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:32,086 "Won't take a minute." Now what? 39 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,297 Shut up. l'm thinking. 40 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,467 Can't we do normal things sometimes? 41 00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,595 This is normal! lsn't it, Dave? 42 00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,722 Oh, aye. Everyday stuff, this. 43 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,849 l think this bugger's sinking. 44 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,812 Pick it up, and try and slide it across other side. 45 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,147 That's it. 46 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,233 Oh, fucking hell, Nathe! 47 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:59,071 They're 20 quid each, them! That were your bloody maintenance! 48 00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:01,240 - Oh, shit. - Oh, nice one. 49 00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,117 Nathe! 50 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,660 Nathan! 51 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,496 - Fucking hell! - Come 'ere, come 'ere! 52 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,166 Jesus! Stay still. 53 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,335 Stay still, stay still. 54 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,171 All right. 55 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:19,967 What's your initiative got to say about this, then, bog eyes? 56 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,555 'Ey up, there's someone coming. 57 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,351 - All right? - Aye, not so bad. 58 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,021 "Not so bad"? 59 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,565 "Not so bad"? That's not much of a chuffing SOS! 60 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,693 All right, don't get a benny on. 61 00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,948 Shit! 62 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,914 Me jeans are bloody soaking! 63 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,874 You should have taken your kit off. 64 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:57,004 - What's up? Are you shy? - Don't! Shut it, all right? 65 00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,089 'Ey up, Dave. 66 00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,257 - All right, babe? - Dad! 67 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:03,928 What do you reckon, Dave? Eight? Maybe even a nine. 68 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,931 - You can never tell till you see their tits. - Dad! 69 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:10,434 - What's all this? - lt's them Chippendale efforts. 70 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,811 You what? 71 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,188 Them dancers. Mum were going on about it. 72 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:17,733 Oh, you're joking! She must be getting desperate. 73 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:21,112 - You all waiting for me, then? - Yeah! To go home. 74 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:24,031 You know where to find me when you tire of them poofs. 75 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,701 - Dad! - Come on, Gaz, l'm freezing. 76 00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:29,495 "Women only"? 77 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,498 Cheeky buggers! lt's a bloody working-men's club! 78 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,959 l mean, look at the state of that! 79 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,836 What have you got to smile about? 80 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,671 He's got no willy, for starters. 81 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:41,841 Nowt in a gym'll help you there, mate! 82 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:44,677 No decent woman would be seen dead in there. 83 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,554 Jean would. 84 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:49,724 Oh, Dave, what's going on? 85 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,058 lt's her money, innit? 86 00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:56,689 Fucking hell! You'll let some poof wave his tackle at your missis? Where's your pride? 87 00:05:56,773 --> 00:06:01,527 She's already got you hoovering! I saw it and I let it go! But this? No, no, no. 88 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:04,655 - Get her out of there. - lt's women only. 89 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,077 Hurry up, will you? Me feet have gone numb. 90 00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:14,331 That's gratitude for you! We're riding into Alley of Death for you, you fat git. 91 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:17,626 lt's not my fault I can't fit through. 92 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:21,130 Right, then. I'll wait 'ere and keep guard. 93 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,675 Find Auntie Jean and tell her Uncle Dave wants a word outside. 94 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,178 - Do I have to? - Good kid. On you go. 95 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:49,408 Off! Off! Off! 96 00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,546 l'm not waiting in that bloody queue. 97 00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,132 l always wanted a nosy in the men's toilets. 98 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,301 Phwoar! Them bloody muscles! 99 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:10,387 lt's not their bodies, Bee. lt's what they do with 'em. 100 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:14,517 l don't know what you're worrying about, with you-know-who on your tail. 101 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:18,646 Frankie! Do you want my body? 102 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:24,360 Frank don't fancy me and I don't fancy Frank, right? So give over! 103 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,030 Do you think he might, though? 104 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:34,537 No. Couldn't do that to Dave. 105 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,289 Not even if I wanted to. 106 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:40,584 But... you know, it's like he's given up. 107 00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:43,963 Work. Me. Everything. 108 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,965 Ah, love. 109 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,967 'Ere, love. This'll cheer you up. 110 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:59,603 l weren't in Girl Guides for nowt! 111 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:17,997 Gaz! 112 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,249 Gaz! That were our Jean, weren't it? 113 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,878 No, no. Just a couple of old tarts. l'm going back in for Nathe. 114 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,969 You're in big trouble. 115 00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:34,096 What about Auntie Jean? 116 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,351 Auntie Jean's busy. 117 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,695 l don't feel well. 118 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:53,490 Of course you don't! You've got a hangover. Take a day off. Stay at home. 119 00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:56,785 Your house is messy. And it's cold. 120 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,246 Come down job club. That'll be a right laugh. 121 00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:00,873 Mum's house is always warm. 122 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,542 l can't always have the red carpet out for you. 123 00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:08,130 Anyway, it's not your mum's house. lt's whatshisname... Barry's. 124 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:12,051 Tell you what. Next weekend l'll have a big tidy round. I promise! 125 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,677 Even go and see a footie game. 126 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,347 - Yeah? - Yeah. Sunday League down the park. 127 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,390 There's some right good players. 128 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,976 United are playing Man U, aren't they? 129 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,145 You know I can't stretch to that. 130 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,523 You're always making me do stupid stuff like last night. 131 00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,692 Other dads don't do that. 132 00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,445 Don't they? 133 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,656 - Aye. - Aye. 134 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,619 Nathe! 135 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,372 We could try and sneak into Man U. Terry said... 136 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,539 No! 137 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,417 All right! l'll... I'll get tickets! I will! 138 00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:48,879 Ooh! Aah! Cantona! Has to wear a girlie bra! 139 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,342 We'll stuff 'em, Nathe. 140 00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,055 Fuck! 141 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:07,231 l want the application letters finished by the time I get back. 142 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,733 Any problems, l'm outside. 143 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:21,036 l tell you, when women start pissing like us, that's it. 144 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,289 We're finished, Dave. 145 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,457 Extincto. 146 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,710 Yeah, I mean... 147 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,129 How? You know... 148 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,172 - How? - Genetic mutations. 149 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,340 They're turning into us. 150 00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:38,429 A few years and men won't exist. Except in a zoo or summat. 151 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,806 We're not needed no more, are we? 152 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,726 Obsolete. Dinosaurs. 153 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,436 Yesterday's news. 154 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,940 Like skateboards. 155 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,777 Button it! Some of us are trying to get a job. 156 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,446 And it says no smoking in 'ere. 157 00:10:55,572 --> 00:11:00,868 Aye, and it says job club up there. When did you last see one of them walk in? 158 00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:04,288 You forget, Gerald, you're not our foreman now. 159 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,206 You're just like the rest of us. 160 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:09,460 - Scrap. - Shut it, right? 161 00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:13,047 Hang on, though. 162 00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:16,675 Why were all them women int' working-men's club int' first place? 163 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,678 Now then! Cos of us. Men. 164 00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,972 You call them Chippendales men? 165 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,640 Degrading, that's what it were. 166 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,477 How many lassies were there, though? 167 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,645 Thousands. Baying for blood. 168 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:32,608 Ten quid to watch some fucking poof get his kit off! Ten quid! 169 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:37,363 Times ten quid by a thousand, right? And you've got... 170 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,366 Yeah, well, a lot. A very lot. 171 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,036 10,000 quid. 172 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,208 - How much? - 10,000 quid. 173 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:56,215 'Ey, now, Dave, I mean... lt's worth a thought, though, innit? 174 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:02,096 Little And Large prancing round Sheffield with their widgers out! 175 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,931 That would be worth ten quid! 176 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:06,392 Don't be so bloody daft. We were just saying... 177 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:11,605 - Widgers on parade! Bring a microscope! - I don't see why the chuff not! 178 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:16,568 Because you're fat and he's thin, and you're both fucking ugly. 179 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,737 Bastard! 180 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,669 What's all this about sole custody? 181 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:37,047 You know what. lf you want joint custody, you pay your share. 182 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,426 - 700 quid. - l'm ont' dole, in case you hadn't noticed! 183 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:45,013 - Get a job! I'll gi' you a job! - £2.50 an hour in Black Hole of Calcutta! 184 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,807 No, thank you. 185 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:51,687 lf you want to play your games, do that, but Nathan's gonna have two parents now. 186 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,814 And your live-in lover's gonna do that? 187 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,567 Abracadabra, here he is! Evening, Barry. 188 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:59,236 That'll be for t'court to decide. 189 00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:03,407 No, it won't. Nathan's yours and mine. He's fuck-all to do with him! 190 00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:08,829 - As if you've ever given a toss. - Face it. He don't like staying at yours. 191 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:12,207 Course he bloody does! Ask him! 192 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,459 Ask him! 193 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,044 Oi, Nathe! We have a laugh, don't we? 194 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,173 - Gary! Don't! - ls he in? 195 00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,008 ls he in? 196 00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,551 Nathe! 197 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:27,181 He can't hear you through your... triple bloody glazing. 198 00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:29,224 He can hear all right. 199 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,644 This... This is all wrong, this is. 200 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:36,106 lt's all to fucking cock. l'm his dad, and you... 201 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:37,608 You're nobody. 202 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,776 Goodnight, Gary. 203 00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,333 Night, Nathe! 204 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,419 See you, kid! 205 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,513 No. Not doing it. 206 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,766 - l'm not stripping. - They're taking him away. 207 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,227 All I need is 700 quid and they've got nowt on me. 208 00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:16,813 - Gaz, no. - Dave, he's me kid! 209 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,607 l suppose there's nicking cars. 210 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,693 - No! - Well, then? 211 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,821 Look, I'll help, all right? l'm running, aren't l? 212 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,698 But l'm taking nowt off. Final. 213 00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,867 Come on, Dave. Don't stop now. 214 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:32,287 - Keep up, you fat bastard! - Gazza, you tosser! 215 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,131 Do you need a hand? 216 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,684 Yeah, it's your HT leads, I reckon. 217 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,479 Give it a go at that. 218 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,156 Didn't you work at Harrisons afore it shut down? 219 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,201 Ah! I thought I clocked you! 220 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,913 l were ont' floor with Gaz. Him up the road. 221 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,583 How's it going, then? 222 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,334 You got any work? 223 00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:23,672 No, there's not a lot about. 224 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,884 Well, like I say, get some new ones when you can. 225 00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:30,345 No, no, my chuffing pleasure! 226 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,525 Dave? 227 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,955 - Are you all right, kid? - You bastard! 228 00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,254 'Ey! 'Ey! 229 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,895 You could shoot yoursen. 230 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,397 Where's he gonna find a gun from round 'ere? 231 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,526 You wanna find yourself a big bridge. 232 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:31,948 Yeah. Like one of them bungee jumps, only without the bungee bit. 233 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,326 l can't stand heights, me. 234 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:44,252 Drowning. Now there's a way to go. 235 00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,298 l can't swim. 236 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:52,928 You don't have to fucking swim, you divvy. That's the point. 237 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,430 You're not very keen, are you? 238 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,766 Sorry. 239 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,309 l know. 240 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:05,148 Stand in the middle of t'road and get a mate to drive smack into you right fast. 241 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,528 Haven't got any mates. 242 00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:14,116 We just saved your fucking life, so don't tell us we're not your mates! 243 00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:18,120 - Yeah? - Yeah, me an' all. 244 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:21,123 l'd run you down soon as look at you. 245 00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,542 Oh, cheers. 246 00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,461 Ta. 247 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,632 Thanks a lot. 248 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,068 - What are you doing, Mum? - Where have you been? 249 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:52,070 Driving. 250 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,699 - Driving where? - Just driving. 251 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,119 l thought you'd gone. 252 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:03,415 Security guard in 'ere? No wonder he wants to kill himself. 253 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:08,336 Well, at least one bloke got a job out of this place being shut down. 254 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,757 What did you tell him for, anyroad? The kid's a nutter. 255 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,259 He's a bugle player. 256 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:17,721 Could come in right handy. Might need a bit of music. 257 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:21,183 He's got a car. Somewhere to practice. 258 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,729 Besides, it's good whatsitsname for the lad... Therapy. 259 00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:29,316 Oh, aye! Jiggling about in the buff. Therapy! 260 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,235 l tell you, he won't be the only one trying to top himself 261 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,404 if you carry on wi' this caper. 262 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,990 Dad, l'm hungry. 263 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,201 'Ey up! 264 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,876 'Ey! Lomper! 265 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,880 - Where's me rice? - Try the cylinder head... tubby. 266 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,550 l don't like Chinese. 267 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,969 'Course you do... Don't you? 268 00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:02,724 - Let's see his records. - What have we got, Dave? 269 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,893 "The Floral Dance." 270 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:09,231 - "Marching With Hepworth"? - Jesus Christ! 271 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,983 Ah, Hot Chocolate! Now we're talking! 272 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,361 l believe in miracles 273 00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,154 Since you came along 274 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,156 You sexy thang 275 00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:20,659 Stick it on, Daverimo! l'm there. 276 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:36,758 Dad! Dad, don't. 277 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:41,221 lt's all right, Nathan. lt's right, is this. l've seen 'em do it. 278 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,849 - Good evening, shoppers... - Dave! 279 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,017 All right, all right. 280 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,855 "You Sexy Thing." One, two... 281 00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:44,534 - I need an audience. - You need a doctor. 282 00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:53,251 l tell you, there's summat up wi' that kid. 283 00:20:57,173 --> 00:21:00,091 - Did you check the whole top end? - Yeah! 284 00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,260 There's no point. He went out. 285 00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:04,846 - You what? - I seen him go. 286 00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,058 There's the beggar. 287 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,977 Oi, Nathe! 288 00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:12,979 Nathan! 289 00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,523 Nathan. 290 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,653 Hell-fire! 291 00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:23,198 - What are you doing out here, kid? - Nowt. Walking home. 292 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:26,368 lt's miles home! You know that! 293 00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:28,954 Why did you run off like that? 294 00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,959 You're embarrassed, aren't you? 295 00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:37,212 You think your own dad's a dickhead. 296 00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:41,883 We're not doing this for a laugh, you know. 297 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,135 l'm trying to get some brass together 298 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:48,056 so as you and me can keep seeing each other. 299 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:51,351 They're trying to stop us, you see. 300 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,228 Oh, well, I may as well not bother. 301 00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,397 Except l'm your dad. 302 00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:01,069 lt counts for something, don't it? 303 00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:07,075 l like you. 304 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:11,246 l love you, you bugger. 305 00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:15,583 All right, kid? 306 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,759 - All right? - Yeah. 307 00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:29,014 You nutter. 308 00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:42,652 - Well, you said dancing. - lt were a great idea, kid. 309 00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:45,822 Just not the right sort of dancing. 310 00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:48,575 Gaz! 'Ey, look 'ere. 311 00:22:48,659 --> 00:22:51,828 Oh, my God! 312 00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,539 Gerald, me lad, you're gonna be famous down job club. 313 00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:56,374 He's not bad for a bastard, is he? 314 00:22:56,459 --> 00:22:59,335 He's dead, that's what he is. 315 00:23:05,676 --> 00:23:08,178 You said you wanted a dance teacher. 316 00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:10,055 Gerald? Go get chuffed! 317 00:23:10,139 --> 00:23:14,434 He'd tell every bugger! We'd be laughed out of Sheffield. 318 00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:16,728 'Ey up, lads. Bandits at six o'clock. 319 00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,858 Ah, come in, Torvill. 320 00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:23,902 Park your sequins over 'ere. 321 00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:27,489 - You've had your laugh. Now piss off. - lt's a free country. 322 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:30,909 - You were rather good. Nifty footwork. - Gerald! 323 00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:33,036 Oh, hello. 324 00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:39,626 - Gerald, you're missing the rumba. - Sorry, I just met some pals from... work. 325 00:23:39,710 --> 00:23:43,671 - Not thinking ofjoining our class? - Funny you should mention it... 326 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:47,842 - I think we'd better be getting back now. - Well, goodnight. 327 00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:52,639 You get back to your rumba. See you later, Gerald. 328 00:23:52,723 --> 00:23:55,100 At work. 329 00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:17,622 He's got gnomes. 330 00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:20,959 Aye, he bloody would have. 331 00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:25,421 Things looking up? 332 00:24:25,548 --> 00:24:27,340 You know, love, I think they just might be. 333 00:24:27,424 --> 00:24:28,716 Good. 334 00:24:28,801 --> 00:24:30,677 You've been working too hard. 335 00:24:30,761 --> 00:24:34,764 You should let a colleague do the lion's share for a change. 336 00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:38,560 - I wish you'd be firmer, Gerald. - Oh, well. Mustn't be late. 337 00:24:38,644 --> 00:24:41,771 - So it's all right if l... - Oh, Linda, love... 338 00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:45,400 Oh, don't be so mean! Things are looking up. You said so. 339 00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,569 You'll love skiing. 340 00:24:50,239 --> 00:24:52,282 Linda... 341 00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:57,912 lt don't matter. Bye. 342 00:25:03,961 --> 00:25:06,087 'Ey, Gaz. 343 00:25:13,262 --> 00:25:16,014 - Off to the office, Torvill? - Yes, I bloody am! 344 00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:18,183 Put that back. Put it back! 345 00:25:19,268 --> 00:25:23,396 See that? lnterview. ln the bloody bag. Mate from Harrisons. 346 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,857 l could do the job standing on me head. 347 00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:28,151 l won't have to look at your ugly mugs again. 348 00:25:28,277 --> 00:25:30,862 - Come on, we just need some help. - Sorry. 349 00:25:30,946 --> 00:25:33,323 There's nothing I can do to help you. 350 00:25:33,449 --> 00:25:35,575 Just wanna know about dancing. 351 00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:38,661 Dancers have coordination, skill, 352 00:25:38,829 --> 00:25:41,706 timing, fitness and grace. 353 00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:44,500 Take a long hard look in the mirror. 354 00:25:44,627 --> 00:25:47,337 Now, l'm busy. 355 00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:49,839 Don't be late for job club, lads. 356 00:25:51,634 --> 00:25:53,301 Bastard! 357 00:25:56,847 --> 00:25:59,641 Starting at £16,000, plus the pension scheme. 358 00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:04,562 lt'll be a relief to get back to work. lt's not been an easy six months. 359 00:26:04,647 --> 00:26:07,732 l'm up to date with the latest industry developments, 360 00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:10,526 and l've kept meself... 361 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:16,199 busy, you know. 362 00:26:16,325 --> 00:26:19,869 Well, all the qualifications are there, obviously. 363 00:26:19,995 --> 00:26:23,331 And we go back further than I care to remember. 364 00:26:24,667 --> 00:26:26,542 Sorry? 365 00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:35,093 What we're asking, Gerald, is... 366 00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:40,265 after such a long lay-off, do you think you're up to the job? 367 00:26:45,562 --> 00:26:46,604 You... ! 368 00:26:46,689 --> 00:26:48,690 - Bastard! - Fucking hell! 369 00:26:52,528 --> 00:26:54,570 'Ey, Gerry, mate... 370 00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:58,783 - You didn't get it, then? - Get out the way! Come 'ere! 371 00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:01,869 Bastard! That were mine, that job! 372 00:27:03,038 --> 00:27:04,789 You don't give a toss! You're kids! 373 00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:08,668 lt's different for me! l've got a standard of living! Responsibilities! 374 00:27:08,752 --> 00:27:11,713 l were on me way up! I am on me way up! 375 00:27:14,258 --> 00:27:17,468 lt were me first interview in months! 376 00:27:17,553 --> 00:27:21,889 l could've got me first month's in advance. She'd never have known. 377 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:23,391 Now what? 378 00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:26,060 She's still got credit cards, you know. 379 00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:32,775 She's out there now, ont' High Street, with a fucking MasterCard, spending! 380 00:27:32,901 --> 00:27:34,944 Why can't you just tell her? 381 00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:39,240 How can I tell her after six months? 382 00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:43,411 A woman who wants to go skiing for us holidays! 383 00:27:47,166 --> 00:27:49,417 Skiing, for fuck's sake! 384 00:27:52,254 --> 00:27:55,173 Why did you do it? lt was my job! 385 00:27:55,257 --> 00:27:58,843 lt had to be my... job! 386 00:28:39,051 --> 00:28:42,011 Can't you just leave me alone? 387 00:28:54,566 --> 00:28:56,692 We stuck it with superglue. 388 00:28:56,819 --> 00:28:58,903 You can't hardly see t'join. 389 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,245 - Go on. - Oh, yeah. 390 00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:12,208 We got this int' jumble, like, to say sorry. 391 00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:16,838 Wheels go round and everything. 392 00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:23,010 lt's for your gnomes, really. Not you. 393 00:29:23,095 --> 00:29:25,304 l... 394 00:29:25,389 --> 00:29:28,015 l don't know... 395 00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:32,186 lt's marvelous, this. 396 00:29:37,359 --> 00:29:38,776 We were thinking... 397 00:29:38,861 --> 00:29:41,654 you can maybe put it next to... wishing well. 398 00:29:41,738 --> 00:29:43,865 Make a bit of a... 399 00:29:44,533 --> 00:29:47,034 - Feature. - Yeah. 400 00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:49,203 What do you reck? 401 00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:55,877 Ta, lads. 402 00:29:57,463 --> 00:29:59,547 Ta very much. 403 00:30:02,426 --> 00:30:05,261 Cigarette me, for fuck's sake. 404 00:30:07,598 --> 00:30:10,516 Think any of them could dance? 405 00:30:10,601 --> 00:30:14,437 You're not still on about this Chippendales malarkey, are you? 406 00:30:14,563 --> 00:30:17,899 A Yorkshire version. Them buggers can, we bloody can. 407 00:30:17,983 --> 00:30:20,985 - You can't dance. - We know, Gerald. 408 00:30:21,069 --> 00:30:25,573 - Gaz, niner on its way. - Why do you think we're trailing you? 409 00:30:25,657 --> 00:30:28,618 lt's not my kind of dancing. lt's all arse wiggling. 410 00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:30,578 l've got a degree in arse wiggling, mate. 411 00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:33,956 You learn us dancing, l'll learn you the rest. 412 00:30:34,082 --> 00:30:37,627 Gerald, for once, l'm dead serious. l need your help. 413 00:30:37,753 --> 00:30:41,672 What if someone spots me? What if Linda finds out? l've got standing, me. 414 00:30:41,757 --> 00:30:43,299 You've an overdraft an' all. 415 00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:43,067 l'm sorry. Sorry. 416 00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:46,529 l thought l'd give it a go. 417 00:31:46,655 --> 00:31:49,699 l got a bit desperate. You know how it is. 418 00:31:49,825 --> 00:31:53,077 l can't even take my kit off properly, can l? 419 00:31:53,161 --> 00:31:56,247 You're all right, Reg. There's some tea if you like. 420 00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:58,374 No, thanks. The kids are outside. 421 00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:00,293 Bring 'em in. 422 00:32:00,377 --> 00:32:02,044 No. 423 00:32:02,713 --> 00:32:04,839 This is no place for kids. 424 00:32:14,182 --> 00:32:16,225 This is crazy. 425 00:32:18,687 --> 00:32:20,938 So, 426 00:32:21,023 --> 00:32:22,857 it's Mr. Horse. 427 00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:25,568 Horse. 428 00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:26,902 Yeah, well... 429 00:32:27,029 --> 00:32:30,031 Just a minute, Mr. Horse. My colleagues on the panel... 430 00:32:30,115 --> 00:32:32,908 Ask him why he's called the Horse. 431 00:32:34,286 --> 00:32:37,830 You bloody ask him! lt's not cos he does the Grand National. 432 00:32:37,914 --> 00:32:40,166 That's all very well, but a big wanger is no use 433 00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:42,835 if you need a zimmer frame to tout it in. 434 00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:44,962 l mean, he must be 50 if he's a day. 435 00:32:45,047 --> 00:32:48,382 So, Horse, what can you do? 436 00:32:49,718 --> 00:32:51,844 Dunno, really. 437 00:32:51,928 --> 00:32:54,847 Let's see, there's the... 438 00:32:54,931 --> 00:32:56,474 There's the bump. 439 00:32:56,558 --> 00:33:00,061 The stomp. The bus stop. 440 00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:02,438 Me breakdancing days are probably over. 441 00:33:02,564 --> 00:33:05,399 - But I do the funky chicken. - Now you're talking! 442 00:33:05,484 --> 00:33:08,444 - All of 'em? - Well, yeah. I think so. 443 00:33:08,570 --> 00:33:12,156 Well, it's been a while, mind. And l've got this dodgy hip. 444 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,866 Yeah. 445 00:33:13,950 --> 00:33:16,827 Well, stick it on, Nathe. Do your worst, pal. 446 00:34:00,956 --> 00:34:05,042 My favorite film's "Singing lnt' Rain". That walking-up-wall thing is ace! 447 00:34:05,127 --> 00:34:08,129 He knows me. He plastered our bathroom a while back. 448 00:34:08,213 --> 00:34:10,089 - Get rid of him. - You'll be fine. 449 00:34:10,173 --> 00:34:12,591 - He'll blow my cover. - Shut up! 450 00:34:12,676 --> 00:34:15,678 - What walking-up-wall thing? - I'll show you. 451 00:34:15,804 --> 00:34:17,888 l'm Donald O'Connor, right? 452 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:22,977 That's the wall. 453 00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:36,991 Oh, well... 454 00:34:37,242 --> 00:34:39,702 lt's better than that in the film, you know. 455 00:34:41,705 --> 00:34:44,373 So... you don't sing? 456 00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:46,208 No. 457 00:34:46,334 --> 00:34:49,920 - You don't dance? - No. 458 00:34:50,005 --> 00:34:54,675 Hope you don't think l'm being nosy, but... what do you do? 459 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,844 Well... 460 00:34:56,928 --> 00:34:59,013 There is... this. 461 00:35:08,857 --> 00:35:12,401 Gentlemen, the lunchbox... has landed. 462 00:35:19,034 --> 00:35:20,159 Chuffing Nora! 463 00:35:20,243 --> 00:35:22,703 All right, Gerald? I didn't see you! 464 00:35:23,747 --> 00:35:25,206 l did his bathroom. 465 00:35:27,918 --> 00:35:29,251 Hello, Guy. 466 00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:31,086 Nathe... 467 00:35:31,213 --> 00:35:33,422 Nathan! 468 00:35:37,761 --> 00:35:40,221 - I say, Jean! - Yeah? 469 00:35:40,305 --> 00:35:42,389 Ever been out with a black bloke? 470 00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:46,143 - You know I haven't, Dave. - But... 471 00:35:46,228 --> 00:35:48,729 lf you were ont' lookout for a new fella, right? 472 00:35:48,814 --> 00:35:51,106 lf you were, just saying, 473 00:35:51,233 --> 00:35:53,275 would you think about it? 474 00:35:53,401 --> 00:35:55,444 What's got into you? 475 00:35:56,780 --> 00:35:58,906 No, would you, though? 476 00:35:59,908 --> 00:36:01,784 l might do. Yeah. 477 00:36:01,910 --> 00:36:04,245 ls that all right? 478 00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:06,789 - So it's true. - l've bloody had enough of this. 479 00:36:06,915 --> 00:36:08,749 What's true? 480 00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:11,335 What they say about black blokes. 481 00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:13,462 They've got great bodies and that. 482 00:36:13,588 --> 00:36:15,631 Some of 'em. Yeah. 483 00:36:17,592 --> 00:36:19,844 And? 484 00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:22,513 Nothing. 485 00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:27,977 David... I don't care if they're black, white, or bloody rainbow-colored. 486 00:36:28,103 --> 00:36:31,313 l'm married to you. Remember? 487 00:36:31,439 --> 00:36:33,482 Yeah. 488 00:36:37,195 --> 00:36:39,280 Night. 489 00:36:42,534 --> 00:36:45,035 Why would I want anyone else? 490 00:36:45,996 --> 00:36:48,122 Big man. 491 00:36:53,128 --> 00:36:55,546 Jeanie, 492 00:36:55,630 --> 00:36:57,715 l'm all in. 493 00:36:59,968 --> 00:37:04,346 lt's amazing how tiring it is doing nowt, you know. 494 00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:36,962 They're just messing, Dave. 495 00:37:37,047 --> 00:37:39,173 - Do you reckon? - 'Course! 496 00:37:39,257 --> 00:37:41,342 Just Jean, innit? 497 00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:46,931 - Got any of them mint chocolate jobs? - You're on a diet. 498 00:37:47,015 --> 00:37:51,268 - Don't you start an' all. - How much you got, then? 499 00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:56,106 22... 27 pence. 500 00:37:56,191 --> 00:37:59,902 £4.99, special offer. We're still a fucking fiver short. 501 00:38:00,028 --> 00:38:02,947 You know what this means, Dave? 502 00:38:03,031 --> 00:38:05,115 Oh, no! Come on, Gaz. Why me? 503 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,827 You've got an innocent face. l've got serial killer written on mine. 504 00:38:08,912 --> 00:38:11,830 lf you won't dance, you can do something useful. 505 00:38:11,915 --> 00:38:14,291 Jean'll throw an eppy! She's only over there! 506 00:38:14,376 --> 00:38:18,545 She's miles away! See you later. Good luck. 507 00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:22,800 - Give us a pear drop, you. - They're not paid for. 508 00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:18,355 Hey, what's this? 509 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,859 l didn't go on the nick in Asda for some chuffing women's DlY video. 510 00:39:21,943 --> 00:39:24,445 lt's Flashdance, Dave. She's a welder. 511 00:39:24,529 --> 00:39:27,489 l hope she dances better than she welds! 512 00:39:27,615 --> 00:39:30,576 - Look at that! Her mix is all to cock. - Shut up, Dave. 513 00:39:30,660 --> 00:39:34,288 - What do you know about welding? - More than some chuffing woman! 514 00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:36,957 lt's like Bonfire Night. Too much acetylene. 515 00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:39,084 Them joints won't hold fuck all. 516 00:39:39,169 --> 00:39:42,379 For Christ's sake, we're looking for dancing. 517 00:39:42,464 --> 00:39:44,339 He's got the hump about Asda. 518 00:39:44,466 --> 00:39:47,134 'Ey, cop a load of that. 519 00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:53,682 What did I tell you? She's nifty on her pins. 520 00:39:57,145 --> 00:40:00,230 That, gentlemen, is what we are looking for. 521 00:40:00,315 --> 00:40:04,485 Oh, aye. I can just see him doing all that twizzling-about bollocks. 522 00:40:04,569 --> 00:40:09,031 lt's souped-up tango, is that. Teach any bugger in a week. Even you, mate. 523 00:40:09,157 --> 00:40:11,408 Even a fat bastard like me? 524 00:40:11,493 --> 00:40:14,328 Yeah, I know what I am, so don't take the piss. 525 00:40:15,705 --> 00:40:18,749 All right. Two weeks. 526 00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:21,668 Straight up. 527 00:40:28,843 --> 00:40:31,804 l dunno, Gaz. Jean reckons... 528 00:40:31,888 --> 00:40:34,598 l should take that security-guard job at Asda. 529 00:40:34,682 --> 00:40:37,017 Jesus! Security? 530 00:40:37,102 --> 00:40:38,727 You're worth more than that. 531 00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:40,896 She don't think so. 532 00:40:41,022 --> 00:40:44,149 l reckon summat's going on with her and that bloke. 533 00:40:44,234 --> 00:40:45,859 The juggling bugger? 534 00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:48,070 No. No way. 535 00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:50,239 lt's not as if l'd blame her. 536 00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:52,407 You could show her, Dave. 537 00:40:52,534 --> 00:40:56,912 Nobody tells them Chippendales to do security. Raking it in, they are! 538 00:40:57,038 --> 00:41:01,750 Two weeks. That's what the man said, and he's not taking the piss. 539 00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:03,710 Aye, it's a thought. 540 00:41:03,795 --> 00:41:05,754 lt's more than a thought. 541 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:09,883 Think of Jean's face when she sees you dancing like Flashdance. 542 00:41:10,718 --> 00:41:13,679 Two weeks? Just like flashy tits? 543 00:41:13,763 --> 00:41:15,889 lt's what your man said. 544 00:41:16,891 --> 00:41:20,894 'Ey... I can weld better than her an' all. 545 00:41:23,231 --> 00:41:25,274 Stop! No, no! Stop! Stop! 546 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:29,153 - What? - You stay still! 547 00:41:29,237 --> 00:41:32,239 And you... go forward, OK? 548 00:41:32,323 --> 00:41:34,241 - OK. - All right, Nathan. 549 00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:43,083 No, no, no! Jesus Christ! 550 00:41:43,168 --> 00:41:47,462 All I want to do is get you in a straight bloody line! 551 00:41:47,589 --> 00:41:49,506 What do I have to do? 552 00:41:49,591 --> 00:41:51,800 lt's the Arsenal offside trap, isn't it? 553 00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:55,179 - You what? - The Arsenal offside trap. 554 00:41:55,263 --> 00:41:57,389 Lomper here is Tony Adams, right? 555 00:41:57,473 --> 00:41:59,391 Any bugger looks like scoring, 556 00:41:59,475 --> 00:42:04,062 we all step forward in a line and wave our arms around like a fairy. 557 00:42:04,147 --> 00:42:05,772 That's easy. 558 00:42:06,774 --> 00:42:08,358 OK! 559 00:42:08,443 --> 00:42:10,527 Nathan! 560 00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:17,868 Ref! 561 00:42:18,328 --> 00:42:21,788 Perfect. 562 00:42:21,873 --> 00:42:23,457 Well, you should have said. 563 00:42:28,296 --> 00:42:30,631 Come on. Get in quick, and wipe your boots. 564 00:42:33,843 --> 00:42:37,721 - Put that back. You'll break it. - l'm just looking. 565 00:42:37,805 --> 00:42:39,681 Bit posh, innit? 566 00:42:39,807 --> 00:42:40,933 Right, then. 567 00:42:41,017 --> 00:42:44,645 - Are we right? - Right for what? 568 00:42:44,729 --> 00:42:47,773 Taking us kit off. 569 00:42:47,857 --> 00:42:50,108 l thought you were turning me into a fancy dancer. 570 00:42:50,193 --> 00:42:52,319 Ladies, we are strippers, aren't we? 571 00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:54,488 What, here? Now? ln this house? 572 00:42:56,658 --> 00:43:00,702 - This is a good area, this is. - Gaz... I dunno. 573 00:43:00,828 --> 00:43:02,913 lf we can't get us kit off in front of ourselves, 574 00:43:02,997 --> 00:43:05,874 what chance have we got in front of lasses? 575 00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:07,834 Tops off. 576 00:43:12,215 --> 00:43:14,091 Come on! 577 00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:19,680 Well, no looking. And no laughing, you bastards. 578 00:43:28,022 --> 00:43:30,565 l used to have a proper job, me. 579 00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:35,028 l ask you, what are we doing? What are we doing? 580 00:43:44,872 --> 00:43:46,748 And the kecks. 581 00:44:04,392 --> 00:44:07,811 - Horse by name, horse by nature, eh? - Oh, shut it, you! 582 00:44:07,895 --> 00:44:11,440 - How come you're so brown? - No reason. 583 00:44:11,566 --> 00:44:17,154 - Someone's got a sunbed, Gerald! - lt's Linda's, and no, you bloody can't! 584 00:44:17,238 --> 00:44:19,406 What am I gonna do about this? 585 00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:21,700 lt's not too bad. 586 00:44:21,784 --> 00:44:23,327 From the front, like. 587 00:44:23,411 --> 00:44:26,413 Fat, David, is a feminist issue. 588 00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:28,582 What's that supposed to mean? 589 00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:31,585 l don't bloody know, do l? But it is. 590 00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:35,172 l try dieting. 591 00:44:35,256 --> 00:44:37,632 l do try! 592 00:44:37,759 --> 00:44:41,178 lt seems l've spent most of me fucking life on a diet! 593 00:44:41,262 --> 00:44:43,430 The less I eat, the fatter I get. 594 00:44:43,514 --> 00:44:47,517 - So stuff yourself and get thin. - Oh, shut up, saggy tits! 595 00:44:47,602 --> 00:44:50,062 They're not. 596 00:44:50,146 --> 00:44:54,191 A mate of Linda's had this plastic stuff put on her at this health club. 597 00:44:54,275 --> 00:44:57,319 She lost stones. lt were like magic. 598 00:44:57,445 --> 00:44:59,112 Oh, what's it called? 599 00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:01,698 Anyway, it's like clingfilm. 600 00:45:01,783 --> 00:45:04,409 - l've heard of that. - Clingfilm? 601 00:45:04,494 --> 00:45:07,162 l'm not a chicken drumstick, Gerald. 602 00:45:07,288 --> 00:45:11,792 - You wrap it round, reduce the fat... - She swears by it! 603 00:45:17,799 --> 00:45:20,592 - You can't just take stuff. - Sorry, mate. 604 00:45:20,676 --> 00:45:22,761 But I only owe him 120 quid. 605 00:45:22,845 --> 00:45:26,932 - That's all these'll fetch second-hand. - They're not second-hand. 606 00:45:27,016 --> 00:45:29,142 They are now, mate. 607 00:45:30,895 --> 00:45:33,814 - Put down and piss off. - Fucking hell! 608 00:45:38,486 --> 00:45:42,322 l think there's been a mistake. We'll check with the office. 609 00:45:43,366 --> 00:45:46,535 - Cheers, lads. - lt's not bad, this stripping lark. 610 00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:00,715 Dave and Lomps, up the wing. 611 00:46:00,842 --> 00:46:03,385 One, two, three, four. 612 00:46:03,511 --> 00:46:06,096 Left touchline, three, four. 613 00:46:06,180 --> 00:46:08,515 Right touchline, three, four. 614 00:46:08,599 --> 00:46:10,851 Offside trap. One, two, 615 00:46:10,935 --> 00:46:13,937 three, four. Now the belt, 616 00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:16,148 three. Now the shoes, 617 00:46:16,232 --> 00:46:18,692 three, four. Now the socks... 618 00:46:18,776 --> 00:46:21,778 - Hang on, I can't... - Carry on! 619 00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:28,118 - That were crap. - Give us a chance! 620 00:46:28,202 --> 00:46:30,954 l bet even Madonna has difficulty with her shoes. 621 00:46:31,038 --> 00:46:33,123 - You could've had me eye out! - Sorry. 622 00:46:33,207 --> 00:46:36,418 What are you doing? They're borrowed! 623 00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:38,378 We can use 'em for the show. 624 00:46:38,463 --> 00:46:40,464 lt's what them Chippendales do. 625 00:46:40,548 --> 00:46:43,300 They put Velcro down the side, and then... 626 00:46:43,384 --> 00:46:45,427 All is revealed. I'll sew 'em back up. 627 00:46:45,553 --> 00:46:47,846 Where did you learn to be an ace sewer? 628 00:46:47,930 --> 00:46:49,473 Prison. 629 00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:54,603 Cheers, Nathe. 630 00:46:58,483 --> 00:47:00,567 Come on, Al, it's me! 631 00:47:00,651 --> 00:47:04,446 Which is precisely why it's 100 quid up front. Half-price. 632 00:47:04,572 --> 00:47:07,240 lf I give you t'club for nowt and you don't turn up, 633 00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:10,160 l've got an empty bar on a Friday night. 634 00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:14,247 'Course we'll turn up! l haven't got 100 quid! 635 00:47:15,249 --> 00:47:18,627 lf you tell me what you're up to, it might help. 636 00:47:19,587 --> 00:47:21,671 l can't. lt's top-secret. 637 00:47:22,798 --> 00:47:24,925 Sorry... 638 00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,775 - All right, love? - Hi, Mum. 639 00:47:41,859 --> 00:47:44,110 - What do you want? - All right, Mand? 640 00:47:44,195 --> 00:47:46,488 l'm gonna get you all your money. 641 00:47:46,614 --> 00:47:51,076 Our money. Nathan's. You know, for definite this time. 642 00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:54,955 - Yeah, right. That all? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 643 00:47:56,123 --> 00:48:01,002 Well, no. The thing is, Mand, you have to speculate to accumulate, in business. 644 00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:05,423 - l'm not sure l'm hearing this. - I'll get you it all. I just need a tiny bit. 645 00:48:05,508 --> 00:48:07,926 - You want some money? - Yeah! 646 00:48:08,010 --> 00:48:11,346 Right. I need someone int' packing section. 647 00:48:11,472 --> 00:48:15,225 £2.50 an hour. You can start now, if you like. Are you coming? 648 00:48:17,353 --> 00:48:18,812 Come on, Dad. 649 00:48:21,983 --> 00:48:23,191 Nathan. 650 00:48:23,317 --> 00:48:26,027 You can't do this, kid. lt's your savings. 651 00:48:26,153 --> 00:48:29,573 l can. I just need your signature. lt says int' book. 652 00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:31,616 l'd like to take my money out, please. 653 00:48:31,701 --> 00:48:33,326 Well, you bloody well can't. 654 00:48:33,411 --> 00:48:37,330 - You're all right, love. lt's sorted. - lt's my money! 655 00:48:37,415 --> 00:48:38,748 £100, please. 656 00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:42,627 When you're 18, you can walk in and get it yourself. 657 00:48:42,712 --> 00:48:45,755 - You said you'd get it back. - I know! 658 00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,133 But you don't want to listen to what I say. 659 00:48:48,217 --> 00:48:51,595 You said so. I believe you. 660 00:48:52,722 --> 00:48:54,598 You do? 661 00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:55,682 Yeah. 662 00:48:58,853 --> 00:49:00,687 Blimey, Nathe! 663 00:49:13,451 --> 00:49:16,369 Come on, come on! One, two! 664 00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:29,382 And one for luck! 665 00:50:23,771 --> 00:50:25,772 Yeah! 666 00:50:40,371 --> 00:50:41,955 lt's not straight, Lomps. 667 00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:43,832 Give over, it's only a poster. 668 00:50:47,336 --> 00:50:49,796 Christ al-bloody-mighty! 669 00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:52,549 All right, sweethearts? 670 00:50:54,635 --> 00:50:56,803 Gary the lad! What are you up to, then, shifty? 671 00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:59,806 Bit of this, bit of that, bit of the other. 672 00:51:01,559 --> 00:51:04,936 - Just advertising for some mates. - Oh, aye. 673 00:51:05,020 --> 00:51:07,397 And who's gonna come and see your mates? 674 00:51:07,481 --> 00:51:10,191 We had the real thing up here the other day. 675 00:51:10,317 --> 00:51:12,652 Well, us mates are better. 676 00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:16,698 - Better? How's that, then? - Well... 677 00:51:18,909 --> 00:51:20,785 This lot go all the way. 678 00:51:20,870 --> 00:51:24,414 - Don't they, lads? - The full monty? You lot? 679 00:51:25,916 --> 00:51:29,002 Hell-fire! That would be worth a look! 680 00:51:29,086 --> 00:51:31,671 - See you there, then. - Ta-ra. 681 00:51:33,007 --> 00:51:37,135 - Keep your hair on. - No way. No and never. ln that order, kid. 682 00:51:37,219 --> 00:51:41,222 Excuse me, no-one said anything to me about the full monty. 683 00:51:41,348 --> 00:51:45,477 You heard 'em. We've gotta give them more than your average ten-bob stripper. 684 00:51:45,561 --> 00:51:49,397 - Yeah, but... me willy. I mean to say... - Your willy? 685 00:51:49,523 --> 00:51:52,484 - My willy! - A laughing stock. Totally! 686 00:51:52,568 --> 00:51:53,777 Well, they're coming! 687 00:51:53,861 --> 00:51:56,488 With a pair of scissors! They know it's us. 688 00:51:56,572 --> 00:52:01,034 By closing time, every bugger in Sheffield will know it's us whether we do it or not. 689 00:52:01,118 --> 00:52:03,953 We can forget it, go back to fucking job club, 690 00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:06,664 or do it and just maybe get rich. 691 00:52:06,749 --> 00:52:08,500 And I tell you, 692 00:52:08,584 --> 00:52:12,045 folks don't laugh so loud when you've a grand in your pocket. 693 00:52:12,713 --> 00:52:14,756 Now, are you in... 694 00:52:14,882 --> 00:52:16,090 or are you out? 695 00:52:19,303 --> 00:52:23,223 ..all sorts of problems for drivers on the Pennines. 696 00:52:24,058 --> 00:52:27,268 So, please avoid the area if possible. 697 00:52:27,394 --> 00:52:31,231 The good news is that the outlook for the rest of the week is much better, 698 00:52:31,315 --> 00:52:35,985 with the storms clearing to leave the weekend warm and sunny. 699 00:52:36,070 --> 00:52:40,448 Now, back to the music. Here's another disco classic from the '70s. 700 00:52:40,574 --> 00:52:42,325 lt's Donna Summer with... 701 00:52:42,409 --> 00:52:43,952 "Hot Stuff". 702 00:53:43,470 --> 00:53:45,346 No. 703 00:53:45,472 --> 00:53:48,141 Gerald, come on, mate. Just an hour! 704 00:53:52,021 --> 00:53:54,647 You've got some fit birds in there. 705 00:53:56,817 --> 00:53:59,110 Nah. Tits are too big. 706 00:53:59,194 --> 00:54:00,320 Yeah? 707 00:54:00,404 --> 00:54:02,196 Didn't know they could be. 708 00:54:04,658 --> 00:54:07,285 Anti-wrinkle cream. 709 00:54:07,369 --> 00:54:09,495 Can fellas use this an' all? 710 00:54:09,580 --> 00:54:11,664 Do you mind, you! 711 00:54:12,833 --> 00:54:18,212 Well, I just pray they're a bit more understanding about us, that's all. 712 00:54:18,339 --> 00:54:20,381 You what? 713 00:54:21,425 --> 00:54:24,802 They're gonna be looking at us like that. 714 00:54:24,887 --> 00:54:29,515 What if, next Friday, 400 women say: "He's too fat, he's too old, 715 00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,518 and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser." 716 00:54:32,603 --> 00:54:35,772 - They wouldn't. - Why not? He said her tits are too big. 717 00:54:35,856 --> 00:54:38,524 That's different. We're... blokes. 718 00:54:38,609 --> 00:54:40,276 Yeah. And? 719 00:54:40,361 --> 00:54:42,570 l think she's got nice tits. 720 00:54:42,696 --> 00:54:46,366 l never said owt about her personality. She's probably quite nice. 721 00:54:46,450 --> 00:54:48,952 They won't say nowt about your personality. 722 00:54:49,036 --> 00:54:51,245 Which is good cos you're a bastard. 723 00:54:51,372 --> 00:54:55,458 Bollocks to your personality! This is what they're looking at. 724 00:54:55,542 --> 00:54:57,377 And I tell you summat, mate. 725 00:54:57,461 --> 00:55:03,049 Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream, there is none. 726 00:55:03,133 --> 00:55:05,051 Here... lads. 727 00:55:11,392 --> 00:55:13,059 Oh, mother! 728 00:55:14,103 --> 00:55:15,103 Bloody hell! 729 00:55:15,187 --> 00:55:17,814 Gaz said he wanted something a bit flashy. 730 00:55:17,898 --> 00:55:21,234 - lt's top of the range. Real leather. - Yeah, but... 731 00:55:21,318 --> 00:55:23,861 - You don't get much. - What day is it? 732 00:55:23,946 --> 00:55:26,823 - Monday. - When are we on? 733 00:55:26,907 --> 00:55:30,076 Friday. Dress rehearsal tomorrow. 734 00:55:32,830 --> 00:55:34,998 l think l'm gonna be sick. 735 00:55:42,256 --> 00:55:44,882 How can I read the instructions? There wasn't any. 736 00:55:44,967 --> 00:55:48,094 No? Well, maybe there's a part missing. 737 00:55:48,178 --> 00:55:51,723 Yeah, I got that. lf that's what you call it. 738 00:55:51,807 --> 00:55:56,185 Well, if it's all there, how come it's not working? 739 00:55:58,439 --> 00:56:00,606 What do you mean, in what sense? 740 00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:04,527 lt's not working in the sense that it's not working. 741 00:56:04,611 --> 00:56:06,279 No, I can't speak up. 742 00:56:06,363 --> 00:56:10,616 Nothing's happening, you know what I mean? Nothing's getting bigger. 743 00:56:10,701 --> 00:56:12,952 Well, this is an emergency, is this. 744 00:57:03,670 --> 00:57:05,713 What's the matter, big man? 745 00:57:09,343 --> 00:57:11,385 l'm sorry. 746 00:57:18,727 --> 00:57:20,853 Dave... 747 00:57:24,608 --> 00:57:26,692 Dave. 748 00:57:40,124 --> 00:57:42,208 You're ahead. 749 00:57:42,584 --> 00:57:44,544 Give us a break! 750 00:57:47,881 --> 00:57:49,924 All right, kid. 751 00:57:52,386 --> 00:57:53,594 Tell us straight. 752 00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:56,305 We're not making the biggest arses of ourselves in the known universe, 753 00:57:56,390 --> 00:57:58,266 are we? 754 00:59:08,003 --> 00:59:10,087 Dave, mate. 755 00:59:10,172 --> 00:59:13,382 Can I have a word? ln private, like. 756 00:59:14,968 --> 00:59:17,261 Yeah. I suppose so. 757 00:59:17,346 --> 00:59:20,389 Dave, you won't tell anyone, will you? 758 00:59:20,474 --> 00:59:23,893 No, your... Your secret's safe with me. 759 00:59:26,313 --> 00:59:28,564 When I were about 12, 760 00:59:28,649 --> 00:59:32,985 our school took us for... for swimming lessons. 761 00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:35,112 Mixed classes. 762 00:59:35,197 --> 00:59:37,698 You know, boys... 763 00:59:37,824 --> 00:59:39,492 and... 764 00:59:40,827 --> 00:59:42,370 and girls. 765 00:59:46,166 --> 00:59:49,627 lt were terrible, Dave. I were there 766 00:59:49,711 --> 00:59:51,837 standing at t'side of t'pool in me trunks 767 00:59:51,922 --> 00:59:55,633 with all these pretty lassies around in bikinis! 768 00:59:55,717 --> 00:59:57,885 And... Well, l... 769 00:59:58,011 --> 01:00:00,096 l got... 770 01:00:05,686 --> 01:00:08,020 l got a stiffy! 771 01:00:08,772 --> 01:00:11,607 - What did you do? - I jumped into t'deep end. 772 01:00:11,692 --> 01:00:14,402 l nearly fucking drowned! 773 01:00:14,528 --> 01:00:16,070 What if it happens again? 774 01:00:16,196 --> 01:00:18,531 Think of that? ln front of 400 women! 775 01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:20,950 Gerald, 776 01:00:21,034 --> 01:00:23,703 you're talking to t'wrong man. 777 01:00:30,210 --> 01:00:33,129 - You said it were just your mum. - lt's family. 778 01:00:33,213 --> 01:00:36,590 - What can you do? - Who the hell-fire's that? 779 01:00:38,135 --> 01:00:40,761 Oh, no. 780 01:00:40,887 --> 01:00:42,555 lt's Beryl. 781 01:00:42,639 --> 01:00:45,141 Me niece! 782 01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:46,392 Where's Dave? 783 01:00:52,232 --> 01:00:54,191 'Ere, Dave! 784 01:00:54,276 --> 01:00:56,027 Dave! 785 01:00:56,111 --> 01:00:58,112 - What are you doing? - What does it look like? 786 01:00:58,238 --> 01:01:01,699 We're on in three days' time! Where the fuck are you? 787 01:01:01,783 --> 01:01:04,702 l'm 'ere, working! Earning! That's where. 788 01:01:04,786 --> 01:01:06,829 Not pissing about! 789 01:01:06,913 --> 01:01:08,748 End of chat. 790 01:01:10,751 --> 01:01:12,293 Dave. 791 01:01:12,419 --> 01:01:15,004 - Come on, Dave. - No. 792 01:01:15,088 --> 01:01:17,089 All right, then. 793 01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:20,259 - Very nice. - Gaz, please, don't. 794 01:01:20,344 --> 01:01:22,303 Come on, Mr. Security Guard. Do your job. 795 01:01:22,387 --> 01:01:23,387 Gazza! 796 01:01:24,348 --> 01:01:27,475 Horse, go out and tell 'em there's a delay. 797 01:01:27,601 --> 01:01:28,976 They won't wait forever. 798 01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:44,867 Keep up, you fat bastard! 799 01:01:49,164 --> 01:01:51,791 Don't ever call me a fat bastard, all right? 800 01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:54,627 - All right? - We need you, Dave. 801 01:01:57,506 --> 01:01:59,632 l can't. 802 01:02:02,969 --> 01:02:05,971 l just can't. All right? 803 01:02:07,641 --> 01:02:12,186 Listen, just think of the most boring thing you can come up with. 804 01:02:12,312 --> 01:02:15,189 - That should keep it well in order. - Like what? 805 01:02:15,315 --> 01:02:18,692 - Double-glazing salesmen. - Gardening. The Queen's speech. 806 01:02:18,819 --> 01:02:20,778 A Dire Straits double album. 807 01:02:20,862 --> 01:02:24,240 - Nature programs. - I like nature programs. 808 01:02:24,324 --> 01:02:27,868 Aye, but they don't give you a hard-on, though, do they? 809 01:02:27,994 --> 01:02:29,620 Do they? 810 01:02:29,704 --> 01:02:33,165 - Blimey... - Oh, shut up! lt's not funny. lt's medical. 811 01:02:39,047 --> 01:02:40,714 He's not coming. 812 01:02:42,676 --> 01:02:43,676 We can do without him. 813 01:04:27,656 --> 01:04:30,616 So your daddy dances in front of you? 814 01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:33,369 When he's rehearsing. 815 01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:41,961 We were dancing all right then, an' all. 816 01:04:42,045 --> 01:04:43,963 My feet are freezing. 817 01:04:44,047 --> 01:04:46,715 Right. Name. 818 01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:48,884 Gary Schofield. 819 01:04:53,014 --> 01:04:55,349 - Gerald Arthur Cooper. - What? 820 01:04:55,433 --> 01:04:57,518 Gerald Arthur Cooper. 821 01:05:00,188 --> 01:05:03,148 - Barrington Mitchell. - Barrington? 822 01:05:03,233 --> 01:05:04,650 Yeah. 823 01:05:04,734 --> 01:05:06,819 - ls that one R? - Two. 824 01:05:29,676 --> 01:05:32,553 Told you. Robbing pipes, that's all. 825 01:05:32,637 --> 01:05:33,762 Gary, my friend, 826 01:05:33,847 --> 01:05:36,557 no bugger robs pipes in the buff. 827 01:05:36,641 --> 01:05:38,100 We do. 828 01:05:38,184 --> 01:05:40,185 Don't get your clothes dirty, do you? 829 01:05:40,270 --> 01:05:46,942 Oh. Well, don't fret, gents. There's a right good laundry in Wakefield prison. 830 01:05:50,572 --> 01:05:53,157 Security-camera tapes off the front desk. 831 01:05:53,241 --> 01:05:54,575 What happened to the security guard? 832 01:06:06,421 --> 01:06:08,422 You're always ahead there. 833 01:06:08,506 --> 01:06:10,924 You're always bloody behind, more like. 834 01:06:11,009 --> 01:06:15,804 Look... Excuse me, can I borrow this for a second? 835 01:06:15,889 --> 01:06:18,474 Look, shut up, will you? Watch. 836 01:06:22,354 --> 01:06:24,021 He's right. 837 01:06:24,105 --> 01:06:26,357 - You're ahead. - Oh, go... bollocks! 838 01:06:49,381 --> 01:06:50,881 Be quiet! Me mum'll hear. 839 01:06:50,965 --> 01:06:53,884 l've always wanted to meet your mum. 840 01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:07,481 What do you mean, I can't see him? He's me son! I haven't been charged! 841 01:07:07,565 --> 01:07:09,650 Ask Smiler in there! No charge! 842 01:07:09,734 --> 01:07:13,278 Sorry. Social Services have requested an interview with you. 843 01:07:13,363 --> 01:07:16,031 Have to make an appointment. 844 01:07:20,328 --> 01:07:23,372 - l've come to pick up my son. - Oh, right... 845 01:07:23,456 --> 01:07:25,457 Just a minute. 846 01:07:25,542 --> 01:07:27,876 He's fine. We've not been charged or owt. 847 01:07:27,961 --> 01:07:31,714 So this is your great money-making enterprise? Pornography? 848 01:07:31,798 --> 01:07:34,091 Don't be daft! We're getting your money. 849 01:07:34,175 --> 01:07:36,510 My money? Nathan's money! 850 01:07:36,594 --> 01:07:38,679 - Here he is. - All right, Dad? 851 01:07:38,763 --> 01:07:41,974 - All right, kid? - Yeah, fine. Hi, Mum. 852 01:07:42,058 --> 01:07:43,517 Come on, love. 853 01:07:43,601 --> 01:07:45,269 We're going now. 854 01:07:45,353 --> 01:07:47,438 - Come on, Mand! - Unemployed, 855 01:07:47,522 --> 01:07:52,025 maintenance arrears of £700, and now an arrest for indecent exposure. 856 01:07:52,110 --> 01:07:54,778 - Still think you're a good father? - He is trying. 857 01:07:54,863 --> 01:07:57,656 - See? - A bit late for that. 858 01:07:57,741 --> 01:08:01,034 - Hang on a minute! - Look at yourself, Gary! 859 01:08:01,119 --> 01:08:03,495 Just look at yourself. 860 01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:41,533 All right, mate? 861 01:08:42,285 --> 01:08:44,620 So. 862 01:08:46,289 --> 01:08:49,291 And this has been going on how long? 863 01:08:52,378 --> 01:08:54,254 About six months. 864 01:09:00,512 --> 01:09:03,430 l can cope with losing the sunbed. 865 01:09:03,515 --> 01:09:05,599 Car. Television. 866 01:09:06,476 --> 01:09:10,270 l can even cope with the shame of everyone watching this. 867 01:09:10,355 --> 01:09:13,774 But six months! Six bloody months! 868 01:09:13,858 --> 01:09:15,984 And you wouldn't say to me, 869 01:09:17,153 --> 01:09:19,404 to your wife. 870 01:09:23,284 --> 01:09:26,411 l thought you liked them. 871 01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:28,664 No, Gerald. l've never liked 'em. 872 01:09:54,065 --> 01:09:57,484 They've taken me sunbed. They've taken bloody everything. 873 01:09:57,569 --> 01:10:00,612 - Kept hold of your chips, though. - House repossessed. 874 01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:02,573 Wife thrown me out. 875 01:10:02,657 --> 01:10:05,242 Guess what. 876 01:10:05,326 --> 01:10:07,703 l've just been offered that job. 877 01:10:07,787 --> 01:10:09,705 Congratulations. 878 01:10:17,839 --> 01:10:19,506 - All right, kid? - Hiya! 879 01:10:19,591 --> 01:10:22,593 - Fancy a kick-about int' park? - Yeah. 880 01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:26,138 Nathe. 881 01:10:26,222 --> 01:10:28,056 Hiya. All right, love? 882 01:10:28,141 --> 01:10:29,725 You shouldn't be here. 883 01:10:29,809 --> 01:10:32,811 - Says who? - Read the lawyer's letter, why don't you? 884 01:10:34,522 --> 01:10:37,441 We're going swimming, Dad. Do you wanna come? 885 01:10:40,278 --> 01:10:42,779 l can't, kid. 886 01:10:42,864 --> 01:10:44,990 Haven't brought me trunks, have l? 887 01:10:45,074 --> 01:10:48,577 - We can go get 'em. Can't we, Mum? - I can't, love. 888 01:10:48,661 --> 01:10:51,038 Why? 889 01:10:51,122 --> 01:10:53,206 l just... 890 01:10:54,918 --> 01:10:56,793 l just can't. Sorry. 891 01:10:58,046 --> 01:11:00,631 He's not allowed, is he? 892 01:11:05,136 --> 01:11:06,637 Come on, love. 893 01:11:45,051 --> 01:11:46,343 Dave! 894 01:11:46,427 --> 01:11:48,720 Oi, you deaf twat! 895 01:11:48,805 --> 01:11:51,306 What do you want now? l told you, l'm finished with you. 896 01:11:51,391 --> 01:11:53,475 We're all finished, Dave. 897 01:11:53,559 --> 01:11:55,936 l'm a bloody marked man now. 898 01:11:57,772 --> 01:12:01,066 Sorry about your Nathan. lt's a bad one, that. 899 01:12:01,150 --> 01:12:03,235 Aye. 900 01:12:03,569 --> 01:12:05,654 lt's about Lomper. 901 01:12:05,738 --> 01:12:08,198 What's that pasty-faced chuffer want? 902 01:12:08,282 --> 01:12:10,367 His mum died two days ago. 903 01:12:13,454 --> 01:12:15,497 Poor lad. Sorry. 904 01:12:15,581 --> 01:12:17,499 Could you borrow us a jacket for t'funeral? 905 01:12:17,583 --> 01:12:18,667 Gaz... ! 906 01:12:18,751 --> 01:12:22,879 Come on, Dave! lt's not for me, it's a funeral! 907 01:12:25,466 --> 01:12:27,134 What color? 908 01:12:29,012 --> 01:12:30,470 Orange. 909 01:12:30,555 --> 01:12:33,473 - Orange? - Black, for fuck's sake! 910 01:12:33,558 --> 01:12:36,268 All right. Look, I'll meet you by t'doors. 911 01:12:47,321 --> 01:12:50,407 - Nice one. - Come on, then. 912 01:12:50,491 --> 01:12:53,160 - Have you got some time off? - Nah. 913 01:12:53,244 --> 01:12:55,495 Fucking pick'n'mix were driving me crazy. 914 01:12:55,580 --> 01:12:57,456 Besides, it's a funeral. 915 01:12:57,540 --> 01:13:00,667 - Are you ready? - Ready when you are. 916 01:14:11,197 --> 01:14:13,156 They bloody are, you know. 917 01:14:13,241 --> 01:14:14,866 They're holding hands. 918 01:14:14,951 --> 01:14:17,911 - They're never. - Straight up. 919 01:14:18,871 --> 01:14:21,623 l never even hold hands with ruddy lassies. 920 01:14:21,707 --> 01:14:23,416 Maybe I should. 921 01:14:24,877 --> 01:14:28,004 Ah, who'd have ruddy thought it, eh? 922 01:14:29,674 --> 01:14:33,093 Ah, well. There's nowt as queer as folk. 923 01:14:34,720 --> 01:14:38,557 l said, "There's nowt as queer as folk"! 924 01:14:38,641 --> 01:14:41,476 Shut up, Dave. lt's supposed to be a bloody funeral. 925 01:14:41,561 --> 01:14:43,728 l'm sorry. 926 01:14:53,072 --> 01:14:55,699 - Look! Who's that? - lt's that guy! 927 01:14:55,783 --> 01:14:57,868 Show us your pecs! 928 01:15:02,039 --> 01:15:03,582 They were together in the paper. 929 01:15:08,588 --> 01:15:12,090 Have you been actively seeking work over the last fortnight? 930 01:15:12,216 --> 01:15:13,300 Yeah. 931 01:15:13,384 --> 01:15:17,262 Have you done any work, paid or unpaid, over the last fortnight? 932 01:15:17,346 --> 01:15:18,847 No. 933 01:15:20,892 --> 01:15:23,185 That's not what l've heard. 934 01:16:11,859 --> 01:16:13,401 Right, come on, you lot! 935 01:16:17,698 --> 01:16:19,407 "Slaidburn." 936 01:16:23,246 --> 01:16:25,622 One, two, three, four. 937 01:17:04,996 --> 01:17:07,706 - Go get shagged! - Get your knickers off! 938 01:17:12,712 --> 01:17:15,213 Oh, fuck! 939 01:17:15,298 --> 01:17:17,882 Hey, Patricia the Stripper! 940 01:17:17,967 --> 01:17:21,052 - Bugger off. - Where have you bloody been? 941 01:17:21,137 --> 01:17:25,640 What's going on? I had to buy 20 barrels! l've had no word from you! 942 01:17:25,725 --> 01:17:27,851 l hope they're sale or return. 943 01:17:27,935 --> 01:17:30,186 You're joking! You're bloody famous! 944 01:17:30,271 --> 01:17:32,564 Yeah, don't remind me. 945 01:17:32,648 --> 01:17:35,734 - l've sold 200-odd tickets! - How many? 946 01:17:36,402 --> 01:17:38,611 Well done, Gerald. All the best. 947 01:17:38,696 --> 01:17:41,573 Hey! Example for you there! 948 01:17:45,411 --> 01:17:48,330 - Nice suit, Gerald! - Yeah. 949 01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:50,498 Well, l'd best be off. 950 01:17:50,583 --> 01:17:54,544 You never know, there might be a job in it for you boys. 951 01:17:54,628 --> 01:17:56,421 - All right, lads? - All right, Gaz? 952 01:17:56,505 --> 01:18:00,091 - Gareth. - We're on. 953 01:18:00,176 --> 01:18:01,301 We're bloody on! 954 01:18:01,385 --> 01:18:05,221 - You what? - We've sold 200 tickets. That's two grand! 955 01:18:05,306 --> 01:18:08,892 lt's a bit late for all that, Gaz. l mean... 956 01:18:08,976 --> 01:18:11,353 l mean fresh start, you know. 957 01:18:11,437 --> 01:18:13,021 One more time, Gerald. 958 01:18:13,105 --> 01:18:16,900 You got the rest of your fucking life to wear a suit! 959 01:18:16,984 --> 01:18:18,735 - Gerald... - Aye, go on! 960 01:18:18,819 --> 01:18:20,362 Come on, Gerald. 961 01:18:24,241 --> 01:18:25,909 - Just once. - Yes! 962 01:18:25,993 --> 01:18:28,828 That's all. Just tonight. 963 01:18:30,498 --> 01:18:33,541 How about it, Dave? 964 01:18:33,626 --> 01:18:36,669 Haven't you grown out of all that yet? 965 01:18:36,754 --> 01:18:39,130 Come on, mate. 966 01:18:39,215 --> 01:18:41,800 Nah. Sorry, lads. 967 01:18:50,351 --> 01:18:52,310 Jean? 968 01:18:54,397 --> 01:18:55,939 Jean, love! 969 01:19:03,364 --> 01:19:05,448 There you are. 970 01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:14,416 l should have guessed when you started wearing totty lotion. 971 01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:16,876 You never put it on for me, did you? 972 01:19:16,961 --> 01:19:19,212 - Jean? - Or this? 973 01:19:20,798 --> 01:19:24,968 l never had you down for this sort of caper, David. 974 01:19:25,052 --> 01:19:27,512 lt explains a few things, at least. 975 01:19:27,596 --> 01:19:30,306 No, look... l know it don't look good. 976 01:19:30,391 --> 01:19:32,976 You're bloody right it don't. 977 01:19:33,894 --> 01:19:36,646 All those nights you were late back 978 01:19:36,730 --> 01:19:40,984 and stupid cow here thought you were out looking for a job! 979 01:19:41,068 --> 01:19:42,777 Well, no wonder. 980 01:19:42,862 --> 01:19:45,071 No bloody wonder. 981 01:19:45,156 --> 01:19:48,533 - lt's so obvious. - No, I were with Gaz, honest. 982 01:19:48,617 --> 01:19:52,829 Oh, right! She's one of Gaz's little tarts, is she? 983 01:19:52,913 --> 01:19:54,706 Well, that makes sense. 984 01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:58,918 She'd have to be to put up with this kind of shit! 985 01:20:00,588 --> 01:20:05,008 Just listen, will you? lt's nowt to do with any fucking women! 986 01:20:07,636 --> 01:20:09,762 l'm... 987 01:20:09,847 --> 01:20:11,514 l were a stripper, right? 988 01:20:11,599 --> 01:20:13,516 Me and Gaz and... 989 01:20:13,601 --> 01:20:17,353 some fellas thought we'd make a bob or two taking us clothes off. 990 01:20:19,690 --> 01:20:21,566 Strippers? 991 01:20:21,650 --> 01:20:24,027 All right, all right, I know. 992 01:20:24,111 --> 01:20:27,363 You... and Gaz? 993 01:20:27,448 --> 01:20:29,115 Strippers? 994 01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:31,284 We weren't that bad. 995 01:20:33,537 --> 01:20:35,747 Only I couldn't, could l? 996 01:20:36,332 --> 01:20:38,917 Why not? 997 01:20:39,001 --> 01:20:40,960 Well, look at me. 998 01:20:43,088 --> 01:20:45,173 So? 999 01:20:46,342 --> 01:20:50,136 Jeanie, who wants to see this dance? 1000 01:20:51,805 --> 01:20:53,890 Me, Dave. 1001 01:20:55,017 --> 01:20:57,101 l do. 1002 01:21:21,460 --> 01:21:23,044 Women only, you tosser! 1003 01:21:23,128 --> 01:21:26,714 Women only! lt's on all t'posters, for fuck's sake. 1004 01:21:26,799 --> 01:21:29,592 No, nobody told me. 1005 01:21:29,677 --> 01:21:31,803 All the blokes from t'pub are in there. 1006 01:21:31,887 --> 01:21:36,140 - Bastards! - You'll be all right once you're on stage. 1007 01:21:36,225 --> 01:21:37,684 Once l'm on stage? 1008 01:21:37,768 --> 01:21:43,231 l'm going nowhere near the fucking stage! lt's suicide! That's what it is! Suicide! 1009 01:21:51,991 --> 01:21:54,784 Come on, come on! Come on, come on! 1010 01:21:54,868 --> 01:21:57,453 Come on, come on! Come on! 1011 01:21:58,289 --> 01:22:00,498 Shit! I'll give the money back. 1012 01:22:00,583 --> 01:22:02,292 Alan, announce it, please. 1013 01:22:02,376 --> 01:22:06,337 To 400 horny punters? Ask me another one, kid! 1014 01:22:06,422 --> 01:22:07,422 By 'eck! 1015 01:22:07,506 --> 01:22:10,633 Our old dinner lady's ont' front row! 1016 01:22:10,718 --> 01:22:13,845 - We'll get torn to pieces! - You will if you don't go on! 1017 01:22:13,929 --> 01:22:16,764 Ever seen a zebra brought down by a pack of wolves? 1018 01:22:16,849 --> 01:22:19,934 These nature films. Aren't they marvelous? 1019 01:22:20,019 --> 01:22:21,352 Brilliant, aren't they? 1020 01:22:21,437 --> 01:22:24,439 - They are, aren't they, Gerald? - Oh, pack it in! 1021 01:22:24,523 --> 01:22:27,692 - Not lost your bottle, have you, Gaz? - Dave! 1022 01:22:27,776 --> 01:22:30,695 There were nowt on telly so I thought l'd give it a go. 1023 01:22:30,779 --> 01:22:34,532 - I found this wandering about outside. - They wouldn't let me in. 1024 01:22:34,617 --> 01:22:37,619 What the hell are you doing 'ere? Your mum'll go mad! 1025 01:22:37,703 --> 01:22:40,747 - She's out front. - ls she? 1026 01:22:40,831 --> 01:22:42,206 ls Barry with her? 1027 01:22:42,291 --> 01:22:44,417 She wouldn't let him come. Said it were women only. 1028 01:22:44,501 --> 01:22:48,755 Right! I can't hold them any longer! lt's now or never! 1029 01:22:50,841 --> 01:22:53,926 We're bloody on. Go get your jacket on. 1030 01:22:56,305 --> 01:22:59,349 Can't we leave us G-strings on, Gaz? 1031 01:22:59,433 --> 01:23:00,850 Perhaps you better had. 1032 01:23:00,934 --> 01:23:03,019 No, we better hadn't. 1033 01:23:03,103 --> 01:23:06,856 Listen. lf we're doing this, then just this once, 1034 01:23:06,940 --> 01:23:09,400 we're doing it right. 1035 01:23:09,485 --> 01:23:10,568 Now, come on. 1036 01:23:12,154 --> 01:23:14,614 Come on, put your hands together 1037 01:23:14,698 --> 01:23:16,991 and welcome Mr. Dave Horsefall! 1038 01:23:26,585 --> 01:23:30,046 OK, ladies and gents... and you buggers up the back there! 1039 01:23:31,048 --> 01:23:32,423 Get on with it! 1040 01:23:32,508 --> 01:23:34,217 We may not be young, 1041 01:23:34,301 --> 01:23:37,011 we may not be pretty, we may not be right good, 1042 01:23:37,096 --> 01:23:39,222 but we're here. 1043 01:23:39,306 --> 01:23:41,683 We're live, and for one night only 1044 01:23:41,767 --> 01:23:44,727 we're going for the full monty! 1045 01:23:46,188 --> 01:23:48,606 You can't miss it, not after everything. 1046 01:23:49,733 --> 01:23:53,236 - Come on, Gaz! Hurry up! - Sorry, lads. 1047 01:23:55,906 --> 01:23:57,448 Good luck, eh? 1048 01:24:28,439 --> 01:24:31,190 Listen. l'm gonna get really annoyed with you. 1049 01:24:31,275 --> 01:24:33,609 They're cheering out there. You did that. 1050 01:24:33,694 --> 01:24:35,945 Now get out there and do your stuff. 1051 01:24:36,613 --> 01:24:38,614 God, is there anyone l don't get bollocked by? 1052 01:24:38,699 --> 01:24:40,783 Out! 1053 01:26:33,438 --> 01:26:35,523 Off! Off! Off!