1
00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:09,133
So if you want paper towels in there,
you'll just have to supply your own.

2
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:10,593
- Are you kidding?
- Come on.

3
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:13,054
Where do you get paper towels?
And last item.

4
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:16,891
On a related note,
I have no choice but to cut salaries.

5
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,768
- First the towels, now this.
- Come on.

6
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,603
Eight percent, across the board.

7
00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:22,939
Jeez.
And let's just put a lid on it.

8
00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:26,901
Do we have to supply our own lids?
Look, I didn't invent the economy.

9
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:30,780
And until ISIS gets in the black,
we all have to make some sacrifices so...

10
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,866
Line one for you. It's your furrier.

11
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,785
Unbelievable.

12
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:40,498
We have to cut back...
But you're buying new horseshoes.

13
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,126
Tell him to send over the gray fox.

14
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:44,752
See? Sacrifice.

15
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,296
At this rate,
I'll be reduced to wearing nutria.

16
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,632
Yeah, and your horse,
with his fancy new shoes.

17
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,135
Oh, for the... That's a farrier.
I know.

18
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:55,388
And this is Conrad Schlotz.

19
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,891
Herr Schlotz controls all
of Europe's videotex services.

20
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,979
Videotex? Wow, growth industry.
So he's worth billions.

21
00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,690
And I want to convince him
to invest in ISIS.

22
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,483
Well, that's gonna be
a tough sell.

23
00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:12,822
Ahem. We've posted losses
for 15 straight quarters so...

24
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:16,159
That's why you're going to cook up
a different set of books, Cyril.

25
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:19,078
Oh, no, I'm not comfortable with that.
No?

26
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:23,082
Think you'd be more comfortable
on another little vacation upstate?

27
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:26,794
No, I was dating Lana,
but since I suffer from sexual addiction...

28
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:30,047
...which these quacks deny is even real,
now they're treating me for...

29
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:34,927
Can somebody please
shut up that damn coyote?!

30
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,345
Clormatrazapam?

31
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,431
No. No, I would not.

32
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:41,851
So unless you want me to send you back...
I will start cooking the books.

33
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:44,270
Good thing you know how to cheat. What?
Hey.

34
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,648
Enough. Now, then,
this is a two-prong operation.

35
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:52,028
The books are prong one
while prong two is El Frente Rojo.

36
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:54,530
Derby Day wore that exact same hat.
Shock.

37
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,158
Herr Schlotz fears
they may attempt a kidnapping...

38
00:01:57,326 --> 00:02:00,536
...during a birthday party he's
throwing this weekend in Gstaad.

39
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:01,996
Ach, Gstaad.
Gstaad?

40
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:04,165
Oh, yeah, count me in.
Yeah, and me out.

41
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,959
I'm not getting frostbite
protecting some old German guy.

42
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:11,047
Herr Schlotz isn't the intended
victim. It's his daughter, Anka.

43
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:13,549
Who obviously needs someone
on her constantly.

44
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:17,220
So I will be that someone
who is constantly on her.

45
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,721
Oh, please.
Tongue back in.

46
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,557
For God's sake,
Sterling, she's turning 17.

47
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,810
Oh. Ew. Sorry.
Even for you, Archer.

48
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,395
Come on. She doesn't look
like she's just turning 17.

49
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:28,481
No, she looks like
she's just turning 18.

50
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,609
Exactly. Plus Europeans
use the metric system...

51
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:36,656
Sterling Malory Archer, you will not touch
a single hair on that girl.

52
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:40,201
Uh... See? How I let that just go by?

53
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:41,828
Look at me.

54
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,913
I am the perfect gentleman.

55
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:51,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

56
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,869
No. This is completely unacceptable.

57
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,789
I mean, cutbacks, I get it, but you cannot
expect me to share a room with Ray.

58
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:28,291
Oh, I'll be gentle.

59
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,626
Mother, you know
what he's implying, right?

60
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:34,463
Stop whining. We're all making do.
Why, I'm sharing a room with Lana.

61
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:37,008
Hooray.
And Pam's sleeping in the cellar.

62
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:40,136
Yeah, and if money's so damn
tight, why is she even here?

63
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:42,555
She's making me mule back
a bunch of this crap.

64
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,182
That crap is $300 a bottle...

65
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,144
...and you can't get it in America,
so not another sip.

66
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:51,397
The rest of you, make room in
your luggage for 10 liters apiece.

67
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,149
Unbelievable.
I know.

68
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:55,401
What kind of limit is that?

69
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,321
Good, you are here,
Frau Archer.

70
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:02,116
Ha, ha. It's Fräulein Archer.
She added desperately.

71
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:05,161
And these are my top agents, who
are ready to lay down their lives...

72
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,332
...to protect your, um,
lovely daughter.

73
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,292
Let's hope
it doesn't come to that.

74
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,002
Ja, but if it does...

75
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:16,297
Let's hope not.
...you must protect mein princess.

76
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:20,092
Anka is all I have in the world
since her mother passed away.

77
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,678
Oh, you poor thing.
You're a widower?

78
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:24,305
Oh, like you didn't...
Know!

79
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,806
No. No.

80
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,309
What is wrong with you?
Did no one just see that?

81
00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:29,518
Jumpy, eh?

82
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:33,522
Surely El Frente does not frighten
the famous Sterling Archer.

83
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:34,690
No, she does.

84
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:37,568
My Anka? What do you mean?
Oh, right.

85
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:40,154
Herr Archer glaubt Anka
is dirty sexy.

86
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:44,200
What?
She is only 16, you schwein.

87
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:45,534
No, I know. I'm not...

88
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,203
Not to come near her again.

89
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,956
Come on.
And the rest of you, get to work.

90
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,958
Come, Anka.
Uh...

91
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:57,421
Well, I hope you're happy.
No, I'm not, Mother. I just got fingered.

92
00:04:57,589 --> 00:05:01,133
Ugh! Now,
that is just... Ew!

93
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,844
- Thanks a lot, Bitch and Sundance.
- What?

94
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:07,556
What what? Didn't you see that?
I saw you totally eye-bang a teenager.

95
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,642
No, you didn't, because I wasn't.

96
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,228
Whatever.
Go wash up, dirty bird.

97
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:14,981
I wasn't eye-banging her.
Man, I was.

98
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,567
Ugh.
What? Jeez, I'm only human.

99
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:20,695
Are you?

100
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,573
That stinks.
So don't smell it.

101
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:25,908
Don't smell it.

102
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,869
Another perfect example
of your reductive reasoning.

103
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:33,541
He started it.
He started it.

104
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:37,044
Can't I leave you two alone
for even one hour without you going at it?

105
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:39,755
I should have asked myself
the same thing about you two.

106
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:43,050
Meaning what?
Meaning you left me for my brother.

107
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,260
Your twin brother.

108
00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:47,930
So obviously,
I still find you very attractive, baby.

109
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:50,182
And I have good news.

110
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,351
Even though Sterling Archer
is here in Gstaad...

111
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:53,561
Archer?
Archer?

112
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:58,190
It won't be a problem
to kidnap that bourgeois perrita.

113
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,484
Her father has forbidden Archer
to go near her.

114
00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:04,155
So we go with my plan.
Your plan stinks more than that cheese.

115
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,532
I think that smell is them.

116
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,869
But even they smell better
than your stupid plan.

117
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,621
We go with my plan.
Fine.

118
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,708
You don't want the world's greatest
secret agent on the case? Fine.

119
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,961
You want little Countess von Fingerbang
to get kidnapped? Fine.

120
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,464
Oh, and as for you, Ray...

121
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,217
...Sterling Archer may be many things,
but he's not...

122
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,805
Fine?
Oh, I think he is very fine.

123
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,349
No, no, Anka, you can't be in here.
Anka?

124
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,643
Mr. Archer, how familiar.

125
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,479
You must address me by title:

126
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:38,564
Countess von Fingerbang.

127
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,650
No. Come on, Anka, seriously.
You seriously gotta get out of here before...

128
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,278
Shit. Before the cops show up.

129
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,989
Or, wait, what do you have
in Switzerland? Pikemen?

130
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:52,119
I don't know. I am from Germany,
where the age of consent is 14.

131
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,121
What is it, the Alabama of Europe?

132
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:57,625
In many ways, yes,
but we can talk about that in bed.

133
00:06:57,793 --> 00:07:00,002
No, we can't.
Seriously, you have to...

134
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,921
Hand over the girl, cochino.

135
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:06,008
And that is just it for today
on people calling me a freaking pig.

136
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,558
Holy shit. Did you see that?

137
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:16,685
I saw you save my life.
No, I...

138
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:19,730
Well, maybe a little, but...
And I know just how to repay you.

139
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,816
Wait. No, no, Anka. Bad touch.

140
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,943
- Bad touch.
- You schwein.

141
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:29,824
So does this look as bad as it looks?
I will let the gendarmes decide that.

142
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:33,035
So they're not pikemen. Wait, Anka,
tell your father what happened.

143
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,870
Papa, he lured me.
What?

144
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:38,457
Then he tried to touch me with his Wilhelm.
What? No, I...

145
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:41,544
I saved her life.
I set a kidnapper on fire.

146
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,879
Tell it to the gendarmes, schwein.

147
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,341
Oh, come on, did you not see that?

148
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,301
Sterling, you promised.

149
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,719
And yet here you stand...

150
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,556
...as a fortune walks away,
with your wedding tackle...

151
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:56,183
...stuffed into your shaving kit.

152
00:07:56,351 --> 00:08:00,020
"Schwein" doesn't even touch it.
Yeah? Well, neither did I, Mother.

153
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:03,899
I saved her life.
Go ask that dick I set on fire.

154
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:07,528
And speaking of,
that bay rum really burns on the... Oh!

155
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:10,489
Hello, razor. Welcome to the party.

156
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,702
**** you, Switzerland.

157
00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:21,542
You're damn lucky Anka
convinced her father not to press charges.

158
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:25,421
Yeah, I feel lucky. Let's see, sexually
assaulted by a teenage sociopath...

159
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,423
...interrogated by gendarmes.

160
00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:31,218
Oh. Three stitches in my penis.
So, yep, it's all breaking my way.

161
00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:32,636
Just stay out of my way.

162
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:36,515
I have to convince Schlotz
to get in bed with ISIS...

163
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,642
...and failing that, in bed with...

164
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,936
Don't say it.
I'm in enough pain.

165
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:44,732
Yeah, the entire hotel's talking
about your little shaving accident.

166
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:47,234
And if you wanna get Schlotz into you...
Phrasing.

167
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:50,237
...you better start eating strudel.
Major chubby chaser.

168
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,865
Well, a lot of that's muscle.
Let's hope not.

169
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,868
Because you get strong arms
growing up on a dairy farm.

170
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:59,580
A dairy farm?
Yes, it was called Butterfat Ranch.

171
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,498
No, it...
They had a big cheese rodeo.

172
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:05,628
It was Poovey Farms.
I also was raised on a dairy farm.

173
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,047
You're shitting me.
What was your breed?

174
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,633
Friesians.
We had Holsteins.

175
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,635
Jeez, they're like... Wow.
Cousins.

176
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,972
Man, all this cow talk's making
me thirsty for some milk.

177
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:20,809
And as luck has it,
there is some chilling in mein suite.

178
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,229
Well, let's get some.

179
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,814
Don't wait up.
Ugh.

180
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,567
Ugh. That is so classic her.

181
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,737
Chasing a billionaire while we
could be surrounded by terrorists.

182
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,240
We don't know what they look like.
Spoiler alert.

183
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,575
One doesn't have skin on his face.
Meaning?

184
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,077
Meaning I set one on fire?

185
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:41,747
Was that before or after you
got caught fondling a teenager?

186
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:46,001
Well, obviously before. After was
all gendarmes and dick stitches.

187
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:50,589
And I didn't touch her, Lana,
so there's no reason to be jealous.

188
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:51,799
Whatever.

189
00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,759
How is your Wilhelm?
Aah!

190
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:57,513
Should I kiss it and make it better?
No, you should get away from me.

191
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,306
Look, I'm serious.
You need help.

192
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,850
You need help, Archer.
She came up to me.

193
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,602
Ray, what is a...?

194
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,313
What did you call it? "Blow job"?
What?

195
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,816
Shame on you. Fie and shame.
I didn't...

196
00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:12,194
And it's something a grown-up does
when he loves another grown-up.

197
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:15,572
Now, raus, you mouse.
Get ready for our ski lesson.

198
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,450
She's giving you a ski lesson?
No, I'm giving her one.

199
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:22,538
Oh, yeah, right. I forgot you won the
Olympic gold medal in men's downhill.

200
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:27,042
Well, ass, it was Giant Slalom
and I only took bronze.

201
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,252
So...
So.

202
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,754
...you lost.
I came in third.

203
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,214
Yeah, which is last.

204
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:33,757
Which is third...
Last.

205
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:36,552
...in the world, so...
You lost, Ray.

206
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,053
Jesus, get over it.

207
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,891
It actually was
a huge disappointment.

208
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,311
I trained so hard and so long.

209
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:49,398
Months of preparation ruined.
How could you be so stupid?

210
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:54,737
Carlito, he obviously did
not mean to get set on fire.

211
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:59,408
We should've gone with my plan,
which was superior in every way.

212
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,577
So, then, now we do your plan.

213
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:05,039
My plan requires three people.
Three people who have faces!

214
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,793
Now I must call headquarters
for reinforcements.

215
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,920
Good idea, mi amor.

216
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:16,300
You are so clever and sexy.

217
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,220
That sounds like Schlotz, but...

218
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,223
Oh, my God, Pam must be getting naked.

219
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,101
All these idiots think about is sex.

220
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,978
It's called nymphomania.
Ugh.

221
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,189
Maybe mixed with borderline
personality disorder?

222
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,691
I don't know,
I'm not a developmental psychologist.

223
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,651
Archer, I'm serious.
I'm serious.

224
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,278
That girl's a nightmare.
No.

225
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:39,448
A nightmare is sharing a room
with your mother, who expects me...

226
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:42,242
Loofah, I know.
...to protect some Eurotrash brat...

227
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:45,746
...who's got a jillion guests coming
to her birthday party tomorrow.

228
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,248
Yeah. Think they're gonna
have a band or just a DJ?

229
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,793
Why don't you go find out?
No, I can't be alone.

230
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,004
That's when she strikes,
like a slutty little ninja.

231
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,339
Ooh, is that Schlotz and Pam?

232
00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:57,800
And are they drinking anti-freeze?
Let's hope.

233
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,468
Ugh. Change it before I puke my...

234
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,388
Holy shit. Lana, look.
That's the kidnapper I set on fire.

235
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:06,392
That guy? Who's never been on fire?
He was, though. Lana, I swear.

236
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,768
You swear?
Lana, I...

237
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:10,813
Just like you swore about a 90-pound
schoolgirl raping you?

238
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:15,359
Attempted rape, Lana, and that guy
was running around like Johnny Storm.

239
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,070
A.k.a. The Human Torch, Lana?
Duh.

240
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,988
And if you don't believe me, fine.

241
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,324
Hey.
I'll take care of it myself. Ow!

242
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:26,286
Oh, great, yeah. Go terrorize the bellhop.

243
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,622
Good thing that clip was empty. Oh, shit.

244
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,125
God, I hate it
when he's right.

245
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:35,087
Now he gets to be the big hero who...
Has no bullets.

246
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,965
Going against an unknown number
of radical terrorists...

247
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:39,967
...armed with automatic weapons.

248
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,385
So that's gonna...

249
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,470
Mah! Damn it.

250
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,097
Herr Schlotz.

251
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,349
Herr Schlotz, are you in there?

252
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,601
I need to ask you a tiny...

253
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,604
Mein God, woman.
Can't you not read?

254
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:56,692
Not without my glasses. I was hoping
you could read this to me...

255
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,944
...in your suite, over a drink?

256
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,779
Yeah, come on in.

257
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,449
Just making a fresh batch
of Green Russians.

258
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,453
Oh, ow, ow, ow.

259
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,830
First thing when I get back,
buying an electric razor.

260
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,374
That's no fun.
Oh, for ****'s sake.

261
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:16,712
Then you don't get to squirt
that hot white cream all over your face.

262
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,131
Why aren't you with Gillette?
Heh, heh.

263
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:23,552
As the ski lift was coming, at the
last minute, I jumped out of the way.

264
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,097
Dukes, I am gonna be in huge trouble.

265
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:33,061
Right after I freeze to death.
Double dukes.

266
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,855
Oh, great, they cut the power.

267
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,565
How romantic.

268
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:37,733
Yeah, it is.

269
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,446
No, not romantic. Dangerous.
Because it's gonna be dark soon so...

270
00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:45,908
So before it's too dark, let me
ask your opinion on something.

271
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,702
What, you...
Re-zip, re-zip, re-zip!

272
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,830
Do you think I need a boob job?

273
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,499
Honestly?
Ah...

274
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,668
I'm kidding. Anka, come on.
You're gonna be a beautiful woman.

275
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,003
Really?
Yes, really.

276
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,923
And literally, the minute you
turn 18, please call me, but...

277
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,424
Save your minutes.

278
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:06,386
Because tonight, Sterling Archer dies.
Ha. Oh, yeah?

279
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,181
Oh, no.

280
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,435
Don't shoot the girl!
We need her!

281
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,521
Archer, you must save me.

282
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,940
You got any ideas, Anka?
Because I'm all ears.

283
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,900
Well, why don't we take that?

284
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,904
Well, obviously, we're gonna take that.

285
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,281
Come on.

286
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,785
Archer, we are safe now, ja?

287
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:32,246
Well, it's a little early to say.

288
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,584
But I really kind of doubt it.

289
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:45,634
I mean, I'm sure I've been
in worse situations.

290
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,428
But right now,
I'm kind of drawing a blank.

291
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,430
Hang on.

292
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:55,811
What the hell's all that,
you reckon?

293
00:14:55,979 --> 00:15:02,484
Immigrants. Cramming their lowriders
full of free health care and snow.

294
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,910
We should go to the gendarmes.
Yeah, if you weren't topless.

295
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,871
Oh, and hadn't accused me
of molesting you.

296
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:18,542
Are you going to throw that
in my face the rest of my life?

297
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:21,169
Yeah, all four minutes of it.

298
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:28,760
The girl is worth millions.
Be careful where you're shooting.

299
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:33,015
Ooh! Pink Floyd show.

300
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,893
Oh. Man, I'm gonna be in trouble.

301
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,353
Triple dukes.

302
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,898
Where are we going?
The forest.

303
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:45,611
They'll have to split up, then we can
take them out one or two at a time.

304
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,821
You would fight them?
Are you insane?

305
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:50,073
No, just incredibly pissed off.

306
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:53,368
Unh! You can't believe what this
is doing to my stitches.

307
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:59,458
Okay, I need you to do exactly
what I tell you when I tell you without...

308
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,126
We should go to the gendarmes.

309
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,669
Can I finish?
Fine.

310
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,671
Questions.
About what?

311
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:07,174
What? No, that was me finishing.

312
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:09,801
Oh, mein God.
Now shut up and hang on.

313
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,723
Hey, that's right in my ear, so...

314
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,934
So you can't do it every time.

315
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,397
I swear, Anka,
if I have to pull this snowmobile over...

316
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:25,484
I'm sorry. I'm not used to
such awful things.

317
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,027
Yeah, I bet.
Meaning what?

318
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:30,405
Meaning you're a spoiled,
rich, little lying brat who...

319
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:34,576
You want lies? Wait until I tell everyone
you seduced me.

320
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,370
Okay, that's it.

321
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,664
Wait. Why are you slowing down?

322
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,582
Take it back.
Go, go, go.

323
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,543
Take it back.
Fine, I take it back.

324
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:44,753
God.

325
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,470
Mein God.
I know, right?

326
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:55,055
Totally McQueen.

327
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:58,350
Probably won't fall for it again, though.
Man, I need a gun.

328
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,060
You think you can drive this thing...?

329
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,605
Probably better than you.
Yeah?

330
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:06,191
Did you come in first
the same weekend I attended...

331
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,568
...the Lars Larsen
Snowmobiling Experience?

332
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:11,697
What?
Because I came in second, smartass.

333
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,950
Out of how many, two?
Will you just shut up and drive?

334
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,619
How do I do it?
Right hand, take the throttle.

335
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,538
Like this?

336
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,791
No, you gotta twist it.
I am twisting it.

337
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,793
No, you got... Hang on a second.

338
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,296
You gotta twist it, like this.

339
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:34,636
You gotta go faster, Anka.
Faster? I'm freezing to death already.

340
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:39,224
Should've thought of that before you took
your clothes off. Seriously, would you go?

341
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,976
I'm doing it like you said.

342
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:44,563
Grip it hard as you can
and twist the absolute shit out of it.

343
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:48,817
Oh, I get it,
just like men love it on their Wilhelm.

344
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,361
No, we... Oh, my God.

345
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,655
You've never even seen a Wilhelm.

346
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:56,783
Ha. I have seen dozens. Scores, even.

347
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,535
You are such a liar.

348
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:01,955
I bet you've never even gotten
to second base.

349
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,874
I... So maybe not.

350
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,834
So what?
What do you mean "so what"?

351
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,587
Why do you behave like...?
No one cares how I behave.

352
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:13,341
Mama is gone, Papa is always at work.
I just rot away at that boarding school.

353
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:17,012
Yeah, and then I bet you get sent off
to camp all summer.

354
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,347
Riding camp, skiing camp.

355
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:22,642
Lacrosse camp.
It's like he doesn't want me around.

356
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:26,188
Yeah, so you misbehave
because you want a little attention.

357
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:27,981
And it's so hard to make friends.

358
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:32,861
Because you're insecure, so you
overcompensate and come across as...

359
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,821
As some kind of snob or...

360
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:37,365
Arrogant. I get it, Anka.
Ja, exactly.

361
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,951
You know, Archer,
I think you and I are a lot alike.

362
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,661
I don't do that.

363
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,500
Okay, I think that's all of them...

364
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,294
...which is good
because I'm out of ammo.

365
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,589
And we're out of gas. Fantastic.

366
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,382
Guess we'll have to hike back.

367
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,218
Oh, my God, you must be freezing.

368
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:59,971
Hey, Anka, relax. You're gonna be okay.
We'll get you back to the hotel and...

369
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:04,476
All the wind from the driving, Archer.
My hands are really burning.

370
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,895
Whoa. That's first degree frostbite.

371
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:10,398
Too bad you don't have big,
mitten-y gloves. I can't feel a thing in these.

372
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,610
It's like my breasts are on fire.

373
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:17,739
Maybe just put your hands on them.
Oh, my hands are like ice.

374
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:19,950
But yours...
Nope.

375
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,159
Please.
Nope.

376
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,495
We can make it back in,
like, half-hour, tops.

377
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,497
I can't wait that long. Please...
Nope.

378
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,083
With such big, mitten-y gloves,
it won't even count.

379
00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:31,086
Nope.
But I could get nerve damage.

380
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,213
That's actually a possibility.

381
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:37,384
Please, Archer, just for one minute.
Um...

382
00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,223
Literally one minute, all right?
Please.

383
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,892
And only because this is
a medical emergency.

384
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:50,105
That feels nice.
It doesn't. Don't enjoy this.

385
00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:52,607
This is a medical proced... Ow.

386
00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:53,942
What's wrong?
Nothing.

387
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,444
It's just, um, my stitches.

388
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,154
Oh, yeah?
What...?

389
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,407
Getting a little local swelling?

390
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,326
Hooray.

391
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,912
I can't believe I let this happen.

392
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,457
Uck! It was those
damn Green Russians.

393
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,126
Yeah, they pack a wallop.

394
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:14,963
And if you ever breathe a word
of this, I will gut you like a carp.

395
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,590
Hey, what happens in Gstaad...

396
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:19,634
...stays in Gstaad.
Ugh.

397
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:22,304
Now, who's ready for a shower?

398
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,055
This gal.

398
00:20:25,305 --> 00:20:31,404
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