1
00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:07,968
Ugh. A rainy day and a Monday...
Talk about a downer-double-whammy, huh?
2
00:00:09,814 --> 00:00:11,857
Do anything fun this weekend?
3
00:00:13,050 --> 00:00:14,484
Because I sure did.
4
00:00:14,552 --> 00:00:16,986
Friday night was Cornhole
League, then on Saturday...
5
00:00:17,054 --> 00:00:19,489
If I cared about
what you do on the weekend,
6
00:00:19,557 --> 00:00:23,737
I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and
pull the trigger with my toes.
7
00:00:27,298 --> 00:00:29,833
Saturday I
watched a building burn down.
8
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:31,801
Morning, Ms. Archer!
9
00:00:31,869 --> 00:00:35,673
It took all weekend, but I finally
got that payroll glitch sorted out.
10
00:00:35,793 --> 00:00:37,807
I said by five on Friday.
11
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Yeah sorry, the computer was
down, so over the weekend
12
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I had to punch all these cards by hand, and
then... carefully put them in order.
13
00:00:47,918 --> 00:00:50,520
Careful...
It's pretty delicate.
14
00:00:50,588 --> 00:00:52,622
Wow, and this is all marzipan?
15
00:00:52,690 --> 00:00:55,291
Yeah, except for the barn, that's
just graham crackers and icing.
16
00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:57,093
Well, your dad is gonna love it.
17
00:00:57,161 --> 00:01:01,231
I hope so. I mean, it's probably not
the best birthday present for a diabetic?
18
00:01:01,298 --> 00:01:05,136
Pam, those quarterly reports
better be on my desk when I walk in there.
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00:01:05,256 --> 00:01:06,428
Are you...
20
00:01:06,548 --> 00:01:08,365
walking in there right now?
21
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:09,754
What did I tell you on Friday?!
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00:01:09,874 --> 00:01:12,063
I know, and I was gonna
come in this weekend,
23
00:01:12,183 --> 00:01:14,844
but I had to finish this so I
could get it in the mail today.
24
00:01:14,912 --> 00:01:16,024
Wrong answer.
25
00:01:19,617 --> 00:01:21,330
What the... shit?!
26
00:01:23,888 --> 00:01:27,257
- Hey, hey now, c'mon honey,
- It's just like when the
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farm flooded in real life!
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00:01:30,261 --> 00:01:33,089
Only tiny and sweet!
29
00:01:33,631 --> 00:01:38,072
- Idiots. Surrounded by nothing but...
- What the hell is your problem?
30
00:01:38,192 --> 00:01:41,237
Finding your replacement,
missy, if you don't watch your tone!
31
00:01:41,305 --> 00:01:41,971
My tone? !!
32
00:01:42,039 --> 00:01:44,374
You watch your tone, you don't
speak to me like I'm some...
33
00:01:44,441 --> 00:01:45,241
Some what?!
34
00:01:45,309 --> 00:01:46,876
Balloon-breasted bimbo?!
35
00:01:46,944 --> 00:01:49,579
Always prancing around here in
those clingy little... whatever
36
00:01:49,647 --> 00:01:53,683
the hell they are, mini-sweater-dresses...
and your double-D push-up bras,
37
00:01:53,803 --> 00:01:58,654
so that all anyone can see, for miles
around, are your gigantic breasts!
38
00:02:01,525 --> 00:02:04,727
So...you wanna tell me
what's going on?
39
00:02:04,795 --> 00:02:07,063
No, I want you to get out.
40
00:02:07,131 --> 00:02:09,123
- Malory? Hey.
- I'm sorry, dear.
41
00:02:09,243 --> 00:02:12,702
I had a mammogram on Friday
and they...found something.
42
00:02:12,822 --> 00:02:14,971
Oh my God... Yeah.
43
00:02:15,039 --> 00:02:19,455
So...is that why yer bein'
such a bitch?
44
00:02:19,575 --> 00:02:30,123
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
45
00:02:57,790 --> 00:03:01,424
- You both have to swear you won't breath
a word of this to anyone. - Totally.
46
00:03:01,544 --> 00:03:03,779
Yes. Especially Sterling.
If he found out...
47
00:03:03,899 --> 00:03:06,649
that I might have breast cancer,
he'd be devastated.
48
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:10,151
So this information cannot leave this...
Pam, what the hell...
49
00:03:10,271 --> 00:03:11,216
What? Nothing.
50
00:03:11,456 --> 00:03:14,255
- You're texting about my...
- I'm not, I swear!
51
00:03:14,375 --> 00:03:16,058
- This is about...
- Breast cancer?!
52
00:03:16,178 --> 00:03:17,623
Oh, you poor thing!
53
00:03:17,743 --> 00:03:19,915
Pam!
What is wrong with you?
54
00:03:20,035 --> 00:03:22,299
I can't help it,
it's like a disease.
55
00:03:24,609 --> 00:03:25,269
Pam!
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00:03:25,336 --> 00:03:27,271
Do you not know
what "disease" means?
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00:03:27,338 --> 00:03:29,833
- Oh sorry, I forgot you might have...
- Breast cancer?!
58
00:03:29,953 --> 00:03:31,239
Oh for the love!
59
00:03:31,359 --> 00:03:33,163
And would you get off?!
60
00:03:33,283 --> 00:03:33,906
Breath?!
61
00:03:34,026 --> 00:03:37,714
Malory, if there's anything
we can do you just say the word!
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00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:40,184
My entire laboratory
is at your disposal.
63
00:03:40,251 --> 00:03:42,810
Thanks, I'll let you know
if I need a...hybrid pigboy.
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00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:44,788
A what? What are you...
65
00:03:44,856 --> 00:03:46,473
I don't have one of those!
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00:03:50,928 --> 00:03:54,574
That'll do, Pigley...
That'll do.
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00:03:57,129 --> 00:03:59,202
- Anymore, what're we talking about?
- Nothing.
68
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:03,620
Because no one is to speak of this,
ever, and especially not to... Sterling!
69
00:04:03,740 --> 00:04:05,487
- Good morning, dear!
- Good morning.
70
00:04:05,607 --> 00:04:07,775
What's the big,
non-me-telling secret?
71
00:04:07,895 --> 00:04:10,004
Is there one?
At a spy agency?
72
00:04:10,086 --> 00:04:11,669
There's no secret dear,
we were just...
73
00:04:11,789 --> 00:04:14,195
Mother. Pardon me,
sorry, one second. Pam?
74
00:04:14,315 --> 00:04:16,086
No, you don't... Pam!
75
00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:17,621
- Pam.
- Pam!
76
00:04:17,689 --> 00:04:18,288
Pam.
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00:04:18,356 --> 00:04:22,865
I'm okay I'm okay,
I'm good! I'm good...
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00:04:25,162 --> 00:04:27,064
- Pam.
- Your mom's got breast cancer!
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00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,725
She what? !?
80
00:04:28,845 --> 00:04:31,063
Damn her piggy little eyes!
81
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:32,872
- Aww, Pigley...
- Mother?!
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00:04:33,116 --> 00:04:34,594
Is this... Do you?
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00:04:34,867 --> 00:04:36,441
Ugh...
84
00:04:36,561 --> 00:04:38,465
Oh, good God.
85
00:04:38,585 --> 00:04:40,876
You'd think he was a half fainting goat.
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00:04:40,996 --> 00:04:42,529
Oh, Goatley.
87
00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,236
Well, actually men can develop
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00:04:45,356 --> 00:04:47,682
breast cancer although it's extremely rare.
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00:04:47,802 --> 00:04:49,099
Yeah. And also hereditary.
90
00:04:49,219 --> 00:04:50,906
So, thank you mother for that.
91
00:04:51,026 --> 00:04:55,428
Oh, there's a good chance your mother's
first mammogram was a false positive.
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00:04:55,548 --> 00:04:59,899
I'll know for sure after I get
the results of her diagnostic exam, but...
93
00:05:00,019 --> 00:05:01,638
I've got a good feeling about her.
94
00:05:01,758 --> 00:05:03,470
And the feeling is mutual, doctor.
95
00:05:03,590 --> 00:05:05,250
Hey, can you not...right now...
96
00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:07,188
There's several other risk factors for
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00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,750
male breast cancer, such as
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00:05:09,870 --> 00:05:12,153
any history of alcoholism.
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00:05:12,273 --> 00:05:14,714
- You know, I mean I drink socially, but...
- Hah!
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00:05:15,890 --> 00:05:17,699
I didn't have breakfast.
101
00:05:17,971 --> 00:05:21,000
Any unusual exposure to radiation...
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00:05:21,380 --> 00:05:24,983
Um...
Wait, seriously don't open it?
103
00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:28,262
- Yeah.
- Oh, I thought you were being sarcastic.
104
00:05:31,986 --> 00:05:32,948
Looking for this?
105
00:05:33,068 --> 00:05:36,825
Or perhaps the lead container I
probably should've left it in?
106
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:41,627
So wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's good cholesterol?
107
00:05:41,965 --> 00:05:43,084
Mmmnope.
108
00:05:43,204 --> 00:05:45,697
Well, then a
little dose won't hurt.
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00:05:46,844 --> 00:05:50,380
Doctor, I have
Ms. Archer's results...
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00:05:50,448 --> 00:05:52,649
Well if it isn't Chet Manley!
111
00:05:52,717 --> 00:05:54,922
Yeah, and is it...
I wanna say Peggy?
112
00:05:55,042 --> 00:05:56,770
Rita!
And you said you'd call me!
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00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,300
Really?
To both statements?
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00:05:58,420 --> 00:05:59,156
Hello?!
115
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:02,062
If it's not too much trouble I'd
like to know if I have cancer!
116
00:06:02,182 --> 00:06:05,119
The first test
was a false positive.
117
00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:06,520
You're totally fine.
118
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:07,583
Wh-? Oh thank God!
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00:06:07,703 --> 00:06:10,359
Yeah good.
Hey, wanna grab a drink later?
120
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:12,455
Peggy?
121
00:06:12,575 --> 00:06:14,319
I can't believe
it, it's such a relief!
122
00:06:14,439 --> 00:06:16,075
I don't have breast cancer!
123
00:06:16,195 --> 00:06:17,769
So, guess we can
skip all this, huh?
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00:06:17,889 --> 00:06:21,289
Well we're here, machine's
on, may as well take a look.
125
00:06:21,409 --> 00:06:22,646
So, if you could...?
126
00:06:22,714 --> 00:06:25,064
- Hm? Oh, sorry...
- Wow.
127
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:27,387
Wow what, what
is wow, what is that?
128
00:06:27,507 --> 00:06:31,521
Thaaat...
Yeah that's breast cancer.
129
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:32,867
- What?!
- What?!
130
00:06:32,987 --> 00:06:36,455
Yeah. So listen...
Wanna grab a drink later?
131
00:06:40,641 --> 00:06:42,928
Yep.
Stage Two breast cancer...
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00:06:45,211 --> 00:06:48,081
Yeah, I mean
it's not as bad as Stage Three or Four,
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00:06:48,201 --> 00:06:52,169
but it's not, ya know, obviously
not as good as no cancer.
134
00:06:52,289 --> 00:06:53,513
God, I should
definitely get checked.
135
00:06:53,633 --> 00:06:56,117
I'm so bad about
doing the self-exam.
136
00:06:56,185 --> 00:06:58,460
Hey, how about we
check each other?!
137
00:06:59,665 --> 00:07:04,359
- So what's next, do you do chemo, or...
- A lumpectomy.
138
00:07:04,427 --> 00:07:08,930
I go in for surgery next week, and
they'll try to cut it all out...
139
00:07:08,998 --> 00:07:10,801
If they can't get it all, or
if it spreads to my lymph
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00:07:10,921 --> 00:07:13,735
nodes, then they'll do chemo,
but I'm trying to stay
141
00:07:13,803 --> 00:07:16,332
positive, cause I can beat this.
142
00:07:17,711 --> 00:07:20,649
Wow, you seem kinda...
different.
143
00:07:20,769 --> 00:07:22,043
Yeah, did I
mention I have cancer?
144
00:07:22,111 --> 00:07:24,103
Not that, dick,
your whole outlook.
145
00:07:24,223 --> 00:07:26,270
All this...
positivity and whatever.
146
00:07:26,306 --> 00:07:27,582
I have to be positive.
147
00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:29,017
Gotta stay strong.
148
00:07:29,085 --> 00:07:30,771
So here, show some support.
149
00:07:32,955 --> 00:07:34,389
Here, Brett, take a ribbon.
150
00:07:34,457 --> 00:07:36,191
- What is this?
- Pink ribbon.
151
00:07:36,258 --> 00:07:37,025
I have breast cancer.
152
00:07:37,093 --> 00:07:38,426
Ha ha! Seriously?
153
00:07:38,494 --> 00:07:39,194
Breast cancer?
154
00:07:39,261 --> 00:07:41,974
- Yes...
- Sure it's not lady vagina cancer?
155
00:07:43,884 --> 00:07:45,233
Excuse me.
156
00:07:45,301 --> 00:07:47,102
I'm trying! To stay positive!
157
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Both mentally! And spiritually!
158
00:07:49,872 --> 00:07:50,505
Brett!
159
00:07:50,573 --> 00:07:52,641
Well he certainly doesn't
have cancer in his fists.
160
00:07:52,708 --> 00:07:54,142
He's beating his ass.
161
00:07:54,210 --> 00:07:56,478
Now, if you all will
excuse me again,
162
00:07:56,545 --> 00:08:00,531
I'm going to spend some quality time
with those who are dear to me.
163
00:08:00,933 --> 00:08:02,317
Brett.
164
00:08:05,121 --> 00:08:07,927
Yeah hey it's got a safety pin!
165
00:08:08,171 --> 00:08:09,024
What?!
166
00:08:09,091 --> 00:08:11,026
Breast cancer,
and yes, seriously.
167
00:08:11,093 --> 00:08:14,062
And I dunno how it's gonna turn
out, so I wanted to, ya know...
168
00:08:14,130 --> 00:08:16,873
spend some time with
the wee baby Seamus.
169
00:08:18,334 --> 00:08:20,101
He's not even yer real kid.
170
00:08:20,169 --> 00:08:21,421
- So?
- So it's weird.
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00:08:21,541 --> 00:08:23,405
So is me paying you
child support, Trinette,
172
00:08:23,472 --> 00:08:25,006
but you keep cashing the checks!
173
00:08:25,074 --> 00:08:28,443
I'm sorry. C'mon Trinette,
Seamus may not be my son,
174
00:08:28,511 --> 00:08:31,646
but he's probably as close
as I'm ever gonna get.
175
00:08:31,714 --> 00:08:33,728
Where're you taking him?
176
00:08:33,848 --> 00:08:36,185
I dunno... what's he into?
177
00:08:36,305 --> 00:08:40,488
Oh, that is just classic him...
I mean my God, I was the one who...
178
00:08:40,556 --> 00:08:42,657
Was getting all the attention?
179
00:08:42,725 --> 00:08:44,670
Who thought I had breast cancer.
180
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:46,665
Shut up! And now he has it and
181
00:08:46,785 --> 00:08:48,744
it's all Sterling this and ribbons that!
182
00:08:48,864 --> 00:08:52,654
- Well he does actually have cancer...
- Well he didn't get it from me!
183
00:08:52,655 --> 00:08:53,703
CHERYL/CAROL Wh-?!
184
00:08:53,823 --> 00:08:55,325
It's contagious?!
185
00:08:55,445 --> 00:08:57,138
What the shit?!
186
00:08:57,206 --> 00:09:00,008
I know, I'm not
normally a tattoo guy, but...
187
00:09:00,076 --> 00:09:01,676
Not yours, shitbrain!
188
00:09:01,744 --> 00:09:03,136
His!
189
00:09:03,395 --> 00:09:05,746
Yeah it's like, we've
got each other's backs.
190
00:09:06,334 --> 00:09:07,482
Right?
191
00:09:07,550 --> 00:09:10,051
You can't tattoo a frickin baby!
192
00:09:10,119 --> 00:09:11,572
That's what the tattoo guy said.
193
00:09:11,692 --> 00:09:13,288
Had to slip him an
extra hundred bucks.
194
00:09:13,355 --> 00:09:15,056
How bout I slip
somebody a hundred bucks to...
195
00:09:15,124 --> 00:09:16,791
throw acid in your face?!
196
00:09:16,859 --> 00:09:20,261
Costs more than
that, I bet to buy acid, Trinette.
197
00:09:20,329 --> 00:09:21,629
C'mon, Seamus!
198
00:09:21,697 --> 00:09:24,047
- I hope your stupid cancer kills you.
- Oh yeah?!
199
00:09:24,167 --> 00:09:27,076
Well I hope... it doesn't!
200
00:09:27,658 --> 00:09:31,239
And to that end
Woodhouse, macrobiotic food.
201
00:09:31,307 --> 00:09:33,316
Find out what that is
and start cooking it.
202
00:09:33,436 --> 00:09:37,953
Oh, and smoothies, and... and why
are you dressed like a tout?
203
00:09:38,073 --> 00:09:40,241
My vacation starts today, sir.
204
00:09:40,361 --> 00:09:43,752
What?! I'm riddled with cancer and
you wanna take a vacation?!
205
00:09:43,819 --> 00:09:46,621
No, but I asked
for the time off a year ago,
206
00:09:46,689 --> 00:09:50,291
and Dicky and I've been planning
this trip ever since, and...
207
00:09:50,359 --> 00:09:50,912
Who's Dicky?
208
00:09:51,032 --> 00:09:52,281
- My brother.
- What?
209
00:09:52,401 --> 00:09:53,156
He's younger.
210
00:09:53,276 --> 00:09:54,104
Obviously.
211
00:09:54,224 --> 00:09:57,966
And we've always dreamed of
someday going to Las Vegas together,
212
00:09:58,033 --> 00:10:02,676
so we saved up and got a lovely package,
and it's prepaid, you see, so...
213
00:10:02,796 --> 00:10:04,630
- Prepaid, huh?
- Yessir.
214
00:10:06,876 --> 00:10:08,350
Did I mention I have cancer?
215
00:10:33,869 --> 00:10:35,335
God, what a trip...
216
00:10:35,455 --> 00:10:38,378
Barely got back in time for surgery
tomorrow. You shoulda been there.
217
00:10:38,498 --> 00:10:41,839
Yes, God knows when I'll
be able to see Dickie again.
218
00:10:42,694 --> 00:10:45,106
- Or where.
- Yeah, Mexico is pretty big.
219
00:10:45,867 --> 00:10:48,163
- So is your heart, Woodhouse.
- Sir?
220
00:10:48,283 --> 00:10:50,316
That's probably the nicest
thing anyone's ever done for me.
221
00:10:50,436 --> 00:10:53,045
- Oh, well...
- I'm serious, you know,
222
00:10:53,165 --> 00:10:55,616
you showed me how important
family is and you're...
223
00:10:56,529 --> 00:11:00,002
kind of family and I know I'm not
always as nice to you as I could be, so...
224
00:11:00,122 --> 00:11:02,485
I'm gonna work on that, okay?
225
00:11:02,605 --> 00:11:04,748
Yessir.
Thank you, sir.
226
00:11:04,868 --> 00:11:05,753
Thank you.
227
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,358
Toilet's clogged.
228
00:11:10,157 --> 00:11:14,175
And so I wanted to say I'm sorry
Pam, if there were ever any times
229
00:11:14,243 --> 00:11:16,544
- when I was less than nice to you...
- Huh!
230
00:11:16,612 --> 00:11:19,214
[BLEEP] your [BEEP] dolphin, Pam!
231
00:11:19,281 --> 00:11:23,418
And I definitely could've been
nicer to you, Ca... Cheryl...
232
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:27,404
Yeah.
233
00:11:27,524 --> 00:11:30,074
Here, take
two, and... Brett!
234
00:11:30,194 --> 00:11:31,359
Where's that ribbon, buddy?
235
00:11:31,427 --> 00:11:32,727
Gonna go put it on right now!
236
00:11:32,795 --> 00:11:35,816
Okay, then come see me, I
got some mid-range scotch for you!
237
00:11:36,074 --> 00:11:36,887
You not...
238
00:11:37,007 --> 00:11:38,127
Oh hey, and where's Cyril?
239
00:11:38,247 --> 00:11:39,580
Extradited?!
240
00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:42,537
But I've never even
been to Las Vegas!
241
00:11:42,605 --> 00:11:47,074
Oh you gotta go, it's amaze...
zing I hear, but I've never been.
242
00:11:47,562 --> 00:11:48,567
- Here.
- What're ya doin?!
243
00:11:48,687 --> 00:11:50,311
He can't have booze,
he's going to jail!
244
00:11:50,379 --> 00:11:52,213
C'mon. I have cancer.
245
00:11:52,281 --> 00:11:53,479
Of the tits!
246
00:11:54,111 --> 00:11:55,917
Yeah, okay, give him the booze.
247
00:11:55,985 --> 00:11:57,218
Jesus, I should get checked.
248
00:11:57,286 --> 00:11:59,164
Can somebody water my plants?!
249
00:11:59,284 --> 00:12:00,772
Yes!
250
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,021
No.
251
00:12:02,141 --> 00:12:05,319
Yes! Mother c'mon, they said
I could eat and drink til midnight.
252
00:12:05,439 --> 00:12:06,453
Alcohol?!
253
00:12:06,573 --> 00:12:09,281
Uh, the stuff they
use to sterilize hospitals?
254
00:12:09,401 --> 00:12:11,175
Pretty sure it's okay.
255
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:13,999
Here's to uh... family, I guess.
256
00:12:14,119 --> 00:12:18,601
I'm... sorry if I've been a
bit selfish about your breast cancer.
257
00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:23,319
And I'm sorry if I haven't always
been, um...ya know, whatever.
258
00:12:23,439 --> 00:12:25,357
Well, you do the best you can.
259
00:12:26,315 --> 00:12:27,960
Eh.
260
00:12:28,778 --> 00:12:29,869
Are you scared?
261
00:12:29,989 --> 00:12:31,247
I am, actually.
262
00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:32,582
Me too.
263
00:12:32,702 --> 00:12:36,257
Sterling, I... well.
264
00:12:36,325 --> 00:12:38,151
Yeah, me too, Mother.
265
00:12:39,055 --> 00:12:41,387
Wow, it's kinda weird opening
up like this, huh?
266
00:12:41,507 --> 00:12:43,167
Yeah, gimme another belt.
267
00:12:44,232 --> 00:12:47,635
- There's so much I still wanna do...
- Oh, now...
268
00:12:47,703 --> 00:12:48,870
you're gonna be fine.
269
00:12:48,938 --> 00:12:52,055
- ARCHER Like, I've never been to Rome...
- Wh-? Yes you have.
270
00:12:52,175 --> 00:12:53,749
For wooork, mother.
271
00:12:53,869 --> 00:12:57,345
Sterling Malory Archer,
this surgery is going to work,
272
00:12:57,413 --> 00:13:00,848
and you... look at me... you
are going to beat cancer.
273
00:13:00,916 --> 00:13:02,185
B-but what if I dooon't?
274
00:13:02,305 --> 00:13:04,480
So uh... How's this goin?
275
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:05,920
Not great.
276
00:13:05,988 --> 00:13:07,775
Lanaaaa...
Lana what if I dooon't?
277
00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:10,100
Can you take him home?
278
00:13:11,349 --> 00:13:12,454
Um... can you not?
279
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:16,416
No, if I don't get something
to eat I'm literally going to die.
280
00:13:16,536 --> 00:13:20,119
- I seriously might though.
- Ugh, you're gonna be fine.
281
00:13:20,239 --> 00:13:23,868
What if I'm not, what if
I die, then have to live with the fact
282
00:13:23,988 --> 00:13:26,336
I was a dick to you
like, a jillion times?
283
00:13:26,456 --> 00:13:29,290
- Look, don't worry about it, just...
- Lana I'm in love with you.
284
00:13:31,647 --> 00:13:33,498
- You're also shit-faced.
- I can be both.
285
00:13:33,618 --> 00:13:37,992
And I might die tomorrow, so I really
don't think I should be alone tonight.
286
00:13:38,112 --> 00:13:40,699
- Newp.
- Did I mention I have cancer?
287
00:13:45,327 --> 00:13:46,409
Awesome.
288
00:13:55,021 --> 00:13:58,922
Archer. Archer.
289
00:14:01,628 --> 00:14:02,828
Waagh!
290
00:14:02,896 --> 00:14:04,763
What the shit, Lana?!
291
00:14:04,831 --> 00:14:05,997
- Wait, Lana?!
- Yeah.
292
00:14:06,117 --> 00:14:08,300
ARCHER Wait, why are you in my...
Aw, shit!
293
00:14:08,368 --> 00:14:09,735
My cancer surgery!
294
00:14:09,803 --> 00:14:10,936
Yeah.
295
00:14:11,004 --> 00:14:12,268
So listen.
296
00:14:12,388 --> 00:14:14,540
- About last night...
- Don't worry about it, just...
297
00:14:14,608 --> 00:14:19,678
No wait, we should talk about...
whatever's in this IV, which I love...
298
00:14:19,746 --> 00:14:22,314
We can talk after your surgery.
299
00:14:22,382 --> 00:14:26,285
- Mm-hmm...
- Or never, probably, knowing you.
300
00:14:26,353 --> 00:14:27,319
Where's Mother?!
301
00:14:27,387 --> 00:14:28,954
Sterling?
302
00:14:29,022 --> 00:14:29,802
Was that him?!
303
00:14:29,922 --> 00:14:30,723
Yeah, where were you?
304
00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:33,025
- The cafeteria...
- Bear claws, rrowr!
305
00:14:33,093 --> 00:14:34,860
I've been here since six!
306
00:14:34,928 --> 00:14:37,396
He was four hours late
to his own surgery!
307
00:14:37,464 --> 00:14:39,565
LANA Yeah, kind of a...
late night.
308
00:14:39,633 --> 00:14:42,568
- And speaking of...
- I spent last night in the Tombs,
309
00:14:42,636 --> 00:14:45,004
getting worked over by the cops!
310
00:14:45,071 --> 00:14:46,698
Huh? What for?
I mean literally.
311
00:14:46,818 --> 00:14:48,812
Yeah, until the Las Vegas police
312
00:14:48,932 --> 00:14:50,743
faxed over this little gem!
313
00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:53,162
Ha ha ha!
314
00:14:54,195 --> 00:14:55,545
Too soon?
315
00:14:57,751 --> 00:15:01,352
Oh my God...
How much cancer was in him?!
316
00:15:01,472 --> 00:15:06,087
This is so boring and
forever-taking.
317
00:15:06,207 --> 00:15:09,332
For the 55th time shut up
and go back to the office.
318
00:15:09,452 --> 00:15:12,498
- No I wanna be here, in case he...
- Don't.
319
00:15:12,566 --> 00:15:14,800
Dies.
320
00:15:14,868 --> 00:15:16,201
What, we're all thinking it!
321
00:15:16,269 --> 00:15:17,436
No we're not!
322
00:15:17,504 --> 00:15:21,574
This surgery is going to be a complete
success, and Sterling is going to be
323
00:15:21,641 --> 00:15:22,808
completely cured.
324
00:15:22,876 --> 00:15:24,682
- Hooray...
- Oh shut up.
325
00:15:25,184 --> 00:15:28,681
LANA Although... he has been a lot
nicer ever since he was diagnosed.
326
00:15:28,748 --> 00:15:29,815
Oh really?
327
00:15:29,883 --> 00:15:32,606
Ha ha ha!
328
00:15:32,922 --> 00:15:35,187
Ahem. Still too soon.
329
00:15:35,255 --> 00:15:37,556
Not too soon
for good news I hope!
330
00:15:37,624 --> 00:15:41,167
Oh, and also some very bad news.
331
00:15:42,596 --> 00:15:44,063
What's the bad news?!
332
00:15:44,130 --> 00:15:46,432
I have to take a
raincheck on that drink.
333
00:15:46,499 --> 00:15:47,933
I'm on call this weekend.
334
00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:50,269
MALORY Wh-?!
What about Sterling? ! Ass!
335
00:15:50,337 --> 00:15:51,852
- Oh right, that's the good news.
- What are you, hourly?
336
00:15:51,972 --> 00:15:56,842
Thanks to me the surgery was totally
successful, and now Mr. Archer is...
337
00:15:56,910 --> 00:15:59,845
Totally cancer-free!
338
00:15:59,913 --> 00:16:01,543
Whoooo!
339
00:16:01,663 --> 00:16:03,897
I beat cancer, everybody.
340
00:16:04,017 --> 00:16:06,852
Oh Sterling, I
knew you could do it!
341
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,354
Yeah, so...
is that why you didn't even
342
00:16:08,421 --> 00:16:09,189
bother to see me off to surgery?
343
00:16:09,309 --> 00:16:12,391
Wh-? You were four hours
late, we grabbed a bear claw!
344
00:16:12,459 --> 00:16:13,025
Rrowr.
345
00:16:13,093 --> 00:16:14,706
No, it's fine Mother, whatever.
346
00:16:14,826 --> 00:16:16,209
Hey, how're you doing?
I beat cancer.
347
00:16:16,329 --> 00:16:16,695
MALORY Wh-?!
348
00:16:16,763 --> 00:16:18,545
Looks like he's
back to his old self.
349
00:16:18,665 --> 00:16:21,305
- Oh, let's hope not...
- Hello?!
350
00:16:21,425 --> 00:16:24,637
Uh, there's this great new
thing, called coasters?!
351
00:16:24,704 --> 00:16:26,071
Sorry! Jeez!
352
00:16:26,139 --> 00:16:29,642
Don't apologize to me,
apologize to the Brazilian rosewood.
353
00:16:29,709 --> 00:16:30,409
Ugh.
354
00:16:30,477 --> 00:16:33,579
- So listen, about last night...
- Lana hey,
355
00:16:33,647 --> 00:16:35,881
I know you probably think it
was just because I was drunk,
356
00:16:35,949 --> 00:16:37,216
Well, and scared.
357
00:16:37,283 --> 00:16:38,951
- Well, more drunk.
- And super scared. - Not really scared.
358
00:16:39,019 --> 00:16:40,819
But the thing is... Woodhouse!
359
00:16:40,887 --> 00:16:42,421
Answer the damn phone!
360
00:16:42,489 --> 00:16:43,155
Archer residence.
361
00:16:43,223 --> 00:16:45,858
So, the thing is...
here's the thing.
362
00:16:45,925 --> 00:16:46,892
It's for you, sir.
363
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,193
Duh. One sec.
364
00:16:48,261 --> 00:16:49,161
Talk to me!
365
00:16:49,229 --> 00:16:51,658
Mr. Archer?
Hi, it's Doctor Spelts.
366
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:56,416
- Who?
- I did your cancer surgery?
367
00:16:56,536 --> 00:16:57,503
Like, two hours ago?
368
00:16:57,570 --> 00:17:00,305
Oh right, listen, I'm
kinda celebrating right now,
369
00:17:00,373 --> 00:17:03,175
You may want to...
hold off on that?
370
00:17:03,243 --> 00:17:04,410
What?
371
00:17:04,477 --> 00:17:07,180
Yeah, I should've waited until
your post-op results came in...
372
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:07,898
What?!
373
00:17:08,018 --> 00:17:10,115
But I could tell
your mom was already crushed
374
00:17:10,183 --> 00:17:12,918
about the raincheck thing,
So what are you saying?
375
00:17:12,986 --> 00:17:14,196
- Archer?
- Sterling?
376
00:17:14,316 --> 00:17:18,436
What was I saying? Oh yeah,
the cancer has spread to your lymph nodes.
377
00:17:18,556 --> 00:17:19,806
What does that mean?
378
00:17:19,926 --> 00:17:22,623
Well it's not good,
obviously, so...
379
00:17:22,743 --> 00:17:24,905
- Sterling, what did he say?
- The cancer...
380
00:17:25,483 --> 00:17:27,933
It's in my lymph nodes.
381
00:17:28,001 --> 00:17:31,680
- Holy shitsnacks...
- What's cancer?
382
00:17:33,073 --> 00:17:36,742
Yeah, so...I guess this party
was a little premature, huh?
383
00:17:36,810 --> 00:17:40,679
Sterling, there's radiation
treatment, there's chemotherapy, there's...
384
00:17:40,747 --> 00:17:42,630
Well, I think just those two
things, but...
385
00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:43,786
But you can still be cured!
386
00:17:43,906 --> 00:17:49,054
- This isn't, ya know... um...good, but...
- Excuse me...
387
00:17:49,122 --> 00:17:52,157
- That was the best you could do?
- Shut up.
388
00:17:52,225 --> 00:17:53,058
What'd I expect?
389
00:17:53,126 --> 00:17:55,394
Jesus, look at how I've
treated all of you!
390
00:17:55,462 --> 00:17:58,030
Carol, and Pam... and Cyril!
391
00:17:58,098 --> 00:18:00,966
Oh my God listen, I'm gonna
clear up this Vegas thing!
392
00:18:01,034 --> 00:18:03,802
Great, all you have to do
is go down to the police station
393
00:18:03,870 --> 00:18:05,765
- and confess...
- Or something, maybe else, but...
394
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,574
That's actually the only thing.
395
00:18:07,694 --> 00:18:13,011
Woodhouse! Woodhouse, salt of
the earth, who basically raised me!
396
00:18:13,079 --> 00:18:14,574
- Well...
- And you helped, Mother!
397
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:15,579
I know that!
398
00:18:15,699 --> 00:18:16,521
And Lana!
399
00:18:16,641 --> 00:18:19,685
Lana, I want you to know that
what I said last... Woodhouse,
400
00:18:19,753 --> 00:18:21,122
seriously, a little help here?
401
00:18:21,554 --> 00:18:23,503
Archer residence.
402
00:18:23,623 --> 00:18:24,321
For you, sir.
403
00:18:24,441 --> 00:18:25,958
Was that so hard?
404
00:18:26,025 --> 00:18:27,326
Lana, sorry, gimme one second.
405
00:18:27,393 --> 00:18:29,571
Because I really want you
to hear what I have to say.
406
00:18:30,031 --> 00:18:31,380
- Hello?
- Mr. Archer?
407
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,959
Hi, Doctor Spelts again.
408
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:36,527
Yeah listen, I'm kinda
making peace with my loved ones,
409
00:18:36,647 --> 00:18:38,875
- uh, plus some other people right now, so...
- You may want
410
00:18:38,995 --> 00:18:40,199
- to hold off on that...
- What?
411
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:42,489
Because, boy, did I pull a boner.
412
00:18:42,609 --> 00:18:45,110
Said the urologist,
ba-dump-bump, anyhoo,
413
00:18:45,178 --> 00:18:48,213
turns out I mixed up your
chart with another patient's.
414
00:18:48,281 --> 00:18:49,726
What?
Wait are... are you sure?!
415
00:18:49,846 --> 00:18:51,950
Of course I'm sure, I'm a doctor.
416
00:18:52,018 --> 00:18:57,078
- And I can say, positively, you are...
- Totally cancer-free!
417
00:18:57,198 --> 00:18:59,691
Again!
418
00:18:59,759 --> 00:19:01,193
Whooo! Suck it, cancer!
419
00:19:01,261 --> 00:19:03,827
Cyril, I don't wanna see you
with an empty glass again, okay?
420
00:19:03,947 --> 00:19:05,997
Yeah, so, about my Vegas problem.
421
00:19:06,117 --> 00:19:08,452
Yeah, the Vegas problem.
I've been giving it a lot of though,
422
00:19:08,572 --> 00:19:11,318
and I'm pretty sure...
Mother feel free to chime in here.
423
00:19:11,438 --> 00:19:13,227
And I'm pretty sure ISIS...
424
00:19:13,347 --> 00:19:15,676
can get you a whole new identity,
Cyril.
425
00:19:15,796 --> 00:19:19,072
- Oh, you can use one of my old ones.
- I don't want to use it.
426
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:21,237
You're Chett Manly now.
How about that?
427
00:19:21,357 --> 00:19:22,978
- I don't wanna be Chett Manly.
- Everybody!
428
00:19:23,098 --> 00:19:25,203
Say hello to my friend, Chett Manly.
429
00:19:25,323 --> 00:19:28,673
- Hi. - Not a new person.
- Shut up I saw him first.
430
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,671
Speaking of being a new person,
431
00:19:30,791 --> 00:19:33,199
or not...
Did you wanna tell me something?
432
00:19:35,139 --> 00:19:37,209
- Did I?
- Like 4 minutes ago,
433
00:19:37,329 --> 00:19:38,720
when you thought you were dying?
434
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,505
Oh, yeah. Lana, so,
here's the thing.
435
00:19:52,397 --> 00:19:54,879
I got it!
436
00:19:55,648 --> 00:19:56,315
Hello?
437
00:19:56,382 --> 00:19:57,443
May I speak to Chet?
438
00:19:57,563 --> 00:20:02,254
Oh my God...Yeah hang on,
he's right...Wait, who is this?
439
00:20:02,322 --> 00:20:02,975
- Rita.
- Who?
440
00:20:03,095 --> 00:20:03,794
The nurse?
441
00:20:04,497 --> 00:20:05,516
Redhead?!
442
00:20:07,511 --> 00:20:09,161
- Peggy.
- Ohhh!
443
00:20:09,229 --> 00:20:11,288
Yeah hey, this is Chet...
444
00:20:11,408 --> 00:20:13,384
Hang on, Peggy, I got another call...
445
00:20:13,901 --> 00:20:15,087
- Talk to me!
- Mr. Archer?
446
00:20:15,207 --> 00:20:18,182
- This is Dr. Spelts.
- I know. What, doctor?
447
00:20:18,302 --> 00:20:21,126
Well, you are just gonna kill me...
448
00:20:21,246 --> 00:20:24,209
But turns out I was
right the first time.
449
00:20:24,277 --> 00:20:26,845
The first time,
you said I was cured!
450
00:20:26,913 --> 00:20:28,308
Wait, now I'm confused.
451
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,115
At the hospital!
452
00:20:30,183 --> 00:20:33,744
- You said...
- Oh! No, I mean the first phone call.
453
00:20:33,864 --> 00:20:37,356
When I said the cancer had
spread to your lymph nodes.
454
00:20:37,423 --> 00:20:41,722
So yeah, we're gonna wanna to
start a round of chemo ASAP,
455
00:20:41,842 --> 00:20:45,488
but in the meantime...
is your mother there?
456
00:20:45,990 --> 00:20:47,340
Are you here?
457
00:20:47,928 --> 00:20:49,019
Eh.
458
00:20:49,506 --> 00:20:51,430
What? Too soon?
459
00:20:51,760 --> 00:21:02,045
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