1 00:00:04,575 --> 00:00:08,571 Sterling Archer. The world's most dangerous spy... 2 00:00:08,691 --> 00:00:11,800 - Oh, I don't know about all that... - No? 3 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:15,776 Well, do you know that I fell in love the moment I saw you? 4 00:00:15,896 --> 00:00:17,236 Really? With who? 5 00:00:17,356 --> 00:00:20,043 - You silly man, who do you think? - Well I dunno, 6 00:00:20,163 --> 00:00:24,063 - there were a lot of guys there... - Not when I was finished... 7 00:00:26,496 --> 00:00:29,294 Oh, then it was just me. And you... 8 00:00:29,414 --> 00:00:34,121 Me and you... I like the way that sounds. 9 00:00:34,241 --> 00:00:35,279 Me too. 10 00:00:35,399 --> 00:00:40,495 Me, and you, and -- Aaagh! Hellooo... 11 00:00:40,615 --> 00:00:41,862 What, in the name of 12 00:00:41,982 --> 00:00:44,884 pre-paid venereal disease, do you think you're doing?! 13 00:00:45,004 --> 00:00:45,764 I, uh -- 14 00:00:45,884 --> 00:00:49,019 Darling, I know she is old, but you allow such talk from your secretary? 15 00:00:49,139 --> 00:00:50,915 - His what? - No, she's not my, um... 16 00:00:51,035 --> 00:00:52,826 Katya, this is actually my mother... 17 00:00:52,946 --> 00:00:54,066 - Boz moy! - And mother, 18 00:00:54,186 --> 00:00:55,918 this is Katya Kazanova. 19 00:00:56,038 --> 00:00:58,802 She saved my life in Moscow, she's former KGB, 20 00:00:58,922 --> 00:01:01,760 she wants to defect and become an ISIS agent, uh, she's -- 21 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,871 Mortified! I beg your forgiveness! 22 00:01:03,991 --> 00:01:07,172 I'm sure you do. And don't you want to freshen up 23 00:01:07,292 --> 00:01:10,737 - after your long ride? - Phrasing, mother! Sorry, Katya, 24 00:01:10,857 --> 00:01:14,166 - It's fine darling, please excuse me. - Check the break room, 25 00:01:14,286 --> 00:01:17,513 maybe you'll get lucky and find some wet-naps! And you. 26 00:01:17,633 --> 00:01:19,674 - Go see Krieger this instant. - Wh-? 27 00:01:19,794 --> 00:01:21,122 I don't need a doctor, mother, 28 00:01:21,242 --> 00:01:23,890 - Katya doesn't have VD! - You haven't had sex with her? 29 00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:25,408 Ha ha. For your -- 30 00:01:26,242 --> 00:01:28,512 - That was pretty good. - I want Krieger to X-ray 31 00:01:28,559 --> 00:01:32,832 that tiny brain of yours, because obviously the Russians put another chip in it! 32 00:01:32,952 --> 00:01:33,630 Wh-? No they didn't! 33 00:01:33,750 --> 00:01:35,692 Well then you're as dumb as you are stupid, 34 00:01:35,812 --> 00:01:39,650 because best case scenario, that Russian tramp wants to con you 35 00:01:39,770 --> 00:01:41,959 into marriage for a green card, and -- 36 00:01:42,079 --> 00:01:42,930 - Ha! - Oh for -- 37 00:01:43,050 --> 00:01:44,574 Why doesn't everybody just come in here?! 38 00:01:44,694 --> 00:01:46,477 It's O.K., we can hear from out here! 39 00:01:46,597 --> 00:01:47,910 With our earballs! 40 00:01:48,030 --> 00:01:50,922 And I don't think you need to worry about Archer ever getting married. 41 00:01:51,042 --> 00:01:52,571 - Hey ya know what? - Well I'm sure he will, 42 00:01:52,691 --> 00:01:55,374 - if he ever meets the right girl, but -- - Wh-? ! What was I, 43 00:01:55,494 --> 00:01:57,897 - the wrong one?! - Oh, you know what I mean. 44 00:01:58,017 --> 00:01:59,206 - Do I? - Doesn't matter, 45 00:01:59,326 --> 00:02:01,175 because worst case, that woman 46 00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:04,740 - is a KGB double agent! - Mother, she saved my life! 47 00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:09,112 She's not a -- Oh, yeah okay, I see what's happening here... You're both jealous! 48 00:02:09,232 --> 00:02:09,957 - What?! - What?! 49 00:02:10,077 --> 00:02:11,730 It's understandable from you, Lana -- 50 00:02:11,850 --> 00:02:14,885 - But from you, mother, kinda creepy. - First of all -- 51 00:02:15,005 --> 00:02:16,414 - I think it's a little weird -- - Right? 52 00:02:16,534 --> 00:02:18,680 ... That a KGB agent wants to come over to ISIS, 53 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,576 right when Krieger's finishing his top-secret project. 54 00:02:21,696 --> 00:02:24,398 Wh-? ! She killed like, ten Russians to save my life! 55 00:02:24,518 --> 00:02:27,649 So trust me, she's not interested in Krieger's project! 56 00:02:27,769 --> 00:02:30,945 No, trust me, I am wery interested... 57 00:02:31,065 --> 00:02:34,771 Well, I probably shouldn't show you this, buuuuuut, I'm totally going to. 58 00:02:34,891 --> 00:02:40,030 - Bozhe moy! - Right? Almost as cool as my van... 59 00:02:40,951 --> 00:02:50,971 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 60 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:58,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 61 00:03:15,957 --> 00:03:20,428 - Dr. Krieger, this is amazing! - Oh, I don't know about all that... 62 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:24,095 But this technology could forever alter the balance of world power! 63 00:03:24,096 --> 00:03:26,254 If you're into power, let's go down to my van, 64 00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:29,957 because "red barchetta" through a ten gigawatt pre-amp is -- Wait, 65 00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:34,805 - please tell me you're into rush. - Oh, the only "rush" I know is my love 66 00:03:34,925 --> 00:03:37,504 - for your comrade, Sterling Archer. - Womp womp... 67 00:03:37,624 --> 00:03:40,688 But surely, a brilliant scientist like you? 68 00:03:41,001 --> 00:03:42,912 How is it you are single? 69 00:03:43,032 --> 00:03:45,916 Eh, I almost got married once. Church, reception, 70 00:03:46,036 --> 00:03:47,607 - I had it all lined up... - Really... 71 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:48,754 Yeah, but -- 72 00:03:48,874 --> 00:03:54,226 Kreega-San... My cherry blossoms...are wilting... 73 00:03:54,481 --> 00:03:57,073 But "society" couldn't deal with it. 74 00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:59,953 Katya's not trying to con me into marriage! 75 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,087 I mean, she did move in with me, but -- 76 00:04:02,207 --> 00:04:03,280 - What?! - She's living with you?! 77 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,566 Mmmwhich is funny why? 78 00:04:04,686 --> 00:04:08,653 Mmmbecause if I recall, you have kind of a problem sharing your space...? 79 00:04:08,773 --> 00:04:11,549 - Lanaaa! What are you doing?! - Brushing my teeth! 80 00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:15,185 - In the sink?! - Where should I do it, in the toilet?! 81 00:04:16,309 --> 00:04:17,838 - I mean... - Ughhhh! 82 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:20,374 Well whatever and shut up, and if you don't make Katya 83 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,285 an ISIS agent, mother, I'll... 84 00:04:22,588 --> 00:04:25,726 - I will quit ISIS! - Here, drink this, you're talking crazy. 85 00:04:25,846 --> 00:04:28,291 No thanks, I promised Katya I'd quit drinking. 86 00:04:28,593 --> 00:04:30,110 Speaking of, where is she? 87 00:04:30,539 --> 00:04:33,503 - No words. My words have failed me. - Well then shut up. 88 00:04:34,997 --> 00:04:38,261 - So? What do you think? - Oh sorry, I thought you said shut up. 89 00:04:38,381 --> 00:04:43,822 And yet you talk. But I'll just bet Nikolai Jakov is so jealous of my - ahem - 90 00:04:43,942 --> 00:04:48,154 friendship with Len Trexler, that he planned this whole thing... 91 00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:52,396 Of course I did nut plan the traitor Kazanova's defection! 92 00:04:52,516 --> 00:04:57,523 But I hed to tell the party chermen it was part of my mester genius plen! 93 00:04:57,643 --> 00:05:00,915 Because the traitor Kazanova knows too much... 94 00:05:05,267 --> 00:05:08,359 - More like lemon party chermen... - So I must ensure 95 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,897 she never tells the west what she knows, or I will get -- 96 00:05:12,017 --> 00:05:12,997 Egg on your face. 97 00:05:13,117 --> 00:05:17,656 - Bah! More like bullet in my bren! - No, you heff ektual egg on your face. 98 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:21,178 - Wh-? ! Bah! - Is why party chermen kept doing this. 99 00:05:21,701 --> 00:05:23,751 - I hope. - Shut up, idiot, 100 00:05:23,871 --> 00:05:24,860 and help me think! 101 00:05:24,980 --> 00:05:27,536 Dun't worry, I hev ektual genius plen 102 00:05:27,656 --> 00:05:29,102 to sulve Kazanova problem. 103 00:05:29,222 --> 00:05:32,346 - Wh-? Well what it is?! - If I tell you all et once 104 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:35,079 your head might explode. Along with combover. 105 00:05:35,199 --> 00:05:36,225 Katya? 106 00:05:36,345 --> 00:05:38,158 Baby, you in there? Katya! 107 00:05:38,278 --> 00:05:40,949 Rrgh! She's not in here, dumbass! 108 00:05:41,069 --> 00:05:44,335 And this deuce ain't gonna drop itself! 109 00:05:44,455 --> 00:05:47,231 Ugh, you realize I can never unhear that sentence, Pam. 110 00:05:47,351 --> 00:05:48,135 And why're you crying? 111 00:05:48,192 --> 00:05:52,009 Cause I got ripped in a bar last night, and I was tryna beat my record 112 00:05:52,129 --> 00:05:56,632 for crammin pool balls in my mouth when some a-hole slaps me on the back, and -- 113 00:05:56,633 --> 00:05:58,938 - No. You swallowed a pool ball?! - I wish just one. 114 00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:02,213 And I still got two to go, so if ya don't mind?! 115 00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:03,881 Wait, Pam I had... 116 00:06:04,001 --> 00:06:08,701 Damn, what was it? Something about "stripes and solids"? 117 00:06:08,821 --> 00:06:13,063 Speaking of, would you describe your relationship with Katya as solid, or -- 118 00:06:13,183 --> 00:06:17,520 You know what's solid? This wall. Yeah, so's the floor, my fist, 119 00:06:17,521 --> 00:06:20,702 - uh... ooh! Cyril! The butt of my gun? - Okay. I get it... 120 00:06:20,822 --> 00:06:24,003 - Do you? - Oh yes, believe me doctor, 121 00:06:24,123 --> 00:06:26,387 this is all very interesting information... 122 00:06:26,507 --> 00:06:29,714 - Yeah, it totally is. - What the hell is going on in here?! 123 00:06:29,834 --> 00:06:33,981 My God, Krieger, why not just give her the project on a floppy disk?! 124 00:06:34,101 --> 00:06:35,838 It's way too big for that. 125 00:06:35,958 --> 00:06:38,549 - No, I just wanted -- - A green card?! 126 00:06:38,669 --> 00:06:40,391 Or a big parade in Red Square 127 00:06:40,511 --> 00:06:43,209 when you come back to Moscow with our top secret project! 128 00:06:43,329 --> 00:06:43,915 What the hell?! 129 00:06:44,035 --> 00:06:47,483 - Darling, I wasn't doing anything, I -- - For God's sake, Lana 130 00:06:47,484 --> 00:06:50,419 have some pride once in your life! Look, I know it just kills you 131 00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:52,919 - that I'm in love with Katya -- - First of all -- 132 00:06:53,039 --> 00:06:54,900 ...Especially since you and I had sex very recently 133 00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:56,684 - when I had cancer! - What? ! - What?! 134 00:06:56,804 --> 00:07:00,377 It's okay, it was just cancer sex. But it's over, Lana, 135 00:07:00,497 --> 00:07:03,203 get on with your life! And let me get on with mine! 136 00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:05,820 Well... at least you got some closure. 137 00:07:06,411 --> 00:07:08,963 Which is more than I ever got... 138 00:07:09,083 --> 00:07:11,490 Oh you are just your mother all over! 139 00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:14,725 Darling please, 140 00:07:14,746 --> 00:07:17,124 - I just want to leave... - No, Katya, don't you see? 141 00:07:17,169 --> 00:07:18,993 That's exactly what mother wants! 142 00:07:19,113 --> 00:07:21,899 - So you can you hack into the KGB servers? - Pff! 143 00:07:22,019 --> 00:07:24,391 - Does one ring rule them all? - One ring? 144 00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:28,479 No, don't engage him, from there it's all just orcs and gollums 145 00:07:28,599 --> 00:07:32,286 and balrogs. Okay, pull up Katya's KGB personnel file. 146 00:07:32,406 --> 00:07:33,847 - But darling, I -- - Hush, it'll show 147 00:07:33,967 --> 00:07:36,511 you've been disavowed by the KGB, and then mother will -- 148 00:07:36,986 --> 00:07:38,620 Yes, gasp, because she'll be so... 149 00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:41,533 confused? Katya, what's?! 150 00:07:41,903 --> 00:07:45,714 No Katya, wait! Katyaaa! How long until mother sees this?! 151 00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:50,182 - O.K. Ow, and that kind of depends. - Oh, shit! 152 00:07:50,645 --> 00:07:54,874 - Wait'll everybody sees this! - Oh, shit! 153 00:07:54,994 --> 00:07:56,415 Oh, shit! 154 00:07:57,122 --> 00:07:59,797 Penetrate deep, destroy from within. 155 00:08:00,811 --> 00:08:02,212 Oh shit. 156 00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:10,431 So, you fake Kazanova's file, those fools et ISIS hack into it... 157 00:08:10,551 --> 00:08:14,471 - End then we begin phase three. - Wait, what is phase two? 158 00:08:14,591 --> 00:08:19,352 - Phase two is I want a promotion. - Damn those KGB pigs! 159 00:08:19,472 --> 00:08:22,944 Faking my file so that everyone here thinks I am -- 160 00:08:23,064 --> 00:08:24,462 A double agent! 161 00:08:24,582 --> 00:08:28,624 - Darling I swear, it's a fake! - Just what a double agent would say. 162 00:08:28,744 --> 00:08:31,747 Stay back! Darling, don't make me -- 163 00:08:31,867 --> 00:08:34,385 I'm kidding! Baby c'mon, relax. 164 00:08:34,651 --> 00:08:36,007 Although, that is probably what you'd say 165 00:08:36,127 --> 00:08:38,572 - if you were a double agent... - I'm not! 166 00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:42,134 - How can I prove to you?! - You don't have to. Look at me. 167 00:08:42,254 --> 00:08:44,763 - Even if you were I wouldn't care. - Really? 168 00:08:44,883 --> 00:08:48,767 Yes, really. Katya, I love you. But you're not though, right? 169 00:08:48,887 --> 00:08:50,018 - No! - Awesome. 170 00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,625 And once we explain it all to mother, I'm sure she'll say -- 171 00:08:52,745 --> 00:08:53,677 - Shoot her! - Wh-?! 172 00:08:53,797 --> 00:08:57,801 Katya! On your knees, hands behind your head, and toss out the weapon! 173 00:08:58,195 --> 00:09:00,397 - Although not in that order! - Not in any order! 174 00:09:00,517 --> 00:09:02,980 Mother, this is all just a huge misunderstanding! 175 00:09:03,004 --> 00:09:06,232 - I am not a double agent! - Just what a double agent would say -- 176 00:09:06,352 --> 00:09:08,630 We've covered that! Mother listen -- 177 00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:13,151 - Lana shoot her! That is an order! - Sorry, Archer... 178 00:09:13,174 --> 00:09:15,384 - Lana no! - Sorry, darling... 179 00:09:15,504 --> 00:09:17,527 Wait, no no no no -- 180 00:09:20,345 --> 00:09:23,693 - Holy shit... - I'm sorry I had to do that, darling, 181 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,048 please don't hate me! 182 00:09:25,168 --> 00:09:28,280 Are you kidding?! I've never been this turned on in my entire life! 183 00:09:31,454 --> 00:09:35,017 - That little bitch... - Don't worry, she won't get far. 184 00:09:35,137 --> 00:09:37,551 I'm locking ISIS down, top to bottom! 185 00:09:37,671 --> 00:09:40,157 It's pound pound six pound five two. 186 00:09:40,277 --> 00:09:42,320 Duh! Pound, pound, six -- 187 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,575 - You're, hitting, star. - Security system offline. 188 00:09:45,695 --> 00:09:48,177 - Damn it. Oh okay, here we go -- - Restarting, in -- 189 00:09:48,201 --> 00:09:50,123 - Ten, minutes. - Damn it! 190 00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,989 I bet mother was hitting star again! 191 00:09:54,109 --> 00:09:56,143 But darling, where will we go? 192 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,086 Anywhere but there. Because as sexy as it was, 193 00:09:59,206 --> 00:10:01,854 - shooting at Lana -- - Just her weapons! Believe me, 194 00:10:01,974 --> 00:10:04,666 - if I wanted to hit her, I could have. - Well yeah, she's huge. 195 00:10:04,786 --> 00:10:09,132 What about helping me escape?! What if they think you are double agent?! 196 00:10:09,252 --> 00:10:11,020 C'mon, they think I'm a lot of 197 00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:14,225 - really shitty things, but... - But he's not a double agent! 198 00:10:14,345 --> 00:10:17,121 - Are you retarded? - Well he's an idiot and a shitbird. 199 00:10:17,144 --> 00:10:21,513 - Well then how do you explain this? - Bad parenting. 200 00:10:21,633 --> 00:10:24,514 That was taken outside the parking garage not five minutes ago! 201 00:10:24,634 --> 00:10:27,895 - After Slutya Slutsakova did this! - After? 202 00:10:28,015 --> 00:10:30,087 Why didn't you lock down the building?! 203 00:10:30,207 --> 00:10:33,438 Security system restarting, in five -- 204 00:10:33,971 --> 00:10:35,720 You were hitting star again? 205 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,643 Zip it, you two! Because it kills me to say this, but 206 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,923 Sterling's obviously been flipped by that Russian whore, so 207 00:10:42,043 --> 00:10:43,823 we have to treat them both... 208 00:10:45,423 --> 00:10:46,663 As double agents. 209 00:10:46,783 --> 00:10:50,178 For God's sake, woman, are you hearing yourself? 210 00:10:50,298 --> 00:10:53,583 - He's your son, not a -- - Ray, she got him to quit drinking. 211 00:10:53,977 --> 00:10:55,158 So what's the plan? 212 00:10:55,278 --> 00:10:59,301 Sterling will go to ground, but he'll need to pick up his bug-out bag, so -- 213 00:10:59,529 --> 00:11:02,738 Woodhouse? Listen very carefully... 214 00:11:02,780 --> 00:11:05,817 - God damn, Woodhouse, are you deaf? - A bit, yes, 215 00:11:05,937 --> 00:11:09,399 but I'm afraid I know nothing about this -- What was it? 216 00:11:09,519 --> 00:11:11,345 My bug-out bag! It was right here! 217 00:11:11,465 --> 00:11:16,301 It's a calfskin Hermès grip, and it's full of fake passports and mustaches, uh, oh! 218 00:11:16,421 --> 00:11:18,707 - And two hundred grand in cash! - And... 219 00:11:18,827 --> 00:11:22,240 - Calfskin, you said? - Woodhouse, do you like to travel? 220 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:26,456 Because if you don't find that bag I will empty the entire contents of your body and 221 00:11:26,513 --> 00:11:30,682 - use your leathery skin as a replacement! - I shall check my sewing room! 222 00:11:30,953 --> 00:11:33,376 - Wait, his what? - But even with money and passports -- 223 00:11:33,496 --> 00:11:35,392 - And mustaches -- - ...Where will we go?! 224 00:11:35,512 --> 00:11:38,395 If ISIS thinks that you are a double agent we can't stay here, 225 00:11:38,515 --> 00:11:39,472 and if we go back to Russia... 226 00:11:39,496 --> 00:11:42,718 Russia? Look, no offense, but standing in line for beets 227 00:11:42,755 --> 00:11:45,465 and toilet paper isn't my idea of a good time. 228 00:11:45,585 --> 00:11:48,777 Oh, is not so bad, you take a crossword, catch up with your neighbors... 229 00:11:48,897 --> 00:11:50,073 Neighbors, that's it! 230 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,988 We'll go to Canada and work for the -- 231 00:11:52,108 --> 00:11:54,212 Wait, does Canada even have a spy agency? 232 00:11:54,332 --> 00:11:57,159 - Yes, but -- - Why? It's Canada. 233 00:11:57,279 --> 00:12:00,003 -- Don't you see? Wherever we go, someone 234 00:12:00,123 --> 00:12:01,821 will always be hunting us! 235 00:12:01,941 --> 00:12:06,114 So let 'em hunt! Katya, we're the two best secret agents in the world! 236 00:12:06,234 --> 00:12:11,869 So nyet promotion, because you still hev nut sulved my Kazanova problyem! 237 00:12:11,989 --> 00:12:16,257 - Hang on, hesty pudding... - Pitch is out, I can't hold altitude! 238 00:12:16,377 --> 00:12:19,222 - What?! - I can't hold it, she's breaking up! 239 00:12:19,342 --> 00:12:23,785 Barry Dylan, ODIN agent. A man barely alive. 240 00:12:24,225 --> 00:12:28,595 Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. 241 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:32,684 We have the capability to make the world's first bionic man. 242 00:12:34,060 --> 00:12:38,578 Barry Dylan will be that man. Better then he was before. 243 00:12:39,006 --> 00:12:42,087 Better. Stronger. Faster. 244 00:12:42,827 --> 00:12:46,140 Bozhe moy! This is amazink! 245 00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:48,468 Ken we ektually create such a think?! 246 00:12:48,588 --> 00:12:51,826 Can and did! I greenlit the project way back. 247 00:12:51,946 --> 00:12:57,061 - So, about that promotion -- - I wunt to see this, this Bionik Barry! 248 00:12:57,181 --> 00:12:58,721 Well, then you'd better pack a bag... 249 00:12:59,190 --> 00:13:01,391 And what brings you to New York, Mr. Berg? 250 00:13:01,511 --> 00:13:02,653 Business or pleasure? 251 00:13:02,773 --> 00:13:06,991 - Oh, pleasure. Definitely pleasure. - All righty. 252 00:13:07,111 --> 00:13:09,750 - Welcome to the United States. - Thanks. 253 00:13:09,982 --> 00:13:12,912 Or shalom or whatever it is we say. 254 00:13:13,236 --> 00:13:15,230 Because I'm one step ahead of you. 255 00:13:15,786 --> 00:13:16,979 Like always. 256 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:21,005 And we'll always be one step ahead of them. No matter who's hunting us. 257 00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:23,785 Even if it's, oh, I don't know, 258 00:13:23,905 --> 00:13:25,847 a criminally insane cyborg. 259 00:13:30,132 --> 00:13:33,589 So, er, comrade Bionik Barry. 260 00:13:33,709 --> 00:13:36,241 Ken you sulve my Kazanova problyem? 261 00:13:36,361 --> 00:13:39,047 Yeah, probably... If I knew and/or cared 262 00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:43,122 who and/or what that was. But since I don't and/or do not, 263 00:13:43,242 --> 00:13:45,568 I am going to kill and/or murder Sterling Archer. 264 00:13:45,688 --> 00:13:47,120 Wh-? ! No, no! 265 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,725 - Archer may be my son! - Well, too bad. 266 00:13:49,845 --> 00:13:52,389 You've sown the wind, and now you shall reap... 267 00:13:52,884 --> 00:13:56,324 The Barry. I said don't take the bridge, dickhead! 268 00:13:57,983 --> 00:14:02,975 - Hail Mary mother of -- - Reset the f'in meter! 269 00:14:03,095 --> 00:14:04,979 Oh God! 270 00:14:08,373 --> 00:14:11,850 Actually, you know what? Let's uh, let's put a pin in that promotion. 271 00:14:11,970 --> 00:14:15,572 - Darling, please! Forget the bag! - We need it, and 272 00:14:15,573 --> 00:14:18,016 hey, what about this? Canada's got casinos, right? 273 00:14:18,136 --> 00:14:19,673 But they could be here any minute! 274 00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:23,779 Who, ISIS? Baby c'mon, remember who we're dealing with here... 275 00:14:25,319 --> 00:14:26,906 Here we are! 276 00:14:27,419 --> 00:14:30,821 I swear, if anyone saw me in this awful van. 277 00:14:30,941 --> 00:14:33,301 How could they, with this illegalass window tint? 278 00:14:33,421 --> 00:14:35,909 Dude, this van's like rolling probable cause. 279 00:14:35,932 --> 00:14:38,658 So all ashore from the S.S. date rape! 280 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:39,626 Toot toot. 281 00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:42,435 I'm serious, Woodhouse, either find that bag 282 00:14:42,486 --> 00:14:46,484 or a magic marker, so we can draw where the zippers are gonna go on your -- 283 00:14:46,982 --> 00:14:47,549 ...body. 284 00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:51,053 Afraid I haven't seen a magic marker either, sir. 285 00:14:51,173 --> 00:14:54,250 - Bit of a mess in here... - Was this -- my billiard room?! 286 00:14:54,370 --> 00:14:59,571 At one time, yes, but I needed a place to sew your suits, you see, so -- 287 00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:02,160 - Sir? - It doesn't matter, Woodhouse, 288 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,301 I'm leaving, go nuts. Hang a bunch of... 289 00:15:04,421 --> 00:15:08,142 - Georgia O'Keeffe posters. - But sir, you can't leave. 290 00:15:08,262 --> 00:15:09,952 - Your mother -- - Can also hang. 291 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,419 Woodhouse, for the first time in my life, I am in love. 292 00:15:12,539 --> 00:15:15,453 And nobody, especially mother, is going to ruin that for me. 293 00:15:15,573 --> 00:15:17,086 You're -- you're serious, aren't you? 294 00:15:17,132 --> 00:15:18,775 Woodhouse, I quit drinking for her. 295 00:15:20,489 --> 00:15:22,863 Ahh. Just that one. 296 00:15:22,983 --> 00:15:25,423 I'm scared if I stop all at once 297 00:15:25,543 --> 00:15:27,886 the cumulative hangover will literally kill me. 298 00:15:27,912 --> 00:15:30,695 Well, if you truly love Ms. Kazanova... 299 00:15:30,815 --> 00:15:34,307 - I'd like for you to have this. - Whoa. Wait, is that -- 300 00:15:34,574 --> 00:15:36,369 - No, I guess it wouldn't be mother's... - No sir, 301 00:15:36,489 --> 00:15:38,245 - it was her mother's. - Bub? 302 00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:40,746 Darling, we really must go! 303 00:15:41,452 --> 00:15:44,053 Hang on, just uh, doing something... 304 00:15:44,173 --> 00:15:46,578 - Please don't make him into a suitcase! - I'm not! 305 00:15:46,810 --> 00:15:49,449 But Woodhouse, I need my -- Did you have that the whole time? 306 00:15:49,569 --> 00:15:52,018 - Yes sir. - Well then goodbye, Woodhouse, 307 00:15:52,138 --> 00:15:53,500 and oh, you're fired. 308 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,135 Er, technically your mother is my employer, so -- 309 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:56,679 Really? 310 00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:59,474 Who do you think's been paying my salary all these years? 311 00:15:59,594 --> 00:16:03,215 I just thought you were -- Well, slave's not the right word, but -- Really? 312 00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:05,136 - Mother pays you? - Yes sir, and -- 313 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,048 - Sterling, dear! - Wh-?! 314 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,067 She also has her own key. 315 00:16:09,322 --> 00:16:12,997 If you come out to the living room, I have a surprise for you! 316 00:16:13,117 --> 00:16:15,322 That's the exact same thing she said when I was five, 317 00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:18,243 and I spilled grape tang on her stupid flokati rug. 318 00:16:18,363 --> 00:16:19,355 What was the surprise? 319 00:16:19,475 --> 00:16:23,305 Apparently how bad a ping-pong paddle hurts on a tiny bare ass. And so... 320 00:16:23,425 --> 00:16:26,105 - But darling... Are you sure? - Yeah it hurt like crazy. 321 00:16:26,225 --> 00:16:30,463 - No, about this! About us. - Katya, I swear to you, 322 00:16:30,583 --> 00:16:33,152 - I've never been more sure about anything. - Then I am with you. 323 00:16:33,789 --> 00:16:36,325 - All the way. - Okay but no shots center-mass, 324 00:16:36,445 --> 00:16:39,541 - just try to wing 'em. Oh, and Woodhouse? - Yes sir? 325 00:16:39,661 --> 00:16:42,437 Totally being sarcastic about the Georgia O'Keeffe posters. 326 00:16:42,557 --> 00:16:48,327 Do not do that. Okay... Coming motheerrrrrrr! 327 00:16:56,122 --> 00:16:58,162 - Shit, I'm out! - I am also out! 328 00:16:58,282 --> 00:17:00,455 Uh, actually so am I... 329 00:17:00,575 --> 00:17:02,390 - Dukes, me too. - Me too. 330 00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:04,208 Seriously? Is anybody hit? 331 00:17:04,328 --> 00:17:07,084 - Uh, no. - Huh. 332 00:17:07,204 --> 00:17:10,178 Not really the explosive climax I thought it was gonna be... 333 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,085 Is nobody gonna touch that, seriously? 334 00:17:13,124 --> 00:17:15,596 Not just yet. Because I lied. 335 00:17:15,716 --> 00:17:19,287 I still have one in the chamber, and it's got your name on it, missy. 336 00:17:19,407 --> 00:17:20,125 Mother no! 337 00:17:20,245 --> 00:17:23,797 Look, I know you're having a -- really disturbingly hard time with this, but 338 00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,971 - I am in love with Katya! - Damn it Sterling, 339 00:17:26,091 --> 00:17:29,078 - she's a double agent! - I swear to you I am not! 340 00:17:29,198 --> 00:17:31,275 The KGB faked her file, mother. 341 00:17:31,395 --> 00:17:34,901 - Oh, whatever! Although... - Yeah it's the first thing they'd do. 342 00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:36,803 That's like, counterintelligence 101. 343 00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:40,232 But then -- why was she taking notes about Krieger's secret project?! 344 00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:43,770 Ooh, sorry. I knew I forgot to mention something... 345 00:17:44,153 --> 00:17:45,992 - And it was this. - Uh... 346 00:17:46,112 --> 00:17:50,324 Darling, I told you that I fell in love with you when we first met, 347 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,545 but...I am afraid that was a lie. 348 00:17:53,665 --> 00:17:56,609 - Called it! - I fell in love with you long ago... 349 00:17:56,852 --> 00:18:00,453 Because this man, Sterling Archer 350 00:18:00,719 --> 00:18:04,461 is Russia's most dangerous enemy! 351 00:18:04,808 --> 00:18:08,747 And he...is the man I will marry. 352 00:18:08,867 --> 00:18:12,419 - So... all this time, you wanted -- - To marry you! 353 00:18:12,539 --> 00:18:17,845 So when Dr. Krieger told me he already paid deposits with florist, and caterer, 354 00:18:17,965 --> 00:18:22,322 - and that his wedding will never happen, I -- - Kreega-San, you promised -- 355 00:18:22,791 --> 00:18:24,981 We will talk about it, in the van! 356 00:18:25,101 --> 00:18:27,888 Well, since it sounds like I don't have to help with the wedding plans... 357 00:18:29,023 --> 00:18:35,892 - Katya? Will you marry me? - Bozhe moy! Da! Da! 358 00:18:36,012 --> 00:18:40,984 - A thousand times da! - Awesome. 359 00:18:41,104 --> 00:18:44,262 I thought I'd be dead long before this day ever came. 360 00:18:44,687 --> 00:18:47,796 - Actually, hoped. - Oh shut up. 361 00:18:48,074 --> 00:18:51,248 - You old sour puss. - Because this day has come, mother! 362 00:18:51,368 --> 00:18:53,504 - We can get married right here! - Really? 363 00:18:53,736 --> 00:18:55,786 Well, not here here. On the terrace. 364 00:18:56,481 --> 00:18:58,687 Thank you all so much for coming! 365 00:18:58,988 --> 00:19:01,023 Oh, and I just love your hair! 366 00:19:01,143 --> 00:19:03,235 Well, I hate it I look like a whore. 367 00:19:03,355 --> 00:19:05,939 And you made it all so beautiful, Woodhouse! 368 00:19:06,059 --> 00:19:07,283 Thank you, thank you. 369 00:19:07,403 --> 00:19:09,229 Don't thank him, it sets a bad precedent. 370 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,735 And plus we still need a priest, so -- 371 00:19:10,855 --> 00:19:12,959 How bout a disgraced former minister? 372 00:19:13,079 --> 00:19:15,967 - What the shit?! - Long story, kinda boring, 373 00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:19,417 but I am still licensed by the state to perform marriages 374 00:19:19,537 --> 00:19:21,426 the irony of which is not lost on me. 375 00:19:21,546 --> 00:19:23,623 Yeah, ya wanna know what's really ironic? 376 00:19:23,743 --> 00:19:26,805 - Barry! - Yes, Barry, hi, 377 00:19:26,925 --> 00:19:29,145 and what's ironic, is Archer, 378 00:19:29,265 --> 00:19:31,455 besides sodomizing my fiancée -- 379 00:19:31,575 --> 00:19:33,638 - What? - Only by the strictest legal definition. 380 00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:35,608 Threw me off a roof! Twice! 381 00:19:35,728 --> 00:19:38,099 Dropped, Barry, and how are you not dead?! 382 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,844 Because the Russians, turned me into... 383 00:19:42,246 --> 00:19:47,418 The unholy abomination of metal fused with flesh which now stands before you! 384 00:19:47,538 --> 00:19:48,892 They have this technology?! 385 00:19:49,012 --> 00:19:52,146 Eight years on my secret project! Wasted! 386 00:19:52,266 --> 00:19:57,154 Yeah, so back to the irony, now I'm going to throw you off the roof! 387 00:19:57,274 --> 00:20:00,815 - Wow Barry, you're like, super-strong. - Yeah, did I mention I was a cyborg? 388 00:20:00,935 --> 00:20:02,624 Yeah you did, can somebody shoot him?! 389 00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:04,779 - Dukes! - Archer, we're out of ammo! 390 00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:06,015 Well I'm not! 391 00:20:06,135 --> 00:20:10,813 And if anyone's going to ruin my son's wedding...It'll be me. 392 00:20:11,635 --> 00:20:15,397 What part of "I'm a cyborg" are you people still not getting, exactly? 393 00:20:15,517 --> 00:20:19,199 Core concept? I guess? But -- no no wait, Katya nooo! 394 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,998 - Yes! I will save you, darling! - No no no don't -- 395 00:20:22,118 --> 00:20:24,729 - Katyaaa! - Archerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! 396 00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:27,335 I love yoooooooooooou! 397 00:20:27,775 --> 00:20:30,543 Nooooooo! 398 00:20:31,088 --> 00:20:35,431 Yesss! One-for-three off the roof, bitch! 399 00:20:37,046 --> 00:20:42,375 Oh Katya, no-ho-ho-haaaaaaaagh...! 400 00:20:43,915 --> 00:20:46,332 Waaaaaagh-hah-hah-haaaaaaaghhh! 401 00:20:46,452 --> 00:20:49,505 Why the hell... Why the hell are you crying?! 402 00:20:49,888 --> 00:20:51,620 That was my van... 403 00:20:51,910 --> 00:21:01,962 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 404 00:21:02,305 --> 00:21:08,488 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org