1 00:00:10,069 --> 00:00:14,215 - Woodhouse, you you sneaky old fiend... - Happy birthday, sir! 2 00:00:14,335 --> 00:00:15,701 Thanks, Woodhouse. 3 00:00:15,703 --> 00:00:17,669 This is amazing, seriously, you outdid yourself. 4 00:00:17,671 --> 00:00:19,658 That's not all, sir! 5 00:00:22,082 --> 00:00:25,012 I, er... sorry about that. 6 00:00:25,014 --> 00:00:26,480 It's okay, I'll just wait here while you go 7 00:00:26,482 --> 00:00:29,015 make me a whole new birthday breakfast not covered in garbage. 8 00:00:29,017 --> 00:00:32,654 It's not garbage sir, it's-- Scraps of paper, Woodhouse, 9 00:00:32,656 --> 00:00:35,223 which by any definition, yes, is garbage. 10 00:00:35,225 --> 00:00:38,728 Afraid I don't have the ingredients to recreate this 11 00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:40,363 exact breakfast, sir. 12 00:00:40,365 --> 00:00:43,334 Ugh, okay then, uh... Nutella waffles. 13 00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:45,436 - Mmmm... - Damn it. 14 00:00:45,438 --> 00:00:46,738 Nutella steak-and-eggs? 15 00:00:46,740 --> 00:00:48,641 Today's my shopping day. 16 00:00:48,643 --> 00:00:52,278 Why do you even bother...living. 17 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,147 No time to talk, Popeye. 18 00:00:54,149 --> 00:00:55,983 It's my birthdayyy. 19 00:00:55,985 --> 00:00:57,517 Were you going to say Happy Birthday? 20 00:00:57,519 --> 00:00:58,185 Don't bother. 21 00:00:58,187 --> 00:01:00,754 Happy Birthday to me. 22 00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:03,491 Hmm-Mmm. 23 00:01:03,493 --> 00:01:06,894 I wonder what the guys in the office have planned for my birthday. 24 00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:11,465 Wonder if Fudgie the Whale will be there or Cookie Puss. 25 00:01:11,467 --> 00:01:12,533 Cookie Puss. 26 00:01:12,535 --> 00:01:16,837 Those guys at Carvel know what they're doing. 27 00:01:16,839 --> 00:01:18,306 Paging Dr. Boy! 28 00:01:18,308 --> 00:01:20,908 Dr. Birthday Boy! 29 00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:27,850 Ahem. 30 00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:34,725 So, what're you ladies up to? 31 00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:36,627 Cleaning out the stupid file room. 32 00:01:36,629 --> 00:01:37,094 Oh yeah? 33 00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:38,962 Any particular reason? 34 00:01:38,964 --> 00:01:40,531 It's full of shit? 35 00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:42,566 Speaking of, is that Archer? 36 00:01:42,568 --> 00:01:47,738 Yes, but I have to warn you... I don't like... surprises? 37 00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:50,174 Or doing your share of work apparently. 38 00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:50,774 Who likes that? 39 00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:53,243 You'd better start, because a lot of this junk is yours. 40 00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:54,411 Now get to work. 41 00:01:54,413 --> 00:01:55,746 Are you serious? 42 00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:57,547 - On my... my... - Your what? 43 00:01:57,549 --> 00:01:59,016 My never mind! 44 00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:02,153 Because here's nothing special about today whatsoever, Mother! 45 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:05,558 - Oh, I wouldn't say that... I -- wait, really? 46 00:02:06,261 --> 00:02:08,394 Yes, it's the quarterly fire drill. 47 00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:09,762 Let's go, people! 48 00:02:09,764 --> 00:02:11,698 Get the lead out! 49 00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:15,436 - Ferris Bueller you're my heeero... - Shut up. 50 00:02:15,438 --> 00:02:18,005 Hang on, does nobody seriously know what today is?! 51 00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:18,639 Tuesday? 52 00:02:18,641 --> 00:02:19,273 The Rapture? 53 00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:20,441 Come on, people. 54 00:02:20,443 --> 00:02:21,409 Look alive. 55 00:02:21,411 --> 00:02:24,212 I never remember it taking so long. 56 00:02:24,214 --> 00:02:26,714 Well maybe that's because you never remember anything! 57 00:02:26,716 --> 00:02:28,516 So -- Oh my God! 58 00:02:28,518 --> 00:02:31,630 Surpriiise! 59 00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:34,465 I -- is that -- what -- Mother...? 60 00:02:34,585 --> 00:02:36,590 Happy birthday, dear. 61 00:02:39,762 --> 00:02:41,629 Ow! 62 00:02:41,631 --> 00:02:42,705 I think. 63 00:02:42,940 --> 00:02:53,300 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 64 00:02:55,000 --> 00:03:01,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 65 00:03:18,535 --> 00:03:21,738 I can feel it. 66 00:03:21,740 --> 00:03:26,010 I can feel your power. 67 00:03:26,012 --> 00:03:27,211 What's that? 68 00:03:27,213 --> 00:03:28,779 You want me inside you? 69 00:03:28,781 --> 00:03:30,414 Sterling. 70 00:03:30,416 --> 00:03:31,215 You know my name? 71 00:03:31,217 --> 00:03:32,250 Sterling! 72 00:03:32,252 --> 00:03:32,650 Hm? 73 00:03:32,652 --> 00:03:34,185 Oh, sorry. 74 00:03:34,187 --> 00:03:35,487 I believe a "thank you" 75 00:03:35,489 --> 00:03:36,588 is in order. 76 00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:39,324 Mother, oh my God, yes, thank you! 77 00:03:39,326 --> 00:03:43,161 And not just - well, mostly me, of course, but Dr. Krieger helped too. 78 00:03:43,163 --> 00:03:47,231 Well, only if by "helped" you mean... 79 00:03:47,233 --> 00:03:51,302 Oversaw the design the world's most insanely kickass spy car. 80 00:03:51,304 --> 00:03:52,703 It's a spy car? 81 00:03:52,705 --> 00:03:53,938 Lana? 82 00:03:53,940 --> 00:03:54,705 Wh-? 83 00:03:54,707 --> 00:03:55,706 Lana, noooooooooo! 84 00:03:57,343 --> 00:04:00,044 Gagh! 85 00:04:00,046 --> 00:04:00,979 Holy shit! 86 00:04:00,981 --> 00:04:03,248 Yeah, I'm like a magnet. 87 00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:04,149 Brett, shut up. 88 00:04:04,151 --> 00:04:05,450 What else does it do? 89 00:04:05,452 --> 00:04:07,085 Press that red button? 90 00:04:07,087 --> 00:04:09,755 I -- wait, is it gonna kill everybody? 91 00:04:09,757 --> 00:04:11,324 Press that blue button? 92 00:04:11,326 --> 00:04:14,361 - Welcome, Mr. Archer... - It does know my name! 93 00:04:14,363 --> 00:04:18,466 To the Dodge Challenger Special Agent Edition, brought to you by Dodge. 94 00:04:18,468 --> 00:04:19,167 Thanks, Dodge! 95 00:04:19,169 --> 00:04:23,238 Featuring a 440 V8 engine, six speed manual transmission, 96 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,640 and a top speed of 185. 97 00:04:25,642 --> 00:04:26,874 Heavy-duty suspension. 98 00:04:26,876 --> 00:04:28,176 Runflat tires. 99 00:04:28,178 --> 00:04:30,679 Bulletproof body panels and windows. 100 00:04:30,681 --> 00:04:33,915 Twin thirty-cal machine guns mounted in the front... 101 00:04:33,917 --> 00:04:38,386 antipursuit countermeasures in the rear. 102 00:04:38,388 --> 00:04:40,888 It makes the Mach-5 look like a vagina! 103 00:04:40,890 --> 00:04:45,193 The interior boasts mil-spec GPS, satellite communications, 104 00:04:45,195 --> 00:04:49,398 hi-fi stereo, rich Corinthian leather... - Corinth is famous for 105 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:49,998 its leather! 106 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,936 - And of course... - Aaaaaaaaagh! 107 00:04:53,938 --> 00:04:56,239 The in-dash bar is to be stocked with non-alcoholic beverages only. 108 00:04:56,241 --> 00:04:56,973 Dodge cannot stress this enough. 109 00:04:56,975 --> 00:04:58,675 Never ever ever drink and drive. 110 00:04:58,677 --> 00:05:01,544 Now Sterling, listen to me. 111 00:05:01,546 --> 00:05:04,079 - It's like seeing the face of God... - Sterling! 112 00:05:04,081 --> 00:05:04,513 What? 113 00:05:04,515 --> 00:05:08,417 This car cost me a lot of money, so you have to take proper care of it. 114 00:05:08,419 --> 00:05:08,884 I will! 115 00:05:08,886 --> 00:05:10,519 And if you crash it -- I won't! 116 00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:13,923 Or God forbid, if you get it stolen-- I won't! 117 00:05:13,925 --> 00:05:16,191 You won't ever get another one. 118 00:05:16,193 --> 00:05:20,329 Mother I promise, I'll take the best care of it of anything ever. 119 00:05:20,331 --> 00:05:21,396 You'd better. 120 00:05:21,398 --> 00:05:22,163 Well c'mon! 121 00:05:22,165 --> 00:05:23,365 Give your mom a hug! 122 00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:27,369 Oh, no, I don't think that's really-- Possible. 123 00:05:27,371 --> 00:05:28,170 At all. 124 00:05:28,172 --> 00:05:28,704 Why not? 125 00:05:28,706 --> 00:05:30,672 - Um... - Ugh, he's got an erection. 126 00:05:30,674 --> 00:05:32,874 Murmuring. 127 00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:35,411 Sorry, it's this Corinthian leather. 128 00:05:35,413 --> 00:05:37,346 In my new Dodge Challengerrrrrrr! 129 00:05:41,653 --> 00:05:48,258 Forgot to close the bar. 130 00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:52,396 In my new Dodge Challengerrrrrrr! 131 00:05:52,398 --> 00:05:55,199 Wow, so how much did Dodge kick in? 132 00:05:55,201 --> 00:05:59,637 Not as much as you'd think. 133 00:05:59,639 --> 00:06:02,807 So, I hope this doesn't sound weird... But I kinda wanna have 134 00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:03,474 sex with you. 135 00:06:03,476 --> 00:06:05,976 Is that alright? 136 00:06:05,978 --> 00:06:06,310 Ugh! 137 00:06:06,312 --> 00:06:07,378 Seriously Dodge? 138 00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:08,546 Apple juice? 139 00:06:08,548 --> 00:06:12,616 Not you the car, obviously, but you the blonde genie-woman 140 00:06:12,618 --> 00:06:14,952 who lives inside you that talks. 141 00:06:14,954 --> 00:06:17,388 So, what do I call you? 142 00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:17,855 Hello? 143 00:06:17,857 --> 00:06:20,791 Jeannie, it's me, master. 144 00:06:20,793 --> 00:06:23,727 I -- wait a minute, was that just a lame pre-recorded video? 145 00:06:23,729 --> 00:06:25,596 Or are you pouting for some reason? 146 00:06:26,499 --> 00:06:31,336 Fine, then pout! 147 00:06:31,338 --> 00:06:34,706 But that totally wasn't my fault... You shouldn't even be 148 00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:37,942 able to put the car in gear with the bar open! 149 00:06:37,944 --> 00:06:43,314 Besides the danger of drunk driving... It's obviously a huge design flaw! 150 00:06:43,316 --> 00:06:46,017 Which is why now you're all sticky! 151 00:06:46,019 --> 00:06:47,885 Which, sorry for that. 152 00:06:47,887 --> 00:06:52,723 Once we get you parked I'll clean you up and wipe you down with a fine chamois. 153 00:06:52,725 --> 00:06:56,493 And also quit talking to you, because now I'm pretty sure that 154 00:06:56,495 --> 00:06:59,530 was just a recording. 155 00:06:59,532 --> 00:07:02,200 I mean... it was, right? 156 00:07:02,202 --> 00:07:05,070 Whatever, either way I'm done talking. 157 00:07:05,072 --> 00:07:07,773 Oh, come on, it's full? 158 00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:10,276 Damn it, guess I'll have to park on the street. 159 00:07:10,278 --> 00:07:14,614 if you get it stolen... you won't ever get another one. 160 00:07:15,416 --> 00:07:17,583 I heard you, Mother! 161 00:07:17,585 --> 00:07:25,558 - Somehow... - Uh, duh duh duh duh duh... ooo! 162 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,160 Hiya, neighbor! 163 00:07:34,535 --> 00:07:37,302 The grappling hook detaches from my end? 164 00:07:37,304 --> 00:07:40,205 Way to think it through, Dodge. 165 00:07:40,207 --> 00:07:42,574 So, clean all the broken glass and the sticky apple juice, 166 00:07:42,576 --> 00:07:46,445 then I need all new glassware, some real liquor... Uh... oh! 167 00:07:46,447 --> 00:07:48,214 There's a grappling hook in the street, get that, 168 00:07:48,216 --> 00:07:50,116 and then find out where to buy caltrops. 169 00:07:50,118 --> 00:07:51,184 Caltrops? 170 00:07:51,186 --> 00:07:52,652 Yeah, caltrops. 171 00:07:52,654 --> 00:07:53,953 Try, maybe... 172 00:07:53,955 --> 00:07:56,189 "area denial weapons dot com." 173 00:07:56,191 --> 00:07:59,159 Very good, sir. 174 00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:03,430 Oh, did you decide to start talking to me? 175 00:08:03,432 --> 00:08:06,333 Nothing, Woodhouse, what do you want? 176 00:08:06,335 --> 00:08:08,235 Ugh, it's black? 177 00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:09,203 Powerful? 178 00:08:09,205 --> 00:08:10,036 Sexy? 179 00:08:10,038 --> 00:08:13,206 Like if Ron O'Neal was a car? 180 00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:15,141 What? 181 00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:22,247 No... No, no, no, no... Noooooooo! 182 00:08:26,624 --> 00:08:29,669 - No, no, no, no... - Sir? 183 00:08:29,789 --> 00:08:32,996 - What are you -- - I thought, maybe she had some sort of, 184 00:08:32,998 --> 00:08:34,690 cloak, cloaking de-hi-hiiice! 185 00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:37,725 - No, then I'd be standing in it... - You! 186 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,115 What'd you do with Jeannie? 187 00:08:39,117 --> 00:08:40,016 Steady on, sir! 188 00:08:40,018 --> 00:08:42,652 I swear to God I'll scoop out whatever organs you 189 00:08:42,654 --> 00:08:45,655 have left and aaaaaghhh! 190 00:08:45,657 --> 00:08:48,858 Sorry sir, you were going all Bilboey. 191 00:08:48,860 --> 00:08:50,126 I'm sorry. 192 00:08:50,128 --> 00:08:51,030 Woodhouse. 193 00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:52,428 Can I see that can for a sec? 194 00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:53,362 No, sir! 195 00:08:53,364 --> 00:08:57,600 I just wanted to read the warning label about in case of eye contact! 196 00:08:57,602 --> 00:09:01,670 You did not, you were going to spray me in the eyes! 197 00:09:01,672 --> 00:09:03,606 I totally was. 198 00:09:03,608 --> 00:09:06,676 Oh my God, okay, I gotta think... Would you stop? 199 00:09:06,678 --> 00:09:08,212 They look pretty bad, sir. 200 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:08,679 Really? 201 00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,148 Because they feel great! 202 00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:12,616 Okay, so obviously Jeannie was stolen. 203 00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,952 And who steals cars, Woodhouse? 204 00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,355 Jippos. 205 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:18,490 Car thieves. 206 00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:22,527 And this was obviously a ring of very high-end car thieves. 207 00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:25,630 So now I have to go undercover in the high-end car-thief... 208 00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:28,233 whatever, underworld, and steal Jeannie back! 209 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,168 Sounds dangerous, sir. 210 00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:34,205 ***as Mother finding out I lost my birthday present. 211 00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:37,808 Sterling. 212 00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,076 Y-yes, Mother? 213 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,877 Where is your new bicycle? 214 00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:46,951 - That's what I thought... - And you let her do it. 215 00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,320 - I -- - I'm kidding, you couldn't have stopped her, 216 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,756 she would've snapped your spine. 217 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,760 You are just... tiny. 218 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:55,628 Lana! 219 00:09:55,630 --> 00:09:56,929 Whaddya know, whaddya say? 220 00:09:56,931 --> 00:10:03,336 I know you're about to ask me for a favor, and I say, wait for it... 221 00:10:03,338 --> 00:10:05,138 I -- Wait? 222 00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:06,406 Was that even a twist-off? 223 00:10:06,408 --> 00:10:06,907 No. 224 00:10:06,909 --> 00:10:07,374 Yikes. 225 00:10:07,376 --> 00:10:08,108 Is my answer. 226 00:10:08,110 --> 00:10:08,775 To your favor. 227 00:10:08,777 --> 00:10:12,279 No matter what it is, the answer is no. 228 00:10:12,281 --> 00:10:14,081 Somebody stole my birthday car. 229 00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:19,153 Okay, I'm gonna drink some of this, and then do a huge spit take on you. 230 00:10:19,155 --> 00:10:20,421 What the shit, Lana? 231 00:10:20,423 --> 00:10:22,356 I told you I was gonna do it. 232 00:10:22,358 --> 00:10:24,626 Right, sorry, guess I'm a bad listener. 233 00:10:24,628 --> 00:10:25,360 Obviously! 234 00:10:25,362 --> 00:10:28,696 Malory told you not to let that stupid car get stolen! 235 00:10:28,698 --> 00:10:30,899 Thank you, world's loudest voice! 236 00:10:30,901 --> 00:10:33,635 Now shut up, because -- for reasons that don't bear going into, 237 00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:35,570 I have to get it back before Mother finds out! 238 00:10:35,572 --> 00:10:37,672 Ugh, okay, I'll help you. 239 00:10:37,674 --> 00:10:40,042 To do...wait, what am I helping you do? 240 00:10:40,044 --> 00:10:41,910 Infiltrate whatever criminal outfit steals the 241 00:10:41,912 --> 00:10:43,411 hottest cars in the city. 242 00:10:43,413 --> 00:10:46,481 - That would be the Yakuza... Wh-? 243 00:10:47,384 --> 00:10:51,653 And man, against those pinkieless bastards, you had better come correct. 244 00:10:51,655 --> 00:10:53,555 And you know this how? 245 00:10:53,557 --> 00:10:58,193 Exactly? 246 00:10:58,195 --> 00:11:01,196 Moshiwake arimasen. 247 00:11:01,198 --> 00:11:01,964 Homies. 248 00:11:01,966 --> 00:11:05,667 Hang on hang on, you race drift cars? 249 00:11:05,669 --> 00:11:06,268 Crappily. 250 00:11:06,270 --> 00:11:09,871 Oh for -- is anybody not in here? 251 00:11:09,873 --> 00:11:11,006 I'm not crappy, I just started! 252 00:11:11,008 --> 00:11:12,774 Shut up, when's the next race and we're 253 00:11:12,776 --> 00:11:14,576 gonna pose as your pit crew. 254 00:11:14,578 --> 00:11:17,346 I -- it's tonight, and I dunno, 255 00:11:17,348 --> 00:11:20,749 if the Yakuza finds out you're snoopin around about a hot set of wheels... 256 00:11:20,751 --> 00:11:23,585 Oh don't worry about me, I'm- Not! 257 00:11:23,587 --> 00:11:25,687 Going on another stupid rampage. 258 00:11:25,689 --> 00:11:27,722 Well... maybe a limited rampage. 259 00:11:27,724 --> 00:11:28,089 No. 260 00:11:28,091 --> 00:11:30,491 Modified limited rampage. 261 00:11:30,493 --> 00:11:31,993 Archer- Don't worry about my methods! 262 00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:34,996 The important thing is that nobody tells- 263 00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:35,796 Motherrr! 264 00:11:35,798 --> 00:11:37,231 Tell me what. 265 00:11:37,233 --> 00:11:38,766 What? 266 00:11:38,768 --> 00:11:39,333 What. 267 00:11:39,335 --> 00:11:42,269 What're we doing, I shouldn't be in here, and... 268 00:11:42,271 --> 00:11:43,303 neither should you Pam! 269 00:11:43,305 --> 00:11:45,072 Why aren't you out in your new car? 270 00:11:45,074 --> 00:11:47,442 Because... Woodhouse is detailing it, 271 00:11:47,444 --> 00:11:51,847 because that's the high level of care... that I'm taking of it. 272 00:11:51,849 --> 00:11:56,251 You better be. 273 00:11:56,253 --> 00:11:57,687 Wow, dodged a bullet there, huh? 274 00:11:57,689 --> 00:11:58,387 Figuratively. 275 00:11:58,389 --> 00:12:01,157 And you better hope we don't have to dodge any literally. 276 00:12:01,159 --> 00:12:08,298 Well, obviously I hope that. 277 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:12,169 I am not super-confident about this... 278 00:12:12,171 --> 00:12:12,870 Join the club. 279 00:12:12,872 --> 00:12:14,472 And I don't even know why I'm here. 280 00:12:14,474 --> 00:12:15,373 Join that club. 281 00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:17,508 Then shut up and act like you know what you're doing. 282 00:12:17,510 --> 00:12:19,777 I don't know anything about cars. 283 00:12:19,779 --> 00:12:22,780 I meant as an agent, zing, okay Pam, 284 00:12:22,782 --> 00:12:24,949 who's the big cheesy-san around here? 285 00:12:24,951 --> 00:12:28,319 That would be Mr.Moto, he's -- Crapjacks, 286 00:12:28,321 --> 00:12:30,087 he's coming over here! 287 00:12:30,089 --> 00:12:33,390 So, shiro kabocha, you are back. 288 00:12:33,392 --> 00:12:34,191 Hai, Moto-san. 289 00:12:34,193 --> 00:12:37,795 And again, just... really sorry about your nephew. 290 00:12:37,797 --> 00:12:39,196 He knew the risk. 291 00:12:39,198 --> 00:12:41,299 But I do not know these people! 292 00:12:41,301 --> 00:12:44,669 Sorry hi, I'm Randy, crew leader, and -- 293 00:12:44,671 --> 00:12:47,071 Why does this underling speak to me? 294 00:12:47,073 --> 00:12:47,972 Underling?! 295 00:12:47,974 --> 00:12:51,009 Ar -- Randy, don't -- Listen here, Moto! 296 00:12:51,011 --> 00:12:52,377 I -- Kare o bassuru! 297 00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:58,583 Uh -- Right in the head and ass. 298 00:12:58,585 --> 00:13:00,752 Ungh! 299 00:13:00,754 --> 00:13:02,953 Let that be a lesson to you! 300 00:13:02,955 --> 00:13:05,222 Yakuzo! 301 00:13:05,224 --> 00:13:07,124 Aw man, I just totally lost face! 302 00:13:07,126 --> 00:13:08,926 Join that club. 303 00:13:08,928 --> 00:13:11,663 So uh, you rethinking that rampage? 304 00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:14,700 - I am, actually... - Ew. 305 00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:15,133 Gross. 306 00:13:15,135 --> 00:13:16,368 Then can we please get out of here? 307 00:13:16,370 --> 00:13:19,571 Absolutely... Right after I get my car. 308 00:13:19,573 --> 00:13:20,038 Archer! 309 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:20,572 Jeezy Petes! 310 00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:23,208 - No wonder it was runnin rough... - Archer, don't -- 311 00:13:24,077 --> 00:13:28,012 Now which one of you pussies has it?! 312 00:13:28,014 --> 00:13:30,282 So, just a heads up, I'm starting the rampage now. 313 00:13:30,284 --> 00:13:33,718 No kidding. 314 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:34,877 No. 315 00:13:36,996 --> 00:13:40,172 - I am so angry at you right now... - You? 316 00:13:40,292 --> 00:13:41,514 Look at them. 317 00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:42,549 They're furious. 318 00:13:42,551 --> 00:13:45,034 - One question, before you die... - Shoot. 319 00:13:45,154 --> 00:13:45,986 Figuratively! 320 00:13:47,823 --> 00:13:51,357 - My question is this... - What are you doing? 321 00:13:51,359 --> 00:13:52,491 What nothing! 322 00:13:53,127 --> 00:13:53,759 Uh-huh. 323 00:13:53,761 --> 00:13:55,002 Have you seen Sterling? 324 00:13:55,122 --> 00:13:56,423 Ever? 325 00:13:56,543 --> 00:13:57,796 Tonight, now! 326 00:13:57,798 --> 00:14:01,165 He's supposed to meet me at 21 for his stupid birthday dinner, 327 00:14:01,167 --> 00:14:03,801 but he's not answering his -- Mmmyello? 328 00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:08,306 Mother? Hi, listen, I can't really talk right now, can I call you back? 329 00:14:08,308 --> 00:14:12,210 Or are you pouting for some- Oh crap, are you already at 21? 330 00:14:12,212 --> 00:14:16,648 Sorry, I'm running late, so go ahead and order me four martinis, and -- 331 00:14:16,650 --> 00:14:20,085 - Sterling Malory Archer, you inconsiderate little... - Boom! 332 00:14:20,087 --> 00:14:21,820 Birthday voicemail, Mother! 333 00:14:21,822 --> 00:14:23,422 I got you. 334 00:14:23,424 --> 00:14:27,519 But seriously, I bet I will be late, so go ahead pull the trigger on those -- 335 00:14:27,639 --> 00:14:29,495 Rrgh! 336 00:14:29,497 --> 00:14:32,498 What kind of ass would be late for his own birthday dinner? 337 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:35,935 Mmmm, the kind who'd infiltrate the Yakuza? 338 00:14:35,937 --> 00:14:36,669 What. 339 00:14:36,671 --> 00:14:37,370 Nothing. 340 00:14:37,372 --> 00:14:38,104 What, nothing. 341 00:14:38,106 --> 00:14:38,872 Carol. 342 00:14:38,874 --> 00:14:39,573 Noop. 343 00:14:39,575 --> 00:14:40,574 Answer me. 344 00:14:40,576 --> 00:14:46,579 No, I've said too much alread -- Jeezowwww! 345 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:48,313 You got another one in ya? 346 00:14:48,315 --> 00:14:48,981 Answer me! 347 00:14:48,983 --> 00:14:52,184 And that, I guess, is a pretty long answer to why 348 00:14:52,186 --> 00:14:55,721 I'd go on a suicide mission to get back my birthday car. 349 00:14:55,723 --> 00:14:57,690 Because of a stupid bicycle?! 350 00:14:57,692 --> 00:15:01,193 What part of "five-speed Schwinn Stingray" are you not getting?! 351 00:15:01,195 --> 00:15:05,998 Are you -- and I'm being serious here, are you insane? 352 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,367 Mmmmaybe some mild post-traumatic stress disorder, but -- 353 00:15:09,369 --> 00:15:10,935 But he drinks a lot, so-- So yeah, 354 00:15:10,937 --> 00:15:14,939 I think I've got a pretty good handle on it. 355 00:15:14,941 --> 00:15:17,909 We don't even have your damn car! 356 00:15:17,911 --> 00:15:19,677 We steal drift cars! 357 00:15:19,679 --> 00:15:21,045 Imports only! 358 00:15:21,047 --> 00:15:23,781 Right-hand drive, duh. 359 00:15:23,783 --> 00:15:28,053 Okay, and why, would I believe you? 360 00:15:28,055 --> 00:15:29,554 Why would I lie? 361 00:15:29,556 --> 00:15:32,890 Either way we're going to kill you! 362 00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:33,658 Oh. 363 00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:34,192 Right. 364 00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:35,994 And if they don't, I'm going to. 365 00:15:35,996 --> 00:15:36,394 Wh-? 366 00:15:36,396 --> 00:15:37,629 How is this my fault? 367 00:15:37,631 --> 00:15:39,264 This is all my fault! 368 00:15:39,266 --> 00:15:43,802 I should've never gotten him that car, it's that damn bicycle all over again! 369 00:15:43,804 --> 00:15:45,837 And who the hell taught you how to drive? 370 00:15:45,839 --> 00:15:48,506 This guy I know, named... My dead father. 371 00:15:48,508 --> 00:15:50,976 - Oh, I, er... - Yeah. 372 00:15:50,978 --> 00:15:52,144 Bet you feel like a dick. 373 00:15:55,115 --> 00:15:58,850 No, because look, if this whole thing is anybody's fault, it's -- Pam! 374 00:15:58,852 --> 00:15:59,651 What're you doing? 375 00:15:59,653 --> 00:16:02,553 What nothing! 376 00:16:02,555 --> 00:16:03,654 Aww, sh -- umpf! 377 00:16:03,656 --> 00:16:11,727 - Dammit... - Fiiiiiire! 378 00:16:11,729 --> 00:16:13,229 Where are you going? 379 00:16:13,231 --> 00:16:14,596 How should I know? 380 00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:19,834 Can't see shit, my car's shot to shit, and I only had three shitty payments -- 381 00:16:19,836 --> 00:16:21,269 Leeeffft! 382 00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:21,636 What? 383 00:16:21,638 --> 00:16:25,273 Go left, dumbass! 384 00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:25,974 Kuruma ni! 385 00:16:25,976 --> 00:16:29,610 To the cars! 386 00:16:29,612 --> 00:16:30,211 Move! 387 00:16:30,213 --> 00:16:31,245 The damn! 388 00:16:31,247 --> 00:16:32,046 Hood! 389 00:16:32,048 --> 00:16:36,184 - Okay, hang on...- 390 00:16:36,186 --> 00:16:37,652 How's that? 391 00:16:37,654 --> 00:16:38,786 Wagh! 392 00:16:38,788 --> 00:16:41,256 - Pam, if you do that again... - What're ya gonna do, 393 00:16:41,258 --> 00:16:42,123 shoot my car? 394 00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:43,391 Lana's doing it too! 395 00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:47,061 No she's -- God damn it! 396 00:16:47,063 --> 00:16:47,762 Sorry! 397 00:16:47,764 --> 00:16:48,763 Are you? 398 00:16:48,765 --> 00:16:50,164 Cyril here, make yourself useful! 399 00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:52,367 I -- no, ya know what? 400 00:16:52,369 --> 00:16:52,801 No. 401 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:53,334 What? 402 00:16:53,336 --> 00:16:53,802 No! 403 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:59,006 The way I see it, we're the bad guys here! 404 00:16:59,008 --> 00:17:00,341 They're the Yakuza! 405 00:17:00,343 --> 00:17:03,011 Who were minding their own business-- Of white 406 00:17:03,013 --> 00:17:04,545 slavery -- Don't qualify it. 407 00:17:04,547 --> 00:17:05,713 and stealing cars! 408 00:17:05,715 --> 00:17:06,915 Not yours! 409 00:17:06,917 --> 00:17:08,983 Well maybe not, but-- But you come in 410 00:17:08,985 --> 00:17:12,153 here, guns blazing, half-cocked and, probably half-drunk -- 411 00:17:12,155 --> 00:17:13,788 It's my birthday! 412 00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:16,090 Well happy freakin birthday! 413 00:17:16,092 --> 00:17:16,590 Thank you. 414 00:17:16,592 --> 00:17:19,393 Finally somebody acknowledges my birthday. 415 00:17:19,395 --> 00:17:21,194 Shut up, because now we're gonna die! 416 00:17:21,196 --> 00:17:32,773 Not if shiro kabocha can help it... 417 00:17:32,775 --> 00:17:35,875 Whoa! Pam, you're actually pretty bad-ass at this. 418 00:17:35,877 --> 00:17:36,242 Duh! 419 00:17:36,244 --> 00:17:38,411 Why d'ya think they call me shiro kabocha? 420 00:17:38,413 --> 00:17:40,212 Yeah what does that mean, anyway? 421 00:17:40,214 --> 00:17:46,051 - The white shadow... - No it doesn't! 422 00:17:46,053 --> 00:17:48,487 It means white pumpkin! 423 00:17:48,489 --> 00:17:48,854 Wh-?! 424 00:17:48,856 --> 00:17:50,356 - Aww, honey... - Oh yeah?! 425 00:17:50,358 --> 00:17:52,191 Well I gotcher pumpkin hangin! 426 00:17:52,193 --> 00:17:54,193 Ew. 427 00:17:59,902 --> 00:18:02,470 Ya used-panty-vending sonsabitches! 428 00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,638 Shiro kabocha! 429 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:04,706 This is not over! 430 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,675 Yeah, we'll see about that. 431 00:18:06,677 --> 00:18:07,442 Gun, gimme. 432 00:18:07,444 --> 00:18:09,845 No, honey, let's just -- Shut up, gimme the gun. 433 00:18:09,847 --> 00:18:10,312 No. 434 00:18:10,314 --> 00:18:11,180 Give it! 435 00:18:11,182 --> 00:18:11,580 No! 436 00:18:11,582 --> 00:18:12,214 You're agitated! 437 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:15,585 No shit I'm agitated, look at my car! 438 00:18:15,587 --> 00:18:16,853 At least you have one! 439 00:18:16,855 --> 00:18:19,923 And thanks to you we wasted all night dicking around with the 440 00:18:19,925 --> 00:18:22,592 Yakuza, and I still don't know who stole my frickin- 441 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:24,227 Motherrr! 442 00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:26,328 Sterling Malory Archer...! 443 00:18:26,330 --> 00:18:27,496 I, uh, what're you doing here, 444 00:18:27,498 --> 00:18:29,698 did you not hear my outgoing voicemail? 445 00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:32,867 Did you not hear me tell you not to let your brand-new 446 00:18:32,869 --> 00:18:33,467 car get stolen? 447 00:18:33,469 --> 00:18:35,135 Thanks a lot, blabbermouth! 448 00:18:35,137 --> 00:18:37,104 She beat it out of me! 449 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,272 Stop it! 450 00:18:39,274 --> 00:18:41,507 But nooo, you didn't listen to me. 451 00:18:41,509 --> 00:18:42,742 And then you lied to me. 452 00:18:42,744 --> 00:18:45,511 And then you almost got everyone killed, and -- 453 00:18:45,513 --> 00:18:47,113 Almost nothing! 454 00:18:47,115 --> 00:18:50,216 I'll kill you all right now! 455 00:18:50,218 --> 00:18:51,151 Do you mind? 456 00:18:51,153 --> 00:18:52,719 I'm trying to parent! 457 00:18:53,655 --> 00:18:55,922 Wagh! 458 00:18:55,924 --> 00:18:57,256 That was for Pearl Harbor! 459 00:18:57,258 --> 00:18:58,725 Now where was I? 460 00:18:58,727 --> 00:19:00,860 Oh yes, and all because you're irresponsible! 461 00:19:00,862 --> 00:19:03,329 No I'm -- well, not with the car... 462 00:19:03,331 --> 00:19:06,199 Are you -- Sterling, you left it unlocked in an 463 00:19:06,201 --> 00:19:08,434 unattended garage! 464 00:19:08,436 --> 00:19:11,170 - I don't, um... - She took it. 465 00:19:11,172 --> 00:19:11,604 What?! 466 00:19:11,606 --> 00:19:14,073 Well, not me personally, I -- Why? 467 00:19:14,075 --> 00:19:15,241 Would you... do that? 468 00:19:15,243 --> 00:19:16,142 To teach you a lesson! 469 00:19:16,144 --> 00:19:17,043 About what? 470 00:19:17,045 --> 00:19:18,010 Life! 471 00:19:18,012 --> 00:19:21,280 Just like with that damn bicycle when you were eight years old! 472 00:19:21,282 --> 00:19:25,185 - I don't, um... - She took it. 473 00:19:25,187 --> 00:19:25,585 Wh-? 474 00:19:25,587 --> 00:19:26,553 You stole my bike? 475 00:19:26,555 --> 00:19:28,655 I came home from work, and it was just lying on the 476 00:19:28,657 --> 00:19:33,426 sidewalk, and I thought "Oh, this will teach him." 477 00:19:33,428 --> 00:19:36,929 - Stingray... five-speed... - But so, 478 00:19:36,931 --> 00:19:41,201 did you talk to him about responsibility when you gave it back? 479 00:19:41,203 --> 00:19:42,102 Gave it back? 480 00:19:43,605 --> 00:19:45,639 Well what kind of lesson would that be? 481 00:19:45,641 --> 00:19:49,342 - Banana saddle... sissy bar... - Oh my God, so... 482 00:19:49,344 --> 00:19:50,610 what about his car? 483 00:19:50,612 --> 00:19:52,144 - Jeannie... - Mmmm. 484 00:19:52,146 --> 00:19:57,415 - I'm afraid it already has a new owner... - Yeah, 485 00:19:57,417 --> 00:19:58,717 that's what I'm talking about. 486 00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:01,553 Thanks Dodge or whoever. 487 00:20:01,555 --> 00:20:04,055 Yes, my ass is everywhere. 488 00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:06,167 What are you lookin' at Sucker. 489 00:20:06,391 --> 00:20:16,932 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 490 00:20:17,305 --> 00:20:23,946 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org