1
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:12,266
ARCHER:
Okay, kids, who wants Manning Coleslaw?

2
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:15,023
And/or an explanation of why that's...

3
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:16,775
[BELL JINGLES AND DOOR OPENS]

4
00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:17,935
...funny.

5
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,103
Sorry, guys, we're, uh...

6
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:26,987
...closed, yeah. Thanks for getting the
sign for me because we are closed.

7
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,905
Especially now that the door's locked.

8
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:32,621
And you're not really supposed
to be back here.

9
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:33,955
Even if you have a...

10
00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:36,916
Um... I was gonna say a hairnet.
LINDA: Bob?

11
00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:38,672
Is everything--?
Everything's fine.

12
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,298
We're closed, Bob--
Linda!

13
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:44,087
Take the kids in the back.
Kids, go in the back with your mom.

14
00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,388
What do they want?
Hambledurgers.

15
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,549
Now would you please go
in the goddamn back?

16
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,809
Well, excuse me, Ike Turner. Jeez.

17
00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:54,142
Look, the Hambledurger wasn't a big seller,
so there's not much.

18
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,477
But, uh--
RUSSIAN: We don't want money.

19
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,233
We want you.

20
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,565
I'm sorry?
We are not robbers.

21
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,981
Oh, my God. Okay, yes,
you can rub them...

22
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:07,401
...but just please don't hurt my family.
He means we're not robbers.

23
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:11,448
Oh. Well, then, what do you want?
You.

24
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,832
[BOTH SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

25
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,459
What? No!

26
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:16,960
[GRUNTS]

27
00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:23,254
[SCREAMS]

28
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,007
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

29
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,174
...ISIS...

30
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:35,892
Even if you kill us,
more will come, Archer.

31
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:38,728
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

32
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:42,940
[GUNSHOT]

33
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:46,152
LINDA: Bob!
Oh, my God, are you guys okay?

34
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:49,034
We-- Yeah, we're-- But, Bob...

35
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:53,618
...where'd you learn to do that?
I don't know. It was like instinct.

36
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,373
And were you speaking Russian?!

37
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:58,376
Was I? But I don't even know any Russian.

38
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:01,539
Look, the label in his coat
has those idiot Russian letters.

39
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:03,548
Why are Russians trying to kill you?

40
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:07,007
I don't know. He called me Archer,
maybe they think I'm somebody else.

41
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:08,216
[GASPS]

42
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,426
Somebody who gambles?
When would I gamble, Linda?

43
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,216
The six hours a night I get to sleep?

44
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:16,012
Because the other 18 hours,
I'm slaving over this hot-ass grill.

45
00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:20,809
I didn't know it was such a burden.
Of course it's a burden, Lin.

46
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,318
Don't get me wrong,
I love you guys, but come on...

47
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:27,402
...I've been here two months,
it feels like two trillion eons.

48
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:31,114
Well, if that's the way you--
What are you doing, you're not leaving?

49
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:34,371
Linda, you heard him. Whoever they are,
he said they'd keep coming.

50
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:37,578
You guys aren't safe if I'm around.
But, Bobby--

51
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:40,085
No buts, Lin.
I'm not gonna let you guys get hurt.

52
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,917
What I am gonna do,
is find out who this Archer jerk is...

53
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,208
...and why Russian people want him dead.

54
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:47,342
I'm also probably gonna do a spa weekend.

55
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:52,428
Between work and being a stepdad
to Gene and Louise and, uh, you know...

56
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,387
Anyway, I'm just burned out.

57
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:58,599
So take care, I'll call after I
solve this mystery or whatever.

58
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:02,312
Oh. And I also forgot to tell you guys,
the health inspector's coming at 8 a.m...

59
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:05,944
...so you, uh, better break
out the purple stuff.

60
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:13,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

61
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,275
MALORY:
I'm sorry, I'm sure I misheard you.

62
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,436
Sterling has been missing for two months...

63
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,981
...we've spent God knows how many
thousands of dollars and man-hours...

64
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,492
...searching for him,
and this whole time...

65
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,870
...he's just down at the shore
flipping hamburgers?

66
00:03:57,028 --> 00:04:00,248
You know another kind of burger?
Ostrich. Shut up, they're good.

67
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,080
Shut up.
Yes, shut up.

68
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,995
And then explain to me
if you know where Sterling is--

69
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:09,668
Was. According to our intel, Archer was
tracked down by a KGB hit squad.

70
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:10,880
[GLASS SHATTERS]

71
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,840
Ahh! Oh, my God.
Aww. Sorry.

72
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,802
I should have started
that with "Archer's fine."

73
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,887
The KGB hit squad.
Oh, my God.

74
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,471
[CHERYL LAUGHS WHILE OTHERS GASP]

75
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:22,012
Not so much.
My God.

76
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,898
But, so, where is he now?
At a spa.

77
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,900
According to his, um, wife.

78
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,107
His what?

79
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,739
Uh, Linda. She said his name was Bob.

80
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:36,619
He wandered in there in full morning dress
two months ago, they got married--

81
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,575
Married? The minute they met?

82
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:41,160
Who does that?
Ostriches.

83
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:44,748
That little son of a-- He's obviously
doing this just to get even with me.

84
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:47,584
Normally, I would agree,
but after talking to the wife...

85
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:51,171
...I honestly think Archer
doesn't know he's Archer.

86
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:55,304
How could he not know who he is?
Psychogenic retrograde amnesia.

87
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,055
Also known as a fugue state...

88
00:04:57,214 --> 00:05:00,388
...sometimes triggered by
extreme emotional or psychological stress.

89
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:06,023
And we all know what caused that.
Yes, his hatred of seeing me happy.

90
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:10,436
Now take me to that spa. And we'll
just see how this amnesia holds up...

91
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:14,652
...against a sudden and quite possibly
violent confrontation with his mother.

92
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,364
Bu h-bu h-bu h-bu p-bu p-bu p-bu p-bu p.

93
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:21,406
Bad idea. According to my clinical research
on drug-induced amnesia--

94
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,073
Said the fake scientist.

95
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,084
Hmm, and what are your parents' names?
What?

96
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:29,588
Their names are... Um... Ah...

97
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:33,216
Damn it, Krieger, did you drug me?
You don't remember?

98
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:36,675
Wow, memory is such a fragile thing.

99
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,761
And if Archer's real identity
is exposed to him too suddenly...

100
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,517
...his mind may reject it permanently.

101
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,896
We have to ease him back into it,
like a latex gimp suit.

102
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,775
And how do you suggest we do that?
Well, some people use baby powder.

103
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,857
But I'm a firm believer in corn starch.
Not the gimp suit.

104
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:57,775
Sterling's amnesia!
Oh. Yes, I have a plant.

105
00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:00,194
Plant. Plan.

106
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:04,786
LANA: I'm serious. I want it on record
that I think this is a terrible plan.

107
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:09,124
Duly noted and disregarded.
And I expect you to be totally convincing.

108
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:13,541
As the damsel in distress?
Have you ever met a woman less damsel-y?

109
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:17,962
Pam. And it's not you I'm worried about.
It's our pathetic villains.

110
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:20,347
Guys. Fake mustache, yay or nay?
Yay.

111
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,257
Yeah, it works, right?

112
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,677
My face isn't a naturally villainous
like yours, so...

113
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:28,768
Ooh! Here's an idea, why don't you
just saw your goddamn head off?

114
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,934
Geez, what's up your butt?
Nothing is up my butt, Cyril.

115
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,977
Oh, or maybe there is. I wouldn't know.

116
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:38,115
Because I'm paralyzed from the waist
down and it's Archer's fault.

117
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,651
Ah, getting some mileage out of that, huh?

118
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,570
Ugh. Now damsel up and get over there.

119
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,741
Remember, you have to pretend
you don't have a history together.

120
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,079
[COUGHS]

121
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:52,917
For the-- Sour mix? In a margarita?
What is this, Auschwitz?

122
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,251
[SIGHS]

123
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,586
I always do.

124
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:59,173
MALORY:
Like a big brown giraffe.

125
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,805
Ooh. Or an ostrich.

126
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,557
Remind me why I let you idiots come.

127
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,811
Free rooms. Because the only thing
you are more than mean is cheap.

128
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,016
Oh, shut up.

129
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,353
Just because you own this place--
I think I own the conglomerate...

130
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,234
...that owns the holding company
that owns the hotel chain.

131
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:19,398
Don't even think about screwing up our plan
to cure Sterling's amnesia.

132
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,656
His what?

133
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:26,697
Five ingredients: tequila, Cointreau,
lime juice, ice, kosher salt.

134
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:29,207
Oh, and sorry about the Auschwitz crack.

135
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:30,709
That's not like me.

136
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,165
I've been under a lot of stress.
I'm not Jewish.

137
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:36,628
Did I ask for your life story?
LANA: Excuse me, is this seat taken?

138
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:43,139
Yes. No. I mean, uh,
please feel free to always do that.

139
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,923
Hi, I'm Bob.
Lana Kane.

140
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,013
And thanks. I just need to rest a minute.

141
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:49,678
I've been on the run--
I mean, on the go, and--

142
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:53,064
Wait. You're on the run too?
No, I--

143
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,227
Forget I said that.
It's dangerous, and you're married.

144
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,270
And--
What, this?

145
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:01,406
This is fake, I just wear it
to fend off the cougars.

146
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,692
Like her. She's totally checking me out.

147
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,451
Ew.
Ew.

148
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,453
Right? So why are you on the run?

149
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:08,704
[SIGHS]

150
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:14,916
Bob, have you ever heard of ISIS?
From the Shazam/Isis Hour TV show?

151
00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,547
No, the--
God, remember Shazam?

152
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,446
Wait, who's the actor
that played Billy Batson?

153
00:08:19,459 --> 00:08:21,210
Remember, he'd go, "Shazam!"

154
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:22,798
Arch-- Bob!
What?

155
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:26,761
ISIS is the International Secret
Intelligence Service...

156
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:30,427
...and I'm one of--
Well, frankly, I'm their best agent.

157
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:34,097
And KGB agents are trying to kill me.
Me too.

158
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,767
Wait, I wonder if it's
related to your thing.

159
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:41,860
Wait, why are you at the same spa as me?
I... Uh... Uh...

160
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,445
Not even the best agent at this pool.

161
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:48,453
Seriously, how are we both at--
Oh! I think I see a KGB agent. Kiss me!

162
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,613
[MOANING]

163
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,378
Okay, he's gone.

164
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,879
Um, uh, wow.

165
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,542
I'm glad I could help.
Uh, I could use more help.

166
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,382
But I have to warn you,
it could be dangerous.

167
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:08,139
For you, Lana, I will take the highway
right into the danger zo--

168
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,595
What? Oh, my God.

169
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:14,730
Michael Gray was Billy Batson on Shazam!

170
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:22,813
MALORY: Krieger, I'm really having
second thoughts about your so-called plan.

171
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,356
KRIEGER:
Give it time.

172
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:28,117
This isn't The <i>Flintstones,</i> we can't
whang him in the head with a frying pan.

173
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,653
How about a bullet?
Burn.

174
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:32,163
Oh, give it a rest, lronsides.
Burn.

175
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,995
<i>And please, focus.</i>

176
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:38,628
Sorry, I'm trying, it's just,
TEC-9's are awesome.

177
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,789
[IMITATING GUNFIRE]

178
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,336
[LAUGHS]

179
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:45,844
Wait, how did I know these are
called TEC-9's? Uh, well...

180
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,805
<i>KREGER'. Remember, ease him into it.
Like a-- MALORY'.</i>

181
00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:49,632
<i>Enough with the gimp suits!</i>

182
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,142
Will you shut up?
KRIEGER: Sorry.

183
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,849
Sorry, I don't know what's happening,
this is all crazy.

184
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,355
I'm a fry-cook but I know all about guns?

185
00:09:57,514 --> 00:10:00,518
Russian spies who think my name is Archer
are trying to kill me?

186
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,026
I speak Russian?

187
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:05,155
Oh, and plus I'm a total badass
at hand-to-hand combat?

188
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,360
[SCOFFS]

189
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:09,117
Mo, seriously,
I'm like Chuck Norris-masque.

190
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,572
Okay, hit me.

191
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,863
What?
Right here, take your best shot.

192
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,201
I'm not gonna hit you.

193
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:18,335
Aw, why, is your vagina bothering you?
Okay. I see what you're doing.

194
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,870
But I warned you.

195
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,538
Hi--

196
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:22,751
[LAUGHS]

197
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:23,961
<i>“YER.</i>

198
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,171
[ARCHER COUGHS]

199
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,052
I think you literally broke my heart.
KRIEGER: Aw.

200
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,430
Shut up.
Sorry.

201
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:33,558
So, yeah, wow,
maybe I'm not as good as I thought.

202
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,516
Duh. Okay, the first thing we need to do
is search the entire spa for--

203
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,398
An ice machine, totally, yes.
KGB agents.

204
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,184
Specifically these two.

205
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:45,775
Ha. Did you say "Gay-GB"?
KRIEGER: <i>Aw.</i>

206
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:48,065
Think it's the mustache?
It's not helping.

207
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:51,280
Well, neither are you, so--
To reiterate, I am paralyzed.

208
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:55,663
Well, join a support group.
For who, crippled gay hillbilly spies?

209
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:56,869
[SIGHS]

210
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,910
You know... There's a niche.
All right, you two, you're on.

211
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:03,580
So try against all odds not to cock it up.

212
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:06,044
Speaking of, you see
the bulge on that towel boy?

213
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,835
Man, if I was you
I'd be at this spa 25/8.

214
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,506
Yeah, but then I wouldn't get
to hang out with everybody at work.

215
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,970
You hate everybody at work.
I know.

216
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,352
It's the only thing that
gets me out of bed.

217
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,684
The hatred.
Yes, Pam. The hatred.

218
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,849
[SIGHS]

219
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:27,020
This spy stuff is awesome,
and I bet I'd be totally awesome at it...

220
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,282
...so is ISIS hiring, or...?
No.

221
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,784
What, is it weird because we kissed?

222
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:37,038
That was weird, and also not a real kiss,
and also never happening again.

223
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,450
Oh, I get it. You're not into guys.

224
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:44,372
Okay. So just because I don't wanna
bang you, automatically I'm a lesbian?

225
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,040
Yes, well, that and your Hulk hands.

226
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,802
I do not, have--
She-Hulk, then, whatever, they're--

227
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,588
Arch-- Bob!
What, Jennifer Walters?

228
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,133
Alter-ego of She-Hulk, what?

229
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,222
KGB agents, 12 o'clock.
What?

230
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,012
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
Don't move a muscles, Ameriketskis.

231
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,898
Heh. And, wait, how are they a superpower?

232
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:07,277
Oh, no, capitalist spy get drop on us.

233
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:11,781
Okay, KGB agents, I want you to reach
into your jackets very slowly and--

234
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:15,661
RUSSIAN: Drop your weapons.
LANA: Oh, shit.

235
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:18,662
And prepare to die, Sterling Archer.

236
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,789
Jesus, Mary and Joseph Stalin.

237
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,667
For the last time, assholes.

238
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:26,830
My name is Shazam!

239
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:29,332
[CHUCKLES]

240
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:32,343
How do you not remember that show?

241
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,722
[MAN SCREAMING]

242
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:41,182
ARCHER: So, uh, what's the plan here?
I don't have a plan.

243
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,187
Because those guys are the real KGB!

244
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:47,522
What, as opposed to the fake KGB?
Actually, yes, and also--

245
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:50,858
Fake bullets!

246
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,567
What?

247
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,739
Why do we have fake bullets?
Yeah, Krieger. Why do we?

248
00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:00,246
KRIEGER: No, no, you don't know my--
Why do you know the KGB guy's name?

249
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,203
Ugh. Because...
KRIEGER: Buh-buh-bup-bup!

250
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:03,708
Gimp suit!'
U n less ...

251
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:06,119
Oh, my God, you're KGB.

252
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:10,712
Oh, for-- If I'm KGB,
why is the KGB shooting at me?

253
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:15,094
Internal power struggle?
Damn it. Ray.

254
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:16,971
<i>Ray, we are Code Zulu.</i>

255
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,508
Code Zulu? She knows better than that.

256
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:22,644
Code Zulu is only for real emergencies.
LANA: Ray! Ray!

257
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:26,056
Yeah, she's laying it on pretty thick.
Well, you're in charge here.

258
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:29,817
I'm off to get a seaweed wrap. Didn't
know they made sushi with dried clams.

259
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,728
What was that?
LANA: The <i>real</i> KGB is here.

260
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:32,895
[BLENDER WHIRRING]

261
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,064
What was that?
I can't hear you over the sound of:

262
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,699
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

263
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:40,408
Ray! Ray! What the hell is that sound?

264
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,289
Hamilton Beach 727 DrinkMaster.

265
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:46,418
And, uh, speaking of drinks...
These aren't to drink, dumb-ass.

266
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:49,455
I'm gonna make Molotov cocktails.
Not with Irish cream.

267
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,089
Will you...? Bob!

268
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:55,798
Oh, my God.
Yeah, wow, it's pretty thick.

269
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,008
Krieger, we need suppressing fire.

270
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,139
We're shooting blanks. Duh!

271
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:01,766
<i>LANA:
They don't know that. Duh!</i>

272
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,096
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Burn.

273
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:06,354
Inappropriate. Suppressing fire!

274
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,270
<i>LANA:
Great. Just buy us some time, so...</i>

275
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,524
So I have a question.

276
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,781
Why did you rip off my shirt?
To make the fuses. Duh!

277
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,863
When there's a huge stack
of bar towels right freaking there!

278
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,573
Oh. Duh!

279
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:25,866
And, follow-up, why did you
also rip off my bikini top?

280
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,079
ARCHER:
Slingshot.

281
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:31,963
See, we put the bottle in the--
Whatever, the boob cups, and-- Aah!

282
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,464
Just throw the damn thing!

283
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:36,923
Oh, my God, double duh, right? Huh?

284
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,132
[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]

285
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:41,343
Damn it, they're gonna flank us.
So you wanna throw that today?

286
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:44,385
No, now I feel bad for setting
your bikini on fire.

287
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,473
Here, hold this.
I don't wanna hold the damn...

288
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:47,683
[PATTING]

289
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,188
Uh--
ARCHER: I think that works--

290
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:52,476
Whoa, I am getting
some major déja vu here.

291
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,770
It's not déja vu, you idiot.

292
00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:56,904
Well, however you pronounce it.
Argh!

293
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,816
Cocktail Molotov!

294
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:00,983
Whoo!

295
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,073
Did you see that?
Yes.

296
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,453
Here, keep throwing them.

297
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:05,989
[ARCHER GRUNTS]

298
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,578
Whoo! Another one!

299
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,118
Wait, wait a minute.

300
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,581
[SNIFFING]

301
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:15,169
What in the...? Is that smoke?
PAM: Duh!

302
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:18,005
Are you out of your mind?
Damn near.

303
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:21,216
This shit is el chronico.

304
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:23,848
Gracias, Julio, you are the man.

305
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,758
And you are also fired.

306
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,393
What?
I'm sorry...

307
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:30,852
...but all of my companies
have a zero-tolerance drug policy.

308
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:35,439
You hypocrite cooze, I just watched you
eat a whole bag of LSD gummy bears.

309
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,148
[LAUGHING]

310
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:40,030
Right? And I am tripping bear balls.

311
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:44,615
I'm kidding, Julio, you're not fired.
In fact, I'm making you the new GM.

312
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,779
Aw.
General manager? Of the spa?

313
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,870
No, dipshit, of the entire hotel chain.

314
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,955
Multinational Hotels Incorporated?

315
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,836
Oh, I guess I don't own this place.

316
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:56,544
Damn it. I have to pay for these rooms.

317
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,504
Well?
LANA: Well, what?

318
00:15:58,666 --> 00:15:59,918
Why do I feel like...

319
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,553
No, why do I know
that we've done this before?

320
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,886
I, uh... We haven't, um--
Yes, we have, Lana.

321
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:09,678
Throwing bottle bombs,
your tits flopping around...

322
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:13,394
Flopping? Okay, first of all--
Oh, my God, what's happening?

323
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,854
It feels like my brain's exploding.

324
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:19,692
Krieger, what's happening?
His mind-brain is permanently rejecting...

325
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,322
...his real identity.

326
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:25,076
Mind-brain?
That's a thing, shut up. Uh, Lana?

327
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,486
Linda? Linda.

328
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,872
You're my wife. Linda. And I'm Bob.

329
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,079
I am Bob and I make burgers.

330
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:35,290
[BOTH SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

331
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:40,088
Burger Bob. Bob. Bob. Burger, burger.

332
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,753
<i>Do svidaniya, Archer.</i>

333
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,843
Bob, honey, I need you to get down!

334
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:50,511
Yes, down to the store for cheese.
For the Emile Gorgonzola Burger.

335
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:54,271
LANA: Okay, I have had it.
Well, not with j'accuse-cumbers.

336
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,431
Ow!

337
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,191
[MUTTERING GIBBERISH]

338
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,772
[YELLS]

339
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,482
Aah!
Ow!

340
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:04,650
What the shit, Lana?
Archer? Wait, are you you?

341
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,159
Yes, I'm me, you dumb idiot.

342
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,286
There goes the frying pan theory.

343
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:12,915
Who did you think I was?
You, unfortunately.

344
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:16,419
Unfortunately? What's unfortunate
is you got me into a fire fight...

345
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:19,456
...with the KGB armed
with a fricking cap gun.

346
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,090
[SCREAMING]

347
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:22,466
[LAUGHS]

348
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:25,720
Because, unfortunately,
we were trying to cure your--

349
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,631
Psychogenic retrograde amnesia. Duh!

350
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,309
[MEN SCREAMING]

351
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,971
Wait, so you remember you had amnesia?

352
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,311
Such a fragile mystery.
Krieger, one more word...

353
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:41,478
...and I'll make you wish they never
scraped you out of Hitler's drawers.

354
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,691
Aw.
Ew.

355
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:45,902
Ew. That is a lot creamier
than I remembered.

356
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,693
But do you remember why
you ran away from home this time?

357
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,658
I'm a grown man, Lana,
I didn't run away from home.

358
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:55,667
I carjacked a limo.

359
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,122
From a wedding.

360
00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,287
Oh, my God,
it's all coming back to me now.

361
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:03,962
ARCHER: What part of this are
you not getting? Core concept.

362
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:05,798
Drive, shit-heel.

363
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:12,884
Where is the limo going?
I guess wherever Mr. Archer said to.

364
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:16,020
Son of a bitch.
Your words.

365
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:18,021
Burn.

366
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,145
Ruined.

367
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:24,396
Absolutely ruined, because of you.
I said I was sorry, Mother.

368
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:27,816
Happiest day of my life.
Wait, wasn't that the day I was born?

369
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:30,781
Ow! What's in there? Spa buckles?

370
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:34,368
You think that compares
to a dream wedding to Ron Cadillac...

371
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,658
...the biggest Cadillac dealer in New York?

372
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:38,826
Technically the whole tri-state area.

373
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,290
ALL:
Hey.

374
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:44,583
Hiya, gang.
Oh, Ron. Thank you for coming so quickly.

375
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:45,841
Phrasing. First. Boom!

376
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,095
Well, in a Cadillac, you don't have
to sacrifice speed for luxury.

377
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:52,883
That baby will pass anything on the road,
except a gas station.

378
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:56,019
[ALL LAUGHING]

379
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:58,851
And how's my lady love?
Infinitely better now.

380
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:03,519
I bet, now that you found Sterling.
She was just worried sick about you.

381
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:06,813
Well, not sick.
How the heck are you, son?

382
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,528
Fine, awful, whatever, great.

383
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:12,239
But mostly mortified
that he ruined our wedding.

384
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:15,530
Well, all's well that ends well.

385
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:18,916
Yeah, I don't think it does, though.
Uh, no shit.

386
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,498
No, I mean, the KGB found you
at a burger joint...

387
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,663
...when you didn't even know
who you were...

388
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,833
...and then they found you here?
How did they do that?

389
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,219
ARCHER:
Wait, yeah, how did they do that?

390
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,767
BARRY:
Barry, are we losing our minds?

391
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,395
Could be, Other Barry, could be.

392
00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:42,602
Because even though I can see
Archer's every fricking move...

393
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:46,611
...apparently it's impossible
to kill that idiot from fricking space.

394
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:50,444
So where are we on the fricking spaceship
to get me home?

395
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,233
And I'm looking you way, Dr. Simon.

396
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,528
Uh, well...
Uh-uh-uh. Let me stop you there...

397
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,368
...in case you were about to say
there has been a setback.

398
00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:00,249
Because that's what Dr. Benes
and Dr. Hathaway kept saying.

399
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:04,129
Remember those guys? They were working
with you guys on my new spaceship...

400
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:07,039
...and I murdered them?

401
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:11,715
Eh, probably just a coincidence.
Really? You're going with coincidence.

402
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:14,221
Yes, Lana, I'm going with coincidence.

403
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,599
OSTRICH:
Do you think that's wise?

404
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:19,636
[SCREAMING]

405
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:21,429
What the hell is your problem?

406
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:25,475
[WHIMPERING]

406
00:20:26,305 --> 00:20:32,837
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