1
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:06,098
Schenectady?
2
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:07,974
You're in Schenectady?
3
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:13,185
After all your naggy lectures about how
I need to stop micromanaging ISIS?
4
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,691
You do. And this is macro-managing.
5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,193
Come on, some things I gotta do myself.
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,901
Mr. Archer's on Line 2.
I'm on the phone.
7
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,111
Yeah, duh, Line 2.
Wha--?
8
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,445
Mother?
Sterling--
9
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:27,828
Don't talk, just listen.
My cover's blown and I need an extraction.
10
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:31,616
Oh, my-- Wait, extraction? From where?
11
00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:35,628
Montreal. Long story, but my money
and passport were confiscated, so--
12
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:39,086
So where in Montreal exactly?
Um...
13
00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:41,838
Like, the GPS coordinates or--?
14
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:47,427
Confiscated by whom? A croupier?
No.
15
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:50,468
Or a herd of Quebecker whores?
I wouldn't say "herd."
16
00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,636
Well, after you get some free penicillin...
17
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:55,226
...compliments
of the Socialist Republic of Canada--
18
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,642
Really?
You can extract yourself, mister.
19
00:00:57,808 --> 00:01:01,438
Mother, I don't have a passport--
Don't get me wrong, I respect that.
20
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:04,152
But comparing ISIS
to six Cadillac dealerships...
21
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,817
...is like comparing
apples to six Cadillac--
22
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,406
Ron!
What?
23
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:13,166
Sterling is stranded at the Montreal Casino
with his pockets turned out and--
24
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:17,669
And this is just speculation,
--some new drug-resistant form of VD.
25
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:21,332
Really?
And you're in Schenectady again!
26
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:25,344
I'll be home tonight.
Oh, I know. Because what's tonight?
27
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:28,255
Uh... Tuesday night?
28
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:31,517
Box seats for the opening
of Carmen at the Met.
29
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,643
Babe, come on, I promise, H! be there.
30
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:36,726
Well, if you're not,
you can just not bother coming home at all.
31
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:40,017
1.-
Trouble on the old home front?
32
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,060
Oh, for the-- Eavesdrop much?
33
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,104
Scream into a speakerphone much?
34
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,488
- Pam?
- What?
35
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,947
You want us to wear earplugs
every time you're on the damn-- Ah!
36
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,656
Ooh. Or helmets.
37
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:53,663
It is just idiots all the way down.
38
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,746
And his money, I get it,
that's all craps and whores.
39
00:01:56,908 --> 00:02:01,004
But his passport?
How the hell did he lose his passport?
40
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,962
Because shut up. Because I don't need it.
41
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:07,503
Because I'd never go...America, okay?
Because...
42
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,177
It's my third biggest fear.
43
00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:17,438
He brings home a whore
and says, "We're married."
44
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:20,770
Oh, and the whore has bangs.
45
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:24,858
Ugh. Thank God I don't have to worry
about anything like that with Ron.
46
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:28,741
"Hi, I'm Ron Cadillac, a.k.a. Mr. Boring."
47
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:31,869
Jesus God, what am I doing with--?
48
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,404
Ron Cadillac...
49
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,073
...they don't make the rules, you do.
50
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:39,743
Well, obviously they do make the rules.
That's why it's come to this.
51
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,663
Which is why Ron Cadillac is opting out.
52
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:47,926
And also why Ron Cadillac is gonna
swing by Montreal on his way home.
53
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:51,179
Because Ron Cadillac is freaking epic!
54
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:59,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
55
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,546
What?
56
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,262
- I will accept the charges. What?
- Carol, hey, shut up.
57
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:38,724
I need you to go down to Western Union
and wire me a thousand dollars.
58
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:39,932
Wow.
59
00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:41,813
Yeah.
No.
60
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:42,973
Yes!
No!
61
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,313
Oh, for-- Then just let me talk to Pam.
62
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,819
Ha, ha, ha. Absolutely not.
63
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:51,733
Huh? Because pick any one
of an infinite number of reasons.
64
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,571
Yeah, okay, hang on.
65
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:58,456
Yeah, no, I would, but I can't
really leave the lab at the moment.
66
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,333
But I can transfer you.
67
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:05,962
Ha, ha.
No, I seriously thought you were joking.
68
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:07,748
Yeah, hang on.
69
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:14,672
Okay. Okay, let me talk to Lana.
70
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,599
You know there is a line?
71
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,887
There's gonna be a line at your wake,
so shut your poutine hole--
72
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,099
No.
Lana?
73
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,354
Lana, listen, I--
No.
74
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:24,560
Need you to--
No.
75
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:27,021
Stop saying no.
No, Archer. No.
76
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,028
And it's gonna sound like
I'm hanging up, but--
77
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,656
Why do you casser le telephone?
78
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,568
Because I'm out of people to call.
79
00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,362
Even Woodhouse wouldn't help me.
80
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:41,281
What do you mean, no?
I basically own you.
81
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,825
And I basically own him.
82
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,868
Jesus, this is actually almost depressing.
83
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,295
Need a ride, champ?
84
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:50,628
Although not as depressing as Ron.
What the hell are you doing here?
85
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,634
Giving you a ride home.
Come on, hop in.
86
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,215
What, did my mother send you?
87
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:58,723
No, not exactly. I just thought
it'd give us a chance to bond.
88
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:03,388
Yeah, don't take this the wrong way, Ron,
but I'd rather bond with a C.H.U.D.
89
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,728
But C.H.U.D.'s live in
New York, so let's go.
90
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,022
What the hell is a C.H.U.D.?
91
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:13,647
They were people, but then
they got splashed with toxic waste.
92
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,408
Ah, that's a load of crap.
It's a movie.
93
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:20,241
But those baby alligators people
flush down there, now that's--
94
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,532
Ron, seriously, at some point
I'm gonna have to take a shit, so--
95
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:27,077
So why didn't you go before we left?
Not now, in the future.
96
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:30,293
And I won't be able to
if I'm thinking about giant alligators...
97
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,423
...rampaging up into my toilet.
98
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,755
Oh. Talk about tearing you a new one.
99
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,920
Ha, ha, ha.
For the love of Christ, man, stop!
100
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:42,552
I meant stop talking
about ass-ripping sewer-gators.
101
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,139
Ha, ha. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know.
102
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,521
So? He asked, incredulously.
103
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,557
You said you didn't have a passport.
104
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,192
So? He asked, equally incredulously.
105
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,774
So that.
Oh.
106
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:57,900
So...?
And that's not sarcastic incredulity.
107
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:01,286
I honestly wanna hear your thoughts
on getting me across.
108
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,118
Why not?
Because what if they check the trunk?
109
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:07,535
Well, why would they?
Because that's exactly their job.
110
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:11,205
Yeah, on the Mexican border.
Who the hell's gonna sneak in from Canada?
111
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,748
Hm.
112
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,463
Arctic wolves?
And even if you had a passport...
113
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,754
...what if they checked you for a gun?
You do have a gun, don't you?
114
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,799
Yeah, I--
Yeah, so maybe keep it handy.
115
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,559
What? Wait, why would--? Ron?
116
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:28,977
Ron.
117
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:31,562
Ron!
What?
118
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:32,767
Oh.
119
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,904
Uh-- Never mind, I got it.
120
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,614
Ron, let me out of the goddamn trunk!
121
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:47,782
We passed the border an hour ago!
122
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,826
Actually, more like three hours.
123
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:52,587
Well, apparently I took a nap.
124
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,003
Probably all this carbon dioxide.
125
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,759
It's actually monoxide.
126
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:01,639
Ugh! Whichever of carbon's many oxides.
Just let me out.
127
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,845
I got a bitch of a headache
and a bladder full of bourbon.
128
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,055
Just hang on!
129
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,811
They always hit me
between Schenectady and Albany.
130
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:12,857
Who hits you? The, uh...
Those guys.
131
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,435
What the shit? Ron!
132
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:19,357
Yeah, all right, so listen. Remember
when I said maybe keep your gun handy?
133
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,617
Yeah, vaguely.
Well, the thing is--
134
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,370
What's the thing, Ron?
135
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,369
Oh. Never mind.
136
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:34,166
Goddamn it, Ron, keep it straight!
137
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,043
Ha, ha, ha. Whoo!
138
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,803
Did you--? Whoa, whoa, whoa!
139
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,054
Ron, compensate!
140
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,715
I am compensating!
Compensate!
141
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,634
No, no, no, look out, you're--!
142
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,559
Overcompensating.
143
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,979
Is what I was gonna say.
144
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:05,073
Right before I was thrown clear of the
vehicle, almost exactly 100 linear feet.
145
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,237
Give me a break, huh?
That wasn't my fault.
146
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:13,039
Yeah, no, I mean, obviously,
this was all due to the butterfly effect.
147
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,578
The what?
Butterfly effect.
148
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:18,248
You know, a butterfly in Africa
lands on a giraffe's nose...
149
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:20,668
...the giraffe sneezes,
that spooks a gazelle...
150
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,836
...the gazelle bonks into a rhinoceros...
151
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,882
...and the rhinoceros blindly stampedes
into a phone booth...
152
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:31,725
...calls New York somehow and says, "Hey,
go kill this idiot Ron for a suitcase!"
153
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:34,765
Because the rhinoceros speaks English!
154
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,774
What's in the suitcase, Ron?
155
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,734
Why is that in the suitcase, Ron?
156
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:45,321
What, I should use a plastic bag?
Or this new thing called the bank.
157
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:48,612
Yeah, well, it's not exactly "clean money."
158
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:51,031
- "No, shit."
- No, I'm serious.
159
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:55,998
Name one, just one single favor,
that Archer ever did for any of you.
160
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:59,123
Um... Oh. Oh,
my God, chlamydia.
161
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:03,711
Which put me over my deductible, so the
rest of the year all my doctor visits...
162
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,175
- ...were totally free. Score. Right?
- Wow.
163
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:09,807
How much did you go to the damn doctor?
I don't know, like, a lot.
164
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,968
I kept getting chlamydia. Ow!
165
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,103
Get off, chlamydiot!
166
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,640
Oh, I get it, because of the chlamydia.
167
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,058
Oh, and I'm an idiot.
168
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,477
Because, of course,
you keep getting robbed.
169
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,941
Why are you driving around
with dirty money?
170
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,651
Well, it's kind of a long story.
171
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,818
Well, we've got all day.
Nobody's gonna pick us up.
172
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:30,737
We look like
The Ballad of the Flim-Flam Man.
173
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,999
The what?
Guy Owen? Jesus, Ron, read a book.
174
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:37,001
Maybe between biannual suitcase robberies.
175
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:41,131
I don't know who keeps tipping them off.
And anyway, you mean semiannual.
176
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:44,839
They're the same thing.
No, biannual means every two years.
177
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,628
That's biennial.
178
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:50,595
Bi or semiannual means every six months.
179
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:54,307
Oh, uh-- Then, yeah, biannually.
180
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:55,812
Or semi.
181
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,688
Speaking of...
182
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,690
Manhattan, yes. Yes, thank you.
183
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,817
And you're sure you can get us there by 7?
184
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:05,401
Yeah, just hop on in the back there.
What, like the "back" back?
185
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,861
Yeah, sorry, y'all, can't ride in the cab.
186
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:11,870
Insurance bullshit. Compliments of them
democratic queers in Congress.
187
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,368
Or whomever.
188
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:17,872
Okay, things are looking up.
189
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,128
No, no, no, hey, come on, don't do that.
190
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,381
You're gonna get him in trouble.
Ron, nobody's gonna miss one beer.
191
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:28,337
Or the 11 more I'm gonna drink.
Come on, he's an independent trucker.
192
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:32,553
A small business owner, out here
busting his hump to provide for his family.
193
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,719
Now, I'm telling you, guys like him
are the lifeblood of America.
194
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,643
Not to mention he's driving us nonstop
straight to Manhattan.
195
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:43,189
Exactly, which should take
about three hours...
196
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,900
...which equals 12 beers.
197
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:51,281
Ugh. Okay, here's your fur coat from the
world's farthest-away cold storage.
198
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,865
Did they tell you to put it in a headlock?
199
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,655
No.
Well?
200
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,826
I don't know. They were, like, Persian.
Uh--
201
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,084
You lost me.
202
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,166
Cadillac's not my real last name.
203
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,753
I, uh-- Well, yeah, I figured the
odds on that were pretty huge.
204
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:08,009
I changed it from Kazinsky.
205
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,843
And before I sold cars, I stole them.
206
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:16,260
Heh, heh. You what? Ha, ha. I mean,
this was years and years ago.
207
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:21,432
Me, Tony, Donny, hey,
hey, Joey and Fat Mike.
208
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:24,898
That was my crew. And, kiddo,
we would boost anything on wheels.
209
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:28,313
One time, you know,
not even on wheels. Ha, ha, ha.
210
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:31,445
That was '45, though.
That didn't hurt the war effort.
211
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:35,283
Anyhoo, one day it dawns on me,
we're doing at! this work...
212
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:39,120
...but the guys making the real money
own the chop shops.
213
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:42,411
So, uh, we revised our business model.
214
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:47,424
For a few years, let me tell you, kid,
we were going gangbusters.
215
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:52,463
Until one day, Pm out getting meatball subs
for the crew, and boom...
216
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:53,972
...cops got all of them.
217
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,474
Oh, Fat Mike too?
RON". All of them.
218
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:59,056
And they all got 20 years,
because not one of them...
219
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,313
...not one of them gave me up.
220
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:04,771
Anyway, I used our stash
to buy a legit used car lot...
221
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:07,061
...then my first dealership,
and eventually--
222
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,570
Six, yeah, got it.
223
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,230
So the money is...
224
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:13,991
The least I can do. It's like back pay
for all the years they lost.
225
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:17,996
Plus most of it is from charging
poor saps for that freaking undercoating.
226
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,657
Never get the undercoating.
227
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,952
But I still don't know who keeps
hiring goons to stick me up.
228
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,837
Yes, you do.
What are you talking about?
229
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,966
Ron, who hasn't been complaining
about not getting his money?
230
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,468
Son of a-- Fat Mike!
231
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:35,221
Oh, man, wait till the crew hears this.
232
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:38,008
He'll be eating his meatball subs
through a straw.
233
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:41,929
Wow, and here Mother thinks you are
hands-down the most boringest man...
234
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,223
...on this entire planet of Earth.
Wh--?
235
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,858
She said that'?
I mean...
236
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:50,737
He is hands-down the most boringest man...
237
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:54,115
...on this entire planet of Earth.
238
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,868
Not in those exact words, but--
She thinks I'm boring?
239
00:12:57,026 --> 00:13:00,530
Well, not after you tell her you stole
a Sherman tank, Master P.
240
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:03,041
No, no, no!
You can never tell her about that.
241
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,872
I'm serious, about any of it.
242
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,331
None of it!
243
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,996
Do you hear me?
Okay.
244
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:11,792
That's all behind me.
I'm almost completely legit now.
245
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,074
You gotta promise you're
not gonna tell her.
246
00:13:14,087 --> 00:13:16,213
Okay, I promise.
247
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,681
Not that I'll ever get the chance.
248
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:20,884
Hey, guys.
249
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:25,305
If that's, you know, how you self-identify.
250
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:32,358
Wow, okay, so...
251
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,235
...apparently we have stumbled into...
252
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:37,196
...what I'm just gonna assume...
253
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:42,409
...is some kind of unspeakably rapey,
snuff film.
254
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:45,746
Yep, look at that.
There's even a craft services table.
255
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,252
But my, uh...
Stepdad.
256
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:51,915
...mother's husband has to be back in time
for the opera.
257
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,584
I know, rich people problems.
258
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,049
So even though all you guys
have bats and pipes and--
259
00:13:57,211 --> 00:14:00,761
Wow. Shorty over there's got a club
with lumps on it...
260
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,051
...kicking it Bedrock style.
261
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,685
Does anybody have a gun?
262
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,930
Anybody'? Gun?
263
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:10,691
Probably looks a little something
like this? No?
264
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,353
Oh, okay, so I guess just me, then.
265
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,489
Now, for various reasons,
which frankly don't concern you...
266
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:19,321
...we can't call the police,
so we're just gonna go, but--
267
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,361
What? No, no, no.
268
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,905
Screw that. Shoot these degenerate pricks.
269
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:27,121
Ron?
Starting with C.W. McCall-Girl over there.
270
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,285
Ron.
At least kneecap the sons of bitches.
271
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,624
Ron!
What?!
272
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,006
What, are you out of bullets?
273
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,800
Well, how the hell was I supposed to know?
274
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,632
You saw me shoot the mob guys.
So?
275
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,594
So it holds a finite number of bullets.
276
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:44,305
It's not a freaking phaser.
A what?
277
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:50,477
Oh, my God! It's just like Carol said
the old gypsy woman said!
278
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,814
Yeah, she said it would be like
some freaky parallel universe...
279
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:56,274
...where John Waters directed
The Road Warrior.
280
00:14:56,437 --> 00:15:00,783
Uh-huh. Then what, they kill me?
No. Shut up, that's the awesome part.
281
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,657
There it is.
282
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,073
Look, Ron, the train.
283
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,118
I gotta start going to that gypsy.
We'll never...
284
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,660
We can't make it.
285
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,255
Yes, we can, if--
286
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,837
Damn it, if only there was a way
to slow them down.
287
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,672
Make it rain? What am I, an Indian?
288
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,509
Pacman Jones!
Oh.
289
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,223
Uh-uh. No.
Yes, Ron.
290
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:25,929
You don't defy the gypsy.
291
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,184
What about my crew?
292
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,938
I've been ripped off the last three times.
What are they supposed to live on?
293
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,896
What are they gonna live on
if you're eaten by tranny bikers?
294
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,355
Ron, look.
295
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:40,649
We'd already be dead if they weren't
in disturbingly sexy high heels.
296
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,995
Half.
Okay, that's still a baller move.
297
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:48,498
Master P would totally be proud.
298
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,207
Or he'd release a diss track.
299
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:56,623
What does--? Half the time I don't
even know what you're talking about.
300
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,382
Well, guess what, me neither.
301
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,841
Now, shut up and come on.
We've got a train to catch.
302
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:05,848
Diss tracks. Jesus Christ,
why did we even fight a war'?
303
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,476
Ron!
What? I'm serious!
304
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,057
So is this train, asshole!
305
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,813
Oh, I'm the asshole?
306
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,565
It's-- Just get a running start.
307
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:18,228
I'm not jumping on that damn thing!
Really?
308
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,898
How about now? Son of
a--
309
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:27,370
Come on, run like you're younger.
Unh!
310
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:30,077
Okay, now give me your hand.
I can't!
311
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,741
Yes, you can!
312
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,910
Ah! Come on, grab it!
313
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,453
Grab it!
314
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,497
Well, now, hang on a second.
315
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:38,835
What are you doing?
316
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:42,218
Thinking about how much I hate it
that Mother married you.
317
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:45,346
You don't hate it that she married me.
No, yeah, Ron, I--
318
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:50,432
No, you hate it that she married anybody,
because you want her all to yourself!
319
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,938
Ha, ha. What?
Paging Dr. Bates. Dr. Norman Bates.
320
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,724
Hey, shut up! And also- Ew. And--
321
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:59,770
Sterling, please!
322
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:04,402
Oh, my God. Thank you, Sterling.
323
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,283
You're welcome. Shut up.
324
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,865
Norman Bates. You know--
325
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,871
I apologize, that was out of line.
326
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:15,536
But come on, you gotta admit,
the relationship you two have is--
327
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:21,378
Unhealthy. No, Ron, I don't
have to admit that, because--
328
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,294
Ugh. Okay, try not to ruin it this time.
329
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,592
Jesus.
Yeah.
330
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:34,262
See how their legs broke? That's because
they didn't use the parachute fall.
331
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,602
Which I don't have time to teach you--
Why would you want to?
332
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,984
L-- Because I take pride in my work?
333
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,315
Why would you wanna teach it to me at all?
334
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,152
Oh. Well, we gotta jump off the train.
We gotta ju--
335
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:47,112
We just jumped on the train!
336
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:49,494
Yeah, and it's going
about 20 miles an hour...
337
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,950
...and there goes a sign for Catskill, so--
338
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:56,334
So it'll take six hours to get home.
If we don't get rousted by the bulls.
339
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,120
I also don't have time to teach you
how to speak hobo.
340
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,664
Wait a minute, hang on.
341
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,003
Why would you want me to make it
to the opera?
342
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:05,759
I don't know. Maybe you were right
about a few things...
343
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,171
...and maybe you're good for Mother, and--
344
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,840
Maybe shut up
before I lose my temper again.
345
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,884
I got a dealership in Catskill.
346
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,428
So we grab a Caddy and drive in style.
347
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,472
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we could just make it.
348
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,767
But it's going too fast to jump off.
Look at those poles zipping by.
349
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:24,187
No, no, no. Don't look at the poles.
They give you a false perspective.
350
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:27,903
Try and focus on a distant
landmark, like... Ah!
351
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,702
...ha, ha, ha, the ground. Whoo!
352
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:35,532
Hey, see how I did that?
353
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:37,371
Ron?
354
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:42,877
Seven-thirty. We just might make it.
Now, you sure he's gonna be out there?
355
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,211
He better be.
356
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,046
Yeah, there he is.
357
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:48,924
Here you go, sir.
358
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,635
I took the liberty
of taking in the jacket a bit, and--
359
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,049
Woodhouse.
Yes, sir?
360
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:56,890
Doesn't even come close to making up
for leaving me stranded in Montreal.
361
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,930
No, sir.
So go get ready.
362
00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:02,726
Your punishment will begin when I get back
from dropping him off at the opera.
363
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,145
Wait, you think that's a good idea?
364
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:08,064
Ron, look, I know
we accidentally bonded a little...
365
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,653
...but do not tell me
how to discipline my servant.
366
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:14,241
No, I meant dropping me off. If your
mother thinks we're all buddy-buddy--
367
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:18,033
Yeah, I mean, that would drive her insane.
368
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:24,581
Sometimes I think I should just run away.
369
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:26,715
But who would take me in?
370
00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:28,797
No one, Woodhouse.
371
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,256
No one.
372
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,263
And just what in the hell is this?
373
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,174
Just dropping off my buddy, Ron.
374
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,720
Buddy? Why, how and since when?
375
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,058
Long story, babe.
376
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:43,350
Look, we really gotta hustle
if we wanna make that curtain.
377
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:47,942
Yeah, and I gotta go make an old man
eat a big bowl of spiderwebs.
378
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:49,947
See you, buddy.
379
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:12,800
Woodhouse, I'm gonna check that bowl.
380
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:17,140
Oh...
381
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,601
Good day.
381
00:20:20,305 --> 00:20:26,845
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