1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:04,050
[MENDELSSOHN'S "WEDDING MARCH"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
2
00:00:04,213 --> 00:00:07,717
LANA: What do you think you're doing?
ARCHER: My job, Lana.
3
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:11,558
And what part of your job, exactly,
is groping my ass?
4
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:15,562
The part that calls for spy craft.
Come on, we're posing as newlyweds--
5
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:18,694
Yeah, posing.
And I'm drunk on nuptial bliss.
6
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,822
You're drunk on champagne.
Well, little column A, little column B.
7
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,277
[LANA GRUNTS]
8
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:27,286
Fine. But when you take my hand off
your lately almost overly ample butt--
9
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,117
Odd choice of dying words.
10
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,828
I don't question your commitment
to the mission...
11
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,867
...I question your commitment
to America.
12
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,755
Instead of feeling me up in the lobby--
Wait till we're in the room. Got it.
13
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,460
--Let's focus on the mission.
14
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:42,968
Catching the North Koreans who are
in New York to buy enriched uranium.
15
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,844
Can't we do both?
Can't you shut up?
16
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,176
Can't you put a price tag on freedom?
17
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,467
I mean, you can't put a price tag
on freedom.
18
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,135
Always never forget that.
19
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:54,100
Here's your key for the honeymoon suite.
Congratties.
20
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:58,063
If I could just get a credit card for the
room and any incidentals then we'll be--
21
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:01,900
Broke. Jesus, the room's that much?
ls there a problem?
22
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,985
Not if we're buying it as a condo.
23
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:07,902
I may have something a bit more
in your price range. Basement okay?
24
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:11,163
No, it's not, because
as love-besotted newlyweds...
25
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,621
...we would like the honeymoon suite.
And our price range is...
26
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:15,826
...rangeless.
27
00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:17,165
LANA: Ah, Archer!
ARCHER: Shh.
28
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,830
A few minutes more, darling,
and you can have your way with me.
29
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:22,671
Ugh. I wish.
I know. Soon.
30
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:25,507
Alrighty and we are just all set.
Enjoy your stay.
31
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:28,138
Enjoy your stay...?
Oh, right. Sorry.
32
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:32,268
No, no, no. No, no, no.
Enjoy your stay, Mr. and Mrs. Archer.
33
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,849
Ugh, it's like my heart's being gripped
by the icy fingers...
34
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,561
...of some terrifying ghost
of honeymoon future.
35
00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:40,226
Heh, heh. Lana?
36
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,936
Lana.
37
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,903
Lana.
38
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,866
If you don't answer,
I'm gonna scream as loud as I possibly--
39
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,698
What?
I'm sorry.
40
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,407
I meant, Mrs. Archer.
41
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:53,038
[SHUDDERS]
42
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,197
MALORY:
I heard you.
43
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:57,709
I apologize, madame, but--
For what, Dunkirk?
44
00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:01,293
Or that effeminate yet somehow
condescending tone?
45
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,502
[CLEARS THROAT]
46
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:06,464
Damn, I'm sure my card was in here.
Malory, please, allow me.
47
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:10,382
No, no, no, I'm--
Embarrassing yourself, dear.
48
00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:12,891
Thank you, Trudy.
49
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,176
[PAM LAUGHING]
50
00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,562
Man, this must be killing you.
51
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,893
What, the salmonella dripping
all over my desk?
52
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:21,809
It's lamb, ding dong, not salmon.
53
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:25,900
I'm talking about Mr. Archer and Lana
in a deluxe honeymoon suite.
54
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:29,317
Oh, for-- Pam, they're on a mission.
Ary position.
55
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,828
By now, since I bet they already did
all the good ones.
56
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,740
Pam, they are on-- [GRUNTING]
57
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:44,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
58
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,920
[CONTINUES GRUNTING]
59
00:02:58,387 --> 00:02:59,513
Want some?
60
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,432
Psych.
61
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,971
CYRIL:
Okay, first of all, just shut up.
62
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:44,233
Second, I trust Lana completely,
especially with regard to Archer.
63
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,143
She'd rather have sex with you.
64
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:47,481
Why? What'd she say?
65
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:51,615
And third, Lana's pretty satisfied
in the old romance department.
66
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:54,822
And the old accounting department.
What's that?
67
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,328
[CYRIL & LANA GRUNTING]
68
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,033
LANA: Give it to me. Unh!
CYRIL: I will.
69
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,244
LANA: I'm like a calculator.
Add it up. Add it up.
70
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,250
[BOTH MOANING]
71
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,832
What's that?
Good thing you work at a spy agency...
72
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,340
...Miss Spy-On-People.
What? I only watched for a second.
73
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:12,128
You need medication, Pam.
Pills, big pills, like they use at the zoo.
74
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:16,219
But we have to go now. The vet
comes back from lunch in 20 minutes.
75
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,679
What are you--
Let's go, bitches! Tiger tranqs!
76
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,686
We are not breaking into the zoo
to steal tiger tranquilizers.
77
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,847
Cyril, duh, they have all kinds.
78
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,312
And I have to direct-deposit
the annual bonuses.
79
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,853
If you two could go be crazy
and horrible elsewhere?
80
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:32,694
Like the Tuntmore Towers Hotel,
where Lana's shacked up with Mr. Archer?
81
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:33,903
Wait. What?
Yeah.
82
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:37,069
We can see if he's into all that
freaky gender-reversal stuff.
83
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:40,535
That-- Wait. What?
Cyril, I watched for more than a second.
84
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,540
L... Oh, you are...
85
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,747
Yeah. Let's go down there.
I own that dump.
86
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:47,379
We can get a suite
and totally spy on Mr. Archer and--
87
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,790
Lana. Okay, I'm going with you.
88
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,210
Yeah, whatever. But on the way we're--
Not swinging by the zoo.
89
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,719
ARCHER:
Lame.
90
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,721
Ugh. What's lame, Archer?
91
00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,384
The fact we're up against at least
four highly trained North Korean agents?
92
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,144
Or the fact that they've all got--
ARCHER: Peppercorns, Lana.
93
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:07,308
Well, I was gonna say Tokarevs
and Shpagin-41 submachine guns...
94
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:10,353
...but, yeah, let's go with peppercorns.
Thank you.
95
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,147
Because without peppercorns,
it's not steak au poivre.
96
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,360
[SCOFFS]
97
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,867
It can't be. By, like, definition.
Archer.
98
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:20,996
We're supposed to stop the North Koreans
from buying part of a nuclear bomb...
99
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:24,078
...not ordering every single item
on the room service menu.
100
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,493
Just the dinner menu.
101
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:29,334
Pounding two $300 bottles
of Glengoolie fricking Blue?
102
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,089
Two? Thought I ordered three.
103
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:34,092
Then passing out on the bed,
totally naked, for a...
104
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:37,425
Ah, wow, what'd you call it?
Power blackout. And you're welcome.
105
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:40,340
Thanks. The memory of your bare ass
will bring me comfort and warmth...
106
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,180
...during the coming nuclear winter.
Ugh.
107
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,889
Relax, it's North Korea.
108
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,430
The nation-state equivalent
of the short bus.
109
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,519
Nice.
What's nice is this hot tub.
110
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:52,732
Which, get in, before you blow our cover,
any more than you already have...
111
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:55,522
...by not performing your wifely duties.
112
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,941
Excuse me?
113
00:05:57,107 --> 00:06:01,112
You said my card was used
at the Tuntmore Towers Hotel?
114
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,280
This morning? Hm?
115
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,790
Oh, yes, I remember now.
116
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:07,872
Yes, yes. It's all fine.
117
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:11,083
Mm-hm. Okay, bye-bye. Bye, bye.
118
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,299
I am literally going to kill him.
119
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,960
Well, figuratively.
Literally!
120
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:21,132
I'll lure him to my condo in Miami,
drug his steak au poivre...
121
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:24,347
...drive him out to the Everglades,
slather him with chicken fat...
122
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,477
...and then toss him to the gators.
123
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,139
That's pretty specific for a hypothetical.
124
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:32,981
Oh, he is going to pay for this. Literally.
125
00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:34,144
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
126
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,405
Cyril? Cyril? Oh!
127
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,407
Fine. Then I'll do it.
128
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,161
PAM:
Are they doing it? Are they banging?
129
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,414
No, Pam, they are not banging.
130
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:48,496
Well, these ribs sure as hell are.
Oh, my God, right?
131
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:49,659
[GASPS]
132
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,419
We should take some to the tigers.
133
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,922
And miss these two doing it?
Oh, my God, right?
134
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,924
Will you hags stop it?
There's nothing going on over there.
135
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,448
CHERYL: She's screaming
at him to get it up.
136
00:06:58,461 --> 00:06:59,836
CYRIL: She's not.
137
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,506
That's what she was screaming at you.
138
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,219
Okay, so I watched the whole thing.
139
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,429
[GRUNTS]
140
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,811
Oh, God. Were you raised in a barn?
141
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,141
No.
142
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,682
I just slept out there a lot.
143
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:15,694
So you got an ETA on when you might
possibly be ready to help?
144
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,607
It's hard to say, really.
I mean, Chi's taking her sweet time here.
145
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,276
Not criticizing, Chi. Thorough is good.
146
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,241
Look, just give me 10, 20 minutes and--
147
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:28,532
Archer, I don't know how long the Koreans
will be out of their room.
148
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:31,872
So while you ladies discuss
the pros and cons of a clear coat--
149
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,628
You say that like there are cons.
150
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,586
I'll go be thorough at my job
and plant the Geiger counter...
151
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:39,171
...so we know if and when
the uranium shows up.
152
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,052
Do you even know if that thing works?
153
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,213
[DEVICE CLICKING AND HUMMING]
154
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:51,229
Well, Pigley 3, that would certainly
explain the glowing.
155
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:52,560
[DEVICE CLICKING AND HUMMING]
156
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:56,067
And probably a few other things.
157
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,529
LANA:
Why do you let him push your buttons?
158
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,740
Why not push his buttons? Hm.
159
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:08,530
Because he has no buttons.
He's buttonless.
160
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:13,077
The only way to make him as crazy
as he makes you, is to...
161
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,419
[LAUGHS]
162
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:18,088
PAM:
Seriously?
163
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:21,673
Who are you, Van Cliburn?
Knock off the tickling and work that shit.
164
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,212
Yeah, right? A baby could--
165
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,470
[JOINTS CRACK AND CHERYL GASPS]
166
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,256
Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Tunt. Did that hurt?
167
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:27,424
[MOANS]
168
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:30,264
Yes.
Cyril, they banging yet?
169
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,304
What? No. Actually, Archer's alone.
170
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,768
Lana's either in the bathroom or--
Oh, my God!
171
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,933
What the hell is this bullshit?
172
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,194
What? You say you want clear coat.
173
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,729
LANA:
Yeah, why not?
174
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:44,650
It's not like it hasn't crossed your mind.
And you're not getting any younger.
175
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:47,786
ARCHER [OVER COMM]: Lana!
Jesus, what? Is it the Koreans?
176
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,618
Only if they're who screwed me
out of my bonus.
177
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,578
Which would be weird.
Your bonus?
178
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:55,620
If you could even call it that.
What's yours? Is it shitty?
179
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,583
Go online and check your bank account.
180
00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:01,125
Now, when I'm suction-cupped on a window,
30 stories above the ground.
181
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,009
Yeah! You should have five bars.
182
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:06,763
Okay. So it's gonna sound
like I'm hanging up but...
183
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:10,676
Lana? Lana!
Holy shit, I think she's gone rogue.
184
00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:15,063
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't pack up.
My toes aren't gonna do themselves.
185
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:18,817
And even if you're not necessarily
doing it for the right reasons...
186
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,397
...he is...
ARCHER: Hey! Hey!
187
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,983
Ugh.
The phone. Give me.
188
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:26,525
Did you seriously climb all the way up here
just to see what my bonus is?
189
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:30,741
No, I sarcastically climbed all the way
up here to see what your bonus is.
190
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,453
He said, sarcastically. Phone.
191
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,664
Okay. Jesus, keep your voice-- Whoa.
192
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:40,296
Sucks, right?
I mean, that's not even remotely fair.
193
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,502
What the shit?
194
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:45,168
We're in a crazy parallel universe
where bonuses are based on merit...
195
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,179
...instead of whether or not
you crawled out of your mother!
196
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,466
[SHRIEKS THEN GRUNTS]
197
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,517
Lana!
Archer!
198
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,647
I'm coming! Phrasing, boom!
199
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,273
Lana!
200
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:03,858
[YELLING]
201
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,522
[WHOOPING]
202
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,991
Oh, my God. Archer, that was--
203
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,951
A $90 manicure, I know.
204
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,537
And I couldn't care less, but Chi?
205
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,043
Lana, she really worked hard on it.
206
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:21,796
Oh, man, they gotta bump uglies now.
207
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,548
They-- Wait. What?
208
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:27,461
Cyril, a near-death experience is, like,
the ultimate aphrodisiac.
209
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,719
CHERYL:
Penultimate.
210
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:32,303
The ultimate's doing it on top of
a tranqed-up tiger.
211
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,519
So listen...
No, you listen and then shut up.
212
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:38,226
You shut up. I was on the verge of--
Dying?
213
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,482
Making a--
Stain on the sidewalk?
214
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,812
Decision. So--
215
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,728
So since we're keeping score
for bonus purposes, Lana.
216
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,743
In addition to saving you
a gazillion times...
217
00:10:46,756 --> 00:10:48,615
Your fault to begin with.
218
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,741
...since I started working at ISIS...
219
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:55,326
...I've been shot, stabbed, set on fire,
poisoned, shot, sexually assaulted...
220
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,412
...partially chewed, shot,
and declared legally dead.
221
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,077
Twice on the same day.
222
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:03,372
You said "shot" like three times.
That's just by you.
223
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:06,758
Total, it's more like, holy shit, 19.
224
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,760
And now you get your bonus and mine?
225
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:13,423
Archer, I didn't--
Do anything to deserve it. Exactly.
226
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:17,390
And again, excuse me?
There is no excuse for you.
227
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:21,769
Alright)'- Think I
made my decision.
228
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,308
And it is final.
229
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,527
ARCHER: Because I borrowed
your credit card?
230
00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:27,604
You didn't borrow
it, you stole it.
231
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:30,444
Little column A, little column B.
Be advised...
232
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,531
...that until I say otherwise,
Mr. Sticky-Fingers...
233
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,370
Seriously, does this never dry?
234
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:38,202
...Lana is now agent in command.
235
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:42,460
Wait, ha, ha. What?
Uh, yeah. Hang on, you're breaking up.
236
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:47,503
So my first command,
as agent in command...
237
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,214
...she said commandingly, is--
238
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,300
PAM [IN DEEP VOICE]:
"Get in my big old vagina.
239
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:56,342
I'm Lana."
Okay, you know what?
240
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,601
I am out of here.
Oh, my God.
241
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,309
Okay. You're abandoning the mission
to go home and pout?
242
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:05,271
I'm not going home. I'm going down there
to kick some Kim Jong ass.
243
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,435
What? No. We're doing surveillance.
244
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:11,607
Yeah, which is apparently French
for just sitting around on your ass.
245
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,652
Yeah, which is why it's surprising
that you're so shitty at it.
246
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,989
What? No, no, no. Archer, don't.
247
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,829
Suck so hard! Aah!
248
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,253
Okay, come on, we're out of here.
What are you, nuts?
249
00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:28,423
Oh, my God. There's nuts in this?
Ugh.
250
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:32,256
You're allergic to penicillin.
Oh, right. And...
251
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:36,343
There's no penicillin in this.
Good, because I'm allergic.
252
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:40,010
Because why the hell would there be
penicillin in chocolate mousse?
253
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:44,181
Ugh. God, gross. There's moose in this?
Not that kind of moose.
254
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:46,065
Elk then. Whatever. Ugh!
255
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,397
Look, you two stay if you want.
I'm leaving.
256
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,153
There's no point spying on Lana.
I trust her completely.
257
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:54,361
And also because they're not even
in there anymore'?
258
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,489
Little column A, little column B.
259
00:12:57,652 --> 00:13:00,280
You are not jeopardizing this mission.
260
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:04,701
No, yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing.
Because your ego needs its own zip code?
261
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,791
I meant, I won't allow you.
Allow me?
262
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,707
Uh, I mean, uh, please, allow me.
263
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,295
[SHOUTING IN KOREAN]
264
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,381
ISIS-- Unh.
265
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:16,046
[ALL GRUNTING]
266
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,470
Hi-yah!
267
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:22,681
[CHUCKLES]
268
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,312
[NORTH KOREAN AGENT GROANS]
269
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,689
Oh, man.
Wow, that's gotta hurt, huh?
270
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,942
Archer...
No, I mean, obviously it hurts...
271
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,728
...getting Tom Dempsey'd in the tits.
Ooh. Archer...
272
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,397
I meant, watching me save your ass
for the gazillionth time.
273
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:35,565
[GUNS COOKING]
274
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,359
LANA:
Archer.
275
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,491
She's in command.
276
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:48,245
ARCHER: Oh, okay,
so I guess you think this is my fault.
277
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,084
[MEN GRUNTING]
278
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,795
You guess?
Well, I'm not a mind reader, Lana.
279
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,049
NORTH KOREAN BOSS:
Silence!
280
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,927
We deal with you soon enough.
281
00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:00,090
And by deal with, obviously, he means...
Shoot.
282
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,384
Ugh.
I mean, I assume.
283
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,427
And negativity is infectious, by the way.
284
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:08,394
You're the agent in command, Lana.
You should focus on keeping my morale--
285
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,933
Hi. Excuse me.
286
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:13,444
Could you go ahead
and shoot one or both of us now?
287
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:16,106
Uh, also a good leader is never sarcastic.
288
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,276
Oh, we don't shoot you.
After mission finish...
289
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:23,197
...we take you back to glorious
Democratic People's Republic of Korea.
290
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,617
Oh. Then do go ahead and shoot us.
Archer.
291
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,535
What, Lana? It's none of those things.
292
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:32,171
It's not democratic, not a republic,
and definitely not glorious.
293
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,958
Jesus, watch Frontline once in your life.
294
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,923
This ISIS camera, yes?
Uh...
295
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:42,307
Yes. And as all North Koreans know,
cameras steal your soul, so--
296
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:44,559
Ha! It is your Indians who think that.
297
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,311
Wow! Okay, so since we're being racist--
298
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,647
PAM:
Cyril, don't leave. It's on.
299
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,558
What do you--? On as in how on?
300
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,067
On as in "on" on.
301
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,150
CHERYL:
On as in hot Asian group sex on.
302
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,985
Thricely redundant.
Give me those.
303
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,148
[GASPS]
304
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,283
Oh, my God. We've got to do something.
305
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,950
It's rosemary-mint.
306
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:07,457
Why? Why did you say that?
307
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,993
To lure them closer.
Well, it worked.
308
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:13,789
Yeah, they really hate the Japanese.
You better have a plan.
309
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:16,799
Me? Lana, you're the agent in command.
Archer?
310
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,086
What? I just don't wanna step on
your toes!
311
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,299
[YELLS]
312
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,589
Nailed it. Boom!
313
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,974
How did--?
You have any idea how many times...
314
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,261
...I've had to get out of handcuffs?
Aah!
315
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,929
[ALL GRUNTING]
316
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,434
ARCHER:
Lana!
317
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:38,855
Whoo. Wow. Thank God
you've been arrested so many times.
318
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,022
[AGENTS SHOUTING IN KOREAN]
319
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,442
Arrested?
I-- Look, whatever.
320
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,610
Thanks. That was actually
pretty impressive.
321
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,326
Not really. I thought this was the door
to the hallway.
322
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:48,535
So...?
323
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:52,043
So do you think there's 30 stories' worth
of towels in here?
324
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,578
[AGENTS CONTINUE SHOUTING]
325
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,997
Come on, Figgis. Come on, Figgis.
Come on, Figgis.
326
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,917
Lana's in trouble.
You just gotta man up and--
327
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,551
Ooh.
328
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,088
PAM: Aw, man, am I missing
all the hot Asian group action?
329
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,177
No. Nobody's doing anything.
330
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,057
Well, Lana's destroying the toilet.
331
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:08,809
Join the club. Unh.
332
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,391
Ugh. That's what you get for eating elk.
333
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,682
Unh.
ARCHER: Uh, couple things.
334
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:17,648
One, we've got about 30 seconds
before the door is matchsticks.
335
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,858
Two, you're never gonna break that win--
336
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:21,147
[GLASS SHATTERS]
337
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:24,614
What was that? I couldn't hear you
over the sound of your wrongness.
338
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:28,746
It's okay, I'll skip ahead to three,
which is, now what, idiot?
339
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:31,658
Because I left my jetpack
in my other pants.
340
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,919
We can signal to somebody or--
Like who, a blimp captain?
341
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,249
No. Like...
342
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:39,916
Holy shit, is that Cheryl?
What the hell is she doing?
343
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:44,053
CYRIL:
Suppressing fire extinguisher!
344
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:45,259
Is that--?
Cyril?
345
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,890
CYRIL: Lana!
I'm coming, Cyril.
346
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,392
Lana, wait!
347
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,769
Bet that's the first
time you ever said that.
348
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:54,101
Right? Huh?
349
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:58,272
Okay, now we can go. You know...
Go! Unh!
350
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,900
What the--?
351
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:04,737
Cyril?
Smoke fight! Whoo!
352
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,026
[ARCHER WHOOPING]
353
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,868
Ugh! No way, that is so unfair.
PAM: What, are they banging?
354
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,079
They will be.
Raves make everybody horny.
355
00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:16,286
[ALL GRUNTING]
356
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:20,753
And that is for ruining
my fake honeymoon.
357
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:23,919
Archer, wait, it's me.
I know.
358
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:27,259
And this is for the Pueblo. Unh!
Aah!
359
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,422
[GUNFIRE]
360
00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:31,805
Unh! Cyril, hit the deck.
ARCHER: Wait. Why just--?
361
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,936
LANA:
Get some, you sons of bitches.
362
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:36,097
Get some!
363
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:39,188
Aw, man, I totally missed it.
Oh, my God, the toilet?
364
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:41,352
No. Jesus.
365
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,487
Although it is clogged.
366
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:47,196
Wow, heh, Lana, that was...
Right? Totally passive-aggressive.
367
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,452
No, that was active-aggressive.
368
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:52,659
Because you ruined the mission.
Yeah, you jerk.
369
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,824
And why the hell are you here?
Um...
370
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,494
Police scanner?
Cyril.
371
00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:01,255
Well, you know, I mean, you two,
all alone in the honeymoon suite.
372
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,836
Oh, my God.
Ha-ha-ha.
373
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:06,128
Well, you can forget about
the huge decision I made...
374
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:09,639
...that you know nothing about
because I just unmade it.
375
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,682
I--
376
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:13,934
What was that all about?
377
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,188
Heh, heh.
Oh, wouldn't you like to know?
378
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:20,316
Do you?
No.
379
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,606
LANA:
Malory, you cannot be serious.
380
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:26,693
I know. I'm sorry, it's because I use humor
as a coping mechanism.
381
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,154
I meant--
And so while I think it's hilarious...
382
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:32,947
...that your bonuses will now be used
to pay this ridiculous hotel bill...
383
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:37,788
Which somebody could make go away
with a snap of her bony fingers!
384
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,122
[CHERYL GRUNTS]
385
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:43,040
CHERYL: I told you, I have to answer
to my board of directors.
386
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,424
Heh, I don't at all. Ha, ha.
387
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:48,837
Do you even know what that is?
I don't at all.
388
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,880
I just can't seem to find the humor in...
389
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:54,517
...what should have been a simple mission
turning into a total farce.
390
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:58,396
It wasn't--
Lana, it was by definition a farce.
391
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,103
Capped off by the fact
that no one thought to catch...
392
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:04,064
...the madman selling the uranium.
393
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:07,275
Lana was in command.
Yes, was.
394
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:08,815
[LANA SIGHS AND ARCHER CHUCKLES]
395
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,575
Lucky for the madman.
396
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,907
Whoever he was.
397
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,244
[DEVICE CLICKING]
398
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,079
Oh, man.
399
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,711
Well, there goes my master plan.
400
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:22,916
[PIGLEY SQUEALING]
401
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:27,084
Oh. Yeah. Get in there, eat them up.
402
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,548
God knows you earned it.
402
00:19:31,305 --> 00:19:37,902
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org