1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:04,846
[MAN CHANTING IN ARABIC
OVER LOUDSPEAKER]
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,054
LANA:
No!
3
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:12,563
Ugh. No wonder Morocco Mole was so inept.
He never got any damn sleep.
4
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,268
[ARCHER FARTS THEN GRUNTS]
5
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,900
Unlike some people.
Uh, what's that?
6
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:19,403
Uh, good morning.
Don't "g'morning" me.
7
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:22,940
What's your problem?
Besides that fricking air raid siren?
8
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:27,282
It's the muezzin chanting the adhan, Lana.
God, be open to other cultures.
9
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:30,869
I am. What I'm not open to
is not sleeping on the floor...
10
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:34,626
...listening to your drunk ass
fart and snore all night in the only bed...
11
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:36,958
...which I'm sure is why
you wanted this room.
12
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,498
If I may rebut, point by point?
No, you may--
13
00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:43,511
A, pretty sure I offered to share the bed.
B, I wasn't that drunk.
14
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:46,138
Really?
Lana, this is me we're talking about.
15
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:49,846
Okay, yeah, maybe I smoked
just a teeny bit too much hashish...
16
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,306
...but that's only
because I didn't wanna be rude.
17
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,814
To who, the creepy old Moroccan dude?
Or those Dutch high school girls?
18
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:59,147
Both. The latter of whom
were college juniors.
19
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:03,735
And C, Lana, we had to take this room.
Beat history was made here.
20
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:07,151
Says who, the manager?
Why would he lie?
21
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,786
You are American, yes?
Uh, yes.
22
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:12,949
Then you know Allen Ginsberg,
author of the poem "Howl."
23
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:16,745
I saw the best minds of my generation
Destroyed by madness
24
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:20,005
Starving hysterical naked
25
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,712
Yes.
So for extra 1000 American...
26
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:25,343
...you can have room where he wrote.
Yes!
27
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,425
Archer? Morocco.
Yeah, hang on.
28
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,683
Is this really the room
where Allen Ginsberg wrote “Howl"?
29
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:32,972
Why not?
30
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:35,012
Yeah, why not'?
31
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:37,977
And just so we're clear,
you're mad at all that stuff...
32
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:40,563
...and not being weird
because we had sex last night.
33
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,524
Are you--? We didn't have sex.
34
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,859
Good, because I lied. I was drunk.
35
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,696
You want some? Makes you feel better.
36
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:51,453
What will make me feel better is
to get out of shit-reeking Tangier...
37
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:55,162
...which we can only do after we extract
Agent, what's his name, Kazak?
38
00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,622
Why the hell hasn't he activated
his GPS beacon?
39
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,788
And while we're on the subject,
where the hell is our GPS?
40
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:04,629
Oh. Uh, promise you won't get mad?
Uh, no.
41
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,008
[GPS BEEPING]
42
00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,341
No.
I know, right? It's loud as balls.
43
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:11,848
When did it start going off?
I don't know, like, before the muezzin...
44
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,226
...but after the Dutch co-eds left.
45
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,228
You brought them up to the room?
Aha! Busted.
46
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,856
You did get some sleep.
47
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:27,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
48
00:02:56,301 --> 00:03:00,226
ARCHER: How can you not love this place?
The sights, the sounds, the smells.
49
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:03,939
No, Archer, just one smell, singular,
which would knock a possum over.
50
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,648
Didelphis virginiana.
51
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,905
My second-favorite animal
with a prehensile--
52
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,612
LANA: Tail.
Thanks, Brett Somers. Yes, a tail.
53
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,492
You have one.
Yeah, I wish.
54
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,949
I'd be my first-favorite
prehensile-tailed animal.
55
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:16,705
Archer?
Nightcrawler.
56
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,457
A.k.a., Kurt Wagner, Lana.
Archer.
57
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,210
Although he can teleport,
so the prehensile tail is--
58
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,962
Goddamn it, we're being followed.
59
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,965
What? When were you planning to tell me?
LANA: I was.
60
00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:28,466
Look, look. Look out!
61
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,970
[MAN SHOUTING IN ARABIC]
62
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,508
Oh, yeah? Well... Damn,
I had something in Arabic for this.
63
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,597
Wow. That accidentally worked.
64
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:40,603
Uh, accidentally?
Just drive. There, take that left.
65
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:43,561
Hang on, I'm swinging back around.
No, you're not. Why?
66
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:46,443
Because. Look in here and tell me
the Arabic phrase for:
67
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,979
"Your mother is a whore
and a goatherd is her pimp."
68
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,648
Oh, right. Absolutely.
69
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,446
Oh, for-- Nice. Real mature, Lana.
70
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,769
Look, obviously Moroccan
intelligence isn't
71
00:03:55,782 --> 00:03:57,954
as stoked about Kazak
coming over to ISIS...
72
00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:00,992
was your mother is,
so can you please quit clicking around?
73
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:02,330
Who's clicking around? Me...
74
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:05,166
...who's driving this clown car
like Parnelli fricking Jones?
75
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,126
Or you, Lana Litterbug?
76
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:10,384
Archer, I am seriously not in the mood
for your bullshit right n--
77
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,465
Ow!
78
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,504
Ahem.
Oh, uh...
79
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,673
Hold on, I'm stopping.
Why?
80
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,638
Because according to this, we're here.
81
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,473
[GPS BEEPING]
82
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,182
Are you coming?
83
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,144
No, but I'm breathing fast.
84
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:31,023
Get it? Lana, did you get it? Lana?
85
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:34,032
ARCHER: You trying not to laugh
because you're cranky for some reason'?
86
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,865
I'm cranky because I didn't sleep.
Inaccurate.
87
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:40,201
And now I can't sleep because
I'm pretty sure I have a concussion.
88
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,037
Wait, seriously?
Yes, Archer. My head totally kills.
89
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,123
Well, that's not good.
Wait, seriously?
90
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:48,539
Because Tangier's totally awesome.
Wildly inaccurate.
91
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:51,879
But it's probably not the best place
to receive medical treatment.
92
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:55,546
So, what say we grab this Kazak guy
and get out of this flyblown shithole?
93
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:59,307
Okay, but you're missing out on all the
great things Tangier has to offer.
94
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:00,683
Name one.
Che--
95
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:03,561
Besides cheap hash
and a repulsively low age of consent.
96
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,064
Uh, rugs?
Okay.
97
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:10,023
Shooting me's not gonna change the
unbeatableness of their rug prices, Lana.
98
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,904
It might change my mood.
To remorseful?
99
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:16,363
I drew because we don't know
what's waiting for us behind this--
100
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:17,742
Door. You know...
101
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,323
[DOG GROWLING
AND LANA GASPS]
102
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,238
Lana!
Archer?
103
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:26,035
Uh, hey, how you doing, buddy?
I'll be better when you shoot him.
104
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:29,375
I was talking to him, stupid.
Great, then I'll--
105
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:30,960
[BARKING]
106
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,840
ARCHER:
I don't think he likes guns.
107
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,546
[BARKS THEN WHINES]
108
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:38,430
Okay, all right, that's...
All right, come on. Hey, uh, stop it.
109
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,556
Would you get the damn dog off my tits'?
110
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:44,640
Here, boy. Come on, buddy.
Uh, heel?
111
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:47,682
I don't think he speaks English.
What's "get off" in Arabic?
112
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:51,068
She asked, regretfully, remembering
that just moments earlier...
113
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:53,570
...she'd thrown away his $11 phrasebook.
114
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,822
Oh, for the... Get off.
Ooh! Ha, ha!
115
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:58,825
Okay, okay. Who's a good boy, huh?
Who's a good boy?
116
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:02,329
Ugh. I thought you hated dogs.
I love dogs, Lana.
117
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,285
Except Mother's dog. I hated that dog.
118
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,451
Because she loved it more than you?
Ha, ha. Very funny.
119
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,120
Although, she never forgot
the dog's birthday.
120
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,136
Can we please just do this?
121
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,467
[DOG BARKING THEN LANA GRUNTS]
122
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:22,257
Lana, put it away.
All right, everything is okay. See?
123
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:25,928
See? He really doesn't like guns, Lana.
He can't stress that enough.
124
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,938
What are we supposed to do if
Kazak doesn't wanna come with us?
125
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,850
Feed him to Cujo here.
He can poop him out when we get home.
126
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,566
Hey, who's a poopy boy, huh?
Who's a poopy boy?
127
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,026
Shit-breath, slobbering-ass mutt.
128
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:38,986
Don't listen to her, she's--
129
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:40,696
Oh, my God. Wow.
130
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,827
You could use a Tic Tac.
131
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:45,739
Kazak? Hello?
132
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,000
Kazak. Kazak.
133
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:50,911
Ah, get away from me. What are you doing?
What are you doing?
134
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,205
Lana, you can't beckon him
and then rebuff him.
135
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,965
Beckon and rebuff whom?
Kazak.
136
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,922
No, he's not.
137
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,552
He cannot be Kazak.
138
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:02,430
Uh, he can, according to his name tag.
139
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,012
Oh! Son of a bitch.
140
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,643
[BARKING]
141
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,805
Well, technically, she's right, huh?
Is she right?
142
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:13,521
Who's a son of a bitch?
Are you a son of a bitch?
143
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:17,404
Lana, look. He thinks he's people.
144
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:25,029
LANA:
Nope. No, no, no, nope.
145
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:29,666
I did not sign on to be a dog sitter for...
Whose freaking dog is this?
146
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:34,170
Well, who gives a shit, Lana? He's, like,
the Pelé of, let me finish, fetch.
147
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:35,376
[KAZAK BARKS]
148
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:39,543
Well, I will if you bring it here, Kazak.
I can't throw it if it's in your mouth.
149
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:42,883
Why didn't you become a vet?
Honestly? Didn't have the grades.
150
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,219
Heh. No shit.
Why would I lie about that?
151
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,476
And who are you calling?
Who do you think?
152
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,602
Ask her if we can keep him.
153
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:51,229
[SIGHS]
154
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:52,435
[CHERYL SIGHS]
155
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,316
CHERYL: Miss Archer, Lana for you, Line 1.
I'm not here.
156
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,647
[GASPS]
157
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,983
Then how...?
158
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,397
Oh, for the love--
159
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:03,407
Obviously, I am here.
Phew!
160
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,489
I just don't wish to speak to her.
161
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:09,828
But you are here.
Ah! If you walk over here and touch me...
162
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:13,836
...you will spend your lunch hour
being fitted for a prosthetic hand.
163
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,962
I only get 45 minutes.
164
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:18,920
But I'll tell her you're not here.
165
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,926
But you are, right? Aah!
Out.
166
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:25,715
I assume Lana's mad
because Sterling's pushing her buttons.
167
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,008
What a surprise.
Speaking of...
168
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,144
You finally saved enough money
for a sex change.
169
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:34,055
No. I'm actually broker than usual.
170
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,600
--Nine, 10. She's out.
171
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,109
[BELL RINGS]
172
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:41,442
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
173
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:45,450
But I'm very comfortable in my own body,
thank you very much. And--
174
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,906
Don't thank me, thank--
And before you say--
175
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,163
May I finish?
176
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,493
Archer Daniels Midland.
177
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,750
Now what do you want?
I'm extremely busy.
178
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,285
To be a field agent.
179
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,580
I'm sorry?
LANA: You should be.
180
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,999
How was I supposed to know
it was gonna make him do that?
181
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,792
[KAZAK FARTING]
182
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,756
Stuffing him full of street kebabs'?
183
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:08,344
A, it was kofta, and--
Beelzebub's asshole. Kazak.
184
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:12,477
Oh. Bad dog. Bad dog.
185
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:15,229
Sorry, buddy, I didn't mean that. I--
I did.
186
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,607
Your mother sends me
on this bullshit mission...
187
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,734
...but now she won't even take my call?
188
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,646
New York's five hours behind.
Maybe she's not in the office.
189
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,906
Oh, please, she's totally there.
190
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:28,444
Wha--? Out.
Just checking. God.
191
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,284
Idiot. As I was saying...
192
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:34,498
I'm sorry. And I'm sure I...
[KAZAK FARTS]
193
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,000
Ugh. Oh, man.
194
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:39,959
I also speak for Kazak,
who, by the way, is the real victim here.
195
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,839
How is he the victim?
196
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,922
Lana, his nose is like ajillion times
more sensitive than ours.
197
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,302
[KAZAK FARTS
THEN ARCHER COUGHS]
198
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:47,758
It's gotta be killing him.
199
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:51,516
Well, before I kill him, and you,
just get us to the port.
200
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,018
Hopefully, this stupid boat to Spain
has aspirin.
201
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:56,976
What boat?
What "what boat"? The "boat" boat.
202
00:09:57,138 --> 00:10:00,438
Wow. You might actually be concussed
because that's not a real sentence.
203
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,853
Archer?
And the boat's not a boat, Lana...
204
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,613
...it's a freaking hovercraft! Woo-hoo!
205
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,365
[KAZAK HOWLS AND ARCHER WHOOPS]
206
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:08,696
Oh.
207
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:12,237
But boat or not boat,
we won't be getting on it.
208
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,531
LANA:
A roadblock?
209
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:18,122
So guess we're driving through the desert
to a backup extraction point?
210
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,207
[KAZAK VOMITS]
211
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,713
[LANA SOBS]
212
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:25,876
Sorry. I know you had your heart set
on that hovercraft ride.
213
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:29,922
But why on earth do you feel
you're qualified to be an ISIS field agent?
214
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:32,216
Uh, besides Cyril's one?
Hey.
215
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,931
Cyril, you want a fresh one?
I do not, no.
216
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:39,223
Then shut your fist hole and show
Miss Archer how I did on the IFAAB.
217
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:41,983
The ISIS Field Agent Aptitude Battery?
218
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:45,361
You took it? You aced it?
219
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,399
No. But this can't-- You cheated.
220
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:52,820
How? Everyone watched me take it.
Under sterile conditions, by the way.
221
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,572
Well... [CLOCK TICKING]
222
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,331
[PAM FARTS]
223
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,707
PAM:
What?
224
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,161
Punk-ass bitches.
225
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:05,252
Sterile test conditions, anyway.
But I can promise she didn't cheat.
226
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,668
Be that as it-- Hm.
227
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,678
Hm. Hm!
228
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,305
This means nothing.
229
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:15,592
My God, a perfect score
on the IFAAB merely indicates...
230
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:19,262
...that a person is a candidate
for field agent status.
231
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:23,150
It can't determine if they're suited
for actual field work.
232
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:26,278
I mean, what if she had to subdue
an enemy agent?
233
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:29,690
Cue sad trombone. And go.
234
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,909
[PAM GROWLING AND MEN SCREAMING]
235
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,193
[PUNCHING]
236
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,283
Pam, what the hell did you--? Whah!
237
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,949
Unh! Help!
238
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,117
[CYRIL YELLS THEN GRUNTS]
239
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,457
My God.
240
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:47,295
And it goes on like that
for another 38 soul-cleaving minutes.
241
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,676
Of which you were there for two.
Three.
242
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,713
I was scared. I ran away. Sue me.
243
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,553
And then sue me for this. Smoke bomb.
244
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:59,345
So you aced the test and beat up a Nazi,
a nerd and queen of the robots'?
245
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:00,557
BOTH:
Hey.
246
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:05,317
If the saddle oxford and/or ruby
slipper fits, mister and/or missy.
247
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,775
What makes you think
I need another field agent?
248
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,814
I quit.
ARCHER: Lana, believe me...
249
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,948
...nobody wanted a hovercraft
more than me.
250
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,609
LANA:
Stop the car. I'm serious.
251
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,494
I'm serious. Calm the hell down.
252
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,998
Here, hit this hash brown. That creepy
old dude put his lips on it but--
253
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,500
Archer, stop the goddamn car.
254
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,332
Lana, put the gun down. He's gonna--
255
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,121
[KAZAK WHIMPERING]
256
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:29,166
Stopping the car, buddies.
257
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,629
Sorry about that, fur face.
258
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,011
Wouldn't have shot you
for a gazillion bucks.
259
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,216
You, not so much.
260
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:38,384
Lana, come on, we both know you're--
Quitting, Archer. Yes, exactly.
261
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:41,519
Oh. I was gonna say, "not quitting."
262
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,351
Wildlier inaccurate.
263
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:47,609
"Wildlier" isn't a real word, by the way.
At least not in English.
264
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,395
I don't know.
She threw away my phrasebook.
265
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,108
[KAZAK FARTS]
266
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,240
Almost kind of wishing she'd shot you.
267
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,322
No, no, no, I'm kidding.
268
00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:58,532
Who's my stinky boy, huh? Who's my--'?
269
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,163
[KAZAK FARTS]
270
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:05,498
Ugh. So, hey, I know we kid around a lot,
but I think you might have dog cancer.
271
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,505
[KAZAK GROWLS]
272
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:13,009
ARCHER:
No, no. No way. I'm not going back for her.
273
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:17,388
You're new here, but Lana cries wolf
on quitting ISIS, like, twice a week.
274
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:20,346
She'll be fine. She's got-- Oh.
275
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:24,684
I was gonna say, GPS, gun, sat phone,
and canteen full of life-saving water.
276
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:26,018
[KAZAK WHINES]
277
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,148
Well, she's the one
who stormed off into the desert...
278
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:32,279
...with no GPS, no gun, no sat phone,
and no life-saving water.
279
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,531
And why the hell are you taking her side?
280
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:38,401
She jammed a gun in
your-- [KAZAK VOMITS]
281
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:40,696
Ugh. So were you whining
about Lana being an idiot'?
282
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:43,035
Or about you being carsick?
283
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,245
[KAZAK VOMITS]
284
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,836
How much freaking kofta did you eat?
285
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,418
Well, whose fault is that?
286
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:54,255
Okay, so maybe I egged you on to eat
five orders of it...
287
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,590
...and maybe I push Lana's buttons
on purpose...
288
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,801
...and just generally make her life hell...
289
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:02,513
...which maybe I do, possibly,
if I'm being completely honest...
290
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,394
...because I still have
some pretty strong--
291
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:06,975
Oh, goddamn, dude.
292
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:12,269
Okay, we'll go back for her.
But not because you said so.
293
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:19,110
LANA: Because you let him.
Because you let him push your buttons.
294
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:24,532
That's why you stormed off with no GPS,
gun, phone, or life-saving water.
295
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:28,247
And that's why you died in the desert.
296
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,252
Holy shit, I'm gonna die in the desert.
297
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,412
[GASPS]
298
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,752
Just like Cheryl's gypsy woman said.
299
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:38,382
How would I ever die in a dessert?
300
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,296
Well... Pretty close.
301
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:43,512
And you're not gonna die out here
because any minute now--
302
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,392
Ha, ha! Ha!
303
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:50,273
--Archer's gonna come crawling back to you,
tail between his legs from...
304
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:53,435
From the wrong direction. Oh, shit.
305
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,482
Oh, shit.
306
00:14:56,854 --> 00:15:00,609
Wait, wait, wait. Shut up. What?
What are you talking about?
307
00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:03,619
Oh, God, I don't know.
Maybe a gigantic chocolate mousse or--
308
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,372
I said "desert."
Oh.
309
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:08,078
Still pretty close.
310
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,415
Will you put Mother on the damn phone?
What's the magic word?
311
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,671
Oh, for the-- Please.
312
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,298
No, they changed it.
313
00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,754
Cheryl, you stupid ****...
314
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,013
Hm. Lucky guess.
315
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,515
PAM:
Plus, I'm a quick learner.
316
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:27,518
Plus, I'm an amazing driver.
Plus, I almost never get sick.
317
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,931
Plus, I already bought three pantsuits.
I'll think about it.
318
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,724
That a real you'll think about it'?
319
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,894
Or a "Pam, if your pig, Leon,
wins a ribbon at the county fair...
320
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,438
...we won't kill and eat him
for Easter dinner...
321
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:42,199
...and render what's left into soap,"
you'll think about it?
322
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,486
It's--
Because I never really got over that.
323
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:47,155
It's a real one.
Yay!
324
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:51,121
But thank you for that glimpse
into your bleak, farmy childhood.
325
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:55,289
It was actually pretty awesome.
And, if I'm being honest, so was Leon.
326
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,048
Get out. What?
327
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,049
ARCHER". Mother? it's Sterling. Listen.
Oh, no.
328
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:00,334
[LINE DISCONNECTS]
329
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,503
Heh. I guess I had that coming.
330
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,388
[LINE RINGING]
331
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,549
MALORY:
You must really think I'm an idiot.
332
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:09,390
Your words, Mother,
but my voice-mail doesn't call you.
333
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:10,599
Oh, right.
334
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:13,560
What's going on? Did you get Kazak?
Are you on the boat yet?
335
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:17,899
Okay, in order, I'll get to that.
Yes, no, and it's not a boat, it's a--
336
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,779
The hovercraft. Whatever.
Why aren't you people on it?
337
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,066
Well, for starters,
some of us aren't people.
338
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,358
[KAZAK BARKING]
339
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:27,199
But they think they are.
Yes, they do. Yes, they do.
340
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,910
Sterling!
Oh. So, anyway, Lana quit and--
341
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:32,166
She--? What'd you do this time?
342
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,794
ARCHER: Nothing. She quit because
you made us fly to Morocco.
343
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:38,081
Coach, by the way--
And don't even get me started on that.
344
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,050
--For a dog. You know
how insulting that is?
345
00:16:40,063 --> 00:16:41,877
A stupid dog?
346
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:44,216
Wha--? Is this about the carriage ride?
347
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,631
I mean, Pd be lying
if I said it wasn't a factor.
348
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:51,052
Let me tell you something about
that so-called stupid dog, Mr. Man.
349
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:56,437
Are you--? That's all we were after?
Well, you could have told us, Mother.
350
00:16:56,599 --> 00:17:00,274
Oh, and you could have told me
you just took her to the stupid vet.
351
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:05,317
Who just had a lovely birthday
carriage ride through Central Park?
352
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,362
Yes, she did. Yes, she did.
353
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,654
[MALORY GIBBERING]
354
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,744
[ARCHER SIGHS THEN DOG GROWLS]
355
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,535
We're not gonna make it
to the backup extraction point...
356
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:19,296
...so get a fix on my signal and reroute
the chopper to those coordinates.
357
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:22,459
Okay, rerouting now. ETA, 10 minutes.
358
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:26,380
Whenever. We'll be here.
One way or the other.
359
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,139
So, hey, how you doing on the kofta?
360
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,765
[VOMITS]
361
00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:33,224
Yeah, good, get it all out now
because this next part's gonna suck.
362
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,889
[MAN 1 SHOUTS IN ARABIC]
363
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,398
LANA:
Archer!
364
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,400
[MEN SHOUTING IN ARABIC]
365
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:43,695
[KAZAK WHINES]
366
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:47,825
See? That's why I said scrooch down.
Lana, Lana, scrooch down!
367
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,819
No, no, no. Archer, don't.
368
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,488
[MAN 2 SHOUTS IN ARABIC]
369
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,998
Are you out of your mind?
370
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,830
No. Although I am out of ammo.
371
00:17:56,993 --> 00:18:00,918
Okay, buddy, so here's the deal.
A, scrooch down.
372
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,754
And B, normally in this situation
I do a pit maneuver.
373
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,590
If I do, the truck will flip,
and if Lana doesn't die...
374
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,175
...she's a quadriplegic,
I marry her out of guilt...
375
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,933
...but after a few years of feeding tubes
and colostomy bags, I resent her...
376
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,969
...and the night nurse is, like,
Brazilian and 20.
377
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,308
[KAZAK GROWLS]
378
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,143
Don't judge me. I have needs, man.
379
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,775
The point is, and it might be
a kind of shitty plan...
380
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:24,153
...but I'm gonna jump on the truck.
So I need you to take the--
381
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,610
--wheel, exactly. 80... Kazak?
382
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,616
[KAZAK GROWLING
AND MEN SCREAMING]
383
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:33,030
Oh, look. Lana, look.
He thinks he's vampires.
384
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,448
[MEN SCREAMING]
385
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,707
ARCHER:
Lana, look out!
386
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:37,867
[KAZAK WHIMPERS]
387
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,536
Kazak!
388
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:40,874
[ARCHER GRUNTING]
389
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,998
[MAN s SCREAMS]
390
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,756
[SPEAKING IN ARABIC]
391
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,763
No. Guy's probably got nine wives
and a jillion kids and--
392
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,648
Holy shit, that's racist, Archer.
What is wrong with you?
393
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,309
LANA: Seriously.
Lana.
394
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:06,904
Archer, thank--
God, is he hit? Tell me he's not hit.
395
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,986
He's fine.
396
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:13,494
As am I, Not that you give a--
Shh! Lana, don't ruin the moment.
397
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,745
What moment? What are you--?
398
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:15,951
[GASPS]
399
00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:19,208
Uh, what are you doing? What is that?
Microfilm.
400
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:23,247
It was on his collar the whole time.
Something about nukes in Pakistan.
401
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,915
Or one of the -akistans.
I forget which one.
402
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:28,050
Ow!
403
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:31,383
My point is, ow, sometimes we do good work.
404
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,843
So promise me you'll never quit again.
405
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,007
[SIGHS]
406
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:38,769
Only if you promise you'll quit being
such a colossal asshole.
407
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,350
Hmm.
408
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:46,019
Heh. I can't. You know...
[BARKING]
409
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,527
What?
410
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,442
[KAZAK FARTS]
411
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,861
[ARCHER CHUCKLES]
411
00:19:55,305 --> 00:20:01,306
-= www.OpenSubtitles.org =-