1
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:06,094
Hurry, hurry, sit down. Come in.
2
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,429
I have the most
fantastic news.
3
00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:10,936
What, did Bub finally die?
Who's Bub?
4
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,517
My mother, and before you make
some snotty comment...
5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,524
...yes, I have a mother. Do you
wanna hear my news or not?
6
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,277
Yeah, if you're done yelling
at me for no reason.
7
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:24,237
Last night, an Air Force B-52 bomber
crashed off the coast of Bermuda.
8
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:27,323
That's bad news.
Well, it's about fricking time.
9
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:30,740
What? We're not bombing them
in advance of an amphibious invasion?
10
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:33,125
Why would we invade Bermuda?
11
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:36,082
Oh, ha, Bermuda. Duh.
I was thinking Bahamas.
12
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:37,963
Same question.
Same answer.
13
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,123
Why not?
It's how we got the Virgin Islands.
14
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,794
Actually, the United States bought
the Virgin Islands from Denmark.
15
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:46,430
Okay, Mr. Peabody.
Are you finished?
16
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,635
Yes.
Good.
17
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:51,052
Because the B-52 was--
In the middle of the Bermuda Triangle.
18
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,313
Is this about the Bermuda Triangle?
That's my fourth biggest fear.
19
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,644
It's about the B-52's payload.
20
00:00:56,807 --> 00:01:01,438
- Namely, a Mark-28 hydrogen bomb.
- Oh, my God.
21
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:04,152
Which ISIS is going to recover.
22
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,361
Wait, do what?
What?
23
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:10,371
And then give to the U.S. government
in exchange for a huge reward.
24
00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:12,122
What?
So ransom it back.
25
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:14,283
No, not ransom it, Cyril.
26
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,497
We're-- Look, semantics, whatever.
27
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,003
This is...
Treason?
28
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:21,165
...a huge opportunity
for ISIS.
29
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,754
- Or the Russians.
- Wait. What?
30
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:28,172
The B-52 is on the ocean
floor here at a depth of 8000 feet.
31
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,682
Or 1333 fathoms.
32
00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:32,764
How do you know that?
How do you not?
33
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:36,396
So recovering the bomb
requires a deep submergence vehicle.
34
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:39,684
The only American DSV
is here in the Pacific.
35
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,898
The Russians have one
in the North Atlantic.
36
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:45,155
So if they hear about the wreck
and start steaming toward it--
37
00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:47,692
They don't actually steam
anymore, Mother.
38
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:51,032
It's a figure of speech,
like shut your hatch.
39
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:54,038
Because my point was
the Russians will beat them to it.
40
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:57,701
So we are going to beat the Russians.
41
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,963
Give it up, folks.
Mike Eruzione.
42
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,169
Yeah!
43
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:07,886
Well-- Shut up. Since Krieger doesn't
have a submersible hidden in his lab...
44
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:11,049
Or do I?
45
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,008
I don't, actually.
46
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:16,179
Then how are we supposed to
beat anybody to a hydrogen bomb...
47
00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,439
...under 2.27 leagues of water?
48
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:22,227
Oh, my Jesus.
Goddamn, all right already.
49
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:23,735
Can I possibly help you?
50
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:27,398
Please, I know you were talking loud
so I'd hear you, so whatever.
51
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:30,738
But we're not speaking, so if you want
a deep submergence whatever...
52
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,700
...you can talk to my stupid,
gross brother Cecil.
53
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,739
Who, by the way, is here to see you.
54
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,658
Ms. Archer will see you now.
55
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:41,958
Thank you, Cheryl. I-- Aaarggh!
I hate you!
56
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:47,047
Ahem. Hello, I'm Cecil Tunt. I believe
you're in need of some assistance?
57
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:51,510
Yeah, Rien Poortvliet just called.
He wants you to pose for him.
58
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:55,097
Oh, come on,
beloved illustrator of Gnomes?
59
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,932
Jesus, read a coffee table book!
60
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:05,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
61
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,133
Wow. You own an island...
62
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:40,145
...an undersea laboratory
and this choppersaurus?
63
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:43,227
Guess it doesn't suck to be a
billionaire, huh? Probably not.
64
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:48,146
But Cheryl and I split our parents' estate,
so technically I'm only worth 500 million.
65
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,279
Which also doesn't suck,
obviously.
66
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,817
Unlike you,
who totally sucks obviously.
67
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,656
Will you shut up?
68
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:59,574
I swear to God, if you get us kicked off
before I get my jumbo scrimps on...
69
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:03,119
...you will wish you were Michael Findlay.
A, Cecil won't kick you off.
70
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,424
He wants everybody here
for no good reason.
71
00:04:05,437 --> 00:04:07,586
He doesn't need one.
He's an American hero...
72
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,341
...who's going to make me rich.
73
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:13,129
And B, that's not even real shrimp.
This is all vegan soy bullshit.
74
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,972
Because he's totally vegan...
75
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:19,476
...because his stupid, gross girlfriend
Tiffy is a vegan and a brother-stealer!
76
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:22,012
Who can also totally hear you.
77
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:25,308
Which is amazing. Why aren't you
dead from protein deficiency?
78
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:28,102
Because I get
all eight essential amino acids...
79
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,863
...from amaranth and quinoa
without murdering helpless animals.
80
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,283
Hey, Tiff.
81
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,992
Could you, instead of antagonizing her,
maybe go ahead and take off?
82
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:42,162
Love you.
83
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:44,998
We'll rendezvous with my
research vessel in a few hours...
84
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,707
...so in the meantime, I guess...
85
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:49,714
...continue to make such
wildly liberal use of the bar.
86
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,967
Done. You're okay, Cecil.
87
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,844
I don't get why Cheryl hates you so much.
Right?
88
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:58,007
You've got this whole
Jacques Cousteau thing going on, that's--
89
00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,891
Just one of my many
philanthropies.
90
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,052
I have so much on my plate,
as it were.
91
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,942
Children Without Plates,
speaking of plates.
92
00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:05,689
Doctors Within Borders--
93
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,894
"Within Borders"?
94
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:09,810
Well, of countries ravaged by war.
Right, otherwise--
95
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,853
Otherwise there's not really much point.
96
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:16,651
Then there's Nourish a Child, Shoe a Child,
Bespectacle A Child.
97
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,946
Um... One Laptop Per Child Soldier--
Wait, what?
98
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:24,082
Which, unfortunately, soon became
One Thousand Laptops Per Warlord.
99
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:28,587
Man, all those charities have gotta cost,
like-- Hey, I should go help Tiffy...
100
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,998
...since we're flying
into the Bermuda Triangle...
101
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,917
...where mysteries abound!
102
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:38,635
What kind of mysteries?
I'm kidding. Ha, ha, ha, ha...
103
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,592
- Well, Cheryl, you come by it honest.
- Speaking of--
104
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,932
Ah! Lana, come on. We're about
to fly into the Bermuda Triangle.
105
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,223
My nerves are frayed enough as it is.
Really?
106
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:50,313
No. Long Island Iced Tea number
three really took the edge off.
107
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,944
You want one?
No, I'm not drinking, but--
108
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:56,949
Oh, my God. I totally saw this coming.
What--? You saw what coming?
109
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,610
Did you not join the Nation of Islam?
No, Archer, I--
110
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:03,030
You know they won't let you keep
dating Cyril, right? Plus, no bacon.
111
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,243
You done?
112
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,625
Well, for now,
but after I take a nap, I'll--
113
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:09,036
You'll wake up in time
to get shot for treason...
114
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,251
...because your mom wants to
ransom a bomb to the United States.
115
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:16,635
It's a reward. And maritime salvage law
is very clear on the subject...
116
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:19,797
...according to Cecil.
And what's he getting out of this?
117
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:23,092
I guess whatever useless thing
philanthropists normally get...
118
00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:25,260
...from squandering their money
on the poor.
119
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:29,273
So, what, he's conducting a huge
naval operation just for a warm fuzzy?
120
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,433
Uh-- Hey, wait a second.
121
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,649
What?
I think I have room for a Fuzzy Navel.
122
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,819
Wow, Tiffy, who taught you how to fly?
123
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:41,155
Was it that goose you freed,
ruining last year's Christmas dinner, or-?
124
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:44,572
Ugh! Cecil, I swear to Goddess...
125
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,708
I know, Tiffy. But please,
try to focus on the greater good.
126
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:49,960
In the words
of the immortal Jeremy Bentham--
127
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:53,167
Good thing I'm immortal,
because if she says one more word to me...
128
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:56,675
...I will slam this helicopter
into the fricking ocean.
129
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,131
Well, you seem busy.
130
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:06,268
So say it's worth 2 billion.
A fair reward on that would be...
131
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,394
Ahem. Hello.
Oh, Mr. Tunt.
132
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,682
Please join me.
You're just the person I wanna talk to.
133
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,442
And I, you. About my sister.
134
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:18,447
I was curious if you'd noticed anything,
well, curious about her behavior.
135
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:23,284
Oh, you're serious.
I'm afraid so, yes.
136
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,196
Well, how much time
do you have?
137
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:29,037
As much as you need.
138
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:34,837
Oh, my God. I don't know what to say.
139
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:37,044
I have figuratively
lost my tongue.
140
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,630
With Brent,
it was almost literally.
141
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,636
That's why we can't
have scissors.
142
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,674
I had no idea her mental state
had declined to such an extent.
143
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,467
I mean, the arson is not surprising.
144
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:48,681
What have you done?
145
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,521
Take that, gazebo!
146
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,899
But you're telling me she had...
147
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,443
Mm. Choke sex, that's her kink.
148
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,148
With a KGB cyborg.
149
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,734
After she led him straight
to the ISIS safe house...
150
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,241
...at 921 East 73rd Street.
151
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,572
Oh, my"
152
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,077
Wait, is that classified?
153
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,238
I won't tell if you won't tell.
154
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,452
Okay.
155
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,333
Well, I appreciate your candor
in this matter, Ms. Archer.
156
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,789
Oh, no, it's Ms.
157
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,580
Oh.
Ms., yes.
158
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:20,543
Thank you for... Mm... Yes.
159
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,349
Come on. You call this fully-stocked?
160
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,602
And no Georgia peaches?
161
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,232
What the--?
What are you doing?
162
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,768
L-- What are you doing?
163
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:42,986
Hairy Navel. Started as a Fuzzy,
but I'm calling this vacation, so...
164
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:48,286
Okay. Love our little talks.
165
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,406
Hi. It's Pam, right?
166
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:54,247
Enjoying the cruelty-free
vegan seafood buffet?
167
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:57,583
Mm! It's pretty good once you
get over how allergic I am to soy.
168
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,794
What? Oh, my God, don't eat that.
Hey!
169
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,503
I'm a consenting adult.
170
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:06,805
Plus, I assume you've got an EpiPen
on this big Riptide-looking bastard?
171
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,055
L-- Yes.
172
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,263
In the cockpit in the first aid kit, but--
Well, then shut up.
173
00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:13,269
Okay, shutting up, yes-.
174
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:17,808
But before I do,
could I ask you a few questions?
175
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,568
How is everybody okay with this?
176
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,855
How are you not?
Lana, you heard Ms. Archer.
177
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,820
It's either us or the Russians--
I did not hear that, but--
178
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:29,828
But if you found somebody's wallet,
you'd expect to get a reward, so--
179
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,910
What if they won't pay a reward?
What, she just keeps the bomb?
180
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,326
It's not gonna come to that.
Ooh! But if it does...
181
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:38,041
...we could move to Cecil's island
and be a rogue state.
182
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,295
Cool.
183
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,580
Ugh! Forget it.
184
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:45,674
Oh, and also, dummies,
we're 500 miles from the nearest tree.
185
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,132
Hey, thanks, Magellan.
186
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,348
Wait, why the heck
are you painting my face?
187
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,305
Because you look fierce. Rrowr!
188
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:54,969
Well, thank you, Pam.
189
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:59,858
I appreciate your candor, and you really,
really should really stop eating those.
190
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,689
Last one.
191
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:08,070
Malory, please, is there any way
I can get you to reconsider this?
192
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:11,828
Well, if you feel that strongly...
I so do.
193
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:16,457
Cecil says marine salvage goes for
10 to 20 percent of the item's value.
194
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,466
But since all I'm asking
is a measly 3 percent,
195
00:10:19,479 --> 00:10:22,339
if you've got $60
million lying around...
196
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,295
Exqueeze me?
I know, right?
197
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,209
It's a steal at twice the price.
198
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,846
Yeah, and about that. Cyril figured out
how big our bonuses should be.
199
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,051
Your what?
200
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:35,344
L-- Ray made me.
Cyril. Come on, you're fierce. Rrowr.
201
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,730
No, don't!
202
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,066
Could I speak to you
for a moment?
203
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:46,071
Wildly liberal use,
Cecil. Those were your exact words.
204
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:49,483
No, of course, that's totally fine,
but I wanted to talk to you about--
205
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,528
Don't say
"high-functioning alcoholism."
206
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:55,413
I wasn't going to.
Well, then what's on your mind?
207
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,075
Well, it's about my sister.
Hey, whoa.
208
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:01,586
I don't know what she told you,
but Carol's a consenting adult, so--
209
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,246
Well, that's actually my point.
210
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:06,713
I wanted to ask you if you'd ever
seen her acting strangely on...
211
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,173
Ha, ha! Ha! Ah...
212
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:12,426
Oh, you're-- You're serious.
213
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,562
Just ignore it. It's non-diegetic.
214
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,774
Last one.
Stinky-pinky swear. Mmm...
215
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,360
Psst! Pam.
216
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,111
Aw, crap.
217
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,362
- Already?
- Pam.
218
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:33,448
Look, auditory hallucinations
aren't gonna make you any less delicious.
219
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,284
Hey, I was talking to that.
Shh. Shut up. I need your help.
220
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:39,370
And that's how you ask?
Cecil's, like, interviewing everybody.
221
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,626
Yeah, he-- Is he doing that?
222
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,663
Yes. And I think he's taping it.
Look, there's cameras everywhere.
223
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:45,921
Huh.
224
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,753
He's taping them saying I'm crazy...
225
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:51,466
...so that he can show it to a judge
and get conservatorship over me.
226
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,797
Huh.
“Huh" what?
227
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:57,467
I mean, you think that's the worst
idea anybody ever had?
228
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,102
Oh, my God.
229
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:02,184
I know. It's hard to hear, but--
Ow!
230
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:05,066
I thought you were my friend!
Yeah, and for like six months...
231
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,478
...you also thought you were
a werewolf!
232
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,773
Ah, crap, I can't feel my face.
233
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,155
Last one, swear to God.
234
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,450
Ha. I swear to God...
235
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:20,741
...every full moon she'd make us
lock her in the ISIS vault. Ha, ha.
236
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:25,128
Oh, my God. How are you laughing?
That's not funny. It's tragic.
237
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,503
I, uh... No.
238
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,507
Yeah, but you know, plus time, it equals--
239
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,339
Thank you.
I've heard quite enough.
240
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,004
Now, if you'll please excuse me, I--
Cecil.
241
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,513
My darling whom I love...
242
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,891
...and also strangers
whom I don't even like...
243
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,177
...our ETA is 15 minutes.
244
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:45,019
And the seas are really choppy,
so we may be in for a rough landing.
245
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,934
Thank you. Love you.
246
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:51,321
So you may wanna switch
to coffee.
247
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,159
Oh, you're still serious.
248
00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:00,492
Or am I?
249
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,449
I am actually.
250
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,288
Have you people lost
your minds?
251
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,124
Because apparently it's going around.
Because-- Shut up.
252
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:12,544
If we recover the bomb, I will decide
if any of you receive a tiny bonus, so--
253
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,006
"if"?
Guys, shut up.
254
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,262
I got this.
Shut up. What do you mean "if"?
255
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,889
Also, what are we talking about?
256
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,550
Nothing. There's nothing
to talk about, because I am--
257
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,344
Jesus Christ!
258
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,388
Okay, it's either the altitude
or a stroke.
259
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,228
Mother, it's Sterling.
260
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,233
Do you smell toast?
Pam?
261
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,195
What the--?
--hell are you doing?
262
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:39,577
The cockpit is off-limits, missy!
Oh, yeah?
263
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,363
Well, so is my inheritance!
264
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:45,413
Goddamn it, shut up, John Williams!
265
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:47,919
Oh, my God.
You really are crazy!
266
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,579
Would a crazy person
do this?
267
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:52,881
Yes!
268
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:58,342
What the hell is going on?
It's Cheryl. She's in the cockpit.
269
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,632
I think she's trying to kill us all!
270
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,846
Oh, good. Phew!
271
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:06,354
Heh. For a second there,
I thought I drank too much.
272
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:14,111
Get off me!
273
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:17,945
Cheryl! Cheryl, open this door!
274
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:20,659
Why is there a lock on it?
275
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:24,368
Well, obviously to prevent this exact
scenario from ever happening, but--
276
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,283
Now? Really? You think this
is a good time to be facetious?
277
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:30,044
I'm fairly certain
you're not using "facetious" correctly.
278
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:33,207
Cheryl, can you come out
so we can talk about this like adults...
279
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,626
...who aren't gonna die
in a helicopter crash?
280
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:40,889
We'll crash with the tapes of all of
you stupid jerks saying I'm crazy!
281
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,640
- The what?
- The tapes!
282
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,472
It's part of his sneaky plan...
283
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:48,764
...to get conservatorship over me
so he can steal my inheritance!
284
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:51,103
That's why she hijacked
his helicopter?
285
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,939
Man, talk about rich people problems.
286
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,979
What are you--?
Archer, Pam is dying.
287
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:58,147
Cyril, shut up. I'm in charge here.
288
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:01,158
And, okay, here's what we're doing.
289
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,658
Emergency tracheotomy.
290
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,949
Sterling' With a crazy straw-
291
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,583
It's fine. It's pretty sterile.
292
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,620
That Hairy Navel was mostly
Kentucky Moon.
293
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:14,255
That's not even how you make
a Hairy Navel.
294
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,008
I know, it's a new drink.
Help me think of a name-.
295
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:20,261
So far all I've got is Horatio
Cornblower, which...
296
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,388
Okay, here's what's happening.
297
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,141
I'm gonna make a small incision
in your trachea with this.
298
00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:26,346
Archer!
299
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,600
Yeah, right, that's not sterile.
300
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,810
Ugh! And since when do you
carry a switchblade?
301
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:34,021
It's a long story, Mother.
302
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:36,853
Neat.
303
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,863
Well, not so much long.
It's just not very interesting.
304
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,365
Okay, Pam, you with me?
305
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,778
Then I'm gonna stick this in the incision
and you should be good to go.
306
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,116
Are you ready?
307
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,202
Uh-uh! Aargh!
- Hey, no. Don't-- Pam!
308
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:51,334
Stop it! Guys, hold her arms. She-- Ow!
309
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:55,129
Okay. Sorry in advance for this.
310
00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:59,668
First aid kit! EpiPen!
311
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:02,713
Oh, my God, the first aid kit.
I think it might have an EpiPen.
312
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:03,926
Mm-hm!
313
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,590
Oh! Jeez,
and hopefully a cold pack.
314
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,724
Will you--?
Go get the damn first aid kit!
315
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:10,478
I am, but not
because you said so.
316
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,354
Just breathe, Pam.
It's on the way.
317
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:16,230
So you think Cecil's really trying
to steal Cheryl's inheritance?
318
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,484
Who cares?
319
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,190
Well, you should.
Because?
320
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:23,108
Because you've been trying to get your
bony man-hooks on her money for years...
321
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,993
...and how the hell are you gonna
do that if Cecil gets it?
322
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,530
Tapes! We have to
find and destroy the tapes.
323
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,790
There must be some recording
device somewhere.
324
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:33,997
And why are you still standing there? Go!
Wait. What about Pam?
325
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,128
I'll buy you a new one!
Ow!
326
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,249
Oh, quit milking it.
327
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:42,965
Hey, hey, hey.
328
00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:44,674
Lana, stop.
What?
329
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:48,091
If you damage that, it might not work
in the event of an emergency.
330
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,600
And what would you call this?
331
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:53,138
Oh, right. Speaking of,
Pam's dying of anaphylactic shock.
332
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,773
You got a first aid kit?
I-- It's in the cockpit.
333
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,276
Which is locked and-- No, no, no!
334
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:04,157
And also apparently bulletproof. Well,
yeah, you'd want it to be to prevent--
335
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,784
You shot me, you idiot!
336
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,571
Hey, first of all, if I shot you,
you'd know it.
337
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,081
And secondly, now who's the idiot?
338
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,617
You! All of you!
339
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:16,127
You're here because I wanted
you here, so I could--
340
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,287
Help us get
the hydrogen bomb, yeah.
341
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:22,960
Oh, my God! There is no bomb!
What?
342
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,258
Well, guess I had that coming.
343
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,050
Well, you don't have to rub it in.
344
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:33,516
I just wanted to get you people on tape
saying Cheryl was crazy...
345
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,817
...so I could get control
of her inheritance
346
00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:37,979
to fund my numerous
philanthropies.
347
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:41,773
Ah-ha! Heh... Hang on.
348
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:46,775
Now, shut up and land
this shitheap! Ahem.
349
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:50,157
Now, I believe there was some
mention of anaphylactic shock?
350
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,492
Thank you.
She's my patient, Lana.
351
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:56,285
Wait, so if all you wanted was to
get us on tape saying she's crazy--
352
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:57,997
Which I'm totally not, by the--
353
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,208
You could've done that
in a lawyer's office.
354
00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:02,999
Why drag us all the way here
to the middle of the ocean?
355
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:06,294
Well, promise you won't get mad?
356
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:09,506
- Ugh. No.
- You asshole!
357
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,345
Stupid drunk-ass...
358
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:15,102
...switchblade tracheotomy-giving dicknuts!
Ow! Pam, cut it-- Ow!
359
00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:19,273
Sorry. Thanks, I feel a lot better.
360
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,732
Yeah, that's why I jammed it
in your neck. I figured if-- Ow!
361
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:26,113
What the hell was that for?
Horatio Cornblower?
362
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,775
Heh, heh. I know, right? You got anything?
363
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:29,988
Dicknuts.
364
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,032
Okay, we got the tapes.
Big whoop.
365
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,822
L-- Wait, I thought you wanted--
What just happened?
366
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:37,117
It was a hoax.
There is no bomb.
367
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,285
Boom!
Guess you had that coming.
368
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,204
Oh, put another
man's penis in it.
369
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,044
Attention, unwelcome passengers.
370
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,378
We are now landing...
371
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:48,636
...so please find your seats
and fasten your seat belts.
372
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,387
Or not, because, frankly...
373
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:54,301
...I could give a shit
if all you people live or die.
374
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,344
The odds on which I'd put
at about--
375
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,387
What do you think, Cecil, 50-to-1?
Ow, ow, ow!
376
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,397
Lana, what's going on?
377
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:03,355
Somebody shot him.
Will you--? Lana, what's going on?
378
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,360
Why don't you ask Cecil?
379
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,317
Ow! God,
your hands are like-- Ow!
380
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,073
Well, as you may know...
381
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:13,031
...one of my many philanthropic endeavors
is an undersea research laboratory...
382
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:16,243
...which, as luck would have it,
is actually beneath us right now.
383
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,998
Cut to the chase.
Ow!
384
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,501
Anyhoo, the lead scientist
is threatening--
385
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,254
Well, he can tell you. Ahem.
386
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,414
Captain Murphy.
387
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,881
Ah! Please tell me
you guys heard that.
388
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,713
Ah, Mr. Tunt.
389
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,552
Don't worry.
He can't see us.
390
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,091
No, but I can hear you.
391
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:37,225
Although he can hear us.
392
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,604
Yes, I can. And please hear me.
393
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:43,483
For years, decades, I have begged
the so-called leaders of the world...
394
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:47,191
...to stop poisoning our oceans,
but they have ignored my pleas.
395
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,776
As I will ignore theirs, Mr. Tunt.
396
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,158
Unless my list of demands is met...
397
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:55,616
. “in the next-- Tick, took, tick.
--12 hours.
398
00:19:55,778 --> 00:20:00,409
At which point, I will launch our missiles
on Washington, Miami and New York.
399
00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,453
Hope everybody has a gas mask.
400
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:06,630
Why do they have missiles?
401
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:08,962
And what did he mean
by "gas mask"?
402
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:12,800
L-- You know, that was,
I think, maybe, probably...
403
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:16,808
...because the missiles are
definitely tipped with VX nerve gas.
404
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,807
Oh, my God.
What?
405
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:23,064
The-- It's the-- Damn it!
406
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,893
Still can't beat
Horatio Cornblower.
407
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:28,861
Dicknuts.
407
00:20:29,305 --> 00:20:35,493
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