1
00:00:03,212 --> 00:00:05,761
MURPHY [OVER MONITOR]:
Time and tide, they wait for no man.
2
00:00:05,923 --> 00:00:08,096
Nor do I, Mr. Tunt. Nor do I.
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:09,760
And unless my demands are met...
4
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:14,103
...I will launch my nerve gas missiles
on New York, Washington and Miami...
5
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,359
...in 11 hours and--
Oh, look at that, 11 minutes.
6
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:18,565
Hey, make a wish.
7
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:23,403
Uh, I wish you wouldn't launch nerve gas
missiles on New York, Washington--
8
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,034
And I wish you fools
would stop destroying the oceans.
9
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,695
Overfishing, industrial runoff.
10
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:31,616
Don't even get me started on whaling.
Oh, and plastic bottles?
11
00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:33,034
That's-- I can't even--
12
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,999
There is a floating mass of garbage
in the Pacific...
13
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,289
...twice the size of the United States.
14
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,878
Oh, and where the hell
is the news crew I asked for'?
15
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,384
Uh, with me.
16
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,547
And with your permission,
I'm sending them down in the DSV.
17
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,465
Good, yes. I need to get
my message to the world.
18
00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:49,975
Who'd you get? Oprah?
19
00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:51,977
Bigger.
You know...
20
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,058
Hello? Is that her?
21
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,223
I-- Oh, right, he can't see us.
22
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,485
Which has really got me nettled!
23
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,650
All right, Mr. Tunt, send them down.
24
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:05,988
But if this is some sort of ruse...
25
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,950
Are--
Was there a follow-up or--?
26
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,661
No, I was leaving the consequences
to your imagination.
27
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,666
But trust me, they are grave.
28
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,827
As in watery grave?
29
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,712
Sealab out.
30
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:22,465
Goddamn it! Off! Unh!
31
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,797
So I have a question--
32
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,803
How are none of these a minibar'?
33
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:29,135
Oh, my God,
I know what you mean. Right?
34
00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:33,303
I mean, it is a giant floating
biodiesel-powered hotel room.
35
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,311
Don't get snotty with me, missy.
36
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:39,020
You people lure us out here to help
the government recover a hydrogen bomb--
37
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,731
Which, let's be honest,
you were gonna hold for ransom.
38
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:45,363
Reward. When the whole time you knew
this crazy Murphy character...
39
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,399
...was gonna bomb New York
with nerve gas?
40
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:49,694
Well--
Not to mention D.C. and Miami.
41
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,533
Which no one who matters
will miss.
42
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,368
What about your South Beach condo?
43
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,783
Hello.
Florida real estate collapse.
44
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,872
It's farther underwater
than Sealab.
45
00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:02,165
But if my homeowners policy covers
nerve gas attacks, that's a win-win.
46
00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:03,423
Wow.
47
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:04,834
So my question...
48
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,549
...ignoring the obvious one
of why an ocean research lab...
49
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:11,181
...has nerve gas missiles
in the first place, ahem...
50
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:13,263
...is how many men
does Murphy have?
51
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:16,053
Mm, like two?
Oh, then--
52
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,220
Score.
53
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:21,688
Two score, so around 40.
Sorry, should have finished my--
54
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:26,401
So since we're talking about 40 hostiles,
I have a follow-up question.
55
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:29,817
Something something danger zone?
56
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,406
Ugh.
I know, I'm not even trying anymore.
57
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,695
Archer--
Nope.
58
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,365
Randy.
I'm camera dude Randy...
59
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:40,581
...and this pathetic, trout-shouldered
excuse for a boom operator is Chet.
60
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,418
Shut up. What's pathetic
is your plan.
61
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,924
Heh. Wait,
you have an actual plan?
62
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,209
Duh, yes, Lana.
63
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:51,677
So obviously they're gonna search us
for weapons when we get down there, so--
64
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,090
Wait, what?
65
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,429
Something else danger zone.
66
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:58,937
Get Murphy alone, get him at gunpoint,
and make him disarm the missiles.
67
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:01,190
That might actually work.
Of course.
68
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,601
I've thought through
every aspect of the mission.
69
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:06,020
Hence those ridiculous
fake mustaches...
70
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,656
...since Murphy's never seen you before
and has no idea what you look like?
71
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,068
Goddamn it, Archer!
72
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,955
No, that was just an experiment. I wanted
to see if Ray looked gayer without his.
73
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,365
You know...
But you don't.
74
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,501
You just look as gay.
75
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,206
Boop.
76
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:30,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
77
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,205
TIFFY:
Sea Tum' to DSV Goddess.
78
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,617
Wait for my command
to disengage the coupler.
79
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,285
LANA: Roger, Sea Tunt. On your--
ARCHER: Nope.
80
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:05,796
Lana, move, I'm skippering.
LANA: Hey.
81
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,297
ARCHER: I'm skippering.
CYRIL: No. Archer.
82
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,629
[ALL SCREAM]
83
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,258
Huh. Mildly inauspicious.
84
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:17,641
LANA: Asshole! ARCHER: What, Lana?
I clearly called skipper.
85
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,893
And I clearly said, "Seatbelts"...
86
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,395
...so you only have yourselves to blame.
87
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,522
Really'?
Jesus, Ray.
88
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,024
Your nose is broken.
Really?
89
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,856
Cyril, gear bag. First aid kit.
90
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,986
Just give him
a couple tampons.
91
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:31,738
What, that's their job.
Really?
92
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,023
Just give him some tam--
93
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,282
I don't have any.
94
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,615
Do you think that was wise?
Meaning?
95
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,952
Well, I'm just assuming.
Your breasts are slightly bigger, you're--
96
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:44,960
Shut your stupid mustachey dickhole
and drive the goddamn submarine!
97
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,916
Slightly irritable?
98
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,546
CHERYL".
Shut up!
99
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,673
Jesus! Will you drop it?
100
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,711
He tried to have me committed
so he could steal my inheritance!
101
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,118
I hate him. I'm never
speaking to him again.
102
00:04:56,131 --> 00:04:58,383
But-- Okay, granted,
that was super shitty.
103
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,893
But trust me, you don't wanna
go through life hating your only sibling.
104
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,053
Take my sister, Edie.
105
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,564
Ah, ha, ha. You have a sister?
106
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,019
Edie. Yes, shut up.
107
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,355
And when we were kids,
she was so mean to me.
108
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:13,364
Always teasing me, calling me Spamela,
rubbing cheese curds in my eyes.
109
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:15,240
One time, she stabbed me in the neck.
110
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,696
So now you guys are super close or--?
111
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:21,580
Hell, no. I wouldn't piss on
her neck-stabbing ass if it was on fire.
112
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,866
Ugh. Is this the infamous Edie?
113
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:27,411
Pam thinks I should forgive Cecil
since he's the only family I have left.
114
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:31,081
Who could forgive a person who buys
a boat this big with no bar on it'?
115
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:35,173
Uh, there was a ton of booze on
the helicopter. Exactly, was.
116
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,837
ARCHER:
Yeah, sorry, I had to ditch it.
117
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:40,598
Well, yeah, who needs a first aid kit
when you've got 10 gallons of booze?
118
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:44,887
Three and three-fifths gallons, Cyril.
And I counted them, so keep your mitts off.
119
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:47,181
Except to pass me one up here, but--
120
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,770
Oh, great. The World's first DSVUI.
121
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:53,654
May I finish? But since I have zero
experience skippering submersibles...
122
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,065
...I should probably have something light.
123
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:59,610
So, Cyril, I'm thinking,
um, coffee liqueur?
124
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,620
I mean, not even cooking sherry?
125
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,577
I got some Kentucky Moon in my--
Ooh, give me.
126
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:07,117
Da-da-da-da.
You drink it, you replace it.
127
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,912
Grain alcohol is a key component
of a good bug-out bag.
128
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,125
A what?
129
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,542
Bug-out bag?
Oh, my God, for TEOTWAWKI?
130
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,960
The bear from Star Wars?
131
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,970
"The end of the world as we know it."
CHERYL: Heh.
132
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,302
Pam's, like, gay for doomsday.
133
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:26,265
She thinks our whole society is gonna
collapse if we run out of oil or whatever.
134
00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:28,305
"If"? You mean "when."
135
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:33,147
Wow. And that is a perfect example
of a pre-post-peak-oil mindset.
136
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,812
The-
137
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,150
Ahh.
138
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,781
Say, this stuff is pretty good.
139
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,316
What did you say it was?
140
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,280
Basically pure ethanol.
Huh.
141
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,161
Well, God bless corn subsidies.
142
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,573
Who are you, Earl Butz?
143
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,662
You say that like it's a bad thing.
144
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,826
ARCHER:
Oh, for the-- I said I was sorry.
145
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,495
CYRIL:
No, you didn't.
146
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,254
Oh. Well, I was planning to.
147
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,256
Oh, well, then no hard feelings.
Good.
148
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,053
Because your shitty
sarcasm notwithstanding,
149
00:06:57,066 --> 00:06:58,715
I'm glad that's behind us...
150
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:01,300
...so we can enjoy what is
probably a once-in-a-lifetime ad-
151
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:02,510
[LANA VOMITS]
152
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,845
--Venture. Again? Seriously?
153
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,351
Why are you puking so much?
154
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,182
Ugh. Because shut up and steer.
155
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,972
Here, take a pull off this guy.
156
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,981
No! For like the ninth time, no!
157
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,017
Yes, come on, it'll take the edge off.
158
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,857
And I think I speak for everybody--
159
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,191
GILLETTE & CYRIL: No, you don't.
Shut up.
160
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:20,358
--When I say we'd all be a lot happier
if you weren't so--
161
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:21,740
What, anxious?
162
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:25,370
About a half-drunk
first-time-driving-a-submarine idiot...
163
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:28,702
...taking me to the bottom of the ocean
to face 40 eco-terrorists...
164
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,117
...led by a crazy person...
165
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:33,878
...who's about to bomb the entire
East Coast with nerve gas?
166
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,089
I was gonna say--
What?
167
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,375
What were you gonna say?
168
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:42,887
They're going to say that I've gone insane,
heh, that I've lost my mind.
169
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,720
And that's fine, let them.
170
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,043
Because the real insanity
is the systematic--
171
00:07:48,056 --> 00:07:50,228
My God, the almost
deliberate way...
172
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:53,061
...those bastards are
destroying our oceans.
173
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:57,023
And I hate that it's come to this,
but I truly don't see an alternative.
174
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:59,734
So you all know what you have to do...
175
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,403
...and I know you Won't fail me.
176
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,567
Nor I you, gentlemen.
177
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,907
Nor I you.
178
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:11,579
I was gonna say bitchy and period-y.
179
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:14,585
But then I thought better of it.
180
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,542
Boop.
181
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,584
ARCHER:
Okay, we're getting close.
182
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,879
Let's go over the legends again. Lana'?
183
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:27,265
I am tough-but-fair investigative reporter
Sojourner King.
184
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,268
Which-- Ugh. Whatever.
Uh, Cyril?
185
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:31,474
[SIGHS]
186
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:32,762
Chet, sound guy.
187
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,728
That's it? Come on, Chet.
The devil's in the details.
188
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:39,144
Like, I'm Randy Magnum,
local Emmy-winning cameraman...
189
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,438
...and nationally ranked pro kitesurfer.
190
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,606
No, you're not.
Well, Randy Magnum is.
191
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,526
Ray, go.
I am segment producer Carl Channing.
192
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:47,740
Oh, my God. Come on.
193
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,996
And--
What's Randy Magnum ranked?
194
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,704
Fourth.
And third-ranked pro kitesurfer.
195
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:53,913
What? No, you're not.
196
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,247
Carl Channing is.
197
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,253
Nobody is a nationally ranked anything.
198
00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:59,665
That is the worst legend
you could possibly have.
199
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,584
It would literally take 10 seconds
to check it out.
200
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:05,425
Yeah, Carl.
Okay, shut up, there it is.
201
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:09,975
CYRIL:
Jeezy Petes, that thing is huge.
202
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,806
Sea/ab to DSv, over.
LANA: This is--
203
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,470
This is DSV. I'm skippering.
204
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,479
Um, okay. You sound pretty excited.
205
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,766
Heh. I am, actually. It's my first time.
206
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:18,979
Hey, super.
207
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,941
You're clear to dock,
so just head for the lights.
208
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:24,322
And I'll be waiting for you.
209
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:27,325
Was that--?
Did he sound like--?
210
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,828
Do you think this is some kind of a trap?
Heh. What?
211
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,535
No, I don't think it's a trap.
212
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,290
Although I never do.
213
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,664
And it very often is.
214
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,794
LANA:
And that's how they died.
215
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,830
ARCHER:
Heh, heh. Right?
216
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:45,844
MALORY: A little peach juice, a little
of that old Kentucky Moon, and boom.
217
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,004
You've almost got yourself a Bellini.
CHERYL: Mmm!
218
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:50,094
Holy shitsnacks.
219
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,678
Well, it's no Harry's Bar...
220
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:55,596
...but here you don't have Hemingway
grabbing your tits every time you tu--
221
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,477
Did I misread that?
222
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,358
What do you think?
223
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,985
No'?
224
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:05,113
MURPHY: My men are guarding the missiles.
CYRIL: Well, there goes that plan.
225
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,363
MURPHY:
What plan?
226
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,696
To do a one-on-one interview.
227
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,701
Just you alone, with the missiles.
228
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,534
No, we're doing it on the bridge,
I've got it all set up.
229
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:16,575
But I really think we should do it
wherever the missiles are...
230
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,709
...to underscore the gravity of--
231
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,291
MURPHY: The bridge is where the chair is.
LANA: But--
232
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,797
The bridge is where the chair is!
233
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,003
Yeah, Sojourner.
234
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,542
Thank you, uh...?
235
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,881
Randy. Randy Magnum.
236
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,046
I'm a local Emmy-winning cameraman
and na--
237
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,214
No.
238
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:33,429
--Tionally ranked pro kitesurfer.
239
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,468
Second in the nation, actually.
240
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,935
Which even the most cursory Internet search
will corroborate.
241
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,520
LANA & GILLETTE: Ugh.
I really doubt we'll have time, Randy.
242
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:44,857
We only have 10 hours before
I'll be forced to launch my missiles.
243
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,822
LANA:
Which are where again, exactly?
244
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,905
MALORY:
You heard me. I want $50 million.
245
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,239
Pfft. Join the club.
Right?
246
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:55,076
That's how much I could've gotten
for the hydrogen bomb...
247
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:58,208
...so that's how much I--
What do you mean, "join the club"?
248
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,913
Oh. That's just an idiom.
It means--
249
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,545
I know what it means,
you toboggan-wearing ass.
250
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:03,876
Why did she say it?
251
00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,881
Oh. I assume
because I'm penniless?
252
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,088
What?
Ha-ha-ha!
253
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,716
Wait, What?
Ah.
254
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,348
That's why I tried to get control
of your inheritance.
255
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,349
And I'm sorry I did that, Beans.
256
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:19,388
I just wanted to help people,
but all these foundations are so expensive.
257
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,022
I know, but, Cecil.
258
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,060
You really spent your whole
inheritance on the poors?
259
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:25,727
Well, and scientific research.
260
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,147
The Sealab alone cost 200 million.
261
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,236
Wh--?
How did it cost that much?
262
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,197
Well, apparently they bought a bunch
of nerve gas missiles...
263
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,111
...and hid that expense in the budget.
264
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,451
Which I never bothered to read.
265
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,116
Or even look at.
266
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:42,126
Look at this place.
Such a colossal boondoggle.
267
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,958
We don't do any research, really.
268
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:48,216
And building it? I mean,
the environmental impact was just insane.
269
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,002
So why did you take a job here?
To save the ocean.
270
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:54,093
And also my salary
is $600,000 a year.
271
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:55,302
LANA: What?
GILLETTE: A year?
272
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:59,561
I know, but don't put that in there.
Let me just read my list of demands. Ahem.
273
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,724
"One, a 50-year, worldwide moratorium
on all fishing. Two--"
274
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:07,064
Sorry, did you mean Whaling?
That's number two, if you'll let me--
275
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,322
Wait, you wanna end all fishing?
For 50 years?
276
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,733
At least. The fish have to replenish.
277
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:16,119
Okay, that's it, I'm calling bullshit.
I wanna see the missiles, now.
278
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,745
What? No, you can't, you--
279
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,532
You don't have any missiles.
Yes, I do.
280
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:22,541
I've got like 50.
281
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,168
Fifty.
Ten?
282
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,250
That's still a lot.
Shut up.
283
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:29,416
Captain Murphy, how long
have you been down here all alone?
284
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:31,922
[SIGHS]
285
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,132
Two years.
286
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:36,343
Nobody had been paid in months.
The foundation was broke.
287
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:38,099
Not surprising,
given your salary.
288
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,976
Yeah, paid three years in advance.
289
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,182
He is the world's worst negotiator.
290
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,346
And you're--
291
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:46,938
Sorry, but you've obviously had
some kind of psychotic break.
292
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:51,025
So I think you should come with us, and--
I'm not going anywhere. Nor are you!
293
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,155
BOTH: Lana!
Archer!
294
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:54,361
Murphy!
295
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,698
L-- Damn it, I had something
about point-and-shoot, but--
296
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,955
A gun? Are you insane? Don't you know
how much pressure we're under?
297
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,368
Honestly, and I don't know why this is,
but, heh, it never really gets to me.
298
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,320
Wait, wait. I think he
means water pressure.
299
00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:08,129
And air pressure.
300
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,461
Tiniest hole in the hull
would be catastrophic.
301
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,046
The hole is gonna be in you.
302
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,883
Archer, no! Don't shoot!
Okay, okay, look, it's gone.
303
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,638
Now, please, put the gun away.
304
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,390
No, I will put on the safety.
305
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:20,596
Which should be--
306
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,887
Damn it, I wish Krieger wouldn't do
these idiot mods.
307
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,772
[SCATTING TO ROCK MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
308
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,936
Wait, yeah, that clearly says "safe."
309
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:34,231
And even Kriegefls not that crazy.
310
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:38,243
Okay, now slowly kick the knife over to--
CYRIL: Aah!
311
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,903
Damn it!
Oh, my God.
312
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,537
MURPHY:
Okay, okay, okay.
313
00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:45,371
Uh, okay, uh, one of two things
is going to happen now.
314
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,080
ARCHER:
Okay.
315
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,920
GILLETTE:
Double dukes!
316
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:52,753
Okay, now one of one thing is going to--
317
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,007
ALL:
Aah!
318
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,009
Huh. Well, now there's no signal at all.
Wow!
319
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:02,301
Oh, my God, I'm having
the weirdest déja vu right now.
320
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,935
You know...
321
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:07,438
"Here, let me jailbreak your phone.
It's a totally reversible process.
322
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,020
Oh, bricked it."
323
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,941
[ALL SCREAMING]
324
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,782
MURPHY:
Hatch! Emergency hatch!
325
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,942
[ALL GRUNTING AND COUGHING]
326
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,196
We don't wanna go outside, idiot!
327
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,910
It's the next pod.
328
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,620
Oh. Heh. Duh!
329
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,911
I'll hold it open, go. Go! Go!
330
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,420
[ALL SCREAMING]
331
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,376
LANA:
No, no, no!
332
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:33,790
Unh! Assholes.
333
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,754
[LAUGHING AND CHEERING]
334
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,885
CYRIL:
Unh! OW.
335
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,968
GILLETTE: Oh, my-- Oh, I hurt my back.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Pod one, flooded.
336
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,758
Pod two, flooding.
337
00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:48,476
So, what, now we die in a break room
I would die to have at ISIS?
338
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:51,562
Right?
Maybe not, if he shuts the ha--
339
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,311
ALL: Oh!
Aah!
340
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,947
And I just refilled the cans.
341
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,360
Come on, you guys, get it off of him!
No, no, there's no time.
342
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,119
[COUGHS]
343
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:06,451
Plus, I think the Weight of it's
the only thing holding in my intestines.
344
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:08,036
ALL: Ew.
Save yourselves.
345
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:11,669
Let this compartment flood,
up to that next hatch.
346
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,502
Then seal it behind you, and run.
347
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,382
This is pod two.
348
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,590
It's about a hundred yards to the DSV
at pod six.
349
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,471
But pods three through six
are still watertight.
350
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,257
[METAL GROANING]
351
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:28,600
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Pod three, four, five, six, flooded.
352
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,856
ARCHER: Come on.
Yeah, that's not ideal.
353
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:36,110
Okay, there's-- Wait,
why did a TV crew have a gun?
354
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,988
We're not a TV crew,
we're from ISIS.
355
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:42,151
ISIS? Jesus Christ.
No Wonder this all Went tits up.
356
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,364
ALL: Hey!
MURPHY: Forgive my candor.
357
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:48,532
I just felt my spleen slip out
of what was my anus.
358
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,951
That locker over there, open it.
359
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,128
Unh. Scuba gear.
360
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,506
Dibs on best.
Ooh! Y'all, I'm not certified.
361
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,087
Is that gonna be a problem?
Well, not the biggest problem.
362
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,297
[LANA GASPS]
363
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,713
LANA:
There's only three.
364
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,802
So...
So one of you is going to drown.
365
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,682
Yeah, got that.
Temporarily.
366
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:09,094
ALL: What?
Hundred yards to the DSV.
367
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,354
Best case, for a strong swimmer,
two minutes.
368
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:12,809
[COUGHS]
369
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,896
The water's ice cold,
help delay the brain damage.
370
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:19,528
Use the defibrillator on the DSV
to restart the heart.
371
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,155
Yeah, but whose heart?
372
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,066
Weakest swimmer.
373
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,820
Wh--?
Oh, screw you guys.
374
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,865
What-- Lana, this isn't
entirely about race.
375
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,078
Guys, back me up here.
376
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,414
Well, I was all-county in
the hundred-meter freestyle in tenth grade.
377
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:35,703
And I have bionic legs.
378
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,372
Plus, I'm super scared.
379
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,585
Plus you're a woman?
380
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,251
L-- Yeah, a pregnant woman.
381
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,886
Wh--?
LANA: That's why I haven't been drinking...
382
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:47,720
...that's why I've been puking,
and that's why my boobs are so huge!
383
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,726
Well, I wouldn't say huge, but--
When were you planning to tell me?
384
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:51,932
[SIGHS]
385
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:55,223
When I finally figured out
how to tell you it's not yours.
386
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:58,108
Huh?
Awkward.
387
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,940
[COUGHS]
388
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,355
Ignore me, sorry, I'm dying.
389
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,526
Crushed by an off-brand drink machine.
390
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:09,116
Oh, my God,
just like that old gypsy woman said--
391
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,780
[GURGLING]
392
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,790
[WHIMPERING]
393
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,371
Get it together.
394
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,128
We both know this isn't
your first time as a cuckold.
395
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,254
Or at least now we both know it.
396
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,211
And for real? You're pregnant?
397
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,967
Five weeks,
long story, yes, but--
398
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,378
Shut up. Here.
Wh--?
399
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,762
LANA: But--
Ray's half robot...
400
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,140
...Cyril, miraculously,
is good at something...
401
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:31,392
...and Lana, you're gonna be a mom.
402
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:34,395
Just promise me
you'll be a better one than mine.
403
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:37,933
Because I'm worried something
may have gone terribly wrong down there.
404
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:40,318
Well, if it did, we can't
do anything about it.
405
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,980
And if it didn't, all the more reason
to drive this tub to Bermuda...
406
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,444
...for some duty-free champagne.
407
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:49,030
Archer, that shouldn't be that hard.
408
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,912
[SHIVERING]
Phrasing.
409
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,494
Okay, here it comes.
You just gotta relax...
410
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,580
...and let it go in your mouth.
Oh, God.
411
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,460
Phrasing.
412
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:00,417
Archer?
Lana.
413
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:04,087
I love you.
414
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:09,968
I know.
415
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,348
Ray, now!
416
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,305
Come on, hurry!
CYRIL: Move!
417
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,845
Scarlet Letter O'Whora.
418
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,980
Wh--? Cyril, it was a--
419
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,686
Donor, you shithead.
420
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,943
Come on, hang on, Archer. Two minutes.
421
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,150
Your brain can almost spare that.
422
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:28,783
So, hey, this may be a weird question,
but you know where she's registered?
423
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,194
Wh--? What do you think'?
424
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,703
Lana!
425
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:33,909
Would you hurry up?
426
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:38,121
Said the guy apparently too busy
counting his bionic legs to help.
427
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:41,037
You are gonna sass yourself
right out of a car seat.
428
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,046
Now, come on, hurry!
LANA: Unh.
429
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,832
Cyril! Get ready on the airlock!
430
00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,125
CYRIL:
Yeah, yeah.
431
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,386
Here, go, go, go!
GILLETTE: I got him. I got him!
432
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:49,887
LANA:
Cyril, now, blow it!
433
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:52,219
CYRIL:
Blow me, boom, nailed it.
434
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,558
[DEFIBRILLATOR CHARGING]
435
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,064
LANA: Clear.
GILLETTE: Clear.
436
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:03,021
Again.
Come on, he's dead, let it go.
437
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,527
Clear.
Clear.
438
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,780
[HEART MONITOR BEEPS]
439
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,064
LANA:
Archer?
440
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,359
Great.
Is he--? Are you--?
441
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:12,902
The man who cheated death?
442
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,366
GILLETTE: Oh, my God.
Thank God.
443
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:17,998
Oh, my God, Archer, I can't--
I mean, I don't even know how to thank you.
444
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,251
Well, you could name your kid after--
Nope.
445
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:23,913
Then just get me topside. I need to
brush Ray's tongue out of my mouth.
446
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,755
I didn't give you mouth-to-mouth.
Come on, admit it.
447
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,590
You frenched me, Ray.
Heh-heh-heh!
448
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,255
You can lie but your boner can't.
449
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,264
Cut it out, Archer.
450
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,424
[DEFIBRILLATOR CHARGING]
451
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,685
ARCHER: Yeah, look at you. All blushy.
LANA: Archer, be careful, the defib--
452
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,641
[GILLETTE SCREAMS]
453
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,899
So although Sealab was destroyed...
454
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:47,437
It was insured for three times its value,
so now I'm richer than ever.
455
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:52,279
And I have forgiven you
for being such an incorrigible douche.
456
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:56,116
No one cares because most importantly--
I cheated not only death...
457
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:59,248
...but also somehow
irreparable brain damage.
458
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:04,083
That remains to be seen, and shut up,
because Lana is going to be a mother.
459
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:07,124
Three cheers
for little Johnny Bastard!
460
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,632
Hip, hip--
461
00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:12,796
Ahem. Inappropriate.
The point is, and seriously, shut up...
462
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,260
...everybody has a happy ending.
463
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:18,222
Really'? Old R ay
gets a happy ending?
464
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,637
Ray--
Or does Randy Roughhouse over here...
465
00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:22,430
...zap him with a defibrillator...
466
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:25,566
...and fry the CPU
that made his bionic legs work?
467
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,103
Ray, I'm sorry.
Come on, I was wrong.
468
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,566
Really?
Yeah.
469
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:34,826
Without the mustache,
you look like a billion percent gayer.
470
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,986
Boop.
470
00:20:37,305 --> 00:20:43,684
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