1
00:00:00,635 --> 00:00:02,981
Jeez, LaRue,
can you believe this?
2
00:00:02,994 --> 00:00:05,505
A mandatory meeting
at 7:00 A.M.?
3
00:00:05,940 --> 00:00:07,823
Wonder what crawled up her butt.
4
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,576
Ugh, there's no telling.
Our bodies are aswarm
5
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:12,578
with microscopic organisms, Pam.
6
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,446
Literally aswarm.
7
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,981
Wait. What?
What have you heard?
8
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:18,884
About the staff meeting?
Oh, right. Yes. Never mind.
9
00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:20,752
Then may I suggest
we get up there,
10
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:23,856
so we don't have to find out
what "grave consequences" means.
11
00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:27,626
It means--
In the context of her memo.
12
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,695
Jesus, what's up his butt?
13
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,530
I think the important thing now
14
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,523
is that we don't start
any sort of panic.
15
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,502
Hurry up, ya ding-dongs!
16
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,570
Wait, wait, wait! I'm coming!
Hurry up.
17
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:41,149
Come on, come on, come on.
Oh, keep your panties on.
18
00:00:41,269 --> 00:00:44,268
One step ahead of you.
Or am I?
19
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,318
Wait. Is Archer
blowing this off?
20
00:00:47,438 --> 00:00:49,481
No. Hold the door. Hold the door!
21
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,883
I am.
It's not doing anything.
22
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,818
Damn it, Ray,
hold the frickin' door!
23
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:55,454
Oh, no!
It's maximum overdrive all over--
24
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,727
Oh, good. You made it.
25
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,829
Look, Ray,
one is red and one is green.
26
00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,597
What are you, color blind?
27
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,767
I am, actually.
28
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:11,570
Typical.
Of what?
29
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:14,840
So, does anybody have any idea
what this meeting is about?
30
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:17,409
Well, if I know Ms. Archer, it's--
Butt bugs.
31
00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,677
What?
Not what I was--
32
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,746
Ugh! That was
a figure of speech.
33
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,482
They all are!
Hey, will you quit yelling?
34
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:24,683
Will you?
Yes!
35
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,108
Hey!
Remain calm. Do not panic.
36
00:01:27,228 --> 00:01:28,720
No one's panicking, Krieger.
37
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,589
Only because they
haven't hatched yet.
38
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,691
Who?
What hasn't hatched?
39
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,526
What?
Quit yelling!
40
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,595
Krieger, what hasn't hatched?
I've said too much.
41
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,497
Krieger, I swear to--
42
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,702
Oh, my God.
43
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,871
Remain calm.
Do not panic.
44
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,739
Krieger, shut up.
See? It's broken.
45
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:48,874
Ray?
Archer?
46
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,013
Hang on.
47
00:01:50,133 --> 00:01:51,677
Ray, Cyril, give me a hand here.
48
00:01:54,209 --> 00:01:55,714
Lana...
What?
49
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,749
You--
Should be doing this.
50
00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:00,452
You know...
51
00:02:02,134 --> 00:02:04,489
Oh, my God!
We work in a coal mine?
52
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:05,791
Carol, shut up.
53
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,793
You're not
my coal mine supervisor!
54
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:10,729
Yeah. Hey, guys?
55
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,535
Oh, damn it.
56
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:17,944
What?
What is it?
57
00:02:18,064 --> 00:02:20,227
Well, thanks to Ray,
who let's just all assume
58
00:02:20,347 --> 00:02:23,375
broke the elevator somehow,
we're stuck at the top.
59
00:02:27,433 --> 00:02:28,593
I hope.
60
00:02:53,288 --> 00:03:04,252
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:03:05,374 --> 00:03:09,059
Hello!
Hello!
62
00:03:12,495 --> 00:03:14,629
Stop it.
No one else can hear you,
63
00:03:14,698 --> 00:03:16,531
because no one else is here yet.
64
00:03:16,599 --> 00:03:19,367
Not that other people actually work here.
65
00:03:19,436 --> 00:03:20,568
What do you mean?
Where'd they go?
66
00:03:20,637 --> 00:03:22,370
Remember when
the office shut down,
67
00:03:22,439 --> 00:03:24,539
and we spent an entire year
as coke dealers?
68
00:03:24,607 --> 00:03:27,342
What, so people just quit?
And on the subject of things
69
00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:28,855
that don't work here anymore,
70
00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:30,912
my phone.
Uh, got nothing.
71
00:03:30,981 --> 00:03:34,816
I am sans bars.
Yeah, you're not gonna get a signal.
72
00:03:34,884 --> 00:03:36,784
I installed an R.F. jammer
on the roof.
73
00:03:36,853 --> 00:03:39,721
Of the building?
No, of the elevator.
74
00:03:39,789 --> 00:03:41,389
Why?
You did what?
75
00:03:42,459 --> 00:03:45,493
And for what possible reason?
76
00:03:45,562 --> 00:03:48,629
So people would quit staring at their
phones and talk to each other.
77
00:03:48,698 --> 00:03:50,732
Okay, well,
then let's open the--
78
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,633
One, two, three, go!
Trap door!
79
00:03:52,702 --> 00:03:54,469
Ray, open the trap door.
80
00:03:54,537 --> 00:03:55,703
He can't.
Wha--
81
00:03:55,772 --> 00:03:57,405
Oh, my God!
Cyril, please.
82
00:03:57,474 --> 00:03:59,741
I am way stronger than you.
83
00:03:59,809 --> 00:04:02,510
That being said, this thing's stuck.
84
00:04:02,579 --> 00:04:05,346
It's not stuck,
it's locked from the outside.
85
00:04:05,415 --> 00:04:08,516
Wait. What?
It's not for stranded passengers to get out,
86
00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:10,418
it's for rescue crews to get in.
87
00:04:10,487 --> 00:04:12,553
The last thing they want
is people crawling around
88
00:04:12,622 --> 00:04:14,689
on top of a malfunctioning
elevator car.
89
00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:17,525
Who is "they"?
Big elevator.
90
00:04:17,594 --> 00:04:18,793
Not a thing.
91
00:04:18,862 --> 00:04:20,762
And why do you know
so much about elevators?
92
00:04:20,830 --> 00:04:22,663
I don't know.
It's a hobby.
93
00:04:22,732 --> 00:04:25,556
I guess I've just always
been fascinated by them.
94
00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:28,536
I honestly have
no response to that.
95
00:04:28,605 --> 00:04:30,371
Anyway, I bet the top
of the car smashed
96
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,672
right into the motor, so--
97
00:04:31,741 --> 00:04:34,509
Yeesh. Hope
the radio jammer's okay.
98
00:04:34,577 --> 00:04:36,511
Ow! Ow! Ow, ow! Ow!
99
00:04:36,579 --> 00:04:39,514
Thanks, Krieger.
I think we all needed that.
100
00:04:39,582 --> 00:04:42,617
And besides, we don't need cell phones.
We have a--
101
00:04:42,685 --> 00:04:44,552
Elevator phone!
Cyril, try that.
102
00:04:44,621 --> 00:04:46,687
I am, if you'd shut up.
103
00:04:46,756 --> 00:04:49,323
Oh, gross!
This phone is all sticky.
104
00:04:49,392 --> 00:04:51,459
Yeah, mine at home
gets bad sticky.
105
00:04:51,528 --> 00:04:52,727
Ew.
Of course it does.
106
00:04:52,796 --> 00:04:55,596
And since when are you elevator boss?
Birth?
107
00:04:55,665 --> 00:04:57,331
And...
108
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,467
It's dead.
Typical.
109
00:04:59,536 --> 00:05:02,470
Okay, Ray. Interface.
110
00:05:02,539 --> 00:05:04,505
I'm sorry?
With the controls.
111
00:05:04,574 --> 00:05:06,674
Beep, boop, boop, boop!
Come on, cyborg.
112
00:05:06,743 --> 00:05:09,510
R2-D2 it.
"R2-D2 it."
113
00:05:09,579 --> 00:05:11,646
Yeah, probe around
in there and whatever.
114
00:05:11,714 --> 00:05:13,448
Shut down the tractor beam.
115
00:05:13,516 --> 00:05:15,316
With what, my dick?
116
00:05:15,385 --> 00:05:17,485
I-- however you
normally do it.
117
00:05:17,554 --> 00:05:19,253
I don't normally do it!
118
00:05:19,322 --> 00:05:20,621
I know, but this
is an emergency.
119
00:05:20,690 --> 00:05:22,490
Hey! Hey!
120
00:05:22,559 --> 00:05:23,691
Damn it, Carol.
There's nobody--
121
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,626
Shut up, stupid.
It's Milton!
122
00:05:27,497 --> 00:05:29,430
Go get help, boy.
123
00:05:29,499 --> 00:05:32,567
There's no time! Go get help!
124
00:05:36,506 --> 00:05:38,639
Get help how?
It's a toaster.
125
00:05:38,708 --> 00:05:42,443
Well! Well, at the very least,
maybe he'll bring back toast.
126
00:05:42,512 --> 00:05:44,512
And speaking of toast,
I don't know about you guys,
127
00:05:44,514 --> 00:05:47,248
but I didn't eat any...
128
00:05:47,317 --> 00:05:49,283
Breakfast.
Hey, hey, wait a second.
129
00:05:49,352 --> 00:05:51,285
Get your own goddamn bear claw!
130
00:05:51,354 --> 00:05:53,287
Cyril, what is that?
Is that a bagel?
131
00:05:53,356 --> 00:05:55,356
No. Get off.
Jeez, it's just napkins.
132
00:05:55,425 --> 00:05:57,458
Guys, get the napkins!
Okay, let's just take it down a n--
133
00:05:57,527 --> 00:05:59,327
Shut up!
We're all gonna starve!
134
00:05:59,395 --> 00:06:00,661
Give me...
Get away!
135
00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:03,397
Guys, come on.
Knock it off, please.
136
00:06:03,466 --> 00:06:05,500
Easy! Hey! Hey!
Pam, stop that.
137
00:06:05,568 --> 00:06:07,201
Everybody calm--
138
00:06:15,411 --> 00:06:17,678
Asshole!
What the hell?
139
00:06:17,747 --> 00:06:20,314
I'm sorry.
Seriously, I'm sorry.
140
00:06:20,383 --> 00:06:22,583
I sincerely apologize
for doing that.
141
00:06:22,652 --> 00:06:24,285
Archer,
if you do that again--
142
00:06:24,354 --> 00:06:26,287
I swear to God
I won't do it again.
143
00:06:26,356 --> 00:06:27,555
Please don't.
You're listening for once.
144
00:06:27,624 --> 00:06:29,524
That being said,
145
00:06:29,592 --> 00:06:32,193
I swear to God
I will do it again.
146
00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:33,736
Asshole.
147
00:06:33,856 --> 00:06:34,821
Ray, shut up!
148
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,061
Cyril, let's get that
sweater vest off, buddy.
149
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:40,131
I'm sorry?
I know, but nobody makes you wear them.
150
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:42,066
I-- why do you want it?
151
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,034
As, like, a tablecloth
or whatever.
152
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:46,036
We're all gonna put our food
and drink in the middle,
153
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:48,105
and then I'll be in charge
of rationing it out.
154
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,107
No.
Why do you think you would be in charge?
155
00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:52,009
Because I've been lost at sea.
156
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,630
What?
157
00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:57,223
I was lost at sea, Lana, and we
had to ration the food and water.
158
00:06:57,522 --> 00:06:59,884
Well, we should have.
I actually ate it all
159
00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:01,685
while the other guy was asleep.
160
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,034
Why would you tell us
that story?
161
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:04,822
If anything,
that proves my point.
162
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,824
People like me are exactly why
163
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,792
we have to ration
our food and water.
164
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:10,094
People like you, who?
165
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,997
The strong,
like me and you and Pam,
166
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:15,699
who will naturally
prey on the weak,
167
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,101
like the rest of them.
168
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,104
Maybe we should pool it together.
169
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,039
We don't know how long
we're gonna be in here.
170
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,807
Yeah, give it up, weakie.
171
00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:25,109
Pam, shut up.
I'll start.
172
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:28,045
Here's...maybe
six ounces of Bourbon.
173
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,714
If Cyril would hurry it up already!
174
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,049
For the love of God,
will you just--
175
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,193
Okay. Wait a minute.
176
00:07:33,313 --> 00:07:35,188
How exactly is this
supposed to work?
177
00:07:35,308 --> 00:07:37,054
It puts the vest on the floor!
178
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,956
We put food and drink
on the vest!
179
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,352
Yeah, but where on the floor?
180
00:07:40,472 --> 00:07:42,760
There's no room.
It'll get kicked over.
181
00:07:42,828 --> 00:07:45,629
Okay, so we tie the vest into,
like, a pouch, and--
182
00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:47,665
For God's sake, man,
it has no sleeves.
183
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,633
Plus the food'll just
fall out the neckhole.
184
00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,001
Well, then it's official.
185
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,438
The sweater vest
is literally good for nothing.
186
00:07:53,558 --> 00:07:56,470
Hey, you know what?
Besides how to dress like an adult?
187
00:07:56,590 --> 00:07:59,710
Well, that's the only thing
you do like an adult.
188
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:00,811
Burn!
189
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,470
Yeah. Total burn.
190
00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:04,191
I hope I don't
start crying later
191
00:08:04,311 --> 00:08:07,718
when I'm driving an automobile
to or from a bar!
192
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,702
After having sex
with a prostitute.
193
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,382
Which is the most adult thing
a person could possibly do!
194
00:08:14,223 --> 00:08:16,108
I like him in vests.
Me too.
195
00:08:16,228 --> 00:08:17,318
Yeah. It works for him.
196
00:08:17,438 --> 00:08:19,160
Well, thanks, ladies.
197
00:08:19,228 --> 00:08:21,228
That's--
No. No. Shut up.
198
00:08:21,297 --> 00:08:23,230
I need to think.
About what?
199
00:08:23,299 --> 00:08:24,565
Look, this isn't
that hard, people.
200
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:27,301
We've got a bagel, four
coffees, a quart of beer--
201
00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:28,502
A quart?
202
00:08:28,571 --> 00:08:31,040
This a fawty, shawty!
Thanks, Omar.
203
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,175
And on top of that, we've got, I'm
guessing, two flasks of bourbon.
204
00:08:34,243 --> 00:08:36,277
I didn't know if I'd
have time for lunch.
205
00:08:36,345 --> 00:08:38,212
And, Krieger? Coffee?
206
00:08:38,281 --> 00:08:39,613
Uh, no.
207
00:08:39,682 --> 00:08:41,448
Tea?
No.
208
00:08:41,517 --> 00:08:43,651
What is it, soup?
209
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:45,600
Define "soup."
210
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,221
Oh, good lord!
211
00:08:47,290 --> 00:08:48,651
Would it be safe
to say nobody here
212
00:08:48,691 --> 00:08:50,357
wants to eat
what's in your thermos?
213
00:08:50,426 --> 00:08:53,396
Sweet Jesus
God, I would hope so!
214
00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:56,203
Okay, so how about
we all agree to hold on
215
00:08:56,323 --> 00:08:58,265
to our food and drinks for now,
if for no other reason than--
216
00:08:59,468 --> 00:09:00,401
Pam!
Pam!
217
00:09:00,469 --> 00:09:03,404
Come on!
Pam, stop it!
218
00:09:05,174 --> 00:09:07,374
Oh, God!
That wasn't just bear claw.
219
00:09:07,443 --> 00:09:08,542
What did you eat for breakfast?
220
00:09:10,179 --> 00:09:11,412
Linguine and clam sauce.
221
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:15,082
Oh, God!
What, did you wake up on the docks?
222
00:09:15,151 --> 00:09:18,152
But I don't know
about those clams, though.
223
00:09:18,221 --> 00:09:20,421
As I was saying,
before you, Pam,
224
00:09:20,489 --> 00:09:23,190
drank a third of a gallon
of malt liquor,
225
00:09:23,259 --> 00:09:26,327
maybe we shouldn't eat
or drink too much, because--
226
00:09:26,395 --> 00:09:28,229
Yes, Pam?
I have to pee.
227
00:09:28,297 --> 00:09:30,431
Come on!
Of course you do. You just drank a 40!
228
00:09:30,499 --> 00:09:32,099
That's what I was trying to say.
229
00:09:32,168 --> 00:09:33,408
I'm not a frickin' mind reader.
230
00:09:33,469 --> 00:09:35,135
Yeah. In her defense,
you didn't finish.
231
00:09:35,204 --> 00:09:36,536
Yeah.
Pam, shut up.
232
00:09:36,656 --> 00:09:38,172
I have an idea!
233
00:09:38,241 --> 00:09:40,374
Okay. Wait.
Does it have anything to do
234
00:09:40,443 --> 00:09:42,509
with our current situation?
235
00:09:42,578 --> 00:09:43,693
Yes.
236
00:09:43,813 --> 00:09:45,346
Okay, what is it?
237
00:09:45,414 --> 00:09:47,281
We are stuck in an elevator.
238
00:09:47,350 --> 00:09:50,251
The idea,
not our current situation.
239
00:09:50,319 --> 00:09:52,253
Well, I'm not
a frickin' mind reader!
240
00:09:52,321 --> 00:09:54,421
Oh, my God, what if I am?
241
00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:58,225
Then I guess you'd know what we're
all thinking right this very minute.
242
00:09:58,294 --> 00:10:01,528
Okay. You want a drink,
you want to lecture us,
243
00:10:01,597 --> 00:10:04,498
you want more bear claws, you want
to smoke, you want to masturbate,
244
00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:07,567
and you're scared that we'll figure out
you're actually just a Krieger clone.
245
00:10:07,603 --> 00:10:11,205
What? That's--
That's all just common sense.
246
00:10:11,274 --> 00:10:13,374
How is it common sense that she
thinks I want to masturbate?
247
00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:15,376
Come on, Cyril.
For most of us,
248
00:10:15,444 --> 00:10:17,444
she just rattled off
our obvious addictions.
249
00:10:17,513 --> 00:10:20,034
I'm not addicted
to lecturing people.
250
00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:26,553
Oh, come on.
That's... All right.
251
00:10:26,622 --> 00:10:28,933
And what are you
laughing at, stroker ace?
252
00:10:29,053 --> 00:10:30,986
I'm not addicted
to masturbating!
253
00:10:31,055 --> 00:10:33,656
Cyril, come on.
Hand on the Bible,
254
00:10:33,725 --> 00:10:35,524
lie detector, gun to your head,
255
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,827
you don't want
to masturbate right now?
256
00:10:37,895 --> 00:10:40,796
Well, not in this elevator.
257
00:10:40,865 --> 00:10:42,665
Well, I want to drink, so...
258
00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:44,667
And I want to smoke, so...
259
00:10:44,736 --> 00:10:46,176
So Cyril ought
to be able to jack it.
260
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,798
Pam, shut up.
Well, we tried.
261
00:10:47,918 --> 00:10:50,906
And just where, exactly, were you
hoping to smoke that cigarette?
262
00:10:50,975 --> 00:10:52,369
Magnum P.I.'s house.
263
00:10:52,489 --> 00:10:54,744
But since I'm stuck in here
with you people...
264
00:10:54,812 --> 00:10:57,680
Hey! What the shit, woman?
265
00:10:57,749 --> 00:10:59,149
The shit is that
I am breastfeeding,
266
00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:01,422
so you will not smoke
in this elevator!
267
00:11:01,542 --> 00:11:03,552
You want to bet?
Do you?
268
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,621
They're both addicted to gambling.
269
00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:07,857
And you're just a regular Sylvia Browne.
270
00:11:07,925 --> 00:11:09,925
I also have
extreme claustrophobia.
271
00:11:09,994 --> 00:11:12,628
Psst, Cyril.
Try to rub one out.
272
00:11:12,697 --> 00:11:14,964
I do not want to masturbate!
273
00:11:15,032 --> 00:11:17,800
Oh, for--
Not even watching that?
274
00:11:17,869 --> 00:11:20,870
Hey! Guys, come on! Hey!
Get your hands o--
275
00:11:20,938 --> 00:11:23,232
Aah.
276
00:11:23,352 --> 00:11:25,875
I'm serious.
I cannot stress this enough.
277
00:11:25,943 --> 00:11:28,041
You do not want tinnitus.
278
00:11:28,161 --> 00:11:29,678
How about cirrhosis?
279
00:11:29,747 --> 00:11:31,995
Probably not that either.
280
00:11:32,357 --> 00:11:34,550
Now, then.
Carol, you had an idea?
281
00:11:34,619 --> 00:11:36,525
Are you a mind reader, too?
282
00:11:36,645 --> 00:11:38,954
No. You told us
that you had one.
283
00:11:39,023 --> 00:11:41,076
What? Oh, right. Yes.
284
00:11:41,196 --> 00:11:43,592
We all jump up and down
at the same time
285
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,188
to unjam this stupid thing,
286
00:11:45,308 --> 00:11:47,072
and then it plummets
down into the basement,
287
00:11:47,192 --> 00:11:49,732
and we boing into
that giant spring
288
00:11:49,801 --> 00:11:51,567
at the bottom of
the elevator shaft,
289
00:11:51,636 --> 00:11:54,054
and then are safe.
290
00:11:55,873 --> 00:11:58,741
So, suicide pact.
An oldie but a goodie.
291
00:11:58,810 --> 00:12:00,576
Should we vote?
Who's in?
292
00:12:00,645 --> 00:12:01,877
Uh-uh. No.
No. Not doing that.
293
00:12:01,946 --> 00:12:04,647
No. That works.
I've heard about people doing that.
294
00:12:04,715 --> 00:12:06,749
You just want an excuse
to wet your pants.
295
00:12:06,818 --> 00:12:08,651
I don't need an excuse.
296
00:12:08,719 --> 00:12:10,586
Yeah, what is this,
Soviet Russia?
297
00:12:10,655 --> 00:12:12,922
It-- wait.
Are you seriously asking?
298
00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:14,857
I mean...
299
00:12:14,926 --> 00:12:16,892
Krieger, what's the deal?
Would that really work?
300
00:12:16,961 --> 00:12:20,596
Wha-- you're asking the guy with a
thermos full of human being soup?
301
00:12:20,665 --> 00:12:22,698
It's--
that's not even-- if--
302
00:12:22,767 --> 00:12:24,533
What is this, Soviet Russia?
303
00:12:24,602 --> 00:12:25,701
Right?
Oh, my God.
304
00:12:25,770 --> 00:12:27,139
Cyril, shut up.
You shut up!
305
00:12:27,259 --> 00:12:28,873
Krieger, would that work?
306
00:12:28,993 --> 00:12:31,507
Huh. Maybe?
307
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:33,642
Maybe?
What do you mean, maybe?
308
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,845
Look, first of all, there's no
giant spring at the bottom.
309
00:12:35,913 --> 00:12:37,913
It's a hydraulic buffer, but you
don't want to be in the elevator
310
00:12:37,982 --> 00:12:39,715
when it slams into it.
311
00:12:39,784 --> 00:12:42,115
No, but at the last second,
you just jump up in the air.
312
00:12:42,235 --> 00:12:43,786
How would you know when to jump?
313
00:12:43,855 --> 00:12:45,554
Because you'd give me
a lecture on it.
314
00:12:45,623 --> 00:12:47,623
Burn!
315
00:12:47,692 --> 00:12:48,820
Ray!
She burned her.
316
00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:51,660
I know, but--
No. Shut up, because here's the thing--
317
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:52,895
safety brakes.
318
00:12:52,964 --> 00:12:54,763
That's actually what
Elisha Otis invented.
319
00:12:54,832 --> 00:12:55,831
Not the elevator itself,
320
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,800
but the safety brakes
to stop it.
321
00:12:57,869 --> 00:12:59,869
It was too bad
they couldn't stop diphtheria.
322
00:12:59,937 --> 00:13:01,604
So wait.
Would the brakes stop us?
323
00:13:01,672 --> 00:13:02,805
Maybe?
324
00:13:02,874 --> 00:13:05,374
Ugh!
Oh, my God! Come on!
325
00:13:05,443 --> 00:13:07,409
Look, I don't know if they
were damaged in the crash.
326
00:13:07,478 --> 00:13:08,940
Okay, but what's the worst case?
327
00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:12,120
Worst case is we die.
Impaled on your boner.
328
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,550
I do not have an erection!
329
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,619
Well, maybe not now,
but say you get
330
00:13:16,687 --> 00:13:18,049
a severe head injury on impact.
331
00:13:18,169 --> 00:13:19,788
Boom! Priapism!
332
00:13:19,857 --> 00:13:21,490
Meanwhile, your bodies
333
00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:23,459
are smashing around in here
like crash dummies,
334
00:13:23,528 --> 00:13:26,875
until, one at a time, you are each
impaled on my priapic erection.
335
00:13:26,995 --> 00:13:30,566
Yeah.
Like meat at a Brazilian steakhouse!
336
00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,042
Ugh, please don't talk
about food.
337
00:13:32,162 --> 00:13:33,836
Yeah, I am
figuratively starving.
338
00:13:33,905 --> 00:13:36,849
For meat or Cyril's priapism?
Both.
339
00:13:36,969 --> 00:13:39,057
I can't take it! I am smoking!
Ray!
340
00:13:39,177 --> 00:13:41,161
Ow!
Get your foot off my lighter!
341
00:13:41,281 --> 00:13:43,381
Ray, I am serious.
God damn it!
342
00:13:43,450 --> 00:13:46,384
I'll put my mouth right up next
to the hole and blow into it.
343
00:13:46,453 --> 00:13:48,253
Err! Fine, but--
344
00:13:48,322 --> 00:13:50,155
Wait a minute.
Well, then I'm peeing.
345
00:13:50,224 --> 00:13:52,424
Where?
I think I can get it all back in here.
346
00:13:52,493 --> 00:13:55,805
No, you can't!
Wait a minute. Everybody stop now.
347
00:13:55,925 --> 00:13:57,526
What?
Two things.
348
00:13:57,646 --> 00:14:00,280
One, I really think we need
to have a serious talk
349
00:14:00,349 --> 00:14:01,648
about getting phrasing
back in the mix.
350
00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:03,550
Let it go.
351
00:14:03,619 --> 00:14:06,386
Fine. Whatever.
No more phrasing.
352
00:14:06,455 --> 00:14:09,189
What was thing two?
Oh, nothing.
353
00:14:09,258 --> 00:14:11,491
I'm just having a stroke.
354
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:15,328
No, you're not. It's Milton! He came back!
355
00:14:17,666 --> 00:14:20,383
Milton!
There you are!
356
00:14:20,469 --> 00:14:23,670
What the--
God damn it, Pam!
357
00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:25,572
Oh, no, no, no!
358
00:14:25,641 --> 00:14:27,607
For the love of God, woman!
359
00:14:27,676 --> 00:14:30,343
I thought the hole was bigger.
360
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,247
I mean...
361
00:14:37,217 --> 00:14:39,762
Ugh, it's soaking wet down here...
362
00:14:40,481 --> 00:14:42,414
Get it, get it, get it
before it gets on me!
363
00:14:42,483 --> 00:14:44,550
With what? There's nothing
to wipe it up with.
364
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:47,286
A-ha! Maybe it is good for something.
365
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,521
Are you crazy?
That's cashmere!
366
00:14:49,590 --> 00:14:51,356
Wh-- oh, my God. Sorry.
367
00:14:51,425 --> 00:14:52,591
What, so it's non-absorbent?
368
00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:55,461
Lana, it's cashmere.
There are rules.
369
00:14:55,529 --> 00:14:57,496
I'm sorry, Cyril.
I didn't know.
370
00:14:57,565 --> 00:15:00,987
Aw, son of a bitch!
What's wrong?
371
00:15:01,107 --> 00:15:03,402
Guess we can go ahead
and use my suit pants.
372
00:15:03,471 --> 00:15:05,437
You can just say "pants."
373
00:15:05,506 --> 00:15:07,061
Pam wet your pants.
374
00:15:07,191 --> 00:15:08,891
It's still basically everywhere!
375
00:15:08,959 --> 00:15:10,092
And if it gets
on my suede boots--
376
00:15:10,161 --> 00:15:12,928
Okay! Jeez!
377
00:15:14,265 --> 00:15:16,298
Why aren't you
wearing underwear?
378
00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:18,033
What? Serious shit,
379
00:15:18,102 --> 00:15:20,035
did red dawn happen
and nobody told me about it?
380
00:15:20,104 --> 00:15:21,236
Ne tak li?
381
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,874
There! Happy?
382
00:15:25,943 --> 00:15:26,875
No.
No.
383
00:15:26,944 --> 00:15:27,910
Yes.
384
00:15:27,978 --> 00:15:29,144
Yeah. Hey,
and over here, too,
385
00:15:29,213 --> 00:15:30,312
because if it gets
on these boots,
386
00:15:30,381 --> 00:15:32,281
I will not be responsible
for my actions.
387
00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:34,883
Right? Isn't it
just so liberating?
388
00:15:34,952 --> 00:15:36,251
Hey, what's Milton doing?
What do you--
389
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,054
He's making toast!
I want to see!
390
00:15:39,123 --> 00:15:41,023
Well, too bad, I'm in the hole!
391
00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:43,325
Stop torturing me!
Stop torturing me!
392
00:15:43,394 --> 00:15:45,160
Oh, for-- Ray,
take a picture of him!
393
00:15:45,229 --> 00:15:47,996
Where's my stupid phone?
394
00:15:48,065 --> 00:15:49,231
In Soviet Russia--
395
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,232
Pam?
396
00:15:50,301 --> 00:15:52,167
--Toaster take picture of you.
397
00:15:52,236 --> 00:15:54,069
Doesn't even make sense.
398
00:15:54,138 --> 00:15:55,804
It makes perfect sense.
You don't make sense.
399
00:15:55,873 --> 00:15:57,172
It totally does.
400
00:15:57,241 --> 00:15:59,842
The K.G.B. bugs your apartment.
They put a camera in--
401
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:01,076
All right! Jesus Christ!
402
00:16:01,145 --> 00:16:02,277
Holy shit!
403
00:16:02,346 --> 00:16:04,012
What?
I've got a signal!
404
00:16:06,283 --> 00:16:08,016
Yeah, I got, like, half a bar!
405
00:16:08,085 --> 00:16:09,218
Call 911! Call 911!
406
00:16:09,286 --> 00:16:10,953
In Soviet Russia--
407
00:16:11,021 --> 00:16:12,154
Pam, stop it!
408
00:16:12,223 --> 00:16:14,223
Ser'yezno.
Yeah, seriously.
409
00:16:14,291 --> 00:16:16,859
911 operator.
What is your emergency?
410
00:16:16,927 --> 00:16:18,126
Hello! Can you hear me?
411
00:16:18,195 --> 00:16:20,195
Hello?
I can barely hear you.
412
00:16:20,264 --> 00:16:22,264
I'm trapped in an elevator!
413
00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:25,033
I'm sorry?
You said you are trapped in an elevator?
414
00:16:25,102 --> 00:16:26,034
Wh-- yes!
415
00:16:26,103 --> 00:16:27,970
Ma'am, you have no call
416
00:16:28,038 --> 00:16:29,037
to get snippy with me!
417
00:16:29,106 --> 00:16:30,939
"Ma'am."
418
00:16:31,008 --> 00:16:33,242
And for the record,
being stuck in an elevator
419
00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:35,077
is not an emergency.
420
00:16:37,281 --> 00:16:39,882
So I suggest
you call your super.
421
00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:42,084
No, no, no, no!
422
00:16:43,988 --> 00:16:45,188
Oh, call her back and tell her
423
00:16:45,189 --> 00:16:47,122
Carol's got
crippling claustrophobia.
424
00:16:47,191 --> 00:16:49,224
Wait. What?
425
00:16:49,293 --> 00:16:51,193
Oh, Jesus!
426
00:16:51,262 --> 00:16:53,435
God damn it!
427
00:16:54,865 --> 00:16:56,999
911 operator.
What is your emergency?
428
00:16:57,067 --> 00:16:58,834
I'm stuck in an elevator--
429
00:16:58,903 --> 00:17:01,169
Ma'am, pranking 911 is a felony!
430
00:17:01,238 --> 00:17:03,772
I--
I am blocking this number!
431
00:17:03,841 --> 00:17:05,007
No, no, no, no!
432
00:17:08,012 --> 00:17:11,013
"Ma'am"!
433
00:17:11,081 --> 00:17:13,916
Oh, my God.
We need this, too.
434
00:17:13,984 --> 00:17:15,951
We do kind of.
435
00:17:19,056 --> 00:17:21,156
911 burn!
436
00:17:21,225 --> 00:17:22,858
"Ma'am."
437
00:17:22,927 --> 00:17:25,894
Plus... plus,
you're covered in piss.
438
00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:28,263
Ray! Ray, call Malory!
439
00:17:28,332 --> 00:17:29,998
Yes, call that person.
Yes, do that.
440
00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:31,099
Wait. Call who?
441
00:17:31,168 --> 00:17:32,901
Malory! I bet
she's downstairs!
442
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:34,770
She can call
an elevator repair guy!
443
00:17:34,838 --> 00:17:35,904
Oh, yeah. Shit. Hang on.
444
00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:37,272
Yeah, hang on! Ray?
445
00:17:37,341 --> 00:17:39,141
Hang on!
I'm saying hang on!
446
00:17:39,209 --> 00:17:40,943
Hang on!
What are you, deaf?
447
00:17:41,011 --> 00:17:42,110
What are you, color blind?
448
00:17:42,179 --> 00:17:43,812
Whoa!
449
00:17:43,881 --> 00:17:46,148
Too soon.
Yeah, inappropes!
450
00:17:46,216 --> 00:17:49,117
She said, flapping her wildly
unkempt vagina
451
00:17:49,186 --> 00:17:50,752
at her coworkers!
452
00:17:50,821 --> 00:17:52,187
Oh, please.
You've all seen it!
453
00:17:52,256 --> 00:17:54,790
Wait. Oh, my God,
we actually have.
454
00:17:54,858 --> 00:17:57,092
And yours.
What? Krieger hasn't!
455
00:17:57,161 --> 00:17:59,995
Well, maybe not in person--
Bu-bu-bu-bu-bup!
456
00:18:00,064 --> 00:18:01,863
Stop...talking.
457
00:18:01,932 --> 00:18:04,933
Everybody stop talking!
Trying to make a phone call!
458
00:18:05,002 --> 00:18:06,835
No, no, no, no!
459
00:18:15,012 --> 00:18:16,078
I'm not here.
460
00:18:18,248 --> 00:18:19,968
Are you tired of constantly
461
00:18:19,984 --> 00:18:21,850
getting stuck in elevators?
462
00:18:21,919 --> 00:18:24,086
Do you wish there was a way
to not keep constantly
463
00:18:24,154 --> 00:18:26,188
getting stuck in elevators?
464
00:18:26,256 --> 00:18:28,991
Well, friend,
wish and be tired no longer--
465
00:18:38,836 --> 00:18:40,969
Oh, come on.
466
00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:43,905
Typical.
467
00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:55,851
Hmm.
468
00:19:04,194 --> 00:19:06,862
What, in the name of God,
469
00:19:06,930 --> 00:19:08,930
do you people think
you're doing?
470
00:19:08,999 --> 00:19:12,192
Was there not a staff meeting?
471
00:19:12,312 --> 00:19:13,389
Well, there was...
472
00:19:13,509 --> 00:19:18,342
I blocked out the entire morning for us
all to do a team building exercise together.
473
00:19:18,462 --> 00:19:20,132
Team building?
Again?
474
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:24,216
You got the elevator stuck on purpose!
475
00:19:24,336 --> 00:19:25,230
Wait, what?
476
00:19:25,522 --> 00:19:27,666
What? What are you talking about?
477
00:19:27,786 --> 00:19:30,337
Trapping us in here like...like...
478
00:19:30,457 --> 00:19:32,773
Like piss-covered animals?
479
00:19:32,893 --> 00:19:35,560
This was the team building exercise.
480
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,347
What are you...
No, it wasn't!
481
00:19:38,467 --> 00:19:41,368
We were going to watch Vision Quest.
482
00:19:43,301 --> 00:19:44,814
Huh!
483
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:49,301
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net