1 00:00:00,937 --> 00:00:02,220 So, that bag is clothes. 2 00:00:02,305 --> 00:00:04,438 That bag is diapers. The cooler is breast milk, 3 00:00:04,507 --> 00:00:07,275 - which obviously needs to go in the... - Where do you buy breast milk? 4 00:00:07,343 --> 00:00:09,310 You don't, Archer. You... 5 00:00:09,379 --> 00:00:11,312 Oh, my god, will you relax? 6 00:00:11,381 --> 00:00:13,347 Here. Have a cold... Wow. 7 00:00:13,416 --> 00:00:16,184 - So no beer? - Why would I bring beer? 8 00:00:16,252 --> 00:00:18,186 Because you don't want me drinking liquor? 9 00:00:18,254 --> 00:00:20,154 I don't want you drinking anything! 10 00:00:20,223 --> 00:00:22,423 - What, that's all for her? - I'll find a sitter. 11 00:00:22,492 --> 00:00:25,159 Lana, relax. I won't drink while you're gone. 12 00:00:25,228 --> 00:00:28,696 - I take this very seriously. - Well, or at least Woodhouse does. 13 00:00:28,765 --> 00:00:31,432 - Yeah, and if he was here... - Wait. What? Where is he? 14 00:00:31,501 --> 00:00:34,468 - Rehab. - Oh, seriously? 15 00:00:34,537 --> 00:00:37,371 I know. At his age, it's like, why even bother? 16 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:38,573 - Well? - I'm kidding. 17 00:00:38,641 --> 00:00:40,575 It's his annual three days off. 18 00:00:40,643 --> 00:00:43,511 It's normally two, but I let him roll over one from last year. 19 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:46,314 Your largesse knows no bounds. 20 00:00:46,382 --> 00:00:48,349 - Well, it's not paid. - Ugh! 21 00:00:48,418 --> 00:00:50,284 Have you at least baby-proofed this place? 22 00:00:50,353 --> 00:00:52,286 I don't think a baby can hurt anything. 23 00:00:52,355 --> 00:00:55,289 No, not... Ugh! I mean, like firearms, for instance. 24 00:00:55,358 --> 00:00:58,693 - Are they stored securely? - Yes. 25 00:00:58,761 --> 00:01:02,080 - I'll find a sitter. - Lana, go. A.J.'s in good hands. 26 00:01:02,081 --> 00:01:06,400 I know what I'm doing. I've read ten Baby-sitters Club books. 27 00:01:06,469 --> 00:01:08,536 - Really? - Yeah. I'm totally a Kristy, 28 00:01:08,605 --> 00:01:11,739 - with maybe, like, a dash of Claudia. - Because I won't have my phone. 29 00:01:11,808 --> 00:01:14,542 - So when you realize you can't handle it... - I won't. 30 00:01:14,611 --> 00:01:16,410 But when you do... please shut up... 31 00:01:16,479 --> 00:01:18,412 this is the main number at the zen center. 32 00:01:18,481 --> 00:01:22,831 - And a staff member will come and find me. - In your stupid... What is it, a wigwam? 33 00:01:22,857 --> 00:01:25,397 - It's a yurt. - Wow. Even stupider. 34 00:01:25,413 --> 00:01:27,300 - Archer, I'm serious. - Me too. 35 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:30,358 Paying to spend 24 hours sweating in a yurt 36 00:01:30,426 --> 00:01:32,526 is literally the dumbest thing you've ever done. 37 00:01:32,595 --> 00:01:35,663 - Oh, I can think of a few more. - You're right. 38 00:01:35,732 --> 00:01:38,532 Maybe this will help you shed some of your negative energy. 39 00:01:38,601 --> 00:01:41,469 - My... ? - Have fun. Say hi to your spirit animal. 40 00:01:41,537 --> 00:01:44,605 Ugh! Okay. I'll see you tomorrow night. 41 00:01:44,674 --> 00:01:46,707 But I bet you call before then! 42 00:01:46,776 --> 00:01:48,843 I bet I won't. 43 00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:53,464 Holy shit, I gotta wash that down. 44 00:01:53,533 --> 00:01:55,500 See that, A.J.? That was a teachable moment 45 00:01:55,568 --> 00:01:58,937 about a little thing called confidence. And contrary to 46 00:01:58,938 --> 00:02:02,306 what you may have heard, you can never have too much of it. 47 00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:04,342 Or bourbon. Where's the bourbon? 48 00:02:04,410 --> 00:02:06,677 Okay, I gotta have some irish, or at least some scotch, 49 00:02:06,746 --> 00:02:11,449 or blended, or... Jesus Christ, Woodhouse, stock the bar! 50 00:02:11,518 --> 00:02:15,753 Okay, here we go. So we have... Ugh, tequila and coffee liqueur. 51 00:02:15,822 --> 00:02:20,625 All right. So we can make... I guess this will be a... Black Mexican? 52 00:02:20,693 --> 00:02:23,528 What? No, that's not racist. 53 00:02:23,596 --> 00:02:27,132 That's what it is. If you added milk, it would be a white Mexican, 54 00:02:27,133 --> 00:02:28,733 but all we have is breast milk... 55 00:02:28,802 --> 00:02:32,603 Eww, which would make it a Rusty krieger. 56 00:02:32,672 --> 00:02:36,841 Oh! Oh, god. Wow. That is mierda. 57 00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:39,844 And also between us, okay? Because your mom likes to worry, A.J., 58 00:02:39,913 --> 00:02:43,414 but she doesn't need to, because when you're with me, kid, 59 00:02:43,483 --> 00:02:45,616 you're as safe as a bug in a... 60 00:02:45,685 --> 00:02:49,487 - Archer! Help! - Please help! He's been shot! 61 00:02:49,556 --> 00:02:52,557 Oh, good. 62 00:02:52,625 --> 00:02:54,625 For a second, I thought you were Lana. 63 00:03:28,934 --> 00:03:32,134 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 64 00:03:33,135 --> 00:03:35,268 Where's the goddamn first aid kit? 65 00:03:35,337 --> 00:03:37,304 Behind the bar. And quit yelling. 66 00:03:37,872 --> 00:03:38,505 Ow! 67 00:03:38,573 --> 00:03:41,408 - Why did you hit me? - 'Cause! Get your shit together! 68 00:03:41,476 --> 00:03:43,310 Get your shit together, man. 69 00:03:43,378 --> 00:03:47,109 - You're the one who's bleeding to death. - Yeah. From my ears. So shut up! 70 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:51,117 Everybody shut up, because, spoiler alert, this is a baby. 71 00:03:51,186 --> 00:03:53,219 And why do you have a baby? 72 00:03:53,288 --> 00:03:55,188 Well, Slater. When a mommy and a daddy 73 00:03:55,257 --> 00:03:57,490 - love each other very much... - In your apartment! 74 00:03:57,559 --> 00:04:02,329 - Yeah. Or a motel or a porta-john, or... - Are you trying to piss me off? 75 00:04:02,397 --> 00:04:05,198 - Not really. - Well, you are, so... 76 00:04:05,267 --> 00:04:07,367 Why do you keep your first aid kit in the bar? 77 00:04:07,436 --> 00:04:10,470 Because that's where over 80% of home accidents happen. 78 00:04:10,539 --> 00:04:13,340 - Wow. Really? - They happen in the bathroom! 79 00:04:13,408 --> 00:04:17,277 Not in my home. Speaking of which, why are you in it, and who is he? 80 00:04:17,346 --> 00:04:21,581 - Sterling Archer, this is Farooq Ashkani. - Yeah. Hi. 81 00:04:21,650 --> 00:04:23,383 - Black Mexican? - What? 82 00:04:23,452 --> 00:04:26,186 Uh, hey, dick, I happen to be Pakistani. 83 00:04:26,254 --> 00:04:28,555 _ 84 00:04:28,623 --> 00:04:30,290 I was offering you a drink, 85 00:04:30,359 --> 00:04:33,226 but all I have is tequila and coffee liqueur. 86 00:04:33,295 --> 00:04:35,261 Sorry. I thought you were being racist. 87 00:04:35,330 --> 00:04:39,599 No. If anything, you were, if you think black or Mexican is an insult. 88 00:04:39,668 --> 00:04:44,704 - My child is actually multiracial, so... - Hang on. Go back. You speak Urdu? 89 00:04:44,773 --> 00:04:47,507 Huh? Oh. No. No, no. Just that one phrase. 90 00:04:47,576 --> 00:04:50,310 The only phrase you know in Urdu is, 91 00:04:50,379 --> 00:04:52,579 "no, shit, you goat-raping pig-devil"? 92 00:04:52,647 --> 00:04:55,482 What? I thought it mean, "I'm sorry." 93 00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:58,284 Huh. Probably why that night in a Karachi whorehouse 94 00:04:58,353 --> 00:05:00,620 suddenly went from pretty bad to much worse. 95 00:05:00,689 --> 00:05:02,455 I'm gonna stop you there. 96 00:05:02,524 --> 00:05:04,667 Somebody should. I mean, this is a baby. 97 00:05:04,668 --> 00:05:06,246 Because time's a bit of a factor. 98 00:05:06,291 --> 00:05:10,023 Until yesterday, Farooq was a cyberspy for Pakistani intelligence. 99 00:05:10,058 --> 00:05:11,896 But now he wants to come over to our side. 100 00:05:12,925 --> 00:05:13,733 Are we not on the same side? 101 00:05:13,802 --> 00:05:15,535 - Eh... - Eh... 102 00:05:15,604 --> 00:05:17,704 Anyway, I was walking him into a CIA safe house, 103 00:05:17,773 --> 00:05:20,373 but a bunch of his former colleagues were waiting for us. 104 00:05:20,442 --> 00:05:22,342 I had to shoot our way out of there. 105 00:05:22,411 --> 00:05:23,743 But how did they know where the... 106 00:05:23,812 --> 00:05:27,514 Oh, my god, could the CIA have a leak? 107 00:05:27,582 --> 00:05:30,000 That's what I said! 108 00:05:30,185 --> 00:05:34,487 Anyway, until I find the leak and plug it, I need you to babysit him. 109 00:05:34,556 --> 00:05:37,791 And I object to the term "babysit," because clearly I am not a baby. 110 00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:39,592 And I'm already babysitting 111 00:05:39,661 --> 00:05:42,562 what clearly is an actual baby, so... 112 00:05:42,631 --> 00:05:46,733 - She sure is. Can I hold her? - Uh, yeah. Okay. 113 00:05:46,802 --> 00:05:50,637 - But, you know, be careful. - I got her. There we go. 114 00:05:50,705 --> 00:05:52,472 - Archer, come on. - No. 115 00:05:52,541 --> 00:05:53,740 - 24 hours. - No! 116 00:05:53,809 --> 00:05:55,642 - And a hundred grand. - Yes! 117 00:05:55,710 --> 00:05:57,811 Okay, good. I'll call you after I deal with the leak, 118 00:05:57,879 --> 00:05:59,746 then you'll bring him to the new safe house. 119 00:05:59,815 --> 00:06:03,683 - And payment will be... - By wire transfer. Is that a problem? 120 00:06:03,752 --> 00:06:06,670 No. I just didn't know if I should bring my sack 121 00:06:06,671 --> 00:06:08,825 - with the big dollar sign on it. - Just bring him. 122 00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:10,557 And I need to borrow a shirt. 123 00:06:10,625 --> 00:06:14,461 - Farooq? - Um... 124 00:06:14,529 --> 00:06:16,563 Why do you... Never mind. 125 00:06:16,631 --> 00:06:18,498 There's a logic to all of it. 126 00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,633 Aw, you're absolutely insane. 127 00:06:20,702 --> 00:06:22,769 Crazy son of... 128 00:06:22,838 --> 00:06:24,671 Is he gone? 129 00:06:24,739 --> 00:06:27,607 - Yeah, he's... - Because he's kind of a dick, right? 130 00:06:27,676 --> 00:06:30,127 - Right. - And what's the deal with that safe house? 131 00:06:30,205 --> 00:06:32,777 Am I right? Come on. They should call it a... 132 00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:34,914 Misnomer house. 133 00:06:34,983 --> 00:06:36,916 But this place is safe, though, right? 134 00:06:36,985 --> 00:06:38,918 - Yeah, I mean... - Yeah, I mean, it's the penthouse. 135 00:06:38,987 --> 00:06:40,854 And I assume that's the only door, so... 136 00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:42,555 Well, except for the terrace, but... 137 00:06:42,624 --> 00:06:44,591 Yeah, so maybe we should lock that? 138 00:06:44,659 --> 00:06:45,825 Hey. Shh. 139 00:06:45,894 --> 00:06:47,694 Sorry. I was just kind of freaking out, man. 140 00:06:47,762 --> 00:06:50,730 - I just saw a guy get shot. - Well, if you get her started again, 141 00:06:50,799 --> 00:06:53,066 - you're gonna see you get shot, so... - Yeah, okay. 142 00:06:53,134 --> 00:06:56,736 - So you have guns here, right? - Yes. I literally have tons of them. 143 00:06:56,805 --> 00:06:59,906 - Yeah, but... - Hang on. Not literally, but a lot. 144 00:06:59,975 --> 00:07:02,876 Yeah. Okay. But on you, I mean, like... 145 00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:04,878 Are you strapped? 146 00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:08,081 Am I strapped? No, homie, I'm not. 147 00:07:08,149 --> 00:07:11,751 Okay, so you don't have a gun on you, is what I'm saying. 148 00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:14,754 And "no" is what I'm saying. 149 00:07:14,823 --> 00:07:16,856 - Okay, good. - Wh... 150 00:07:16,925 --> 00:07:19,004 That's just gonna make this next part a lot easier. 151 00:07:19,235 --> 00:07:21,182 Well, for me. 152 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,881 Oh, my god. Okay. Good stuff. 153 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,917 - You had me going there for a second. - I'm sorry? 154 00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:36,588 I can't believe Lana set this up. Just so I'd call and ask for help. 155 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:39,825 And you got Slater in on it? With the fake blood? 156 00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:41,827 Oh, man. She is pathetic. 157 00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:45,697 What the shit? You shot me! 158 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:48,699 - I wanted your full attention. - Well, you nailed it, asshole! 159 00:07:48,810 --> 00:07:51,403 Jesus Christ! Did Lana pay you extra too shoot me? 160 00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:53,473 Okay, I don't know this Lana, but... 161 00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:55,140 - I'm sorry? - Yeah. Me too. 162 00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:57,776 She sounds like a real practical joker. 163 00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:01,747 But I assure you, Mr. Archer, this is all very real. 164 00:08:01,816 --> 00:08:04,116 Hey, hey, now, listen to me, all right? 165 00:08:04,185 --> 00:08:05,951 Listen. I don't know what's going on, 166 00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:09,688 - but you're gonna hand me the baby. - No, Mr. Archer, I am not. 167 00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:11,757 Not until you take me to your headquarters 168 00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:13,826 so I can access the mainframe computer. 169 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,961 Yeah, I heard you, but I'm not going anywhere 170 00:08:16,030 --> 00:08:18,764 - until you put it up there. - Fine. Whatever. 171 00:08:26,794 --> 00:08:30,629 Wow! You drive like a gaping dickhole. 172 00:08:33,968 --> 00:08:37,036 So I guess there's no CIA leak. 173 00:08:37,104 --> 00:08:39,889 Nope. My follow team created a diversion so that Slater 174 00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:42,675 would bring me to you, so that you would bring me here. 175 00:08:42,743 --> 00:08:45,644 - Just don't hurt her. - Well, I hope it won't come to that. 176 00:08:45,713 --> 00:08:48,681 - You really, really should. - Just make sure there are no surpris... 177 00:08:48,749 --> 00:08:50,716 God damn it! 178 00:08:50,785 --> 00:08:52,651 - What the... - It's Friday night. 179 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,821 - Why the hell are people still here? - I don't know. I guess it's... 180 00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:57,990 Jeezy petes! An inside straight? 181 00:09:00,611 --> 00:09:02,811 Got three on the hip, I need four for the weekend. 182 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:06,582 - I'm going to Hotlanta. - Have fun, I hope you get hate-crimed. 183 00:09:06,651 --> 00:09:07,616 Hey, whoa! 184 00:09:07,685 --> 00:09:08,751 - Goddamn, woman. - Seriously. 185 00:09:08,819 --> 00:09:10,853 I'll hate-crime your ass right here. 186 00:09:10,922 --> 00:09:12,855 - You know what? - Guys, come on. 187 00:09:12,924 --> 00:09:15,658 Can't we have one poker night without a hate crime? 188 00:09:15,726 --> 00:09:18,894 Okay, A: the thing last month wasn't a hate crime... 189 00:09:18,963 --> 00:09:22,898 Because I will straight-flush your brains out the back of your skull! 190 00:09:22,967 --> 00:09:26,001 - It was just a regular crime. - And obviously now I put my gun 191 00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:28,003 in the time-lock safe until the game's over. 192 00:09:28,072 --> 00:09:30,606 And so basically, the only thing keeping you 193 00:09:30,675 --> 00:09:33,642 from murdering each other is a lack of access to firearms. 194 00:09:33,711 --> 00:09:35,911 - Works for Canada. - Nothing works for Canada. 195 00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:37,012 Hey guys... 196 00:09:39,116 --> 00:09:40,749 Is... Are you playing strip poker? 197 00:09:40,818 --> 00:09:42,151 No. 198 00:09:42,219 --> 00:09:44,954 - It just gets hot as balls in here. - Literally. 199 00:09:45,022 --> 00:09:47,890 - Okay, well... - Hang on! Yeah, literally. 200 00:09:47,959 --> 00:09:50,793 - Right, I just came by because, uh... - Aha! 201 00:09:50,861 --> 00:09:53,028 Because you need help with the baby and you can't call Lana, 202 00:09:53,097 --> 00:09:56,832 - so you came to ask one of us for help. - For your information, Cyril, 203 00:09:56,901 --> 00:09:59,685 I don't need help with A.J. because I, uh... 204 00:10:00,071 --> 00:10:03,595 Hired a manny. Hey, I'm... Manny. 205 00:10:05,414 --> 00:10:08,045 - Black Mexican? - No, thank you, I probably shouldn't. 206 00:10:08,092 --> 00:10:11,037 - Shouldn't what? - Uh, swarm across the Rio Grande? 207 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,816 - From Pakistan? - Where's Woodhouse? 208 00:10:13,884 --> 00:10:17,773 My guess, Avenue D. Anyhoo, we just, um, gotta grab... 209 00:10:17,972 --> 00:10:22,641 Some baby stuff. So, we're gonna go do that. Manny? 210 00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:25,544 Good luck with your... hate-cards? 211 00:10:25,663 --> 00:10:27,763 Pff, go back to Canada, Guy Lafleur. 212 00:10:27,832 --> 00:10:30,700 Okay, ante up, ya goat-raping pig devils! 213 00:10:30,768 --> 00:10:33,002 - Nothing wild but the dealer. - Hang on a sec. 214 00:10:33,071 --> 00:10:35,805 Did Archer seem a little, like... scared to you guys? 215 00:10:35,873 --> 00:10:36,939 What? 216 00:10:37,008 --> 00:10:40,746 Ya know, now that you mention it, he did actually seem a little nervous. 217 00:10:42,046 --> 00:10:43,879 I bet he's just on the C.D.L. 218 00:10:43,948 --> 00:10:46,849 - The what? - Canadian down-low. 219 00:10:46,918 --> 00:10:48,984 Please, like you all wouldn't bang Alan Thicke 220 00:10:49,053 --> 00:10:52,822 - if you had the chance. - I think we should go check it out. 221 00:10:52,890 --> 00:10:56,609 - Well, if we're not gonna play poker! - I thought this was ouija. 222 00:10:56,678 --> 00:10:59,776 So, those guys... Kinda dicks, right? 223 00:10:59,777 --> 00:11:01,325 - Right? - Totally. 224 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,683 Okay, now enter the command sequence string. 225 00:11:03,751 --> 00:11:07,386 Okay good, now once you've... entered that... 226 00:11:07,455 --> 00:11:10,790 wow, still working on it. You also type like a gaping dickhole. 227 00:11:10,859 --> 00:11:12,525 Sorry, I don't wanna mess up. 228 00:11:12,594 --> 00:11:14,627 Man, you are nothing like your file. 229 00:11:14,696 --> 00:11:16,762 All these stories about what a badass you are, 230 00:11:16,831 --> 00:11:19,499 but I gotta tell ya, Farooq's not seeing it. 231 00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:22,835 Well, in those stories, I'm probably not changing poopy diapers, so... 232 00:11:22,904 --> 00:11:24,604 So do you seriously not even care 233 00:11:24,672 --> 00:11:27,473 - what I'm doing with your mainframe? - I honestly don't. 234 00:11:27,542 --> 00:11:28,674 Okay, I'm going to tell you anyway. 235 00:11:28,743 --> 00:11:30,877 I'm using it to backdoor my state-of-the-art 236 00:11:30,945 --> 00:11:34,572 spyware into the CIA network, so Pakistani intelligence 237 00:11:34,649 --> 00:11:36,908 will know everything they do in real time. 238 00:11:36,976 --> 00:11:39,644 And... why are you telling me this? 239 00:11:39,712 --> 00:11:42,780 - I'm ... Wait, what? - I mean, now I'm just gonna tell the CIA, 240 00:11:42,849 --> 00:11:47,018 - and they'll find the spyware. - That was only one of many, many 241 00:11:47,086 --> 00:11:49,720 - possible things I could be doing. - Okay. 242 00:11:49,789 --> 00:11:52,657 No, no, and the very fact that I told you 243 00:11:52,725 --> 00:11:54,992 that's what I'm doing, I mean that was 244 00:11:55,061 --> 00:11:57,728 - clearly misdirection, right? - Okay. 245 00:11:57,797 --> 00:11:59,597 Plus, I doubt you'll be talking very much 246 00:11:59,666 --> 00:12:00,865 after I shoot you in the face. 247 00:12:00,934 --> 00:12:02,733 Take it easy, I... 248 00:12:02,802 --> 00:12:04,769 Shit! I don't have a will! 249 00:12:04,837 --> 00:12:06,637 - I'm a notary! - Wha...? 250 00:12:06,706 --> 00:12:08,973 What the shit, Manny? 251 00:12:11,044 --> 00:12:12,944 Pam! Baby! 252 00:12:13,012 --> 00:12:16,847 What the heck's going on in... 253 00:12:22,129 --> 00:12:25,843 - Well, ya don't see that everyday. - I didn't even see it today... 254 00:12:26,309 --> 00:12:28,643 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 255 00:12:29,036 --> 00:12:30,538 So, here's the thing, Farooq. 256 00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:32,096 I don't know about any stories, 257 00:12:32,165 --> 00:12:35,099 but whatever badass shit that you heard I did, 258 00:12:35,168 --> 00:12:37,835 you really need some context, because 259 00:12:37,904 --> 00:12:40,671 pretty much my whole life, pretty much right up until 260 00:12:40,740 --> 00:12:44,041 this minute, my default setting has been "half-ass." 261 00:12:44,110 --> 00:12:48,112 But that was before I had a child, a child you threatened to harm. 262 00:12:48,181 --> 00:12:51,782 A child, I just realized, who's probably on her way up 263 00:12:51,851 --> 00:12:55,748 to the roof so Aunt Pam can swat at biplanes. 264 00:12:55,906 --> 00:12:58,373 Wait, what the hell am I doing? 265 00:12:58,441 --> 00:13:00,675 The roof's the first place they'll look. 266 00:13:00,744 --> 00:13:03,711 So imagine, as I literally beat you to death... 267 00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:08,383 Hang on. Yeah, literally, that a giant hand has turned my dial 268 00:13:08,451 --> 00:13:10,752 from "half-ass" to "quadruple-ass." 269 00:13:10,820 --> 00:13:15,657 - Wow. That is a lot of ass. - Yeah, basically eight times the ass. 270 00:13:15,725 --> 00:13:18,426 Can I just say one thing, before we get into all 271 00:13:18,495 --> 00:13:20,728 - the beating to death? - What? 272 00:13:20,797 --> 00:13:22,397 I still have a gun? 273 00:13:24,634 --> 00:13:26,632 Oh, right. 274 00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,875 Well? What's going on in there? 275 00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:33,578 Okay, so... that lesbian au pair has a gun. 276 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:35,613 I think she's robbing Mr. Archer. 277 00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:36,748 - Wait, what? - What au pair? 278 00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:39,784 - The black Mexican. - Oh for... So what should we do? 279 00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:42,754 Nothing! Until we consult the ouija. 280 00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,689 God I love poker night. 281 00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:47,859 So, before you shoot me, can I just say one thing? 282 00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:50,495 What? 283 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:56,768 What the shit, Cyril? 284 00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:58,603 Really? 285 00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,672 Take cover! C'mon, Cyril. 286 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,375 There's other desks. 287 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:05,810 - This one's good. - Ow. Damn it! 288 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,680 This is exactly how Brett died. 289 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,882 Man, I wish he was still with us. 290 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,852 He could soak up some of these bullets. 291 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,688 God, finally. Okay, that's eight rounds, 292 00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,523 including the one in my shoulder, so he's... 293 00:14:18,592 --> 00:14:20,458 - Reloading! - God dammit. 294 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,693 Oh! Ray, gun. 295 00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:24,629 - It's in a time-lock safe. - What? Why? 296 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:25,797 Because Cheryl. 297 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,599 I'm calling for backup! 298 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,667 _ 299 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:32,937 - What'd he say? - Well, my Urdu isn't as strong as I thought. 300 00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:35,940 _ 301 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:38,943 Meh. But I'm gonna assume he just called for backup. 302 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,712 So we gotta get to the armory. 303 00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:43,615 - It's empty. - It's... What do you mean, it's empty? 304 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:46,751 - When we got shut down, that guy... - Kevin. Kyle? 305 00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,720 Keith? Kenny? Kieran. 306 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:51,656 - Rodney? - Rodney! Why was I thinking Kev... 307 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,124 He stole everything! 308 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,894 He set himself up in Europe as some kind of arms dealer. 309 00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:58,663 Gentlemen, I'm afraid you mistake my hospitality 310 00:14:58,715 --> 00:15:00,899 for weakness. The price is the price. 311 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:06,737 If you wish to negotiate, you may do so with my associates. 312 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,841 And apparently he's doing quite well. 313 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:11,943 Reloading! 314 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,746 Remind me, if this asshole doesn't kill all of you, 315 00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,849 - to do it for him. - Uh, no. 316 00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:21,819 - And take that ridiculous thing off. - Make me. 317 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:24,956 - Ow, stop it, cut it out, stop, ow! - Wait a minute. 318 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,691 - Ow! - Gimme that. 319 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,760 Okay, on my signal, I'm gonna draw his fire. 320 00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:31,401 You idiots make make a run for it, find Pam and A.J., 321 00:15:31,402 --> 00:15:33,504 and get them to safety before the rest of these 322 00:15:33,536 --> 00:15:34,697 jerk-dicks get here. 323 00:15:34,703 --> 00:15:36,835 - What about Cheryl? - Who cares? 324 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,835 No, I'm genuinely asking. 325 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,967 So while we're getting A.J. out of here, what're you gonna be doing? 326 00:15:43,036 --> 00:15:45,970 Krieger, the HVAC ducts are still chock full of nerve gas, right? 327 00:15:46,039 --> 00:15:47,639 - Wait, what? - Yeah, but... 328 00:15:47,707 --> 00:15:50,875 But shut up, just get A.J. outta here, I'll take care of the rest. 329 00:15:50,944 --> 00:15:52,877 - Archer, that's... - Pretty heroic, I know. 330 00:15:52,946 --> 00:15:55,613 - I was gonna say overkill, but... - What're you, on their side? 331 00:15:55,682 --> 00:15:57,882 That asshole threatened to hurt A.J.! 332 00:15:57,951 --> 00:16:01,052 Although now that I think about it, this whole thing is totally her fault. 333 00:16:01,121 --> 00:16:03,922 What? As far as field operations are concerned, 334 00:16:03,990 --> 00:16:08,548 she's a huge liability! Now shut up and wait for my signal. 335 00:16:08,728 --> 00:16:11,830 Reloading. I should probably stop saying that out loud. 336 00:16:11,898 --> 00:16:15,099 - Should we just go now? - I mean, yeah you should have, 337 00:16:15,168 --> 00:16:17,969 but it's probably too late now, so... 338 00:16:18,038 --> 00:16:21,673 Now! _ 339 00:16:21,741 --> 00:16:22,841 Quit saying that! 340 00:16:25,178 --> 00:16:26,811 We should've gone then, I bet. 341 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,714 _ 342 00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:34,819 Where do you think you're going? 343 00:16:34,888 --> 00:16:36,120 Must... 344 00:16:36,189 --> 00:16:38,957 protect... baby. 345 00:16:40,126 --> 00:16:42,060 What the...? 346 00:16:42,128 --> 00:16:44,229 Not bad. I'm gonna give you a seven. 347 00:16:44,297 --> 00:16:46,931 - Wait, what? - Me, or him? 348 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,001 - No him, Slater said you were great. - Aww, he's sweet. 349 00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:52,071 You, I took off a point because Pam 350 00:16:52,072 --> 00:16:54,072 was feeding A.J. Vienna sausages. 351 00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:56,875 Idiot! She's not on solid food yet. 352 00:16:56,943 --> 00:16:59,657 - They weren't solid. - The fact that you were 353 00:16:59,672 --> 00:17:02,180 pre-chewing them and spitting them into her mouth... 354 00:17:02,249 --> 00:17:04,015 What the hell is going on? 355 00:17:04,084 --> 00:17:06,017 Shhhh. What is wrong with you? 356 00:17:06,086 --> 00:17:10,054 - Well for starters, I got shot. Twice. - Where did you get a real gun? 357 00:17:10,123 --> 00:17:12,223 My cousin. The one you gave me looked like, so fake, 358 00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:15,260 and I thought a real one would help me get into the character better. 359 00:17:15,328 --> 00:17:17,829 Oh, give it a rest, James Lipton. 360 00:17:17,898 --> 00:17:20,098 - He's an actor?! - Well, mostly improv, but... 361 00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:22,233 You set this whole thing up? You had me shot? 362 00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:25,937 - You had Slater shot? - No, the CIA guys did his make-up. 363 00:17:26,006 --> 00:17:27,071 Looked pretty real though, huh? 364 00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:29,874 - So cool. - Were you assholes in on this? 365 00:17:31,244 --> 00:17:33,344 Oh, please, you can't tell them anything. 366 00:17:33,413 --> 00:17:36,080 Why... would you do this?! 367 00:17:36,149 --> 00:17:40,084 I wanted to see if I could trust you to take care of A.J. by yourself. 368 00:17:40,153 --> 00:17:43,187 Oh! Yeah, let's talk about trust! 369 00:17:43,256 --> 00:17:45,768 Oh, let's talk about drinking a gallon of black Mexicans 370 00:17:45,850 --> 00:17:48,781 before driving around in a car with your infant daughter! 371 00:17:48,829 --> 00:17:50,973 - Good point - I was at gunpoint! 372 00:17:51,008 --> 00:17:52,527 - Also good. - Well... 373 00:17:52,575 --> 00:17:54,432 you still lied when you said you weren't gonna drink. 374 00:17:54,501 --> 00:17:56,200 You knew I was lying. 375 00:17:56,269 --> 00:17:59,370 That doesn't ex... Wait, that's your excuse? 376 00:17:59,439 --> 00:18:03,274 Yes! Lana. Now, if you'll excuse me, 377 00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:07,078 I am in fairly desperate need of medical attention. 378 00:18:07,147 --> 00:18:10,214 All your fault! 379 00:18:10,283 --> 00:18:12,543 God damn it! Why are you going up? 380 00:18:12,936 --> 00:18:16,237 All right, I'd call this... a qualified success. 381 00:18:16,306 --> 00:18:21,075 - Yeah, I really feel like I nailed it. - So... you do improv, huh? 382 00:18:21,144 --> 00:18:24,279 Yeah, at Dream the improovable dream, down on Twenty-third and Lex. 383 00:18:24,347 --> 00:18:27,182 You guys gotta come down, ya know, maybe take a class, 384 00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:29,984 it's good for confidence, or just, at least come out to a show... 385 00:18:30,053 --> 00:18:31,386 Here's some flyers. 386 00:18:31,454 --> 00:18:34,122 Our upcoming shows are on there, plus there's a coupon 387 00:18:34,191 --> 00:18:37,025 for a free drink if you're a lady, so... 388 00:18:37,093 --> 00:18:39,493 Wait, is it not the Imprahv-able dream? 389 00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:44,333 Huh. That makes way more sense. 390 00:18:44,781 --> 00:18:49,041 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net