1
00:00:00,794 --> 00:00:03,805
- Come on, you know you want it.
- You don't know what I want.
2
00:00:03,925 --> 00:00:06,548
Oh, yes, I do.
Come on, just the tip.
3
00:00:06,772 --> 00:00:10,172
I don't know. It's pretty big.
I think it's just the
4
00:00:10,292 --> 00:00:14,156
standard breakfast burrito size.
Here, first take a bite of mine.
5
00:00:14,276 --> 00:00:17,255
No, first you take a bite of mine.
Let's do it together.
6
00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:22,829
- Is that crazy? Oh, my God, okay.
- Mmm.
7
00:00:28,045 --> 00:00:32,012
- Oh, my, God. - Men's room?
- Broom closet.
8
00:00:32,014 --> 00:00:36,984
It's dirtier. No, bring the burrito.
Oh, my, God!
9
00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:44,390
Well, we were all thinkin' it.
10
00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:47,393
That and how chili's not
breakfast.
11
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:50,396
Well, technically anything's breakfast,
if it's your first meal of the day.
12
00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:53,329
Oh, then Ray's right.
And also, duh.
13
00:00:53,449 --> 00:00:56,173
Well, hooray. Give yourself a hand.
You know what?
14
00:00:56,293 --> 00:00:59,671
I know you better sit your ass down
before I slam an Easy Spirit up it.
15
00:00:59,673 --> 00:01:02,741
Oooh!
Whoa, hey, Pam, Ray, come on you two.
16
00:01:02,743 --> 00:01:06,325
You're not mad at each other.
You're mad at the unspeakably revolting
17
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:07,970
symbiotic mass of bodily fluids
18
00:01:08,039 --> 00:01:09,160
that is now Archer and Lana.
19
00:01:09,173 --> 00:01:10,939
They make me sick!
20
00:01:11,008 --> 00:01:13,042
Rub it in our faces how
we're doomed to be alone.
21
00:01:13,110 --> 00:01:15,611
Well, your face.
And Ray's, I guess.
22
00:01:15,679 --> 00:01:18,113
Wait, nobody's
rubbin' off in my face.
23
00:01:18,182 --> 00:01:20,343
Yeah, that's her point. And
think how hard watching them
24
00:01:20,351 --> 00:01:22,484
must be for Cyril.
No! It's--
25
00:01:22,553 --> 00:01:24,420
That's not--
I mean, come on!
26
00:01:24,488 --> 00:01:26,658
I'm totally over Lana, so...
Cyril!
27
00:01:26,778 --> 00:01:27,868
You can lie to yourself...
28
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,887
- Obviously, look at your sweater.
- ...but don't lie to Team Breakup.
29
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,850
- Uh what?
- Guys, it's obvious what we gotta do.
30
00:01:33,970 --> 00:01:36,504
Throw acid in their kissy faces.
31
00:01:36,573 --> 00:01:37,939
No!
Wait!
32
00:01:38,007 --> 00:01:39,707
You want to try
to break them up?
33
00:01:39,776 --> 00:01:41,909
I mean, it's either that or...
Ssss...
34
00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:45,713
No! The solution to every problem
isn't throwing frickin' acid on it!
35
00:01:45,782 --> 00:01:49,417
Unless the problem is a solution
with an overly-alkaline pH balance.
36
00:01:49,486 --> 00:01:51,986
Krieger, hush! Pam?
You have a plan?
37
00:01:52,055 --> 00:01:54,555
I don't know. Maybe we could do
something like one of those bait cars?
38
00:01:54,624 --> 00:01:56,891
But obviously, the car
would be a vagina.
39
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,759
Hmm. Okay,
so we get a woman
40
00:01:58,828 --> 00:02:00,561
that Archer would
find irresistible.
41
00:02:00,630 --> 00:02:02,363
Maybe by having
her fog a mirror.
42
00:02:02,432 --> 00:02:03,632
Then put her in Archer's path,
43
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,021
and his pathological
need to sleep
44
00:02:05,034 --> 00:02:07,001
with every woman
he meets does the rest.
45
00:02:07,070 --> 00:02:09,570
Or, you know, a lot of couples
break up if their kid dies.
46
00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:10,605
Really?
Whoa!
47
00:02:10,673 --> 00:02:12,373
Yeah. Easy peasy.
48
00:02:12,442 --> 00:02:15,610
We hire somebody to kidnap
their fat, gross baby.
49
00:02:15,645 --> 00:02:17,728
There's this huge
man-slash-baby hunt.
50
00:02:17,814 --> 00:02:19,530
It's in all the newspapers.
51
00:02:19,616 --> 00:02:21,816
On the wireless.
America's going apeshit.
52
00:02:21,885 --> 00:02:23,951
Then, we double-cross
the kidnapper,
53
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:26,821
who obviously we paid with
easily-traceable gold certificates.
54
00:02:26,906 --> 00:02:29,874
We plant a shitload of
dicey evidence in his garage.
55
00:02:29,959 --> 00:02:32,793
Tip off the cops-- he's basically
convicted of being German,
56
00:02:32,829 --> 00:02:34,545
and then, bzz-zap!
57
00:02:34,631 --> 00:02:37,665
Dirtnap for the kraut!
Compliments of old Sparky.
58
00:02:37,734 --> 00:02:39,400
God damn!
Wireless?
59
00:02:39,469 --> 00:02:41,402
But wait. If it's
a kidnapping--
60
00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:44,005
Uhh! The child
is sent to Bhutan,
61
00:02:44,057 --> 00:02:46,757
where for the next 20 years, she's
raised and trained as an assassin
62
00:02:46,843 --> 00:02:48,809
by Ra's al Ghul before
returning to destroy
63
00:02:48,845 --> 00:02:50,077
those who once betrayed her.
64
00:02:50,146 --> 00:02:52,013
Us.
65
00:02:52,081 --> 00:02:56,450
Yes!
But it buys us time.
66
00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:32,203
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
67
00:03:32,797 --> 00:03:34,772
Oh, my God, Lana.
68
00:03:34,892 --> 00:03:36,591
That was insane!
69
00:03:36,643 --> 00:03:38,426
It's insane, like,
every time now.
70
00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,562
What is going on with you?
71
00:03:40,631 --> 00:03:43,165
- Go-going on with me how?
What do you mean? - I mean--
72
00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:44,579
and uh, don't take this
the wrong way, but--
73
00:03:44,699 --> 00:03:46,701
did your dick get bigger?
74
00:03:46,770 --> 00:03:48,637
I don't think so.
Is that a thing?
75
00:03:48,705 --> 00:03:50,438
I think I would
have heard of it!
76
00:03:50,507 --> 00:03:52,340
Wait, in Le Retour
de Martin Guerre,
77
00:03:52,409 --> 00:03:54,910
didn't his get bigger?
Nope. His feet got smaller.
78
00:03:54,978 --> 00:03:57,579
Oh. Well, I know
my feet are the same.
79
00:03:57,648 --> 00:04:00,448
His wife fell in love with him when
he came back because he was caring
80
00:04:00,517 --> 00:04:02,484
and loving, which
he wasn't before.
81
00:04:02,553 --> 00:04:04,719
Larger penis
probably didn't hurt.
82
00:04:04,788 --> 00:04:06,421
And I'm sure my feet
are the same, Lana.
83
00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:08,290
My cordwainer
would have said something.
84
00:04:08,358 --> 00:04:09,624
Well, whatever it is,
for some reason
85
00:04:09,693 --> 00:04:11,726
I don't have to suppress
my gag reflex now
86
00:04:11,795 --> 00:04:13,261
whenever you mention
your cordwainer.
87
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:15,330
Well, what should I call him?
A shoemaker?
88
00:04:15,399 --> 00:04:17,566
What I'm trying to say is,
you were different
89
00:04:17,634 --> 00:04:19,209
than you were when
you dated the first time.
90
00:04:19,329 --> 00:04:23,051
More mature, maybe? And
definitely more focused on me.
91
00:04:23,171 --> 00:04:26,781
- Well? - As opposed to every single
woman you meet in a bar
92
00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:29,644
or at a party or just merely
walking down the street.
93
00:04:29,713 --> 00:04:33,415
I-- yeah. Uh. I'm sorry for that... time.
Zzz.
94
00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:36,551
Times, yes. Plural.
And I promise you,
95
00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:39,054
that won't ever happen again.
It better not.
96
00:04:39,122 --> 00:04:41,590
Because this time--
It's really kinda good, right?
97
00:04:41,658 --> 00:04:44,292
No, Archer, it's great!
Somehow.
98
00:04:44,361 --> 00:04:46,428
I can't remember when
I was this happy!
99
00:04:46,496 --> 00:04:48,463
You recently gave birth
to a child.
100
00:04:48,532 --> 00:04:50,832
Shit, right!
101
00:04:50,901 --> 00:04:54,536
But besides that, this is the
happiest I've been in a while!
102
00:04:54,605 --> 00:04:56,986
Which, obviously, is why we can't
tell mother we're dating again.
103
00:04:57,106 --> 00:04:59,705
Obvious?
Because she'd try to break us up somehow.
104
00:04:59,831 --> 00:05:01,765
She can't stand for me
to be in a relationship.
105
00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:04,134
I think it actually
causes her physical pain.
106
00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:07,370
You realize your relationship with
Malory isn't a huge selling point?
107
00:05:07,439 --> 00:05:10,373
Y-yeah. So, to
make up for it, what say I
108
00:05:10,442 --> 00:05:12,208
bend you back over the mop sink?
109
00:05:12,277 --> 00:05:13,977
Bring it, Sommersby.
110
00:05:14,046 --> 00:05:16,747
Because, you ding dong,
our bait-car hooker
111
00:05:16,778 --> 00:05:18,222
has to be hotter than Lana.
112
00:05:18,342 --> 00:05:20,772
- Pfft, that won't be hard!
- What?
113
00:05:20,892 --> 00:05:22,267
Did you suddenly go blind?
114
00:05:22,387 --> 00:05:24,788
No, phew!
115
00:05:24,856 --> 00:05:27,023
But Pam, come on. The
prostitutes on this website
116
00:05:27,092 --> 00:05:28,758
are like--
jeezy petes!
117
00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:30,226
Some of them are 10,000 a night!
118
00:05:30,295 --> 00:05:32,329
Yeah. So two grand apiece!
Are you--
119
00:05:32,397 --> 00:05:35,265
I wouldn't even pay
$2,000 to get myself laid.
120
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:38,868
Well, maybe now, but a few more
weeks without that hand...
121
00:05:38,937 --> 00:05:42,205
That's not even the hand-- I don't
see how that's any of your beeswax!
122
00:05:42,274 --> 00:05:45,175
Speaking of, do I smell beeswax?
123
00:05:45,243 --> 00:05:48,345
- Probably. - Maybe you can pay one of these
high-class hookers with it.
124
00:05:48,413 --> 00:05:50,146
- Really?
- No!
125
00:05:50,215 --> 00:05:53,183
Damn.
Because I'm not chipping in 2,000 bucks.
126
00:05:53,251 --> 00:05:57,053
Or even 1,000. Because I just
found out our shitty insurance
127
00:05:57,122 --> 00:05:59,222
doesn't cover prosthetic limbs!
Really?
128
00:05:59,291 --> 00:06:01,791
How do you not--
you're head of H.R.!
129
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,500
Probably because
I got two frickin' hands!
130
00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:10,266
Earballs.
131
00:06:10,335 --> 00:06:12,402
If I wanted to hear
you people scream,
132
00:06:12,471 --> 00:06:15,472
I'd have you flown
to a CIA black site
133
00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:18,875
in Morocco and listen to your
torture session on speakerphone!
134
00:06:18,944 --> 00:06:21,945
Speaking of, any word from Slater?
No.
135
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:25,148
Not a word from the CIA since
you idiots ruined the mission
136
00:06:25,217 --> 00:06:27,517
with the Durhani royal family.
137
00:06:27,586 --> 00:06:30,020
So I have no idea
what our status is.
138
00:06:30,088 --> 00:06:32,055
For all I know, we're
wanted for treason again.
139
00:06:32,124 --> 00:06:34,024
Well, no news is good news.
140
00:06:34,092 --> 00:06:37,060
You do realize this is
an intelligence agency?
141
00:06:37,129 --> 00:06:38,495
Ostensibly.
What?
142
00:06:38,563 --> 00:06:41,131
Nothing.
143
00:06:41,199 --> 00:06:44,067
Yeesh. Why don't we just
tell her they're dating?
144
00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:46,102
She'll make them so crazy
they'll break up on their own.
145
00:06:46,171 --> 00:06:48,138
Because then she would
tell them we told her,
146
00:06:48,206 --> 00:06:50,106
and then even if I did want
Lana back-- which I don't--
147
00:06:50,175 --> 00:06:51,508
It wouldn't matter!
148
00:06:51,576 --> 00:06:53,543
Because Mr. Archer would
feed you your own bones!
149
00:06:53,612 --> 00:06:55,945
Well, I don't know about that!
150
00:06:56,014 --> 00:06:57,981
Please. You'd die
of marrow poisoning.
151
00:06:58,050 --> 00:06:59,649
So come on!
Let's pick a hooker!
152
00:06:59,718 --> 00:07:02,886
One that Archer's never had sex with.
Is there one?
153
00:07:02,954 --> 00:07:05,821
You're forgetting what the largest
sex organ on the human body is.
154
00:07:05,941 --> 00:07:07,655
The... penis?
155
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:09,259
Well, I was gonna say vagina.
156
00:07:09,327 --> 00:07:11,294
I was gonna say Pam's vagina.
Me too.
157
00:07:11,363 --> 00:07:12,362
The brain!
158
00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:13,963
Eww!
Eww!
159
00:07:14,032 --> 00:07:15,065
Not like that-- what is
wrong with you people?
160
00:07:15,133 --> 00:07:16,633
Ray's missing a hand.
161
00:07:16,701 --> 00:07:18,935
Archer won't risk
his relationship with Lana
162
00:07:19,004 --> 00:07:21,471
for a previous conquest--
especially a prostitute!
163
00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:24,040
For a man like him,
it's all about the hunt.
164
00:07:24,109 --> 00:07:26,376
They're all gonna have--
I said hunt.
165
00:07:26,445 --> 00:07:29,913
Oh. Still, though...
So we have to pay a hooker up front
166
00:07:29,981 --> 00:07:32,954
to bump into Archer somewhere and just hope
he's never banged her?
167
00:07:33,074 --> 00:07:36,173
Come on, it's New York. I bet it's 20,000
hookers here.
168
00:07:36,293 --> 00:07:39,154
What are the odds Mr. Archer already banged
whichever one we pick?
169
00:07:39,274 --> 00:07:40,490
I was gonna say 50/50.
170
00:07:40,559 --> 00:07:42,992
Me too.
I was gonna say "Pam's vagina."
171
00:07:43,061 --> 00:07:44,928
So, we have to find
a beautiful woman
172
00:07:44,996 --> 00:07:47,497
who Archer's never had sex with.
Or--
173
00:07:47,566 --> 00:07:49,566
Well, that counts me out.
Me too.
174
00:07:49,634 --> 00:07:51,835
Which part?
Keep it up, Stumplestiltskin.
175
00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:53,697
Or, both of you shut up.
176
00:07:53,817 --> 00:07:57,941
Better yet, a woman who has a powerful
psychological hold over Archer.
177
00:07:58,009 --> 00:08:00,610
Please, tell me
you don't mean his mother.
178
00:08:00,679 --> 00:08:02,278
What?
Yeah, because even for us--
179
00:08:02,347 --> 00:08:04,247
I'm not talking
about Miss Archer!
180
00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:07,650
The only woman Archer ever really
cared about besides Lana is...
181
00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:10,153
What? Who?
182
00:08:10,222 --> 00:08:11,955
Seriously?
Yeah. Who is it?
183
00:08:12,023 --> 00:08:15,258
Hang on, before we call her,
are we sure we want to do this?
184
00:08:15,327 --> 00:08:18,061
No, you're my smoochy-boochy.
185
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,563
No, you're my
smoochy-boochy.
186
00:08:20,632 --> 00:08:21,998
Eww.
Ugh.
187
00:08:22,067 --> 00:08:23,900
So. Is there
a country code, or--
188
00:08:23,969 --> 00:08:27,871
Da? Yes.
This is Colonel Kazanova.
189
00:08:27,906 --> 00:08:30,106
Yes. Oh, really?
190
00:08:30,175 --> 00:08:33,209
Yes? Yes?
I understand.
191
00:08:33,278 --> 00:08:36,045
Yeah. Yes.
Good-bye.
192
00:08:36,114 --> 00:08:38,681
Who was that?
Who was who?
193
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:41,284
What are you talking about?
Uh-- you were--
194
00:08:41,353 --> 00:08:44,487
Did you just now have telephone call?
No!
195
00:08:44,556 --> 00:08:48,057
Don't be an idiot.
Also, I must go to America.
196
00:08:48,126 --> 00:08:51,528
Unrelated to the telephone call
that I just did not receive.
197
00:08:57,017 --> 00:08:59,084
Cyril!
Archer.
198
00:08:59,153 --> 00:09:01,753
How are you holding up, buddy?
With regard to--
199
00:09:01,822 --> 00:09:03,755
Me and Lana?
200
00:09:04,039 --> 00:09:05,905
Oh-ho. Right.
Gotta be tough, huh?
201
00:09:05,974 --> 00:09:08,341
Yeah, I'm barely
muddling through.
202
00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:10,610
I'm sensing a little sarcasm.
203
00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,179
Really?
Yes, Cyril, I am.
204
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:16,016
Maybe that's because I don't
care that you're dating Lana,
205
00:09:16,084 --> 00:09:19,019
because...
you'll never have what she and I had.
206
00:09:19,087 --> 00:09:21,087
Like what?
Like... uh...
207
00:09:21,156 --> 00:09:22,522
I don't know, Archer.
The little things.
208
00:09:22,591 --> 00:09:24,524
Like Stir Friday.
You're right, Cyril.
209
00:09:24,593 --> 00:09:27,494
Nothing I could do could ever
compare to the sensual pleasures
210
00:09:27,562 --> 00:09:31,164
to be found in a greasy wok
full of tiny ears of corn
211
00:09:31,233 --> 00:09:34,234
and meat the exact size
and shape of dice. Which--
212
00:09:34,302 --> 00:09:38,238
You just realized is why that method
of chopping food is called "dicing."
213
00:09:38,306 --> 00:09:40,874
Maybe. And maybe
since it's Friday, Cyril,
214
00:09:40,942 --> 00:09:43,943
tonight, I'm gonna make
Lana stir-fry!
215
00:09:44,012 --> 00:09:48,181
You-- what? No!
Yes! So, soy you later!
216
00:09:50,519 --> 00:09:52,452
"Soy!"
217
00:09:52,521 --> 00:09:56,389
Operation Stir Cry-day
is go, over.
218
00:09:56,458 --> 00:09:58,825
Copy that, Figgis Newton.
What?
219
00:09:58,894 --> 00:10:00,827
And also, shitty operation name.
220
00:10:00,896 --> 00:10:02,562
Why can't you use the women's?
221
00:10:02,631 --> 00:10:06,433
And why'd you give me a walkie-talkie?
Why do you care?
222
00:10:06,501 --> 00:10:08,268
- About either?
- Wait. What?
223
00:10:08,336 --> 00:10:11,337
Dinner? Tonight?
My place? I'll cook.
224
00:10:11,406 --> 00:10:13,540
What is this,
like a word scramble?
225
00:10:13,608 --> 00:10:15,542
No, it's like
me cooking you dinner.
226
00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:19,345
You, as in, Woodhouse?
No, me as in me, Lana.
227
00:10:19,414 --> 00:10:21,014
I don't even know
where Woodhouse is.
228
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:22,849
I actually haven't seen
him in, like, weeks.
229
00:10:22,918 --> 00:10:24,217
Uh-huh.
230
00:10:24,286 --> 00:10:26,953
I'm cooking.
Me, Lana. Me. Me!
231
00:10:27,022 --> 00:10:31,591
You two and your constant
bickering. What is it this time?
232
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:33,960
Lana's hogging the copier.
233
00:10:34,029 --> 00:10:37,230
I swear to sweet Jesus...
Okay, Julia Childish.
234
00:10:37,299 --> 00:10:40,100
I'll get a sitter for A.J.
So, what time is dinner?
235
00:10:40,168 --> 00:10:42,335
And can I bring anything?
Let's say sevenish,
236
00:10:42,404 --> 00:10:46,473
and yes, you can bring
100 copies of this.
237
00:10:49,478 --> 00:10:52,011
Wait. What?
238
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,681
Come on!
239
00:10:54,750 --> 00:10:57,717
Sorry, I had to get
stakeout supplies, and--
240
00:10:57,786 --> 00:11:00,587
What happened to your van?
We can't stake out Archer's apartment
241
00:11:00,655 --> 00:11:03,024
in the rush van,
it's way too iconic.
242
00:11:03,144 --> 00:11:04,883
Wait, this is actual ice cream.
243
00:11:05,003 --> 00:11:06,991
Plus, I've been moonlighting.
244
00:11:09,231 --> 00:11:12,265
Shut up!
Okay, little help here, nerm-nerts.
245
00:11:12,334 --> 00:11:15,101
Think you got enough beer?
No.
246
00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:17,103
But I brought a couple joints.
247
00:11:21,042 --> 00:11:23,409
No, it's cool.
I got it, Woodhouse.
248
00:11:23,478 --> 00:11:26,146
Unless you came home?
You little scamp!
249
00:11:26,214 --> 00:11:29,215
Woodhouse? Woodhouse!
250
00:11:29,284 --> 00:11:32,235
Seriously, I hope he didn't die.
251
00:11:32,954 --> 00:11:36,489
Meemo. Check obituaries.
252
00:11:36,558 --> 00:11:39,431
Meemo. Tell Woodhouse
to buy newspap-- damn!
253
00:11:39,551 --> 00:11:40,683
No, that's just a feedback loop.
254
00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,787
Wha--
God damn it, Woodhouse, you stack of bones,
255
00:11:44,856 --> 00:11:47,313
if you're using my bathroom,
you're gonna need an obitu--
256
00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:48,273
What the--
257
00:11:48,393 --> 00:11:49,634
Woodhouse?
258
00:11:49,908 --> 00:11:53,451
No, my darling. It is I!
Katya?
259
00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:56,196
Well, you sound
surprised, darling.
260
00:11:56,265 --> 00:11:58,365
Well, wh--
Why are you in my bathroom?
261
00:11:58,434 --> 00:12:00,467
Oh, I was just preparing.
262
00:12:00,536 --> 00:12:02,636
In my apartment.
In America!
263
00:12:02,705 --> 00:12:05,105
Oh, I just had
to see you, darling.
264
00:12:05,174 --> 00:12:07,841
I have been longing
for your tender touch.
265
00:12:07,910 --> 00:12:09,843
Well-- but just, like,
out of the blue?
266
00:12:09,912 --> 00:12:12,012
Was Barry's touch
not tender? Or--
267
00:12:12,081 --> 00:12:14,381
I-- how you say, uh--
"dump" Barry.
268
00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:16,950
All right!
You knew this?
269
00:12:17,019 --> 00:12:19,886
I assumed it was
bound to happen,
270
00:12:19,955 --> 00:12:21,955
since Barry was such a douche.
271
00:12:22,024 --> 00:12:24,024
And still is. Presumably.
272
00:12:24,093 --> 00:12:26,960
And also alive, and not crushed
and then burned to death
273
00:12:27,029 --> 00:12:29,329
in a grain silo. Presumably.
274
00:12:29,398 --> 00:12:33,233
What is the matter, darling?
Are you not excited to see your Katya?
275
00:12:33,302 --> 00:12:36,236
Mm... no, "excited" is actually
the exact word I would have cho--
276
00:12:36,305 --> 00:12:38,538
ho-ho-haw-- oh.
277
00:12:38,607 --> 00:12:41,108
Oh, my God!
278
00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:43,376
This is, like, the perfect day.
279
00:12:43,445 --> 00:12:46,613
Ahh! The day Archer finally
gets what's been coming to him
280
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,582
all these years.
281
00:12:48,650 --> 00:12:51,618
So, wait. When did you put all
those cameras in his apartment?
282
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:54,020
The same time I did the rest of--
you know what's good?
283
00:12:54,089 --> 00:12:57,157
Hochschiebens!
Yeah, let's all have a hochschieben!
284
00:12:57,226 --> 00:12:59,259
Mmm! Das ist lecker, no?
285
00:12:59,328 --> 00:13:03,130
Yes! I mean, no.
I mean, my neck's all sweaty.
286
00:13:03,198 --> 00:13:06,032
It can't possibly taste good, so--
287
00:13:06,101 --> 00:13:10,270
I love, is-- is salty.
It's like caviar.
288
00:13:10,339 --> 00:13:13,507
Which, boy! Talk about
an acquired taste, huh?
289
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:15,809
And a little-known fact--
290
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:19,597
Uh, darling, you're on fire!
Oh, my God. Yeah.
291
00:13:19,717 --> 00:13:21,269
- So are you.
- No.
292
00:13:21,389 --> 00:13:23,414
- Literally.
- You mean figuratively.
293
00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:25,801
Oh, God, there's so much we never
had time to...
294
00:13:28,173 --> 00:13:30,390
Uh, darling, there.
The champagne.
295
00:13:32,661 --> 00:13:36,062
Oh, ho. Very high in cholesterol.
Caviar.
296
00:13:36,131 --> 00:13:39,966
Darling, are you all right?
Yeah. I'm fine.
297
00:13:40,035 --> 00:13:43,136
Messrs. Kilgour, French, Stanbury,
Turnbull and Asser... not so much.
298
00:13:43,205 --> 00:13:46,473
Oh, well, then let's get
you out of these wet clothes,
299
00:13:46,542 --> 00:13:48,575
and into something...
Dry?
300
00:13:50,379 --> 00:13:53,947
Oh, I can promise you,
it is not dry.
301
00:14:02,491 --> 00:14:04,090
Blorp.
302
00:14:04,159 --> 00:14:08,128
Well, in the immortal words
of Wendell Stamps,
303
00:14:08,197 --> 00:14:10,630
that's going in the slide show!
304
00:14:10,699 --> 00:14:12,682
No offense.
305
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:14,684
Why would I be offen--
306
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,714
Oh, baby, it is all over everything.
307
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,983
So is Cheryl.
Will you get off?
308
00:14:29,051 --> 00:14:31,519
That's what she said, right?
309
00:14:31,587 --> 00:14:34,221
More like what he said.
Katya, please.
310
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,423
Please, I have
to tell you something.
311
00:14:36,492 --> 00:14:39,193
I'm listening.
Go ahead, baby.
312
00:14:39,262 --> 00:14:41,395
They're jingling, baby.
313
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:44,105
I didn't know you were a fan of
early crossover mainstream hip-hop.
314
00:14:44,166 --> 00:14:46,734
Oh! Or that you were
that strong.
315
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:48,903
Oh, my God. I'm glad
I'm not a woman.
316
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,674
Da, baby, ya tozhe.
317
00:14:50,794 --> 00:14:52,969
No, in a general sense. Look!
318
00:14:53,089 --> 00:14:54,466
Look, look, look, look!
Here comes Lana!
319
00:14:54,586 --> 00:14:56,776
Oh, man, I don't want to
sound greedy,
320
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,729
but a threesome
and then a break-up?
321
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:02,182
Or a foursome,
and I'm the pizza guy?
322
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,251
You have pizza?
323
00:15:12,261 --> 00:15:14,328
Dahlink, I do not understand.
324
00:15:14,397 --> 00:15:18,098
I know, and me neither. This is
all uncharted territory for me.
325
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,301
But I've changed, Katya.
I've changed.
326
00:15:20,369 --> 00:15:23,337
Well, I have also changed.
My new operating system
327
00:15:23,406 --> 00:15:26,273
includes the entire kama sutra...
Wow! Okay.
328
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:29,777
The first edition of the old Mr. Boston
Official Bartender's Guide...
329
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:32,913
Eep!
And a deep, hard-wired
330
00:15:32,982 --> 00:15:36,150
understanding and appreciation
of men's lacrosse.
331
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,453
What did I--
darling, wait!
332
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,857
What?
Out o' order.
333
00:15:43,926 --> 00:15:45,993
Yes, thank you.
I can see that.
334
00:15:46,062 --> 00:15:47,661
Why you ask?
335
00:15:49,332 --> 00:15:52,499
Out of order?
I'll show you out of order.
336
00:15:52,568 --> 00:15:55,369
Lana Kane?
The giant negress?
337
00:15:55,438 --> 00:15:57,171
Hey! Now come on. She's not--
What?
338
00:15:57,239 --> 00:15:59,473
A negress?
Gigantic.
339
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:02,476
I mean, she's tall, but a lot of
that's the boots, and the hair--
340
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:05,779
and those hands aren't doing her
any favors, human-size-wise.
341
00:16:05,848 --> 00:16:09,850
She's basically Groot.
342
00:16:09,919 --> 00:16:12,753
I mean, in the dark it's like Eubie
Blake's reaching out for you, but--
343
00:16:12,822 --> 00:16:15,289
But you prefer her to me?
344
00:16:15,358 --> 00:16:18,926
I mean, no, but wait. You slept
with Barry at our wedding!
345
00:16:18,995 --> 00:16:21,829
Da-ah! At second wedding.
Oh. Right.
346
00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:24,031
At our first wedding--
I saved your life from Barry,
347
00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:26,233
and in process,
I lose my own life!
348
00:16:26,302 --> 00:16:30,104
But then again, you slept with him
at our second wedding, which kinda--
349
00:16:30,172 --> 00:16:34,108
You were the one who could not deal
with the fact that I am now cyborg!
350
00:16:34,176 --> 00:16:36,977
You were the one who banged Barry!
Bozhe moy!
351
00:16:37,046 --> 00:16:40,247
You have not changed a bit!
Ha! Shows what you know!
352
00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:42,850
You Barry-banger!
I have changed!
353
00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:45,085
I have a kid!
354
00:16:45,154 --> 00:16:47,421
Chto?
355
00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:52,159
Yeah. A little baby girl,
Abbiejean. With Lana.
356
00:16:52,228 --> 00:16:54,895
And then we started going out
again, and somehow it's...
357
00:16:54,964 --> 00:16:56,764
Kind of amazing, really.
358
00:16:56,832 --> 00:16:58,912
We're, like, connecting,
you know? And I realize that
359
00:16:58,963 --> 00:17:03,971
all this time, even though we fought
like cats and a very tall dog,
360
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,373
we've always been best friends.
361
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,525
And then to realize you
might actually be in love
362
00:17:08,645 --> 00:17:11,992
with your best friend who also happens to
be the mother of your child--
363
00:17:12,112 --> 00:17:14,375
That's, like, a miracle.
364
00:17:15,017 --> 00:17:18,018
And so even though I'll always
have a special place for you
365
00:17:18,087 --> 00:17:21,321
in my heart, and obviously in my slide show, I--
Your what?
366
00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:24,024
It doesn't matter. I--
I feel like I just found Lana
367
00:17:24,093 --> 00:17:27,261
after all these years, and I
can't risk losing her again.
368
00:17:27,329 --> 00:17:29,196
I--
369
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:31,965
Don't know what to say,
Sterling.
370
00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:35,302
I feel--
I feel like--
371
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:40,040
A great big, jerky
giant asshole.
372
00:17:40,109 --> 00:17:42,543
Right!
373
00:17:42,611 --> 00:17:45,345
Well? Are we just
gonna sit here?
374
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,985
Lazy, lazy, fatty
fatty gaijin! Whee!
375
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:57,491
I mean, how do you not
murder her every day?
376
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,993
I do.
377
00:18:00,062 --> 00:18:02,362
No, please, I feel
like the asshole.
378
00:18:02,431 --> 00:18:06,100
I mean, look at you. I literally
cannot believe I'm asking you to go.
379
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,401
But you must.
380
00:18:07,470 --> 00:18:10,337
Yeah. I've seen her
crush a cue ball.
381
00:18:10,406 --> 00:18:13,173
Oh, I forgot something in bathroom.
I'll mail it to you.
382
00:18:13,242 --> 00:18:15,576
But you got to go now!
She'll be here any second.
383
00:18:15,644 --> 00:18:19,913
Whoo! Suck it, you...
dick stairs.
384
00:18:21,617 --> 00:18:24,551
Is a bit awkward,
to leave from balcony.
385
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,987
I know, sorry, but
the elevator's out,
386
00:18:27,056 --> 00:18:29,456
and I can just see you two running
into each other on the stairs.
387
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:32,226
Uh, no, I mean because the last
time I leave your apartment
388
00:18:32,294 --> 00:18:34,261
from balcony--
Oh, right!
389
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:36,130
You died.
But the last time,
390
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,364
I did not have this.
391
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:44,271
- Wow. - Da. It is also very good
for bondage, mild BDSM,
392
00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:45,625
things of this nature.
393
00:18:45,887 --> 00:18:49,109
I bet.
May I kiss you good-bye, Sterling?
394
00:18:49,178 --> 00:18:51,378
Yes. Yes, pleas--
395
00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:57,217
I will miss you. Very much.
396
00:18:57,286 --> 00:18:59,520
Me too. But if
it's any consolation,
397
00:18:59,588 --> 00:19:03,357
I'll be thinking of you the next...
several times I have sex with Lana.
398
00:19:03,425 --> 00:19:06,326
Well, good-bye...
399
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,061
Sterling.
400
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:14,334
Oh, holy shit, I
got to make stir-fry.
401
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,437
Why is the door open?
That's weird.
402
00:19:17,506 --> 00:19:20,107
Lana!
What? What the shit?
403
00:19:20,176 --> 00:19:22,109
There's--
Oh, I got a stitch.
404
00:19:22,178 --> 00:19:23,477
What are you idiots doing here?
405
00:19:23,845 --> 00:19:25,668
What am I even doing here?
406
00:19:26,067 --> 00:19:29,635
Well, Archer, the first thing you're
doing is making a very stiff drink.
407
00:19:29,755 --> 00:19:30,872
Well?
408
00:19:30,992 --> 00:19:32,992
Cyril? You gotta...
What?
409
00:19:33,061 --> 00:19:35,295
Cyril's gotta...
tell you something.
410
00:19:35,363 --> 00:19:37,230
No I don't!
Yeah, you do.
411
00:19:37,299 --> 00:19:39,866
Yeah, Cyril!
That is just...
412
00:19:39,935 --> 00:19:43,136
Cyril! What?
413
00:19:43,205 --> 00:19:45,406
Lana, please don't go in there
because I still love you.
414
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,440
There. I said it.
415
00:19:47,509 --> 00:19:50,076
Wow.
Yeah!
416
00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:52,846
Ha!
417
00:19:52,914 --> 00:19:56,716
So. How's all that going?
418
00:19:56,785 --> 00:19:58,485
Not great.
419
00:19:58,553 --> 00:20:01,588
Jesus, Woodhouse
really is gone, huh?
420
00:20:01,656 --> 00:20:04,591
Which-- here are your flyers.
Yeah, I actually don't need them.
421
00:20:04,659 --> 00:20:06,526
What? After I made
all these copies?
422
00:20:06,595 --> 00:20:08,628
Well, who's gonna put 'em up, Lana?
Hey! Whoa.
423
00:20:08,697 --> 00:20:12,232
I did not just schlep my ass up your
jillion idiot stairs
424
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,534
- to eat your shitty attitude
for dinner, mister. - I--
425
00:20:14,603 --> 00:20:18,037
I might as well go eat with Cyril.
At least he can cook stir-fry.
426
00:20:18,106 --> 00:20:20,406
And, he's still totally in love with me.
Wha'?
427
00:20:20,475 --> 00:20:24,043
Yeah. Right outside, just dumped his
purse all over the welcome mat.
428
00:20:24,112 --> 00:20:26,212
Ugh! So pathetic.
429
00:20:26,248 --> 00:20:29,082
Seriously. Maybe
try growing a pair.
430
00:20:29,151 --> 00:20:31,484
But here I am with the old Archer.
Wha'--
431
00:20:31,553 --> 00:20:34,420
I'm not the old Archer.
I'm the new Archer!
432
00:20:34,489 --> 00:20:37,557
I've changed, Lana.
Please, you're halfway to half in the bag.
433
00:20:37,626 --> 00:20:40,059
As usual, walkin' around
in your--
434
00:20:40,128 --> 00:20:41,995
Why are you in your spreefs?
435
00:20:42,063 --> 00:20:44,264
They compliment
my active lifestyle?
436
00:20:44,332 --> 00:20:46,065
Archer...
Um...
437
00:20:46,134 --> 00:20:48,635
Uh-huh.
Oh, what, what, Lana!
438
00:20:48,703 --> 00:20:50,603
Wait! No, there's
nothing in there.
439
00:20:50,672 --> 00:20:53,273
You call this nothing?
440
00:20:53,341 --> 00:20:54,808
Yeah, so...
441
00:20:54,876 --> 00:20:59,212
Because I call it smoochy-boochy town.
Uh-- hmm?
442
00:20:59,281 --> 00:21:01,748
Smooth jazz, rose petals,
candles--
443
00:21:01,783 --> 00:21:06,152
not sure what happened there, but
oh, my gosh! And Dom Pérignon?
444
00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:08,121
Which, I assume, was delicious.
445
00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:10,423
Uh, expensive fire extinguisher.
446
00:21:10,492 --> 00:21:13,059
Well, then go get a few more
bottles out of the fridge
447
00:21:13,128 --> 00:21:17,330
just to be safe, because
I am gonna burn you down!
448
00:21:19,167 --> 00:21:21,267
Back in a sec,
449
00:21:21,336 --> 00:21:23,236
new Archer...
450
00:21:23,305 --> 00:21:26,339
Yeah. I-I am new!
I am, Lana.
451
00:21:26,408 --> 00:21:28,508
I mean, I feel like
a brand new man!
452
00:21:28,577 --> 00:21:30,076
I've really changed!
453
00:21:30,145 --> 00:21:32,579
Really?
Ee-yah!
454
00:21:32,647 --> 00:21:35,315
Then why...
455
00:21:35,383 --> 00:21:38,685
is there a vagina in the sink!
456
00:21:38,753 --> 00:21:42,707
Um, so...
Funny story.
457
00:21:42,975 --> 00:21:47,680
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net