1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
2
00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:21,553
well, what do you think ?
3
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,389
I think that in my next life,
4
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,190
I'm gonna come back
as a movie star.
5
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:26,492
Yeah, look out, gay porn.
6
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,627
Rim shot.
Yeah, that could be your name.
7
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,329
So what, some movie star
lives here ?
8
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,231
Veronica deane.
Can you believe it ?
9
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,500
No shit.
You like her ?
10
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:36,368
What, as an actress
or for this homicide ?
11
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,203
Both.
Well, it's been a while
12
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,239
Since I've seen her
in anything, but, man,
13
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:43,342
She was incredible
in shanghai moon.
14
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:46,178
Oh, my god, that dress.
Oh, bejeezles, right ?
15
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,714
But as for tennessee tuxedo here,
I want to talk to her.
16
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,749
See if she knows who tried
to weight him down...
17
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,184
With an ounce of lead.
18
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,186
Found it on the ground
over there by the table.
19
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,355
Is it hers ?
Hard to tell with no serial number.
20
00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:58,390
Probably why they put'em on there.
Rim shot.
21
00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,758
Hey, you should ask Veronica Deane
22
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,527
If her agent reps gay porn stars.
23
00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:03,362
And maybe if she murdered this guy.
24
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,531
You got a real knack for this.
Thanks.
25
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:08,400
But the household staff says
she hasn't been home since yesterday.
26
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,436
And him ?
They say that as of midnight,
27
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:13,205
The pool did not
contain a dead waiter.
28
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:16,275
okay, so, let's get
some unis on the gates,
29
00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:18,444
Front, backside, whatever.
Nobody in or out.
30
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:20,212
And while we wait for the m.E.,
31
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:23,282
We'll go talk to the staff,
maybe jog somebody's memory.
32
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,551
Rim schott.
How was that funny ?
33
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,286
No, as my gay porn name.
34
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,421
You know
35
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,023
rim schott.
36
00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:32,257
Right ?
37
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:46,200
S07E01 : The Figgis Agency
38
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,673
it's not that bad.
39
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:24,810
No, on the contrary,
it's wonderful.
40
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,478
If you enjoy
starving to death.
41
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,646
Oh, please, mother.
42
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,481
The only thing you eat
is cocktail onions.
43
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,949
I simply cannot believe
44
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:33,652
I let you talk me
into this boondoggle !
45
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,287
Not just me. Lana ?
46
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,356
Okay, me too.
A little.
47
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,358
But only because
the cia blacklisted us.
48
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,826
Plus now with a.J.,
49
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,828
I thought it would be safer
than being a spy.
50
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,963
It's safer than being
a librarian !
51
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,332
Three months and not
a single client.
52
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:50,302
Oh, for mother, when the word
gets out that sterling archer,
53
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,704
The world's greatest
former secret agent,
54
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,374
Has his own frickin'
detective agency...
55
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:58,377
Which technically,
you do not.
56
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,879
Because california is assholes.
57
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,515
What have I been saying ?
Something about bears.
58
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,151
Because what other explanation
could there possibly be
59
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:09,521
For california deciding
that a stupid law degree...
60
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,390
And a b.A.
In criminal justice.
61
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:14,726
Shut up. Somehow qualifies
an otherwise total idiot
62
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,796
For a private investigator's
license, but an entire career
63
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,499
As a secret agent does not.
Well, you're lucky they did,
64
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,202
Or you, or ray,
or you, lana,
65
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:26,004
Couldn't work as an investigator
under my license.
66
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,539
And I'm sure
that's the last time
67
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,374
We'll hear anything about that.
68
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,510
And you can be sure
that the minute...
69
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:34,513
Wait, the second I qualify
for my p.I. License,
70
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,515
This is the archer agency.
71
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,750
Fair enough.
So let's circle back
72
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:42,020
When you have 2,000 hours
of investigative work
73
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,523
Certified by your licensed
employer, who is me.
74
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:46,925
Cyril...
and... Go !
75
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,428
2,000 hours ?
76
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:51,530
At this rate...
mother, we will get clients.
77
00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,398
All we need
is one high-profile case.
78
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,534
And some kick-ass advertising.
79
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,402
Give me that.
80
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,705
Pam, if a single one of these
has left this building,
81
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:02,107
I will personally
sew you into a canvas bag
82
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:05,577
Full of rats and throw
that bag into the river.
83
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,613
I gotta go get
my car smogged!
84
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,781
What river ?
It's a concrete slab.
85
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,950
The headline there
was a bag of rats.
86
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,519
Here's a headline.
"malory archer bankrupt.
87
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,421
Feckless son to blame."
look...
88
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,390
And even if we get a case,
89
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,959
What, some cheating husband,
fake whiplash ?
90
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:24,630
The whole thing
is just so...Grubby !
91
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,465
- Grubby ? Grubby ?!
- excuse me.
92
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,934
When we were spies, you murdered
the prime minister of Italy.
93
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,435
Prove it.
I can't !
94
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:33,138
Uh, excuse me ?
Because krieger chopped him up,
95
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,806
And then we stuffed him
in trash cans
96
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,608
All over
four different boroughs.
97
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,744
Well, then.
Wait. Four ?
98
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,979
I'm not schlepping
to staten island
99
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,481
In the middle
of the goddamn night.
100
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,448
Hey !
101
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,450
Jesus, lady, earballs !
102
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,620
is this the figgis agency ?
103
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,088
Well, we're not married
to that, but...
104
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,657
Yes, we are.
105
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,558
And yes, it is.
106
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,228
Hello, cyril figgis.
Owner, ceo,
107
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:58,964
And fully licensed
private investigator.
108
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,632
Veronica Deane.
109
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,302
the movie star ?!
110
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:07,572
Ugh. May we talk somewhere...Else ?
111
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:10,776
blackmail.
I'm afraid so.
112
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:13,412
You see, my home
was burgled recently,
113
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:16,248
And in addition to cash
and some jewelry,
114
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:19,651
They stole a computer disk
with, I suppose
115
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:23,989
You might call it,
sensitive information ?
116
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,590
It's nine o'clock
in the morning.
117
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:27,092
I'm still on eastern time.
118
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,694
- archer.
- It's lunchtime there.
119
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,630
Yesterday, a lawyer named
alan shapiro contacted me.
120
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,832
He said he was
in possession of the disk
121
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,034
And wished to arrange
its return.
122
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,102
For a fee.
123
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,670
And the fee was ?
124
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,505
I would think
none of your concern.
125
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,207
But...
yeah, lana.
126
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,609
And this alan shapiro,
you've never met him ?
127
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:46,445
As a matter of fact,
I have.
128
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,447
He was my ex-husband's
divorce attorney.
129
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,115
Oh, ellis crane,
the movie director.
130
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,817
So do you have
any reason to suspect
131
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,018
Your ex-husband
is behind this ?
132
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,519
I have every reason.
133
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,321
Yeah. Lana.
134
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,657
What ?!
But mr. Shapiro wanted to meet me
135
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,326
At his house, so I assume
the disk is there,
136
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,694
Presumably in a safe.
137
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,697
I want you to go there
and recover it.
138
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,499
You mean steal it.
I mean...
139
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,501
Lana, she can't steal
what's already hers.
140
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,370
That's... wait,
is it double jeopardy ?
141
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:12,371
no.
142
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,139
The disk is rightfully mine,
143
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:16,708
And I will pay more
than fairly for its return.
144
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,511
Well, um, for a case
of this nature,
145
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:22,247
Our standard rate would be...
146
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,515
- Cyril !
- What ?
147
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,883
Sterling !
For god's sake, man.
148
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,319
Mrs. Deane...
ms.
149
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:31,089
ms. Deane isn't
a standard client, cyril.
150
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,758
She is a film legend.
151
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:37,529
And as such, she deserves
our legendary service package,
152
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:40,532
Which includes, um...
get me the disk,
153
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:43,702
And I will pay
your agency $100,000.
154
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,706
Yeah, yeah...
155
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,708
Yeah, that's our rate for that.
156
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,576
This is mr. Shapiro's address,
157
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:54,079
And I want the job done
as soon as possible.
158
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,014
And of course,
it goes without saying
159
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,583
That this matter
is strictly confidential.
160
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:01,219
Apparently not.
And conversely,
161
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,789
Anything you think you may
or may not have overheard,
162
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,725
Regarding the italian prime minister's
murder and dismemberment...
163
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,561
Alleged murder and dismemberment.
164
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,630
I couldn't care less,
mr. Archer.
165
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:14,132
All that matters to me
is that you return the disk.
166
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,168
Now, good day.
167
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,749
Holy shit, $100,000 ?
168
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:34,619
I was gonna say $10,000.
169
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:39,458
Oh, my god !
170
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:42,327
yeah, what were you
gonna say, smart guy ?
171
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,669
Nine !
172
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,816
okay, people, listen up.
173
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,352
This is our first case,
and we're gonna crush it,
174
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,855
So listen up !
These are your assignments.
175
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,823
Pam. Hey,
in case you've forgotten,
176
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,092
The writing is literally
on the wall,
177
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,795
And I give the orders
around here.
178
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:19,431
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Please, by all means.
179
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,266
Uh-huh. Um...
180
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:24,436
Well, our...
okay.
181
00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:26,805
Archer has your assignments,
so listen up !
182
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,774
Truly inspiring, cyril.
183
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,444
It's like patton
and churchill had a baby.
184
00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:34,980
Oh, and put me down for 15
minutes of investigative work.
185
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,115
That wasn't even 15 seconds !
186
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,851
15 minutes is the smallest
manageable increment.
187
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,520
You dick !
Hey, shut up !
188
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:45,190
You... Also dick !
With just a hint of oscar wilde.
189
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,825
Mother,
if you're not gonna help,
190
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,693
Maybe you'd be more comfortable
in your office.
191
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,462
No, I'm fine here.
192
00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:54,132
I want to see how you're
gonna crack the big case.
193
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,234
Nancy drew.
194
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,870
Okay, pam, this is
our target location.
195
00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:01,473
That's a nice house.
196
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:03,842
4220 arroyo canyon road.
197
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,744
Find out everything
you can about this house
198
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:08,346
From the public records.
Plat map, utilities,
199
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,649
Building permits--
oh, and especially look
200
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,417
For any blueprints.
Oh, man !
201
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:13,752
Can't cheryl do that ?
202
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,221
I wanted to be the gruff
but lovable driver,
203
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,723
Mechanic, and maybe
occasional muscle.
204
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,892
Like a folksy b.A. Baracus.
205
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,861
Fine. Carol,
you're head of research.
206
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,230
I'm on it.
207
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:28,099
How would one go about
being on it ?
208
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,868
Try the internet.
209
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,903
And get everything you can
on the owner,
210
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,572
A lawyer named alan shapiro.
211
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:38,510
I think it's safe to assume
he doesn't eat shellfish.
212
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,445
not cool !
213
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,447
What ? The fact that he's
a hollywood lawyer
214
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,282
Doesn't automatically
make him jewish.
215
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,051
Ew, he's jewish ?
216
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,586
Probably, but that's
not the point.
217
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,788
You can't say
shit like that !
218
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,957
Wait a minute.
If you didn't know he was jewish,
219
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,593
Why'd you mention shellfish ?
He's allergic !
220
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:55,927
You buttlicks.
221
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,529
That's why he made
that big donation
222
00:09:57,531 --> 00:10:00,098
To the stupid
food allergy charity.
223
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,267
Oughta call it
the weak bloodlines foundation.
224
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,302
Lana, you and I will
break into the house,
225
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,538
And since we can
assume there's a safe...
226
00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:08,473
Ray ? You care to join us ?
227
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:12,077
I guess, since
we're hourly now.
228
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:15,280
Okay, you got comms,
night vision,
229
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,282
Infrared, alarm bypass,
230
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,384
Suction cups,
this crazy spray,
231
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,786
Which shows laser beams,and just
in case there's a guard dog,
232
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,556
You got doggy treats loaded up
with tranquilizers, which I call...
233
00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:26,124
Wait, wait, wait...
I got something for this...
234
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,793
"hush puppies"
uh, damn ! That's better.
235
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:32,130
Duh. And since the front of the house
by the road is guarded 24/7,
236
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,934
You're gonna have
to go in from the rear.
237
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,936
No. You all
took it for granted.
238
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,971
But the back hangs
off a cliff, like,
239
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,773
A hundred feet
above the canyon !
240
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:45,577
Which is why I invented the
rocket-propelled grappling hook !
241
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:47,345
You didn't invent that.
242
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,347
Ah, that's what
the patent office said.
243
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,915
And how much
is all this costing ?
244
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,350
Oh, my god, cyril.
245
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,952
You have to spend
money to make money.
246
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,988
No! You don't !
You just have to break into a safe !
247
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:03,094
Shut that damn thing off !
Lame !
248
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:06,331
Well, what the heck
is that thing ?
249
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,999
Thermal lance.
For the safe !
250
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,001
Like jimmy caan
used in thief.
251
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,803
It'll cut through two feet
of reinforced concrete
252
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:15,140
Like non-reinforced...
Butter.
253
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:17,809
We don't need
a thermal lance, ass.
254
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:19,678
Just a standard
safe-cracking kit.
255
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,213
Well, what's legendary
about that ?
256
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,883
You know,
you guys could help.
257
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,818
Hey, you said
you're the muscle.
258
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,787
And what
are you doing here ?
259
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,022
Pam's my ride home.
260
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,857
I can't even.
And, archer,
261
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,560
Do you really need
to do that right now ?
262
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:38,830
Yes, I do. Somebody left
an entire palm print, lana.
263
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,466
Do you realize what skin oil
can do to the factory finish ?
264
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,802
do you realize how
ridiculous you are,
265
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:44,969
For buying that automobile ?
266
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:47,038
what ? Shut up,
it's amazing !
267
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,574
Okay. So we'll just
follow you in the van,
268
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:50,875
And watch in amazement !
269
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,877
Ha-ha ! Try to keep up !
270
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:57,015
So... My guess would be
the fuel pump ?
271
00:11:57,017 --> 00:12:00,585
Great.
Shut your guess-hole.
Oh, come on !
272
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:03,021
It's gotta be
under warranty.
273
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:06,191
Right ?
I don't know.
274
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:09,327
Warranty's in italian.
275
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:25,343
okay. Make sure they're secure.
276
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,445
'cause they're
our only way out of here.
277
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:30,248
oh, I was hopin' t.C. Was gonna
come pick us up in the chopper.
278
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,950
Ha !
279
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,918
Well, but he's gonna
be busy flying around,
280
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,920
Searching for your
battered corpses,
281
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,456
Only to find out later
that all the coyotes left
282
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,626
Was a pile of titanium gears
and a shitty weave.
283
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,328
first of all...
284
00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:47,365
This is not a weave !
okay !
285
00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:50,935
Well, it ain't a shitty one.
286
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,239
you should do the cameras first.
287
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,741
I said, do the cameras first.
288
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:00,712
I know, right ?
How awesome is it to be back,
289
00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:01,913
Doing what we're best at ?
290
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:04,449
What ? Robbery ?
It's not robbery, lana.
291
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,551
It's burglary.
Or maybe home invasion,
292
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:09,154
If we run into anybody, which
hopefully we won't, but...
293
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:12,724
I'm talking fieldcraft !
Stealth ! Teamwork !
294
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,259
Night vision,
grappling hooks...
295
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:16,294
Whatever the hell ray's doing.
296
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,997
Well, it better be the cameras.
Ray, are you doing the cameras ?
297
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:27,806
yes, lana,
I was doing the cameras.
298
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:30,275
Okay, so cut the alarm
and jam the cell phone signal.
299
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,610
And, lana ? The locks aren't
gonna pick themselves.
300
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,078
And meanwhile,
you were doing...
301
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,481
I'm goin' infrared, lana.
302
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:40,018
holy shit !
303
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,086
It's just like predator !
304
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,988
In 3D !
Ow !
305
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,157
give me 90 seconds
on the lock.
306
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,625
60 seconds
on alarm and phone.
307
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:48,960
not a competition.
308
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,962
Seriously,
we were made for this !
309
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,497
We'll be out of here
in no time.
310
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,599
Don't count your chickens
before they're hatched !
311
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:57,535
Okay, a, I'm pretty sure chickens
give live birth, like sharks.
312
00:13:57,537 --> 00:14:00,138
What the...
and b, compared to espionage,
313
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:03,608
P.I. Work is gonna be
a total cakewalk !
314
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,810
But... I doubt they've
gotten the disk yet.
315
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,146
Don't you think it's a little premature
to be celebrating ?
316
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,114
Who's celebrating ?
We're out of liquor !
317
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:13,151
But I admit,
I'm cautiously optimistic.
318
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,019
Because out here, you can buy
liquor at the grocery store ?
319
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,355
Literally, the only thing
about los angeles
320
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,123
That doesn't make me
want to vomit.
321
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:22,327
But I'm talking about
this new line of work.
322
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,830
A good detective and a good spy
share a lot of skills,
323
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:27,665
And I'll deny I ever said this,
324
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:30,001
But sterling was
an excellent spy.
325
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:33,738
So... Maybe we can actually
make a go of this !
326
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:37,008
I mean, even pam and carol
are showing some talent for it.
327
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,811
oh, my god, pam !
I forgot to give
328
00:14:39,813 --> 00:14:43,214
Mr. Archer one of the public records
that came back on that guy's address !
329
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,183
What ? His license ?
330
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:47,485
Well, I mean, it was
kind of a license.
331
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:52,223
Oh! Mother of...
332
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,225
sweet jesus !
What ?
333
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,594
run !
334
00:14:56,596 --> 00:15:00,231
No, no, no, don't run !
I got them... Treats.
335
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,433
owww !
336
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,203
Bad dog !
337
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,671
Oww !
Archer, lower your voice !
338
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,907
owww...
339
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,675
What are you waiting for ?
Shoot'em !
340
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,877
With what ? We didn't bring guns.
What ?
341
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,246
Plus aww... Oh ! The treats.
Give 'em the treats.
342
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,181
Wait, no, hang on.
343
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:19,617
Treats !
No, no, no, no, wait !
344
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:25,256
ugh ! Ooh !
345
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,057
ooh.
346
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:47,412
well...
347
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,480
Aww, sleepy babies.
348
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,282
Guess we oughta...
Get crackin'.
349
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,252
Rim shot !
That'd be a good porn name.
350
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:57,055
Mine would be
"lance biggerstaff."
351
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,890
I'm picturing a gay wizard.
352
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:00,558
I always am.
353
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:07,298
Eat a dick, gravity.
Aww.
354
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,101
No, I don't
get this at all.
355
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,070
Maybe 'cause
it's upside down.
356
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,973
Wait. Really ?
Yeah, you're just kind of a hick.
357
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:17,775
Said the man with a relative
called, "uncle paw-paw."
358
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,445
that's 'cause
he's my mother's...
359
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,113
Yeah, no.
Never mind.
360
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,448
So what's the deal ?
How's that going ?
361
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,283
it's goin' great!
362
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:28,286
And you talking is helping !
So, what do you think is on that disk ?
363
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,154
Uh, duh, sex tape !
364
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,690
Please. She's, like, 100.
She's, like, 50.
365
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,526
And she's also veronica deane,
you big jealous bitch !
366
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,662
archer ?
367
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:41,332
Don't scream. Because you have
no reason to feel threatened
368
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,167
By veronica deane.
369
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,470
Am I attracted to her ?
Obviously. I mean, come on.
370
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:46,504
You saw shanghai moon.
371
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,139
Oh, my god. That dress ?
372
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,807
right. I mean, yeah.
373
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,943
Maybe it was 20 years ago,
but if anything,
374
00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:53,177
She's hotter now...
oww !
375
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,279
Shh !
Ow ! Ow...
376
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:57,281
How could you even tell
if she was still hot ?
377
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,283
She was basically just gigantic
sunglasses and a big hat !
378
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,719
Trust me, lana,
she's still hot.
379
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,989
Oh, and the joke's on you, because if
I have rabies, now you've got it !
380
00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:06,991
Uh, I don't think you want
to get bitchy with me
381
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,292
About communicable diseases.
382
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:09,961
crabs aren't a disease !
383
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:12,363
Oh, my god. First of all...
384
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,700
So, if y'all are done having your little
post-fight-makeup-sex-fight...
385
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,369
That's not what we do !
oh, my god.
386
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:21,139
That is all you do ! Now can we go,
before shapiro knows we're here ?
387
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:24,142
How would he ?
Except for two sleepy grizzly bears,
388
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,144
We didn't leave a...
aaaaagh !
389
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:30,248
Intruder ! Intruder !
390
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,883
That's bullshit.
How did he know ?
391
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:36,154
Guards !
Yeah, but besides that ?
392
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,823
Why didn't you tell us you were
bleeding like a russian princess ?
393
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,526
Because I honestly didn't know !
How could you not ?
394
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:44,195
Because I took a bunch
of painkillers at the office !
395
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,563
Why ?
396
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,598
Because somebody
left them out, lana.
397
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,568
Move, you idiots.
They got the disk !
398
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,537
I am so angry at you right now !
399
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,439
Well, you shouldn't
give me that power...
400
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,207
jump !
401
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:59,043
Whoo-hoo !
Painkillers !
402
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:03,247
There! Agh! Agh!
Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
403
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:07,385
Well, I hope you brought enough
painkillers to share with the class!
404
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,787
No. I ate 'em all.
Because we're all gonna get shot.
405
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:13,057
Relax. They're not gonna hit us
with those suppressors on,
406
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:15,460
They'd need a...
grenade !!
407
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:18,563
And with that
having been said...
408
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,031
Son of a bitch !
409
00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:22,400
Why does a divorce lawyer
have grenades ?!
410
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:24,302
Ray, they're terrible people !
411
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,871
You assholes !
If they live, you die.
412
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,439
Archer,
what are you doing ?
413
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,441
Getting you out of here.
414
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,777
Ray, get her to the van.
415
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,612
What about you ?
I'll be fine.
416
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,381
I lied, I got, like,
20 more. Go !
417
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,250
Hang on, honey.
418
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:41,786
archer !
419
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,455
Wow, say what you will
about cyborgs.
420
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:47,091
Sure can run good.
421
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,093
And I should take
the fast way down too, so...
422
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:55,433
ow !
423
00:19:11,016 --> 00:19:12,283
and now, ms. Deane...
424
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,819
As promised,
your computer disk.
425
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:18,456
And your cashier's check
for $100,000.
426
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,092
And while I appreciate
your firm's hard work,
427
00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:22,760
I'm sure you'll
understand when I say
428
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,295
I hope we never meet again.
429
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,098
A feeling that
I assure you is mutual.
430
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,767
Then I bid you
good day and goodbye.
431
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,538
Yay !
432
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:36,140
Lower your voice.
oh.
433
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:38,342
Oh, let her enjoy it,
sterling.
434
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:42,513
We just made $100,000 !
Well, minus expenses, which...
435
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:46,517
Which reminds me we need to
add an extra $1,200 to that.
436
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,987
For what ?
Something called a pompa di benzina ?
437
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,355
Called it.
No, you didn't !
438
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,958
And while you're at it,
add a case of champagne.
439
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,726
We deserve to celebrate.
440
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,195
Ooh !
Bubbly !
441
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,497
Damn it, veronica deane
already left ?
442
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:01,365
I wanted her to sign
this head shot.
443
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:04,502
Ooh, joan crawford's
gonna be so jealous.
444
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,537
- You know what...
- excuse me.
445
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,508
oh, my god.
446
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,410
Is this the figgis agency ?
447
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:15,146
Again, not married to that.
Yes, we are !
448
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:17,381
and, yes, it is.
449
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,350
I'm cyril figgis,
owner, ceo,
450
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:22,420
Fully licensed investigator.
And you are ?
451
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,488
She's...
452
00:20:26,024 --> 00:20:29,193
She's...
My name is Veronica Deane.
453
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:30,761
oh, goddamn it.
454
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:33,531
May we talk
somewhere privately ?
455
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:36,100
Wait a minute.
If you're Veronica Deane,
456
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,535
Then who the hell was...
457
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:39,003
ow.
458
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:42,440
I, um... uh, that is
to say, uh, it's, uh...
459
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,408
Such a pleasure to meet you.
460
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,611
May I ask how you
heard of our agency ?
461
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:51,048
My housekeeper found this under her
windshield wiper at the supermarket.
462
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,686
His name's furlock bones.
463
00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:00,291
...
464
00:21:01,305 --> 00:21:07,266
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