1 00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:03,135 [malory] blackmail? 2 00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,970 [veronica] yes, I-- I'm afraid so. 3 00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:08,207 You see, last night, thieves burgled the house of my attorney, al-- 4 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,975 Alan shapiro. Why, yes. 5 00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:12,644 But how did you know that mr. Shapiro was my attorney? 6 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:16,849 Yeah, cyril. Oh. Uh, so, the reason I know that is-- 7 00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:20,519 He's an idiot. Savant. Photographic memory. 8 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:24,857 My guess is he read that in a newspaper article years ago and never forgot it. 9 00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:28,994 But, you know, many of the world's great detectives were on the spectrum. 10 00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:33,165 Wait. What? Sherlock holmes, um, darryl zero... 11 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,367 Please forgive me. I had no idea. 12 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,002 Really? Look at his clothes. 13 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,838 Hey, you know what-- [shushing] there, there. 14 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:44,176 At any rate, um, whoever these people were, they stole, um-- 15 00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:47,513 My goodness, look at me. I'm-- I'm shaking like a leaf. 16 00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:50,015 Would you care for a drink? Archer, it's barely nine o'-- 17 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,551 Corpse reviver #2, please. But if you don't have real absinthe, 18 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,553 I'll have a double sidecar, french. 19 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,388 Oh, that sounds good. I'll have-- 20 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,756 There's not enough. You were saying? 21 00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,091 They stole... 22 00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:01,860 Yes. Um, I suppose you could call it 23 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,862 Very sensitive information. 24 00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,731 On a computer disk? 25 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:09,201 Well, yes, but surely you didn't read that in the newspaper. 26 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:12,071 Intuition and a photographic memory. 27 00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:15,374 It's remarkable, but it can be a bit-- off-putting? 28 00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,076 Cyril, get up. Move. 29 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:20,245 Ms. Deane came here for help, not to be off-put. 30 00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:23,615 Now, then, this sensitive information... 31 00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:26,819 Sterling! [clears throat] 32 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:31,390 Um, yes. So, about the disk-- 33 00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,392 You want to get back at us. 34 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,727 You want us to get it back. No, mr. Archer. 35 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:39,798 I need you to get it back, desperately. [gulp] 36 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:44,236 Which is an excellent segue into a brief overview of our fee structure. 37 00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:46,738 Two hundred thousand dollars. Wow, that was brief. 38 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,240 Payable upon delivery. 39 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,242 Now, if you will excuse me, I-- 40 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,277 I think we might have more questions. 41 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,813 I'm sure you do, but mr. Shapiro will have to answer them. 42 00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,582 He's waiting for you at his house now. 43 00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:59,651 The house that got robbed? "burgled," lana. Pay attention. 44 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,987 And so, miss deane, do you want me to ride with you? 45 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,655 Because my car is currently-- 46 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,957 Merde. No! 47 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,825 No, mr. Archer. Mr. Shapiro 48 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,927 Will handle everything from now on. 49 00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,929 And if all goes according to plan, 50 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,599 This will be the last time we ever meet. 51 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:16,969 Wait. No. Ever? I am standing right here. 52 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:20,672 Yeah, exactly, when clearly we're almost out of triple sec, 53 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,741 So... 54 00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:29,014 ♪ 55 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:37,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 56 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,048 [archer] okay, so, what do we know? 57 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,816 [lana] um, old ladies give you a boner? 58 00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,185 [krieger] hey, me too. 59 00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,987 No. And shut up. And, krieger, come on. 60 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,689 Let's go. Move. Away. 61 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,524 Um... Wh-- 62 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,661 Oh, for the-- ew! What? My leg's asleep. 63 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,530 [chuckling] and you have an erection. Also. Yes. 64 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:22,668 And we have to meet shapiro in two hours ago, so can we please focus? 65 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:25,037 Well, we know that someone posing as veronica deane 66 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:27,172 Tricked us into stealing a computer disk 67 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:30,042 In order to blackmail the real veronica deane. 68 00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:33,345 And paid us with a bogus cashier's check for a hundred thousand dollars, which-- 69 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:36,415 Why the hell are you doing that? What? You just said it was bogus! 70 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,016 I don't know. Fingerprints? 71 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,752 Well? Who am I, alphonse bertillon? 72 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:44,756 Uh, so I'm just gonna kind of power through this, if you don't mind. 73 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,258 Whatever. Jesus. 74 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,860 Okay, so, now, the real veronica deane-- 75 00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,596 How do you know she's the real one? 76 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,564 Oh, she's definitely the real thing. 77 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:55,267 Please, you can't fake that desperate, 78 00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,369 Actressy craving for attention. 79 00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:01,540 What you can't fake, mother, is her star power, her palpable charisma. 80 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,776 Well, I'm gonna fake being here and go pick up our daughter at daycare. 81 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,411 Well, then, you can fake getting paid. 82 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:09,548 Excuse me? You're no longer on malory's teat. 83 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,083 Ew! Cyril! 84 00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:13,051 [sighs] never gonna be able to stand up. 85 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,220 You work at the figgis agency now. 86 00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:17,556 And around here, you don't work-a the case, 87 00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,958 You don't get-a the-- the paycheck. 88 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,793 Boom! Fridge magnet. 89 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,596 I'm sorry. Did veronica deane spray a bunch of pheromones 90 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,299 That somehow raised all your testosterone levels? 91 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:30,068 That is exactly what it feels like. Oh, yeah. 92 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,903 I feel like I could fight a grizzly bear, 93 00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,273 Like, over a parking space. [growls] 94 00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:37,576 Is the bear, like, standing in the space or actually driving the car? 95 00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,611 Doesn't matter. I mean-- really! 96 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,914 Does it matter that if we don't get that disk for that snooty has-been, 97 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,449 We'll have to shut off the lights? 98 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,485 How will that help? Not to mention, 99 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:49,321 It's kind of our fault the disk was stolen in the first place. 100 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:52,090 [sighs] since we stole it. Okay. 101 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,992 Okay, so-- cyril, shut up. 102 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,495 Sterling and lana, go meet shapiro and then report back. 103 00:04:56,497 --> 00:05:01,133 Uh, before or after he recognizes us as the people that robbed his house? 104 00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:04,436 "burgled." and it was pitch black, and we all had on goggles. 105 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,972 So calm down. Nobody's gonna recognize us. 106 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,440 [growling] 107 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,776 Duner! Blits! Keyn! Nit faynt! 108 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:13,612 [barks] hey, buddies. 109 00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,947 Nit faynt! Keyn! Keyn! [yipping] 110 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,817 God, that is so weird. Yeah. 111 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,852 Are they not housebroken, or-- what? 112 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,988 No. No. Sorry. No. Come on in. 113 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,991 Oh, shoes. Shoes, shoes. Thank you. 114 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,493 No, the growling. They have never done that to a guest. 115 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,029 And they are extremely well trained. Ex-mossad, actually. 116 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:34,166 But if you mean the diapers, then yes, because whoever broke in here-- 117 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:37,536 And I say "whoever," because it was pitch black, and they were wearing some kind of goggles-- 118 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,672 [fake cough] called it. ...When they poisoned my goddamn dogs! 119 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,542 What? Yeah, the vet thinks it was some kind of tranquilizer. 120 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,544 But they had a bad reaction, and all night the poor things 121 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,979 Were just crazy shitting, uncontrollably. 122 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,848 I mean, like fire hoses, seriously. 123 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:54,152 It was all through here, down that hallway, all down the stairs. 124 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,388 Some got way up on that wall somehow. 125 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,057 And there was all this blood splashed everywhere from the burglar. 126 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,693 I swear to god, it was like a family circuscartoon up in here. 127 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,830 The ones where they follow billy all around the neighborhood, 128 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,532 Only with blood and watery dog shit. 129 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,334 And so, the maids cleaned all night. 130 00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,002 That's only because I threatened to have them deported. 131 00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,704 They've been with me at least-- 132 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,073 Oh, wow. Rosa's been with me 20 years. 133 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:17,075 [chuckles] anyway, the vet just left. 134 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:20,178 They were so dehydrated. We had 'em on iv drips, the whole megillah. 135 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,214 The maids? Th-- the dogs! 136 00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:25,183 Oh, my god, I am so sorry... 137 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,852 That that happened. 138 00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:29,588 I'll tell you who's sorry, is my flokati rug. 139 00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:33,058 Oh, and my worthless bodyguards. Right. And they are... 140 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:37,062 Fired! And lucky they're not slowly dissolving in a 50-gallon drum! 141 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,030 She trusted me! 142 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,867 Veronica trusted me to protect the disk, and I failed her! 143 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:45,370 Okay, well, maybe. But we're gonna get it back, right, with a plan? 144 00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:47,539 [exhaling] 145 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:51,209 Yes. I'm sorry. Those vermin called this morning, 146 00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,712 Gave me instructions on where to bring this-- 147 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,947 Two million dollars in bearer bonds. 148 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,383 Holy shit, we should've kept the disk. 149 00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:00,385 Safe... From the bad guys. 150 00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:03,054 And by "we," obviously I meant "you." 151 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,556 So... 152 00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:07,559 Wow. Hurtful. 153 00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,127 Okay, let's go meet these bastards. 154 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,129 Okay. A, you won't need that. 155 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,432 And b, we need to check in with the agency. 156 00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,735 Or-- roll with me-- we don't check in yet, or at all, 157 00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:19,905 Which means we decide how many hours we worked on this case, 158 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:22,641 And not cyril, who, I hate to bring this up, 159 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:25,310 Just this morning, in front of everybody, 160 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:28,146 Made you his giant bitch. 161 00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:32,150 Well, you two coming, or what? 162 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,419 Okay. They said come alone, but I don't drive, 163 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,087 So they said I could bring my chauffeur. 164 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,657 So somebody gets a snappy uniform, 165 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,159 And somebody else gets to hide in the trunk. 166 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:45,764 [english accent] I trust milady shan't be overly discomfited whilst in the boot. 167 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:50,635 I bet you get this all the time, but have you ever done any modeling, or-- 168 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:54,439 Oh, and just so you know, a woman chauffeur is a-- 169 00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,274 Ow-- [horn honks] 170 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,276 Chauffeuse, 171 00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,011 You dumb idiots. 172 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:09,955 [malory] wait. What? 173 00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,790 What do you mean, they haven't checked in? 174 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:15,026 Uhhh... [chair squeaking] 175 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,629 I mean that... 176 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,865 They haven't checked in. 177 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,867 Wha-- so no one's heard from them? 178 00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,969 Uh-uuhhh. No-o-ope. 179 00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,037 So we've got two agents in the field-- 180 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,307 "investigators"! I thought I was very clear about that. 181 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,676 And also about how excessive spinning 182 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,545 Causes premature wear on the bearings! 183 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,680 Cyril-- and I bet they haven't checked in, 184 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,316 Because they're trying to stick it to the man, who, in this case, is me. 185 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,685 And in this case only. Stop spinning! 186 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,722 Cyril, you stop. What, protecting innocent bearings? 187 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,223 Being yourself! What? 188 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,192 [both] ooohh! 189 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,828 Excuse me? Cyril, you have been given 190 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,830 The opportunity of a lifetime-- 191 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,533 A new job, a new city where no one knows you, 192 00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,668 Which means you can reinvent yourself. 193 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:59,404 You can be anyone you want. 194 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,841 So why would you keep being you? 195 00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:04,042 Huh. 196 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,677 And that goes for the rest of you. 197 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,213 Don't be the same feckless idiots you were 198 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,048 When this was a spy agency. 199 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,516 [chairs squeaking] 200 00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,552 Oh, come on. Just literally yesterday, 201 00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:17,355 You were all so excited about your first case, and now look at you. 202 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,357 [whirring] 203 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:23,361 So get off your collective ass and get me a sit-rep on my field agents! 204 00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:24,729 "investigators." 205 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:27,432 I am, you know, still the boss. 206 00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:31,102 Well, but only when I'm not here. 207 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,538 [lana] okay, I think we're here. 208 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,574 [archer] do you? Do you think that, lana? 209 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,909 Calm down, fran trunkington. 210 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,711 Forced. Oh, for the-- 211 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,913 Trunky brewster, then. Ehh! 212 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,782 Oh, man, I hope that's not them. 213 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:47,719 Although that seems unrealistic. 214 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:51,289 Okay, archer, we've got nine-- check that-- ten bandits, 12:00. 215 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,725 Copy that, mav. What's the hard deck? 216 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,760 Okay, you know what? [sighs] 217 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:59,364 Never mind. Come on, poppin' fresh. 218 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,235 Are you coming? Are you gonna open my door? 219 00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,271 [laughing] I know, right? She's like-- 220 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,273 [grunts] ow! 221 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,942 So, are you and archer, 222 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,278 You know? [sighs] unfortunately. 223 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,980 You the jew lawyer? 224 00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:22,954 [sighs] yes. Yes. I believe we spoke on the phone. 225 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,923 You got the money? Yes. 226 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:28,293 Two million dollars in bearer bonds, as per our verbal agreement. 227 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,328 What are you doing? Get the disk. [man laughing] 228 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:33,431 Oh, well, get a load of miss daisy. 229 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,166 [men laughing] 230 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:38,937 Ehh. Now, you give the case to ocho there, 231 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:43,642 And I'll give miss daisy the d-isk. 232 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,944 [clears throat] you done? 233 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,846 Almost. But I gotta ask-- 234 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,848 [man] where's the frickin' money? What? 235 00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:54,819 Run! [grunts] what-- 236 00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,122 Son of a... [guns cocking] 237 00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,623 [sighs] 238 00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:01,526 Man, I hope you got health insurance. Look-- 239 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,461 Shut up! 240 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,630 The rest of you, mount up. 241 00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,799 Sandy trunkin. 242 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,502 Trunkin hines. Archie trunker. 243 00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,338 Ooh, archie trunker's place. [car door opens, closes] 244 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,973 [engine starts] hmm. 245 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,474 That was quick. 246 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:17,876 Trunk... 247 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,811 Trunkingham palace... 248 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,012 [gasps] 249 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,381 Trunkminster fuller. 250 00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,450 [tires screeching] 251 00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,722 [vibrating] 252 00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:34,325 [line ringing] 253 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,827 This is lana kane. Please leave a-- 254 00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:38,663 Five times, straight to voicemail! 255 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:41,366 Y'all, that's not like her. You think she's in danger? 256 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:45,336 Who knows? If they went to meet the blackmailers, no backup, then-- 257 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:48,873 Aw, jeez, you guys are freaking me out! 258 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,175 [grunts] 259 00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:53,411 Okay, so as distasteful as it may be, 260 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:56,347 You have to at least try him. No! No. 261 00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,751 I don't care if they are in danger. I am not calling sterling. 262 00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:03,254 [imitating bird] voicemail hoax! Voicemail hoax! [squawking] 263 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:06,291 [normal voice] I don't care if they're getting stuffed into a wood chipper. 264 00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,764 Huh? Wuzza? Oh, man. 265 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,566 [yawning] 266 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,367 We better be at a bar. [car door opens] 267 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,703 You, move the limo. As matter of fact, 268 00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:22,107 Move it all the way down to pearl's. Aw, be a shame to crush it. 269 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,776 Yeah? Be a shame to crush your skull, too, 270 00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,778 But these are the times we live in. 271 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,948 Come on, miss daisy. Move that ass. 272 00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:33,918 Son of a... 273 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,221 [beeping] 274 00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:38,723 [phone, muted] ♪ mulatto butts 275 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,626 ♪ mulatto butts, mulatto bu-- ♪ 276 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,828 [line ringing] 277 00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,264 [archer] hello? 278 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,899 Wait for it. Mother? 279 00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,968 Oh, for-- mother, it's me. 280 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,402 [trunk opening] what the-- 281 00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:52,570 [man] get out! No, no, no, no! 282 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,306 [grunting, blows landing] 283 00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:00,912 [archer yelling] 284 00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,914 [men whooping] 285 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,250 [blows landing, grunting] 286 00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:08,419 [archer yelling] he's biting me! 287 00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:09,821 [screaming] 288 00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,756 [clattering, grunting] 289 00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,458 [yawning] [archer screaming] 290 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,659 [crash] 291 00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:17,228 [yelling, blows landing] 292 00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,266 [man] son of a bitch! 293 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,102 I'm gonna cut you with that! [machinery whirring] 294 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,670 [yelling, screaming] 295 00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,639 Kill him! [laughing] [archer yelling] 296 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,607 [archer sobbing] 297 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,310 You're gonna die! Oh, my finger! 298 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,179 [yelling] 299 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:36,181 I'm gonna kill you! [machinery whirring] 300 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,283 Get him to the wood chipper! [laughing] 301 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:41,686 Eat shit! I'll see you in hell! 302 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,521 No, no, no, no! Please don't! 303 00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:48,126 [screaming] [clattering] 304 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:51,262 [grunting, yelling, screaming] 305 00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:54,032 [blade whooshes] no! 306 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,134 Please don't... 307 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,369 No, you can't! You can't! You can't! 308 00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,637 Sorry... 309 00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,706 [choking] [shushing] 310 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,312 [archer breathing heavily] 311 00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,647 No, no, no, no. Hey! [blow lands] 312 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,150 [body thuds] 313 00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:15,386 [sighs] what did I tell you? Yeah, yeah. 314 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:18,489 [pam] well, but you gotta hand it to him. 315 00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:22,060 This was the best voicemail ever! 316 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,995 It would've been. 317 00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:26,331 It would've been. [man] ocho! 318 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,000 Mas tequila, pendejo! 319 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:33,304 Then we're gonna go have us a long talk with miss daisy and the jew. 320 00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:36,908 [growls] 321 00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,887 So, would you say it's serious? 322 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,722 Ugh! I would, alan. 323 00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,690 We actually have a child together, so-- 324 00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:55,026 Ew-- oh, I meant, aww. 325 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:57,395 So, I would love it if you would shut up 326 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,931 So I can think of a way out of here. 327 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,900 Uh, wanna try yanking on the pipe? 328 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,735 [archer laughs] phrasing. What the-- 329 00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:06,237 Boom. Deal with it. 330 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,874 [lana] archer? [grunts] aka trunkmaster flex. 331 00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:11,609 Meh. Oh, whatever. 332 00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,212 And what happened? How'd you screw up a simple handoff? 333 00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,214 Wha-- he didn't bring the money. 334 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,049 Senator stay puft, rebuttal? 335 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,551 I didn't bring it, because-- 336 00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,720 [sighs] because I don't have it. 337 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,890 Wha-- well, who does? I don't know. Wall street? 338 00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:28,393 Creditors? The three different mortgage companies? 339 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,228 Whoever thought it was a good idea to start 340 00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,897 A faux hillbilly restaurant chain called "po' people"? 341 00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:35,900 Which was me, actually. I've given her some terrible investment advice. 342 00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:37,902 Wait. Did you mean "po' folks"? 343 00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,804 No. Those guys sued our dicks off. 344 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,273 Wait. So, veronica deane is broke? 345 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,908 No. She's-- 346 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,743 Oh, my god. Is that what this is? 347 00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:48,413 You're just intrigued by the idea of a sugar mama? 348 00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,949 No, not at all. Wait. What? 349 00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,583 What? She's not broke. 350 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,118 But she doesn't have two million bucks for blackmail, 351 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,753 So I figured I'd just bluff it, 352 00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,789 And then you guys would take 'em down. 353 00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:01,259 Why would you think that? Come on. I know who you guys are. 354 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,627 Okay. Jesus. 355 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,763 Look, I am so, so sorry we made your dogs sick. 356 00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,165 You what? [sighs] 357 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,766 What? It was you! 358 00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,969 Jesus christ! You broke into my house! 359 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,438 You stole the disk! Ugh! What were you gonna say? 360 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,274 That I know you used to be spies! 361 00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:17,842 [archer, lana] ohhhh. 362 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,944 And assholes! [grunting] stop. 363 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,647 St-- stop it. Stop it. Ow! 364 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:26,985 Sorry, but we got duped. We thought we were stealing the disk for veronica. 365 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,686 Oh, now you're on a first-name basis. 366 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:32,857 And, again, seriously, about the dogs-- [grunting] 367 00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,492 Ow! Well? 368 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,795 What is wrong with this thing? Why can't I dial out? 369 00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:40,298 Because it's not-- hey, wait. Hang on. Stop. 370 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,966 Stop. You guys hear that? 371 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,335 [crickets chirping] [malory] my god! 372 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,170 He actually trained crickets. 373 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,373 No. I think that's-- jeezy petes! [gasps] 374 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:51,542 The line's still open! What? What are you saying? 375 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:55,146 That's not archer's voicemail. [gasps] those are real-life crickets! 376 00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,982 So? So everything we heard really happened. 377 00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:00,051 [muffled scream] 378 00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:05,890 Well, what are we waiting for? 379 00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:08,059 I'm not giving you my pants. 380 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:11,863 Well, I won't proceed without pants, lana, and I can't wear his pants. 381 00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:14,499 Yeah. Plus, he's all dirty and bloody. 382 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,167 And it's not like yours won't fit me. 383 00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,568 What is going on with your thighs? 384 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,837 Oh, my god. They're jodhpurs! 385 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:23,408 No. I know. I mean lately. 386 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,742 [grunts] 387 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,577 [groaning, sobbing] 388 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,579 I bet that would've hurt even with pants. 389 00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,015 [krieger] okay, you're gonna take the next exit. [keyboard clacking] 390 00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,383 We're only a few miles out. 391 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,085 And how are you tracking his phone? 392 00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,687 Same way I track all of your-- um, so, 393 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:40,024 You might even wanna start getting over now for that exit. 394 00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:41,559 Bee-boop. [archer groaning] 395 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,194 Oh, get up, you big baby. 396 00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,862 I honestly don't think I can. 397 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,532 Archer-- seriously, I was already pretty exhausted. 398 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,401 Physically, obviously, I'm pretty sure I got stabbed twice. 399 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,604 Goddamn, dude. But, man, emotionally? 400 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,740 It's been a long time since I killed anybody. 401 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,543 You killed some of the bikers? They tried to wood-chipper me! 402 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,545 No. I meant-- although to be fair, 403 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,547 If you open what you think is an empty trunk, 404 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:05,716 And suddenly there's a guy in there, you're gonna overreact. 405 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:09,554 Kind of like that time I walked into that motel room, and it was full of seagulls. 406 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,289 Archer. [chuckling] god. 407 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,558 Myrtle beach is a train wreck. Archer! 408 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,727 I don't know, lana. I may have. I was in rampage mode. 409 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:19,564 I definitely knocked out, like, seven or eight, so-- 410 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,899 Goddamn! Yeah. Pretty beat. 411 00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:24,902 So, is there any liquor back here? Like, even cooking sherry, or-- 412 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:28,573 My point is, there's probably only two or three bikers left out there. 413 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:31,943 So go beat 'em up. Get the keys, get the disk, and let's get outta here. 414 00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:33,611 [door opens] [man] already? 415 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:37,248 Don't you even wanna know who hired us for the handoff? 416 00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,317 It was you! 417 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:42,587 You had the fake veronica deane hire us to steal that disk! 418 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,755 What? Get-- [grunting] 419 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,158 Ow! No, it wasn't me. 420 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,928 I'd never do that to veronica. If that disk gets out, she'll be ruined. 421 00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:54,132 And I'm-- and I'm in love with her. 422 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,800 [sighs] of course you are. 423 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,268 Oh, don't be jealous, baby. 424 00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,604 You and I will always have what we had. 425 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,507 Wait. What? What? Uh, so, who did hire you? 426 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,809 That's for me to know and you to find out. 427 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:08,479 Well, and for us to find out, too, since we don't know, either. 428 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,281 Or why I said that out loud. 429 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:14,318 What we do know is that our cut of two mil is ten percent. 430 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:18,489 So, unless somebody's got two hundred grand burning a hole in their pocket, I-- 431 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,826 I have a cashier's check for that exact amount, literally, in my pocket. 432 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,962 It was to pay these private dicks. But if their actions 433 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,964 Don't constitute breach of contract, then-- 434 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,033 Well, I'll just go ahead and take that. 435 00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,835 [mechanical whining] [guns cocking] 436 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,070 I already got dibs. 437 00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:36,140 And why the hell are you naked? 438 00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:39,977 It's after labor day. 439 00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,646 You ain't gonna get away with this. 440 00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:44,148 I'm gonna hunt you down, like-- ow! 441 00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,484 Tell it to the cops, shit-bird. 442 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,053 Although obviously never speak to the police without an attorney present. 443 00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:51,055 [sighs] thanks for coming, you guys. 444 00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:53,157 Oh, my tits, whaaat! No. 445 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,660 We're back to saying "phrasing." [scoffs] I'm not. 446 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:58,162 Well, apparently we're not saying "thank you." 447 00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:00,531 Thank you, mother, for arriving. 448 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,166 Wait. So, could ray not be bothered? 449 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,936 He's outside, securing the perimeter. 450 00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:10,074 Say I won't. 451 00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:12,376 Good work, ray. Thanks for coming. 452 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,878 Oh, my tits, whaaat! 453 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,346 What are you wearing? 454 00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:16,881 [chuckling] what are you wearing? 455 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,349 Thought I might have to go undercover. 456 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,851 As what? A biker, dum-dum. 457 00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:24,021 [chuckling] it's just you look kind of gay. 458 00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,724 I look gay. A little bit. Yeah. 459 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,260 Well, did you see lana? Hey, earl campbell called. 460 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:30,962 He wants his thighs back. 461 00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:42,206 [cyril] okay, so, first case-- pros and cons. 462 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:46,577 Well, we got tricked into blackmailing veronica deane, beloved hollywood icon. 463 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,879 Yeah, that's definitely a con. But then we-- 464 00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:52,049 Well, I totally kicked ass and got the disk back. 465 00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:53,618 I will begrudge you a pro. 466 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,053 Although I didn't get to give it to her in person. 467 00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:58,122 Maybe over cocktails. Pro. 468 00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:01,459 Also, we never found out what's on it or what "longwater" even means, so-- 469 00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,227 Because it's none of our business! 470 00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:05,396 Oh, and speaking of business, 471 00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:08,633 Shapiro said he'd recommend us to any of his clients that might need pi work. 472 00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:11,135 Ooh, the case of the missing kishke. 473 00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,604 Oh, and I also got stabbed. 474 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,740 How is that a pro, you dick? 475 00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:17,275 Learning experience? 476 00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:19,644 Well, joke's on you. I didn't learn anything. 477 00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,245 There's your fridge magnet. 478 00:21:21,247 --> 00:21:23,814 So, all in all, I'd say our first case was 479 00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:25,650 A bit of a mixed bag. 480 00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:27,151 Oh, I don't know. 481 00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:29,654 Two hundred thousand dollars for two days' work? 482 00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:31,756 That's not too shabby, people. 483 00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:35,259 Two hundred thousand divided by eight equal shares. 484 00:21:35,261 --> 00:21:38,262 That's-- holy shit-snacks! 25 grand each? 485 00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:39,964 Wait. What do you mean, "equal shares"? 486 00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:41,999 What do you think this is, a pirate ship? 487 00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:45,303 Well, there's an easy way to find out. 488 00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:49,340 Like, I assume there's some sort of leather-bound ship's registry 489 00:21:49,342 --> 00:21:52,143 In the office of the lord high admiral. 490 00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:55,613 Ugh! Fine! I'll find it myself. 491 00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:57,548 Idiots! 492 00:21:59,451 --> 00:22:02,253 ♪ 493 00:22:17,135 --> 00:22:21,072 [man] made in georgia. 493 00:22:22,305 --> 00:22:28,154 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org