1
00:00:04,736 --> 00:00:07,602
I can't, I gotta go drive my car now,
2
00:00:07,603 --> 00:00:10,241
I got-- Huh?
I dunno, ask her.
3
00:00:10,308 --> 00:00:13,674
I gotta drive my automobile, on road!
4
00:00:13,675 --> 00:00:16,541
[laughs]
[slurping]
5
00:00:16,542 --> 00:00:19,207
What? Are you
shitting me?
6
00:00:19,208 --> 00:00:21,574
Pfff, see about this bullshit.
7
00:00:21,575 --> 00:00:23,307
[groans]
[car horn honking]
8
00:00:23,308 --> 00:00:27,207
Hey! Yeah, that's
the ol' pepper!
9
00:00:27,208 --> 00:00:30,641
[chuckling] Take me to
my house that I live in!
10
00:00:30,642 --> 00:00:33,508
[giggles]
11
00:00:33,509 --> 00:00:35,208
[slurping]
12
00:00:36,475 --> 00:00:38,407
[belches]
13
00:00:38,408 --> 00:00:41,374
Oh, oh my God, rumaki.
14
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,508
Do you smell that?
15
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:45,307
Uh, I did not, actually.
[scoffs]
16
00:00:45,308 --> 00:00:47,508
Matter of fact,
I can't smell anything.
17
00:00:47,509 --> 00:00:48,708
Archer.
Wha--?
18
00:00:48,709 --> 00:00:51,274
Barry?
[laughs] Hey, dummy.
19
00:00:51,275 --> 00:00:52,395
No, no, no.
Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait.
20
00:00:54,375 --> 00:00:56,274
Bulletproof.
21
00:00:56,275 --> 00:00:58,307
[high-pitched whining]
22
00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,374
[voice muffled]
You say "bulletproof?"
23
00:01:00,375 --> 00:01:02,307
[Barry, muffled]
You can't tell, can you?
24
00:01:02,308 --> 00:01:04,474
You think I'm gonna be that dumb?
Oh, my God.
25
00:01:04,475 --> 00:01:06,274
Mawp.
...not really surprising.
26
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:07,641
Bet you're surprised
to see me though, huh?
27
00:01:07,642 --> 00:01:10,441
Yes, I am, Barry,
because I blew your ass up
28
00:01:10,442 --> 00:01:12,508
in a grain elevator!
Oww! [brakes screeching]
29
00:01:12,509 --> 00:01:13,641
Yeah, Archer, I remember.
30
00:01:13,642 --> 00:01:16,274
Every time I look
in the goddamn mirror!
31
00:01:16,275 --> 00:01:18,341
The-- Wait, are you
invisible now?
32
00:01:18,342 --> 00:01:20,241
No, you idiot!
33
00:01:20,242 --> 00:01:22,441
I'm just a walking
titanium endoskeleton.
34
00:01:22,442 --> 00:01:25,274
Oh. So, do you clank, or-- Oww!
[brakes screeching]
35
00:01:25,275 --> 00:01:27,474
Yes, dickhole,
I clank! Happy?
36
00:01:27,475 --> 00:01:30,407
I mean-- Well, I'm not!
And ya wanna know why?
37
00:01:30,408 --> 00:01:32,307
Because, not even in this order,
38
00:01:32,308 --> 00:01:34,341
you shot me,
shattered both my femurs,
39
00:01:34,342 --> 00:01:37,608
cornholed both my fiancées,
got me turned into a robot,
40
00:01:37,609 --> 00:01:40,541
left me to die
in outer frickin' space!
41
00:01:40,542 --> 00:01:43,541
And also blew me up in a grain elevator!
[slurping]
42
00:01:43,542 --> 00:01:48,407
[coughing] Oh my God, Framboise!
Remember her?
43
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,307
Yes, Archer, I do.
And that alone
44
00:01:50,308 --> 00:01:51,674
would be reason enough to kill you!
45
00:01:51,675 --> 00:01:53,574
But that is not why
I came to L.A.
46
00:01:53,575 --> 00:01:57,274
Well, if it was to see the Aztecs
play, I got some bad news.
47
00:01:57,275 --> 00:02:00,307
Will you shut up? I came
out here to find someone.
48
00:02:00,308 --> 00:02:02,641
[chuckles] And then I
saw this little guy.
49
00:02:02,642 --> 00:02:05,508
[Barry laughing] Oh,
for-- Goddamn it, Pam!
50
00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:07,474
I can't believe you're a private eye.
51
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:09,374
Well, it's better than driving a cab!
52
00:02:09,375 --> 00:02:11,474
I don't drive a cab, super sleuth!
53
00:02:11,475 --> 00:02:14,641
This is just a ruse.
I clamped your car.
54
00:02:14,642 --> 00:02:17,608
Why? Because, you
giant flapping anus,
55
00:02:17,609 --> 00:02:19,641
I wanna hire you! I--
56
00:02:19,642 --> 00:02:22,207
Look, not many people
know this, all right,
57
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,574
but I grew up in an orphanage.
I never met my mother,
58
00:02:24,575 --> 00:02:27,674
and I always felt like
I was missing a big piece of,
59
00:02:27,675 --> 00:02:31,407
not me, necessarily, but the me
I could've been, ya know?
60
00:02:31,408 --> 00:02:34,274
And maybe I brought
some of this on myself,
61
00:02:34,275 --> 00:02:37,541
but I feel that there's
a better other Barry in here.
62
00:02:37,542 --> 00:02:40,474
If I could just reconnect
with my birth mother, maybe,
63
00:02:40,475 --> 00:02:42,509
just maybe, we could find him.
64
00:02:44,342 --> 00:02:47,674
[laughing]
65
00:02:47,675 --> 00:02:52,474
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay!
66
00:02:52,475 --> 00:02:56,407
Barry, oh man, I mean
how could it occur to you
67
00:02:56,408 --> 00:03:00,341
for a nanosecond
that I would help you?
68
00:03:00,342 --> 00:03:02,407
Hey, I'm coming to you as a man here.
69
00:03:02,408 --> 00:03:06,608
No, you're not. You're coming
to me as a robot mummy!
70
00:03:06,609 --> 00:03:09,374
Oh my God, who's--
Archer, no!
71
00:03:09,375 --> 00:03:10,508
Who's got--
72
00:03:10,509 --> 00:03:12,674
Don't you say it!
No mummy!
73
00:03:12,675 --> 00:03:15,474
[laughing] Okay, so
now we're doing this.
74
00:03:15,475 --> 00:03:17,241
[laughter continues]
[brakes screech]
75
00:03:17,242 --> 00:03:19,242
[groaning]
76
00:03:20,675 --> 00:03:22,408
[groaning continues]
77
00:03:25,308 --> 00:03:26,674
[chuckles]
78
00:03:26,675 --> 00:03:29,242
Bawk, bawk.
79
00:03:30,408 --> 00:03:34,609
♪♪
80
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:42,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
81
00:03:55,024 --> 00:04:05,908
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
82
00:04:07,308 --> 00:04:12,274
[Archer] Ugh, what is
this, a stairs factory?
83
00:04:12,275 --> 00:04:14,641
Ugh! Oh.
Oh, hey.
84
00:04:14,642 --> 00:04:18,274
So, this is Crab Rangoon,
it is going in the refrigerator,
85
00:04:18,275 --> 00:04:20,608
and it is very much mine.
Any questions?
86
00:04:20,609 --> 00:04:24,441
Krieger, looking at you.
Okay, then.
87
00:04:24,442 --> 00:04:27,207
Oh, and so guess
who I saw last night?
88
00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:29,608
Uh, Barry?
Yeah, wait, how'd you--
89
00:04:29,609 --> 00:04:31,341
[Barry] Ahem.
Wha--?
90
00:04:31,342 --> 00:04:32,608
[chuckling]
Hey, dummy.
91
00:04:32,609 --> 00:04:34,307
You cyborg son of a bitch!
92
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:36,274
[All]
No, no, no! Don't!
93
00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:38,674
We already tried that!
94
00:04:38,675 --> 00:04:41,307
Yeah, so, uh, you wanna
throw it at me now?
95
00:04:41,308 --> 00:04:43,207
You know, like the old-timey
Superman mov--
96
00:04:43,208 --> 00:04:44,741
That was obviously sarcasm.
97
00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:48,274
And yet almost as satisfying
as not helping you
98
00:04:48,275 --> 00:04:50,741
find your stupid mother, which
there's no way I'm gonna do!
99
00:04:50,742 --> 00:04:53,274
Well, you say that...
Archer.
100
00:04:53,275 --> 00:04:54,407
Carol?
Her name's Cher--
101
00:04:54,408 --> 00:04:55,741
Pam, shut up!
102
00:04:55,742 --> 00:04:57,608
[Malory]
Help!
103
00:04:57,609 --> 00:04:59,307
Mother?
She can't hear you.
104
00:04:59,308 --> 00:05:00,741
Help!
105
00:05:00,742 --> 00:05:02,407
Mother!
Still can't hear you.
106
00:05:02,408 --> 00:05:04,274
Where is that?
Where is she?
107
00:05:04,275 --> 00:05:07,608
Carol? She's about
ten feet below that.
108
00:05:07,609 --> 00:05:09,274
What?
What is that?
109
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:10,674
It's a generator running an air pump!
110
00:05:10,675 --> 00:05:13,541
Which is pumping air
to... Carol?
111
00:05:13,542 --> 00:05:15,341
[Archer]
You son of a--
112
00:05:15,342 --> 00:05:17,641
Wait, how did you do all this
since just last night?
113
00:05:17,642 --> 00:05:20,508
Huh? Oh no, no, no. I've been
planning this for weeks.
114
00:05:20,509 --> 00:05:22,341
I knew when I asked you for help
115
00:05:22,342 --> 00:05:23,574
you'd be a big, weeping dick.
116
00:05:23,575 --> 00:05:26,274
Barry, listen to me.
Okay, but remember,
117
00:05:26,275 --> 00:05:27,574
we don't have a lot of time here.
118
00:05:27,575 --> 00:05:30,274
That generator's only got
about 12 more hours'
119
00:05:30,275 --> 00:05:32,374
worth of fuel,
and once it runs out...
120
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,474
[chuckles]
Whoops.
121
00:05:34,475 --> 00:05:35,641
No!
Yeah.
122
00:05:35,642 --> 00:05:37,307
You animal!
123
00:05:37,308 --> 00:05:38,574
Pfff, a robot's like
124
00:05:38,575 --> 00:05:40,407
the furthest thing
you can be from an anim--
125
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:41,641
Oww!
Seriously.
126
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:44,474
So if you wanna find
your mother-- [roars]
127
00:05:44,475 --> 00:05:46,441
[group gasps]
Archer.
128
00:05:46,442 --> 00:05:48,641
So, if we're done with the heroics...
129
00:05:48,642 --> 00:05:50,674
For now at least, yeah, I think so.
130
00:05:50,675 --> 00:05:52,641
Good, because just to reiterate...
131
00:05:52,642 --> 00:05:54,508
Time's a bit of a factor here.
132
00:05:54,509 --> 00:05:56,208
[chuckling]
133
00:06:02,442 --> 00:06:04,541
Hello? Who are you?
134
00:06:04,542 --> 00:06:09,474
Why won't you answer me?
What do you want?
135
00:06:09,475 --> 00:06:11,541
[sobs]
136
00:06:11,542 --> 00:06:14,474
Ow! Quit squeezing
the puppy, Lennie!
137
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,641
Oh hush, you big baby. It's
just a through-and-through.
138
00:06:16,642 --> 00:06:18,641
Yes, which means both holes hurt!
139
00:06:18,642 --> 00:06:21,474
Hey, I know you're upset, but we
are gonna find Barry's mother,
140
00:06:21,475 --> 00:06:23,274
and Malory is gonna be okay.
141
00:06:23,275 --> 00:06:25,608
Now, I believe there
was some mention of holes?
142
00:06:25,609 --> 00:06:27,708
[sighs]
Phrasing, boom.
143
00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:30,274
That's the spirit.
Shut up.
144
00:06:30,275 --> 00:06:33,441
And then talk again, but only to help
me think of a way to kill Barry.
145
00:06:33,442 --> 00:06:35,207
Why don't we just find his mother?
146
00:06:35,208 --> 00:06:36,508
Why, just so she can bury him?
147
00:06:36,509 --> 00:06:38,407
Yeah, because trying to kill Barry
148
00:06:38,408 --> 00:06:40,608
has gone so well for you in the past.
149
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:43,608
Yeah, Lana, but this time it's, um...
150
00:06:43,609 --> 00:06:46,574
[chuckles] Were you gonna say,
"This time it's personal"?
151
00:06:46,575 --> 00:06:49,341
[chuckling]
Yeah, but I didn't.
152
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:51,341
[clears throat]
But also it is.
153
00:06:51,342 --> 00:06:52,674
[Cyril] Because here's my concern...
154
00:06:52,675 --> 00:06:54,708
The orphanage where
you grew up burned down.
155
00:06:54,709 --> 00:06:58,341
[giggles] Shut up, and all the
records were lost in the fire,
156
00:06:58,342 --> 00:06:59,474
so not only do you not know
157
00:06:59,475 --> 00:07:00,741
your birth mother's name...
No.
158
00:07:00,742 --> 00:07:02,674
You don't know the hospital
where you were born.
159
00:07:02,675 --> 00:07:05,441
Uh-uh. Or the town,
or even the county.
160
00:07:05,442 --> 00:07:07,441
Nope. Or even your
actual date of birth!
161
00:07:07,442 --> 00:07:09,341
I-- Look, if this was easy
162
00:07:09,342 --> 00:07:11,508
I wouldn't have to bury
ladies out in the desert!
163
00:07:11,509 --> 00:07:13,474
Yeah, so did she struggle?
164
00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:15,341
Did you have to punch her
in her bony face?
165
00:07:15,342 --> 00:07:17,641
No, Creepy Spice, I used chloroform.
166
00:07:17,642 --> 00:07:20,341
Aw. Yeah, her husband
didn't even wake up.
167
00:07:20,342 --> 00:07:22,407
Damn machine.
You need a Ph.D.
168
00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:24,407
for this thing.
It's like the Univac.
169
00:07:24,408 --> 00:07:27,574
It says here "grind." It's
already ground from the store!
170
00:07:27,575 --> 00:07:30,608
I just want it to drip, but
there's no button for drip!
171
00:07:30,609 --> 00:07:34,341
What are you,
in the shower? Hello?
172
00:07:34,342 --> 00:07:36,474
Do I need to mess with "program"?
173
00:07:36,475 --> 00:07:39,474
And because it was a closed adoption
with any record of it sealed,
174
00:07:39,475 --> 00:07:43,241
we need to basically hack into the
state's vital records database,
175
00:07:43,242 --> 00:07:44,641
and comb through millions of records!
176
00:07:44,642 --> 00:07:46,374
Yeah, so then do that.
177
00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:47,741
I-- [sighs] But even
if we could hack in--
178
00:07:47,742 --> 00:07:49,774
Their password security's
probably just eight-bit,
179
00:07:49,775 --> 00:07:52,508
so I'd suggest a combination
of dictionary attack,
180
00:07:52,509 --> 00:07:54,508
reverse cryptographic hash function,
181
00:07:54,509 --> 00:07:56,508
and good old-fashioned
brute force.
182
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:59,341
Oh, we can do that?
Lemon squeezy.
183
00:07:59,342 --> 00:08:01,541
Oh, okay, but my larger,
sort of overall concern
184
00:08:01,542 --> 00:08:03,274
is that it's a felony.
185
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,474
Well, but so is
painting the walls in here
186
00:08:04,475 --> 00:08:06,508
with you people's tiny brains.
187
00:08:06,509 --> 00:08:10,274
[all gasp] Yeah, so whaddya
say we "get crackin'"?
188
00:08:10,275 --> 00:08:11,608
[chuckles]
189
00:08:11,609 --> 00:08:14,508
See what I did there?
Pun-wise?
190
00:08:14,509 --> 00:08:18,307
Samuel Johnson tells us that puns
are the lowest form of comedy,
191
00:08:18,308 --> 00:08:20,542
but for me it's murder.
192
00:08:28,390 --> 00:08:30,756
[Archer] Damn it, people, my
mother is buried alive!
193
00:08:30,757 --> 00:08:32,756
What is taking so long?
194
00:08:32,757 --> 00:08:34,589
We're going as fast as we can!
195
00:08:34,590 --> 00:08:36,456
And why is it so frickin' hot?
196
00:08:36,457 --> 00:08:37,589
What? Why do you think?
197
00:08:37,590 --> 00:08:38,723
To crack the password we need
198
00:08:38,724 --> 00:08:40,756
every last bit of
this computing power!
199
00:08:40,757 --> 00:08:42,822
Still though...
It is pretty hot.
200
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:44,922
Sweet Jesus Metal Christ!
Whoa, my God!
201
00:08:44,923 --> 00:08:46,822
What's the matter?
C'mon, Lana.
202
00:08:46,823 --> 00:08:48,523
It's nothing you haven't seen before.
203
00:08:48,524 --> 00:08:49,855
Wait, what?
Yeah, dude,
204
00:08:49,856 --> 00:08:52,556
me and her b-b-b-boned. What?
205
00:08:52,557 --> 00:08:54,556
Did I know this?
When was this?
206
00:08:54,557 --> 00:08:56,756
Way back!
When he was, ya know...
207
00:08:56,757 --> 00:08:59,723
What, back when
I was what, Lana? Human?
208
00:08:59,724 --> 00:09:01,723
I mean--
I still have feelings!
209
00:09:01,724 --> 00:09:03,723
Well, then put some damn clothes on!
210
00:09:03,724 --> 00:09:05,723
No, no!
You can just feast
211
00:09:05,724 --> 00:09:09,689
your beady little eyes
on my... endoskeleton!
212
00:09:09,690 --> 00:09:12,889
[excitedly gasps] Here's an idea!
Turn on the A/C!
213
00:09:12,890 --> 00:09:14,589
[Pam]
Yeah, right!
214
00:09:14,590 --> 00:09:16,855
We're way over maximum voltage.
215
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:18,689
I got about
a buck-fifty in pennies
216
00:09:18,690 --> 00:09:20,556
crammed in the fusebox as it is.
217
00:09:20,557 --> 00:09:22,822
[all groaning]
Oh, relax.
218
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:24,889
Worst case, an innocent
migrant farmhand
219
00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:27,789
goes to turn on the milking
machine and gets electrocuted.
220
00:09:27,790 --> 00:09:30,589
What? I mean, worst case
we fry some circuits.
221
00:09:30,590 --> 00:09:31,789
Hmm...
What?
222
00:09:31,790 --> 00:09:33,556
I mean, how's Mother?
223
00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:35,689
I wanna see her,
put her up on the monitor.
224
00:09:35,690 --> 00:09:37,789
Okay!
But just for a second.
225
00:09:37,790 --> 00:09:40,523
Oh and keep it
on "mute." Carol.
226
00:09:40,524 --> 00:09:43,556
[all groaning]
[Barry chuckles]
227
00:09:43,557 --> 00:09:46,422
Yeah, she's really losing her shit.
228
00:09:46,423 --> 00:09:47,822
...hunt you bastards down
229
00:09:47,823 --> 00:09:49,889
and have your guts for
garters, you hear me?
230
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,489
My God, get it together.
231
00:09:52,490 --> 00:09:54,789
You've been in tighter spots
than this.
232
00:09:54,790 --> 00:09:59,456
East Berlin, Warsaw.
Ugh, Khartoum?
233
00:09:59,457 --> 00:10:01,789
At least this time you're not
hooked up to a car battery.
234
00:10:01,790 --> 00:10:04,456
Or up to your ankles in camel blood.
235
00:10:04,457 --> 00:10:05,789
And whoever these bastards are,
236
00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:08,623
they must not want you dead just yet.
237
00:10:08,624 --> 00:10:12,389
But what do they want?
And where is this?
238
00:10:12,390 --> 00:10:13,723
[sighs] Well, it's
hard to say, really.
239
00:10:13,724 --> 00:10:16,389
I mean, we're computating
as fast as we can,
240
00:10:16,390 --> 00:10:18,456
but every possible
permutation of this password
241
00:10:18,457 --> 00:10:20,822
is something on the order of
ten to the ninth power, so--
242
00:10:20,823 --> 00:10:22,789
Got it! Wait, what? Wait, what?
243
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:25,389
[muttering]
Whoo!
244
00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:26,723
Can't hear anything.
245
00:10:26,724 --> 00:10:29,656
Although I can feel just
the slightest draft, but...
246
00:10:29,657 --> 00:10:33,422
[deep sniff] Hm. Maybe
a hint of diesel?
247
00:10:33,423 --> 00:10:35,456
Doesn't help much,
that could be anywhere.
248
00:10:35,457 --> 00:10:38,589
Although "anywhere" usually
has some kind of sounds.
249
00:10:38,590 --> 00:10:42,756
Traffic, birds, a train.
Here there's just nothing.
250
00:10:42,757 --> 00:10:45,756
Could-- Damn it,
I'm underground!
251
00:10:45,757 --> 00:10:48,855
But what kind of
sick, twisted, bastard...
252
00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:51,855
Whoo! Barry's
baggin' some tea!
253
00:10:51,856 --> 00:10:54,589
[thrusting sounds]
254
00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:56,456
I suppose there's really no telling.
255
00:10:56,457 --> 00:10:57,855
You spend your whole
life in espionage,
256
00:10:57,856 --> 00:11:00,422
you're going to make a few enemies.
257
00:11:00,423 --> 00:11:03,422
But kiddo, you're not gonna
sit here on your keister
258
00:11:03,423 --> 00:11:07,690
waiting to find out who's
behind this. So. Step one.
259
00:11:12,457 --> 00:11:14,523
And now for step two.
260
00:11:14,524 --> 00:11:17,422
[inhales, grunts]
261
00:11:17,423 --> 00:11:20,523
[exhales] Step two's always a bitch.
262
00:11:20,524 --> 00:11:22,822
All right, now step three.
263
00:11:22,823 --> 00:11:24,724
[grunting]
264
00:11:27,423 --> 00:11:28,723
[Barry] Okay, so now what, now what?
265
00:11:28,724 --> 00:11:30,689
Well, I think the first
thing we should do
266
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,723
is make Pam put on some clothes.
267
00:11:32,724 --> 00:11:34,556
Don't try to body shame me!
268
00:11:34,557 --> 00:11:35,822
Dog Tits!
Yeah, shut up.
269
00:11:35,823 --> 00:11:38,389
[sighs] So now, we have to go through
270
00:11:38,390 --> 00:11:40,822
all these millions
of records line by line,
271
00:11:40,823 --> 00:11:42,889
looking for any records
with your given name,
272
00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:45,556
and hope we can
cross-reference that
273
00:11:45,557 --> 00:11:47,689
to find some record of
your birth mother's name.
274
00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:49,556
What? How long is
that gonna take?
275
00:11:49,557 --> 00:11:51,623
I-- Awhile, Archer.
276
00:11:51,624 --> 00:11:53,556
Oh, well then, can I borrow Krieger?
277
00:11:53,557 --> 00:11:55,589
No. How does that help the situation?
278
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,789
It helps my leg, Cyril,
279
00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:58,889
which I think might be
turning septic,
280
00:11:58,890 --> 00:12:01,656
thanks to your new
best friend, Darth Barry!
281
00:12:01,657 --> 00:12:03,789
You do realize I'm not
that kind of a doc--
282
00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:07,689
Krieger, break room now, goddamn it!
So, is it cool if I--
283
00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:10,556
Yeah, but give him some morphine
or something to shut him up,
284
00:12:10,557 --> 00:12:13,556
'cause I've really got this warm,
hopeful feeling right now,
285
00:12:13,557 --> 00:12:15,523
and I kinda feel like
it's gonna be ruined
286
00:12:15,524 --> 00:12:18,523
if I have to pull his spine
out through his face.
287
00:12:18,524 --> 00:12:21,523
Um, and also can I go
to the bathroom? No.
288
00:12:21,524 --> 00:12:23,756
Then why does Archer get
to do whatever he wants
289
00:12:23,757 --> 00:12:26,855
plus morphine when you're not
even my robot supervisor!
290
00:12:26,856 --> 00:12:30,623
Okay, Jesus, go to the bathroom.
291
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:33,822
Well, if she's going-- Everybody
go to the damn bathroom!
292
00:12:33,823 --> 00:12:36,556
Go crazy, use the frickin' bidet!
293
00:12:36,557 --> 00:12:39,389
I'm not the one
running out of oxygen here.
294
00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:41,589
Oh right, I forgot about Miss Archer.
295
00:12:41,590 --> 00:12:44,689
Although...
[grunts]
296
00:12:44,690 --> 00:12:47,822
step three's no prize.
[groans]
297
00:12:47,823 --> 00:12:49,822
Aha!
298
00:12:49,823 --> 00:12:52,822
And now, for these damn cuffs!
299
00:12:52,823 --> 00:12:54,523
[Krieger]
You lost me.
300
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,889
I want you to Edison this elephant.
301
00:12:56,890 --> 00:13:00,789
Ooo-kay.
Nope, still lost.
302
00:13:00,790 --> 00:13:03,756
Thomas Edison! Remember?
When he killed that elephant
303
00:13:03,757 --> 00:13:06,656
by jamming a big, fat
electric cable up its asshole?
304
00:13:06,657 --> 00:13:08,523
What?
Yeah.
305
00:13:08,524 --> 00:13:10,489
The kindly Wizard of Menlo Park,
306
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,689
bought a sweet old circus
elephant just to murder it.
307
00:13:12,690 --> 00:13:14,756
Now I want you to figure
out a way to zap Barry
308
00:13:14,757 --> 00:13:17,422
with enough juice
to shut down his CPU.
309
00:13:17,423 --> 00:13:21,456
Uh, okay, like-- Like, just brick him.
[zapping sound]
310
00:13:21,457 --> 00:13:24,556
But the KGB built him. I'm sure
all his circuits are shielded.
311
00:13:24,557 --> 00:13:26,723
It would take like,
gigawatts worth of volts.
312
00:13:26,724 --> 00:13:29,523
Okay, that doesn't sound right.
It's not.
313
00:13:29,524 --> 00:13:30,689
But how many volts do
you think we have with
314
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:32,723
two pounds of pennies
jammed in the fusebox?
315
00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:35,556
Hmm, and if I routed it
all to a single circuit,
316
00:13:35,557 --> 00:13:37,389
like the dimmer switch
in the bullpen,
317
00:13:37,390 --> 00:13:39,723
maybe spilled an electrolytic
solution on the floor
318
00:13:39,724 --> 00:13:42,556
for good measure, and get Barry
to touch said dimmer switch...
319
00:13:42,557 --> 00:13:44,456
Wait, what happened to jamming
320
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,689
a big, fat electric
cable up his asshole?
321
00:13:46,690 --> 00:13:49,689
Well, A, I don't think he even has
an asshole, not that I was looking,
322
00:13:49,690 --> 00:13:51,855
and B, a dimmer switch is way easier.
323
00:13:51,856 --> 00:13:54,623
Okay, but-- But wait,
if you fry Barry's CPU,
324
00:13:54,624 --> 00:13:56,523
he can't tell you
where Miss Archer is!
325
00:13:56,524 --> 00:13:58,855
Well, I'll worry about that
bridge when I come to it!
326
00:13:58,856 --> 00:14:01,556
I kinda think you should
worry about it before then.
327
00:14:01,557 --> 00:14:03,822
Krieger, if I worried about
a fraction of the stuff
328
00:14:03,823 --> 00:14:06,656
I should be worried about,
I'd never get anything done!
329
00:14:06,657 --> 00:14:08,689
I know, but--
Oh my God, BPA!
330
00:14:08,690 --> 00:14:10,790
I--
Transgendered frogs!
331
00:14:13,757 --> 00:14:17,456
[frog bribbit]
Shh, shh, shh.
332
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,789
[Gillette] What? I said
I'm in love with Barry.
333
00:14:19,790 --> 00:14:22,523
[toilet flushes] [laughs]
I knew that was coming.
334
00:14:22,524 --> 00:14:25,889
Oh, my tits, what? How could--
He's a frickin machine!
335
00:14:25,890 --> 00:14:27,855
Well, Ray, a machine
is like a desert.
336
00:14:27,856 --> 00:14:29,756
Either it fascinates or appalls you.
337
00:14:29,757 --> 00:14:32,556
What? It's not "noice!"
Noyce.
338
00:14:32,557 --> 00:14:34,789
How could you be attracted
to a homicidal maniac?
339
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:37,489
No, that's a quote by Wilfrid Noyce.
340
00:14:37,490 --> 00:14:39,589
Really?
What? Yes!
341
00:14:39,590 --> 00:14:41,723
The mountaineer?
Yes!
342
00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:43,656
Well, here's a quote by me:
343
00:14:43,657 --> 00:14:45,889
Barry's about to violate
the First Law of Robotics...
344
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:47,855
[whispers]
on my vagina.
345
00:14:47,856 --> 00:14:49,855
[chuckling]
Noice.
346
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:54,489
Ha! Now just to see
where the hell I am...
347
00:14:54,490 --> 00:14:56,723
What? Oh, for the love!
348
00:14:56,724 --> 00:15:00,889
Although, no matter who
or what ends up killing me,
349
00:15:00,890 --> 00:15:03,623
you could probably
paint that on the wall.
350
00:15:03,624 --> 00:15:06,490
The idiot.
351
00:15:12,849 --> 00:15:15,589
Let's go, people.
The clock is ticking.
352
00:15:15,709 --> 00:15:17,165
Tick tock, tick tock.
353
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,414
Name something a clock would say.
354
00:15:18,415 --> 00:15:20,348
Barry, you could, ya know, help!
355
00:15:20,349 --> 00:15:21,648
[chuckles]
I'm too wound up!
356
00:15:21,649 --> 00:15:23,648
Name something a clock would--
Ray.
357
00:15:23,649 --> 00:15:27,148
Seriously.
I could maybe help you unwind.
358
00:15:27,149 --> 00:15:30,214
[Lana] Ugh. Didn't I
murder you one time?
359
00:15:30,215 --> 00:15:32,314
Maybe...
[Archer] Carol!
360
00:15:32,315 --> 00:15:34,581
Get back to work, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
361
00:15:34,582 --> 00:15:37,281
Well, you guys were
all pretty sweaty,
362
00:15:37,282 --> 00:15:39,648
so I brought you
some Sports Drank to--
363
00:15:39,649 --> 00:15:44,214
Oh, damn it! Damn.
Damn. Damn. Damn it!
364
00:15:44,215 --> 00:15:45,681
Probably because
it's so dark in here.
365
00:15:45,682 --> 00:15:47,548
Yeah, Archer, it is getting dark,
366
00:15:47,549 --> 00:15:49,281
which means your mommy is running out
367
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,214
of both time and oxygen!
368
00:15:51,215 --> 00:15:54,214
It also means potentially
dangerous eye-strain
369
00:15:54,215 --> 00:15:55,548
for these hardworking folks, Barry.
370
00:15:55,549 --> 00:15:57,681
So why don't you go over there
and turn up that dimmer?
371
00:15:57,682 --> 00:16:00,448
You turn up the damn dimmer!
No, Barry, you do it!
372
00:16:00,449 --> 00:16:03,181
Ugh, Jesus, I'll turn up
the stupid dimmer.
373
00:16:03,182 --> 00:16:05,515
Carol, no! Don't touch that dimmer!
Wait a minute...
374
00:16:05,516 --> 00:16:08,348
Why do you want me
to touch the light switch?
375
00:16:08,349 --> 00:16:11,448
Hm? And all the sports drank
conveniently spilled
376
00:16:11,449 --> 00:16:13,615
on the floor, full of electrolytes?
377
00:16:13,616 --> 00:16:16,348
Is it? Are you trying
to electrocute me?
378
00:16:16,349 --> 00:16:18,348
[gasps]
What, no!
379
00:16:18,349 --> 00:16:21,314
[Krieger screams]
[sighs] Apparently not.
380
00:16:21,315 --> 00:16:24,381
If I was electrocuted, how the hell
were you gonna find your mother?
381
00:16:24,382 --> 00:16:26,214
So there were a couple of holes!
382
00:16:26,215 --> 00:16:28,181
[Pam] Wait, are we doing-- Jesus!
383
00:16:28,182 --> 00:16:32,181
You were willing to risk that?
Oh, that is classic you!
384
00:16:32,182 --> 00:16:33,548
A mother!
The one thing
385
00:16:33,549 --> 00:16:36,414
I've been searching for
my entire goddamn life,
386
00:16:36,415 --> 00:16:37,648
and you take it for granted!
387
00:16:37,649 --> 00:16:39,481
Just like you do
with everything else!
388
00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:41,248
Shut up!
Well, guess what!
389
00:16:41,249 --> 00:16:42,648
You take your mother
for granted? Fine!
390
00:16:42,649 --> 00:16:45,348
Good luck finding her
without the coordinates!
391
00:16:45,349 --> 00:16:47,214
[all gasping]
What the shit?
392
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,415
I don't think that's
gonna be a problem.
393
00:16:51,282 --> 00:16:55,248
[exhales] First thing, I'm
taking a long hot bath
394
00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:57,381
with a nice stiff drink.
395
00:16:57,382 --> 00:17:00,581
[grunts]
396
00:17:00,582 --> 00:17:04,348
And then I'm going to kill everybody!
397
00:17:04,349 --> 00:17:06,414
Yeah?
Well, get in line, lady!
398
00:17:06,415 --> 00:17:08,414
[all]
Hey, whoa! Calm down!
399
00:17:08,415 --> 00:17:11,214
After I kill
all you idiots, I'm--
400
00:17:11,215 --> 00:17:12,648
- [Pam] I found her!
- [All muttering]
401
00:17:12,649 --> 00:17:16,414
Found who? Your mom! At
least I think I did.
402
00:17:16,415 --> 00:17:18,615
[all chattering]
Let me see.
403
00:17:18,616 --> 00:17:21,515
So, the Hide-A-Wee
Home For Children...
404
00:17:21,516 --> 00:17:24,314
That's where I grew up!
Took in a newborn baby,
405
00:17:24,315 --> 00:17:26,548
born at County Hospital
close to your dates,
406
00:17:26,549 --> 00:17:29,381
who was christened
Bartholomew Aloysius Dylan.
407
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,548
That's me!
Little baby Barty D.!
408
00:17:31,549 --> 00:17:33,581
And, according to
County Hospital's records,
409
00:17:33,582 --> 00:17:37,615
the baby was put up for adoption
by a young woman named...
410
00:17:37,616 --> 00:17:39,515
You sure you wanna know this?
411
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:41,582
[gunfire]
[all clamoring]
412
00:17:44,182 --> 00:17:45,548
Yeah.
[sighs]
413
00:17:45,549 --> 00:17:49,481
Tammy Jo Stamps, age 16.
414
00:17:49,482 --> 00:17:50,715
Holy shitsnacks!
415
00:17:50,716 --> 00:17:52,615
And she's still alive, you guys!
416
00:17:52,616 --> 00:17:54,248
She lives in L.A.!
417
00:17:54,249 --> 00:17:55,581
[all muttering]
418
00:17:55,582 --> 00:17:59,448
[bawling] Well? What
are you waiting for?
419
00:17:59,449 --> 00:18:01,515
You got what you wanted!
420
00:18:01,516 --> 00:18:04,214
Go to her!
421
00:18:04,215 --> 00:18:05,681
Just go!
422
00:18:05,682 --> 00:18:09,248
I mean, yeah, right?
I mean, right?
423
00:18:09,249 --> 00:18:11,314
Well, I mean, yeah, but...
424
00:18:11,315 --> 00:18:14,381
But what? I mean, you
can't go like that.
425
00:18:14,382 --> 00:18:15,515
Why, what are you...
426
00:18:15,516 --> 00:18:18,314
Oh my God, I look
like the Terminator!
427
00:18:18,315 --> 00:18:20,214
Well, a Terminator.
428
00:18:20,215 --> 00:18:23,615
I think I may have just the thing.
429
00:18:23,616 --> 00:18:25,581
Okay, I was kinda saving this for...
430
00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:28,515
this other thing, but anyhoo.
431
00:18:28,516 --> 00:18:30,581
[all gasping]
432
00:18:30,582 --> 00:18:32,515
What the shit, Krieger?
433
00:18:32,516 --> 00:18:34,281
What?
434
00:18:34,282 --> 00:18:38,281
Why do you have our heads?
435
00:18:38,282 --> 00:18:41,515
And hands. What, it's for this other...
nothing.
436
00:18:41,516 --> 00:18:45,248
So! Who's it
gonna be, big guy?
437
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,715
[chuckling]
438
00:18:46,716 --> 00:18:49,515
Holy shit, now I know you're crazy.
439
00:18:49,516 --> 00:18:51,414
What, you thought I'd pick you?
440
00:18:51,415 --> 00:18:52,648
I mean...
Or Gillette?
441
00:18:52,649 --> 00:18:55,314
[chuckles] The poor
man's Frank Langella?
442
00:18:55,315 --> 00:18:56,548
Oh my God, I am.
443
00:18:56,549 --> 00:18:59,581
No, this is the face.
How do I look?
444
00:18:59,582 --> 00:19:02,381
[all muttering]
445
00:19:02,382 --> 00:19:04,448
Yeah, right?
Okay, so...
446
00:19:04,449 --> 00:19:07,481
Wow! Off to meet
my birth mother.
447
00:19:07,482 --> 00:19:11,214
Wish me luck, friends!
[all] Good luck.
448
00:19:11,215 --> 00:19:12,581
[chuckles]
Thanks, guys!
449
00:19:12,582 --> 00:19:15,349
[brakes screeching]
[all] Oh!
450
00:19:20,482 --> 00:19:22,281
[Barry]
I'm okay!
451
00:19:22,282 --> 00:19:23,548
[sarcastic muttering]
452
00:19:23,549 --> 00:19:27,414
[sighs]
Like a bad penny.
453
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:30,215
Oh, shit!
The pennies!
454
00:19:38,683 --> 00:19:41,583
[Lana]
So, what did we learn?
455
00:19:41,584 --> 00:19:42,782
[muttering]
456
00:19:42,783 --> 00:19:45,090
I learned...
Wow.
457
00:19:45,210 --> 00:19:46,749
Nothing?
Nope.
458
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,416
I learned that the cabinet
459
00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:50,483
of Dr. Krieger is
full of our faces.
460
00:19:50,484 --> 00:19:52,649
And hands.
I-- Look,
461
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,416
don't worry about it. I
really feel like we should.
462
00:19:55,417 --> 00:19:57,682
Oh, you worry about everything.
463
00:19:57,683 --> 00:19:59,882
Oh, shit!
I hope Mother's okay.
464
00:19:59,883 --> 00:20:01,617
[dopey laugh]
465
00:20:03,817 --> 00:20:06,145
[trucker]
Evenin'.
466
00:20:06,265 --> 00:20:09,782
I'll give you $1,000 for a
ride to the nearest bar.
467
00:20:09,783 --> 00:20:11,483
[trucker laughs]
What?
468
00:20:11,484 --> 00:20:13,749
Oh, shit yeah, lady, climb on up!
469
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:17,583
[groans] Yeah, there ya
go, get on up in here.
470
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:20,616
[Malory groans]
Whew. Thank you.
471
00:20:20,617 --> 00:20:23,682
[trucker chuckles] Thank you.
A thousand bucks?
472
00:20:23,683 --> 00:20:26,550
You're either crazy or rich or both.
473
00:20:26,551 --> 00:20:29,583
[Malory] Well, I don't have
it on me obviously, but...
474
00:20:29,584 --> 00:20:32,616
[trucker] Oh, I betcha we
can work something out.
475
00:20:32,617 --> 00:20:36,550
[Malory] Ahem, your hand
seems to be on my thigh.
476
00:20:36,551 --> 00:20:39,583
[trucker] Yeah, you're
like a silver fox.
477
00:20:39,584 --> 00:20:40,782
[Malory]
I beg your pardon?
478
00:20:40,783 --> 00:20:42,616
[trucker]
And I'm just hopin'
479
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:46,483
them curtains match the rug,
'cause I like that.
480
00:20:46,484 --> 00:20:48,416
[Malory sighs]
481
00:20:48,417 --> 00:20:49,516
[punching]
482
00:20:49,517 --> 00:20:51,583
[groans, chokes]
483
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,782
[coughing]
484
00:20:52,783 --> 00:20:54,782
[Malory] Ya like an
elbow to the throat?
485
00:20:54,783 --> 00:20:57,550
Shit heel.
486
00:20:57,551 --> 00:21:01,416
Although, if you had worded
that a bit more delicately
487
00:21:01,417 --> 00:21:03,583
it could've been
quite flattering, so...
488
00:21:03,584 --> 00:21:06,816
well, not thank you,
necessarily, but...
489
00:21:06,817 --> 00:21:08,029
[choking]
490
00:21:08,149 --> 00:21:12,782
[Malory] Je ne sais quoi.
Exactement. Ciao!
491
00:21:12,783 --> 00:21:15,650
[continues choking]
492
00:21:16,530 --> 00:21:22,782
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
492
00:21:23,305 --> 00:21:29,199
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