1 00:00:01,511 --> 00:00:04,651 You have no idea who this person is. 2 00:00:04,661 --> 00:00:07,078 - No. - Or what this is about. 3 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:08,304 Mm, no. 4 00:00:08,314 --> 00:00:11,364 "Zissner, office, meeting, 10:00." 5 00:00:11,374 --> 00:00:13,657 And you have no idea what that means. 6 00:00:13,667 --> 00:00:16,413 I feel like I made that very clear. 7 00:00:16,423 --> 00:00:18,805 Unlike this cryptic idiocy! 8 00:00:18,838 --> 00:00:21,111 Why do you even bother to answer the phone? 9 00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:23,239 Because you scream at me when I don't! 10 00:00:23,249 --> 00:00:25,412 Volume! Jesus! 11 00:00:25,445 --> 00:00:28,549 My God, Lana, you look like hell. 12 00:00:28,582 --> 00:00:30,517 Like I've been saying for years. 13 00:00:30,551 --> 00:00:33,721 Woman, you do not want to light this particular fuse. 14 00:00:33,753 --> 00:00:36,037 A.J. was up all night with the croup. 15 00:00:36,047 --> 00:00:37,190 Did you give her bourbon? 16 00:00:37,224 --> 00:00:39,260 You know, I was going to, and then I realized 17 00:00:39,292 --> 00:00:40,494 that, no, I wasn't going to. 18 00:00:40,527 --> 00:00:42,062 Always worked for Sterling. 19 00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,565 And you're just gonna... 20 00:00:44,598 --> 00:00:47,234 - Yeah, too sleepy. - What is this? 21 00:00:47,268 --> 00:00:49,571 "Zissner"? Wait, as in Don Zissner? 22 00:00:49,604 --> 00:00:51,005 She has no idea. 23 00:00:51,038 --> 00:00:53,508 (growls) Which, again, very clear on that. 24 00:00:53,541 --> 00:00:57,045 He's a huge producer. He makes those massive, stupid, sharky blockbusters. 25 00:00:57,077 --> 00:01:01,036 Sharknoid, Sharknoid 2, Sharknoid 3 In 3-D, Sharknoid 4, Shark... 26 00:01:01,046 --> 00:01:04,185 - We get it! - Let me finish. Sharknoid Five. 27 00:01:04,217 --> 00:01:06,720 (groans) Is that who we're meeting with? 28 00:01:06,753 --> 00:01:08,160 Maybe. 29 00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:11,391 Hm, "Zissner, office, meeting, 10:00." 30 00:01:11,425 --> 00:01:13,094 That's all Carol told you? 31 00:01:13,127 --> 00:01:15,363 Yes, we're to meet Zissner in his office at 10:00. 32 00:01:15,396 --> 00:01:17,699 - But other than that... - We have no idea. 33 00:01:17,732 --> 00:01:19,901 Or why she even bothers to answer the phone. 34 00:01:19,934 --> 00:01:21,836 Well, otherwise Mother screams at her. 35 00:01:21,846 --> 00:01:23,056 (elevator dings) 36 00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:24,230 - Good morning. - Hi, 37 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:25,606 Cyril Figgis, Figgis Agency. 38 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,604 We have a 10:00 with Mr. Zissner? 39 00:01:27,614 --> 00:01:29,252 - (coughs) Maybe. - I'm sorry? 40 00:01:29,262 --> 00:01:30,377 I'm sorry? 41 00:01:30,410 --> 00:01:33,249 I'm sorry. Is this the Figgis Agency? 42 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:36,550 - Maybe. - Then I think I have a 10:00 appointment. 43 00:01:36,583 --> 00:01:37,985 I'm Barbie Zissner. 44 00:01:38,018 --> 00:01:39,319 (together) Oh! 45 00:01:39,353 --> 00:01:41,488 Oh, please forgive me, Miss... 46 00:01:41,521 --> 00:01:45,325 - Mrs. - Mrs. Zissner, of course, yes. 47 00:01:45,359 --> 00:01:47,060 Mrs. Donald Zissner. 48 00:01:47,093 --> 00:01:48,562 - Yes. - (intercom beeps) 49 00:01:48,595 --> 00:01:49,963 (Cheryl over intercom) Your 10:00 is here. 50 00:01:49,997 --> 00:01:52,832 I know. Thank you. 51 00:01:52,842 --> 00:01:55,136 - You're welcome. - (intercom beeps) 52 00:01:55,169 --> 00:01:56,737 Gentlemen, thank you for coming. 53 00:01:56,771 --> 00:01:59,673 First off, killer marketing campaign. 54 00:01:59,683 --> 00:02:00,808 Goddamn it. 55 00:02:00,841 --> 00:02:04,511 Second, you've each been given a non-disclosure agreement to sign. 56 00:02:04,545 --> 00:02:07,515 If any of you repeat anything said in this room, 57 00:02:07,547 --> 00:02:11,184 I will skull-rape you so hard, legally speaking, 58 00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,087 that your great-great-grandchildren 59 00:02:13,119 --> 00:02:15,022 will spend their short, miserable lives 60 00:02:15,056 --> 00:02:16,957 as indentured servants to mine. 61 00:02:16,991 --> 00:02:18,125 Is that clear? 62 00:02:18,135 --> 00:02:19,292 - Yes, sir. - Okay. 63 00:02:19,326 --> 00:02:20,795 Third... (sighs) 64 00:02:20,827 --> 00:02:22,362 I'm not really sure how to put this, 65 00:02:22,396 --> 00:02:24,165 so I'll just go ahead and say it. 66 00:02:24,197 --> 00:02:27,601 (sniffles) I think my husband is cheating on me. 67 00:02:27,635 --> 00:02:29,036 - That's so sad. - Oh. 68 00:02:29,070 --> 00:02:31,105 I think my wife is cheating on me. 69 00:02:31,137 --> 00:02:32,439 - (mumbles) - No. 70 00:02:32,473 --> 00:02:34,975 And so I want to hire you. 71 00:02:35,009 --> 00:02:36,718 To catch her in the act. 72 00:02:36,728 --> 00:02:38,713 I'll need video confirmation, of course. 73 00:02:38,746 --> 00:02:41,381 So you want us to follow him and... 74 00:02:41,415 --> 00:02:43,117 No, not just follow her. 75 00:02:43,149 --> 00:02:45,118 More than that. Much more. 76 00:02:45,152 --> 00:02:46,939 There's just too much at stake here. 77 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:49,457 I have to be a hundred percent sure. 78 00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:51,892 And so I want one of you... 79 00:02:51,926 --> 00:02:55,671 - to seduce my husband and tape it. - To seduce my wife and tape it. 80 00:02:55,681 --> 00:02:58,966 Aw, man. Lousy timing. 81 00:02:58,998 --> 00:03:02,248 My bush looks like I'm sitting on Jerry Garcia's face. 82 00:03:02,937 --> 00:03:04,238 ♪♪ 83 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 84 00:03:34,362 --> 00:03:38,623 Synced and corrected by johnyd13 ~ www.addic7ed.com ~ 85 00:03:39,039 --> 00:03:41,576 Because A, it's super skeevy, and... 86 00:03:41,609 --> 00:03:44,911 And B, possibly extremely lucrative! 87 00:03:44,945 --> 00:03:47,849 She agreed to pay us $20,000. 88 00:03:47,881 --> 00:03:50,752 And Zissner's worth God knows how many millions, 89 00:03:50,784 --> 00:03:53,887 so if we can wedge ourselves into that divorce... 90 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,389 And he tells two friends. 91 00:03:55,422 --> 00:03:57,291 And she tells two friends. 92 00:03:57,324 --> 00:04:00,051 (together) And so on and so on and so on. 93 00:04:00,061 --> 00:04:02,398 I thought you said the divorce business was shabby. 94 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:03,698 If it's poor people. 95 00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:06,475 So what, you think you're literally gonna pimp me out? 96 00:04:06,485 --> 00:04:08,705 - Who says she's pimping you? - Why does she get to get pimped out? 97 00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,739 I'm sorry. Is there another option? 98 00:04:11,771 --> 00:04:14,474 - Uh, boosh? - And-or kakow? 99 00:04:14,507 --> 00:04:16,439 Pam, please, this is serious. 100 00:04:16,449 --> 00:04:17,823 Uh, wha... 101 00:04:17,833 --> 00:04:19,107 I am serious. 102 00:04:19,117 --> 00:04:21,415 Cyril, come on. You can't do it. 103 00:04:21,448 --> 00:04:23,618 Zissner wants us to prove his wife's cheating on him, 104 00:04:23,651 --> 00:04:27,191 not that she's capable of aspirating her own vomit. 105 00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:28,588 So what, you're going to do it? 106 00:04:28,622 --> 00:04:32,259 Well, I mean, I think we should put our best foot forward here. 107 00:04:32,292 --> 00:04:33,795 Or at least our best five inches. 108 00:04:33,828 --> 00:04:34,929 Hey-oh! 109 00:04:34,961 --> 00:04:36,596 Who are you, Wheeler and Woolsey? 110 00:04:36,629 --> 00:04:38,064 - Who? - Typical. 111 00:04:38,098 --> 00:04:39,934 So you're just gonna cheat on Lana. 112 00:04:39,966 --> 00:04:43,003 Oh, right. Goddamn it. 113 00:04:43,037 --> 00:04:46,307 I mean, even if Archer did basically cheat on me with Veronica Deane... 114 00:04:46,340 --> 00:04:47,607 - Oh, please. - One kiss. 115 00:04:47,641 --> 00:04:49,309 I refuse to stoop to his level. 116 00:04:49,343 --> 00:04:51,444 Lana, it's $20,000. 117 00:04:51,478 --> 00:04:52,814 I don't care if it's... 118 00:04:52,846 --> 00:04:54,414 Okay, I almost said 20 million, 119 00:04:54,448 --> 00:04:55,983 but obviously I would bang him for that. 120 00:04:56,016 --> 00:04:57,985 Ah-ha! So you do have a price. 121 00:04:58,018 --> 00:05:01,823 Yes, duh, but it's not 20 grand, Ron Measly, so you can count me out. 122 00:05:01,855 --> 00:05:04,291 Welp, guess I'm gonna need a bucket of ice 123 00:05:04,324 --> 00:05:05,692 and a roll of gaffer tape. 124 00:05:05,725 --> 00:05:07,595 - For? - D-I-Y Brazilian. 125 00:05:07,627 --> 00:05:09,870 When it's this bushy, the clippers just get stoved up. 126 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,298 - Ew. - Pam! 127 00:05:11,331 --> 00:05:14,093 Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was going to get called up 128 00:05:14,103 --> 00:05:16,970 - to the big show. - Nobody's calling you anywhere. 129 00:05:17,004 --> 00:05:19,071 I don't know. I think Pam's got a better chance 130 00:05:19,081 --> 00:05:22,042 of seducing Zissner than Gluella DeVil over here. 131 00:05:22,076 --> 00:05:23,611 Are you insane? 132 00:05:23,643 --> 00:05:25,179 No, I'm dead serious. 133 00:05:25,211 --> 00:05:26,980 I'll bet you my share of the 20 grand 134 00:05:27,014 --> 00:05:29,783 that Ray can seduce Barbie Zissner before you. 135 00:05:29,816 --> 00:05:31,619 What're you... I'm not in this! 136 00:05:31,651 --> 00:05:33,353 If we win, you get his share. 137 00:05:33,386 --> 00:05:35,857 - That's almost $7,000. - I... 138 00:05:35,889 --> 00:05:39,471 - Where'd you get 7,000? - I divided 20 by 3, Cyril. 139 00:05:39,481 --> 00:05:41,415 Come on, this is pretty basic stuff. 140 00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:44,564 Three. Tuh... what, we're just not telling the women about this? 141 00:05:44,598 --> 00:05:45,665 Why would we? 142 00:05:45,699 --> 00:05:46,903 - Hm? Hm. - Yeah, screw them. 143 00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,636 Ray, come on. Be a team player. 144 00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:50,337 We can drink you through this. 145 00:05:50,370 --> 00:05:53,841 Would you have sex with a man for $7,000? 146 00:05:53,874 --> 00:05:56,475 I would if it had a negative impact on Cyril. 147 00:05:56,485 --> 00:05:57,978 Wha... You hate me so much 148 00:05:58,011 --> 00:06:00,180 that you would actually have sex with a man. 149 00:06:00,213 --> 00:06:01,381 I would date him. 150 00:06:01,415 --> 00:06:03,184 And I wish y'all every happiness, 151 00:06:03,216 --> 00:06:05,185 but I am not sleeping with that woman, so... 152 00:06:05,218 --> 00:06:06,895 - So then Krieger! - What? 153 00:06:06,905 --> 00:06:08,389 My share against yours. 154 00:06:08,422 --> 00:06:11,892 I bet Krieger can seduce Barbie Zissner before you. 155 00:06:11,925 --> 00:06:14,194 (chuckles) You are on! 156 00:06:14,228 --> 00:06:15,827 Yeah, I am all over that action. 157 00:06:15,837 --> 00:06:17,398 Ha! Then it's a bet. 158 00:06:17,430 --> 00:06:19,266 - I got I got Krieger... - (Gillette) I got Cyril... 159 00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:21,067 I've got Pam. And you've got Cheryl. 160 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:24,138 Oh, please, Carol couldn't seduce a Spaniard. 161 00:06:24,148 --> 00:06:25,740 Me, on the other hand... 162 00:06:25,773 --> 00:06:28,276 (chuckling) Only if Zissner's into archeology. 163 00:06:28,309 --> 00:06:31,379 You little... All right, Lana, you have a bet. 164 00:06:31,412 --> 00:06:35,016 I'll take Carol, and we will laugh all the way to the bank. 165 00:06:35,049 --> 00:06:37,285 - And we're not telling the men? - Why would we? 166 00:06:37,317 --> 00:06:38,551 - Well, yeah. - Mm-hm. 167 00:06:38,585 --> 00:06:40,254 (Pam laughing) Oh, man. 168 00:06:40,287 --> 00:06:42,890 I'm gonna seduce the dick off that dude. 169 00:06:42,922 --> 00:06:43,925 (tape ripping) 170 00:06:43,958 --> 00:06:45,393 Oww! 171 00:06:45,425 --> 00:06:47,527 Yes, what mere mortal could resist 172 00:06:47,561 --> 00:06:50,431 that cornucopia of nature's treasures. 173 00:06:50,463 --> 00:06:51,766 (chuckling) Exactly. 174 00:06:51,799 --> 00:06:53,434 - (tape rips) - Ow! 175 00:07:01,948 --> 00:07:04,453 Okay, so if anybody asks, it's Cyril's birthday, 176 00:07:04,463 --> 00:07:06,822 and he asked us to take him to a strip club. 177 00:07:06,832 --> 00:07:10,303 They'll buy that. It's so sad and pathetic and Cyril-y. 178 00:07:10,336 --> 00:07:13,240 Uh, first of all, I dated Lana for three years. 179 00:07:13,272 --> 00:07:15,107 She knows when my birthday is. 180 00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:17,943 I think you wildly overestimate that relationship. 181 00:07:17,976 --> 00:07:19,856 With who, Veronica Deane? 182 00:07:19,866 --> 00:07:22,649 With whom. And, no, not Veronica Deane, 183 00:07:22,681 --> 00:07:24,914 who, by the way, Lana, kissed me, 184 00:07:24,924 --> 00:07:26,944 and also when is Cyril's birthday? 185 00:07:26,954 --> 00:07:28,988 Uh, how should I know? 186 00:07:29,022 --> 00:07:31,577 - (sighs) - Trick question. It's today. 187 00:07:31,587 --> 00:07:33,040 And we're taking him to a strip club 188 00:07:33,050 --> 00:07:35,327 because he is both sad and pathetic. 189 00:07:35,361 --> 00:07:36,596 - Typical. - Oh, man. 190 00:07:36,628 --> 00:07:39,365 Give my regards to all the molestees. 191 00:07:39,399 --> 00:07:40,966 Wait. Where are you guys going? 192 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,412 None of your collective beeswax. 193 00:07:44,337 --> 00:07:47,085 Wow, that was way easier than I thought it would be. 194 00:07:47,095 --> 00:07:49,776 Although, I guess so is everything. 195 00:07:50,082 --> 00:07:51,329 Krieger? 196 00:07:51,339 --> 00:07:52,966 Krieger. Krieger! 197 00:07:52,976 --> 00:07:54,357 - (door closes) - (Krieger) Yep! Yep, yep, yep! 198 00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:55,682 Hey, guys. 199 00:07:55,714 --> 00:07:57,716 Shut up and brush your teeth, comb your beard, 200 00:07:57,750 --> 00:08:00,120 and get some cologne on those balls. You're coming with us. 201 00:08:00,152 --> 00:08:02,154 Done, done, done, done, 202 00:08:02,188 --> 00:08:04,190 and where exactly are we going? 203 00:08:04,224 --> 00:08:05,692 Well, first to buy you some clothes. 204 00:08:05,724 --> 00:08:07,665 And then... wait. Where are we going? 205 00:08:07,675 --> 00:08:09,529 Uh, let's see. Zissner said she'd be 206 00:08:09,562 --> 00:08:11,798 at the "The Swindon Hotel for happy hour." 207 00:08:11,830 --> 00:08:14,200 The Swindon? Nice. Sunset Lounge or main bar? 208 00:08:14,233 --> 00:08:16,869 Uh, let's see. It says here... "main bar." 209 00:08:16,902 --> 00:08:19,205 So, hey, should I get some new clothes? 210 00:08:19,238 --> 00:08:22,220 Cyril, the answer to that question is almost always yes. 211 00:08:22,230 --> 00:08:26,079 You know, Thoreau said, "Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." 212 00:08:26,112 --> 00:08:29,482 Krieger, nobody gives a shit about Doonesbury. Now, come on, chop-chop. 213 00:08:29,515 --> 00:08:31,551 Ooh, chop-chop what? What are we chopping? 214 00:08:31,584 --> 00:08:33,544 Nothing. You're going to have sex. 215 00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,754 With a... person? 216 00:08:35,787 --> 00:08:37,530 - What are you... - I'm gonna double the bet. 217 00:08:37,540 --> 00:08:39,077 - What bet? - No, shut up. 218 00:08:39,087 --> 00:08:41,390 I would think "person" was implied. 219 00:08:41,423 --> 00:08:43,625 Yeah, no, I just didn't wanna get in that head space 220 00:08:43,659 --> 00:08:44,894 and then, you know... 221 00:08:44,927 --> 00:08:46,196 No, I don't. 222 00:08:46,229 --> 00:08:47,197 - Double it! - No! 223 00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:48,765 - What bet? - (groans) 224 00:08:48,798 --> 00:08:51,028 Okay, if you can seduce this woman... 225 00:08:51,038 --> 00:08:52,139 - Whoo. - Yeah. 226 00:08:52,149 --> 00:08:54,036 And if you seduce her before Cyril does, 227 00:08:54,069 --> 00:08:56,594 you get five, uh, hundred... 228 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:57,874 - Whoo. - (together) Thousand. 229 00:08:57,907 --> 00:09:00,143 - (laughing) Whoo-hoo... - Goddamn it. Dollars. 230 00:09:00,175 --> 00:09:01,777 I'm in. I can use the money 231 00:09:01,811 --> 00:09:04,061 to finish my Voight-Kampff machine. 232 00:09:04,245 --> 00:09:06,216 Or... not that. 233 00:09:06,617 --> 00:09:07,763 Forget I said that. 234 00:09:07,773 --> 00:09:10,653 Now, remember, Carol. The key here, as with most things, 235 00:09:10,686 --> 00:09:13,890 is confidence. Which Pam's got by the shitload. 236 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:16,625 - (curtain rolls back) - For reasons known but to God. 237 00:09:16,659 --> 00:09:18,128 Well, a lot of it's the Brazilian. 238 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,929 They really make you feel sexy. 239 00:09:20,962 --> 00:09:24,500 At least until the ingrown hairs turn me back into Bumplestiltskin. 240 00:09:24,534 --> 00:09:26,635 - B-ugh. - I want to double the bet. 241 00:09:26,668 --> 00:09:28,614 - (curtain rolls back) - Deal. 242 00:09:28,624 --> 00:09:33,143 - Damn. - Just damn or daaaaaaamn! 243 00:09:33,428 --> 00:09:35,125 Whichever is worse. 244 00:09:35,135 --> 00:09:36,612 Damn, Cyril! 245 00:09:36,645 --> 00:09:38,847 Really? You don't... 246 00:09:39,374 --> 00:09:42,918 - think it's too much? - I... You know, I think it would be. 247 00:09:42,952 --> 00:09:44,347 - I wanna double the bet. - No. 248 00:09:44,357 --> 00:09:47,156 - Give you five-to-two odds. - No! Krieger, get out here! 249 00:09:47,189 --> 00:09:48,290 (curtain rolls back) 250 00:09:48,323 --> 00:09:50,217 - Goddamn it. - Five to one! 251 00:09:50,227 --> 00:09:52,928 Dude, take it! I feel amazing. 252 00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,764 And confidence is the key. 253 00:09:54,797 --> 00:09:56,798 And Thoreau was a (bleep) idiot. 254 00:09:57,159 --> 00:09:59,968 - Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! - (groans) 255 00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:01,837 No, Lana dear, listen. 256 00:10:01,870 --> 00:10:04,540 All this nonsense about doubling the bet. 257 00:10:04,573 --> 00:10:06,322 What, are you trying to welsh on me? 258 00:10:06,332 --> 00:10:09,212 - Huh... Well, now who's a racist? - That's not racist. 259 00:10:09,245 --> 00:10:11,346 - It is if you're black. - There are black Welsh people. 260 00:10:11,380 --> 00:10:14,246 - Name one. - Uh, Shirley Bassey. 261 00:10:14,256 --> 00:10:16,513 - Name 20 more. - No, the bet stands. 262 00:10:16,523 --> 00:10:20,957 (exhales) And that is just fine with us. 263 00:10:20,990 --> 00:10:22,677 Damn. 264 00:10:22,687 --> 00:10:24,526 I know. I look like a whore. 265 00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,295 As a matter of fact, 266 00:10:26,328 --> 00:10:28,298 I'm willing to double it again. 267 00:10:28,331 --> 00:10:29,332 Um... 268 00:10:29,365 --> 00:10:31,765 Psst. Lana, come here. 269 00:10:31,775 --> 00:10:33,523 Come here, come here, come here, come here. 270 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,572 Take the bet. Double it. 271 00:10:35,605 --> 00:10:38,707 Is this mirror not working or... 272 00:10:38,740 --> 00:10:40,510 Don't be shitty. I'm in progress. 273 00:10:40,543 --> 00:10:43,313 And plus, Jerkleton, I've got this. 274 00:10:43,346 --> 00:10:45,515 (sighs) Spanish Fly. 275 00:10:45,548 --> 00:10:47,701 - Right? - Pam, that shit doesn't work. 276 00:10:47,711 --> 00:10:48,985 Yes, it does. 277 00:10:49,018 --> 00:10:51,414 We just need to mix it with some mole's blood. 278 00:10:51,424 --> 00:10:55,091 So... hey, what were you saying about un-doubling the bet? 279 00:10:55,124 --> 00:10:56,692 Not a word. 280 00:10:56,726 --> 00:10:58,300 I'm serious, Ray. I'm about to punch you 281 00:10:58,310 --> 00:10:59,561 in the face with your own fists. 282 00:10:59,595 --> 00:11:01,998 First of all, you are a mean drunk on germicide. 283 00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:04,366 It's blue Curaçao, you dumb idiot. 284 00:11:04,399 --> 00:11:06,068 Giuseppe keeps it in the back for me. 285 00:11:06,101 --> 00:11:08,170 Well, then you're a mean drunk on blue Curaçao. 286 00:11:08,203 --> 00:11:11,234 I know. I'm actually banned for life from Willemstad. 287 00:11:11,244 --> 00:11:14,244 Well, their loss. Now, come on. Put your money where your fat blue mouth is. 288 00:11:14,276 --> 00:11:16,245 No, we're not doubling the bet. 289 00:11:16,279 --> 00:11:18,047 Come on. Don't you have faith in your man? 290 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,349 Shoo, shoo! 291 00:11:19,381 --> 00:11:21,638 - Shoo, shoo, shoo! Shoo! - Krieger! 292 00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:24,228 (slow motion) Shoo. Sh... 293 00:11:24,238 --> 00:11:25,355 I do not, no. 294 00:11:25,388 --> 00:11:27,429 - Well, I've got faith in mine. - (continuing) 295 00:11:27,439 --> 00:11:29,643 Cause he is lookin' muy Rico Suave. 296 00:11:29,653 --> 00:11:32,427 Oh, well, gracias, amigo. 297 00:11:32,461 --> 00:11:36,032 Pff. More like Rico... not Suave. 298 00:11:36,064 --> 00:11:37,866 He said like a drunk jealous bitch. 299 00:11:37,899 --> 00:11:40,269 I'm not drunk! Wait, I am drunk. 300 00:11:40,303 --> 00:11:42,404 Cyril, you need any last-minute pointers? 301 00:11:42,438 --> 00:11:44,640 Ha! From you? 302 00:11:44,673 --> 00:11:46,542 The quarry may change but never the hunt! 303 00:11:46,574 --> 00:11:47,943 Hm, let's see. 304 00:11:47,976 --> 00:11:50,480 Oh, here's one. When do I start negging her? 305 00:11:50,513 --> 00:11:54,584 "Negging"? Jesus Christ, what grade are you in? 306 00:11:54,616 --> 00:11:58,654 Why don't you try putting some Spanish Fly in her Brass Monkey? 307 00:11:58,688 --> 00:12:01,223 (chuckles) I think you mix it with mole's blood. 308 00:12:01,256 --> 00:12:04,032 What're you... Where the hell would you get mole's blood? 309 00:12:04,042 --> 00:12:05,434 Why, you need some? 310 00:12:05,444 --> 00:12:08,664 I need you to get your big, bushy Bob Ross-ian head 311 00:12:08,697 --> 00:12:11,233 out of your ass, because we've got a bet to win! 312 00:12:11,266 --> 00:12:15,438 And also, Giuseppe, I'm pretty sure this is actually germicide, so... 313 00:12:15,471 --> 00:12:16,505 - What? - Damn it, Archer. 314 00:12:16,539 --> 00:12:18,282 Yeah, that's... not great. 315 00:12:18,292 --> 00:12:21,678 Although, silver lining... bet I could eat a whole big bowl of germs right now. 316 00:12:21,711 --> 00:12:23,145 (belches) 317 00:12:23,178 --> 00:12:25,581 Okay, let's go seduce this broad. 318 00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:28,618 Okay, let's go put some stank on it. 319 00:12:28,650 --> 00:12:31,620 Yes, I suppose this is as attractive 320 00:12:31,654 --> 00:12:33,255 as these two are ever going to be. 321 00:12:33,289 --> 00:12:35,936 - Unless we can find some mole's blood. - No. 322 00:12:35,946 --> 00:12:37,327 - I have some. - No! 323 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,861 Oh, wait. This is vole's blood. 324 00:12:39,894 --> 00:12:42,636 I swear to God, you people. 325 00:12:42,646 --> 00:12:44,048 Taxi! 326 00:12:45,835 --> 00:12:49,105 (Archer groaning) Man, I don't feel so great. 327 00:12:49,138 --> 00:12:51,507 - (belches) - Wonder if that's got anything to do 328 00:12:51,539 --> 00:12:53,416 with all that germicide you drank. 329 00:12:53,426 --> 00:12:55,944 Honestly, even if it had been Curaçao, 330 00:12:55,977 --> 00:12:57,979 I bet I'd still be a little oogy. 331 00:12:58,013 --> 00:12:59,949 No shit, you killed all your good flora. 332 00:12:59,981 --> 00:13:01,855 Hey, Spirou, where's the main bar? 333 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:05,302 - Through the lobby to the left, sir. - Thanks. Cyril, tip the young man. 334 00:13:05,312 --> 00:13:06,889 Oh, uh... 335 00:13:07,312 --> 00:13:10,360 Darn. (chuckles) I must've left my wallet in my other clothes. 336 00:13:10,393 --> 00:13:12,128 - Uh... - Typical. 337 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:13,662 Here you go. 338 00:13:13,968 --> 00:13:16,899 Here you go, ladies. Hotel Swindon. 339 00:13:16,932 --> 00:13:19,369 Well, it's about time. Pay the man, Lana. 340 00:13:19,401 --> 00:13:22,871 Uh, I don't... uh, Pam? I'll get the next one. 341 00:13:22,904 --> 00:13:25,207 Yeah, me too. Pony up, neckbone. 342 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:28,559 Yoo-hoo, bellboy, which way is the Sunset Lounge? 343 00:13:28,569 --> 00:13:30,107 Fair's 18.50, Miss. 344 00:13:30,117 --> 00:13:34,844 Okay, so, do you have change for 10... let me finish... drams of vole's blood? 345 00:13:43,274 --> 00:13:45,317 Did he say to the right or to the left? 346 00:13:45,327 --> 00:13:46,627 - I thought he said right. - He said to the left. 347 00:13:46,637 --> 00:13:50,033 - Thanks, Lois and Clark. - It's Lewis and... oh. 348 00:13:50,043 --> 00:13:52,852 - See what I did there? - What are you doing here? 349 00:13:52,862 --> 00:13:54,344 (overlapping exclamations) 350 00:13:54,354 --> 00:13:57,624 I'm gonna assume it's some sort of costume birthday party? 351 00:13:57,634 --> 00:13:58,945 It's not my birthday! 352 00:13:58,955 --> 00:14:02,095 Then why's Krieger dressed up like Evil Nazi Bob Ross Knievel? 353 00:14:02,128 --> 00:14:03,964 Why are you dressed like a prostitute? 354 00:14:03,996 --> 00:14:07,120 - It's for work! - Wait, what are you all doing here? 355 00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:09,099 - Lunch? - It's 5:30. 356 00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:11,748 - Dunch? - Mother, what the hell is going on? 357 00:14:11,758 --> 00:14:13,359 I could ask you the same thing. 358 00:14:13,392 --> 00:14:14,860 - Oh, my God. - What's he doing here? 359 00:14:14,893 --> 00:14:16,707 - Mr. Zissner? - What's the deal here, Figgis? 360 00:14:16,717 --> 00:14:18,564 Wait, you two know each other? 361 00:14:18,574 --> 00:14:20,366 Uh, well, um... 362 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:21,802 - Donny? - Babe. 363 00:14:21,835 --> 00:14:23,086 - Wait. - Uh, what? - What the... 364 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,342 Why aren't you in the bar? 365 00:14:24,352 --> 00:14:26,682 I heard all this commotion out here. 366 00:14:26,692 --> 00:14:28,666 Why aren't you in the Sunset Lounge? 367 00:14:28,676 --> 00:14:32,747 Okay, obviously there's been some sort of misunderstanding here, so... 368 00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:34,983 - Wait a minute. - I think the best thing at this point 369 00:14:35,016 --> 00:14:37,051 is for everybody to... 370 00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:40,021 - un-clump. - Did he hire you to bang her? 371 00:14:40,054 --> 00:14:41,423 - Uh... - Hey, no! 372 00:14:41,455 --> 00:14:43,490 Before you answer that, remember you signed 373 00:14:43,523 --> 00:14:46,664 an extremely punitive non-disclosure agreement. 374 00:14:46,674 --> 00:14:49,404 (belches, laughs) Yes. And also tape it. 375 00:14:49,414 --> 00:14:51,599 - Goddamn it! - Shut up. 376 00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:53,200 And you were just going to do it? 377 00:14:53,234 --> 00:14:55,103 Not me. Cyril or Krieger. 378 00:14:55,136 --> 00:14:56,937 Ah! As if. 379 00:14:56,947 --> 00:14:59,817 - I mean, maybe blondie here. - As if. 380 00:14:59,827 --> 00:15:02,167 Wait, but she hired us to seduce him. 381 00:15:02,177 --> 00:15:04,397 - And tape it. - Shut up! 382 00:15:04,407 --> 00:15:06,417 Why would anyone do such a thing? 383 00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,717 (sighs) It's your basic cuckold fetish porn. 384 00:15:08,749 --> 00:15:10,402 How is that basic? 385 00:15:10,412 --> 00:15:12,687 In fact, I bet they do these hookups in the same hotel 386 00:15:12,719 --> 00:15:14,589 at the same time so they know the other one's doing it. 387 00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,024 Stop talking! 388 00:15:16,056 --> 00:15:17,758 And they each go upstairs with whoever, 389 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,360 make a tape, and then go home 390 00:15:19,393 --> 00:15:21,087 and watch them together. 391 00:15:21,097 --> 00:15:23,575 Goddamn, I wish I was married! 392 00:15:23,585 --> 00:15:26,401 (Zissner growls) You are all so frickin' sued! 393 00:15:26,434 --> 00:15:28,870 Shut up. And you were just gonna do it? 394 00:15:28,902 --> 00:15:31,060 - Not me! - Wha... Mother? 395 00:15:31,070 --> 00:15:33,775 No, you idiot! One of those two. 396 00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:35,042 (laughs) Who? 397 00:15:35,075 --> 00:15:36,710 Scarrah Fawcett and Baby Huey? 398 00:15:36,743 --> 00:15:38,245 Hey! Whoa-whoa-whoa... 399 00:15:38,278 --> 00:15:39,580 - (sobbing) - Uh-uh. 400 00:15:39,613 --> 00:15:41,248 Bitch, you better 'pologize! 401 00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:43,652 - (Pam bawling) - Or what? 402 00:15:43,685 --> 00:15:44,953 Or this! 403 00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:47,921 (all yelling) 404 00:15:47,955 --> 00:15:48,956 (roars) 405 00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,791 - (men grunting) - (Pam yells) 406 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,259 (grunting) 407 00:15:52,292 --> 00:15:53,327 Aah! 408 00:15:54,695 --> 00:15:56,598 Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Sha! Sha! 409 00:15:56,631 --> 00:15:58,700 (Pam screams) 410 00:16:01,201 --> 00:16:03,137 Szhee! 411 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:05,105 Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! 412 00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:06,573 (screams) 413 00:16:06,607 --> 00:16:08,377 (giggling) 414 00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,080 - (crunches) - (screams) 415 00:16:12,113 --> 00:16:13,315 (growls) 416 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:16,685 Come on, Lurch. Let's see what's in that belly of yours! 417 00:16:16,718 --> 00:16:18,953 Shoo! Shoo! Sha! Sha! 418 00:16:18,985 --> 00:16:20,812 (woman screams) 419 00:16:21,055 --> 00:16:22,959 Enter Sandman. 420 00:16:22,969 --> 00:16:24,325 My eyes! 421 00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:25,960 Ow! 422 00:16:25,993 --> 00:16:27,695 Ow... 423 00:16:27,729 --> 00:16:30,331 Damn it. What is this, a chair factory? 424 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,866 - Get everybody down here! - (people groaning and grunting) 425 00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:35,516 Baby! Baby, come on. We gotta get out of here. 426 00:16:35,526 --> 00:16:37,711 - Okay, honey. - Paparazzi. Paparazzi! 427 00:16:37,721 --> 00:16:40,175 - Aah! Damn! - Shoo! Shoo! Sha! Sha! 428 00:16:43,798 --> 00:16:46,009 - (thuds) - (groans) 429 00:16:46,019 --> 00:16:48,487 - (all groaning) - I gotta say, 430 00:16:48,497 --> 00:16:50,904 I think that went about as well as it could have. 431 00:16:50,914 --> 00:16:52,053 Tell that to Carol! 432 00:16:52,085 --> 00:16:53,808 - Whoa, gross. - Oh, God. 433 00:16:53,818 --> 00:16:55,623 Oh, this is vole's blood. 434 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,693 - I hope. - That's disgusting. 435 00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:01,162 Well, whom or whatever's blood it is, 436 00:17:01,172 --> 00:17:03,333 I vote we go rinse it off with a mojito. 437 00:17:03,343 --> 00:17:05,366 - Come on, we can still catch... - (guns cocking) 438 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:09,903 - (police radio chattering) - Uh... happy hour. 439 00:17:09,937 --> 00:17:11,299 (radio chatter continues) 440 00:17:20,142 --> 00:17:24,032 Seriously, worst happy hour ever. And I hate to do it, 441 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:27,502 but I have to trash you guys in my online review. 442 00:17:27,593 --> 00:17:31,087 Thanks. And also sorry, but I don't feel like you've earned a tip, so... 443 00:17:31,121 --> 00:17:33,002 Will you shut up and come on! 444 00:17:33,012 --> 00:17:35,781 Wasn't six hours in this hell hole enough? 445 00:17:35,815 --> 00:17:39,052 That bail is paid, and now I would like to go home, please! 446 00:17:39,085 --> 00:17:42,370 Okay! I'm not the one taking all night to give me back my stuff! 447 00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:43,744 No, you're just the one 448 00:17:43,754 --> 00:17:45,826 who started the brawl that got us all arrested. 449 00:17:45,858 --> 00:17:47,747 First of all, that brawl started 450 00:17:47,757 --> 00:17:49,403 when Carol messed up the messages. 451 00:17:49,413 --> 00:17:50,911 No, I did not. 452 00:17:50,921 --> 00:17:52,899 Zissner, meeting, office, 10:00? 453 00:17:52,933 --> 00:17:55,184 What, were you being intentionally vague? 454 00:17:55,194 --> 00:17:57,303 - Eh, duh. - What? 455 00:17:57,337 --> 00:17:58,906 I wanted to see what would happen. 456 00:17:58,938 --> 00:18:00,806 - Oh, goddamn. - Really? 457 00:18:00,839 --> 00:18:02,675 Well, excellent work. 458 00:18:02,709 --> 00:18:04,745 You just ruined our entrée 459 00:18:04,778 --> 00:18:07,548 into the world of high-priced Hollywood divorces! 460 00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:09,982 Which, come on, we're better than that. 461 00:18:10,015 --> 00:18:13,686 Shooooo, wahhhhh... 462 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,989 - Are we? - I am. 463 00:18:16,021 --> 00:18:18,712 I drank a whole big thing of germicide. 464 00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:20,199 - Shooo... - What? 465 00:18:20,209 --> 00:18:22,020 That would've killed a normal man. 466 00:18:22,030 --> 00:18:25,731 Shooo, whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo... 467 00:18:25,764 --> 00:18:27,568 ♪♪ 468 00:18:27,895 --> 00:18:32,202 Synced and corrected by johnyd13 ~ www.addic7ed.com ~ 468 00:18:33,305 --> 00:18:39,940 -= www.OpenSubtitles.org =-