1 00:00:00,485 --> 00:00:02,976 [Archer yawns, groans] 2 00:00:03,009 --> 00:00:04,911 [Cyril] Archer, hey, I'm glad you're here. 3 00:00:04,944 --> 00:00:07,447 - I'm sure you are. - Because I could kind of use your help. 4 00:00:07,479 --> 00:00:10,249 I'm sure you could. But unless it's helping you leave me alone 5 00:00:10,282 --> 00:00:12,252 until I finish my breakfast burrito, I... 6 00:00:12,285 --> 00:00:15,488 - It's actually about your mother. - Oh. Is she in this burrito? 7 00:00:15,521 --> 00:00:17,757 - No, but... - Then sorry. My hands are tied. 8 00:00:17,790 --> 00:00:19,525 I wouldn't go in there if I were you. 9 00:00:19,558 --> 00:00:21,994 Cyril, if you were me, I'd drink a bunch of antifreeze 10 00:00:22,028 --> 00:00:24,363 and then jump off a bridge, holding a giant toaster. 11 00:00:24,396 --> 00:00:27,199 [whirring, beeping] 12 00:00:27,232 --> 00:00:29,635 Oh, not you, buddy. Not... 13 00:00:29,668 --> 00:00:31,104 you! 14 00:00:31,137 --> 00:00:32,939 In the well-toned flesh. 15 00:00:32,972 --> 00:00:35,609 Aaahh! [grunts] 16 00:00:35,641 --> 00:00:38,345 On second thought, I will have a glass of that. 17 00:00:38,378 --> 00:00:41,148 Oh, good. I do hate to drink alone. 18 00:00:41,180 --> 00:00:44,150 [clears throat] I'm here. 19 00:00:44,183 --> 00:00:47,620 Well, but this is a Grande Cuvée, so... [chuckles] 20 00:00:47,653 --> 00:00:48,954 Cheers! 21 00:00:48,988 --> 00:00:51,457 And here's to a lucrative reunion. 22 00:00:51,491 --> 00:00:53,192 [Archer] And here's to what the shit? 23 00:00:53,226 --> 00:00:56,396 Why is Slater here? Why are you drinking champagne with him? 24 00:00:56,429 --> 00:00:58,665 And may I please have some of said champagne? 25 00:00:58,697 --> 00:01:02,802 In reverse order, no, I was mildly thirsty, and he wants to hire us. 26 00:01:02,835 --> 00:01:04,570 To do what, kill another scientist? 27 00:01:04,604 --> 00:01:06,006 And whose fault was that? 28 00:01:06,039 --> 00:01:07,974 - I don't remember. - Well... 29 00:01:08,007 --> 00:01:09,727 But whatever CIA bullshit you want 30 00:01:09,752 --> 00:01:11,545 us to do, Slater, the answer is no. 31 00:01:11,578 --> 00:01:13,714 - Well, let's at least hear him out. - [laughs] 32 00:01:13,747 --> 00:01:17,016 - Are you literally insane? - No, but I'll tell you what is, 33 00:01:17,049 --> 00:01:19,218 A.J.'s tuition for Country Day preschool. 34 00:01:19,251 --> 00:01:20,920 Wait. I thought she was banned from there. 35 00:01:20,953 --> 00:01:24,690 She was, until we made a sizable donation 36 00:01:24,724 --> 00:01:27,326 - to their endowment fund. - Wh... How sizable? 37 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,528 Uhh, we should probably hear him out. 38 00:01:29,561 --> 00:01:31,864 - Goddamn it. What? - Okay. 39 00:01:31,897 --> 00:01:34,101 I assume you're all familiar with The Manchurian Candidate? 40 00:01:34,134 --> 00:01:36,403 - The Frank Sinatra movie? - Oh, my God. 41 00:01:36,435 --> 00:01:38,026 How the hell does this have anything to 42 00:01:38,051 --> 00:01:39,538 do with a movie about three sailors, 43 00:01:39,572 --> 00:01:41,188 Gabey, Chip and Ozzie, who fall 44 00:01:41,213 --> 00:01:42,909 in love with three crazy gals, 45 00:01:42,941 --> 00:01:45,057 Ivy, Hildy and Claire, during a 46 00:01:45,082 --> 00:01:47,446 24-hour shore leave in New York? 47 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:49,182 Oh, and it's a musical? 48 00:01:49,215 --> 00:01:50,783 That's On the Town! 49 00:01:50,817 --> 00:01:54,054 And also Bea Benaderet's film debut. 50 00:01:54,086 --> 00:01:56,756 Jethro's mom? Uh, Tweety's Granny? 51 00:01:56,789 --> 00:01:58,557 - You done? - Yes. 52 00:01:58,591 --> 00:02:00,193 - Okay, so... - Kate Bradley? 53 00:02:00,226 --> 00:02:01,762 - [sighs] - Mrs. Barney Rubble? 54 00:02:01,794 --> 00:02:04,396 - Thanks for the champagne. - No, no, no! Wait, wait! 55 00:02:04,430 --> 00:02:06,399 He won't say another word. 56 00:02:06,431 --> 00:02:09,902 - Please, don't go. - [sighs] All right. 57 00:02:09,936 --> 00:02:13,105 But only because my other options are somehow even worse. 58 00:02:13,139 --> 00:02:15,108 So, what do you want us to do? 59 00:02:15,140 --> 00:02:17,276 Short answer, prevent World War III. 60 00:02:17,310 --> 00:02:19,746 And longer answer... Where's the, uh... 61 00:02:19,778 --> 00:02:21,313 Oh. Sorry. 62 00:02:21,347 --> 00:02:24,217 Help me prevent a former CIA agent, 63 00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:27,319 Ken Hinkins, who was brainwashed in the MK-ULTRA program, 64 00:02:27,353 --> 00:02:29,756 from assassinating a visiting Soviet dignitary, 65 00:02:29,788 --> 00:02:31,991 thus triggering a chain of geopolitical events 66 00:02:32,025 --> 00:02:34,060 that would lead to World War III. 67 00:02:34,092 --> 00:02:36,262 So, questions? Comments? 68 00:02:37,496 --> 00:02:40,133 That aren't about Bea Benaderet? 69 00:02:44,770 --> 00:02:46,774 ♪ ♪ 70 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:54,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 71 00:03:15,294 --> 00:03:19,027 Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com - 72 00:03:23,543 --> 00:03:26,545 [Archer] So, listen, I know the CIA sucks at everything, 73 00:03:26,579 --> 00:03:29,683 but can they really not find this Hinkins guy? 74 00:03:29,716 --> 00:03:32,853 - Why'd you come to us? - Well, for one thing, I saw this. 75 00:03:32,885 --> 00:03:34,854 - Goddamn it! Give me that! - And obviously, 76 00:03:34,888 --> 00:03:38,224 the agency could find him, ass, but this is off the books. 77 00:03:38,258 --> 00:03:40,326 Wait. As in illegal, or... 78 00:03:40,359 --> 00:03:42,661 [chuckles] Lana, everything the CIA does 79 00:03:42,694 --> 00:03:44,830 within the borders of the United States is illegal. 80 00:03:44,864 --> 00:03:47,533 Especially Project MK-ULTRA! 81 00:03:47,567 --> 00:03:49,169 Wait. MK-ULTRA... 82 00:03:49,201 --> 00:03:52,038 That was the CIA's mind-control program, right? 83 00:03:52,070 --> 00:03:54,198 Yeah, it's since been, uh, discredited, but... 84 00:03:54,223 --> 00:03:54,907 [laughs] 85 00:03:54,941 --> 00:03:58,043 - Discredited for being batshit-crazy! - It wasn't... 86 00:03:58,076 --> 00:04:01,081 And for being in direct violation of the Nuremberg Code, 87 00:04:01,113 --> 00:04:02,821 which was written because of medical 88 00:04:02,846 --> 00:04:04,483 experiments by Nazi war criminals, 89 00:04:04,516 --> 00:04:06,485 many of whom, after World War II... 90 00:04:06,519 --> 00:04:09,923 spoiler alert... came to work for the C-I-goddamn-A! 91 00:04:09,956 --> 00:04:10,757 Wait, what? 92 00:04:10,782 --> 00:04:13,159 Look, the Soviets were kicking our ass in the Cold War. 93 00:04:13,192 --> 00:04:15,161 Our scientists had to think outside the box. 94 00:04:15,194 --> 00:04:18,164 Oh, is that the box where they kept informed consent? 95 00:04:18,197 --> 00:04:20,399 Because I'm pretty sure that all those mental patients 96 00:04:20,432 --> 00:04:23,168 the CIA force-fed LSD didn't give it! 97 00:04:23,201 --> 00:04:25,538 - Wait, what? - Mental patients, Lana. 98 00:04:25,571 --> 00:04:29,042 They gave them LSD every day for six months. 99 00:04:29,074 --> 00:04:31,343 Not six months. The longest one was only 100 00:04:31,377 --> 00:04:33,780 - a hundred and seventy-four days. - That is six months. 101 00:04:33,812 --> 00:04:36,682 Oh, and what about Project Artichoke, before Ultra, 102 00:04:36,716 --> 00:04:39,886 where you dick-bags got innocent people addicted to morphine? 103 00:04:39,918 --> 00:04:41,659 Look, all that crazy drug stuff was 104 00:04:41,684 --> 00:04:43,255 intentionally "secretly" leaked 105 00:04:43,288 --> 00:04:44,667 to divert attention from the 106 00:04:44,692 --> 00:04:46,293 real goal of Project MK-ULTRA, 107 00:04:46,326 --> 00:04:48,561 which was mind control through hypnosis and torture. 108 00:04:48,593 --> 00:04:50,230 Is that supposed to make it better? 109 00:04:50,262 --> 00:04:51,864 It's not supposed to make it anything! 110 00:04:51,898 --> 00:04:53,733 Take a right on Sunset. 111 00:04:53,766 --> 00:04:56,236 [tires screeching] 112 00:04:56,269 --> 00:04:57,916 No, but for real, though, the CIA 113 00:04:57,941 --> 00:04:59,805 really drugged and hypnotized people? 114 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:02,124 Oh, please! That's merely the tip 115 00:05:02,149 --> 00:05:04,610 of a very dark and twisted iceberg. 116 00:05:04,644 --> 00:05:06,696 Trust me, if there's a hell, those 117 00:05:06,721 --> 00:05:08,748 creepy Dulles brothers are in it. 118 00:05:08,781 --> 00:05:11,651 - Doing unspeakable things with bananas. - [sighs] 119 00:05:11,684 --> 00:05:13,286 Then why would you decide... 120 00:05:13,319 --> 00:05:16,923 without even consulting me, the owner of the agency... 121 00:05:16,956 --> 00:05:18,792 to work for the CIA again? 122 00:05:18,824 --> 00:05:21,293 Because my pool needs to be retiled. 123 00:05:21,326 --> 00:05:23,663 And all new coping, whatever that is. 124 00:05:23,696 --> 00:05:25,465 I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying 125 00:05:25,497 --> 00:05:27,399 you can't zap somebody's brain with LSD... 126 00:05:27,432 --> 00:05:29,635 Oh, my God, even a baby knows that. 127 00:05:29,668 --> 00:05:31,837 But nobody can hypnotize me if I didn't wanna be. 128 00:05:31,870 --> 00:05:33,404 [scoffs] Are you kidding? I could 129 00:05:33,429 --> 00:05:35,074 hypnotize everybody in this office. 130 00:05:35,108 --> 00:05:36,675 - No, you couldn't! - Oh, you can't! 131 00:05:36,709 --> 00:05:39,012 No, but without psychotropic drugs. 132 00:05:39,045 --> 00:05:40,724 Or your goddamn brain chips, like you 133 00:05:40,749 --> 00:05:42,314 made that rabbit a vegetable with. 134 00:05:42,348 --> 00:05:44,250 Well, and also a human being. 135 00:05:44,283 --> 00:05:48,088 - No, none of that. Just pure hypnosis. - [overlapping responses] 136 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:49,896 But if I can hypnotize you, you all 137 00:05:49,921 --> 00:05:51,623 have to come see my one-man show, 138 00:05:51,656 --> 00:05:54,360 Jo Jo Dancer, Ihr Leben Ruft! 139 00:05:54,394 --> 00:05:56,963 - Oh... [muttering] - Dude, is that blackface? 140 00:05:56,995 --> 00:05:59,466 - Yep! - Whoa! - What the shit, man? 141 00:05:59,499 --> 00:06:01,835 But you have to hypnotize each of us, 142 00:06:01,867 --> 00:06:04,036 - everybody here in the office? - Yep, yep, yep! 143 00:06:04,069 --> 00:06:06,139 - Okay. Then you're on. - Sweet! 144 00:06:06,172 --> 00:06:08,508 - Wait, what? - Yes! He said everybody. 145 00:06:08,540 --> 00:06:10,810 [Malory] Who do I have to murder around here 146 00:06:10,843 --> 00:06:13,379 to get this damn thing to make ice? 147 00:06:13,413 --> 00:06:15,448 - [exclaims in German] - [cackling] 148 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:16,783 - [droning] - Whoa! 149 00:06:16,815 --> 00:06:18,217 - [gasps] - What is happening? 150 00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:19,985 - God! - Oh, I gotta go! 151 00:06:20,019 --> 00:06:22,355 - [screams] - [droning continues] 152 00:06:22,387 --> 00:06:24,356 - They gone? - Yep. 153 00:06:24,389 --> 00:06:26,860 [exhales] So, then, to repeat, 154 00:06:26,892 --> 00:06:30,996 I demand immunity from this idiotic Jo Jo Dancer bullshit. 155 00:06:31,029 --> 00:06:33,332 Dang! You don't have to be hurtful. 156 00:06:33,365 --> 00:06:36,468 I feel like I do. And how do you think you're gonna pull this off? 157 00:06:36,502 --> 00:06:38,872 Scopolamine, the zombie drug. 158 00:06:38,904 --> 00:06:41,306 What? Are you kidding me? 159 00:06:41,339 --> 00:06:42,709 Ugh! Are you? 160 00:06:42,742 --> 00:06:44,377 [Slater] Man, Veronica Deane. 161 00:06:44,410 --> 00:06:46,579 - Remember her in Shanghai Moon? - Oh, my God. 162 00:06:46,612 --> 00:06:47,881 - That dress? - Right? 163 00:06:47,913 --> 00:06:49,481 Yeah. Tell him how you kissed her. 164 00:06:49,514 --> 00:06:51,584 - What? - First of all, she kissed me. 165 00:06:51,617 --> 00:06:54,153 - My ass! - My mouth. Wait. 166 00:06:54,187 --> 00:06:56,423 I mean... And I thought we were over that. 167 00:06:56,456 --> 00:06:58,223 Well, apparently you're not. 168 00:06:58,257 --> 00:07:00,427 I didn't cast her in Deadly Velvet. 169 00:07:00,459 --> 00:07:02,129 Which, do you think they're currently 170 00:07:02,154 --> 00:07:03,930 in principal photography on that, or... 171 00:07:03,963 --> 00:07:06,043 I think it's neither the time nor the 172 00:07:06,068 --> 00:07:08,068 place nor the Slater to discuss it! 173 00:07:08,101 --> 00:07:09,668 I'm not the one who brought it up! 174 00:07:09,701 --> 00:07:11,504 - You are exactly the one! - First of all... 175 00:07:11,536 --> 00:07:15,340 Could you both please shut up and do what I hired you to do? 176 00:07:15,374 --> 00:07:17,444 Which, if you already knew Hinkins was here... 177 00:07:17,476 --> 00:07:18,902 He's not. But there's somebody up 178 00:07:18,927 --> 00:07:20,412 there who should know where he is. 179 00:07:20,446 --> 00:07:22,615 - Yeah, Lana. Ow! - [sighs] 180 00:07:22,648 --> 00:07:26,019 Archer, your professionalism never ceases to amaze me. 181 00:07:26,052 --> 00:07:28,021 [gasps] You know what's amazing? 182 00:07:28,053 --> 00:07:32,158 Magnets! Especially for dumb idiots like you. 183 00:07:39,008 --> 00:07:40,142 [Archer] Okay, what's this guy's name? 184 00:07:40,176 --> 00:07:42,111 Eckerd. But follow my lead in there. 185 00:07:42,145 --> 00:07:44,647 We gotta take it real easy. These ex-ULTRA guys are really jumpy, so... 186 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,784 Hey, Eckerd, come move your goddamn car outta my spot, 187 00:07:47,817 --> 00:07:49,319 - you bug-eyed son of a... - [rifle fires] 188 00:07:49,351 --> 00:07:51,421 - Hey! - Now who's the idiot? 189 00:07:51,454 --> 00:07:52,822 - [rifle fires] - Whoo! 190 00:07:52,854 --> 00:07:54,423 He asked, idiotly. 191 00:07:54,457 --> 00:07:55,992 Wait, wait, wait! 192 00:07:56,024 --> 00:07:57,594 - [thudding, glass shatters] - Damn it! 193 00:07:57,626 --> 00:08:00,129 Holy shit! 194 00:08:00,162 --> 00:08:01,964 - [grunting] - Stop it! 195 00:08:01,998 --> 00:08:03,399 - [Slater] Eckerd! - [gasps] Slater! 196 00:08:03,431 --> 00:08:05,134 It's okay. We just wanna talk. 197 00:08:05,168 --> 00:08:07,504 Yeah, the gun's just a conversation piece. 198 00:08:07,536 --> 00:08:10,339 [Pam] What? Bluntz & Blintzen? 199 00:08:10,373 --> 00:08:13,076 Nice try, Krieger. Who am I, the Road Runner? 200 00:08:13,108 --> 00:08:16,311 Although if this is for real, I'll never forgive myself. 201 00:08:16,345 --> 00:08:19,115 Goddamn it, this better not be a ruse! 202 00:08:19,148 --> 00:08:21,851 All right. There better be some damn... 203 00:08:21,884 --> 00:08:23,753 [sputters, spits] What the... 204 00:08:23,785 --> 00:08:26,655 [heart beating] 205 00:08:26,688 --> 00:08:27,856 Huh. 206 00:08:27,890 --> 00:08:30,025 - Pamela. - Yes, Doctor. 207 00:08:30,058 --> 00:08:32,428 You are under my complete control. 208 00:08:32,461 --> 00:08:35,532 - Yes, Doctor. - Tell Cheryl to come in here. 209 00:08:35,564 --> 00:08:37,599 Hey, neck-bird, come here a second! 210 00:08:37,632 --> 00:08:40,636 Ugh! Why? Shut up! Why? 211 00:08:40,669 --> 00:08:42,398 Uh, there's a mouse caught in 212 00:08:42,423 --> 00:08:44,306 a trap, and he's still alive, 213 00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:46,176 but his tiny little back's broken! 214 00:08:46,208 --> 00:08:48,178 Where? Show me. I wanna see it. Where? 215 00:08:48,211 --> 00:08:49,178 Eww! 216 00:08:49,212 --> 00:08:51,514 [heart beating] 217 00:08:51,547 --> 00:08:53,349 Huh. 218 00:08:53,381 --> 00:08:56,051 - Cheryl. - Yes, Doctor. 219 00:08:56,085 --> 00:08:58,021 Boolean search, hypnosis, 220 00:08:58,053 --> 00:09:00,890 and how to defend against, yes? 221 00:09:00,923 --> 00:09:02,792 [Pam, Cheryl] Hey, Cyril, come here! 222 00:09:02,824 --> 00:09:04,059 Why? Shut up! Why? 223 00:09:04,092 --> 00:09:06,361 [Pam] Uh, we found Lana's diary! 224 00:09:06,395 --> 00:09:08,430 [Cheryl] And it's all about your dong! 225 00:09:09,832 --> 00:09:11,366 [together] Yes, Doctor. 226 00:09:11,399 --> 00:09:13,702 See? Easy peasy zombie squeezy. 227 00:09:13,736 --> 00:09:15,506 You still gotta get Ms. Archer, and 228 00:09:15,531 --> 00:09:17,472 she's not a candy-ass like these ones. 229 00:09:17,505 --> 00:09:19,143 She's 80 pounds. This stuff 230 00:09:19,168 --> 00:09:20,842 could paralyze a gorilla. 231 00:09:20,875 --> 00:09:22,812 - [whispers] On angel dust. - [Malory] Wha... 232 00:09:22,845 --> 00:09:24,880 I better not smell marijuana! 233 00:09:24,914 --> 00:09:26,515 Here we go, here we go, here we go! 234 00:09:26,548 --> 00:09:31,020 I swear to God, you people, the... 235 00:09:31,053 --> 00:09:32,020 Huh. 236 00:09:32,053 --> 00:09:34,323 - Malory. - Yes, Doctor. 237 00:09:34,356 --> 00:09:37,159 - You are under my... Ow! - You son of a... 238 00:09:37,193 --> 00:09:39,996 - [grunting] - Are you out of your mind? 239 00:09:40,029 --> 00:09:42,030 - What is wrong with you? - Oh-ho-ho! 240 00:09:42,063 --> 00:09:44,099 Walk in here with you idiots smoking reefers 241 00:09:44,132 --> 00:09:46,602 like a bunch of yardbirds, and you spritz me? 242 00:09:46,635 --> 00:09:48,704 - You spritz me? - [grunting continues] 243 00:09:48,737 --> 00:09:51,907 - Well, let me tell you something, Herr Doktor! - Oh! 244 00:09:51,941 --> 00:09:54,210 I killed seven Krauts with a shovel, 245 00:09:54,242 --> 00:09:57,012 so one more beardy son of a bitch like you 246 00:09:57,045 --> 00:10:00,882 - won't make a damn bit of difference! - [screams] 247 00:10:00,915 --> 00:10:02,284 - [clears throat] - [whimpering] 248 00:10:02,318 --> 00:10:03,620 And you! 249 00:10:03,653 --> 00:10:06,222 Any questions, little Miss Blintzen? 250 00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:07,756 - [rattling] - [squeaky] Mm-mm. 251 00:10:07,789 --> 00:10:09,759 And when I get back from lunch, 252 00:10:09,792 --> 00:10:12,462 you people had better be hard at work! 253 00:10:14,929 --> 00:10:17,599 [coughing] 254 00:10:17,632 --> 00:10:19,234 I told your dumb ass... 255 00:10:19,268 --> 00:10:21,104 [inhales sharply] Yep. 256 00:10:21,136 --> 00:10:23,472 Back in ten minutes. Be ready. 257 00:10:23,505 --> 00:10:26,275 Ow, ow, ow, ow. [grunts] 258 00:10:26,308 --> 00:10:29,077 Ow, ow, ow, ow. [grunts] 259 00:10:29,111 --> 00:10:31,114 Eckerd, I'm not gonna ask you again. 260 00:10:31,146 --> 00:10:34,082 - Good, because I'm not gonna tell you. - Yes, you are. 261 00:10:34,116 --> 00:10:36,552 So, how'd you know this wasn't a combat shotgun, 262 00:10:36,585 --> 00:10:38,321 with, say, five rounds in the tube? 263 00:10:38,353 --> 00:10:41,056 - How would I know that? - So you just barged in? 264 00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:42,703 What am I gonna do, Lana, stand out 265 00:10:42,728 --> 00:10:44,226 in the hall the rest of my life? 266 00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:45,428 - [Slater] One. - [gun cocks] 267 00:10:45,461 --> 00:10:47,630 - I... - Two. Eckerd, I'm serious. 268 00:10:47,663 --> 00:10:49,966 - It's got real bullets and everything. - I... 269 00:10:49,999 --> 00:10:52,068 I don't care. I won't tell you. 270 00:10:52,101 --> 00:10:54,003 Slater, is that really necessary? 271 00:10:54,035 --> 00:10:55,275 Actually, no. Could you grab me 272 00:10:55,286 --> 00:10:56,606 a pitcher of water and a towel? 273 00:10:56,639 --> 00:10:58,608 Wait! No, no! No! No! 274 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,276 No, no, no! Stop, stop, stop! Okay, okay, okay. 275 00:11:01,309 --> 00:11:03,445 Please. I'll tell you where he is. 276 00:11:03,478 --> 00:11:04,946 - Wait, what? - I'm waiting. 277 00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:06,849 He didn't even pour any water on you. 278 00:11:06,881 --> 00:11:09,017 Yeah, and he's not going to. 279 00:11:09,050 --> 00:11:11,050 Hinkins is at the Tuntford Arms, 280 00:11:11,075 --> 00:11:13,488 room 302, under the name "Swenders." 281 00:11:13,521 --> 00:11:15,590 - Okay, we can be there... - Wait a minute. 282 00:11:15,624 --> 00:11:17,505 You give up your buddy just because some 283 00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:19,295 dickhead threatens to waterboard you? 284 00:11:19,327 --> 00:11:21,997 - Yes! - Are you... How bad could it be? 285 00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:24,000 - What? Are you kidding? - Archer, it's... 286 00:11:24,033 --> 00:11:25,435 - Wait. You wait. - What? 287 00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:27,703 How have you never been waterboarded? 288 00:11:27,736 --> 00:11:29,005 - Why would I? - What? 289 00:11:29,038 --> 00:11:30,773 Gee, I don't know. Training? 290 00:11:30,805 --> 00:11:32,107 - [chuckles] What? - Oh, my... 291 00:11:32,140 --> 00:11:33,709 Archer, we all had to... 292 00:11:33,742 --> 00:11:36,878 - Where were you on waterboarding day? - Uh... 293 00:11:36,912 --> 00:11:39,982 No, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait! 294 00:11:40,015 --> 00:11:42,184 I think I'm supposed to be somewhere. 295 00:11:42,217 --> 00:11:44,755 But I also think I want the lavender 296 00:11:44,780 --> 00:11:47,155 instead of the sandalwood. Right? 297 00:11:47,188 --> 00:11:48,890 - Oh, who remembers? - I do. 298 00:11:48,923 --> 00:11:50,992 I remember exactly where I was, Archer. 299 00:11:51,025 --> 00:11:52,266 I was strapped to a board and so 300 00:11:52,291 --> 00:11:53,662 convinced I was actually drowning 301 00:11:53,696 --> 00:11:55,064 that I shit my sweatpants. 302 00:11:55,097 --> 00:11:57,332 - Wait. Not... - Yes! Literally! 303 00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:59,968 - Well, that sounds terrible. - It is terrible. 304 00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:01,973 I can't believe you weaseled out of it. 305 00:12:01,998 --> 00:12:03,205 That is so classic you! 306 00:12:03,239 --> 00:12:05,408 [chuckles] Yeah, right? Pretty great. 307 00:12:05,441 --> 00:12:07,343 So, should we go, or do you need to 308 00:12:07,368 --> 00:12:09,245 bungle the invasion of Cuba first? 309 00:12:09,278 --> 00:12:11,013 Mm, no. We've got a few minutes. 310 00:12:11,045 --> 00:12:13,415 - [cocks] - So get on the table, idiot. 311 00:12:13,448 --> 00:12:16,084 [chuckles] Exqueeze me? 312 00:12:16,117 --> 00:12:17,719 You heard him. 313 00:12:17,752 --> 00:12:19,254 No, but seriously, don't feel bad 314 00:12:19,288 --> 00:12:20,890 when I'm totally unfazed by this. 315 00:12:20,923 --> 00:12:22,524 Yeah, again, it's not gonna be 316 00:12:22,558 --> 00:12:24,927 like some homoerotic prep-school swirlie. 317 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,697 Yeah, they were kind of oddly sexual. 318 00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,699 Gonna just leave that there? Lana? 319 00:12:29,731 --> 00:12:31,166 With pleasure. 320 00:12:31,199 --> 00:12:33,568 Plus, I bet this only affects women. 321 00:12:33,601 --> 00:12:36,539 - Really? - Well, you know, people with vaginas. 322 00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:39,674 - Uh-huh. - However you choose to self-identify. 323 00:12:39,707 --> 00:12:42,077 [sighs] God, I'm going to enjoy this. 324 00:12:42,111 --> 00:12:45,114 [laughs] Well, I know you like putting stuff in guys' mouths. 325 00:12:45,146 --> 00:12:46,548 - You finished? - [laughs] 326 00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:48,885 I bet you ask guys that a lot. 327 00:12:48,918 --> 00:12:50,887 - [clears throat] - Aah! 328 00:12:50,919 --> 00:12:52,889 And then clear your throat! 329 00:12:52,922 --> 00:12:55,558 Okay. All right. I'm ready. Let's do this. 330 00:12:55,591 --> 00:12:57,868 And just to reiterate, waterboarding will 331 00:12:57,893 --> 00:12:59,928 not affect me in any way whatsoever. 332 00:12:59,962 --> 00:13:03,600 [clears throat] And, also, you have a vagina. 333 00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:13,535 [stammering] I didn't know it... it would be like that. 334 00:13:13,568 --> 00:13:16,738 I mean, you... you... you... you hear about it, 335 00:13:16,772 --> 00:13:19,208 and you hear people say it's bad, but you think, 336 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,010 "Oh, those people probably have vaginas." 337 00:13:22,043 --> 00:13:25,581 But I don't have a vagina! But as God is my witness, 338 00:13:25,614 --> 00:13:29,752 that was the worst thing I've ever experienced in my... 339 00:13:29,784 --> 00:13:32,087 Wait a minute! I've actually drowned before! 340 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,873 Literally drowned! I was actually 341 00:13:33,898 --> 00:13:35,523 clinically dead from drowning! 342 00:13:35,557 --> 00:13:36,868 Which, looking back, I'm kind 343 00:13:36,893 --> 00:13:38,360 of surprised I didn't remember 344 00:13:38,393 --> 00:13:41,797 when I was joking about everybody having vaginas, but... 345 00:13:41,830 --> 00:13:43,898 - Lana... - No-o-o-o! 346 00:13:43,932 --> 00:13:45,467 No, no, no, no, no. 347 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,870 Do not speak to me. You have said quite enough. 348 00:13:47,903 --> 00:13:50,572 Yeah, but I... Oh, come on, Lana. 349 00:13:50,605 --> 00:13:52,490 It is a proven fact that torture makes 350 00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:54,375 you say what your captors wanna hear. 351 00:13:54,408 --> 00:13:56,778 I don't think she wanted to hear about how you've been struggling 352 00:13:56,812 --> 00:13:58,098 with what you truly believe are 353 00:13:58,123 --> 00:13:59,715 genuine feelings for Veronica Deane. 354 00:13:59,748 --> 00:14:01,450 - I... - Speaking of vaginas... 355 00:14:01,482 --> 00:14:03,418 - Were we? - Ughhh! 356 00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:05,421 Oh, my God, I'm such a fatty. 357 00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:07,288 [Krieger] Ray! Ray, come in here! 358 00:14:07,321 --> 00:14:08,724 Why? Shut up! Why? 359 00:14:08,756 --> 00:14:10,992 [Malory] Because he said so, you little snot! 360 00:14:11,025 --> 00:14:12,427 - [plate shatters] - Uh... 361 00:14:12,461 --> 00:14:14,730 - Coming! - [Krieger] And bring the others! 362 00:14:14,763 --> 00:14:16,966 - [imitating dogs] - Well, y'all heard the man. Come on! 363 00:14:16,999 --> 00:14:18,300 [together] Yes, Ray. 364 00:14:18,332 --> 00:14:19,934 [panting] Sorry. 365 00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:22,003 - I was putting away the blintzes. - I bet. 366 00:14:22,037 --> 00:14:24,440 - Silence, woman. - Yes, Doctor. 367 00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:26,407 How did you, um... 368 00:14:26,441 --> 00:14:28,476 Oh, uh, just gave her another spritz. 369 00:14:28,509 --> 00:14:30,111 - What the... - [imitating dogs] 370 00:14:30,144 --> 00:14:31,980 - Why are they crawling? - Oh, sorry. 371 00:14:32,014 --> 00:14:34,115 I turned them into little, wiggly pugs. 372 00:14:34,148 --> 00:14:36,317 It's okay. I was gonna do that, too. 373 00:14:36,350 --> 00:14:38,854 Hey, no! Save it for the camera. 374 00:14:38,887 --> 00:14:40,510 All righty, I guess let's get 'em 375 00:14:40,535 --> 00:14:42,324 stripped down to their unterpantzen. 376 00:14:42,356 --> 00:14:44,003 [Lana] As a matter of fact, why don't 377 00:14:44,028 --> 00:14:45,693 you just call her up and ask her out? 378 00:14:45,726 --> 00:14:46,494 Lana... 379 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,797 Take her to the Brown Derby for the early-bird special, 380 00:14:48,830 --> 00:14:50,633 get her some chicken croquettes. 381 00:14:50,666 --> 00:14:52,368 Oh, oh, oh, and some sherbet! 382 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,135 - Old people love sherbet! - [elevator bell dings] 383 00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:55,603 She's, like, 50. 384 00:14:55,637 --> 00:14:56,872 Million! 385 00:14:56,904 --> 00:14:59,607 [scoffs] Doesn't even make sense. 386 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,776 Oh, and how old is Ellis Crane? 387 00:15:01,810 --> 00:15:03,646 Moot! The question is moot, 388 00:15:03,678 --> 00:15:05,648 because I didn't make out with Ellis Crane! 389 00:15:05,681 --> 00:15:07,682 Hey, guys, as much as I'm loving this, 390 00:15:07,716 --> 00:15:10,818 - what say we focus on the mission here? - I am focused, Slater! 391 00:15:10,851 --> 00:15:13,021 But once we find this Hinkins guy, you can just... 392 00:15:13,054 --> 00:15:14,656 - Whoa! Son of a... - Jesus! 393 00:15:14,690 --> 00:15:16,192 [sighs] You were saying? 394 00:15:16,225 --> 00:15:18,860 Hinkins! Hinkins, wait! Damn it! 395 00:15:18,894 --> 00:15:21,297 I'll take the lobby. You two take that stairwell to the roof. 396 00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:24,166 - Move, move, move, move! - Who died and made you hall monitor? 397 00:15:24,198 --> 00:15:26,101 Oh, shut up and come on! 398 00:15:27,866 --> 00:15:29,738 - He's going up! - Why are you still talking? 399 00:15:29,770 --> 00:15:31,873 Well, that's a good question, Lana, 400 00:15:31,907 --> 00:15:33,504 because obviously you can't have a 401 00:15:33,529 --> 00:15:35,009 mature conversation about this. 402 00:15:35,043 --> 00:15:37,513 - And I know you like 'em mature! - Case in point! 403 00:15:37,546 --> 00:15:40,049 - And, gee, I wonder why that is. - Lana! 404 00:15:40,081 --> 00:15:42,551 Paging Dr. Freud! Dr. Sigmund 405 00:15:42,584 --> 00:15:44,081 "Oh, By The Way, Deep Down, I 406 00:15:44,106 --> 00:15:45,888 Really Wanna Plow My Mom" Freud! 407 00:15:45,921 --> 00:15:47,556 [laughs] That's not even... 408 00:15:47,589 --> 00:15:50,059 I didn't even say that while I was being waterboarded. 409 00:15:50,091 --> 00:15:51,559 Well, you... [gasps] 410 00:15:51,592 --> 00:15:53,361 Oh, shit. Hinkins, wait! 411 00:15:53,394 --> 00:15:55,997 [Lana] Wait! No, no, no! Don't move! We can... 412 00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:59,767 You can tell Slater and the rest of those vampires at the agency 413 00:15:59,801 --> 00:16:01,836 that ULTRA doesn't end with me! 414 00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:05,441 It can never end, you see! It's a... It's a Mobius strip! 415 00:16:05,474 --> 00:16:08,410 An endless ticker tape, and we are the data! 416 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:09,845 The tiny pinholes... 417 00:16:09,878 --> 00:16:11,946 Yeah, good, keep him talking. 418 00:16:11,980 --> 00:16:14,352 I'm gonna sneak up on him from the side. 419 00:16:14,377 --> 00:16:15,683 The... Wait, what? 420 00:16:15,716 --> 00:16:16,716 - to kill me... - [crunch] 421 00:16:16,717 --> 00:16:18,286 Huh? [yelling] 422 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,522 [screaming] 423 00:16:20,554 --> 00:16:22,724 - [body thuds] - [car alarm blaring] 424 00:16:22,758 --> 00:16:25,628 That was your plan? 425 00:16:25,661 --> 00:16:27,630 Well, you didn't even have one. 426 00:16:27,663 --> 00:16:30,099 Sometimes doing nothing is a plan! 427 00:16:30,131 --> 00:16:31,911 And... spoiler alert... nothing is what 428 00:16:31,936 --> 00:16:33,735 you should've done with Veronica Deane, 429 00:16:33,769 --> 00:16:38,539 instead of that pathetic little fanboy make-out session at the... 430 00:16:38,572 --> 00:16:39,574 Ugh! 431 00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:42,411 For [bleep]'s sake! 432 00:16:42,443 --> 00:16:44,879 - Archer. - Hmm? What? What are we doing? 433 00:16:44,913 --> 00:16:47,316 - Oh, I'll tell you what we're doing. - [door opens] 434 00:16:47,348 --> 00:16:51,419 Does it involve scraping a CIA asset off the roof of a Datsun Honey Bee? 435 00:16:51,452 --> 00:16:53,055 [chuckles] Man, I hope not. 436 00:16:53,087 --> 00:16:55,191 - [grunting] - [cocks] 437 00:16:58,326 --> 00:17:00,796 Uh, yeah. So, here's the thing here... 438 00:17:00,828 --> 00:17:03,164 The thing here is that I am not paying you! 439 00:17:03,198 --> 00:17:06,067 - That's the thing here! - What the shit, Slater? 440 00:17:06,101 --> 00:17:07,689 I mean, maybe it didn't end well for 441 00:17:07,714 --> 00:17:09,405 Hinkins, if it was even supposed to... 442 00:17:09,438 --> 00:17:12,107 But either way, nobody got assassinated. 443 00:17:12,140 --> 00:17:15,009 Yeah, good point. But, funny story, 444 00:17:15,042 --> 00:17:17,812 I wasn't gonna pay you anyway, so... 445 00:17:17,846 --> 00:17:20,215 ♪ ♪ 446 00:17:23,451 --> 00:17:25,621 - ♪ Slater ♪ - [door closes] 447 00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:28,324 Huh. Well, the good news is... 448 00:17:28,356 --> 00:17:29,490 - Shh. - What? 449 00:17:29,524 --> 00:17:31,126 Shh, shush, shush, shush. 450 00:17:31,159 --> 00:17:33,295 - Do you hear that? - What? 451 00:17:33,327 --> 00:17:36,699 That sound. I think it's the break. 452 00:17:36,731 --> 00:17:38,200 The what? What... What brake? 453 00:17:38,232 --> 00:17:39,969 The break that we're on! 454 00:17:45,307 --> 00:17:46,842 Oh. [chuckles] 455 00:17:46,874 --> 00:17:48,977 Okay. Now I get it. 456 00:17:49,009 --> 00:17:50,506 I thought she was talking about the 457 00:17:50,531 --> 00:17:51,879 brakes on the Datsun Honey Bee. 458 00:17:51,913 --> 00:17:54,216 But, uh... 459 00:17:54,249 --> 00:17:56,085 nope. 460 00:18:02,657 --> 00:18:04,489 [Cyril groaning] 461 00:18:04,522 --> 00:18:06,825 Oh, my head. 462 00:18:06,858 --> 00:18:08,525 [groans] 463 00:18:08,559 --> 00:18:10,662 Hey, where the heck are my pants? 464 00:18:10,695 --> 00:18:13,831 [exhales] Pants, hell. Where's that damn cat? 465 00:18:13,865 --> 00:18:15,233 Ugh! What cat? 466 00:18:15,265 --> 00:18:17,936 The one that shit in my mouth. [spitting] 467 00:18:17,968 --> 00:18:20,170 And that may or may not be a metaphor. 468 00:18:20,204 --> 00:18:22,674 Well, this sure as hell isn't. 469 00:18:22,706 --> 00:18:25,109 - [whimpering] - [growling] 470 00:18:25,142 --> 00:18:26,744 [Krieger] Yep, yep, yep! Okay. 471 00:18:26,777 --> 00:18:28,345 Now you're all birds of prey. 472 00:18:28,379 --> 00:18:29,914 [all squawking] 473 00:18:29,946 --> 00:18:32,516 Ja! Und Cyril ist Der Falkonmeister! 474 00:18:32,550 --> 00:18:35,453 Ja, ja! Untzergrabben! Untzergrabben! 475 00:18:35,485 --> 00:18:37,703 Oh, my God! You are hands down the 476 00:18:37,728 --> 00:18:39,858 world's shittiest Falkonmeister. 477 00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:41,859 What? I don't even remember that. 478 00:18:41,892 --> 00:18:43,460 You don't have to. It's on tape. 479 00:18:43,494 --> 00:18:46,030 So now we gotta go see Jo Jo Dancer. 480 00:18:46,062 --> 00:18:48,398 Which better be as racist as it looks. 481 00:18:48,432 --> 00:18:51,202 And you're not, like, hungover, or... 482 00:18:51,234 --> 00:18:53,404 - Why would I be? - No, I mean you wouldn't, 483 00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,355 especially if you weren't exposed to 484 00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:57,274 scopolamine or something like that. 485 00:18:57,308 --> 00:19:00,378 Scopolamine? Why would I have been? 486 00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:02,647 I... No, yeah, no... I... You know, I... 487 00:19:02,679 --> 00:19:05,149 Yeah, exactly. Why? 488 00:19:05,183 --> 00:19:08,219 And more importantly, how? 489 00:19:08,252 --> 00:19:10,821 [Krieger] Okay, that's... Oh, come on. Stop it. 490 00:19:10,854 --> 00:19:12,641 That's just about enough of... What... 491 00:19:12,666 --> 00:19:13,924 Well, that does it, missy! 492 00:19:13,957 --> 00:19:16,827 - You can just cool your jets in there. - Yes, Doctor. 493 00:19:16,860 --> 00:19:20,430 And by "jets," obviously I mean your actual cooling jets, so... 494 00:19:20,464 --> 00:19:21,633 Yes, Doctor. 495 00:19:21,666 --> 00:19:23,467 So, yeah, just cool your jets... 496 00:19:23,501 --> 00:19:25,670 Oh, and as for the rest of you... 497 00:19:25,703 --> 00:19:27,200 Now that I think about it, let's 498 00:19:27,225 --> 00:19:29,072 everybody cool their respective jets. 499 00:19:29,106 --> 00:19:30,407 [whirring] 500 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,143 Excellent. Yes. 501 00:19:33,177 --> 00:19:35,312 Yes, very good. 502 00:19:36,379 --> 00:19:38,716 Well, short term, anyway. 503 00:19:42,853 --> 00:19:44,021 [electricity arcs] 504 00:19:44,054 --> 00:19:46,291 [continuous mechanical humming] 505 00:19:47,719 --> 00:19:51,452 Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com - 505 00:19:52,305 --> 00:19:58,681 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org