1 00:00:02,054 --> 00:00:04,312 All right, let's get this over with. 2 00:00:05,765 --> 00:00:08,601 This proceeding and any sentences arising therefrom 3 00:00:08,689 --> 00:00:11,421 shall be conducted under the Federation Judicial Code, 4 00:00:11,509 --> 00:00:13,700 Article Nine, in re attempted murder 5 00:00:13,788 --> 00:00:16,138 and mutiny, both capital offenses. 6 00:00:16,359 --> 00:00:17,889 Now, I know you've all been sworn, 7 00:00:17,977 --> 00:00:19,577 and I have read your complaints. 8 00:00:19,665 --> 00:00:21,764 - I have a question. - Is it, "What's the best way 9 00:00:21,852 --> 00:00:23,616 - to interrupt a judge?" - No. 10 00:00:23,704 --> 00:00:25,619 - Then... - It's, "Why does a spaceship 11 00:00:25,707 --> 00:00:28,636 have an enormous dedicated courtroom in it?" 12 00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,397 - Yeah, right? - I don't know! 13 00:00:30,485 --> 00:00:32,457 - I didn't build it. - Well, it's ridiculous. 14 00:00:32,545 --> 00:00:35,530 I basically sleep in a coffin, and this could have been... 15 00:00:36,372 --> 00:00:38,061 2 1/2 squash courts. 16 00:00:38,168 --> 00:00:42,030 - Ooh, or a holodeck! - We have a holodeck. 17 00:00:42,118 --> 00:00:43,919 - Yeah, but we never use it. - Can we please... 18 00:00:44,006 --> 00:00:46,654 Oh, so hey, why not just have the holodeck 19 00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:48,200 turn into a courtroom? 20 00:00:48,288 --> 00:00:50,371 Ooh, or 2 1/2 squash courts. 21 00:00:50,459 --> 00:00:52,264 Order! Order, or I will 22 00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:54,648 hold you all in a different kind of contempt. 23 00:00:55,281 --> 00:00:57,491 Now, then, Mr. Figgis, 24 00:00:57,669 --> 00:00:59,756 are the people ready to proceed? 25 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:04,342 Oh, yeah. 26 00:01:04,610 --> 00:01:06,453 Uh... 27 00:01:07,258 --> 00:01:09,975 Oh, uh, sorry. Yes, Your Honor, the, uh... 28 00:01:10,709 --> 00:01:11,724 What is... 29 00:01:11,951 --> 00:01:13,639 - Oh, come on, seriously? 30 00:01:15,022 --> 00:01:16,803 Yes, Your Honor. 31 00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:19,116 The people are ready to proceed. 32 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,422 That's what I thought. 33 00:01:20,574 --> 00:01:23,055 And is the defendant ready to proceed? 34 00:01:23,143 --> 00:01:26,832 No, the defendant is not because there is no defendant 35 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,003 because this whole thing is a sham and a farce, 36 00:01:30,115 --> 00:01:32,813 and I don't recognize this kangaroo court's authority 37 00:01:32,974 --> 00:01:35,981 because it's presided over by a male prostitute. 38 00:01:36,069 --> 00:01:37,406 - Courtesan! - Pobobot! 39 00:01:38,571 --> 00:01:40,795 And by God, you will recognize it 40 00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:43,528 because prior to my current circumstances, 41 00:01:43,616 --> 00:01:47,131 for 16 years, I was a Federation High Court Justice! 42 00:01:47,219 --> 00:01:49,442 - I have a question. - Woman, I swear to God. 43 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:51,379 How'd you go from being a Federation judge 44 00:01:51,467 --> 00:01:53,069 to, like, blowing space truckers? 45 00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,810 Well, Missy. 46 00:01:55,538 --> 00:01:56,835 Th-that is a... 47 00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:59,075 Oh, that is a long, crazy story. 48 00:02:00,339 --> 00:02:02,072 But it is entirely nongermane 49 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,580 to the solemn proceeding before this bench. 50 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,736 And so, Mr. Archer, 51 00:02:06,924 --> 00:02:09,765 having reminded you that the man who represents himself 52 00:02:09,853 --> 00:02:11,164 has a fool for a client... 53 00:02:11,666 --> 00:02:13,726 I'm not representing myself. 54 00:02:13,814 --> 00:02:15,273 Well, then who is? 55 00:02:15,361 --> 00:02:18,267 Oh, just TV's Michael Gray. 56 00:02:18,775 --> 00:02:21,164 Who, for reasons known but to God, 57 00:02:21,252 --> 00:02:22,898 is wearing seersucker. 58 00:02:22,986 --> 00:02:25,617 So if you wanna go aheadand do that motion to dismiss, 59 00:02:25,705 --> 00:02:27,947 now would, uh, maybe be a good time. 60 00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,881 Oh, and also, we wish to countersue. 61 00:02:30,969 --> 00:02:31,985 - I'm not typing that. - What? 62 00:02:32,072 --> 00:02:33,072 I'm gonna allow it! 63 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,296 For injuries and damages from you assholes 64 00:02:35,384 --> 00:02:36,789 attempting to murder me 65 00:02:36,877 --> 00:02:39,142 so Lana could steal half of the ship. 66 00:02:39,244 --> 00:02:41,695 Well, when TV's Michael Gray is done with you, 67 00:02:41,783 --> 00:02:43,882 I'm gonna own your half. 68 00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:46,608 So, hey, I don't think this is going as well 69 00:02:46,696 --> 00:02:48,263 as you think it's going. 70 00:02:50,358 --> 00:02:52,736 You goddamn crook. 71 00:02:54,000 --> 00:03:00,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 72 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:26,992 *ARCHER (2009)* Season 10 Episode 09 73 00:03:27,087 --> 00:03:28,952 *ARCHER (2009)* Episode Title :"1999: Robert De Niro" 74 00:03:36,886 --> 00:03:39,759 Jesus, okay. I think that's enough. 75 00:03:39,854 --> 00:03:41,234 I don't wish to cause the witness 76 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:43,349 - any further distress. - I'm fine, Your Honor. 77 00:03:43,444 --> 00:03:44,860 What about my magazine? 78 00:03:44,948 --> 00:03:47,617 - Will you... - There's lots more video, Your Honor. 79 00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:49,391 Like the part when Pam smashed me in the head 80 00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:51,562 - with a fire extinguisher. - Yeah! 81 00:03:51,650 --> 00:03:53,695 Play that! Ka-klunk! 82 00:03:54,922 --> 00:03:56,875 Do the people have any further questions 83 00:03:56,963 --> 00:03:59,139 - for this witness? - Not at this time, Your Honor. 84 00:03:59,227 --> 00:04:00,750 Then your witness. 85 00:04:01,305 --> 00:04:03,312 Well? Uh, what are you waiting for? 86 00:04:04,752 --> 00:04:06,875 Get up there and cross-examine her. 87 00:04:06,963 --> 00:04:08,047 What are you, hourly? 88 00:04:08,135 --> 00:04:09,172 I think I would be, 89 00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:10,672 if I was a lawyer. 90 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:11,601 - Damn it. - Look at me. 91 00:04:11,689 --> 00:04:13,047 Look at me. Look at me. 92 00:04:13,135 --> 00:04:14,625 Something is wrong with your brain. 93 00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,039 You need to plead not guilty 94 00:04:16,127 --> 00:04:17,351 by reason of insanity. 95 00:04:17,439 --> 00:04:18,570 Beg them for mercy 96 00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:21,531 and realize you're hallucinating me. 97 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,752 I'll see you disbarred for this. 98 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,413 Great, look forward to it. 99 00:04:26,501 --> 00:04:27,601 Point of procedure. 100 00:04:27,689 --> 00:04:29,906 I, uh, no longer wish to be represented 101 00:04:29,994 --> 00:04:31,304 by TV's Michael Gray. 102 00:04:31,392 --> 00:04:32,704 All righty. 103 00:04:32,792 --> 00:04:33,981 Are the people okay with him 104 00:04:34,069 --> 00:04:35,854 not having an imaginary lawyer? 105 00:04:35,944 --> 00:04:37,251 They're great with it. 106 00:04:37,338 --> 00:04:38,548 Then your witness. 107 00:04:38,636 --> 00:04:42,335 Thank you. Now, then, Miss Kane, is it? 108 00:04:43,643 --> 00:04:45,122 Yup. 109 00:04:45,210 --> 00:04:46,560 Um... 110 00:04:46,962 --> 00:04:48,673 Damn, I had something for this. 111 00:04:48,761 --> 00:04:50,415 - Did ya? - Actually, 112 00:04:50,503 --> 00:04:53,289 can we maybe call her back at a, uh, 113 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:56,712 time later than, um... Later than now? 114 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,432 You're just a regular Clarence Darrow. 115 00:04:59,917 --> 00:05:01,985 You may step down. Thank you. 116 00:05:02,073 --> 00:05:03,179 Call your next witness. 117 00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:05,173 Your Honor, the people call 118 00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,978 the defendant's mother, Malory Archer. 119 00:05:08,066 --> 00:05:10,024 Ooh. 120 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:14,512 Come on, are we not doing that? 121 00:05:16,477 --> 00:05:19,056 - Ooh. - Oh, come on. 122 00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:21,962 - Are you kidding me? - Sit down, sir! 123 00:05:22,050 --> 00:05:24,843 Are you... she's dressed exactly like Marlene Dietrich 124 00:05:24,931 --> 00:05:26,382 in "Witness for the Prosecution," 125 00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:29,485 right down to the hair and the rakish little beret. 126 00:05:29,683 --> 00:05:31,171 Are you seeing this? 127 00:05:31,259 --> 00:05:32,946 - Are you? - What? 128 00:05:33,034 --> 00:05:34,314 How the... 129 00:05:34,408 --> 00:05:36,149 Objection. I object. 130 00:05:36,299 --> 00:05:39,060 - To what? - I will ask the question! 131 00:05:39,552 --> 00:05:40,760 It's actually the same question. 132 00:05:40,847 --> 00:05:42,704 I don't know. Everything! 133 00:05:42,792 --> 00:05:44,571 Oh, then I guess we can all go home. 134 00:05:44,659 --> 00:05:45,483 Can we? 135 00:05:45,571 --> 00:05:46,790 What the hell is happening? 136 00:05:46,878 --> 00:05:47,720 Don't look at me. 137 00:05:47,808 --> 00:05:49,977 God damn it, TV's Michael Gray. 138 00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:52,394 - Uh, Your Honor... - Wait, wait, shut up. 139 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:53,622 You shut up! 140 00:05:53,878 --> 00:05:55,441 Order! You're out of order! 141 00:05:55,544 --> 00:05:58,110 You're out of order! You're out of order! 142 00:05:58,198 --> 00:06:00,315 This whole trial is out of order! 143 00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:02,297 Th-they're out of order! 144 00:06:02,385 --> 00:06:03,704 Everybody shut up! 145 00:06:03,877 --> 00:06:05,835 And you bang that thing one more time, 146 00:06:05,923 --> 00:06:07,553 I'll break it off inside you. 147 00:06:07,641 --> 00:06:08,711 Legit phrasing. 148 00:06:08,807 --> 00:06:09,846 Shh! Listen. 149 00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:11,274 Proximity alert. 150 00:06:11,362 --> 00:06:12,157 - What's going on? - What alert? 151 00:06:12,245 --> 00:06:13,258 Why the hell is there 152 00:06:13,346 --> 00:06:14,227 a proximity... 153 00:06:14,323 --> 00:06:16,047 - Whoa! - Ow! 154 00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,484 -Collision. - How the... 155 00:06:17,571 --> 00:06:18,594 Who's on the bridge? 156 00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:20,680 Nobody, because we're all down here 157 00:06:20,768 --> 00:06:23,311 at this goddamn kangaroo railroad. 158 00:06:23,399 --> 00:06:26,777 - What? - The... the... the... the... the... 159 00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,649 - Choo-choo! - Krieger! 160 00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:30,321 Why aren't you up there? 161 00:06:30,409 --> 00:06:32,165 Well, then who would do this? 162 00:06:32,321 --> 00:06:34,920 Holy shit, dude, that's really good. 163 00:06:35,008 --> 00:06:36,150 You don't think it's derivative? 164 00:06:36,237 --> 00:06:37,983 No, 'cause I don't know what that is. 165 00:06:38,071 --> 00:06:39,136 It's when... 166 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,758 Krieger! Status report! 167 00:06:42,414 --> 00:06:43,533 Right? 168 00:06:43,891 --> 00:06:46,483 Okay, uh, we've got moderate hull damage 169 00:06:46,571 --> 00:06:48,886 - to starboard amidships, um... - From what? 170 00:06:48,974 --> 00:06:50,592 I don't know. Jesus. 171 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,608 Turn that thing to the exterior cameras. 172 00:06:52,696 --> 00:06:54,891 Oh, right. 173 00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,797 Oh, my God. 174 00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:58,962 A Dri'n attack barge. 175 00:06:59,049 --> 00:07:00,938 Which means... 176 00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:02,961 Boarding party. 177 00:07:03,086 --> 00:07:05,154 And there ain't no party like a boarding party 178 00:07:05,242 --> 00:07:07,078 'cause a boarding party don't stop. 179 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:11,506 Well, until these monstrous bastards 180 00:07:11,594 --> 00:07:13,641 have slaked their thirst for blood. 181 00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:15,834 And let me tell you, these little devils 182 00:07:15,922 --> 00:07:17,336 are just parched. 183 00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,164 I know, right? 184 00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:22,039 Barry-6, out. 185 00:07:22,156 --> 00:07:24,178 Wh-what do we do? What do we do? 186 00:07:24,266 --> 00:07:25,773 Well, the first thing we've gotta do... 187 00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:28,133 And I'm sure we can all agree on this... 188 00:07:28,551 --> 00:07:30,211 Is declare a mistrial. 189 00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:39,608 Come on, man. What's taking so long? 190 00:07:41,485 --> 00:07:42,711 "Space metal"? 191 00:07:42,836 --> 00:07:44,983 Think about how dumb that sounds. 192 00:07:45,071 --> 00:07:46,117 Now, come on, let's 193 00:07:46,205 --> 00:07:47,641 peel this banana and... 194 00:07:47,729 --> 00:07:49,024 Take a bite. 195 00:07:49,112 --> 00:07:50,553 I mean, before they all get away 196 00:07:50,641 --> 00:07:51,756 in an escape pod, of course. 197 00:07:51,844 --> 00:07:52,844 Cyril! 198 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,203 - Lana... - You are not... 199 00:07:54,291 --> 00:07:55,992 - I'm serious. - Abandoning ship. 200 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,696 - Do not make me hit you. - Excuse me? 201 00:07:58,784 --> 00:08:00,514 No, I... I didn't mean that. 202 00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:02,945 - Whoa! - Ow! 203 00:08:03,109 --> 00:08:04,178 Serves you right! 204 00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,904 Trying to cut the line like that! 205 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,266 What... No one is abandoning ship! 206 00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:09,730 We're gonna stay here and fight! 207 00:08:09,818 --> 00:08:11,267 I really don't think we should. 208 00:08:12,213 --> 00:08:13,508 Yeah, good luck with that. 209 00:08:13,596 --> 00:08:14,922 Meaning? 210 00:08:15,010 --> 00:08:16,594 Meaning those freaksare literally gonna 211 00:08:16,682 --> 00:08:18,703 - chew you up and spit you out. - Well... 212 00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:19,838 Or not spit you out. 213 00:08:19,926 --> 00:08:21,540 I don't know about pirate dining etiquette, 214 00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:23,523 but definitely the chewing up part. 215 00:08:23,611 --> 00:08:26,276 Well, nobody asked you, since last I checked, 216 00:08:26,364 --> 00:08:27,797 you're a goddamn mutineer. 217 00:08:27,885 --> 00:08:30,266 Well, the last I checked... and I'm not being facetious... 218 00:08:30,354 --> 00:08:31,878 - Nice sweater dress. - What? 219 00:08:31,966 --> 00:08:33,402 - Sweater dress? - What? 220 00:08:33,490 --> 00:08:35,599 So you think maybe you arecrazy? 221 00:08:37,459 --> 00:08:38,549 I'm crazy? 222 00:08:38,637 --> 00:08:40,826 - I mean... - She's crazy if she thinks 223 00:08:40,914 --> 00:08:42,240 she can fight off an entire barge 224 00:08:42,374 --> 00:08:44,683 full of murderous Dri'n pirateswithout me. 225 00:08:44,771 --> 00:08:47,662 - Uh, first of all... - Hull breach. 226 00:08:47,750 --> 00:08:49,725 - Oh, no. - Oh, that's no good. 227 00:08:49,813 --> 00:08:51,380 Talk about crazy, huh? 228 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:56,422 Whoo! Now, that's what I calla nice gash. 229 00:08:59,201 --> 00:09:01,583 No, we're not doing space phrasing. 230 00:09:02,060 --> 00:09:03,810 Uh, because it's derivative. 231 00:09:03,898 --> 00:09:07,113 - And also because I said so. - Hull breach. 232 00:09:07,201 --> 00:09:08,392 I'm the only chance you've got. 233 00:09:08,479 --> 00:09:09,639 He's right, you know. 234 00:09:09,727 --> 00:09:11,465 Yeah, you gotta let him go. 235 00:09:11,553 --> 00:09:13,254 That, or let us in that damn pod! 236 00:09:13,342 --> 00:09:14,795 - I vote pod. - Cyril! 237 00:09:14,883 --> 00:09:17,009 And, I'm sorry, have we all forgotten 238 00:09:17,097 --> 00:09:19,029 he basically sexually assaulted me 239 00:09:19,162 --> 00:09:20,631 with a rolled-up magazine? 240 00:09:20,748 --> 00:09:21,933 - No. - That's evidence. 241 00:09:22,021 --> 00:09:22,943 You're evidence! 242 00:09:23,059 --> 00:09:24,879 And there was nothing sexual about it. 243 00:09:24,967 --> 00:09:28,560 I don't know. I thought it was pretty sexy. 244 00:09:30,149 --> 00:09:32,912 On opposite day! Gross, you guys! 245 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,058 Goddamn. 246 00:09:34,161 --> 00:09:36,326 Lana, I'm sorry I attacked you. 247 00:09:36,459 --> 00:09:38,332 I honestly don't know what got into me. 248 00:09:38,420 --> 00:09:40,988 And when this is over, you can punish me 249 00:09:41,076 --> 00:09:42,310 - however you see fit. - It's 250 00:09:42,403 --> 00:09:44,301 - howmever. - Shut up! 251 00:09:44,389 --> 00:09:46,833 But this calls for some serious swash buckling, 252 00:09:46,921 --> 00:09:50,173 and no one else can buckle swashes like me, so... 253 00:09:50,347 --> 00:09:52,023 Xenomorphs detected. 254 00:09:52,179 --> 00:09:54,185 - Oh, no! - Your call. 255 00:09:54,273 --> 00:09:56,045 Xenomorphs detected. 256 00:10:05,136 --> 00:10:07,009 Xenomorphs detected. 257 00:10:07,097 --> 00:10:09,142 You're damn right, they are. 258 00:10:09,230 --> 00:10:10,806 Get some! Yeah. 259 00:10:10,894 --> 00:10:13,722 Be a hitter, big un. And have fun out there. 260 00:10:13,831 --> 00:10:16,384 Oh, hey, and, uh, if anyone finds Archer, 261 00:10:16,472 --> 00:10:19,417 remember, he's all mine. 262 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,642 Okay, so Mother... Here you go... 263 00:10:21,730 --> 00:10:23,361 Is gonna lure them into the holodeck. 264 00:10:23,449 --> 00:10:24,704 - Why? - Well, for one thing, 265 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:25,861 because shut up. 266 00:10:25,949 --> 00:10:27,602 But remember... Here you go... 267 00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:29,081 If we have to fall back... 268 00:10:29,169 --> 00:10:31,408 And we can probably go ahead and make that 269 00:10:31,496 --> 00:10:34,111 "when we fall back"... Here, take some of these... 270 00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:35,978 Fall back to the escape pod. 271 00:10:36,066 --> 00:10:37,777 The pod is the Alamo. 272 00:10:37,865 --> 00:10:39,470 If we're just gonna go back there, 273 00:10:39,558 --> 00:10:41,001 why'd we leave in the first place? 274 00:10:41,089 --> 00:10:43,447 Because the goal isn't to run away so fast, 275 00:10:43,535 --> 00:10:44,876 it makes your vagina flap. 276 00:10:44,964 --> 00:10:46,431 Plus, all the guns are in here. 277 00:10:46,519 --> 00:10:47,454 Not all of them. 278 00:10:47,542 --> 00:10:49,017 You got the sentry guns online? 279 00:10:49,105 --> 00:10:51,087 - Yep, yep, yep. - Okay. 280 00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:52,306 Here we go! 281 00:10:56,152 --> 00:10:58,154 A and B guns firing. 282 00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:00,001 Wait, wait, wait. At what? 283 00:11:00,089 --> 00:11:01,505 What? 284 00:11:03,214 --> 00:11:06,048 - 80, 60... - What the shit, Krieger? 285 00:11:06,136 --> 00:11:08,884 40. 286 00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,514 That's it. 287 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,892 Then what was the point? 288 00:11:12,980 --> 00:11:14,572 Mm-mm-mm. Director's cut? 289 00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:15,798 - Ugh. - Right? 290 00:11:15,886 --> 00:11:17,142 Wait, what? 291 00:11:17,230 --> 00:11:19,393 Uh, did they even hit anybody? 292 00:11:21,191 --> 00:11:23,478 So then just totally pointless. 293 00:11:26,417 --> 00:11:29,018 Unless you lean on them, you big dummy. 294 00:11:29,152 --> 00:11:31,347 - Okay, Mother... - Archer! 295 00:11:31,449 --> 00:11:33,783 - That's your cue. - And just how exactly 296 00:11:33,871 --> 00:11:35,962 am I supposed to lure those creeps 297 00:11:36,050 --> 00:11:38,886 to the holodeck without getting myself killed? 298 00:11:40,807 --> 00:11:43,408 Oh, right, right, right, right, right. 299 00:11:43,496 --> 00:11:44,587 Duh. 300 00:11:44,675 --> 00:11:45,783 ♪ Toodles ♪ 301 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,449 The rest of you, follow me. 302 00:11:47,613 --> 00:11:49,939 Move, Cyril. I want to hear it flap. 303 00:11:51,152 --> 00:11:53,579 Come on, Archer. You can run, but... 304 00:11:53,667 --> 00:11:56,063 Well, I guess you can hide, obviously. 305 00:11:56,151 --> 00:11:58,391 But stop doing it is what I'm saying. 306 00:11:58,479 --> 00:11:59,737 - ♪ Yoo-hoo ♪ - Huh? 307 00:11:59,824 --> 00:12:02,493 Who's up for some bopping and booping? 308 00:12:02,581 --> 00:12:04,340 I'll bop your boop, you little... 309 00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:07,212 Why would it be a ruse? 310 00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:08,672 Come on, you mother humpers. 311 00:12:11,245 --> 00:12:13,954 Jeezy Petes, you really arecrazy! 312 00:12:14,042 --> 00:12:16,206 We're sitting ducks. There's no cover. 313 00:12:16,294 --> 00:12:18,837 Jesus Christ, do you nerds really never come down here? 314 00:12:20,385 --> 00:12:22,258 - Oh! - This is incredible! 315 00:12:22,346 --> 00:12:24,305 I know, right? Plus, upstairs, 316 00:12:24,393 --> 00:12:26,368 there's a bunch of hologram whores giving out 317 00:12:26,463 --> 00:12:28,760 old-timey 50-cent blow jobs. 318 00:12:28,854 --> 00:12:31,010 Wait, what makes them old-timey? 319 00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:32,735 Uh, they're 50 cents? 320 00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:37,042 Hoooo, Mikey Mike! 321 00:12:43,464 --> 00:12:45,952 Whoa! 322 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:53,072 Is now the best timefor that? 323 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,183 A lot better than it's about to be. 324 00:12:55,271 --> 00:12:56,575 How many are there? 325 00:12:57,199 --> 00:12:58,395 Scores. 326 00:12:58,543 --> 00:13:00,361 Like, literally scores or... 327 00:13:01,309 --> 00:13:02,830 Cyril, get your shittogether. 328 00:13:02,918 --> 00:13:05,166 Now, listen, you gotta let 'emcome into our killing zone. 329 00:13:05,254 --> 00:13:06,762 Don't just start blasting away 330 00:13:06,850 --> 00:13:08,115 the second you...- - 331 00:13:08,232 --> 00:13:14,635 Suppressing fire! 332 00:13:19,586 --> 00:13:20,851 Whoo! 333 00:13:27,563 --> 00:13:30,522 - Goddamn, dude. - Seriously. 334 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,344 You shot all my guys. 335 00:13:32,439 --> 00:13:34,394 Oh, for... way to go, Cyril. 336 00:13:34,545 --> 00:13:35,454 - What? - "What?" 337 00:13:35,542 --> 00:13:36,978 I'm supposed to be the hero. 338 00:13:37,112 --> 00:13:38,305 - Doing what? - Seriously, Archer? 339 00:13:38,392 --> 00:13:39,393 - Wow. - Well? 340 00:13:40,804 --> 00:13:42,596 That is pathetic. 341 00:13:42,684 --> 00:13:44,686 So are sweater vests. 342 00:13:44,774 --> 00:13:46,080 - Huh? - What's a sweater vest? 343 00:13:46,168 --> 00:13:47,300 Hey, asshole, 344 00:13:47,388 --> 00:13:48,702 you really wanna be the hero? 345 00:13:48,790 --> 00:13:49,929 I mean... 346 00:13:50,017 --> 00:13:52,106 Then let's just you and me play. 347 00:13:52,475 --> 00:13:53,632 Danger. 348 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,215 The self-destruct system 349 00:13:55,303 --> 00:13:56,522 is now activated. 350 00:13:57,163 --> 00:13:58,611 Why do we even have that? 351 00:13:58,699 --> 00:13:59,708 What? How? 352 00:13:59,796 --> 00:14:01,267 Because the password was... 353 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:02,718 - "guest." - Told you. 354 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,382 Detonation in two minutes. 355 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:07,653 - What? - Two? No. 356 00:14:07,741 --> 00:14:08,838 I thought I set it for 20. 357 00:14:08,926 --> 00:14:10,966 - Krieger, can you override it? - Um... 358 00:14:11,054 --> 00:14:13,028 Krieger cannot override it. 359 00:14:13,116 --> 00:14:14,843 - No. - What do we do? What do we do? 360 00:14:14,934 --> 00:14:17,195 Well, if you hustle, I bet you can just make it 361 00:14:17,283 --> 00:14:18,556 to the... 362 00:14:21,095 --> 00:14:23,244 Escape pod. 363 00:14:23,332 --> 00:14:25,465 - Come on, everybody. Move it! - Let's go! 364 00:14:25,552 --> 00:14:26,906 All except you, Archer. 365 00:14:27,081 --> 00:14:28,370 They go. 366 00:14:29,065 --> 00:14:30,359 You stay. 367 00:14:30,447 --> 00:14:31,757 What? No. 368 00:14:31,882 --> 00:14:32,994 Sterling, no! 369 00:14:33,082 --> 00:14:34,927 Mother, it's okay. You go. 370 00:14:35,015 --> 00:14:36,960 I need to stay here for a while. 371 00:14:37,048 --> 00:14:37,899 Archer... 372 00:14:37,987 --> 00:14:39,234 Detonation in 373 00:14:39,322 --> 00:14:40,718 90 seconds. 374 00:14:40,806 --> 00:14:41,954 Go! 375 00:14:42,064 --> 00:14:43,095 Son of a... 376 00:14:43,610 --> 00:14:45,235 Come on. 377 00:14:45,441 --> 00:14:47,924 No, no, no, no, no, no! Sterling! 378 00:14:51,038 --> 00:14:51,976 Moms, huh? 379 00:14:52,064 --> 00:14:54,885 So you're willing to die just to make sure I do? 380 00:14:54,972 --> 00:14:56,409 - Yep. - Why? 381 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,891 Because, Archer, a long time ago 382 00:14:58,979 --> 00:15:02,648 in a galaxy far, far away, you put your nasty dick 383 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,999 in my fiancée's butthole. 384 00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:07,799 Wait, wait, wait, that... That's what this is about? 385 00:15:07,887 --> 00:15:10,113 - Oh, yes. - Uh, what was her name? 386 00:15:10,394 --> 00:15:12,182 - Simone? - Framboise! 387 00:15:12,368 --> 00:15:13,721 Detonation in 388 00:15:13,809 --> 00:15:16,244 - 60 seconds. - Jesus Christ. 389 00:15:16,385 --> 00:15:18,859 Well, if it's any consolation, Barry, 390 00:15:18,947 --> 00:15:20,517 I can't even remember what she looks li... 391 00:15:22,478 --> 00:15:24,479 - Go, go, go, go, go! - But wait! 392 00:15:24,642 --> 00:15:26,822 - Couldn't we... - Malory, we need to move. 393 00:15:26,932 --> 00:15:28,900 - We've only got... - Detonation in 394 00:15:29,010 --> 00:15:30,266 30 seconds. 395 00:15:30,354 --> 00:15:32,713 - That. - No, no, no, wait! 396 00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,648 Wait. Just wait a second. 397 00:15:35,736 --> 00:15:36,775 - Wait. - What? 398 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,191 Chicken butt. 399 00:15:41,192 --> 00:15:42,585 Chicken butt, Barry! 400 00:15:42,759 --> 00:15:46,023 Detonation in 15 seconds. 401 00:15:46,197 --> 00:15:48,229 Escape pod launched. 402 00:15:48,374 --> 00:15:49,641 Yes! 403 00:15:49,729 --> 00:15:51,111 They're safe, Barry. 404 00:15:51,199 --> 00:15:52,851 Detonation in ten... 405 00:15:52,939 --> 00:15:54,476 - Are they? - Nine... 406 00:15:54,564 --> 00:15:56,195 - What? - Eight... 407 00:15:56,283 --> 00:15:58,057 - Are they safe? - Seven... 408 00:15:58,150 --> 00:15:59,484 - Yes. - Six... 409 00:15:59,572 --> 00:16:00,953 So you're the big man, huh? 410 00:16:01,041 --> 00:16:02,812 - Five... - Yes, Barry, I am. 411 00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:04,664 - Four... - I'm huge. 412 00:16:04,752 --> 00:16:06,134 - Three... - Not what Framboise said. 413 00:16:06,221 --> 00:16:07,477 - Two... - Oh, really? 414 00:16:07,564 --> 00:16:08,673 - Because... - One. 415 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,791 Shit, I had something for... 416 00:16:11,018 --> 00:16:13,529 Ignition. 417 00:16:24,434 --> 00:16:27,892 Ramp-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ge! 418 00:16:28,192 --> 00:16:29,453 Ugh. 419 00:16:29,541 --> 00:16:32,418 Sterling Malory Archer. 420 00:16:32,505 --> 00:16:34,533 Code name Duchess. 421 00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:35,820 So here's the thing. 422 00:16:35,908 --> 00:16:38,141 I need to access my operations account, 423 00:16:38,229 --> 00:16:39,524 and you're preventing that. 424 00:16:39,612 --> 00:16:41,055 Now, we can do this easy, 425 00:16:41,143 --> 00:16:42,479 or we can do it hard. 426 00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:45,674 The thought of me dead gives you an erection? 427 00:16:45,762 --> 00:16:47,140 Jesus Christ! 428 00:16:47,228 --> 00:16:48,697 Your call. 429 00:16:49,398 --> 00:16:51,318 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 430 00:16:51,406 --> 00:16:53,191 Drink, drink, drink, drink! 431 00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:54,707 Ow! Ow! 432 00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:55,986 Bawk! Bawk! 433 00:16:56,074 --> 00:16:58,447 - Archer! - I'm coming! 434 00:16:58,535 --> 00:16:59,797 Phrasing, boom! 435 00:17:04,613 --> 00:17:06,383 Okay, let's try that a... Oh, shit! 436 00:17:07,738 --> 00:17:09,019 Survey says... 437 00:17:09,549 --> 00:17:11,172 Don't try to doanything stupid. 438 00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:13,475 I don't have to try. 439 00:17:17,797 --> 00:17:19,541 I'll show you who's boss. 440 00:17:19,674 --> 00:17:21,635 How do you like that? 441 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,006 Hey, asshole! 442 00:17:26,094 --> 00:17:27,289 Lana. 443 00:17:28,746 --> 00:17:30,018 Lana. 444 00:17:31,307 --> 00:17:32,258 Lana! 445 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:35,841 Lanaaaaaaaa! 446 00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:36,974 What? 447 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:38,192 ♪ Danger zone ♪ 448 00:17:38,279 --> 00:17:39,889 Sterling Archer, 449 00:17:40,064 --> 00:17:42,221 I'd like you to meet your daughter, 450 00:17:42,432 --> 00:17:43,463 Abbiejean. 451 00:17:43,551 --> 00:17:45,627 Why is that who named like me? 452 00:17:45,715 --> 00:17:47,260 Because he's your son, 453 00:17:47,348 --> 00:17:49,437 you colossal idiot. 454 00:17:49,525 --> 00:17:51,430 Until you can look at your mother 455 00:17:51,518 --> 00:17:53,713 and see her not just as your mother 456 00:17:53,801 --> 00:17:54,961 but as a person... 457 00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,346 When have I everbeen honest with Sterling? 458 00:17:57,434 --> 00:17:58,469 You can't grow up. 459 00:17:59,689 --> 00:18:01,572 Honey, you still got it. 460 00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:04,510 ♪ Bow-chicka-bow-bow, a-huh-huh ♪ 461 00:18:04,744 --> 00:18:05,960 Pretty much my whole life, 462 00:18:06,047 --> 00:18:08,492 my default setting has been half-ass. 463 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,838 Whoo-who cares? 464 00:18:09,926 --> 00:18:12,346 Imagine as I literally beat you to death 465 00:18:12,478 --> 00:18:14,744 that a giant hand has turned my dial 466 00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:18,318 from half-ass to quadruple-ass. 467 00:18:24,045 --> 00:18:26,076 Oh, booyakasha! 468 00:18:26,178 --> 00:18:29,399 I've been shot, stabbed, set on fire, poisoned, shot, 469 00:18:29,494 --> 00:18:31,781 sexually assaulted, partially chewed, 470 00:18:31,869 --> 00:18:34,025 shot, and declared legally dead 471 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,430 twice on the same day. 472 00:18:35,518 --> 00:18:36,930 Think you might have a problem. 473 00:18:37,018 --> 00:18:38,656 Yeah, Lana, it's called cancer. 474 00:18:40,298 --> 00:18:41,726 Archer? 475 00:18:41,814 --> 00:18:43,997 - Are you... - The man who cheated death? 476 00:18:47,088 --> 00:18:48,586 I might be immortal. 477 00:18:48,674 --> 00:18:50,960 Archer! 478 00:18:52,745 --> 00:18:54,225 This close. 479 00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:56,270 ♪ Rebound ♪ 480 00:18:56,401 --> 00:19:02,025 ♪ Rebound 481 00:19:03,234 --> 00:19:06,019 Goddamn Barry. 482 00:19:07,307 --> 00:19:08,847 - Mother? - Sterling? 483 00:19:08,935 --> 00:19:10,245 W-w-wait, what are you... What are you... 484 00:19:10,332 --> 00:19:11,255 I... I... 485 00:19:11,372 --> 00:19:13,258 I know you didn't just break 486 00:19:13,346 --> 00:19:14,812 another glass in here, 487 00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:17,047 because if I told you once, I told you... 488 00:19:17,135 --> 00:19:19,555 My Lord Jesus! God! 489 00:19:19,643 --> 00:19:21,430 Gladys! He's awake! 490 00:19:21,518 --> 00:19:24,814 - He's awake! - Yeah, um, duh. 491 00:19:24,924 --> 00:19:26,414 Wh-why am I in a hospital? 492 00:19:26,502 --> 00:19:29,141 You were shot by a crazy woman. 493 00:19:29,229 --> 00:19:30,976 Just like Eddie Waitkus! 494 00:19:31,064 --> 00:19:32,406 - Who? - Don't get him started. 495 00:19:32,494 --> 00:19:33,672 Oh, man. 496 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,470 For a second there, I thought maybe the booze 497 00:19:35,557 --> 00:19:36,562 had caught up with me. 498 00:19:36,650 --> 00:19:38,330 Ooh, speaking of... 499 00:19:39,181 --> 00:19:41,758 - With me standing right here? - He's gonna need it. 500 00:19:41,846 --> 00:19:44,719 Wait, why? Wait, wait, wait, wait. 501 00:19:44,807 --> 00:19:46,791 H-how long have I been here? 502 00:19:47,627 --> 00:19:49,322 - Mother? - Sterling- 503 00:19:49,410 --> 00:19:50,891 - Mother, how long have I been here? 504 00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:53,980 - Three years. - What? 505 00:19:54,111 --> 00:19:56,026 No. Three... 506 00:19:56,213 --> 00:19:58,172 Wait, not... no. No, no, no. 507 00:19:58,260 --> 00:20:00,096 Y-you want me to call Dr. Gorenstein? 508 00:20:00,184 --> 00:20:02,211 Oh, please. You think he could be bothered? 509 00:20:02,299 --> 00:20:04,338 At midnight on a Sunday? 510 00:20:05,494 --> 00:20:07,345 Plus, what would his mistress say? 511 00:20:09,212 --> 00:20:10,742 So bad. 512 00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:13,375 Wait, why are you here at midnight on a Sunday? 513 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:15,610 Well, I, um... 514 00:20:15,869 --> 00:20:17,148 She's always here. 515 00:20:17,236 --> 00:20:19,939 Oh, now, not always. 516 00:20:30,495 --> 00:20:32,963 Let me get you some ice chips. 517 00:20:34,499 --> 00:20:35,953 For three years? 518 00:20:36,041 --> 00:20:38,198 I wanted to be here when you woke up. 519 00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:43,056 Okay, so, like, 520 00:20:43,174 --> 00:20:44,875 wh-wh-what about Lana? 521 00:20:44,963 --> 00:20:47,367 - Lana? - Hey, wait, do I have a kid? 522 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,947 There's plenty of time to talk about all of that. 523 00:20:51,322 --> 00:20:54,171 The important thingis that you're back 524 00:20:54,345 --> 00:20:55,664 and we're together. 525 00:20:55,752 --> 00:20:57,703 Um, uh, okay. 526 00:20:57,791 --> 00:21:00,008 After all, the real story's 527 00:21:00,096 --> 00:21:02,219 always been about you and me. 528 00:21:02,307 --> 00:21:03,570 What are you... 529 00:21:03,658 --> 00:21:05,705 Which, when you think about it, 530 00:21:05,939 --> 00:21:07,706 at its heart, 531 00:21:08,221 --> 00:21:10,150 it's really a love story. 532 00:21:10,291 --> 00:21:12,986 Please, Mother, don't say that. 533 00:21:13,318 --> 00:21:14,798 It's true. 534 00:21:16,955 --> 00:21:18,383 Ugh! 535 00:21:20,004 --> 00:21:22,424 Corrections done by srjanapala 536 00:21:49,293 --> 00:21:52,434 Made in Georgia. 536 00:21:53,305 --> 00:21:59,549 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org