1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:12,179 Blood, blood, blood! 3 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:14,014 Hit him, you pussy! 4 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,433 No blood, no porn! 5 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,019 Rip his face off! 6 00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:21,897 You motherfucker! 7 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,905 Gentlemen, tonight is gonna be the ultimate sleepover... 8 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:32,699 no parents, no rules, no shirts, 9 00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:35,035 and best of all, "Hooker killer: Vatican City." 10 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:38,038 - What's that now? - I've read about this game. 11 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,122 I can't believe you got it. 12 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:42,626 It's rated "CSMBP," for "Child Services Must Be Present." 13 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,462 Yeah. I had to show the guy at GameStop my dick just to get it. 14 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:46,588 - Worth it. - Oh, Jay. 15 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,758 So I know your parents aren't going to be home, 16 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:52,010 but what about your brothers? 17 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:55,097 Those guys are manimals. They stabbed their aunt in the fucking leg. 18 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,100 Val and Curt? They're out all night. 19 00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:01,106 Good. It'll be three almost-teenage boys 20 00:01:01,107 --> 00:01:03,313 and a violent sexual video game. 21 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:06,900 - I guess that could be fun. - Oh, Andrew, my sweet boy, 22 00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:09,486 it's going to be the greatest night of our lives. 23 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,197 Sleepover! 24 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,159 Lucky me! Free shards of glass. 25 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,654 - So what are you guys doing tonight? - We're having a sleepover. 26 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,781 It's at my house, and you can't come. 27 00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,533 We're playing the new "Hooker Killer." 28 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,869 Okay, eww, that game is so misogynistic. 29 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,121 The whole point is just to kill women with jobs. 30 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,082 Remember, they're not women, they're hookers. 31 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,460 Stop quoting your dad's stupid law commercials. 32 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,378 If the ads are stupid, how come they went viral? 33 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,964 - Because they went bad viral. - There's no such thing as bad viral! 34 00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:14,676 - Name one thing that's viral that's bad. - HIV. 35 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,889 You mean the most famous autoimmune disease in existence? 36 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,057 Come on! 37 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,768 Jay is such a jerk. 38 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,145 You don't need those gross boys. 39 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,899 - Have your own sleepover. - With who? 40 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:33,195 - I don't really have many girlfriends. - Well, what about them? 41 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:34,571 Devin and Lola? 42 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:38,867 ♪ Popular girls ♪ ♪ Walkin' down the hallway ♪ 43 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:42,704 ♪ Flat-iron hair ♪ ♪ Calling the fuckin' shots ♪ 44 00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:45,207 I don't really want to be friends with the popular girls. 45 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:49,586 Of course you do. Everybody wants to be friends with Devin. 46 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,129 She's the queen bee. 47 00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:54,674 And you want their honey. Bzzz. 48 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:57,386 - Hey, Devin. - Hey. What's up, chica? 49 00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,846 Hola, mujer. 50 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:02,349 I know it is lasto minuto... 51 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,767 I'm just gonna speak in English. 52 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,603 Do you guys maybe want to come to a sleepover at my house tonight? 53 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:10,524 Interesting. Yeah, I've been looking to diversify my friend group. 54 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,776 - Wait, what? - I could use a smart girl. 55 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,736 - Double wait, what? - Great! 56 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:16,988 It'll be fun. We'll be like Little Women. 57 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:20,659 Little women? Are you calling me a midge? 'Cause you're a nobody. 58 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,077 - Lola. - Oh, no. 59 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,497 I think she was probably talking about the novel Little Women. 60 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,309 It's a touching story about sticking together 61 00:03:27,310 --> 00:03:29,042 in the face of the Civil War. 62 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:32,462 Yes, that. Missy, do you want to come to the sleepover too? 63 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,756 - Ah! I'd love to come. - What are you doing? 64 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:38,009 I could use another smart girl there. These chicks are scary. 65 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,469 I've never been to a sleepover. 66 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,305 There's a nightgown I've been saving for a very special occasion. 67 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,392 It was my grandmother's. She died in it. One day I will also pass away. 68 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,602 Maybe in this, who knows? Maybe during the sleepover. Just kidding! 69 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:49,980 This is actually gonna be interesting. 70 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,149 - Let's do it. - Yeah, let's do it. 71 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:56,153 And Jessi, just like logistically, Devin is my best friend. 72 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,489 If you get too close to her I will literally end you. 73 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,616 Yay, a sleepover! 74 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,078 Okay, sweetie, now, you sure you don't want me to cancel? 75 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,413 - It's fine. - 'Cause I will. 76 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,124 Go have fun with Cantor Dinelle. I'll be okay. 77 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,792 Dad will be the designated adult. 78 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:13,253 What do you think the deal is with Sour Patch Kids? 79 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,505 Probably all come from different fathers, right? 80 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,175 - "My dad was a lemon." - "My dad was a purple." 81 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,010 Actually, your dad is a lemon. 82 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,012 - Okay, Shannon. - Okay, Greg. 83 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:25,182 Okay, you have your salicylic acid, 84 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,058 acne wash, and your scraping brush? 85 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,060 - Got 'em. - What about your special pillow? 86 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:32,814 It's not special. In fact, I might not even take it. 87 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,484 - You're not gonna take "Pilbo Baggins"? - Mom! 88 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,695 You have been on some very unexpected journeys together. 89 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,905 Yes, I'm being made fun of for coming up 90 00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:42,616 with an awesome name for my pillow. 91 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,368 - Goodbye, Mrs. Glouberman. - Goodbye, sweetheart. 92 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,536 Bye, Mom. 93 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,664 Remember, Andrew... be afraid of things. 94 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,082 Okay, love you too, Mom. 95 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,085 - Hi. - Hi, Jessi. 96 00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:56,922 Your house is beautiful, but your driveway needs to be repaved. 97 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,673 These are my parents, they're both professors. 98 00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:03,345 Holy smokes! Your dog looks like Nathan Fillion. 99 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,679 Did you see Firefly? 100 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:07,307 Sort of a Western sci-fi genre hybrid, but... 101 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,434 look at ol' Dad geeking out again. 102 00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:12,604 If you're a geek, then I don't wanna be cool. 103 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:13,939 Okay. 104 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:17,692 Missy, here are your snacks... edamame and carrots. 105 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:19,569 Sugar makes me spazz out. 106 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,405 She has what the Incans call "la fuerza de azúcar." 107 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:23,573 "Sugar strength"! 108 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,659 Maybe we should lay down some ground rules. 109 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:29,371 I know we're not doing bedtimes, but maybe we can sleep in shifts. 110 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:32,332 - I'd hate to lose my Saturday. - No, just relax. 111 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,625 Tonight is gonna be baller. 112 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,461 It will be baller than most... anything else. 113 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,672 - Am I using that at all right? - No. 114 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:41,258 Go around to the side! Kids can't use the front door. 115 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,300 Clients only. 116 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:43,760 - Hi, Jay. - Hey. 117 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,013 This place looks like the Holocaust Museum. 118 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,599 - Big dog! - Oh, God, big dog! 119 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,601 That's just our pit bull, Featuring Ludacris. 120 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,979 He won't hurt you guys, will you, Featuring Ludacris? 121 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,855 Are you a good featured artist? 122 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,816 He's grumpy, 'cause he has a rare medical condition 123 00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,693 that makes him aware of his own existence. 124 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,196 Let me give you the tour. 125 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,699 My bros and I are developing a shitstorm worth of extreme sports, 126 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,451 like "breakball," "golf punch," and "peep-kour." 127 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,787 - "Peep-kour"? wow. - Have you heard of it? 128 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,289 No, no one ever has. 129 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,708 It's a cross between parkour and peeping tomfoolery. 130 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,127 Here, watch, check this out. 131 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,171 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 132 00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,549 - Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Albert. - Hi, Jay! 133 00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:23,466 That was awesome. 134 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,635 I got 10 points 'cause I saw both their buttholes. 135 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:30,056 I love your kitchen. It looks so... what is the word? 136 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,975 Shitty. Do you guys have any Cokes? 137 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,060 Yeah, we have Cokes. 138 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,605 Missy, do you want some unsweetened cranberry juice? 139 00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,440 Nope. I want to try a Coke. 140 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,483 Missy, aren't you not supposed to have sugar? 141 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,153 Oh, my God, what are you, like, her mom? 142 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,155 Yeah. Are you gonna divorce her dad 143 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,699 and then marry some guy who lives in another state, 144 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,910 and then sometimes your daughter has to, like, Uber to school 145 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:55,915 because it's cheaper for you to fly back on a Tuesday, or like what? 146 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,084 Jessi, I-I appreciate your concern, 147 00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:01,463 but I'm a part of this group now and I'd like to try a Coke. 148 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,508 Let's do makeovers, you guys. Where's your makeup? 149 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,762 I don't have makeup but I do have sunscreen. 150 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,514 Okay, sweetie, where's your mom's makeup? 151 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,892 Everything I know I owe to my brothers. 152 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,352 Where are Val and Curt? 153 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,229 Oh, man. They're at some bitchin' high school party tonight. 154 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,023 They made me trim their pubes before they left 155 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,193 because they are out there swingin' dicks and bonin' chicks. 156 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,444 Oh, man! 157 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,864 Okay, so, this is our percussion room. 158 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,658 This is the armory. 159 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,326 And this is the door we never open. 160 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:37,958 And we never open it because something quite terrible is behind it...? 161 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,335 Andrew, it's the door we never open. Okay. 162 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:44,589 And finally, this is where the magic happens. 163 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,925 - Literally. - Jesus! 164 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,720 Was that a pigeon spray-painted white to look like a dove? 165 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,056 - A magician never reveals his secrets. - Okay. 166 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,267 Now, there's someone very special I want you guys to meet. 167 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,979 - That's a pillow. - No, no, no, no. 168 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,481 She's so much more than a pillow. 169 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:05,652 Marrone. Don't you want to just stick your dick in her? 170 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,487 Hey, what's that, now? 171 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:11,157 - Jay, do you... fuck the pillow? - Yeah, my same question. 172 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,910 Oh, yeah, guys, I fuck my pillow. 173 00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:18,581 I'm sorry, my tone was off. Yes, I 100-percent fuck my pillow. 174 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,500 First, I make a slit. 175 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:23,086 Not too long, careful as to not rip the edges, 176 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,171 making what I call "the husband stitch." 177 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,257 Then, I take two Ziploc bags 178 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,259 and I fill them with Amy's Organic Lentil Soup, 179 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,512 which I microwave to exactly 98.6 degrees... 180 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:36,057 not enough to burn you, but just enough to feel warm and inviting. 181 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,852 Then I place them in the slit of the pillow. 182 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,772 There's another slit in the back, but that's only for my birthday. 183 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,358 - This kid might be a genius. - What do you do for cleanup? 184 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,818 I eat the soup. 185 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:47,944 It's in the bag! 186 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,572 You know, Jay, Andrew has a special pillow, too. 187 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,115 - Let me see. - No! God damn it! 188 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,616 Don't touch him, please. 189 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,244 Yours is a him. Interesting, Andrew. 190 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,913 It's okay, big guy. No one's touching Pilbo. 191 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:02,125 - That's your special pillow. - It's not my special pillow. 192 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,919 It's just a pillow. And it is normal for me 193 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,672 to not want Jay to stick his penis inside it. 194 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,633 Just a little powder, and voilà. 195 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,181 I'm sorry, am I gorgeous right now? 196 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:19,559 Take a selfie of yourself and get Devin in there, 197 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:23,021 so everyone knows that you fucks with the big dogs. 198 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:25,106 #Stunning. 199 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:28,318 You should see how long it takes with this dump truck. 200 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,594 That's funny. We can say terrible things 201 00:09:30,595 --> 00:09:32,989 to each other because we're so close. 202 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,534 Now that I see you all made up you're like, naturally very pretty. 203 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,912 - Yeah, if you, like, like Jews. - Lola. 204 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,498 What? We're all joking. I'm a dump truck. 205 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,292 Guys! What should we do next? 206 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,961 Can I drink out of the goldfish bowl? 207 00:09:45,962 --> 00:09:47,587 I won't eat the fish, maybe I will! 208 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,089 Missy, are you okay? 209 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,675 Yeah, you look kind of psycho. 210 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:56,679 Nope, I'm hunky-dory, or should I say horsey-donkey? 211 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,849 Make me pretty like Jessi! 212 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,768 Maybe you should have a drink of water or something. 213 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,645 Maybe you should suck my dick! 214 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:07,941 I said, make me pretty like Jessi! 215 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,776 Why are you wasting ammo? 216 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,986 You are in strangling range. Andrew! 217 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,114 Oh, my God, they die in real time? 218 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,741 Yeah, you watch their souls leave their bodies. 219 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,409 A nun's covering her with a blanket. 220 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,786 - This is fucked-up. - Grab the soul! 221 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,996 - Grab the soul! - I got the coins, here you go. 222 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,748 Okay, wash your bloody hands in the fountain, 223 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,792 - and we gotta get outta here. - Oh, a gela-teria. 224 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:26,918 It's pronounced gelate-ria. 225 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,003 How many coins do you have? We can both buy a gelato. 226 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,421 Hey, what the hell? 227 00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,549 I'm sorry, were you in the middle of a game? 228 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,592 Val, Curt, don't be assholes! 229 00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,427 Yeah, don't be assholes, you fucking assholes. 230 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,513 I thought you guys were at a cool high school party. 231 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,807 We did make an appearance, grabbed some tit. 232 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,017 That part was rad. But when you get to be our age, 233 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,937 you'll see those parties, they're full of fakers, full of skanks. 234 00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:49,190 Would you two care to play some "Hooker Killer: Vatican City" with us? 235 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:51,985 Game for babies. You guys want to see some real sex? 236 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,027 We already saw your neighbors. 237 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,864 We're talking about one of the greatest pornographic works 238 00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,699 in the history of skinema. 239 00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:02,287 It stars the Italian Stallion himself, Mr. Sylvester Stallone. 240 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:05,206 - That's my buddy Frank's brother. - Did it before he was famous. 241 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:08,626 Just a struggling actor with a thick, meaty cock. 242 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:12,505 Yes. So tired of jacking off to the ladies from SportsCenter. 243 00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:15,508 Well, I would certainly not be opposed to seeing that film. 244 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,511 Today's the day, Andrew Glouberman, you become a man. 245 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,637 Mazel tov! 246 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:24,851 I didn't wrap a napkin around the glass and I don't wear shoes! Oh, God! 247 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:27,270 Are you bitches ready? 248 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:28,479 Here she is. 249 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:32,191 I love these sock boobs. They're real bazongas. 250 00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:35,486 - I like grabbing on to 'em. - That's good, 'cause nobody else will. 251 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,657 Oh, gosh, isn't she tragic, Jessi? 252 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:43,745 Agree with Devin. She is the alpha, and she must be satiated. 253 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,997 - No. - Missy is the weak one. 254 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,707 She must be sacrificed. 255 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,054 She looks like one of the meth heads 256 00:11:50,055 --> 00:11:52,377 from the sex scene in Dallas Buyers Club. 257 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:57,050 Oh, my God. I don't know what that movie is, but that sounds spot-on. 258 00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,053 Let's do nails. Let's paint them up. I want to do nails! 259 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:04,223 - Do my nails or suck my dick! - I am so glad you invited her. 260 00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,392 Every party needs entertainment. 261 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:09,562 Normally I would just have Lola spread a rumor about herself. 262 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:12,148 I'm lesbians with my mom. 263 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,235 This is crazy. Why is Jay doing this? 264 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,666 You're an only child. You don't get it. 265 00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:19,197 This is how brothers are with each other. 266 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,699 He's right. My brother's a real asshole. Want to see a picture? 267 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,326 I fuckin' love this guy. 268 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,496 Oh, my God! Is he dead? 269 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,790 Jesus, Jay, are you okay? 270 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,083 How long was I out? 271 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:33,127 My record is two and a half minutes. Let's do it again! 272 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,588 Nah. I want to see these gaywads fight. 273 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:39,133 - No, no, no. - Thank you, Curt, but I think we're good. 274 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:40,551 - Oh, you're good? - Yeah. 275 00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:44,222 Okay, they're good. Well, eat my swampy ass, bitch! 276 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:47,183 You want to see porn? You gotta pay for it in blood. 277 00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:50,019 Blood for sex? That's some old-school shit. I'm into it. 278 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,397 Blood. Nick, can I talk to you over here for a second? 279 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,523 Sure. 280 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,277 - Look, I don't want to fight you. - I don't want to be here at all. 281 00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:00,488 Think we can just, you know, pretend to fight. 282 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:04,867 Yeah, maybe throw a couple soft, fake hits and then it's porn city. 283 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,327 - What could go wrong? - What could go wrong? 284 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,038 Ladies and gentleturds, 285 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,916 welcome to the octagon of death. 286 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,086 In this corner, weighing in at practically nothing, 287 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:18,339 it's "Polly Pocket" herself, the "Lilliputian Leprechaun," 288 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,299 Saint Nick! 289 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,345 One at a time! Vegas odds only! 290 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:27,390 And in this corner: the "Fiddler on the Roof," 291 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:31,644 the "Pubescent Delicatessen," the Gloubermensch! 292 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,271 Now fight! 293 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,772 - Little right. - Yeah, there you go. 294 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,065 Rip his face off! 295 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,442 - Sorry. - No, no, we're good. 296 00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:38,901 - Too hard? - No blood, no porn! 297 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:39,944 - Nice hook. - Thank you. 298 00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,405 Kiss! Kiss on the mouth! 299 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,408 Oh, shit! Are you okay? I'm sorry, man. 300 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,786 I'm bleeding, you asshole! 301 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,413 Blood? Blood. 302 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,499 Don't think, react! Tear his fucking head off! 303 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,626 - Motherfucker! - Ow! 304 00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:59,922 Jesus! What the hell? We were supposed to be pretending. 305 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,469 Tear his face off! Hit him with the hai... 306 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,471 Get off me! 307 00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:08,598 This is even better than "Killing Hookers." 308 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:11,768 Okay, Jessi, who do you have a crush on? 309 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,312 - And you can't say nobody. - I have a crush! 310 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,606 It's TV's Nathan Fillion. I wanna kiss him. 311 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,108 I don't know who that is, so he sounds stupid. 312 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,319 Au contraire, Nathan Fillion's a hunk! 313 00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:24,989 Oh, man, I should stop her. She's on a serious sugar high. 314 00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,867 Hush, puppy. Let her dig her own grave. 315 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,203 Sometimes I like to imagine a scenario where we're friends 316 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,662 and we solve crimes, like Castle, 317 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,581 but the crimes are in space, like Firefly, 318 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:38,503 and then we fall in love, but we stay best friends at the same time. 319 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,546 Missy, I'm falling in love with you, 320 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,383 but I also want to stay best friends with you at the same time. 321 00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,093 Oh, Nathan Fillion. 322 00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:47,178 I want to spend the rest of my life with you 323 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,180 solving space crimes, doing homework, 324 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,765 and listening to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. 325 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,892 But first, let's dance the merengue. 326 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:56,104 Because I spent time in Latin America and understand other cultures. 327 00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:58,439 You are so beautiful, Missy. 328 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:02,819 - May I kiss you with my mouth? - Of course, Nathan Fillion. 329 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,614 Ruff! Ruff! 330 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,241 Nathan Fillion? 331 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:12,662 - Oh, my God, this is the best thing ever. - Oh, my God. 332 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,080 Missy, what is wrong with you? 333 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,040 What? Why? Why are you mad at me? 334 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,961 I'm mad because you're so weird. Why can't you be more normal? 335 00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:24,340 You're being really mean, Jessi. I thought we were gonna be friends. 336 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:28,719 I am trying to be your friend, but you make it so hard! 337 00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:30,263 Stop yelling at me. 338 00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:33,391 All I wanted was to be a part of a fun sleepover... 339 00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,186 - Oh, my God! - No! Darn it, Nathan Fillion. 340 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,479 Don't eat that. 341 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:41,441 - Are we having fun or what? - Or what. 342 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,110 Please, it wasn't on purpose. You leaned into the punch. 343 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,319 Eat shit. 344 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,905 Okay, look, let's lighten the mood a little. 345 00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:51,117 You know what we need? To harness the healing power of magic. 346 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,494 You gonna pull a rabbit out of your butt? 347 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,496 - Magic's gay. - Magic is not gay. 348 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,248 - It transcends sexuality. - Gay. 349 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,916 - You assholes unplugged our game! - Gay. 350 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,210 You kicked me in the face, and I take it all... 351 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,795 - Right up your butt? - Next to the rabbit? 352 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,756 I fuckin' hate you guys! These are my friends, 353 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,469 and you ruined a whole night sleepover! 354 00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:12,263 You guys are the worst! 355 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,100 All right, next task: you guys have got... 356 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,810 No! No next task. 357 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,688 You said if we fought each other we could watch a porno. 358 00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:24,150 And we fought each other, brother, we fought each other! 359 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,611 - So show me the porno. - Show us the porno. 360 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:29,071 - We've been through so much! - Show us the goddamn porno! 361 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,865 All right, jeez! Calm down, ladies. 362 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,658 I didn't realize it was this important to you. 363 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:35,328 - We can watch the porno right now. - Oh, thank God! 364 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:38,247 Just as soon as we have a light snack. 365 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,418 The name of the game is "Jizzcuit," 366 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,171 AKA "Ookie-Cookie," AKA "Cum on a Cracker." 367 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,173 It's very simple. We stand around in a circle 368 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,716 and jerk off onto a Triscuit. 369 00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:50,384 Last one to come eats it. 370 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:52,595 Wait, what's that now? 371 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,597 But, and here's why we're men of our word, 372 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,392 you get to watch the porno while you jerk off, so everybody wins. 373 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,853 Except for the bitch who has to eat the cum-soaked cracker. 374 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,898 Wow, okay, a lot to process here. 375 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,942 On the one hand, we get to watch porn, 376 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,985 but on the other we might have to eat cum. 377 00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:10,947 But on the third hand, I'm looking at prepubescent Nick 378 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,367 and I don't think his "frosting factory's" open for business yet. 379 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,620 But on the fourth hand that fucker punched you in the face, 380 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:20,039 so he can eat a dick and a jizzcuit. 381 00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:26,128 Pardon me, Val, may I see that cracker for a second? 382 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,256 Sure. It's low-sodium, for now. 383 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,842 What the hell, you assclown? Now we have to get another Triscuit! 384 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,803 You two, don't go anywhere. 385 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:37,473 - Nick, we're getting you out of here. - What? Why? 386 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,557 This has been a terrible night, 387 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,893 filled with many dark and regrettable things. 388 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,813 Years from now we'll talk about this at a party, thinking it's funny, 389 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,314 and then immediately feel embarrassed 390 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,692 and realize this was almost certainly child abuse. 391 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:50,111 - Let's go. - Do you think we can get out of here? 392 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:54,949 My dear boy, I make this vow... no cum shall enter your tummy. 393 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,994 - A broken promise I made to Rod Stewart. - Is that true? 394 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,912 You're picturing it, we're talking about it. 395 00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,248 - What? - A callback to the last episode. 396 00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,667 They're binge-watching it. You're binge-watching it, right? 397 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:08,754 I can't wait for you to see the next one. Jessi discovers her vagina. 398 00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,798 It's a very sex-positive episode. 399 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:16,178 You just invited me here to make fun of me. 400 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,388 No, I didn't. 401 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:21,017 This is going to be my harrowing middle-school story 402 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,685 that I tell on The Moth. 403 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,106 Jessi, you have to see this pic of Missy kissing your dog. 404 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,026 - We're posting it #MissyFit. - What? 405 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,946 It's awesome. I got her full-on Frenching your dog. 406 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,867 - Come on, guys, you can't post that. - No one touches my phone! 407 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,828 Pull her hair out from the roots! 408 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,707 - Let go of the phone! - Stop trying to make out with me, lesbo! 409 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,542 You're not my mom! 410 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,377 Let go of my hair! 411 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,339 Rusted Root isn't rusty at all. 412 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,343 ♪ On my way ♪ ♪ On my way ♪ 413 00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:58,804 Done. They're deleted. 414 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:01,265 I hate you. Your house sucks! 415 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:04,685 My God, I'm a dump truck. 416 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,856 I don't think you're a very nice person, Jessi. 417 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,524 But I deleted the photo. 418 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,569 But you yelled at me and you called me weird. 419 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:16,197 Honestly, Jessi, there's a special place in hell 420 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,948 for women who don't support other women. 421 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:21,619 Are you fucking joking, Devin? You're the ringleader of all of this! 422 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,246 I only went along with it so you would like me. 423 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:27,625 I only do everything so that Devin will like me. 424 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:32,088 I'm sorry you're all such beta-bitches, 425 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,675 and for your 411-formation, it's tough being in charge. 426 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,636 You don't know what it's like 427 00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:42,640 being the prettiest and the most popular girl at school. 428 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,725 You can't know. 429 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:46,352 God! 430 00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:49,271 "Prettiest" seemed kinda wedged in there. 431 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:53,442 Soldiers of fortune, your mission is to escape this house. 432 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,985 Okay, what do we do? 433 00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:57,279 Press my nip. It's the start button. 434 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:05,079 Where do you turd burglars think you're going? 435 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,793 - That's coarse! - Run! 436 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,423 Eat my seed, gaylords! 437 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,884 When did he have time to jerk off? 438 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:22,388 Hyah! 439 00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:25,808 - It stings! - But it's worth it! 440 00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:28,644 Make a right. 441 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,981 - That's the door they never open. - Screw that! 442 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,026 Jay's mom was here the whole time? 443 00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:39,196 - You boys havin' fun? - No. Your sons are insane. 444 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,698 We want to go home. 445 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:46,036 I didn't realize you were a bunch of pussies. 446 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,455 - What's that? - Huh? 447 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:50,291 Boys! We've got runners! 448 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,960 - My God, she's one of them. - Come and get 'em! 449 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:57,423 Oh, my God, it's Featuring Ludacris! 450 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,594 Me... me... 451 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,095 Me. 452 00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:09,185 Oh, my God, we made it. That was insane! 453 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,896 No. No, no, wait. No. 454 00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,731 No, no, this can't be... 455 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:17,276 Pilbo. Oh, no, I can't leave him with those monsters, Nick. 456 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,570 Oh, man. I'm really sorry, Andrew, 457 00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:22,364 but we can't go back in there just for a pillow. 458 00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:25,868 Nick, it's not just a pillow... 459 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,621 it's my special pillow. 460 00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:32,208 - Hey, look at me. - Oh, my God. 461 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,585 Hey. We're going back in. 462 00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:36,796 We're going to get Pilbo. 463 00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:40,174 Devin! Devin! 464 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:41,592 We've got to do something. 465 00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:44,595 The neighbors are gonna think you're sacrificing a goat. 466 00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:47,306 Lola, I want to help you guys make up. 467 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:48,641 Like, why? 468 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:52,394 Because I would never want to come between you and Devin. 469 00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:55,439 Wait, hold on, are you saying we should kill Devin, 470 00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:56,633 take her skin and wear it, 471 00:21:56,634 --> 00:22:00,528 and then blame the whole thing on Missy, or what? 472 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:03,948 No. I just think you and Devin belong together. 473 00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:06,700 Oh, my God, that's actually, like, very sweet. 474 00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:10,162 Okay, here, just repeat after me. 475 00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,705 - Devin... - What? 476 00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:14,250 Are you gonna yell at me for kissing your stepdad, too? 477 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:17,336 Wait, what? I will cut your skin off! 478 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,255 Lola... 479 00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:21,632 Okay. Listen, I get it. 480 00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:25,678 It's really hard being in charge and we're super lucky to have you. 481 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:29,598 We demand perfection and that's not fair, 482 00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:33,477 but we only do it because you're honestly, like, a goddess 483 00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:35,777 and that's why it's so hard to not want 484 00:22:35,778 --> 00:22:39,358 to literally turn you into a human jumpsuit. 485 00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:43,279 - That's all I ever wanted to hear. - Oh, my God. 486 00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:47,032 - I went off-script there at the end. - I know. 487 00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:49,910 Wow, you really pulled a Cyrano, Jessi. 488 00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:53,539 Oh, Missy, I'm so sorry I was mean. 489 00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:56,625 And I'm sorry I made you say that stuff. 490 00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:59,336 I just wanted you to be popular 491 00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:01,005 and have flat-iron hair 492 00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:04,008 and call the fucking shots! 493 00:23:04,592 --> 00:23:06,510 And I'm sorry I spazzed out. 494 00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:10,347 This really has been a harrowing ordeal of emotional brutality. 495 00:23:10,431 --> 00:23:14,226 So, the crying portion of the evening has concluded, 496 00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:15,936 and now it's time to watch a movie. 497 00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:19,815 Or we could watch Castle starring Nathan Fillion. 498 00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,817 That sounds good to me. 499 00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:24,903 Damn it, it's not here. 500 00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:27,865 Andrew, do you smell that? 501 00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:29,074 - Lentils. - Lentils. 502 00:23:30,618 --> 00:23:32,745 ♪ Heating up my lentils ♪ 503 00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:34,496 Back in. 504 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,334 Thank God, no slits. 505 00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:40,586 Hey, why do you guys have all your stuff? 506 00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:42,546 Because we have to go home, Jay. 507 00:23:42,630 --> 00:23:44,673 Your brothers are trying to make us eat jizz. 508 00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:46,383 Come out, come out, wherever you are! 509 00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:48,510 We found a Tostitos Scoop. 510 00:23:48,594 --> 00:23:52,014 - Jay, come with us. - No, Andrew. My place is here. 511 00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:55,100 Go. The window. I'll cover you guys. 512 00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:58,103 Okay, aim for the trampoline. 513 00:23:58,187 --> 00:23:59,396 - Nick? - Yeah, Andrew? 514 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,357 Can I sleep over at your place? 515 00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:03,567 Sure, Andrew, if the fall doesn't cripple us 516 00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:07,279 - you can totally sleep over. - Come out, wherever you are! 517 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,620 Look, the Alberts are still going at it. 518 00:24:17,039 --> 00:24:19,792 This is the best night of my life! 519 00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:22,711 Sleepover! 520 00:24:29,802 --> 00:24:32,596 Wait a minute, Castle, if Arroyo's a trained lifeguard... 521 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,640 Then who was wearing those water wings? 522 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:38,560 This show is great. Their chemistry's undeniable. 523 00:24:38,644 --> 00:24:41,438 We actually shot this scene day-for-night, L.A. for New York. 524 00:24:41,522 --> 00:24:42,356 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 525 00:24:42,439 --> 00:24:45,150 - You do a heck of a job, my man. - Thanks. You're too much. 526 00:24:45,818 --> 00:24:48,112 Oh, my God, what a rush, right? 527 00:24:48,195 --> 00:24:49,863 I mean, that's exciting! 528 00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:52,408 Oh, Andrew. 529 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:55,077 Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 530 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,705 No, no, no. It's okay, Nick. 531 00:24:57,788 --> 00:25:02,042 It's probably time for pillows to just be pillows. 532 00:25:03,544 --> 00:25:06,380 But, you know, it's a bummer we went through all of that 533 00:25:06,463 --> 00:25:08,507 and never got to see Stallone bone. 534 00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:11,969 Actually, I did manage to grab this on the way out. 535 00:25:13,053 --> 00:25:14,054 Check this out. 536 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:16,724 Andrew, nicely done. 537 00:25:16,807 --> 00:25:18,642 Wait, does your family even have a VCR? 538 00:25:18,726 --> 00:25:22,396 We do, but there's this Jane Fonda workout tape stuck in it. 539 00:25:22,479 --> 00:25:23,406 It's kind of amazing that 540 00:25:23,407 --> 00:25:25,441 Jay's not more screwed up than he is, right? 541 00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:27,651 His mom called us pussies. 542 00:25:27,735 --> 00:25:30,404 And his brothers make him for real eat their jizz. 543 00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:32,114 Look at all these houses. 544 00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:35,325 You never know how many people are inside eating jizz. 545 00:25:35,626 --> 00:25:40,626 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -