1
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:11,970
Jesus! Tyler!
2
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,472
What the hell, man?
3
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:17,601
I've been fired for working
with the Shame Wizard!
4
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,354
Well, yeah. That makes perfect
sense, you screwed up.
5
00:00:20,430 --> 00:00:22,999
I know, but I really wanted to be there
6
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,774
when you squinched your first load.
7
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,860
So hold on, wait, wait, wait.
8
00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:29,655
If you're fired, who's gonna
be my new Hormone Monster?
9
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,448
Well, I'm not in charge of that.
10
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:34,034
Your puberty's just on hold
until they figure it out.
11
00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:36,370
- On hold?
- I shouldn't even be here.
12
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,621
Stupid Tyler!
13
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,957
- They're gonna be so mad at me.
- Who's gonna be mad?
14
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,834
Give your mom's big naturals
one last honk for me.
15
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,461
Smell her!
16
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,588
What the... ?
17
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:49,758
Whoa.
18
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:55,680
Okay.
19
00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:01,480
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
20
00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:29,756
Good morning, students.
21
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,799
I have 87 days until
I retire and move in
22
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,000
with my sister in Clearwater, Florida.
23
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,820
And we thank you, Principal Baron.
24
00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:38,830
Okay,
25
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:42,644
a lot of debauchery went down
here during the lunar eclipse.
26
00:01:42,728 --> 00:01:45,397
I mean, there was a
goddamn fire in here.
27
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,233
And one of you mongrels shat right
through the basketball hoop.
28
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,569
Don't laugh.
29
00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,696
This slam dunk dookie kid is sick!
30
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,865
And by that he means the
kid is medically unwell.
31
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,784
Yes, we are worried 'cause
the turd kept its heat.
32
00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,628
Three days, it kept warm.
33
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:00,871
Come on, goddammit.
34
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,498
I'm still seeing a lot of
smiling faces out there.
35
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,125
You think this is fucking funny?
36
00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:08,211
Look, if any of you have information
about who started the fire,
37
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,339
please, rat out your fellow students.
38
00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:12,719
Spill your guts like
that sick dookie kid
39
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,258
did out on the basketball court.
40
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:17,659
Oh, Andrew, there you are.
41
00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:19,430
You gotta come over to
my house after school.
42
00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:20,932
I have something crazy to show you.
43
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:23,769
Oh my God, you found Diane Lane's
beach house on Google Maps?
44
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,270
- What? Who?
- Diane Lane.
45
00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:28,273
Nick, do yourself a favor
and see Unfaithful.
46
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:29,358
Yes, it's sexy,
47
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:32,152
but it's got a real story
and it is beautifully shot.
48
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,863
- You see, her lover has this loft...
- Andrew, just come over.
49
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,948
I'd love to, but I don't
wanna see your sister.
50
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:39,201
It'll be so weird
because of the whole...
51
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,328
Yeah, it'll be fine.
52
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,830
That Shame Wizard guy is gone, remember?
53
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,957
Yeah, come on, I miss Nick's house.
54
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,126
They have DirecTV and
name brand cookies.
55
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,836
- Yeah.
- And your dad's not there.
56
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,714
No, I know. My house is a
nightmare. Okay, Nick, let's do it.
57
00:02:52,780 --> 00:02:53,780
No more shame.
58
00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:57,386
And why does your dad keep a bucket
of power tools in the bathroom?
59
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,513
So, how about that lunar eclipse?
60
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:00,681
Yeah, pretty crazy.
61
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,683
Something really awoke inside of me.
62
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:03,934
Eyebrows, eyebrows.
63
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,727
Um, listen, I got to go.
64
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,354
My mom's making me do this thing.
65
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:08,855
Well, I got a thing, too.
66
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:11,024
It's a book about female sensuality
67
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:13,819
called Ripples From the Inside Out.
68
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,570
Oh, good for you.
69
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,280
Yeah, it is good for me.
70
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,283
And so, it turns out, is
the faucet of my bathtub.
71
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,369
Eyebrows, eyebrows.
72
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:24,246
Hey, Matthew.
73
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,206
Hello, Jay.
74
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:29,084
Epic game of Smooch or Share, huh?
75
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,100
Uh-huh.
76
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,300
Especially when we continued
the game later on
77
00:03:32,330 --> 00:03:33,337
when we were in private,
78
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,382
but it was still part of the
game and not real life.
79
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,926
Okay, I see you're dealing with
us making out really well.
80
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,094
Is that what we did?
81
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:42,556
Okay, I barely remember or think
about it at all all the time.
82
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,558
Relax. It was a one-time thing.
83
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:45,976
Great.
84
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,811
See you at the Manhole in ten years.
85
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,897
Yeah, right! I'll see you at
the Manhole in ten years!
86
00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:51,970
Oh, God.
87
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:53,900
What? Oh. Wha... ? Argh!
88
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,235
Hey, Coach Steve,
89
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,154
we got a few questions for you.
90
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,822
You got questions? For me?
91
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,825
I feel terrible, I
didn't get you anything.
92
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,452
Any idea who started the fire?
93
00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:07,164
'Cause we're looking for this
so-called "Arson Person."
94
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,249
That's nothing. That's
a nothing nickname.
95
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:12,210
Okay, then, how about "the Pyro Maniac"?
96
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:13,545
That's already a goddamn word!
97
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:17,090
You know what's not a
word: "cunther." So...
98
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,844
So this therapist is
supposed to be very cool.
99
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,053
Just give her a chance.
100
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,847
- I don't wanna give her a chance.
- Yeah!
101
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,099
You're not the boss of us, Shannon.
102
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,935
Just 'cause you're taller and
you got a big-ass purse.
103
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:31,104
I'm not gonna talk about my private life
104
00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:33,460
with some random person
I've never met before.
105
00:04:33,470 --> 00:04:35,039
Well, maybe you should've
thought of that
106
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,984
before you decided to run away
107
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,070
and shoplift and do drugs.
108
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,615
- She made a list?
- I could keep going.
109
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,284
This cunther made a goddamn list!
110
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,912
Well, if anyone needs a
therapist, it's you, Mom.
111
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:49,122
Sweetheart, you don't have a choice.
112
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,665
You're going. End of story.
113
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,626
No. No, no, no.
114
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,420
Hit her! Hit her while she's driving!
115
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:58,882
Will you please stop it
with the terrible ideas?
116
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,134
Oh, God, I'm so tired of both of you!
117
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,094
Jessi, what the hell are you doing?
118
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:05,597
Yeah, what you doing, Lady Bird?
119
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,850
Don't leave me alone
with Shitshow Shannon!
120
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,146
- Well, if it isn't Andrew Glouberman.
- Hi, sweetie.
121
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,981
Oh, we have missed you.
122
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,107
Oh, yeah.
123
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,026
Yeah, well, I got a job.
124
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,904
I'm working nights at... the museum.
125
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:23,448
Oh, the museum. That sounds real.
126
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:26,117
- I mean, hi, Leah.
- Nice to see you again, Andrew.
127
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,161
And to be seen by you,
128
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,747
a pleasure and a blessing.
129
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,625
It's always cool between us.
130
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,086
Okay, well, hang loose, dude.
131
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,420
Very smooth.
132
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,756
Okay, we'll be upstairs.
See y'all at dinner.
133
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,675
Have fun fucking, shitheads.
134
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,636
From the twisted mind
of Judd Birch. I love it.
135
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,222
Damn!
136
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,850
Look at that fine Mediterranean ass.
137
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,101
Who are you?
138
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,186
I'm Brad. You're Jay, right?
139
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,771
You look nice, bro.
140
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,858
So fit. Mr. Perfect. You exercise?
141
00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:00,569
I mean, I jump on the
trampoline in my backyard.
142
00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:03,530
Hell yeah, you do. I bet you have
the best body in your grade.
143
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,156
I don't know exact...
144
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,367
Wait, what do you want, Brad?
145
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,035
What do you think I want, bro?
146
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,329
I'm thirsty for that olive pecker.
147
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:15,417
Listen, as much as I'd love to dump
a full load of tzatziki in you,
148
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,503
I don't know that I should. I
have a girlfriend, Suzette.
149
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:19,796
Oh, I know that pillow.
150
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,882
So does every cake-boy at GNC.
151
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,800
Besides, I can keep a secret, bro.
152
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,678
My lips stay shut when
I'm not sucking you off.
153
00:06:26,750 --> 00:06:27,750
Oh, wow.
154
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,556
I mean, right, okay.
155
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,933
Very cool. Okay.
156
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,811
Are you insane? I'm not going in there.
157
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,689
Come on, Andrew. They
put my puberty on hold.
158
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,608
I know, that does sound bad.
159
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:43,528
I need a new Hormone Monster, and
this time I want someone good.
160
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,947
Yeah, but you don't even know
where this portal leads.
161
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,407
It's safe, okay?
162
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,868
I tied a rope to a tennis
ball, threw it in there,
163
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,912
and when I pulled it back,
it was totally fine.
164
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,789
This tennis ball is covered in pubes.
165
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,374
- Yeah, I guess that's weird.
- It is.
166
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,699
Like, whose pubes are they, right?
167
00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,501
Just shut up and do it already, pussies.
168
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:00,855
- Jessi?
- What are you doing here?
169
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:03,131
I came over to get away
from my stupid mom,
170
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:06,134
but then I overheard you dweebs
talking about your portal,
171
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,427
and I want in.
172
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,511
You want in?
173
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,347
Did you not see the ball of pubes?
174
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,515
Who even cares? Life sucks ass.
175
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,309
- Interesting take.
- Fuck it.
176
00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:15,310
- No!
- Argh!
177
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,312
- Oh my God, I can't believe...
- Come on, Andrew.
178
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,980
Don't be a pussy!
179
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,065
No, Nick, don't...
180
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:23,026
Have you both lost your
minds? I'm not going in.
181
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,111
I'm not going to do it. I'm not...
182
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:30,116
Well, my chapstick broke in my pocket,
183
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,369
so these jeans, yeah, they're ruined.
184
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,452
Whoa.
185
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,873
What is this place?
186
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,834
"Welcome to Human Resources.
187
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,378
We manage people."
188
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,963
"Presented by Acura"?
189
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,547
- What does that even mean?
- Look!
190
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,132
"The Department of Puberty."
191
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:49,177
I bet that place is chock-full
of Hormone Monsters.
192
00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:50,180
- Let's go.
- Wait.
193
00:07:50,190 --> 00:07:51,596
Are we even supposed to be here?
194
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,014
Just try to blend in.
195
00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:54,050
Be casual.
196
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,558
Yes, be casual.
197
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,978
Okay. Hang cool, everyone.
198
00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:59,040
Cowabunga.
199
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,772
Be Andrew.
200
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,321
Oh my God.
201
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:11,220
Hey, check it out: Hormone
Division, floor 13.
202
00:08:11,230 --> 00:08:12,230
Come on.
203
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,952
- How you doing, Bob?
- There you are.
204
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,704
- My mother-in-law's in town.
- Oof.
205
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,789
Yeah. She said something so insulting.
206
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,207
- What'd she say?
- She goes,
207
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:22,780
"You couldn't get a kid a boner
if you jerked him off yourself."
208
00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:23,790
Jesus.
209
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,250
Listen, she's right, but you know...
210
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,316
- She say it in front of your kids?
- No, in front of me!
211
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,567
That's awful.
212
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,152
- There's my floor.
- Okay, see you later.
213
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,761
HORMONE DIVISION
214
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,140
Holy shit. It's Maury at work.
215
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,183
Aww. He has a whole life.
216
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,602
Yeah, just got my pilot's license.
217
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,563
You gotta come up with
me sometime, Lorraine.
218
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,773
All you need to do is bring your bikini.
219
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,734
And money to pay for your trip.
220
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,902
What the... ?
221
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:50,155
Wow, Maury! Was that you flirting?
222
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,918
Blow it out your ass, Gavin.
223
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,033
Lorraine already did.
224
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,035
She laughs at everything.
225
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,245
You wanna chew on a door jamb.
226
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,164
All right, well, I gotta
get back to work.
227
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,415
My dick don't quit.
228
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,752
I just got two 13-year-olds laid,
on a school night no less.
229
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,129
I want him. That's my guy.
230
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,007
He does seem confident.
New Jersey confident.
231
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,800
I'm gonna find his
office and talk to him.
232
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,361
Wait here with... Where did Jessi go?
233
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,025
Hey, what the hell are
you two doing here?
234
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,764
Maury! Look, Nick made us come...
235
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,891
I'm taking you home right now.
Let's go, butt-fucks.
236
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,185
But we lost Jessi, she came
here with us. We can't go.
237
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:23,563
Shit, you kids are like dogs.
I need to put you on a leash.
238
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,066
I am enamored with you, Lorraine.
239
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,777
Tyler.
240
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,362
Of course that little
shit left a portal open.
241
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:34,115
That's exactly why I need
a new Hormone Monster.
242
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:36,242
Maybe you could introduce
me to that guy Gavin?
243
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,244
You want to work with that chode?
244
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,888
It doesn't matter. You don't have
the time to talk to him anyway.
245
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,600
- Why not?
- Humans can't stay in this world
246
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:43,750
for longer than an hour.
247
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,085
If you do, it'll be...
248
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:48,588
Oh, fuck! Our dicks will
age rapidly and fall off
249
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,215
like a bunch of rotten nectarines?
250
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,051
- Where do you come up with this shit?
- I don't know.
251
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,614
Look, the point is, if you stay here,
252
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,888
you will be developmentally
stunted forever.
253
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,432
Either physically, like
child weightlifters,
254
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,477
or mentally, like my dear
friend's son, Michael Jackson.
255
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,728
But I want to grow up.
256
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,064
I have big plans to be a regular man.
257
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,024
I'm going to go find Jessi. Stay here.
258
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,692
Do not leave this office. Capiche?
259
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,070
You got it, Maury. Capiche to the max!
260
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,656
- I'm gonna go talk to Gavin.
- But we don't have time.
261
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,533
I can't be stuck halfway
through puberty.
262
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,743
I don't wanna look like this
for the rest of my life.
263
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,971
You mean like the assistant
manager at a bowling alley?
264
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,080
That's what I look like?
265
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,040
Yeah, you really do.
266
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:28,253
Holy shit, man!
267
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:31,297
See? I told you I could do
things Suzette couldn't.
268
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:33,675
I'm a dude. I'm familiar
with the equipment.
269
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,677
- Yeah...
- What is it, bro?
270
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:36,750
I don't know.
271
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:40,181
Is it a weird coincidence
that I made out with Matthew,
272
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:41,558
and now you show up?
273
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,393
I don't see the connection, man.
274
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,562
I just think it's so funny to suck dick.
275
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,688
Yeah, of course.
276
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,189
It's hilar... Oh my God, Suzette!
277
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,399
How could you?
278
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,151
And with a couch cushion?
279
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,944
You basically fucked a fart, Jay.
280
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:55,905
Suzette, I swear to God, all
he did was suck me off.
281
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,699
And mostly as a joke.
282
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,285
It was Logan Paul-level hilarious.
283
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,788
Jay, look at you. You're
literally in a closet.
284
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,415
What the hell are you doing?
285
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,792
I don't know! Everybody wants me!
286
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:10,461
I'm very confused. And hard again?
287
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,505
Okay. Wow.
288
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:13,798
Let me get this straight.
289
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,799
While the students were engaging in
290
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,170
all kinds of debaucherous depravity,
291
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:19,220
you were busy.
292
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,020
Talking to the floating grandpa!
293
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,340
- This is the "Shane Lizard"?
- That's right.
294
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,561
And then it says here that you
rolled away on golf balls.
295
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,062
Oh, it's not the first time.
296
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:31,441
I once made it to LaGuardia on marbles.
297
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,067
Okay, I've heard enough.
298
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,236
Steve, we're gonna have to let you go.
299
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,030
Okay, I'll see you guys tomorrow.
300
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,323
No, we're firing you.
301
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,824
Cool! Out of which cannon?
302
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,451
Steve! You are fired.
303
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:44,704
Yeah, I'm fired up to
meet Nick Cannon, baby.
304
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:45,830
ONE HOUR LATER
305
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:49,042
Okay, I think I finally understand.
306
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,585
Because of what I did,
307
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:54,505
you never want me to come back
to this school... of fish.
308
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,007
Close enough! I'll take it.
309
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,301
I guess these fish don't like soda!
310
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,094
More for me.
311
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:09,729
Connie, since you took over
as Jessi's number one,
312
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:12,398
things have gone off the rails. Okay?
313
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,776
I put together a projection
of what she'll look like
314
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,903
if she continues on her current path.
315
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,156
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, no!
316
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,409
Her neck tat says "I love codeine"?
317
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,954
We're doomed! What a waste
of genetic potential!
318
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,582
It makes me want to throw
my shit against the wall!
319
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:33,378
Well, I'm sorry. I just wanted
to make my Jess-bear feel good.
320
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,630
Feeling good is not the only
thing that's important.
321
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,633
We were supposed to be the
next Elizabeth Warren!
322
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,860
We need to make a change. That's
why we've been working...
323
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,803
... with an outside consultant.
324
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:42,886
Oh, no.
325
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,472
This is Kitty.
326
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,391
She's from the Depression Division.
327
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,142
Not the Depression Kitty.
328
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:49,811
Hello, everyone.
329
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,188
It's so nice to be part of the team.
330
00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:53,220
Oh, come on!
331
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:55,650
Get your velvet Froot
Loop out of my face!
332
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,421
Uh, sir, you can't go...
333
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,364
Nick! You shouldn't be here.
334
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,701
You'll turn into a child
weightlifter with veiny cock arms.
335
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,202
Hold on, you're Gavin's assistant?
336
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,288
Can you get me a meeting with him?
337
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,248
Yeah, right.
338
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,792
A meeting with Gavin?
You're funny, Nick.
339
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,955
- You should do comedy.
- You got to get me in there.
340
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,754
- You owe me.
- Oh, man.
341
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,506
Okay, I'll slip Gavin your headshot.
342
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,389
Did you take that while I was sleeping?
343
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:24,554
Are you mad at Ty-Ty for
snapping a picky of Nicky
344
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,514
taking a snooze in his Underoos?
345
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,808
Tyler, please just get me the meeting.
346
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,852
Wow, Maury's office.
347
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:34,731
"San Diego Bartending College,
certificate of attendance."
348
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,233
Now, what would Maury's password be?
349
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,985
C-U-M, cum.
350
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,653
Yeah, okay, that worked.
351
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:41,821
"Andrew Glouberman.
352
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,031
Classic pervert.
353
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:46,617
Projected profession:
manager at a bowling alley.
354
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,786
First girlfriend: Missy
Forman-Greenwald."
355
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,538
Yes, "Missy Forman-Greenwald:
356
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,081
burgeoning horny spaz.
357
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:55,752
Projected profession:
Ambassador to the Moon."
358
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,921
"Still has a thing for
Andrew Glouberman."
359
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,419
Well, I wonder if they'll have
360
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:03,175
bowling alleys on the Moon.
361
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:05,678
Wait, was that... ?
362
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:09,515
Hey, I can't find Jessi... Oh, shit.
363
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:10,767
Where the hell are they?
364
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,602
These kids really are like dogs.
365
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,125
Oh, Lorraine.
366
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,148
I'd like to cook you up in
a spoon and mainline you.
367
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,150
It's time for a new approach.
368
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:22,737
We just want things to be...
easier. Don't we?
369
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:23,840
- Uh-huh.
- Yes.
370
00:14:23,850 --> 00:14:24,850
Yeah.
371
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,240
I think so, too.
372
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:29,410
I'd like to take over
as Jessi's number one.
373
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:30,787
What? No!
374
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:34,123
We can't hand Jessi over
to this pouty pussy!
375
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,542
Connie, you had your... opportunity.
376
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,002
Let's not be rude.
377
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:40,546
Some of us just aren't cut
out for this type of work.
378
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:43,299
Connie, I have a cousin in Body Odor.
379
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,801
He says they're hiring.
380
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,010
Oh, that's it.
381
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:49,138
I'm gonna piss in your
lasagna, Garfield.
382
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,973
Connie! Stop!
383
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,725
Jessi! You can't be here!
384
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,477
I... I want to go with Kitty.
385
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,479
What? No!
386
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:57,563
Kitty's right.
387
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:01,943
I am so tired of fighting
and feeling bad.
388
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,194
Oh, no!
389
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:04,612
I can help you.
390
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:07,031
No, you just make things worse.
391
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,158
I've got it from here, love.
392
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:13,439
Jessi, have you ever laid on your side,
393
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,330
facing away from the television...
394
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:18,084
... listening to a Friends marathon?
395
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:22,588
It's raining outside and
you're wearing double socks.
396
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:24,424
Yeah, let's do that.
397
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,884
There you go, sugar plum.
398
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,052
Oh!
399
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,012
I'm sorry. I'm just so comfortable.
400
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,472
That's okay.
401
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:34,475
Let go of everything.
402
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:35,880
Coach Steve?
403
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,603
- Jay!
- What are you doing? What is this?
404
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:39,647
Oh, I got fired. Did you not hear?
405
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,732
- No.
- Yeah, I got fired big time.
406
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,818
- From the school?
- Yeah, from the school.
407
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,611
Not from Nick Cannon, you know,
408
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,864
so for all intensive porpoises,
409
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,073
I'm pretty bummed.
410
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,741
Fuck, that sucks.
411
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,535
Yeah, it really does, man.
412
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,120
I need some advice.
413
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,414
Well, hit me, kiddo! Don't hit me!
414
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:57,832
Well, last night
415
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,251
I got a blowjob from a couch cushion.
416
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:01,627
So far, of course.
417
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,337
And now I feel weird about it, because,
418
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:05,173
well, the cushion is a dude.
419
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,257
- Cool!
- It is?
420
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:07,884
I don't know. Did you like it?
421
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,302
Yeah, I guess I did.
422
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,971
He, like, said my name in,
like, a really cool way.
423
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,054
How'd he do it?
424
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,807
- "Jay."
- I get it.
425
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,143
I mean, for someone to
know your name? Woof.
426
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,604
- Yeah.
- Well, you know what I always say...
427
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:20,771
Let's go Mets!
428
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:21,840
That's it?
429
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,065
It's just that simple?
430
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,359
Even if it's not, I
can't offer you more.
431
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,278
- Thanks, Steve.
- Thank you, Jay.
432
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,030
Thanks for being my friend.
433
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,949
It's gonna be weird not to
be Coach Steve anymore.
434
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,618
I guess now, I'm just...
435
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:34,993
Coach.
436
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,663
Gavin, this is Nick...
437
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,540
Yeah, I know who the fuck he is.
438
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,167
Nick. I've seen your cock.
439
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,919
- You have?
- And there's potential there.
440
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,588
I'm gonna make it so big and
thick, it's gonna be a problem.
441
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,632
I don't think he wants a problem cock.
442
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,675
Don't speak unless you
have something to say.
443
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,490
Nick, you know the kid who
basted Mary Kay Letourneau?
444
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:53,500
Mine.
445
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,515
I think Nick might be a
little young to remember...
446
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:56,974
Tyler!
447
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,559
Nick, what do you want, huh?
448
00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:01,521
- A thick neck? A nice high ass?
- Huh?
449
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,272
You want to pistol whip a dumb nun?
450
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:07,068
I guess I'm more focused on
just cuming for the first time.
451
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,277
Jesus Christ!
452
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,570
- You haven't cum yet?
- No.
453
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,531
Oh, man. When I'm done with you...
454
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,908
You know when a car crashes
into a fire hydrant?
455
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,786
No, no, no. You know when
they power wash a sidewalk?
456
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,956
No, no, no! You ever get mad
at your mom on Thanksgiving,
457
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,208
and smash a jar of
mayo against the wall?
458
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,626
Goodness, not Diane!
459
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,629
Tyler! I'm gonna pull that
horn out of your fucking head
460
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,548
and finger fuck the hole.
461
00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:31,008
All right, um, this has been amazing.
462
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,760
And so relaxing...
463
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,262
Now, to make it official,
464
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:35,699
I'm going to superglue your dick
465
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:37,472
to your stomach so you
piss up your nose.
466
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:40,560
I'm kidding!
467
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:41,978
You're so serious, Nick.
468
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,272
Whoa! Relax!
469
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:46,190
I think you're scaring him.
470
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,901
Tyler, I move my heel, you die.
471
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,153
All right, sweet lips, I
got your home address.
472
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:54,073
I'll show up whenever the fuck I want.
473
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,158
Oh my God, it's him.
474
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,827
Stan the man!
475
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:01,122
How were the bright lights
of Las Vegas, Nevada?
476
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,666
I'm not telling you. You'll
just make me feel shitty.
477
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,126
Hey, Grace!
478
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,128
Are we doing a cake
for Linda's birthday?
479
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,796
We did it two hours ago.
480
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,172
Oh, I didn't realize.
481
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,039
Yeah, 'cause I didn't
need you telling me
482
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,508
it was gonna go straight to my hips.
483
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,678
I like my ass and you can kiss it.
484
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,305
I wouldn't mind,
485
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,932
for I am in love with you, Grace.
486
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,350
Yeesh.
487
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,229
This feels so nice.
488
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:28,649
You want to drink some
more soupy ice cream?
489
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:29,733
Mmm. Okay.
490
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,444
Mmm, yeah.
491
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:32,736
That's right.
492
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:34,030
How 'bout another blanket?
493
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,113
I should get up.
494
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,533
It's kind of weird to be in
bed in the middle of the day.
495
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,327
No, it's not.
496
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,621
Oh, you're a little heavy.
497
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,539
I can't really move.
498
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,542
Hello, Andrew.
499
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,377
I thought we were rid of you.
500
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,588
No, you can't get rid of me.
501
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,632
That's why when you saw Leah,
502
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,634
you still felt like a skeevy little...
503
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:56,886
Creep? Pervert? Masturbator?
504
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,179
Yeah, I get it.
505
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,139
I jerk off quite a lot.
506
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,475
But why do you have to
be such an asshole?
507
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,645
Perhaps I'm too harsh sometimes,
508
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:08,272
but I only want you to
be a better person.
509
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,732
- You do?
- Of course.
510
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,318
I don't want you to grow
up to be one of those men
511
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:15,571
who wait six months for
a customized sex doll.
512
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,658
Six months? That seems like
a ridiculously long time.
513
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,576
Yeah, well, they have
to get the eyes right.
514
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,411
That's not the point.
515
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,579
Look, I get it.
516
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,498
I want to be a good person too, I do.
517
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,581
I know you do.
518
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,751
You see, we're not so different, are we?
519
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,544
- C'mere.
- Why, what you gonna do to me?
520
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,089
- I'm gonna give you a hug.
- Oh.
521
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,341
Because you seem like you need a friend.
522
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,440
- This is nice, right?
- It really is.
523
00:19:37,450 --> 00:19:38,450
There you are.
524
00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:41,138
Jesus Christ, you're the
horniest kid I've ever met.
525
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,724
- No! We were just... It wasn't...
- It doesn't matter.
526
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,726
We've got ten minutes
to get you out of here.
527
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,478
But I do want the deets.
528
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:49,021
Goodbye, Andrew.
529
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,040
Goodbye...
530
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:51,524
I don't think I ever got your name.
531
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,442
You can call me Shane Lizard.
532
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,944
That's what my friends call me.
533
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,363
- You're friends with Coach Steve?
- Isn't everybody?
534
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:58,613
No.
535
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,953
I am drained.
536
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,621
Better than Brad, right?
537
00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:06,690
Well...
538
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:07,957
It's different.
539
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,084
I kind of like it with both of you.
540
00:20:10,110 --> 00:20:11,110
That's bullshit.
541
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,546
If you say you like boy
pillows and girl pillows,
542
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,381
it means you really
just like boy pillows.
543
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,633
No, I like you so much, Suzette.
544
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:20,052
In fact, I love you?
545
00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:22,388
Yeah, that sounds right. I love you.
546
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,765
Then prove it. Burn Brad.
547
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:26,475
- What?
- If you love me,
548
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,145
you'll light him on fire and
throw him in the garbage.
549
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:32,231
But he's a good dude! And
he's part of our couch.
550
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:35,151
Well, what's it gonna be, Jay?
Him or me?
551
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,527
You can't have both.
552
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:37,903
Ah, fuck!
553
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,905
So Gavin's pretty great, huh?
554
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,949
I don't know. He's really intense.
555
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,325
Can I tell you a secret?
556
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:46,120
When you're not around, Gavin's
actually pretty mean to me.
557
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,246
Look what he did.
558
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,206
Is that a lit cigarette in your butt?
559
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,417
He calls it his "ass tray."
560
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:52,450
My God.
561
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,670
He's like the Suge Knight
of Hormone Monsters.
562
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,006
Believe it or not, I think
I'd rather have you.
563
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,883
Oh, Nicky, that's so nice,
564
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,260
but I'm pretty sure you
don't have a choice.
565
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:02,678
Tyler! Get in here!
566
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,597
How the fuck do I minimize Safari?
567
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,140
Sorry, Nick. I got to go.
568
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:07,975
Ow, ee, aye, oh, ewe!
569
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,560
And sometimes Y!
570
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:11,228
Nick, we're running out of time.
571
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:14,190
- We need to find Jessi now.
- But she could be anywhere.
572
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,108
I think I know someone who could help.
573
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:17,693
Connie, there you are.
574
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,410
- Boys, this is Jessi's Hormone Monstress.
- Hello.
575
00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:21,447
- Ms. Monstress.
- Hey.
576
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,824
We have to get these kids out.
Do you know where Jessi is?
577
00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:25,201
It's too late, Maury.
578
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,787
They took my boo-boo to
the Depression Ward!
579
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:30,039
Depression Ward? Jessi's depressed?
580
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,999
I knew it. Looking back, I knew it.
581
00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:34,877
- Then why didn't you say anything?
- Oh, honey, it wasn't my place.
582
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,963
We still have time to get her out,
but we need your help, Connie.
583
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,466
Nuh-uh. I'd just make things worse.
584
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,134
We can't leave Jessi here.
585
00:21:42,218 --> 00:21:43,636
- What will we do?
- Yeah...
586
00:21:45,179 --> 00:21:46,639
What are you gonna do?
587
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:48,599
Rick! I thought you retired.
588
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:50,559
Yeah, but this place is great.
589
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:54,021
I get my big coffee, I do
my Sudoku, eat some cake,
590
00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:56,023
can't miss Linda's birthday, baby!
591
00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:57,942
- Okay.
- Constance, do you remember
592
00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,777
- your horny swearsies?
- Rick, honey.
593
00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:03,197
- I can never understand you.
- That's why they have subtitles.
594
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,950
I think he's talking about
the Jizz-ocratic Oath.
595
00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:09,703
"I do solemnly swear
to counsel, develop,
596
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:11,080
and make horny
597
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:14,208
the adolescents of the tri-state area
598
00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:15,793
now and forever."
599
00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:17,753
The keyword is "always."
600
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,130
- I think he means "forever."
- Rick, you're right!
601
00:22:20,214 --> 00:22:21,757
I sworesie!
602
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:23,592
Now let's go help my Jessi!
603
00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,051
Watch this.
604
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:28,389
Look at that, that's awesome, baby.
605
00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:31,475
- Jessi!
- Come on, baby, stop hiding!
606
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:34,079
- Where are you?
- I can't see you but I can smell you.
607
00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:36,647
Oh, God, there are a
billion rooms in here!
608
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,875
- Jessi-bear!
- Where are you?
609
00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:40,025
What?
610
00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:42,152
- Nick? Andrew?
- Shh.
611
00:22:42,236 --> 00:22:45,072
You belong in here, with me.
612
00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:46,365
Let me out!
613
00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:47,491
Wait, did you hear that?
614
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,827
Someone help! I need help!
615
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:51,662
- I'm in here...
- It's her.
616
00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:53,873
There's no doorknob. How
do we open this thing?
617
00:22:53,956 --> 00:22:55,499
Maury, you still got that laser dick?
618
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,585
You kidding me? Of course
I do. Let me see.
619
00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:59,837
Got the can opener dick,
my Cool Ranch dick,
620
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,006
my dick that looks like U2's The Edge,
621
00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:04,008
my dick with a dick, and here it is.
622
00:23:04,091 --> 00:23:05,134
I got an idea.
623
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,011
Dance, pussy, dance!
624
00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:08,596
Oj! Little red dot!
625
00:23:08,679 --> 00:23:11,015
Gimme! Little red dot!
626
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:12,725
Oh, where'd you... ? No, stop!
627
00:23:16,854 --> 00:23:18,734
- Get back here.
- Keep fighting, baby!
628
00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:19,772
Let go of me!
629
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,443
Let her go, you kitty bitch!
630
00:23:22,526 --> 00:23:23,526
Let go!
631
00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:27,907
Yeah! The men saved her!
632
00:23:27,990 --> 00:23:28,990
Ugh.
633
00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:33,579
Oh, yes, we made it!
634
00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:35,956
Goddammit, pubes everywhere.
635
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,666
Am I the only one with pubes on them?
636
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,168
You guys came looking for me.
637
00:23:39,251 --> 00:23:41,170
Of course we did, Jessi,
you're our friend.
638
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,047
Look, we didn't realize
you were depressed.
639
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:45,049
And that's on us. But also on you.
640
00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:47,092
- Honey, you should have said something.
- Andrew.
641
00:23:47,134 --> 00:23:48,677
No, it's fine.
642
00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:50,471
I do need to figure some shit out.
643
00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:53,390
Interrupting, but do I
have any pubes on my back?
644
00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:56,268
Can one of you give me
ride to train station?
645
00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:58,395
Mom, I'm sorry.
646
00:23:58,812 --> 00:24:00,230
- You were right.
- Really?
647
00:24:00,314 --> 00:24:02,191
Wow. What am I right about?
648
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:05,194
I do need help. I want to
talk to that therapist.
649
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,780
Oh, Jessi, I'm so glad to hear that.
650
00:24:07,863 --> 00:24:10,491
- You're not a shitshow, Mom.
- Thank you.
651
00:24:10,570 --> 00:24:11,859
You're not too short-neck bitch either.
652
00:24:11,860 --> 00:24:12,920
Okay.
653
00:24:12,940 --> 00:24:15,740
And also, like, who knows if you and
Cantor Dina scissor each other.
654
00:24:15,829 --> 00:24:17,456
- What's scissoring?
- You don't know?
655
00:24:17,530 --> 00:24:19,819
Scissoring, it's like what
lesbians do to, like,
656
00:24:19,820 --> 00:24:20,834
get their vaginas to meet.
657
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,188
- It was a word I wasn't familiar with...
- Like two scissors...
658
00:24:23,212 --> 00:24:25,297
You know what, sweetie,
let's save this for therapy.
659
00:24:26,632 --> 00:24:29,009
Okay, you can do this, Jay.
660
00:24:30,386 --> 00:24:32,012
- What the fuck?
- Jay!
661
00:24:32,346 --> 00:24:34,640
I couldn't help it.
She was irresistible.
662
00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:37,059
She's still heavy with your musk, bro.
663
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:40,521
And if you want Brad,
then I want him, too.
664
00:24:40,604 --> 00:24:41,689
Why don't you join us?
665
00:24:41,772 --> 00:24:43,774
We want to suck the honey
out of your baklava.
666
00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:47,361
If everybody wants me,
then they can have me!
667
00:24:47,695 --> 00:24:48,988
Whoo!
668
00:24:49,071 --> 00:24:50,071
Oh, bro!
669
00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:51,323
- Jay!
- Yes, bro.
670
00:24:53,659 --> 00:24:55,703
Proud!
671
00:24:55,786 --> 00:24:57,579
I'm proud of Jay.
672
00:24:57,955 --> 00:24:58,955
LUNA LANES
BOWLING
673
00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:04,628
Well, hello, Ambassador
Forman-Greenwald.
674
00:25:04,712 --> 00:25:05,963
Well, well, well!
675
00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:08,007
Bowling Alley Manager Glouberman.
676
00:25:08,090 --> 00:25:10,467
I'm so glad you found out
I was still into you
677
00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:12,386
and completely over Nathan Fillion.
678
00:25:12,460 --> 00:25:14,699
Sir, if you need me,
I'll be flinging shit
679
00:25:14,700 --> 00:25:15,930
out of the window by hand,
680
00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:17,975
because that's the way we
do it here on the Moon.
681
00:25:18,058 --> 00:25:19,643
You're goddamn right, you loser.
682
00:25:19,727 --> 00:25:21,395
So, what do you think, Andrew?
683
00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:22,855
Shall we hump a lot?
684
00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:25,691
All right, my friend.
Let's grip it and rip it.
685
00:25:25,774 --> 00:25:27,776
No, no, no, I don't want to do this now.
686
00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:30,446
But you found out Missy's still
into you. Pump your stump.
687
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,406
Actually, I don't think
I'm going to jerk off
688
00:25:32,489 --> 00:25:34,366
inches from my best
friend's face tonight.
689
00:25:34,450 --> 00:25:35,450
I am better than that.
690
00:25:35,492 --> 00:25:37,804
- You gonna go to the bathroom?
- In the middle of the night.
691
00:25:37,828 --> 00:25:39,348
- Good call.
- I'm gonna run the water.
692
00:25:39,830 --> 00:25:41,957
Goodnight, sweet perv.
693
00:25:42,332 --> 00:25:43,500
Goodnight.
694
00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:49,298
Who's there? Tyler?
695
00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:50,799
Oh, shit. Gavin?
696
00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:56,180
Hello, my tasty little tortellini.
697
00:25:56,263 --> 00:25:58,015
Connie? What are you doing here?
698
00:25:58,098 --> 00:26:00,684
I'm your new Hormone Monster.
699
00:26:00,768 --> 00:26:03,604
What? That's not possible, I'm a boy.
700
00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:04,688
Not for long.
701
00:26:04,772 --> 00:26:07,775
- I'm here to make you a man.
- I'm listening.
702
00:26:07,858 --> 00:26:10,277
Baby, you are in very good hands.
703
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:11,403
I am?
704
00:26:11,487 --> 00:26:13,072
Yeah. Your own.
705
00:26:13,947 --> 00:26:15,699
Oh my God, this is happening!
706
00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:18,786
Not how I Imagined it or even
wanted it at all, but...
707
00:26:18,869 --> 00:26:20,788
Oh, this feels really good.
708
00:26:20,871 --> 00:26:22,623
That's right, sweet lips.
709
00:26:22,706 --> 00:26:25,959
You're gonna be president of cum-edy!
710
00:26:27,550 --> 00:26:32,550
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
711
00:27:12,131 --> 00:27:15,467
SDH created by: Arvind Vishwakarma