1
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:10,427
[Duke cackles]

2
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,928
♪ Life is busy, heaven knows ♪

3
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,274
♪ So many characters
So many shows ♪

4
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:22,360
♪ Who can keep up with all the shit
That's on TV? ♪

5
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:23,359
[laughs]

6
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,895
♪ So we've made this little snippet ♪

7
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:30,405
♪ If you don't need it, honey
Skip it ♪

8
00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:34,078
♪ We're gonna sing a season three recap ♪

9
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:38,909
♪ To bring you up to speed ♪

10
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:41,747
♪ Okay, the first thing to tell you
In this song ♪

11
00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,293
♪ Is that I kissed Missy ♪

12
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:44,456
♪ Which was wrong ♪

13
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:49,844
♪ Then I guess I kind of dumped her
In the end ♪

14
00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:52,184
♪ And now everything's a bummer ♪

15
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:55,100
♪ 'Cause I've got to spend the summer ♪

16
00:00:55,180 --> 00:01:01,020
♪ Off at camp with my backstabbing
Former best friend ♪

17
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,902
♪ It's our "Previously on Big Mouth" 
Song ♪

18
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,730
♪ So you'll know
What the hell's going on ♪

19
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:11,606
♪ 'Cause it's been quite a while
Since last year's shows ♪

20
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,108
♪ I got Queer Eye'd ♪

21
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,448
♪ I joined the cast ♪

22
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:17,292
♪ I got sexually harassed ♪

23
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:22,578
♪ We're recapping all of the stuff
You need to know ♪

24
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:28,592
♪ The latest thing that's shitty
Is this fall I'm moving to the city ♪

25
00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:34,551
♪ I'm a heartbroken loner
But now I got Mona to wipe my tears away ♪

26
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,636
♪ I came out as bi ♪

27
00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:39,601
♪ Yeah, I fuck pillows
Both girl and guy ♪

28
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,388
♪ I kissed my boyfriend Aiden ♪

29
00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:45,437
♪ And now I'm hoping for ass play ♪

30
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:48,322
♪ That's our "Previously on Big Mouth" 
Song ♪

31
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:50,859
♪ So now you're good to go ♪

32
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,864
♪ Now off to summer camp to start anew ♪

33
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,197
♪ I'd rather die ♪

34
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,911
♪ I'm going too ♪

35
00:01:56,991 --> 00:02:03,211
♪ It's a brand-new season
of the Big Mouth show! ♪

36
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,039
♪ Ooh ♪

37
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:08,375
-[insects buzzing]
-Ow! Fucking mosquitoes.

38
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,511
Yeah, baby, sleepaway camp!

39
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:15,758
No parents, s'mores, and I'll bet
someone we know is gonna get Lyme disease.

40
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:16,854
Yeah, probably.

41
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:19,888
What's wrong? You don't wanna see
your friend get more and more tired?

42
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,893
No, I just been thinking
about what Andrew said this morning.

43
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,346
Oh, about how you're a bad person
and a piece of shit,

44
00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:27,306
and he don't wanna be friends
with you no more?

45
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,357
Yeah, all those things.
I mean, is he right?

46
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,900
Nick Birch! The Westchester Molester.

47
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,355
Hey, Seth Goldberg,

48
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,735
the Butterball from Montreal.

49
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,243
Who is this person?

50
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,374
Dude, wait, check it out.
I found a duck egg. Feel how smooth it is.

51
00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,002
[Nick laughs] Ew! Nasty!

52
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,039
[Seth] But wait. But taste it.
They taste like regular eggs.

53
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,003
-I don't wanna taste your eggs!
-They taste like regular eggs!

54
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,593
-I don't wanna taste your eggs!
-[Seth laughing]

55
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:52,008
[laughs] Oh, shit, that's his nut.
This boy's delightful.

56
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:54,168
[Nick] Yeah, that's Seth.
He's my camp best friend.

57
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,087
All right! Fuck Andrew.

58
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,086
I'm glad he's staying in Bridgeton.

59
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,468
Yeah, we've got Seth.

60
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:03,144
Oh, Nick, look, a mongoose is trying
to eat the duck egg.

61
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,694
Okay, that does not look like a mongoose.

62
00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:08,018
-That just looks like a child's dick.
-Ooh.

63
00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,904
Welcome back, bitches.

64
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:12,191
["Changes" by Charles Bradley plays]

65
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:17,905
♪ I'm going through changes ♪

66
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:27,539
♪ I'm going through changes ♪

67
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,341
♪ Oh, in my life ♪

68
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:34,962
♪ Oh, ooh, ooh! ♪

69
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:42,074
Support us and become VIP member 
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

70
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:47,885
Woo! They put us in the bunk
with the cool city girls.

71
00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:51,437
They got so many serums
and lotions and potions.

72
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,726
Yeah. Maybe I'll finally learn how 
to pluck my--

73
00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:54,726
Your nipple hairs?

74
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:57,357
I was gonna say eyebrows.
You noticed them?

75
00:03:57,445 --> 00:04:01,735
The thing is, your nipple hairs are black,
but the rest of your hairs are red. Why?

76
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:04,794
-[chitters]
-Jessi, I heard you're moving to the city.

77
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:07,789
-Yes, you bitch.
-Hmm. Close, but bad.

78
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,962
We gotta get you Manhattan-ready.

79
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,881
[in New York accent] Hey! New York,
up your nose with a hot dog.

80
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:14,881
Jessi, honey, you need to stop talking.

81
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,303
Okay, let's start with this sheet mask.

82
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,382
Oh, okay. What does, um...
What does this do?

83
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:20,797
It's gonna raise your eyes.

84
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,675
Yes! Let's raise those eyes.

85
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:26,182
Um, hey, guys, this mask is starting
to burn a little bit

86
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,346
in a way that I'm not sure
if that's on purpose or...

87
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,984
Oh, no. We put it on upside down.

88
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,522
-[Jessi] Oh, my God, you did?
-Oops. Your eyes are lower now.

89
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,146
-What?
-It's fine.

90
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:36,903
We'll just paint your eyebrows
really thick.

91
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,815
-Maybe put a cigar in your mouth.
-[gulps]

92
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,533
Oh, yeah, that's better.

93
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,284
-[boys grunting]
-Yo, Nick, check it out.

94
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:46,326
I brought Canadian Swedish fish
just for us.

95
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:47,251
It's smoky.

96
00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:48,868
Yeah, that's... 
It's 'cause it's fish.

97
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,825
Hey, whose bed is this?

98
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:52,785
I think it's Gabe's.
No one's seen him yet.

99
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:55,205
Is he coming back to camp?
I haven't heard from him all year.

100
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,125
Last summer Gabe urinated
in my liquid soap.

101
00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:00,304
Yeah, Milk, and it was fucking hilarious.

102
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,303
Shut the fuck up, Milk.

103
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:04,974
My dad's friend Bob Reedy
got me an iPod Shuffle.

104
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:08,314
-What are you talking about, Milk?
-I'm just saying it plays music.

105
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:09,981
-Yeah, we fucking know!
-[door knocks]

106
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:12,349
[in British accent]
Hello, boys. I'm your counselor, Harry.

107
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,057
I know my accent sounds fancy,

108
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:17,727
but I put my short shorts, black socks
and sandals on just like you,

109
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,737
with the help of two butlers. [laughs]

110
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,201
Just kidding. I grew up poor.

111
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,570
That's why I'm working here
as a servant to children.

112
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,077
Hey, Harry. Welcome to the US.

113
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,159
The toilet's backed up, shit's coming out,
and none of us know how to clean it.

114
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,865
Can't wait. Cheers to that.

115
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:34,495
But first, I'm meant to introduce you
to a new camper.

116
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,424
I'm not new.

117
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:36,841
This is Natalie.

118
00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,089
Hold on. Gabe?

119
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,421
-Natalie.
-Hey, guys.

120
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,375
You see, kids, gender is like pasta.

121
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,297
No, it's not.

122
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:46,394
-There's many different shapes and sizes.
-You're making it worse.

123
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,721
[chuckles] Holy shit. What happened, Gabe?

124
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:49,676
Um...

125
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:52,096
[mosquito] Oh, God, coming here
was a terrible mistake.

126
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,385
Look at them. They hate you.

127
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,518
The camp clearly did not read
that detailed email from your mother.

128
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,106
Say something already!

129
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,193
Please call me Natalie now.

130
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:03,486
I wanted you guys to hear it from me
that I'm transgender.

131
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,621
I use she/her pronouns.

132
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,618
I'm sure you're all comfortable 
with this, right?

133
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:13,164
One time my dad's friend Bob Reedy
opened a can of spaghetti,

134
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:14,617
but there were ravioli inside--

135
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,627
Shut the fuck up, Milk.

136
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:19,299
Now, I'm sure you all have questions,
right?

137
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,709
And without consulting Natalie,

138
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,007
I'm simply gonna open up the floor
for a free-for-all,

139
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,391
like a session of Parliament. 
I feel good about this.

140
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,218
Uh, are you gonna sleep here?

141
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,063
No, I'm staying in the girls' bunk.

142
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:30,518
Nice, nice.

143
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,558
So this is all a scam
so you can just watch,

144
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,982
-you know, girls change and stuff?
-Yep. You figured out my master plan.

145
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,152
Do you pee standing up or lying down?

146
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,731
The fuck? Do you pee lying down?

147
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:40,896
You know what, everyone?

148
00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:43,783
I'm just gonna ask the thing
that we're all thinking but not asking.

149
00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,741
-What does your crotch look like?
-That was my question.

150
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,162
-Thank you!
-I know. Someone had to.

151
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,870
[mosquito] Oh, God.
This is a disaster, but don't cry.

152
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,871
They'll think you're weak,
and they'll pounce.

153
00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:53,833
My crotch looks like the back 
of your mom's head

154
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,543
-while she's slurping me off.
-But what is my mom slurping off?

155
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:58,674
Please just tell us if you have a dick.

156
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:01,841
-Your buttocks remain the same, correct?
-Shut the fuck up, Milk!

157
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:04,971
Shut the fuck up, all of you.
Eat my fucking asshole!

158
00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,219
Well, then, that went terribly,

159
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,851
but at least I've come out unscathed.

160
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,098
Now, I believe there's a clogged toilet
calling my name.

161
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:13,681
"Oh, Harry!"

162
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,226
I'm coming, toilet.

163
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:17,939
I know someone with a toilet.
It's my dad's friend--

164
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,230
Milk, don't say it.

165
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:21,653
-Bob Reedy.
-[all] Shut the fuck up, Milk!

166
00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:24,242
Hey, what gives, man? Ow!

167
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:26,238
[whistle blows]

168
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:30,160
All right. Now that school's asleep,
I'm lifeguard Coach Steve,

169
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,411
which is why my pepperoni nipples
are so cooked.

170
00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:37,254
They're curling at the edges
and filled with oil!

171
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:40,081
I can't believe we're spending the summer
at a public pool.

172
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,038
Oh, come on. It's kitschy fun.

173
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:45,258
There's an old woman swimming laps
in a wedding gown and smoking.

174
00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:49,339
I love it here. You should see if Aiden
needs any sunscreen on his dick and ass.

175
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:52,967
Maury, I said you could come to the pool
with us, but you gotta be cool.

176
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,765
I'll tell you what's not cool:
melanoma on your tuchus.

177
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:58,440
What's up, my fellow LGBTQ-ties?

178
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:00,689
Oh, my God. Is this Jay?

179
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:03,231
Well, well, well.
I see my reputation precedes me.

180
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,936
Matthew said you kissed him like you were
trying to push his tongue out a window.

181
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,278
Yeah. Hardest frencher in my grade.

182
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:11,123
Cannonball!

183
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,029
[Matthew] Ugh!

184
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,082
Jay, the Devins are doing a chicken fight.

185
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,251
I need a partner,
and you look lonely and strong.

186
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,461
Lola, I have never felt more seen.

187
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,341
You guys are going down.

188
00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:26,088
Oh! I'm already a winner.
I got my wife's goosh on my neck.

189
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,052
Devon, focus!

190
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,011
So, what do you think?
How are we gonna do this?

191
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,931
-I don't know.
-Me on you? You on me?

192
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,010
Underwater 69?

193
00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:34,894
What? Obviously, I'm on top. I'm the girl.

194
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:37,272
I guess I just don't feel like
that's our best chance at winning.

195
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,560
-What do you mean?
-You'd make a pretty sturdy base.

196
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,814
What the fuck did you just say?

197
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:44,606
No offense!
You're just on my "Sturdy Under 30" list.

198
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:46,650
-What?
-Your body's a triangle,

199
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:49,494
and that is the strongest shape known 
to man.

200
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:50,400
What?

201
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,908
Lola, I think he's afraid
you're gonna drown him.

202
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:55,830
Listen, I just think if we wanna win,
you'd be a better bottom.

203
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:59,710
I think you'd be a better bottom
because of how bisexual you are.

204
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:02,789
I don't care if you're a girl!
I'll kill you right now!

205
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,035
[grunting]

206
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:07,046
-You'll be the second person I've drowned!
-[Jay gasping]

207
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:08,379
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

208
00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:11,094
No monkey business in the pool, okay?

209
00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:15,045
Unless of course, you know,
you're a monkey and you're doing business.

210
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,097
Oh, thank you, Steve.

211
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,430
Congratulations on your banana deal.

212
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:21,936
Okay, Steve, I've got this.
You two, no fighting in the pool.

213
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:24,729
-He started it!
-Oh, yeah? Well, she farted shit!

214
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,984
-[grunts] What the fuck?
-[girl] Gross!

215
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:29,186
That's it! You're both banned
for the whole summer.

216
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:33,447
-You busted my nose, you asshole!
-Fuck you, Jay! You ruined my summer!

217
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:37,541
Hey, hey, hey, I don't wanna hear
any more cursing from you two.

218
00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:40,078
Unless, of course, you're U2 cursing.

219
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,922
-Well, shite, Steve. Thanks.
-This pool is fuckin' great.

220
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:45,329
Congratulations on your banana deal...

221
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,378
with Apple.

222
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:50,260
Please don't make me spend the summer
with Nick.

223
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,929
We hate camp. It stinks like trees.

224
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,929
And the boy only likes to poop at home!

225
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,012
Marty, maybe we should just take him back.

226
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,717
And give in to my enemy?

227
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:01,017
Wait, I'm your enemy?

228
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,640
I thought your enemy was Citi Bike.

229
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:03,767
No! It's you.

230
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,403
And I've already paid this small,
insignificant man.

231
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,320
He's right, Andrew.

232
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,818
He has my check in his hot little hands.

233
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,190
You're staying.

234
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,237
Bye, sweetie. Don't try anything.

235
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:19,121
Wait! No! Don't leave me here! I'll put 
the screens on the house with you!

236
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:20,491
I'll do anything.

237
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:21,828
I'll suck your dick.

238
00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:25,672
Whoa, Andrew, you gotta talk to me
before you offer to blow your dad.

239
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,960
There's a form you have to fill out,
buddy.

240
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:32,088
Hey, guys, this is Natalie.
She'll be in our bunk this summer.

241
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:36,143
She is trans, so, everybody,
just, uh, fucking be cool.

242
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,138
Hey, everyone.

243
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:38,469
Wait... Gabe?

244
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,394
It's "Natalie," actually.

245
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,523
That is so cool.

246
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:45,349
Yaas, queen! Go off, girlboss!
Pussyhat slay!

247
00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:46,766
Okurrr.

248
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,654
-Hello, Natalie.
-Hey, Jessi.

249
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:49,771
Welcome to the bunk.

250
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:51,107
What in the hell, girl?

251
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,612
Do you hate Natalie because she's trans?

252
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,494
No! Of course not!

253
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:58,281
I hate Natalie because
last summer she called me "fire crotch,"

254
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,736
and the whole camp made fun
of my "burning bush."

255
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:04,116
Well, to me, Connie,
that sound like a compliment.

256
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,785
She saw God in your pussy.

257
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:09,133
This bunk is already way better.
The boys were such scrotes.

258
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,130
Scrotes? Ew. What is that?

259
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,052
What are you saying? Don't talk like that.

260
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,670
Oh, sorry. I apologize.

261
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,547
Now, that sounds like a girl.

262
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:20,224
So, tell me, what kind of girl
is this "Natalie"?

263
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,183
-Uh...
-Shh! Don't answer.

264
00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:24,314
I see... Hari Nef.

265
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:27,522
Fashion Week. Gucci.
I see snakes everywhere.

266
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:29,063
Oh, shit, do I get to keep this?

267
00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:30,646
Ooh, I want that coat!

268
00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:33,781
I get my eyes moved,
and she gets a $5,000 coat?

269
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,529
Nope. Snakes are phallic,
and that's offensive.

270
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:40,412
We need something inclusive.
Think Karlie Kloss. [snaps fingers]

271
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:43,121
Ooh, with dreadlocks, full geisha.

272
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,292
In a wheelchair.

273
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,121
Now, this feels offensive.

274
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,826
What if we just went classic?

275
00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:50,286
Yes, thank you.

276
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:54,296
[snaps fingers] Caitlyn Jenner.
Silk bustier, MAGA hat, brave.

277
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,550
No! Stop it!

278
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,051
Stop dressing me up!

279
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,343
-What's your problem?
-[groaning]

280
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,136
You know what?
I'll just wear my own clothes.

281
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:04,679
No offense, and not to be a bitch,
but your current look is pretty butch.

282
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:07,885
Yeah, don't you wanna, like,
pass as a girl or whatever?

283
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,397
-Excuse me?
-[mosquito] No! Don't get mad at them.

284
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:12,939
Just agree with them now
and then think about this

285
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:14,363
for the rest of your life.

286
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,192
Aww, that poor girl.

287
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,027
Say something nice to her, fire crotch.

288
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,202
You know what? No.

289
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,370
She never said anything nice to me,
and karma's a bitch.

290
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,200
-Uh-oh. Your eyes are falling again.
-Shit.

291
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:28,036
Do you want the cigar? Or...

292
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:29,252
Oh, fine.

293
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:30,880
[chattering]

294
00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,168
Okay, deep breath to myself. [sighs]

295
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,502
Look at that little shit,

296
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,457
cutting his spaghetti
with a fork and knife.

297
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,007
Twirl it with a spoon, you fucking child.

298
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:41,181
-Okay, you can do this.
-[buzzing]

299
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,100
[grunts]
It won't be so bad, it won't be so bad...

300
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,010
[swallows] Andrew?

301
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,677
-Oh, Nick!
-What are you doing here?

302
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:51,977
Much like Johnny Depp in the shower,
I am here against my will.

303
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,442
-Maurice.
-Constance.

304
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:58,112
I think it's best for everyone if the boys
keep their distance this summer.

305
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,114
I couldn't agree more.

306
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:02,485
But you can still bust open my biscuit
once in a while.

307
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,873
Mm. I love a country breakfast.

308
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,830
Wait a minute. You're Andrew Glouberman?

309
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:10,251
Well, that's what it says on every piece
of clothing I brought here.

310
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,871
Dude! You're school "me"!

311
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,207
I'm Seth Goldberg! Camp "you"!

312
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:15,173
Have a seat, man.

313
00:13:15,252 --> 00:13:16,672
Milk, fuck off. Get lost.

314
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:20,224
It's actually time for my activity,
so in fact, you're doing me a favor.

315
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,889
-Oh, no, please. Uh, Milk, is it?
-It is.

316
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:23,798
I, uh...

317
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:26,886
I think I'm just gonna head down
to the bunk and unpack my duffel bag.

318
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,892
-Andrew, I found that form you wanted.
-What form?

319
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,694
-For sucking your dad's dick.
-I don't wanna suck my dad's dick.

320
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:33,899
Well, then why did I bring
my notary pubic?

321
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,519
Uh, yeah,
just happy to get out of the house.

322
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:39,937
Not as many people sucking
their dad's dick around here these days.

323
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,065
[Lola grunting]

324
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,241
Oh. It's, like, you.

325
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,155
Dismount. Kickstand.

326
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,124
Stay.

327
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,623
What, are you, like, turning tricks
in the parking lot?

328
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:55,205
No, magicians do tricks, Lola,
we don't turn them.

329
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,384
I fuck for free.

330
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:59,210
So then, like,
what is the meaning of this?

331
00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:02,506
Uh, I'm making a bomb
by pouring Baba Booey boner pills

332
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:03,881
into a Monster Energy drink.

333
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:04,838
Ah-doy!

334
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,887
Monster Energy drink!
Brings out the monster in you, baby!

335
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,983
What the hell? He got the job?

336
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:12,638
Yeah! What are you gonna do?

337
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,436
What am I gonna do?
I'm gonna call my agent.

338
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,230
He said I was "in the mix."

339
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:19,153
Hey, yeah, this is Mo Beverley for Adam.

340
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:21,613
Yeah, I'll hold for a long time.

341
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,954
You know, if you really want that thing 
to explode,

342
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:27,449
try adding a pinch
of my mom's Ukrainian diet pills.

343
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,123
-Good call.
-[liquid bubbling]

344
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,331
Here we go!

345
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,957
-[shouts] Holy shit!
-Yes! Everything must break!

346
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,590
You little shits!
That flew right into my butt!

347
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:38,788
It's still on fire!

348
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,128
Run, Lola, run!

349
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:43,382
-No, Jay! Jump in my basket, Jay.
-[grunts]

350
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:47,085
My proctologist is never gonna believe
I didn't do this to myself.

351
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,095
Do you like my swim trunks?

352
00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:51,469
They're "Michael Caine"
for Marks and Spencer.

353
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:54,847
Now let's make like a tea bag
and bob around in the water for a bit.

354
00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:56,345
I can't believe Andrew showed up.

355
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,227
Is it still weird between you guys?

356
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,074
Yeah, it's kind of a bummer.

357
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,149
[Connie] You fucking hate it, Nicky!

358
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,694
I honestly feel kinda bad for him.

359
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,447
I mean, I have Seth,
and he's got nobody here.

360
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:09,990
[Connie] Fuck him! This is our camp.

361
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,905
[scoffs] Yeah, I'm kind of
going through a similar thing right now

362
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,115
-with Natalie--
-You're right, Andrew's not my problem.

363
00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,365
-Uh...
-This was a good talk. Thanks, Jessi.

364
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,418
Yeah, cool, thanks. Great catching up.

365
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:22,761
Did you see me, Jessi? Going by?
When Nick was ignoring you?

366
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,048
I don't wanna go in.

367
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:28,181
The water looks cold and brown,
and I know the bottom's gonna be squeeshy!

368
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,260
Hey, we're twinsies!

369
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,675
Yeah, same UV shirt.

370
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:34,063
Yeah, my mom makes me wear these
‘cause she's afraid of, like, everything.

371
00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:36,641
You know, my mom is terrified
of everything as well.

372
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,897
Well, to be fair,
my aunts died of melanoma.

373
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:41,859
What are the odds?
My aunt also died of skin cancer!

374
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,981
-Whoa!
-The same aunt that got married this year?

375
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:47,778
Um, idiot, that was a lie I told
'cause I was addicted to porn.

376
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:49,373
I got addicted to porn this year too!

377
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,078
-Wonderful!
-It was pretty painful.

378
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,118
Andrew, this kid's likable. I like him.

379
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,702
Okay, let me ask you this.

380
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,917
What type of porn made you, you know,

381
00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:00,918
messy the computer chair
in your family room?

382
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,881
Well, like, I started on stepmom stuff,

383
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,672
and then I found
this Russian webcam chick, Svetlana--

384
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,546
Svetlana! Oh, my gosh!
I bought her a mini-fridge.

385
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,514
No way! I bought her one of those
Green Egg barbecue smokers.

386
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:12,425
That's amazing!

387
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,853
They're bonding! This is bad. [groans]

388
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,232
Fuck you, water skis!

389
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,808
Look, guys, I think we can agree,
you're both pretty gross.

390
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:22,314
Well, if sending your cousin a picture
of your girthy hog is gross...

391
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:25,608
-[laughs]
-...then I am 26 times gross.

392
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:28,033
I also sent my cousin a dick pic.

393
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,862
Technically it was my aunt,
but she was one of those young aunts.

394
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,118
Oh, a young aunt.

395
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:35,701
Sounds like your grandma stayed fertile
for a long time.

396
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,293
[girl]
Come on, Natalie, it's only been one day.

397
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,252
I just really wanna go home.

398
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:43,252
I really wanna go on Birthright,
but I'm not Jewish.

399
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,875
We both just have to be strong.

400
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:48,842
I tried being strong, and it did not work,
so please, just let me go.

401
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:52,344
-Oh. Natalie wants to go home?
-Good, I hope she does.

402
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:56,388
Jessica Cobain Glaser, this is not
the kind of woman you wanna be!

403
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:58,643
-That girl needs a friend!
-[sighs]

404
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:02,186
And so do I! To help me get out 
of these water skis!

405
00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,271
Oh, wow.

406
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,975
[grunts]
Those are really on there.

407
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:06,605
I have a wedding this weekend.

408
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:09,242
The bride will kill me
if I show up like this.

409
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:10,609
Also, I can't work Saturday.

410
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,775
[both whooping, exclaiming]

411
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,446
It's so cool you get to watch those people

412
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:19,285
-do naked muay thai!
-How do you know they're doing muay thai?

413
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:20,211
-[woman] Muay!
-Thai!

414
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,119
-Muay!
-Thai!

415
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,166
-Muay!
-Thai!

416
00:17:22,249 --> 00:17:23,579
Land. Stay.

417
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:27,301
And now something that's been, like,
bugging me for almost minutes.

418
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:29,379
Are you, like, alone all the time?

419
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,125
Basically. Except when my brothers drop by
and fart in my mouth.

420
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:35,797
Well, my mom only really comes home
to hide hand-gums for her boyfriends.

421
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,218
Well, sure, of course.
You gotta hide those hand-gums.

422
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,727
Jay, no offense, but your house is,
like, no joke,

423
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:41,729
like, amazing.

424
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:42,980
Oh, yeah!

425
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,772
It's so much better
than that gay public pool,

426
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,976
which by the way,
I'm allowed to say now because I'm bi.

427
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,858
I don't even get what that is for guys.

428
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:53,864
Is that, like, when the same actor
plays twins in a movie?

429
00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:55,657
-Not at all.
-And, like, on that note,

430
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,621
-like, we should build our own pool!
-Yeah.

431
00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:58,911
I love that idea!

432
00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:00,874
Let's build our own pool. Right here!

433
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,584
We could use my dad's grave scoopers.

434
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:05,134
Ugh! This one's still got lye on it.
Be careful.

435
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,629
Oh, my God, did your dad
Breaking Bad someone back here?

436
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,461
My dad Breaking Bads people all the time.

437
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:12,167
[barks]

438
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,507
Pool. Pool.

439
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:17,224
I can't help but think
I'll be the one maintaining the pool.

440
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:21,981
-Hey.
-Good opening.

441
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:25,479
Are you here to tell me I'm butch
or ask me what my crotch looks like?

442
00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:29,232
I just wanted to say coming back 
to camp seems really hard.

443
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:31,276
Uh, yeah. I used to love it here.

444
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,280
Last summer,
the boys threw me a pizza party

445
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:34,952
when I pissed in Milk's liquid soap.

446
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,570
Ask her how those boys got pizza.

447
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,827
You give the counselor money,
and they go into town.

448
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,249
Okay! I've never been to sleepaway camp.

449
00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:42,868
You may proceed with the scene.

450
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,825
So did you, like,
already know last summer?

451
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,036
-That I was a girl?
-Yeah.

452
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,166
Kinda. I mean, this is gonna sound weird,

453
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:53,093
but when I started going through puberty,
it was like this monster showed up.

454
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,843
All right, buddy, we're gonna give you
broad, hairy shoulders

455
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:57,636
and a high fucking ass!

456
00:18:57,719 --> 00:19:02,139
Oh! And you're gonna get more pussy
than a no-kill animal shelter.

457
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,064
No! Get away from me, you horny psycho!

458
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,604
I think maybe I'm gay.

459
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,607
Yeah, I did kinda think you were gay.

460
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:12,189
So did I. But then I sang this duet
with the ghost of Freddie Mercury--

461
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,186
Sure, as one does.

462
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,607
♪ Be gay, totally gay ♪

463
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:18,526
And I realized
that didn't feel right either.

464
00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:20,615
It was something more than that.

465
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,581
What's your fucking problem, kid?

466
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:26,251
I don't know. I just know I hate you
and what you're doing to my body.

467
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:27,751
Nobody likes puberty!

468
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,843
That's why they made the fucking show!

469
00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:33,838
It was like I was vibrating
at this weird frequency all the time.

470
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:34,972
-Hey, I get it.
-Huh.

471
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,758
But then I found this forum
for trans kids.

472
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,182
And it was like, "That's who I am."

473
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:40,391
So I told my parents.

474
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,640
-Oh, God. Did they freak out?
-Sort of, yeah.

475
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:45,933
But then my mom started listening
to Lady Gaga, and sadly,

476
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,518
-that's what made her come around.
-Don't love, but go on.

477
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:52,114
I like that movie where her boyfriend
pissed his pants at the Grammys.

478
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,741
So we decided I should go
on hormone blockers...

479
00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:57,108
All right, let's get you some toe hair.

480
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,316
-[banging]
-What the--?

481
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:01,275
Fuck you!
I was gonna make you such a man.

482
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,036
You were gonna have dry knees,

483
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:06,498
and the confidence to wear flip-flops
with long fucking nails.

484
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:10,330
And now you'll never write for Bill Maher!

485
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:14,707
And now I'm here, and the boys are dicks,
and the girls are also dicks,

486
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:16,376
-but, like--
-In a more decimating way?

487
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,755
Yes! What is up with that?

488
00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:21,261
Listen, I know they're sociopaths,
but I'm not.

489
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:24,255
And if you leave, I'll be all alone.

490
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:27,428
But if you stayed,
we could suffer together

491
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,437
as, like, friendskis?

492
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:31,809
Really?
You wanna be friendskis with me?

493
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,147
I wish I didn't say it that way,

494
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,152
-but yeah.
-Okay.

495
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,903
Yep, I looked it up.

496
00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:38,704
Bill Maher has, like, no female writers.

497
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,819
I guess you can get away with anything
if you're gorgeous.

498
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,157
Go fish, Drew-dog.

499
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:46,752
Don't mind if I do, Seth by Chocolate.
I'm sorry, I'll work on that.

500
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:49,748
They got cutesy nicknames?
Uh-oh. I don't like this.

501
00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:51,421
Ah, it's okay. I'm not worried.

502
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,340
Seth will eventually see
that Andrew's a dork.

503
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,508
Hey, Seth Amphetamine,
can I show you something?

504
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:57,458
-Oh, yeah--
-Be honest.

505
00:20:57,547 --> 00:21:01,637
What do you think of the bandanna?
Is it too, you know, David Foster Wallace?

506
00:21:01,718 --> 00:21:05,848
I think it's a little more like
David Foster Fabulous!

507
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:06,771
-[laughs]
-Yes!

508
00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:08,928
Oh, no, you're right! They're bonding!

509
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,347
They're both dorks!

510
00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:12,395
Andrew's gonna tell Seth
that I'm a bad guy.

511
00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:14,269
-He's gonna tell him about Missy!
-Oh, shit!

512
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:17,476
Get in there! Be a little knife
and stab their conversation.

513
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,987
-Hey, guys. Um, I'm not a bad guy.
-Okay.

514
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,360
And by the way,
you guys look fucking ridiculous.

515
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,907
Like the Crips and the Bloods
hired teenage accountants.

516
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,912
What? What is your problem
this summer, dude?

517
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,874
This! This is my problem!

518
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:31,924
Your weird little friendship.
Your stupid bandanas.

519
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:33,459
Your circle jerks!

520
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:36,172
Hey! You need at least three people
for a proper circle jerk.

521
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:37,673
Otherwise, it's a double toss-off.

522
00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:38,844
God, I love this kid.

523
00:21:38,922 --> 00:21:40,472
Nick, you're kinda being an asshole.

524
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,089
-Yeah, dude.
-I'm not the asshole.

525
00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:43,795
You guys are the assholes!

526
00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:46,005
Seth was mine. You stole my Seth!

527
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:47,386
Dude, weird thing to say.

528
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:49,062
This summer fucking sucks!

529
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,391
Can't get my damn water skis off.

530
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:54,396
This was my camp!
You're not even supposed to be here.

531
00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:57,939
Nick, Nick.
I think maybe you're just hungry.

532
00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,525
Do you... [grunts]

533
00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:01,029
-Do you want a duck egg?
-[gasps]

534
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:03,361
-Shit! You got him with the duck egg!
-[both laughing]

535
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:06,117
He looked at your nut. This summer rules!

536
00:22:06,199 --> 00:22:08,369
Fuck you! Fuck you both!

537
00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:12,412
Yeah. Wah-wah!
Run away, you backstabbing bitch baby!

538
00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:14,877
-Shut up, Maury, you fucking asshole!
-Oh!

539
00:22:14,958 --> 00:22:18,088
That feels good.
Stick the other one in and pry me open.

540
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,800
I hate that you like this.

541
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,630
But it's the only way to get my skis off.

542
00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:23,586
Ooh!

543
00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:27,965
My proctologist is never gonna 
believe I didn't do this to myself.

544
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:31,183
It was honestly cool

545
00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:33,846
how those two skeletons we found
were hugging each other.

546
00:22:33,935 --> 00:22:36,055
Yeah. You're, like, an amazing digger.

547
00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:38,016
-You stupid turd!
-What the hell?

548
00:22:38,106 --> 00:22:40,606
How many times do I have to tell you
I'm a girl?

549
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:41,902
We're not supposed to be strong

550
00:22:41,985 --> 00:22:43,735
-and good at work.
-Okay!

551
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:47,490
We're supposed to be pretty and delicate,
like big old fake tits.

552
00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:49,164
Hey, Jay, who's your new boyfriend?

553
00:22:49,242 --> 00:22:51,372
Shut up! Lola's a girl.

554
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:54,003
She's pretty,
and she's not good at anything.

555
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:55,371
-Is that right?
-Yeah.

556
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:58,667
I get it. You guys are digging us
a giant toilet. Thanks!

557
00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:00,752
[Kurt] Hope we don't accidentally 
piss on you.

558
00:23:00,837 --> 00:23:03,587
Jay! Reverse Chicken 69!

559
00:23:03,673 --> 00:23:05,343
Here we go!

560
00:23:05,425 --> 00:23:06,795
[grunts] 

561
00:23:06,885 --> 00:23:08,385
[straining]

562
00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:12,602
Nobody pisses on Lola Ugfuglio Skumpy!

563
00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:14,142
-[Val grunts]
-[Kurt groans]

564
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:16,226
-Ugh!
-Holy shit!

565
00:23:16,311 --> 00:23:19,021
That was... so hot.

566
00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:21,936
You think that was hot?
You should taste my mouth.

567
00:23:22,025 --> 00:23:24,025
I want you to protect the shit outta me.

568
00:23:24,111 --> 00:23:26,821
Let's protect the shit out of each other.

569
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,619
[slurping]

570
00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:32,576
[Lola] Oh, my God, you french so hard.

571
00:23:32,661 --> 00:23:36,291
I'm gonna push your tongue
out a fucking window.

572
00:23:36,373 --> 00:23:39,043
-[boys moaning]
-[slurping continues]

573
00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:43,046
All right, the trick here is,

574
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:44,880
the first cup of shit
we'll hide someplace

575
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:46,375
where the boys can easily find it.

576
00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:47,376
I'm listening.

577
00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:49,717
But the second cup
we're gonna hide up in the rafters.

578
00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:51,603
Okay, you're amazing,

579
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,770
but can I just get some credit
for shitting in a cup

580
00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:55,269
before you even told me what it was for?

581
00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:57,140
Whoa, you shit in the cup?

582
00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:59,347
I just picked up some raccoon poop
from the woods.

583
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:00,268
Oh, my God, what?

584
00:24:00,355 --> 00:24:02,935
I'm just kidding, it's from my ass.
Cheers.

585
00:24:03,024 --> 00:24:06,574
-[panting] Andrew and Seth are assholes!
-[insects buzzing]

586
00:24:06,653 --> 00:24:10,163
Ugh! Why are there so many fucking 
mosquitoes? I can't breathe!

587
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:11,450
I'm fucking freaking out.

588
00:24:11,533 --> 00:24:14,703
[mosquito]
Oh, no! Are you having a panic attack?

589
00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:16,326
What? Who said that?

590
00:24:16,413 --> 00:24:17,373
Me! I did!

591
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:18,956
[screams] What the hell are you?

592
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,290
I'm Tito, the anxiety mosquito!

593
00:24:21,376 --> 00:24:22,586
Anxiety mosquito?

594
00:24:22,669 --> 00:24:24,049
-[chomps] I'm sorry.
-Ow!

595
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:26,629
People hate it when I do that.
They hate it when I do everything.

596
00:24:26,715 --> 00:24:28,375
But do I stop? No!

597
00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:29,967
-[buzzes] Zing!
-Oh, fuck!

598
00:24:30,051 --> 00:24:32,221
-I'm so sorry, but I can't stop.
-[grunts]

599
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:33,604
You killed me!

600
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,430
I get it. I'm the worst.

601
00:24:35,515 --> 00:24:36,475
But so are you.

602
00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:38,348
I know. Andrew hates me.

603
00:24:38,435 --> 00:24:39,595
And so does Seth.

604
00:24:39,686 --> 00:24:41,476
They're probably making fun 
of you right now.

605
00:24:41,563 --> 00:24:43,863
-You think so?
-Here's what they're definitely saying.

606
00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:46,530
"Nick is a little whiny baby!"

607
00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:48,950
"Let's jerk off on his pillow." [cackles]

608
00:24:49,029 --> 00:24:51,199
No, please stop saying this stuff!

609
00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:54,701
You're gonna have the worst summer.
Everyone's gonna hate you.

610
00:24:54,784 --> 00:24:56,204
Oh, shit, they are.

611
00:24:56,286 --> 00:24:59,076
They're gonna know you're a selfish
little prick who has a little prick

612
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:00,624
that nobody wants to fuck.

613
00:25:00,707 --> 00:25:02,877
You're gonna die a virgin. All alone!

614
00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:05,839
As the world explodes
from global warming!

615
00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:08,301
You dead, lonely little virgin!

616
00:25:08,423 --> 00:25:12,763
I don't want to be a dead,
lonely little virgin. [sobs]

617
00:25:12,844 --> 00:25:16,474
♪ Mosquito drink most anything ♪

618
00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:19,975
♪ Whatever's left
Mosquito scream ♪

619
00:25:20,060 --> 00:25:23,860
♪ I'll suck your blood
I'll suck your blood ♪

620
00:25:23,939 --> 00:25:28,239
♪ I'll suck your blood, suck your
Suck your, suck your blood ♪

621
00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:31,608
♪ Suck your blood
I'll suck your blood ♪

622
00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:36,196
♪ I'll suck your blood, suck your
Suck your, suck your blood ♪

623
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,249
[buzzing]

624
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,170
[grunts]

625
00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:48,764
♪ Ahh! ♪

626
00:25:52,008 --> 00:25:55,758
♪ Mosquito sing, mosquito cry ♪

627
00:25:55,845 --> 00:25:59,385
♪ Mosquito live, Mosquito die ♪

628
00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:03,564
♪ Mosquito land on your neck ♪

629
00:26:03,645 --> 00:26:04,805
♪ Mosquito drink... ♪ 

630
00:26:04,896 --> 00:26:06,816
-[man] Fathouse.
-[ticking]

631
00:26:06,898 --> 00:26:09,318
[man laughs] "Good at Bizness."

632
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,321
-[man] Chirp.
-[kazoo plays fanfare]

633
00:26:12,305 --> 00:27:12,670
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