1
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,177
-[seagulls squawking]
-[waves lapping]

2
00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:13,139
[sighs] What a day.

3
00:00:13,221 --> 00:00:14,351
Oh, a sand dollar.

4
00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:16,849
Whoa! What the hell?!

5
00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:20,442
What? Where the fuck did 
that wave come from?

6
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,270
[screams]

7
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,726
Ah! My phone is in my pocket.

8
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,897
[shouts] What? Why am I so soaked?

9
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,447
Did I wet the bed?

10
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:33,410
Mm, who cares? It's warm and womb-y.

11
00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,621
-Oh, shit!
-Let's just go back to sleep.

12
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,582
It's blood!

13
00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,291
[screams]
Did you get killed in your sleep, dummy?

14
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,372
Actually, yes.

15
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:43,417
You know if you die in a dream,
you die in real life, Jessi.

16
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:44,541
That is not true.

17
00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:45,547
That's what I read.

18
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:50,378
I think...
I think I just got the hugest period ever!

19
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,467
Hey, Jessi. Hello and good morning!

20
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:54,602
What a day to be alive!

21
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:56,469
Oh, Jesus. What am I gonna do?

22
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,016
What are you gonna do?

23
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:01,019
-Rick, get the fuck outta here!
-But I wanna see what she gonna do.

24
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,652
Jessi? Holy shit, did you kill someone?

25
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,730
No, I just had a huge fat period.

26
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,225
That seems like a lot of blood.

27
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:10,697
It's way more than normal.
And it's also, like, chunky.

28
00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:11,819
-[gags]
-Oh, God.

29
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,235
Wow, I'm sorry. That's very visceral.

30
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,284
Yeah, it fucking is.

31
00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:17,236
Visceral? What's visceral mean?

32
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,197
Rick. I told you, get the fuck outta here.

33
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:20,997
Is it too much period?

34
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:24,791
No, it's fine, it's totally normal.
It's my favorite time of the month. Whoo!

35
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,996
["Changes" by Charles Bradley plays]

36
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:32,627
♪ I'm going through changes ♪

37
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:42,524
♪ I'm going through changes ♪

38
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:45,274
♪ Oh, in my life ♪

39
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,729
♪ Oh, ooh, ooh! ♪

40
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:57,074
Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com

41
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,406
Hey, I found another duck egg!

42
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:00,754
-Aww, man.
-I actually found two.

43
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,709
And they're in a nest. A hairy nest.

44
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:03,619
Hey, hey, hey!

45
00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:07,036
No rat-tailing each other's
filthy wankers, you filthy wankers.

46
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,207
The boys' shower rules.

47
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,705
It's so interactive.

48
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,087
Get in there! Check out Seth's duck eggs.

49
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:15,764
I don't think Seth wants me
to look at his balls anymore.

50
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,104
Oh, Nick, that is the saddest thing
I ever heard.

51
00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:21,179
Let's face it,
those nuts belong to Andrew now.

52
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,226
Ew, Milk, your dick is so weird!

53
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,729
I can see the veins in your balls.

54
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,061
During the Renaissance,

55
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,976
scrota such as mine
were considered a delicacy.

56
00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:31,105
No one wants to eat
your weird dick, Milk.

57
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:32,822
I don't even think his dick's that weird.

58
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:34,402
The only thing that's worse than weird

59
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:35,737
-is small.
-What?

60
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,122
When they see your little rat nose,
they'll rip you apart.

61
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:40,619
Aww, shit, you got an anxito now?

62
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,202
They'll call you Little Dick Nickson.

63
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,537
"I am not a clit."

64
00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,211
Or Can't Jack Dickolson.

65
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,750
"Wait till they get a chode of me."

66
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,003
Okay, that's enough! I get it.

67
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:51,054
Connie, I gotta get outta here.
I don't want everyone looking at my dick.

68
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:53,509
Don't listen to her, baby.
You gotta shower.

69
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,630
You got that sleep stank on ya.

70
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:58,467
I'm just trying to save him
from complete humiliation.

71
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,893
Think about it. They see your dick,
they make fun of you,

72
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,022
you have no friends,
you become the Unabomber,

73
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,939
and you write manifestos
like a small-dicked maniac.

74
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,559
Oh, shit, that all tracks.

75
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,685
Skipping one shower's
not gonna kill me, right?

76
00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:12,072
Hey, Milk, Milk, lemonade...

77
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:14,740
-[Milk] Ew!
-...around the corner, fudge is made!

78
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,569
-[Schwartz grunts]
-I reached my limit with the boys' shower.

79
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:21,951
Missy, what's wrong?

80
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,495
You don't seem excited
to present your boarding pass.

81
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:26,789
-I'm fine.
-She's in anguish

82
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,083
because of all the fucking boys 
in her year.

83
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,077
Bunch of pricks.

84
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:34,758
Hey, Firefly, I know we're flying Delta,
but you seem a little JetBlue.

85
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:37,089
[laughs] Dad.

86
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:40,005
Did you just think of that,
or is that a famous joke?

87
00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,474
Let's just get through this queue

88
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:44,024
so I can pop four Klonopin
and wake up in Ibiza.

89
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:47,098
Oh, we're going to Atlanta
to visit my dad's family,

90
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,805
so please don't be on drugs.

91
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,856
Sir, you need to take off your jacket.

92
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,480
This? This is a one-piece shirt-vest.

93
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,107
I'm not wearing anything underneath.

94
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:59,994
Oh, no, I accidentally left
my X-Acto knives in here.

95
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,243
-No problem, ma'am.
-I love to travel-craft.

96
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,405
-Happy carving.
-Thank you.

97
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:06,333
Oh, why is Dad always getting stopped
at the airport?

98
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:10,582
I think his electric personality
must set off all the machines.

99
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,337
-I guess so.
-That's bullshit!

100
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:13,708
She's hiding something from you.

101
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,295
Oh, my mom would never hide anything
from me.

102
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,341
She's my best friend.

103
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:20,843
Right, right, right, well,
there goes your other best friend.

104
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:25,137
So who gets to drink all the half-finished
Dasanis at the end of the day? [chuckles]

105
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,523
Excuse me, sir. You need to be in a bin.

106
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:32,059
Finally, I can poop in private.

107
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,476
Step onto your throne, my king.

108
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:37,025
Is that a makeshift Squatty Potty?

109
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,650
Yes, Your Anus. And here is your tome.

110
00:04:39,737 --> 00:04:42,617
"Four Hundred and Fifty
Yiddish Animal Jokes."

111
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,119
-Written by Carl Reiner's sister?
-That's right.

112
00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,371
Yes, please!

113
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:50,162
And now, I shall push
with my neck muscles.

114
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,168
-[strains]
-[door opens]

115
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,709
-Oh, no.
-Someone's in here!

116
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,132
-Blast it quick. Blast it hard!
-[grunts]

117
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,511
Oh, no, Maury, it went back up.

118
00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:59,918
-What do you mean "back up"?
-"Up." "In."

119
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:03,298
I was nervous,
and it got sucked right back into my guts.

120
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,806
It went back up. Remarkable.

121
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:07,934
Oh, it's you.

122
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,426
-It's you.
-How are you?

123
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:12,937
We hope very shitty,
you backstabbing little Missy kisser.

124
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:13,941
Hide your pain.

125
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:17,612
Don't give that friend-stealing
Nazi sympathizer the satisfaction.

126
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:21,862
I'm, uh... I'm great.
I just took, like, five showers, so...

127
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:24,116
-Well, I just shit to completion.
-Awesome.

128
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:27,328
Filled the bowl, then flushed it.
A little paper. Nothing to it.

129
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,410
Feels good to use facilities as intended.

130
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:30,405
It certainly does.

131
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:31,616
It most certainly does.

132
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:34,036
Hope you get athlete's foot
in your fat ass.

133
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,245
Yes, this is good.

134
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,835
Hold your feelings in, like your shit.

135
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,420
You're becoming a real man.

136
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,505
I'm very proud of you,
but I won't tell you that.

137
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:45,005
-[Jessi groans]
-What are you gonna do with that?

138
00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:46,514
I'm gonna wait until the middle of night,

139
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,676
and then I'll put it
at the very bottom of a trash can.

140
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:52,095
Wow. I was expecting something funny,
but, man, that's just sad.

141
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,895
Get changed for waterfront, girls.

142
00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,558
-Let's go! Bathing suits.
-Um...

143
00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:57,476
I don't have to do swimming.

144
00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:00,985
Didn't you read the detailed email
from my mom, you bald fuck?

145
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,359
The one that started "Dear Bald Fuck"?

146
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,356
Yes, I did.

147
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,367
You and your mom are both very mean.

148
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,239
That said, you don't have to go swimming.

149
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,236
Glaser, put on your bathing suit.

150
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:11,328
Sorry.

151
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:14,172
If I have to swim,
I'm gonna get eaten by a shark.

152
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:16,378
You are basically chum at this point.

153
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,668
Fuck, what am I gonna do?

154
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,173
What is she gonna do, baby?

155
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,304
-Rick, get the hell out of here!
-[groans]

156
00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:24,553
What about if we get a tampon up in there?

157
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:28,264
No! No way. I am not ready
to stick something up there.

158
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:32,136
-What if it gets lost and never comes out?
-Like Daniel Dave Lewis in an acting role!

159
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,345
Or what if it, like, breaks my hymen?

160
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:37,055
There will be blood!
Shout-out to my main man, Daniel Dave.

161
00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:38,816
Nope, I'm not doing a tampon.

162
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,398
I can't. It's too scary.

163
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,073
[vagina] Yoo-hoo! I have an idea.

164
00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,281
You could just free-vag it,

165
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:46,161
like that lady who ran the marathon
and let the blood run down her legs.

166
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,069
She was fun!

167
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:49,986
-That sounds so bleak.
-[coughs] Oh!

168
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,238
Clot. Excuse me.

169
00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:52,787
Um, I can figure this out.

170
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,790
I can swim with pads. I'll just stack 'em.

171
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:56,923
[vagina] You do you, girl.

172
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:59,749
And then just, like, tie 'em together
with floss. It's no big deal.

173
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,166
Maybe the floss will get
all the blood chunks out

174
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,335
of your pussy's teeth.

175
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,343
You know what?
I'll take it from here, thanks.

176
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:07,804
[Seth chuckles] T to the H!

177
00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:09,795
-T to the what?
-T-H in your face!

178
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:10,847
You know how it is.

179
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,060
I do know how it is.

180
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,640
-Oink. Oink, oink.
-[snorts]

181
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:16,644
Wait, Nick, Nick, Nick!
Um, I just have a question for you.

182
00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,267
-Are you a TH?
-Um...

183
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,234
-Take your time, think about it.
-They've got inside jokes!

184
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:22,815
Uh, what does "TH" stand for?

185
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,990
-"Terrible hemorrhoid"?
-Or maybe "teen hunk"?

186
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:26,489
[groans] Say something perfect!

187
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:29,121
Um, I think I am a TH?

188
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,278
-[laughing]
-He thinks he is.

189
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:31,236
"I think I'm a T--"

190
00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:34,115
If you're not sure,
then you're definitely not a TH.

191
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,663
Isn't that right, TH?

192
00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:36,786
-No way!
-Oink.

193
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:37,793
Oink, oink, oink!

194
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:40,714
Oh, no! You missed everything
when you didn't take a shower.

195
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:42,343
I told you you'd have no friends.

196
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,750
You're gonna be alone forever.

197
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:46,168
And when you die, no one will care.

198
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:49,262
No one? Not even my parents?

199
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,345
I'm glad he's gone. I never loved him.

200
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,679
I faked all our hugs.

201
00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:54,063
But they felt so real.

202
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,220
T to the H!

203
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,978
Yeah, TH for life! Oink, oink.

204
00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:59,099
TH makes me think of a top hat,

205
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,437
which is what I'm gonna wear
on the first day of school.

206
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,362
Shut up, Milk.

207
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,490
And on the second day of school,
I'm gonna wear a cape.

208
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,698
And then we landed at the airport.

209
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:11,620
And then we rented a car.

210
00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:13,659
And then we drove here.

211
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:17,003
[groans] No fucking shit, Monica.
That's how you get places.

212
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:20,919
We drove on the parkway,
and then we parked on the driveway.

213
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,460
Whoa, Uncle Cyrus!

214
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:24,883
Look who it is.
My favorite fat vegetarian. [chuckles]

215
00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:26,882
I know I am, but what are you?

216
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:29,554
Ooh. Yeah, and what are they?

217
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,264
They're my cousins, Lena and Quinta.

218
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,224
Hey, Missy.
Ooh, you got little titties growing in.

219
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,675
-Okay.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

220
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,595
These girls.
This is the fucking crew.

221
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,483
All right, show Missy
and her little titties her room.

222
00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:42,731
-She's staying with you guys.
-Okay, Titties, let's go.

223
00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:44,073
I don't want that to be my nickname

224
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:46,028
-for the entire trip.
-We gonna call her Titties.

225
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:47,278
-Darn it.
-Y'all crazy.

226
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,360
Yeah! Who needs Ibiza
when we've got Atlanta?

227
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:53,156
See if they know Donald Glover
so you can suck his nob.

228
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,531
Don't say "nob."

229
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,737
If you need to say it at all, say "penis."

230
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:57,827
This is America.

231
00:08:57,995 --> 00:09:00,745
Oh. [hums]

232
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:02,631
-Please stop.
-But do I look like it?

233
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:07,589
Oh, what do you think?
No one's gonna notice, right?

234
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:10,762
That the airbag in your pussy went off?
It's possible.

235
00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:14,721
-[dolphin wailing]
-Get outta here, you sexy freak of nature!

236
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,974
Go smell somebody else's menstruals.

237
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,518
All right, look at me.

238
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,140
Jessi: one.
Period: zero.

239
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,646
Ew! Oh, my God! What is that?

240
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,033
No, no, no, no! My crotch boat!

241
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:33,491
Well, hold on,
maybe the children will be nice.

242
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,493
Who would wear a pad in the water?

243
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:36,906
[Seth] Ew. Gross!

244
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,163
I don't wanna know
girls get their periods.

245
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,115
No farties, no poopies, no periods.

246
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:42,285
Keep it all in there!

247
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,503
Who even has a period that big,
am I right?

248
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:48,924
Yeah, mine's just like a Skittle
that falls out, and I just throw it away.

249
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,465
Oh, dear God, please disappear me
from this life.

250
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,677
Holy shit!

251
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,810
The lady pads are sucking up the lake.

252
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:01,391
Oh, for fuck's sake. What?

253
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:03,725
Everyone out! It's creating a vortex!

254
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:07,021
-[all screaming]
-[boy] Everybody out of the water!

255
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,816
It's a big pad disaster!

256
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,817
[goose squawking]

257
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:19,157
Hey! It's the kids
who disappeared last year.

258
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:20,243
Mystery solved.

259
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:23,708
Whichever one of you menstruators
did this owes me a lake.

260
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,289
Hey, how's camp going for you?

261
00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,294
-Absolutely terrible, you?
-Constant nightmare.

262
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:28,286
-Oh, perfect.
-Great.

263
00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:30,497
I'm gonna go to archery
and shoot an arrow into my face.

264
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,168
Save some of that suicide for me.

265
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,916
-[Jessi] Okay!
-[laughs]

266
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,510
-Ugh! Ralph texted me again.
-I told you, men are trash.

267
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,925
Oh, wow, 
that's a rather aggressive qualifier,

268
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:43,104
but I do agree that men are garbage.

269
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:44,814
You know what? Niggas ain't shit.

270
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,064
Whoa-ho-ho!

271
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,765
Okay. Oh, boy. [gasps] 

272
00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:48,975
N-word alert.

273
00:10:49,106 --> 00:10:51,686
-Girl, "n-word"?
-Man, that's some shit her mom taught her.

274
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,856
Yeah, she says you're never supposed
to say that word.

275
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:56,454
She can't say it 'cause she's 
of the Caucasian persuasion.

276
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:57,910
-But you can.
-Oh, no, no.

277
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,530
[chuckles nervously] 
I don't-- I definitely cannot.

278
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,448
-Yes, you can.
-I promise you,

279
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:06,366
it is not okay for me to say that word.

280
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,577
Besides, I don't believe
anyone should say it.

281
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,418
I was raised in a post-racial household.

282
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:11,843
[scoffs] That's fucking Monica.

283
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:14,091
Yeah, but you gotta blame
Uncle Cyrus' old siddity ass too.

284
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,473
Careful! I don't know
what "siddiddity" means,

285
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:19,390
but you're talking about my best friends,
and it doesn't seem positive.

286
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:20,390
-Missy.
-Uh-huh.

287
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,311
-Baby girl.
-Cool.

288
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,389
Your parents are straight-up dorks.

289
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,144
-What?
-Yes! That's what I said.

290
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,346
Man, they're corny as fuck.

291
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:30,106
And worst of all, they've been
depriving you of your own culture.

292
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:31,019
They have?

293
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,027
-Yes, have you ever had your hair braided?
-No.

294
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,939
Forced to watch a bootleg
of a Tyler Perry play?

295
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:35,857
I don't know.

296
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,735
Do you prefer sweet potato pie 
or pumpkin pie?

297
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,992
-What's the difference?
-I'm gonna slap her in the face.

298
00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:42,494
-Your parents haven't let you be Black.
-What?

299
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,579
Yeah! Now we're stirring the pot, baby.

300
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,463
But if you want us to help you...

301
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,580
-Please!
-I do.

302
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,126
-Then all you have to do...
-Yeah?

303
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,340
...is say nig--

304
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:56,090
No, no, no. All I have to do
is say no to that word.

305
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:58,013
I'm just kidding. Let's go shopping.

306
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,552
-Yeah.
-Get you some new... just everything.

307
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:03,256
-Let's get her some new everything.
-You need a whole new situation.

308
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:05,427
Yes! I nicked Cyrus's wallet.

309
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,436
His middle name is "Byrus"?

310
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:09,348
Cyrus Byrus?

311
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:10,859
Okay.

312
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:14,185
-There you go. That shouldn't fall off.
-Ooh. Smart.

313
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,685
So much thick, wonderful hair.

314
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:18,566
Look at them, they're so intimate.
And you're stuck with Milk.

315
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:21,994
Okay, Milk, as a volleyball partner,
you would not have been my first choice.

316
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,744
My dad's friend Bob Reedy

317
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,746
says there's no such thing as choice,
only destiny.

318
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,459
-Shut the fuck up, Milk.
-Okay.

319
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:32,039
-Let's beat these sons of bitches.
-Ha! Fat chance, denim pants.

320
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:35,166
Volleyball in jeans?
We doing a Top Gun kind of thing?

321
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:39,804
Oh, man, my hormone monster, Val Kilmer,
is gonna love this.

322
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:43,474
Face it, losers, you're gonna lose. 
Service! [grunts]

323
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:46,522
I got it. I got it! I don't have it.

324
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,769
-[grunts]
-Set!

325
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:49,691
Ooh!

326
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,399
Yay!

327
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:54,440
Oh, that was yours, Milk!

328
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,193
-Chest bump. Yeah!
-Yeah!

329
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,606
-Hey!
-I'm diving!

330
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,784
-Shit!
-You like spikes? [grunts]

331
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,124
-[retches]
-Oh! Milk!

332
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,740
-I throwed up.
-Ugh!

333
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,076
Come on, Seth, let's get outta here
before I throw up,

334
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,792
'cause when I see
other people throw up-- [retches]

335
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:13,083
That's so weird, 'cause so do-- [retches]

336
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,667
Hashtag Me Three. [retches]

337
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,383
Ew, gross!

338
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,843
Oh, God, he puked on you.

339
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:23,094
Now you smell as if Cheetos made wine.
[retches]

340
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:24,387
Ow, my eye!

341
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,600
I'm sorry.

342
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,389
I throw up when I want to.

343
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:28,603
Quick facteroo:

344
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,732
in the UK, beach volleyball
is called Paddington Bear.

345
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,191
And now this.

346
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,525
Look at you, Titties,
those jeans are fire!

347
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:41,648
-Damn, cuz. Looking all grown up and shit.
-Oh, they do feel pretty snazzy,

348
00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:42,737
I've gotta say.

349
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,822
Yes, you've got a body.

350
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,027
I do, don't I?

351
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:48,326
Permission to smack my own ass?

352
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,660
Granted! [chuckles]

353
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:52,615
Now you can finally get rid
of those wretched overalls.

354
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:55,626
Oh, wow, I... 
I didn't really think about that.

355
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:58,129
Oh, no. Don't leave me, Missy.

356
00:13:58,212 --> 00:13:59,712
I'm your iconic look.

357
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,467
Oh, shut the fuck up, overalls.

358
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:04,509
You make her look like a baby farmer,
and you suck shite.

359
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:07,103
Oh, golly, why are you so mean?

360
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,599
Mona, please. Let me handle this.

361
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:13,192
Overalls, I wanna thank you
for all the good times.

362
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:17,269
Remember when you couldn't get
my clasps off at the bowling alley

363
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:18,726
and you ended up peeing in me?

364
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:22,356
You never made me feel bad about that,
even though you were soaked in my urine.

365
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:24,614
Oh, Missy, I'm scared.

366
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,447
I'm not ready to say goodbye.

367
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,492
Well, I'm scared too. But it's time.

368
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,037
I'm gonna donate you to Goodwill,

369
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,330
and you'll make some other kid
as happy as you've made me.

370
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,754
No! I'd rather die!

371
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:39,343
Just douse me in gas and light me on fire.

372
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:40,840
-Overalls, don't say that.
-[sobs]

373
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:43,761
It's okay. We're both gonna be okay.

374
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,051
Talking to your clothes? [laughs]

375
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,715
That is some white-girl shit right there.

376
00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:49,893
Girl, please, you did the exact same thing
with your blanket.

377
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,562
You know damn well his name was Bonky…

378
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,481
[sobs] …and I will never forget him.

379
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,318
[exhales] Okay, good, the coast is clear.

380
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:02,438
But you better shower quick.
Somebody could show up at any moment.

381
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:03,566
I know that. Shut up!

382
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:06,242
I just want you to be safe.
I'm trying to protect you.

383
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,362
[voices approaching]

384
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,368
Oh, man, I cannot wait to drink and drive.

385
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,370
-Oh, shit!
-You gotta get out of here!

386
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,662
I can't, I'm covered in dried puke. And...

387
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,826
And really, how bad could it be?

388
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,825
-[Seth] TH, baby! Thick Hogsman.
-[Andrew laughs]

389
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:18,917
"Thick Hogsman"?

390
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,341
[Andrew] I know I'm a Thick Hogsman.
What about you, Seth?

391
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,710
I don't know, is this a thick hog?
[chuckles]

392
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:26,467
[exclaims] That is a husky 
truffle sniffer, my friend.

393
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,720
Thick Hogsmen for life! [both snort]

394
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:31,644
Thick Hogsman? That's what TH means.

395
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:34,142
Their penises are thick, hairy hogs,

396
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,314
and yours is a bald, little piglet.

397
00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:39,233
Ah, Nick, it's not the size of the pig.

398
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,573
It's the flavor of the bacon.

399
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,569
That's what boys with tiny dicks say.

400
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,441
-Run, piggy, run!
-Ugh!

401
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:49,574
Hey, Nick, you want
some strawberry lemonade?

402
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,527
Ew! There's blood in your pee?

403
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,867
I got hit in the balls with a hockey puck.
It's fine. Everything's fine.

404
00:15:56,705 --> 00:15:58,955
Look, I don't get why you just can't ask
for a tampon.

405
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,381
For some strange reason,
I don't want everyone picturing

406
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,340
-blood gushing out of my goosh.
-That's fair.

407
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:06,220
Plus if I ask for a tampon,
it'll connect me to the monster lake pad.

408
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,218
Yeah, look, it's still out there.

409
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,008
[screams]

410
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,006
Oh, God.

411
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:16,729
Ooh, I think I found some cooter plugs
for your ginormous period.

412
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,309
-We're dainty.
-Your massive flow will surely drown us.

413
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,345
I don't wanna die.

414
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:22,647
Okay, these gals are not up for the job.

415
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,071
Ladies, we love you.

416
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,279
But we decided to go
in a different direction.

417
00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:28,701
Fuck!

418
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:30,609
That skinny bitch has a big fat period.

419
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,238
-We'll pop your cherry, Jessi.
-What?

420
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,874
-We're gonna stretch your vag so far...
-Ugh!

421
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:37,082
...you'll have to gather it back up
to put on underwear.

422
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,252
-Uh...
-The only way you're gonna get me out

423
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:42,041
is to tie my string
to the back of a fucking pickup truck.

424
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,626
-[shouts]
-They might not be for you,

425
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,762
but I am intrigued.

426
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,219
-[Natalie] Jessi, I think I found some.
-Salutations!

427
00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:51,389
We're just right for you, mamacita.

428
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:54,808
And totally stoked
to be riding your crimson wave.

429
00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:56,808
-Okay.
-They seem nice.

430
00:16:56,890 --> 00:17:00,350
Let's put 'em in your vagina
so they can drink up your period.

431
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,557
Sweetie, who has been doing your hair?

432
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,477
-Oh, my mother.
-She got a white mama, yo.

433
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,986
-[woman] Uh-uh.
-What shampoo do you use?

434
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,568
Well, Tom's of Maine, of course.

435
00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:10,823
Maine? Like the state?

436
00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:12,284
No, like the toothpaste.

437
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:16,294
They make a six-in-one, so it's soap,
shampoo, a laundry detergent--

438
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:20,158
I feed it to my grandma to keep her sick
so I can take care of her.

439
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:21,917
And then everyone thinks I'm a saint.

440
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,669
Okay, okay.

441
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,501
What are we gonna do with her hair?

442
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,706
Yeah, what are you gonna do, baby?

443
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,877
Celeste, go back to sleep.

444
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:32,086
Okay.

445
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:33,636
Is that your grandma?

446
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:36,179
No, I keep my grandma much sicker.

447
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:38,853
Tom's of Maine. Keep your grandma sick.

448
00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:40,812
I mean, are we straightening it? Braids?

449
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,153
-Twists? Sew-ins? What?
-Well, I like braids like Quinta's,

450
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:45,808
but practically speaking,
I don't think I have enough hair.

451
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,978
Oh, don't worry about that, baby girl.
We got plenty.

452
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,817
[chuckles] Oh, no, 
I don't want somebody else's hair.

453
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,453
-What the hell do you think I have?
-So your hair is a liar?

454
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,910
-Oh, I'mma hit her for real this time.
-Ooh, you could shave your head like mine.

455
00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,582
[laughs, hums]

456
00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,950
What is that? Stop doing that.

457
00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:05,713
Mona, will you give me a ride
to the hair salon?

458
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:08,003
I gotta get my hair done.

459
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,007
Oh, Celeste, did you get fucked
too hard again?

460
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,260
You should see the other guy, honey.

461
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:17,223
Come on, baby. You gotta stop that blood.

462
00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:18,684
I know! I know!

463
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,684
But how does this thing, like, even work?

464
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,016
Hey, I'm Mark.

465
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,851
I'm stoked. Let's get in there.

466
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:27,396
[chuckles] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Mark, whoa, buy me dinner first.

467
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:30,281
Jessi, we've never done this before.
How about a practice run?

468
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,939
Okay, yeah, that's a good call.

469
00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:35,947
So do I, like, pull it, or do I push it,
or just, like, stuff it?

470
00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:38,241
-Whoa!
-Oh, shit. Oh, I'm so bad at this.

471
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:42,035
That's okay, I'm ready to get back up
and ride that crimson wave.

472
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,871
I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I think
you belong to the floor now, Mark.

473
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,418
So it is to be. My journey complete.

474
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:49,752
Aww. Bye, Mark.

475
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:52,417
Okay, I think I finally understand
the mechanics.

476
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,506
Hey, I'm Mark.

477
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,050
Yes. Hi again. [exhales]

478
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,054
-[vagina] Oh, going in slanted.
-[Mark] Not there.

479
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,346
[vagina] A little to the right.

480
00:18:58,428 --> 00:19:01,098
[chuckles]
Whoa! Too low. That's the ol' butthole.

481
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,021
Okay, okay, okay. Is this right?

482
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:06,440
-I wish. He's only halfway in.
-[Mark] Double down!

483
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,940
Oh, boy. Not good. Pull it out!

484
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,571
Everybody just shut up!

485
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:12,528
-Whoa!
-Aah! God, that was bad.

486
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:15,319
-[Connie] It was too dry.
-Yeah, it stuck to the sides.

487
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:19,624
-Your goosh did not like that.
-Ugh. I certainly did not.

488
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,450
Okay, this is our last one.

489
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,535
All right, we got this.
Let's make it count.

490
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:24,620
-Hey, I'm Mark--
-Yep.

491
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:26,075
Oh, we're getting right into it.

492
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:31,335
Okay. I'm pushing,
and I think this is right. Did it work?

493
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,460
Mark, speak to us.

494
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:35,336
[Mark echoing] I'm in! And it's beautiful!

495
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,054
Oh, my God, you guys. I did it!

496
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,430
I'm a tampon user!

497
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:43,771
Congratulations on your menstruations,
Jessi!

498
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,479
-[Mark] Good on you, Jess!
-Ooh-hoo-hoo! It tickles when he talks.

499
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:51,362
Ugh! I feel so gross from not showering.

500
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,730
Ugh. You smell like a fart farted.

501
00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:54,647
[sniffing]

502
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,605
Ew, what is that stink?

503
00:19:56,695 --> 00:20:00,695
Ugh! It smells like sweet and sour
chicken parmesan?

504
00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:03,702
Sometimes I smell Bob Reedy's watch band.

505
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:04,745
He's my dad's friend.

506
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:07,078
Milk, shut the fuck up!
We're trying to track this stench.

507
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:10,456
-Oh, no! They're gonna all know it's you.
-Aww.

508
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:11,712
-[sniffs]
-[Tito buzzes]

509
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:14,173
It's Nick. The stench is Nick.

510
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:16,344
Nick is the stench.
Do you think we should say some--

511
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:18,933
The stench is Nick! Nick is the stench.

512
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,509
-Okay, you kinda took my thing.
-We came up with it together.

513
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:22,545
Oh, my God, you're right!

514
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,808
Nick, you smell like
if a puke took a shit.

515
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:28,060
You didn't take a shower
after I made sick on your chest?

516
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:29,853
And after I pissed blood on you?

517
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,307
I didn't get a chance to.

518
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,816
No, no, no, no, no.
This ain't a one-day stench,

519
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,029
this foul odor's been simmering.

520
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,529
Like a... Like a rancid soup.

521
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:39,782
Yes. That's it!

522
00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:41,663
That's the smell! It's soup!

523
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:42,820
Complex.

524
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,288
It's been reducing into layers of smell.

525
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,869
Hey, everyone! He's fucking Soup.

526
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:48,905
What's up, Soup?

527
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:51,707
-[all chanting] Soup! Soup...
-That's not his name. It's "Soup."

528
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,882
I mean "Nick." Shit, they got me, Soup.

529
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:56,631
You were afraid they were gonna make fun 
of your little dick,

530
00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:58,673
but now they're making fun of your stench.

531
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,547
Matzo No-Ball Soup. Get it?

532
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:03,934
[chuckles]
Hey, guys, what if you called me, um...

533
00:21:04,304 --> 00:21:05,514
Mr. Lasagna?

534
00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:08,557
-Oh, my God! It's so hot.
-Yeah, hot like Soup!

535
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,232
Oh, Mr. Lasagna no likey.

536
00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:13,441
Shut the fuck up, Soup!

537
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:14,862
And eat my dickhole.

538
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,400
I'm gonna fucking kill you, Soup!
[chuckles]

539
00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:19,074
Whoa, Milk burned the Soup!

540
00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:20,532
Am I bullying right?

541
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:24,162
[all chanting] Milk! Milk! Milk!
Milk! Milk! Milk!

542
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:28,497
Ladies and gentleman,
the new and improved

543
00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:32,498
Missy "Misdemeanor"
Foreman-Greenwald.

544
00:21:32,582 --> 00:21:33,712
[imitates fanfare]

545
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:36,252
Hey, guys. What's up? [chuckles]

546
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:38,166
Or should I say, 'sup?

547
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,877
Actually, I think I will
actually just stay with

548
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,546
♪ What's… ♪

549
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:45,394
-...up?
-Whoa! Looking fly, Firefly.

550
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:48,060
-[under breath, coughs] Corny.
-Missy, look at you!

551
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:48,970
Do you like it?

552
00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:51,477
It's very... different.

553
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,020
Just to be clear,
"different" is not a compliment.

554
00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:55,814
What do you mean by "different"?

555
00:21:55,897 --> 00:21:58,977
It's just all those braids
are so elaborate.

556
00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:01,817
I... I don't know how manageable they are.

557
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:03,453
-Oh!
-She did not just say "manageable."

558
00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:05,780
Monica, ix-nay on the anageable-may.

559
00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:08,616
What do you even know about my hair, Mom?
You've been washing it with toothpaste.

560
00:22:08,702 --> 00:22:10,292
It's a six-in-one.

561
00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:12,960
Well, it doesn't work on Black hair.

562
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,250
-Straight facts.
-Fucking right.

563
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,883
-That's tea, bitch.
-And you know what I'm tired of ix-naying?

564
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,630
-The ace-ray alk-tay.
-The what?

565
00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:20,132
The race talk!

566
00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:21,973
-Issy-may.
-Why they talking about Issa Rae?

567
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:24,469
You guys haven't taught me anything
about being Black.

568
00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:28,721
I didn't even know the difference between
pumpkin pie and sweet potato pie, okay?

569
00:22:28,805 --> 00:22:30,055
I like all pies.

570
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:32,810
There goes Uncle Cyrus
with that "All Pies Matter" bullshit.

571
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:35,523
You're Black, Dad! How come
everyone knows that except for you?

572
00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:36,564
-Tell him, girl.
-Mm-hmm.

573
00:22:36,646 --> 00:22:37,726
I know I'm Black.

574
00:22:37,814 --> 00:22:40,154
-Then why don't you act like it?
-Thank you.

575
00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:41,783
I act like myself.

576
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:45,160
Stop it, Missy!
He's perfect just the way he is.

577
00:22:45,238 --> 00:22:46,448
And you!

578
00:22:46,990 --> 00:22:49,200
-You...
-Go in for the kill, Missy.

579
00:22:49,284 --> 00:22:51,414
You better stop stealing our men!

580
00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:52,575
-What?
-Oh, damn.

581
00:22:52,662 --> 00:22:53,752
-Too far.
-No, I liked it.

582
00:22:53,830 --> 00:22:56,040
-Missy, that's enough.
-[sobbing] I just--

583
00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:57,254
Go to your room.

584
00:22:57,334 --> 00:23:00,004
I just really wanted to show you
my new hair.

585
00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:01,417
[sobbing]

586
00:23:03,256 --> 00:23:05,426
[sighs] Oh, boy, did I need a shower.

587
00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:06,889
I feel so much better.

588
00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:08,638
And you smell better,

589
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,140
like a Bed, Bath and Body Works.

590
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:13,933
You're not gonna be Soup no more.

591
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:16,976
[clears throat]
Hey, guys, just a heads-up.

592
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:20,942
You can call me Mr. Clean Lasagna now,
because I--

593
00:23:21,024 --> 00:23:24,444
-Shut the fuck up, Soup!
-Hey, Soup got wet. We got some wet soup!

594
00:23:24,528 --> 00:23:26,528
-[Schwartz] Soup got wet!
-But I don't stink anymore.

595
00:23:26,613 --> 00:23:31,163
You can scrub all you want, Nick,
you'll always be Soup.

596
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:32,453
-[buzzes, grunts]
-Ow!

597
00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:34,536
[all chanting] Soup! Soup! Soup!

598
00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:37,371
-Soup! Soup!
-[Tito cackles]

599
00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:41,459
Issy-may, a little Abble-scray?

600
00:23:41,545 --> 00:23:43,545
[scoffs]
Talk normal, Dad. You're so corny.

601
00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:46,880
I just don't know
what's gotten into her lately.

602
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,798
Oh, I'll tell you what's gotten
into her, baby.

603
00:23:49,886 --> 00:23:50,886
Me.

604
00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:51,931
Damn right!

605
00:23:52,013 --> 00:23:54,523
Excuse me, ma'am. A ginger ale, please.

606
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:56,099
And keep 'em coming.

607
00:23:56,184 --> 00:23:58,694
[pilot] Hey, folks, we're encountering
some slight turbulence.

608
00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:01,400
Seems an inconsiderate little girl
wore a pad into a lake,

609
00:24:01,481 --> 00:24:04,111
and it's causing our instruments
to go a little bit haywire.

610
00:24:04,192 --> 00:24:05,942
I don't think there's a pilot alive

611
00:24:06,027 --> 00:24:08,107
who's been trained how to handle
something like this.

612
00:24:08,196 --> 00:24:11,116
I can't believe I have to do this
every four hours,

613
00:24:11,199 --> 00:24:13,619
every four weeks for the next 40 years.

614
00:24:13,702 --> 00:24:14,662
But on the bright side,

615
00:24:14,744 --> 00:24:17,544
all your underwear's gonna look like
two mice fucked to death.

616
00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:20,132
Okay, out comes the old one...

617
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:21,378
[Mark] My journey complete.

618
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:22,710
In goes the new one.

619
00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:24,344
-Hey, I'm Mark.
-Oh, hi, Mark.

620
00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:25,881
Let's hang ten.

621
00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:28,508
I think I'm getting the hang of this.

622
00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:31,052
You can do it, Jess. Be one with the wave.

623
00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,346
Ho-ho! Here comes a ton of blood.

624
00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:34,390
Oh, God.

625
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,813
-Pop up, dude!
-[grunts]

626
00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:38,686
I'm doing it.

627
00:24:38,768 --> 00:24:40,188
You are shredding,

628
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:42,770
and shedding your uterine lining.

629
00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:44,316
I am beyond stoked.

630
00:24:44,399 --> 00:24:46,609
-[Jessi] Whoo-hoo!
-We are red-crushing it!

631
00:24:46,693 --> 00:24:48,863
-[dolphin chitters]
-[all] Yeah!

632
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:55,619
♪ It's that time, that time of the month
Well, I woke up early, and I got a hunch ♪

633
00:24:55,702 --> 00:25:00,792
♪ Gonna head on down to the beach today
Surf all my girl probs away ♪

634
00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:05,924
♪ 'Cause all I wanna do is cry
Ask mother nature, "Why, why, why?" ♪

635
00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:10,724
♪ Listen to the Cramps on my stereo
Turn it up as loud as it will go ♪

636
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:16,310
♪ Oh-oh! Surfin', surfin' the wave
All the girls are surfin' the wave ♪

637
00:25:16,389 --> 00:25:19,729
♪ Surfin' the crimson wave today ♪

638
00:25:21,186 --> 00:25:25,856
♪ Gonna call in sick to work
I don't care, my boss is a jerk ♪

639
00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:30,862
♪ Can't believe all the pain I'm in
Get me white wine and vicodin ♪

640
00:25:30,946 --> 00:25:34,366
♪ Surfin' the crimson wave today ♪

641
00:25:39,037 --> 00:25:40,497
[kazoo plays]

642
00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:42,959
-[man] Fathouse.
-[ticking]

643
00:25:43,041 --> 00:25:45,961
-[man] Chirp.
-[man 2 laughs] "Good at Bizness."

644
00:25:46,305 --> 00:26:46,301
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