Boy, oh, boy. That last episode, the one that took place in the future,
was banar-nar.
Yeah, we weren't even in it!
I wonder what they're gonna do with this episode.
Says here, it's called "Four Stories About Hand Stuff."
Hand stuff?
Like fingering and hand jobs. Ooh, we better be in this one, mama.
Yeah! If we're not, then I'm gonna have a word with Mark Levin.
Who--? Who's Mark Levin?
You know!
He's one of those four "Created By" names at the end of the theme song.
Four's a lot, huh?
I heard they're all married to each other.
Fucking Hollywood.
-[clicks] -["Changes" by Charles Bradley plays]
♪ I'm going through changes ♪
♪ Oh, in my life ♪
♪ Oh, ooh, ooh! ♪
Oh, look at that! Mark Levin.
One of the three husbands. Okay.
[wheels squeaking]
Excuse me. Are you Devin LeSeven?
Of course I am, Caleb.
You've been served.
What is this?
Devon is divorcing you
because you have differences that are not able to be reconciled.
-[Devin] Irreconcilable! -Hey, Caleb. How'd she take it?
With her right hand.
Oh, my...
Guys! I have tragic
and very gratifying information to tell you.
Devon is divorcing Devin. It's, like, really, really sad!
Huh. I guess you never really know
what's going on in someone else's marriage.
It is so sobering to watch a friend get, like, legally dumped.
What happened?
Was it because Devin never listened to anything Devon ever said
and tried to make him into a completely different person?
Word on the supposed street is Devon broke up with her
because she wouldn't give him a hand job.
[grunts] It's very upsetting.
Are you serious?
Does this mean that all the guys are gonna expect hand jobs now?
We don't have to do anything that we're not comfortable doing.
Wrong! I once discussed this very matter with my mom's boyfriend in the kitchen
at 11 p.m. while he was refilling a Powerade bottle with tap water.
-Oh, Jesus. -Oh, no.
-Lola! -And excuse me!
He assured me that if you wanna keep your man, you gotta put out!
-Dude, you've got this all wrong. -Yeah, dude.
Well, this is rich.
What do you two lesbos know about pleasing a man?
I'm just saying it's lame to only focus on the boys, okay? What about us?
Get to the point, Ali. I'm a busy lady.
She means it can feel really fucking good to get fingered.
Hell, yeah! [trills]
So, Lola, maybe it's not your job to please your man,
maybe it's his job to please you.
Oh f--
Let me know when you're done with "Arts and Leisure."
I'm done, babe. It was just a review of Pippin, and they did not like it.
Jay, honey, have you been following this Devins story?
Oh, yeah. Wild stuff.
It really is, right?
But it did get me thinking...
Should we do a hand job?
Hmm.
Color me intrigued, but in actuality,
I had something different in mind.
Two dinners at two different Panda Expresses?
No! Jay, I want you to hand-job me with your finger.
Oh, okay, you want me to finger you.
Totally! I can get on board for that.
Ooh, wait a minute, though. I gotta go get my nails trimmed.
It's a three-man operation.
-[grunts] Yeah. -You're hurting me! Oh, my God!
[grunts] Wow.
I should have asked earlier, but why are we cutting your nails?
Uh, no big deal.
My lady and I have a date for some... fingering.
Whoa! Aren't you, like, scared to, you know... [groans nervously]
No! I'm the Ultimate Fuck Machine, guys!
Sure, Jay, with pillows.
But this is a real girl with a real vagina.
Yeah, I know! It's like a dick, but inside out.
I think it's more complicated than that.
-Doubt it. -Listen to him.
-I'm sorry, what do you mean? -It-- it's underneath.
-No, it points straight out. -No.
If it points down, everything's gonna come flopping out!
Oh, God, Jay, you're in over your head.
What do you two lesbos know about pleasing a girl, anyway?
I'd say lesbians would probably know exactly how to please a girl.
You know what? Fuck this! I'll talk to the experts.
Hey, Val, Kurt. Are you guys busy?
Yeah, we're pulling a turtle out of its shell.
Yeah, well, that seems really cool.
I just was, you know, wondering... I'm supposed to finger my girlfriend--
-Gay. -[laughs] So gay.
But if I was to do it, like, do you have any advice?
You've come to the right place.
Together, we claimed to have fingered over 3,000 women.
So, first off, you want to get as many fingers in there as possible.
-Obviously. -And you gotta get elbow-deep,
like it's a vending machine and your Cheetos didn't fall down,
-so you really gotta reach up. -And they like that?
Also, you need a signature move.
-I, for example, shove a booger up there. -Booger...
That way, if it's still there the next time you fingerblast her,
you know she's not cheating on you.
Well, that makes sense. Thanks, guys.
Do you know this is the longest conversation we've ever had?
-Fuck you! -[groans]
[gasps] Worth it.
Physical touch means you love me.
[both moaning]
All right, Jay, the time has come...
-Oh, my God. -Are you ready?
I am so ready!
-Babe, I'm gonna rock that twat. -You are.
You're gonna be louder than the iHeartRadio music festival.
Oh, my God! You are so wet.
That's my belly button. It's full of lotion.
Oh, oh! Sorry. Sorry.
-That's okay. It's there for a reason. -Oh! Oh! Oh!
-Yeah. -Okay. Now this...
this has gotta be the vagina.
If it's not, I'm gonna probably go crazy.
Well, Jay, then worry you no more,
because you have officially entered my kingdom.
-Oh, fuck. Yes, my queen. -[both moan]
-Let's get up in there. -Okay.
-[Jay] All right, more fingers. -[Lola] It's a little crowded in there.
-Oh, babe. -Elbow-deep.
[Lola] You're kinda, like, jackhammering a little too much.
-Okay. -Maybe take the gas off the pedal--
Gotta get those chips out of the vending machine.
-[Lola] No! It's like-- -The thing ate my quarter!
This isn't feeling good. Stop it! Stop!
What happened? Did you cum?
-No. -Are you sure?
Jay, what you're doing, like, doesn't feel very good!
Are you saying I'm bad at fingering?
No, you're saying it, but I'm, like, 100% agreeing with you.
-Maybe you're bad at getting fingered! -What?
I talked to a lot of guys about this.
But you never talked to any girls, and most specifically me,
whose wagina you were just ruining,
and not in the way that I wanted!
Why would I talk to you about your own body?
Do you hear how crazy that sounds?
It's better than what you just did to my previously eager hole.
But if I ask you what to do,
then you'll know I have no idea what I'm doing!
But, Jay, that's okay.
Why don't you just, like, let me guide you and show you what I like?
Fuck. Okay. [chuckles]
Teach me the ways of your kingdom.
With pleasure, Jay-zilla.
Okay, here we go.
[grunts] Okay, I'm just gonna shove my way through!
-No, like, gently. -Oh, okay.
Now maybe, like, try rubbing the outside?
-Yeah. -Like that?
Uh-huh. But, like, a tiny bit firmer.
-Like that? -Just like that, yes.
I want to go in!
-Calm down! -Okay.
Go in slowly, okay?
Is this what you like?
-Yeah! -Do I go in all the way in now?
[Lola] No, no. Now, go out.
-Okay. -Now go back in.
-Really? -Now go out.
-Okay. -A little slower.
[Jay] Okay, okay.
Actually, the most important part is up top.
-Is that... -Yes, Jay!
-Okay. -That is clitorally my clitoris.
Whoa! And who are the archers?
Oh, those are my pubes, the Knights of St. Joseph.
They're sworn to protect me.
You're doing splendidly, Jay-zilla!
-Thanks, guys! -Back to the bell!
Oh! Okay! Okay! Should I squeeze it as hard as I can?
-Don't squeeze it. Pet the bell. -Okay.
-Pet the bell back and forth. -Okay!
-Yes! Keep doing that! -Okay.
Can you do a small circle? Faster! Faster!
-Huzzah! -Oh, my God! My leg is straightening.
Hallelujah! Thank you to the large lizard for ending our drought!
'Tis a most noble honor to serve the realm of this tween queen's vagina!
-Jay! -[sighs]
You just gave me a literal orgasm.
Yeah, I guess I really am the Ultimate Fuck Machine, huh?
-No, Jay! -Oh!
You're the Ultimate Listening Machine.
Oh, shit.
May I return the favor, Jay-zilla?
I appreciate the offer, babe,
but I full-on painted the inside of my jeans while I was fingering you.
Four coats, including primer.
Oh, Jay! I am deeply humbled.
I fucking worship you!
Right back at you, King Finger!
I am devastated by the end of my marriage.
Please respect my privacy
as I go live all day and answer questions from literally anyone.
#DevinsPrivacy.
Oh, that poor girl, bless her heart.
I hope the divorce wasn't because she's got that doo-doo brown hair.
I bet she doesn't know whether to brush it or flush it.
[laughs] Matthew! You're so funny.
But divorce is no laughing matter.
You know they're children, right?
-Children who broke their vows. -Oh, look, we're here.
Love you, sweet pea!
Have fun at your Interfaith Council meeting!
Interfaith Council meeting?
I thought we were going to Aiden's house to meet his friends.
You know, bro out with da boyz!
Yeah, we are.
Then why couldn't she drop us off there?
Not that I'm complaining. I could use the cardio.
My mom and I have this great arrangement going
where I'm gay and neither of us talk about it.
Also, honey, you do not need the cardio. You look fantastic.
No, really?
'Cause I feel fucking fat.
Because, Lumphump311,
I have carpal tunnel,
and if I hand-jobbed him, my wrist would literally shatter.
Ugh, this girl is so basic with her wack-ass excuses.
For real! Honey, take a Benadryl and slap that dick around, okay?
It's, like, not a big deal.
Her hair... Now that's a big deal.
Is it me or does she have Waffle House bangs?
-[laughing] -Ooh, you should keep him!
Grow up, bitch. It's just a hand job.
You know how straight people are.
-Prude. -Yes, so prude.
I mean, all my gay friends are hand-jobbing.
But you and Aiden aren't hand-jobbing.
-Oh, God, should we be? -Ooh! Ooh! He just squeezed your hand.
-What does that mean? -Isn't it obvious?
He wants you to grab his boy rope and play tug-of-war with his taint!
-Really? -And before you ask,
there's literally nothing else it could mean!
I don't know, Maury, I don't think I'm ready to give Aiden a hand job.
That's fine! He can jerk you off.
-What if I don't wanna do any of it? -You have to do it.
I do? Why?
Because of the sacrifices of your gay forefathers.
Have you not seen my episode of Spunk History?
You mean Drunk History?
-No, no, no, Spunk History. -Hmm.
I chug a bunch of my own jizz
-and tell stories about the past. -Uh-huh.
Anyway, I'll show it to you. It's on my phone.
Sorry it's cracked. I dropped it in the bathroom.
Oh! Hachi machi, this stuff is strong.
Okay, where were we?
So when the Bible was happening, the prophet Abraham was like...
Hey, I'm Abraham.
And God says, "It's Adam and Eve,
not Chuck and Larry..." Whatever, you know what I mean.
-[belches] Fuck, I'm drunk. -[mumbles, snores]
Shh! Shh! Don't wake the kid.
-Okay, where was I? -[man] The Bible.
Right, the Bible.
Okay, so fast-forward, like, a hundred million years,
and being gay, like... [sputters]
...gets you in trouble.
For example, there's this dude, Oscar Wilde.
He liked guys, and they put him in jail for it.
And he's like...
"This is very uncool.
If I'm stuck in here, I can't write Billy Elliot." [chuckles]
Ay! [groans]
Are these getting thicker?
Okay, so they're putting gay people in jail,
but then in 1969, sexy year, woo-woo...
all the queers got to go to Stonewall.
And Marsha P. Johnson, she threw out the first pitch.
Gay ball!
And then the laws started to change, so now we have
pride parades,
Drag Race,
same-sex marriage,
and now gays can fuck wherever they want.
And that is the story of the first Thanksgiving.
Okay, so you're saying that as a young gay man--
Who's so hot and who I love so much.
Thank you. …being sexually active is my duty?
Yes! It's a celebration of your sexual liberation.
Ooh, I just had an idea.
Let's jerk Aiden off!
Okay.
Come on, say it like you want a dick in your hand.
Okay! Dick!
[doorbell rings]
-Hey. -Upstairs, bitch!
Oh, God, what are you doing?
Take your pants off! I'm gonna knuckle-shuffle your piss pump!
-What? -Now spit on his carpet and smile.
[spits]
What the fuck, babe? You're scaring me. Stop it!
Nobody said this would be fun!
It should be fun. Why else would we do it?
I don't know, because we're gay and we did Stonewall,
and it's our duty! Right?
What in the fuck are you talking about?
Your friends, and how we have to hand-job, and if I don't want to, I'm a prude!
[chuckles] Okay, my friends are full of shit.
-Broderick hasn't even kissed a boy. -Oh!
And besides, hand jobs are only fun if both of us are into it.
So, it's okay to wait?
Of course.
Let's just take the pressure off,
circle a date on the calendar six months from now,
and if you're not ready by then,
I'll kill myself.
Um, can we still make out?
Sure. And maybe after that, we can clean up the carpet where you spit.
[both laugh]
Hey, Matthew? Sorry, I know you're busy,
but can I use "knuckle-shuffle on your piss pump"?
I wanna put it as my senior quote on my yearbook page.
-[phone chimes] -Oh, my God, isn't he so hot?
Send him an eggplant and an avocado emoji and say, "Hungry for your cock-amole."
-Or I could send him a shirtless pic back. -[camera shutter clicks]
"Can't wait to jerk you off on my timetable."
In the meantime, shall we take a 45-minute shower?
Oh, ho-ho! Let's go clog that fucking drain.
[phone chimes]
Oh my!
Oh, Jesus on a four-man bobsled!
[man] Kimberly, that commercial you like is on!
The one with Flo!
-Oh, that Flo! Coming! -[chimes]
Oh!
I'll be right there!
Holy shit.
Ladies, I've decided to do feminism in a way that serves me.
So as long as I'm not touching any penises,
I'm calling on all of you to boycott boy cock!
I'm not sure about that slogan.
Nick, should it be "Boycott boy cock" or "Boy cock boycott"?
Who fucking cares? The world is gonna end.
It sure is. You saw it yourself,
right after Jessi said you were a bad person who couldn't fuck!
Uh, Nick, what's going on, buddy? You seem very anxious.
After that fight with Jessi, I had this crazy dream, and now I'm a fucking mess.
Well, if you have access to a hand,
you might want to try some self-medicating.
Oh, that.
Uh, I'm not very good at that, I don't think.
You gotta practice, man.
Grind that pepper, give your salad a little kick, baby.
I forgot about this.
Nick, come on. There's nothing to it.
Allow me to show you the Glouberman method.
"The Glouberman method"?
It's a delicate dance in just 17 steps.
-Seventeen? -Look.
Lock.
Lights.
Music.
-[jazz playing] -Lower the shades.
I flip the Mets.
I flip the 'rents.
Lululemon maternity catalog.
Double-check the lock.
A tissue, two, three, four.
A lotion, pump, pump, pump.
-Ass. -Jesus.
Triple-check the lock again.
I'm sorry, you check the lock three times?
Nick, you interrupted me! Now I have to do it all over again.
From the top, everybody. Back to one.
-Places! -No, no, I don't need to see that again.
Also, Andrew, you can pull up your pants now.
Aren't you gonna try the Glouberman method?
Oh, God, no! Do you really do that every time you jerk off?
Yes, of course! Well, why would you even ask that?
I don't know, it just seems a little bit, like, um...
totally obsessive and insane.
I'm not obsessive.
I just know that if I ever deviate from my very precise method, even a smidge,
something terrible will happen.
That sounds like how a psychopath would masturbate.
Oh, please, would a psychopath keep a journal
logging every ejaculation by weight and color?
Hold on. If I hadn't stopped you,
-were you gonna fully cum in front of me? -Yes.
Hey, remember that thing Nick said about the method?
That it's weird and annoying, and you seem crazy?
[chuckles] Yeah. Like, what do you think?
Well, I hate to agree with that little fat-lipped fuck,
-but I have some issues with the method. -Really?
Jacking off is supposed to be spontaneous and fun,
like a motorcycle blowing up in front of a bikini woman.
God, that's a great visual, but the method does work.
Come on, you're a man!
When you wanna jerk off,
you should just grab your short fatty and go to work, baby!
Yeah, you're right. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
Hey, do you have a big hose to cool me down?
[Andrew] Well, it's got a wide nozzle.
[Maury] Ooh! And maybe your cousin Cherry shows up.
Hey! I'm Andrew's cousin.
We have the same grandpa.
So get lost, 'cause this is making me horny!
Oh, yeah? Well, then let's kiss about it, bitch!
[Andrew] Oh, God, they're gonna kiss fight!
[screams] Oh, for fuck's sake!
Whoo! That's what I'm talking about!
And your bedroom door is wide open.
I can smell the soup your mom's making downstairs.
You were right, Maury! Just get to it!
Hey, what are we gonna do with all our newfound free time?
Jack off again!
-Do it in front of the window this time. -[phone rings]
Let's fucking Louis the neighbor!
Well, let's not call it that.
[Marty] What? No!
-Oh, you gotta be kidding me! -What?
Marty, what's wrong?
It's Skip.
My father just dropped dead!
-Zaide? -Your grandpa just died?
-[Barbara] What happened? -They don't know! His heart just stopped!
Oh, God, at the exact moment I deviated from the method...
[panicked inhaling] Maury, you don't think that--
That you killed your grandpa?
Because you jerked off willy-nilly?
Without the hat and the dance?
Oh, Maury! It's true, isn't it?
It's all my fault! I killed my Zaide!
I told you, he who cums without discipline invites chaos.
-That is the opposite of what you said! -Murderer says what?
-What? -Exactly.
[sobs] Oh, God!
If you've looked at your phone today, you've no doubt noticed the hashtag
"BoycottBoyCock."
Hi, I'm Gayle King,
and with me now is the young woman who started it all, Devin LeSeven.
Gayle, it all started when my husband Devon divorced me
because I wouldn't give him a hand job.
I have to ask, is your husband also a child?
I think I hope the answer is yes.
Mmm! Michael Angelo's so hot and such a good kisser,
you don't even care that girl from your old school's on TV, huh?
Let's depend on him for all our self-worth and happiness.
Well, I don't like that. But I do like the frenching.
-Ooh! No, it'll be okay. -What's wrong, baby?
Oh, it's... it's nothing. It's just, um...
-It's just blue balls. -Oh, God, I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry. Am I doing something wrong? -I mean, you turn me on,
but then I don't get to, like, you know, uh... finish?
Uh, right. Finish.
And, uh... And so now I'm just, like, in massive agony.
-Oh, God! Massive? -Yeah...
You hear that? You're hurting him!
Is she, though?
I mean, "blue balls." Is that really a thing?
I mean, I've heard of it.
Everybody talks about it. I just don't know what it is.
No, it's fine.
It's just this excruciating pain in my nuts
-that turns into a cramp in my stomach. -Oh, God.
Could you imagine that, Jessi? A painful cramp in your stomach?
Of course you can!
And the government should pay for tampons!
You better do something
about those blue balls before he dumps you.
-[moans, shudders] -Oh, I'm so sorry.
Ah! What can we do?
-Listen-- -You want to go to urgent care?
I guess there's one thing we could try...
No, forget it. You probably wouldn't be into it.
No! What is it?
Maybe I'll be into it. Tell me.
-I guess if you really wanted to help… -I do.
…you could, you know, give me a hand job?
Oh! Oh, a hand job.
Wow! Okay, that's, um...
That is an unexpected big request.
Kinda big league... Big League Chew!
-[both laugh] -So you're into it?
Might as well.
He's in ninth grade, he expects these things.
Shit, what's the answer? I don't know.
It's just, I wish I could do it right now, but I do, um...
I have to go vote.
I have to go vote. It's, um... It's a state election.
-Okay. -But tonight,
I'm gonna come back, we're gonna hang out...
-Yes. -And I will be down to stroke that clown.
-Oh, good. -Just hang tight.
-All right. -Okay, I'll be back.
Wait a tick.
If blue balls hurt that much, why can't he just jerk himself off?
-Wait, yeah. -Because he wants you to do it.
You're his girlfriend.
It's your job!
It's your hand job!
And if you don't do it, someone else will.
Oh, really?
I'd do it myself, but I'm just a fat, sad cat.
See, I just think Michael Angelo's blowing this blue balls thing
way out of proportion.
But what if he's not?
What if it's agony?
What if they rupture?
What if he drops dead?
Next stop: blue balls ward.
What?
[balls groaning]
Out of the way! These blue balls are about to explode!
[both] I don't wanna die! I have kids! Inside me!
Jesus, is this place for real?
Unfortunately, yes.
It's the blue balls ward of the Boy Hospital.
They got a fucking blue balls ward?
Where are those free tampons?
Michael Angelo's balls are here because you won't jerk him off.
[both] Why do you hate us, Jessi?
Why won't you save them?
You're literally an enormous hand.
Why don't you do it?
Because I am a doctor, not his girlfriend.
Thanks for nothing, Jessi.
-[whimpering] -[EKG flatlines]
I'm gonna call it.
Cause of death: Jessi Glaser.
-Oh, shit! -[Connie gags]
Fuck me!
I just got my hair blown out, and now I feel like an idiot.
You know what? I'm gonna complain to Mark Levin about this.
Okay, so blue balls actually seems like a huge fucking deal.
Seems like everything'd just be a whole lot easier if you'd just jerk him off.
-I guess you're right. -If he isn't already dead!
We can do this.
We're just gonna yank it, spank it and crank it until the slime comes out.
Oh, yeah. Slime's gonna come out. [sighs]
Well, I think it's time to milk that mushroom, baby.
I just wish I was more into it.
It's too late to back out now. You promised him.
Just zone out, Anthony his wiener, and think about lunch.
-Hey. -Hey.
Hey, Michael Angelo, I'm um...
I'm ready to do that thing that we said we would do.
You mean, you wanna give me a hand job?
Yeah. Yeah, sure. I mostly wanna do it, yeah.
Oh, fuck, yeah. This is exactly what you wanna do.
-Yeah. -Here it is.
Oh. Okay! It's there!
Oh, my God. It's a penis.
Hello. You must be Jessi. I'm a penis.
Yes, you're a real-life penis.
It's a funny word, isn't it? "Penis." Say it with me.
Penis.
-Penis. -Penis.
-It is indeed a funny word. -[Jessi laughs]
It's a funny word 'cause it's a funny-looking thing.
Oh, my God!
Yeah! Some would say ugly!
[laughs] You're not what I expected.
Oh, right, 'cause he's English and I'm from Long Island.
Hey, pull me down, Jessi! Watch me boing back up!
-[Michael Angelo] Oh, yeah. -Boing!
[laughs] That stupid thing boinged back up!
[laughing] That's so fucking stupid!
I love laughing about this!
Jessi, what's so bloody funny? It's my dick.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm--
I'm just nervous, and your penis is from Long Island, and I'm so sorry.
Oyster Bay, to be exact.
-[chuckles] Oh, my God. -What the fuck?
[whimpers] Stop laughing! He's getting mad!
God! This was clearly a mistake.
What? No, no, no! I'm sorry! I didn't--
Well, it's not like I'm laughing at your sad little titties!
Oh, fuck, no!
Rip his throat out with your teeth, Jessi!
-Um... -Say something!
I, uh...
You know, I might have tiny little titties, but--
Oh, yeah, here it comes!
But, you know, I think I just need to go home, um, tonight.
For now.
Aw, Jessi, that's all you got?
Yeah? Well, don't worry about coming back.
You're an immature cock tease, and I'm breaking up with you.
What?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go finish myself off.
Now, see? Why couldn't he do that the whole time?
-[sighs] -You got dumped!
He doesn't want you.
No one's ever gonna want you.
Jessi, honey, there's a documentary about Lorena Bobbitt
-that has some really intriguing ideas. -[Shannon] Jessi!
-Would you care to explain this email? -Mom....
Your school says you haven't been there in a week?
Just shut her out and pull your blanket over your head.
Maybe you should talk to her.
If anybody knows about not wanting to stroke dick, it's got to be Shannon.
Oh, yeah, she'll be a lot of help
when you tell her about your secret boyfriend.
You'll get in even more trouble!
What's going on with you, Jessi?
[Jessi] I don't wanna talk about it. Just leave me alone.
-I'm really disappointed in you. -[Jessi sobbing]
You're so alone.
But you've got us.
Yeah, you got us. [grunts]
No worries, I'll just sit on the floor and catch up on my stories.
Hey, y'all. Devon here.
Devin's been on here talking hella shit, and you know what?
I wanna keep it real.
I didn't divorce her 'cause she wouldn't give me a hand job,
although she said she would.
I broke up with her because she's mean.
She's a meanie-bo-beanie, and I don't like it.
So I'm single now, and if anybody wants to give me a hand job,
slide on into them DMs, dawg.
But please be nice to me.
That was a good episode.
It was different, but not too different. I liked it.
I gotta say, all that hand stuff made me, Connie, a little horny.
Should we do some hand stuff? Hand job? Hand job?
Ooh, really? With Andrew right in the bed?
The kid sleeps through everything.
That's true. We can always pretend he's dead.
[moaning]
-All right, take your hand south. -You like that?
[Connie] Further. Down to Tijuana.
-How's that? -[Connie] That's it.
-[Maury] Yeah! -[Connie] Hallelujah.
-♪ Can't keep my hands to myself ♪ -[rock music playing]
♪ Hands to myself ♪
♪ Can't keep my hands to myself ♪
♪ Hands to myself ♪
♪ The doctors say you're no good ♪
♪ But people say what they wanna say ♪
♪ And you should know if I could ♪
♪ I'd breathe you in every single day ♪
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
♪ 'Cause all of the downs and the uppers Keep making love to each other ♪
♪ And I'm trying, trying Trying, trying ♪
♪ All of the downs and the uppers Keep making love to each other ♪
♪ And I'm trying ♪
-[man] Fathouse. -[ticking]
[man laughs] "Good at Bizness."
-[man] Chirp. -[kazoo plays]