1
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,469
-[chattering]
-[laughing]

2
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:14,852
-[gasps] Jesus!
-Count Nickula!

3
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:17,731
Where's your costume? It's Halloween!

4
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,189
The craziest night of the world!

5
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:21,480
You might get laid!

6
00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:22,863
You might get candy!

7
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,189
You might get stabbed!

8
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,744
Halloween is Christmas for the bad kids.

9
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,738
Ugh, fine. You want me to wear a costume?

10
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,530
How's this? I'm a guy in a hat. All right?

11
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:32,574
That's nothing!

12
00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:36,907
You can't go trickin' and a-treatin'
like you're just some asshole from Boston!

13
00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:38,325
I'm not going trick-or-treating.

14
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:42,463
Jay and Lola are dragging Andrew and me
to this dumb haunted house thing.

15
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:45,052
Damn! Why are you being
such a downer, kid?

16
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,958
'Cause everything sucks
and I'm gonna have to see Jessi tonight.

17
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,678
Fire crotch? Why don't you wanna see her?

18
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,049
Because he tried to kiss her!

19
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,175
And she went psycho.

20
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:55,641
You were vulnerable,
and you paid the price.

21
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,722
Yeah, exactly.

22
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,766
When you let people in,
you just get hurt.

23
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:02,440
Whoa, Nick. You sound like Kurt Cobain.

24
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,690
He's the one ghost nobody wants
to hang out with.

25
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:08,994
♪ He's a bummer! ♪

26
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,279
You know what?
Fuck Halloween. Fuck everybody!

27
00:01:11,362 --> 00:01:15,242
-[Tito] That's the spirit!
-[groans] I'm a little worried about Nick.

28
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,285
You're worried that he has 
to go the bathroom,

29
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,078
but he can't get his hot dog suit off?

30
00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:20,962
Do you have to go to the bathroom, Rick?

31
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:21,959
Yes, please!

32
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,040
["Changes" by Charles Bradley plays]

33
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:29,840
♪ I'm going through changes ♪

34
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:39,562
♪ I'm going through changes ♪

35
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:42,521
♪ Oh, in my life ♪

36
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:46,936
♪ Oh, ooh, ooh! ♪

37
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:54,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

38
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,740
And now I'm home,

39
00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,825
but I still have this nagging feeling

40
00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:00,660
that something's just wrong

41
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:02,325
and that I'm just a loser.

42
00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:04,543
Jessi, what you're describing...

43
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:05,584
that's anxiety.

44
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,837
[gasps] She's talking about me!

45
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:11,669
Anxiety is that feeling we get inside
that there's danger all around us.

46
00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:12,626
I feel so seen!

47
00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:14,625
You're also depressed.

48
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,637
You had yellow mustard on a tortilla

49
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:18,139
-for dinner last night.
-Oof.

50
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,351
And when I feel anxious,
you know what I do?

51
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:22,521
I practice my gratitude.

52
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,310
-Yeah, I'm just not feeling, um...
-[retching]

53
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:26,595
...very grateful right now.

54
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:31,318
Well, gratitude, like your pelvic floor,
is a muscle that needs to be strengthened.

55
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,321
-In my case, a lot.
-Okay.

56
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:36,113
For example,
one thing I am very grateful for

57
00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:37,817
is my beautiful collection.

58
00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:40,577
Oh, yeah, I noticed. So many frogs.

59
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:44,080
[laughs] Oh, Jessi! 
They're not frogs. They're toads.

60
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,084
-What's the difference?
-[laughs]

61
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,286
Please stop! I might wet myself!

62
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:49,996
We can't have that happen again.

63
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:52,666
Now, why don't you tell me
what you're grateful for, hmm?

64
00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:55,335
Uh, I guess I'm grateful for my parents.

65
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:56,885
Oh, God, why?

66
00:02:56,968 --> 00:03:01,058
Your daddy owes more on his recumbent bike
than the thing is worth.

67
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:04,179
Shannon puts so much pressure on you,
you might explode!

68
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,807
You know what?
I don't think this is for me.

69
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,274
Well, it takes practice.

70
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,693
Will you practice
with me next week, Jessi?

71
00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:11,112
Um, whatever. Yeah.

72
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,571
Happy Halloween!

73
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:13,690
Hi, Jessi.

74
00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:15,066
Hi, Coach Steve.

75
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,953
Oh, God, we go to the same therapist?
Fuck!

76
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,491
Oh, yeah, I'm here for couples counseling.

77
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:21,945
Really? With who?

78
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,155
None of your shit business, 
you fucking slut!

79
00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:26,785
-Whoa!
-Sorry, he's a bad mitten.

80
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,213
But he's working on it.

81
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:32,051
Why don't you work on putting your mouth
around the barrel of a fucking shotgun?

82
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,378
Okay. Bye, Coach Steve.

83
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,344
Bye, Jessi. You and me are the same now!

84
00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:41,546
Oh, I don't know, the Nanshe costume feels
kinda dorky now, doesn't it?

85
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,558
Not if you make it sexy.

86
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:47,060
Cut it off short!
Then you'll get all the candy.

87
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:48,813
What? I can't wear that!

88
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:52,145
Everyone will see my, you know,
Yoni Danza.

89
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,192
You mean, your twat?

90
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:54,404
Mona!

91
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,494
-What?
-Ugh!

92
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:59,358
I don't wanna be too sexy,
and I don't wanna be too dorky.

93
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,987
It's sort of just like, "Who am I now?"

94
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,445
[Monica] Missy, Jessi's here!

95
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:08,075
Well, I guess this is the year
I say farewell to childish fancy

96
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,674
and just go as... as nobody.

97
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,090
[doorbell rings]

98
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:14,668
-Trick or treat!
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Treat!

99
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,974
Here's an unwearable V-neck undershirt
for you,

100
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,378
a tiny conditioner
from Courtyard by Marriott,

101
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,887
and for you,
a charger for my old PalmPilot.

102
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,600
-Now scram, I've already called the cops.
-[siren wails]

103
00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:26,930
Oh, good, you didn't dress up either.

104
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:30,306
What are you talking about?
I'm Jack Nicholson in As Good as It Gets.

105
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:33,645
Look, I have bacon in my pocket
to attract Greg Kinnear's dog.

106
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,191
Cool reference, cool vibe, Andrew.

107
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,985
Now be careful out there, Andrew.

108
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:40,858
Statistically, Halloween is
the most dangerous night of the year.

109
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,567
Death lurks around every corner.

110
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,157
There are so many drunk drivers.

111
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,872
Don't forget razor blades in candy bars!

112
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:50,163
And child molesters
dressed up as leaf piles!

113
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,998
Maybe you should go without me.

114
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:55,043
With my fat can, I'm major pedophile bait.

115
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,048
No, you're coming.

116
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,259
I didn't even want to go
to this stupid haunted sorority house.

117
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:01,220
Ooh, did somebody say "sorority"?

118
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,431
They're doing a haunted house

119
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:05,010
where those sorority girls
got murdered last year.

120
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:07,136
Maybe we'll do a panty raid, you know?

121
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:11,023
Steal their underpants?
And then-- then they're your underpants.

122
00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:13,062
And then what? I wear them?

123
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,226
Yes! Shout-out to Marv Albert.

124
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,475
-Hi!
-Ruth Bader Ginsberg! I love it!

125
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,898
Can I ask, what are you?

126
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,106
Gianni Versace.

127
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:24,065
It was a couples costume.
Aiden was gonna be Andrew Cunanan,

128
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,197
and we had this cinnamon stick
with cooked spaghetti--

129
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,544
For Donatella!
Of course, it looks just like her.

130
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:30,459
But Aiden and I aren't really talking
right now.

131
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,328
Aww, are you still ghosting him?

132
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:37,205
No, ghosting is when you give a hand job
but from under the bed. Ooh, spooky!

133
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,955
I don't even know what to say to Aiden.

134
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,417
My mom's just making me feel so weird
about our relationship.

135
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,177
Who cares what your mom thinks?

136
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:45,679
She's not a sexy boy. Aiden is.

137
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,472
If Aiden were your mom,
then your mom would--

138
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,465
You know what?
I don't want to talk about it anymore.

139
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,427
Missy,
what are you supposed to be this year?

140
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,887
Ugh! Defeated.

141
00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:56,227
I couldn't decide on a costume,
so I just gave up. Ta-da!

142
00:05:56,314 --> 00:06:01,244
Ugh, I can't believe you passed up
Aiden's teen tush for these bummer broads.

143
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:03,489
Shut up, you limp nobody.

144
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,621
I'll slice that dick right off your face.

145
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,368
What language is that?
You're-- you're very beautiful.

146
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,241
English, you fucking idiot.

147
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,708
Sweetheart, if you're gonna work
in this country,

148
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,209
you better learn the language.

149
00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:16,790
-Fuck off.
-Now, that I understand.

150
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,956
You wanna put your fingy in my sphincty.

151
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:22,545
Holy shit, this place is terrifying!

152
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:25,682
Just calm down, it's a haunted house.
Nobody's dying.

153
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,890
Oh, God! Active shooter!

154
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,100
This is how I'm gonna die!

155
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:31,310
You've just been killed by Bonnie...

156
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,891
And Clyde!

157
00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:34,305
Best... [imitates gunfire]

158
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,104
...couples... [imitates gunfire]

159
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,857
...costume... [imitates gunfire]

160
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,359
...ever! [imitates gunfire]

161
00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:43,281
Oh, boy, this is as bad as it gets!

162
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,241
You get it, Nick?

163
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,240
Because of the movie. With Jack.

164
00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,782
I don't know who Jack is, okay?
I don't like movies.

165
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:51,736
I like watching YouTube videos two inches 
from my face.

166
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,908
This horrority house is gonna be lit!

167
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:57,327
Yeah, the Bridgeton Chutney said it's,
and I quote,

168
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:01,247
"A tasteless cash grab and a slap
in the face to the victims' families,"

169
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,877
-end quote.
-Hey, guys!

170
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:03,974
Greetings, Jessi.

171
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:05,258
Hello, Newman.

172
00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:08,391
Rick, we need to talk about
this Nick and Jessi situation.

173
00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,259
How they're gonna get so much candy?

174
00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:12,386
No, how Nick was an asshole.

175
00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:14,853
I'm sorry, are you his hormone monster?

176
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,814
Oh, you know what? You're right.

177
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:18,694
He's not my concern anymore.

178
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:20,571
You're very wise. Thank you.

179
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:24,188
No, I'm confused.
Are you his hormone monster?

180
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,567
Oh, no, honey, you are.

181
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:30,704
Oh, Connie, my dear, I am a hot dog.

182
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,123
All right, pledges,

183
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:35,461
after you sign the waiver,
get your frosh asses into the common room.

184
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,868
Oh, Jesus, we sign a waiver?

185
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,787
Once you sign the waiver,
they can do whatever they want to you.

186
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:44,297
Oh, yeah, I heard these sorority chicks
can full-on stab you.

187
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,420
[panting] I feel faint.

188
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:47,627
Just breathe, Andrew.

189
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:51,177
Here we go, in for four seconds
and out for four seconds.

190
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,102
Siri, I need to relax.

191
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:56,811
Set a repeating timer for four seconds
and have the alarm be a siren!

192
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,233
-Babe, do you have our money?
-Babe, I thought you were bringing it.

193
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:03,112
Babe, my mom took my allowance
to pay for her boyfriend's Invisalign.

194
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:06,531
Babe, I don't keep money at my house
because my brothers burn it!

195
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,531
[chuckles] Uh, excuse me.

196
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:11,743
Do you by any chance accept
close-up magic tricks in lieu of payment?

197
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,284
Or sexual flavors?

198
00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:15,787
Oh, my God!
Are you freaks kidding me right now?

199
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,250
Money is everything to me.

200
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,120
If you can't pay,
you need to get lost, losers.

201
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:21,665
This is such bullshit!

202
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,711
Yeah, this is the worst thing
that's ever happened at this house

203
00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:29,215
where three girls' ponytails and faces 
got, like, chopped off!

204
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,890
[dramatic music plays]

205
00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:34,059
Welcome to Kappa Kappa Kill!

206
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:35,008
K-K-K!

207
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,177
Oh, wow.

208
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:38,135
Okay, just breathe.

209
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,686
-[siren wails]
-Oh, my God! Siren!

210
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,229
On this night last year,

211
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,522
three girls were killed
by the Ponytail Killer

212
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,146
at a party just like this.

213
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,863
Tonight, we're looking for new blood!

214
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,154
[Missy, Andrew screaming]

215
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,737
Oh, I thought this was gonna be sexy.

216
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:54,662
I thought it was gonna be like one 
of those escape rooms,

217
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:57,912
where you show up and all your friends
tell you that you need to stop drinking.

218
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,117
Uh, I think that was an intervention.

219
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,206
Well, I escaped.

220
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,131
Who are you?

221
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,129
You're gonna be bad for me,
but I know I can't get enough of you.

222
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,012
Shh! I'm trying to listen to the play.

223
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,839
Oh, sorry, Ben Brantley.

224
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,934
-Hey!
-What the fuck is this?

225
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,089
[Rick] Wheee!

226
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:17,927
Okay, now everyone raise your cups
of "slut juice,"

227
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:21,185
'cause it's time to toast to you,
our new pledges!

228
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,269
[both] Lame.

229
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,983
To Kappa Kappa Kill!

230
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,193
[all] K-K-K!

231
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:26,983
No, I absolutely will not say that.

232
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,856
Drink, bitches!

233
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,783
Whoa, this tastes weird.

234
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,201
[distorted] Does anybody else feel funny?

235
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,871
[distorted] Am I allergic to slut juice?

236
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:38,579
[distorted cackling]

237
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:40,615
This sucks!

238
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:44,625
Yeah, if I wanted to be locked out 
of a house, I'd go home.

239
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,709
Babe, what if we... snuck in?

240
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,884
Babe, totally. But, like, how?

241
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,053
You heard the ka-chunk of the lock!

242
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,382
Babe, if magic has taught me anything,

243
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:55,967
it's that there is always a second door.

244
00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:59,893
And also, you have to dye your hair
inky black by the age of 30.

245
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,064
Babe, hark!

246
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,232
-A window.
-Shall we shimmy, Bonnie?

247
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,481
Clyde, I live to burgle.

248
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,403
[grunting]

249
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,030
What the...

250
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,398
What the--? Wh--?

251
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,864
Where is everyone? What's going on?

252
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,661
"Protect yourself."

253
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,371
From what? Cheesy haunted houses?

254
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,412
[chuckles]

255
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:21,414
Yep, here we go.

256
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:25,705
Who are you supposed to be?
Fucking Pennywhistle from If?

257
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,211
I don't watch movies.

258
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,844
Yeah, ooh-ooh! Be careful 
with that rubber knife.

259
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:32,762
Ow!

260
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,342
You actually cut me. I'm fucking bleeding!

261
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:36,966
[clown] Play the game!

262
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,103
[Nick] What? Is this real?

263
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,720
-[cackles]
-Why are your nails so long and dirty?

264
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,847
[grunts, screams]

265
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,612
Oh!

266
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:50,068
Oh, fuck! Stay away from me
with them doo-doo nails!

267
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,779
[clown cackles]

268
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:52,939
Wha--? [sighs]

269
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,067
Where am I?

270
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:56,358
Oh, my God! What the--?

271
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,067
-What's going on?
-[Nancy] Shh!

272
00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,777
-Nancy!
-Everything's okay.

273
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:02,697
You had an incident at the haunted house,
and now you're where you belong,

274
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:05,787
in a mental institution.

275
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:08,463
No, no, no! I don't belong here!

276
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,382
Help me out of this straitjacket, Nancy!

277
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:13,171
Oh, I wish I could, but our hour's up.
[bones cracking]

278
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:16,085
Oh, my God, you're creeping me out!
Don't walk backwards!

279
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,585
[bones crack] And, ooh, just a reminder...

280
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,677
I'm going to Cape Cod
for the next three weeks

281
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,522
to go antiquing for more toads!

282
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,228
Oh, my God. More toads?

283
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:27,268
Jessi, you're jealous!

284
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:28,653
Goodbye!

285
00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:31,399
No! Don't leave me here!

286
00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:33,898
-Hello!
-[girl laughing]

287
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:36,904
Okay, you know what?
Who's ever there, sneaking around,

288
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,908
you should know
that I have a green belt in capoeira.

289
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:43,790
And if you do come at me,
I will attack you until you're totally...

290
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,289
just totally dead!

291
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:46,291
What the--?

292
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,042
So many me's.

293
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,375
Oh! Holy Nyong'o!

294
00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:53,420
I'm about to Lupita my pants!

295
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:56,724
Don't come any closer,
you stupid sack of crap!

296
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:59,219
Oh, great. Not this B again.

297
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:00,471
I'm serious, Missy,

298
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,353
you better run-- [gurgles]

299
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:07,062
I'm sorry. Was Missy a bad little girl?

300
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:10,063
Oh, Fudge Judy! I did not see that coming!

301
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,146
You can't be all of us, silly.

302
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,651
There can only be one. [laughs]

303
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,744
[screams]

304
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:19,203
"Matthew's Hell"?

305
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,990
Are you kidding?

306
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:24,123
This is bad local theater. I'm in heaven!

307
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:27,791
Please tell me there's gonna be
a chubby devil in a tight leotard

308
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,582
that's smooshing his non-equity balls.

309
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:32,165
Excuse me, my balls are equity.

310
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:34,751
And I'm not chubby, I'm prosperous.

311
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:35,667
Jerome?

312
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,085
From the Season 2 episode "Guy Town"?

313
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,844
Well, I didn't know you were recurring.

314
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:43,215
Tonight, you can call me Beelzebubbe,

315
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:46,224
otherwise known as Jew-cifer, or...

316
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:47,927
the Devil Drives a Mazda.

317
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,767
Okay, is this supposed to scare me?

318
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,022
No.

319
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,273
But this is.

320
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,524
-[screaming]
-Help me, Matthew!

321
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,727
They kidnapped us!

322
00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:58,034
[screaming]

323
00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,360
Holy shit, Jerome!

324
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,025
What the fuck is going on here?

325
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:03,703
Sweetie pie, you must choose:

326
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:08,003
-your family or your boyfriend.
-[grunts, screams]

327
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:09,618
And you can't have both,

328
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:12,955
like a white couch
and a cat that gets nosebleeds.

329
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,542
Your cat does coke! [snarls]

330
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,382
[moans] Why am I outside?

331
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,134
-This isn't regular.
-[tires screech]

332
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,296
-Andrew! Hurry up! We're late for nothing!
-[honks horn]

333
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:24,934
Okay, didn't I go into the haunted house?

334
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,562
[Marty] Just get in the car already!

335
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:31,059
I can't believe my kid paid 30 bucks
just to chicken out like Al Franken!

336
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:34,273
No, Dad,
I think I was drugged or something.

337
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,105
Drugged? Who would drug you?

338
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,530
That's a waste of a roofie... [groans]

339
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:40,189
Narm! Narm!

340
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,067
Okay, very funny.

341
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,414
What are you doing, like,
a fake heart-attack drill?

342
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,410
Dad. Dad!

343
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,082
-Dad! Dad!
-[horn honks]

344
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,540
[crash]

345
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:51,289
[shouts]

346
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,372
Ah, I'm not dead.

347
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:55,667
But you were in a terrible accident,

348
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,591
and your father was killed.

349
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:58,590
Huh? What?

350
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,011
Papa! No!

351
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,049
It gets worse.

352
00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:03,841
You've contracted
that flesh-eating super fungus.

353
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,926
The one from that New York Times article
that I skimmed?

354
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:07,932
That's the one.

355
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,973
Doctor, am I going to die?

356
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,017
Yes. You die...

357
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:13,808
-now!
-[flatlines]

358
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,980
Oh, wait, I died.

359
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:19,074
But now I'm on a plane?

360
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,819
Ooh, and I got a window seat.

361
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:23,361
I'm gonna hold my pee the whole time.

362
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:26,025
[over PA] Hey, everybody,
this is Coach Pilot Coach Steve.

363
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,155
-Oh, no.
-And if you look out your window,

364
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,542
spoiler alert, there seems to be
a mechanical bull issue.

365
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,461
-Oh, no!
-[passengers scream]

366
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,250
-[grunts]
-His big butt saved the day!

367
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:37,713
Please help me!

368
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:41,213
My entrails are being sucked out
of my sphincty!

369
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,877
Whoa, his chode is being sucked out too!

370
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,048
No, no, no, no, no, no!

371
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,505
Oh, no!

372
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,967
♪ Shimmy-shimmy Cocoa Puffs ♪

373
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,387
Land! Hoist my boy toy!

374
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:55,686
[grunts]

375
00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:58,809
Sick assist, my shady lady.

376
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,938
You two broke freaks again?
I thought I already took out the trash.

377
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,316
We're not trash!

378
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,452
We're Lola...

379
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:07,528
...and Jay, you saggy-ass 20-year-old!

380
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,945
[rock music playing]

381
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:14,825
♪ Do you know the legend
Of the two children lovers ♪

382
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,884
♪ With a boner for crime? ♪

383
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,629
♪ They live life fast and dangerous ♪

384
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:25,763
♪ Leaving caution and bodies behind ♪

385
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,841
-[grunts]
-[cat yowls]

386
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:32,928
♪ Satan's flames have the mortal names ♪

387
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,595
♪ Of Lola and Jay ♪

388
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,944
♪ Lola and Jay ♪

389
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:41,732
♪ Passion's high when the bullets fly ♪

390
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:44,685
♪ With Lola and Jay ♪

391
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,107
♪ Lola ♪

392
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,985
♪ And Jay ♪

393
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,622
[cackles]

394
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:56,001
[screams] I've gotta protect myself!

395
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:56,910
[grunts]

396
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:01,209
Oh, doo-doo toenails.

397
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,917
[Nick whimpers]

398
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,643
Fuck you, clown!

399
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,971
[grunts] Oh, my God! You're...

400
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:16,523
You!

401
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,480
Your host and future self, Nick Starr.

402
00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:22,561
Coming up next, I murder you.

403
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,568
[screams]

404
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:26,822
[grunting]

405
00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:31,162
I'm gonna eat your dinner 
at dinnertime, Jessi!

406
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,830
I'm gonna have two dinners.

407
00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:34,989
How do you know my name?

408
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,197
We all know you here, Jessi.

409
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,617
[all] And you're never leaving.

410
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:41,876
And you're never getting dinner.

411
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,589
And the food's actually pretty good here.

412
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,089
No! Get away from me!

413
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,010
I don't belong here!

414
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,259
I don't belong here!

415
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:50,431
[screams]

416
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:51,764
What the fuck?

417
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,264
How am I now in a swamp?

418
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,346
Ugh! There's so many fucking mosquitoes!

419
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,812
My life is the worst!

420
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:01,441
Is it? Is it? Is it?

421
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,440
Oh, God. Oh, shit!

422
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:04,442
[grunts]

423
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,903
Oh, please, no, no! Stop it!
Stop killing each other! Please!

424
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:11,275
Sorry, Missy. There can only be one.

425
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,283
[all] There can only be one!

426
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,945
There can only be one!

427
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,204
I don't like this.
I don't like this at all!

428
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:18,946
-[thuds]
-What the--?

429
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,458
Help me! Someone, help me!

430
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,629
[Overalls Missy] 
Oh, no. Now we're nothing.

431
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,133
[Missy sobbing]

432
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,135
Am I really nothing?

433
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:36,138
Wait a minute.
This is kinda like a puzzle.

434
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:39,891
And a puzzle's just a picture
you haven't met yet.

435
00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:41,845
Space Missy?

436
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:43,185
Nanshe Missy?

437
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,900
Oh, there I am.

438
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:47,150
I'm all of these Missys.

439
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:48,322
All of 'em.

440
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,821
Whoa, Mosaic Missy!

441
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:55,324
Is it conceited to say
that you're beautiful?

442
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,157
Not if it's true.

443
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,752
Hey! Do you want to practice kissing
on me?

444
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:01,788
Okay, but don't tell anyone.

445
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:03,457
[kisses]

446
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,669
Mom! Aiden!

447
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:09,341
You gotta choose, Matthew,
or they both die.

448
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:12,511
[screams]
Tell him you're not gonna be gay anymore!

449
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:15,091
No, pick me, Matthew.
We'll be so happy together.

450
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,097
Oh, God, I don't know!

451
00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:19,849
I go way back with my mom
but I really like Aiden,

452
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,272
and he has those muscles
that, like, make a V.

453
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,271
Cum gutters?

454
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,522
I didn't want to say that
in front of my mom, but yeah!

455
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:28,654
-[Kimberly screams]
-Oh, God, my legs!

456
00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:29,862
Mom! Aiden!

457
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:34,282
You could save me if you just gave up
your sinful gay "lifestyle"!

458
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:39,123
Wait, wait, wait, you just lost your legs,
and you're still using air quotes?

459
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,791
What is this play exactly?

460
00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:43,039
[shouts] There go my cum gutters!

461
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,622
[screaming]

462
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:48,377
[groans] Tell your mom you wanna
live your life with pride.

463
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:51,340
Matthew, I'm your mama. Pick me.

464
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:55,051
Okay, now they're just severed heads,
and they're still arguing?

465
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,894
It's taking me completely out of it.

466
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,889
But the blood! The screams! The humanity!

467
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:00,812
Wait a minute.

468
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:03,559
No one's gonna die,
no matter who I choose.

469
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,902
Not in this deeply flawed play
or in real life.

470
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:09,186
Thank you, Beelzebubbe.

471
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,903
For a stirring performance?

472
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,193
No, for giving me perspective.

473
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:16,487
Can I put that on the flyer I force 
on people in Times Square?

474
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:21,326
Ugh. What am I, smoking in bed
like a first-grade teacher?

475
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,750
Oh, shit! The room's on fire!

476
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,499
Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me!

477
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:28,211
This Westchester boy can't catch a break!

478
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,132
Okay, I'm gonna jump.

479
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:31,500
I'm gonna jump-- Oh!

480
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,376
-[buzzing]
-Ow!

481
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,554
-♪ Gotta get up, gotta get out ♪
-These are fun!

482
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,684
-♪ Gotta get home ♪
-[explosion]

483
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:41,681
-♪ Before the morning comes... ♪
-[farts]

484
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,889
Oh, God,
I shouldn't have fucked with the Yakuza.

485
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:49,645
-[moans]
-I got what I needed.

486
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:52,268
-♪ I've gotta run-run, yeah! ♪
-Where am I?

487
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,187
-♪ Gotta get home... ♪
-Meep-meep, dumb-ass!

488
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,646
♪ Gotta let the people know
I'm gonna be late... ♪

489
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:59,568
Hey, four-eyes, you wanna screw
like a couple of cock-a-roaches?

490
00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:02,696
Oh, my God. Yes, please, Miss Lyonne.

491
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:03,914
[Lyonne screams]

492
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,660
Oh, no! Oh, shit!

493
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,247
I am in a coffin!

494
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:09,752
I've been buried alive!

495
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:13,593
Hey, gravediggers!
I'm supposed to be buried dead!

496
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,210
[grunts]

497
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:17,007
Shit, what did Missy say?

498
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:18,430
Just breathe. [inhales]

499
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,719
Just breathe. [exhales]

500
00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:25,723
Okay, no matter what I do,
eventually, I'm gonna die.

501
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:29,517
I can't fight it. All I can do is breathe.
[exhales]

502
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,233
And maybe yoidle my doidle.

503
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,606
Rest in power, Zaide.

504
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:37,275
Get the fuck away! Somebody help me!

505
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,361
Hey, somebody help her.
This girl needs help!

506
00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:41,106
There's a crazy talking frog!

507
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,618
Where is there a talking frog?
Frogs aren't supposed to talk.

508
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:44,950
No, you're the frog.

509
00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:47,115
Oh, I'm a toad, honey.

510
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,754
All we do is talk.
You know what? Let's start over.

511
00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:53,631
I am the Gratitoad,
and I'm just so grateful to meet you.

512
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:55,590
Yeah, I can't shake your hand.

513
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:58,471
I'm stuck in a straitjacket, okay?
Everything's fucked!

514
00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:02,428
You know, when I feel my lily pad sinking
down into the muck, you know what I do?

515
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,221
I think you're gonna tell me.

516
00:21:04,304 --> 00:21:06,854
I try to think about all the things
I'm grateful for.

517
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,602
Makes me feel a little better. [chuckles]

518
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:12,194
-Um, what are toads grateful for?
-Well, let's see.

519
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,821
I'm grateful that my skin looks like
a rock so my predators can't see me.

520
00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:18,569
Grateful for my predators.
They make me wanna jump higher.

521
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:22,282
And all that jumping makes my tush
look high and proud.

522
00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:23,414
Yeah, that's a nice butt.

523
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:25,660
Oh, well, shoot.
I'm grateful for the compliment.

524
00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:27,952
Now, come on, now. Your turn.
What are you grateful for?

525
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:29,446
No, I can't.

526
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,288
It makes me feel weird
and embarrassed.

527
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,293
Well, gratitude does take practice.

528
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:34,495
Like the maracas!

529
00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:38,884
Come on, Jessi. Gratitude, Gratitoad.

530
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:41,634
What about you? Give it a go.

531
00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:45,547
Okay, um, this is stupid,
but all I can think is that

532
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:47,847
I'm grateful for Sour Patch Kids.

533
00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:49,851
Sour Patch Kids. Yummy!

534
00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:52,813
Love that chew, love that tang.

535
00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:56,154
I like you. You're a good hang.

536
00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:58,731
It feels nice just to be silly, 
doesn't it?

537
00:21:58,817 --> 00:21:59,817
What else you got?

538
00:21:59,901 --> 00:22:04,161
Okay, well, I'm grateful to feel
a little less anxious than I did before.

539
00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:05,659
Yeah, that's the stuff!

540
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:08,661
And I guess I'm also really grateful
to be back in my old school.

541
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:11,334
School is cool! Knowledge is power!

542
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:14,333
Learning with my friends!
Education shower? I don't know.

543
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:18,336
Oh, I like that, honey.
You've got an attitude of gratitude.

544
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,170
I'm grateful I met you, Gratitoad.

545
00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:22,335
And I'm grateful for your kind words.

546
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:25,974
Now, you might wanna turn around
'cause I'm about to lay, like, 80 eggs.

547
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,263
Um, I'm grateful for the heads-up.

548
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:31,427
I'm actually grateful for a lot of things.

549
00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:33,016
Oh, here they come!

550
00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:35,901
I'm gonna turn this swamp into a ball pit!
Ooh!

551
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:39,361
-[grunts] Why are you trying to kill me?
-[straining]

552
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:42,191
Because you're weak and vulnerable.

553
00:22:42,277 --> 00:22:43,897
And also I'm kind of a psycho.

554
00:22:43,987 --> 00:22:46,197
Something happens to your soul
when you host a game show.

555
00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:49,951
[grunts] Stay the fuck back!
I'll do it. I'll kill you!

556
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:52,035
Aw, congratulations, Nick.

557
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:52,950
Uh, what?

558
00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:54,708
-You won the game!
-[audience cheering]

559
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:57,380
Won? What game? I don't get it.

560
00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:59,169
You protected yourself.

561
00:22:59,252 --> 00:23:01,252
Tell him what he's won, me.

562
00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:05,798
A lifetime supply of getting stabbed 
by your future self.

563
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,545
I-- I thought the game was over.

564
00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:12,217
Oh, the game's never over, Nick.
Not when you're playing...

565
00:23:12,307 --> 00:23:15,267
-Protect Yourself!
-[coughs]

566
00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,312
Thanks for watching and remember,

567
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:19,856
never let anyone get close to you.

568
00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:22,731
[gasps]

569
00:23:24,694 --> 00:23:27,664
[Lola chews, chuckles]

570
00:23:27,739 --> 00:23:28,869
I must admit, Jay,

571
00:23:28,949 --> 00:23:32,989
that a life of crime, personally speaking,
has made me ravenous.

572
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:33,998
Oh, yeah.

573
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:37,209
Hey, babe, you ever think pancakes 
are sexy little beds

574
00:23:37,290 --> 00:23:39,920
-for mice to, like, fuck on?
-Oh, my God, all the time.

575
00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:42,591
And the butter is obviously their pillows.

576
00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:44,211
-Oh, my God! Totally, babe!
-[chuckles]

577
00:23:44,297 --> 00:23:47,127
-Sexy little pillows they just sleep on?
-Yeah.

578
00:23:47,217 --> 00:23:48,547
We're on the same page. That's nice.

579
00:23:48,635 --> 00:23:49,845
-Totally.
-[chuckles] Yeah.

580
00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:52,058
Totally. Totally.

581
00:23:52,139 --> 00:23:53,349
-Hey, Lola.
-Yes, Jay.

582
00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:56,889
Uh, I... I love you.

583
00:23:57,477 --> 00:24:00,727
Aww. Thanks, Jay, you're cool, too.

584
00:24:01,189 --> 00:24:05,739
Is there anything... else
you wanna say, like, back to me?

585
00:24:05,819 --> 00:24:08,359
Um...

586
00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:11,525
Maybe the boysenberry syrup is their lube?

587
00:24:11,616 --> 00:24:13,286
-Wha-- what?
-For the mice,

588
00:24:13,368 --> 00:24:15,658
who fuck on the pancake beds. Doy!

589
00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:17,995
Oh, um, yeah...

590
00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:20,332
Sure, yeah.

591
00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:23,167
Um, will you excuse me for a sec?

592
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:24,495
Um... [shudders]

593
00:24:24,588 --> 00:24:28,588
Suddenly my face is red, 
and I'm mad at the world,

594
00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:29,925
and I want it to end.

595
00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:32,350
Okay, I'm gonna order coffee as a joke.

596
00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:33,849
Yeah... [chuckles]

597
00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:35,314
Yeah, that's, uh...

598
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:37,425
That's really funny.

599
00:24:42,647 --> 00:24:44,017
It's over!

600
00:24:44,107 --> 00:24:45,857
You're done, bitches!

601
00:24:45,942 --> 00:24:47,612
-[all groan]
-What the fuck happened?

602
00:24:47,694 --> 00:24:50,954
You're all now officially
in Kappa Kappa Kill.

603
00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:53,621
-K-K-K!
-Okay, we have to get out of here.

604
00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:55,120
Good night, everybody!

605
00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:57,412
Hey, is everybody okay?

606
00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,076
What the hell was in that drink?

607
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:01,794
Did we do ayahuasca at a KKK benefit?

608
00:25:01,875 --> 00:25:02,875
And where's Nick?

609
00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:05,209
Whoa. It looks like he took off already.

610
00:25:05,295 --> 00:25:08,335
Oh, my God, that was so crazy.

611
00:25:08,423 --> 00:25:09,723
Do not ask me about it.

612
00:25:09,799 --> 00:25:11,379
Hey, where the hell 
have you been all night?

613
00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:12,718
I just said, I can't tell you.

614
00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:14,932
It was magical and terrifying,

615
00:25:15,013 --> 00:25:17,393
and it changed me forever,
but it's private.

616
00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:19,984
-Okay, fine.
-Andrew, please don't pry.

617
00:25:20,060 --> 00:25:21,230
Huh? No, I really don't care.

618
00:25:21,311 --> 00:25:24,401
Well, then why do I wanna
tell you about it so much, Mr. Andy?

619
00:25:24,481 --> 00:25:27,691
I don't understand this dynamic.

620
00:25:29,653 --> 00:25:31,993
[rattles]

621
00:25:32,864 --> 00:25:35,414
[cackling]

622
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,535
[spooky music plays]

623
00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:24,959
[man laughs] "Good at Bizness."

624
00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:26,631
[kazoo plays]

625
00:26:27,043 --> 00:26:28,963
-[man] Chirp.
-[man 2] Fathouse.

626
00:26:29,305 --> 00:27:29,773
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