1
00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:11,179
[Nick] So, I'm in the haunted house,
and there's this creepy clown chasing me,

2
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,431
but then it turns out
the clown is really Nick Starr.

3
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,734
And he's you from the future?

4
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:17,638
Exactly!

5
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:20,846
And then "future" me stabbed 
"me" me with a knife!

6
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:24,357
Wow! Halloween has gotten
so much more exciting!

7
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:28,151
In my day, we'd just go around
begging people to smell our feet,

8
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:31,566
hoping they would give us
something good to eat.

9
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:32,986
-[laughs]
-It was so real, Duke,

10
00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:34,914
and now I just feel weird.

11
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:39,253
Hmm, my one thought is
maybe it's because you're a ghost.

12
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:40,460
A ghost?

13
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,670
Holy shit, I'm dead!

14
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,421
My family must be freaking out!

15
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:46,842
-Oh, God!
-Whose attic are you gonna live in?

16
00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:49,671
'Cause I'm not looking for a roommate.
[laughs]

17
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:50,678
Mom! Dad!

18
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,469
Everyone, I'd like to make a toast...

19
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,012
by warming up some bread
and putting butter on it.

20
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:59,016
[chuckles] That's a morning joke,
but I do wanna make a toast...

21
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,190
to humor.

22
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:01,478
Hello! Guys!

23
00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,481
Can you hear me? Oh, God, no.

24
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,685
-Good morning, family, and God bless.
-What the--

25
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:06,654
Who the fuck is that?

26
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,993
Very spiffy, Nicky. What's the occasion?

27
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,320
Me going out in public, Diane.

28
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:12,364
-Wait.
-And I say this

29
00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:13,817
with genuine condescension,

30
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,277
you could all dress a bit better.

31
00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:17,616
Oh, no. Is that Nick Starr?

32
00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:20,792
I think you look like a tiny, precious
Audi salesman.

33
00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:21,872
How about a breakfast hug?

34
00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:24,706
Hard pass. How about
a nice fist bump instead?

35
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,883
So, hold on, am I actually dead?

36
00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:29,301
Not if that creep took over your body.

37
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:32,470
You must be a lost soul.

38
00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:33,720
A "lost soul"?

39
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,392
A disembodied spirit.

40
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:38,260
You're not dead, but part of your soul is.

41
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,468
Like Mark Zuckerberg.

42
00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:42,137
Ciao, family. My Uber Select is here.

43
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,767
-[Diane] Love you, Nicky!
-What am I gonna do?

44
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,863
Yeah, what are you gonna do?

45
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,149
Not now, Rick. I'm a fucking ghost!

46
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,323
You wanna fuck a ghost?
Okay, who do I know?

47
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:51,821
Ooh! How about Casper?

48
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:55,413
He's cute. He's on TV.
He's got that mattress money.

49
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,030
Uh, cha-ching, baby!

50
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,367
["Changes" by Charles Bradley plays]

51
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:04,962
♪ I'm going through changes ♪

52
00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:14,718
♪ I'm going through changes ♪

53
00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:17,256
♪ Oh, in my life ♪

54
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,805
♪ Oh, ooh, ooh! ♪

55
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:29,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

56
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:32,398
So, I tell Lola I love her,

57
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,655
and she just says,
"Aw, thanks. You're cool too."

58
00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:39,238
That's bullshit, Jay.
What an icy cold twat.

59
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,235
Yeah, bro!

60
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,326
I can say "I love you" so easy.

61
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:45,212
I fucking love you with everything I am:

62
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,960
mind, body and polyurethane foam.

63
00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:50,092
I don't know,
maybe Lola's right not to love me.

64
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,550
Are you insane?

65
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:55,339
You're a sexy 40-year-old magician
with a ridiculous dick!

66
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:56,255
Hell, yeah!

67
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:59,722
I'm getting hot just thinking about
your hanging flapper resting on my chin--

68
00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:02,894
-Hang on.
-I wanna blow your Greek penis.

69
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:05,234
-Ooh!
-Oh, Lord! Me too!

70
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:08,440
I want you to bang me so hard 
I get Bell's palsy!

71
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,571
Wow. Okay, I don't know, guys.

72
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,818
[sighs] I'm kind of in 
a relationship right now.

73
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:13,991
[chuckles] Yeah.

74
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:16,198
With someone who doesn't even love you.

75
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:19,489
Exactly! Look, bro, do what you wanna do,

76
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:20,914
but I'm just gonna bend over

77
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,372
-and pick up this penny right now...
-[Jay moans]

78
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,413
Damn.

79
00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:28,285
I can feel the breeze hit 
my open, dirty ass.

80
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:29,834
Fuck!

81
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:30,998
[school bell rings]

82
00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:32,495
Okay, here we go.

83
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,707
I'm gonna try
this gratitude thing in real life.

84
00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:36,627
That's right. Go get him, little red.

85
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,466
Ugh, but Matthew's gonna think
I'm so corny.

86
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,602
I'll tell you what's corny, me poops.

87
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:43,429
I had some grilled corn last night.

88
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:44,684
So good!

89
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,636
-Gift of the Americas.
-Okay, I'll go talk to him.

90
00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:49,559
Hi, Matthew.

91
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,516
Why are you smiling like a clown?

92
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,566
Are they putting Miles Teller to sleep?

93
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,240
I just-- I know you're having
a tough time at home,

94
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:59,989
and I wanted you to know
how grateful I am to have you in my life.

95
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,823
And also that you're mean as fuck,
but not to me,

96
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,368
and I really appreciate that.

97
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:04,951
Jessi, thank you.

98
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:08,326
But next time, please communicate
your appreciation through text

99
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,294
and not in person like a lunatic.

100
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:14,545
You did it!
Rub-a-dub-dub in the gratitude tub.

101
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:18,761
Ooh, yeah!
Let's have ourselves a bubble bath!

102
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:20,051
I'm having a blast!

103
00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:23,474
Being grateful
does feel surprisingly good.

104
00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:26,354
Jessi, why don't you use
the Gratitoad on Nick?

105
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,562
Ugh. Why would I be grateful for Nick?

106
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:32,113
Yeah, he yelled at you in the park
and then tried to french you at a funeral!

107
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:35,978
That selfish little prick can rot in hell
with my parents.

108
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,397
Yeah, fuck him.

109
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:39,065
And my parents!

110
00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:44,203
[sighs] You know, Maury, I died a million 
times last night, and I still feel okay.

111
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,914
I think the breathing thing
is really helping.

112
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:49,245
Ah, yes, breath is life.

113
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:52,250
All right, let's continue
with downward-facing dick.

114
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,383
In through the nose... [exhales]

115
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,881
…out through the pee hole.

116
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,173
[sighs]

117
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:01,296
Nick. Oh, chic jacket, mon frère!

118
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,756
Is that a linen blend? Oh, it's to die.

119
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,715
Andrew, my childhood friend.

120
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,265
How is the masturbating?

121
00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:09,638
Very well. It's going very well,
thank you.

122
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:10,936
Duke, there he is!

123
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:14,229
Come on! We gotta get you
back inside your body.

124
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:18,034
Your tiny, weird, pale body. [cackles]

125
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:21,279
I mean, the world does seem
brighter today, doesn't it?

126
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,412
That's probably because
there's no ozone layer

127
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,619
and the sun is caramelizing us
like a brûléed grapefruit,

128
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:29,331
-a treat that every child enjoys.
-Uh, what's that now?

129
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:32,042
The Earth is hurtling towards
its ultimate destruction.

130
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,633
-What?
-Hashtag brûlée boys. Dab.

131
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:38,669
[groans] Ultimate destruction?
Me, brûléed?

132
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:40,915
I suddenly can't breathe again.

133
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,127
-[panting]
-Oh, Andrew.

134
00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:44,136
Hi, Nick. I'm starting an affinity group

135
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:47,348
to bring students of all races
and backgrounds together.

136
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,680
Would you like to participate?

137
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,975
By sitting in a room with you
and apologizing for my immense privilege?

138
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,440
Oh, well, I mean, yes,
that could be a part of it,

139
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,570
but I'd say it's really about seeing
other people's points of view, and--

140
00:05:57,648 --> 00:06:00,028
-[laughs] Great. No, I will not attend.
-Oh.

141
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:02,649
This guy's making me look like
such an asshole.

142
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:06,277
That's why we gotta get you back 
in your funky little body.

143
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,156
-Okay.
-♪ With your big fat head ♪

144
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:10,122
♪ And your teeny little weenie ♪

145
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,003
♪ It's a damn shame
You can't fuck with your head ♪

146
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,171
[cackles]

147
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,129
Ugh, I can't go in there, Maury.

148
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,460
I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

149
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:21,464
Come on, it's just a casual conversation.

150
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:24,127
Yeah, with someone who thinks I deserve 
to burn in hell.

151
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,507
I think she actually said "bake" in hell.

152
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:29,144
But don't worry,
I hear it's more of a light sear.

153
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,642
-What?
-Now get in there!

154
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,933
Hey, Mom, can we talk for a second?

155
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:35,347
I'm busy making dinner, Matthew.
Can't it wait?

156
00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:37,106
Actually, no.

157
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:41,858
Mom, I know you think being gay
is a choice for me, but it's not.

158
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,113
You're doing great, Matt.

159
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:48,744
And I love you, but I need to be who I am,
not just at school, but also here at home.

160
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,235
What? What does that mean?

161
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:54,156
Well, for starters,
it means I have to tell Dad.

162
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,497
No, Matthew, no!

163
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:56,581
You can't do that!

164
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,086
He is a traditional man.

165
00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,958
Do you remember when Aunt Lydia
deep-fried the Thanksgiving turkey?

166
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:02,876
Yeah.

167
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,924
That's why we don't see
Aunt Lydia anymore.

168
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,757
What? I thought she died of a brain tumor.

169
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,053
Matthew, if you love this family,

170
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:12,387
please don't say anything to your father.

171
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,305
[sighs] Oh, Maury. What do I do?

172
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:16,563
Matthew, step out of the room.

173
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,274
I'm gonna have a word alone
with your mother.

174
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:20,774
-Are you fucking kidding me, Kim?
-[crashing]

175
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,397
You got the best goddamn kid in the game!

176
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:27,244
So, get the fuck on board
before you lose him!

177
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,914
-Oh, how'd it go?
-Oh, she didn't hear a word I said.

178
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:33,791
Oh, yeah!

179
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,580
All right. So, to enter a body,

180
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:40,424
-you've got to truly let go of yourself.
-Right.

181
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:45,011
Really try to understand what it's like
to be them for a moment.

182
00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:46,339
-Got it.
-And then,

183
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,684
-you slip right in through their butthole!
-Wait, what?

184
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:50,049
The poop chute, Nick!

185
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:54,306
♪ If you wanna be spooky
You gotta go dookie ♪

186
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:56,060
-Now, get in there!
-Okay!

187
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,734
Ooh, outrageous!

188
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:03,401
Wait, wait, wait.
Is this Nick Starr's apartment?

189
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,073
Oh, Nick, to what do I owe the pleasure?

190
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:09,162
Uh, I'm here to take my body back.

191
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,618
Of course, great.

192
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,198
Well, let me show you around, then.

193
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,873
This is my Infinity fridge.

194
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:16,001
It's filled with carbonated egg whites.

195
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:18,078
These are all of Lauryn Hill's Grammys.

196
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,254
And this is the room
where I keep all the bugs.

197
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,294
The bugs?

198
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,464
Oh, Jesus!

199
00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:26,545
Oh, that's sweet. They like you.

200
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,011
-Ugh! Get them off! Help me!
-[glass cracking]

201
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,261
You got it, buddy.

202
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:34,394
[screams]

203
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:36,894
-[grunts]
-[laughs]

204
00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:39,604
That's right.
You don't want any part of what's in here.

205
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,225
For I'm loco, ese.

206
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,192
Sponsored by Four Loko, ese.

207
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:44,402
Give me my body back!

208
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,572
But, Nick, this is who you are,

209
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:50,911
an emotionally unavailable success junkie
with a two handicap.

210
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:51,948
Duke, is he right?

211
00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:54,161
Am I destined to be cold and alone?

212
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,332
No. There's still time to change.

213
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:59,580
You gotta try it again.
Get back in that body!

214
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,294
-[cackles]
-No, you weren't in there!

215
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:05,634
It was like American Psycho, but without
the charming references to Phil Collins.

216
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:06,751
What can I do?

217
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:09,877
Yeah, what can you
"are you gonna do," baby?

218
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,876
Jesus, Rick! I didn't even say it!

219
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,928
Enough with your stupid catchphrase!

220
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:15,561
"What are you gonna do?"

221
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,888
I don't sound like that. 
I sound cool, like Bill Clinton.

222
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:23,145
Watch this. "I did not have
'what are you gonna do' with that woman."

223
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,269
You withered piece of shit!
You wanna know what I'm gonna do?

224
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:29,187
I'm gonna give up.
I'm gonna be a lost soul forever.

225
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:32,027
Well, then my job here is done.

226
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,033
No, it's not!

227
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:36,624
Then why am I drinking a piña colada,
homie?

228
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,871
[slurps]

229
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,123
I was totally gonna say it back.

230
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:44,625
I mean, literally everything inside me
wanted to scream,

231
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,959
"Jay, you're my burly-ass king,

232
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:50,054
and I love you so hard,
it could make me shit,"

233
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:53,091
but I just couldn't say "I love you."

234
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:54,635
Oh, gloomy day!

235
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,139
'Tis too painful to see thee weep,
Your Majesty.

236
00:09:57,221 --> 00:10:00,981
Help me, Knights of St. Joseph.
What the hell do I do?

237
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:05,268
Pray, my queen, why was it so hard
to tell Sir Jay that you love him?

238
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:08,524
I guess it's because everyone I love
always ends up...

239
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,185
leaving me.

240
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,776
But Sir Jay, he's not like the others.

241
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,912
He hath been kind to thee.

242
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:18,489
Indeed! 'Tis rare to find a knight
who fights for both your honor

243
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,036
and your pleasure.

244
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,039
Also, I, like, came when he fingered me.

245
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,461
Yes. That's what I was alluding to,
Your Majesty.

246
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:28,500
But, like, what if I put my heart out
on the so-called symbolic limb

247
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:29,796
and he ditches me?

248
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:35,009
But, my queen, if you shut thyself off,
you've already sealed thy fate.

249
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:38,222
You must lower your drawbridge,
emotionally.

250
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,644
Okay. Thank you, Knights of St. Joseph.

251
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,223
You may return to your rounds.

252
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,058
We shall protect thee from all enemies!

253
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,864
Behold! A ghastly creature encroaches.
[grunts]

254
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,821
Is it fucked up that this turns me on?

255
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,152
[panting]

256
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:57,406
Oh, God, Nick's right!
The planet is boiling.

257
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:01,700
And if the wildfires don't get us,
the war over water surely will!

258
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:04,116
Oh, man, Nick Starr really spun him out
this morning.

259
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:08,075
And those thin polar bears
aren't gonna be very happy about anything!

260
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:10,957
Andrew, stop quivering!
I can hear you downstairs!

261
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:13,665
[panting]
Dad, I'm just feeling very anxious.

262
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,086
Well, of course you are!

263
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,514
You're a weak boy,
and everybody's against you.

264
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,513
Oh, no.

265
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:21,564
Andrew, I wish I could help you
feel better. [gasps]

266
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,021
Wait, maybe I can.

267
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,769
The world is a gorilla cage,

268
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,560
and you're a banana
with peanut butter on its ass!

269
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:30,015
Ooh! Outrageous!

270
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:38,611
[Nick] Whoa, this is crazy.
I'm actually controlling Marty's body.

271
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,368
Dad, are you okay?

272
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:42,869
You sound exactly like Nick.

273
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,412
That's because I am Nick.

274
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:46,325
Nick, are you in there?

275
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,874
What the hell's going on?

276
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,247
My evil future self
has taken over my body.

277
00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:51,924
Oh, God! That can happen?

278
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:54,462
So, I possessed your dad
through his butthole, and I--

279
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:58,257
-What the hell are you talking about?
-Oh, God, I was trying to calm you down,

280
00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:00,592
and now I realize
I'm freaking you out more!

281
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,178
-Yeah, a bit!
-Oh, I'm sorry.

282
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,683
I'm the worst,
and I'm gonna be like this forever!

283
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,095
Shut the fuck up!

284
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,023
You're making me more nervous.

285
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:09,602
-Just let me breathe.
-What do you mean?

286
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,647
Fucking listen!

287
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,150
-Inhale for four. 
-[both inhale]

288
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,941
-In for four.
-[both exhale]

289
00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,355
There, that's better.

290
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:17,954
Okay, I'm still a little wobbly,

291
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:21,238
but it might just be the sheer weight
of your dad's balls.

292
00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,533
It feels like I have two paint cans
hanging from my taint.

293
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:24,577
Hey, wait...

294
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:26,620
Nick, while you're in there,

295
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:29,464
would you tell me that you're proud of me?

296
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,040
-Oh, this is kinda sad.
-Come on, I--

297
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:34,415
Uh, sure, Andrew, I'm proud of you.

298
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:35,923
No, damn it, say it like my dad.

299
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,415
Oh, okay, uh...

300
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:41,006
Andrew, you useless sack of nothing.
I'm proud of you!

301
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:44,393
Oh, thanks, Dad. I'm gonna hit you again.

302
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,852
-[grunts]
-Nick!

303
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,311
You... You can see me?

304
00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:49,731
Andrew, did you just slap me in the face?

305
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:51,940
I did, twice, and I'm sorry.

306
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,901
Don't you dare apologize!

307
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:56,821
For the first time ever,
I'm proud of ya, son!

308
00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:59,361
Oh, maybe one day I'll kill you.
[chuckles]

309
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:04,945
Okay, Steve. I'll pay you $2
to eat your own underpants.

310
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,204
-[students laughing]
-This is beyond epic.

311
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:10,956
I should pay you for this. I'm starving!
[chewing]

312
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,460
What's Nick's deal lately?

313
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:15,251
He's been a really rude dude
with a bad attitude.

314
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,456
Yeah, he's an asshole.

315
00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:17,875
No, that's not me!

316
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,513
-Shh, shh. Ladies, women, shush.
-What, Andrew?

317
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:24,051
You're not gonna believe me at first,
but that's not the real Nick.

318
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,596
-What?
-What are you talking about?

319
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,219
He wants us to think he is,

320
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,426
but that's evil future Nick.

321
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,887
The real Nick is floating right next 
to us, okay?

322
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:32,977
Shut up!

323
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:37,482
There's only one Nick,
and he has always been a selfish jerk!

324
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:40,066
"Always"? Boy, she really hates me.

325
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:42,452
Well, I don't believe
that there's only one Nick.

326
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,530
If I learned anything
at the horrority house,

327
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,615
it's that we're made up
of many different parts,

328
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,080
-and we must embrace them all.
-Thank you, Missy.

329
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,201
Yeah, no problem, Nick.

330
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,917
Ah, Nick! Jinkies, he is a ghost!

331
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:53,828
You can see him too?

332
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:56,956
Oh, my undies are wrapped around my heart.

333
00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:59,514
Nick, you gotta get back inside
of your body.

334
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,628
It's impossible. I already tried.

335
00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,045
But you didn't have us.

336
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,303
Yeah, us!

337
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:06,385
Missy and Andrew, back together.

338
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,850
In love until we die in each other's arms.

339
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:10,931
-What?
-What? Nothing. Let's go help Nick.

340
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,476
Ugh, why is Andrew defending Nick?

341
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,021
Because you have bad friends
and you can't count on anyone?

342
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:20,355
Let's just go home and send
Michael Angelo that very long text

343
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,072
you've been drafting in your notes.

344
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,112
Then we can count the seconds
until he replies.

345
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:26,196
Oh, God, why hasn't he replied yet?

346
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,122
Hold up!

347
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:30,871
Let's stay focused on what's important,
all right?

348
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:32,713
-Now, Nick is a prick!
-Yeah.

349
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:36,128
And he seems sad and lost,
like something's going on with him.

350
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,708
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why are you taking his side?

351
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:41,344
Hey, now,
let's take a quick hop back here.

352
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,222
Isn't there anything about Nick
that you are grateful for?

353
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,130
Uh, no.

354
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,137
Well, come on.

355
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,598
He did come to help you
in the depression ward.

356
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:51,139
It sounds like the little fellow was there
when you needed him.

357
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,353
Not lately.

358
00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:55,193
Yeah, ever since I've met him,
he's been, like, really anxious,

359
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,609
and frankly, it freaks me out!

360
00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:01,228
Hold on, all this time,
you've been bothering Nick too?

361
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:04,277
Not "bothering." Protecting, helping--
[screams]

362
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:07,451
Maybe you and Nick, y'all got more 
in common than you thought, huh?

363
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:08,781
Yeah, I...

364
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:09,873
No.

365
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,330
Hey, who smashed my car?

366
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,200
Oh, yeah, the Masked Principal!

367
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,407
Ooh, is this when we get to find out
who you are?

368
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:16,577
No.

369
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:18,495
Oh, hang on. Are you Katherine Heigl?

370
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,504
Tune in next season to find out.

371
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,166
Here's a hint: I'm Roman Polanski.

372
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:24,505
[doorbell rings]

373
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,590
-Oh, Andrew.
-Hey, Nick.

374
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,514
A surprise drop-by, how unwelcome.

375
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:30,683
-Yep, I'm here to hang with my best bud.
-Terrific.

376
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:35,273
The only thing I like less than surprises
is hanging with my best bud.

377
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,941
Wait, Nick. You see, I know your secret.

378
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,730
[chuckles] What secret?

379
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:42,783
-That you're about to get a headache.
-Quinaz!

380
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:43,688
[Nick grunts]

381
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:49,486
And now DJ has her own kids,
and the house is even fuller! Have mercy.

382
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,527
Sounds cool, Dad.

383
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,867
Come on, tell him.
Tell him how gay you are.

384
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,674
Hey, can I talk to you about something?

385
00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:01,248
[chuckles] Oh, that's usually your mom's 
department, isn't it?

386
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:04,375
Well, yeah, but I'd like to talk to you.

387
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,593
All right. Permission granted, sailor.

388
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:11,604
Okay, so, um, I wasn't really
at an Interfaith Council meeting.

389
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:12,509
You weren't?

390
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:15,806
I was at my friend Aiden's house.

391
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:18,643
My... boyfriend.

392
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:19,902
Mm-hmm.

393
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,515
Because... I'm gay.

394
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:26,488
And that might mean you're gonna send me
to a conversion camp

395
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:28,528
or pretend that I died of a brain tumor

396
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:30,202
or make me watch Wedding Crashers.

397
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,280
-[sobbing]
-Whoa! Hold your horses, son.

398
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,617
-I already knew you were gay.
-You did?

399
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,873
I know who you are, Matthew.

400
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,825
I drove you to tap classes.

401
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,915
Oh, but Mom said not to tell you.

402
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,841
Well, she worries about you,

403
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:48,089
and she might need more time
to wrap her head around this.

404
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,173
I don't know, I--

405
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:52,048
It's okay, son, we'll figure this out.

406
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,846
Just like the Tanners had to figure out
the bedroom assignments

407
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,720
[laughs] when Kimmy Gibbler moved in.

408
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,927
I think your dad might be done
with this conversation.

409
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,438
I love that reboot.

410
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,023
-[rope strains]
-[Missy grunts]

411
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:06,475
Whoa, butt-fuck party!
I should have knocked.

412
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:09,737
In the future, you should hang a scrunchie
on the doorknob.

413
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,740
Also, the butt-fuckee needs to be awake.

414
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,533
No, it's for easy access, Duke.
I'm going back in.

415
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:19,957
Jesus H. Jazz, you're Duke Ellington!
I'm a big fan.

416
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:24,129
You know, Duke once entered my body
and punched me in the penis.

417
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,459
Not really a brag, but--

418
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,464
-What?
-Hey, is Nick Starr waking up?

419
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:29,626
What the... Oh, you again.

420
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:30,585
Give up, Nick.

421
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,264
You've seen your future,

422
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:34,892
-and it's me, Nick Starr.
-Maybe he's right.

423
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:36,260
Don't listen to him, Nick.

424
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:39,216
Fly into your own butthole
in front of all your friends.

425
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,348
Hello. Oh, I am sorry!

426
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:42,595
Oh, shit!

427
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:45,766
They doing a butt-fuck party?
I didn't see a scrunchie on the door.

428
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,436
Jessi, it's cool. That is future Nick,

429
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:51,605
and his ass is out 'cause we need to get
real Nick and jam him back up there.

430
00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:53,445
Jessi, my female friend.

431
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:54,820
I'm the real Nick.

432
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,617
Hearing the radio
makes me absolutely boogie!

433
00:17:57,701 --> 00:18:02,121
Okay. I don't know what's going on here,
but I came to give Nick something.

434
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,786
Should I leave it on your butt or--

435
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:06,785
[gasps] Whoa.

436
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,547
Nick? [gasps]

437
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:09,459
You're a ghost.

438
00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:12,126
Technically, a lost soul. But, yeah.

439
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,126
Ooh, how about an introduction,
little red?

440
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,388
-Nick, this is the Gratitoad.
-Oh.

441
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:19,720
He's got this, like, goofy Southern
drunk-on-moonshine vibe,

442
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,807
but most importantly,
he's really helped me with my anxiety.

443
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,193
Pleasure to meet you, Nick!

444
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:25,229
Really liking your wisp.

445
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:28,482
Oh, okay.
Well, nice to meet you, Mr. Toad.

446
00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:31,485
Oh, please, Mr. Toad was my daddy.

447
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,818
He was known for taking wild rides.

448
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:36,244
I was thinking
maybe he could help you too.

449
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:37,373
Thank you, Jessi.

450
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:41,249
Look, I know I've been a dick to you,
and I'm-- I'm really sorry.

451
00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:44,328
Pretty wonderful to have a friend
who knows how to say "The Big S."

452
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:45,254
I'll tell you that.

453
00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:47,082
Wow, you're right, Gratitoad.

454
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:50,377
Nick, I'm grateful for your apology.
It means a lot.

455
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:54,262
Ugh! All this sincerity is making me want 
to crap my pants.

456
00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:57,181
In fact, good luck getting in my butt!

457
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,261
Hurry up, Nick!

458
00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,175
You don't wanna have to fly through shit!

459
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:01,184
Okay.

460
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,845
Go, go, go!

461
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,313
[Nick whimpers]

462
00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:08,482
Ooh! Outrageous!

463
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:12,193
[grunts] Oh, God! What the fuck was that?

464
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:15,236
[exclaims, panting] I can't do this, I...

465
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,030
[gasping] I gotta calm down.

466
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:21,155
Okay, just remember, in for four...
[inhales]

467
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,543
Why are you fighting this, Nick?

468
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,620
I'm everything you wanna be.

469
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:31,126
I'm infinitely rich, medium famous,
and I don't answer to anyone but myself.

470
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,261
Well, except for French's Mustard,

471
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,048
with whom I have
a lucrative endorsement deal.

472
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:38,393
French's Mustard, taste the yellow!

473
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,848
Uch, yuck! I hate yellow mustard.

474
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:42,139
You'll learn to accept it.

475
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:44,272
Never! [panting]

476
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,225
-[screeches]
-Tito?

477
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,980
You can't beat us, Nick!

478
00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:52,072
You'll have to squirt yellow mustard
on everything!

479
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,439
-Ice cream!
-Cereal!

480
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:54,775
The dogs you'll fuck!

481
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:58,240
Your destiny is unavoidable!

482
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,372
Is it? Is it?

483
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,199
No, it isn't.

484
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:05,704
I like spicy brown mustard
and honey mustard.

485
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:09,747
I like the salad dressing my mom makes 
with Dijon mustard!

486
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,503
I like my mom!

487
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:15,125
I like my whole family,
and my friends, even Jay.

488
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,514
I'm grateful for all of it!

489
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:20,841
So you can take your destiny
and go fuck yourself!

490
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,758
Whoo-hoo!
Grateful for that monologue right there.

491
00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:26,347
And I definitely want that recipe
for that salad dressing.

492
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:30,103
Shut up! Your positivity makes me sick!

493
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:32,607
[Gratitoad screams] Ow!

494
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:35,532
-[Gratitoad grunts]
-[cackles]

495
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:39,279
I'm gonna kill you
once and for all, Nick Birch!

496
00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:43,533
Not if I kill you first, Nick Starr.
[screams]

497
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:48,043
-So what did you wanna talk about?
-Okay, this is really hard for me,

498
00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:53,921
but I didn't say "I love you" back
because, as history has proven,

499
00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:58,382
it is such that I have been hurt
by putting myself out there. But...

500
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,877
Jay, I do love you.

501
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,259
[scoffs] Bull-fuckin'-shit!

502
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:05,805
If you really felt it,
you would've said it!

503
00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:06,969
Yeah, cutie pie.

504
00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:09,097
You're a day late and a dicking short.

505
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:11,064
And what a dicking it was!

506
00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:12,904
Jay, what the hell?

507
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,650
Did you fucking cheat on me
with your exes?

508
00:21:15,732 --> 00:21:18,282
Sorry, babe. You snooze, I cruise.

509
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:22,610
Oh, yeah,
he cruised right into my sloppy ass.

510
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,988
Let's just say it was a butt-fuck party!

511
00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:26,905
Oh, it sure was.

512
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,624
Isn't that right, King Finger?

513
00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:31,865
What? I gave him that name!

514
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,577
I knighted him King Finger!

515
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:35,837
Whatever! It's my finger!

516
00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:38,339
Why did I even come here, Jay?

517
00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:40,882
I knew you'd leave me!

518
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:43,426
What? Me? You started this!

519
00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:47,510
If you can't say "I love you"
the second I say it to you,

520
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:49,977
then you don't deserve me at all!

521
00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:53,308
You better watch your back, Jay Bilzerian,

522
00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:58,185
'cause this means war!

523
00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,435
Bring it on, lady!

524
00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:03,407
You are so fucked next season!

525
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:07,408
Oh, I will be fucked, by my pillows,

526
00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:10,752
who know how to say
"I love you" right away.

527
00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:12,459
And guess what, bitch?

528
00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:16,039
You ain't the home screen
on his phone anymore!

529
00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:19,166
Oh, yeah!
Pillow titties on the home screen!

530
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:21,264
[barks]

531
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:24,720
Cum! I'm going to miss eating their cum.

532
00:22:24,801 --> 00:22:27,391
-[Ghost Nick grunting]
-Oh, my God! Holy fuck!

533
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:29,511
Jesus! This doesn't look good.

534
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,808
-[Nick grunts]
-[Nick Starr cackles]

535
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:36,023
-[shrieks]
-Ooh, smooth moves, Tito Mosquito.

536
00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:38,614
Stop appreciating me!

537
00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:41,739
[grunts]

538
00:22:42,903 --> 00:22:44,283
[slurps]

539
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:45,783
-[Gratitoad] Hey!
-Great throw!

540
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:48,624
Aww, throw's only as good as the catch,
Nickydoodle.

541
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,160
All right. [grunts]

542
00:22:50,243 --> 00:22:54,043
[shrieks]
Yes, destroy him! Protect yourself!

543
00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:56,752
So, Nick, what are you gonna do?

544
00:22:56,833 --> 00:23:01,383
Yeah, Nick, what are you gonna do, baby?

545
00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:02,673
I'm gonna...

546
00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:05,433
go up my butthole again!

547
00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:08,599
Ooh, outrageous!

548
00:23:10,180 --> 00:23:12,020
[shuddering]

549
00:23:12,099 --> 00:23:13,099
Hi.

550
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:14,733
Oh, hi.

551
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:15,890
Do you hate me?

552
00:23:16,603 --> 00:23:17,903
Are you gonna kill me?

553
00:23:17,979 --> 00:23:20,229
Uh, no.

554
00:23:20,315 --> 00:23:21,225
Why not?

555
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:23,436
I'm such a piece of shit.

556
00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:24,947
But you're a part of me.

557
00:23:25,028 --> 00:23:27,858
And I have to embrace you.

558
00:23:29,866 --> 00:23:30,986
[Identical Nick sighs]

559
00:23:32,869 --> 00:23:34,079
Are you getting a boner?

560
00:23:34,162 --> 00:23:36,422
What? No, why would you say that?

561
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:37,788
I can't help it.

562
00:23:37,874 --> 00:23:39,794
I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable.

563
00:23:39,876 --> 00:23:40,836
Yeah, me too.

564
00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:42,878
Hashtag me too.

565
00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:49,092
[loud groaning]

566
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:53,926
[Tito shrieks]

567
00:23:56,351 --> 00:23:59,311
[Andrew] Nick, can you hear me? Nick?

568
00:24:00,063 --> 00:24:03,533
-Nick Birch?
-I-It's me. I think I'm okay.

569
00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:05,318
-Oh, thank God!
-All right!

570
00:24:05,402 --> 00:24:07,402
Uh-pa-pa,
that's exactly what Nick Starr would say.

571
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:09,697
Andrew, shut the fuck up and untie me.

572
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:13,581
And that's exactly what the real Nick
would say. Gimme those ropes.

573
00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:16,201
Whew, I'm exhausted.

574
00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:18,618
Hey, you're not so scary
when you're small.

575
00:24:18,707 --> 00:24:21,957
Yeah, a mosquito is actually
pretty manageable.

576
00:24:22,043 --> 00:24:23,923
-And they taste delicious.
-[Tito screams]

577
00:24:24,004 --> 00:24:25,344
Mm-mmm!

578
00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:30,092
When those bugs come back, and they will,
you call your old friend the Gratitoad.

579
00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:33,507
But I'm not going anywhere, Jessi.

580
00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:35,767
Oh, my God. Look at you, you're so cute!

581
00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:36,679
Oh, shit!

582
00:24:36,766 --> 00:24:38,976
-What happened?
-I don't know. [meows]

583
00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:41,150
Whoa! Honey, you shrunk the cat!

584
00:24:41,229 --> 00:24:45,029
Wow, I guess helping Nick
made me feel less depressed.

585
00:24:45,108 --> 00:24:46,988
Ladies, and don't take this weird,

586
00:24:47,068 --> 00:24:49,738
but I'm always grateful
for a little pussy.

587
00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:50,951
Hey, man, peace and love,

588
00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:54,161
but I'm kinda the guy who gets to make
those jokes around here.

589
00:24:54,242 --> 00:24:57,912
-You did it, Nick! Ha-ha!
-Yeah, I guess I did.

590
00:24:57,996 --> 00:25:00,786
-I used Andrew's breathing...
-I saved the day again.

591
00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:02,634
...and Jessi's Gratitoad.

592
00:25:02,709 --> 00:25:05,419
And, Missy,
I embraced all parts of myself.

593
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,464
Oh, that's beautiful!

594
00:25:07,547 --> 00:25:10,257
So, now do you wanna join
my affinity group?

595
00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:11,342
Uh...

596
00:25:11,426 --> 00:25:12,546
email me, okay?

597
00:25:12,636 --> 00:25:15,386
I just wanna say, I'm proud of you,
Nick.

598
00:25:15,472 --> 00:25:16,682
Thank you, Connie.

599
00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:18,345
Ahem. You look good.

600
00:25:18,433 --> 00:25:19,733
Thank you. You too.

601
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:21,849
Oh, I miss you!

602
00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:24,977
Oh, baby, I miss you so much!

603
00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:27,105
But don't worry, I'm in good hands.

604
00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:29,112
Oh, the best hands!

605
00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:30,784
Hey, that's cool, baby!

606
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:32,032
-Oh, God! Ew!
-What the eff is that?

607
00:25:32,113 --> 00:25:33,703
-Jessi, Missy…
-[Jessi] Ew!

608
00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:35,912
…this is Rick, my hormone monster.

609
00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:39,292
He's a rotting mess,
but he's mine, and I love him.

610
00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:42,921
And besides, baby, I'm your only choice.
So, what are you gonna do?

611
00:25:42,999 --> 00:25:45,919
Hang on, Rick,
you been saying that forever.

612
00:25:46,002 --> 00:25:47,382
What does it even mean?

613
00:25:47,462 --> 00:25:48,882
Well...

614
00:25:50,715 --> 00:25:55,425
♪ When the ghosts of fear and failure
Come to haunt you ♪

615
00:25:56,054 --> 00:26:01,144
♪ And the gleaming lights of hope
All fade from view ♪

616
00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:06,476
♪ When the armies of doubt and dread
Are marching in your head ♪

617
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:11,145
♪ Then the answer, my friend
Is tried and true ♪

618
00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:15,116
♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

619
00:26:16,825 --> 00:26:21,575
♪ When a mother leaves her babe
To cry in darkness ♪

620
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:27,250
♪ And the storm clouds of betrayal
Begin to brew ♪

621
00:26:27,335 --> 00:26:32,505
♪ When the fortune-teller lies
And the faithful hide their eyes ♪

622
00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:37,431
♪ Then the cosmos has but one answer 
For you ♪

623
00:26:37,512 --> 00:26:39,762
♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

624
00:26:39,848 --> 00:26:42,978
♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

625
00:26:43,059 --> 00:26:48,189
♪ When you think that you're da man
'Cause they told you, you da man ♪

626
00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:50,823
♪ And you want to be da man ♪

627
00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:55,360
♪ But it turns out you're not da man ♪

628
00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:58,237
♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

629
00:26:58,325 --> 00:27:00,655
♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

630
00:27:00,744 --> 00:27:03,164
♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

631
00:27:03,246 --> 00:27:05,826
♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

632
00:27:05,915 --> 00:27:08,495
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

633
00:27:08,585 --> 00:27:11,125
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

634
00:27:11,212 --> 00:27:13,802
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

635
00:27:13,882 --> 00:27:16,432
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

636
00:27:16,509 --> 00:27:18,719
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

637
00:27:19,095 --> 00:27:21,595
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪
-♪ Whatcha gonna do? ♪

638
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:28,398
Whatcha gonna do?

639
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,400
-[man] Fathouse.
-[ticking]

640
00:27:30,482 --> 00:27:32,902
[man laughs] "Good at Bizness."

641
00:27:32,984 --> 00:27:34,994
-[man] Chirp.
-[kazoo plays]

642
00:27:35,305 --> 00:28:35,774
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