1 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,467 [soft grunts] 2 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:10,427 [moaning] 3 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:14,431 [Walter] She has always found a way to hurt you, Nick. 4 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:19,644 You wrote her a heartfelt melody, and she rejected you quick. 5 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:22,188 -Maybe you were just a joke… -[gasping] 6 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:25,025 …and Judd was always her pick. 7 00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,735 -[laughing] -She humiliated you 8 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,737 -worse than when everyone saw… -Ahh! 9 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,614 -…your tiny little dick. -[all laughing] 10 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:32,824 [truck revs, honks] 11 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:35,160 -Huh? -You're having a nightmare about me? 12 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:37,954 -So pathetic. -[grunts] Ew. I'm stuck! What is this? 13 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:41,082 You're standing in the middle of the road like an idiot! 14 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,793 -[laughs] -What the fuck? Jessi? [screams] 15 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:47,922 -[gasps] -[deep voice growls] Glazer… 16 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,799 -Walter? -[roars] 17 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,634 Walter? What happened to you, man? 18 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,219 Jessi did this to me. 19 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:55,930 I was a gorgeous butterfly, 20 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,558 and she turned me into this horrid worm! 21 00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,477 Yeah, because she's a goddamn nightmare. 22 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,146 You hate her. Don't you, Nick? 23 00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,899 I wish she'd get really bad diarrhea and then vanish. 24 00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:09,611 Zip-zap, she treats you like crap. 25 00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:12,489 We want her to take a permanent dirt nap. 26 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,450 Oh, man, this is gonna be a scary episode. 27 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:17,243 I hope I don't spill my popcorn. 28 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,495 A-booga-booga-booga, bitch! 29 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:19,829 [screams] My popcorn! 30 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,123 {\an8}["Changes" by Charles Bradley plays] 31 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:27,712 {\an8}♪ I'm going through changes ♪ 32 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:37,263 {\an8}♪ I'm going through changes ♪ 33 00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,974 {\an8}♪ Oh, in my life ♪ 34 00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:44,354 {\an8}♪ Oh! Ooh! Ooh! ♪ 35 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,280 -[caws] -[people clamoring] 36 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:57,200 -Cheater, cheater, pussy eater! -Ew! 37 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,536 Save some snatch for the rest of us! 38 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,163 {\an8}Dang, Missy, your rumor worked! 39 00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,541 {\an8}The whole school's going medieval on Ali and Jessi. 40 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:07,377 {\an8}If V is for "Vendetta", then M is for 41 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,131 {\an8}"Motherflippers shouldn't have stolen my affinity group!" 42 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,049 Die from shame, you heathen scum! 43 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,342 -Ow! -[all cheering] 44 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:15,802 [Missy chuckles, snorts] 45 00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:18,555 Firefly, what's so funny on your cellular device? 46 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:22,475 Oh, uh, nothing much. Just looking at Instagram. 47 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:23,434 Lie to 'em, girl! 48 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:27,355 Ooh! Say it's a new Internet challenge where people draw eyes on their balls, 49 00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:29,607 then smush their dicks down between their balls 50 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,734 so their genitals look like Squidward! 51 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,237 -[giggles] -Share some of those giggles, Don Rickles. 52 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,780 Um, it's just a meme 53 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,950 where SpongeBob is wiping the counter with a tiny version of himself. 54 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,703 Well, that's clever because he's a sponge! 55 00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:44,539 Now, c'mon, girl. Let's refresh the comments every 30 seconds. 56 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:47,375 -Give me some. -Blue Cross Blue Shield just followed me. 57 00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:48,710 Get into it, influencer! 58 00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:51,963 Look, I know you guys thought Charles Lu was awesome… 59 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:57,468 He gets that magic is the perfect storm of art, science and sex. 60 00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:01,347 See, the problem was I wanted him to swallow me whole like a pelican, 61 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,724 but in the end, 62 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:07,353 he wanted to wet-shit me out all over the pier like a common seagull. 63 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:10,023 That's tragic, Jay. Like my life. 64 00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:15,153 No! It helped me realize that I have a boner for intimacy, 65 00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:18,698 and the only one who can jack my heart off is Lola Skumpy. 66 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,408 But how will you win her back? 67 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:23,328 Money? Jewels? A romantic indie rock song? 68 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:27,123 Guys, I think it might be time to perform the ultimate magic trick. 69 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,710 Sawing your finger in half, then having your cock double in size, 70 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:32,545 but now your cock has a fingernail? 71 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,964 Todd, that's an amazing trick, but no. 72 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,925 I'm gonna admit that I was wrong. 73 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:40,261 I wish you the most sensual of fortunes, Jay. 74 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,346 Thank you, Paul. 75 00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:43,556 And I hope that pawn shop gives you good money 76 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,475 for your missing daughter's ukulele. 77 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,893 Ah, another goddamn day. 78 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:49,562 -Hey. -Jesus, Nick, you don't look so good. 79 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,648 Did you drink too much water before bed 80 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,192 and you stayed up all night pissing with a big water belly? 81 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:56,527 -Jessi's such a bitch! -Whoa! Nick! 82 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,906 What? She knew Ali had a girlfriend and then she fucking teased me. 83 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:02,575 -Fucking bitch. -Oh, Nick, man, that's just a rumor. 84 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:07,038 It's just a sexy, girl-on-girl, jailhouse rumor. 85 00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:11,167 {\an8}No, it's not sexy! Jessi is trash. And if you don't see that, then fuck off! 86 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,170 What a little asshole. Let's curb stomp his fat mouth! 87 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,714 No, I'm taking the high road now, okay? 88 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:20,176 Oh, God, you're still doing that "Tender Andrew" thing? 89 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,096 I am, and the view up here is pretty nice. 90 00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:26,808 You can look down girls' shirts and see their sternum! 91 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,309 Ah, yes, the sternum. 92 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:32,438 The jail of the heart, but the foundation for them titties. 93 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,357 -[news theme plays] -Good morning! 94 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,566 Our top story today, 95 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,569 Ms. Benitez got dropped off at school by her new boyfriend, 96 00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,905 and he's got a ponytail. 97 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:44,617 But first, I had a quick conversation with the victims of a vicious rumor. 98 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:47,203 Jessi, Ali, how are you gals holding up? 99 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,454 Well, thank you for asking. 100 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,791 I have to say, this whole situation sucks and is unfair! 101 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,584 And I didn't cheat on Samira. 102 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,086 Jessi is-is just a friend. 103 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:58,756 -There is no water in my mug. -Water is for guests, Caleb. 104 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:03,052 Now, Jessi, if Dr. PlainTalk were watching right now from the medical facility 105 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,680 where they practice gossip, what would you say to them? 106 00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:09,809 I would say I don't know why you're trying to besmirch our reputations, 107 00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:12,687 but all you're really doing is making our friendship stronger. 108 00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:15,315 And if I find you, you little fucker, 109 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,192 I'm gonna twist your nipples off, wear them as earrings, 110 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:22,655 and everyone's gonna be like, "Ooh la la, Ali, who are you wearing?" 111 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,699 "Oh, these? Just some little fucker!" 112 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:27,493 "Little fucker"? Oh, hell no! You a big fucker. 113 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,495 That's right! I fuck big! 114 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,080 Jessi's so full of shit. 115 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,751 "Oh, I don't like you. Oh, look at my red hair. Nyuh!" 116 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,878 Yeah, Jessi is full of shit, actually. 117 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,921 Did you hear the way she said "besmirched"? 118 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,257 It's like, we get it. Your parents are divorced. 119 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,469 You're filling a void with vocabulary words. Congrats. 120 00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:47,597 Yeah, that's totally what's happening there. And it's sad! 121 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,141 Ha-ha! This girl is on fire! 122 00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:52,226 Hey, nice to meet you, I'm Rochelle. 123 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,730 Rochelle, it's me, Walter Las Palmas. 124 00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:58,941 Oh, shit! Walter! You look amazing now! 125 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,235 -How'd you turn into such a bad bitch? -Do you like? 126 00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:03,237 I've been on this hate diet all week. 127 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:05,406 I just eat cookies and talk shit. 128 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,200 Before, you were so annoying being all nice. 129 00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,118 -I agree. -Now you look like wet garbage 130 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,703 'cause you got some hate in your life. 131 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,246 I'mma cry. Thank you so much. 132 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,583 What I tell you? Let the love go and let the hate overflow. 133 00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:19,712 Wow! It's really sweet to see Nick and Missy reconnecting. 134 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,506 This is a nice episode. 135 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:24,384 [in gruff voice] You have a dead onion in your skull, you know that? 136 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,970 And you, you at home, you're laughing at this block of wood? 137 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,722 You're all complicit. 138 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:34,435 That's right, I'm a bad fucking mitten, and this is the hate episode. 139 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:37,438 Now eat this fucking light bulb, you ass fuck. 140 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,523 [normal voice] Okay! 141 00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:40,400 [munches] Oh! 142 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,318 {\an8}-It's giving me an idea. -[dings] 143 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,113 I think I'm gonna poop blood later. 144 00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:47,782 All right, does anyone have any questions? 145 00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,867 -[clamoring] -That aren't about my boyfriend 146 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,285 -with the ponytail. -[all groan] 147 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:54,914 Excuse me, I have a delivery for a Lola Skumpy. 148 00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:58,501 Someone sent her a 40-year-old jacked magician. 149 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,086 Mmm, I'll let this play out. 150 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,003 You know what? 151 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,381 I also would like to see where this is going. 152 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,425 -Lola Ugfuglio Skumpy. -What? 153 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:09,470 I was wrong about everything, and I owe you an apology. 154 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:10,513 Listening. 155 00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:12,682 -See, I want to give you my heart. -Hmm. 156 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:16,644 The only problem is it's stuck inside of my guts. 157 00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,354 -Todd, if you will. -[Todd] Mm-hmm. 158 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,605 [chainsaw revs] 159 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,023 -[screams] -[students gasp] 160 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:24,110 -[all exclaim in disgust] -That's actually, like, very sweet. 161 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:25,945 [students exclaim] 162 00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:27,655 Ha-ha! I live! 163 00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:29,740 My death may have been fake, Lola, 164 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,368 but the pain of being apart from you is… 165 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:34,787 very real. 166 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,372 Come back to me, my queen. 167 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:41,502 I yearn to taste the earth from your feet. How else will I know where you've been? 168 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,463 But how do I know I can trust you? 169 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,381 For I've been burned before. 170 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,509 Mainly from eating Totino's Pizza Blasts from the microwave 171 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,095 while they're still, like, very much in the microwave. 172 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,347 Ooh, your lack of impulse control is so hot. 173 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,183 Oh my God, we should move in together! 174 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,310 -I was thinking the exact same thing! -Really? 175 00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:58,561 Uh, yeah! 176 00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:02,148 Ms. Benitez, if you will kindly unroll your cigarette, please. 177 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,610 {\an8}-"Lola plus Jay equals house." -[claps] 178 00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:07,320 Oh, my God, Jay! 179 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:11,824 -I will totally house with you! -I can't believe this is happening! 180 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:14,619 Oh, my God, Jay, you thought of everything! 181 00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:16,787 And you know what? I know just the place. 182 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:19,957 Okay, but it has to be two bedrooms because I need a home office. 183 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:24,545 My Etsy shop for unlicensed Hamilton merch is, like, blowing up. [chuckles, snorts] 184 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,005 [both giggle] 185 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:29,091 -[both giggle] -I don't like this! 186 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,801 Yeah. Everybody's staring at us. 187 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:35,139 And not in a sexy way, like when you walk up to Seann William Scott and say, 188 00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:38,935 "Excuse me, did you, Seann William, drop this?" 189 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,145 And Sean looks down, and you're holding his dick. 190 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:44,774 Mmm, no, Connie, it's not like any of what you just said. 191 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:47,693 Guys. I heard Ali spread Jessi's boobs so far, 192 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:50,112 -her areolas touched in the back. Boop! -[laughs] 193 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,739 Get the fuck out of here, Lars! 194 00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:54,408 When I get my hands on whoever started this rumor, 195 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,077 it's gonna be titty-twist city! 196 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,120 -[imperceptible] -I have a tingle in my tummy 197 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,915 telling me a slimy little fucker is behind this. 198 00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:03,626 -[both chuckle] -Yeah, I'm starting to feel that same 199 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,586 "slimy little fucker" tingle. 200 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,463 I have a tingle in my tummy too! 201 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,633 I put a remote control vibrator in my vagina. 202 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,677 I bet you can't guess who's controlling it. 203 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,803 Seann William Scott? 204 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,304 No, it's Jason Biggs. 205 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:19,350 I asked him to give it to Seann William, and he kept it for himself. 206 00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:22,353 I would like to propose a toast to Dr. PlainTalk. 207 00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:24,605 Whoever that guy is, he is a genius. 208 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,482 Tell him it's you, Missy. Get that glory! 209 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:31,445 Well, let me bust up your gender norms, because that guy is a girl! 210 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,782 -What? -And that girl is Missy, and Missy is me! 211 00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:35,825 I'm confused. 212 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,201 I'm Dr. PlainTalk. 213 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:40,121 I started the rumor. I made it up from my brain. 214 00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,081 I'm a fucking maniac! [chuckles] 215 00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:44,208 Holy shit. You? Missy? 216 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:47,336 Ms. Missy if you're nasty. Uh, which I am. 217 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,046 -Yes, honey! -Come on, Miss Nasty! 218 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,381 Nick and Missy? 219 00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:52,925 Yeah, it's, uh… It's kind of weird, right? 220 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,136 You do know that according to the bro code, 221 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:58,014 you'd be well within your rights to pull his tongue so hard 222 00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,474 that his asshole comes out of his fucking mouth. 223 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:03,102 And while that may be a fun visual for everyone, 224 00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:05,229 for all we know, they're just having a friendly lunch. 225 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,481 Well, I'm still gonna do that tongue thing to Rick. 226 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:08,482 What tongue thing? 227 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,484 -[Maury grunts] -[screams] 228 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,946 -[splats] -Uh-oh, I'm made of SpaghettiOs! 229 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:18,284 -[chittering] -Hey! Gentle with my castle, you idiot! 230 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:21,662 And you, put that Gronk Bobble-Butt on my nightstand. 231 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:25,416 He's got that Gronk-a-donk that makes my Lola lumps plump! 232 00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,084 What the fuck, Jay? 233 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:30,713 -You're back? And who's this girl? -Who's this fucking genie? 234 00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,090 I'm not a genie. I'm a ghost! 235 00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:35,009 ♪ I'm Duke Ellington! ♪ 236 00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:39,430 Well, if you're Duke Ellington, then I'm Queen Shit, so smell my ass! 237 00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:41,223 Ooh, isn't she the best? 238 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,100 And wait till you peep her feet. 239 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,227 -[laughs] -Hey, man, I get it. 240 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,979 -[piano plays] -♪ There's something about ♪ 241 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,689 ♪ A mean blonde lady ♪ 242 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:51,651 -♪ That makes your wisp stiff, baby ♪ -[boings] 243 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:54,779 Zip it! None of your boring music, you dead dud. 244 00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:58,115 Only Anna Kendrick's "Cups" is allowed in my house! 245 00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:01,077 Sweet Lord, please kill me again. 246 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:01,994 [chuckles] 247 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:05,081 Attention! Attention, everyone. 248 00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,792 In an obvious effort to steal Lola's thunder, 249 00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:12,004 Devon and I have also decided to repair our relationship. 250 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,715 Of course Devon went back to her like a little bitch. 251 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:17,259 Yeah, those two are really perfect for each other. 252 00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,595 Mazel Tov to Mr. and Mrs. Who Cares! 253 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,263 Sweetie, we care. 254 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:25,810 You wanted to kiss Devon's pee-pee with your vee-vee. Or your lippies. 255 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:28,979 Dude… [exhales] …I had one crazy rager with the boys, 256 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,440 and realized I am too old for the street life, man. 257 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,609 Devon, nobody cares about your thought process. 258 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,195 Good to be back, babe. This is the structure I crave. 259 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:39,323 You know what I crave? Devon getting diarrhea and vanishing. 260 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,491 Oh, my God. Yes! 261 00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:44,328 And then Devin slips on the diarrhea, and she's like, "Ooh! Whoa! Whaa!" 262 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:47,540 And then she breaks her neck. I love that! 263 00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:48,666 [all celebrating] 264 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,335 Damn! You wicked worm! 265 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,213 Hating with you is, like, uh, the most fun! 266 00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,464 Right back at you, boo! 267 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,842 Missy, I feel like we're the only ones who get-- 268 00:11:57,925 --> 00:12:00,261 Like, how stupid and lame everyone is? 269 00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:01,846 Yes! Exactly! 270 00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,014 -Fuck yeah! -[punk rock music plays] 271 00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:09,145 ♪ Smug little skanks who stick together With their stuck-up attitudes ♪ 272 00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:12,398 {\an8}♪ Coldhearted bitches That could do much better ♪ 273 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:15,067 ♪ But they only like dumb, hot dudes! ♪ 274 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:18,279 ♪ Selfish little hussies And their boy-toy tools ♪ 275 00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:21,073 ♪ Dipshit bros Who are pussy-whipped fools ♪ 276 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:25,578 [both] ♪ Fuck you All you shit-head, loser scum! ♪ 277 00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,872 -♪ It feels so good to ♪ -♪ Hate, hate, hate ♪ 278 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:30,875 -♪ Want to see them cry from my ♪ -♪ Hate, hate, hate ♪ 279 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,794 -♪ They can fudge off and die when I ♪ -♪ Hate, hate, hate ♪ 280 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,212 ♪ Oh, I cannot deny that it ♪ 281 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,507 [both] ♪ Feels so good to hate! ♪ 282 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,763 ♪ Beautiful people who claim to be nerds ♪ 283 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:46,474 ♪ Co-opting, wannabe feminist turds ♪ 284 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:49,268 ♪ Arty-farty posers Fakes and pretenders ♪ 285 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:52,146 ♪ Vapid social media influencers ♪ 286 00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,815 ♪ A world full of losers Jerks and pricks ♪ 287 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:57,401 ♪ They can all go To H-E-double toothpicks ♪ 288 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,903 ♪ Oh, I hate, hate, hate ♪ 289 00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:00,613 ♪ You idiot sheep, I just ♪ 290 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:01,739 ♪ Hate, hate, hate ♪ 291 00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:03,449 ♪ Every jackass creep and I ♪ 292 00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:04,408 ♪ Hate, hate, hate ♪ 293 00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:05,910 ♪ I hope you die in your sleep ♪ 294 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,953 ♪ Yeah, it feels so good to hate ♪ 295 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:08,954 Just say, "Fuck it!" 296 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,623 ♪ It feels so good to hate ♪ 297 00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:11,707 You all can suck it! 298 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:16,587 ♪ It feels so good to hate ♪ 299 00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,881 -[clatters, shatters] -[feedback whines] 300 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,091 Whoa, look at you! 301 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,092 Right? 302 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:25,137 I feel thick in all the right places. 303 00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,932 Your hate nourishes me, Nick! 304 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,225 Holy shit, Missy. 305 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,769 Nick looks so hot with his Sid Vicious hair. 306 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:33,896 Let's attach a leash to that spiked collar 307 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,190 and hide a pill for him in some peanut butter! 308 00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:39,485 No, Mona, we're not being horny, we're being hateful. 309 00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:40,569 Can't we be both? 310 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,155 Hey, when I want a slut's opinion, I'll ask for it. 311 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,366 Why don't you go get lost and play cricket or some shit. 312 00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:46,992 Is that how you feel, Missy? 313 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,035 Slut says what? 314 00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:49,662 Well, fuck you, then! 315 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:52,665 Bye, ho! We don't need that walking Daily Mail article. 316 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:54,750 -We already have the perfect crew. -Damn right! 317 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,085 I hope she ODs! 318 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,336 And then pulls through, 319 00:13:57,419 --> 00:14:00,756 taking the recovery time to work on herself. Ahh! Bitch! 320 00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:03,884 Okay. Potential Dr. PlainTalk suspects. 321 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:07,054 Devin LeSeven, Rabbi Paulblart's adult son Leore… 322 00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:09,723 Honestly, I think it might have been Nick. 323 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,016 Of course! 324 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,227 He's probably pissed because you told the whole school 325 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:15,312 he makes your pussy want to sew itself shut. 326 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,314 Okay, that is not what I said. 327 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:18,357 It's what I heard. 328 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:23,028 If Nick did this, I will never be able to forgive him. 329 00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:25,739 -I--I will just-- -You'll hate his fucking guts? 330 00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:27,449 Well, that seems a tad harsh. 331 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,577 Maybe, maybe not. 332 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,036 Do you wish ill on Nick? 333 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,038 Do you want him dead like a doornail? 334 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,832 -I don't know! -[truck revs] 335 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,709 -Jessi, help! -Nick? 336 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,336 So you gonna flatten the little shit or what? 337 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:43,048 Yeah, you gonna be a bitch and run me over like a bitch, you bitch? 338 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,301 Dude, what is your problem? 339 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,969 Do you want me to hit you? 340 00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,596 Seems like he does. 341 00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:50,431 [suspenseful music building] 342 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,308 -No! -[tires screech] 343 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:57,479 Ugh! Nick is being such a dick right now, but I guess I don't want him to die. 344 00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:00,065 Huh, so you don't completely hate him. 345 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,317 Yeah, that seems to be… 346 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,235 -[buzzing] -What's going on? 347 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,780 -Connie, what's happening? -Whoo! Jason Biggs just made me cum. 348 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,366 Yeah, I'm--I'm never gonna get used to saying that. 349 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,411 Alright, just gonna hang out at Nick's house like normal. 350 00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,163 Or you could burn the house down. 351 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,915 Might not even mention how weird it was 352 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,708 that he and Missy were having lunch together. 353 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:22,087 Or you could mention it while you're pissing on his tiny, charred corpse. 354 00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,256 No, no, I'm just gonna say hi. Okay? 355 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,717 -I'm just gonna… Whoa, Nick! -Hey, Andrew. Shut the door. 356 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,386 Darrell, get out of here, man. It's scary! 357 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,305 What the hell are you two doing in here? 358 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:34,725 -If you're having sex, I hope it's safe! -No, it's not like that, Andrew. 359 00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:36,852 We're shitting all over Jessi's bitch face. 360 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,021 Check it out, I photoshopped her mugshot. 361 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,523 Ooh, send me that. I'll post it on Dr. PlainTalk. 362 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,525 Whoa! You're Dr. PlainTalk? 363 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,153 Oh, the doctor is a woman! 364 00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:49,490 She must be a gynecologist. This was a good riddle. 365 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:52,159 Missy, I never figured you for a troll. 366 00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:54,870 {\an8}I'd get off your high horse if I were you, Fart Boy. 367 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,331 You're the poster child for yucky behavior. 368 00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:59,917 Yeah, but nobody wants to touch the poster because it's covered-- 369 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,461 "Covered in my jizz." I know that line. 370 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,838 We're all having fun at ol' Andrew's expense. 371 00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,924 Well, that's what the show is, dumb ass. 372 00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:09,927 Hey, hey! Don't you dare undercut what we're doing here. 373 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:14,932 This show is middle-aged people playing masturbating children with big feelings! 374 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,600 And they get their periods! 375 00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,394 Wait, Maury, have we done a queefing episode? 376 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,479 No, there's no queefing episode. I keep pitching it. 377 00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:21,438 -It'd be funny. -Right? 378 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:25,317 Well, this big, fat masturbator and his big feelings are hurt right now. 379 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,236 So, what are you gonna do, cry about it? 380 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:29,029 Oh, are you a crybaby? 381 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:33,200 You know what, "friends" in quotes? Being here is bad for my anger sobriety. 382 00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:36,662 Well, good! Don't let the door hit your lumpy butt on the way out. 383 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:40,582 {\an8}Okay! Well, now I know you're just jealous because I've got cheeks for weeks, 384 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,460 and you both just have flat kid ass. 385 00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:44,628 [rasping] 386 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:47,798 Hey, babe, Steve's gonna pop by for a drink before dinner. Is that cool? 387 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:51,343 {\an8}Oh, that's great. I'll start heating up some almond milk on the radiator. 388 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,261 Hey. [kisses] 389 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:55,347 What was that for, you stinky stud? 390 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:57,766 I love you, Lola Ugfuglio Skumpy. 391 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:02,938 Well, for peak's sake, I love you, Jayzerian RicFlairian Bilzerian. 392 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,357 Oh, my God. You said it! You love me? 393 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,692 Like, duh! 394 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:07,609 Whoo! 395 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,529 Jay is loved! Jay is loved! 396 00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:12,364 My dad was wrong. 397 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,576 We're in such, like, a healthy place right now, Jay. 398 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:18,662 I agree. Coming home to a woman who loves me, 399 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:21,123 stealing dinners from the Birch's kitchen… 400 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:25,377 This is exactly what I was missing when I was deep-tonguing down with Charles Lu. 401 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:28,422 Hold on. Pause. Play that back one more time! 402 00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,924 No, no, it's cool. It happened after we broke up. 403 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,676 Charles Lu? 404 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,513 In fact, sucking on his mouth snake is what made me realize 405 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,891 how much I missed your mouth snake. 406 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:42,269 So what do you say we pay a visit to the reptile house? 407 00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:43,771 -[grunts, screams] -[muffled] 408 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,230 I'll fucking kill you, Jay! 409 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:48,317 -[thuds, muffled arguing] -What's going on upstairs? 410 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,360 Oh, Jay and his girlfriend moved into the attic. 411 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:51,278 -What? -Oh, yeah. 412 00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:55,115 I said it was okay because any girlfriend of Jay's is a daughter of mine. 413 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,910 -I'll tear your face from your skull! -[grunts] 414 00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:01,080 Jesus, babe, are you mad because Charles is a guy? 415 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,624 -What is this? -How dare you insinuate that! 416 00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:06,251 I am nothing if not a future gay icon. 417 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:07,753 My pubes are even gay! 418 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:11,715 -Uh, we're just British, Your Majesty. -We've explained this several times. 419 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,885 I'm upset because you were supposed to be mourning me, 420 00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:17,930 but instead you were scorning me! 421 00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:21,433 So you're saying you wouldn't have made out with the hottest guy in school 422 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,684 if it was offered to you? 423 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:26,230 How dare you speak of someone else's hotness in front of me! 424 00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:28,023 I'm taking back my "I love you"! 425 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,900 Stop quoting my dad's wedding vows! 426 00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:33,737 I will not, and I want you out of our humble abode! 427 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:38,867 Oh, you can't throw me out because, baby, I'm outta here! 428 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,870 Charles Lu might not have given me the intimacy I ache for, 429 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:45,374 but at least he wasn't a fucking psycho! 430 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,835 [screams] I am not a psycho! 431 00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:52,589 With my gay pubes as my witness, I will get my vengeance, Jay! 432 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:55,425 [knight] We're not gay, Your Majesty, we're just British! 433 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:56,635 What's the difference? 434 00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:58,220 [school bell rings] 435 00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,388 Hey, fat tits! 436 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,265 Oh, God! [chuckles] Okay! 437 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:04,768 Whatever you do, I want you to be as rough as possible. 438 00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:08,647 [chuckling] There are no limits. And my safe word is "Mama's calzone." 439 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:12,151 Ew, gross! Now where's your little fucker of a friend? 440 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,610 He owes me nipples! 441 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:14,528 What friend? Who? 442 00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:17,281 Don't play dumb, dummy! We know Nick started the rumor. 443 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,032 Oh, no, Nick didn't start that rumor. 444 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:22,327 [chuckling] I know who did, though, but I'm so shy. 445 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:27,875 I can't disclose that information unless you make me almost pass out from pain. 446 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,334 -[grunts] -Oh, fuck! Yes. 447 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,712 Okay. Missy did it. She's Dr. PlainTalk. 448 00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,422 -[grunts] -Oh, outrageous! 449 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,757 What? Missy started the rumor? 450 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,969 Oh, God, we knew Nick hated you, but Missy? 451 00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:40,679 Why would she hate me? 452 00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:43,307 Missy hates you? I wonder who else hates you. 453 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:44,641 I don't-- I don't know. 454 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:48,395 Well, so far, we've got Nick, Michael Angelo, Cantor Dina, Tito, 455 00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:50,898 Lizer, the cheese girl, the cheese baby! 456 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:53,233 Why do all these people hate me? 457 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:57,654 -Is it possible you're a bad person? -Oh, he's got a point. 458 00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,239 I've often worried about that! 459 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,240 Oh, God. 460 00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:04,411 Probably best to just curl up and fall asleep for a week. 461 00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:08,165 -The world could use a break from you. -They'll be happy you're gone! 462 00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:11,960 -There's too many creatures in your head! -Yeah, this does seem like a lot. 463 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,295 [Jessi] Oh god, I can't breathe. 464 00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:15,923 -[screams] -Hey, honey, Jessi. You okay? 465 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:18,091 I don't know, are you? 466 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,636 I will be, once I fucking kill Missy! 467 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:23,931 -[phones chiming] -Oh, snap. Lola's up in my DMs. 468 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:27,184 It's an AirDrop, Lump, we all got it. And it's a video of Jay? 469 00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:29,561 Here we go, ready? Coin… 470 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,104 [claps] No coin. 471 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,147 [laughs] See? 472 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,776 Much like The Giving Tree, I'm positively stumped. 473 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:38,570 -[chuckles] More like "Skumped"! -However does it work? 474 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,530 Babe. I can do the tricks for you, 475 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,075 but it's against the magician's code to tell you how to do it. 476 00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:45,869 No, that's okay. I totally respect your code. 477 00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:48,705 You know what? Fuck it. I trust you, Lola. [chuckles] 478 00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,707 -Okay, here's how you do the trick. -No! 479 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,292 Fuck! No, no, no! 480 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,544 -Throw your phones out the window! -The secret is… 481 00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:57,464 -[Jay screams] -I hide it in my ample foreskin. 482 00:20:57,547 --> 00:20:58,382 [all gasp] 483 00:20:58,465 --> 00:21:00,217 -[Jay] No! -[Jay on video] See? 484 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,219 Lola! Why the fuck would you do that? 485 00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:05,472 Because I'm a psycho. Remember, Jay? 486 00:21:05,555 --> 00:21:08,350 Yeah, but you can't be sending videos to people of Jay's dick. 487 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:09,476 I think that's a crime. 488 00:21:09,559 --> 00:21:11,603 I don't give a shit that everyone saw my dick! 489 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:15,023 That's right. The brilliance of my diabolical plan 490 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,527 is that I revealed how he does his stupid magic trick. 491 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:21,905 Oh, no, I broke the Magician's Code. 492 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,573 I'll be disgraced. 493 00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:24,825 How could you do this? 494 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:27,494 You called me a name, so I ruined your life. 495 00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:29,871 Your move, David Copperfuck. 496 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,292 -[sad music plays] -I have no more moves. You've broken me. 497 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:34,710 You win, Lola. 498 00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,253 The magic is gone. 499 00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:39,298 Good. So, like, mission accomplished. [chuckles weakly] 500 00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:40,465 Go, Lola. 501 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:44,803 Oh, my God, did you see Jessi's purple fucking shirt today? 502 00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:47,014 -She's such a tease. -[chuckles] Yeah. 503 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:49,308 Wait, what? Did you say "tease"? 504 00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:52,436 Yeah, she's a total slut. She led me on and then rejected me. 505 00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:54,438 Jessi definitely sucks, 506 00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:57,566 but I don't know if she actually led you on. 507 00:21:57,649 --> 00:21:59,860 Oh, really? She touched my arm. 508 00:21:59,943 --> 00:22:02,904 Ooh! Okay. Well, let's unpack that, 509 00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:06,074 because I'm not so sure that's a very fair thing to hate someone for. 510 00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:08,869 Who is this one to tell us how to hate Jessi? 511 00:22:08,952 --> 00:22:12,664 She called me ugly in front of everyone after I professed my love! 512 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:15,083 -She said she wasn't attracted to you… -Ugh. 513 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:18,086 …after you, like, cornered her in front of the whole class. 514 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,255 -Whatever! -You basically pushed her to say it. 515 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:21,465 I was there, dude. 516 00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:22,466 Okay, "dude". 517 00:22:22,549 --> 00:22:24,217 What exactly did Jessi do to you? 518 00:22:24,301 --> 00:22:27,095 Talk over you at some stupid affinity group meeting? 519 00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:30,390 Ooh, see? I never fucked with that little Creamsicle Nick anyway. 520 00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:32,476 -Uh, excuse you? -[screeches] 521 00:22:32,559 --> 00:22:34,936 Bitch! Jessi has been running all over my girl. 522 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,688 Y'all new to this hatin' Jessi shit. 523 00:22:36,772 --> 00:22:38,690 It doesn't matter who hated Jessi first. 524 00:22:38,774 --> 00:22:42,152 What matters is whose hateful flame burns the brightest. 525 00:22:42,235 --> 00:22:45,155 And, girl, I am a phoenix 526 00:22:45,238 --> 00:22:49,618 emerging from Wendy Williams' morning matcha. 527 00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:53,205 Do not let this little fuck minimize what she did to you. 528 00:22:53,288 --> 00:22:55,791 Jessi didn't just interrupt me, Nick. 529 00:22:55,874 --> 00:22:57,834 She stole my whole group from me. 530 00:22:57,918 --> 00:23:00,045 She's a jackal. She's a cracker jackal. [hisses] 531 00:23:00,128 --> 00:23:04,549 Because you roofied everybody comatose with your boring-ass plans, you dork. 532 00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:06,551 Well, a dork is a whale's penis, 533 00:23:06,635 --> 00:23:10,305 and I would be proud to be any part of that noble creature. 534 00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:11,890 Only a dork would know that! 535 00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:13,934 Wow, Jessi was right. 536 00:23:14,017 --> 00:23:16,895 You are ugly inside and out. 537 00:23:16,978 --> 00:23:19,815 No wonder she wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot dork! 538 00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:23,235 -Hey, Dr. PlainTalk, your nips are mine! -[Missy gasps] 539 00:23:23,318 --> 00:23:25,070 Yes, it's finally happening. 540 00:23:25,153 --> 00:23:26,655 -Boop, boop. -[yells] 541 00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:29,616 -[both grunting] -An altercation has started! 542 00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:34,663 Yes, yes, whoever wins gets me as a piss boy. 543 00:23:34,746 --> 00:23:37,082 And whoever loses gets to take a shit in his ass. 544 00:23:37,165 --> 00:23:38,583 -What? -Trust me, you want it. 545 00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:39,543 Okay. Yeah. 546 00:23:39,626 --> 00:23:42,087 Fuck the high road! Poop in my butt hole! 547 00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:44,423 Take a bite of my Skechers, bitch! 548 00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:45,882 -Hiya! -[Ali] Ah! 549 00:23:45,966 --> 00:23:49,219 -[boy] Whoa! -Missy, stop! Please. Somebody help! 550 00:23:49,302 --> 00:23:51,138 Shut up. Fuck you. Eat shit. 551 00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:54,349 -[Benitez] Oh, my God. -You want some more, huh? Screw you! 552 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,226 And screw Jessi too! 553 00:23:56,309 --> 00:23:58,061 I hate you, Jessi! 554 00:23:58,145 --> 00:24:01,565 -I hate it here! [crying] -Missy is fucking crazy, okay? 555 00:24:01,648 --> 00:24:03,400 She ripped out my permanent retainer. 556 00:24:03,483 --> 00:24:06,653 I don't know what's going on with her. She's so different. 557 00:24:06,736 --> 00:24:08,196 That's hate, man. 558 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,032 It'll get inside you, bring you to your knees, 559 00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:13,577 and make you say shit you never thought you'd say. 560 00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:15,996 Just like Jason Big-ig-ig-ig-ig-ig-igs! 561 00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:19,291 [in sing-song] Oh, God, not again! 562 00:24:19,374 --> 00:24:21,293 [melancholy music plays] 563 00:24:23,545 --> 00:24:25,297 What were you thinking, Lols? 564 00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:27,966 What you did was a child pornography. 565 00:24:28,049 --> 00:24:29,509 You're not my dad, Rodney! 566 00:24:29,593 --> 00:24:32,429 -You're just my mom's parole officer. -Hey! 567 00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:35,056 And it's so obvious that you're in love with her, 568 00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:38,810 and FYI, she doesn't love anyone who loves her back. [sniffles] 569 00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:41,521 And that's not a lesson that I want to learn right now. 570 00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:43,356 Esteemed sorcerers, please! 571 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,902 You have to understand, I--I was betrayed by the woman I love! 572 00:24:46,985 --> 00:24:49,696 You chose the wand between your legs. 573 00:24:49,779 --> 00:24:52,574 And now you must relinquish your wand 574 00:24:52,657 --> 00:24:54,826 {\an8}that's in your magician's JanSport. 575 00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:56,119 {\an8}I understand. 576 00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:03,585 -Hi, Nicky. How was school? -How was staying home and being stupid? 577 00:25:03,668 --> 00:25:05,837 Oh, shut up. Fuck you. Eat shit. 578 00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:08,048 Missy, I am at a loss. 579 00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:10,008 It wasn't my fault. Jessi started it! 580 00:25:10,091 --> 00:25:13,595 Enough! You're smoking marijuana, getting into fights at school, 581 00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:14,971 starting rumors? 582 00:25:15,055 --> 00:25:16,806 This isn't the little girl we raised. 583 00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:22,854 Well, you really have become a hateful, loathsome creature, haven't you, Missy? 584 00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:24,064 Maybe he's right. 585 00:25:24,147 --> 00:25:26,483 I've never gotten in trouble at school before. 586 00:25:26,566 --> 00:25:29,236 You're an embarrassment and a disgrace! 587 00:25:29,319 --> 00:25:30,862 -Oh! -[grunts] Fuck that noise. 588 00:25:30,946 --> 00:25:33,281 -You a bad bitch for choking out Ali. -Really? 589 00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:36,076 Hell yeah! You don't need that crusty old wizard, 590 00:25:36,159 --> 00:25:38,245 or your parents, or Nick, or anybody. 591 00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:39,329 You got me, baby. 592 00:25:39,412 --> 00:25:42,332 -Yeah, I do. [grunts] -[whooshes, slithers] 593 00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:44,626 -[Missy moans] -[Cyrus] Well, Missy? 594 00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:46,920 -What do you have to say for yourself? -Missy? 595 00:25:47,003 --> 00:25:50,340 [echoing] I fucking hate you! 596 00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:51,258 [door slams] 597 00:25:51,341 --> 00:25:53,051 -["IFHY" plays] -♪ I fucking hate you ♪ 598 00:25:53,134 --> 00:25:54,302 ♪ But I love you ♪ 599 00:25:54,844 --> 00:25:57,055 ♪ I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled ♪ 600 00:25:57,138 --> 00:26:00,183 ♪ You're good at being perfect We're good at being troubled ♪ 601 00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:01,560 ♪ Yeah ♪ 602 00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:05,438 ♪ I fucking hate you ♪ 603 00:26:05,522 --> 00:26:07,274 ♪ But I love you ♪ 604 00:26:07,357 --> 00:26:09,609 ♪ I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled ♪ 605 00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:12,696 ♪ You're good at being perfect We're good at being troubled ♪ 606 00:26:13,321 --> 00:26:14,155 ♪ Yeah ♪ 607 00:26:16,199 --> 00:26:19,619 [echoing] ♪ Girl, you fucking With my emotions ♪ 608 00:26:19,703 --> 00:26:21,997 ♪ The fuck is all this noise about? ♪ 609 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,666 ♪ I even considered picking up smoking ♪ 610 00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:28,044 ♪ You turned to a bitch Who let the dogs out? ♪ 611 00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:29,337 ♪ But in my dog house ♪ 612 00:26:30,422 --> 00:26:31,923 ♪ My bitch is the raddest ♪ 613 00:26:32,007 --> 00:26:34,926 ♪ Crazy who makes me the happiest Can make me the saddest ♪ 614 00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:37,095 ♪ Look, Alice Let's get lost in your wonderland ♪ 615 00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:39,639 ♪ Fuck an atlas You're perfectly perfect for me ♪ 616 00:26:40,181 --> 00:26:41,308 ♪ Yeah ♪