♪ ♪
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- Great burger, Bob. - Thanks, Teddy.
Might have another one. I don't even care
- that I'm allergic to eggplant. - Wait. You are?
Yep. Makes me wheezy and itchy.
Teddy, why'd you order the burger of the day?
It's got "eggplant" right in the name.
Bob was so excited about it. I wanted to be supportive.
Plus, I have eggs all the time,
and those don't seem to bother me.
You know that eggs aren't related to eggplant, right?
-What do you mean? -Never mind. -(phone rings)
Bob's Burgers.
Linda, it's Ma!
I'm calling you on the telephone.
- Can you hear me? - Ma. Hi.
How's your trip going? How's Uncle Ricky?
He's fine. He got a new hip,
but it's not the right size, so he's walking in circles.
- Aw. - Listen, we're at the airport in Connecticut.
We're about to get on a plane,
- but we have a layover near you. - Uh-huh...
- We'll only be an hour and a half from your place. - Uh-huh.
Yeah, so your father's eczema is acting up again.
He's starting to scratch like a dog.
- Uh-huh. - We need you to come
to the layover airport and bring us anti-itch cream.
Uh, yeah. Uh, w-we could do that, I-I think.
-Uh-oh. -Uh, you know what? Um, can I call you right back?
Okay, but I don't know if calls can come into the airport.
They can. It's a cell phone. You'll see.
Okay, I-I'll talk to you soon, Ma.
Bob, my parents need us to meet them during their layover
and bring them some anti-itch cream.
- You're joking, right? - No, I'm not joking.
My father's had eczema his entire life.
When he was growing up, everyone called him Corn Flakes.
- Mm. - So how about this?
- We close the restaurant. - No.
We drive to the airport together.
- Mm-mmm. - You stay out in the car
so we don't have to deal with parking.
And then I run in and give them the itch cream.
- It's simple. - I hate it.
Uh, also, they-they shouldn't have asked you to do that.
- It-it seems like a lot to ask. - Well, they asked.
And, like, something you should say no to?
Well, I didn't.
Hey, if you do get to the airport,
will you do me a favor and grab me a snow globe?
Mine broke.
- Extra snowy please, but tasteful. - Sure, Teddy.
Lin, why can't your parents just buy anti-itch cream there?
They don't sell anti-itch cream at the airport, Bob.
That's one of the things that's wrong with our society.
(mumbles): Your parents are what's wrong with our society.
(gasps) Wait a minute. Bob.
What if this counted as our visit?
Like our visit visit?
Yeah. We all go,
we park, we go in, we have a visit.
And then we don't have to go to Florida in the spring?
And then we don't have to go to Florida in the spring.
(chuckles) I'm in. Let... Uh, let's go.
- Teddy, get out. - Mmm... Hey.
Sorry. I meant, uh, finish up,
'cause we're gonna close the restaurant.
-Kids, guess what. -Your tone says this is good news,
but your body says there is no good news.
Let me guess, you're finally allowing me
to legally change my name to Geenathan?
-That's great. I'll call you Gene for short. -I love it.
No, we're going to the airport
to see Grandma and Grandpa on their layover.
And we're stopping to get anti-itch cream on the way.
- Yay? - Say the fun thing.
Also, hopefully, you guys are picking up
a sweet new snow globe.
Money is no object. But under nine dollars.
Wait. Why are you so excited about this, Dad?
Uh, uh, what do you mean?
We-we love your grandparents, obviously.
- Obviously. - And we look for opportunities
to spend time with them, obviously.
Obviously.
And we are looking forward to spending
an hour and a half today in a really nice airport restaurant
or snack bar and then never see them again
- for the rest of the year. - Oh, I see.
So you want to spend an hour with them now
so we don't have to go to Florida.
Kind of like you're checking a box.
Grandma's box?
- Gene, don't say that. - Say what? "Grandma's box"?
- Mm. - Okay. Come on.
We're doing it. We got to move, we got to move.
Real quick, can I use your bathroom?
I'll be, like, between five and 30 minutes.
Take it to-go, Teddy.
♪ Look out airport, we're coming ♪
♪ I don't mean that in a scary way, no, no, no ♪
♪ And this'll count as our visit to Florida. ♪
Bob, I know you're happy about this,
but I need you to make a promise.
- Anything. - Okay, actually three promises.
One, you can't not talk.
If this is gonna be a visit, you have to talk.
-Even to my dad. Even if he can't hear you. -Got it.
Two, you can't bring up the phone charger thing with my mom.
She stole it, Lin.
- She stole your phone charger. - Get it out now.
- And she won't admit it. - Are we done?
And now you take my phone charger so I don't have
a phone charger. Okay, now I'm done.
And three, you can't mention
the book they got the kids for Christmas.
You mean the book about staying active in retirement?
I'm pretty sure that was a regift.
- There were a few good tips. - I want to try Mahjong.
It sounds delicious.
Okay, I won't bring up that great gift.
Even though there was a whole chapter
about keeping your sex life alive.
- With illustrations. - Mm.
Oh, we're getting closer. Hi, plane.
I can't wait till the day I actually get
on my first real airplane.
I'm gonna put my tray table down and then up
and then down and then up and then down
and then I'm gonna leave it down.
I'm gonna put my seat so far back I start a fight
with the person behind me and then make Mom beat him up.
I'm gonna look out the window.
Tina, honey, you've already been on an airplane.
- When you were little. - Wait, really?
Wha... How come I didn't know about this?
You and Gene weren't born yet.
We went with Tina to Buffalo
for my second cousin's third wedding.
- That's how Tina got her wings. - Her what?
Her wings. It's a pin.
Pilots give them to the kids when they fly.
It's cute.
So that's what those wings on my dresser are.
I thought that was a barrette
that you gave me that hurts my head.
Well, damn it, now I need wings.
Yeah, me, too. The pin and the food.
Sorry, but I think they only give them to kids
who are actually traveling, which you're not today.
- They don't know that. - Yeah, for all they know,
we're business-children on our way to close a huge deal.
And we're not wearing suits because we're young
and we're hip and we're the future of video marketing.
LINDA: Okay, we're gonna meet my parents
in the food court since we can't get past security.
Because Mom's booty is the bomb.
- Aw, thank you, Gene. - Look at all the shops.
There's a smoothie shop, an electronics shop.
There's even a whole shop just for neck pillows. Finally.
Uh, Lin, do you want to call your mom?
- Let her know we're here? - Oh, yeah.
(beeps, line ringing)
- Hello? - Ma, it's Linda.
I just wanted to let you know that we parked,
and we're on our way to the food court.
Okay. We just got on the shuttle.
Shuttle? What shuttle?
We followed some people off the plane
and they got on a shuttle.
I'm sitting next to a woman
who's talking really loud on her phone!
And the driver is driving too fast!
- Wait, Mom, no! Uh, uh, shuttle? - Oh, God.
Al, stop itching.
You're getting dead skin all over that baby.
- Linda, I have to call you back. - Wait, Ma, don't...
- Ugh. So they got on a shuttle. - Yeah, I heard.
Both sides of the conversation. Because it was your mom.
That's why we call her
Grandma Speakerphone.
All right, all right, don't worry.
We'll, uh... we'll find them.
I mean, h-how many shuttles can there be?
Oh. Lots.
-BOB: Crap. -GENE: I think you mean, "holy shuttle."
Darn it. I've called her three times but she's not picking up
- for some reason. - Maybe she's just not that into you.
I'm calling again. Oh, pick up the frickin' phone.
- Hello? - (chuckles): Oh, hi, Ma.
- Yeah, are you still on the shuttle? - Yeah.
Is that why you keep calling me?
Yes. Listen, the shuttles just go in a big loop.
So stay on until you come back around to the terminal
- and then get off. - Okay.
Oh, I see the terminal now.
- We're getting off. - No, Ma.
You can't be at the terminal.
We're at the terminal. Ugh.
- Hello? - Maybe they're at the south terminal.
GENE: Ooh, the south terminal.
I bet they have sweet tea and lightning bugs.
- That's probably where they are. - Okay, everyone, come on.
We're running to the south terminal.
- Let's go. - Running? What the hell?
(panting): Oh, my God. That was...
That was so, so far.
(panting): I think we ran to a different airport.
- Is this Greece? - Look, there's Grandpa.
- Hi, Dad. - Hey, Al.
- Hey, Al. - Aah!
- Oh, hello. - Hi, Dad.
Here's your itch cream. Wait, where's Ma?
- She went back to the plane. - What?
What do you mean, she went back to the plane?
- She forgot something. - What'd she forget?
- Her magazine. - Oh, my God.
It was in the seat pocket. It was called Come And Jet It.
- Dad, that's a free magazine they give out on every flight. - Yeah, right.
Oh, my God, she's never gonna find her way back here.
- We need to go get her. - How? We can't get past security
unless we have a ticket.
Dad, do you have your plane ticket?
No. Gloria has it.
All I have is an extra battery
- for my hearing aid. - Crap.
- What? - He said crap!
- Louise. - Maybe we could just buy a cheap ticket somewhere.
How about Pittsburgh? That's a place.
Or Düsseldorf, the birthplace of Stephen Dorff.
Let's just go ask someone at the counter for help.
Okay. Dad, come on. We got to go inside.
Grandpa, we go to go inside!
Oh, good. I like going inside places.
Like a big shot.
- ID, please. - Hi.
Uh, I don't actually have a ticket.
I'm just trying to help my mom, because she's...
Right. Anyone assisting any unaccompanied minor
or elderly traveler needs an escort pass.
Can I see your mother's ticket?
I don't have it, 'cause she's not with us.
I mean, she's not dead, she's fine, but she's at the gate.
Well, if she's at the gate, it doesn't sound like
she needs assistance.
- Good point. - Doing great, Mom.
Uh, uh, let me, uh, just jump in here quick.
Hello. Hi, I-I'm Bob.
Uh, so the situation is that her parents are in town
on a layover and we were just hoping to spend
some family time with them.
Just like, uh, an hour, two hours, tops.
Actually that sounds like a lot, saying it out loud.
They're-they're really great.
I mean I... I love them.
- She did take my phone charger. - Bob.
Well, listen, I could bring her back,
but I'm still gonna need proof that they're actually related.
Trust me, when you see my grandma, you'll know
my mom's apples didn't fall far from that tree.
- Gene. - Our grandma's apples are just lower.
- Louise. - Also they both have big boobs.
Oh, my God.
- (phone vibrating) - Oh, look. She's calling me.
Ma... Hello? Hello?
Linda, they won't let me back on the plane to get my magazine.
And also they're saying this wasn't my plane.
Ma, do you think you can find your way back to us?
Okay. As soon as I get my magazine,
I'll just get on another shuttle.
No, no, no. You know what? Don't move.
I'll-I'll come to you. But real quick,
I need you to tell this nice man that I'm your daughter.
- Can you tell him that? - What?
Uh, okay, I'll escort you to the gate.
Really? You didn't even talk to her.
Yeah, it's obvious she's your mother.
You sound exactly the same.
We do not sound exactly the same.
- Eh -Pretty close. - Yeah, you do.
Fine. Bob, take my dad and the kids
somewhere they can sit down.
I'll call you when I got my mother.
BOB: So, Al,
how's, uh, Florida?
- Still w-where you live? - My neck hurts.
- Oh, uh, sorry to hear that. - What?
Uh, I'm sorry that your neck hurts.
- How do you know? - Oh.
Because you said your neck hurts.
Uh, and then I said sorry.
And then that's where... where we're at,
in this conversation.
- My neck hurts. - Mm-hmm. Yep.
- Psst. Gene, do you see what I'm seeing? - Yeah.
Great gum selection.
- I get why people travel now. - No, the guy.
I think he's a pilot, Which means he's probably
packing some wings in that roller bag.
And a musky fragrance for men on the go.
- What are you guys talking about? - Nothing.
You wouldn't understand since you already have wings.
Hey, it's not my fault I have an interesting past.
(sighs) I'm gonna get my wings.
And I'm not gonna be a wing-waster like you.
I'm gonna take those babies and soar.
♪ ♪
Tell us about the world.
Why tell you when I can show you?
♪ ♪
BOTH: Yay!
- I didn't know they worked that way. - Pretty sure they do.
They have unlimited power, Tina.
Unlimited power.
I'd like the jumbo Cajun tater tots
with a side of strawberry chocolate milk.
Uh, we don't have that.
(clears throat)
(gasps) Coming right up, sir.
So you would just get more tater tots?
I mean, Louise thinks they'll make her fly.
Don't make Louise feel bad that she didn't think
- of the tater tot thing first. - Okay, Gene,
if we're gonna do this, we got to do it.
Hey, Dad, can we go over there
and look at some airport stuff?
Also, what's our gum budget in this family... 400?
Yes, you can look at stuff. Gum budget is zero.
And don't go too far. Your Grandpa Al and I
will just be here, talking.
Oh, he closed his eyes.
Well, brother, looks like we have just a few minutes
before we board our flight.
Yep, our very first flight on a plane,
in the sky.
Not mine. Already ridden that pony.
Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear you kids talking.
Is today really your first flight?
It sure is. We're headed to, uh...
- Montana. - Yeah, Montana, to see, uh...
- The ocean. - Yep, yep, we're gonna see the Montana coast.
It's gonna be amazing.
Sure would be nice to commemorate this special day
with some tiny metal object that I could,
I don't know, pin on my clothes.
Ha, probably just some stupid dream.
Well, you're in luck.
How would you like some wings?
What?! Thank you. We were not expecting this.
Oh, bummer city.
- Aw. - What? What's wrong?
It looks like I'm all out.
Ha, ha, that's funny. Pilot humor.
-But seriously. -I'm sure the pilot on your flight
will have some. Have a great time in Montana.
-Ugh! -So I guess I'm still the only kid in the family
-with wing bling. -Tina, I'm gonna tell everyone in Montana
what a monster you are.
- Ah, there she is. Ma! - Linda!
Thank God. This lady's trying to give me
another magazine, but it doesn't have Sam Elliott in it.
I want the one with Sam Elliott in it.
Mom, please just take the magazine.
The whole family's waiting for us.
Fine. But I'm giving you a low score
on the customer survey,
and I will not forget your name, Delta.
- Bob, we found her. - Gloria, hi.
- So, uh, great to see you. - Bob.
-Grandma. -Hi, Grandma. -Sup, Grams?
- Hi, kids. - Uh, let's get visiting, huh?
I mean, this already feels like such a good visit.
Me and Al were just getting into it. Wait.
- Where's Al? - Yeah, where is he?
Huh, that's weird. He was just here a second ago.
He-he must have walked away.
You don't know if he walked away?
What have you been doing?
Well, we were having such a great conversation
that I may have started watching, um, this. Uh, sports.
- Sports? - Yeah. I think it's basketball.
- Basketball? - Yeah, it's definitely basketball.
- Yeah, bro. - Al!
-Great job, Bob. You lost my father. -Al!
You know what they say. If you love something,
let it go walking off in an airport.
Al!
-Al? -I don't understand how my father
could have just wandered off.
I must have been distracted by the sports.
- I'm really sorry. - (cell phone vibrates)
Teddy, it's not a good time.
- I was just calling to see - (beeping)
if you tracked down a snow globe yet.
No, Teddy, we're-we're dealing with bigger problems right now.
Wait, what's that beeping noise?
- Well, I'm in the ER. - What? Oh, God.
Turns out that eggplant I ate earlier...
I started to asphyxiate just a little bit.
- Are you okay? - I'm fine, I'm fine.
- Don't worry about me. - GLORIA: Al!
Okay, Teddy, I-I got to go.
Sorry about your throat. Please don't die, okay?
Don't forget my snow...
It's okay, Ma, we're gonna find him, right, Bob?
Because their flight is leaving soon,
and if we don't find him, we won't have time to visit
until we see them in Florida in a few months.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna... We're gonna find him.
All right. Everybody spread out. Search the area.
Meet back here in ten minutes.
Okay, I'm gonna look for a trail of skin flakes
and grandpa droppings.
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Lookin' for Grandpa ♪
♪ I'm looking everywhere, but grandpa's not there ♪
♪ ♪
Hi.
You folks again, huh?
So, uh, we lost her father now.
Bob lost him. That's Bob, right there.
All right. Well, how can I help you this time?
- Can you page him? - Sure, I can page him, yeah.
Uh, it's gonna have to be really loud.
And for, like, the next hour.
- Over and over again. - Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
We do have security cameras, though.
I'll bring you guys over to TSA.
They're in charge of camera stuff,
and then you can be their problem.
-(cracks knuckles) -Okay, let's see what happened to Gramps.
Find out who took him.
Oh, not took him. Not took him.
Eh, we'll find out.
So, here we see
- the two of you sitting together. - Uh, yep, that's us.
TSA AGENT: Wow, he's hanging on your every word, huh?
BOB: Uh, yeah.
TSA AGENT: Okay, now, what is that?
- What are you doing? - BOB: Oh, my leg fell asleep,
so I was, uh, uh, pinching it.
But then I hurt my hand and I had to shake it out.
You hurt your hand pinching yourself?
- Ye-Yeah. - But in a cool way.
Is there any way
- we can get a copy of this tape? - Louise.
TSA AGENT: Okay, now it looks like you're staring at the TV,
barely looking at your father-in-law.
Uh-huh. But that's still kind of visiting, right?
Ugh. Let's just find him, Mr. Sports Talk Sleepy Legs.
TSA AGENT: Here's where your father-in-law wakes up and walks off.
(gasps): Can we follow him?
Can we-can we look at the footage from other cameras?
Well, let's cycle through some of the live feeds
and see what we see.
- Let's T.S. this A. - This guy.
TSA AGENT: No. No.
-Whoa! -ALL: Aah! -Oh, his face!
Al? Al, answer me!
Quick! Can you radio someone to tackle him? Gently?
- Yeah! A tickle tackle! - Take the shot.
- Take the shot! - Where is that?
- How do we get there? - Too bad none of us have access
to an electric cart that we're allowed to,
I don't know, drive around inside.
Oh, wait. I do.
This is way better than running.
And flying. I assume.
Get out of the way!
We're hunting the most dangerous game!
- My bag! - BOB: I'll get it.
Sorry, ma'am. We pulled some serious Gs on that turn.
Wait. Is this a phone charger?
Ha! See, Linda? Aha.
Aha!
- What's his problem? - It's so weird, Gloria.
Linda used to have a charger just like this.
It even had a drawing of a butt on it that Gene did.
Like this.
It's my commentary on technology.
- Bob. - You're talking crazy, Bob.
This isn't your charger. Admit it.
No. I'm not admitting anything.
'Cause it is my charger.
Did you draw a butt on it?
I'm gonna go look for Al by myself,
- over there. - Oh, great job, Bob. Super.
You saw it, Linda. You saw the butt.
We all saw the butt.
- I saw the butt. - I saw the butt.
I saw the butt. Should we start a club?
Ooh, Butt Club. Wait, no. Butt Society.
So you promised not to bring up the charger,
but then... you did.
- Uh, yeah. - Yeah, okay.
She won't come out, Bob. And my father's
still wandering around somewhere
getting itch cream all over the place.
This is a really great family visit. I hope you're happy.
Oh, my God, the mother lode.
Parents, we'll be right back.
Yoo-hoo! Pilots!
Lin, uh, I-I'm sorry. I just wanted your mom
- to admit the truth. - We had a deal, Bob.
You weren't gonna bring up the charger.
I just don't get why you don't ever confront them about stuff.
'Cause it doesn't make a difference.
At the end of the day, you know, they're doing the best they can.
- Uh, which is bad. - Yeah, sometimes it's not great,
but get over it... It's just a dumb phone charger.
Yeah, Bob. It's just a phone charger.
It's not about the phone charger,
and it's not about the bad Christmas gift to the kids.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. The Christmas gift for the kids?
- I don't know about this. - I'll tell you in a second.
Anyway, what bothers me is that none of this stuff bothers you.
So you're bothered because I'm not bothered?
Yes. It-it should bother you when you have to drop everything
to bring them itch cream an hour away.
Wait. Itch cream? They sell itch cream here.
- Oh, my God. - Look, Bob, it doesn't bother me to do things for my parents.
It should. Lin, I see how hard you try
and how little they appreciate it,
and they never admit when they're wrong,
and it drives me nuts, because you're, like,
- the best daughter in the world. - Aw, Bobby. That's sweet.
- It really is, Bobby. - Thank you.
But I put up with them because I love them.
And since you love me, I need you to do that, too.
So you're saying the way to show you I love you
is just to quietly let your parents be crappy?
- Kinda. - (sighs)
Uh, okay, I can do that.
- Mwah! - LOUISE: So, it turns out pilots
do not have to give you wings, even when you say it's an order.
-You guys like stickers? -No. -Sure.
- I'll take a sticker. - Sorry, I don't have stickers.
I just know that kids like stickers.
I'm glad you apologized, Bob.
Because you were so wrong about the charger.
I told everyone in the bathroom about it.
I'm sure you did.
- And you lost Al! - That is true.
He basically just said one thing to me, and then he...
Wait a second. I think I know where he is.
LINDA: Dad! There you are!
Yay! We found Grandpa Al.
- He's breathing, right? - (snoring)
Yeah, he's breathing. We're good.
Hey, Al said something about his neck, and I heard it,
which means we had a good talk.
I-I-I'm a good son-in-law!
Yeah, yeah, okay. Calm down.
- This is a crazy first day. - What?
MAN (over P.A.): Attention all passengers...
This is final boarding for Flight 2128 to Fort Lauderdale.
That's our flight!
Al? Al!
Go, go, go! But take off your shoes. But go!
My back... I-I can't take off my shoes!
All right, just leave 'em on.
- But you're gonna have to throw away that itch cream. - Okay.
-Oh, my God. -Okay, okay, everyone, say bye! Quick bye!
- Come on. Bye! - Bye! Bye! Bye!
Bye. I love you.
- Great visit. - Listen, if you want, Lin,
we can go to Florida in the spring.
-Oh, no. No way. This counts. This counts. -Oh, thank God.
Wait, I know where I've seen wings. Follow me!
The lost and found, baby!
Look, Bob! A snow globe!
Oh, uh, hey, Mr. TSA Man,
could we maybe take that for our friend Teddy?
I mean, I was gonna give it to my girlfriend,
when I get a girlfriend, but I can figure something else out.
- You can take it. - Thank you.
Kids, here's what I wanted to show you.
(gasping)
Look at them all. It's like a whole flock.
Eat your heart out, Paul McCartney! We've got wings!
Mine, mine, mine! All mine!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
♪ We'll show you the world ♪
♪ Clouds, planes and things ♪
♪ Up, up, up, up, up in the sky ♪
♪ We've got our wings ♪
♪ We'll show you the world ♪
♪ Birds, blimps and things ♪
♪ Up, up, up, up, up in the sky ♪
♪ We've got our wings ♪
- ♪ Got our wings ♪ - ♪ Up, up, up, up, up in... ♪
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