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♪ ♪
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Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com
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TEDDY: Ooh, Ham and Egger!
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We don't have
ham and eggers, do we?
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- No.
- N-Not the food, the movie.
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They're gonna show
it tonight on TV.
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"Don't Count Out
The Ham and Egger."
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It sounds delicious.
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- It's a boxing movie.
- Oh, boo.
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"Ham and Egger"
is an old boxing term
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for fighters who don't
have much left in 'em.
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Guys who agree to fight just
to earn enough for a meal.
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- Like ham and eggs?
- Exactly.
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I mean, that movie's kind
of a poor man's Rocky, right?
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Are you nuts, Bob?
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The Ham and Egger
is way better than Rocky.
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I have to admit
I never saw it, Teddy.
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But didn't they have the song
in it called "Look of the Lion"?
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Yeah. What's your point?
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Well... (chuckles) Rocky III
had "Eye of the Tiger."
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A totally different animal, Bob.
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- Hmm. I mean...
- Just do yourself a favor,
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watch it tonight...
Love, loss, blood, revenge.
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You had me at blood
and revenge, Teddy.
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You know,
I used to take boxing classes
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at the Y
before you kids were born.
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Y did you stop? (chuckles)
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- Did you accidentally kill a guy in the ring?
- No.
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Did you accidentally
pants a guy in the ring?
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- How many fights did you win, all of them?
- Well...
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- 20? Ten? - Uh... it's...
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- Any?
- Okay, I never actually got in the ring.
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- What?!
- I only did it for a week, okay?
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I-I don't know
why I brought it up.
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I didn't think you guys
would ask so many questions.
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Hey, Mike. Table for one?
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Just kidding,
I know you're just dropping off the mail.
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Mm-hmm. It's funny
every time you say that.
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- I know.
- You got a package today.
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(sing-songy): Ooh, I bet it's the
sheet masks I ordered for "Spa-turday."
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- Gimme, gimme, gimme.
- Wait, there's a P in Saturday?
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(groans) This is like the D
in Wednesday all over again.
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No,
it's Mom and Gene's weekly spa time.
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Every Saturday before dinner,
me and my Geenie Weenie
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get together for a little
mother-son pampering.
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Eh, I do that with my truck.
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We get in our swim suits,
put on some spa music,
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hop in the tub,
I vent to Mom about my week,
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and we just spa.
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And I definitely don't pee
in the tub even a little bit.
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Okay, then, so long.
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- You're welcome. - Oh.
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- Uh, thanks, Mike. - Yeah.
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Here, Linda. You got a letter.
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Ooh, it's from Janine over
at Yours Truly Stationery.
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Oh, it's happening.
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She's starting the group
for female business owners
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that she was talking about.
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"Inspiring local
businesswomen sharing stories
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of their challenges
and successes."
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That sounds great, Lin.
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I know, I'm so excited.
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This group is made for me.
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I'm a woman and a restaura-saur.
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- A-A what? - A restaura-saur.
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(chuckles) It's-it's
restauranteur.
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- What did I say?
- Restaura-saur, like dinosaur.
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- Well, Mom's way sounds cooler.
- Yeah.
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Yeah. Look at us Belcher girls.
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- Local businesswomen sticking together.
- Rawr!
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Business Woman Dinosaurs...
I think that's a show on PBS.
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MAN: Hey, string,
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want to tangle?
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Oh. What? What'd I tell you
about punching the string?
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- Sorry, boss.
- What's the matter with you?
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- You think we can sell dented string?
- No.
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So... he punches string?
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He's training,
he works in a string factory.
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It makes sense.
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Pretty cool his boss
doesn't yell at him
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for having his shirt off, too.
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Look at him showing
those spools who's boss.
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Yeah, I pity the spools.
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This is just basically the
same exact story as Rocky.
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Should we just rent that?
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Sorry,
Dad. We're Ham and Egger kids.
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They're showing part
two tomorrow... you in?
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- Ham straight. - I'm out.
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But remind me to show
you good movies sometime.
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Thank you, Janine. I'll,
uh, see you then, bye.
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Oh boy. Gene's
not gonna like this.
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Maybe I shouldn't do it.
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Do what?
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The businesswomen's meetings.
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They're during Spa-turday.
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Oh. Well, do you want to go?
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I really, really want to go.
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Then you should.
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Gene can handle it. I think.
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- Just do spa day on another day.
- Maybe.
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Hey, what if you tell Gene
I can't do Spa-turday?
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- Hell no. - Right, right.
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- Gene?
- I'm not eating my secret brisket stash!
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No, that's not why I'm here.
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Oh. Then do you want some?
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No. No, thank you, Gene.
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Oh, well,
maybe just a little. Mmm.
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It's good. So,
you know how I'm gonna do
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that inspiring women's
business people thingy?
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The future is female.
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Yeah it is.
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Well,
it's once a week for six weeks
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- It's only six weeks. - Uh-huh.
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And the meetings are on
Saturdays during our spa time.
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What?!
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The,
uh... meetings are on Saturdays
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during our spa time,
and it starts tomorrow.
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No!
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You made me spit
out secret brisket!
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LINDA: All right,
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I'm off to my first meeting.
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(Gene grumbles)
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Gene,
are you sure we just can't move
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Spa-turday to tomorrow?
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Again with this, Mother?
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Spunday? Do you hear
how ridiculous that sounds?
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- Yeah, Mom.
- Besides, Sunday is "Mommy and Me Salami and Tea" time.
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You guys keep a busy schedule.
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Gene, your father has
nicely offered to sub for me.
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You're not gonna miss a thing.
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Uh, yeah, I'm, uh,
looking forward to it.
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I-I could use a deep scrub.
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Dad,
do you even know where your T-zone is?
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Uh, is that my tushy?
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Lucky guess.
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It's not gonna be the same.
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It'll be great.
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In a different,
hairy dad kind of way.
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Okay,
I'm off to the community center.
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Bye, everyone. (smooching)
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Stay out of my room.
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Hello, Linda.
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Thanks for coming.
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Aw, thanks for having me,
Janine.
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Women, women, women, go!
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So, eh, for our first meeting,
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we're all wearing
stickers with our names
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and the name of our business.
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Go ahead and put on one
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- and have a seat. - Okay.
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♪ Businesswomen, look at us go ♪
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♪ Doing all the business
from our head to our toes ♪
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♪ I feel so empowered,
I feel ten out of ten ♪
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♪ 'Cause I'm talking
lots of business ♪
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♪ With these businesswomen ♪
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♪ Where should I
put my name tag ♪
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♪ Should I put it here, no,
should I put it here, no ♪
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♪ Should I put it here? ♪
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No, here.
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- (vocalizing) - Uh, Linda?
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Huh? Oh, sorry.
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Sorry, just excited, go ahead.
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(Janine chuckles)
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Hey, Constance.
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Hiya, Ham and Egger.
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You look beautifuller
than even last time.
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- Aw, no I don't.
- Here, I brought you something.
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- It's string.
- Yellow! My favorite.
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Nothing's too good
for my best girl.
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- Okay, then, see you around.
- Oh, bye.
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- Damn.
- I know all sequels are good,
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but this is amazing.
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Oh, you're still watching this?
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I feel like I failed you.
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Says the guy who probably
never got Mom string.
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And his nipples
are out right now.
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GENE: Father,
Spa-turday has officially started.
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Coming. Rocky rules,
Ham and Egger sucks.
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- Get out. - Wrong.
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(soothing music playing)
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Aah! Sorry. I wasn't ready
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for the mask. It's alarming.
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Here's yours.
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Great. You and your mom were really,
uh,
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excited about these things,
right?
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That was a long time ago.
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I was a different boy then.
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Now I'm a man.
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Uh, okay. Here we go.
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- (grunting) - Aah!
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Careful.
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Sorry. Okay, all right.
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I like the music.
What is that... flutes?
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It's a Norwegian
waterfall and pan pipes.
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Oh, look. They already have eye,
nose and mouth holes.
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- Great. I have all of those.
- Yep.
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So,
you want to vent about your week?
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No thank you.
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You know, Gene, it's-it's good
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for your mom to
do stuff for herself.
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Like, uh, for instance,
this women's business owners group.
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I know! Everything's fine!
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Gene,
I-I think it's just important...
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Oh, wait,
my mustache is getting in the way.
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Maybe I should try and
tear a mustache hole?
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Oops,
too much. Let me just patch this up.
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Uh, uh-oh.
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Mom's mustache wouldn't have been an issue,
probably.
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But her eyebrows are.
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Anyway,
I was just saying I think it's important
211
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for your mom to get
to do her own stuff.
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She's not just a mom,
she's a person.
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If she's not just a mom,
then why is her name Mom?
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Well, she's also Linda.
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Sounds weird, but I believe you.
216
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And it's important for
me to do stuff like this.
217
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I didn't know my face
could feel this fresh.
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(Gene grumbling)
219
00:07:34,145 --> 00:07:35,932
LOUISE: Look at
Ham and Egger go.
220
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That idiot Handsome
Joe is gonna look
221
00:07:38,107 --> 00:07:40,270
more like What Happened
to Your Face Joe after this.
222
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Do you think
that's all real sweat,
223
00:07:41,986 --> 00:07:43,440
or did they spray sweet,
sweet movie sweat on them
224
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to make them glisten like that?
225
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We should get
really good at fighting.
226
00:07:46,491 --> 00:07:47,593
- We should? - Yeah.
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It's our only ticket
out of this dump.
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I mean, it's modest,
but it's ours.
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And you never know
when we'll have to face
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our own Handsome Joe
in a championship fight.
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Huh. Good point.
232
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Glisteny Handsome Joe.
233
00:07:57,460 --> 00:07:59,104
- Yeah. - You know, if you want,
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I could teach you a few things.
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(laughs): What? You? (scoffs)
236
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You've never even been in a fight,
Tina.
237
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Yeah, but remember that
time I dreamt that I was fighting
238
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- that inflatable tube man from the car dealership?
- No.
239
00:08:09,898 --> 00:08:11,968
Well,
Dad came in to check on me,
240
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and I accidentally
punched him in my sleep
241
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and he screamed
and maybe cried a little
242
00:08:15,144 --> 00:08:17,140
even though he said he didn't.
243
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,216
Oh, yeah, I remember that.
244
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So? Huh?
245
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Okay, you can teach me.
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00:08:20,858 --> 00:08:21,869
- Yes! - GENE: Ow!
247
00:08:21,893 --> 00:08:23,462
- BOB: Sorry.
- You put a lemon slice
248
00:08:23,486 --> 00:08:24,981
on my eye instead of a cucumber!
249
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,914
I got confused by all
the food in the bathroom.
250
00:08:27,991 --> 00:08:30,987
Lemons are for the water,
cucumbers are for the eyes.
251
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,323
And salt and vinegar
chips are for the mouth.
252
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:36,056
Hi,
everyone. How was Spa-turday?
253
00:08:36,091 --> 00:08:38,161
- Compromised!
- How-how was the meeting?
254
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,996
Oh, it was amazing.
255
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,187
Businesswomen supporting
other businesswomen.
256
00:08:42,264 --> 00:08:44,973
Networking, sharing experiences.
257
00:08:45,049 --> 00:08:46,525
I feel so... (grunts)
258
00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:48,935
You know? (grunts)
Do I look... (grunts)
259
00:08:49,012 --> 00:08:50,197
Do I look (grunts) to you, huh?
260
00:08:50,221 --> 00:08:52,105
Uh, yeah, you do, kind of.
261
00:08:52,181 --> 00:08:53,843
Well, I don't need your approval,
mister.
262
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,202
Just kidding. I'll take it.
263
00:08:55,226 --> 00:08:56,996
Well, glad you enjoyed it,
Mother.
264
00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:59,182
I did. I kind of feel like
doing one-armed pushups.
265
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,706
Well,
Spa-turday was Blah-turday without you.
266
00:09:01,783 --> 00:09:05,118
Hey, maybe I can... go to
next week's meeting with you?
267
00:09:05,194 --> 00:09:07,879
Aw, Gene, that's sweet you
want to see what Mommy's doing,
268
00:09:07,956 --> 00:09:09,548
but it's for ladies only.
269
00:09:09,624 --> 00:09:11,883
No fair. Women have it all.
270
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,294
Aw, my poor sad little boy.
271
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:15,590
I hate seeing him like this.
272
00:09:15,614 --> 00:09:18,172
I'm gonna go tell him
that I'm not gonna go
273
00:09:18,249 --> 00:09:21,037
to the meetings anymore
and that women are... stupid.
274
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,802
Lin, no. Gene'll be okay.
275
00:09:22,879 --> 00:09:25,263
Right. Right. Well,
then I'm gonna go pee.
276
00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:27,118
A little came out when
I was thrusting before.
277
00:09:27,142 --> 00:09:29,350
Let's go home,
huh? You did your best.
278
00:09:29,427 --> 00:09:30,902
Five... six...
279
00:09:30,979 --> 00:09:32,145
seven...
280
00:09:32,221 --> 00:09:34,814
I haven't done my best yet.
281
00:09:34,891 --> 00:09:36,983
(grunts)
282
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:38,888
The music is weird.
Is the music weird?
283
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,298
- No talking. - Shush.
284
00:09:40,322 --> 00:09:42,392
I want to be that good, Tina.
285
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,917
You're gonna have
to train me harder
286
00:09:43,941 --> 00:09:45,228
than you've ever trained anyone.
287
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,230
Including that first
training bra you had.
288
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,854
(exhales) Okay.
289
00:09:49,906 --> 00:09:50,958
TINA: All right, kid.
290
00:09:50,982 --> 00:09:52,384
We've been training
all week for this.
291
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:54,595
Lot of jump rope,
lot of shadow boxing our shadows.
292
00:09:54,619 --> 00:09:55,927
You ready to throw some punches?
293
00:09:56,004 --> 00:09:57,407
- Ready. - Okay, I'll go first.
294
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,909
Is that how it works?
We take turns?
295
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,652
- I think so. - Okay, bring it.
296
00:10:01,676 --> 00:10:03,437
Oh, boy. Here comes the thunder!
297
00:10:03,461 --> 00:10:06,106
- Let's do it!
- Are you sure you want the full thunder?
298
00:10:06,130 --> 00:10:08,067
- Yeah.
- Maybe I'll just start with a little lightning.
299
00:10:08,091 --> 00:10:09,160
Don't hold back, T, come on.
300
00:10:09,184 --> 00:10:10,587
Here I go!
301
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:11,921
(sighs) I don't
want to hurt you.
302
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,090
Tina,
we're wearing pillows. Bring it!
303
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,167
Stop it,
you two. You're gonna break something.
304
00:10:16,191 --> 00:10:18,524
- I mean, not at this rate.
- Where's Gene?
305
00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:20,245
I got to say goodbye
before I go to my meeting.
306
00:10:20,269 --> 00:10:22,098
Gene? Goodbye.
307
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,933
(melancholy tune playing)
308
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,936
Gene? I'm heading to the meeting,
so...
309
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,438
I just wanted to say bye.
310
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:31,107
And I love you. And
you're my precious angel.
311
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,539
- Uh-huh.
- Can Mama get a little hug?
312
00:10:33,616 --> 00:10:37,585
Okay, fine, a 45 to 65-second hug,
but that's it.
313
00:10:37,662 --> 00:10:39,190
And I'm gonna
smell you a little,
314
00:10:39,214 --> 00:10:41,025
but just remember
that I'm still angry.
315
00:10:41,049 --> 00:10:43,286
- (sniffs) - Oh,
Gene. You know what?
316
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,937
If you really want
to come with me,
317
00:10:44,961 --> 00:10:46,480
- I guess that's okay. - Yeah?
318
00:10:46,504 --> 00:10:48,930
Yeah. I mean,
it might be boring for you, but...
319
00:10:49,006 --> 00:10:51,035
Then I'll bring my homework to do,
quietly.
320
00:10:51,059 --> 00:10:52,295
I assume I have some.
I've never checked.
321
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,796
And you got to be
a good little boy.
322
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,820
I'll be a regular
Shirley Temple.
323
00:10:55,897 --> 00:10:58,398
Oh,
you're doing that with our pillows? Okay.
324
00:10:58,474 --> 00:10:59,952
- Tina, you can do this. - Whoa.
325
00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:01,776
That's-that's not how you punch.
326
00:11:01,853 --> 00:11:03,664
All right, Gene's coming
with me to the meeting tonight.
327
00:11:03,688 --> 00:11:05,975
Just got to grab some stuff. Uh,
homework stuff.
328
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:09,000
He's going with you?
So no Spa-turday?
329
00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:11,711
I mean,
I could use a little exfoliating. I think.
330
00:11:11,746 --> 00:11:12,986
I mean, we all probably could.
331
00:11:13,030 --> 00:11:15,318
Okay, time for a new trainer.
332
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,469
Dad,
you want to teach me and Tina how to fight?
333
00:11:17,493 --> 00:11:19,989
You know, since you used to
go to a boxing gym for a week?
334
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,015
- Really?
- Yeah. Turns out the only punch
335
00:11:22,039 --> 00:11:24,048
I'm good at is
the Hawaiian kind.
336
00:11:24,125 --> 00:11:25,811
Actually,
I'm not that good at that, either.
337
00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:27,035
I put too much water in it.
338
00:11:27,095 --> 00:11:29,332
Uh,
great. I'll definitely show you some stuff.
339
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:32,140
Hook. Jab. Uppercut. Boom-boom.
340
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,694
Just kidding.
Boom-boom's not real.
341
00:11:33,718 --> 00:11:35,195
- We know.
- This is gonna be fun.
342
00:11:35,219 --> 00:11:36,839
- Uh, let me go change.
- I'm ready.
343
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,841
Okay, bye, my boxing babies.
344
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,843
- Come on, Gene.
- Right behind you, Mama.
345
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,317
Have fun at the businesswomen's meeting,
I guess.
346
00:11:43,394 --> 00:11:45,611
- Why do you want to go?
- To learn.
347
00:11:45,688 --> 00:11:48,092
(whispers): I'm not losing mom
to the cutthroat business world.
348
00:11:48,116 --> 00:11:49,852
What do you mean?
It's only six weeks.
349
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,595
Yeah,
but she'll get all the tools she needs
350
00:11:51,619 --> 00:11:53,213
to climb the corporate
ladder and become president
351
00:11:53,237 --> 00:11:55,549
of all restaurants and have
to move to New York City.
352
00:11:55,573 --> 00:11:58,458
- Or Fort Lauderdale.
- Okay. So what's your plan?
353
00:11:58,534 --> 00:12:00,438
I'm gonna show Mom
what she's missing.
354
00:12:00,462 --> 00:12:02,222
After tonight,
she'll want to quit that group
355
00:12:02,246 --> 00:12:04,224
and Spa-turdays will be back on,
baby.
356
00:12:04,248 --> 00:12:06,226
Oh,
I don't think that's a good idea.
357
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:08,801
I know. Great idea, right? Bye.
358
00:12:08,878 --> 00:12:11,918
- I'm so smart, I'm so smart, I'm so smart.
- Um, uh, bye.
359
00:12:15,051 --> 00:12:17,143
Hi,
everyone. I hope you don't mind,
360
00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:18,214
my son Gene wanted
to come and see
361
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,549
- what this is all about.
- Hello.
362
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:21,459
-Hi. -Hello. -Women only!
363
00:12:21,483 --> 00:12:24,053
Uh,
Gene is just gonna sit quietly and observe
364
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,194
while he does some homework. Right,
Gene?
365
00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:27,579
You won't even know I'm here.
366
00:12:27,655 --> 00:12:29,864
Unless I sneeze or
fart or sneeze-fart,
367
00:12:29,941 --> 00:12:31,894
in which case I'll
say "excuse me."
368
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,587
Okay,
let's jump in. Tonight we'll talk
369
00:12:33,611 --> 00:12:35,703
about how we can
empower each other.
370
00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:38,568
Empowered Women
Empowering Women.
371
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,403
Or E.W.E.W. for short.
372
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,834
Or maybe "ew, ew"?
373
00:12:41,911 --> 00:12:43,239
Oh, no, not that.
374
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,074
Well,
last week empowered this lady.
375
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,006
I applied what we talked about.
376
00:12:47,083 --> 00:12:50,510
All that "grow change
to change growth" crap.
377
00:12:50,586 --> 00:12:52,415
You mean "you have
to be open to change
378
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,417
in order to grow
and make change"?
379
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,568
That's what I said. I
made a lot of change,
380
00:12:56,592 --> 00:12:58,893
and we made a lot
of change. Cha-ching.
381
00:12:58,970 --> 00:13:01,020
And I grew a lot. As a person.
382
00:13:01,097 --> 00:13:02,897
The sex has never been better.
383
00:13:02,974 --> 00:13:04,949
Oh, that's... very good.
384
00:13:05,026 --> 00:13:06,453
GENE: Sorry to interrupt,
but can someone
385
00:13:06,477 --> 00:13:07,860
point me to the bathroom?
386
00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:09,507
I have to do something
that rhymes with soup
387
00:13:09,531 --> 00:13:11,124
and might have the
same consistency.
388
00:13:11,148 --> 00:13:12,540
It's just down to the right.
389
00:13:14,151 --> 00:13:15,293
Hmm.
390
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,090
So,
it's not exactly a side of beef,
391
00:13:18,114 --> 00:13:20,039
but it's, uh, beef chunks.
392
00:13:20,116 --> 00:13:22,917
And the bag's thick,
so I think it'll be good to punch.
393
00:13:22,994 --> 00:13:24,447
I mean, I'd probably break it,
394
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,638
- but you guys won't.
- Okay, big shot.
395
00:13:26,714 --> 00:13:28,881
Plus, beef is good enough for Rocky,
right?
396
00:13:28,958 --> 00:13:30,286
It's fine, if you have
397
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,310
absolutely no giant
spools of string.
398
00:13:32,336 --> 00:13:33,864
- We-we don't. - You checked?
399
00:13:33,888 --> 00:13:35,124
I don't need to check, Tina.
400
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,942
Come on,
give it a go. Punch the chunks.
401
00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:39,058
Okay, so like this? (grunts)
402
00:13:39,135 --> 00:13:41,321
Oh, my God, no. Are you
closing your thumb in your fist?
403
00:13:41,345 --> 00:13:43,024
- Yeah.
- You can break your thumb that way.
404
00:13:43,048 --> 00:13:46,043
- It did hurt a little.
- And you got to keep your wrist straight.
405
00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:47,826
How's this? (shouts)
406
00:13:47,902 --> 00:13:49,972
(chuckles): No, no,
that's not good.
407
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,831
Uh, you don't punch with both
hands at the same time, Louise.
408
00:13:52,907 --> 00:13:55,241
But it's twice the punch,
Dad. (shouts)
409
00:13:55,318 --> 00:13:57,410
- No.
- I got the look of the lion.
410
00:13:57,486 --> 00:13:58,648
(roaring)
411
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,121
Oh, my God.
412
00:14:00,197 --> 00:14:01,341
JANINE: So, yeah,
413
00:14:01,365 --> 00:14:03,583
I think we're realizing
that some of us
414
00:14:03,701 --> 00:14:05,321
have a problem
with being too nice.
415
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,253
I have a huge freaking problem
416
00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:08,991
- with being too nice.
- (soothing music playing in distance)
417
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,256
Wha-What is that?
418
00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:12,144
Oh, boy. I'll, uh,
I'll go check it out.
419
00:14:12,168 --> 00:14:13,663
You guys keep
going. I'll be right back.
420
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,395
(music continues)
421
00:14:16,213 --> 00:14:17,058
Hmm.
422
00:14:17,082 --> 00:14:18,893
What the... What's going on?
423
00:14:18,917 --> 00:14:22,143
Gene, are you trying to Say
Anything... me with spa music?
424
00:14:22,219 --> 00:14:24,197
Oh,
thank God you finally got here.
425
00:14:24,221 --> 00:14:26,581
I've been holding this thing up for,
like, 30 seconds.
426
00:14:26,608 --> 00:14:29,442
Anyway, since you're here,
how about some scented moisturizer?
427
00:14:29,518 --> 00:14:32,987
Gene, sweetie,
I need to go back to the meeting.
428
00:14:33,064 --> 00:14:36,115
But you seem so tense.
All those business issues.
429
00:14:36,192 --> 00:14:38,284
And the eucalyptus
is so soothing.
430
00:14:38,361 --> 00:14:40,213
I mean,
the eucalyptus is relaxing...
431
00:14:40,237 --> 00:14:42,859
But no. No,
I got to go back to the meeting.
432
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,102
Ugh, I can't open it 'cause
of the stuff on my hands.
433
00:14:45,126 --> 00:14:47,126
- Gene, open the door.
- Beauty mud.
434
00:14:47,203 --> 00:14:49,106
- No beauty mud.
- Yes beauty mud.
435
00:14:49,130 --> 00:14:52,034
- It firms and tones.
- Stupid lotion.
436
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,852
Well, I guess you're
trapped with me here forever.
437
00:14:53,876 --> 00:14:56,873
- Did I say forever? I meant for that to sound more casual.
- Gene!
438
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:59,805
- Hah! Hah! Hah!
- Thumb out. Thumb out. Thumb out.
439
00:14:59,882 --> 00:15:01,900
Okay, okay,
let's stop for a second.
440
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:05,353
I feel like both of you are not
listening to a word I'm saying.
441
00:15:05,429 --> 00:15:07,199
Yeah, yeah,
yeah. We heard. One hand.
442
00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:08,384
Whatever. I think
we're ready to spar.
443
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,554
- No, no. What? Wait. No.
- Yeah. -Why not?
444
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,694
Because you haven't
learned any boxing.
445
00:15:13,771 --> 00:15:15,540
You may have actually
gotten worse at it.
446
00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:17,081
(pounding in distance)
447
00:15:17,158 --> 00:15:18,636
Oh,
great. That's probably an intruder,
448
00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:20,971
- and we don't know how to fight.
- Puh. This is on you, Dad.
449
00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:22,915
I'm gonna give
him the two-punch!
450
00:15:22,947 --> 00:15:24,038
Bob. It's me, Teddy.
451
00:15:24,115 --> 00:15:26,040
I-I can see you. It's glass.
452
00:15:26,117 --> 00:15:27,737
Blink twice if
you're being robbed.
453
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,813
I was driving by,
I saw your lights on.
454
00:15:29,837 --> 00:15:32,909
- Are you in danger?
- Don't worry, Teddy. Everything's fine.
455
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,133
- It's not fine.
- Dad's scared to spar with us.
456
00:15:35,176 --> 00:15:37,062
He's supposed to be
teaching us how to fight,
457
00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:38,989
but all we're doing
is hitting beef chunks.
458
00:15:39,013 --> 00:15:41,066
Is "beef chunks" what
you're calling Gene now?
459
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:42,567
- No. He's at his women's group.
- Got it.
460
00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:44,471
So, sparring. That sounds fun.
461
00:15:44,519 --> 00:15:46,163
Can I spar? We could
call it "Spar-turday."
462
00:15:46,187 --> 00:15:48,547
- Like Linda and Gene's thing.
- You can fight with us,
463
00:15:48,597 --> 00:15:50,898
- but we're not calling it that.
- (Teddy groans)
464
00:15:50,975 --> 00:15:52,002
GENE: This would go easier
465
00:15:52,026 --> 00:15:54,410
if you would just
give in to the mud.
466
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,432
- Ha! - Damn it!
467
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,363
You stay here, Gene.
468
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,790
We'll talk about this later.
469
00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:00,344
Ugh. I may as
well leave this on.
470
00:16:00,368 --> 00:16:03,035
It feels like it's working.
I'm so mad right now.
471
00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:05,942
Oh, you're mad? You're the
one that abandoned Spa-turday.
472
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,040
Our forefathers
fought for this right.
473
00:16:08,117 --> 00:16:09,445
Now's not a good time.
474
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,085
We will talk later.
475
00:16:11,162 --> 00:16:13,045
Hi, everyone. I'm back. Sorry.
476
00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:14,951
Oh, now's not a good time?
477
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:17,453
Well, when is a good time,
Linda?
478
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,317
- "Linda"?
- Yeah. You're a real person, apparently,
479
00:16:20,388 --> 00:16:22,722
so if you're not Mom,
you're Linda.
480
00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:25,650
And I like Mom a whole lot
more than I like Linda right now.
481
00:16:25,727 --> 00:16:27,018
(gasps)
482
00:16:27,094 --> 00:16:28,728
What's... on your face?
483
00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:29,948
- Beauty mud. - Beauty mud.
484
00:16:29,972 --> 00:16:32,468
What is that mud made
of? It smells amazing.
485
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,367
Kelp and magic.
486
00:16:37,071 --> 00:16:39,809
So you like Mom better than
Linda right now, huh, Gene?
487
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,811
Yes. Linda is a
hardened businesswoman.
488
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,076
Mom is a fun lady who
pays attention to me
489
00:16:44,153 --> 00:16:46,579
and makes a hell
of a DIY body scrub.
490
00:16:46,655 --> 00:16:48,289
I never should've let you come.
491
00:16:48,365 --> 00:16:50,152
I never should
have let you come.
492
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,304
- What?
- I've been far too permissive with you,
493
00:16:52,328 --> 00:16:53,845
and look where it's got us.
494
00:16:53,921 --> 00:16:57,131
- In a way, this is my fault, too.
- Aah.
495
00:16:57,208 --> 00:16:59,662
Is this part of the meeting?
Like a sketch or something?
496
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,001
No.
497
00:17:01,079 --> 00:17:04,834
Okay, so remember: thumbs out,
wrists straight.
498
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:07,027
- And float like a boat.
- Float like a butterfly.
499
00:17:07,051 --> 00:17:09,694
Right. Boats
float. Butterflies fly.
500
00:17:09,771 --> 00:17:11,507
It's in the name, but whatever.
501
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,676
Okay, enough. Less gab,
more jab.
502
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,607
(shouts)
503
00:17:14,683 --> 00:17:16,012
Ow! Son of a...
504
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,087
- See? - Yeah, Louise.
505
00:17:17,111 --> 00:17:18,277
Keep your wrist straight.
506
00:17:18,354 --> 00:17:19,278
(grunts) Ow! Aah.
507
00:17:19,355 --> 00:17:20,371
I'm okay, I think.
508
00:17:20,448 --> 00:17:21,350
Oh, my God.
509
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,041
Here, let me just show you.
510
00:17:23,117 --> 00:17:23,991
I'm dancing, I'm jabbing.
511
00:17:24,068 --> 00:17:25,543
Jab. Ow! Jab. Ow!
512
00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:28,215
- Cool.
- Did you hurt yourself, too? The expert?
513
00:17:28,239 --> 00:17:30,383
No. No,
I'm not hurt. I think it's just...
514
00:17:30,407 --> 00:17:31,510
sympathy pain for you guys.
515
00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:32,862
(screeches)
516
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,336
Admit it, Dad,
you're hurt. Worse than us.
517
00:17:35,412 --> 00:17:36,866
Well,
I've worked up an appetite.
518
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,558
Should we all take a
break and get a burger?
519
00:17:38,582 --> 00:17:40,508
I know a great place. (chuckles)
520
00:17:40,584 --> 00:17:42,904
If Dad can even make a
burger with that bruised ego.
521
00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:45,063
I'm-I'm totally fine, Louise.
522
00:17:45,139 --> 00:17:47,543
(breathy, high-pitched):
Let's go make Teddy a burger.
523
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,401
BOB (sighs): That-That's
not a pretty patty.
524
00:17:50,478 --> 00:17:52,403
It's got a good personality.
525
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,906
- Ah. No, it doesn't.
- Funny how it's all lumpy,
526
00:17:54,982 --> 00:17:56,886
seeing how your wrist
is not messed up at all.
527
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:59,026
Okay, fine. I hurt myself.
528
00:17:59,103 --> 00:18:00,872
Help me,
Louise. Will you cut the tomato?
529
00:18:00,896 --> 00:18:02,558
Tina, will you grab me a plate?
530
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,032
How's that burger coming? Perfectly round,
I hope.
531
00:18:05,109 --> 00:18:07,254
Little worried about
what I'm hearing out here.
532
00:18:07,278 --> 00:18:08,305
Everything's under control.
533
00:18:08,329 --> 00:18:09,381
- (groans) - Ow.
534
00:18:09,405 --> 00:18:10,399
Oh, that hurts.
535
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,923
Nope. That's not gonna work.
536
00:18:11,999 --> 00:18:15,167
This is a disaster. I
never should have sparred.
537
00:18:15,244 --> 00:18:17,378
- I wasn't ready.
- Wait. What are you doing?
538
00:18:17,454 --> 00:18:19,463
I don't know. Maybe dying.
539
00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:21,935
- I always knew it would end this way.
- I'm gonna die, too.
540
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:25,010
(groans) I don't want to have
to drag your bodies out of here.
541
00:18:25,087 --> 00:18:26,606
How are we doing?
I can't see anyone.
542
00:18:26,630 --> 00:18:28,108
Wait a minute.
We're not gonna die.
543
00:18:28,132 --> 00:18:30,086
- We got to get up off the mat.
- We do?
544
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,110
Yeah, we do. Like Ham and Egger.
545
00:18:32,186 --> 00:18:34,278
Uh, okay. Here we go.
546
00:18:34,355 --> 00:18:35,355
(grunts)
547
00:18:35,431 --> 00:18:37,115
(whimpers)
548
00:18:37,191 --> 00:18:40,025
- (pained grunting)
- We can do this.
549
00:18:40,102 --> 00:18:41,580
Hey, I feel bad.
Forget it, right?
550
00:18:41,604 --> 00:18:42,598
You tried your best.
551
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,956
We haven't tried
our best... yet!
552
00:18:45,032 --> 00:18:46,102
Yes! Ham and Egger.
553
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,033
(groans): Still a bad movie.
554
00:18:48,110 --> 00:18:49,939
You're a bad movie.
Let's finish the job.
555
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,246
♪ Look of the lion ♪
556
00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:53,581
♪ Starin' 'em down ♪
557
00:18:53,657 --> 00:18:55,611
♪ Look of the lion... ♪
558
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,113
(distorted): Lay him out!
559
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,469
(distorted): Do it!
560
00:18:58,546 --> 00:19:00,138
(song fades)
561
00:19:00,214 --> 00:19:02,284
- We did it!
- Yeah, we did.
562
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,144
Here you go, Teddy. We did it.
563
00:19:04,168 --> 00:19:05,259
That'll do, pig.
564
00:19:05,336 --> 00:19:07,147
Sorry, that's
from a different movie.
565
00:19:07,171 --> 00:19:09,107
- Hmm. It's a little rare, Bob.
- ALL: What?!
566
00:19:09,131 --> 00:19:11,127
Nothing. No. This is good.
567
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,703
LINDA:
Gene, we can't keep talking
568
00:19:12,727 --> 00:19:14,152
about this.
569
00:19:14,228 --> 00:19:16,729
This is a local businesswomen's
group, not our bathtub.
570
00:19:16,847 --> 00:19:18,968
Our bathtub isn't a place,
it's a state of mind.
571
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,470
Look, Gene, I love
all the stuff we do together,
572
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,305
pretty much
every day of the week.
573
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,974
Same here. Let's keep doing
574
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,333
those things together
all the time.
575
00:19:26,357 --> 00:19:29,116
Honey, listen,
being a mom is amazing.
576
00:19:29,151 --> 00:19:31,004
And being your mom
is even more amazing.
577
00:19:31,028 --> 00:19:33,171
And I'll tell you something,
I felt guilty
578
00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:34,966
about going to these meetings
at first.
579
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:37,175
I thought I needed permission
to do this,
580
00:19:37,293 --> 00:19:40,156
but really, I just needed
to give myself permission.
581
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,962
But I love you so much, Mom.
582
00:19:42,039 --> 00:19:43,567
Even though I'm upset
With you right now,
583
00:19:43,591 --> 00:19:46,162
I still want you to rub my tummy
and play with my hair.
584
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,928
I love you, too, Gene,
more than you could even know...
585
00:19:49,004 --> 00:19:50,557
Not until you have
your own kids.
586
00:19:50,581 --> 00:19:53,858
And also, I need a little time
for myself once in a while.
587
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,360
- And that's okay.
- So what do you want me to do?
588
00:19:56,437 --> 00:19:58,174
Just let you do something
for yourself,
589
00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,533
and I don't get to have you
every minute of every day
590
00:20:00,557 --> 00:20:03,034
- whenever I want?
- Oof. Cling-on alert.
591
00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:05,986
Okay, this does sound
like it sounded.
592
00:20:06,063 --> 00:20:07,832
Oh, maybe I should just do th...
593
00:20:07,856 --> 00:20:09,760
that thing the group
was talking about.
594
00:20:09,784 --> 00:20:11,836
What, take advantage
of the tax incentives offered
595
00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:13,544
to women-owned businesses?
596
00:20:13,621 --> 00:20:16,121
No, earlier tonight
when someone said something
597
00:20:16,198 --> 00:20:18,278
about having to change
in order to grow.
598
00:20:18,325 --> 00:20:19,383
Me. That was me.
599
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:22,002
I mean, it was me.
I had to correct you.
600
00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:23,848
I don't like change,
but I want you to be happy,
601
00:20:23,872 --> 00:20:25,297
and I do want to grow.
602
00:20:25,374 --> 00:20:28,342
I mean, not that fast,
but little bits here and there.
603
00:20:28,419 --> 00:20:31,040
And by the time I go to college
or deejay college,
604
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:32,899
I'll only need to see you
five times a week.
605
00:20:32,923 --> 00:20:34,974
Aw. Come here, sweetie.
606
00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:37,028
You'll always be my special
little Genie Beanie.
607
00:20:37,052 --> 00:20:38,892
- I'm sorry, Mom.
- Look at us.
608
00:20:38,929 --> 00:20:40,549
(chuckles):
We're getting mud everywhere.
609
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,482
- Should we go home?
- No, no, finish the meeting.
610
00:20:43,559 --> 00:20:45,387
This time
I promise I'll stay quiet.
611
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:46,986
Thank you, Gene.
612
00:20:47,062 --> 00:20:49,029
Oh, well, that was inspiring.
613
00:20:49,106 --> 00:20:51,082
I got goose bumps.
Did anyone else?
614
00:20:51,158 --> 00:20:52,919
I have shingles.
Does that count?
615
00:20:52,943 --> 00:20:54,543
LINDA: All right!
616
00:20:54,611 --> 00:20:57,255
♪ Businesswomen, look at us go ♪
617
00:20:57,331 --> 00:21:00,541
♪ Doing all the business
from our head to our toes ♪
618
00:21:00,617 --> 00:21:03,294
♪ I feel so empowered,
I feel ten out of ten ♪
619
00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:05,223
♪ 'Cause I'm talking
lots of business ♪
620
00:21:05,247 --> 00:21:07,506
♪ With these businesswomen ♪
621
00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:09,883
♪ Where should I put
my name tag ♪
622
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,510
♪ Should I put it here, no ♪
623
00:21:11,587 --> 00:21:13,323
♪ Should I put it here, no ♪
624
00:21:13,347 --> 00:21:15,055
♪ Should I put it here, no ♪
625
00:21:15,132 --> 00:21:16,827
♪ Should I put it here, no ♪
626
00:21:16,851 --> 00:21:18,350
♪ Should I put it here, no ♪
627
00:21:18,427 --> 00:21:20,071
♪ Should I put it here, no ♪
628
00:21:20,095 --> 00:21:21,215
♪ Should I put it here ♪
629
00:21:21,263 --> 00:21:22,855
♪ No, should I put it here ♪
630
00:21:22,931 --> 00:21:24,426
♪ No, should I put it here ♪
631
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:27,618
♪ No, should I put it here? ♪
632
00:21:27,695 --> 00:21:29,775
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00:21:30,305 --> 00:22:30,438
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