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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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"To my special valentine,
you are my everything.
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I sleep only so I can dream of you."
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- Aw, Bob.
- Mm-hmm.
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Didn't Gene make me a nice valentine?
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It's very romantic for a child?
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- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, Dad, did you even make Mom
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an embarrassingly mushy valentine?
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- Like your son did?
- Hey, there's a plan in place.
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Yeah. We're writing out the ten things
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we love most about each other.
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And then we're gonna share
'em over a bottle of wine.
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- It's like love homework.
- Oh, that's kind of nice.
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And hard? I mean, ten
turns out to be a lot.
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That's what God said
about the commandments.
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Well, we tried to
finish them last night,
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but we were making dinner and
then we were cleaning up dinner
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and then we were feeling too gassy,
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then we fell asleep in front of the TV
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and I didn't wake up until
a moth flew in my mouth.
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And I didn't wake up until you screamed.
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After all these years,
you two still sizzle.
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So we just need to find a
quiet minute and crap 'em out.
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Lovingly. How about you, Tina?
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You excited about Tammy's
Valentine's Day thingy?
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It's an Anti-Valentine's
Day thingy, actually.
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- Okay.
- It's a party for kids who are tired
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of living up to society's
expectation of romance
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just because it's February 14th.
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So things with Jimmy Jr. are... ?
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I don't know. He's at an
overnight wrestling meet
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this weekend, and before he
left I said, "So, any ideas
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about how to handle
V-Day while you're gone?"
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And he was like, "What's V-Day?"
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And I was like, "That's
my super cool abbreviation
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for Valentine's Day?"
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But by then he had his
headphones on and was singing
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a Red Hot Chili Peppers
song really loud.
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- Guy's a catch.
- So when I heard about
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Tammy's party, I was very interested.
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Hearts are farts, people,
and Cupid is stupid.
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Cupid's just a baby who
likes to watch people kiss.
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And I'm not saying any of this
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because I don't have a boyfriend.
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You so don't have a boyfriend, Tammy.
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Shut it. So I'm inviting a group
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of single girls and
guys who want to get away
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from all the rom-dram for one night.
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Sign me up, 'cause that's me.
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Ooh, space is actually limited.
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Plus, Tina, come on, you're
a total Valentine head.
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Nope, nope, not this year I'm not.
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Hmm, I'd valentine that.
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Oh, uh, sorry. Hearts are farts.
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So Tammy invited me.
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Or actually she invited
a bunch of your burgers
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and said I could come with.
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Oh. A bunch sounds like a lot.
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Free advertising?
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- Thanks?
- You're welcome.
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Bob, Bob, what about
how well Linda sings
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that jingle on the radio
about the accident lawyers?
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She nails it every time.
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I really can do this myself, Teddy.
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Well, you need ten and
I got a list you can use.
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- You have a list?
- Forget it.
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Linda, what about Bob's knuckle hair?
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Like, sometimes it
catches the light just so?
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And it makes you feel safe?
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I already got that one.
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Ugh, Jimmy's really going overboard
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with his Valentine's
shtick again this year.
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"Tie-the-Knot Garlic Knots Appetizers,
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$20." What a friggin' rip-off.
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- I'm not not-knots interested.
- Way to keep an open mind, Gene.
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Oh, crap. Here comes Jimmy.
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Hey, Bob, I saw you
guys gawking at my place.
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If you were hoping to get a
table for tonight, you can forget it.
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- I'm booked solid.
- We don't care, Jimmy.
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I still got dopes calling
and begging for reservations.
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I just hold the phone down to
my butt and fart on 'em, so...
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Hey, Jimmy, people are still calling.
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Should I just keep farting?
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Yeah, if you got 'em locked and loaded.
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The last two were silent. I
had to tell 'em what I did.
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I'd send the overflow to you, Bob,
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but I know how scared you are
of actually having customers.
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- Zoom.
- Ha. You're standing in your own way.
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- Trev, don't...
- What? He is.
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Eh, let's go back. I
feel a fart coming on.
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I don't want to waste it in here.
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It wouldn't be a waste, Jimmy!
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Good one, Dad.
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So why aren't we open late
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for Valentine's dinner?
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Well, we're not really a datey,
romantic restaurant.
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We're just a "shove a
burger in your face" place.
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And a "sip on a soda and yak" shack.
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Yeah, but tonight the
streets are crawling
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with romantic suckers who haven't gotten
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their crap together enough to
book a reservation someplace.
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- Yeah, so?
- So they'd probably go
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anywhere tonight, even here.
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This is insulting but kind of inspiring?
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I do hate to think of
all those poor lovers
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with nowhere to go, sitting at home,
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crying into their microwave dinners.
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I mean, to do it right we'd
have to dress things up.
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Tablecloths, candles.
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You could borrow the
Valentine's decorations
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I got up in my apartment.
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You decorate your apartment
for Valentine's Day?
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Some of the rooms. It's
not weird that I do that.
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No, it's not weird. It's just sad.
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I wonder how many people we
could pack into this dump.
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Teddy, do you think you
could pull the booths away
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from the wall so we could
squeeze two couples in each?
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Sure. I bet whoever put 'em
in didn't even attach 'em
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'cause they didn't know you
guys that well back then.
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Plus he might have been
going through a divorce
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and so he cut some corners
on some jobs sometimes. Uh...
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Maybe we go a little
fancier with the menu,
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like a prix fixe?
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I-I haven't ground the meat yet.
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Instead of burgers I
could do chuck steaks.
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We had a substitute teacher
named Chuck Steaks once.
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- Ooh, and wine.
- Right, wine. Uh, do we have enough?
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Yeah, we got a few bottles upstairs.
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Plus the backup bottles.
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Plus the emergency backup bottles.
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- Plus the secret emergency...
- Sounds like we're good.
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The real gold is in table-side services,
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which could be provided
by Gene and myself.
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Roses, candy, serenades
for tips, et cetera.
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Hmm. Don't know about that,
plus who would bus tables?
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You know I love getting my bus on, Dad,
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- but I'm going to Tammy's party.
- We'd cover it,
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and you'd be making so much money,
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you wouldn't even notice
how bad we are at busing.
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- That's the spirit.
- Are we doing this, people?
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Are we making some dumb
desperate love money tonight?
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- Yeah, let's do it.
- Yay.
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Now, I don't think
the name Bob's Burgers
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works with the new concept.
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Maybe for the night we're Bob.
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- Or Bugers.
- Or Urge.
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Urge. It's kind of edgy.
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Yay, Urge. Everybody's got 'em.
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My therapist says some are good
and some are perfectly normal,
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- but I should stop bringing them up.
- Okay, everybody, get to work.
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And Gene and I will get
the word about Urge out.
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The wordge.
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- ♪ Urge ♪
- ♪ Urge ♪
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- ♪ Is the wordge ♪
- ♪ Wordge ♪
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- ♪ Urge ♪
- ♪ Urge ♪
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- ♪ Is the wordge ♪
- ♪ Oh ♪
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♪ They're makin' it swanky ♪
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♪ It's money in the bank-y ♪
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♪ Urge is the wordge. ♪
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Wow. It looks amazing.
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I'd fall in love with
a wig on a basketball in here.
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Gene, I kind of wish you
weren't dressed like that.
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- It's a mood maker.
- Yeah, he's Cupid. Aw.
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And your T-shirt makes
a great diaper, Dad.
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Hmm. Uh, Teddy, thanks
for all your help.
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And, uh, see you tomorrow?
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- Whoa. Why?
- Well, tonight we're...
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- kind of just for couples.
- I mean... seven, eight, nine.
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There's an odd number of stools,
so I can be the one single.
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Plus I can spend some time with someone
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I'd like to get to know better. Me.
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You've been under your
own nose the whole time.
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Oh, crap. Lin, our valentines.
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It's okay, we'll do 'em
later tonight, right?
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- When we're rich and gorgeous.
- Okay, pep talk.
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Mom, Dad, bring it in.
I love you, but...
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- don't mess this up.
- Okay. That was fair.
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All right, now people just have to come.
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Mm.
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Hmm.
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- Okay, let's close.
- We gave it a shot.
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Oh, cute.
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Hello, hi, come on in.
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Oh, my God, we're a fancy,
successful restaurant.
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Hey there, chuck steak. "Hiya, Bob."
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Whoa, cool deep voice, chuck steak.
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"So, you gonna grind me up or what?"
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No, because you're gonna be
a steak on a prix fixemenu.
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"Prix fixe?" I thought you'd be excited.
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Uh, can I call you Chuck?
"Maybe."
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So, welcome to Urge. Don't mind
the couple on the other side
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of the privacy partition.
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You're way hotter than them.
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And, no, I did not
say that to them, too.
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- You're hotter.
- Happy to be anywhere.
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Someone forgot to make a reservation.
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00:07:30,221 --> 00:07:31,520
Oh, like it's my job?
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00:07:31,545 --> 00:07:33,647
Am I a professional
restaurant reservationist?
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00:07:33,672 --> 00:07:35,241
No, I'm a professional doctor.
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00:07:35,266 --> 00:07:37,664
Don't "I'm a doctor"
me. I'm a doctor, too.
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00:07:37,689 --> 00:07:39,461
Okay, so we're both doctors. God.
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00:07:39,486 --> 00:07:42,466
So, What about a drink?
A couple of large wines?
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00:07:42,491 --> 00:07:44,493
- Sure.
- And for you?
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- Folded paper rose for the lady, sir?
- Uh, yeah, I-I'll take one.
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Oh, you're only one rose in love?
206
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- No, we're probably at a two?
- Two?
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00:07:51,728 --> 00:07:53,974
- I-I mean four.
- I could tell.
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00:07:53,999 --> 00:07:57,655
♪ I'm serenading you with my voice ♪
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♪ I just spat a little, I'm sorry. ♪
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Oh, my God, I love that
song. It's so tip-worthy.
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00:08:02,318 --> 00:08:04,138
- In the diaper, please.
- Gene, no.
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00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,083
This is Urge?
213
00:08:06,108 --> 00:08:10,107
- Oh, Hugo. Uh, Bob, Hugo's here.
- Ugh, why?
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00:08:10,132 --> 00:08:13,482
I thought the address looked
familiar, in a bad way.
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00:08:13,507 --> 00:08:14,682
Lot of changes, Bob.
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00:08:14,707 --> 00:08:16,622
- Um, not that many.
- Hello.
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Hello. Bob, I see the
look of fear and respect
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00:08:19,158 --> 00:08:20,681
in your eyes, but relax.
219
00:08:20,706 --> 00:08:22,992
I'm here as a sexy Valentine's diner,
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not a sexy health inspector.
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00:08:24,923 --> 00:08:26,937
So you have a date? Somehow?
222
00:08:26,962 --> 00:08:28,529
Cheryl is meeting me here.
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00:08:28,554 --> 00:08:30,476
Bob, Linda, I'm in love.
224
00:08:30,603 --> 00:08:32,003
With my mother's description of her.
225
00:08:32,087 --> 00:08:34,732
Aw, that's nice. Uh, why
don't you sit over there?
226
00:08:34,757 --> 00:08:36,628
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, this isn't great.
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00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:38,771
We've got extra tables
and I'm pretty sure
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we're violating a bunch of codes.
229
00:08:40,170 --> 00:08:42,092
No, he says he just
wants to have dinner.
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00:08:42,116 --> 00:08:43,411
He's in love with some poor lady.
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00:08:43,436 --> 00:08:46,185
All right, just bring him
wine with a lot of wine in it.
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00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:47,560
So, a first date?
233
00:08:47,585 --> 00:08:49,750
Sounds like a paper
rose situation to me.
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00:08:49,775 --> 00:08:52,169
I'm gonna keep handing you
roses, you just say when.
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00:08:52,194 --> 00:08:54,631
- Uh...
- First date on Valentine's, huh?
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00:08:54,656 --> 00:08:56,049
It's kind of what I'm doing.
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00:08:56,074 --> 00:08:57,377
And it's going pretty
well, if I do say so.
238
00:08:57,402 --> 00:08:59,804
Okay, 15 roses, that'll be $15.
239
00:08:59,829 --> 00:09:01,377
What? No, one rose is plenty.
240
00:09:01,402 --> 00:09:03,525
And 15 songs? Here we go.
241
00:09:04,532 --> 00:09:07,420
Guys, welcome to
my Anti-Valentine's Day party.
242
00:09:07,452 --> 00:09:09,933
Check it out: black balloons,
black tortilla chips,
243
00:09:09,958 --> 00:09:11,822
and black eye shadow on moi.
244
00:09:11,847 --> 00:09:13,406
- And your roots are black.
- Jocelyn.
245
00:09:13,431 --> 00:09:15,294
Let's do this. And everybody that went
246
00:09:15,319 --> 00:09:17,057
to an overnight wrestling
meet without nailing down
247
00:09:17,082 --> 00:09:18,692
Valentine's Day plans can eat it.
248
00:09:18,717 --> 00:09:20,067
- Right?
- What?
249
00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:21,876
- Exactly.
- Now we do our oath.
250
00:09:21,901 --> 00:09:23,990
- Ooh, an oath. Hell yeah.
- Everyone, hands in.
251
00:09:24,015 --> 00:09:25,469
Whoa, lot of palms and fingers.
252
00:09:25,494 --> 00:09:27,656
No one try to hold my hand
in there, you hear?
253
00:09:27,681 --> 00:09:29,766
Hearts are farts and Cupid is stupid.
254
00:09:29,791 --> 00:09:33,472
Tonight we take our chance
on no romance. I so vow.
255
00:09:33,497 --> 00:09:34,585
I so vow.
256
00:09:34,610 --> 00:09:36,264
Did we just marry Satan?
257
00:09:36,289 --> 00:09:38,799
Now we're gonna do whatever
an evenly numbered group
258
00:09:38,824 --> 00:09:40,435
of attractive teens feels like doing.
259
00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:42,281
Just good clean Anti-Valentine's fun.
260
00:09:42,306 --> 00:09:43,800
With Tammy's parents in the next room
261
00:09:43,825 --> 00:09:45,920
- to help keep a lid on things.
- Bye, Tammy-love.
262
00:09:45,945 --> 00:09:47,792
Your mother and I are off
to see different movies
263
00:09:47,817 --> 00:09:49,688
- at the same theater.
- Bye. Leave already.
264
00:09:49,731 --> 00:09:51,864
Okay, there go the chaperones.
265
00:09:51,889 --> 00:09:54,504
Not that we're gonna need
'em. Cool, cool, cool.
266
00:09:55,035 --> 00:09:56,558
♪ It's okay ♪
267
00:09:56,583 --> 00:09:58,732
♪ We're just children
watching you. ♪
268
00:09:58,757 --> 00:10:01,039
If you like it, may
I suggest a gratuity,
269
00:10:01,064 --> 00:10:03,168
and if you don't like
it, I can make him stop.
270
00:10:03,193 --> 00:10:04,403
For a gratuity.
271
00:10:04,428 --> 00:10:06,169
Oh, my God, we're so full.
272
00:10:06,194 --> 00:10:08,825
Hi, I'm Bob, I'm the
chef. H-How is everything?
273
00:10:08,850 --> 00:10:11,465
'Cause if it's not
right, I'll make it right.
274
00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:12,879
- We're good.
- Yeah, you are.
275
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:14,465
Are you... flirting with us?
276
00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:17,497
No, just feeling happy
and-and really confident.
277
00:10:17,522 --> 00:10:19,668
And maybe better-looking
than I was earlier today?
278
00:10:19,693 --> 00:10:22,020
- Oh, you're on cocaine.
- Is that what cocaine does?
279
00:10:22,045 --> 00:10:23,481
Are there any downsides?
280
00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:25,813
So, how's our Valentine's?
281
00:10:25,962 --> 00:10:28,399
- Good. Good.
- Most romantic night of the year.
282
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,759
- But no pressure.
- I'm having a good time.
283
00:10:30,784 --> 00:10:33,961
- We both are.
- Okay. Enjoy.
284
00:10:34,158 --> 00:10:35,962
I don't know what's going
on with these people.
285
00:10:35,987 --> 00:10:37,149
They're so uptight.
286
00:10:37,174 --> 00:10:39,282
It's like they got Cupid
arrows up their butts.
287
00:10:39,307 --> 00:10:42,385
Well, my diaper is
full... of Washingtons.
288
00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:44,629
And we have five
couples on the wait list.
289
00:10:44,654 --> 00:10:46,134
- We have a wait list?
- I don't know.
290
00:10:46,159 --> 00:10:47,571
What's it called when a bunch of idiots
291
00:10:47,596 --> 00:10:49,236
give their names and
stand outside in the cold?
292
00:10:49,261 --> 00:10:50,610
We have a wait list.
293
00:10:50,635 --> 00:10:52,246
We could do a second seating.
294
00:10:52,271 --> 00:10:53,683
I'll need to be changed at some point,
295
00:10:53,708 --> 00:10:54,809
but otherwise I'm in.
296
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:57,020
Okay, I've got plenty of
steaks. What about wine?
297
00:10:57,045 --> 00:10:59,054
We're kind of burning through
it, but I guess we're okay?
298
00:10:59,079 --> 00:11:01,039
- Then we're going later, right?
- Yeah, I mean...
299
00:11:01,064 --> 00:11:02,848
we were gonna do our valentines later.
300
00:11:02,873 --> 00:11:04,527
- With wine, if there's any left.
- Crap.
301
00:11:04,552 --> 00:11:07,550
I keep forgetting about
that. In a romantic way?
302
00:11:07,575 --> 00:11:09,490
And think of the lovers out there, Mom.
303
00:11:09,515 --> 00:11:11,126
Their poor money getting all cold.
304
00:11:11,151 --> 00:11:13,737
It's fine. We'll get to
our valentines eventually.
305
00:11:13,762 --> 00:11:15,328
- This is worth it, right?
- Right.
306
00:11:15,353 --> 00:11:17,938
- And our valentines are gonna be so good.
- So good.
307
00:11:17,963 --> 00:11:20,226
Guys, Hugo's still sitting by himself,
308
00:11:20,251 --> 00:11:22,533
but unlike me, he's not
carrying it off super well.
309
00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:23,643
Hmm.
310
00:11:23,668 --> 00:11:26,165
So, Hugo, we're still
waiting for your date?
311
00:11:26,190 --> 00:11:28,360
I don't understand
it. My mother told her
312
00:11:28,385 --> 00:11:30,041
that punctuality is my biggest turn-on.
313
00:11:30,066 --> 00:11:32,532
Then she's definitely on her way.
314
00:11:32,557 --> 00:11:33,532
I'll keep texting.
315
00:11:33,557 --> 00:11:35,829
Bob, not to be ticky-tacky,
but I've noticed that
316
00:11:35,854 --> 00:11:37,548
you're slightly over capacity,
317
00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:39,703
light levels are below OSHA standards,
318
00:11:39,728 --> 00:11:42,613
and you have candles
without an open-flame permit.
319
00:11:42,638 --> 00:11:45,816
Uh, yeah, but those are kind
of small things that are fine.
320
00:11:45,841 --> 00:11:47,925
- There's a boy in a diaper.
- True.
321
00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:49,343
At least I'm wearing the diaper.
322
00:11:49,368 --> 00:11:51,332
On some Cupids the diaper wears them.
323
00:11:51,357 --> 00:11:52,924
I'd hate to have to call my good friends
324
00:11:52,949 --> 00:11:55,722
at the fire department,
but if I have nothing else
325
00:11:55,747 --> 00:11:57,672
to do on Valentine's Day...
326
00:11:57,697 --> 00:12:00,309
Easy, Hugo, you're date's
gonna be here any second.
327
00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:01,950
Yeah, traffic.
328
00:12:01,975 --> 00:12:04,075
Please, please come, Hugo's date.
329
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:05,422
I mean, you'll regret
it, but please come.
330
00:12:05,446 --> 00:12:06,816
- What was that, Bob?
- Nothing.
331
00:12:06,841 --> 00:12:07,595
I hate you.
332
00:12:08,155 --> 00:12:09,816
So I finally got my head unstuck,
333
00:12:09,841 --> 00:12:11,735
and that was my worst Valentine's Day.
334
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:12,949
Anyway, someone else?
335
00:12:12,974 --> 00:12:14,996
Or not. You know, how about some music?
336
00:12:15,021 --> 00:12:17,368
I'm just gonna pick
a playlist at random.
337
00:12:17,393 --> 00:12:19,500
Not that one, not that one.
Ooh, "Ultimate Snog Jams."
338
00:12:19,525 --> 00:12:21,570
Don't even know what that is.
339
00:12:21,794 --> 00:12:24,273
Huh, well, sure feels
good not to be looking
340
00:12:24,298 --> 00:12:25,570
for some lips to land on
341
00:12:25,595 --> 00:12:26,625
just 'cause of what day it is.
342
00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:28,950
- Is it really bright in here?
- Not really.
343
00:12:28,975 --> 00:12:30,498
Yeah, I'm gonna lower the lights.
344
00:12:30,523 --> 00:12:32,308
Okay, hey, Tammy, a word?
345
00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:34,630
I hope I'm wrong, but
I think some romance is
346
00:12:34,655 --> 00:12:35,458
creeping into this party.
347
00:12:35,483 --> 00:12:37,263
I don't know what
you're talking about, Tina.
348
00:12:37,288 --> 00:12:39,551
Just remember our oath and
watch each other's backs.
349
00:12:39,576 --> 00:12:42,306
Anti-Val pals. Wow, that's a lot
of lip balm you're putting on.
350
00:12:42,331 --> 00:12:43,984
Oh, is it?
351
00:12:44,319 --> 00:12:46,609
Still no reply. And
that was my last text
352
00:12:46,634 --> 00:12:48,169
under my limited texting plan.
353
00:12:48,194 --> 00:12:49,859
She's really not gonna show up, is she?
354
00:12:49,884 --> 00:12:52,627
I mean, he did send a selfie of him
pointing at his watch.
355
00:12:52,652 --> 00:12:54,148
Ah, she's not coming.
356
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:57,273
I'm alone on Valentine's Day
surrounded by happy couples.
357
00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:58,996
Most of 'em aren't that happy.
358
00:12:59,021 --> 00:13:00,239
And they're not all couples.
359
00:13:00,264 --> 00:13:02,310
Some of us are single and sensational.
360
00:13:02,335 --> 00:13:04,628
I think the only possible
way I'm gonna feel better
361
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:07,112
is to have the fire
department shut you down.
362
00:13:07,137 --> 00:13:09,378
- Come on, Hugo.
- Wait, let me rethink this.
363
00:13:09,403 --> 00:13:11,405
- Yeah?
- Nope, still makes me feel better.
364
00:13:11,430 --> 00:13:13,753
- What do we do?
- Gene, how quick can you get in a dress?
365
00:13:13,778 --> 00:13:15,737
You know my record is 3.5 seconds.
366
00:13:15,848 --> 00:13:17,378
We got to stall him somehow.
367
00:13:17,403 --> 00:13:18,796
Does anyone know the number
368
00:13:18,821 --> 00:13:20,649
for the head of fire code enforcement?
369
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:21,805
Oh, that's right, I do.
370
00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:23,789
Uh, Hugo, your date's
here. She's been here.
371
00:13:23,814 --> 00:13:26,868
She's in the employee bathroom.
372
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,461
Yeah. She saw you on your way in.
373
00:13:29,486 --> 00:13:31,820
She thinks you're handsome,
but she's so nervous
374
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:34,282
that... she's had a bathroom emergency.
375
00:13:34,307 --> 00:13:36,734
And she's gorgeous. She
has, like, a hundred teeth.
376
00:13:36,759 --> 00:13:39,501
And we didn't tell you
this before because...
377
00:13:39,526 --> 00:13:41,902
Because she didn't want
us to. She's embarrassed.
378
00:13:41,927 --> 00:13:44,058
But why are you being so loyal to her?
379
00:13:44,083 --> 00:13:45,261
We're your best friends.
380
00:13:45,286 --> 00:13:48,028
- Yep, best friends.
- So, in a way,
381
00:13:48,053 --> 00:13:50,664
your date's going really well.
382
00:13:50,689 --> 00:13:52,613
Great, I'll call Mother and update her.
383
00:13:52,913 --> 00:13:56,089
The old "your date's in
the stall" stall. Love it.
384
00:13:58,656 --> 00:14:00,746
So, my date's in the employee bathroom.
385
00:14:00,771 --> 00:14:03,465
I knew there was a simple,
really good explanation.
386
00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:04,637
I don't know about really good.
387
00:14:04,662 --> 00:14:07,121
Bup-bup-bup. Yeah,
just an upset stomach.
388
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:08,894
Happens all the time on Valentine's.
389
00:14:08,919 --> 00:14:10,399
They call it Cupid's revenge.
390
00:14:10,424 --> 00:14:12,363
- That's offensive.
- Poor thing.
391
00:14:12,388 --> 00:14:14,074
I can't believe Hugo's buying this.
392
00:14:14,098 --> 00:14:15,882
I can, he's like everyone else in here.
393
00:14:15,907 --> 00:14:17,990
He's desperate for a
perfect Valentine's.
394
00:14:18,015 --> 00:14:19,494
It's flattering in a way.
395
00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:22,404
- I gave a girl diarrhea.
- You charmer.
396
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:23,865
Got to stay cool.
397
00:14:23,890 --> 00:14:25,562
I'm steering clear of
romance this Valentine's.
398
00:14:25,587 --> 00:14:26,912
Oh, probably should
have taken off my glasses
399
00:14:26,937 --> 00:14:28,435
before splashing myself.
400
00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:30,810
Mmm...
401
00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:33,428
Tammy, no! Take a
breath. Take a step back.
402
00:14:33,453 --> 00:14:35,664
Whew, that was a close
one. Anti-Val pals.
403
00:14:35,689 --> 00:14:37,618
Hearts are farts?
404
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,515
Hearts aren't farts, Tina.
Hearts were never farts.
405
00:14:40,805 --> 00:14:43,165
- What are you saying?
- I'm saying trying not to be romantic
406
00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:45,844
is really romantic. This is a party now.
407
00:14:45,869 --> 00:14:48,164
You mean
anti-Anti-Valentine's?
408
00:14:48,205 --> 00:14:50,197
Now, we're gonna go in the
closet for six minutes and kiss.
409
00:14:50,221 --> 00:14:51,526
Jocelyn, are you hearing this?
410
00:14:51,745 --> 00:14:53,182
- Jocelyn!
- What?
411
00:14:53,636 --> 00:14:56,569
♪ She's in the can,
but she loves her man. ♪
412
00:14:56,594 --> 00:14:58,813
- Wonderful. Wonderful.
- It really is.
413
00:14:58,838 --> 00:15:00,703
So, by yourself tonight, sailor?
414
00:15:00,728 --> 00:15:03,845
- Not by myself. With myself.
- Good for you.
415
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:06,535
So glad I'm not that sad, lonely person.
416
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,084
So this is Urge, huh? More like Purge.
417
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,321
Ha. Rhymes.
418
00:15:10,346 --> 00:15:12,066
Get lost, Jimmy, we're busy.
419
00:15:12,091 --> 00:15:14,097
Yeah, I really don't have
time to be insulted right now
420
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,762
because of all the customers we have.
421
00:15:16,787 --> 00:15:19,156
Yeah, you got 'em
packed in like sardines.
422
00:15:19,181 --> 00:15:20,941
They look a little drunk and bloated.
423
00:15:20,966 --> 00:15:22,532
You know what, not bad.
424
00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:24,057
Guess I rubbed off on you a little bit.
425
00:15:24,082 --> 00:15:25,779
- I'm proud of you, Bob.
- What?
426
00:15:25,804 --> 00:15:28,209
- Happy Valentine's Day, pal.
- Really proud.
427
00:15:28,234 --> 00:15:30,341
He's proud of you.
What's that feel like?
428
00:15:30,366 --> 00:15:31,146
I don't want you to
429
00:15:31,170 --> 00:15:32,673
- be proud of me, Jimmy.
- Too late.
430
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:34,240
- I don't accept it.
- You love it.
431
00:15:34,265 --> 00:15:36,963
♪
432
00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:43,205
Where is everybody?
433
00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:44,928
I don't know. Are
they all in the closet?
434
00:15:44,953 --> 00:15:46,774
Ugh! Damn Valentine's Day!
435
00:15:46,799 --> 00:15:47,950
Look at me, whatever your name is.
436
00:15:47,974 --> 00:15:49,951
Austin. I know Tammy from camp.
437
00:15:49,976 --> 00:15:52,084
I'm Tina. Austin, we have a problem.
438
00:15:52,109 --> 00:15:54,130
But listen, just because
we're the only ones not kissing
439
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,460
doesn't mean we're gonna kiss,
440
00:15:55,485 --> 00:15:57,052
even though it's really in the air.
441
00:15:57,077 --> 00:15:59,196
- So what do we do?
- Drown out this music somehow.
442
00:15:59,221 --> 00:16:01,180
Uh, I know, we'll sing
443
00:16:01,205 --> 00:16:03,120
the-the most unromantic
song we can think of.
444
00:16:03,145 --> 00:16:05,093
- Do you know any songs about barf?
- I mean, no.
445
00:16:05,118 --> 00:16:07,813
I'll just make one up.
♪ Barf, barf, barf ♪
446
00:16:07,838 --> 00:16:09,554
♪ Funky, chunky barf ♪
447
00:16:09,579 --> 00:16:11,948
- ♪ Funky, chunky barf ♪
- ♪ It's in my hair ♪
448
00:16:11,973 --> 00:16:16,760
♪ And everywhere, and I don't care. ♪
449
00:16:16,785 --> 00:16:18,128
Aah! Run, Austin, run!
450
00:16:18,153 --> 00:16:20,199
We got to get out of here. Aah!
451
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:23,511
- How many closets does this place have?
- I know. So much storage.
452
00:16:24,342 --> 00:16:26,310
Okay, we seated four new tables.
453
00:16:26,335 --> 00:16:28,443
- Whew, I'm kind of beat.
- Me, too.
454
00:16:28,468 --> 00:16:30,532
Teddy, you, uh, you saw
your check there, right?
455
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,733
Oh, right, let me, uh... Aah!
456
00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:34,474
Yeah, it's a little higher tonight.
457
00:16:34,499 --> 00:16:36,737
It's fine. What else am
I gonna blow my money on?
458
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:38,982
Rent? Heart medicine?
459
00:16:39,007 --> 00:16:40,759
So, as long as we can
keep stalling Hugo,
460
00:16:40,784 --> 00:16:42,221
I guess we keep going.
461
00:16:42,246 --> 00:16:43,701
And it's fine that we're
lying and he's gonna
462
00:16:43,725 --> 00:16:45,547
- find out at some point, right?
- Sure.
463
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:48,142
And it's fine that Jimmy
Pesto is proud of me.
464
00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:50,856
And, hey, if there's no
wine left for our valentines,
465
00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:52,318
or if we don't get to 'em at all,
466
00:16:52,343 --> 00:16:53,925
there's always next year, right?
467
00:16:53,950 --> 00:16:55,620
The important thing is,
we were gonna do 'em.
468
00:16:55,644 --> 00:16:58,098
- Right.
- Right. Because this was worth it.
469
00:16:58,131 --> 00:16:59,654
So worth it.
470
00:16:59,679 --> 00:17:01,253
Hell yeah, it was worth it.
471
00:17:01,278 --> 00:17:03,626
Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy, what's
with all the standing up stuff?
472
00:17:03,651 --> 00:17:05,331
It's been a while. I
just want to make sure
473
00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:06,356
Cheryl's doing okay.
474
00:17:06,381 --> 00:17:07,811
No, no, no, no, girls hate it
475
00:17:07,836 --> 00:17:09,249
when you make sure they're doing okay.
476
00:17:09,274 --> 00:17:10,971
- He's on the move.
- Hugo, wait, wait.
477
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:13,096
- No, no, no, no. Hugo.
- Trip him. Stab him.
478
00:17:13,121 --> 00:17:15,428
Cheryl, it's Hugo. Are you all right?
479
00:17:15,453 --> 00:17:17,473
She's shy. Give her some room.
480
00:17:17,498 --> 00:17:20,023
You're right, you're right.
Clingy me. I'll go back.
481
00:17:20,048 --> 00:17:21,931
Someone's in the other bathroom
and I can't make it upstairs
482
00:17:21,956 --> 00:17:24,263
so I need to get in there now.
483
00:17:24,288 --> 00:17:25,302
But my date is in there.
484
00:17:25,327 --> 00:17:27,544
And you are wearing a
diaper, Gene, so why don't you...
485
00:17:27,569 --> 00:17:29,602
- Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Wha...
486
00:17:29,627 --> 00:17:32,475
Oh, my God, she flushed
herself down the toilet!
487
00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:37,581
I say we wait till Gene
leaves, then check all the nooks
488
00:17:37,605 --> 00:17:38,843
and crannies in there. Who's with me?
489
00:17:38,867 --> 00:17:40,652
She was never here, was she?
490
00:17:40,782 --> 00:17:43,804
- She was... in our hearts?
- Yeah, she was.
491
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:46,633
- Bob, Linda...
- You're actually okay
492
00:17:46,658 --> 00:17:48,549
and you're just gonna go
home and take a nice bath?
493
00:17:48,573 --> 00:17:50,140
Shut it down.
494
00:17:50,227 --> 00:17:51,793
- No!
- That's another way to go.
495
00:17:51,818 --> 00:17:54,075
I'm so sorry. The astronauts
were in the capsule,
496
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:56,233
and there was no way
to stop the countdown.
497
00:17:58,104 --> 00:17:59,627
- I think we should stop now.
- Phew.
498
00:17:59,714 --> 00:18:02,145
- It's over, Austin from camp.
- We made it out.
499
00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:04,346
Without making out. Should
we hug? Probably not.
500
00:18:04,371 --> 00:18:06,578
Right? Right. But, hey,
let's remember the time
501
00:18:06,603 --> 00:18:08,508
we kicked Valentine's Day
in its heart-shaped butt.
502
00:18:08,533 --> 00:18:09,786
Okay. See you.
503
00:18:09,917 --> 00:18:12,006
Oh, a text on the emergency phone.
504
00:18:12,031 --> 00:18:14,226
"Hi, Tina. Happy Valentine's Day."
505
00:18:14,251 --> 00:18:15,618
Heart emoji.
506
00:18:15,643 --> 00:18:16,994
Aw.
507
00:18:17,019 --> 00:18:18,901
Uh, hope you have the emergency phone
508
00:18:18,926 --> 00:18:20,990
instead of your dad, like that one time.
509
00:18:21,015 --> 00:18:22,669
Damn, I love Valentine's Day.
510
00:18:22,694 --> 00:18:24,950
Did you just say you
love Valentine's Day?
511
00:18:24,975 --> 00:18:26,822
Nope. See you. Texting back.
512
00:18:26,847 --> 00:18:29,154
Heart emoji, kiss emoji, wink emoji.
513
00:18:29,179 --> 00:18:30,484
Whoops, not vomit emoji.
514
00:18:30,764 --> 00:18:32,331
Uh, announcement.
515
00:18:32,356 --> 00:18:35,793
Urge is closing a little
early tonight, like now.
516
00:18:35,818 --> 00:18:36,944
What?
517
00:18:36,969 --> 00:18:38,573
Sorry, people who just got here.
518
00:18:38,598 --> 00:18:40,513
Excuse me, I need to
blow out that candle.
519
00:18:40,538 --> 00:18:41,950
Excuse me. Excuse me.
520
00:18:41,974 --> 00:18:43,360
What's going on?
521
00:18:43,385 --> 00:18:45,710
We came so close to
success, I smelled it.
522
00:18:45,735 --> 00:18:47,973
It smelled weird. Good weird.
523
00:18:47,998 --> 00:18:51,211
To be honest, we were
kind of winging it tonight.
524
00:18:51,236 --> 00:18:54,371
We're really a burger place.
It-It's not fancy, but it's fine.
525
00:18:54,396 --> 00:18:56,787
- My son is usually dressed.
- Am I, though?
526
00:18:56,812 --> 00:18:58,332
You know, it's a pretty good deal, too.
527
00:18:58,357 --> 00:18:59,923
This version's kind of a rip-off.
528
00:18:59,948 --> 00:19:02,680
Not a rip-off. I mean,
we did charge a lot more,
529
00:19:02,705 --> 00:19:04,145
but we-we threw in candles and stuff.
530
00:19:04,170 --> 00:19:07,231
Yeah, but listen, people,
maybe all that junk
531
00:19:07,256 --> 00:19:08,994
just adds to the
pressure that everything's
532
00:19:09,019 --> 00:19:10,891
got to be perfect on this one night.
533
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:13,355
Valentine's can just be
with the one you love,
534
00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:15,033
and it doesn't matter where.
535
00:19:15,093 --> 00:19:16,766
This is probably more than
we need to hear right now.
536
00:19:16,791 --> 00:19:19,570
It's true. Our Valentine's
was just gonna be
537
00:19:19,595 --> 00:19:22,229
us writing down the ten things
we love about each other.
538
00:19:22,254 --> 00:19:25,534
Like I love that Linda
sacrificed her night for this.
539
00:19:25,559 --> 00:19:26,950
Not as much for the money,
540
00:19:26,975 --> 00:19:29,910
but so you guys would
have somewhere to go.
541
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:32,546
I mean, money's good, and
I love that Bob's a dreamer
542
00:19:32,633 --> 00:19:34,870
who just wanted a fancy
restaurant for one night.
543
00:19:34,895 --> 00:19:36,282
- And I love...
- Oh, my God, are you
544
00:19:36,306 --> 00:19:38,875
- really doing ten of these?
- No, ten's crazy.
545
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:40,402
I don't know what we were thinking.
546
00:19:40,427 --> 00:19:42,967
- Maybe a couple more?
- I love that Linda says "vroom vroom"
547
00:19:42,991 --> 00:19:44,351
when she turns on the coffee maker.
548
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,146
Oh, I had that one on my list.
549
00:19:46,171 --> 00:19:48,695
I love that Bob's mustache
flutters when he sneezes.
550
00:19:48,736 --> 00:19:50,497
I guess Mom and Dad are
doing their valentines.
551
00:19:50,583 --> 00:19:52,628
Out loud and in front of strangers.
552
00:19:52,653 --> 00:19:55,178
Those romantic sons of
bitches. Play something nice.
553
00:19:55,265 --> 00:19:56,759
- Baby-making music?
- You know it.
554
00:19:56,784 --> 00:19:58,199
Hugo?
555
00:19:58,224 --> 00:20:00,655
You look exactly like
your mother described you.
556
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,421
Cheryl? You're here. What happened?
557
00:20:02,446 --> 00:20:04,556
Sorry I'm so late. I
went to the wrong Urge.
558
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:07,059
- Really?
- Yeah. There's one in Bog Harbor.
559
00:20:07,084 --> 00:20:09,838
It's more of a sex toy shop
with a theater in the back.
560
00:20:09,863 --> 00:20:11,691
Oh. Did you see all my texts?
561
00:20:11,757 --> 00:20:13,997
Well, you turn off your phone
when you're in the theater.
562
00:20:14,022 --> 00:20:16,712
- I'm kidding. My battery died.
- You're delightful.
563
00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:18,698
Bob, re-Urge the place, pronto.
564
00:20:18,723 --> 00:20:20,936
Yeah, we're back in business, baby.
565
00:20:20,961 --> 00:20:23,678
Honestly, I kind of just want
to be our old restaurant again.
566
00:20:23,703 --> 00:20:25,574
Tell you what, h-how about a burger?
567
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:26,818
I'd love a burger.
568
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:28,274
They're delicious. And afterwards,
569
00:20:28,298 --> 00:20:29,618
you still got a little money left.
570
00:20:29,643 --> 00:20:31,363
You can buy heart medicine and not die.
571
00:20:31,388 --> 00:20:33,147
I'd have a burger. Do you want a burger?
572
00:20:33,172 --> 00:20:34,565
I could go for a burger, yeah.
573
00:20:34,590 --> 00:20:37,282
Valentine's burgers,
all right. Anyone else?
574
00:20:37,307 --> 00:20:40,216
- Bob, can you leave a candle on one table?
- Sure.
575
00:20:40,241 --> 00:20:41,851
We're doing this again next year, right?
576
00:20:41,876 --> 00:20:43,741
- Eh...
- Eh... we'll see.
577
00:20:43,766 --> 00:20:44,985
Or you know what's coming up?
578
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:46,962
Presidents' Day. Some paper flags.
579
00:20:46,987 --> 00:20:48,597
This guy as a little Lincoln.
580
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,357
Same outfit, just add hat and beard.
581
00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:52,601
- I'd eat there.
- Oh, I got to grind some meat.
582
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:53,821
"What's happening?"
583
00:20:53,845 --> 00:20:55,238
We're doing burgers, Chuck.
584
00:20:55,263 --> 00:20:56,928
"Wait, what?" Oh, sorry, I...
585
00:20:56,953 --> 00:20:58,868
"Just kidding, I'm into it.
586
00:20:58,893 --> 00:21:00,460
Grind me, Bob. Do it!"
587
00:21:00,485 --> 00:21:05,519
♪ It's okay, we're just
children watching you ♪
588
00:21:05,544 --> 00:21:09,942
♪ It's okay, we're just
children watching you ♪
589
00:21:09,967 --> 00:21:13,187
♪ Just pretend that we're not here ♪
590
00:21:13,212 --> 00:21:16,234
♪ As you grope each other's rears ♪
591
00:21:16,259 --> 00:21:19,371
♪ Just pretend you're not with us ♪
592
00:21:19,396 --> 00:21:22,312
♪ Do your hanky-panky business ♪
593
00:21:22,439 --> 00:21:25,137
- ♪ It's okay ♪
- ♪ It's okay ♪
594
00:21:25,162 --> 00:21:27,860
- ♪ We're just children watching you ♪
- ♪ La, la, la ♪
595
00:21:27,885 --> 00:21:29,856
- ♪ It's okay ♪
- ♪ It's okay ♪
596
00:21:29,881 --> 00:21:33,798
♪ We're just children
watching you. ♪
597
00:21:33,823 --> 00:21:36,757
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --