[♪♪]
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Hm. Spiffy.
[Dewey, over communicator] Double-O Duck?
This is Dewble-O Duck.
You need to find enemy agent, Red Feather,
and say the password
"Cold pastrami on rye, hold the mustard."
Mm. Yummy.
- What are you doing? - [all gasp]
What I Dewey best.
♪ Never found the truth ♪
♪ Never knew the meaning ♪
♪ Your endless charm and youth ♪
♪ Never stopped me dreaming ♪
[grunts]
♪ But now it's dawned on me ♪
♪ That intellect I'll never see ♪
♪ So I must go ♪
Uh, hi.
Can I help you?
Ham and cheese...
Uh, no, pepperoni...
No. Oh, gosh, no, now I'm hungry.
Uh, ketchup? Er... no... uh...
Thousand Island? I can't remember when I'm hungry.
Sorry, Double-O-Duck. The kitchen is closed.
[coughing and groaning]
Man, I can't believe we lost the game so fast.
I had a sassy quip ready and everything.
LP? Game over.
[panting]
It's a little too real.
Yay! You won!
No, we totally lost.
So you're done roaming around
in that forsaken room?
It is a super high-tech game.
When you put on these glasses, you're in a different world.
Haven't you ever wanted to plug into a thrilling
high-stakes adventure?
Can we play one more time?
Pretty please, Uncle McDee.
It is bad enough I had to set foot
in this contraptionary carnival to pick you up.
Now you want me to stay here?
You know, Uncle Scrooge,
I've always wanted to introduce you
to the Captain's Quarters Arcade.
- Come on! - All right, LP.
Let's jack in and reboot their butts.
I don't know. Maybe you should do this one on your own.
Hey, we're a team. We got this.
No pressure, LP.
Just a simple spy game.
What could go wrong?
Black Heron. Steelbeak.
We have intruders.
[monitor beeps]
♪ Life is like A hurricane ♪
♪ Here in Duckburg ♪
♪ Racecars, lasers Airplanes ♪
♪ It's a duck blur ♪
♪ Might solve a mystery ♪
♪ Or rewrite history ♪
♪ Duck Tales, whoo-ooh ♪
♪ Every day they're out there Making Duck Tales, whoo-ooh ♪
♪ Tales of derring-do Bad and good-luck tales ♪
♪ Whoo-ooh ♪
*DUCKTALES (2017)* Season 03 Episode 031
Episode Title: "Double-O-Duck in You Only Crash Twice!"
Aired on: April 11, 2020
McDuck is here.
McWhat?
I hate that guy.
F.O.W.I. chose this absurd location
because he'd never step foot in a place like Funso's.
I miss the old lair, the Sat-a-Lighthouse.
[laughs]
Classic villain lair.
Get them out of here without rousing suspicion.
Director Buzzard is right.
They can't discover my Intelli-Ray.
Intelli-buh?
[sighs]
The Third Eye Diamond,
a mystical relic pulled from the F.O.W.I. archives.
It increases the intellect of its target.
Observe.
This simple rodent had a brain the size of a pea.
Sound familiar?
[laughs]
Rats are dumb, right?
[Black Heron] I centupled its intelligence.
I raised its IQ.
I made the dumb rat smart.
Oh! I see. What you got there is a Smart Rat ray.
[laughs] Why didn't you just say that?
[sighs]
But if I could reverse this beam,
I could use this weapon to make Scrooge McDuck
dumber than the dummies.
[cackles]
Any questions?
Did the rat make that jumpsuit on a regular sewing machine,
or did it build it on it's own tiny sewing machine?
Either way, I'm very...
Just get rid of them, stupid.
I'm not stupid. I'll go.
Not because you told me,
but because there's no trap like a steel trap.
- [metal clangs] - Go!
You know, because my beak?
It's made of steel.
Put in a token,
then whack at these moles with this hammer.
I pay for the privilege of doing someone else's yard work?
Pass.
So that's a no to video games,
Uke or Puke, Mole Whacker, and sitting quietly on a bench.
I am sorry, Webbigail,
but these videographic adventures
will never compare to the real... thing?
[Prospector Paul] There's gold in them hills!
[arcade game beeping]
Yes! Skee-Ball.
Roll the balls into the point holes and get...
- Gold? - And tickets!
A fun diversion,
but it'll never compare to the actual thrill of...
Eureka! 100 points.
[laughing] Oh! Stand back, Webbigail.
These sidewinding claim-jumpers
won't stop me from striking it ticket rich.
Oh!
[grunting] There we go.
Can't let Dewey down. Got to be smart, got to win.
You lose, we all go home.
Calm down, LP. It's only a game.
Our last game. And the last of my allowance.
But don't overthink it.
All right. Okay, bud. You can do this.
[inaudible]
Okay. I'll have your back this time
so nothing goes wrong.
Remember, we say the passcode, win the card game,
locate the villain's lair.
Once there, find the secret weapon, save the world.
- Then we get pizza! - Yes. Pizza.
But first, we take out Odd-Duck.
Huh?
Can I help you?
Uh, cold...
Pastrami on rye. Hold the mustard.
...pickles, no onions.
Hm.
I am Red Feather.
Duck. Dewey Duck.
Pad. Launchpad.
McQuack, my name is Launchpad McQuack.
Men of exquisite taste.
Follow.
[grunts]
I never saw the game do this before.
Maybe he's a secret boss?
Name's Steelbeak.
You boys enjoying you spy games?
[chuckles]
We are, thank you for asking.
[dealer] The game is baccarat chemin de fer.
Stakes on the bank hand,
but customers holding the shoe.
I get it.
Yes, I do as well.
Go fish.
Old maid.
Uh...
crazy eights.
Checkmate.
[grunts] Well played.
It was?
I guess you were outsmart-guyed.
Ha! I don't know about schmantzy card games.
But how about a game of 52 pickup...
your teeth!
The pain feels so lifelike.
[grunts]
Aah!
Looks like the cards
- were stacked against... - Hey!
[all gasp]
- [grunts] - Aah!
- Whoo-hoo! - We did it!
[neck cracks]
[snickers and grunts]
[game beeping]
Bonanza! 100 points.
I knew you'd love this.
Oh, hey, let me show you this trick shot.
Not now, lass. I'm on a roll.
I need to keep my strength up.
Fetch your uncle a tin of mutton.
I think they just have nachos.
[grunts]
Ow!
[grunting]
[spits and laughs]
Ah!
I gotcha.
- [grunts] - Ah!
[Launchpad yells]
Huh?
[both scream]
- [crash] - [both groan]
[machinery whirring]
[cackles]
Thanks for playing.
Dewey?
Launchpad? Oh, man.
Do you know what this means?
[both] We made it to the next level!
Now we just need to find a way out of here.
There's always some kind of escape puzzle
or a hidden panel.
Like this one.
Okay. Like this one.
Nerp.
I think I got something.
The Funso job is donezo.
Hey, what's this mess now?
The Intelli-ray.
I just explained it to you.
Ugh! I'll just show you.
[both groan]
[laughs]
- Success! - Of course.
With this, we could make Scrooge so hungry
he'll eat all the world's toys.
What? No, it's not making them hungry.
They're dumb... Wait, where are the ducks?
Relax. They think they're in a game.
I put them in one of the holding cells.
And, yes, I did put them in those flashy prisoner jumpsuits.
You brought Scrooge McDuck's family to our lair,
where Scrooge McDuck will come looking for them,
because he's Scrooge McDuck?
Duh, that ain't smart.
You were supposed to get rid of them, not bring them to us.
Ugh, why must I be surrounded by imbeciles?
[growls]
Almost.
Ow!
- Did you get it? - No.
It'd take some kind of genius to figure this out.
Okay, think.
Now, what can rubber bands do?
Band things together.
They go stretchy.
They snap really hard.
What am I missing?
I see a wall, door, glass, and floor.
Ah, what does it all mean?
[powering up]
[all cheer and laugh]
[console beeps]
Whoa.
The solution was to build a tiny plane
and teach a mouse to fly it?
Yes. I figured that out.
I'm sorry I doubted you, LP. You're getting the hang of this.
Now we've got to find the villain's secret weapon.
I should have left you rotting in the prison cell
in St. Canard.
After I sort this out,
I'm reporting you to high command.
Easy, Heron, that's no way to talk to your partner.
Partner? You are a stooge.
A low-level flunky.
You bird-brained, idiotic, stupid...
Stop calling me that!
[gasps]
[groans and giggles]
Not so smart now, are you?
All right, dum-dums. I'm taking over.
[grumbling]
Yes! I did it!
I'm the richest duck in the arcade.
Great, Uncle Scrooge.
Okay, now we exchange these tickets for prizes, and...
Find your own grubstake, you gut burglar.
Okay, okay. I think maybe you got a little too into this game.
Everyone wants a piece of my fortune.
I'm gonna need some kind of ticket repository, or safe, or...
- Ticket bin? - Yes!
That'll do it!
[cackles]
Hm.
[grunts]
There's the bad guy. This is easy.
A little too easy.
- I got this. - No, wait! Where's the...
[gasps]
...device?
Look at what we got here.
A jailbreak.
Now I have to break you.
Yeah, well, there is no "I" in "You."
But there is a "You" in "You're done for."
Oh, these quips are terrible. Can we fight already?
Eggheads, scramble them!
Now that was... aah!
[grunts]
[sighs]
[grunts]
Oh, no!
Launchpad! No!
Man, that was his last life.
I shall avenge you, my friend, to my last... hey!
I was in the middle of a monologue here.
- Stupid game. - No one calls me stupid!
And no one's ever going to call me stupid again.
I'll take over from here, chap.
[gasps and pants]
My mind,
so nimble so clear.
That cad Steelbeak must have blasted me
with an intelligence-enhancement ray.
But what of Dewford?
Hm.
Mr. Steelbeak wanted you two
to check the manifold coupling
for the converter relays on Sector 13.
I don't know what any of those words mean.
Heavens, you don't want them to think
you don't know what you're doing.
Hurry along now, sector 13.
Is there some confusion, friend?
I, uh, actually try to avoid the number 13.
They say it's bad luck.
Well, it's certainly proving to be bad luck for you.
The Fiendish Organization for World Larceny?
They're back?
They're plotting against Mr. McDee.
And worse,
they've already kidnapped dear Dewford.
I won't let him down again.
Hm, can't go out there looking like this.
All right, you dog.
Where does Steelbeak keep his evening wear?
[grunting]
[dialing phone]
Pick up, Mr. McDee. Pick up.
I must warn you.
[vibrating]
Sir, we can count those for you.
Ah, yes. You'd like that, wouldn't you sonny?
[grumbles]
Why do I have to spend these now?
We could be ticket billionaires.
Oh, it's too bad these tickets expire
at the end of the day.
These tickets don't exp... ah!
Where the devil is Steelbeak going?
[engine revs]
Launchpad, you had another life?
A speedboat chase!
I can taste the seawater.
I'm actually afraid and a little dehydrated.
This game is incredible.
Dewey, this is no game.
Your family is in danger.
[inaudible]
Ugh.
[grunting]
Huh?
No time for a crash course.
[gasps]
That's my partner!
How is he doing this?
[laughs]
There goes your pal Lurch-pond.
Ha! You know, because he just got lurched
into that pond over there?
That's technically a bay.
I'm not stupid!
Classic villain lair.
Soon all of Duckburg will be full of dummies.
And after that, the world.
This is the end of the game? Some dumb lighthouse fight?
This is a stu...
...pendous plan. Please don't kill me.
This is my last life,
and Uncle Scrooge only gives us like a nickel a week.
[spits]
You again?
Wait a minute. Is that my suit?
It suits me better.
[yells]
Huh?
Wait a sec.
Your brain, your body.
They're all smart now.
But not for long.
Wait! No!
[rumbling]
You haven't adjusted the device correctly.
You'll make the whole city imbecilic.
Your fancy speak won't work on me, Dummy-O-Duck.
Ha-ha! Classic.
But they'll be so dumb they'll forget how to breathe.
Oh. Yeah.
No duh.
That was totally my plan the whole time,
and you just figured it out?
Looks like your not as smart as me.
"Not as smart as I."
[screams]
[laughs]
What are you laughing at?
This lighthouse has a bit
of a rodent problem.
Huh?
[muffled screaming]
[groans]
Thanks for the rescue.
[grunts]
Oh! The city is doomed.
[powering up]
No person could survive being that stupid...
except...
Launchpad!
I can't believe it. We might actually beat the game.
Launchpad?
[Dewey] ♪ Never found the truth ♪
♪ Never knew the meaning ♪
But I can't sacrifice my intelligence.
There's so much more I could accomplish.
Stop the evil conspiracy out to get us.
Solve world hunger.
Land a plane. There must be some other way.
What? Launchpad, why are you overthinking this?
Because I want to be good enough for you.
Of course you're good enough for me.
You're my best friend.
♪ I'll never see ♪
♪ So I must go ♪
For Dewey and Duckburg.
♪ I'm just not good enough ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ I'm just not good enough ♪
♪ For Dewey ♪
Remember me!
[both gasp]
Did we beat it? We beat the game!
Was it all a game?
Wait till I tell Huey that I...
You beat the game.
Nice job, Double-O.
I'm not playing with anybody but you.
Whoa, looks like you two have seen some action.
Us? What happened to you? You get anything good?
Mustache comb.
Cost me three million tickets.
Three million?
How much did you spend to get those tickets?
[sobs]
I don't think we should bring you here anymore.
Thank you.
[Suave-Pad] You must warn them.
F.O.W.I. is plotting against the family.
Mr. McDee, I've got something very important to tell you.
I like purple. A lot.
Ha! Man, I'm glad I got that off my chest.
It was bugging me.
All right. Let's go home.
No! Warn them, you old fool! Warn them!
Oh, dash it all, I'm going for a soak.
Wake up. Do you have any idea the mess I had to clean up?
Bringing the ducks back to Funsos,
returning Steelbeak here,
restoring your intelligence, as it were.
Bradford, I...
I told you, no Intelligence Rays or Freeze Rays,
or any kind of rays.
[laughs]
Who's stupid now?
[muffled screams]
We are F.O.W.I.
We have to be smarter than that.
We're not trying to destroy the world.
We're going to steal it out from underneath McDuck's nose.
Ew, why was this wet?
♪ I'm just not good enough ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ I'm just not good enough ♪
♪ For Dewey ♪
♪ ..wey ♪
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