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- Life is like a hurricane
- Here in Duckburg
- Racecars, lasers, airplanes
- it's a duck-blur
- Might solve a mystery
- Or rewrite history
- DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh
- Every day they're out there making
- DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh
- Tales of derring-do Bad and good luck tales
- D-d-d-danger
- Watch behind you
- There's a stranger out to find you
- What to do? Just grab on to some
- DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh
- Every day they're out there making
- DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh
- Tales of derring-do Bad and good luck tales
- Ooh-woo-ooh Not ponytails or cotton tails, no
- DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh -
[Scrooge] Fourth down and goal to go. Will Huey pass to McDuck,
or run it in himself?
Every spectator in the stands is hushed with anticipation.
Tension's so thick, you could cut it with a knife.
As the clock ticks ominously away...
Aw, cut the gab, Uncle Scrooge, and hike the darn ball, will ya?
Sure, lads. As soon as that elephant leaves.
- What elephant? - Hike!
Go long, Uncle Scrooge!
- Hey, no fair! - I'm clear! I'm clear!
Head for home plate, Mr. McDuck.
I got it. I got it!
[Woman gasping] Stop the car, Vincent.
I suggest you take this bloated toy away from Scrooge McDuck's money bin
before he has you arrested.
- But I'm Scrooge McDuck. - Nonsense.
Anyone with that much money would never wallow in the mud.
- But... But... - To the new car dealer, Vincent.
This one is dirty.
Yeah, you're the richest duck in the world.
With or without mud.
No, she has a point, lads.
If I want to attract rich clients, I've got to start acting rich.
Fine, sir. Then we'll get you cleaned up right after your peanut butter sandwich.
No, Beakley. No more common food for me.
Today, Scrooge McDuck is lunching with his fellow rich folks.
What'll you have, Mr. McDuck? The usual?
No hot dogs today, Joe. I'm thinking of eating in there.
You kidding? They charge two bucks for a glass of water.
I know, I know. But it's time I started showing everybody
that I've got a little class.
Oh, so now my hot dogs don't have enough class for you anymore, huh?
- Now wait, Joe. - Well, fine!
Fine.
- I'd like a table. - Oui, monsieur.
Not we, just me.
[Chuckling] No, monsieur. I said "oui."
That is the classy French word for "yes."
Uh, thank you.
I mean, souffle.
Great Scot, look at these prices.
Oh, well. It's worth it to make a good impression with these snooty folks.
It might even help my business.
GarCon, give me the most expensive dish on the menu.
[Launchpad] Make that two. And throw on a side of fries.
- Good grief, it's Launchpad! - Yo, Mr. McD!
I just remembered that you owed me a lunch, so I dropped in.
Shh! How did you find me?
[Chuckling] I ran into Joe. Boy, he was as steamed as his hot dogs.
Well, now that you're here, try to show a little class.
No sweat, Mr. McD. "Little class" is my middle name.
Voila.
- Starboard engine's ablaze. - No, Launchpad, it's all right.
[All gasping]
Excuse moi.
I think my social standing just sat down.
Well, must be going, all. Reservoir.
You know, Mr. McD, I'd skip this joint if I were you.
They don't even serve burritos.
Not even my beautiful money can cheer me up today.
I spent my whole life acquiring a fortune,
but there's no one to impress with it.
I never even get invited to fancy parties.
Well, I'm going to change that.
Tonight, Scrooge McDuck takes his place in society.
[Woman] Next time, Vincent, let's bring the big car.
[Chattering]
Sorry, old bean, but this party's only for important people.
Get the hint?
Aye, I know. The Association of Status Seekers, right?
I want to join.
[Scoffs] What makes you think you'd qualify?
I have 72 kajillion dollars.
And a battered hat. So what?
To get in here, old bean, you need status.
Something every snob in town is dying to own.
Well, I don't know about status, but I own this hotel.
Oh, well, then I supposed I can at least show you around.
Now, over there is Gloria Snootlick.
She enjoys the status of owning expensive necklaces.
[Woman] You call that dog collar jewelry, darling?
With my big diamond, no one can out-status Lady Delardo.
Maybe she should get a chauffeur to drive that thing.
Speaking of driving, here's Dr. Kunstenweimer.
Ja. I just bought my tenth Rolls Canardly.
[Man] But, of course. One needs at least ten for status these days.
OK. What entitles that guy to be here?
Oh, he owns the pink Fakasso.
Sold his father's gold teeth to buy it.
He gets invited to all the parties.
That's one way to cut your food costs.
You still don't get it, old bean.
Look, I'm the president of the Status Seekers for important reason:
I own this,
Breath of a Salesman.
Yuck. That's almost as ugly as the Mask of Kuthululu.
Don't laugh, old bean.
Anyone here would give their grandmother for that status symbol.
- The Mask of Kuthululu is marvelous. - It's hideous.
- I'm glad I got rid of it. - You owned the Mask of Kuthululu?
Where is it? I'll give you a million dollars for it.
- Two million! - Five! Ten!
- Just give me that mask! - Do you mean to say
that with that monstrosity, I could get into your club?
Get in? Why, we'd make you our new president.
- What? - Move over, old bean.
You're about to be out-snobbed.
Odd bodkins. This Club Fed penitentiary is really nice.
If I ever get arrested, I'll demand to be sent here.
The Blueblood Beagle Boys will see you now, sir.
Follow me, please.
I say, Bernaise, do you feel up to a game of polo?
Oh, no, Bicep, we did that yesterday.
Charles Upstuck III to see you gentlemen.
Welcome, Charles. How good to see you again.
What can we do for you, as it were?
I need you to pull a little job for me, Bonaparte.
We'd love to help, Charles.
But the Jail Birdie is next week.
Ah, yes, prison golf tournament.
[Bonaparte] Correct. Fore!
Would an original Van Goat change your social calendar?
[All] Ooh!
Status supreme. It's a deal.
Oh, guard! Pack our bags and tell the warden we've escaped for a week or so.
Mmm, very good, sir.
[Seagulls squawking]
[Nephew] Don't look now, Uncle Scrooge.
Every status seeker in town is following us.
[Chuckling] They're hoping I'll lead them straight to the Mask of Kuthululu.
Get below, everyone!
Why, that rotten, rude nobody!
He's got a submarine.
- Take her down, lads. - Aye, aye, Captain Scrooge.
[People shouting]
[Chuckling] That'll lose them. Well, crew, what's for lunch?
- Peanut butter sandwiches. - [All] Yeah!
We're far out to sea now. Let's look around.
Uh-oh. There's a ship about one mile behind us on the same course.
Zig to the south, Launchpad, and try not to hit anything.
Aye, aye, sir.
So enough secrecy, already. Where are we headed, Uncle Scrooge?
Right here. The island of Ripantero.
Years ago, I swapped the mask there for a bushel of emeralds.
- [Mrs. Beakley] Mr. McDuck, come here! - Oh, what is it, Beakley?
- That ship is still on our tail. - There's something fishy going on.
All right, lads, evasive action.
Zig east, then zag north, run in circles,
dive, then double back twice.
[Launchpad] Did he say zig west or zag west?
- [Nephew] Not west, east. - What?
East! East!
OK, crew. Let's see how badly we out-maneuvered that ship.
It's still there. Who are those guys?
Ha ha ha. That sub-sonic beeper I hid on McDuck's cargo crates
really did the trick.
We'll be able to track him anywhere.
But why doesn't his equipment pick up the sound?
It does, but Scrooge completely ignores it.
[Squeaking]
You see, it's the love call of a jellyfish.
And Scrooge's beeper sounds just like it.
But doesn't that signal attract other jellyfish?
Who cares? Since when did jellyfish need a status symbol?
[All laughing]
We've got to figure out some way to lose that ship. If only I could...
- [rumbling] - Whoa!
- What is that? - About a 6.8 on the Richter.
Galloping guppies! We're in big trouble!
What is it, Dewey, lad?
A jellyfish as big as the Astrodome is hugging our ship to pieces.
This is terrible. Dreadful. Ghastly.
Hey, why don't we fire some torpedoes at it?
- Sorry, Louie, there aren't any. - Terrific.
I've eaten chili with more fire-power than this tub.
Hey, chili! That's it!
Louie, get a box while I find the chili powder!
- Oh, I get it. - Grab the pepper too, Dewey.
- Get all the spices. - What are you guys up to?
You'll see, Launchpad. Open torpedo tubes.
Fire!
[Squealing]
What is that?
It looks like the Goodyear blimp eating a submarine sandwich.
Nice try, lads. But now we're airborne.
Ah, back in my natural element.
The sky, the airy reaches, the wild blue yonder.
Fine, but can you get us back down to the mild blue under?
Huh? Oh, yeah. I've got an idea.
Sit on those crates while I switch these cables.
Rock and roll!
Well, anyway, we're alive and free of that amorous zeppelin.
Right. Now let's get back on course.
Just a minuto, Mr. McD. I've gotta update my crash chart.
- Submarine, check. - [Huey] You have a crash chart?
Yep, it's for my insurance company. Ten more crashes, I get a toaster.
I don't believe it. They actually outwitted that uncouth blob.
[Bonaparte] Yes, and now they is headed off to the island of Ripantero.
So that's where the Mask of Kuthululu is. Full steam ahead, gentlemen!
Ah, the island of Ripantero. We won!
Don't count your chickens before they're masked. Look!
Those strangers beat us here.
[Groans]
Bring those crates, lads. I'm going to get to the bottom of this right now.
Those scoundrels can't be far ahead of us, crew. Follow me!
- Whoa! - Whoa!
I don't remember any tiger traps on Ripantero.
[Charles] Let's just call it a recent land development, old bean.
I should have known. Charles Stick 'Em Up III and his ditch-digging friends.
After I rearrange your face, McDuck,
I'll ignore that unkind remark.
Forget these lowlifes, Bicep. We're here for the Mask of Kuthululu.
Ta-ta, old bean.
[Groaning]
Now I want to take his presidency more than ever.
[Huey] Well, then quit squawking, Uncle Scrooge, and give us a hand.
Yeah, opportunity knocks only skin deep.
Well, chief, how about trading the mask for this stylish diamond-studded watch.
Me no need ticky-tocker. When light, me work. When dark, me sleep.
- Fine, fine. What about a nice...? - Poke in the snout?
- McDuck. - Forget this scoundrel.
I'll give you this solid-gold Squawkman.
I'll give you a solid-gold Gadillac.
- A bottle of emeralds. - Paris original for your wife.
Moon-rock earrings.
[Chuckling] No, no, my friends.
Look around. We no need such things.
But in Duckburg, these is big status symbols.
In Ripantero, these are big junk.
We keep mask. Ta-ta.
- All that work. - For nothing.
By the way, chief, what is a status symbol here?
You mean, what makes one man
- more envied than another? - Yeah.
A big tummy.
That's a symbol that carries a lot of weight.
Chiefy, I have something here that'll add inches to your social standing.
- Inches? - Calorie-loaded peanut butter.
[Speaking foreign language]
McDuck, you got a deal.
Yippee! Now I'm the king of the social jungle.
Too bad, old bean.
[Groans]
Behold the Mask of Kuthululu.
- My treasure! - Then let's bury it.
- Thanks, chief. Enjoy. - Yep. Happy scales to you.
Yum, yum. [chuckling]
Sorry, Charles. You must be devastated.
That upstart thinks he'll get my presidency without a social scuffle.
But I've not yet begun to fight. Not by a long shot.
Phew! Lmagine common peanut butter
being worth more than this crate full of fancy doodads.
- And lighter too. - Hey! What's this?
- [Beeping] - It looks like a tracking device.
No wonder Charles Upstuck the Nerd was able to follow us.
- Get rid of it, Huey. - Right.
It's the long lob!
Cast off, lads. We're heading back for Duckburg.
Yeah!
Ah, the Mask of Kuthululu, mine once more.
Mr. McDuck, why would you want to own such an abomination?
Well... [stammers]
...because there's only one like it in the world.
- Thank goodness for that. - It's a gross-out, Uncle Scrooge.
Aye, lad. But when you can afford the best and you buy the worst,
- that's a sign of true status. - Something you'll never have.
You again.
Kindly hand over the mask, McDuck,
and you'se won't have to be barbecued. Like this.
Periscope down.
At times like these, I remember the words of the immortal Socrates:
Youch! [howling]
The latest in aero-space lasers. Even my weapons have more status than you.
Now hand over the mask.
- Never! - Just give him the hideous thing.
No! If these sharks think they can rob me with that overgrown flashlight,
- they can just go fish. - Fine.
Then allow me to change your status from "old bean"
to "refried bean."
Bicep, light up his life.
[Louie] Give him the mask, Uncle Scrooge! It's not worth it.
Hey, who stole the sun?
[Squeaking]
Hey, call our lawyer.
- Hey! Get us out of here! - Listen.
That blob of jelly must have liked that beeper we sent over.
Hold-up's over, Launchpad. Steer us out of here.
I say, old bean, you can't just leave us here like this.
Here's a clue for you all. Put a little spice in his life.
- [Iellyfish grunts] - Gesundheit.
Congratulations, Mr. McDuck. The mask is absolutely stunning.
And now that you own the ultimate status symbol,
we hereby proclaim you our new president.
[People] Here here.
Squeeze me bagpipes. Now I'm one of you.
Yeah, as long as you don't do anything embarrassing.
Embarrassing? Like what?
Like last week's little fiasco in the restaurant.
Oh. [chuckling] Oh, that.
Well, that was really my friend's fault.
Then we don't want friends like that, now do we, Mr. McDuck?
Uh, no.
Those Muddy football games are out too.
- Right, Mr. President? - Uh... uh, right, right.
Excuse me.
Whew. This social climbing is making me afraid of heights.
Hi, Uncle Scrooge! Sorry we're late.
Yeah. Well, actually, lads, you're early. Can you come back tomorrow?
I brought you your favorite peanut butter cracker treats.
I don't like them anymore, and neither do my friends.
Uncle Scrooge? Are you saying those snobs are invited
- and we're not? - I have to keep up appearances.
- You understand. - Even I understand, Mr. McD.
We're not good enough for you anymore.
But don't you see, I need these people. They're important.
It hurts to be an outsider.
Kindly elevate your appendages and no one will be physically discomforted.
- What did he say? - Stick 'em up and you won't get hurt.
If Mr. McD wants us to leave, now would be a good time.
Yeah. But even if he doesn't want us right now, he definitely needs us.
Right. Let's give those galoots what for.
Let's not have any heroes, all right?
Come on, friends. We can take them if we all charge.
What? And get our hands dirty?
Forget it, old bean. They won't help you.
Old bean! Why, you're Charles Upstuck III.
No... No, I'm not.
Oh, yes, he is.
Charles, I'm writing a very stern note to the committee about this.
Heads up! [shouting]
I believe this is an apropos time to depart, Bicep.
I concur.
No, stick around, boys. And I do mean stick.
Have one on me, buddy.
Upstuck carries the ball to the 20, the 15, the ten.
But McDuck brings him down at the one-yard line.
You did swell, crew. Thank you.
Yes, yes, very nice.
But the fact remains, they can't stay at this party.
- [People chattering in agreement] - You ungrateful pack of snobs.
These are my friends. They may be common to you,
but at least they have the common sense to do the right thing.
[Scoffs] Then go back to your hot dogs and football, McDuck,
- because you'll never be one of us. - Fine.
Then I don't have to pretend that I like this ugly mask anymore.
The mask! I want it!
- No, I want it! - I want that mask!
They're not such a bad lot after all.
They like playing in the mud more than we.
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