1 00:00:01,770 --> 00:00:04,877 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo 2 00:00:04,943 --> 00:00:09,051 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 3 00:00:09,118 --> 00:00:12,959 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo 4 00:00:13,026 --> 00:00:16,967 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 5 00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:21,209 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo 6 00:00:21,276 --> 00:00:23,581 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 7 00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:24,648 [laughs] 8 00:00:24,683 --> 00:00:25,985 Ooh! [Growls] 9 00:00:26,052 --> 00:00:27,822 - Mommy! - Aaaaaaah! 10 00:00:27,889 --> 00:00:29,292 - Duncan! - Duncan! 11 00:00:30,862 --> 00:00:32,699 [indistinct chatter] 12 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,402 Thank you all for another great year, 13 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,609 and your thoughtful, last-second gifts. 14 00:00:37,676 --> 00:00:38,676 Hold up! 15 00:00:38,711 --> 00:00:40,915 Red Lobster gift card coming your way. 16 00:00:40,982 --> 00:00:41,993 Here's everything I confiscated 17 00:00:42,017 --> 00:00:43,119 from you this year. 18 00:00:43,186 --> 00:00:45,758 - Bex, your bullhorn. - Awesome. 19 00:00:45,825 --> 00:00:47,094 Attention! 20 00:00:47,161 --> 00:00:50,000 There's a dented Honda Accord on fire. 21 00:00:50,067 --> 00:00:51,937 Teachers: My car! 22 00:00:52,004 --> 00:00:53,239 Wolf, your bow and arrow. 23 00:00:53,306 --> 00:00:54,943 I'm gonna eat good this summer. 24 00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:56,312 Now, let's have five minutes 25 00:00:56,379 --> 00:00:58,651 of general chaos until the bell rings. 26 00:00:58,718 --> 00:01:00,555 [all cheering] 27 00:01:00,622 --> 00:01:03,393 [dynamic music] 28 00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:04,563 [squeaks] 29 00:01:04,630 --> 00:01:05,732 [hawk shrieks] 30 00:01:05,798 --> 00:01:07,001 Check it, Mia. 31 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,806 Pen in the pencil sharpener. [laughs] 32 00:01:09,873 --> 00:01:11,109 Somebody has to clean that up. 33 00:01:11,175 --> 00:01:13,046 - Duncan, clean that up. - Yes, sir. 34 00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:14,850 So what are your plans for the summer? 35 00:01:14,916 --> 00:01:16,252 My summer? The uzh. 36 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:17,822 Going to summer school. You? 37 00:01:17,889 --> 00:01:19,960 Getting my college pre-reqs out of the way. 38 00:01:20,027 --> 00:01:22,197 Yeah, pre-reqs are always in the way. 39 00:01:22,264 --> 00:01:23,433 [bell rings] 40 00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:25,337 [all cheer] 41 00:01:25,404 --> 00:01:27,074 Duncan, good news. 42 00:01:27,141 --> 00:01:28,744 Did your girlfriend finally say yes? 43 00:01:28,811 --> 00:01:31,416 No, and I share way too much with this class. 44 00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:33,654 You may not have to go to summer school this year. 45 00:01:33,721 --> 00:01:35,323 I think you mean I can 46 00:01:35,390 --> 00:01:37,327 not have to go to summer school this year. 47 00:01:37,394 --> 00:01:40,568 [sighs] You just have one test you need to make up. 48 00:01:40,635 --> 00:01:41,670 Fitness test? 49 00:01:41,737 --> 00:01:43,473 Why does the president care if I'm hot? 50 00:01:43,541 --> 00:01:46,145 The only resource America has left is our hotness. 51 00:01:46,212 --> 00:01:47,390 Complete the test by midnight, 52 00:01:47,414 --> 00:01:49,051 and we both have the summer off. 53 00:01:49,118 --> 00:01:50,678 I could finally take my girl to Solvang, 54 00:01:50,722 --> 00:01:53,259 wrap a ring up in one of those skinny Danish pancakes 55 00:01:53,326 --> 00:01:55,865 oh, there I go sharing too much again. 56 00:01:57,936 --> 00:01:59,071 Mommy, Daddy! 57 00:01:59,138 --> 00:02:00,240 Here's all my artwork 58 00:02:00,307 --> 00:02:02,377 from the year so you can hang them up! 59 00:02:02,444 --> 00:02:03,446 Hmm. 60 00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:05,685 These are beautiful, Jing. 61 00:02:05,752 --> 00:02:08,356 Yeah, good job. 62 00:02:08,423 --> 00:02:12,097 But we need to find the perfect place to display them. 63 00:02:12,164 --> 00:02:15,036 You know, we could really use a pop of color under the sink. 64 00:02:15,103 --> 00:02:16,439 Great idea! 65 00:02:16,507 --> 00:02:19,846 Ugh, what's a girl gotta do to make the fridge? 66 00:02:19,913 --> 00:02:23,086 - I hate my yearbook picture! - Can we sue the school? 67 00:02:23,153 --> 00:02:24,656 We're not suing anyone. 68 00:02:24,723 --> 00:02:27,996 Juries find me unlikable and your father talks too much. 69 00:02:28,062 --> 00:02:29,866 - Let me see it. - Mm. 70 00:02:29,933 --> 00:02:31,302 What's wrong with it? 71 00:02:31,369 --> 00:02:33,707 It looks just like you, like you always look. 72 00:02:33,774 --> 00:02:35,110 And always will. 73 00:02:35,177 --> 00:02:36,780 I'm tired of looking like me. 74 00:02:36,847 --> 00:02:38,584 This better be the summer nature kicks in 75 00:02:38,651 --> 00:02:41,489 and gives me a little ba-boom and a little ba-bang. 76 00:02:41,557 --> 00:02:43,435 I wanna come back to school and have the guys go, 77 00:02:43,459 --> 00:02:45,197 "Damn, who's the cool new girl?" 78 00:02:45,263 --> 00:02:47,067 And I'll turn to them and say, "It's Kimberly! 79 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,606 The girl you used to throw soup on!" 80 00:02:49,673 --> 00:02:52,110 Well, only one more kid to enter. 81 00:02:52,177 --> 00:02:54,649 [sighs, grunts] 82 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,885 [groans] 83 00:02:55,952 --> 00:02:57,722 Oh, Dunkie, I'm glad your pants are off. 84 00:02:57,789 --> 00:02:58,323 I need you to try on your back to school summer clothes. 85 00:02:58,389 --> 00:03:02,231 Actually, Mr. Mitch said 86 00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:04,068 I might not have to go to summer school. 87 00:03:04,134 --> 00:03:06,072 No summer school? 88 00:03:06,138 --> 00:03:08,611 You mean we could actually have a... 89 00:03:08,677 --> 00:03:10,615 Family vacation? 90 00:03:10,681 --> 00:03:12,150 [all cheering] 91 00:03:12,217 --> 00:03:15,223 I just have to pass this fitness test. 92 00:03:15,290 --> 00:03:16,894 Oh, take it! It's heavy! 93 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,265 No offense, son, but you're practically an invalid. 94 00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:20,777 Can't we just Aunt Becky our way out of this 95 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:21,970 with some fake photos? 96 00:03:22,037 --> 00:03:23,540 You guys don't believe in me? 97 00:03:23,607 --> 00:03:25,778 No, but I believe in me. 98 00:03:25,845 --> 00:03:28,149 And me is gonna help you. 99 00:03:28,216 --> 00:03:29,753 Let's get physical. 100 00:03:29,819 --> 00:03:31,657 - Cool. - I need to change into shorts. 101 00:03:31,723 --> 00:03:32,659 Carry me upstairs. 102 00:03:32,725 --> 00:03:34,428 [mellow music] 103 00:03:34,495 --> 00:03:36,733 Let's start easy: One sit-up. 104 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,204 Flat on your back, feet on the ground. 105 00:03:39,271 --> 00:03:41,643 [groans] My spiney fluid! 106 00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:43,681 [grunts] 107 00:03:43,747 --> 00:03:45,083 [all straining] 108 00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:47,154 - [shouts] - One! 109 00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:49,224 Next up, lift half your body weight. 110 00:03:49,291 --> 00:03:51,128 - 40 pounds? - [Grunts] 111 00:03:51,195 --> 00:03:52,130 Oh! [Grunts] 112 00:03:52,197 --> 00:03:53,534 Oh, she's too heavy! 113 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,838 Oh, hang on. I have a turtle in my pocket. 114 00:03:55,905 --> 00:03:57,240 There. [Grunts] 115 00:03:57,307 --> 00:03:58,811 - Yeah! - Whoo-hoo! 116 00:03:58,877 --> 00:04:01,550 - This is it, Dunkie! - The mile run! 117 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,288 Carry us to vacation, baby! 118 00:04:04,355 --> 00:04:06,158 Ugh! I'm not gonna make it! 119 00:04:06,225 --> 00:04:09,098 - You're a bum, Duncan! - A worthless bum! 120 00:04:09,164 --> 00:04:11,002 Go back to the docks! 121 00:04:11,068 --> 00:04:13,072 I ain't no bum. [Panting] 122 00:04:13,139 --> 00:04:16,012 Way to inspire your brother like Rocky's trainer. 123 00:04:16,078 --> 00:04:17,114 Who? 124 00:04:17,180 --> 00:04:20,086 Ugh, come on. [Groans] 125 00:04:20,153 --> 00:04:21,990 - Hey, Duncan's family. - What's up? 126 00:04:22,057 --> 00:04:24,395 He finished his test and it's one minute till midnight. 127 00:04:24,461 --> 00:04:25,931 Okay, hang on. 128 00:04:25,998 --> 00:04:27,769 [phone ringing] 129 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,138 Talk to me, Mr. Mitch. 130 00:04:29,204 --> 00:04:30,484 Madam President, Duncan Harris 131 00:04:30,541 --> 00:04:32,912 has completed his fitness test. 132 00:04:32,979 --> 00:04:34,181 Did you see him do it? 133 00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:36,052 Nah, but his parents seem cool. 134 00:04:36,118 --> 00:04:37,955 That's all I needed to hear. 135 00:04:39,491 --> 00:04:41,262 Enjoy your summer, Harris family. 136 00:04:41,328 --> 00:04:42,832 You too, Mr. Mitch. 137 00:04:42,899 --> 00:04:44,869 And good luck with that pancake proposal. 138 00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:46,305 - Duncan! - I'm sorry. 139 00:04:46,372 --> 00:04:48,877 It was such a sweet story. 140 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,017 [both grunt] 141 00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:53,954 Oh, going on vacation? 142 00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:55,156 Must be nice. 143 00:04:55,223 --> 00:04:56,593 Yeah, it is. Bye, Helen! 144 00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:58,730 Duncan, let me sunscreen your shoulders. 145 00:04:58,797 --> 00:05:00,968 You're burning. And so am I. 146 00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:02,795 - Get in the car, Duncan. - But my shoulders. 147 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:03,907 [both grunt] 148 00:05:03,974 --> 00:05:04,974 [engine turns over] 149 00:05:06,412 --> 00:05:07,715 I've never been on vacation. 150 00:05:07,782 --> 00:05:09,222 So we're gonna live at another place? 151 00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,186 How do we eat? Where do we sleep? 152 00:05:10,253 --> 00:05:11,766 Does Santa know we're there? I'm so excited! 153 00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:13,459 Ugh, can you do the Benadryl now? 154 00:05:13,527 --> 00:05:16,132 That is for legitimate allergies. 155 00:05:16,198 --> 00:05:17,334 Both: Sure, Mom. 156 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,980 I told you it doesn't wipe their memory. 157 00:05:19,004 --> 00:05:20,106 Listen up. 158 00:05:20,173 --> 00:05:22,277 Duncan may never pass anything again, 159 00:05:22,344 --> 00:05:25,684 so let's make this the perfect family vacation. 160 00:05:25,751 --> 00:05:28,422 I want us to order a crazy amount of room service 161 00:05:28,489 --> 00:05:29,893 and not worry about the cost... 162 00:05:29,959 --> 00:05:32,865 Your seafood towers and $45 Cokes. 163 00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,468 [all grunting] 164 00:05:34,536 --> 00:05:37,575 Sing songs around a beach bonfire 165 00:05:37,642 --> 00:05:40,581 all: ♪ Killing me softly with his song ♪ 166 00:05:40,648 --> 00:05:42,618 ♪ Killing me softly 167 00:05:42,685 --> 00:05:45,089 And finally, the holy grail of motherhood: 168 00:05:45,156 --> 00:05:47,260 Get a picture of all of us on a banana boat. 169 00:05:47,327 --> 00:05:48,262 [camera shutter clicks] 170 00:05:48,329 --> 00:05:49,398 Hey, Duncan, 171 00:05:49,464 --> 00:05:51,268 who's the hot guy that Mia's talking to? 172 00:05:51,335 --> 00:05:53,339 - [yells] - Let me out, let me out! 173 00:05:53,406 --> 00:05:56,145 - [strains] Duncan, no! - She's not worth it! 174 00:05:56,212 --> 00:05:58,115 Mom, the Benadryl! [Cap pops] 175 00:05:58,182 --> 00:05:59,418 - [grunts] - [gags] 176 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:03,125 - There you go. - All aboard the Benny train. 177 00:06:03,192 --> 00:06:04,963 - [groans] - Cover his face. 178 00:06:05,029 --> 00:06:06,733 He's freaking me out. 179 00:06:12,310 --> 00:06:13,550 [beachgoers shouting, laughing] 180 00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:16,318 Ooh, parasailing, waterskiing, wakeboarding. 181 00:06:16,385 --> 00:06:17,320 Who knew there were so many ways to be 182 00:06:17,387 --> 00:06:18,427 dragged through the water? 183 00:06:18,489 --> 00:06:19,692 [gasps] A banana boat! 184 00:06:19,759 --> 00:06:22,999 Family photo, right now, before we're too sunburned to smile. 185 00:06:23,065 --> 00:06:24,535 [gasps] 186 00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:27,742 My chance to paint something fridge-worthy! 187 00:06:27,808 --> 00:06:29,879 [gasps] 188 00:06:29,946 --> 00:06:30,946 Screw nature! 189 00:06:30,981 --> 00:06:33,419 I can ba-boom and ba-bang myself! 190 00:06:33,486 --> 00:06:34,989 And I need Wi-Fi so I can find out 191 00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:37,294 who that guy was with Mia. 192 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,233 Oh, they knew how much I wanted this. 193 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,037 Hey, can you get a picture of us? 194 00:06:42,103 --> 00:06:46,045 Sorry, that banana's for happy families only. 195 00:06:46,111 --> 00:06:47,682 [squeaking] 196 00:06:52,490 --> 00:06:55,229 [guests chattering] 197 00:06:55,296 --> 00:06:57,100 Mm. 198 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,269 - [grunts] - Whoa. 199 00:06:58,336 --> 00:06:59,539 Ugh. [Sighs] 200 00:06:59,605 --> 00:07:02,110 Stop flicking your measles at people, Melissa. 201 00:07:02,177 --> 00:07:03,880 But I'm on vacation! 202 00:07:03,947 --> 00:07:05,149 Mm... 203 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,387 You know, maybe being without kids isn't so bad. 204 00:07:07,454 --> 00:07:10,026 We haven't had a day alone together in 15 years. 205 00:07:10,093 --> 00:07:12,832 Are you suggesting... 206 00:07:12,898 --> 00:07:13,900 Yeah, girl. 207 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,436 [leisurely music] 208 00:07:15,504 --> 00:07:19,044 Both: The adult pool. 209 00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:20,848 [indistinct chatter] 210 00:07:20,914 --> 00:07:22,718 ♪ 211 00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:25,891 'Tis without pee, Mum! 212 00:07:25,958 --> 00:07:28,864 I guess we could have one adult day. 213 00:07:28,930 --> 00:07:32,337 Oh, but there's nowhere to lounge. 214 00:07:32,404 --> 00:07:35,209 - Hmm... - Hey, sad married couple! 215 00:07:35,276 --> 00:07:37,615 Get your untanned butts over here! 216 00:07:37,681 --> 00:07:40,219 I'm sorry, this wife is not for swap. 217 00:07:40,286 --> 00:07:42,223 Don't let the ponytail fool you. 218 00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:43,660 We're not swingers. 219 00:07:43,727 --> 00:07:46,900 Annie, look at the pony he's rocking. 220 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,703 Come on! Let's go make new friends. 221 00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:51,308 I thought we were here for us time. 222 00:07:51,375 --> 00:07:53,513 It is us! The four of us! 223 00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:54,882 [yelps] 224 00:07:56,452 --> 00:07:57,822 What are you working on, Jing? 225 00:07:57,888 --> 00:07:59,357 Something so breathtaking, 226 00:07:59,424 --> 00:08:01,629 it will never be hidden under the sink! 227 00:08:01,696 --> 00:08:04,167 You're a hack, Jing! 228 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,303 [shouts] 229 00:08:05,369 --> 00:08:07,140 I don't wanna be me anymore. 230 00:08:07,207 --> 00:08:09,545 Make me look completely unique and original. 231 00:08:09,612 --> 00:08:12,551 The number seven. You got it. 232 00:08:13,085 --> 00:08:15,223 [machinery whirring] 233 00:08:15,289 --> 00:08:18,262 [angelic chorus] 234 00:08:18,329 --> 00:08:20,366 You even spray-painted my braces. 235 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,203 How can I ever repay you? 236 00:08:22,270 --> 00:08:25,611 You could drop a little somethin', somethin' in here. 237 00:08:25,677 --> 00:08:27,715 That's okay, it's more important you look good 238 00:08:27,781 --> 00:08:29,919 than I pay my rent. 239 00:08:30,453 --> 00:08:32,223 Hey, how's your summer going? 240 00:08:32,290 --> 00:08:33,392 Not good. 241 00:08:33,459 --> 00:08:34,394 The FBI found bones in my yard. 242 00:08:34,461 --> 00:08:35,864 Yeah, cool, cool, cool. Bones. 243 00:08:35,931 --> 00:08:37,300 Is Mia hanging out with a guy? 244 00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:39,505 Ooh, let me check Mia's Insta. 245 00:08:39,572 --> 00:08:41,576 Oh... oh, good. College stuff. 246 00:08:41,643 --> 00:08:42,945 She's just wasting her summer. 247 00:08:43,012 --> 00:08:45,684 - You could not be more wrong. - Virtually walk with me. 248 00:08:45,751 --> 00:08:47,721 This ain't a selfie. Someone took it. 249 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:50,159 - And check out her RI. - Her what? 250 00:08:50,226 --> 00:08:52,196 Retinal image! 251 00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,238 Ah, there's bae right there. 252 00:08:56,305 --> 00:08:58,710 - Ugh! - Damn, total hunk. 253 00:08:58,777 --> 00:09:00,857 Yeah, but we don't know what their relationship is. 254 00:09:00,881 --> 00:09:03,118 He could be helping her with her pre-reqs, 255 00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:04,932 and getting, you know, all of her reqs in order. 256 00:09:04,956 --> 00:09:07,861 They're in her room, and the nightstand's open. 257 00:09:07,928 --> 00:09:09,599 She's getting "pre-wrecked." 258 00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:12,136 All right, well, have a good vacation! 259 00:09:13,305 --> 00:09:14,909 [whimpers] 260 00:09:16,311 --> 00:09:18,148 Us? Oh, we met on a plane. 261 00:09:18,215 --> 00:09:19,619 It's a clichéd story. 262 00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:22,791 I was the flight attendant. Nina was the air marshal. 263 00:09:22,858 --> 00:09:24,962 Someone tried to take over the plane. 264 00:09:25,029 --> 00:09:27,166 Nick threw hot coffee in his face, 265 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,570 I shot him in the leg, 266 00:09:28,637 --> 00:09:30,373 then while we were pistol-whipping him, 267 00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:34,180 our eyes met and we've been inseparable ever since. 268 00:09:34,247 --> 00:09:35,282 Both: Aww. 269 00:09:35,349 --> 00:09:36,653 So, tell me, Harrises. 270 00:09:36,719 --> 00:09:39,592 How did a stud and a filly like you get together? 271 00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:41,495 Oh, we've got quite a little story too. 272 00:09:41,562 --> 00:09:43,032 We met in high school. 273 00:09:43,098 --> 00:09:45,002 Our desks were next to each other. 274 00:09:45,069 --> 00:09:46,338 And? 275 00:09:46,405 --> 00:09:48,810 - And we're getting through it. - [cell phone chimes] 276 00:09:48,877 --> 00:09:51,348 Ooh, time for our couples massage! 277 00:09:51,415 --> 00:09:52,818 - Oh! - Ooh! 278 00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:55,757 Nothing like getting touched by other people. 279 00:09:56,893 --> 00:09:58,228 Again, not swingers. 280 00:09:58,295 --> 00:10:01,101 Nicko, text me that shampoo you use on your PT. 281 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,504 Don't forget. I know how you are. 282 00:10:02,571 --> 00:10:04,374 Nina, remind him. [Laughs] 283 00:10:04,441 --> 00:10:06,411 I thought this was us time, Jack. 284 00:10:06,478 --> 00:10:09,150 You don't have to become pals with everyone you meet. 285 00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:11,856 You can never have too many friends, Annie. 286 00:10:11,923 --> 00:10:12,758 [cell phone buzzes] 287 00:10:12,825 --> 00:10:15,530 Oh, our census taker's getting divorced. 288 00:10:15,597 --> 00:10:17,935 Everyone counted but her. 289 00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:19,839 First strut as a hot girl. 290 00:10:19,905 --> 00:10:21,509 Work it, Kimberly. 291 00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:23,011 [foot hisses] 292 00:10:23,078 --> 00:10:24,180 [screams] 293 00:10:24,247 --> 00:10:25,951 Oh, hot tiles, hot tiles! 294 00:10:26,017 --> 00:10:27,988 Ah. 295 00:10:28,055 --> 00:10:29,090 Huh? 296 00:10:31,629 --> 00:10:33,900 Tipped shades! He's interested. 297 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,236 All I need him to do now 298 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,975 is lick his fingers and split his eyebrows. 299 00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:40,246 - [snorts] - Snot rocket. 300 00:10:40,312 --> 00:10:42,016 Close enough. 301 00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:44,020 Hey, hottie. What's your name? 302 00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:45,087 Jeremy. 303 00:10:46,659 --> 00:10:47,828 Kimberly, help! [Yelps] 304 00:10:47,895 --> 00:10:50,032 Mia somehow found somebody better than me. 305 00:10:50,099 --> 00:10:51,468 How did you know it was me? 306 00:10:51,536 --> 00:10:53,172 - You smell like our house. - Come on! 307 00:10:53,238 --> 00:10:56,378 Mia's Instagram showed her in her bedroom with a guy. 308 00:10:56,444 --> 00:10:57,581 How do I compete? 309 00:10:57,648 --> 00:10:59,585 - Was her nightstand open? - [groans] 310 00:10:59,652 --> 00:11:01,297 - I am so sorry. - Here's what we gotta do. 311 00:11:01,321 --> 00:11:03,893 Instagram is about creating jealousy through a fake life 312 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,398 and then measuring said jealousy in likes and comments. 313 00:11:06,464 --> 00:11:07,668 If you do it right, 314 00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,280 you might just get sponsored by Flat Tummy Tea. 315 00:11:09,304 --> 00:11:11,107 Okay, get ready. [Grunts] 316 00:11:11,174 --> 00:11:12,778 - [grunts] - [camera shutter snaps] 317 00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:15,216 Okay, captioning "grateful" with prayer hands, 318 00:11:15,282 --> 00:11:16,184 and you're good to go. 319 00:11:16,251 --> 00:11:19,090 She'll be burning with #jealousy. 320 00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:21,194 [pants, gasps] 321 00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:23,298 He's gone! [Sobbing] 322 00:11:23,365 --> 00:11:24,902 Ah! Ow, ow, ow! 323 00:11:24,969 --> 00:11:28,442 - Can't cry in those contacts. - The blue is actually bleach. 324 00:11:28,843 --> 00:11:30,881 You know how it is with art. 325 00:11:30,947 --> 00:11:34,053 They'll love my stuff when I'm dead. 326 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,924 Juice me. Leave the bottle. 327 00:11:35,991 --> 00:11:37,126 I have an emergency! 328 00:11:37,193 --> 00:11:38,863 I need the police, SWAT Team, 329 00:11:38,930 --> 00:11:41,234 helicopters, and cadaver dogs. 330 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,504 My God, what happened? 331 00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:45,042 I lost the cutest boy. 332 00:11:45,109 --> 00:11:48,181 Girl, you need to swim the hell away from my bar. 333 00:11:50,286 --> 00:11:51,789 [laid-back music] 334 00:11:51,856 --> 00:11:53,993 [sighs] 335 00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:56,431 - [record scratches] - Room for two more? 336 00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:58,770 - Not really. - Hop on! 337 00:11:58,836 --> 00:12:00,573 Oh, you're doing deep tissue? 338 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,243 [scoffs] So boring. 339 00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:03,478 What do you recommend? 340 00:12:03,546 --> 00:12:05,382 Cupping for everyone, Tyler. 341 00:12:08,556 --> 00:12:10,426 - Cupping? - Isn't that where they 342 00:12:10,492 --> 00:12:11,428 [skin hisses] Oh, no! 343 00:12:11,494 --> 00:12:13,131 Ow! 344 00:12:14,535 --> 00:12:16,004 Jeremy's gone. 345 00:12:16,071 --> 00:12:18,008 I looked everywhere from Ballroom A 346 00:12:18,075 --> 00:12:19,344 to Conference Room I. 347 00:12:19,410 --> 00:12:21,481 Is that where you got that small Fiji water? 348 00:12:21,549 --> 00:12:22,784 Yeah. 349 00:12:22,851 --> 00:12:24,330 - [cell phone chimes] - Oh, Mia liked my post! 350 00:12:24,354 --> 00:12:25,155 That's good, right? 351 00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:27,059 Just a like? No comment? 352 00:12:27,126 --> 00:12:29,030 If she was jealous, she would've said something. 353 00:12:29,097 --> 00:12:31,201 - [sighs] - Maybe she's writing it now. 354 00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:33,673 Refresh... damn. Refresh... damn! 355 00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:35,910 They monopolized our entire day. 356 00:12:35,977 --> 00:12:38,816 The massage, the limbo contest, shopping-, 357 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,687 and why did you buy Nick a toe ring? 358 00:12:40,754 --> 00:12:44,227 It was a thank you for the charm bracelet he bought me. 359 00:12:44,293 --> 00:12:45,295 Come on, honey, 360 00:12:45,362 --> 00:12:48,001 you can never have too many friends. 361 00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,270 Okay, listen up. 362 00:12:49,337 --> 00:12:52,577 Everyone got to have their solo day of fun, but fun's over. 363 00:12:52,644 --> 00:12:55,950 It's time to start enjoying this vacation as a family. 364 00:12:56,017 --> 00:12:57,587 To the buffet! 365 00:12:57,654 --> 00:12:59,725 Did somebody yell buffet? 366 00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:01,562 Hey, look who's here, Jack. 367 00:13:01,629 --> 00:13:04,568 Remember Nick and Nina from everything we did today? 368 00:13:04,635 --> 00:13:07,006 - Hey, guys! - What are you doing here? 369 00:13:07,073 --> 00:13:09,477 We had a suite, but we missed our new friends. 370 00:13:09,545 --> 00:13:12,851 So we downgraded to a small smoking room next to you. 371 00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:15,757 So wanna watch "King of Queens" on our bed or yours? 372 00:13:15,824 --> 00:13:17,828 - I don't know, honey. - Which bed do you think? 373 00:13:17,894 --> 00:13:18,939 Could you give us a second? 374 00:13:18,963 --> 00:13:20,900 Okay, but the show's starting. 375 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,470 You don't wanna have to catch up. 376 00:13:22,537 --> 00:13:26,111 Doug, I tripped on your giant underwear again! 377 00:13:26,177 --> 00:13:28,850 - Get off my back, Carrie. - I'm the king of Queens. 378 00:13:28,916 --> 00:13:30,720 And I live in the basement! 379 00:13:30,787 --> 00:13:32,289 [both laugh] 380 00:13:32,356 --> 00:13:33,926 You have to end this relationship. 381 00:13:33,993 --> 00:13:36,866 - But I love you. - With Nick and Nina! 382 00:13:36,932 --> 00:13:38,536 You know it's more important to me 383 00:13:38,603 --> 00:13:40,239 to be liked than respected. 384 00:13:40,305 --> 00:13:41,542 Come on, honey. 385 00:13:41,609 --> 00:13:43,311 The kids are growing up so fast. 386 00:13:43,378 --> 00:13:45,783 I don't even recognize Kimberly anymore. 387 00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:47,888 - That's Kimberly? - The banana boat. 388 00:13:47,954 --> 00:13:50,560 The bonfire. The overpriced room service. 389 00:13:50,627 --> 00:13:52,229 They're not just rip-offs. 390 00:13:52,296 --> 00:13:55,169 They're precious family memories. 391 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,471 Mm. 392 00:13:56,539 --> 00:13:57,974 [gentle ukulele music] 393 00:13:58,041 --> 00:14:01,147 Nicko, when we first met six hours ago, 394 00:14:01,214 --> 00:14:04,153 I thought we were gonna be together for a few days. 395 00:14:04,220 --> 00:14:06,391 But life's crazy, you know? 396 00:14:06,457 --> 00:14:09,565 Jack, are you breaking up with me? 397 00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:12,136 It's not you. It's my wife. 398 00:14:12,203 --> 00:14:14,808 She wants to make memories with our kids. 399 00:14:14,875 --> 00:14:17,246 That banana boat picture means the world to her. 400 00:14:17,313 --> 00:14:20,520 Wow, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't crushed, 401 00:14:20,587 --> 00:14:22,489 but I get it. 402 00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:24,962 - No, please keep the toe ring. - That was a gift. 403 00:14:25,028 --> 00:14:27,601 - Thanks, brother. - Enjoy your family. 404 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,771 [both grunt] 405 00:14:29,838 --> 00:14:32,409 Can I ask you one thing, Nick? 406 00:14:32,476 --> 00:14:34,080 Anything. 407 00:14:34,146 --> 00:14:36,919 On "King of Queens," who lives in the basement? 408 00:14:36,986 --> 00:14:40,225 - Arthur. - Arthur lives in the basement. 409 00:14:40,292 --> 00:14:46,004 ♪ 410 00:14:47,941 --> 00:14:49,310 Good morning, Reggie. 411 00:14:49,377 --> 00:14:50,947 I believe you have a banana boat 412 00:14:51,014 --> 00:14:52,416 reserved for the Harris family. 413 00:14:52,483 --> 00:14:55,055 Yes we do, and they are having a blast! 414 00:14:55,122 --> 00:14:57,359 We don't take rejection well. 415 00:14:57,426 --> 00:15:02,002 So we stole your banana boat, and now your memories are ours! 416 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,806 [both cackle] 417 00:15:03,873 --> 00:15:06,411 We should've watched TV in bed with them. 418 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,522 [both laughing] 419 00:15:11,588 --> 00:15:13,058 Jack, that should be us 420 00:15:13,124 --> 00:15:15,897 exaggerating our fun to make other families jealous! 421 00:15:15,963 --> 00:15:17,934 I can't believe I'm saying this, 422 00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:21,240 but you can have too many friends. 423 00:15:21,307 --> 00:15:22,744 Mm. 424 00:15:22,811 --> 00:15:24,614 Get on, Harrises. 425 00:15:24,681 --> 00:15:26,852 Your mom wants to ride a banana! 426 00:15:26,919 --> 00:15:28,288 [engine turns over] 427 00:15:28,355 --> 00:15:29,423 [all shout] 428 00:15:29,490 --> 00:15:30,560 Hang on! 429 00:15:30,626 --> 00:15:31,626 [screams] 430 00:15:31,662 --> 00:15:33,833 [dramatic music] 431 00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:36,437 Jeremy, help! [Coughs] 432 00:15:36,505 --> 00:15:39,043 ♪ 433 00:15:39,544 --> 00:15:41,381 [both gasp, pant] 434 00:15:44,755 --> 00:15:46,124 You glowed up, too? 435 00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:49,430 - My yearbook picture sucked. - My name's not even Jeremy. 436 00:15:50,733 --> 00:15:52,604 Oh, and Norman can't swim. 437 00:15:52,670 --> 00:15:55,442 [yelps, pants] 438 00:15:56,177 --> 00:15:58,916 - Jing, take the wheel! - Why does she get to do it? 439 00:15:58,983 --> 00:16:00,820 You always zone out when you're driving. 440 00:16:00,887 --> 00:16:02,022 I do not! 441 00:16:02,089 --> 00:16:03,726 That cloud is shaped like a dragon. 442 00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:05,696 [both grunt] 443 00:16:05,763 --> 00:16:07,634 Eat Coppertone, bitch! 444 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,103 [screams] It burns! 445 00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:12,443 I held your place in the buffet line, Jack! 446 00:16:12,510 --> 00:16:15,817 - [grunts] - I hot-oiled your ponytail! 447 00:16:15,883 --> 00:16:18,556 You did? [Grunts] 448 00:16:18,622 --> 00:16:20,258 Okay. 449 00:16:22,062 --> 00:16:24,467 - [grunts] - [strains, pants] 450 00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:27,841 If you can't swim, why were you pretending to be a lifeguard? 451 00:16:27,907 --> 00:16:30,111 The same reason you painted your braces. 452 00:16:30,178 --> 00:16:32,550 I wanted people to stop throwing soup on me. 453 00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:35,021 Both: Middle school sucks. 454 00:16:35,088 --> 00:16:37,827 Stop strangling yourself, Jack! 455 00:16:37,894 --> 00:16:39,731 Squeeze the life out of him, baby. 456 00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:41,100 It turns me on. 457 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,204 Still, not swingers. [Grunts] 458 00:16:43,271 --> 00:16:46,143 - [grunts] - Eat Coppertone, bitch! 459 00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:48,749 - Again? - Flip the boat, Duncan! 460 00:16:48,816 --> 00:16:51,487 Save Mommy and Daddy! 461 00:16:51,555 --> 00:16:53,826 - [strains] - I'm not strong enough! 462 00:16:53,893 --> 00:16:58,234 The president of the United States says you are. 463 00:16:58,769 --> 00:17:00,740 [straining] 464 00:17:00,806 --> 00:17:02,610 [all scream] 465 00:17:02,677 --> 00:17:04,614 Ooh! [Grunts] 466 00:17:04,681 --> 00:17:06,885 You can take the jet ski. 467 00:17:06,952 --> 00:17:09,691 We've got banana boat memories to make. 468 00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:11,562 - Yeah! - Whoo-hoo! 469 00:17:11,628 --> 00:17:13,331 Making memories! 470 00:17:14,935 --> 00:17:16,672 This is amazing shaved ice. 471 00:17:16,738 --> 00:17:18,552 You wouldn't think Tutti Frutti and Tiger's Blood 472 00:17:18,576 --> 00:17:20,211 would work together, but they do. 473 00:17:20,278 --> 00:17:22,684 You know, in the '70s, they didn't shave the ice. 474 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,590 - They just left it natural. - Nobody cut their cubes? 475 00:17:25,656 --> 00:17:27,259 I still like mine uncut. 476 00:17:27,326 --> 00:17:29,029 This is all I wanted 477 00:17:29,096 --> 00:17:30,432 being with my family, 478 00:17:30,498 --> 00:17:33,271 watching a beautiful sunset in matching outfits. 479 00:17:33,338 --> 00:17:37,245 All we need now is a bonfire, and it's a perfect vacation. 480 00:17:37,312 --> 00:17:39,684 One bonfire coming up. 481 00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:41,755 Hmm. 482 00:17:41,822 --> 00:17:44,594 Isn't that the jet ski that we left for Nick and Nina? 483 00:17:44,661 --> 00:17:47,132 Oh, that could be any Wave Master 3000 484 00:17:47,199 --> 00:17:49,671 that still has my coffee in it. [gasps] 485 00:17:52,175 --> 00:17:54,814 Well, that's not any toe ring. 486 00:17:54,881 --> 00:17:57,854 That's Nick's toe ring. I'd recognize it anywhere. 487 00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,557 But where are Nick and Nina? 488 00:17:59,624 --> 00:18:02,195 Am I allowed to call adults by their first names now? 489 00:18:02,262 --> 00:18:03,498 They're dead! 490 00:18:03,565 --> 00:18:05,301 And we were the last ones to see them. 491 00:18:05,368 --> 00:18:08,141 People could think we had something to do with it! 492 00:18:08,207 --> 00:18:10,780 - Jack, Annie! - What are we gonna do? 493 00:18:10,846 --> 00:18:12,917 - Kill everyone here? - No. 494 00:18:12,984 --> 00:18:14,453 As an officer of the law, 495 00:18:14,521 --> 00:18:17,192 there's only one thing we can do. 496 00:18:17,259 --> 00:18:19,129 That's it, burn their clothes, 497 00:18:19,196 --> 00:18:20,800 burn their bong, burn it all! 498 00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:22,704 Got the seafood tower! 499 00:18:22,770 --> 00:18:25,141 I love burning stuff, but why are we doing this? 500 00:18:25,208 --> 00:18:26,978 We're painting a picture. 501 00:18:27,045 --> 00:18:28,247 Your sister's right. 502 00:18:28,314 --> 00:18:30,653 They're not bloated on the bottom of the ocean 503 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,024 if they're here, bloated on shellfish. 504 00:18:33,091 --> 00:18:34,326 Here's what happened: 505 00:18:34,393 --> 00:18:35,772 Nick and Nina came back to their room... 506 00:18:35,796 --> 00:18:38,569 "Oh, what a fun day annoying the Harrises," 507 00:18:38,635 --> 00:18:40,773 grabbed two shrimp in melted ice water. 508 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,040 "Mmm, this shrimp is so good," 509 00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:44,046 got frisky on the bed. 510 00:18:44,113 --> 00:18:45,816 "Ooh, oh, wow, oh, boy, oh, Nick!" 511 00:18:45,883 --> 00:18:48,722 Then they called it off due to bad shellfish. 512 00:18:48,789 --> 00:18:51,828 "Ugh, I'm gonna throw up. I'm throwin' and goin'." 513 00:18:51,895 --> 00:18:54,433 And then they left the hotel without being seen, 514 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,437 thanks to the miracle of video check out. 515 00:18:56,505 --> 00:18:58,709 Both: Do not check us out! 516 00:18:58,776 --> 00:18:59,778 [dramatic musical sting] 517 00:18:59,844 --> 00:19:01,113 [all scream] 518 00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:02,683 They're sea ghosts, and their souls 519 00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,086 won't rest until we're dead! 520 00:19:04,153 --> 00:19:06,858 - [chuckles] - We're not sea ghosts. 521 00:19:06,925 --> 00:19:08,261 All: Huh? 522 00:19:08,327 --> 00:19:10,331 Yeah, we're just scamming the hotel 523 00:19:10,398 --> 00:19:13,705 by letting them think we died so we get a free vacation. 524 00:19:13,772 --> 00:19:14,941 But if you check us out, 525 00:19:15,008 --> 00:19:17,012 they charge our card, and we're on the hook for it. 526 00:19:17,078 --> 00:19:18,481 This was all a setup? 527 00:19:18,549 --> 00:19:20,953 Oh, yeah, we've been doing this for years. 528 00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:25,563 Last week, we died at this adorable ice hotel in Sweden. 529 00:19:26,263 --> 00:19:28,702 We pick out a bland, friendless couple, 530 00:19:28,769 --> 00:19:30,438 just trying to have a nice vacation... 531 00:19:30,506 --> 00:19:33,679 Annoy the crap out of them, instigate a violent brawl, 532 00:19:33,745 --> 00:19:35,883 and let them think they murdered us. 533 00:19:35,950 --> 00:19:37,687 Free vacay, baby. 534 00:19:37,753 --> 00:19:40,258 You made us think we killed you! 535 00:19:40,325 --> 00:19:43,431 - Oh, get off our backs. - We just swam a mile to shore. 536 00:19:43,497 --> 00:19:47,673 - You and you are sociopaths! - But great company. 537 00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:49,276 Hey, if you're ever in Oakdale. 538 00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:51,447 - Jack! - Right, right, right. 539 00:19:54,419 --> 00:19:55,956 [grunts] Going to Mia's... bye! 540 00:19:56,023 --> 00:19:57,894 [panting] 541 00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:01,367 [gasps] Norman just sent me the cutest Boomerang! 542 00:20:03,137 --> 00:20:04,908 I'm gonna send him one back. 543 00:20:04,974 --> 00:20:07,245 Nobody come in my room! 544 00:20:07,312 --> 00:20:08,515 What do you got, Jing? 545 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,786 Oh, it's just a picture I drew on vacation. 546 00:20:10,853 --> 00:20:13,491 I'll put it under the sink with the others. 547 00:20:14,527 --> 00:20:17,365 Wait, is this us covering up a murder? 548 00:20:17,432 --> 00:20:18,802 As a family! 549 00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:20,405 We love it. 550 00:20:22,042 --> 00:20:25,916 - I'm finally on the fridge! - I've reached the top! 551 00:20:25,983 --> 00:20:28,187 Then why do I feel so empty? 552 00:20:28,254 --> 00:20:30,893 That's the mark of a true artist. 553 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,897 Yay, I'm nuts! 554 00:20:32,964 --> 00:20:34,600 Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. 555 00:20:38,174 --> 00:20:39,443 [panting] 556 00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:41,146 Duncan, how was your vacation? 557 00:20:41,213 --> 00:20:42,559 - Great, who was that guy? - What guy? 558 00:20:42,583 --> 00:20:45,188 "- The 6'2" hot guy I saw in your retinal image. 559 00:20:45,254 --> 00:20:47,560 Oh, that was my ex from my old school. 560 00:20:47,626 --> 00:20:49,964 He wanted to get back together, but I wasn't interested. 561 00:20:50,031 --> 00:20:51,066 Oh, all right. 562 00:20:51,133 --> 00:20:52,937 But then we hit it off again 563 00:20:53,004 --> 00:20:54,339 so we made out for a while, 564 00:20:54,406 --> 00:20:55,618 but the spark just wasn't there. 565 00:20:55,642 --> 00:20:57,880 - But your nightstand... - Why was it open? 566 00:20:57,947 --> 00:21:00,753 - I'm afraid that's my fault. - Huh? 567 00:21:02,055 --> 00:21:05,061 - Drawer's all fixed, ma'am. - You can finally close it. 568 00:21:05,128 --> 00:21:06,831 Sorry I took all week. 569 00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:09,570 Just remember, you can't keep objects that big 570 00:21:09,637 --> 00:21:11,875 in a drawer that small. 571 00:21:12,777 --> 00:21:14,547 You weren't jealous, were you? 572 00:21:14,614 --> 00:21:17,085 I mean, you were partying with those college girls. 573 00:21:17,152 --> 00:21:19,256 Oh, yeah, they were all over me. 574 00:21:19,322 --> 00:21:21,193 Maybe I should be jealous. 575 00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:22,563 What, no! [Grunts] 576 00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:24,208 You're moving too fast for me! Zeb, wait up! 577 00:21:24,232 --> 00:21:25,468 [pants, grunts] 578 00:21:25,536 --> 00:21:28,875 - Girls and nightstands. - Am I right, partner? 579 00:21:28,942 --> 00:21:30,044 What... just drive. 580 00:21:30,111 --> 00:21:32,382 Whoa!