1
00:00:00,869 --> 00:00:04,843
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:04,910 --> 00:00:08,918
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:08,951 --> 00:00:12,993
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:13,059 --> 00:00:17,001
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:21,075
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:23,548
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:25,985
Ooh!
8
00:00:26,019 --> 00:00:27,656
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
9
00:00:27,756 --> 00:00:29,225
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
10
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:34,670
And that's why
I'm pretty damn sure
11
00:00:34,736 --> 00:00:36,406
the aliens built the pyramids.
12
00:00:36,439 --> 00:00:38,945
So we're not gonna open
the book at all this year, huh?
13
00:00:38,978 --> 00:00:40,582
You know
who I think wrote this book?
14
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:42,552
I'll tell you next class.
15
00:00:42,619 --> 00:00:44,990
Damn, he knows how
to keep us coming back.
16
00:00:45,023 --> 00:00:46,192
Oh, don't forget
17
00:00:46,259 --> 00:00:47,662
the semi-formal dance
this Friday night.
18
00:00:47,696 --> 00:00:50,434
Since they rejected my theme
Aliens Built the Pyramids,
19
00:00:50,434 --> 00:00:52,606
they're going
with Under the Sea.
20
00:00:54,375 --> 00:00:57,616
Pretty funny
that the band is Phish, huh?
21
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,886
Phish?
22
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,424
You're the king of comedy
and the sea!
23
00:01:02,491 --> 00:01:03,293
Sea Man!
24
00:01:03,426 --> 00:01:05,464
I'm going to dance
with your girlfriend.
25
00:01:05,531 --> 00:01:06,800
Do you mind?
26
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,005
Go ahead, Dark Squid.
27
00:01:10,007 --> 00:01:11,075
Ooh!
28
00:01:11,109 --> 00:01:14,516
What I meant was
go ahead and die.
29
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:15,618
Oh, Sea Man.
30
00:01:15,752 --> 00:01:19,492
Let's go find a big clam shell
and lay a thousand eggs.
31
00:01:21,195 --> 00:01:24,168
Is there a cat on my back?
32
00:01:26,172 --> 00:01:29,245
Clothes go in your drawer,
not on the floor!
33
00:01:29,312 --> 00:01:31,316
Classic!
34
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:34,221
I'm getting a little tired
of Hector's preachiness.
35
00:01:34,288 --> 00:01:35,992
Can we watch another?
36
00:01:36,059 --> 00:01:37,762
Hey, how'd you like
to watch something else?
37
00:01:37,829 --> 00:01:38,864
Anything else.
38
00:01:38,931 --> 00:01:40,400
I don't want to,
but Hector says,
39
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:43,073
"It's outta sight
to be polite."
40
00:01:47,081 --> 00:01:50,053
Annie, look what's here.
"Huxter"!
41
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:51,356
Oh, my God, Jing!
42
00:01:51,456 --> 00:01:53,259
This was our favorite show
when we were kids!
43
00:01:53,293 --> 00:01:56,466
Huxter's the rude,
crude dude with attitude!
44
00:01:56,499 --> 00:01:59,038
I'll watch three minutes.
Set the timer.
45
00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:02,912
♪ He's half cat ♪
46
00:02:02,946 --> 00:02:04,850
I'm cleaning myself here!
47
00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:06,085
♪ He's half pig ♪
48
00:02:06,152 --> 00:02:08,924
Nice gams, toots!
49
00:02:08,958 --> 00:02:10,995
Now make with the ravioli!
50
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,536
Hot damn!
51
00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:16,907
Eat nukes, Cuba!
52
00:02:17,007 --> 00:02:20,447
♪ Oh, Huxter ♪
53
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,888
I'm a little dirtbag!
54
00:02:26,694 --> 00:02:30,100
Dr. Huxter,
what's my diagnosis?
55
00:02:30,133 --> 00:02:33,073
- Uh, you're ugly.
- I want a second opinion.
56
00:02:33,139 --> 00:02:34,943
Fine.
Your breath sticks, too.
57
00:02:34,976 --> 00:02:36,747
Ooh, hot damn!
58
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:41,857
You never ask Huxter
for a second opinion!
59
00:02:41,890 --> 00:02:43,961
I'm a little dirtbag!
60
00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:51,242
Look at all those suckers,
61
00:02:51,309 --> 00:02:54,281
paying good money to come back
to school at night.
62
00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:56,319
For an evening
of heavily-censored hip-hop
63
00:02:56,386 --> 00:02:58,791
while teachers watch
kids grind on each other.
64
00:02:58,824 --> 00:03:00,327
Educators are such pervs.
65
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,498
I don't know.
A dance could be kinda fun.
66
00:03:02,565 --> 00:03:05,137
Don't you think, Mia?
- Hell, no!
67
00:03:05,203 --> 00:03:07,141
Unless it was
"Game of Thrones"-themed.
68
00:03:07,174 --> 00:03:08,944
Alive or dead,
Jon Snow can get it.
69
00:03:08,978 --> 00:03:13,153
Ha! Duncan wants to go to the
dance and shake his flat ass!
70
00:03:13,219 --> 00:03:16,894
And fall in love
and someone marry his flat ass.
71
00:03:16,927 --> 00:03:18,329
Your ass is flat.
72
00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:20,267
No, I don't want
to go to a dance!
73
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:23,306
And love is stupid.
I can't wait to die alone.
74
00:03:23,373 --> 00:03:26,379
I meant a dance could be fun
to goof on.
75
00:03:26,412 --> 00:03:28,884
Oh, then we owe your flat ass
an apology.
76
00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:31,990
Yeah, we'll go to goof on it.
That'd be tight.
77
00:03:32,057 --> 00:03:33,460
Five tickets, please.
78
00:03:33,493 --> 00:03:36,099
And is there a discount if
we're just going to goof on it?
79
00:03:36,165 --> 00:03:37,301
Yeah, actually.
80
00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:39,606
You get 10% off
and a souvenir cup.
81
00:03:45,117 --> 00:03:46,252
Oh, look, Kimberly.
82
00:03:46,285 --> 00:03:48,256
Aren't those your friends
from school?
83
00:03:48,289 --> 00:03:50,561
Kimberly? Kimberly Harris!
Where are you?
84
00:03:50,628 --> 00:03:52,899
Oh, my God, Mom!
Stop talking!
85
00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:54,235
I don't want them to see me!
86
00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:55,872
Oh, my God.
87
00:03:55,905 --> 00:03:58,176
I always assumed
Kimberly's having diarrhea,
88
00:03:58,243 --> 00:03:59,913
but this confirms it.
89
00:04:01,884 --> 00:04:02,852
Way to go, Mom.
90
00:04:02,919 --> 00:04:03,821
They're probably already
91
00:04:04,021 --> 00:04:06,092
posting the poop emoji
under my photo on Instagram.
92
00:04:06,159 --> 00:04:08,329
Yep, there it is.
93
00:04:08,396 --> 00:04:10,400
I'll just follow them out
to the parking lot
94
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:13,039
and explain how they
make you cry every night.
95
00:04:13,072 --> 00:04:14,442
One thing I know about girls is
96
00:04:14,475 --> 00:04:16,412
they don't like
making other girls feel bad.
97
00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:19,251
- Just do your shopping!
- Okay!
98
00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:21,222
What?
You put it on the list.
99
00:04:24,195 --> 00:04:25,397
Oink meow!
100
00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:28,136
Leave some cookies
for the rest of us, Santa!
101
00:04:28,203 --> 00:04:30,842
They're a substitute
for alcohol.
102
00:04:30,875 --> 00:04:32,478
What's gotten into you,
young lady?
103
00:04:32,545 --> 00:04:34,415
You let watch
that stupid "Huxter" show.
104
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:35,651
It couldn't have had
that much effect.
105
00:04:35,718 --> 00:04:37,722
We only let her watch
six seasons.
106
00:04:37,789 --> 00:04:40,728
Ravioli?
107
00:04:41,830 --> 00:04:43,066
Hot damn!
108
00:04:52,184 --> 00:04:54,956
Oh, I forgot
to wear fancy clothes,
109
00:04:55,023 --> 00:04:56,760
'cause I don't suck.
110
00:04:58,429 --> 00:05:01,102
Solid goof, Duncan!
Solid.
111
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,171
Check it out!
112
00:05:02,237 --> 00:05:03,239
I'm dressed
like a fru-fru girl.
113
00:05:03,273 --> 00:05:04,475
Isn't that hilarious?
114
00:05:06,312 --> 00:05:08,216
Yeah.
Hilarious.
115
00:05:08,249 --> 00:05:09,218
All right, kids.
116
00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,387
It's with a heavy heart
117
00:05:10,420 --> 00:05:12,324
that I have to announce
the rules for tonight's dance.
118
00:05:12,357 --> 00:05:14,328
No twerking,
no backing that thing up,
119
00:05:14,361 --> 00:05:15,932
no busting it wide open,
120
00:05:15,998 --> 00:05:17,234
no popping on a handstand,
121
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:19,071
and under no circumstances
122
00:05:19,104 --> 00:05:21,075
shall you throw that ass
in a circle.
123
00:05:21,108 --> 00:05:22,812
Other than that, have fun.
124
00:05:24,181 --> 00:05:25,718
Yeah, what could be more fun
125
00:05:25,785 --> 00:05:29,024
than bad punch and dollar store
cookies in the gym?
126
00:05:30,761 --> 00:05:33,233
Gee, I wonder
if they have blue streamers
127
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:35,070
to represent the sea.
128
00:05:38,176 --> 00:05:39,546
all: Whoa.
129
00:05:39,613 --> 00:05:43,419
♪ I feel like an astronaut
in the ocean ♪
130
00:05:43,453 --> 00:05:46,392
Oh, my God, those steamers
look just like the sea.
131
00:05:46,425 --> 00:05:49,331
A dolphin cookie bouquet!
132
00:05:49,365 --> 00:05:52,872
Oh, Milanos!
The cookies of kings!
133
00:05:52,939 --> 00:05:55,176
I think I'm in love
with the paper mâché mermaid.
134
00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:56,580
Take me beneath the waves.
135
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,251
We're still here
to goof on this, right?
136
00:05:59,285 --> 00:06:00,588
Oh, yeah.
Totally!
137
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:02,257
It's so lame!
- Yeah!
138
00:06:02,291 --> 00:06:03,426
Look at those losers
over there,
139
00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:05,297
cherishing their adolescence.
140
00:06:05,363 --> 00:06:06,567
Hey, you know
what we should do?
141
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:10,373
Make fun of them by dancing
and smiling just like they are.
142
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:11,475
Yeah!
Idiots.
143
00:06:11,543 --> 00:06:13,514
- That'll show 'em.
- Solid goof.
144
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,885
♪ When your brain
goes numb ♪
145
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,120
Let's do this, babe.
146
00:06:19,191 --> 00:06:22,097
This is so weak.
147
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:25,036
♪ I feel like an astronaut
in the ocean ♪
148
00:06:27,107 --> 00:06:28,243
Look how impressed they are
149
00:06:28,309 --> 00:06:29,913
by us forming
an awesome dance robot!
150
00:06:30,013 --> 00:06:31,950
So sad!
Whoo!
151
00:06:31,984 --> 00:06:32,852
Oakdale students,
152
00:06:33,019 --> 00:06:34,823
if you came to this dance
just to goof on it,
153
00:06:34,889 --> 00:06:37,294
but now you're having
a great time unironically,
154
00:06:37,327 --> 00:06:39,131
let me hear you scream!
155
00:06:44,976 --> 00:06:47,949
♪ Like, like an astronaut
in the ocean ♪
156
00:06:49,586 --> 00:06:51,723
Sorry, not getting romantic
with y'all.
157
00:06:51,790 --> 00:06:54,996
♪ I feel like an astronaut
in the ocean ♪
158
00:06:55,063 --> 00:06:55,965
- Mwah!
- Uh--
159
00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:05,383
I got a girlfriend!
160
00:07:09,425 --> 00:07:11,095
I got a girlfriend!
161
00:07:11,128 --> 00:07:12,164
Mwah!
162
00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:18,109
I got a girlfriend!
163
00:07:21,182 --> 00:07:23,286
I got a girlfriend!
164
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,868
I got a girlfriend!
165
00:07:30,935 --> 00:07:31,970
I got a knife.
166
00:07:32,037 --> 00:07:33,106
I gotta go.
167
00:07:36,112 --> 00:07:37,882
I got a girlfriend!
168
00:07:37,949 --> 00:07:38,984
Cool!
169
00:07:52,144 --> 00:07:53,914
And there she is.
170
00:07:55,450 --> 00:07:57,254
Morning, Mia.
- Oh hey, Duncan.
171
00:07:57,287 --> 00:07:58,256
Fun dance, huh?
172
00:07:58,289 --> 00:07:59,258
Fun?
173
00:07:59,325 --> 00:08:00,393
Some people are calling it
174
00:08:00,427 --> 00:08:01,295
the greatest night
of our lives.
175
00:08:01,329 --> 00:08:03,399
Carry your heavy,
worthless books for you?
176
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:05,136
Oh, I got 'em.
Thanks, though.
177
00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:06,238
Hmm?
178
00:08:06,272 --> 00:08:07,942
Uh, uh, hey.
Check your phone.
179
00:08:07,975 --> 00:08:11,215
I'm AirDropping a picture
for you to post on IG.
180
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:12,384
It's me waking up
with bed head.
181
00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:13,587
It's kinda cute.
182
00:08:13,654 --> 00:08:15,457
Have fun with the caption.
I trust you.
183
00:08:15,490 --> 00:08:17,729
Oh, thanks.
I'll check it later.
184
00:08:17,795 --> 00:08:20,501
Really? Oh, okay. Uh...
185
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:21,503
are you cold?
186
00:08:21,570 --> 00:08:22,605
Here, take my hoodie.
187
00:08:22,638 --> 00:08:24,441
I took all the dirty tissues
out of the pockets.
188
00:08:24,509 --> 00:08:26,178
That's okay.
I'm wearing a jacket.
189
00:08:26,245 --> 00:08:27,548
I'll take it.
190
00:08:27,615 --> 00:08:28,584
The store owner where
I steal my morning coffee cake
191
00:08:28,650 --> 00:08:29,919
ripped my shirt when I ran out.
192
00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:33,092
Mm.
Damn, Hostess got a hold on me.
193
00:08:34,596 --> 00:08:36,900
It smells like you.
194
00:08:41,075 --> 00:08:41,810
Uh, hey, Mia.
195
00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:42,879
You want to
switch seats with Bex
196
00:08:42,979 --> 00:08:46,285
so we can pass each other notes
and brush fingers?
197
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,622
Nah, I like sitting up front.
198
00:08:47,655 --> 00:08:49,458
I can really rack up
participation points.
199
00:08:49,491 --> 00:08:50,528
Thanks, though.
200
00:08:50,594 --> 00:08:55,270
Hmm.
I don't got a girlfriend?
201
00:08:58,977 --> 00:08:59,913
Hold my calls.
202
00:09:00,046 --> 00:09:02,384
Us dirtbags are gonna
be upstairs playing poker.
203
00:09:02,451 --> 00:09:03,787
And that better be ravioli,
204
00:09:03,854 --> 00:09:07,027
or I'll put my pig foot
in your piehole!
205
00:09:07,060 --> 00:09:09,498
You see what I'm saying?
She's out of control.
206
00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:10,835
At HomeGoods,
207
00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:13,406
she dribbled my boobs
like a couple of basketballs
208
00:09:13,473 --> 00:09:15,376
and said they need more air!
209
00:09:16,445 --> 00:09:17,615
Sorry, I was just remembering
210
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,686
when Huxter did that
to the Queen of England.
211
00:09:19,786 --> 00:09:21,957
The Christmas episode!
212
00:09:22,023 --> 00:09:24,161
Oh, my God,
we're horrible parents.
213
00:09:24,194 --> 00:09:27,000
I'm gonna sit her down
and tell her it's unacceptable.
214
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:27,668
No, no, no.
215
00:09:27,702 --> 00:09:28,637
You'll seem like hypocrites
216
00:09:28,704 --> 00:09:29,773
that you
let her watch the show.
217
00:09:29,839 --> 00:09:31,242
I'll talk to Jing.
I'm her big sister.
218
00:09:31,308 --> 00:09:32,377
She looks up to me.
219
00:09:32,444 --> 00:09:34,549
Listen to the 12-year-old,
Annie.
220
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:35,785
She'll handle it.
221
00:09:35,818 --> 00:09:38,657
If I tell her to stop,
she'll stop.
222
00:09:39,391 --> 00:09:40,761
Jing, you've gotta keep going.
223
00:09:40,795 --> 00:09:43,534
I need your hurtful gift
to hurt people that hurt me.
224
00:09:43,567 --> 00:09:46,205
What's this dingy dame
talking about?
225
00:09:46,272 --> 00:09:48,811
I'm talking about revenge.
226
00:09:49,378 --> 00:09:51,015
Deal us in.
227
00:09:52,752 --> 00:09:54,321
What's going on in her head?
228
00:09:54,354 --> 00:09:56,793
Maybe the helpful people
on Reddit have the answer.
229
00:09:56,893 --> 00:09:59,933
"What does it mean when you
kiss a girl in a photo booth
230
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:02,839
and she acts like
nothing happened?"
231
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,216
Ugh!
232
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:12,892
Can we talk?
233
00:10:12,925 --> 00:10:14,027
Who'd you kill?
234
00:10:14,128 --> 00:10:16,098
It's gonna be okay, but you
need to tell me everything.
235
00:10:16,165 --> 00:10:20,206
No, I need to talk to you
about something personal.
236
00:10:20,273 --> 00:10:21,676
Dunkie, you haven't paid us
237
00:10:21,710 --> 00:10:23,279
a vulnerable
middle-of-the-night visit
238
00:10:23,312 --> 00:10:24,549
in years!
239
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,087
You can talk to us
about anything, anything!
240
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,491
Just to be clear,
you didn't kill anybody, right?
241
00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:31,630
Again, if you did, it's okay.
242
00:10:31,696 --> 00:10:35,504
Okay, so, um,
Mia and I shared, like,
243
00:10:35,538 --> 00:10:38,009
um, a "moment of contact,"
244
00:10:38,075 --> 00:10:41,182
but now she's acting like
nothing happened.
245
00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:44,556
You look so presidential.
246
00:10:44,589 --> 00:10:45,958
No, the one below it.
247
00:10:45,991 --> 00:10:49,833
Oh, your first smooch!
My baby, my baby!
248
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,435
Stop it!
249
00:10:51,468 --> 00:10:52,839
I thought it meant
we were a couple,
250
00:10:52,872 --> 00:10:54,776
but at school today,
nothing's changed.
251
00:10:54,843 --> 00:10:56,880
Doesn't a kiss mean
she's my girlfriend?
252
00:10:56,913 --> 00:10:59,484
It's a start, but it doesn't
mean you're a couple.
253
00:10:59,519 --> 00:11:00,654
Yeah!
254
00:11:00,721 --> 00:11:02,859
Mia's probably thinking,
"Hey, mister!
255
00:11:02,892 --> 00:11:05,531
"I don't wanna just be
your photo booth floozie!
256
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:06,967
I wanna be your special lady!"
257
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,674
And that requires
a grand gesture.
258
00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:12,545
I already offered
to tie her shoes.
259
00:11:12,578 --> 00:11:13,881
Bigger!
260
00:11:13,981 --> 00:11:15,518
In front of the whole school,
like in the movies.
261
00:11:15,584 --> 00:11:16,620
Yeah!
262
00:11:16,653 --> 00:11:17,622
When I wanted to lock it down
with your mother,
263
00:11:17,788 --> 00:11:20,426
I showed up to her soccer
practice on a motorcycle.
264
00:11:20,493 --> 00:11:22,732
She was crazy about
"The Terminator," so I said...
265
00:11:22,832 --> 00:11:23,901
"Annie!
266
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:25,938
Come with me
if you want to love!"
267
00:11:26,005 --> 00:11:27,173
I held out my hand,
268
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,011
lost control,
and smashed into the bleachers.
269
00:11:29,044 --> 00:11:31,683
18 months later,
he learned how to walk again
270
00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:33,787
and we've been inseparable
ever since.
271
00:11:33,854 --> 00:11:35,925
Ooh, metal rod, metal rod!
272
00:11:35,958 --> 00:11:36,993
Thanks for looking out
for me.
273
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,699
You guys are pretty cool.
Can I sleep with you tonight?
274
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:41,636
Fine,
just don't hog the whole bed.
275
00:11:41,670 --> 00:11:42,972
Deal.
276
00:11:45,844 --> 00:11:48,416
Oh, I've missed this.
277
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:52,692
Hey, Kimberly!
278
00:11:52,725 --> 00:11:54,929
Did you see how many likes
your diarrhea is getting?
279
00:11:55,029 --> 00:11:57,467
You broke the toilet
and the internet.
280
00:11:58,637 --> 00:12:00,039
Oh, you guys like jokes?
281
00:12:00,073 --> 00:12:02,344
Then say hello
to my little sister!
282
00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:03,547
Huxter 'em, Jing!
283
00:12:03,614 --> 00:12:05,584
Ladies, the only thing
that stinks worse
284
00:12:05,651 --> 00:12:08,322
than her diarrhea
are your TikTok dances!
285
00:12:09,993 --> 00:12:11,763
You better watch it, small fry.
286
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:13,299
Yeah, I am a fry.
287
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:15,504
So why don't you eat me,
grease cheeks?
288
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:16,973
Kimberly, who is this girl?
289
00:12:17,007 --> 00:12:19,545
Well,
lookie what we got here.
290
00:12:19,579 --> 00:12:22,317
I feel like playing basketball!
291
00:12:22,384 --> 00:12:23,052
Jing, no!
292
00:12:24,388 --> 00:12:26,826
They need more air!
293
00:12:28,764 --> 00:12:30,099
Mia, you should
tell the lunch lady
294
00:12:30,199 --> 00:12:32,370
you found a fingernail
in your pizza.
295
00:12:32,437 --> 00:12:33,774
Nah, I'll eat around it.
296
00:12:33,807 --> 00:12:36,111
I hate when people
make a big scene.
297
00:12:41,756 --> 00:12:44,227
What the--is that Duncan?
298
00:12:44,294 --> 00:12:45,764
Okay, Jon Snow!
299
00:12:45,864 --> 00:12:46,833
Horse in the cafeteria?
300
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,539
Not sanitary, but I gotta
see where this goes,
301
00:12:49,572 --> 00:12:50,674
so I'll allow it.
302
00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:54,549
Mia, the dance started
as a goof,
303
00:12:54,616 --> 00:12:56,085
but turned into something real.
304
00:12:56,118 --> 00:12:58,422
Will you be
my mother of dragons?
305
00:12:58,489 --> 00:12:59,659
That means girlfriend.
306
00:12:59,726 --> 00:13:02,263
Oh, Duncan.
307
00:13:03,734 --> 00:13:04,702
No.
308
00:13:04,736 --> 00:13:06,038
Hmm?
309
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,442
Whoo!
310
00:13:08,476 --> 00:13:10,179
Oh, wait, she said no!
311
00:13:10,246 --> 00:13:12,585
Damn!
312
00:13:16,025 --> 00:13:18,262
Why did I chain myself
to the saddle?
313
00:13:18,295 --> 00:13:20,466
Don't worry,
I'll get the tranquilizer gun!
314
00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:26,880
Damn,
I'm a terrible lunch monitor.
315
00:13:37,334 --> 00:13:38,102
Oh, thank God.
316
00:13:38,202 --> 00:13:39,972
It was all just
a humiliating dream.
317
00:13:40,006 --> 00:13:42,277
Oh, no, man.
It happened.
318
00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:44,716
You're just waking up
from the tranquilizer dart.
319
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,352
But my clothes are different.
320
00:13:46,418 --> 00:13:48,724
You weren't even conscious
for the worst part,
321
00:13:48,790 --> 00:13:49,792
so you know what?
322
00:13:49,826 --> 00:13:50,794
Let me get you up to speed.
323
00:13:50,794 --> 00:13:52,297
You were chained to the saddle,
324
00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:54,702
so we had to cut you out
of your animal pelt,
325
00:13:54,736 --> 00:13:56,706
and that happened
in front of everybody.
326
00:13:56,740 --> 00:13:58,142
So the girl of my dreams
327
00:13:58,175 --> 00:14:00,046
rejected me
in front of the whole school
328
00:14:00,113 --> 00:14:02,885
and then everyone saw me
in my underwear?
329
00:14:02,918 --> 00:14:04,087
We had to cut you
out of those, too.
330
00:14:04,154 --> 00:14:06,058
Well, we didn't have to.
331
00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:08,663
Ugh, this is not how my
parents said it would turn out
332
00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:10,500
when I was in bed with them!
333
00:14:10,534 --> 00:14:11,603
I ruined my life!
334
00:14:11,636 --> 00:14:12,638
Come on, D.
335
00:14:12,671 --> 00:14:14,074
You can hide in shame forever,
336
00:14:14,107 --> 00:14:15,978
or you can just man up,
face Mia,
337
00:14:16,045 --> 00:14:17,515
and tell her you
were on crack cocaine.
338
00:14:17,581 --> 00:14:21,221
I wish that was true.
But I know what I have to do.
339
00:14:21,723 --> 00:14:23,527
Hey, can we talk?
340
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:24,896
Aye.
341
00:14:24,962 --> 00:14:26,699
The crabber job,
is it out on the sea forever?
342
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:27,902
- 'Tis is.
- Cool.
343
00:14:28,002 --> 00:14:30,708
I'm an experienced crab guy
who's done lots of crab stuff.
344
00:14:30,774 --> 00:14:33,680
Impressive résumé.
Welcome aboard!
345
00:14:41,161 --> 00:14:44,569
Kimberley, you weaponized
your zinger-flinging sister!
346
00:14:44,569 --> 00:14:45,704
She's five years old
347
00:14:45,771 --> 00:14:47,107
and already banned
from middle school!
348
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:49,545
You should be happy.
I've never loved Jing more.
349
00:14:49,612 --> 00:14:51,148
And I love zing-flinging!
350
00:14:51,215 --> 00:14:53,987
Now zip it and crank up
the Kids Bop, toots!
351
00:14:54,020 --> 00:14:55,691
Wait, this isn't the way home.
352
00:14:55,791 --> 00:14:57,360
Are you driving us
off a bridge?
353
00:14:57,393 --> 00:14:58,530
Not today.
354
00:14:58,563 --> 00:14:59,331
We're gonna teach you a lesson
355
00:14:59,397 --> 00:15:01,870
in the form
of a cautionary tale.
356
00:15:01,936 --> 00:15:03,840
Ugh! Please just
drive us off a bridge.
357
00:15:03,907 --> 00:15:06,178
We're taking you
to see Mort Bushmiller,
358
00:15:06,211 --> 00:15:08,449
the creator and voice
of Huxter.
359
00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:09,519
Yeah!
360
00:15:09,585 --> 00:15:10,386
So you can see
361
00:15:10,420 --> 00:15:12,123
that a life built
on cheap insults
362
00:15:12,190 --> 00:15:15,163
and rude remarks
doesn't end well.
363
00:15:18,302 --> 00:15:21,175
Wow!
I got a million-dollar mouth!
364
00:15:21,241 --> 00:15:23,713
Did you guys not do
a simple Google search?
365
00:15:23,747 --> 00:15:24,715
Hmm.
366
00:15:31,996 --> 00:15:33,533
Ugh!
It's full of aliens!
367
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:36,271
They built the pyramids
and now they're gonna kill us!
368
00:15:37,006 --> 00:15:38,442
Duncan, I'm getting the sense
369
00:15:38,510 --> 00:15:41,749
you're not a crab guy
who's done lots of crab stuff.
370
00:15:41,783 --> 00:15:42,885
Sorry I lied!
371
00:15:42,918 --> 00:15:44,454
Please don't feed me
to the aliens!
372
00:15:45,958 --> 00:15:47,060
Let's go below, hmm?
373
00:15:47,093 --> 00:15:49,899
I'll smoke a smelly pipe while
you tell me your tale.
374
00:15:49,932 --> 00:15:52,103
That sounds cool.
Got any coffee?
375
00:15:56,478 --> 00:15:57,581
Jack, look!
376
00:15:57,648 --> 00:15:59,852
An autographed poster of the
"Huxter" live action movie
377
00:15:59,886 --> 00:16:01,321
starring Jerry O'Connell.
378
00:16:01,355 --> 00:16:05,096
Wow, to stand back-to-back
with Huxter.
379
00:16:06,431 --> 00:16:08,035
Welcome to Casa de Dirtbag.
380
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:11,108
I'm Mort Bushmiller,
the creator and voice Huxter.
381
00:16:11,175 --> 00:16:12,310
Oink meow!
382
00:16:12,377 --> 00:16:16,018
Wow, to stand face-to-face
with Huxter.
383
00:16:16,051 --> 00:16:17,420
Jack, this is serious.
384
00:16:17,453 --> 00:16:20,293
Although we are huge super-fans
and we once mobbed you
385
00:16:20,359 --> 00:16:22,230
at the opening
of "Huxter's Hot Wings."
386
00:16:22,297 --> 00:16:23,934
Oh, that's right!
387
00:16:23,967 --> 00:16:26,338
You tore out a patch
of my hair!
388
00:16:26,405 --> 00:16:28,375
My dad still wears it
around his neck.
389
00:16:28,442 --> 00:16:29,144
Mwah!
390
00:16:29,244 --> 00:16:31,081
Mr. Bushmiller,
our five-year-old
391
00:16:31,148 --> 00:16:33,485
got the wrong idea
from your hilarious cartoons
392
00:16:33,553 --> 00:16:37,060
and thinks it's okay to be rude
and insulting in real life.
393
00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,295
So as her parents,
394
00:16:38,362 --> 00:16:40,567
I'm asking you
to do our jobs for us.
395
00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,070
Well, for starters,
396
00:16:42,136 --> 00:16:44,876
you shouldn't let
a five-year-old watch my show.
397
00:16:44,909 --> 00:16:46,211
What else you got?
398
00:16:46,278 --> 00:16:48,817
Okay, I know I hurt
a lot of people back then,
399
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,188
and it breaks my heart
that Castro died
400
00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:53,058
before I could
apologize to him.
401
00:16:53,092 --> 00:16:55,697
Remember Jing, Huxter says...
402
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,200
Words hurt!
403
00:16:57,233 --> 00:17:00,406
No, Huxter says
"I'm a little dirtbag!
404
00:17:00,473 --> 00:17:03,914
So make with the zingers,
you rich, washed-up hack!
405
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:05,349
Uh, she's a tough case.
406
00:17:05,383 --> 00:17:08,757
There's a cure for this,
but it ain't pretty.
407
00:17:08,823 --> 00:17:10,293
Do what you gotta do.
408
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,865
Okay, Jing.
You want the full Huxter?
409
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:14,034
Gimme!
410
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,571
Here we go!
411
00:17:19,645 --> 00:17:21,081
Words do hurt!
412
00:17:21,148 --> 00:17:23,987
Doesn't he know
it's outta sight to be polite?
413
00:17:24,054 --> 00:17:27,327
That was horrifying!
It was so personal!
414
00:17:27,393 --> 00:17:30,199
And why'd he drag Grandma
into it?
415
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:31,836
Yeah,
he went way over the line,
416
00:17:31,869 --> 00:17:34,609
but wow, traumatized by Huxter.
417
00:17:34,675 --> 00:17:35,644
What an honor.
418
00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:41,221
And then she ran out
of the cafeteria
419
00:17:41,255 --> 00:17:44,160
and I'll never be able
to face her again.
420
00:17:44,227 --> 00:17:46,699
Could you please stop
playing that concertina?
421
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:47,968
God!
422
00:17:48,035 --> 00:17:49,137
I'll let you in on a secret, Duncan.
423
00:17:49,271 --> 00:17:52,310
None of us knew what a crab was
before we got on this boat.
424
00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:55,316
We're all here 'cause
we've been rejected by someone.
425
00:17:55,416 --> 00:17:59,190
I was rejected by my
Sunday pickup basketball game.
426
00:17:59,291 --> 00:18:01,028
"The Great British Bake Off!"
427
00:18:01,094 --> 00:18:03,132
A pox on you, Mary Berry!
428
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:06,204
Atlanta Concertina Symphony.
429
00:18:06,271 --> 00:18:07,942
No offense, dude,
but they were right.
430
00:18:08,008 --> 00:18:08,944
You suck.
431
00:18:10,179 --> 00:18:11,081
What's your story,
Captain Pete?
432
00:18:11,114 --> 00:18:14,187
Like you, I was rejected
by my true love.
433
00:18:14,220 --> 00:18:17,126
She was a mermaid
off the coast of Mexico.
434
00:18:17,193 --> 00:18:18,429
For months we flirted,
435
00:18:18,495 --> 00:18:20,433
me steering my ship
through the chop,
436
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,638
her dancing
in the boat's wake.
437
00:18:22,705 --> 00:18:24,709
Then one sunny day,
438
00:18:24,742 --> 00:18:26,078
I got close enough to see
439
00:18:26,144 --> 00:18:29,084
the mermaid
was actually a dolphin.
440
00:18:29,117 --> 00:18:31,355
But by that point,
my heart was all in.
441
00:18:31,421 --> 00:18:34,260
I killed, gutted,
and wore a dolphin's carcass
442
00:18:34,294 --> 00:18:35,764
to show her it could work,
443
00:18:35,831 --> 00:18:40,006
but alas, my grand,
bloody gesture was rejected...
444
00:18:40,039 --> 00:18:42,343
because I acted like a freak.
445
00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:45,584
The lesson, Duncan,
is don't be a freak.
446
00:18:45,651 --> 00:18:46,351
Come on, man.
447
00:18:46,485 --> 00:18:48,055
All I did
was dress up like Jon Snow
448
00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:49,457
and ride a horse into the--
449
00:18:49,491 --> 00:18:52,230
oh, my God,
I did act like a freak.
450
00:18:52,263 --> 00:18:54,034
I mean,
I didn't take a life like you,
451
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,871
but I was a little extra.
452
00:18:56,371 --> 00:18:59,210
It's too late for us,
but you still have a chance.
453
00:18:59,277 --> 00:19:01,315
Swim to her, Duncan!
454
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,285
Can't you guys drop me off
or something?
455
00:19:03,319 --> 00:19:06,592
That we can.
Set sail for Mia's house!
456
00:19:08,830 --> 00:19:10,199
Seriously, dude.
Just no.
457
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,370
Yes, you're right.
It is annoying.
458
00:19:15,042 --> 00:19:17,313
Wait, don't be a freak.
459
00:19:19,384 --> 00:19:20,954
Duncan, where have you been?
460
00:19:20,987 --> 00:19:22,390
I tried calling you,
461
00:19:22,457 --> 00:19:24,695
but your voicemail said
the sea was your mistress now?
462
00:19:24,729 --> 00:19:25,731
Jealous?
463
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:26,733
Of the sea?
464
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:27,801
Never mind.
465
00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:29,070
I just wanted to say I'm sorry
466
00:19:29,137 --> 00:19:31,141
I put you on the spot
in the cafeteria.
467
00:19:31,208 --> 00:19:32,878
I took advice from my parents.
468
00:19:32,945 --> 00:19:35,216
Oh, that explains so much.
469
00:19:35,249 --> 00:19:37,253
I felt bad running away,
but I just didn't want
470
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,859
to have the conversation
in front of the whole school.
471
00:19:39,925 --> 00:19:41,294
Yeah,
I kinda beefed that part.
472
00:19:41,328 --> 00:19:43,098
You know how much I like you,
473
00:19:43,132 --> 00:19:44,969
but my life
is so full right now
474
00:19:45,002 --> 00:19:46,204
with applying for scholarships,
475
00:19:46,238 --> 00:19:48,008
learning how to play
the Middle Eastern ney,
476
00:19:48,075 --> 00:19:49,144
and lobbying to remove lead
477
00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:50,446
from the school
drinking fountains.
478
00:19:50,514 --> 00:19:52,050
I drink out
of those fountains,
479
00:19:52,116 --> 00:19:53,853
and that water
tastes good to me.
480
00:19:54,755 --> 00:19:55,857
But I get your point.
481
00:19:55,891 --> 00:19:56,826
I just don't have time
482
00:19:56,959 --> 00:19:59,865
to give a relationship
the attention it deserves.
483
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,569
And you deserve.
And me.
484
00:20:01,636 --> 00:20:04,107
But speaking as someone younger
than your parents,
485
00:20:04,174 --> 00:20:05,309
could we have the kind of
486
00:20:05,376 --> 00:20:07,413
non-committal
casual relationship
487
00:20:07,447 --> 00:20:09,985
our generation is known for
and just hang?
488
00:20:10,052 --> 00:20:12,056
You mean, like one-on-one?
489
00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:13,560
Yeah.
I'd like that.
490
00:20:13,626 --> 00:20:14,194
Me, too!
491
00:20:15,764 --> 00:20:16,733
What are you doing?
492
00:20:16,866 --> 00:20:19,104
Trying not to be a freak,
but I'm really happy.
493
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:20,907
I gotta get the lead
out of that water.
494
00:20:21,007 --> 00:20:22,544
One-on-one!
495
00:20:22,611 --> 00:20:24,749
They're gonna hang
one-on-one!
496
00:20:24,782 --> 00:20:25,984
We did it, boys!
497
00:20:26,051 --> 00:20:28,388
So beautiful!
498
00:20:30,994 --> 00:20:33,031
Never give up on love.
499
00:20:44,454 --> 00:20:46,324
I'm open!
Give me the ball!
500
00:20:46,391 --> 00:20:48,863
Don't be a grody dweeb
to the max!
501
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:52,437
Tubular!
502
00:20:52,470 --> 00:20:55,443
Annie, that hunk's totally
making a grand gesture for you!
503
00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:57,146
Come with me if you want to...
504
00:20:57,213 --> 00:20:58,683
love.
505
00:21:00,085 --> 00:21:01,656
Jack, be careful!
506
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:08,536
I'm good!
507
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:14,447
Stop time traveling
to prevent your back pain!
508
00:21:14,515 --> 00:21:16,485
Now get in the car
before you're arrested
509
00:21:16,586 --> 00:21:19,290
for being naked
at a girl's soccer practice!
510
00:21:27,508 --> 00:21:30,146
Oh, my God!
I got a boyfriend!