1 00:00:00,749 --> 00:00:03,949 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 2 00:00:05,057 --> 00:00:07,307 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 3 00:00:09,098 --> 00:00:11,312 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 4 00:00:13,140 --> 00:00:15,218 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 5 00:00:17,148 --> 00:00:18,941 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 6 00:00:21,156 --> 00:00:23,661 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 7 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:25,919 Ooh! 8 00:00:25,952 --> 00:00:27,756 - Mommy! - Aaaaah! 9 00:00:27,789 --> 00:00:29,425 - Duncan! - Duncan! 10 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,337 Wow, Mom's got the big earrings. 11 00:00:35,404 --> 00:00:37,244 Dad's got his jeans without the crotch ripped... 12 00:00:37,311 --> 00:00:38,471 must be going somewhere nice. 13 00:00:38,495 --> 00:00:40,147 We're having dinner at DiMaggio's 14 00:00:40,180 --> 00:00:42,785 with Garrett and Bryce, our friends. 15 00:00:42,786 --> 00:00:45,290 - Where's Jing? - Don't go. Play with me. 16 00:00:45,324 --> 00:00:47,228 You're too old for friends. 17 00:00:47,294 --> 00:00:48,898 Don't worry. 18 00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:51,670 - Duncan's in charge. - You're leaving? 19 00:00:53,774 --> 00:00:55,244 Who's gonna take care of me? 20 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,550 Ugh, there's leftover mac and cheese in the microwave. 21 00:00:57,568 --> 00:00:59,706 All you need to do is press reheat. 22 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:02,478 Whoa, whoa, you can't throw a bunch of technical stuff 23 00:01:02,544 --> 00:01:04,716 at me on your way out the door. 24 00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:06,419 I am so screwed. 25 00:01:06,486 --> 00:01:08,156 Got a new hole in your crotch, Dad. 26 00:01:08,189 --> 00:01:10,762 Damn it, I've had 'em on five minutes. 27 00:01:12,632 --> 00:01:16,172 Now, if Jack has that hole in his jeans, do not say anything. 28 00:01:16,239 --> 00:01:18,176 And there it is. 29 00:01:18,243 --> 00:01:20,948 Sorry we're late. Our kids just make it 30 00:01:20,982 --> 00:01:22,952 impossible to get out the door. 31 00:01:23,019 --> 00:01:26,159 - They're like helpless blobs. - More like selfish parasites 32 00:01:26,225 --> 00:01:28,163 - who suck the life out of you. - Ah. 33 00:01:28,196 --> 00:01:29,598 See, I told you. 34 00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:32,037 He's been trying to talk me into having kids. 35 00:01:32,104 --> 00:01:33,606 Oh, my God, you have to. 36 00:01:33,674 --> 00:01:36,780 - They're gifts from heaven. - No greater joy. 37 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:37,849 Ah! 38 00:01:37,916 --> 00:01:39,351 So that's why you invited us 39 00:01:39,385 --> 00:01:41,957 to dinner... you want my womb for surrogacy. 40 00:01:42,024 --> 00:01:43,593 The answer is yes. 41 00:01:43,661 --> 00:01:46,734 And all of my sperm is yours, gentlemen. 42 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:50,140 We have plenty, but maybe you could help me 43 00:01:50,173 --> 00:01:51,643 talk this guy into fatherhood. 44 00:01:51,710 --> 00:01:54,014 Eh, I'm just not ready to give up my freedom, 45 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,584 sleep, and white sofa. 46 00:01:55,617 --> 00:01:58,223 You're just afraid you won't be good at it. 47 00:01:58,289 --> 00:02:00,327 I overheard your Zoom therapy session. 48 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,630 What? Wear earbuds. 49 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,701 I know parenting seems like a lot of work, 50 00:02:03,734 --> 00:02:06,372 but kids are only hard for the first couple of years, 51 00:02:06,405 --> 00:02:09,345 and then they become totally self-sufficient. 52 00:02:09,378 --> 00:02:11,582 Mom, I can't find my left sock. 53 00:02:11,616 --> 00:02:14,522 Dunkie, say hello to Garrett and Bryce. 54 00:02:14,555 --> 00:02:17,027 Hey. Do you know where my sock is? 55 00:02:17,094 --> 00:02:20,267 I got you, buddy. Comin' up. 56 00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:22,705 Oh, yep, there you go. How's that feel? 57 00:02:22,739 --> 00:02:26,212 Like a shirt for my foot. Thanks, Dad. You're the best. 58 00:02:26,245 --> 00:02:28,918 You had a spare pair of socks on you? 59 00:02:28,984 --> 00:02:31,255 - Ah, you're like Super Dad. - That was impressive. 60 00:02:31,322 --> 00:02:34,361 Well, parenting's a snap when you know what you're doing. 61 00:02:34,428 --> 00:02:37,367 Bryce, you can do a ride along 62 00:02:37,401 --> 00:02:39,338 with me like that movie "Training Day," 63 00:02:39,371 --> 00:02:41,108 but without the PCP and murder. 64 00:02:41,142 --> 00:02:44,148 That's a great idea. He can teach you everything 65 00:02:44,215 --> 00:02:45,952 you need to know about being a dad. 66 00:02:45,985 --> 00:02:46,985 You should do it, hon. 67 00:02:46,987 --> 00:02:50,093 Experience the wonder of children firsthand. 68 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:54,368 Can't we just get a fifth dog? Fine. 69 00:02:54,401 --> 00:02:57,241 Can I get another sock? I stepped in lasagna. 70 00:02:57,274 --> 00:02:58,944 You already said yes. 71 00:03:03,921 --> 00:03:06,627 Get in. It's father-training day. 72 00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:08,329 Now? I thought we were gonna do that 73 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:09,633 on a weekend or something. 74 00:03:09,666 --> 00:03:11,536 I'm piloting a flight in two hours. 75 00:03:11,602 --> 00:03:13,841 As a dad, you're gonna have to get used 76 00:03:13,967 --> 00:03:17,916 - to canceling things last minute. - Fine. 77 00:03:19,285 --> 00:03:22,124 Hello, Delta? It's Captain Sullenberger. 78 00:03:22,157 --> 00:03:23,560 No, the other one. 79 00:03:25,650 --> 00:03:26,920 Why do I have to learn things 80 00:03:26,954 --> 00:03:28,556 you already know how to do for me? 81 00:03:28,589 --> 00:03:30,928 That lasagna sock was a wake-up call. 82 00:03:30,962 --> 00:03:33,566 So I'm gonna do a "Training Day" of my own. 83 00:03:33,633 --> 00:03:36,339 Welcome to Annie's home ec class. 84 00:03:36,405 --> 00:03:39,178 Now stir, scoop, blow, and taste. 85 00:03:39,244 --> 00:03:43,453 It's just mac and cheese. I know what it tastes like. 86 00:03:43,486 --> 00:03:45,390 Oh, my God, this is the best friggin' 87 00:03:45,457 --> 00:03:47,527 mac and cheese I've ever had in my life. 88 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,766 It's the same boxed mac and cheese I always make. 89 00:03:49,833 --> 00:03:52,371 I think it's pride you're tasting. 90 00:03:52,404 --> 00:03:54,976 Yeah, also, you drown it in milk. 91 00:03:55,043 --> 00:03:56,312 It's basically soup. 92 00:03:56,379 --> 00:03:58,281 The point is, you did it on your own. 93 00:03:58,282 --> 00:03:59,362 Why didn't you ever tell me 94 00:03:59,386 --> 00:04:01,689 that doing stuff for myself would feel so good? 95 00:04:01,722 --> 00:04:05,130 I tell you that all the time. Look at the fridge magnet. 96 00:04:06,499 --> 00:04:08,536 Yeah, but you never read it to me. 97 00:04:08,603 --> 00:04:10,473 Never mind... I'll do the dishes 98 00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:13,713 - so we can start our next lesson. - No, I'll do 'em. 99 00:04:13,747 --> 00:04:16,619 I don't like people messing with my kitchen. 100 00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,631 Uh-oh, pouty lower lip, playdate gone wrong. 101 00:04:22,664 --> 00:04:24,735 Let's kick some parenting ass. 102 00:04:25,403 --> 00:04:26,706 I'm riding here. 103 00:04:26,739 --> 00:04:28,944 What's wrong, boo boo bear? 104 00:04:29,011 --> 00:04:30,413 What? Oh, me? 105 00:04:30,447 --> 00:04:32,919 What's wrong, young, human child? 106 00:04:32,985 --> 00:04:35,431 Well, Joey says I can't hang with the crew 107 00:04:35,432 --> 00:04:37,878 if I don't lose my baby training wheels. 108 00:04:37,879 --> 00:04:40,340 - Will you teach me to ride? - Wow, Bryce, 109 00:04:40,375 --> 00:04:41,702 I thought you'd be hit with something smaller 110 00:04:41,770 --> 00:04:43,639 like skinned knee or hungry tummy, 111 00:04:43,706 --> 00:04:46,379 but bam, straight to rite of passage. 112 00:04:46,445 --> 00:04:47,714 Jack, your hand's bleeding. 113 00:04:47,782 --> 00:04:50,053 Yeah, dad hands do that. 114 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,355 Try and keep up, rookie. 115 00:04:51,422 --> 00:04:53,393 Mm. 116 00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:54,661 Hoopa. 117 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,632 Don't let go. Don't let go! 118 00:04:56,665 --> 00:04:58,669 We won't. 119 00:04:58,703 --> 00:05:01,108 - Don't let go! - We won't! 120 00:05:03,212 --> 00:05:05,250 This happened on my watch. 121 00:05:05,283 --> 00:05:07,287 Boss, no! 122 00:05:08,689 --> 00:05:10,627 - Don't let go! - We won't. 123 00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:13,466 - Don't let go. - I won't. 124 00:05:15,971 --> 00:05:18,509 Oakdale has a Running of the Bulls? 125 00:05:18,543 --> 00:05:21,382 We were briefly colonized by Spain. 126 00:05:21,449 --> 00:05:23,252 Ow! 127 00:05:23,286 --> 00:05:25,390 - Uh... - Don't let go! 128 00:05:25,423 --> 00:05:27,160 We already did. 129 00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:28,029 Yay! 130 00:05:28,129 --> 00:05:31,168 Whoa, Jing's kissing the sky over here. 131 00:05:31,202 --> 00:05:35,176 - I love you, Daddy! - That's why we do it, Bryce. 132 00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:36,378 Try not to talk, sir. 133 00:05:36,479 --> 00:05:38,116 Clear! 134 00:05:39,953 --> 00:05:42,959 Okay, now, dadding a teenage boy has its own set of rules. 135 00:05:43,025 --> 00:05:46,198 For example, never walk in their bedroom without knocking. 136 00:05:46,298 --> 00:05:47,534 I'll show you why. 137 00:05:49,104 --> 00:05:49,939 Come on. Come on. 138 00:05:50,073 --> 00:05:53,446 - Hey, Dunker. - Get out, I'm not finished! 139 00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:54,916 Oh, my God. 140 00:05:54,983 --> 00:05:57,354 Calm down... I'm learning to sew 141 00:05:57,420 --> 00:05:58,891 and fix Dad's ripped crotches. 142 00:05:58,957 --> 00:06:00,560 It was a surprise so I didn't have to 143 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:01,707 buy you a birthday present. 144 00:06:01,731 --> 00:06:05,311 Wow, you did that yourself? You're really growing up, son. 145 00:06:05,346 --> 00:06:08,309 You teach 'em to fly, sometimes, they soar. 146 00:06:08,376 --> 00:06:11,182 Thanks, Dad. May I hug you? 147 00:06:11,248 --> 00:06:13,921 Like you have to ask. 148 00:06:13,954 --> 00:06:14,756 That was amazing, Jack. 149 00:06:14,823 --> 00:06:16,525 Once I knew he wasn't masturbating, 150 00:06:16,592 --> 00:06:18,032 I really saw the reward of parenting. 151 00:06:18,062 --> 00:06:19,766 I think I might be ready for this. 152 00:06:19,799 --> 00:06:21,735 You won't regret it, my friend. 153 00:06:21,770 --> 00:06:23,673 Toughest job you'll ever love. 154 00:06:23,706 --> 00:06:26,345 - Hi, sweetheart. - Don't talk to me! 155 00:06:26,412 --> 00:06:27,849 You suck! Everybody sucks! 156 00:06:27,882 --> 00:06:31,155 I hate my life and yearn for death! 157 00:06:32,023 --> 00:06:34,863 Hey, let's go hug Duncan again. 158 00:06:34,963 --> 00:06:38,057 - Get out! - Oh, my God! 159 00:06:41,605 --> 00:06:44,548 This seems like a private moment for you and Kimberly. 160 00:06:44,581 --> 00:06:46,301 Maybe I should go home and have a vasectomy. 161 00:06:46,325 --> 00:06:48,523 Don't get snipped just 'cause you're scared. 162 00:06:48,589 --> 00:06:49,658 You need to see this. 163 00:06:49,725 --> 00:06:50,925 We're gonna have a gentle talk 164 00:06:50,949 --> 00:06:53,967 between father, daughter, and father's guy friend. 165 00:06:54,001 --> 00:06:57,007 Hey, girl, wanna dish? Oh, don't mind Bryce. 166 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,709 I'm just teaching him how to parent, 167 00:06:58,777 --> 00:07:00,547 and he gonna teach me how to fly a jet. 168 00:07:00,613 --> 00:07:01,750 I never said that. 169 00:07:01,783 --> 00:07:03,486 Tell us what happened. 170 00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:08,931 Oh, no, that's terrible. 171 00:07:08,997 --> 00:07:10,633 She says Ashley, Brooke, and Courtney 172 00:07:10,700 --> 00:07:13,807 - are bullying her again. - The ABC girls? 173 00:07:13,874 --> 00:07:15,476 They got kicked off of one of my flights 174 00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:16,780 for booing everyone in coach. 175 00:07:16,847 --> 00:07:21,188 You're kidding! 176 00:07:21,222 --> 00:07:24,127 She sat in apple juice and now they call her Kimber-pee. 177 00:07:24,161 --> 00:07:26,532 Well, don't worry, honey. I'll just call their parents. 178 00:07:28,971 --> 00:07:31,843 Um, she says she respects 179 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:34,782 my opinion, but is open to other ideas. 180 00:07:34,816 --> 00:07:37,387 No, I said you need to keep your fat neck out of it. 181 00:07:37,454 --> 00:07:39,776 You can't stop these girls. They pick on so many people, 182 00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:42,564 they have a bully calendar on their phones to keep track. 183 00:07:42,597 --> 00:07:45,971 - Uh, if I could jump in... - Careful, you're still in training. 184 00:07:46,038 --> 00:07:47,942 Listen, I was a gay kid in the '80s 185 00:07:47,975 --> 00:07:49,678 who was obsessed with Hulk Hogan. 186 00:07:49,746 --> 00:07:51,682 I drew a handlebar mustache on my face 187 00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:54,354 and wore a yellow leotard on picture day. 188 00:07:54,421 --> 00:07:56,692 - Ew. - Dang, brother. 189 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,029 So I know about being bullied. 190 00:07:58,095 --> 00:07:59,631 Really? How'd you handle it? 191 00:07:59,665 --> 00:08:02,381 Uh, poorly. I ate a whole pie every night 192 00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:03,561 while listening to the Smiths. 193 00:08:03,585 --> 00:08:05,850 But one day, my bullies and I ran into each 194 00:08:05,851 --> 00:08:08,115 other outside the horrible middle school dynamic 195 00:08:08,149 --> 00:08:11,088 and got to know each other for who we really are, 196 00:08:11,155 --> 00:08:14,428 - and we all became friends. - By the end of middle school? 197 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,097 Oh, God, no. This is 20 years later at a gay bar. 198 00:08:17,121 --> 00:08:19,404 Most '80s homophobia was closet-driven. 199 00:08:20,673 --> 00:08:22,210 We can't wait that long. 200 00:08:22,244 --> 00:08:24,782 We have to show those girls how cool you are now. 201 00:08:24,816 --> 00:08:26,285 Oh, I'll call and tell 'em. 202 00:08:28,055 --> 00:08:30,226 She says my fat neck needs a better plan. 203 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,765 Well, if anyone can come up with one, it's you, Super Dad, 204 00:08:32,832 --> 00:08:35,838 and me, the guy who stranded 200 people at the airport 205 00:08:35,904 --> 00:08:38,442 just to push a girl on a bike. 206 00:08:40,079 --> 00:08:42,918 Mia, thanks for going along with our top-secret plan 207 00:08:42,985 --> 00:08:47,160 to win over Kimberly's bullies, or TSPTWOKB for short. 208 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,598 Yeah, I saw the logo on the T-shirt you made me. 209 00:08:49,665 --> 00:08:50,901 Can we get this over with? 210 00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:53,774 Okay, the ABC girls hang out here every day, 211 00:08:53,807 --> 00:08:56,211 so Kimberly will run into them any minute. 212 00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:57,882 Everybody got their backstories straight? 213 00:08:57,949 --> 00:09:00,153 I am Chip, a recent divorcé 214 00:09:00,219 --> 00:09:02,891 trying to start again, and I sleep in my car 215 00:09:02,892 --> 00:09:04,963 and I shower in a bathroom sink. 216 00:09:04,996 --> 00:09:06,933 And I'm Darryl, a washed-up rock star 217 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,371 and recovering heroin addict who did time for manslaughter. 218 00:09:09,438 --> 00:09:11,810 Working at this pizza place isn't what I want, but it's 219 00:09:11,876 --> 00:09:13,947 what I need to get joint custody of my son, Michael. 220 00:09:14,014 --> 00:09:16,151 - Mia? - Oh, this is my actual life, 221 00:09:16,185 --> 00:09:19,558 - and I'm sad about it every day. - Ooh, that's good! 222 00:09:19,591 --> 00:09:20,894 They're here. Places. 223 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,999 We need a table. My dad's rich. 224 00:09:23,065 --> 00:09:25,771 Sorry, it's gonna be at least 30 minutes. 225 00:09:25,838 --> 00:09:27,238 Some old man left his newspaper here 226 00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:29,244 if you wanna read it while you wait. 227 00:09:29,311 --> 00:09:31,649 Aw. 228 00:09:31,715 --> 00:09:33,954 Oh, my God, Kimberly! 229 00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:37,962 Lovin' your whole vibe, girl, as always. 230 00:09:38,029 --> 00:09:40,667 - Hmm? - Got the VIP booth for you. 231 00:09:40,733 --> 00:09:42,270 Thanks, Mia. Oh, hey, guys. 232 00:09:42,303 --> 00:09:44,742 I didn't know you come here every Thursday at 6:00 p. m. 233 00:09:44,809 --> 00:09:46,449 before spitting in the samples at Sephora. 234 00:09:46,473 --> 00:09:48,115 Wait, you two know each other? 235 00:09:48,182 --> 00:09:49,852 That's right, and I'm a high-schooler, 236 00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:50,919 which is dope. 237 00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:54,494 My nose ring and I think Kimberly is hella tight. 238 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:55,798 Hey, you guys wanna join me? 239 00:09:55,864 --> 00:09:57,267 I got free pizzas coming my way. 240 00:09:57,333 --> 00:10:00,239 Yeah, I give her free stuff, and as stated before, 241 00:10:00,273 --> 00:10:02,845 I'm in high school, which is fire. 242 00:10:02,912 --> 00:10:05,216 Yeah, sure, Kimberly! That'd be cool. 243 00:10:05,249 --> 00:10:08,522 If my ex-wife and your ex-bandmates could see us now, 244 00:10:08,556 --> 00:10:10,326 - Darryl... - True that, Chip. 245 00:10:10,393 --> 00:10:14,468 True... that. 246 00:10:15,470 --> 00:10:18,977 The Chipotle dumpster was a wonderland today. 247 00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:20,981 How often do you find a burrito bowl 248 00:10:21,014 --> 00:10:24,956 with guacamole still on top? 249 00:10:25,022 --> 00:10:26,893 What doesn't stink in here? 250 00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,364 I'm baking. I made cucumber sandwiches, 251 00:10:29,398 --> 00:10:31,602 and there's cranberry scones in the oven. 252 00:10:31,668 --> 00:10:32,972 Eat up, eat up. 253 00:10:33,038 --> 00:10:35,510 - Yo, you're baking? - We have an oven? 254 00:10:35,543 --> 00:10:37,982 I thought that was a TV that always burned my hand. 255 00:10:38,049 --> 00:10:40,954 These cucumber sandwiches are bussin'! 256 00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,958 The cream cheese isn't even rancid. 257 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,996 How'd you learn to do all this? 258 00:10:45,029 --> 00:10:46,800 My mom's been teaching me home ec. 259 00:10:46,833 --> 00:10:48,269 Is she taking on other students? 260 00:10:48,302 --> 00:10:51,208 You want my mom to teach you to cook and clean? 261 00:10:51,241 --> 00:10:54,147 I want your mom to teach me everything. 262 00:10:54,181 --> 00:10:56,886 Let's have scones at the banquette. 263 00:10:56,953 --> 00:10:58,689 What the hell's a banget, 264 00:10:58,757 --> 00:11:00,828 and where's our pile of dead raccoons? 265 00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,865 I re-homed them into the trash. 266 00:11:02,898 --> 00:11:04,134 They weren't sparking joy. 267 00:11:04,167 --> 00:11:05,771 It's true... we hadn't touched those 268 00:11:05,838 --> 00:11:08,142 dead raccoons in a year. 269 00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:12,117 Kimberly, I think because I'm always glaring at you 270 00:11:12,150 --> 00:11:14,721 in disgust, I've never noticed 271 00:11:14,756 --> 00:11:16,058 your hair color is really pretty. 272 00:11:16,125 --> 00:11:18,028 OMG, Brooke, that is so sweet, 273 00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,832 and because you're always glaring at me, 274 00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:21,602 I never noticed how pretty your eyes are. 275 00:11:21,635 --> 00:11:23,506 JK, I totally noticed. 276 00:11:25,543 --> 00:11:27,113 Great JK. 277 00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:29,417 We are miracle workers, Jack. 278 00:11:29,451 --> 00:11:31,421 They should send us to the set of "The View." 279 00:11:31,455 --> 00:11:34,194 Oh, I wanna know everything they're saying. 280 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,665 I wish I was one of the six flies on their pizza. 281 00:11:38,870 --> 00:11:42,110 - God, this place is gross. - Come on. We're going in. 282 00:11:42,143 --> 00:11:44,782 Well, it looks like you're all having a good time. 283 00:11:44,816 --> 00:11:45,816 Yes, we are. Bye. 284 00:11:45,851 --> 00:11:47,020 Can I tempt you with dessert? 285 00:11:47,086 --> 00:11:49,157 The Choco-pasta's to die for. 286 00:11:49,224 --> 00:11:51,562 Ew, do we look like we eat dessert? 287 00:11:51,595 --> 00:11:54,468 Yeah, and aren't you too old to be enjoying working here? 288 00:11:54,534 --> 00:11:58,042 No, I'm, uh... I'm... I'm just trying get my life together 289 00:11:58,108 --> 00:12:00,680 - to get custody of my son. - That's lame. 290 00:12:00,713 --> 00:12:02,183 - Your lame. - You hear that? 291 00:12:02,217 --> 00:12:03,854 The dessert perv with the man boobs 292 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,757 doesn't have custody of his son. 293 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,999 His body is fine. It's called "dad bod." 294 00:12:10,066 --> 00:12:12,136 - It's a thing! - And who's this loser? 295 00:12:12,203 --> 00:12:14,074 You look like a tired mannequin. 296 00:12:14,107 --> 00:12:16,147 I thought your generation didn't body shame. 297 00:12:16,171 --> 00:12:18,616 We body shame boomers, boomer. 298 00:12:18,649 --> 00:12:20,286 Boomers? 299 00:12:20,319 --> 00:12:23,192 This old guy's having a heart attack... gross. 300 00:12:23,225 --> 00:12:25,029 Come on, Kimberly. Let's go to Sephora. 301 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,437 Sorry... but thank you! 302 00:12:29,504 --> 00:12:31,942 Once he wakes up, clean the bathroom. 303 00:12:31,943 --> 00:12:34,214 Thanks, Darryl. 304 00:12:34,247 --> 00:12:37,086 A tired mannequin? 305 00:12:37,153 --> 00:12:39,724 That is absolutely you in the morning. 306 00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:42,564 They made fun of your man boobs? 307 00:12:42,565 --> 00:12:44,167 I love your man boobs. 308 00:12:44,234 --> 00:12:46,471 Bloopy, bloopy, bloopy, bloopy. 309 00:12:46,505 --> 00:12:49,411 It's not funny! They really hurt our feelings. 310 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:52,684 You helped Kimberly. You should be proud. 311 00:12:52,717 --> 00:12:54,989 I know I am. Bloop. 312 00:12:55,022 --> 00:12:58,997 You're gonna let a bunch of mean girls emasculate you? 313 00:12:59,064 --> 00:13:00,233 Pathetic. 314 00:13:00,299 --> 00:13:02,237 Ooh, my sticky buns are done. 315 00:13:02,270 --> 00:13:05,009 You're grown men, and they're 12. 316 00:13:05,042 --> 00:13:06,445 - Let it go. - I'm sorry. 317 00:13:06,545 --> 00:13:08,549 Jack could let it go. He's a bigger man. 318 00:13:08,582 --> 00:13:11,789 But Darryl did not kick heroin to put up with this. 319 00:13:11,856 --> 00:13:14,205 You're not supposed to be picking fights with little girls. 320 00:13:14,229 --> 00:13:16,665 You're supposed to be training Bryce to be a dad. 321 00:13:16,732 --> 00:13:17,935 "Training Day" is over. 322 00:13:18,002 --> 00:13:20,039 It's a different Denzel movie now... 323 00:13:20,106 --> 00:13:23,980 - "The Equalizer." - I haven't seen this, but I'm in. 324 00:13:24,014 --> 00:13:25,984 Ooh, this is gonna be ugly. 325 00:13:26,018 --> 00:13:27,988 The only thing worse than a nasty tween girl 326 00:13:28,088 --> 00:13:31,394 - is a pissed-off gay man. - Top off your Pinots? 327 00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:34,034 Thank you, my stuper student... 328 00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:36,171 super student. Oof! 329 00:13:36,204 --> 00:13:38,576 Maybe I should eat some crackers. 330 00:13:43,085 --> 00:13:46,491 Let's go reclaim our dignity. 331 00:13:46,558 --> 00:13:47,560 Damn it. 332 00:13:49,497 --> 00:13:51,068 Ah! 333 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:59,074 Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP 334 00:14:01,054 --> 00:14:02,056 Uh-oh. 335 00:14:04,127 --> 00:14:06,531 What is wrong with us? They're kids! 336 00:14:06,565 --> 00:14:09,271 - We should be able to take 'em. - I'm sorry, wait. 337 00:14:09,337 --> 00:14:11,417 Did you think we were gonna fight these little girls? 338 00:14:11,441 --> 00:14:14,882 - No! Did you? - I wish someone would. 339 00:14:14,915 --> 00:14:16,075 Why are you in the boys' room? 340 00:14:16,084 --> 00:14:18,990 It's the only safe place to hide from the mean girls. 341 00:14:19,057 --> 00:14:20,259 I thought you guys were all... 342 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,096 "Oh, we're so close. 343 00:14:22,130 --> 00:14:23,265 "Let's braid each other's hair and... 344 00:14:23,332 --> 00:14:25,837 "Verbally our father and his best friend!" 345 00:14:25,937 --> 00:14:28,242 I decided I just couldn't hang with kids who said 346 00:14:28,309 --> 00:14:30,881 such hurtful things to two men I love and admire. 347 00:14:30,948 --> 00:14:32,517 Uh-huh, what really happened? 348 00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:34,521 Fine. They wanted me to bully kids 349 00:14:34,587 --> 00:14:36,491 with them, and when I said no, they went back 350 00:14:36,525 --> 00:14:38,462 - to calling me Kimber-pee. - You know what? 351 00:14:38,495 --> 00:14:40,132 I do wanna beat up those little girls. 352 00:14:40,199 --> 00:14:42,503 Looks like they have a full day of terror planned. 353 00:14:42,537 --> 00:14:44,137 I'm still synced to their bully calendar. 354 00:14:44,204 --> 00:14:45,306 They forgot to take me off. 355 00:14:45,373 --> 00:14:48,582 So you know what they're gonna do before they do it? 356 00:14:48,615 --> 00:14:51,621 That means we can stop every mean thing they have 357 00:14:51,622 --> 00:14:54,627 planned, and no innocent kid or full-grown man 358 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,365 will ever have to fear them again. 359 00:14:56,398 --> 00:15:00,239 - Sounds like a plan to me! - Lil Joey, this isn't your school. 360 00:15:00,272 --> 00:15:01,642 I don't like to take dumps there. 361 00:15:01,743 --> 00:15:04,547 Those tiny toilets can't hold what Joey's got to give 'em. 362 00:15:04,648 --> 00:15:07,672 Hey, can one of yous drop me off at the track? 363 00:15:13,098 --> 00:15:15,971 Operation Bully Block begins. 364 00:15:16,004 --> 00:15:17,373 I've got chills. 365 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,212 Okay, 1:00 p. m., spray paint Wesley M.'s locker. 366 00:15:20,246 --> 00:15:23,887 Here they come... right on time. 367 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:29,765 - Hmm. - Hey, I read somewhere 368 00:15:29,799 --> 00:15:32,003 that kid's freaking cool. 369 00:15:32,070 --> 00:15:34,507 Yeah. 370 00:15:34,541 --> 00:15:36,746 Well, I had a good run. 371 00:15:49,037 --> 00:15:50,539 Mm-hmm. 372 00:15:53,579 --> 00:15:56,284 Timothée Chalamet? What are you doing here? 373 00:15:56,351 --> 00:15:58,288 Asking you to dance. 374 00:16:03,198 --> 00:16:04,200 Huh? 375 00:16:09,611 --> 00:16:10,947 Oh! 376 00:16:11,014 --> 00:16:12,183 Waah! 377 00:16:12,216 --> 00:16:15,689 Whoo-hoo! Oh. 378 00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:20,599 Who keeps blocking us? My dad's rich. 379 00:16:20,666 --> 00:16:22,971 All right, let's see what's on the bully calendar next. 380 00:16:23,038 --> 00:16:24,775 Hit Cooper with basketball. 381 00:16:24,842 --> 00:16:26,578 Oh! 382 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,315 Okay, didn't get to that one in time. 383 00:16:28,382 --> 00:16:30,152 Wait, there's something huge. 384 00:16:30,219 --> 00:16:31,321 "Friday, after gym class, 385 00:16:31,388 --> 00:16:32,858 our biggest, meanest prank ever." 386 00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:35,563 Meaner than trying to drown someone with a broken leg? 387 00:16:35,629 --> 00:16:38,135 We should call the police, Jack. I'm fearing for our lives. 388 00:16:38,202 --> 00:16:40,372 I thought you wanted to be a dad. 389 00:16:40,473 --> 00:16:42,978 No, I'm on the fence. I've been saying that. 390 00:16:45,149 --> 00:16:46,251 Feet up. Feet up. 391 00:16:48,222 --> 00:16:50,092 Get out of the way! 392 00:16:50,159 --> 00:16:53,198 Humiliating defeat, life wasted. 393 00:16:53,232 --> 00:16:54,601 This place is filthy. 394 00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:57,707 Why aren't you wearing the paper booties I put out? 395 00:16:57,775 --> 00:17:01,081 - Sorry, Mom. - That's some way to talk to me 396 00:17:01,114 --> 00:17:02,885 after I made you pumpkin bread. 397 00:17:02,918 --> 00:17:06,191 I'm tired of being overworked and underappreciated. 398 00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:07,795 What do you want? Sex? 399 00:17:07,828 --> 00:17:10,366 I want you guys to clean up after yourselves. 400 00:17:10,399 --> 00:17:13,438 - Okay, we're out. - Grab the pumpkin bread. 401 00:17:19,350 --> 00:17:22,623 Oh, look at this cute mother of pearl spoon 402 00:17:22,657 --> 00:17:25,964 and this dream catcher. I think I'm gonna buy these... 403 00:17:26,031 --> 00:17:28,268 On Amazon later. 404 00:17:28,368 --> 00:17:31,742 Thank you! Your store is so cute. 405 00:17:31,776 --> 00:17:34,447 Good thing I sell cocaine out the back. 406 00:17:34,514 --> 00:17:37,553 There you are! Mrs. H, we got a situation. 407 00:17:37,587 --> 00:17:40,626 Duncan's acting all responsible, and it sucks! 408 00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:43,599 Sorry, Bex, but after 15 years of babying Duncan, 409 00:17:43,665 --> 00:17:46,071 I'm finally enjoying some me time. 410 00:17:46,137 --> 00:17:48,843 - I just almost bought something. - Now, if you'll excuse us, 411 00:17:48,877 --> 00:17:51,681 Annie and I are off to the desert to do ayahuasca. 412 00:17:51,715 --> 00:17:52,583 We are? 413 00:17:52,683 --> 00:17:54,203 You said I could choose the next thing. 414 00:17:54,227 --> 00:17:55,523 We want Dirty D back, 415 00:17:55,556 --> 00:17:57,360 so we're asking you to make like a mother 416 00:17:57,393 --> 00:18:00,332 and sacrifice your happiness for a bunch of damn kids. 417 00:18:00,399 --> 00:18:03,405 No, I want Duncan to grow up to be self-sufficient, 418 00:18:03,505 --> 00:18:04,507 and I wanna day drink. 419 00:18:04,574 --> 00:18:07,948 Ugh, we all do, but if you don't get him back 420 00:18:08,015 --> 00:18:09,284 to being an incompetent goof, 421 00:18:09,384 --> 00:18:11,421 we're gonna cut his tidy ass loose. 422 00:18:11,454 --> 00:18:12,456 So what's it gonna be? 423 00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:17,366 Do you want a helpless kid or a friendless kid? Yikes. 424 00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:22,243 Gym lets out in 15 minutes, and I can't find any signs 425 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,312 of the biggest, meanest prank ever. 426 00:18:23,412 --> 00:18:25,449 Did you check for super glue on the toilet seats? 427 00:18:25,516 --> 00:18:27,220 - Duh, yeah. - Did you inspect the shampoo 428 00:18:27,286 --> 00:18:29,023 for Nair and the lockers for murder hornets? 429 00:18:29,057 --> 00:18:29,825 - Obvi. - Did you check 430 00:18:29,892 --> 00:18:31,294 the tampon dispenser for dynamite? 431 00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:33,298 - No! - Ugh, you're not thinking 432 00:18:33,365 --> 00:18:35,937 like a 12-year-old girl. Come on, Bryce. 433 00:18:37,306 --> 00:18:38,706 All right, I'll do a dynamite sweep. 434 00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:40,947 You check the towels for itching powder. 435 00:18:40,981 --> 00:18:42,316 Busted. 436 00:18:42,383 --> 00:18:44,520 Nuh-uh. You're busted. 437 00:18:44,587 --> 00:18:47,026 You're not pranking anyone today. 438 00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:49,497 Uh-huh. Hello, police? 439 00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:51,635 There's two old creeps in the girls' locker room. 440 00:18:51,701 --> 00:18:52,861 One barely fits in his shirt, 441 00:18:52,885 --> 00:18:55,576 and the other looks like an alcoholic weatherman. 442 00:18:59,717 --> 00:19:01,688 Once the cops hear our explanation, 443 00:19:01,721 --> 00:19:03,927 I think we'll still be in trouble. 444 00:19:05,596 --> 00:19:07,567 Wow, you were thirsty, Arthur. 445 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,372 Dunkie, you know how much I enjoy walking in your room 446 00:19:10,406 --> 00:19:12,643 and not gagging from a wall of stench. 447 00:19:12,744 --> 00:19:14,414 - I do. - But you gotta bring back 448 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,251 - the funk, Dunk. - Huh? 449 00:19:16,318 --> 00:19:18,756 The truth is... 450 00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:22,263 I love housework and miss doing it. 451 00:19:22,330 --> 00:19:23,800 Well, we can do it together. 452 00:19:23,866 --> 00:19:26,738 No, it must be me, and me alone. 453 00:19:26,806 --> 00:19:30,012 It is my identity. I am nothing without it. 454 00:19:30,079 --> 00:19:31,481 Yeah, that's true. 455 00:19:31,514 --> 00:19:33,252 You don't have a lot else going on. 456 00:19:33,352 --> 00:19:35,623 - Huh? - Oh, here. 457 00:19:35,656 --> 00:19:37,526 I was gonna clean the toilet next, 458 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,397 but I can see how much it means to you. 459 00:19:39,464 --> 00:19:40,599 Thanks for taking the time 460 00:19:40,633 --> 00:19:42,270 to teach me all those life skills, Mom. 461 00:19:42,336 --> 00:19:43,873 Aw, you're welcome, sweetie. 462 00:19:43,906 --> 00:19:46,511 Maybe I'll use them again, but doubtful. 463 00:19:46,544 --> 00:19:47,713 The next woman in my life 464 00:19:47,781 --> 00:19:50,787 will probably wanna take care of me too. 465 00:19:50,854 --> 00:19:54,394 I could be flying on ayahuasca in the desert right now. 466 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:58,035 Well, looks like Darryl and Chip are sex offenders. 467 00:19:58,068 --> 00:20:01,007 That's why you always have backstories and fake IDs. 468 00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,780 How the hell did those mean girls find us out? 469 00:20:03,813 --> 00:20:06,651 Maybe 'cause you kept peeking around corners and high-fiving? 470 00:20:06,685 --> 00:20:07,854 Sorry I let you down, honey. 471 00:20:07,955 --> 00:20:10,794 I really wanted those girls to see what a great kid you are. 472 00:20:10,827 --> 00:20:12,998 Don't need 'em. I made real friends. 473 00:20:13,065 --> 00:20:13,866 Yeah. 474 00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:15,804 My mom says you're too old for me, 475 00:20:15,837 --> 00:20:17,740 but she doesn't know what you smell like. 476 00:20:17,808 --> 00:20:20,446 Besides, you got nothing to feel bad about. 477 00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:22,112 I'm lucky to have a dad who cares so much 478 00:20:22,116 --> 00:20:24,520 and a Bryce who would definitely make a great father. 479 00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:25,790 I'm not afraid, Jack. 480 00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:28,428 I'm ready for the toughest job I'll ever love. 481 00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:29,597 Oh! 482 00:20:29,664 --> 00:20:32,436 The crotch of my jeans, it just ripped. 483 00:20:32,503 --> 00:20:36,075 - Welcome to the club, Dad. - Ah! 484 00:20:36,177 --> 00:20:39,684 This is your life now. We'll never leave you alone! 485 00:20:39,717 --> 00:20:42,189 Let's kick tween ass. 486 00:20:47,395 --> 00:20:49,230 Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, 487 00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:51,268 and welcome aboard. I'm Captain Sullenberger, 488 00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:54,575 - your pilot and new dad! - I'm his husband. Me! 489 00:20:54,608 --> 00:20:57,280 Baby was my idea... had to talk him into it. 490 00:20:57,346 --> 00:20:59,652 Will you guys excuse me a minute? 491 00:21:01,154 --> 00:21:03,693 Okay, Bryce, time to teach me to fly. 492 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,463 - Still never said that. - Come on, man. 493 00:21:05,496 --> 00:21:08,001 I Denzel'd you into daddyhood. 494 00:21:08,035 --> 00:21:11,074 - Switch, switch! - Okay. 495 00:21:11,108 --> 00:21:13,045 This is the thrust lever. 496 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,788 Now take the wheel, and... we're lifting off! 497 00:21:19,525 --> 00:21:21,161 Don't let go. Don't let go. 498 00:21:21,228 --> 00:21:24,347 I won't. My family's on this flight. 499 00:21:24,768 --> 00:21:27,975 Annie, kids, I'm flying the plane! 500 00:21:29,410 --> 00:21:32,350 Whoa, I'll never let go! 501 00:21:33,832 --> 00:21:36,848 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 501 00:21:37,305 --> 00:22:37,619 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.