1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,829 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:07,965 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:11,802 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,839 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,175 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,176 --> 00:00:21,604 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,055 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:24,524 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:30,147 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:34,234 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,871 Chris, I can't believe you're helping the principal 12 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,656 with morning announcements today. 13 00:00:40,657 --> 00:00:43,117 And I can't believe I forgot to wear pants. 14 00:00:43,118 --> 00:00:45,119 - Meg, give him your pants. - Mom! 15 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,038 Meg, it's a big day for your brother. 16 00:00:47,039 --> 00:00:48,923 Fine. 17 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,424 It's so cool. 18 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:53,044 You're going to be like one of those DJs on SiriusXM, 19 00:00:53,045 --> 00:00:55,680 where it's all national so nothing's local anymore. 20 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:56,881 RADIO DJ: You're listening to 21 00:00:56,882 --> 00:00:58,883 SiriusXM channel a-hundred-and-something. 22 00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:02,261 Hey, it's hot out there, but it's also cold in some places. 23 00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:05,731 RADIO SINGERS: ♪ SiriusXM a-hundred-and-something ♪ 24 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,351 ♪ You're probably in a rental car. ♪ 25 00:01:08,352 --> 00:01:11,270 CHRIS: These pants are way too big. 26 00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,906 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 27 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,775 Okay, Chris, while you make these announcements, 28 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,910 I'm going to be massaging your shoulders, 29 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,830 just so I can say in court that I do it to everyone. 30 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,658 And if you want to liven things up, you can start out by saying, 31 00:01:23,659 --> 00:01:25,576 "Good morning, Vietnam!" 32 00:01:25,577 --> 00:01:26,877 - What? - You know, 33 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,629 from the movie starring Robin Williams. 34 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,748 - Who? - It was set in the Vietnam War. 35 00:01:30,749 --> 00:01:32,967 - Where? - He was nominated for an Oscar. 36 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:35,469 - Why? - But, sadly, he recently died. 37 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,471 - How? - He choked himself off. 38 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:40,091 That's the first thing I understood. 39 00:01:40,092 --> 00:01:41,475 Go ahead. 40 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:43,636 Okay. "God..." 41 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,972 - Good. - "Good movement..." 42 00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:48,774 - Morning. - "Morning, Engelbert." 43 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,643 - Everyone. - "Everyone. 44 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,945 The stagnant cancer muting..." 45 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,697 The student council meeting. 46 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,115 You know what? You're done. Good job. 47 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,701 Great job, Chris. 48 00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,988 SHEPHERD (OVER P.A.): Good morning, Vietnam! 49 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,831 Right? (CLEARS THROAT) 50 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,250 Okay, well, the student council meeting will be held today 51 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,002 at 3:00 in the gymnasium. 52 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,171 I never would've gotten that word. 53 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,006 Alexa, off. 54 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,342 (RELIEVED SIGH) And that's how you do an announcement. 55 00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,010 Not like that tub of lard Griffin. 56 00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:17,795 Ugh, I feel like I gained 20 pounds 57 00:02:17,796 --> 00:02:19,296 just standing next to him. 58 00:02:19,297 --> 00:02:21,966 I have to open the window to get that fat kid smell out. 59 00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:24,260 - (LAWNMOWER WHIRRING) - Hey, Lawnmower Guy? 60 00:02:24,261 --> 00:02:26,312 How do you say "fat" in Spanish? 61 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,563 LAWNMOWER GUY: Gordo. 62 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,732 SHEPHERD: That kid was mucho gordo. 63 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,484 LAWNMOWER GUY: I think you mean "muy gordo." 64 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,152 SHEPHERD: That's enough, Lawnmower Guy. 65 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,023 (LAUGHTER) 66 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:40,985 (SAD MUSIC PLAYS) 67 00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:43,988 (CRYING) 68 00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:46,874 SHEPHERD: Alexa, stop playing sad music. 69 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,659 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 70 00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:50,912 I don't think this thing is working at all. 71 00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:57,418 - Hey, Stewie, where's the... - Shh! 72 00:02:57,419 --> 00:02:59,170 (WHISPERS): I'm at the opera, Brian. 73 00:02:59,171 --> 00:03:01,181 (MAN SINGING OPERA) 74 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,718 This part always speaks to me. 75 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,054 I can't stand to hear Italians talk 76 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,356 but, man, get 'em singing. 77 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:13,275 Stewie, how can you afford an entire opera in your room? 78 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,061 Oh, boy, Brian's upset 79 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,862 because someone has something he doesn't. 80 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,531 You know what I'm getting you for your birthday? 81 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,616 The ability to be happy for other people. 82 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:21,909 You're not answering my question. 83 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,994 Brian, I'd love to stay and talk, 84 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,030 but Bugs Bunny is about to make this tenor 85 00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:28,532 hold a note for far longer than anyone should. 86 00:03:28,533 --> 00:03:31,536 (SINGER HOLDING NOTE) 87 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,924 Ain't he a stinker? 88 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,044 TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to Suits. 89 00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:42,388 As a courtesy to the hardworking cast and crew, 90 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,057 we ask you to please refrain from looking at your iPad 91 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,093 - while the show is on. - Okay, fair enough. 92 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,345 MALE LAWYER: Morning, everyone. How's the case coming? 93 00:03:49,346 --> 00:03:51,764 FEMALE LAWYER: We're having trouble supporting the defendant's claim. 94 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,399 Is this show a drama or a comedy? 95 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,934 I don't know, let's look it up. 96 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,185 MALE LAWYER: Then you need to dig into those files... 97 00:03:56,186 --> 00:03:58,738 - Eight seasons?! - "Filmed in Toronto." 98 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,740 There's a Japanese version?! 99 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,950 "Other shows filmed in Toronto." 100 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,119 Handmaid's Tale, Shadowhunters... 101 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,571 - What's Shadowhunters? - I don't know, let's look it up. 102 00:04:07,572 --> 00:04:08,706 TV ANNOUNCER: Guys, please, 103 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,241 people worked really hard on this. 104 00:04:10,242 --> 00:04:11,909 (CRYING) 105 00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:13,961 Keith? Keith, what's the matter? 106 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,746 It's Chris, you idiot. 107 00:04:15,747 --> 00:04:16,997 Mary, what happened? 108 00:04:16,998 --> 00:04:18,916 Principal Shepherd fat-shamed Chris 109 00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:20,050 in front of the whole school. 110 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,878 - Oh, no! - Just stay the course, Lois. 111 00:04:22,879 --> 00:04:25,765 That "fat" is going to win him Biggest Boy at the state fair. 112 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,684 - Peter, this is very serious. - So is Biggest Boy. 113 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,887 School should be a safe place where they get shot sometimes. 114 00:04:31,888 --> 00:04:34,106 They should not be insulted! 115 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,809 Peter, are you even listening to me? 116 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,396 MAN: Give us a strut downstage! 117 00:04:40,397 --> 00:04:42,448 ♪ Well, he's ♪ 118 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,492 ♪ A big, big boy, he's the Biggest Boy ♪ 119 00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:46,277 ♪ He's a big, big boy, he's the Biggest Boy ♪ 120 00:04:46,278 --> 00:04:47,945 ♪ He's a big, big boy, he's the Biggest Boy ♪ 121 00:04:47,946 --> 00:04:49,581 ♪ He's a big, big boy, he's the Biggest Boy... ♪ 122 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,286 So we're all decided, our last high school play 123 00:04:55,287 --> 00:04:57,087 was about as gay as we wanna go. 124 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,582 Let's try to top out at that level of gay. 125 00:04:59,583 --> 00:05:01,050 If there's nothing else... 126 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,969 There's still the agenda item of you fat-shaming Chris Griffin. 127 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,971 I think we can table that, 128 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,140 as long as it's a pretty strong table. 129 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,175 (LAUGHTER) 130 00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:10,559 Excuse me, I'm sorry, 131 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,678 but fat-shaming is not okay! 132 00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:15,481 This is the year 2020 and nothing is okay. 133 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,349 This is the year of instant outrage. 134 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:20,477 - What?! - This is my son we're talking about. 135 00:05:20,478 --> 00:05:23,614 Sure, more than once I've caught him eating Crisco with a spoon, 136 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,399 but I can't watch everything he eats. 137 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,117 - That's all I'd be doing! - (LAUGHTER) 138 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:30,154 And deep down, he's just like everyone else... 139 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:33,407 all together in one big pair of pants. 140 00:05:33,408 --> 00:05:36,043 (CHUCKLES): His-his sister Meg's pants. 141 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,161 (LAUGHS): Oh! Pow! 142 00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:39,463 Lois, did you try this stuff out of town? 143 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:40,756 - It's killing! - Yeah. 144 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,174 I'm funny. 145 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:45,044 In any case, Principal Shepherd needs to be held accountable 146 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,046 for fat-shaming my son. 147 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,715 No matter how fat or shameful he may be. 148 00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,884 If your son had been shot, all I could offer 149 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,719 is thoughts and prayers, but this calls 150 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,521 for a far stronger response. 151 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,640 Shepherd, you're fired. 152 00:05:57,641 --> 00:05:59,608 Oh, yeah? Well, now that I'm fired, 153 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,570 I can finally tell you all how I really feel about you! 154 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,655 You're like family to me. 155 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,074 Alexa? Play the sad song from Stripes. 156 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:10,078 ("DEPRESSION" BY ELMER BERNSTEIN PLAYS) 157 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,922 - MAN: Hey! - WOMAN: We're still in here! 158 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,085 Uh, excuse me. I saw a commercial 159 00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,888 in which a dog had a very shiny coat. 160 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,590 The dog was, uh, jumping over a fence. 161 00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,726 Maybe on a farm or something? 162 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,477 Again, his coat was very shiny. 163 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:39,732 Yeah, I, um, hate this job? 164 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,893 So, I don't know? 165 00:06:42,894 --> 00:06:44,728 Oh, my gosh, wow! 166 00:06:44,729 --> 00:06:46,814 - This is so exciting! - Excuse me? 167 00:06:46,815 --> 00:06:48,115 It's really you. 168 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,034 We recognize you from your book! 169 00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:53,704 Ah, you've read Faster Than the Speed of Love. 170 00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:54,989 Be careful with that thing. 171 00:06:54,990 --> 00:06:57,408 It might accidentally change your life. 172 00:06:57,409 --> 00:06:58,542 Oh, (BLEEP)! 173 00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:01,496 I don't know that book. I'm talking about this one. 174 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,207 Flunky The Dumb White Dog? 175 00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:07,510 "By Griffin Stewart"? 176 00:07:13,383 --> 00:07:15,718 My catchphrase is "Herf derf"? 177 00:07:15,719 --> 00:07:19,013 Hey, do you know where I could find any books about, um... 178 00:07:19,014 --> 00:07:21,316 "the pan-crease"? 179 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,154 Thanks for taking me to the movies, Peter. 180 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,739 Aw, sure, Lois. 181 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,240 You know, when you said "Miles Teller," 182 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,742 I was like, "Eh." 183 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:32,943 But then once you get here, 184 00:07:32,944 --> 00:07:34,578 you realize you can sit anywhere. 185 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,779 SHEPHERD: Hello, Griffins. 186 00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:37,781 Principal Shepherd? 187 00:07:37,782 --> 00:07:40,793 That's right. And it's just "Firstname Shepherd" 188 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,962 now that you've had me fired and I have no income. 189 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,797 And now I'm living in my car, 190 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,499 just panhandling outside Miles Teller movies, 191 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,135 which is pretty slim pickings, obviously. 192 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,389 Lois, can I talk to you one step over this way, 193 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:56,342 yet magically out of earshot from him? 194 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,927 We can't let this stand. We have to do something for him. 195 00:07:58,928 --> 00:08:01,388 What are we supposed to do? He brought this on himself. 196 00:08:01,389 --> 00:08:04,441 (SHEPHERD HUMMING) 197 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:08,445 - (ARGUING INAUDIBLE) - (HUMMING CONTINUES) 198 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:09,980 All right, Peter, he can live with us 199 00:08:09,981 --> 00:08:11,532 until he gets back on his feet. 200 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,784 You made a full and convincing case. 201 00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:14,786 Ya... 202 00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:17,488 ...ay, you can live with us! 203 00:08:17,489 --> 00:08:18,907 Wow, that's great news. 204 00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:22,034 (PHONE CHIMES) 205 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:26,205 Uh, what's your, um, ferret policy? 206 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,590 Huh, wow, Lois, if he's asking about it, too, 207 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,125 I guess we should finally get one. 208 00:08:30,126 --> 00:08:32,462 Peter, we're not getting a ferret. 209 00:08:33,463 --> 00:08:35,214 (PHONE CHIMES) 210 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:38,934 Also, would it make any sense to put all the beds in one room 211 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,978 and make one room a trampoline room? 212 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,982 Oh, well, now that's interesting. 213 00:08:50,855 --> 00:08:52,489 Well, here we are. 214 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,492 Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, I don't know how to thank you. 215 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,494 Ah, don't worry about it. Make yourself at home. 216 00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,997 The Wi-Fi is "Joe Swanson Guest." 217 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:01,582 Chris? There's someone here 218 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:04,001 who's got somethin' to say to you! 219 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:08,172 I've never seen this man before in my life. 220 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:11,166 Principal Shepherd?! What are you doing here? 221 00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:12,968 Chris, I fat-shamed you, 222 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,637 and I believe I owe you a weaselly political apology. 223 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,057 So, if you took offense to anything I said, 224 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,676 I certainly regret that you did that. 225 00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:22,561 At this point, I consider the matter closed. 226 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,513 Thank you so much, Principal Shepherd. 227 00:09:24,514 --> 00:09:26,982 I know that was very difficult for you. 228 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,901 Well, I accept your apology, Chris. 229 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,227 Onward and upward. 230 00:09:30,228 --> 00:09:32,980 Now, I believe you have some masturbating to do, young man? 231 00:09:32,981 --> 00:09:34,448 I already did it. 232 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,200 - Chris...? - I mean... 233 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,068 I was about to. 234 00:09:38,069 --> 00:09:39,870 Attaboy. (CHUCKLES) 235 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,823 (CHUCKLES) Oh, he's a good boy. 236 00:09:42,824 --> 00:09:44,208 (CHUCKLES) Oh, he is. 237 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:49,079 (IMITATING LAWNMOWER WHIRRING) 238 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,540 This is real 'cause I'm making the motor noise. 239 00:09:51,541 --> 00:09:53,842 (IMITATING LAWNMOWER WHIRRING) 240 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,377 Hey there, Stewie. 241 00:09:55,378 --> 00:09:57,045 Finally cutting that grass, I see. 242 00:09:57,046 --> 00:09:58,213 (LAUGHS) 243 00:09:58,214 --> 00:10:00,215 Well, if someone had returned my mower 244 00:10:00,216 --> 00:10:01,884 when they said they were going to, 245 00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:03,552 I would've done it weeks ago. 246 00:10:03,553 --> 00:10:07,055 Whoa, I see the mower isn't the only thing running hot. 247 00:10:07,056 --> 00:10:09,525 But speaking of, I, uh, need to borrow a shovel. 248 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,435 - I'm digging a hole. - A hole? 249 00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:13,904 - Where are you going? China? - That's the hope. 250 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,990 All right, well, I'll be checking your Instagram. 251 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:17,991 (TIRES SCREECHING) 252 00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,111 Whoa, careful! 253 00:10:21,112 --> 00:10:23,447 That's how God makes angels. 254 00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:26,116 Well, I guess I know where you got all that money! 255 00:10:26,117 --> 00:10:28,752 You wrote a whole children's book series about me. 256 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,629 And you made me look like a total idiot! 257 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,247 Look, you got to call the publisher 258 00:10:32,248 --> 00:10:34,750 - and have these books recalled. - Not a chance, Brian. 259 00:10:34,751 --> 00:10:37,753 All I'm doing is presenting you honestly to the public. 260 00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:40,005 Just like I did to the witches in Salem. 261 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,925 Who but a witch would not give up her virtue to a man 262 00:10:42,926 --> 00:10:46,261 who brought her a luncheon of salt pork and boiled sweets? 263 00:10:46,262 --> 00:10:48,981 But Your Honor, I tried to give up my virtue. 264 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,141 I begged him to take me then and there. 265 00:10:51,142 --> 00:10:54,111 Yeah, okay, okay, n-nobody believes that tall tale. 266 00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,612 And he would have none of it. 267 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,865 I offered him posterior intimacy. 268 00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:00,117 Okay, let's just... E-everyone calm down. 269 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:02,619 The court reporter will still his quill. 270 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,655 On hands and knees I begged him. 271 00:11:04,656 --> 00:11:06,540 He said he had an early appointment. 272 00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:09,536 Witch! Witch! Press her between stones! 273 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,174 SHEPHERD (OVER P.A.): Attention, Griffins. 274 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:18,177 Could Peter Griffin please report to the backyard? 275 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,845 ALL: Ooh... 276 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,514 Shut up. 277 00:11:22,966 --> 00:11:24,967 Peter, I'm looking at your aptitude assessment. 278 00:11:24,968 --> 00:11:27,603 Uh, we think you would be more comfortable 279 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,980 eating in the special breakfast unit. 280 00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:32,182 (SHOUTING, THUDDING) 281 00:11:32,183 --> 00:11:34,184 It sounds like chaos in there. 282 00:11:34,185 --> 00:11:36,069 Don't worry, Miss Judy will take care of you. 283 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,821 She doesn't have her teaching degree, 284 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,656 but she is abnormally strong. 285 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,658 (SHOUTING, CLATTERING) 286 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,860 Why can't I just eat with my family? 287 00:11:43,861 --> 00:11:47,864 We're trying to get you ready to eat with your family. 288 00:11:47,865 --> 00:11:49,408 PETER: Hey, you must be Miss Judy. 289 00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,659 Ow, that's my wrist! 290 00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:53,046 That's my wrist, Miss Judy! Ow! 291 00:11:58,167 --> 00:11:59,418 Attention, Griffins. 292 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,803 Someone drew a penis on my car. 293 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,756 - Peter, I'm looking at you. - Couldn't have been me. 294 00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:07,309 I don't even know what penises look like 'cause I'm not gay. 295 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:10,053 - Never even seen one. - You don't have a penis? 296 00:12:10,054 --> 00:12:12,356 I do, I just don't look at it 'cause I'm not gay. 297 00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:15,025 Now, if it was a vagina, I'd say you have your man. 298 00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:17,060 Seen a ton of those. Seen three of those. 299 00:12:17,061 --> 00:12:20,113 Whoa, whoa, whoa, three? Deets, Dad. 300 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,282 - Okay, your mom... - Nice. 301 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:25,118 - Your sister, when she was born... - Getting colder. 302 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:27,904 And my aunt. She fell out of the casket at her funeral 303 00:12:27,905 --> 00:12:29,239 and her dress came up. 304 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,167 Did you know they pack cotton in corpses' noses, 305 00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:35,587 rectums and vaginas to prevent embalming fluid from leaking? 306 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,123 Anyway, I gave the eulogy at the church and I talked about it. 307 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,591 It was all ad-libbed. 308 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,093 Now that preacher won't even make eye contact with me 309 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,711 at the grocery store. 310 00:12:42,712 --> 00:12:44,429 I don't know why that bothers me, but it does. 311 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:47,215 What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, your car got donged. 312 00:12:47,216 --> 00:12:49,218 Yeah, I did it. It was me. 313 00:12:56,517 --> 00:12:58,735 Okay, who do I make this out to? 314 00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,737 Actually, could you use a Sharpie? 315 00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:03,073 No, my-my mom says I can't use Sharpies. 316 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,908 They're permanent. 317 00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,526 Stewart Griffin? 318 00:13:06,527 --> 00:13:09,997 I represent Brian Griffin, who is suing you for defamation. 319 00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:13,492 That's right, I lawyered up, you little bitch. 320 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,244 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 321 00:13:17,914 --> 00:13:19,915 Sorry I'm late, I was just... 322 00:13:19,916 --> 00:13:22,501 Ah, ah, ah, en français, Monsieur Griffin. 323 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,252 (SIGHS) God. 324 00:13:24,253 --> 00:13:28,965 Je was watching Je Love Lucy, then je... 325 00:13:28,966 --> 00:13:31,968 was wondering why Lucy wasn't talking so much, 326 00:13:31,969 --> 00:13:37,274 and then je realized it was just a orange cat in a ashtray. 327 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:38,775 All right, never mind that. 328 00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:41,611 Just join me one step over here, yet out of earshot, 329 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,481 so I can rap your knuckles with a ruler. 330 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,566 (SCREAMS) 331 00:13:46,567 --> 00:13:47,576 (SCREAMING INAUDIBLE) 332 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,277 Ah! That's it! 333 00:13:49,278 --> 00:13:50,912 I want you out of our house right now! 334 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,949 - We are sick of you! - What? You're kicking me out? 335 00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:55,667 Does everyone feel this way? 336 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,620 - Oui, absolument. - Gérard Depardieu. 337 00:13:58,621 --> 00:14:00,872 Well, at least someone's been paying attention. 338 00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:03,125 But very well. I'll get out of your hair. 339 00:14:03,126 --> 00:14:06,462 If you'll all just help me get my things out of the basement. 340 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:12,893 Wait a minute. He doesn't have his stuff down here. 341 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,428 SHEPHERD: That's right. 342 00:14:14,429 --> 00:14:18,432 Until you all have better attitudes, you're in detention. 343 00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:19,684 - (LOCK CLICKS) - Detention? 344 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:24,905 He-he put us in detention in our own house? 345 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,157 - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 346 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,901 Allahu Akbar! 347 00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:33,288 We-we... uh, okay, we're gonna deal with that thing 348 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,792 and then we're gonna deal with detention. 349 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,216 How long is Principal Shepherd 350 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,134 gonna keep us in detention down here? 351 00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,969 Oh, you got a big date? Is that it? 352 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,755 Got to get out of here for a big date? 353 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:52,424 - Is that what you're saying? - Hey, bite my butt, Mom. 354 00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,976 At least I'm not a withered old slut like you are. 355 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:58,138 - Oh, just kiss and get it over with. - Guys, guys, guys. 356 00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,807 It's natural that we'd be at each other's throats, all right? 357 00:15:00,808 --> 00:15:02,359 We've been down here for three minutes. 358 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,444 The question is, how are we gonna get out? 359 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,396 All right, we're playing. 360 00:15:06,397 --> 00:15:08,148 No, no, no, no, no, no, no... Meg, Meg, Meg! 361 00:15:08,149 --> 00:15:09,282 (GUN CLICKS EMPTY) 362 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,952 All right, who's next? 363 00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:19,785 Mr. Griffin, you may proceed. 364 00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,870 Thank you, Your Honor. In my case to prove 365 00:15:21,871 --> 00:15:24,873 that Brian Griffin is, in fact, an idiot, and therefore 366 00:15:24,874 --> 00:15:29,211 cannot be defamed, I call Brian Griffin to the stand. 367 00:15:29,212 --> 00:15:32,347 Now, Mr. Griffin, you claim that you are not dumb. 368 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,549 If that is true, please tell me the difference 369 00:15:34,550 --> 00:15:37,436 between Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg. 370 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,013 Objection. No one could possibly know that. 371 00:15:40,014 --> 00:15:41,598 Objection sustained. 372 00:15:41,599 --> 00:15:43,817 - You're on thin ice, Counselor. - Very well. 373 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:46,603 Now, Mr. Griffin, I'm going to recite a biography 374 00:15:46,604 --> 00:15:48,939 and I'd like you to maintain your composure. 375 00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:51,324 "On December 1, 1951, 376 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,160 - Treat Williams was born..." - Treat? W-Where? Where? 377 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,828 - Where's the treat? - Thank you. 378 00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,581 I will now read the entry for Christopher Walken. 379 00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,241 Walk? Go for a walk? 380 00:15:59,242 --> 00:16:02,711 This dog is dumb. 381 00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,162 No further questions, Your Honor. 382 00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,581 At this point, I will turn things over to Brian's lawyer, 383 00:16:06,582 --> 00:16:09,885 the gentleman from Table, Knee, Bump and Associates. 384 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,670 Thank you, Your Ho... Ah! Son of a dick! 385 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,505 Ah! Ah, crap. 386 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,007 - Right on the bone. Ow! - Do you wish to proceed? 387 00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:18,344 Huh? No! 388 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,609 Sucks being in detention. I feel like 389 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,394 we're in The Breakfast Club or something. 390 00:16:27,395 --> 00:16:29,646 I don't know, maybe we can take this time 391 00:16:29,647 --> 00:16:32,616 - to learn more about each other. - Sorry, Lois, we can't. 392 00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:35,285 We got to Breakfast Club dance for the Fox promo. 393 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:38,914 ANNOUNCER: This Sunday, on an all-new Family Guy, 394 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:41,449 the Griffins are grounded and the one actor of color 395 00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:43,285 plays a character named Lawnmower Guy. 396 00:16:43,286 --> 00:16:45,787 Way to go, everyone. 397 00:16:45,788 --> 00:16:49,207 - Now we have this unearned closeness. - Don't you see? 398 00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:52,210 This must've been why Principal Shepherd locked us down here. 399 00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,212 We've never sat down and talked like this. 400 00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:56,965 Principal Shepherd is the best principal ever. 401 00:16:56,966 --> 00:16:58,683 I'm totally reenergized. 402 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,060 Like when my old high school crush 403 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:02,562 asked to be my friend on Facebook. 404 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:03,648 (COMPUTER CHIMES) 405 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,984 Karen Altman? 406 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,820 Wow, that's a blast from the past. 407 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,192 - (EXHALES) - (COMPUTER CHIMES) 408 00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,788 The game begins. 409 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,207 "Hey, cutie. Long time, no talk. 410 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:25,744 "I'm trapped in Europe and all I have is my bikini. 411 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:29,798 Could you wire me $3,000 for old time's sake?" 412 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,634 (PHONE CHIMES) 413 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:37,131 Beatrice Fuller? She was a snack. 414 00:17:38,966 --> 00:17:40,851 (COMPUTER CHIMES) 415 00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,889 Checkmate. 416 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:49,026 (EXHALES) 417 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:55,865 (GAVEL BANGS) 418 00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:58,827 Mr. Foreman, has the jury reached a verdict? 419 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,078 We have not, Your Honor. 420 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,947 We all feel we need another night 421 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,748 at the Hyatt with free HBO. 422 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,951 That free HBO was just a preview. It ended today. 423 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,253 - We have a verdict, Your Honor. - Please proceed. 424 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,705 The dog is an idiot. The baby wins. 425 00:18:10,706 --> 00:18:12,258 Herf derf! 426 00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:15,594 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 427 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,128 Well, congrats, Stewie. 428 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:18,805 You made me look like a fool up there. 429 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:21,091 I mean, I can't believe you'd do this to me. 430 00:18:21,092 --> 00:18:22,809 I'll never forgive you. 431 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,728 Who are you kidding, Brian? You're a dog. 432 00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,563 I'm gonna walk out that door, come back in 433 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,766 and you'll just be excited to see me. 434 00:18:29,767 --> 00:18:31,685 Hey! Hey! You're back! 435 00:18:31,686 --> 00:18:33,570 Oh, man, I feel like you've been gone forever! 436 00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,105 (LAUGHS) Hey, watch me spin around! 437 00:18:35,106 --> 00:18:37,699 Whoa! Whoa! 438 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,367 - Whoa! - (PHONE CHIMES) 439 00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:43,122 STEWIE: (MUTTERS) Fat ankles. 440 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,493 All right, last call for new business. 441 00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:51,212 And again, we cannot show you the nude photos 442 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:54,049 the Spanish teacher sent to that kid. 443 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,084 Well, I guess that's it. Let's get out of here. 444 00:18:56,085 --> 00:18:58,136 - No, Peter, the other thing. - Oh, right. 445 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:01,965 My name is Peter Griffin, and I get to the "in conclusion" part 446 00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:04,017 of my speech faster than most people. 447 00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,635 In conclusion, I think the school 448 00:19:05,636 --> 00:19:07,437 should rehire Principal Shepherd. 449 00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:10,607 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 450 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,727 Mr. Griffin, you make a brisk and compelling case. 451 00:19:13,728 --> 00:19:15,945 I hereby reinstate Principal Shepherd. 452 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,658 Yes! I love you, baby. 453 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,193 Sorry, Lois, I needed you out of the way 454 00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:24,246 so I could kiss this lady. 455 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:30,419 (SENTIMENTAL JAZZ PLAYS) 456 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:36,166 It's good to be back. 457 00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:38,551 Wait, who drew this dong on my desk? 458 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,754 Not me. I wouldn't even know how to draw one. 459 00:19:40,755 --> 00:19:43,223 I've only seen two: mine and my uncle's at his funeral. 460 00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:45,258 He died with my aunt in a car crash. 461 00:19:45,259 --> 00:19:47,260 Remember her, from earlier, with the vagina? 462 00:19:47,261 --> 00:19:49,095 My uncle didn't fall out of the casket, though. 463 00:19:49,096 --> 00:19:50,980 I stayed late and unbuckled his trousers. 464 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,649 What were we talking about? 465 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,811 Oh, yeah, your desk got donged. Yeah, I did it. It was me. 466 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,868 Well, Brian, thanks for being a good sport 467 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:06,362 - about the Flunky books. - No problemo, Stewie. 468 00:20:06,363 --> 00:20:08,081 Aw, I wish you hadn't done that. 469 00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:11,084 If anything, you gave me a good chance for some self-reflection. 470 00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:14,170 Fact is, you inspired me to get back to doing some writing. 471 00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:15,755 Wow, it's really you. 472 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:18,041 Oh, thanks, but I no longer write the Flunky books. 473 00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:20,093 No, not that book. 474 00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:21,761 This one. 475 00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,723 Swishy the Football Baby? 476 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,758 "By Griffin Brian"? 477 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,393 Can you say one of your catchphrases, 478 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:31,062 like, "Hey, sailor," or "Up for brunch?" 479 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,231 Ooh! How about "I'm a bottom"? 480 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,518 Brian! 481 00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:44,109 - So? - I'm sorry. 482 00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:46,703 - It's not really our brand. - I see. 483 00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:50,206 Well, what about Phineas and Ferb erotic fan fiction? 484 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:51,624 Now that is interesting. 485 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,910 Read it to me while I eat my soup. 486 00:20:53,911 --> 00:20:56,329 "Ferb was having a throbby morning. 487 00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:58,915 Phineas was having none of it." 488 00:20:58,916 --> 00:21:01,134 (LAUGHS): Oh! 489 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,344 (SLURPS)