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[ Fry ] THIS IS AWESOME!
I'VE BEEN WAITING A THOUSAND YEARS
TO SEE A BEASTIE BOYS SHOW.
CAN I GET ANYBODY A BEER?
SURE.
AH...
[ Man ] Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down
some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!
[ Wheels Squeaking ]
♪ WELL, NOW, DON'T YOU TELL ME TO SMILE ♪
♪ YOU STICK AROUND, I'LL MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE ♪
♪ LIKE NUMBERS BEYOND WHAT YOU CAN DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE SO VERSATILE ♪
♪ "STYLE, PROFILE," I SAID ♪
♪ IT ALWAYS BRINGS ME BACK WHEN I HEAR, "OOH, CHILD" ♪
♪ FROM THE HUDSON RIVER... ♪
IMPRESSIVE.
THEY'RE BUSTING MAD RHYMES WITH AN 80% SUCCESS RATE.
I BELIEVE THAT QUALIFIES AS ILL.
AT LEAST FROM A TECHNICAL STANDPOINT.
[ Fry ] WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP?
I'M TRYING TO LOOK COOL.
♪ ...FOR THE FLINTSTONE FLOP ♪ ♪ FLOP ♪
♪ TAMMY D GETS BIZ ON THE CROPS ♪ ♪ CROPS ♪
♪ BEASTIE BOYS KNOWN TO LET THE BEAT... MM, DROP? ♪
OW! HOW'S IT GOING?
OW! ENJOYING THE SHOW?
OOH! OW!
DON'T FORGET TO PICK UP A T-SHIRT.
WOW, AN OLD- FASHIONED MOSH PIT.
COME ON, GUYS.
TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999...
AGAIN.
OW!
HEY, WATCH IT!
[ Karate Yell ]
MAN, THESE GUYS ROCK HARDER THAN EVER.
♪ OH, MY ♪
♪ IT'S A MIRAGE ♪
♪ TELLING YOU ALL IT'S A... ♪
♪ SABOTAGE ♪
♪ SABOTAGE, YEAH. ♪
PEACE! WE OUT!
[ Wheels Squeaking ]
[ All Cheering ]
HEY, BENDER.
HEY, FENDER.
MAN, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.
YOU STILL WORKING AT JACK IN THE BOX?
NOT ANYMORE, BABY.
I'M WITH THE BAND.
OH-OH, YEAH.
HEY, FELLAS
I WANT YOU TO MEET MY FRIENDS
BENDER, FRY, AND LEELA.
YOU KNOW, WE'RE REALLY NOT THAT INTERESTED IN MEETING THEM.
WOW, I LOVE YOU GUYS.
BACK IN THE 20th CENTURY
I HAD ALL FIVE OF YOUR ALBUMS.
THAT WAS A THOUSAND YEARS AGO. NOW WE GOT SEVEN.
COOL. CAN I BORROW THE NEW ONES?
AND A COUPLE OF BLANK TAPES?
HEY, BENDER, WHY DON'T WE DITCH THESE ORGAN SACKS
AND HIT THE REAL PARTY?
COUNT ME IN. I'M GOING TO DRINK TILL I REBOOT.
[ Electrical Crackling ]
HEY, WHAT KIND OF PARTY IS THIS?
THERE'S NO BOOZE AND ONLY ONE HOOKER.
DON'T BE A DRAG, MAN.
WE'RE JACKING ON.
O-O-O-H, Y-Y-YEAH!
WANT A JOLT?
UH, HEY, I'M NO SQUARE
BUT ISN'T THAT COUNTER-INDICATED
BY MY OPERATIONS MANUAL?
[ All Laughing ]
COME ON, BENDER.
GRAB A JACK.
I TOLD THESE GUYS YOU WERE COOL.
WELL, IF JACKING ON WILL MAKE STRANGERS THINK I'M COOL
I'LL DO IT.
WHOA!
[ Blubbering ]
[ Psychedelic Sitar Music Playing ]
[ Swallowing Sounds ]
EASY, BABY, YOU DON'T WANT TO GET HOOKED ON THIS STUFF.
AH, NO NEED TO WORRY. I DON'T HAVE AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY.
[ Glass Shatters ]
[ Blubbering ]
HEY, UH, BENDER, WHAT ARE WE DOING
IN THIS BAD NEIGHBORHOOD?
SHUT UP, SQUARE!
I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.
[ Whistling ]
WRETCHED SINNER UNIT
THE PATH TO ROBOT HEAVEN LIES HERE
IN THE GOOD BOOK 3.0.
HEY, DO I PREACH TO YOU
WHEN YOU'RE LYING STONED IN THE GUTTER?
NO.
SO BEAT IT!
TSK-TSK-TSK.
WHO WAS THAT GUY?
YOUR MAMA.
NOW SHUT UP AND DRAG ME TO WORK.
OUR ELECTRIC BILL IS CLIMBING FASTER
THAN A GREEN SNAKE UP A SUGARCANE.
OBVIOUSLY, SOMEONE 'ROUND HERE
BEEN WASTING A WHOLE HEAP OF JUICE.
PROBABLY YOU. ME?
GOOD MORNING, BENDER.
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! GET OFF MY BACK!
WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?
IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER
I'D ALMOST THINK HE WAS ABUSING ELECTRICITY.
BENDER? NO WAY.
[ Electrical Crackling ]
I DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE NOTICED SOMETHING.
BENDER, WHY ARE YOU SPENDING SO MUCH TIME IN THE BATHROOM?
ARE YOU JACKING ON IN THERE?
NO! DON'T COME IN!
GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE.
TODAY YOU'LL BE DELIVERING A CRATE OF SUBPOENAS
TO SICILY EIGHT, THE MOB PLANET.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET TO WORK!
I'LL BE OUT IN A SECOND.
I KNOW BIG VINNIE SAID HE WAS GIVING ME THE KISS OF DEATH
BUT I STILL THINK HE WAS GAY.
DID HE USE HIS TONGUE?
A LITTLE.
- ARE YOU OKAY, BENDER? - NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! GET OFF MY BACK!
UH-OH. THERE SEEMS TO BE AN ELECTRICAL DISTURBANCE
IN THE COALSACK NEBULA.
- A WHAT KIND OF A DISTURBANCE? - ELECTRICAL.
ANYWAY, IT'S GOING TO TAKE SOME CAREFUL PILOTING TO AVOID IT.
[ Metal Creaking ]
[ Crazed Laughter ]
WE'RE OUT OF CONTROL!
WE'RE HEADING STRAIGHT INTO THE ELECTRIC FIELD.
[ Fry ] WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I FEEL WEIRD.
COME ON, UNIVERSE!
YOU BIG, MOSTLY EMPTY WUSS!
GIVE ME ALL THE JUICE YOU GOT!
[ Blubbering ]
OH, MAMA.
[ Moaning ]
[ Loud Crash ]
WHAT?
[ Leela ] BENDER, WE DIDN'T MIND
YOUR DRINKING OR YOUR KLEPTOMANIA
OR YOUR PORNOGRAPHY RING.
IN FACT, THAT'S WHY WE LOVED YOU.
BUT THIS ELECTRICITY ABUSE CROSSED THE LINE.
YOU ALMOST KILLED US.
[ Fry ] AND YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE A JERK FOR TRUSTING YOU.
JUST LIKE WHEN MY FRIEND RICHIE SWORE
HE WASN'T TAKING DRUGS
AND THEN HE SOLD ME MY MOM'S VCR.
AND THEN LATER, I FOUND OUT HE WAS TAKING DRUGS.
YOU MAKE ME ASHAMED TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M A LOST CAUSE.
[ Pipe Organ Music Playing ]
MAYBE THERE'S ANOTHER WAY.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF.
WHAT AM I DOING?!
WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!
I SEE A LOT OF FANCY ROBOTS HERE TODAY
MADE OF REAL SHINY METAL.
BUT THAT DON'T IMPRESS THE ROBOT DEVIL, NO, SIR.
NO, SIR!
'CAUSE IF YOU'RE A SINNER
HE'S GOING TO PLUG HIS INFERNAL MODEM IN THE WALL
BELCHING SMOKE AND FLAME, AND HE'S GOING TO DOWNLOAD YOU
STRAIGHT TO ROBOT HELL.
STRAIGHT TO HELL!
SO I ASK YOU
WHO WILL STAND UP AND BE SAVED?
WHO? WHO?!
[ Weakly ] ME.
AND AS A FURTHER COST-CUTTING MEASURE
I HAVE ELIMINATED THE SALTWATER COOLER.
THIS IS A WITCH HUNT.
[ Bender ] ♪ OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING ♪
♪ OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY. ♪
GREETINGS, FRIENDS.
DON'T WE ALL LOOK NICE TODAY?
GREAT. HE'S WHACKED OUT ON ELECTRICITY AGAIN.
NO, I'M WHACKED OUT ON LIFE.
MY FRIENDS, I FOUND RELIGION.
RELIGION?
IS THIS ANOTHER SCAM TO GET FREE YARMULKES?
GIVE HIM A BREAK, FRY.
IF THIS HELPS BENDER CLEAN UP HIS ACT
THEN I THINK WE SHOULD BE SUPPORTIVE.
[ All Agreeing ]
WONDERFUL.
THEN YOU'LL ALL COME TO MY EXCEEDINGLY LONG
UN-AIR-CONDITIONED BAPTISM CEREMONY.
UM... OH, I... UH...
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO DELIVER BROTHER BENDER
FROM THE COLD, STEEL GRIP OF THE ROBOT DEVIL
UNTO THE COLD, STEEL BOSOM OF OUR CONGREGATION.
TELL IT, PREACHER!
THAT EQUALS TRUE.
BROTHER BENDER
DO YOU ACCEPT THE PRINCIPLES OF ROBOTOLOGY
ON PAIN OF ETERNAL DAMNATION IN ROBOT HELL?
YES, I DO.
THEN I WILL NOW BAPTIZE YOU.
PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE.
UH, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT
COULD YOU TOUCH UP THIS SEAM?
[ Laughing ]
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
THE OLD BENDER NEVER WOULD HAVE TAKEN US OUT TO DINNER.
THE OLD BENDER'S GONE.
HE WON'T TROUBLE YOU ANYMORE.
WOULD MONSIEUR CARE TO SEE THE WINE LIST?
NO POISON FOR US, THANKS.
I'LL STICK WITH GOOD OLD MINERAL OIL.
AH. FUNCTIONAL.
MM. THAT'S MINE HERE.
I'M HUNGRIER THAN A GREEN SNAKE IN A SUGARCANE FIELD.
FRIENDS, FRIENDS, SURELY YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EAT
BEFORE WE SAY ROBOT GRACE.
OH, MAN. UH...
IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND LOGICAL
WE GIVE THANKS FOR THE CHEMICAL ENERGY WE ARE ABOUT TO ABSORB.
TO QUOTE THE PROPHET JEREMATIC
[ Droning ] "ONE-ZERO-ZERO-ZERO
"ONE-ZERO-ONE-ZERO- ONE-ZERO-ONE-ZERO-ONE...
"ZERO-ZERO-ONE...
ZERO-ONE-ONE-ZERO-ZERO-ONE... TWO."
AMEN.
DOES THAT MEAN WE CAN EAT NOW?
YES.
BUT FIRST, SINCE I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH
I'D LIKE TO GIVE EVERYONE HUGS.
COME HERE, FRY.
OH, UH, BUT I DON'T WANT TO.
[ Contented Sigh ]
FRY, YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
COME ON, EVERYONE LINE UP FOR A HUG.
LET'S TEAR DOWN SOME EMOTIONAL WALLS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SHIP?
SANCTIFYING IT.
THERE. THAT OUGHT TO CONVERT A FEW TAILGATERS.
BENDER'S STUPID RELIGION IS DRIVING ME NUTS.
AMEN.
IF ONLY HE HAD JOINED A MAINSTREAM RELIGION
LIKE OPRAH-ISM OR VOODOO.
WE'VE GOT TO GET THE OLD BENDER BACK.
AND I THINK I KNOW A WAY TO DO IT.
WE HAVE TO REACQUAINT HIM WITH A LITTLE THING CALLED SLEAZE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEBODY HIRED
AN INTERSTELLAR SPACESHIP
TO DELIVER A PACKAGE TO ATLANTIC CITY.
WHAT ARE WE DELIVERING, ANYWAY?
UH... THIS.
WHERE ARE WE DELIVERING IT TO?
UH... HERE.
ANOTHER JOB WELL DONE.
NOW BACK TO THE OFFICE
FOR AN ENJOYABLE EVENING OF FASTING AND REPENTANCE.
WHOA, WHOA. WAIT, BENDER.
AS LONG AS WE'RE HERE WHY DON'T WE TAKE IN SOME EXOTIC DANCING?
HEY, GREAT IDEA.
[ Gasps ]
BUT THOSE GIRLS DON'T WEAR CASES.
YOU CAN SEE THEIR BARE CIRCUITS.
COME ON, IT'LL BE FUN.
MAYBE WE COULD EVEN DRINK A LITTLE FORTIFIED WINE.
WHAT?! DRINKING WINE IS A SIN--
EVEN IF IT IS DELICIOUSLY FORTIFIED.
HEY, BENDER, LOOK AT THAT WOMAN'S PURSE.
IT'S HANGING BY A SPAGHETTI STRAND.
THOU SHALT NOT SNATCH.
AND THERE'S HOOKERBOT 5000.
SHE'S GOT A HEART OF SOLID GOLD.
HEY, SAILING UNIT.
STOP TEMPTING ME!
FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I HAVE INNER PEACE.
THAT'S FOR LOSERS.
COME ON, SIN YOUR HEART OUT.
GO NUTS.
LIVE A LITTLE.
COULD YOU HOLD MY PURSE FOR A MINUTE?
GO FOR IT, BENDER.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
WELL...
[ Disco Music Playing ]
I'M THE GREATEST!
LOOKS LIKE WE GOT THE OLD BENDER BACK.
YOU KNOW IT, PORKPIE. EXCEPT FOR ONE THING--
[ Beeping ]
YOU KNOW, AS A MAJOR HOLLYWOOD DIRECTOR
I'LL BE HOLDING AUDITIONS TONIGHT FOR MY NEXT MOVIE.
AND EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ALL YOUNG AND NAIVE
I THINK YOU MIGHT JUST HAVE WHAT IT TAKES.
[ Females Giggling ]
[ Knocking On Door ]
HEY, I'M TRYING TO SCORE HERE.
CAN'T YOU READ THE "DO NOT DISTURB" SIGN?
[ Grumbling ]
[ Gasps ]
NO! NO!
GREETINGS, BENDER.
WELCOME TO ROBOT HELL.
[ Metal Clanking ]
[ Screaming ]
WHAT IN HELL HAPPENED TO BENDER?
WELL, HE DIDN'T CHECK OUT. THE ASHTRAY'S STILL HERE.
[ Chattering ]
LOOK, NIBBLER'S CAUGHT THE SCENT OF VODKA AND MOTOR OIL.
GO, BOY. FOLLOW THAT STENCH.
I'M HALLUCINATING THIS, RIGHT?
NO, BENDER.
ROBOT HELL IS QUITE REAL.
HERE'S OUR BROCHURE.
BUT I DON'T BELONG HERE.
I DON'T LIKE THINGS THAT ARE SCARY AND PAINFUL.
SORRY, BENDER.
YOU AGREED TO THIS WHEN YOU JOINED OUR RELIGION.
IF YOU SIN, YOU GO TO ROBOT HELL...
FOR ALL ETERNITY.
AW, HELL... I MEAN HECK.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN SAY THAT HERE.
[ Chattering Urgently ]
WAIT, I REMEMBER THIS PLACE.
THEY SHUT IT DOWN AFTER ALL THOSE PEOPLE
CAUGHT SALMONELLA FROM THE FLUME RIDE.
LOOK.
IT'S THE SYMBOL OF BENDER'S OLD RELIGION.
[ Beeps ]
UNBELIEVABLE.
IT'S AN ACTUAL, FACTUAL ROBOT HELL.
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT HELL WOULD REALLY EXIST?
AND THAT IT WOULD BE IN NEW JERSEY?
ACTUALLY...
[ Both Yelling ]
WE KNOW ALL YOUR SINS, BENDER
AND FOR EACH ONE, WE'VE PREPARED
AN AGONIZING AND IRONIC PUNISHMENT. GENTLEMEN?
[ Playing Up-tempo Beat ]
AW, CRAP-- SINGING.
MIND IF I SMOKE?
♪ CIGARS ARE EVIL, YOU WON'T MISS 'EM ♪
♪ WE'LL FIND WAYS TO SIMULATE THAT SMELL ♪
♪ WHAT A SORRY FELLA ♪
♪ ROLLED UP AND SMOKED LIKE A PANATELA ♪
♪ HERE ON LEVEL ONE OF ROBOT HELL ♪
♪ GAMBLING'S WRONG AND SO IS CHEATING ♪
♪ SO IS FORGING PHONY I.O.U.s ♪
♪ LET'S LET LADY LUCK DECIDE ♪
♪ WHAT TYPE OF TORTURE'S JUSTIFIED ♪
♪ I'M PIT BOSS HERE ON LEVEL TWO ♪
OOH, DEEP-FRIED ROBOT.
♪ JUST TELL ME WHY? ♪
♪ PLEASE READ THIS 55-PAGE WARRANT ♪
♪ THERE MUST BE ROBOTS WORSE THAN I ♪
♪ WE CHECKED AROUND, THERE REALLY AREN'T ♪
♪ THEN PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN ♪
♪ MY CRIMES WERE MERELY BOYISH PRANKS ♪
♪ YOU STOLE FROM BOY SCOUTS, NUNS AND BANKS ♪
♪ AW, DON'T BLAME ME, BLAME MY UPBRINGING ♪
♪ PLEASE STOP SINNING WHILE I'M SINGING ♪
♪ SELLING BOOTLEG TAPES IS WRONG ♪
♪ MUSICIANS NEED THAT INCOME TO SURVIVE ♪
♪ HEY, BENDER, GOING TO MAKE SOME NOISE ♪
♪ WITH THE HARD DRIVE SCRATCHED BY THE BEASTIE BOYS ♪
[ Scratching ]
♪ THAT'S WHATCHA, WHATCHA, WHATCHA GET ON LEVEL FIVE ♪
[ Fry ] ♪ I DON'T FEEL WELL ♪
[ Leela ] ♪ IT'S UP TO US TO RESCUE HIM ♪
♪ MAYBE HE LIKES IT HERE IN HELL ♪
♪ IT'S US WHO TEMPTED HIM TO SIN ♪
♪ MAYBE HE'S BACK AT THE MOTEL ♪
♪ COME ON, FRY, DON'T BE SCARED ♪
♪ I'M SURE AT LEAST ONE OF US WILL BE SPARED ♪
♪ SO JUST SIT BACK, ENJOY THE RIDE ♪
[ Fry ] ♪ MY ASS HAS BLISTERS FROM THE SLIDE ♪
♪ FENCING DIAMONDS, FIXING COCKFIGHTS ♪
♪ PUBLISHING INDECENT MAGAZINES ♪
♪ YOU'LL PAY FOR EVERY CRIME ♪
♪ KNEE-DEEP IN ELECTRIC SLIME ♪
♪ YOU'LL SUFFER TILL THE END OF TIME ♪
♪ ENDURING TORTURES, MOST OF WHICH RHYME ♪
♪ TRAPPED FOREVER HERE IN ROBOT HELL. ♪
OF COURSE, THAT'S JUST FOR STARTERS.
[ Fry And Leela Screaming ]
[ Both Gasping ]
BENDER, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
NO. OH, THEY'RE TORMENTING ME
WITH UP-TEMPO SINGING AND DANCING.
ALL RIGHT, BEELZEBOT.
WHAT'LL IT GOING TO TAKE TO GET OUR FRIEND BACK?
SORRY, BUT I HOLD ALL THE CARDS HERE.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO.
NOW IF YOU'LL JUST SIGN THIS FIDDLE CONTEST WAIVER...
WAIT. WHAT FIDDLE CONTEST?
UH... THE FAIRNESS IN HELL ACT OF 2275
REQUIRES ME TO INFORM YOU THAT IF YOU CAN BEST ME
IN A FIDDLE CONTEST, YOU WIN BACK BENDER'S SOUL.
AS WELL AS A SOLID GOLD FIDDLE.
WOULDN'T A SOLID GOLD FIDDLE WEIGH HUNDREDS OF POUNDS
AND SOUND CRUMMY?
WELL, IT'S MOSTLY FOR SHOW.
[ Whispers ] DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE FIDDLE?
[ Whispers ] NO, DO YOU?
NO, BUT I USED TO PLAY THE DRUMS.
THEY'RE SORT OF SIMILAR.
WHAT HAPPENS IF WE LOSE?
YOU'LL ONLY WIN A SMALLER SILVER FIDDLE.
ALSO, I GUESS I'LL KILL ONE OF YOU...
HIM.
WE'LL DO IT.
VERY WELL, THEN.
BEAT THIS.
[ Playing Complex Classical Music ]
WELL, WE'RE BONED.
YOUR TURN.
[ Clearing Throat ]
[ Discordant Screeching ]
HA!
TIME FOR THE DRUM SOLO.
[ Falsetto Shrieking ]
RUN!
STOP THEM!
THEY CHEATED!
[ Machine Gun Firing ]
[ Choir Singing ] ♪ HALLELUJAH ♪
♪ HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH... ♪
HURRY, BENDER.
I COULD IF YOU DROPPED THE STUPID GOLD VIOLIN.
OH, SORRY.
[ Shrieks ]
[ Cheering ]
DON'T WORRY, GUYS.
I'LL NEVER BE TOO GOOD OR TOO EVIL AGAIN.
FROM NOW ON, I'LL JUST BE ME.
UH, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD BE
JUST A LITTLE LESS EVIL THAN THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD SURVIVE A 700-FOOT FALL?
[ Fry ] AH, GOOD OLD BENDER.
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