Bendless Love
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- Guidance system? - Online.
- Autopilot? - Present.
- Dark-matter indicator? - Making a noise.
All systems operational. Let's rock.
Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash.
I'm not reading that! Summarize it in one word.
Sabotage.
This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is the dream of a madman.
- Yep. - It's an important unit.
And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship.
That's not an L! Unless you count lowercase.
You know we don't!
Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel.
It should look like this: But, instead, it looks like this:
- Who would do that? - Who could do that?
And by "that," I mean this:
It looks like we have another mystery on our hands.
I'd better make a chart of suspects. I'll draw a line with my straightedge.
Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent!
My javelin too! It's ruined!
Now we'll never beat Jupiter State!
My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky!
What's all the hubbub?
Even the professor's been bent.
Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum.
I'll get you fixed up.
- That's fine. - What did you do to the professor?
I bent him.
- Aha! - It's Bender!
A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending.
I know, we'll check last night's surveillance tapes.
- Tapes? - You've seen me naked?
Last night's tape. It was right next to Bathroom Bloopers Four.
See? Nothing! I told you, losers!
Wait, there on the screen! It's that guy you are!
- I'm sleepwalking! - We've got robots on the ceiling.
You weren't sleepwalking, you were sleep-bending.
This is quite a shock.
On the other hand, it's not surprising.
After all, I've been bending since the day I was built.
I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana.
Mama.
Hooray! I graduated!
Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.
- You remember your birth? - It was only four years ago.
- You're only four years old? - Precocious little scamp, ain't I?
Bender must have a need to bend that's not satisfied by his lifestyle.
He can't stay. He's a menace to every straight person in the company.
Go satisfy your bend-lust.
And don't you come back to work until you do!
No more bending, no more work Give us a raise, you big fat jerk
Nevers!
Yo! The mafia supports you! But don't tell no one! Spread the word!
As duly elected mobsters of this union...
...it's our duty to support the struggle of these slobs.
- What if management is "intragnizent"? - In context, it's clear what you mean.
In that case, Clamps may have a surprise for them.
The clamps!
Right?
Aw, no! A strike?
Now I'll never get to bend anything! Oh, woe is Bender!
Management refused to switch casual Friday to Monday.
- What?! - They hire scabs at 1 0 times our wage!
Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!
- Welcomes aboard, scab. - Great to be here.
I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbing with.
This here's our scab foreman.
- Flexo? - Bender?
Sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison instead of me.
You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!
No, you're all right. Good to see you!
And here's another scab what also works here, Angleene.
Hello.
Hey, you guys want to move that things?
Hello!
- Give us a raise, you big fat jerk - Nevers!
- Hi, Angleene. What you up to? - Making hangers.
- Counselor said I had a knack for it. - That's cool.
So, I was wondering if...
You know, it's cool if not, but...
- What are you doing after work? - What I always do. Jack squat.
Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh?
Well, we are made of virtually identical components.
Are you sure? Maybe I should peek at your access panel.
Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's inappropriate banter.
And that's just the way I like it.
Haile H. Selassie!
There, little friend. Good as new.
What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops.
Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat.
I've never seen you so cheerful. What's wrong with you?
Seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty...
...or perhaps my posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain...
...resulting in a mild delirium. By the way, you have a dime up your nose.
I wish. It's a nickel.
Union forever! Lousy scabs! They can't do those things! Et cetera!
I bet watching me bend girders turns your legs rubbery.
My legs are made of rubber.
And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac.
Oh, yeah? Prove it.
Here. Let me help you.
My new bent outlook has completely re-energized me.
I'm even dating a young, Brazilian, retired actress.
Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave.
Howdy, doodies! What's new?
I was regaling your former coworkers with a tale of bedroom antics...
Big whoop, no one cares. I got Bender-related news.
I'm in love. And I'm taking all my friends out to celebrate.
Let's get liquored up!
Hey, look at this crowd. You guys gotta try the pasta.
It's got a nice profit margin. Bam! So, special occasion tonight?
- You'll never guess what's happened! - Bam?
- I've met the most dynamite lady-bot. - Hey, that's terrific!
To celebrate, I'm gonna stick seven copies of my book on your bill.
Bless you, sir.
So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours.
I intend to, through the lost art of the toast.
To Angleene. She's got it all.
Looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot.
She sure does.
Flexo!
Careful, that's a week old.
I finally meet a nice girl, with legs that don't quit...
...and that jerk Flexo steals her away?
It's time to kick some shiny, metal ass!
You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene!
- Bender, it's not what you think! - God, then it's worse than I think!
Now look, there is no reason to be upset.
- Flexo and I are divorced. - Div... Huh?
We're just having dinner to stay friends.
I knew that. What I'm outraged by is your choice of wine!
- Really, it's the steward's fault. - Excellent choice, sir.
That Flexo, why, I'm knocking him on his butt. I can't believe this.
Obsessing won't help, Bender. Take a lean back and enjoy life.
My fembot may be in love with another manbot.
Well, talk to her. Tell her your feelings in an honest way.
Either that, or be a man.
I've constructed an elaborate lie.
I'll call Angleene, pretend to be Flexo, arrange a date...
...show up as him and catch her two-timing me with myself.
That's thinking like a man.
Hello? This is Flexo.
Now we'll see who loves whom.
- Hey, hot stuff. - Hey, Flexo.
Since when do you go to bars on work nights? It's not like you.
Nonsense. It's exactly like me.
Flexo, the fun-loving love machine fembots love to love.
I'll have a fuzzy navel. She'll have the girliest drink in the house.
- Two fuzzy navels coming up. - I hope they can change a fortune.
Get an eye-load of that scab with the beard flashing his filthy scab money.
It's an insult, boss.
That cash should be slushing my fund and kicks-ing my back.
- I'm greasing up my whoozits! - Whoa. Not yet.
Let's just see if he does it a couple more times.
- You're looking good. - Quit making googly eyes.
- I'm in love with Bender. - Bender? That walking wuss factory?
He may be a walking factory, but he is no wuss.
You and me are through. I told you when I divorced you.
Going through a divorce, tell me that didn't bring us closer.
Care to dance?
You know I love dancing, but you always hated it.
In that case, it's something I've always wanted to make up to you.
Hey, Scratch-Mo!
Drop me and the lady some rump-rattling beats.
I'd hoped by the second time he flashed cash, my rage would subside.
Sadly, that has not happened.
You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You've really loosened up.
I recently upgraded my funk card.
- Come on! - All right!
Hit me! Come on, now!
What's new?
Flexo, what's going on?
Flexo!
The moral of the story is: If you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it!
Yeah! You always were a kick in the teeth, man.
Aw, shucks, thunder-buns. You make me feel like a million volts.
Flexo, I'm starting to remember why I fell for you in the first place.
So she's falling for Flexo, eh?
I'd better seduce her a little more just to be sure.
It's late. I should get home to my trailer.
I'll walk you out. A true gentleman tends to his date's every need.
Tiparillo?
Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible.
He's flashing his cash again.
- How many times is that? - Three!
That's the necessary number of times.
That scab's gonna have an on-the-job accident.
Don-bot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happening.
Let's kill him ourselves.
Well, good night. I had a great time.
How about a lift? To your place?
- What?! - Admit it...
...you felt something for me tonight. And by me, I mean Flexo.
- Hey, look. I had fun, but... - But?
- But... - But?
But...
- Huh? Bender, you tricked me! - That's right, baby!
I ain't your lover-boy, Flexo, the guy you love so much.
You even love anybody pretending to be him!
Maybe I love you no matter who you're pretending to be!
Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!
There's only one reasonable course of action now: Kill Flexo!
No!
Thanks, I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshing you.
- That was annoying. - You call yourself divorced?
You're mocking one of our oldest institutions!
What?
Give the word and I'll drop this unbendable girder. Clamp-ka-bamp!
Only kill the one with the beard. That other scab, we got nothing against.
That's low.
Please stop! I'm not worth it!
Probably not! But I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back!
Okay, Clamps. Now!
Oh, that's gotta clamp.
- Flexo, are you okay? - Yeah. Never better.
- I'm yanking your chain. I'm dying. - You can't die!
- Bender showed me that I love you. - But I love you.
I know, and I care for you too.
But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo!
But...
I love you so much, I want you to be happy, no matter what.
- What are you saying? - I'm saying...
...I've got an unbendable girder to bend.
You can't bend it. It's unbendable!
I don't know anything about lifting, so that just leaves us the one option.
Thanks. Another year under that and I'd have been a goner.
I'll always remember this, Bender.
Me too. Me too.
Jerk.
Flexo and Angleene had sex right on the factory floor?
- You got bending out of your system. - Yes.
I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time.
Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a bend...
...a bend to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment.
- We're sick of your upbeat attitude. - I'll say.
Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote:
We all need a new angle on life
You've gotta help us.
I try to get out, but they keep pulling me back in!
Wangle a new dangle on life
- No, the other way! - I like him better this way.
- I'm sad now. - It's fine.
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