1 00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:07,339 [ Man ] ONE, TWO! ONE, TWO, THREE! 2 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:15,074 Watch Movies, TV Series & Live Sports www.admitme.app 3 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,435 [ Both Gasp ] 4 00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:40,139 SO I SAYS, "SUPERCOLLIDER? I JUST MET HER." 5 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,341 [ Raucous Laughter ] 6 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,910 AND THEN THEY BUILT THE SUPERCOLLIDER. 7 00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:49,147 THANK YOU. YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT AUDIENCE. [ Raucous Applause ] 8 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:52,084 HUMORBOT 5.0, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 9 00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:56,221 OUR NEXT STAND-UP'S A VETERAN OF FOUR COMEDY TRAFFIC SCHOOLS. 10 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:59,691 GIVE IT WAY UP FOR BOBCAT ZOIDBERG! 11 00:00:59,759 --> 00:01:03,362 - [ Raucous Cheering ] - ALL RIGHT! 12 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:06,832 EARTH. WHAT A PLANET. 13 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,601 ON EARTH, YOU ENJOY EATING A TASTY CLAM. 14 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:13,572 ON MY PLANET, CLAMS ENJOY EATING A TASTY YOU. 15 00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:17,542 - [ Glass Clinking ] - MAYBE I'M NOT YELLING LOUD ENOUGH. 16 00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:21,213 [ Yelling ] ON EARTH, EVERYBODY IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A GIANT SQUID. 17 00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:24,983 ON MY PLANET-- [ Slurps, Swallows Hard ] 18 00:01:25,051 --> 00:01:27,335 RELOAD. 19 00:01:27,404 --> 00:01:31,139 SO THESE THREE PARASITIC WORMS BORE INTO A HUMAN'S HEAD, 20 00:01:31,208 --> 00:01:35,210 [ All Groaning ] AND THEY WALK UP TO THE BAR AND THEN-- 21 00:01:35,279 --> 00:01:38,730 UH-OH. WAIT! STOP! I'VE GOT MORE! 22 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,967 [ Grunts, Groans ] [ Audience Applauds ] 23 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:48,590 MY WHOLE LIFE, I WORKED ON THAT ACT, AND THEY HATED IT. 24 00:01:48,659 --> 00:01:53,295 YOU'RE A CRAZY, PENNILESS LOBSTER DOCTOR. NO COMBINATION OF YOU SHOULD BE A COMEDIAN. 25 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,714 BUT COMEDY IS IN MY VALVES. 26 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:58,283 MY UNCLE HAROLD WAS A BIG HOLLYWOOD STAR... 27 00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,585 BACK IN THE ERA OF SILENT HOLOGRAMS. 28 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:05,307 - YOUR UNCLE WAS HAROLD ZOID? - THIS I CANNOT DENY. 29 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:10,062 WHY, I'VE BEEN A HAROLD ZOID FAN SINCE BACK WHEN MY HIPS WERE MADE OF BONE. 30 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:15,150 AS IT HAPPENS, I STILL HAVE SOME OF MY ORIGINAL 78s. 31 00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,819 [ Blows ] 32 00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:24,943 [ Projector Whirring ] ♪♪ [ Fanfare ] 33 00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,750 ♪♪ [ Organ ] 34 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,570 [ All Laughing Uproariously ] 35 00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:15,576 YOU'RE RIGHT, CRABBY. HE'S A HELL OF A LOT FUNNIER THAN YOU COULD EVER BE. 36 00:03:15,645 --> 00:03:20,849 MAYBE SO, BUT PERHAPS IF I WROTE HIM AND ASKED FOR A FEW HUNDRED POINTERS-- 37 00:03:20,917 --> 00:03:24,552 THIS LETTER HAS TO BE VERY PERSONAL, 38 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:28,256 SO I'M WRITING IT IN MY OWN INK. [ Liquid Squelching ] 39 00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:35,414 [ Thinking ] DEAR UNCLE ZOID, GREETINGS FROM YOUR LONG-LOST NEPHEW. 40 00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:38,250 NORM AND SAM AND SADIE'S BOY? REMEMBER? 41 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:43,054 NOW I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT DOCTOR AT THE DELIVERY COMPANY WHERE I WORK. 42 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:46,925 BUT SADLY, MY LIFE IS BEREFT OF LAUGHTER. 43 00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:50,628 "I BEG OF YOU, MR. FUNNY UNCLE. TEACH ME THE COMEDY BUSINESS. 44 00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:55,183 SINCERELY, ZOIDBERG." OH, ISN'T THAT NICE HE TOOK THE TIME? 45 00:03:55,252 --> 00:03:57,719 WHAT'S THAT SCRIBBLE-DI-GOOK? 46 00:03:57,787 --> 00:04:01,006 THIS IS A FAN LETTER FROM MY RICH DOCTOR NEPHEW, 47 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,826 WHO JUST MIGHT BE MY TICKET OUT OF THIS FLOPHOUSE, HE MIGHT. 48 00:04:04,895 --> 00:04:07,429 [ Scoffs ] 49 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,401 YEAH, YOU'D BETTER RUN. 50 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:15,420 [ Liquid Squelching ] 51 00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:22,126 DEAR RICH DOCTOR NEPHEW, I CAN HELP YOU BE FUNNY. 52 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:25,430 THE FIRST FUNNY THING YOU MUST DO IS PUT ALL YOUR MONEY... 53 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,783 IN THE FORM OF A CASHIER'S CHECK AND COME TO HOLLYWOOD. 54 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:33,071 "SINCERELY, HAROLD ZOID. P.S. CASHIER'S CHECK." 55 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:36,541 DID YOU HEAR THAT? I'M GOING TO HOLLYWOOD! 56 00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:56,644 WELCOME TO HOLLYWOOD. I MUST WARN YOU-- 57 00:04:56,713 --> 00:05:00,631 THERE'S NO REFUND IF YOU GET DISCOVERED AND LEAVE THE TOUR. 58 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:04,770 [ Giggling ] I'M JUST KIDDING. THAT NEVER HAPPENS. 59 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:09,824 NOW, TO YOUR RIGHT, YOU'LL SEE 30th CENTURY FOX STUDIOS. 60 00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:14,946 FOX USES THOSE SEARCHLIGHTS TO BLIND PILOTS, THEN FILM THE RESULTING PLANE CRASHES. 61 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:23,688 - NEAT. - AHEAD, YOU'LL SEE THE HOME OF MEL GIBSON, 62 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:27,875 STAR OF THE HIT FILM, BRAVEHEAD. 63 00:05:27,944 --> 00:05:33,448 DO WE HAVE ANY FANS OF CALCULON, STAR OF THE ROBOT SOAP OPERA, ALL MY CIRCUITS? 64 00:05:33,517 --> 00:05:35,867 OH, I AM! ME! BENDER IS! 65 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:40,471 THEN YOU'LL WANNA GET A CLOSE LOOK AT HIS LUXURIOUS BEL AIR HOME. 66 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:44,642 YES, I WILL. YEP! 67 00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:47,261 [ Doorbell Buzzes ] 68 00:05:47,331 --> 00:05:49,914 ARE YOU MY NEW HOT WATER HEATER? NO. I'M BENDER. 69 00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:52,550 WE MET ONCE. REMEMBER? ABSOLUTELY NOT. 70 00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:56,621 COME ON. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW MUCH I WAS BUGGING YOU? DON'T YOU? 'CAUSE IT WAS A LOT. 71 00:05:56,690 --> 00:06:00,358 YOU REMEMBER, RIGHT? LOOK, I'M PROGRAMMED TO BE VERY BUSY. 72 00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:04,980 UNLESS YOU CAN HEAT WATER TO 212°, I'M NOT INTERESTED. 73 00:06:05,048 --> 00:06:09,267 [ Doorbell Buzzes ] HAVE YOU GOT AN EXTRA "GOTO 10" LINE? 74 00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:14,356 I SAID I DON'T NEED A BENDER. BENDER? THAT WAS THE OTHER GUY. MY NAME'S BOILER. 75 00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,978 NICE WORK, BOILER. THANKS. AND CALL ME BENDER. 76 00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:28,319 THAT'S WHERE I'M MEETING UNCLE ZOID FOR LUNCH TO DISCUSS MY HOLLYWOOD DREAMS. 77 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:32,457 NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME, DON'T BE SURPRISED IF I'VE EATEN. 78 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:36,161 [ Trilling ] 79 00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:42,317 UNCLE ZOID, YOU'RE LOOKING YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE THROWN BACK. 80 00:06:42,386 --> 00:06:44,952 RICH NEPHEW! COME OVER HERE... 81 00:06:45,021 --> 00:06:48,623 AND GIVE YOUR UNCLE A NICE, BIG MEAL. 82 00:06:48,692 --> 00:06:51,793 [ Grunts ] 83 00:06:51,862 --> 00:06:55,997 SO, HERE WE ARE, A STILL-FAMOUS FILM COMEDIAN-- 84 00:06:56,066 --> 00:07:00,234 AND A RICH, RESPECTED DOCTOR WITH MANY SURVIVING PATIENTS. 85 00:07:00,303 --> 00:07:04,055 EATING REAL FOOD IN A RESTAURANT, AS WE BOTH OFTEN DO. 86 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:08,242 SO, YOU WANT TO BE A COMEDIAN, IS IT? IT'S MY LIFELONG DREAM. 87 00:07:08,311 --> 00:07:12,497 WELL, THAT DREAM DIES NOW! YOU'RE UNFUNNY AND UNTALENTED! 88 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:17,068 - THAT'S WHY YOU'RE PERFECT FOR DRAMA. - HMM. SERIOUS DRAMA. 89 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:20,705 PERHAPS IT IS TIME TO GIVE UP COMEDY. 90 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,757 [ Onlookers Laughing ] 91 00:07:22,826 --> 00:07:27,412 I'M PUTTING TOGETHER A BIG DRAMA PICTURE RIGHT NOW AS WE SPEAK. 92 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:31,916 THE SCRIPT IS DYNAMITE. I KNOW, BECAUSE I WROTE IT MYSELF. 93 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:35,203 AND WITH ME DIRECTING AND STARRING, I'LL BE BACK ON TOP... 94 00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:40,025 AFTER 50 MISERABLE YEARS... OF FAME. 95 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,676 AH, FAME. WHERE DO I COME IN? 96 00:07:42,745 --> 00:07:46,214 THIS FAME FILM HAS A JUICY PART FOR YOU... 97 00:07:46,283 --> 00:07:49,817 IF YOU COMPLETELY FINANCE IT WITH YOUR DOCTOR MONEY. 98 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:53,788 - SO, ARE YOU IN? - UH, OKAY. 99 00:07:53,857 --> 00:07:58,393 - HOW MUCH DO I HAVE TO INVEST? - OH, NOT MUCH. NOT MUCH. A MILLION DOLLARS. 100 00:07:58,462 --> 00:08:03,331 - [ Spits ] - THEN IT'S SETTLED. ANOTHER BLOCKBUSTER HOLLYWOOD DEAL. 101 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,351 WHAT CAN I GET YOU GENTLEMEN? IS BREAD FREE? 102 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,369 YEAH. WE'LL SPLIT AN ORDER. 103 00:08:10,456 --> 00:08:14,542 ♪♪ [ "Hooray For Hollywood" ] 104 00:08:14,611 --> 00:08:18,113 ♪♪ [ Fades ] [ Sobbing ] 105 00:08:18,181 --> 00:08:20,381 WHAT'S WITH MONSTRO? 106 00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:23,585 HE PROMISED HE'D GIVE HIS UNCLE ZOID A MILLION BUCKS TO MAKE A MOVIE. 107 00:08:23,653 --> 00:08:27,555 I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE A DAY, AND ALREADY I'M A HOLLYWOOD PHONY. 108 00:08:27,624 --> 00:08:33,027 PERHAPS I COULD CALL ON TV's CALCULON TO HELP, NOW THAT I'M IN SHOWBIZ. 109 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:36,981 - SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE BIZ? - LONG ENOUGH, LITTLE MAN. 110 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,634 LONG ENOUGH. 111 00:08:39,702 --> 00:08:41,986 [ Wrist Squeaking ] 112 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,242 [ Warbling ] 113 00:08:56,953 --> 00:09:00,538 CALCULON, AS YOUR HOT WATER HEATER, I WOULD BE REMISS... 114 00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:04,675 IF I DIDN'T BRING YOU SCRIPTS THAT COULD MAKE YOU AN INTERNATIONAL FILM STAR. 115 00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:08,112 OF COURSE. TELL ME ABOUT THE PROJECT. IT'S A MOVIE. 116 00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:11,716 INTERESTING. TELL ME MORE. GET THIS. 117 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:16,304 FOR A SCANT ONE-MILLION-DOLLAR INVESTMENT, YOU CAN BE THE STAR. 118 00:09:16,373 --> 00:09:20,558 - AND? - AND, UH, I GUARANTEE IT'LL WIN YA AN OSCAR. 119 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:25,096 AN OSCAR, YOU SAY? THAT WOULD GET ME OUT OF THIS FESTERING RAT'S NEST... 120 00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:27,498 CALLED TELEVISION ONCE AND FOR ALL. 121 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,218 LET ME SEE THE SCRIPT. 122 00:09:30,287 --> 00:09:33,087 NO. NO, I DON'T LIKE THE FONT. WAIT! 123 00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:37,392 HAROLD ZOID? WAS THIS WRITTEN BY THE HAROLD ZOID? 124 00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:40,545 - WRITTEN AND XEROXED. - GOOD HEAVENS. 125 00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:43,581 A CHANCE TO WORK WITH THE LEGENDARY HAROLD ZOID. 126 00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:48,319 HE'S ONE OF MY GREAT IDOLS. AND YOU SAY YOU CAN GUARANTEE ME THE OSCAR? 127 00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:51,606 I CAN GUARANTEE YA ANYTHING YOU WANT. THEN I'LL DO IT! 128 00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:54,058 HOORAY! HERE'S YOUR CHECKBOOK. 129 00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:59,563 [ Hammering ] 130 00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:05,519 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU OUR DIRECTOR, THE LEGENDARY HAROLD ZOID. 131 00:10:07,290 --> 00:10:10,692 THANK YOU. A MORE CLASSIC MOVIE PLOT THERE ISN'T. 132 00:10:10,761 --> 00:10:14,912 A SON WHO DOES NOT WANT TO FOLLOW IN HIS FATHER'S BUSINESS, 133 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:18,482 AND THAT BUSINESS IS BEING PRESIDENT OF EARTH, NO LESS. 134 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,335 THE SON, AS IT HAPPENS, IS VICE PRESIDENT. 135 00:10:21,404 --> 00:10:24,272 THAT PLOT MAKES PERFECT SENSE, WINK, WINK. 136 00:10:24,358 --> 00:10:28,092 BENDER, YOU SAID "WINK, WINK" OUT LOUD. I DIDN'T. RAISE MIDDLE FINGER. 137 00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,645 [ Beeping ] 138 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:35,150 NOW, REMEMBER-- AND I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH-- THIS IS A TALKIE, 139 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:40,988 SO I WANT THE FULL GAMUT OF EMOTIONS FROM EVERY ACTOR IN EVERY SCENE. 140 00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:46,094 - THE MAGNIFICENT THREE. SCENE ONE, TAKE ONE. - AND ACTION! 141 00:10:46,162 --> 00:10:49,263 TAKE BACK YOUR GILDED PEN, FATHER. 142 00:10:49,332 --> 00:10:53,435 SIGNING BILLS INTO LAW WAS ALWAYS YOUR DREAM, NOT MINE. 143 00:10:53,503 --> 00:10:55,903 CUT! CUT! CUT IT! POOEY! 144 00:10:55,972 --> 00:10:59,640 I SAID THIS IS A TALKIE, DAMN IT! YOU'VE GOT TO EMOTE MORE! 145 00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:04,045 AND YOU EXTRAS. WAVE YOUR ARMS AND MAKE FACES. WHAT IS THIS? A MORGUE? 146 00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:08,099 THE MAGNIFICENT THREE. SCENE 10, TAKE 95. 147 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,069 ACTION! AND I MEAN CIRCUS-GRADE ACTION. 148 00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:16,257 SIR, I CALL UPON YOU NOT AS A PRESIDENT, [ Woman Squealing ] 149 00:11:16,326 --> 00:11:19,927 [ Man Grunting Like Monkey ] BUT AS A FATHER! [ Sobs ] 150 00:11:19,996 --> 00:11:23,397 [ Woman Warbling ] CUT! CUT! CUT IT! 151 00:11:23,466 --> 00:11:25,766 WOULD YOU SHOW A LITTLE EMOTION? 152 00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:29,704 PEOPLE. PEOPLE. PLEASE. JUST BECAUSE IT'S A DRAMATIC SCENE... 153 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:32,773 DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T DO A LITTLE COMEDY IN THE BACKGROUND. 154 00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:34,859 THROW A PIE OR TWO, FOR GOD'S SAKE. 155 00:11:37,814 --> 00:11:41,198 [ All Laughing, Chattering ] 156 00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:45,703 [ Agonized Sobbing ] 157 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:56,364 CUT! CUT IT! ECH! YUCK! LOOK. IT'S ALL RIGHT, KID. WE'LL GET IT IN EDITING. 158 00:11:56,432 --> 00:11:58,482 ALL RIGHT. THAT'S A WRAP, EVERYBODY. 159 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,619 I'M GONNA SEE YOU ALL AT THE PREMIERE, WHICH, BY THE WAY, WHEN IS? 160 00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:04,939 WELL, EDITING IS A LONG AND EXPENSIVE PROCESS, 161 00:12:05,008 --> 00:12:08,877 BUT WE SPENT ALL THE MONEY ON PIES, SO IT'LL BE READY FRIDAY. 162 00:12:14,551 --> 00:12:16,584 [ Chattering ] 163 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:20,572 NICE TURNOUT, CALCULON. THAT OSCAR IS PRACTICALLY ON YOUR MANTLE. 164 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,624 I JUST PRAY THEY LIKE ME HALF AS MUCH AS I DO. 165 00:12:23,693 --> 00:12:26,744 ♪♪ [ Fanfare ] [ Audience Applauds ] 166 00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:29,814 [ Typewriter Keys Clicking ] 167 00:12:33,469 --> 00:12:39,089 I AGREED TO BE YOUR VICE PRESIDENT, BUT I NEVER AGREED TO BE YOUR SON. 168 00:12:43,446 --> 00:12:46,948 THANK YOU, LIEUTENANT SMITH. GOOD MORNING, 169 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,850 MR. VICE PRESIDENT. 170 00:12:52,255 --> 00:12:54,572 LEELA, WE'RE MISSING THE PREMIERE. 171 00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:57,692 MY ONLY GOAL IN LIFE IS TO ATTEND A HOLLYWOOD SHINDIG. 172 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,527 JUST PAY THE VALET THE TWO BUCKS. NO. 173 00:13:00,597 --> 00:13:04,531 IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING. BESIDES, I THINK I SEE A PARKING LOT UP AHEAD. 174 00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:13,007 [ Leela And Fry Screaming ] 175 00:13:13,076 --> 00:13:17,595 [ Thunderclap ] FATHER, I HAVE ASKED YOU TO JOIN ME ON THE WHITE HOUSE ROOF... 176 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,598 SO WE COULD HAVE A HEART-TO-HEART TALK. 177 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:23,751 I WILL NEVER FOLLOW IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS. 178 00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:27,154 HERE IS MY RESIGNATION AS VICE PRESIDENT. 179 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:31,609 NO! MY SON WILL NOT SHAME ME LIKE THIS. 180 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:34,412 I WOULD SOONER DIE, I WOULD. 181 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,448 - FATHER! THE LEDGE! - OY! 182 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,767 OHH. 183 00:13:39,836 --> 00:13:44,672 THE PRESIDENT IS DEAD. CONGRATULATIONS, MR. PRESIDENT. 184 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:49,894 NO! 185 00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:56,400 [ Bender ] WHOO-HOO! YEAH! HE'S A VISIONARY! 186 00:13:56,469 --> 00:14:01,739 EVERYONE WALKED OUT. THEY HATED IT. I'VE SEEN PLAGUES THAT HAD BETTER OPENING NIGHTS THAN THIS. 187 00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:04,892 YOU SAID THAT OSCAR WAS PRACTICALLY ON MY MANTLE. 188 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,929 NOW YOU KNOW WHY I USED THE QUALIFIER "PRACTICALLY." 189 00:14:07,998 --> 00:14:11,682 YOU LISTEN TO ME. I'M OUT A MILLION BUCKS HERE. 190 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:16,420 YOU GET ME THAT OSCAR OR YOU'RE DEAD, YOU AND THESE SNIVELING LOBSTERS! 191 00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,523 DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? DEAD! [ Both Whimpering ] 192 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:22,760 OY. NOW HE EMOTES! 193 00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:34,956 400 CATEGORIES, AND NOT A SINGLE NOMINATION FOR ME. 194 00:14:35,025 --> 00:14:40,528 BUT YOU WON THIS GOLDEN GLOBE. PIFFLE! THAT'S THE EMMY OF MOVIE AWARDS! 195 00:14:40,596 --> 00:14:44,549 - I TOLD YOU I WANT AN OSCAR! - THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD ACT BETTER. 196 00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:48,486 THE OSCAR ISN'T ABOUT ACTING; IT'S ABOUT EARNING THE RESPECT... 197 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,905 AND ADMIRATION OF THE CREATIVE COMMUNITY. 198 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:53,824 - HOW ABOUT WE RIG THE AWARDS? - THAT'S FINE TOO. 199 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,763 [ Ignition Whining ] 200 00:14:58,832 --> 00:15:02,934 IT'S NO USE. THE TAR IS TOO THICK. PLUS, I THINK I FLOODED IT. 201 00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:07,922 WELL, WE MISSED THE PREMIERE, AND WE'RE GONNA DIE. MIGHT AS WELL ENJOY THE SIGHTS. 202 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:11,158 OH, MY GOD. SYLVESTER STALLONE! 203 00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:17,615 THIS IS WHERE YOU LIVE? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A BIG-SHOT HOLLYWOOD MOVIE STAR. 204 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:21,185 NO, I'M NOT. I AM AN EVEN BIGGER LIAR THAN YOU. 205 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:25,139 MY CAREER WENT DOWN THE TUBES THE DAY THEY INVENTED SMELL-A-VISION. 206 00:15:25,208 --> 00:15:27,408 CALCULON'S GONNA KILL US FOR SURE, 207 00:15:27,476 --> 00:15:29,577 AND IT'S ALL EVERYBODY ELSE'S FAULT. 208 00:15:29,645 --> 00:15:35,366 OY. ALL I WANTED WAS FOR PEOPLE TO THINK OF ME ONE LAST TIME BEFORE I DIE. 209 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:40,221 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, UNCLE? EVERYBODY REMEMBERS HAROLD ZOID. 210 00:15:40,289 --> 00:15:43,257 AS A PATHETIC HAS-BEEN, THEY REMEMBER ME. 211 00:15:43,325 --> 00:15:48,045 AS A FORGOTTEN RELIC, THEY REMEMBER ME. BAH! IT'S BETTER TO DIE NOW. 212 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:52,416 NO! THIS IS ONE DEATH DR. ZOIDBERG WON'T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR. 213 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,186 ZOIDBERG AWAY! 214 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:04,228 [ Cameras Shuttering ] 215 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:09,083 HI. I'M JOAN RIVERS'S HEAD. I TELL YOU, I'VE HAD SO MANY FACE-LIFTS, 216 00:16:09,152 --> 00:16:11,986 THEY FINALLY LIFTED IT RIGHT OFF MY BODY. 217 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:16,323 IT'S TRUE! IT'S TRUE! OH, OH, OH. HERE COMES JACK NICHOLSON'S D.N.A., 218 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,392 RECONSTITUTED IN A GORILLA BODY! 219 00:16:18,461 --> 00:16:20,728 [ Grunting ] 220 00:16:22,431 --> 00:16:25,349 CATERING. 221 00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:27,951 OH-- OHH. 222 00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:33,624 OH, AND HERE'S WASHED-UP ACTOR WHAT'S-HIS-NAME, HAROLD ZOID. 223 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:37,328 ARE YOU PRESENTING ONE OF THOSE TACKY HONORARY AWARDS OR JUST GETTING ONE? 224 00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:42,916 I'M A SEAT FILLER, JOAN'S HEAD. MY ONLY MARKETABLE SKILL IS TO OCCUPY SPACE. 225 00:16:42,985 --> 00:16:47,238 [ Chattering ] 226 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:51,776 YOU KNOW, THE SECOND I DON'T WIN THAT AWARD, YOU'RE CAT FOOD. 227 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,161 RIGHT, BOXY? [ Beeping ] 228 00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,848 [ Whimpering ] 229 00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,983 ♪♪ [ Theme ] 230 00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:03,921 [ Announcer ] AND NOW, THE HOST OF THE 1,074th ACADEMY AWARDS, 231 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:07,041 BILLY CRYSTAL! 232 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:11,796 - NOW I KNOW HOW A PEZ DISPENSER FEELS. - [ Grunting ] 233 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:15,382 YOU LIKE THAT ONE, JACK? [ Grunting ] 234 00:17:18,321 --> 00:17:21,689 ALL RIGHT. WE'RE ALREADY ONE HOUR BEHIND. [ Gorilla Grunting ] 235 00:17:21,757 --> 00:17:25,926 OUR FIRST AWARD TONIGHT: BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY IN A NON-VISIBLE SPECTRUM. 236 00:17:25,995 --> 00:17:27,928 [ Rumbling ] 237 00:17:27,997 --> 00:17:32,332 IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS. YOU WANNA PLAY TIC-TAC-TOE AGAIN BEFORE WE EAT OUR SHOES? 238 00:17:32,401 --> 00:17:35,669 NO. I ALWAYS KNEW I'D DIE AT THE BOTTOM OF A PIT, 239 00:17:35,738 --> 00:17:39,006 BUT A PIT FULL OF TAR? [ Crashing ] 240 00:17:39,075 --> 00:17:42,993 WHAT WAS THAT? A TAR DOLPHIN OR A TAR SHARK? 241 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,780 IT'S SOME KIND OF HOLLOW TUBE DEVOID OF HUMAN LIFE. 242 00:17:46,849 --> 00:17:51,185 [ Gasps ] THE LOS ANGELES SUBWAY! WE CAN BLAST OUR WAY IN AND ESCAPE! 243 00:17:51,254 --> 00:17:54,454 ALL RIGHT, BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE HAVING A SHOE. 244 00:17:56,525 --> 00:18:00,360 - ♪♪ [ Theme ] - WHAT CATEGORY ARE THEY ON? 245 00:18:00,429 --> 00:18:04,282 THEY'RE GIVING OUT THE MINOR TECHNICAL AWARDS. I THINK THEY'RE UP TO WRITING. 246 00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:07,801 THAT JUST LEAVES BEST SOFT DRINK PRODUCT PLACEMENT AND THEN BEST ACTOR. 247 00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:12,723 - WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. - AND THE NOMINEES FOR BEST SOFT DRINK PRODUCT PLACEMENT ARE-- 248 00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:15,593 [ Soda Machine ] STAR TREK: THE PEPSI GENERATION. 249 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,961 THEY CALL ME MR. PIBB. 250 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,214 AND SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 UPs. 251 00:18:20,283 --> 00:18:22,366 [ Audience Applauds ] 252 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:27,705 AND NOW, TO PRESENT THE AWARD FOR BEST ACTOR, A BIT PLAYER... 253 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:32,443 IN THE FLOP MOVIE, THE MAGNIFICENT THREE, DR. ZOIDBERG! 254 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,512 [ Audience Cheers ] 255 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:39,950 - [ Cheers Increase ] - OKAY, BOXY. KEEP YOUR PRONG ON THE TRIGGER. 256 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:44,005 - [ Zoid Gulps ] - AND THE NOMINEES FOR BEST ACTOR ARE-- 257 00:18:44,073 --> 00:18:48,209 SIR LAURENCE-- [ Screeches ] IN THE MERCHANT OF VENUS. 258 00:18:48,278 --> 00:18:52,513 HIVE MIND GAMMA 7-X IN BIKINI PARTY SUMMER. 259 00:18:52,581 --> 00:18:56,183 THE SODA MACHINE ROBOT IN BIKINI PARTY SUMMER. 260 00:18:56,252 --> 00:18:59,887 MARK JONES IN HOW BEIGE WAS MY JACKET. 261 00:18:59,956 --> 00:19:02,356 AND, INSTEAD OF THE FIFTH GUY-- 262 00:19:02,425 --> 00:19:06,794 CALCULON, FOR HIS POWERHOUSE PERFORMANCE IN THE MAGNIFICENT THREE. 263 00:19:06,862 --> 00:19:09,079 [ Audience Murmuring ] 264 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:13,267 UH-OH. HE READ THE WRONG NAME. SHH. JUST PLAY ALONG LIKE THEY DID FOR MARISA TOMEI. 265 00:19:13,336 --> 00:19:17,755 HOORAY! I WON'T BE MURDERED! I'LL LIVE ANOTHER DAY, 266 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:23,026 ANOTHER DAY OF PATHETIC, FORGOTTEN MISERY. 267 00:19:28,151 --> 00:19:30,284 AND THE WINNER IS-- 268 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:38,776 AND THE WINNER-- INSTEAD OF ANY OF THE NOMINEES-- 269 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:42,046 IS THE LEGENDARY HAROLD ZOID! 270 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:44,514 OH! OH! OH! OH! 271 00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:47,301 [ All ] WHAT? HUH? 272 00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:57,478 THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. YOU KNOW, THROUGH ALL MY UPS AND DOWNS, 273 00:19:57,547 --> 00:20:02,282 I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE WAS TO WIN AN OSCAR, 274 00:20:02,352 --> 00:20:07,388 BUT TONIGHT I REALIZE WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT IS TO WIN TWO OSCARS! 275 00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:11,091 HA! HA! I'M KIDDING. I'M KIDDING. 276 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,995 WHAT REALLY MATTERS IN LIFE IS THAT PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU, 277 00:20:15,064 --> 00:20:17,998 - WHETHER IT'S A WHOLE CROWD, - [ Man Snoring ] 278 00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:21,935 OR JUST ONE DIEHARD FAN. 279 00:20:22,004 --> 00:20:24,171 [ All ] AWW. 280 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:27,274 [ Grunting ] 281 00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:37,368 THANK YOU, NEPHEW. NOW I CAN DIE HAPPY, 282 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,638 10 SECONDS FROM NOW, WHEN CALCULON KILLS US. 283 00:20:43,426 --> 00:20:46,176 - [ Calculon ] HAROLD ZOID! - [ Bender ] HIT THE DECK! 284 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:50,664 - WHERE'S THAT OSCAR? - HERE. ENJOY. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING UPSET? 285 00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:53,334 IT'S SLIGHTLY LESS FRAUDULENT FOR YOU TO HAVE IT. 286 00:20:53,403 --> 00:20:57,554 YES. YES, IT'S A REAL BEAUTY. 287 00:20:57,623 --> 00:21:00,107 SOMEDAY I HOPE TO WIN ONE OF MY OWN. 288 00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:03,828 THEN YOU'RE NOT GONNA KILL US, YOUR MAJESTY? 289 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:09,449 NAY. I RESPECT AND ADMIRE HAROLD ZOID TOO MUCH TO BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH HIS OWN OSCAR. 290 00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:11,852 [ All Cheering ] [ Rumbling ] 291 00:21:11,921 --> 00:21:14,955 EARTHQUAKE! HIT THE DECK! 292 00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:20,594 LET THE EARTH QUAKE! I'VE GOT SOMEBODY'S OSCAR! 293 00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:31,038 WE MADE IT! I'M AT A HOLLYWOOD PARTY. 294 00:21:31,107 --> 00:21:34,325 I'M SORRY, SIR. THIS IS A PRIVATE-- OH, PARDON ME. 295 00:21:34,393 --> 00:21:37,294 I SEE YOU'RE WITH MR. STALLONE. 295 00:21:38,305 --> 00:22:38,766 Watch Movies, TV Series & Live Sports www.admitme.app