A Pharaoh to Remember
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Up next, daring daylight robbery at a municipal swimming pool.
This is it! Turn me up!
Today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool...
... taking the contents of over three lockers.
More like three lockers and a sink.
- You had something to do with this? - Of course not!
Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos.
- They don't leave much to be imagined. - On a robot, they do.
One human saw the robber...
Here we go. Here we go.
... describing him as a nasty, muscular...
Make me famous, bighead!
... Caucasian human male.
What?
What am I going to watch and drink all day?
This is an outrage!
Why pull the biggest pool caper if nobody knows you did it?
- Well, there's the material rewards. - You mean this junk?
All I ever wanted was for people to remember my name.
It's Bender.
Why bother remembering anything? You'll forget it five seconds later.
It's so unfair.
A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook...
...doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela.
If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.
Boy, I've never seen him so down, or ever before.
How does a nobody like me get famous?
I know!
I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope! Call a soft-news journalist!
- You're not stuck. - Shut up!
Hey, everybody, do The Bender! This move's called The Bender!
This circle's about free expression not fascist moves!
A blank wall! Fame is mine!
No one will forget how I live or my attitude regarding butt.
All right, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straight to hell!
No!
I'm the first one to work. A new low.
Surprise!
Happy funeral, Bender!
A surprise funeral, for me?
To show you that you'll be remembered.
Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor.
Cushiony! And a minibar!
Dearly beloved, we are here to remember Bender...
...crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk.
Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death.
Let's remember the best things about Bender, in our own way.
Professor?
Your standard bending unit is made of an iron-osmium alloy.
But Bender was different. Bender had a.04-percent nickel impurity.
It's what made me me!
If you needed a package brought into the country without x-raying...
...Bender always had a free body cavity.
- The professor's was better. - You're supposed to be dead.
Say how great I am. And where's the crying?
You people look like you're waiting for the bus.
Who-y-boy?
You're at my funeral, singing about some dead stiff named Danny-boy?
You really are a massive bonehead!
- I'm expressing sorrow. - Get lost!
I'd say, "Don't quit your day job," but you're bad at it too!
- We're trying our best. - Your best is an idiot.
Pick it up, people. So far, it's been crap after crap.
I croaked. Now, show me some love.
- Bender was a truly special... - Louder and sadder!
- Bender was a truly special... - Next!
- Dear Lord... - Oh, next!
Surely there's someone here who knows how great I was.
Yes, there is, Bender.
Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people.
Looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this:
Bender was my friend.
What?! That's it?
Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever!
I hope you're happy! You've convinced me life is worth living...
...by showing how bad my funeral will suck!
I know whose funeral we'll attend next.
Oh, stop.
News, everyone!
Today you're going to O'Cyris Four to deliver this enormous sandstone block.
I thought something looked different in here.
Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here.
Nice! Much like the 1 0 million identical stones...
...already used in the future tomb of our great Pharaoh Hermenthotip.
Impressive. Who'll build it?
- You. - Say again?
You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hermenthotip. Guards!
Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.
The bad thing about being a slave is, they don't pay you or let you go.
That's the only thing about being a slave.
Attention! You are now possessions of Pharaoh Hermenthotip...
...bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods!
This place is like the ancient Egypt of my day!
That is no coincidence.
Our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago.
Insane theories: one. Regular theories: a billion!
We learned much from the Egyptians. Pyramid building, space travel...
...and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.
Also Wolfman.
Look at these swanky tombs! These people know how to die.
They worked thousands of people to death making these stupid monuments!
Spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you'll remember him.
I think I'm gonna like it here.
I noticed your sign. I thought I'd look into your program.
We make you starve to death.
One, two, three, pull! One, two, three, pull!
Aw, bloody chunder!
Pick it up, people! We're enslaved to do a job!
Master, do we have to count to three?
Couldn't we count to one? Or one-half?
Good idea, slave. One-half, pull! One-half, pull!
Now we're slaving!
Pharaoh's counting on us! Work faster! Like this:
That's motivating me?
Don't whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this:
Quit giving the slave drivers pointers!
- Remember who your friends are! - I'll tell you who I remember!
Enoughsis! Pullutut! What's-His-Name!
He was the greatest of all.
Pharaoh Hermenthotip approaches!
Hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get that nose in place! Come on!
Excellent work! I'm very proud of all you slaves!
Viva Hermenthotip!
And now, I have a grand announcement.
In honor of your achievement, you're all hereby...
No!
Tell the slaves they can all go...
Go faster? I told them, but they're lazy.
No. I mean, they're all free.
- Freeloading off you? I agree. - No, I...
Pharaoh Hermenthotip is dead.
He's whipping angels now.
We commend the body of Hermenthotip to the abode of the damned.
The damned good-looking.
Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.
I'll always remember you, Hermenthotip.
To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite things.
Such as his heart and liver.
And the many goods he left in his royal garage.
Also this bag of cats our culture considers holy.
Pharaoh, my god-king, You are cold and deceased
I used to have him sing
P- P-P-Pharaoh and his pets
But the years went by And Pharaoh died
Susie will have joined him In the afterlife
Hermenthotip is gone. The time to designate a new Pharaoh is at hand.
Wow!
At dawn, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy...
...to determine Hermenthotip's successor.
That ends the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead!
Yes! Tonight we are slaves to no one! Except the rhythm.
Yeah! Play those bongos!
I'm gonna spin till I fall down!
We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin.
Great Wall of Prophecy! Reveal to us God's will that we may blindly obey!
Free us from thought and responsibility!
- We shall read things off you! - Then do them!
- Your words guide us! - We're dumb!
You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours.
The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn at best.
It indicates that we are here...
...and our next Pharaoh is over there, near some tents.
Those are waves, jackass! It's supposed to be a river!
- I know who the next Pharaoh is! - Oh, lord.
We hear your voice, great Pharaoh! Reveal yourself to us!
Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies!
It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied!
Long live Pharaoh Bender!
- Long live Pharaoh Bender! - This society is a bunch of idiots.
People of O'Cyris Four!
Welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked up to lord of all creation!
Our new Pharaoh, Bender!
Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old Pharaoh is a thing of the past!
Let a whole new wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land!
What did he say?
Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion!
One billion cubits in height...
...that I might be remembered for all eternity!
And be quick about it.
- Lowly slave! Why are you not working? - I am!
I meant, "Yourself to death?"
Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe.
Well then, what do you think you should stop doing?
Crawl, pigs!
The Pharaoh has spoken!
Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now!
The great monument is finished, oh, Pharaoh! And now the unveiling!
Remember me!
Does it please you, my lord?
It's a good start.
Yeah, it's definitely big. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?
Are people gonna be remembering me or the statue?
We made it to your exact specifications.
Too exact, if you ask me.
Tear it down and try again! But this time, don't embarrass yourselves!
Ladies and gentlemen, the Pharaoh suddenly died.
- Good riddance. - What about my servants?
- Oh, yeah. - Right.
Bender, I really hope that's you, because if it isn't...
...we're in trouble.
You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along?
I wanted to watch you remember me.
You thought you'd need this junk in the afterlife?
Afterlife?
If I had to go through another life, I'd kill myself.
Rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.
Sorry, but we're totally sealed in.
Nothing can get in or out except millions of snakes.
Have a pomegranate schnapps from my distillery...
...and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.
What proof is this? Some huge number?
It's explosive!
We could ignite the distillery and blow this place to rubble!
Let's get a little kindling going.
You can't blow up my monument! I won't be remembered!
Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever.
Hey, Fry? Remember that robot, Bender?
Bender? Doesn't ring a bell.
- Did you hear something? - No.
I bet it wasn't someone good at stealing.
Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!
- You know who I remember? - Let it be me.
- That guy who used to bend things. - Me? Please?
- Hermes! - All right, all right!
If it means that much to you, blow up my statue.
Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.
Let's blow this tomb.
Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living!
How we doing?
Remember me!
I will. I will.
Please just leave me alone.
I understand your desire to be remembered...
...but you don't need a statue for that.
- I don't? - No.
You have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator...
...and that will outlive any monument.
- You think they'll remember me? - Absolutely.
Well, in that case, one planet down.
Helmsmen, set course for Earth!
- That's not Earth. - Oh.
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